#man i want to rot and die in bed with her <33

[autism-corner]

My wife so cuteee

[way-down-meme-town]

Hadestown Act II Sentence Meme

Under the cut you will find 179 lyrics from the musical Hadestown to use for your roleplaying purposes! Have fun!

Our Lady of the Underground 1. “I don’t know about you, boys, but if you’re like me then hanging around this manhole is bringing you down.”

2. “Cabin fever is a-settin’ in. You’re stir crazy.”

3. “I can give you what it is you crave, a little something from the good old days.”

4. “I got the wind right here in a jar.”

5. “I got the rain on tap at the bar.”

6. “I got sunshine up on the shelf.”

7. “Our lady of the underground!”

8. “Wanna know my name? I’ll tell you my name.”

9. “Let me guess, it’s the little things you miss.”

10. “Maybe you’re looking for some stronger stuff.”

11. “I got a sight for the sorest eye. When was the last time you saw the sky?”

12. “Wipe away your tears. I know how you feel. I can see you’re blinded by the sadness of it all.”

13. “Look a little closer and there’s a crack in the wall.”

14. “You want the moon? Yeah, I got her too.”

15. “A little moonshine ain’t no sin.”

16. “Tell my husband to take his time!”

17. “What the boss don’t know, the boss don’t mind.”

  Way Down Hadestown (Reprise) 18. “The deal is signed?”

19. “I did what I had to do.”

20. “They cane hear, but they don’t care.”

21. “No one has a name down here.”

22. “They can look but they don’t see.”

23. “Your eyes will look that way someday.”

24. “You kissed your little life goodbye.”

25. “Hades laid his hands on you and gave you everlasting life.”

26. “Your place on the assembly line replaces all your memories.”

27. “What do you mean I’ll look like that?”

28. “That’s what it looks like to forget.”

29. “You see, it’s like I said before. A lot can happen behind closed doors.”

30. “A lot of souls have gotta die.”

31. “A lot of spirits gotta break, to make the underworld go round.”

  Flowers 32. “What I wanted was to fall asleep, close my eyes, and disappear like a petal on a stream, a feather on the air.”

33. “I trembled when he laid me out. You won’t feel a thing he said, when you go down.”

34. “Nothing gonna wake you now.”

35. “Dreams are sweet, until they’re not.”

36. “Men are kind, until they aren’t.”

37. “Flowers bloom until they rot and fall apart.”

38. “Is anybody listening? I open my mouth and nothing comes out.”

39. “Flowers. I remember fields of flowers.”

40. “I remember someone by my side, turned his face to mine, and then I turned away into the shade.”

41. “You, the one I left behind, if you ever walk this way, come and find me lying in the bed I made.”

  Come Home With Me (Reprise) 42. “I called your name before.”

43. “Whatever happened, I’m to blame.”

44. “How’d you get beyond the wall?”

45. “I sang a song so beautiful stones wept and they let me in. I can sing us home again.”

  Papers (Intro) 46. “I don’t’ think we’ve met before. You’re not from around here, son.”

47. “Don’t know who the hell you are, but I can tell you don’t belong.”

48. “Go back to where you came from. You’re on the wrong side of the fence.”

49. “This poor boy raised up his voice with his heart out on his sleeve.”

50. “I’m not goin’ back alone. I came to take her home!”

51. “Who the hell do you think you are? Who the hell you think you’re talkin’ to?”

52. “She couldn’t go anywhere even if she wanted to.”

53. “You’re not from around here, son. If you were, then you would know that everything and everyone in Hadestown I own.”

54. “I only buy what others choose to sell.”

55. “You didn’t know? She signed the deal herself and now she belongs to me.”

56. “Everybody gather round! Everybody look and see what becomes of trespassers with no respect for property.”

  Nothing Changes 57. “Why the struggle? Why the strain?”

58. “Why make trouble? Why make scenes?”

59. “Why go against the grain, why swim upstream?”

60. “It ain’t no use. You’re bound to lose.”

61. “What’s the purpose of a man? Just to turn his eyes away?”

62. “What’s the use of his backbone if he never stands upright?”

63. “Who are they to say what the truth is anyway?”

64. “The ones who tell the lies are the solemnest to swear.”

65. “The ones who load the dice always say the toss is fair.”

66. “The ones who deal the cards are the ones who take the tricks with their hands over their hearts while we play the game they fix.”

67. “The ones who speak the words always say it is the last.”

68. “No answer will be heard to the question no one asks.”

69. “I believe our answer matters more than anything they say.”

70. “I believe if there is still a will, then there is still a way.”

71. “I believe in us together more than anyone alone.”

72. “I believe that with each other, we are stronger than we know.”

73. “I believe that we are many. I believe that they are few, and it isn’t for the few to tell the many what is true.”

74. “Is it true? Is it true what they say?”

  How Long 75. “What are you afraid of? He’s just a boy in love.”

76. “Have a drink, why don’t you?”

77. “I’ve had enough. He loves that girl!”

78. “He has the kind of love for her that you and I once had.”

79. “The girl means nothing ot me.”

80. “All of the sorrow won’t fit in his chest. It just burns like a fire in the pit of his chest.”

81. “Nothing comes of wishing on stars.”

82. “Nothing comes of the songs people sing, however sorry they are.”

83. “Give them a piece, they’ll take it all.”

84. “Show them a crack, they’ll tear down the wall.”

85. “Lend them an ear and the kingdom will fall.”

86. “The kingdom will fall for a song.”

87. “What does he care for the logic of kings? The laws of your underworld?”

88. “It is only for love that he sings.”

89. “He sings for the love of a girl.”

90. “You and your pity don’t fit in my bed.”

91. “How long? Just as long as I am your wife.”

92. “It’s true the earth must die, but then the earth comes back to life and the sun must go on rising.”

  Chant (Reprise) 93. “Why do we turn away when our brother is bleeding?”

94. “Why do we build the wall and then call it freedom?”

95. “If we’re free, tell me why I can’t look in my brothers eye?”

96. “Young man, got to hand it to you. Guess you don’t scare easy, do ya?”

97. “It seems your song made quite a strong impression on my wife.”

98. “It takes more than singin’ songs to keep a woman in your arms.”

99. “Take it from a man no longer young if you want to hold a woman, hang a chain around her throat made of many carat gold.”

100. “If I raise my head, could I change my fate?”

101. “If I raise my voice, could I change the way it is?”

102. “Why do we turn away instead of standing with him?”

103. “Why are we digging our own graves for a living?”

104. “If we’re free, tell me why we can’t even stand upright?”

105. “If we’re free, tell me when we can stand with our fellow man?”

106. “Young man, I was young once too. Sang a song of love like you.”

107. “I too was left behind, turned on one too many times. Now I sing a different song.”

108. “You hear that heavy metal sound? The symphony of Hadestown.”

109. “Young man you can sing your ditty. I conduct the electric city.”

110. “Give me one more song before I send you to the great beyond where nobody can hear you singing.”

111. “Sing a song for me.”

112. “Make the king feel young again. Sing for an old man.”

  Epic III 113. “I know how it was because he was like me, a man in love with a woman.”

114. “You didn’t know how and you didn’t know why, but you know what you wanted to take her home.”

115. “You saw her alone there, against the sky. It was like she was someone you’d always known.”

116. “It was like you were holding the world when you held her, like yours were the arms that the whole world was in.”

117. “There were no words for the way that you felt so you opened your mouth and you started to sing.”

118. “What has become of the heart of that man now that the man is king?”

119. “What has become of the heart of that man now that he has everything?”

120. “The more he has, the more he holds. The greater the weight of the world on his shoulders.”

121. “See how he labors beneath the load? Afraid to look up and afraid to let go.”

122. “He’s grown so afraid that he’ll lose what he owns, but what he doesn’t know is that what he’s defending is already gone.”

123. “Where is the treasure inside of your chest?”

124. “Where is the man with his arms outstretched to the woman he loves with nothing to lose?”

  Epic III 125. “This poor boy brought the world back into tune is what he did.”

  Promises 126. “You take me home with you! Let’s go! Let’s go right now!”

127. “It’s a long road. It’s a long walk back into the cold and dark. Are you sure you wanna go?”

128. “I have no ring for your finger.”

129. “I have no bouquet table to lay.”

130. “I have no bed of feathers.”

131. “I can’t promise you fair sky above, can’t promise you kind road below, but I’ll walk beside you, love.”

132. “Don’t need no ring for my finger, just need a steady hand to hold.”

133. “Don’t promise me fair sky above. Don’t promise me kind road below. Just walk beside me, love.”

134. “He’ll let us go. Look at him, he can’t say no.”

135. “I don’t know where this road will end, but I’ll walk it with you hand in hand.”

  Word to the Wise 136. “Damned if you don’t, damned if you do. Whole damn nation’s watching you.”

137. “Men are fools, men are frail. Give them the rope and they’ll hang themselves.”

  His Kiss, The Riot 138. “With his kiss, the riot starts.”

139. “All my children came here poor, clamoring for bed and board. Now what do they clamor for? Freedom.”

140. “Have I made myself their lord just to fall upon the sword of some paupers minor chord?”

141. “Who will lead them? Who lays all our best-laid plans?”

142. “Who makes work for idle hands?”

143. “Only one thing to be done, let them go but let there be some term to be agreed upon, some condition.”

144. “Every coward seems courageous in the safety of a crowd.”

145. “Bravery can be contagious when the band is playing loud.”

146. “Nothing makes a man so bold as a woman’s smile and a hand to hold.”

  Wait For Me (Reprise, Intro) 147. “Well, the good news is he said that you can go.”

148. “You can walk, but it won’t be like you planned.”

149. “It’s a trial. Do you trust each other? Do you trust yourselves?”

150. “If you want to walk out of hell, you’re gonna have to prove it before gods and men.”

  Wait For Me (Reprise) 151. “The dog you really got to dread is the one that howl inside your head. It’s him whose howling drives men mad and a mind to its undoing.”

152. “Show the way so we can see.”

153. “Show the way the world could be.”

154. “If you can do it, so can she. If she can do it, so can we.”

155. “How about you and I? Are we gonna try again?”

156. “Who are you to lead her? Who are you to lead them?”

157. “Who are you to think that you can hold your head up higher than your fellow man?”

158. “Between your ears, behind your eyes, that is the path to Paradise. Likewise, the road to ruin.”

  Doubt Comes In 159. “Doubt comes in. The wind is changing.”

160. “Who am I? Where do I think I’m going?”

161. “Doubt comes in.”

162. “Who am I to think that she would follow me into the cold and dark again?”

163. “Are you listening? I am right here and I will be to the end.”

164. “The coldest night of the coldest year comes right before the spring.”

165. “Who am I against him?”

166. “Why would he let me win?”

167. “Who am I to think that he wouldn’t deceive me just to make me leave alone?”

168. “Is this a trap that’s being laid for me?”

169. “Is this a trick that’s being played on me?”

170. “I used to see the way the world could be, but now the way it is is all I see.”

171. “You are not alone. I am right behind you and I have been all along.”

  Road to Hell (Reprise) 172. “It’s an old song and this is how it ends.”

173. “Here’s the thing. To know how it ends and still begin to sing it again, as if it might turn out this time, I learned that from a friend of mine.”

174. “It’s a sad song, but we keep singing even so.”

  We Raise Our Cup 175. “Pour the wine and raise a cup.”

176. “Some birds sing when the sun shines bright, our praise is not for them, but the ones who sing in the dead of night. We raise our cups to them.”

177. “Wherever he is wandering alone upon the earth, let all our singing follow him and bring him comfort.”

178. “Some flowers bloom where the green grass grows, our praise is not for them, but the ones who bloom in the bitter snow.”

179. “We raise ‘em high and drink ‘em dry.”

[clearskiiess]

I actually have the best idea for your "talk about" ask meme. Do 1-40 please 💕💗💞💟❤️💖 Give Us Your Autobiography

1  - talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

already answered !

2 - talk about your first kiss.

damn well that aint happened yet. lol

3 - talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

hGGGG probably my best friend and crush miriam. god im fucking in love with her omfg gO DODKLHFSHFDJDKHK i wont ramble too much but omffhjfkfjkdhfkjd thnak god shes not on tumblr or id die eeeehggGGGH like we flirt a lot but we’re not dating quite yetaaa ghddgh

4 - talk about the thing you regret most so far.

nothing bitchesssss 😎🤘 i regret not getting into good music earlier maybe.

5 - talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

already answered!

6 - talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

uhhhghghgh not really a bad one i can remember ! all of them have been good, some better than others ofc but theyre still good even if i dont get prezzies.

7 - talk about your biggest insecurity.

ohufuibfhkbkjbjk probably my art and drumming and writing opps.

8 - talk about the thing you are most proud of.

already answered !

9 - talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

already answered!

10 -  talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

damn probably me and my mum, we fight kind of often but yeah djldfkjjkdjkdkj those are probably the worst fights i have. or me and my dad

11 - talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

already answered!

12 - talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

damn uh kinda dont wanna answer, too personal sorry eee

13 - talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

idk really, just being with someone i really like or even love and its just super fun and casual, and like just exploring it? yeah

14 - talk about a vacation.

ooo when me n the fam went to europe when i was 10 and we went to paris for 4 days, then germany for 2 weeks and norway i think 1 or 2 weeks? it was bloody awesome omfG it was great !!!! my family is big on travel so we usually use our money on it.

15 - talk about the time you were most content in life.

already answered !

16 - talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

eh not really? maybe friend’s parties as a child but thats kinda it. dont really go to parties yet eee

17 - talk about someone you want to be friends with.

already answered !

18 - talk about something that happened in elementary school.

uh thats primary right? well, nothing interesting i remember in year 6 i loved warrior cats and me n my friends would roleplay it a lot at school, everyone thot we were weird but i didnt care ahah.

19 - talk about something that happened in middle school.

well thats high school for me so, nothing interesting either. maybe that one time with my old friend domi and maya and it was yr 7, i was 13 i was staying home cause i was sick af. and maya called me up, obviously trying not to laugh. and she was like “domis broken his leg! help help! what do i do” and im like uh. why are you calling me??? call the ambulance or get a teacher to do it for christs sake! i dont even believe you. and she was like yeah look! and sent me a fucking photoshopped pic of him lying at the bottom of the stairs, it made me fucking laugh so hard i was like, bro you expect me to believe you? ok buddy. bye. and hung up it was funny af

20 - talk about something that happened in high school.

^^^ answered above lol.

21 - talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

ggghHHHH ok i had to turn down my friend austin in yr 7  bc domi was pressuring me to go out with him cause i told him about how i used to like him, but for some reason that meant i still liked him to him??? so he kept going on abt it saying ask him out etc so i caved in and did and the date was so shitty i just faked sick and left and we didnt talk for a bit, but thats long gone and we’ve made up now lol, just good friends

22 - talk about your worst fear.

already answered ! 

23 - talk about a time someone turned you down.

hgg not happened yet,,, thank god 

24 - talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

well whenever someone compliments me on anything really or says im their best friend like??? psjksfjkdjkhfsdjlfds ok dead,,, or when they say i love u i jusT DIE

25 - talk about an ex-best friend.

already answered!

26 - talk about things you do when you’re sick.

already answered !

27 - talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

uh??? idk hands. i love hands a lot. and collarbones. and lips. and eyes. and eyebrows. and legs, and tummies and - ok ill shuT Up

28 - talk about your fetishes.

dont really have any. maybe hands

29 - talk about what turns you on.

hands. teehee

30 - talk about what turns you off.

i dunno,  any bdsm like at all ahahaha. srry bros

31 - talk about what you think death is like.

i dunno really? sometimes i feel like its nothing, like we’ll just die and stop functioning and just rot and become one with the earth. but sometimes i feel like maybe there is an afterlife, like not what we think but yea? like i dunno.

32 - talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

ohh boy , well one is this river near my house, or creek really. i love it a lot its great, i love going there and watching the birds and hearing the water rush.

33 - talk about what you do when you are sad.

eh, kinda just cry my eyes out and listen to music or watch a good movie and then i feel a bit better.

34 - talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

uh well as of recently i can remember, was when i got jaw surgery in april this year. now this shit was fucking horrible, for a month and a half my face was puffed like a balloon and bruises everywhere, and i literally could not eat cause i couldnt bloody move my mouth! i was confined to my bed and i lost so much weight bc i could barely eat and i was throwing up old blood and shit during that time and i couldnt fucking sit up without drooling cause i couldnt control it it was so fucking gross man. at least i look better now but it was hell lmfao.

35 - talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

uhhh idk maybe staying up all night n shit, i dont think anything else? maybe avoiding school too. oh , and ofc get rid of my depression hahah

36 - talk about your guilty pleasures.

eeeeeee nothing rlly? i dont feel guilty abt shit, i shouldnt

37 - talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

uhm i guess my ex bf tyler, well gf at the time but yea, i loved him a whole lot dkjfdhdhfhkdj but we were only 12-13 yknow and he lived in the us so it was rlly sucky. but it was a good time, just some experience

38 - talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

damn well, sweet child o mine by gnr reminds me of my friend claudia, she LOVES stuff like gnr and ac/dc, motley crue etc. and for u maxie, killer queen def ! and gold dust woman for me friend mazzy,,,, and in my life omg for miriam sjdjdjdjfkg

39 - talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

already answered !

40 - talk about the end of something in your life.

already answered !

tYSM BBY MAXIE ILYSM

[fanfics4all]

Seeing The Past

Request: Yes / No Heyo! If it’s not too much trouble (which is fine if you’re busy!), can I get a 15, and 33 with Rick Grimes? Thank you! @arthur-morgans-sweetheart

Request are closed <3 Have a nice day/night

Rick Grimes x Rhee!Reader

Word count:  1926

Warnings: Glenn’s death  

Y/N: Your Name

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK!

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you!

Masterlist

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Who knew the end of the world would happen this way? Dead people roaming the earth… People seeing their loved ones as rotting corpse walking around or lying dead on the ground. It was a depressing world, but my brother helped me keep surviving. Glenn Rhee was the one person I was living for still. We may not be related by blood, but he was my older brother (By only a year, but he acted like I was way younger.). I was adopted by his parents before the world went to shit. He was always protective of me and when the dead started walking, he was even more protective. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere outside of where we were staying without him. He knew I could handle myself, but he didn’t want to take any risks. When our group found Alexandria, Glenn was so happy. He thought we were finally in a safe place and so did I. Glenn, Maggie, and I had our own house with running water and everything! It was amazing that a place like this still existed! It almost felt normal… That was until someone named Negan came into the picture…

Glenn went with some of our people to take care of the Saviors and Negan. I was told to stay back. Glenn and I fought and he ended up winning. Before they left I ran to the gate.

“Glenn!” I called to my brother and he turned around.

“‘I told you you’re staying here!” He said with a slight glare.

“I know, I am. I just wanted to say I love you and you better come back to me in one piece.” I said with a worried tone. His face softened and pulled me in for a hug.

“Y/N/N, don’t worry. We’ll be back before you know it.” He said smiling down at me.

“Please be careful…” I said and he nodded.

“I love you squirt.” He said ruffling my hair. Then I watched them leave and the gate close.

It was a week when the group came back. I watched the gate open and everyone walk in. I ran up to them and looked for Glenn. I didn’t see him. I didn’t see Maggie. I didn’t see Abraham. I didn’t see shasha. I didn’t see Daryl. I looked at what was left of the group confused and worried.

“W-Where’s Glenn?” I asked. Everyone looked at me sadly and the looked at Rick.

“Y/N-”

“Where is my brother?” I asked louder and more worried.

“I’m sorry…” Rick said and my eyes glossed over.

“No… No! He can’t be dead! What did you do!?” I shouted at him.

“Hey, it wasn’t his fault.” Carl said.

“Like hell it wasn’t! It was his idea to go after them in the first place!” I shouted with tears falling down my face.

“I’m sorry Y/N…” He said shaking his head.

“How did he die?” I asked looking at the ground, watching my tears hit the dark ground.

“You don’t want to know.” He said.

“That’s not your decision to make! How did my brother die?” I asked glaring at him through tear filled eyes.

“Negan. We didn’t kill them all… Negan killed him.” He answered.

“How?” I asked not accepting that as the answer.

“You don’t need to know that…” He said.

“Tell. Me. How. My. Brother. Died.” I said determined to know.

“He bashed his head in… there was blood all over the ground…” Rick said and I let out a cry.

“W-where’s his b-body?” I cried.

“Maggie took it with her to Hilltop. Her and Sasha.” He answered.

“This is your fault.” I said and ran into my house.

That happened months ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday…  My brother was dead. The one person that I was surviving for is dead. The rest of the group had been keeping their eyes on me because they thought I was a danger to myself. They weren’t wrong. I was a danger to myself, that’s why they took all my weapons from me. I could hear my brother’s voice every day and it was driving me crazy. He would tell me how this isn’t how mom and dad would want me to act. How he was worried about me. How I should leave my room. How I shouldn’t have hurt myself. How I should be living my life like he taught me. How I should be surviving…

“Hey Y/N?” The voice of the man I never wanted to see again rang through my room. I didn’t answer and just kept staring at the wall.

“Are you okay?” He asked. Again, I ignored him. He sighed and I felt him sit next to me on my bed.

“Glenn wouldn’t want you living like this.” He said and I looked at him for the first time since he told me my brother was dead.

“Don’t you say his name.” I growled at him.

“Y/N, Glenn would want you to survive, to fight-”

“He’s dead because of you!” I shouted getting up.

“Negan killed him not-”

“You’re the reason he was out there in the first place! He only went because of you! You killed him!” I shouted crying once again.

“I’m sorry…” He sighed.

“Get out.” I said.

“Y/N please, just let me talk.” He said and I growled.

“Get the hell out of my house!” I shouted and threw a book at him. Rick got up and I heard him shut the front door. I sat back on my bed and hugged my knees crying.

“You need to forgive him.” I heard Glenn say.

“He killed you…” I said looking up at him.

“No Y/N/N, Negan killed me not Rick.” He said and I shook my head.

“You went because of Rick…” I cried.

“I went because of you. I wanted to keep you safe and I knew that would be the only way to do it.” He said and I stared at him.

“You died because of me then?” I asked crying more.

“No, I died because of Negan.” He said and I swear I could feel his arms around me.

“You need to forgive Rick.” He said.

“Only if you don’t leave me again…” I said.

“I’ll never leave you.” He said and again I swear I could feel him kiss my head like he always did.

A week after that Glenn kept telling me to forgive him. I figured Rick would come check up on my again, but he never did. My brother told me to leave the house and apologize and forgive him. So for the first time in months, I showered, got dressed in something other than just Glenn’s clothes, but I still wore his sweatshirt. I walked downstairs and grabbed the handle to the front door.

“Just open the door Sis.” He said and I took a deep breath.

“You’ll be there with me right?” I whispered. I thought I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“Always.” He said and I opened the door. The sunlight felt nice on my skin, I haven’t seen it in so long. I could feel everyone looking at me. I kept my head down and walked to the Grimes’ house. I knocked on the door and after a few minutes I looked up to see Carl answer.

“Y/N? You’re- You’re here…” He said shocked and I nodded my head.

“Um… is your dad home?” I asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, come on in.” He said moving to the side. I walked in and he called up to his dad. Rick walked down and looked at me shocked.

“Carl, why don’t you go check on Rosita.” Rick said to his son. Carl nodded then left the house.

“Is everything okay, Y/N?” He asked.

“Forgive him.” My brother’s voice said to me.

“I’m sorry I blamed you… Glenn wouldn’t blame you.” I said and he looked at me shocked once again.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t bring your brother back to you.” He said walking closer to me.

“It’s okay… I know he’s always with me.” I said and Rick pulled me into a hug. I looked behind him to see Glenn smiling at me.

After that day Rick was keeping me close to him. He was actually really sweet and caring. He actually asked me on a date, which I thought was weird seeing as it was the end of the world, but I accepted. It was surprisingly nice, he made dinner, we watched some movie he had in their house, and the night ended with a kiss. It was a pretty nice night, and I haven’t had one of those since Glenn died…

We got into a relationship and everyone was shocked to say the least. But when they saw my smile back they understood. They were happy to see me back to normal. Well to them I was normal, but my brother haunted me. I wasn’t even sure if it was his ghost or if he was something my mind made up to help me cope. Rick wanted me to move in with him and Carl after a few months, but I was scared to. I didn’t want him to know about Glenn…

“Glenn?” I asked when I didn’t see him with me.

“Glenn? Where are you?” I asked my eyes starting to water. There was no answer.

“Glenn please!” I called out and tears left my eyes.

“Glenn, Don’t die on me– Please.” I cried holding my knees to my chest.

“Shhh, I’m right here Y/N/N.” I heard him say and I looked up to see him smiling at me.

“Where were you? I thought you were gone again.” I said sobbing.

“I’m sorry, Sis, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said.

“You can’t leave me like that! I can’t do this without you!” I said and he pulled me to him.

“Don’t worry little sis, I’m never leaving you.” He said.

“I love you Glenn.” I said.

“Y/N?” I heard Rick’s voice. I looked up and saw him looking concerned.

“Rick? What are you doing here?” I asked and looked my brother.

“Who are you talking to?” He asked looking around my room.

“N-No one…” I said.

“I heard you say your brother’s name. Do you see him?” He asked walking closer to me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” I said and glanced at my brother.

“Tell him.” Glenn said and I shook my head.

“No…” I whispered, but Rick heard.

“You are seeing him… How long?” He asked.

“I’m not seeing my-”

“Don’t lie to me.” He said sitting next to me on the bed.

“How long?” He asked.

“Since he died…” I said and he sighed.

“Y/N, he’s gone…” He said and I shook my head.

“No! He said he’d never leave me!” I cried and he pulled me to him.

“He’ll always be in your heart, but he’s not here Y/N.” He said and I shook my head.

“I can’t do it without him…” I said and he pulled my face up to look at him.

“You have me.” He said and looked into his eyes.

“I love you Y/N, and I’m going to do right by Glenn and protect you. Including protecting you from yourself.” He said then captured my lips in a kiss. It was sweet and mixed with the saltiness of my tears.

“Let me help you.” He said and I nodded.

“Okay…”

Tag list: @les-bio-lie @tashy-bear @xrosesareredx @herokyolachan @ashwarren32 @hollie-blogs @schisbro87 @lover-of-books-and-teas @nerdygaloresposts @alex--awesome--22 @teenwolfbitches2 @genius2050 @drw0301bieber @tigermillionaire-philanthropist @marveloverdcsstuff

[freyjcsx]

                   *・ﾟ — [FREYJA SKJEGGESTAD] is a [33] year old [HOMOSEXUAL] [CISFEMALE] that was born on [NOVEMBER 15TH]. [SHE] live(s) in [MANHATTAN], but they’re originally from [OSLO, NORWAY]. They are a [HEIRESS] for a living, and often get told they look like [KATIE MCGRATH].

                            — hello ghouls!! my name is jared r, i’m 19 20 years old and i never learned how to read. i’m excited to plot and write with all of you!! this is freyja and she is honest to God a mess, someone save her. i would truly adore plot with all of you - so come hit me up if anyone would like some plots! if you prefer that, just hit me up on discord too !! i will def be sliding into some DMs as well, too, so like this post if you won’t mind that!! local nerd thinks aliens are going to invade earth, more at 9 /finger gun/

Triggers; Death, Violence, Alcohol, Torture (Brief mention), Abuse (Brief mention).

  You want a better story. Who wouldn’t?

 A forest, then. Beautiful trees. And a lady singing.

            Love on the water, love underwater, love, love and so on.

 What a sweet lady. Sing lady, sing! Of course, she wakes the dragon.

      Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly

                                     flames everywhere.

Am I just a creation of my upbringing? My monstrosity but a trait, the blood permeating my veins but a poison. My lungs were bound to rotten with my first intake of air. Or am I the apple that fell far from the tree? The abnormality none dares talk of, a grim shadow lying in wait. Sunk in debauchery, afloat in a sea of destruction. The whys and hows matter little, in this narrative. No use delving deep into psychology, or theories. There won’t be a sympathetic insight into my life. After all, there’s no pity for the wicked. I am what I am, no lamentable excuses or justifications will change that.

On occasion, one finds oneself immersed in dark waters; trouble.

Freyja Skjeggestad understands enough of human nature to perceive her morals; nor black nor white, but shades of grey. Most are darker than others, more prominent. Some are hardly noticeable, but the danger is still unmistakable. In hindsight, it should be said her morals are questionable, simply put. There is no wrong or right, for Freyja. Sides are of little importance, as the only side she cares for is her own. A selfish greedy little thing, with only her well-being in mind; she doesn’t partake in any activities if she is not gaining something out of it. Freyja is easily buyable, and that’s where the trouble is; her loyalty is not worth a penny, at the end of the day – Not if someone pays better for it. Betrayal is part of Freyja’s nature; it’s in her blood, her instinct. She is a Skjeggestad, after all, and leaving people behind is what they do best.

She remembers her childhood all too well.

It was a chilly November night when Bertrand Skjeggestad came running into his villa drenched from head to toe, pale and shaking in fear. The man’s steps were careful, not daring to disturb the ghostly silence plaguing the hallways, almost tangible. Droplets of water flowed down the glass panels, and particles of dust danced in the air when he opened the door of the master’s bedroom, relief apparent on his face. His darling wife sat on the blood-stained bed, trusted maids and guards watching the scene with wide eyes. In the woman’s eyes, disgust could be found. Gently, he retrieved the cold bundle from her arms, a finger touching a rosy cheek. “Oh, dearest Freyja,“ he whispered, ”look at the mess you’ve made.“

Freyja Alexandrine Skjeggestad shed no tears, during that chilly November night. No cries or whimpers left the newborn’s mouth, causing the assigned names and nurses to watch the baby with bated breath. Freyja, in turn, remained motionless, taking in her new surroundings. The heavy layer of silence was shattered only when morning came; a piercing cry woke staff and residents alike, all rushing to the nursery. “What a strange child,” some dared whisper, cowering and scattering when lady Astrid Skjeggestad entered the room, accompanied by her nurses. The child’s cries subsided when her mother picked her up, but there was no warmth in lady Astrid’s eyes when she gazed at her daughter.

”‘Tis just the Skjeggestad way, dearest,“ her mother clicked her tongue one evening when she saw tears being too well in Freyja’s eyes, her hand holding her daughter’s chin, nails breaking the skin. “You are a Skjeggestad, Freyja. Behave like one.”

There’s no love in a Skjeggestad’s household. Only money. And, oh, they had plenty of it. A fortune, enough to last for generations to come. Freyja was doted on and pampered all her life, given anything she could wish for. Clothes. Cars. Houses. Boats. Planes. People. With a snap of her fingers, the world could be hers. Or, it was what Freyja used to think. Her attitude was of a queen, thinking people should bend to their knees when she passed. “I’m going to inherit my father’s fortune,” she bragged, a smug smirk decorating her lips.

It is safe to say Freyja didn’t have many friends. The closest friend she had was Scott Connelly, the oldest son of her father’s right hand. They weren’t tight, but they would hang around often, and they had a silent agreement of having each other’s back, always. Scott stayed by her side even when her father sent her away, to study. The truth was, Freyja’s reputation was sinking her father’s stocks; her dalliances with random women, her drinking and drugs, and parties – It was not good for the company. She resided in countryside France for a year before she had to return home.

   I can tell already you think I’m the dragon,

           that would be so like me, but I’m not. I’m not the dragon.

     I’m not the princess either.

When Bertrand  Skjeggestad perishes, weak and fragile in his deathbed, he leaves behind a trail of sins. Deep ingrained in the walls of his luxurious Villa, in his office and company. He leaves behind the young and bewildered Freyja Skjeggestad, eyes glued to her father’s coffin. Next to her, Scott Connelly mops his brow with a kerchief, his face pale and devoid of emotion. He turns to her, glances at her fidgeting hand, the nails digging into the skin of her palms, and sighs. “You will take over with your mother,” he says, and Freyja can hear the tiredness in his tone, “it is what your father would want.” Lies, Freyja wants to reply, but the words die in her mouth at the glare her recently widowed mother shoots her way. Lips thinning together, Scott drags his eyes back to the coffin, but he scoots closer, his present and familiar warmth soothing. Freyja is truly thankful for the comfort, but she only voices her concerns when Scott pours her a glass of whiskey, later, when the walls of her father’s office suffocate her.

“He wouldn’t want me here,” she chuckles bitterly, warm fingers rounding her cold glass, clasping it in a futile attempt to ground herself. “He would want me to live my dandy life somewhere else, far from his empire.” She stands up, then, sitting on her father’s chair gracefully. ”Can you see it, Scotty?“ the man flinches when he sees the corner of her mouths twitching and curling into a smirk. Freyja lays her hands on the corners of the wooden table, and crosses her legs, leaning forward slightly. “Me. In charge of this whole company. Of his fortune.” Scott visibly gulps, tugging at the collar of his shirt before he downed the content of his glass “Oh, it is going to be marvellous. Marvellous, indeed.”

        For a while I thought I was the dragon.

    I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was

                                                                                            the princess,

cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle,

      young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with

confidence

Freyja Alexandrine Skjeggestad was thrown to the wolves, then. Shoved into the spotlight with little guidance. They devoured her, tearing into her with their bare fangs, trying to find similarities between her and her father. The same striking green eyes carry madness in them, people would comment when all the corners of Ireland were flaunting pictures and speeches of th Skjeggestad daughter.

Freyja was only twenty, then, and the weight of her father’s empire left red angry marks on her shoulders. Her nervousness was not apparent by how she carried herself, how she held her head up. But it was there – the fear, anxiety, doubts, and darkness. She pushed it deep into the base of her spine, a place so dark it would unable to flourish under the sunlight. It threatened to rise, to shoot up her veins and consume her – But every time Freyja could taste its aphrodisiacal taste, she would swallow it back through the knots in her throat. She tried to keep the company together, tried to be good, do good. But the sins of her father flowed in the air, like mist. Freyja watched it move, breathed it into her lungs. It’s taste that of gold, cigarette ashes, of power. It poisoned her somewhat good intentions, rotting her already uncanny smile.

After, her own sins taint everything she touches. It tarnishes the family’s good name. Her father’s vanity and pride wrap around her skin, it crawls inside her bones, run through her veins. It changes her.

She has a penchant for violence, and she left a wake of destruction, dragging Scott down to hell with her. He warned her to not pick a fight with Thomas Wolff, but Freyja never knew how to chose her wars.

Freyja still remembers the sand in her mouth, filling her lungs. The throb of her head, and blood dripping – the darkness wanting to take over. There was not enough air, her ribs ached and heart barely beat, but all Freyja could care about was Scott. She held the cold body to her chest, strength slowly giving away. Scotty. There was no life in the man’s eyes, the gunshot piercing his heart. She clung to him for as longs as she could, until unconsciousness took over. She woke up to a bright light, a bandage covering her side, and dirt under her nails. The coppery taste of blood still lingered on her lips, and she had difficulty sitting up.

“Thought that shot would be the end of you, huh?” the strange doctor who nursed her back to life said, voice tired. “No. You are hard to kill, kiddo. There’s strength in you. Bullets and sand, and determination. And lives, here,” he taps her chest, just above her heart, “despite all, you still walk. The world hasn’t ended you, yet.”

She crawled out of the grave, healing from the torture and gunshot and the grief. It devastated her. Consumed her. Rage was a constant in her green eyes, during that year after Scott’s funeral. Despite surviving, something in Freyja died, that night. And eighteen months after Scott Connelly’s tragic death,  Thomas Wolff was found dead in his apartment. Freyja spent an entire night washing the blood off her hands.

After, when years have passed and she stands in Manhattan, her mistakes behind her – She tips her head back, letting the cold rain hit her skin. Her eyes close, and Freyja breathes in deeply, holding the air in her lungs. It tastes of mist, of mud and wet grass — And new beginnings. Her mother moved the company to New York, and Freyja is all too happy to not be caught up in much of the business.

On occasion, one finds oneself immersed in trouble. It destroys, it burns, and it consumes – like flames, from a wildfire. When the fire dies out, a tempest is born. Such is the Skjeggestad way. They destroy everything in their path, simply for the joy of watching the world burn under their touch. Not the biggest fishes in the pond, the Skjeggestad’s, but the ones that stand brighter than most. Their money, their clothes, their glamour. They act as if they are gods. But there’s nothing divine about divinities, in the end. Freyja Skjeggestad is a poetically broken little thing. And oh, how she makes tragedy look so magnificent.

Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal.

      You still get to be the hero.

Freyja Skjeggestad looks appetizing at first glance, but it takes only one bite to discover the horrendous pain she can inflict. Much like a ceramic fruit. Or a rotten one, painted with vivid colors to mimic something delicious. Perhaps not a good comparison, but one that gets the point across; Freyja  Skjeggestad is a vile beautiful thing. Her smile, charming and kind – if at times cocky, serves only to hide the monster underneath. If one looks closely, its shadow can be seen dancing near the surface, threatening to break free. It shows in her smiles, always a tad too sharp; in her words, sounding honey-like but laced with sarcasm or hostility; in how she tantalizes women with empty promises of eternal love and fortune. She has no qualms about spilling blood, if necessary.

It is well known Freyja is a charmer, one that only truly cares about her own needs, her own pleasure and bank account. Her words are lies, that she mastered to lure poor souls to her bed or to sign business deals. She gloats over her enemies failures. And, at times, pull the rug out from under an ally. Of course, for as long as she is gaining something, Freyja can be fiercely loyal. That changes easily, however, if someone pays her better.

Freyja offers cheap thrills to please people; orgies in her penthouse, gambling in her casino, lavish parties with an abundance of sweet honeyed wine. Ecstasy. She pulls people so deeply into her mess, it becomes nearly impossible to crawl out. For her own delight, of course. Freyja adores attention, loves when all eyes are on her. She has an ego the size of the world, if not bigger. Her posture is of a queen, even when she is but a pawn in a game she doesn’t care for.

BULLET POINTS

With a short temper and high tolerance for pain, Freyja often finds herself in fights, not afraid of punching someone – or getting punched.

She is vain. Extremely so. The type who has a cane, wear silk robes, and sunbathes naked up in her penthouse.

Despite her cold personality, Freyja has some quirks and habits, that only who she trusts get to see; she flinches at noises, her eyes hurt when the lights are too bright, she often fidgets and squirm in the presence of a crowd, and many more.

Freyja hadn’t had many friends, and she still doesn’t have them. She keeps to herself, most of the time, preferring her own company than those of others.

However, with people she trusts,  she dances between to lines with ease; she can be so quiet one moment no one would guess she was in the room, and in the next, she would be babbling a lot and being the light in the room.

Babbling is a thing she does a lot. She sometimes talks too fast, her words blending together and being barely understandable. Other times, she talks too slow, as if she needs to remember how a word is pronounced.

Which, does not match with her personality – But, most of the time she is talking about money or violence, which is more in character.

She can actually be sweet, she just chooses not to.

Freyja is the black sheep of the family; her mother is cruel, but she is not maniacal like Freyja. Her father, despite his many sins – mistresses, corruption, dirty money – wasn’t cruel, when he was alive.

Freyja betrayals people, a lot. It has gotten her in trouble more often than she would like to admit. Freyja definitely got stabbed a few times, and because of pure lucky she survived, and kept the daggers.

But truly, she is not a loyal person. The only person Freyja has ever been loyal to is herself and those who she deems a good friend.

She is pretentious, but cunning.

Is always watching and studying people.

Says fuck and darling a lot.

Has some scars she hides, some she shows with pride.

She lives to annoy and piss people off.

Honestly, she just wants to drink wine and watch hell break loose.

[innisffree-blog]

2016

beginning: 2016 is shiny and new tommy and special k and liam--we drink tea and cuddle sem2 begins, ugh I dislike physics i dislike class idislike work (sorting leaves, grinding dirt) BUT there is late night penguin sliding in the arb, loitering about town, Sammy slamma jamma I grow closer to the mounge people
we are so annoying and terrible as a group (sd io kds sm nm sp sb pl. nb. ss jp ck. ns sd sk sh ab. etc etc) but I like being a part of this and being emancipated from the cove, an increasingly toxic place Lovely lovely people but I think glory hates me and this is an internal barrier i hate physics i dislike class i hate work (I’m not getting paid for this shit wtf) but i keep going bc “It’s all about the experience.” -Sujay Sarah + wilbur, I do not like wilbur for many reasons. i start to feel weird about sarah, my sister figure. she didn’t even tell me. glory definitely hates me, no one wants to own up to it barrier grows: • the fucking tshirts
• the special fucking breakfast club • the fucking group message barrier grows, I shrink. trying to claw my way out. took a risk, made a mistake (to be cont.) 
soc anx creeps back in at increasing pace I am failing physics. v day song with Nathan is a seemingly insignificant bright point dark point=all the hours I spent sorting dirt in the lab and the horror and embarrassment that is being a lowly freshman in research time goes on soccer I want to be friends with grace and Hannah etc!! Talk with grace and jon before we all move out and they were like duh we felt the same about you and this makes me disappointed and pleased at the same time, there is hope for next year w these cool people (I’ve regressed to having friend crushes) passed physics, passed everything, survived the anxiety attacks, goodbye for now umich, lessons learned jeez sem2=done, year1=done bordines! I like it there, watering flowers and rescuing snails for money. FL Cameron hates me fr now. Still don’t know why. Picnic w Mack to get back in the groove of clarkston life, she has changed a bit ROCK CAMP ROCK CAMP ROCK CAMP 
(june 10 - july 10) I meet ~22 strangers in an Ann Arbor ally and we depart for Wyoming. After 3 days of driving, we arrive as a family. I love it already, minus the altitudesickness. we laugh a lot and have a good time in the mountains. i like these people a lot but especially Brady and jack b and ***MERYN WHIMSY CAMPBELL*** she is a jewel, she is a ray of sunshine, she is a princess in overalls. why did I try to reject her at first? she is so generous with her love that I couldn’t keep her out. I learned the biggest lesson of 2016 from her and she doesn’t even know it. climb a giant loaf of bread in the middle of the night to see the moonrise, barefoot & blind & by myself, a “risky bitch” -Loafie Sutz I see my shadow miles away in the sunrise on that spire thing 3 weeks in: kinda blow up and leave, walk into the wilderness by myself (bad) and swim to an island where I climb a big boulder and make new friends. I calm down. The Grand Nips are the most beautiful place I have ever spent a month, but I never want to see another minivan in my life. I (Pepino) feel at home outside. Caterpillar fights, bfast burritos, stars. Don’t want to leave. back to Michigan to rot. Try to go to mopop with Alaina but sell my ticket to sean during unnecessary study visit to A2 for the class I eventually drop out of. Sushi with sarah (sarah - Wilbur = i’m so happy abt this event that breaks her heart, I am a selfish friend) Calc ii eats me alive, I give up. More rotting. pentwater w fam, Meryn shows up. golf ball incident: I let myself blow up at dad, but Lauren is there and Alan is there and I come back feeling stronger. more rotting in clarkston. sem3! year2! I’m a mentor! so good to see everyone, I begin to appreciate Nicco a lot, become good friends with kastriot (another jewel) and others (matt and jon, etc), trash candy in nicco’s room and HOLY SHIT I love Alex so much, she is another sister figure. It's foreign to have friends who are girls. so excited abt life in mrc, living with Sarah is good and bad. happy. CONFIRMED(co Nicco): glory hates me EXPLANATION: im too friendly(?????) stumble upon ivy and shouri and keilah and I learn more abt this, they hate glory now, I fucking won the battle w my patience and kindness lolol (I hope she's moved on, I feel neutral about her)(drama is foreign to me) get rejected from EH Things are good, hanging out w old crew and rock camp ppl and the boy who i Like and needs to stop acting as though he Likes me too, v misleading sean’s bday @ the trap house / wolf shirts Housing 2017 is a mess, I am a mess :’| this issue is the tip o' the yikesburg FALL BREAK oct 15 -going up to backpack at pictured rocks with camp ppl, but I realized that I don’t rlly fit w them and also they are s l o w so I split and hike alone for 13 miles in one day, oct 16 ****this is the best day of my life**** screaming and yelling out to Lake Superior in pure joy almost falling off the cliff, seeing aaron on the trail, passing the starburst men, getting lost in a soggy forest after dark (kept my cool), getting picked up by Alan: muddy, bleeding, sweaty, thirsty, wielding a knife (Pepino the Risky Bitch™ is back) high on the sublime beauty of oct 16, 2016 oct 17 - study day, drive around Marquette with my boy tommy, climb around on an abandoned aqueduct, talk about life/love. I am so grateful for this brother of mine. oct 18- south! Pasties are gross oct 19 - bad stats test (50%) (how am I this dumb?) (everything is bad again) (this is the beginning of the descent) I stop going to class bc I can’t get out of bed. I haven’t seen my friends in forever. I don’t have friends anymore. I am trapped in my room/head. I want to die. Dropping orgo Failing stats Dropping/failing friends I want this to end. I want to jump out the window of 479 jo and fall like that raven off the cliffs. I want to pull a Chris McCandless, but I don’t have a car. Alex makes everything better by not telling me that everything is going to get better. she’s been there, she’s failed. I love having her around. Bond with tim and eduardo (woops) and alec and jiten at Chris’s house, but sober erin remembers the barriers I’ve lived on this earth for two whole decades!!(Failed a test on the same day) sad bday churros w Lauren, spent the night on the floor at her place. Meryn brought me oranges and a book about glaciers <33 seds is taking up too much of my time but it’s kinda nice. stubborn boy named haydar tries to bring me pad thai and I say no but we become pen pals anyway, now he knows too much. a good character in my life. Nicco takes an absolute SHIT on me - with one statement he discredits all the friendships I thought I had at umich. It isnt a big deal to him, it’s in the past, but it isn’t for me. barrier is complete. The ghost of glory lives on. Same day- Lauren storms out (why doesn’t she want equality??? I thought she had changed) and Kastriot picks up the pieces Time goes on, erin fails stats sem3=done, but a waste of time/resources. I hate myself. Clarkston grandma is drunk and sad Alan is there with Lauren I am kind of there pickling eggs w Mack– I still love her but man oh man she has changed Royal w tommy and nick new years at konrad’s abandoned ghost house, liam dangles me over possibly the last of the giant ass bonfires, graffiti in the barn loft. learned some stuff about konrad, but he is truly a starfish among urchins. Faith in friendship is restored by him and others and myself. I think I’ll stop hating myself now. 2017 will be shiny and new end

[axiomandidiom-blog]

This was made for kids in high school and I did it anyway

1:Is there a boy/girl in your life?

No

2:Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

I don't know who that would be, but probably. I assume I've forgiven them if I can't remember. Unless we're counting me, in which case, no. I have not forgiven myself.

3:What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Cats. But, like, TV cats. I don't think of real cats as making this noise.

4:What’s something you really want right now?

Money. Which is stupid. I have money, or enough. I guess actually I want money so I don't have to plan my spending, and I don't want to plan my spending because I'm scared of numbers and because I don't like cooking and because I can't keep anything in the fridge without it rotting, as food tends to do if you forget about it and leave it in there.

5:Are you afraid of falling in love?

No. I am afraid that I am unlovable. I don't think I'm a person most of the time. I can't do things people can do. I'm something less-than.

6:Do you like the beach?

I adore the beach. I should go.

7:Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

I think I've been asleep while some nephew was sitting on me. If that counts. Otherwise no. I haven't had an opportunity to in many years, and I don't like touching people mostly, and I can't really sit still without fidgeting and that makes me nervous when in situations where I have to sleep near someone. I almost can't believe I typed that. I'm the fucking worst.

8:What’s the background on your cell?

Default. D:. I've never thought of changing it. What's wrong with me? What would I even put there? People? Friends? I don't like any of my friends enough to do that. It would have to be a pretty hilarious picture.

9:Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Mine, my roommate's... some of the bonus ones at my parents' house I guess. I don't go in people's bedrooms.

10:Do you like your phone?

Kinda shit tbqh fam

11:Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

I've never been a planner. I kind of always assume I'm going to die imminently. I think that's called “generalized anxiety” but it's my experience of life. If this is a roundabout way of asking if I feel like I've accomplished anything, the answer is no.

12:Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

Either my therapist :X or the phone at work, idk on the timing exactly they both happened kinda recently

13:Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

I don't like dogs. But man do I hate poodles. Rottweiler might be okay if I could get it to be nice (I'm aware this is dependent mostly on me, and frankly I'm irresponsible af)

14:Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Does anyone say physical? I mean I get headaches sometimes and I can't really do anything but wallow when that happens, and I'm in fairly constant emotional turmoil and it doesn't stop me from going to work or doing my laundry or anything. So idk. But fuck emotional pain. At least I know the physical pain will go away. At least physical pain has causes I can identify, things I can do to prevent or mollify it. Emotional pain is just mind poison and you can't get it out and you can't stop it.

15:Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Art museum. I don't like animals really.

16:Are you tired?

Typically.

17:How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

Like 2 months. I assume this means first in alphabetical order, cause I got no way of determining any other order that I know of.

18:Are they a relative?

Nah. Friend of a friend who played DnD with me a couple of times. She's cool but I can tell from the way she talks to me that I don't make much sense to her.

19:Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Just the one. And no. I think that would just make me hurt worse. I think I'm poison, and I think other people are poison too. And I'm still really mad at her for like no reason. And I'm still upset about the entire thing. Why did I do that? Why did I do anything?

20:When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

2009. So like ~7 years. Same person as last answer. I don't want to talk to her. I see her around sometimes and all I feel is shame.

21:If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

I don't believe in marriage, I don't believe in other people, and I don't believe in tomorrow.

22:Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I think I would just start crying instead.

23:How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

0. I don't do adornments.

24:Is there a certain quote you live by?

Everybody else is just trying to get by, too. If you can do anything to make it easier for them, do it. Also, I don't like to be first and I don't like to be last. I don't think those are quotes but they inform my thinking a lot.

25:What’s on your mind?

I'm horrible. I wish I was a better person. I wish I was thin. I wish my skin was better. I wish I wasn't so abrasive or critical. I wish I didn't get tired of people. I wish I was better at talking and making people feel like I'm interested in them, I think people who can do that have a better time. I wish my brain worked right. I wish I could keep things together in my head and in my life.

26:Do you have any tattoos?

No. I don't like anything enough to tattoo it on me. I don't generally believe the events in my life have meaning, let alone have enough meaning to be converted to a symbol and affixed to my skin.

27:What is your favorite color?

Orange, followed closely by green.

28:Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Possibly never.

29:Who are you texting?

My friend group.

30:Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

Yeah. Was many years ago. But we did more than that on couches.

31:Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Yes but that doesn't mean anything. I feel like something bad is always about to happen and sometimes bad things happen. There's no causal relationship there, and not even a particularly strong correlational one.

32:Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

I like to talk to my friend J when she's around. I feel like she understands me and likes me. She's an old friend's sister, and the daughter of my mom's friend. I'm not really friends with her brother any more but I still like and talk to J. Just, not very often. I wish I was better friends with my friend E's fiance but I dunno how to make that happen.

33:Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

Good feelings? I dunno, I think some of my friends think I'm okay. Romantic feelings? Lol who would that even be. If there is, they should say something to me because I'm p oblivious. But no, I doubt it.

34:Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Maybe? Not many people look into my eyes, and I don't like looking into the eyes of other people.

35:Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

I'd probably leave. I assume (I hope, on some level) she is kissing someone, because that would mean she was with or pursuing someone, and I want that for her if that's what she wants. I also would feel really, really bad, and go outside and look at the sky and think about how shitty I am.

36:Were you single on Valentines Day?

For the last 7 years

37:Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

No. Don't want to be. I don't think I could do that. I think I used to want to, or think I could, and somehow that feeling has shriveled and all that's left are fear and anger and sadness.

38:What do your friends call you?

My name. :/

39:Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Yeah. Lots of. Not on purpose I don't think. I just tend to ruminate and let things accumulate until I'm just all sorts of a mess. And that's been like that for the last 28 years.

40:Have you ever cried over a text?

I don't remember. Don't think so.

41:Where’s your last bruise located?

Arms probably.

42:What is it from?

Dunno. I bruise super easily, and I bump into stuff a lot.

43:Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Couple months ago was the last time I thought about seriously leaving my situation. Before I got a job. I also have some persistent but passive suicidal ideation and if I'm being rational I can think “you don't want to die, you just want to not be doing what you're doing or going through what you're going through,” and that helps a little.

44:Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

Friend E. Just making plans I think.

45:Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

No. I don't keep them long enough for that. I wear them until they fall off.

46:Do you wear hats if you're having a bad hair day?

What does this mean? I wear hats when I haven't washed my hair in a few days and I look shitty.

47:Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

I have been bald, not sure it was the style. I would do it again, it just isn't super socially acceptable.

48:Do you make supper for your family?

Lol what family. And I'm a garbage cook.

49:Does your bedroom have a door?

No I live in a cave and I drape a sheet over the entrance.

50:Top 3 web-pages?

Sfw, I like certain reddits, giant in the playground is cool too, love me some twitch.

51:Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Me and everyone who has the attention problems I do.

52:Does anything on your body hurt?

Not at the moment.

53:Are goodbyes hard for you?

Depends on the permanence. The act itself isn't. I'm not so great at dealing with the aftermath.

54:What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Who can say, I do this all the time, it's a miracle I keep myself clean at all ever.

55:How is your hair?

Short, and garbage.

56:What do you usually do first in the morning?

Look at my phone, try and get some music playing, helps me get up.

57:Do you think two people can last forever?

All permanence is an illusion.

58:Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Yeah.

59:Green or purple grapes?

Green.

60:When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Next time I feel bad for them, or next time I see someone I haven't in a while and that I like (this is p rare), I don't like touching people.

61:Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yes, and no. Yes because always I wish my life was not my life, no because I like my bed, it's a nice bed.

62:When will be the next time you text someone?

Tomorrow sometime probably.

63:Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Here, sleeping hopefully.

64:What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Think I was still asleep.

65:This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

I don't like people. I haven't felt attraction to anyone in a long time, until recently, when I stopped taking some of the drugs I take. I frankly don't know what to do with this feeling and it's upsetting to me and makes me feel alone and pointless and horrible. How come other people get to have this thing I can't have?

66:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

No.

67:Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Niece/Nephews, other misc family.

68:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

Anxiety about church today. It was bad but not as bad as I thought it would be.

69:Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

This is what life is. You have asked me if I have been alive, and by my count I've got 28+ years of living behind me.

70:How many windows are open on your computer?

4

71:How many fingers do you have?

Is this a trick question? I have 12 like everybody else.

72:What is your ringtone?

Keep it silent. Heartbeat buzz pattern.

73:How old will you be in 5 months?

Just turned 29. RIP

74:Where is your Mum right now?

At her house.

75:Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

What a dreadful question. Because she got tired of me? Because I don't know what love is or means? Because I'm garbage? Fuck you question 75 you made me sad.

76:Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

I. Don't. Like. Touching. People.

77:Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Yes. Hopefully always. They are the only things in my life that make me feel good.

78:Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

Like, 7th grade? Fuck me. Uh. Yes. Ansley. I dunno why. She was mean and sharp and sad. She dated a friend of mine and was awful to him. I'm a messed up person.

79:Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

My brother.

80:Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Yes.

81:How many people have you liked in the past three months?

???

Zero mostly. Though as mentioned above I've been recovering my sense of attraction to people. But I don't interact with anyone consistently enough to, uh, 'like' them.

82:Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

My roommate. It's hot in here and it's usually no pants o'clock. It's not weird, you're weird for thinking it's weird.

83:Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

No, because no and because there is no person.

84:You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I've never been drunk. I don't yell at people. I drive around with my roommate and other friends though.

85:If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

Is it disrupting their life? Is it a problem? Are they hurting themselves? If yes, then yes.

86:What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

Ate dinner with my family tonight, Uncle+Aunt (in law), both brothers, niece/nephews.

87:Who was your last received call from?

I think a debt collector, smdh.

88:If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

Yeah. I'd be upset about it though. Look we all live with certain unpleasant realities, I don't have any control over that, I can't just not exist in this world where someone offered me $1000 to kill a living creature in a horrible manner just to see what kind of detrimental effect it would have on my psyche. Also, it's an insect. It's basically a really complicated robot. If it was a cat or something I'd say fuck no, probably to any amount of money.

89:What is something you wish you had more of?

Attention and Concentration.

90:Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Maybe? It's been a while since I've been taken abject advantage of.

91:Do you sleep with your window open?

When it's too damn hot, yeah.

92:Do you get along with girls?

About as well as I get along with other types of humans, which is to say, no. I'm agreeable and conflict averse but I'm not really engaging and I don't like to be engaged.

93:Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

Does it qualify if there's an obvious truth and a path to change in my own life and I can't see it or refuse to acknowledge its existence? Because this might be the case.

94:Does sex mean love?

No? Does anyone think this? I think the problem here is one of equivocation. If you think sex means love you necessarily don't have the same definition of love that I do. It means your definition of love is sex. So what you're saying is do I think (word x) means sex, in which case, maybe it does, sometimes words have synonyms. But if you're asking me if I equate my idea of love with my idea of sex, then no, those are different things, specificity in definition is what leads to knowledge and understanding.

95:You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Maybe that would make us talk. I think I would have a panic attack, though. I think that would be a conversation I wouldn't want to have. I would want her to tell me there's nothing wrong with me and that we weren't right for each other, and that would would go a long way maybe.

96:Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

Nope.

97:Did you sleep alone this week?

For. 7. Years.

98:Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

I find fault with the premise; if everybody has somebody that makes them happy, and I don't have that, am I not everybody? I already know I'm not everybody. If we're starting from the assumption that the former is true, how could the latter be not true if we assume the former? If we can't assume the former, then the question should read, “Do you have somebody that makes you happy?” which was alluded to in an earlier question. And no, I don't. I'm aware that mostly I'm in control of my own emotions, or that I'm in control of my interpretation of information and evidence which has an effect on my emotional state.

99:Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, for the reasons put forward in question 94. To believe in the above I would need to equate attraction with love and I don't. I do believe in attraction, and that attraction is (initially) strongly dependent on sight for some people, and also that physical attraction is not an indicator of future relationship or of compatibility (though it might be a precursor to a sexual liaison, and there's nothing wrong with that. And yeah, I am speaking only about other people. I don't do that, don't think I would want to do that with a rando).

100:Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

I wrote a short script where two characters have a special promise called a “chigsy swear” where they both brush their chins with wiggling fingers and say “not by the hair on my chigsy chig chigs.” This is the closes approximation to the question I can recall.