#man i don't know what i'm doing wrong
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man it just feels kind of... i don't know. mean that with everything lately we're adding mystery joint pain, most persistently in my hands, to the pile.
like come on. come on. i can't even have this?!
#this seems somehow metaphysically spiteful#i know it's the luck of the fucking draw but god#i'm just trying to carve a little horse from wood#you don't even let me carve a little horse without my hands hurting (god i haven't even tried archery since i started hurting...)#meanwhile i'm fighting for my fucking life trying to get in with physical therapy for something that is NOT pain related#and they don't know what the fuck i'm talking about#was about to [REDACTED] on the phone with this girl who kept being like. okay but what PART of your body. like what HURTS.#i'm like there is no combination of words that is going to impart to you 'i have dysautonomia and people go to physical therapy for that'#you say on your WEBSITE that you have options for cardiac rehabilitation. i literally don't know what you need me to say.#(they didn't take my insurance anyway. lmao.)#sorry i'm feeling a little whiney this evening#i am so fucking sick of my doctors giving me a referral for something and then not giving me a location#'idk just find somewhere'#man i don't know what i'm doing wrong#it's all grinding me to dust and i can't even say this to people#at least tumblr i can just shout to the ether and be safely ignored (i mean this genuinely)#people don't feel compelled to give me shitty obvious advice the moment i think about expressing literally any discomfort#or give me the Weird Pity#literally had my dad once tell me 'you should try seeing a doctor'#like truly i live in a fucking sitcom#prattling about the self
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Is it controversial to say that curly is a people pleaser and an enabler who tried to play both sides trying to help the abused while trying to please the abuser and ended up fucking everyone and himself in the process
#also the babfying curly is fucking weird#like it's ableist because you're treating him like he's a fucking baby or some sort of play thing on reality. that's just a grown man#and also with y'all babyfying him y'all kind of absolved him of any of the wrong doing that he did#I'm not saying he's a terrible person I really don't think he did what he did out of malice but you know he needs to take accountability too#mouthwashing#maybe it's not that deep idk
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so sorry but that post about "the reason boys and men are being radicalized is bc girls are mean to them" is driving me up the fucking wall. maybe i really am just on a different internet than the rest of you but. this sentiment of "women are being bitches who don't care about men and that's why there's Problems now" is like. such an alpha male podcast classic take. like it's literally "not all men". it doesn't magically become better bc u say stuff with liberal terminology. jesus christ
#mine#caveats i know i KNOW some ppl are annoying about this#but are we really gonna pretend thats whats radicalizing men?#that women aren't nice enough to them anymore?#'but IM a man???? so her post is about me so I'm gonna do violent misogyny'#the way u all can't fucking WAIT to blame women for everything!!!!#like are we really saying kamala lost the election cuz women aren't nice anymore???????#like somehow!!!!! i don't think that's the problem!!!!!#this shit starts young. it often is predicated on the thought#that boys are inherently superior. and that the word of a man matters more than the word of a woman#why do u think so many of these men disrespect their mothers#yet venerate male family figures who aren't around or do as much#sorry the popularity of that post pissed me off SO BAD#ACTUALLY EVERYTHING WRONG IS WOMEN'S FAULT!!!!!!!!!#U JUST HAVE TO CENTER MEN AND THEIR COMFORT IN UR LIFE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!#feminism
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wE wAnT cOmPaNiOnS tO bE mEaN aGaIn!!!!!!!!!!
my siblings in the maker, you can't handle Taash calling Emmrich a death mage couple times or [checks notes] ...asking Neve about her clothes [?????????????]
#him yapping about death&corpses and making Taash uncomfortable MULTIPLE TIMES with no fucks given about it is A.OK.#but them telling him he's a “death mage” which technically (whether he likes it or not) HE IS to most people outside Nevarra...#is a crime deserving worst insults... OOOKAYYYY.#“skull-fucker” is mean sure. but ain't that what you want?? companions being mean???#BUUT i just saw someone calling them “judgemental” & an “ass” over asking Neve about her clothes??? EXCUSE ME?#do you really read their initial comments as MEAN SPIRITED???#they have such a lovely banter about the meaning of appearances and clothes. like.#what in the sweetest hell are some of you even talking about.#you fuckers don't want “mean companions” you can't handle “meanness” AT ALL.#all you want is pretty boys bickering behind your back. being catty and shit. lets call things for how they are.#every time female/female presenting characters do that they are insufferable in their bitching (see Aveline & Isabela)#men tho? hot. desirable. funny even. (see Anders & Fenris)#this stupidass fandom man#y'all need to sit down and think about yourselves for a moment. or a year. maybe longer.#and don't tell me i'm wrong. 'cause i've seen enough stupid posts to know that i'm in fact right.#Taash critical posts are basically blocking lists to me at this point.#UGH.#blah blah text post#irregular tag ramble#lady whines#fandom critical#negativity#dragon age babbling
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sigh feeling nostalgic for my old fics/the old community these days. I miss it man.
#this post is brought to you by the fact that I've been rereading world forgetting the past few days#I've reread parts of it plenty of times#but I haven't actually reread the fic in full... since I wrote it maybe?#does that even count as reading it#it's a fundamentally different experience I think so#anyway I miss having that level of brainrot...#I cringe so much at a lot of the stuff in that fic#but man there were so many great moments#ngl as my 'big fic' i'm most unhappy with I do sometimes think about rewriting some of it#not that theres much of an audience for it anymore#but also that would take too much time and I wouldn't have the patience for it#plus I don't even know how I'd fix it theres so much wrong structurally#it would have to be so much longer which is the opposite of what I'd want for it#I literally am way too busy for that anyway so#ramblings
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#thing i forced myself to color#i think i just like . forced myself to do this thing in the first place#i don't feel really good todaY#i hadn't drawn anything for two days#and i was worried i would lose motivation again#it's just that i finished all of my ideas already#well not all of them but most of them are too complicated#god this is so boring . i need to start experimenting with colors but i don't really have the motivation for that rn#i really really miss vargas and it's driving me crazy#can we have a fanbase with more than 20 ppl PLEASE#i'd do anything for edgar vargas#i don't know what posessed me but suddenly i'm crazy for this man#btw . . . i created . . . a twitter spicy side acc . . .#if u want to know the @ . . . just dm me . . .#i'll let you in as long as you're not a minor of course#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#zarla s#okay fun thing#before i would like . draw edgar looking super grumpy and annoyed#which isn't wrong ??? but in zarla's drawings most of the time he just looks scared or confused#so i was like god is this too self indulgent#and i had to stop doing that kind of#but i just did it again here . i'm not saying sorry i don't feel good okay .#sunny's art
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Hello Tumblr!!! I love being on Tumblr!! Thank you, people from Tumblr, for being so nice!! :D
(I'm way too sensitive for Instagram, what if I delete my account there and never post again?)
#it's one of those “don't mind me” type of days#i just got my period after almost 3 months without it#so my feelings are all out of place#worry you not i won't delete any of my accounts#but man sometimes i do feeling like giving up#no matter what i do#people will always take my words and have the worst interpretation of them#then block/ignore me once i try to defend myself#once again#i know some of it is my own fault#i'm too sensitive and i should learn how to ignore it better#but ughhh it's so hard#it's happening so often that i'm starting to think i'm the problem#maybe i'm wrong#who knows#//vent
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so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.
full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.
oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.
i'm starting off with the things i liked
the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.
combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less
the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.
your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.
the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.
speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.
bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.
varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.
the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).
rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.
and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately
the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.
tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???
there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.
i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.
that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.
for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol
in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.
the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.
this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.
when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.
morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.
dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.
on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.
really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.
for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.
rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.
speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.
the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything
#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#oh wow i hit a limit typing this#anyway to tie this up a bit: the good and bad to the environmental design being that well-known architecture like minrathous and dwarven#ruins look fire and remind me a lot of the previous games#but newly added locations are very... generic... very bland#i was very excited for rivain. i thought we'd get to see ships. not a bunch of ruins and a fighting pit and that's it#and why did i say to ignore a certain guy's review? bro because he was complaining about taash being ace and that taking up their screentim#and them being too up in your face about their identity. he did all this while she/her'ing them constantly#but my man they're trans. nb. not ace.#y'all need to be careful about bad reviews. they're coming from people who are upset about gender identity being handled as a topic in this#game. meanwhile they have no clue what they're even talking about. i don't think matty knows the difference between ace and trans#and neither do the hundreds of people who are one star rating this game currently#i liked this game. it's not top tier. it's not something i'll sink hours and hours and hours of my life into#it has tonal issues and it's moving away from what made dragon age stand out for me#but i do think that it's a genuinely fun play and people who are very invested in dragon age will squeeze joy out of it wherever they can#i had a hard time warming up to the new characters (taash and lucanis being the exception because they have an older bioware air about them#but solas's and varric's story (and don't get me wrong that's what veilguard is about) is GOOD. that is how bioware used to be.#and i wish they'd given us that energy all over the game. that direness. that grit. serious and mature writing.#that consistency is lacking#and whether you're gonna enjoy this game or not is entirely dependant on what you came here for and how well the game delivers on it#i think their weakest points are ironically the thing they advertised the most: the new companions and their writing#you won't find nuanced and good enemies here (i already reblogged something about this. you can go scroll around a bit and catch up on that#really the only thing that had me super invested and emotional was the main quest.#so make of that what you will. ultimately i was more frustrated with the game than i got enjoyment out of it. i was close to just put it#aside for now... until i went to minrathous to end ghila'nain's and elgar'nan's ritual. that all blew me away. still on a high off of it.#anyway yeah that review got cut short by the character limit maybe i'll add more to it tomorrow but rn... i am heading to bed#thanks for coming to my ted talk. also i'm sorry. zevran REALLY isn't in this.#dragon age
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Anyone else get this sense of bubbling and clawing frustration that you can't have a gender harder?
I'm androgyne already. I can't be more androgyne. But sometimes I feel this need to be androgyne actively in some way, to express it as an action or practice instead of experiencing it passively, but then it's like. And do that how exactly? Gender isn't really something you do outside of things like performance and pronouns, and I don't want to use pronouns that I don't want to use and change the way I dress and behave just to fit the abstract idea of my gender more.
The whole point of it is that it's mine anyway. This is just who I am, it's not a performance.
But still I get this nagging feeling now and again of "I want to have my gender gender extra hard today" motherfucker what does that MEAN. How can I double down on being my own gender when it's literally just me being alive and myself?? And I'm already doing that????? I can't gender harder than I already am, what the fuck do you want from me!!
#is this a kind of dysphoria or something? i like my body and gender expression the way they are i just feel like I'm not gendering#hard enough. like not in a way where I'm doing anything wrong#just like. I don't know maybe just the idea that people consider me a man anyway? and i want to undo that and be “more my gender”#like people see me as JUST a man and nothing else. they see me as man gender and not manwomanperson gender#but.... I can't DO that#so what the fuck??? huh??? what the fuck???#original posts#gender#nonbinary#androgyne#trans#vent#dysphoria?
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#i gotta go get my T bloodwork done tomorrow#which is fine but like#last time i was there the nurse was REALLY weird and they were pretty annoyed with me#because i hadn't come in for a long time#because life shit happened including breaking my ankle#and it's the same situation now but like so much fucking worse#and i don't want them to be assholes to me about it or about how i kind of miss shots quite a bit#like that's A Thing#it's a problem for me#but i don't deserve AT ALL to get scolded for it or treated like I'm doing something wrong#ugh i just have a chip on my shoulder#i know it has the potential to go fine and i am bringing backup with me#but EVERYTHING has gone wrong lately!#and if this goes wrong there is every chance it'll drive me to getting the stuff online and not getting bloodwork AT ALL#and I want to tell them that but I feel like they'd just be shitty about it because ultimately they may be an inclusive clinic#but they are still medical professionals and gatekeepers at heart and you can't trust medpros and gatekeepers further than you can spit#idk man I'm an adult just leave me alone to do my thing and accept that I will be in once a year for sure but no promises on more than that#i'm tired in advance#idk i just got the feeling last time that they were accusing me of getting my T illicitly and it's like bitch im not but even if i was#aren't you supposed to be a place people can be honest about their situations? am i not here jumping through your hoops to do it legally?#im doing what you wanted but the thing is I DON'T HAVE TO and if you keep acting weird im going to have to STOP#because i don't have energy to deal with my disintegrating life AND gatekeeping judgy bullshit#do cis men have to dance like this?
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Aw man...
#Vent incoming wee woo wee woo#Goooood man I feel so. Stressed and anxious cuz of my job#I hate it. I hate trying not to cry every 5 minutes#I hate the feeling in my chest. It's like someone is poking really hard into it#It's almost suffocating#I feel awful. Every little thing makes me angry. I don't want to be angry at ppl who did nothing wrong. I don't want to be like this#I really wish I wasn't like this. Why can't I be more calm and normal#I feel like I need a good cry. But I don't have anywhere to go for that#When I'm at home I don't feel like crying cuz I purposefully distract myself from stress#But I do feel like crying at work#But ofc I can't cry at work#And even at the end of the Day when going home I'm too tired to cry. Plus it would look weird for other ppl walking by...#I hate this. I get all stressed durring work but then I can't let it out#I have work rn. And tomorrow#I'm just gonna have to feel awful until my Days off come#God. I really hate venting. I don't like ppl seeing me like this but. I don't have anything else left to relieve the pain#I just don't know what to do anymore#Where to go#Whatever. This feeling will go away eventually#It will come back ofc#I just wish there was a better way to ease the pain. But again. I don't have a place for that#So I'll just have to seat w these feelings until they go away#I'll try to keep myself distracted. Which will be hard cuz I. Am at work. The place which makes me feel these things in the first place#But whatever! I'll try anyways#I'll look at art. Or I'll think about characters that I like...#Save me fictional characters. Save me!!#Anyways. Vent over 🎉
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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I don't like the judo flip in moa as much as the next guy but in my eyes it's largely the result of rick not taking female violence half as seriously as male violence (a result of viewing women as weaker and inferior to men such that their acts of violence don't need to be taken as seriously) and not so much anything about annabeth herself. like I do genuinely feel that annabeth is a complex heroine and definitely one of the better ones in the realm of ya action-adventure fiction produced in the past 25 years but she is still a girl being written by a man and all I'm saying is that her writing clearly reflects that sometimes (more in tags)
#case in point: the amazons#hazel: you keep slaves????#kenzie: no. the men just know their place#like...... sure jan. the parody of amazon the company isn't actually using immoral labor the workers just like it that way 🥰#but that line about “knowing their place” would not fly the other way around#because women in power are not taken as seriously as a group of men dominating female workers would be#(we could talk about the futurama amazons too in this context because it's pretty much the same issue of female violence not#being taken seriously and played for laughs instead. iykyk)#do you guys know that trope of girls who are just comically aggressive and mean towards guys who barely reciprocate the energy#(like the majority of the female cast of naruto falls into this trope. again iykyk)#it's like a shallow attempt to write a strong female character by just making her an Angry mean nasty man-hater#or it's just a validation of some nerd's worldview that women are just always so mean towards men who never do anything wrong#and they definitely don't have power over women in society women are just Like that. for some reason#anyways if you couldn't tell by my pfp I'm an annabeth fan so I definitely don't mean this in an anti-annabeth way#just in a Critical of the way rick portrays women way#specifically women that he wants to come off as strong/powerful#and if you are a fellow annabeth stan and feel upset by this all I can say is that it isn't a bad thing to be critical of the way our faves#are written and in fact critical reading is a very important skill to exercise 👍#this is also why I'm annoyed by the “annabeth is abusive” allegations because it's like Ok she's clearly not intended to come off that way#so instead of meaninglessly antagonizing annabeth (who isn't real) or fans who enjoy her/the ship in its entirety#what can we glean about the flaws of the writing. what can we glean about biases of the author who wrote the damn thing#(not saying I even agree with the allegations to begin with because I Don't but yk)#this whole thing stems from social constructs around gender (everything else in the world does) i.e. public reception to female violence#where real world female violence isn't taken seriously so female criminals face less harsh punishments OR the other way around and female#cruelty is received as even more egregious than male cruelty because how dare a woman be anything but kind and nurturing and angelic#btw this is not a safe space to be anti percãbeth/annabeth in my notifs keep that to yourself bud 👍#rr crit#pjo hoo toa#percy jackson
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hulu was doing live coverage of the election until 2:00am, at which point my power randomly went out and when I reopened the hulu app on my tv the election coverage was replaced with
#us politics#I don't care if it was intentional or a coincidence or what that shit is funny as hell#I got like 3 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours#my closest friends are sleeping and don't know yet#we're going to dc a month from now on vacation and none of us expected this#I've been on twitter and it's crushing I see my friends in fear for their lives#I see the worst people in the world cheering for their own downfall because all they care about is someone else having it worse#like they'll douse the vulnerable among us with gasoline and pray for hellfire thinking they'll be safe#but the flames don't discriminate like they do and we're all going to burn#except for the wealthy and powerful of course they'll be polluting the solar system or dead from old age#and the only hell they'll ever know is the one millions upon millions of people eagerly built in their names#in the name of 'greatness'#(man I get really melodramatic when I haven't slept)#and I'm scared too I didn't think this was going to happen and I have no idea what the future holds anymore#and I know I'm privileged to be able to say this when people's lives are about to be destroyed but I think I'm more sad than anything#so disappointed that 70 million people voted for *that*#because it's completely unconscionable to anyone with a soul but somehow he's winning the popular vote for the first time???#what do you mean more people like him now than they did in 2016 and 2020#this genuinely feels like a nightmare are we really so far gone as a country??? as a society?????#that we would not only let a convicted felon (who was served a lawsuit ON ELECTION DAY) on the ballot#but that SEVENTY. MILLION. PEOPLE. would vote for him? to run the country??? to represent us on a global stage?????#*THAT'S* what we as a nation have chosen??? what the fuck is wrong with this country?????#why him indeed#and yet I still have hope#inexplicably
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At this point, gender nonconformity is about what the person says their experience is.
If a woman with a beard or a man with lipstick and a mustache says they're gender nonconforming, then they are! If a woman with short hair or a man with long hair says they aren't, they aren't! And that's not even getting into the awesome nonbinary, abinary, genderqueer, intersex, and general genderfuckery that may both be and not be conforming.
So much of what is even considered gender conforming or gender nonconforming is based on a world of exclusion. When we start defining one's conformity with whether they fit into white cishetero perisex standards or not, we play into the idea that there's only a very narrow window of what is considered worthy of time and thought.
#gender nonconformity#gnc#queer#like. for instance a native man who keeps long hair might be considered GNC by white standards but for him it's absolutely not nonconformit#there's an aspect of white supremacy that silences everything else while saying that other culture's silence is indicative of whiteness...#...being 'correct' or 'moral' or 'neutral'#and as somebody who's trans and last i checked white i have my own thoughts from my own experiences#like how i don't consider myself to really be a GNC man. i'm just. man+#i'm a weird concoction of weird soup that tastes like a man but if it were Wrong#and i just don't see that as not conforming to manhood like it is seperate. i see it as irrevocably linked TO manhood#it is others who have excluded and exiled me from manhood because of *their* understanding of me and how i 'fit in' in cissexism#while i will never ever say i know what it's like to not be white i will say these conversations that PoC have started have been INVALUABLE#i am forever grateful to have been extended the patience and faith to listen in on the experiences of people...#...who are racialized in terms of gender and how they do/don't 'fit in' with often white supremacist views on gender/dynamics#may have made a post like this years back but. eh. arrest me officer i will not back down#i've been more and more 'gnc' as i go into my transition and i don't see it as nonconformity but as an outlet for my masculinity#which is why i'm not insecure about my crafts and creations. because it is coming from a male whether or not it's considered 'manly'#i have little to *no place* in cissexist society so why should i put any stakes into if they ~accept~ me#made this post while jamming out to skyrim's tavern OST (paused my game to write this)#why the HELL does the skyrim tavern music have to go SO HARD. i NEED to slam down BARRELS of mead while listening to this istg#i don't even LIKE honey so i haven't tried mead but. for skyrim i would.
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1x01 || 1x04
#utsukushii kare#my beautiful man#1x01#1x04#hira kazunari#kiyoi sou#parallels#gifset#*brace's#//#Kiyoi is so Not Normal about the things Hira does for him#about Hira looking after him and Hira taking his preferences into account#Hira thinking about what will make Kiyoi the happiest and what will make Kiyoi the most pleased#he's just so Not Normal about the way Hira cares about him and showers him with genuine undivided attention#and he's so thirsty for it he chugs it down faster than the bottle of water#///#guys I don't do this kinda thing very often (try to describe what's happening in a scene IN the gifs)#but I thought this time just the visuals and dialogue weren't enough (for you to understand the cause of all my screaming)#I might be wrong in a few of my interpretations though...#I think Hira might have brought water as well because he thought Kiyoi might be VERY thirsty#and not because water is better when you're thirsty...? I tried to leave it for open interpretation#also we don't know if KY asked HR to buy him ginger ale (although he may have done that out of embarrassment/to get HR out of his sight)#or if Hira did that because he thought Kiyoi was angry at him and he waited with a peace offering until Kiyoi was done with his practice#I left the ''without being told to'' because even if Kiyoi hasn't asked for ginger ale THIS time‚ he has asked before#but he never asked for water and he wasn't expecting Hira to get that for him because Hira *wanted* to#plus. in the 2nd scene I'm not sure why Kiyoi says he can't/won't drink ginger at first.#but I'm assuming it's because it might upset his stomach in its current condition? so he wants to‚ but it's better if he doesn't?#(also. the 2nd scene makes me think of that extra clip in which Hira asks Kiyoi why does he only drink ginger ale#and Kiyoi responds ''because that's what you give me'' 😪)
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