#man i cant believe shes almost 8 years old now that's really weird to think about

[madspeed]

more keykid things!!!!!!!!!!!! The design's based on my original player character avatar i used when i was active on khux with a few swaps (mainly cause i had no idea there was a moogle headband lol)

[sallyf4ce]

wolves

chapter II

-> sally face x f!reader

-> enemies? to lovers

-> previous | next

cw: drugs, cigarettes, abuse, panic attack

*does not follow original plot of sally face*

summary: larry knocks (y/n) off her feet, literally. later, him and sal come to apologize, bearing a gift of homemade lasagna. sal and (y/n) bond over their similar bodies. his eyes look familiar.

The sound of your skateboard and the wind brushing past your ears practically deafened you, which allowed you to think in peace. Maybe you’d survive in Nockfell.

Maybe it wasnt as bad as you made it. You’d grow close to the old apartment, push through school, leave your mother as quickly as possible, and start fresh somewhere across the world. The only thing that you wouldn’t get close to is the forest surrounding Addison. It loomed over you, day and night, dewy pines poking out at you like a warning sign. Maybe mom moved here just so she could torture you with the forest. Remind you of what happened.

Loud footsteps joined the wheels of your skateboard. You looked back, and on your trail were those two kids from the apartment. The tall one’s face was almost right in yours. You let out a small yelp as your skateboard hit a rock and sent you tumbling to the ground, completely destroying your knees in the process.

“Shit!” larry yelled out in surprise as he dodged the skateboard that went right between his legs.

You quickly reached out to your head, trying to calm the searing pain pulsing through it. What the fuck just happened?

“What the fuck?” you groan. The blue haired boy, sal, grabbed your skateboard and came up close to you. pulling down his sleeves, he quickly grabbed your knees and covered them, soaking up the gushing blood.

“Larry!” sal turned around to face him. You winced as the fabric of his sweater clung to your knees. Your hands grabbed his to pull them off but you froze. They were soft and cold, almost like snow. How would it feel to hold them longer? Would you warm them up? or would they freeze you?

What the fuck?

You snapped out of your trance and moved them off your knees. You scowl at larry and pick your skateboard back up.

“Nice job, asshat.”

His face flushes at the insult and he moves back. Sally stands up and offers you his hand, but you dont need his help (obviously a lie, your entire body was aching like a scale 8 earthquake). You shove yourself up and wipe your burning palms on your jeans. With your feet back on the skateboard (it took a few tries to get up because your knees kept buckling), you flip them off and begin skating back to addison. You just wanted a nice fucking stroll alone, why were these fucks literally everywhere you went?

It’s around 12:45 now. You came home, took a bath, bandaged up your knees and took some tylenol. Mom was already in her bedroom and there were some leftover beer bottles on the coffee table, so she probably wouldnt wake up anytime soon. you quickly trashed the bottles and decided for a quick nap on the couch, since your room was… occupied. your pyjamas, for now anyway, consisted of an oversized grey ac/dc shirt and some soft-ass spandex shorts.

“finally, a fucking break from this shit.” a content sigh escaped your lips as you threw yourself onto the cold couch.

a few knocks sounded at your door.

“(y/n)? it’s uh, it’s sal. and larry.”

“fuck.”

THEY’RE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE WHAT THE FUCKKKK AGGHHH WHY CANT THEY LEAVE YOU ALONE THEY ALREADY BUSTED YOUR KNEES LIKE WHAT

“coming.” you mumbled angrily even though they couldn’t hear you.

the blinding fluorescent lights of the hallway hit you as you opened the door. along with them came the smell of freshly baked lasagna. your eyes widened for a second, before looking up at sal. he stared at you, taking in your appearance. your hair was ruffled, eyes blinking sleepily as they adjusted to the light. your shirt had ridden up and showed a bit of your stomach. he blushed as you pulled it down and glared at him, a slight tinge of red on your own cheeks.

“larry.” he nudged his friend. the brunette walked up in front of sal, holding a pan of lasagna.

“listen man, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to fuck up your knees n shit. jus’ got excited cause of your sanity falls shirt. can we, uh, can we come in?”

Slam.

larry quickly jumped back in surprise.

“i guess that means no.”

you yelled out a quick ‘wait!’ as you cleaned up your apartment and hid your mom’s weed and other things. god, for a grown woman, she didn’t know how to clean for shit.

opening the door back up, you waved them inside.

“god, you smoke a lot.” larry coughed a bit at the smell of your apartment, which earned him a shove.

“sorry! god, sal, so mean.” he mumbled.

“s’ my mom. i only smoke outside. uh, take a seat on the couch, i’ll warm up the lasagna.” you pulled it out of larry’s hands as they both took a seat on your makeshift bed.

sal shifted. “you sleep here?” he asked, confused. maybe your room was being used as storage.

“for now. there’s some weird ghost shit going on in my room. some fucking preppy ghost woman keeps squealing when i come in.”

ghosts? you believed in ghosts? maybe they’d be able to take you on their expeditions! sal perked up at the thought of you becoming friends.

“you believe in ghosts?”

“well, i saw one, so what else could it fucking be?” you chuckled as you shoveled the now warmed up lasagna onto three plates. sal noticed and his eyes widened.

“oh, no, i- i don’t want any-” he waves his hands.

“you’re having it, i don’t care.”

larry laughs as you shove it into their hands.

“feisty, aren’t ya?” he stabs some and shoves it into his mouth. you sigh and lean back into the couch.

“you guys go to the school here, right?”

larry nods. “yeah, there’s only one school in nockfell.”

“eww, larry face, don’t chew with food in your mouth.” sally laughs. in the corner of his eyes, he thinks he can see you smile.

“yeah, we go to nockfell high. i’m assuming you’re going there too.”

“mhm. starting monday. hurry up and eat, i’m not warming it up again.” you grumble. sal doesn’t move. “god, okay, i’ll look away. i have to go clean this thing anyway.” you wave your prosthetic’s fingers.

“oh, yeah, you also have a prosthetic!” his face shifts into a child-like curiosity. it’s a face that you’ve seen before, and it makes you giggle a bit every time. you place your hand on his lap. sal does a double take and his mask raises a bit.

“you wanna touch it, don’t you. go ahead.”

“damn, sal, you get all the ladies. leave some for me.” larry chimes in, hand on his forehead in mock sadness. he chuckles.

“you gonna touch it or what?”

“uh, yeah.” sal slowly lowers his hands onto it. he traces your fingers, flexing them every once in a while. he flips your palm and looks at the graffiti ‘s’ you drew on it.

“when was this?” he looks back up at you.

“grade 10, two years ago. got bored in class and accidentally took out my sharpie instead of a dry-erase marker. god, my mom was mad.” you chuckle at the memory. she didnt let you back in the house for two days. you had to camp out in the shed, where you stored your extra food so she wouldn’t steal it.

sal hummed. “what about this one?” it was a big ‘SF’. was it for his name? of course not, she didn’t know you back then, moron. still, it warmed him up a bit.

“not for you, that’s for sure.”

“damnnn, savage!” larry put his plate down. “mind if i get more?”

“larry, we brought it for (y/n).” sal scolded.

“nah, i don’t mind. knock yourself out.” you nodded, continuing your conversation with sal.

larry trotted towards the kitchen.

larry’s point of view:

sal and (y/n) seemed to be getting along quite well. good for him, really. we might be able to coax (y/n) into our friend group. i didn’t like her at first, but i think she’s just a little stand-offish. anyway, back to the lasagna. man, i wish mom would make it more often. she only makes it for guests. where is it? oh, there. (y/n)’s going to nockfell high, right? probably should tell her about travis.

your point of view:

sal was still tracing your arm, running his pale fingers over where the prosthetic connected to your skin. the doctors could have chopped your arm off completely, up to your elbow, but you wanted to salvage as much as you could, so it stops mid-forearm.

“do you take it off often?” sal hummed. it felt a little intimate, tracing your prosthetic. it was like soothing a part of your body that was already gone. what? what was he thinking?

“mmm, i take it off every night. if i leave it on, i could get rashes ‘n shit. rashes aren’t fun. ‘m assuming you take yours off every night too.” he nods.

“i don’t like taking it off during the day. phantom limb shit, you know? it hurts a lot.” you grumble.

“got the lasagna. since you’re going to nockfell, ‘should probably tell you about travis.” larry sits down. “he’s your typical stick-up-the-ass bully. doesn’t really like sally face ‘n our crew.”

“yeah. just ignore him and you should be fine.”

“we‘ll protect you.” larry swings an arm over your shoulder.

huh? you can protect yourself. does he think you can’t? is it because of your prosthetic?

“i can do it myself, you dimwit.” you push his arm off your shoulder.

“time for you to leave.”

“woah, dude, calm down-” larry’s eyes widen in panic. he didn’t mean to offend you.

“i’m sorry!”

“i’m not hurt, just need my sleep. it’s 1:30. go on now.”

sal sets down his cold, uneaten lasagna and larry takes a quick bite out of his.

“see ya!” he mumbled, words muffled by food. you click your teeth as he walks out of your apartment and towards the elevator.

“(y/n).”

you spin around to face sal. his hand lingers on your counter.

“your knees. how are they?”

you look at his eyes through his mask. they’re light blue. like the lake that you so dreaded. like the sky that morning. like your dad’s shirt. he blinks.

“uh, f-fine. they’re fine. they should heal in a few days. time for you to go.” you grab his shoulders and shove him through the door.

“see you tomorrow?” he stumbles.

“yeah.” the door shuts with a slam and you’re filled with an overwhelming sense of dread.

oh god, not this again. your vision blurs as you try to grasp onto your breath. you can hear the blood rushing in your ears. your heart thuds like it’s going to break through your rib cage. it feels like someone is strangling you, coaxing the last breath of air from your lungs. your nails scratch at your throat desperately, your salty tears only making the marks burn more. at least the cold metal of your prosthetic cools you down a bit.

shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. you can’t wake anyone. you bite down on your lip to suppress the strangled cries leaving your mouth. god, not the lake, please. not the forest. not the huge, dirty, rabid wolf-looking creature behind your father. not his cries. please, just make it shut up. SHUT UP.

you wake up the next morning to your alarm ringing.

taglist: @purelydarling @ghostfacefricker6969 @deadpoetsandhoney

[blookmallow]

rating spirit halloween’s new animatronics for 2021

or at least what’s showing as New Arrivals on the site for me. looks like we got 15 new arrivals listed here and im HYPE about them so here we go

the caretaker

pretty standard reaper character with a Gravedigger theme to it. hes... fine? nothing about this particularly stands out to me, but i dont dislike it at all. i like his gravestone. would be good for a graveyard set. i guess ill give him... 6.5/10

mr. dark

at first glance he also just looks like a standard reaper character (or voldemort. he definitely looks like voldemort now that i think about it) but it turns out he SPRINGS UP RIDICULOUSLY TALL LIKE A CURSED WACKY INFLATABLE TUBE MAN and the spring motion in the video is actually really fucking fast so, while this isn’t a lot different from other jumpscare animatronics, i gotta give him credit bc i guarantee this would have scared the fuck outta me in person. according to the site he’s almost 9 feet tall at his full height 

i expected him to jump out and scream but i did not expect. That. i feel like if you put him up on a stage or something to make him loom over people even more he’d be very menacing indeed. would also be really good if you put him behind something so you don’t see him until he's suddenly There

i like him, 8/10 springy spook man 

click for more 

grave grabber

pretty much just a zombie but he’s cute i like him. i like the green eyes. i dont know what it is about him in motion but the video makes him kind of endearing to me for some reason and i dont know why. 6/10

ophelia

at first for some reason i thought the monster’s name was ophelia but i think that’s supposed to be the name of the victim? i think the idea here is “girl haunted by a Nightmare” but the fact that the monster itself is so small and doesn’t actually have a body for the most part makes this unintentionally hilarious to me 

like. it. it’s so small. it’s just a little shoulder demon. it’s so cute 

psst. hey do we have any more cheetos

anyway i like how the girl’s eyes move back and forth but the sounds she makes are uncomfortable and she just looks so. stiff and solid and there doesn’t seem to be any movement at all other than her eyes and the monster peeking out so it’s just kind of weird to look at. it’s an interesting concept but the execution is just strange and unintentionally hilarious. 7/10 bc i still think its really funny 

someone should buy this and mod it into chrona and ragnarok 

harriet hustle

WE DID IT KIDS WE FINALLY GOT A FEMALE CLOWN ANIMATRONIC im so happy i could cry i wish my store had her set up i want to meet her  

i love how they have her hanging upside down like this, it makes it so much more visually interesting than the figures that just kinda stand there looking spooky, even though she doesn’t really Do much (she just swings and her head moves around a little, just laughs, doesn’t have spoken lines) 

i love her outfit i love her hair shes SO cute i love this little murder gremlin i love her i love her 

im still waiting on spirit to give us a female clown figure that isn’t “creepy little girl” (ive commented before on how their only female figures tend to be either the Old Hag or the Creepy Little Girl and not a lot else) but i absolutely love this all the same 20/10

this one is fun too because we also have: 

henry hustle

according to the description he’s actually harriet’s dad!! we have an evil clown father and daughter duo here and im LIVING for it

i dont think ive ever seen spirit do characters that are related to each other like this that’s so cute,

apparently his wife/harriet’s mother left them and ran off with the ringmaster. he’s a single father clown trying to raise his evil daughter clown and i support him wholeheartedly

there doesn’t seem to be any more animatronics on this storyline, we don’t have the mother here and the only ringmaster animatronic they have is the rotten ringmaster who was released previously, but i doubt he’s the homewrecker ringmaster in question. he Could Be. imagine if your wife left you for That. we dont even know if henry’s wife was also a clown or not. spirit halloween clown lore going on here

anyway i absolutely LOVE this clown, he does something INCREDIBLY STARTLING AND UNEXPECTED which i dont want to spoil for you. go watch his video and see what he does its great 

my absolute favorite type of halloween animatronic is the “does something completely unexpected” category and this one is ALSO a clown and a GOOD clown at that

and he’s got this great vintage clown style i really like, i love scary clowns like this that actually look like they could believably be a real guy and not just some kind of mutant Clown Monster 

and hes got cards!! card suit motif!!! i love it i love him this is a great clown 20/10 for him too

w. raith 

we have this one at my local store and listen to me. im completely obsessed with this ghost

it’s pretty much just a ghost but it’s SUCH A GOOD ghost. especially in this photo here with proper spooky lighting and everything. i would absolutely LOVE to see this in a haunt attraction, it looks SO good even in bright store lighting. i feel like this under the right lights and in the right environment could look SO fuckign cool  

the shredded rag look!!! the ethereal glow!! the weird jellyfishy movement!!! the classic wooOoO oO o o ooo noises!! this may perhaps be the ideal ghost. it is without flaw. a perfect specimen. i fuckign LOVE this ghost i want it so badly but i do not have the space or the money for this thing 15/10 w. raith my beloved. my true love. maybe one day 

buzzsaw

at first i was slightly disappointed to see that this guy didn’t have an actual name, but then in the description apparently his name is Bill “Buzzsaw” Jackson and his backstory is he tried to be a wrestler but it didnt go very well so he grafted weapons in place of his hands. i guess. you know, to be better at wrestling. i dont really understand it and i definitely would not have gone with “disgraced former wrestler” as the concept for this guy  

but anyway we have mr jackson at my store right now, he’s Big, i like him. he doesn’t really move very fast and doesn’t jump at you, he just kinda swings his saw around. for some reason he just seems friendly to me and i dont know why. makes me think of like an uncle dressed up for halloween rather than an actual murderer guy. i dont know i cant explain it but i like him hes my friend 8/10

wacky mole

this guy’s also at my store this year, i didn’t know his name was wacky mole fsdgjsdg

he’s listed as a new arrival, but i thought i remembered seeing him before, and the description says he’s a returning fan favorite, so. i guess this is a re-release 

anyway pretty standard Scary Monster Clown. his teeth look like candy corn. i like it but i think they should just Be candy corn. i like his colorscheme and his silly giant buttons. light up eyes are always a nice touch. he doesnt really stand out but hes overall a pretty good clown. 7/10

grim

good ol’ classic skeleton. he’s pretty nicely modeled though and i highly recommend watching the video for this guy because he moves REALLY well for a spirit animatronic, he’s got a way wider range of movement than most of them do and his head moves really nicely. one of the benefits of a skeleton animatronic is you don’t have to deal with lip movement, so his jaw movements match with his lines a lot more realistically. i like the animated glowing eyes too, it really gives him a lot of personality. he’s really interesting to watch. like, it’s just a skeleton, but it’s a really really good skeleton, so, 8/10 

BEETLEJUICE!!

i love love love franchise character animatronics and spirit has so much great beetlejuice stuff this seems well suited to them but looking at it............. hm. hm

he just looks so. stiff and his face comes across like, deer caught in the headlights to me. it Does Not look very natural but it looks slightly better in motion (he just swivels from side to side and says a few phrases but it somehow looks less. shellshocked when he’s moving) 

maybe not the greatest execution but maybe he looks better in person and im still hype to see him so 8/10 regardless 

night stalker

we have this guy at my store too, im still not really sure what’s going on with his arms (did he just rip loose from them and leave them behind? did someone do this to him? i dont know) but i love a good spooky scarecrow. love his Wiggles. hes a pretty good boy. 6.5/10

here we have another pennywise, it pretty much just pops out at you, but it’s still pretty good. i like the full size one they had before better, but this one’s slightly cheaper and would be easier to integrate into a haunted house attraction since he comes with a built in set piece. it looks good but doesn’t do much. 7.5/10 i guess 

GHOSTFACE!!!!

FUCK YES I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

please. please spirit halloween set him up in my store so i can see him

anyway hes got kind of the same issue beetlejuice has where the figure just. looks kind of stiff, and he looks more like a spooky ghost decoration than like, A Person. he doesnt seem to have any lines or anything either, he just kinda pops out. but then again i guess whenever we see ghostface in person in the movies he doesn’t usually talk anyway. i dont really know how id make this better but it seems a little underwhelming somehow. still hype to see it though. 7/10 i guess 

now if we could just get a jack torrance and a bela lugosi dracula id be content 

i would LOVE to see Red from Us but i doubt they’d do one. my other horror beloved is norman bates but i know if they made one of him it’d just be him in a dress waving a knife around (not that i wouldn’t still be hype to see him, but, y’know) (anyway. tangent. moving on)��

mr. howle 

it’s. a werewolf. he howls. that’s....... about it 

it’s a very nice looking werewolf, it’s a well designed figure and definitely looks very imposing, but it’s... just a werewolf. there’s not really anything particularly interesting or creative here. its a perfectly good werewolf. i dont have anything to say about this. 6.5/10 

i also just am not a werewolf person so maybe someone out there who has a greater appreciation for werewolves might like him more 

[eggoreviews]

12 ‘Unpopular’ Viddy Game Opinions

I’ve seen this topic floating around a lot, but didn’t think I had enough ‘unpopular but maybe not’ opinions about games to make a post. Turns out I do! So if you see this and I say something blasphemous, remember it’s just my opinion and my personal experiences with the games I list. Hope you enjoy or hey, maybe even agree with some of this!

Note: Can’t stress enough. This is just me. Also, spoilers under the cut!

12. The opening of Kingdom Hearts II isn’t as terrible as everyone says

Okay, so it’s not brilliant, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s the worst. For those not in the know, KH2′s opening is a basically a massive slog where you play as a character you don’t know or care about with seemingly no real link to the events of the previous game. The general consensus is that there’s some interesting stuff in here, but it’s buried among endless dialogue that really doesn’t mean much. And they’re right, but I really think there’s some great stuff here that people tend to gloss over. The music and the motif of Twilight Town is atmospheric, there’s some genuinely intriguing plot elements that are woven into Roxas’ story and believe it or not, the stuff that happens here is intrinsic to the rest of the game. So yeah, it drags on a little, but I don’t think KH2 would be miles better without this opening.

11. I loved Breath of the Wild’s final boss

One of the problems I see talked about with Breath of the Wild is that the boss fights are fairly mediocre, especially the very last one, Dark Beast Ganon. And I couldn’t disagree more. I think every boss in the game is wonderfully crafted, intense, challenging and great for testing you on what you’ve learned throughout the game by encouraging you to make creative use of your slate powers and the flurry rush technique. And while Mr. Pig Man at the end here is sort of easy and short, it serves as a brilliantly epic finale to damn near perfect game. While the difficulty is mostly gone after the mammoth fight with Calamity Ganon, it’s still just as intense as you frantically fire off arrows into the massive beast in front of you. Plus, the design of this thing is one of the best looking monsters in the game, so I really don’t understand the dislike for this ending.

10. I really like Crash of the Titans

Okay, so maybe childhood nostalgia has something to do with this pick, but every Crash fan I’m aware of seems to hate this game. But I don’t really know where the hate comes from! I played the PS2 version of this and I thought it was a genuinely fun 3D platformer with a variety of locations, good visuals, well-designed boss battles and even a vague story you can sort of follow! The game’s main gameplay feature is also brilliantly integrated, as using Aku Aku to possess various monsters throughout the game keeps everything interesting. One thing I will say though, that tiger dude you have to fight about halfway through is the most annoying thing I’ve ever had to endure in a game.

9. Life Is Strange: Before the Storm is BAD

I loved Life Is Strange when it first dropped, so I was beyond excited when they announced a prequel from Chloe’s perspective. But I really think they dropped the ball and they dropped it hard. But everyone else seems to adore this game! For me, this wasn’t a touch on the original. For a start, they dropped out one of the main mechanics of the first game, the time travel, which they then replaced with a much less interesting ‘Backtalk’ feature, which was then only used about twice throughout the game. Instead of interesting, developed characters reacting to genuinely dangerous or heartfelt situations, it felt to me like a bunch of one-dimensional teenagers who are edgy for the sake of being edgy. Chloe spends the majority of the game being a dick to her mother and bunking off class to spend time with Rachel, who she has literally known for like a day and their sudden relationship drops out of nowhere. Not that I didn’t enjoy the emotional moments of their relationship, it just didn’t feel like it stemmed from anywhere, unlike Max and Chloe from the first game. And the game’s attempts at villains were also rubbish compared to the first, with Damien (random scary knife guy who doesn’t really tie into the plot that much) and Eliot (who doesn’t appear for the whole game and suddenly goes full incel on Chloe when she breaks into Rachel’s house). Yeah I think you can tell I had some problems with this one.

8. Dishonored: Death of the Outsider was also a hot mess

I LOVE the Dishonored series. The first game and its DLCs are amazing, the second game was arguably even better. And then this happened. In this one, you play as Billie Lurk, a character I love, and Daud comes back, a character I also love. But both of them are incredibly badly written and it doesn’t feel like there’s any development to them or even much reason for them to do what they’re doing. This entry took the mystery surrounding the Outsider and basically did a big poo on it, giving us the revelation that he was apparently HUMAN this whole time. I think that was the nail in the coffin that made me sort of think this was a bit rubbish. While the combat and side missions were as brilliant as ever, the level designs felt less creative than other entries in the series and lacked variety or colour, all the side characters were entirely forgettable and to wrap it all up, they killed Daud offscreen. Out of nowhere, they just killed him, mentioned it offhand in a cutscene and that was that. If you like this game, fair enough, but it kind of baffles me that more people don’t see this in the game.

7. Mario Galaxy 2 is good. It’s just sort of good

Some people cite this as being one of the best 3D platformers of all time, and that’s fair enough, but I just kind of see this one as ‘good’. Sure, it has a good, satisfying control scheme for the most part, the level design is creative and the bosses and puzzles are pretty standard for a Mario title, but still enjoyable. However, sometimes, the floaty physics and weird knockback effect from jumping into walls led to quite a lot of unfair deaths, especially if I’d been punished for messing up already by losing a life, only to then immediately be punished again by falling into the void. Plus, I found Yoshi near impossible to control at some points with the motion controls. So yeah, this one is genuinely enjoyable, but I don’t think I’d personally put it with the best of all time.

6. I LOVE Dragon Quest IX TO DEATH

This is a game in a legendary franchise that consistently almost always see ranked at the very bottom of the pile in the series. But I really don’t understand how or why. Okay so your protagonist and party are basically silent and don’t have a lot of character, but I don’t see this as a reason to totally write off the game! The side characters, villains and story are all amazing and well-developed, the world is huge, colourful and interesting, the monsters are brilliantly creative and Dragon Quest’s signature lame sense of humour is gratefully carried through the whole game. The music is always brilliant and atmospheric and the bosses are just as memorable as each character you meet. What was everyone’s problem?? This is genuinely one of the best RPGs I’ve ever played and if you haven’t had a chance to pick it up, it is so, so worth it.

5. Sonic Adventure is a broken mess

So before I kick this one off, I’m not someone who hates Sonic and I’m not here to slate the whole franchise, but considering this game is often considered to be one of the best in the series, I thought it was definitely worth addressing. When I first played this, I literally couldn’t believe this was made in 1998, AFTER Mario 64 and yet it’s so broken! The physics and control scheme are totally wonky and hard to control, the unending amount of glitches make a fair amount of the stages almost unplayable, the voice acting and facial animation is cringey and oddly broken and yet, this was all on the Dreamcast. The most powerful console of the time. And I don’t think I even need to mention how boring some of the later stages get, with Big the Cat’s fishing section being the main offender. I can’t vouch for Adventure 2 as I haven’t had a chance to play yet, but I really hope it isn’t like this.

4. Dragon Age Origins is the best Dragon Age

Dragon Age has always been a popular RPG series, but I think it properly shot to fame once Inquisition dropped in 2014. And don’t get me wrong, I liked Inquisition! The world was colourful and expansive and the characters were fairly memorable, but I still think the best experience you can get is in the series’ first entry, Origins. While it’s pretty easy to see that it’s slightly dated considering it’s ten years old now, the best characters and story in the series I think is here. Each companion you recruit is varied and developed and the story wraps up brilliantly in the end with each companion and army you meet playing a different role in the final battle. Plus, I kind of can’t forgive Inquisition for making Leliana lose her sense of humour and making her kinda boring.

3. Oblivion is better than Skyrim

Okay so I’m not sure exactly how unpopular this is, but I just thought Oblivion was miles better than Skyrim ended up being. Just to clear it up, I still love Skyrim and I thought it built on the series’ combat system and variety of enemies really well and still provided an enjoyable experience. But Oblivion feels like more of an adventure you feel at home in. The story is dense and full of twists and turns. The soundtrack has some of the most atmospheric music I’ve ever heard, the world is full of bright colours, each city is vastly different and has its own lore and I found some of this to be absent from Skyrim. I’d go into more detail, but I think the simple fact is that Oblivion had so much more I liked than Skyrim.

2. I don’t think The Witcher III is all that amazing (in some regards)

This by no means says that I don’t like the game, because I do, but I think it has more flaws than people let on. Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of the stuff people praise about this game is true, the quests are in-depth and masterfully crafted, the characters, especially Geralt, are extremely memorable. In fact, Geralt is one of my favourite game protagonists. But most of the problems I had were in terms of the gameplay. The combat, while fast-paced and satisfying, can sometimes feel a little finicky, so a lot of precision is needed. However, I felt that the world itself didn’t particularly interest me and the music is often ambient but outside of combat, isn’t anything special. Mostly though, the leveling system I found to be a bit wonky. I did absolutely everything I could in the first area of the game; all the side quests, treasure hunts, killed a whole bunch of monsters etc. And then I arrive in the second area and find I’m too underleveled to do literally anything. The majority of the quests have too high a level cap, a lot of the monsters kill me very quickly. And because the bulk of EXP farming is in the quests, I’m sort of stuck in an endless loop of constantly not being strong enough to do anything. On top of that, all my equipment keeps breaking and I’m finding that repair kits are extremely few and far between and that makes me even WEAKER. It’s something I’m gonna need to persevere with I think, but hey, this is just my experience with it.

1. Ocarina of Time, as amazing as it is, may have overstayed its welcome as best game of all time

I reckon this might be the most controversial, so it’s number 1. Let me preface this by saying I really like Ocarina and I agree that it was innovative for the RPG genre at the time. There’s a hell of a lot in this game that we have to thank for the games we have today. But considering how far the gaming industry has come since then and the sheer amount of high quality games we’ve been getting year after year, is still fair to call this the best game ever? When more recent games have taken what Ocarina started and built upon it? Games like Breath of the Wild, Horizon Zero Dawn, Red Dead Redemption II, God of War all gave us expansive, beautiful worlds and a story you can really get stuck into. And all the time, more and more games of this caliber are coming out. So yes, of course Ocarina of Time deserves a place in the hall of fame, it was revolutionary and still holds up really well today! I just can’t help but think there have been plenty of games since then, as flawed as some of them may be, that have improved upon the formula tenfold since Ocarina’s release.

Thanks for reading if you got this far! Just to reiterate, these are all just my opinions and my experiences with the games I mentioned, so pls don’t attack me. Got any viddy game opinions you think are sort of not popular? Drop them down below if you feel like it!

[jackmansjoy]

Tag Game

I was tagged by @freakygirlsworld thanks love❤️

last

1. drink - hazelnut coffee 2. phone call - i think it was my grandma? 3. text message - lmao so it was to one of my middle school teachers and it said “wait what the hell? seriously?” angsty, I know lol 4. song you listened to - Found Tonight by Ben Platt and Lin-Manuel Miranda (seriously so good check it out if you haven’t) 5. time you cried - Monday I think

ever 6. dated someone twice? - Yeaaahhh and it was dumb  7. kissed someone and regretted it - Uh definitely 8. been cheated on - Yeah that sucked too 9. lost someone special - Yeah I for sure have. Several people.  10. been depressed - Yeah that tends to happen when you have clinical depression. Weird concept, I know. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - You know. I’d like to say no. Normally I can handle my alcohol, however I learned that when you chug like 4 different kinds of alcohol within a short amount of time your body doesn’t like that. Yeah learned my lesson there. At least college taught me something amiright?

fave colours 12. Purple 13. Blue 14. Grey

in the last year have you… 15. made new friends - Yeah for sure 16. fallen out of love - Oh yeah.  17. laughed until you cried - Several times haha 18. found out someone was talking about you - Bruh I swear two faced bitches are everywhere. So this is a  f a t  yes. 19. met someone who changed you -  Most of the people I have met this year have changed me and my outlook on life in some way. 20. found out who your friends are - This one has been unfortunately all too real. It’s sucked but in the end I’m glad I’m learning who’s really here for me and who’s not. 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - Lmao nooo

general 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - Basically all of them except maybe like a handful 23. do you have any pets - Yesss. My baby boi Teddy. He’s a 3 year old teddy bear puppy. So just a wonderful little ball of fluff. He’s my child and I love him with all my heart.  24. do you want to change your name - I used to want to. Because like I used to think the name Ciera was such trash because the only nickname/way to shorten it was C and no one wanted to do that so like. I was biter. But now I’m actually pretty okay with the name. So the only way my name is getting changed is if a miracle happens and I somehow get married.  25. what did you do for your last birthday- My family threw a small pizza party for me at a local bar in our town. Which was rigged because since I’m not at the legal age to consume alcohol they got a round of free drinks since it was my birthday and I sat there drinking a soda. They thought it was the funniest thing in the world. But it was cool having my aunts and uncles and cousins together at a time other than a holiday. So that was legit. 26. what time did you wake up today - Lmao ya’ll coming for me here... like 12pm... I have no defense, I just like sleep.  27. what were you doing at midnight last night - Pretending to study math while actually learning the lyrics to Hamilton (my current obsession along with tgs and Dear Evan Hansen).  28. what is something you cant wait for - This school year to be over because ya girl is stressed af. But also waiting for my DVD copy of tgs.  30. what are you listening to right now-  Right Hand Man from Hamilton 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - I know two people named Tom actually! The first Tom I know is a really good friend of my aunt and uncle and he’s just a happy drunk man. I enjoy him. He’s cool. The other Tom I know was a family friend of a family that I went camping this year. We both had been drinking and this Tom guy and I had a really intense conversation about depression and anxiety around a fire and it was rad. Tom was talking about how it was bullshit that society doesn’t talk about it much and how he just got diagnosed with anxiety and shit.  32. something that’s getting on your nerves - Everything lmao. Nah I’m kidding. Um it gets on my nerves when people make fun of someone for loving something. Like don’t give me shit for finding something that makes me happy you piece of shit. i don’t care if you don’t like it or think it’s dumb, i love it so go away. Sorry that got too angsty lmao 33. most visited website - Either Tumblr or YouTube. 34. hair colour - Dark brown (almost black but not quite there) 35. long or short hair - Short hair. Pixie cuts for days bois 36. do you have a crush on someone - Yeah see I don’t really know. maybe? not really? I don’t know. feelings are confusing guys.  37. what do you like about yourself - My eyes. They’re pretty rad.  38. want any piercings? - I used to want to get my lip pierced but I’m less emo now so like probably not.  39. blood type - Lmao I feel like actual trash for not knowing this?? But yeah no clue sorry lol  40. nicknames - I’m lame and my name is stupid so the only thing I got is C. 41. relationship status - Single af. In the odd shot that any of you lovely people wanna change that my inbox is open lmfao I’m so sad ignore that 42. zodiac - Scorpio ;) 43. pronouns - She/her 44. fave tv shows - House MD, NCIS, Supernatural, Once Upon a Time, yeah I’m sure there are a bunch more but I can’t think right now 45. tattoos - I have one but want more. I have one on my collarbone area that says “Inhale the future exhale the past” with some birds 46. right or left handed - Right  47. ever had surgery - No and I’m thankful because the concept of it scares the hell out of me lol 48. piercings - I’ve had my ears pierced like twice but I let the holes close both times. just not my scene 49. sport - My favorite sport to watch is probably football or hockey but my favorite sport to play is softball.  50. vacation - My favorite vacation I’ve ever been on was a cruise to the Bahamas. My dream vacation would be Australia and New Zealand.   51. trainers - Wot? I’m confused lol

more general 52. eating - I don’t eat consistently. Like I’m terrible. I usually only eat once a day?  53. drinking - I drink a lot. like I’m always thirsty af 54. i’m about to watch - Probably The Greatest Showman tbh 55. waiting for - My friends to come online because I’m bored 56. want - To see a Broadway production 57. get married - Eventually I’m hoping to 58. career - Yeah I really don’t know what I want to do with my life right now but I’m leaning towards teaching for a number of reasons. 

which is better 59. hugs or kisses - Hugs are you kidding me. They’re the best.  60. lips or eyes - Eyes all the way.  61. shorter or taller - Taller 62. older or younger - Lmao is that even a question? Older.  63. nice arms or stomach - Nice arms for sure.  64. hookup or relationship - Relationship. Don’t come at me with a hookup dude I’m too emotional for that shit.  65. troublemaker or hesitant - Depends on the situation but in all honesty more hesitant

have you ever 66. kissed a stranger - Nope  67. drank hard liquor - Lmao.. umm... yeah  68. lost glasses - Yeah and it was terrible because do you know how hard it is to look for something when you’re like blind??  69. turned someone down - Yeah like once or twice.  70. sex on first date - Nah bro.  71. broken someones heart - Yeah unfortunately 72. had your heart broken - Oh yeah for sure.. 73. been arrested - Nope 74. cried when someone died - Uh yeah of course. 75. fallen for a friend - Lmao dude it’s like my specialty. 

do you believe in... 76. yourself - Not really. Not as much as I should.  77. miracles - Maybe. Depends on the situation I guess.  78. love at first sight - Again.. Maybe.  79. santa claus - Lol no. that magic was taken away from me.  80. kiss on a first date- Hey if it feels right who am I to stop it 81. angels - I believe that people who die watch over you but I don’t believe in the things with the wings and harps and stuff.  82. best friend’s name - Talia <3 83. eye colour - Hazel 84. fave movie - I can’t pick one don’t do this.. The Greatest Showman, Logan, The Breakfast Club, The Prestige, and Dead Poet’s Society 85. fave actor - Is this even a question? HUGH JACKMAN. HANDS DOWN. ALL THE WAY. HUGH. MF. JACKMAN. 

Lmao sorry this is so long. Oops. 

I’m tagging: @three-wishes-not-granted @rewritting-the-stars @no-more-living-in-the-shadows @thegreatestjxckman @teasockschocolate

[tumblunni]

Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..

[transfagged]

all 92 😘

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?no way man she’d probably dom the fuck out of me

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?nope.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?n o p e

4. Is trust a big issue for you?YEAH

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?like in terms of romantic??? no. like in terms of “we have a really weird relationship and idfk how i feel @ you��? yeah.

6. What are you excited for?april 19th!!! my friend and i are going to go see phoebe bridgers in madison!!!!

7. What happened tonight?its 10am so ill roll with last night: i played nv and got killed in a beautiful cacophony of deathclaws and the legion :) and then my game crashed.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?no bc id be right there with them

9. Is confidence cute?very

10. What is the last beverage you had?i think some water? okay not the last but: hot water is so good with wildflower honey pls just drink some its good for your soul okay???

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?opposite is bullshit but i guess like,, 3? half my friends are nonbinary so counting EVERYONE regardless of gender and shit id say 6 people

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?im a proud supporter of boys in skinny jeans and i own 2 or 3 pairs

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?my main ho @thebonerfoy is coming up to visit me and were probably gonna pack all my shit in her car and play cards against humanity

14. What are you going to spend money on next? lmao probably my student loans. unless i can get the hours i asked for at work or a sugar daddy, then im gonna buy a proper lid for my fishtank bc my poor kid has a piece of cardboard rn.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?yeah. even in a state of stagnation were changing somehow.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?probably amanda, but im working on trying to be better with everyone

18. The last time you felt broken?my dude, im broken right now. its okay though. like i said, im working on it. were all fckn broken somehow.

19. Have you had sex today?not unless a ghost and i got in on in my sleep. which would be pretty cool ngl

20. Are you starting to realize anything?on a deep level: i deserve respect and a lot of my issues relate directly to my upbringing, including my inability to receive praise or speak well of myselfon a not-deep level: kinda hungry.

21. Are you in a good mood?i think i just heard fedex or ups outside so my mood just skyrocketed

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?maybe like. nurse sharks. theyre really cute.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?yeah

24. What do you want right this second?to take a day to go into the city with all my friends that i cant see on a regular basis

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?probably be upset unless we discussed it beforehand. then id be fckn cheering for them like you go get some!!!! do it man!!!! in general tho: if i wasnt with them and they didnt show interest in me and showed interest in someone else id just move tf on.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?half of it is bc my roots are growing out

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?no. too boring.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?okay so i went to renew my library books and one of my favorite youtubers is on the library website dressed as one of his characters and i completely flipped because i watch his gaming channel and now hes interviewing authors for my library??? he doesnt even live in my town!! hes in madison!!

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?no? im enjoying my solitude atm

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?depends on the person

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?no! hes my friend and gives really good advice!

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?i think so. i mean, were kind of a thing.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?yeah.

34. Listening to?killer - phoebe bridgers

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?only if im doing a rough journal spread, which i dont normally do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?hes probably in class right now. 

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?love at first sight? no. some sort of mutual infatuation/attraction? yes.

38. Who did you last call?my mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with?dancing with as in both dancing at the same time? probably amanda or my mom.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?we were dating and he was cute lmao

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? a couple months ago? 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?no bc she leaves for work before i wake up

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?constantly.

44. Do you tan in the nude?lmao no.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?no. as previously stated, i liked the guy and he was cute. why would i take that back?

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower?sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?yEAH

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?yes i love my bow :’) its so good and wow i love archery

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?picture day junior year of highschool, and if that doesnt count: my mother took me in at jcp to have pictures taken when i graduated 8th grade and theyre awful bc my hair is so long and its so not me

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?excuse me, how dare you,, in this house we ask for war and peace for christmas because npgc1812 is so good and then get addicted to ghost quartet (@ anyone reading this: pls listen to ghost quartet it is so so so good)

53. Is Christmas stressful?depends on the year, but i hope in the future i can spend it with my friends :)

54. Ever eat a pierogi?i just had some last night for dinner and im probably going to eat the leftovers in a couple minutes. also, my mother is polish and we see her family for holidays, so yeah. lots of pierogi in this house.

update: i got the leftovers

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?idk??? apple? im basic okay i dont eat pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?1. teacher2. ballerina3. both 1 & 2, simultaneously4. paleontologist5. archaeologist6. both 4 & 5, simultaneously7. librarian8. game designer9. author/illustrator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?almost daily

59. Take a vitamin daily?im supposed to ;) vitamin d deficiency like a real champ

60. Wear slippers?real talk i never liked slippers but then i bought these cute pig slippers @ walmart for $10 and i love them so much i tried wearing them to sleep last night. also im wearing them rn theyre so cute

61. Wear a bath robe?i live in a dorm, so yeah. to the bathroom and back when i take a shower. sometimes im lazy and i just run around in a towel but so do half the people on my side of the hall lmao were all lazy and dead inside

62. What do you wear to bed?fluffy pajama pants or sweats, tshirt or hoodie, socks, sometimes slippers.. once i fell asleep with a beanie on. when im being an Adult i wear my actual pajamas!!! like a legit shirt and pants that match

63. First concert?none that i was old enough to remember :’) apparently my mom took me to the rodeo when we lived in texas and saw some country group but i was like 2 so idfk

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?TARGET I AM A CERTIFIED TARGET GAY

65. Nike or Adidas?adidas bc my feet are too wide to fit in nikes

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?yall real talk i used to love cheetos but i think im allergic to them now? last time i had them my throat got all swollen and hurt for like 3 days so im gonna have to say fritos. plus theyre really good if you put them in chili

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?sunflower seeds bc im a slut for anything i can have a spitting contest with

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?lmao i used to like her when i was like. 11. not my scene anymore

69. Ever take dance lessons?i dont think so?

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?anything that makes them happy, but also something fun!!!! like wedding photographer or a baker or maybe zookeeper?

71. Can you curl your tongue?idk??? kinda????? i can tie a cherry stem so i want to say yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?no i always got out bc my anxiety made me stutter/rush and miss letters, so i never even got past the classroom levels to the real thing

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?a lot!!! i laugh so hard i cry and get a stomach ache more than id like to admit

74. What is your favorite book?eleanor & park by rainbow rowell :) OR alice’s adventures in wonderland by lewis caroll

75. Do you study better with or without music?depends on if i can get into hyperfocus mode or not. if not, then i pick one song and put it on loop and blast it until it fades and is just loud background noise, but if i can focus then silence is best

76. Regularly burn incense?i used to but no burning anything in the dorms :( then i came home for break and it started giving me a headache

77. Ever been in love?i think so

78. Who would you like to see in concert?kesha, against me!, my chemical romance (rip), bigbang (also rip)

79. What was the last concert you saw?the one i mentioned earlier @ a rodeo

80. Hot tea or cold tea?hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?i live on coffee but i love tea too so both

82. Favorite type of cookie?mmm snickerdoodle. or just sugar cookies. chocolate chip is good when theyre hot and melty but not as good when theyre cold

83. Can you swim well?yeah! i love swimming!

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?yeah?

85. Are you patient?hahahahahahhahahahhahahhaa

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?oo. oooooo. okay so dj would have more variety of music but im a sucker for live music??? idk i feel like a band would be more memorable, but what if they fuck up your favorite song??? but what if they make it more special???????

87. Ever won a contest?yeah! i won an art contest once and got my drawing printed on christmas cards for a nonprofit that did things for cancer patients!

88. Ever have plastic surgery?im 17 i dont have that kind of money

89. Which are better black or green olives?depends on what theyre in?

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?good. live your life fuck the rules

91. Best room for a fireplace?bedroom!!! i love fireplaces in bedrooms its such a Look

92. Do you want to get married?idk. if it happens then it happens. im not planning on it though.

[chickenfetus]

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these 

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse??  i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just  heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao  

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

[hyucksbf]

92 statements !

aaaaaaa so i’m finally getting around to doing all the tag games ive been tagged in so yeeeee,, thank u @nakamottoyuta and @thenctscenarios for tagging me !!! someone else might have but i dont remember akksdhkkh

LAST

1. drink: milk

2. phone call: uhh ?? i think my private teacher ??

3. text message: to one of my music camp friends !!

4. song you listened to: 태양처럼 by day6, specifically this live bc it’s better than the actual studio recording tbfh

5. time you cried: i cried at music camp bc i was having an internal crisis w myself aha :)

HAVE YOU EVER...

6. dated someone twice: never dated anyone oops

7. kissed someone and regretted it: i was almost kissed at music camp but thank god i avoided it bc i definitely would of regretted it since i didnt even kno the dude lmao like pls u dont just get to take my first kiss like that thanks

8. been cheated on: again,, never dated whoops

9. lost someone special: yea :(

10. been depressed: yep

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: jsjdh nope and i never will bc alcohol is just so unappealing to me

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12, 13, 14: pink, orange, and purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. made new friends: yes many !!! i love u all !!

16. fallen out of love: no...?

17. laughed until you cried: *music camp flashbacks*

18. found out someone was talking about you: yes but in a good way

19. met someone who changed you: yes many !!!

20. find out who your real friends are: yea kinda ://

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: dont own a facebook u nerds

GENERAL:

22. how many of your facebook tumblr friends do you know in real life: changed it bc its more fun this way but !! shoutout to my irl friends who happen to be nerdy enough to also own a tumblr: @iwriteblogpostsnotsongs @graciasysaludo

23. do you have any pets: yes sjsjhj i have my best friend davidson the cat i love him then i have another cat whos really old shes like 17 but shes a sweetheart and then we also have two doggos (three if u include my grandparents dog who lives downstairs i love him the most aaaaa) and then two guinea pigs

24. do you want to change your name: sometimes i think of other names but i think ive created a name for myself with this one so i cant really leave it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: hsjhj i dont rememeber probably a small party or smth like that ???

26. what time did you wake up: uhh i think around 10:30 ?

27. what were you thinking at midnight last night: “why the fuck am i not asleep already”

28. name something you can’t wait for: districts next year aaaaaa !!!!

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: an hour ago ??

30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: have be people be more open minded and nice

31. what are you listening to right now: first time by day6 bc day6 is the Shit i love

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: probably ??

33. something that is getting on your nerves: nothing really rn,, i’m pretty content

34. most visited website: u kno what it is lmao

35. elementary: if u have not completed elementary school yet pls leave tumblr pls

36. high school: gonna be a junior next year aaaaa im Excited !!!

37. college: hopefully ?? or a conservatory would be nice hsjdjdj

38. hair color: my natural color is ugli brown ew gross,, but i’m gonna be dying it a rose gold at the end of the summer !! its basically pink tho who am i fooling

39. long or short hair: i have short hair sjssj but its so long rn i can put it up in a little ponytail if i wanted to oml

40. do you have a crush on someone: do i ?? do i not ??? i confuse myself too much

41. what do you like about yourself: i like how confident ive gotten in myself this past year,, like i can actually be myself nowadays and not feel like i have to act a certain way or live up to other people’s expectations

42. piercings: aha no last ones i had got infected so never again :::)

43. blood type: i ?? have no clue ??

44. nickname: hunter with weird accented vowels,, hoonter, dad don’t ask it happened at midnight on the band bus,,, husband also band bus antics

45. relationship status: im in love w my clarinets

46. zodiac: leoooo yeeeeeeeee

47. pronouns: he + him !!

48. favorite tv show: hskkhhd theres too many pls,, but agents of shield has been a long time fave

49. tattoos: AAAA i want so many i have a List,, i want a giant lion on my shoulder bc im a leo,, then i want a music note behind my ear (i want that to be my first tattoo) then stars and planets on my collarbones bc space man,, also wings on my back, my birthday as a barcode somewhere ?? havent decided where yet + a heart on the inside of one of my fingers

50. righty or lefty: righty !

FIRST...

51. surgery: havent had any yet but i will at some point

52. piercings: i had some in my ears but they became infected and gross and yea no piercings for me thank

53. sport: my parents tried to make me play soccer lmao

54. vacation: the first one i remembered was going to the outerbanks,, but supposedly we went to maine when i was a lil kid but i dont remember rip

55. best friend: we met in kindergarten and are still best friends today aaaaa

56. pair of sneakers: sketchers lmaoooo rip me

MORE GENERAL:

57. eating: i’m chewing gum ?? does this count ??

58. drinking: water

59. i’m about to: go write some angsty markhyuck ::)

60. listening to: colors by day6 um Emo

61. waiting for: something great to happen !!

62. want: everyone to get along ::(

63. get married: nahhh

64. career: something in music !!

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. hugs or kisses: both are cute aaaa

66. lips or eyes: both are v pretty aaaaa why

67. shorter or taller: i’ll probably be shorter than everyone anyways with my 5′ 3 ass

68. older or younger: doesnt matter to me !!

70. nice arms or nice stomach: one, both or neither wouldn’t matter to me

71. sensitive or loud: loud !!! but also sensitive ??

72. hookup or relationship: relationship shakjdsk

73. troublemaker or hesitant: a good balance between the two would be nice lmao

HAVE YOU EVER...

74. kissed a stranger: thank god i didnt wowie

75. drank hard liquor: i dont drink so,,

76. lost glasses/contact lenses: i lost my fake glasses lmao

77. turned someone down: many times yes

78. sex on the first date: uh no

79. broken someone’s heart: i really hope not ??

80. had your heart broken: nah

81. been arrested: nope nope

82. cried when someone died: i cried when my cat died ?

83. fallen for a friend: no.. ??

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...

84. yourself: yes !!

85: miracles: the concept is nice but idk

86. love at first sight: i believe that u can like the idea of someone at first sight,, but you cant love them at as a person since you don’t know them yet

87. santa claus: nah

88. kiss on the first date: i mean i guess ?? idk

89. angels: nope

OTHER

90. current best friend’s name: i have too many to just name one

91. eye color: brown yeee

92. favorite movie: either pacific rim or sunshine both golden

now to tag: @softptg @omgnille1010 @featureless-spy @makkeuga @iwriteblogpostsnotsongs @peurodyuseu @haechance @hyukhyuck

[jesliey]

The Many Ask Thingymabob

Second times the charm...

Tagged By: @caramiathegreat

Spoofy Soundcloud or Pandora? Im a spoofy kinda man

Messy or clean room? I think my room is comparatively clean

What colour are your eyes? Bluest blue to ever blue

Do you Like your name and why? Its alright. It always seemed a little lackluster to me

Relationship status? The running joke in my friend group is my 3 year dry spell. It isnt a very funny joke.

Describe your personality in 3 words or less? Distanced pragmatic dumbass

What colour is your hair? Golden and luscious

What kind of car do you drive? My moms PTA-mobile

Where do you shop? Bad Dragon

How would you describe your style? Dying, yet fashionable college student

Favourite social media account? We all know timboblr is utter trash, and i picked up natter a while ago and its honestly pretty fun

Bed size? Queenie my man

Any siblings? two older stepsisters and a wee lil half sister

Anywhere to live in the world and why? GERMANY OR POLAND. BECAUSE HERITAGE

Favourite snapchat filter? I really like the flower crown an butterfly ones but my phone is being dumb with snapchat and i cant get them

Favourite makeup brand? I mean i dont wear it, but im definitely not opposed! i dont know anything about brands and i am ashamed...

How many times a week do you shower? I go by how my hair feels. Usually its every other day, or every two days.

Favourite TV show? Currently? Gotta be that weeb and say Jojo...

Shoe Size? Depends on where i go, but like 12 - 13

How tall are you? Very

Sandals or sneakers? I like wearing socks and sandals feel weird on my feet

Do you go to the gym. I LIFT SO MANY THINGS WEEKLY SWOLE SESSIONS BRUH.

Describe your dream date? Existent... T-T

How much money do you have in your wallet? I dont carry cash!

What colour socks are you wearing? Black

How many pillows do you sleep with? Like 6. Ones a memory foam body pillow its soooo nice....

Do you have a job? Nah...its not for lack of trying though

How many friends do you have? Like...sooo many duuude...not really...

Whats the worst thing youve done? Cut someone who was bad for me out of my life. Bad for them, good for me.

Favourite candle scent? I mean i dont do candles but i love lavender

Favourite boy names?

Gabriel

Alistair

Jeremiah

Favourite girl names?

Elizabeth

Abigail

Lauren

Favourite actor? Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

Favourite actress? Ashley Johnson

Celebrity crush? theres a lot...

Favourite movie? The Boondock Saints. Easy question.

Do you read a lot? Whats your favourite book? I dont read as much as i think i should, but i loved 1984. I wanna try David Foster Wallaces Infinite Jest and i have the first book in Baccano that i borrowed from a friend and havent touched yet :/

Money or brains? Ignorance is bliss and im filthy fuckin rich HOLLA

Do you have a nickname? Jesliey is an old one. People also call me J a lot. Very briefly in highschool someone called me J-Money whenever he saw me

How many times have you been to a hospital? Not very many. I went in a few years ago for a tonsil infection but that was it in recent history

Top 10 Favourite Songs? Ok this is in no particular order and also limiting to 10 is blashpemy

Subdivisions by NSP

Everybody Wants to Rule The World by NSP

Resist and Bite by Sabaton though if im honest most of Heroes belongs here this ones just my fav

Winged Hussars by Sabaton POLISH PRIIIIIIDE

Wrong Side of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch

All of Pendulums Immersion album im not picking one

Come with Me Now by KONGOS

History Maker by Dean Fujioka

Setting Sail, Coming Home by Darren Korb

Sonata For Whitestone Castle by Aiden Chan

Do you take any daily medications? No, but i probably should have...

Whatis your skin type? on a good day, slightly dry. on a bad day, cracked bleeding sandpaper.

Whats your biggest fear? My man i used to battle almost daily with some quite hefty anxiety. I could stare down the Grim Reaper and say “I served my time you come and take me”. Wasps and needles are pretty bad though i guess

How many kids do you want? Id be lying if i said i didnt want a daughter at some point...but theres no way im passing on my genetics. im adopting if i ever want a kid.

Whats your go-to hairstyle? Either free flowing and glorious, or ponytail if i need it out of my face

What ype of house do you live in? Moms house is pretty decently sized i suppose

Who is your role model? I dont really have one...

What was the last compliment you received? I dont know I dont really get those often...this is getting kinda depressing....

What was the last text you sent? “Well i hope shes alright”

How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa? Like 10 or 12

What is your dream car? Oh god i want a 1985 Pontiac Trans Am so bad you have no idea...

Opinion on smoking? I dont get the appeal but everyone can make their own choices

Do you go to college? Yes and im dying

What is your dream job? Metalworking and blacksmithing has lowkey been a huge fascination of mine for like 2 years now. i would love to be able to do that for a living

Rural area or life in suburbia? I like the idea of both, but rural areas have space for metal workshops

Do you take shampoo/conditioner bottles from hotel rooms? Nah i bring my own

Do you have freckles? A few spread sporadically all over my body. no noticeable patches though

Do you smile for pictures? Yeah but most of the time it feels so forced

How many pictures do you have on your phone? Somewhere between 1 and 2 hundred. Im not adding them up among all the folders...

Have you ever peed in the woods? Bruh the forest has seen every bodily fluid ive got

Do you still watch cartoons? ANIME IS NOT A CARTOON DAD. also yes quite often.

Wendys or McDonalds nuggets? GIMME DEM CHICKIN MCNUGGiES

Favourite dipping sauce? Sweet chili thai!

What do you wear to bed? Pajama pants, a shirt, and socks usually. Occasionally whatever i wore during the day. Ive been known to ditch my pants and socks in my sleep.

Ever won a spelling bee? Never been in one, but i think i could have if i wanted to

What are your hobbies? I wont as long as i live under my mothers roof, but i would hella get into amateur blacksmithing!

Can you draw? yes. should i draw? no.

Do you play an instrument? I can play trumpet, but i would really like to pick up playing cello

What was the last concert you saw? If i remember correctly it was the Scorpions

Tea or coffee? Both. Simultaneously. I like to remain calm while containing the energy of a god.

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Fuck you america! Tim Hortons!

Do you want to get married? I wont oppose if a future partner wants to, but if i love someone enough to want to spend the rest of my life with them, then it wont be necessary

What is your crushs first and last initial? Which one tho?

Are you going to change your last name when you get married? Im indifferent

What colour looks best on you? Blue and red are my standard colours

Do you miss anyone right now. If i think about this at all the answer is usually yes

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? I have the lovely habit of losing my pants in my sleep. for the sake of everyone else in this house, closed is best

Do you believe in ghosts? Call me a skeptic

What is your biggest pet peeve? Im pretty laid back about a lot of things. Only thing i can think of now is more of an anxiety thing but i cant stand people randomly touching my hair without me knowing

Last person you called? My mother

Favourite ice cream flavour? Butterscotch ripple

Regular or golden oreos? Golden

Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Rainbow

What shirt are you wearing? An old white one with some brand graphic on it

What is your phone background? Lockscreen is Goku from DBZ if he were done as a Jojo character, and home screen is a cr1t1kal quote

Are you outgoing or shy? Im not overly comfortable with just meeting new people and striking up conversations without some kind of help

Do you like it when people play with your hair? I mean i used to...theres a girl at my college who has absolutely no concept of personal boundaries who has at least partially ruined that for me now. Like i said earlier, i cant stand people touching my hair now without me acknowledging it

Do you like your neighbors? Ive lived her about 8 years and im still learning their names

Do you wash your face at night? In the morning? lmao

Have you ever been high? Hella my dude

Have you ever been drunk? Also hella my dude?

Last thing you ate? Coscto chicken penne and a salad.

Favourite lyrics right now? “Light up the night./ There is a city that this darkness can’t hide./ There are embers of a fire that’s gone out,/ but I can still feel the heat on my skin./ This mess we’re in, well you and I,/ maybe you and I,/ we can still make it right./ Maybe we can bring back the light!” Light Up the Night by The Protomen

Summer or Winter? Autumn fuck that noise

Day or night? Night

Dark milk or white chocolate? White!

Favourite month? October

What is your zodac sign? League of Legends Cancer

Who was the last person you cried in front of? I legitimately dont remember...probably @vocoterra

GOOD LORD THIS TOOK TOO LONG TO FINISH

If anyone wants to do this feel free and say i tagged you!

[nora-reads-homestuck]

Nora Reads HS Part 66

Pages 6056-6093

Hey guys! Things got busy busy busy with work and the holidays, but like Slim Shady, I am back. Last time we got brief introductions to Jane and Jake, the post-Scratch young Nanna and Grandpa, respectively, and it was interesting to see how the modern setting meshed with their old-timey dialogic idiosyncrasies. I’m very much looking forward to (hopefully!) meeting young Mom and Bro this time around and learning what they’re like. So far all I know for certain is that Bro is as elusive as his pre-Scratch counterpart, and Mom and Jane are, like, BFFsies or something. I feel like we’ve gotten some minor sneak peeks into their personalities after seeing adult!Mom’s pink, girly bedroom in the Skaianet lab, and... oh god... from Bro’s awful comics. How will these quirks translate into fully-fleshed teenagers, and just how fucked up will young Bro be?

Let’s find out! ^0^

*click*

Jane: Answer Lalonde.

OH MY GOD SHE IS SO FUCKING CUTE. We are 2/2 on post-Scratch girls being GODDAMNED ADORABLE. I love her little pink phone, and her mutant kitty symbol, and her hair curlicue, and her tights under her skirt (are those leg warmers?), and her... martini?? Ok, so, these kids are still kids, right? If this is November 2011 and Jane’s thirteenth birthday was 3 years ago, then young Mom should only be just about to turn seventeen. Adult Mom obviously had a habitual hankering for hooch, but it’s weird and kind of worrying to see that carry over into her teenage self. Anyway, let’s see what she’s got to say!

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24

Huh, so she’s got Dave’s pesterchum initials, and not Rose’s. Come to think of it, Jane has Jade’s initials, and not John’s. So then I guess I’d expect Bro to have Rose’s initials... which is odd. Anyway, her handle seems to confirm that she’s a drunk-o teen (where is Rose during all this??), and may possibly be awake on Derse, even if, like Dave, she doesn’t know it.

TG: jane

PINK TEXT AAAAAH CUTE

TG: hey TG: jaaaney TG: ansrew plz TG: *answer TG: jaaaaaaaaaane GG: Omg.

JESUS, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. So like... she not only has Dave’s initials, but she fucking talks like him??? And is apparently legit drunk during the day. Like I said, that bit is concerning, but I admit it is fucking hilarious that she talks and acts nothing like Rose. No wonder the poor kid had such a hard time understanding her.

GG: Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds! GG: Where have you been today? TG: nowhere just chilling here TG: when all of the sudden GG: "All of a sudden." TG: when all of the sudden

Hahaha, I know someone who consistently says ‘all of the sudden’, and it hurts me not to correct them all the time. (They also say ‘yield’ instead of ‘wield’, and how could you ever think ‘unyieldy’ was a word.) And let it not go unremarked upon that I fucking LOVE that Mom just repeated herself anyway. Didn’t Dave do that once or twice when someone tried to correct him?

TG: it hits me TG: thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about GG: This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day. TG: it hits me that TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon TG: just a few days before mine remembr

Hmm, so their birthdays are the same as their pre-Scratch counterparts. Also, heh, I get the feeling that Jake’s birthday was definitely not what they’d made plans to talk about.

TG: or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen GG: Oh, for Pete's sake.

Whoa whoa whoa!! So Mom knows enough about the game to know that it’s going to end the world. Not even Jade, with her ‘precognitive’ abilities, knew that ahead of time. Hell, Aradia only knew because she was in communication with ghosts, and Sollux didn’t figure it out until right before it happened. I guess that’s where the ‘gnostalgic’ comes in. (Side note: that’s a really clever portmanteau and I’m almost jealous I didn’t think of it.)

TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk TG: but not like anything coming on too strong TG: something that says TG: this is totes platonic and everything TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here TG: but still says you know TG: call me TG: if you wanna

...Aaaaaand Mom has the hots for Jake, apparently. Huh, that’s kind of fucked up in a way, considering her adult self hooked up with John’s Dad. Oh god, that pairing isn’t going to carry over to her liking Jane’s Dad, is it??

I wonder how difficult it was for Hussie to type out ‘totes’.

GG: Grrr. GG: Now I know you're joking around to get my goat.

To get it, and then, say, tote it?

TG: ahaha TG: yeah TG: the goat getting thing i mean TG: but joking oh no i think not TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????

So... Jane and Jake are already dating?? I guess that is the prescribed ‘canon’ pairing, so that makes sense. Does Mom LittleLonde—that’s what she’ll be from now on—also have the hots for young Bro then? Or maybe she just wants to bone everything/everyone. I can feel that.

TG: daaaaamn TG: that rugged senseof adventure TG: the delightful silly vernacular thats like TG: weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware TG: those adorbable teeth TG: swoooooooooon <3

Yes, those are definitely all swoonworthy things. ...Hah, I can totally deal with ‘adorabable’. It’s weird, but after reading all the trolls’ quirks, I kind of skip over the typos unless she calls them out herself.

GG: Nooooo, stop. :( TG: well shit jane TG: what am i even supposed to do TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!! TG: *buncha goddamn typos TG: shit suuucks TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one TG: *one TG: *on GG: Yeah. Because it's weird!

OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE HER. I mean yeah, it is pretty damn weird that she’s still got... daddy issues... but, ‘*buncha goddamn typos’?? Anybody would be lucky to have her.

...Huh. Now that I’m thinking about it, is Jane’s Dad exactly the same as John’s Dad? They look the same, but... how would that even work? Maybe he was adopted, and isn’t actually related to John and Jane at all, so his existence and physical appearance aren’t contingent upon anything game-related?

GG: And you're drunk. :P TG: correction TG: drinking TG: prensent tense TG: grammar jane

GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other.

Again, a ‘canon’ pairing getting called out. Are they going to be played straight, or hilariously subverted like Karkat’s shipping grid?

TG: oh jane TG: so naive

Silly Jane; he’s clearly only into plush rump. *shudder*

TG: soooo niaev GG: Lordy. GG: How can you be this far gone so early? GG: It isn't even noon yet.

Yes, that is a very good question. Weirdly, I’m glad that this is at least getting called out; if her being drunk were played just for laughs, it might have been a bit distasteful. Addiction is an issue I’m rather painfully familiar with. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out, if it does.

TG: you forget we live in very different time zones TG: its a lot later here GG: You're three hours ahead of me! TG: youd would be amazed TG: how much can happen TG: in 3 hours

She’s not like... already entering the game, is she? And she does still live in New York, right?

GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you? TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit TG: i mean TG: shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place TG: i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably TG: so why else is she puttin it there it was like TG: a passive aggrassive dare for me TG: *aggressive TG: jut the sort of mind game she would play

HOLY SHIT, what is going on here?? I’m a bit surprised that LittleLonde would have the same contentious relationship with her ‘Mom’ that Rose did, given their wildly different personalities and LittleLonde’s cheeriness so far. But she has a good point; if Rose doesn’t drink, then is the liquor cabinet just... some sort of test she’s putting LittleLonde through, and refusing to step in when she fails it? That’s fucked up.

GG: So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, "Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze." TG: yuuuuuuuuuuuup TG: pppp mcuh

Yeah, stick it to the Man. :\

GG: Groan. You are completely impossible like this. GG: I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better! GG: Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk.

*steals ‘schnocker-bottomed’ for my own vocabulary*

TG: watcha waiting for TG: in the mail TG: is something happening today or something GG: &%#$@!!! GG: The alpha! GG: Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless. TG: oh yeah TG: that thing

Ahahahaha. I can’t fucking get over how adorable it is that she’s basically cutesy girl!Dave when it comes to being slightly ditzy and forgetful. And NO, Chrome; you are not going to autocorrect ‘ditzy’ to ‘ditsy’, that’s dumb.

GG: Are you at all ready to play if it comes? TG: i guess TG: but TG: you sure you even want to play this thing TG: u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do GG: Not this again. 

WOW, WELP. 8|

So it looks like LittleLonde knows exactly what’s going on, and knows that the Batterwitch intends to interfere somehow with the new Sburb session. That’s an interesting twist, having a drunk oracle who no one will take seriously because she’s ””schnocker-bottomed””.

TG: if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying TG: i know what a chump looks like TG: and you dont look like no chump i ever saw TG: if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll

Heh heh. (AAH THAT PAGE QUOTE.)

GG: The "Batterwitch" DOES NOT EXIST! GG: It is an idiotic urban legend. GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.

[Insert obligatory “It’s more likely than you think.”] Gosh, I can foresee her refusal to believe what’s going on being frustrating later down the line.

GG: The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years.

BECAUSE THE REAL FOUNDER WAS AN ALIEN, DUNKASS. ...Yep, already a bit frustrating. We’re not at Wheel of Time levels of miscommunication/trust issues yet, though.

TG: right TG: as TG: you know TG: an alter ego TG: for somethig more sinister GG: Such cuckoobird nonsense.

AAUUUGHH, no fucking wonder LittleLonde drinks.

GG: Have you even obtained your copy yet?? TG: um TG: heh TG: yes "obtianed" TG: suuure did GG: Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume? TG: oh you bet TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all TG: said jackpot like TG: a BUNCH of times TG: all those TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps TG: backdoor trojans and what not TG: were no match TG: 4 mai codez TG: snicker GG: :|

Jesus, this sounds like Dave trying to talk about sports. Or, Hackers. Does LittleLonde actually know what she’s talking about?

GG: I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one. TG: ok jane what im saying is that TG: in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off TG: is that TG: it was a fuckin cakewake TG: **cakewalk GG: Oh.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I LOVE THIS GIRL.

TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful TG: which i AM but TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded TG: it was just TG: some files TG: that were there TG: unsecured TG: and i took them TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice TG: then applied lipstick TG: femme fatale style TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files

I’M FUCKIN’ WEEPING

GG: Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary. TG: i told you TG: she wants you to play TG: wants us all to TG: part of her BIG PLANS TG: and ur playing right into em TG: like TG: a TG: chhhhhhhhhhhhh....

...ode?

Anyway, this would seem to lend credence to the idea that the Batterwitch is Earth’s new First Guardian, pulling the strings from behind the scenes the way Doc Scratch did with the trolls in order to further her employer’s designs.

GG: Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear.

Dammit.

GG: But what doesn't add up about your story is, GG: I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play. GG: How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life?

Whoa, what? Like, assassination attempts, because she’s the heir to Betty Crocker? Looks like LittleLonde might not be the only one who understands that there is something very... fishy going on.

TG: orrrr TG: its just more connivings of the witch GG: So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die? GG: Makes a lot of sense! TG: wouldnt put it past her TG: makes you feel perpsecuted TG: redoubles your determination to play TG: u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way TG: until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to TG: at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo TG: and then TG: she expends you TG: like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch

Seems a bit more convoluted than Doc Scratch’s approach, if such a thing were even possible. ...On second thought, no, literally nothing could be more convoluted than Doc Scratch. Maybe it’s not convoluted, per se, and more just really, really bad planning.

GG: I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute! TG: w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max

I know it would break with the naming scheme, but could LittleLonde be named Cassie? Or just Cass? That would fit.

TG: my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk

Spoiler: she farts in F#.

TG: makr my barley corerent words

She’s self-aware, if nothing else. Does she drink beer?

GG: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, "Shucks, buster, sign me up!"

Uh, well, who told her years go? Was it LittleLonde?? Because you’d think that would lend some credence to her claims, but noooOOoooo.

TG: jane GG: Yes? TG: jaaaane GG: What! TG: jane TG: did u know TG: that i am uttrely TG: IN LOVE TG: with the fact that TG: i have a best friend TG: who says things TG: like TG: shucks buster

littlelonde did u know that i am uttrely IN LOVE with u????

GG: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... TG: wtf GG: The thing. GG: The flappy thing!

The little red arm-swingy-dealy! (Btw it’s called a semaphore. Also that took me a second to cotton on to and at first I had this image of Flappy Bird??)

GG: THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD. GG: THE ARM DEALIE. GG: THE DEALIE, LALONDE, THE DEALIE!!! TG: wut

<3 <3 <3

GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP. TG: i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret TG: *expert TG: but TG: doesnt that mean not the right thing TG: like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes TG: i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass

Or your author; one of the two. :P

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

But wait, perhaps that is not so much the distinguished Inspector Clouseau as it is...

‘really fucking stupid’? That’s my guess.

THE WORLD RENOWNED INVESTIGATOR HERCULE POIROT, BECAUSE THE LITTLE CURLY MUSTACHE IS A LOT CUTER.

DAMMIT.

The great Poirot, in THIS house?? Such an honor. I will set the kettle to boil straightaway. Who would have guessed this home would be so heavily trafficked by famous French detectives at this time of day?

Followed by Dupin and Lecoq?

...Aaaaand it’s another character select! This seems to follow the pattern of the mess of photographs from Act 5; I click on characters one by one, then when I’m done, I click the link at the bottom of the page and move on. Hmm, hovering over LittleLonde and Bro shows location markers I can’t click, but which confirm they live in New York and Texas like their counterparts. Also, I realized that we’re continuing the trend of the post-Scratch kids’ color themes matching their pre-Scratch counterparts’ sprites. That means Bro will be typing in orange, most likely.

Back to Jake!

And just like that, back to Jake. What was it you were up to? Oh right, you were going to pick these dang guns up off the floor when you were interrupted by some fleeting imperceptible thought. You kind of space out sometimes.

For some reason the word ‘dang’ is inherently hilarious to me, especially when paired with ‘ol’. I have a friend who says “dang ol’ ___” all the time, and it cracks me the fuck up.

What’s up with all the vines, btw? No timeline shenanigans to steal Jade’s pumpkins?

You pick up your TWIN M9 BERETTAS, weapons of choice in an absurd arsenal inherited from an eccentric old woman. Guns are so cool. Your GRANDMA was rad.

So Jade is dead, just like John. Booo. :’(

It's your authentic TOMB RAIDER SEXY THIGHSTRAP DOUBLE HOLSTER, complete with cool skullbuckle and everything. You like to think you pull it off about as well as Croft herself.

Uh, well, alright then. Nothing wrong with that.

You like to think that, but in truth you look ridiculous. You think you probably need shorter shorts to make it work? Probably skin tight shorts too. As it is, the cuffs of your baggy shorts get kind of bunched up underneath the thighstraps, which is uncomfortable and makes you look like a tool.

BAHAHAHAHA. Now, if Heero Yuy had tried to wear it...

> Jake: Examine bed.

Ooh, yes, this ought to be interesting. What’s up with his sheets?

You think your bed is some sort of electronic gadget. You're pretty sure those bedpost globes are supposed to glow like light bulbs under certain circumstances. But you've never been able to figure out what purpose it serves. Just more mysterious junk inherited from your eclectic GRANDMA.

HOLY SHIT, IS IT A QUEST BED??? Did she like... expect him to get killed before the game even started?? What would it do if he died on it outside the Incipisphere?

Movies are so great. You have never seen a movie you didn't like, you are pretty sure. People give you a hard time for that though. Gosh you love movies. Almost as much as you love skulls. And movies that have skulls in them? Oh my god.

Well then I bet he REALLY would have dug the fourth Indiana Jones movie that mercifully died in pre-production because the concept was so stupid.

Jake: Scope out those blue chicks.

You are oft-times the recipient of a good ribbing from Jane on account of your peculiar fascination with blue movie ladies. You don't have to justify yourself to her though. What is even her deal? Any fella would be off his ROCKER not to fawn over all these BODACIOUS BLUE KNOCKOUTS. You want to make out with all of them.

Well, Jane is a girl, and she’s sort of blue-themed... Not to mention she’s, like, canonically destined to end up with him.

I’m not sure whether that’s more or less respectable than John trying to kiss his Nic Cage poster.

Dear, sweet Neytiri from James Cameron's Avatar. Oh, if only you were the one who could have overcome his paralysis on an alien adventure planet to become her boyfriend, instead of that other guy.

Incidentally also named Jake, IIRC.

Then she could have shown you how to be bold and courageous, and stand up to fight for your people, and maybe later, engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process involving ponytails, and a magical tree you guess?

Wait a second... a Page who imagines himself as a paralyzed guy on an adventure planet, who wants to learn from a blue chick to be bold and courageous, and then engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process??

wHY DOES THIS SOUND, fAMILIAR,

:::;)

You'll show that curmudgeonly Strider who's just a gigantic shitty space furry.

PAHAHA. So young Bro is curmudgeonly, and has a vocabulary similar to Dave’s. I don’t doubt Hussie’s skill, but I’m still REALLY interested to see how Dave’s Bro is going to be transformed into an actual character, with like... feelings and stuff.

You will show him what marvelous creatures they are. You'll show him what a daring dream it is, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with...

Oh no, not this again

She says you sound just like John when you say stuff like that though, and that the two of you would get along famously. You can't wait to meet him.

THEY WAIT. I can’t wait until they meet either! I know that Act 6 is broken into many “”sub acts”” and I wonder how long we’re going to beat around the bush before the meetup happens.

Also there are some Cage flicks there. But who doesn't love a good Cage flick? Nobody is who. Dang, you would kill to get your hands on some authentic Cage movie memorabilia. But that'll probably have to remain a crazy dream.

Did... did he not realize before he sent Jane the bunny... :|a

AND HE EVEN STILL HAS ONE. Wait, how the hell did he get two bunnies??

The TRANSMATERIALIZER you have been using to ship it back and forth is wired to sync up your flow of time with hers, so it's not like you can just take forever with it, and send to the exact time she needs it - you've thought of that!

I don’t think this is happening exactly the way you’re imagining... Granted I don’t think anybody could have accurately guessed at what was really happening without copious hints.

Sure is gonna be a sweet gift. Reminds you a lot of the old ratty bunny you inherited from your GRANDMA, who of course is exactly who you are collaborating with to make this thing. Time loops make you feel a bit fuzzy in the head, but you've always suspected it could very well be the same bunny.

Phew, so he’s not a total numskull. That’s good.

At some point in the early 20th century, Jade gave this robo-rabbit to John, and then later it must have been wound up back with Jade... somehow? Then she... uh... removed all the robot parts, hung on to it until she was an old woman, and gave it to you?

Seems legit.

Jade tells you this little rabbit here, or Terry Kiser as you like to call him, will save John's life!

Terry... Kiser... fuck, I’m fucking dead. Creatures/objects having different names between kids is one of my favorite running jokes. Meowgon Spengler, or Vodka Mutini? Dear, sweet Casey, or Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer?

In fact, this project gave you a neat idea for what to do for Jane's 13th birthday a couple years ago. You and your other pals all coordinated gifts, each sending a customized rabbit. Lalonde happened to have another bunny heirloom like yours, and Strider... well, Strider was resourceful as usual.

OH LAWD, I don’t think I’m ready for the smubbit.

If John enjoys his gift anywhere near as much as Jane did, then it will be time well spent.

Which is to say, he’ll appreciate the thought but ultimately feel pretty ambivalent about it?

You have been plundering all of your devices for uranium to refuel the TRANSMATERIALIZER, which requires huge amounts of power any time it sendificates or appearifies the package from the past. Seems to you like excessive energy consumption for just a simple time machine, but what do you know? Unless it's doing something besides shipping it across time. You couldn't imagine what, though.

Ok, but even time travel requires 1.21 gigawatts, and that’s nothing to sniff at. ...Never mind, actually I looked it up and 1.21 gigawatts isn’t even all that hard to produce!

As much as it troubles your pride to admit, this project wouldn't be possible without help from your other two technologically savvy friends. And you are slowly coming to the regrettable conclusion that you will not be able to solve this uranium dilemma without asking for Strider's assistance. He's your best bro and all, but the dude never makes anything easy.

...Uh, what the hell does Bro know about... And how the hell would he get his hands on uranium?? Hm.

Hah, that’s pretty cool! It’s like tile Tetris.

You stash Terry in your PUZZLE MODUS. It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris.

Heh heh.

The space in your inventory is mainly hogged up by one incredibly huge thing. You guess you should get rid of it. But you can't shake the feeling you might need it someday, and you don't want to risk ditching it and be caught with your pants down later.

WHOA HOLY SHIT. What the hell is it?? And what do you want to bet that he’ll accidentally deploy it early, or lose it or something? ...Is it a giant matriorb?

Hmm, lots of Knight references over in this corner. Something to do with Dave or Karkat? I’m guessing Bro isn’t going to be a Knight if none of the other kids share classpects with their counterparts.

On your worktable there are a few comic books starring your favorite heroine of all, SPIDER-GIRL. You don't know what it is, but there's something about a girl who has spidery powers and a sassy attitude that is just so cool to you. It's just another quirky fact about you that definitely doesn't have any greater significance, and never will.

Oh GAWD. Is he going to end up with a similar arc to Tavros? Run into Vriska in a dream bubble and become the new Pupa Pan?

Well, as long as one of your preposterously numerous computers has spilled out of your sylladex, you might as well stop procrastinating and contact Strider to... hang on. Maybe later.

AAAAAH IT’S MYSTERY TROLL! Let’s see what she has to say! Normally I’d be miffed about missing out on kidchat, but this is fine. Also, troll computer!

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering golgothasTerror [GT] at 5:45

...Did I completely skip over his chumhandle last time?? Golgatha is the hill on which Jesus was crucified, and literally means ‘place of the skull’.

UU: hello there, darling. ~3u

It took about half a minute and a lot of head tilting to realize this is supposed to be a winking kissy face. UGH she’s super cute. I do still wonder who she’s supposed to be, because Karkat’s ancestor was almost certainly not female, if my understanding of the Scratch is correct.

GT: Im determined as ever to see this through. But as usual events have conspired to make a boondoggle of the prospect. GT: I think i might be fucked.

Hah. I love the curses thrown into his otherwise ridiculous anachronistic patter.

GT: Terry needs fuel and i dont have any left. I think im at striders dubious mercy for a solution YET AGAIN. GT: I will have to ask him for help. And soon.

I still don’t understand how Bro is supposed to help! Is Dave like... a nuclear scientist in this universe, in addition to making a SBaHJ movie?

UU: i relayed the information enabling yoU to create the powerfUl weaponry yoUrself. UU: and yoU did! UU: yoU then sent them back in time. yoU may recover them in the rUins, which conveniently is where yoU mUst go to ship the package once and for all. UU: bangUp plan we hatched, dont yoU fancy? ^u^ GT: I see...

So... he makes the weapons after he enters the game, when he has access to the punch designix and the alchemiter, and then sends them back in the lotus pod? Interesting.

Gosh, she sure uses a lot of British slang, in addition to Commonwealth spellings. Is there a Troll England?

GT: That is what im doing right? Giving it to my grandma when she was a kid growing up on the same island i did? UU: that is somewhat close to the trUth, and i can see how yoU woUld draw that conclUsion.

This sounds like Hussie’s non-sarcastic stock response to wacky fan theories.

UU: perhaps a draft of the cascading seqUence from which yoUr reality has arisen will pUt yoUr mind at ease. UU: imagine two Universes, A and B. UU: now imagine there are two instances of each Universe, A1 and A2 and B1 and B2. UU: the first instance of each is like a test rUn, that does not qUite sUcceed. UU: the second instance thoUgh will meet all of its pUrposes! UU: now consider that A1 begets A2. UU: A2 begets B1. UU: and B1 begets B2. UU: and the participants of B2 are the ones who will make an effort to exit all this tUrbUlence and falderal.

That’s... actually reasonably straightforward and concise. So the troll universe we’re familiar with is A2, and the original human kids’ is B1. Even though A2 didn’t quite finish the way it was supposed to, its players, along with B1′s, will all gather in the successful B2.

Also, now the flash title ‘Cascade’ makes a lot more sense!

UU: and yoUr yoUng ancestor is another, thoUgh she is "presently" stationed in B1. UU: and yes she is in the past. UU: thoUgh not qUite as far as yoU believe!

Just under 3 years, by my count... So all of this collaboration between them happened before the game, and technically if he were able to talk to Jade right at this very moment, it would be a ‘past’ Jade from our perspective!

GT: I remember you mentioned your race doesnt really jive with ours familially speaking? UU: correct. i never knew those who one woUld identify as my parental eqUivalents. U_U

I don’t suppose the Mother Grub really counts as a ‘mom’ in anything approaching the human sense.

GT: When do i get to learn your name by the way? UU: hm trUthfUlly? UU: it may be for the best that yoU never know it. UU: it coUld stir Up some things best left in their present eqUilibriUm.

Kar...katina? I wonder what the deal is. Is it a whole ‘names have power’ kind of thing?

GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible... GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game? UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt. UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it, UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.

And after that, it’s finally answering The Ultimate Riddle!

UGH WHY DOES HE HAVE A WHOLE COSPLAY’S WORTH OF LORD ENGLISH SHIT?? D:

You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.

Teehee, yeah, that’s Jade.

These were also inherited from your grandma.

But why would...

In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel baroness who raised her. Sadly, BCCorp eventually crushed her company and forced her into exile.

So not only did she name Jake ‘English’ (if she didn’t take the name herself), but she also manufactured Lord English-themed apparel... to compete with BCCorp?? But Lord English is HIC’s employer. How does that even work??

You have always hoped that when Jane takes over that foul conglomerate, she will right all of its unspeakable wrongs. You know she will! You believe in her, after all.

How very Page of Hope. I’m guessing his arc is going to combine some of Tavros’s Page struggles with Eridan’s lack of Hope. But since this universe is supposed to be the culmination of everything, the universe where everything finally plays out right, hopefully (hah) Jake will be more successful than either of those two. He doesn’t seem particularly shy or inept so far, nor is he a giant bag of dicks, so maybe he’s got the best of those two characters with none of their flaws.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, BRO’S SYMBOL IS A HAT. HOW FUCKING DOUCHEY CAN YOU GET. HE IS LITERALLY GAME BRO JESUS CHRIST.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:57

Timaeus...? That’s familiar. *looks it up* Ah! We read Plato’s Timaeus in Philosophy; that’s why. I don’t remember much about it, but according to Wikipedia, it’s mostly hilariously inaccurate theories about the elemental geometric shapes the universe is made of, and there’s some stuff about the creation of the earth, the golden ratio, and Atlantis. Pretty appropriate for a Sburb player, I guess. If there’s any deeper meaning, I suspect I’ll only find out after I’ve been fed more information.

GT: Bro. GT: Ahem. GT: Are you there? GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately... TT: State your business, Jake.

OH MY GOD, HE TYPES LIKE ROSE. Like... for some reason I kind of fuckin’ love that??

GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation. GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me.

Brown-nose harder, Jake. I don’t think your face is satisfactorily wedged into his plush rump.

GT: It has just been... GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner. GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie. GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.* GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!

Suuuuuure you do. No sarcasm there!

TT: Take it easy, bromide. TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.

...Huh. Hmmm. I... Hm. Well, that certainly is a thing that just got said. Gosh, him talking like Rose was so unexpected! I’m not sure what to make of it.

TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided,

One-sided on whose part? And... shit, does that mean everybody wants to smang it with Jake? Or is he saying that Jake gets flustered and hits on him?

TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time. TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity. TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it.

*GROOOOOAN* Not this irony horseshit again!!

GT: I... GT: Oh. Yes! But of course. GT: The ironies! GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude.

Pfffft.

GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.* GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!* GT: Um. GT: Yeah.

So I guess it was one-sided on Bro’s part, and he’s a creepy lech in every universe! Yaaaaay.

TT: Ok, nice. TT: Now that your obsequious preface has been established as indisputably entertaining for all the right reasons, and intentionally so, TT: Let's bear down on these dire as shit needs you've got.

Urgh, I really do want to hate him, but I also like the way he talks. If he really is sort of a combo of Rose and Dave, some of my favorite characters, then I don’t know... Maybe he’ll grow on me.

TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No? GT: Pshaw! As if i would be so reckless with the stuff. GT: I would have to be mighty irresponsible to run out already. GT: No no im all set in the uranium department and really when you take a look at the big picture youll find i am *sitting pretty* when it comes to just about any radioactive isotope you could mention. GT: However... GT: My backup reserves that i keep strictly for emergencies are running a little lean! GT: You know what my grandma taught me about preparedness. *Tugs at colorful lapels.* TT: You are out of uranium. TT: It's basically mathematically impossible that's not why you're contacting me.

Ok, now I’m REALLY wondering how young Bro is meant to get Jake some uranium. Clearly he’s way smarter than I was prepared to give him credit for, and than his pre-Scratch counterpart implies, but still.

GT: Christ what an insufferable awesome friend you are.

Pffffahahaha.

GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry! TT: You do know my offer still stands. GT: What?

It’s blowjobs for uranium, isn’t it.

TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model.

Oh. Oh GOD. So, he’s taken his interest in puppets, turned it up to eleven, and he builds robots?? Do they also have giant asses?

GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself. GT: Its a promise i made to jade and im going to live up to it even if im not the best or even second best robosmith i know!

I guess the other robosmith is Jade. But is it his Grandma Jade, or is it the young, B1 Jade he’s in communication with?

TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud. TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time.

Huh, that’s kind of nice of him.

TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness.

...Aaaaaand there we go. Is it weird that I’m getting a Sollux-ish kind of vibe from this guy? Like, he’s got a heart in there somewhere, but is super prickly 95% of the time. Maybe he’s like a durian: thick, spiky outer shell, squishy innards, and smells like a dirty diaper!

GT: Frig!!!!! GT: Why not??? TT: It's too easy. TT: And you yourself are the one staking pride in this. TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts. GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it! GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask? GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it! TT: Nope. Not buying it.

HAH. Yes, Bro is frustratingly shitty so far, but I admit I am enjoying this a little.

TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it.

So he’s an ass man; who’d’ve thunk it.

TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located. GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Though, where, exactly?

GT: I knew you were going to suggest this. I dont know why i bothered asking! GT: Strider why must you always be such an obstinate stick in the mud??? TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud. TT: I unironically respect your position on this matter. Hey, let's continue to exchange ideas. GT: Wait... GT: "It seems"??

...Eh? *looks back*

TT: It seems you think I am a fucking douche. TT: That's your opinion, I guess. That's cool.

I guess that is kind of a strange expression to use, especially twice within a very short span of time.

TT: What? GT: Oh for fucks sake. TT: Is something the matter, Jake? GT: This is your auto responder.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, the “”auto responder”” is a goddamn robot, isn’t it.

WHOA WHAT?? Ok, so it’s not a robot. It is... apparently... the Squirtle Squad shades, which young Bro still has. So it’s like Dave’s iShades, I guess, with a computer built into them? Anyway, it looks like we’re in the Strider apartment’s bathroom, which is architecturally identical to the original, same way as the other kids’ houses. Only now there’s robot!puppet shit lying around, and a dumb hat shirt hung on the wall. Where’s Bro himself?

TT: Look at that statement you just made.  TT: It's time for me to respond with some words, ideally chosen and arranged in a way that will wreck your shit, in a subtle and psychologically devastating way.

Jesus CHRIST. He’s Rose, only with the intent to psychologically damage people instead of just analyzing them. I didn’t even consider how fucking dangerous that could be. Er, well, at least his auto responder seems to act that way.

GT: Har har har! GT: Just soooo "*irooooonic*!!!" Quotes quotes quotes. GT: Im laughing my caboose STRAIGHT OFF THE TRACKS! A lot of families just died in the tragic derailment. TT: Ok, the caboose remark was actually pretty funny, Jake.

DAMMIT, I JUST SPIT WATER EVERYWHERE. What a Hussie thing to say.

TT: If I truly were what you say I am, I wouldn't be able to feel the human emotions of joy and laughter. No? GT: Laughter isnt an emotion dickprince!

Not to mention you just called them ‘human emotions’ like a troll!

TT: I think you should back your claims up with proof before you go heaving around such accusations. GT: Man its so flipping obvious. GT: You start getting kind of extra technical and vague and automoton like. GT: And kind of aloof and brusque. GT: I mean... GT: Even aloofier and brusquier than usual! GT: Also you use the phrase "it seems" a lot. Its so silly it really blows the AI immersion man.

So basically the auto responder is Bro’s actual personality dialed up to eleven? Yeah, I’m totally getting ‘extra douchey’ Sollux vibes from all of this.

TT: Bullshit. TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being. GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude. GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder? TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.

AHAHAHAHAHA. Fuck, I think I actually kind of like this kid.

TT: Unimpressed. TT: Logical fallacies are as pervasive throughout your argument as your antiquated verbal tics. GT: Oh yeah? GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers!

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast.

Not quite! I notice it was 96% indistinguishable last time.

GT: Are you still fucking with me?? TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer. GT: You always type that answer!!!!! TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer. GT: Uuuuuuugh.

Hah. Is the auto responder just a series of pre-programmed answers, or is it really legit fucking with Jake’s head here?

GT: I cant stand this. Every time we do this and i just wind up whistling sweet dixie out of my bum hole!

WHAT

THE

FUCK???

GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.

Hmm, so the auto responder really is contained inside the shades. How does that even work without all of Sburb’s alchemizing gear? Well, I guess if he can build robots, it’s not so much of a stretch...

Teeheeeeeeeee. <3

He's just so infuriating sometimes! Or at least his responder is. Ok, the real Strider is too.

Dave’s irony and rad slang combined with Rose’s psychological bullshit, infuriating?? WHAT A SURPRISE.

There's barely any difference between them anyway. The responder just uses a few more generic response templates. And even those you suspect the AI is savvy enough to use on purpose for the sake of irony, or to get a rise out of you or whatever. That silicon bastard knows damn well what it's doing.

Hah, well that answers that question I guess. Did it purposefully give itself away?

You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here. No more fooling around. You need a more dignified looking computer. A thinking man's computer.

Dad’s Bing Crosby laptop?

> Jake: Wear skulltop.

Sigh.

Much better. You look like you mean business. 

You look like a villainous tool!

GT: Jane! GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all. GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?

Ah yes, this conversation, continued previously.

GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on. GG: Hoo hoo. GG: I love that thing. :B

Huh, I wonder what kind of conversations Jane and the responder have together. Jane doesn’t seem like the type to put up with too much bullshit.

Seriously, what is the deal with the vine? Also I thought that can said ‘Korn’ for a second and flipped out.

You are curious about Jane's dream. Sounds like it almost certainly has to do with your imminent adventure. You'll have to remember to get the scoop on that a little later.

RRUUAAARRRGH.

You have to go downstairs to check something out. You are pretty sure you know what you're going to find though.

Well, that’s mysterious, and a bit ominous.

You almost trip on the vine creeping up the stairs. Stupid vine. It's too bad your grandma's dead. She always had a way with keeping the flora in check.

Hmm. I’ve been talking about how all their houses are the same as the original kids’, but Jake’s is actually rather different. Did her garden get super out of control in this universe?

OH MY GOD IT IS PUMPKINS. And... is that a dreambot capsule?

Yeah, just like you thought. Empty. The thing is out there somewhere. Waiting for you. Oh god.

How can it be waiting for him if he’s awake? :|a

Speak of the devil fucking dickens.

Heh heh. Only, when he said it before, he didn’t put a space in it, and now I’m picturing Satan sticking it to Charles Dickens. So thanks for that image, Hussie.

TT: Hey, it's me. GT: Oh hey! TT: The auto-responder, I mean. GT: Dammit!

Wow, I actually kind of feel bad for the auto responder, if it’s at all sentient.

GT: Dammit! GT: What is it now? TT: I'm just wondering, TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist. TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say. GT: In regard to what exactly? TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal. GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.

So I know I just read what the proposal actually is, but I had a half second of ‘YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED’ before I caught on.

TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him. TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.

AHAHAHA BECAUSE I LITERALLY JUST DID THAT. Is that also a reference to the curiously spaced ‘devil fucking dickins’ above?

GT: You mean making the rabbit for me? TT: No, I know you don't want that. TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium. TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

Hahaha. So, we know that SBaHJ exists as a movie in this universe, but it seems the comics somehow also exist, unchanged enough that Bro/his auto responder can quote them.

GT: Oh yeah. GT: Well ive thought about it. GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad. GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found. TT: Well yeah, Jake. TT: That's sort of the point. TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.

Oh jeez. Did Bro like... modify the dream bot or something?? Otherwise why/how the hell would it be hunting him???

TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure. GT: I do! GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.

Pahahahaha.

GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win. TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat. TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.

Ok, there’s a few things going on here. Some assumptions we can make:

This uranium-powered robot Jake is looking for is going to try and fight him, a la Equius’s robots.

This has happened before.

Jake generally loses.

Also, I noticed the auto responder said ‘it seems’ again. And finally, “conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat” and “it’s all about the journey” sound AWFULLY like Hussie imparting to us some meta commentary about Homestuck itself. I’ve tried to keep away from ending spoilers as much as possible, but I’ve kind of pieced together that reactions to the ending were mixed. Was he sneakily trying to head off any disappointment at the pass here, by reminding us how much we’ve loved what came before?

TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake? GT: It seems it seems it seems!!! GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off! GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!! TT: It... TT: Appears TT: That you are upset.

...If that thing isn’t at least somewhat sentient and intentionally fucking with him, I’ll eat my douchey orange hat.

TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.

Bahahaha. Yep, I stand by that.

TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being? GT: Oh malarkey. GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.

...Hmm. Well, I was under the impression that the responder was contained entirely in the shades, but maybe it’s just shades connected to a remote robot body? Also, I really don’t think Jake’s got it right. If the thing is capable of purposefully fucking with him for its own enjoyment, it probably really is capable of emotion, insofar as it was programmed to experience it. Then again, what and why would Bro program it to feel?

TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.

Ohhh, I see. I could have just kept reading. So the responder really is contained within the glasses, and has specifically called itself an AI. This is cool; I love AI tropes! How did it get programmed? Does it resent the fact that it’s confined to a pair of shades? Does it follow Asimov’s laws? :D

TT: But you're wrong. TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them. TT: It sucks.

:(

GT: Oh. GT: Um. GT: Im sorry then if thats the case. TT: No problem.

‘I’m sorry if I offended you’? That’s a pretty cop-out apology, but the shades don’t seem to mind.

GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often. GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...

Well, I mean, the program is technically intended to replace Bro when he’s unavailable to chat, though Jake has a point about it insisting on its false identity.

GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.

Not ‘person’ or ‘entity’? Damn, Jake, dass cold.

GT: Man where IS he anyway??? GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers? TT: What can I say. TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

[INSERT MASTURBATION JOKE]

GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt! TT: Fuck yes. GT: Sigh... GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. Ok, so it’s NOT a dreambot; it is apparently some sort of... bro...bot that Bro sent him. Was it actually built for the express purpose of fucking with him?

AAAAAAH, ROBOT!! So either Bro really is in the shower, doing whatever (papping?), or else he’s actually a robot. I’m... guessing it’s the former. So who is this little guy? He’s wearing a hat like a tool, but he’s actually kinda cute. A sparring robot a la Equius?

TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts. TT: Or, correction, DS sent them. TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations. GT: Yeah whatever. TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me. GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!! 

Hah. So maybe Bro’s robot isn’t a sparring bot, but Jake’s is, and he sucks at fighting it. Does he just suck at fighting in general, or is it a terrifying deathbot, and therefore justified?

TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings. TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS. GT: Yes. GT: I know. GT: Ive tried that. TT: Yeah? GT: Its just... GT: Well... GT: When hes pulling punches... GT: And taking it all easy and such... GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot... GT: Umm. TT: What. GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become... GT: A bit tender for my liking.

Oh dear god.

TT: I don't understand. TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting? TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?

Oh, don’t play dumb; you know exactly what he meant.

GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking. GT: Just the way he... GT: Sort of... GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind. TT: No, I think I get it. TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.

Huh, so is the “brobot” an extension of the AI’s awareness? Can it actually control the robot body? In which case, maybe it’s just the auto responder who has a thing for Jake. Is this some kind of ‘if only I were a real boy’ thing? A Pinocchio metaphor certainly wouldn’t be inapropos. Or should I say, INAPROBRO?? :D :D :D

TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you? TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.

Eeeecchhhhh. I think I just crossed my legs harder.

TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.

Is that a thinly veiled ‘shove it up your ass’? :P

TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.

Is this ironic aggravation, or real aggravation? It’s honestly hard to tell.

GT: Fuckin....... GT: SHUCKS buster. :(

Ahahahaha.

Ok if he wants happy hunting you will GIVE him happy hunting. HAPPILY.

Woo woooooo!! I have no idea where this will go, but he already seems like a much more self-assured Page than Tavros was. Unfortunately we’ll have to wait just a bit to see how it turns out, because that’s all from me for today! I’ve got weekend work coming up (booo) but I’ll do my best to be back as soon as I’m able, and there’s still plenty of fanwork fest backlog I can chip away at.

Until next time! ^0^

[dustaebunny]

19 years before

Jimin felt the heat from the sun burning his arms as he watched red drip from his mother’s face. This happened every time it got too hot, when they played for too long, when it was too cold, when he did not want to eat his vegetables... it seemed that lots of things caused the pretty crimson liquid to trickle from her face.

17 years before – allude more about quiet time, being fatigued and sickness

He laid his head on his mother’s lap. She was calmer today- no blood flowing from her nose yet. The calmness of the afternoon seemed to settle in and

“There are ships in the desert?” Jimin questioned his mother’s story. If he remembered right, in school they were taught that deserts had no water- and ships and boats. Those things live on the water. He frowned, “I thought ships live on the sea?”

Looking curiously up at his mother, she smiled down and replied, “Well yes, but there is a magical place on earth where there are gigantic ships on the in the middle of the desert!”

“Gigantic?” Jimin questioned again, lifting his head from her lap. His mommy continued to stroke his hair.

“Gigantic means huge, so big! Bigger than our house! Bigger than Grandma’s apartment! And it was all the way out there in an empty desert.”

“And you went there?”

“Yes, and on this trip I had met the most handsome prince with the help of a wizard.”

“Do you think that maybe there is a princess out there too?”

“Well Jiminie, maybe when youre older, we can go to this desert and see if your princess is out there also” /// maybe do something like when you grow old you’ll meet your princess too / we will search for her together

16 years before

Jimin is wearing the most uncomfortable suit. It is itchy and constricting, and hot. He is forced to stay still next to his father, but all he wants to do is wake his mom up. His auntie had told him earlier that she is going through a deep sleep and that she will be sleeping for a long time, so he needs to keep still and quiet.

His father is wearing black clothes too and has dark sunglasses on his face. He reaches out and clutches onto his father’s warm rough hands. He doesn’t understand why everyone is so sad. He just saw his mommy a few minutes ago, and she looked the most beautiful surrounded by all those flowers. She was so pretty. A long sleep sounds good for his mommy. She had been so tired lately. He had to always be a good boy and keep quiet. He needed to be the one to cook rice , to clean up after himself and his dad, to put away his fathers shoes. Jimin swore he was a good boy all the time, never once complained, never upset or sad. Always quiet and good, like his mother asked.  But all Jimin wanted to do was be loud, to play outside with his friends, with his mom, to lay in their back yard again under the big oak tree. // something about doing chores

There was always quiet time when he was home- when mommy needed her nap, he would too nap with her after completing his homework. Jimin is sad he cannot lay with his mother now, lay with her amongst the flowers. But he will stay quiet, like his auntie said. So his mommy can rest fully, and hopefully when she wakes up- she can help him with his homework.

14 years before

Jimin is in a black itchy suit again. This time it isn’t to say goodbye to another parent. No- now he is getting a new one. Her name is Sooyoung but he can call her mommy. That feels weird to say, he already had a mommy but shes in heaven now. And this new one, she has a little girl that is younger than him. He has a sibling now. It was just him for the longest time. Dad said he needs to learn how to share now, and that he needs to protect his baby sister. Her name is Dara. Dara is just 2 years younger than him. Dara looks up at jimin and holds out her hand. Jimin is shy but takes it. Maybe staying at home now wouldn't be so lonely anymore. Maybe his dad will be home more often and happy.

 8 years before

“This is so stupid. I cant believe he’s making me sign up for ballet” Jimin complains as he tosses his gear on the table in the cafeteria with his teammates, all hollering and laughing at the scowl on his face.

“Seriously man, just tell the coach you signed up and don’t go” The boy at the end of the table shrugged. Jimin cocked his head to the side to study the kid. Kim Taehyung, tall, fast, wide receiver on the team. He had no issues with his agility. Jimin was short and stocky, the idea of being able to skip, jump and be quick dreaded him. He was strong, stable, secure.

Another boy across from him shook his head. “Dude, just go to your fucking ballet tutu class.” The team captain said dismissively, “Coach ordered it, he knows what hes fucking talking about. Youre practically a tree stump on the field.”

The table erupts in laughter again at his comment. Jimin groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and tossing his head back. “Fuck fine, but if anyone else gets the dancers prescription from coach, I don’t want to hear you bitching”. He grabbed his gear bag and stormed out of the room. If he wasn’t going to get the show of support from his teammates, for sure he’ll get it at home. His father wouldn’t let his only son sign up for dance classes with Dara. Wouldn’t he?

When Jimin gets home that night to complain to his family, his step mother happily signs him up for the same Jazz class Dara is in and his father is quick to support anything that will help him further his possible football career.

Should we introduce the dancing bit as him complaining to his parents? Or should it be with the other team mates?

Or should it be his inner monologue?

Coach claims Im too stiff, that there is no agility?

2 a days for football practice ontop of attending ballet?

 "So coach told me that I should sign up for dance or ballet lessons." Jimin peeked up and looked at his father from across the table.

 "He asked you to take dance lessons on top of your 2 s days practice?" His step mother questions, Sooyoung was a lovely woman, the soft slope of her nose scrunching at the thought of jimin having such a busy and tight schedule over the summer.

 "Well what did the coach say? Did he mention why you needed the classes?" His father peers at Jimin, face stern and hard," You should listen to him, aim to do good, football can do wonders for your future, get you into a good college, maybe even a few scholarships."

 "HA! Jimin is gonna take dance lessons like a girrrl" Dara teases,

 no no  she would be upset

 "Ew no mom! come on I don't want him taking classes with me! its bad enough Ara and Tina have like the biggest crush on my stepbrother! And I already see him enough at home!" Dara groans.

 "Well the coach said I was a little stiff on the field, he told me that ballet is supposed to help with Agility or something I guess.." Jimin stares down at his plate and pushes his food around with a fork. He can see it now, his father, mentioning the scholarships, the money, the opportunity. There was no way he was going to get out of this, he was going to go to dance lessons whether he liked it or not. "Please dad I really don't-"

 "What is Kim taehyung doing? Isnt he on the team with you?"

 "yeah but hes a wide receiver he doesn't have the same position as I do, and- I mean I guess his reaction time is better than-"

 "ah so you really do need these lessons then? You are part of a team Jimin, whether you like it or not, and you need to pick up the slack and be one with the team. They cant have you falling behind. You need to do whatever you can to help further the group. You need to be looking at the long game, you need to not only look at where you can improve now, but how you can help bring your team to nationals, to be scouted, hell maybe even play on that national level"

 "Arent you dreaming a little too big dad?"

 "You don't get it son, I may be just a lowly accountant but I see what these guys earn. What sort of life they lead, I want you to do better than me, I want you to be more than just comfortable."

 His stepmother shifts in her seat. "I'll sign you up for jazz with Dara, atleast that way we aren't wasting gas running around town for your guy's extra curriculars"

 Jimins father leans in and kisses Sooyoung softly. Ofcourse Jimin thought, his father was going to let him suffer through any sort of humilation, anything to further his 'football career'.

 4 years before

//describe house party- maybe?

“You’re a great dancer!”

Jimin learns that dancing is a trait that girls- no women like. Dancing with a girl at a party. He learns that she goes to college, shes sophisticated, shes soft, and pretty and her perfume smells nice. There is an intoxicating way about her and it isn’t just the 6 beers that him and his teammates chugged earlier. The way she smiles up at him- its like she has(or knows) a secret. She closes her eyes and leans her head back. Sweat is trickling down her neck, and Jimin eyes the drop that slides down toward the center of her breasts. Her face is flush and he swears he has never seen the color pink be so pretty. She turns around presses her back to him and grinds on him, really digging into the erection in his pants. He almost freezes in the middle of the dance floor. She probably felt it right? She must know he is hard right? There is no way she could not know.

She quickly turns around to face him again. And Jimin braces for it, this is when she tells him off, tells him to quit being such a pervert, tells him to-

“Hey lets go upstairs” She leans in and whispers in his ear, Jimins throat is suddenly dry. She searches his face again and smirks, “Come on big boy, there’s no need to be shy.” She is quick to grab his hand, to drag him through the crowd and to guide him to a room upstairs.

 //maybe cut- better to allude to a good time?

She is quick with her hands. Jimin can hardly think straight, hes too worried that he will come off as lame, too nervous that she will see right through him, see him as some little boy, see him as a naïve stupid little virgin, totally reject him out right when she finds out that he doesn't know how to hold a woman, how to feel a woman, how to make her cum. Shes going to leave him in this dark room alone, with his pants around his ankles because hes an idiot. An idiot who can bring a woman to orgasm, who cant make her feel.

Jimin's belt is undone and she shoves his pants down to his ankles. She drops down to her knees and smiles up at him. His dick is hard and tenting his boxer. Aching for relief, aching for release, she presses a kiss to his base and he never blushed so hard. The contact making him shiver.

"Don't worry" she whispers to him, "I know how to make you feel good." Jimin isn't sure whether shes talking to him or his cock. Jimin leans his head back and stares at the ceiling. The fan is whirling so hard it causes the chain to whip back and forth. He's doing everything in his power not to cum, doing everything in his power not to ejaculate all over his boxers and her pretty face. He feels her scratch his lower belly as she reaches in his underwear and pulls him out. Her grip where she is touching is hot and electrifying  

 3 years ago //revisit

Black, dressed in black again. Except this time it is to graduate. He was scouted and it going to play football for his mothers alma matter. He loves his step mom and his baby sister, but feels bittersweet and wonders what it would be like if his own mother is here. His father is proud- but holds Jimin at a distance.

Make a point where someone asks where hes going to school, and he mentions his moms alma mater- or some parent does. Father stiffens at comment.  Step mom is understanding and notes that it is a terrific school.

 Jimin grabs his diploma from his headmaster's hands. Finally hes graduating highschool, finally hes going to be going into the real world, finally hes going somewhere to play football, where he is appreciated for the sport. Away from his family, his annoying little sister, his distant father and his stepmother.

 One of the chicks on the girls soccer team stops by Jimin and his friends. They take pictures.

 "Hey Jimin where did you end up deciding on?" Taehyung's father asked Jimin whilst staring at his parents, why direct the question to him if hes going to be wanting to talk to his parents instead?

 "Well I ended up choosing Seoul National U my mom’s alma mater. I am going to be playing for them" ..

 "Ah the (whatever animal)"

 Jimin stares at his father, watching for his reaction. He wondered how he truly felt about him attending his mothers old school instead of going abroad like he had. He wondered if he always had resented him for trying to reach back to his dead mother, for trying to always find a connection to her. It was probably why he was so insistent on joining sports, why he was so adamant about him playing football, a sport that was not entirely as popular as it is in America. Jimin wondered if his father wished he were more like him and less like his mother, is that why he was so distant? or so off and the mere mention of her name? He used to question about her and her life when he was child, but was always brushed off, "Jimin you have a new mother now, you have a younger sister, you need to think about this family now, you need to help her with the yard. Take care of your younger sister, please go over her homework" It was as if he was trying to erase her from his memory and insert a new one. And when that didn't work, when jimin wouldn't stop pestering, stop digging, stop asking he just decided to ignore it forever, always silent on the issue.

 Kim taehyung finally rounds the corner and crashes into their group, "Cmon Jimin lets go! We gotta show this school who theyre going to be missing-" Grabs Jimin by the collar.

 1 year before

 // option 1 10:49 the red neon numbers blinked up on the wall behind the class. Dr. Kim was making his way around the classroom, talking with different students. Jimin already packed and ready to go

 // option 2 3 hours – Jimin reminded himself. He has 3 hours before practice, enough to get a good nap before the punishing drills his coach might have for him today. He was quickly packing his notebooks and things away while Dr. Kim- his literature teacher droned on, “And please I should not have to remind you, but read the chapters before the next class for discussion. Remember participation is 15 percent of your grade!”

 // option 3 Dr Kim approached Jimin at his desk

 // option 4 A shadow fell over Jimin while he was packing away his things at his desk. He slowly looked up to the person who approached him. Dr Kim his literature teacher.

 Packing up after Creative writing class.. Professor Kim is ending the class.. maybe start this with dialogue? Depending on how you start the others. Maybe Professor kim sends an email to him instead requesting that he come to his office to discuss his work or his grades. I know Football is important to you, hell it is way too important to this school, but have you thought about what life will be like out of college? I knew your mother back in the day- she had an affinity for writing too, I actually see a lot of her voice in you. You have the same writing style.

Suddenly Jimin starts to feel closer to his mother

 Professor shows him his mothers works

When she was pregnant with you she wanted to start a childrens book

Professor and friends was at the funeral service too and saw him

It is halfway through the semester – sorry for talking to you so late, but he was looking for his mothers things- is a hoarder took a while

 //option 5 Dr. Kim looks up from his desk  -- no describe office first? Papers haphazardly strewn around

Jimin steps inside of the cramped room that is Dr Kim’s office. Bookcases filled to the brim with figurines, binders and books adorn the wall. Sort of encasing Dr Kim in a box of literature. Dr Kim glances up from his desk startled. His dark almond eyes widening at his intrusion. As if suddenly remembering as to why he came Dr Kim stood up, “Ah Jimin, you got my email? I didn’t think you would have come so soon.”

 Jimin glances around(not feeling this at all – maybe just go straight to dialogue and forget describing the office?) “Sir, is there a reason as to why you emailed me? I wasn’t to sure- I have been attending all of my classes? Did you not like one of my assignments…?”

 “Oh no no no, please let me explain – first sit sit” gesturing to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

 “Park Jimin, Can I speak with you in my office? I want to talk to you about your work”

“Am I in trouble? Did I miss the assignment, or…?” (been attending classes, isn’t sure as to why he is being singeled out, maybe mention that he actually like this class)

 “Oh, don’t worry, its nothing of the sort- I just have a couple of things I would like you to see or actually I would like to give to you. Follow me”

 Heads to office- bit of a mess.

 “Sorry I am a bit unorganized here. Take a seat, let me find your mothers papers”

“My mothers papers? You have my mothers old homework?/You were my mothers teacher too?”

“Not her old homework, but her old manuscripts, your mother and I were classmates back during our grad school days. She was just starting her masters while she was still dating your father”

“I didn’t know that”

“Yeah, your mother was quite the writer- I see a lot of her voice / similarities in you too. Sorry it took me so long to find these drafts. At first I was too sure if you were Sara’s son- we met before you know? At the funeral, you were probably too young to remember. And I didn’t want to just spring on you that I knew your mother, I knew I had her old drafts somewhere… sort of a perk that I am a hoarder huh? I just knew I wanted to approach you when I had finally found them”

“I knew my mother graduated with a degree in literature, I didn’t know she had plans for a book.”

“Yeah your mother I believe also wanted to start a childrens series- I think that was around the time she found out she was pregnant with you.”

“Thanks, I’ll read over them. I just- thank you really.”

“Have you read her diaries by chance? I know she pretty much documented almost everyday of her life.// OR You must have already read through her diaries, I know this isn’t much add to it, but I thought that you should have it”

“No I haven’t really found anything of my mothers after her passing.”

“Youre on the football team aren’t you?”

“yeah im **whatever position**”

“Are you looking to go professional?”

“No, honestly its just a way for me to pay for school.”

“Well have you thought about what you wanted to do when school is over? Honestly I think you could really look into possibly writing as a career.”

“Oh, I don’t know- I’m not really well read, and this was just-“

“Just think about it, I am sure whatever you choose to do, your mother would have been proud. Honestly you just coming here would’ve made her ecstatic”

“Thank you sir, really this means a lot to me.”

“Outside the classroom you can call me Namjoon, jimin.

“Thanks Mr.Namjoon

 6 months before

Jimin decides to go for a creative writing minor, and starts talking with his grandparents??? I want a little snip of something before he has to head home to help the family pack up.. 6 months is probably around Christmas time too right?

 “… I got the promotion at work, so we will be moving into the city in the next couple of months..”

“Months why is that so far away?

I need to hire and train my replacement; they don’t want me leaving until everything is in order.

 We’ll be moving to the city, so Jimin if you want instead of paying/staying at the dorm- you can stay at home. It’ll be easier on your bills since you wont be resigning the scholarship contract?// make him more disappointed – but acknowledging

 Jimin wouldn’t you want your own space though? Since you have been living on your own for the past few years- you know with privacy and all? Especially for girls?

 Pfft as if! The only girl I bet he brings around to his stinky apartment his Jill!

 Jill?

 Yeah his right hand!

 Dara!

 What its true! My older stepbrother- when did you become such a loser?

 Shut up Dara, at least I don’t actually screw around with dweebs like Jungkook

 He isn’t a dweeb ok!

 He should get a real job, playing video games for a living is lame

 Oh you’re just jealous! And video gaming is considered a sport now, a Neanderthal like you wouldn’t understand.

 Rolls his eyes, Yes because using a keyboard and mouse requires a lot of skill

 You shut up! You-

 OK OK you two. Settle down,

 But mom!// more snarkier conversation- probably redo the whole teasing/argument, but mostly centering on Jimin not getting laid

 Jimin so you’ll stay with us for your final year?

 Yeah I guess so, It beats having to find a roommate for an apartment, or staying in the dorms again.

 Good, because we will need a hand with the move. We’ve accumulated way too much stuff over the years.

 Mostly Jimins participation trophies -snickers-

 OR family holiday scene

1 week before

His father gets the promotion and they are going to be moving to the city, closer to Jimin. Jimin helps them pack up the household for the movers.

 Gripping the wheel of his car, Jimin is halfway through the drive home-

“Are you sure there isn’t anything you needed me to bring? Like extra boxes or tape?”

 He hears his stepmother sigh, “No, no thank you Jimin. We’re going to first clear out the house and try to sort through the junk. I don’t want to accidently pack up trash and ship it to Seoul.”

“Ok mom, what about dinner? I can stop by some place and pick something up?”

 “Ah well actually, Dara is cooking for us tonight.”

 “Dara? Are you sure?”

 His stepmother laughs, “Yeah, she’s found these videos online and really has gotten good at it, the Park household has been eating gourmet for the past couple of months.”

 “Wow I can hardly believe it.”

 “I think it might have to do with that boy shes been seeing” She whispers.

 “Do you want me to interrogate her, find out?”

 “Oh no no, its fine- so long as we can reap the benefits. Just hurry home and drive safe. Love you.”

 “Love you too”

3 days before

Step mother asks that he start working on the attic, and that he should sort it out into piles. Mentions something about the step mom going through a marie kondo phase. And also mention tid bits about if you do not feel joy, throw it out.

Make mention of all of his trophies, mostly participation or attendance. Younger sister throws some shade about that, nice sibling banter.

 Coughing out the dust in his lungs. Jimin makes his way downstairs from the basement lugging a box of trashable momentos.

“You clearing out all of your participation trophies?” Dara snickers.

“No, just all of your attendance certificates,”

Scoffs whatever.

Jimin places the box in the throw away pile his stepmother had set up in the living room. Jimin trudges his way back up the stairs into the attic. Boxes stacked high in the tight dusty space. Forgotten dreams, old achievements, lack luster memories seemed to clog the space. A time capsule for an era he has little to no memory of. Jimin dusts off a box labeled photos, Flips through images of his mother and finds them of his father, finds them with him, also finds images with Dr Kim Namjoon and others. These images she is seen carrying a notebook / diary. Jimin wonders if he will find them like Dr Kim Namjoon has suggested.

1 Day before

Jimin finds the box of his mom’s notebooks and diaries. He is first amazed at findng such a treasure, then is conflicted if he should read it.

 Jimin places the boxes of his mothers diaries in his room. He picks up one and flips through it. Decides against reading it and lays back against his childhood bed. Goes through the throws of whether he should read it or not. Decides ultimately to sleep on it. But decides to keep the books.

 Jimin heads back upstairs into the attic to clear out more junk.

Day of

 After finally clearing the attic, Jimin decides to start on his room. He glances back at the box of notebooks and decides to take a break and read through them. Hes curious about his mother and wonder who she really was. He feels the spine and finds the one he recognizes from on of the photos. He picks it up and thumbs through it. Different passages of  her travels. (maybe add excerpts?)

Jimin finds the notebook of his moms travels when she was in college, and it was during a study abroad English program- she went to some school in Texas where she met his father. Talks about the desert and the ships in the desert. Triggers the memory of when he was a child.

   Or scrap – father for sure went to school in the states. But maybe mother just went there for vacation

 4 days after

Jimin is in the car and makes the resolve to go through with the plan of following his moms foot steps

[joestories]

Joe Gould’s Secret

So, I just finished Joe Gould's Secret, and I loved it. And before I start polluting my mind with all sorts of other media, I think perhaps I should take a break and reflect on what I just read, because I found it especially meaningful.

First, it's two excellent contrasting profiles of an interesting character. The kind of character I am both intrigued by, and slightly wary of. I was immediately reminded of my friend Mark.

He had a voice that could bellow, he had no problem being the center of attention, he was bold and committed to seemingly ridiculous quests for no discernible reason. I found being around him both completely energizing and scary. I would leave with stories, and I never regretted hanging out with him, but I always had anxiety when I knew I was going to see him. And thinking back, I wonder what he was getting from me? I certainly couldn't keep up with him, but I was a willing participant in his chaos, and a willing audience, and I suppose he was always looking for an audience. And I was an old friend, a high school friend, one of the few who maintained an occasional correspondence with him after high school, via email. He would occasionally send me poems. I didn't like poetry, but I liked his.

I started to dig for this poem, and found some of our old correspondence. I talk about working on a script for my next film, something that I am hoping will get into a festival. He talks about trying K, becoming a minister, and making wine in someone's basement.

Then I found what I was looking for.

I glanced in the mirror before I left the house to make sure I looked alright....

Everything was fine so I went for a walk down to the beach. I sat for a while wondering about the way electrical outlets differ from country to country. It really is interesting that they couldnt devise a universal system... Almost as inpractacle as foriegn sign language. I mean think about it, here you have a chance to do it right but do we take the opportunity to make something simple NO! we set up 50 different versions. Well that got me angry so I decided to get up and take the streetcar home. After 20 minutes of sitting on the cement smoking cigarette after cigarette the tram came screetching in.

I entered and handed the driver a dollar

"lovely night" he said

I said to the man "sure is, did you see that horse fall in the bay?"

"well no sir i didnt"

"good thing, it was pretty sad"

I sat down next to her, she was wearing a black skirt and a plastic safeway bag with a hole cut out in the bottom, It looked just like a plastic tank top. I said to her

"Nice night for a bath"

"I already ate she said"

I could see right away she wasnt one to be outsmarted, I grabbed a handful of grapes from the waiter and ate them while staring into her eyes.

"this is my stop coming up here"

"So"

"I just figured you might want to get ready"

"for what"

"to get off"

"oh"

I pulled the stop request cord and we got off.

We walked a block or two and then I saw a look in her eyes, one that I cant even begin to explain.... So I did the only thing I could. I punched her in the eye and threw her into a pile of garbage. I kicked her for about 5 minutes then I sat down next to her. She looked at me and understood. She picked up the umbrella from the garbage and proceeded to pound me with it. When my nose started to bleed and I couldnt see straight she stopped.

We looked at each other and shouted in unison

"YOUVE READ BAUDELAIRE!!!!!"

We both got up and walked to the corner diner where I ordered us both burgers and 2 bowls of water so we could clean our bloody faces.

We talked for hours,

I told her all about my experiences during the war and she told me about her brief stint as a clown.

Then she got up and said she had to go to the bathroom... It was then that I knew what I had to do.

I quickly put both burgers in my pockets and ran out the door so she could pay the bill.

I thought about her for hours that night.

How she smiled, how she cried, how she made balloon animals.

she was amazing.

Even when I went and set the Bank Of America building on fire I could only think of her.

The next day when I was running after a kid on a big wheel I thought for an instant that I saw her but I knew that could not be, the Germans took her away... I think she's dead now.

Mark wasn't a tortured artist, but he was most certainly a bohemian. He didn't have a great work, but I think Joe Gould helped me to clarify our friendship a little bit.

I also think of Andrew, another weirdo artist. I was blessed to have so many weirdo artists in my orbit early in life. Why am I not a weirdo? Did I think I would always be blessed with weirdos around me? Because I'm not sure where they've all gone.

I think I need to get a little weirder.

But I digress. Joseph Mitchell certainly sees something in Joe Gould. Mitchell is the straight man, the artist seeking inspiration from the fringes of society, and Joe Gould seems to embody that perfectly.

After reading the first essay, the worst word that might be used to describe Gould is irascible. He is someone proudly occupying the fringes of society. These are qualities that you root for because you're a frumpy old sod if you don't. You want to support him because if you don't you're not cool.

The first essay left me a little sad about New York in its current incarnation. Where are the opinionated poets and painters? Are they in Bushwick?

I loved the story immediately. It was familiar and it wasn't. It was New York, and I love New York stories. It was about an artist on an impossible quest, which is the thing I love so much in Paul Auster's stories.

It's also about life on the fringes, in Bowery flophouses, in the now gone diners and dive bars of the Village. And as sort of a straight man, I can relate to Joseph Mitchell's fascination (and later annoyance) with Gould.

So, we have this character who is a larger than life character writing a larger than life book in a past New York. Struggling artist, old New York, and an author who is himself a bit of a tortured artist. And the writing is so sharp and flows so easily. Mitchell is an incredible wordsmith, and Gould is such a fantastic subject. I found myself highlighting so many sections. Here's how the founder of a poetry event described Joe Gould:

“He isn’t serious about poetry. We serve wine at our readings, and that is the only reason he attends. He sometimes insists on reading foolish poems of his own, and it gets on your nerves. At our Religious Poetry Night he demanded permission to recite a poem he had written entitled ‘My Religion.’ I told him to go ahead, and this is what he recited: ‘In winter I’m a Buddhist, And in summer I’m a nudist.’

He seems to rankle all the right people. Knock down the people who are a little too self important. He's some weird patron saint of the intellectual underworld. He embodies the spirit of some sort of troubled yet resilient artist we want to believe exists.

But he's more of a symbol than a reality. The more reality intrudes, the less fun the story is. And this is where the much longer follow-up essay picks up.

The first story feels like it's a polished little gem. The doubts we have about Gould are "good" doubts. He's a character, he's rubbed many the wrong way.

But in the second essay, written years after Gould's death in 1957, the ugly truth is told. Mitchell becomes a character in the story, and through his relationship with Gould, you start to see cracks in Gould's facade.

Gould's presentation of himself seems rehearsed. He seems to have routines that he draws on and reuses, like a standup comedian who doesn't ever develop new material. People that interact with him regularly, such as the counter man at a diner, seem to hate him.

At one point, he describes how a poem he created may have turned a lot of people against him. It was a poem against the anti-capitalists, who were having a moment in the 1930s, and he felt like it was a trend, so he wrote a poem called The Barricades and took to reciting it at parties whenever possible. It would always make some laugh and others upset. Gould goes on and on about this poem. I kept wondering if we'd get the poem, and we finally do, and it's only a few lines with a cheap gag payoff. About the death of comrades (behind the barricades at a fancy restaurant) by over-eating. It's funny in a throwaway sort of way, but in Gould's mind it was this was a large, impactful work that hardened hearts against him.

More revealing is what happens when Mitchell starts to read his notebooks. He finds that they are all the same couple of stories, written over and over again.

Ah, I haven't even talked about The Oral History of the World. This is Gould's master work, introduced in the first essay, and it does seem to ignite the imagination when described. He wants to give voice to the underprivileged on New York, to share the lives and the words of everyday New Yorkers, so that in the (apocalyptic?) future, we might see in them hints of what was to come. And supposedly, his manuscript is over 8 million words. Doing some quick math, at novel size that's 32,000 pages. It's something fantastically long. 14 publishing houses have rejected it for being obscene or unreadable. He is working on it constantly. It is at the core of his identity. And when he cadges (what a great word, bring it back!) money from acquaintances and strangers alike, he says it's for the Joe Gould fund, which will allow him to keep working on it.

So, as part of his research, Joe Mitchell wants to read it. He is able to scrounge some notebooks entrusted to a friend, and is dismayed to find a discursive essay about his father's death, a tongue-in-cheek story (with lots of bogus and unconvincing statistics) about how tomatoes are ruining railroad conductors, a memoir about measuring the heads of Native Americans as part of a eugenics experiment, and an essay about his mother's death. These all take long journeys away from their source material, but as Mitchell turns up more notebooks, he finds only these four stories, told with different discursions, over and over again.

Gould explains that this is the essay part of the Oral History, there are also the interviews, but they are locked away safely in a basement in Long Island, since America is at war (it's 1942) and he doesn't want them to be destroyed. Mitchell wants to see them, and there's a story about how the owner of the house where they are kept is away in Floria, possibly for years, and won't allow access to them. Mitchell is about to kill the story, so Gould tells me that he has a fantastic recall of them, and they start meeting, night after night, in Gould's local dive bar, and Gould imparts more and more of the contents to him, until, after several of these 8+ hour sessions, Mitchell is satisfied. Wasn't this the framing narrative of Arabian Nights? The protagonist must keep telling stories so she is allowed to live another day.

Now, I've certainly had doubts about the existence of Gould's text for most of the essay, but it becomes clear what's what when Mitchell, in hopes of finding someone else to receive Gould's constant, exhausting visits, tries to fix him up with a publisher. This person is willing to go the extra mile in every way possible to clear all obstacles in the way of Gould having his manuscripts ready for publishing. Gould has nothing but excuses, with his final one being "I'd rather it be published posthumously." Which angers Mitchell, rightfully so, who has worked to get a publisher to meet with Gould (Gould skipped out on the last one Mitchell set up).

And in the end, it's clear there's no manuscript. But Mitchell doesn't want to shatter this thing that is so intrinsic to Gould's identity. So he keeps his mouth shut.

And it's too bad it wasn't real. It makes me think of the things that have come since that sound similar. There's Overheard in New York. And Humans of New York. Joe Gould was on to something, but he was incapable of following through.

In the end, I think I side with the author. While Joe Gould's would-be book sounds like it could be incredible, the real thing would likely fall short of everyone's imagined version. Even so, I want a world with more Joe Goulds in it. He invented a personality that worked for him and seemed to inspire outsiders to some degree. He put on a show. And I guess when you start to really know someone, the reality will always be disappointing.

Is this a cautionary tale? No, I don't think so. But learning that this was the last thing Mitchell ever wrote was sort of eerie. He was such a talent. Maybe that's the real story here; Joe Gould's undoing was also Joseph Mitchell's undoing.

Josh reminded me when we spoke on the phone today, he sees me as having a high level of talent. I'm not doing much with it either.

I did just uninstall Clash Royale from the last device that still had it, we'll see if that helps. Feels like kicking a heroin habit. I just threw it all down the toilet and flushed it.

"Henry Wadsworth Longfellow translates perfectly into sea gull," he said. "On the whole, to tell you the truth, I think he sounds better in sea gull than he does in English."

[miamibeachhistory-blog]

A Place Behind the Dunes copyright Michael Durham

I spent my whole life going to the beach. There was just something about the warmth of the sun, the sand between my toes, and the calming roar of the waves crashing on the shore, that made me feel at home. I loved the beach and I can still remember the times when I wouldn’t go near the water unless I was wearing my red and blue Spiderman floaties, begging my dad for ice cream even though it was almost dinner time and the treat would surely spoil my appetite. I remember the hot sun beating down from above, melting my chocolate soft-serve cone down my hand. When you were a kid you never really noticed how messy you were, covered in sand, ice cream, and God knows what. Those times were simpler, when trips to the beach meant family, friends, adventure and relaxation. Now, it’s a whole different feeling when I venture down to the dunes, stepping over seagrass, driftwood, and old beer cans. It’s the third time this month I have found the lifeless body of some poor girl who was unfortunate enough to go home with ‘Gilgo Jack’.

My name is Howard Heart (people call me Howie), Chief Investigating Detective of The Suffolk County Police Department on Long Island, New York. Do I enjoy my job? Hell yes, what kid wouldn’t wanna be a detective. And although everything I do isn’t as glamourous as the primetime CSI shows, to me it couldn’t be cooler.

In my mid-forties now, life is coming at me more quickly. People tell you when your young, not to blink because you might miss the ride and this couldn’t be more true. I feel like just yesterday I was graduating from the academy and then boom I was married with three kids, coming up on a decade into my career. Nicholas was almost 9 already.

This morning at 5 am I got the call that another victim had been discovered, mangled into the brush on the dunes right off Ocean Parkway. This had been the third victim in a month and the fifth already this year. But this is the first time that I was named as the Chief Detective of the case after the last detective stepped down after making no significant leads in the past month.

All the victims were found the same way: naked, lacerated, strangulation bruises, and missing their tongue. All the victims also met a similar description. This one, Cindy Kouffax, was in her late twenties. A tall, blonde girl from California that must have moved out here for undergrad and just never left. That was the common theme among the victims: they were all fairly young, tall, thin and lived alone.

I went around the dune to where the crime scene was and almost lost my breakfast. I had seen dead bodies before, two prior this month in fact, but the way this poor girl looked, it nearly defeated me. I darn near wanted to cry. It is crazy to think just how sick some bastards are, and having a young daughter, I thought to myself about what I’m gonna do when she starts going out with her friends. That’s a real nightmare I have.

As I burned my lip on my coffee, my partner Tim Robbins filled me in on the details, which were bleak and unrewarding.

“Yeah, same kind of deal, young attractive girl that probably ran into our friend Jack.”

First of all, Jack was far from a friend. ‘Gilgo Jack’ is the name we kindly bestowed to the killer as some kind of tribute to the greatest murderer of all time, the infamous Jack the Ripper. It was Tim who came up with the name, cleverly I might add.

“Jesus, you never can get used to that smell though huh, Howie?”

And Tim was right, the smell of that decomposing corpse was worse than you could imagine, it lingered in your nostrils and you could never forget it.

“This is the third body we found this month and we still have no more of a lead on a suspect than after the first body was found in April. We need to do something here. We can’t keep letting these girls go out and end up like cattle ready for slaughter.”

The suspect we are looking for is a ghost; he never leaves evidence of DNA. The incisions on the bodies are usually clean, suggesting that he has some sort of a medical background, but then we get a body that looks like its been hacked-up with a rusty butter knife and we don’t know what to believe. There are never any witnesses to describe a potential suspect and half the time we don’t even know what bar these girls got picked up at. There is still so much space missing when trying to connect the dots. We haven’t made much headway since the first body was found months ago.

“Hey, I think I got something over here!”

One of the officers called me over and pointed down to the sand. Jack had made a critical mistake, he was getting careless. There laying on the dune covered in sand, was a broken, bloody stiletto that could be the first lead in catching this monster.

 We investigated Cindy’s home and found little to nothing. She was tidy and meticulous, everything was neat and organized. It was a nice place. She must’ve been doing well for herself. You could tell that she was a careful individual who was very schedule oriented. We joked about her multi-colored calendar chaotically covered in post-it notes, which actually led to some headway. Written in pink highlighter was the word ‘Memory’ circled and underlined twice on the little Thursday square. This was a lead. So we headed off to the local hangout known as The Memory Motel.

Later that night me and Robbins took the trip into town. It was about three miles from the last dump site. The Memory Motel, a little rinky-dink bar that is usually filled with an older crowd of locals, chain-smoking cigarettes with little tasteless conversation, a real hole in the wall place. Definitely not a place someone would expect a girl of our victim’s age. They do have a great deal for burgers on Mondays though, so it was worth the trip. Robbins and I stopped by to chat with the bar proprietor, “Rusty” as he was called.

We showed him a picture of Cindy. “Yea, she was in here the other night, a real natural beauty, you couldn’t miss her. She ordered a cocktail and waited in the corner over there for about a half hour, then she got up and left. That was at about 10.”

“Did she speak to anyone while she was here?” Robbins questioned.

“I don’t think so, but the boys were gawking at her, she seemed to like the attention. But no, she sat by herself over there in that corner until she left.”

Well, we didn’t gather as much useful information as we hoped, but Rusty’s recollection did initiate a timeframe. She was still alive at 10pm that Thursday night.

 The next morning I got up at my usual time. It was still dark out, but the birds were chirpin’. It was that kind of weird dawn time when people were awake before the sun. I’m not a man of long showers, but for some reason the warm water on my face felt so strangely good. I hadn’t slept much last night. When I finally emerged from my steamy hideaway, my wife, Kate, was already downstairs.

“They wrote an article in the herald about that girl you found yesterday. She graduated from Columbia Law School a few years ago. Her parents had no idea she was even living on the island.”

This poor girl. Her parents hadn’t even known where she was when she was killed. Imagine the devastation on the other side of the line after she was identified. I went back upstairs and gave each of my children a kiss on the head. They were still asleep; school didn’t start until 8 for them. They all looked so innocent laying in their tiny beds with their superhero and princess comforters, hopefully dreaming big. Never tell a kid they cant be something when they are little. They have the rest of their lives ahead of them to become whoever they want to be. At least that was my view on the situation.

Walking back into the station, I was met midway between the door and my desk with a handful of papers shoved into my face.

“This is the full report from yesterday’s victim, and you’re never going to believe this. We found DNA on that stiletto that wasn’t from Cindy. No matches for it yet but we are gonna continue to run analysis on it. Makes me feel a little better that she clocked the sucker and didn’t go down without a fight.”

This was the best news I had heard in a while. All night I was running scenarios in my head of how the next victims were gonna look, each more unpleasant than the next. But this made me hopeful. There was a positive aura around the whole station and everyone seemed to benefit from the good news.

After lunch, Robbins and I headed back to the victims apartment to do one last sweep while waiting for the DNA results. For some reason I had a feeling that we were gonna find something new, something we missed and overlooked before. It was a good day and we wanted to keep the momentum going. It was eerie walking around in this dead girl’s apartment. It was a place where she lived her own individual life and now it was nothing. It was no longer a home, no longer a place to come home to after a long day of work, no longer a place to laugh or cry, it was just nothing. Unfortunately, we found nothing of substance, and it was time to head back to the office for the results.

“The cross reference came back without a match, I’m sorry Howie.”

That one sentence was basically the end of my day. All hope I had from early had simultaneously left my body at that moment and I was immediately exhausted. I went back into my office, shut the door, and laid my head down on my desk. This is where I stayed until it was time to go home.

People say not to take your work home with you, but I couldn’t help myself. My Dogfish Head IPA had run dry and the Mets were losing 7-1 to the damn Cardinals. It was hard to distract myself from work. I wanted to pull myself away. It was late. I needed something stronger, so I poured myself a handsome glass of maker’s mark, slugged it, and poured another one. I made my way to my office where I sat the glass down on my desk and began looking over some old files that I had laying around. Most of them just cases from earlier in my career. None of them particularly stuck out. But all these cases were closed. In fact every case I had ever worked on was closed. It got me thinking. I’m going to catch this catch this monster, or it’ll drive me insane. I was tired, it was late.

 My alarm woke me up the next morning, I felt like I had barely slept a wink. It was time to embark on another days work. When I made it back to the office I was again assaulted by Robbins while I was till only halfway in the door.

“There’s a girl here that wants to speak to you. She said she may be able to give a description on our guy. Apparently she was at a bar the other night and a man approached her. She said he offered to buy her a drink, but she was with her fiancé so she refused. But guess who she said she saw leaving with the guy later that night. Our fifth victim, Cindy Kouffax.”

Immediately, I was thrown into the hurricane of hysteria created by this girl. She was crying. I told her to calm down, go slow, and start from the beginning. It was honestly too early for this.

“Okay, okay, well,” she started. “We were at the Sloppy Tuna on Seacliff Street and this man approached me. He was wearing glasses and was very nicely dressed. He was actually pretty handsome.” Her fiancé sitting next to her didn’t seem to appreciate that comment. “He offered to buy me a drink, but I told him that I was actually getting married in a few weeks. Then he kind of chuckled, bowed his head, turned around and left. And that was pretty much our entire interaction. But then right when we were getting ready to leave I saw him leave with that tall blonde girl from the paper! He must have been the one that killed her!”

“What time would you say that was at approximately?”

Looking at each other the couple collectively responded with “2 am”. I glanced up and down at the man. He was rugged and had a band-aid on his face. It was strange but I disregarded it. I was giddy that we had gathered more evidence on a potential suspect. This also narrowed our timeframe even further. Our victim was still alive when they left the bar around 2 that Thursday.

I sent the women and her husband to describe the man to our facial sketch artist. I thanked her for coming in and reiterated what a huge help it was. And it truly was. On the outside I was calm, but on the inside I felt like a little kid on Christmas. This was a crucial development in a case that has been looking more empty and hopeless each day. If we could match a face to the killer then there is no doubt in my mind that we would close this case by the end of the week.

 It was Thursday, exactly a week since we found the last victim and with the weekend approaching I was nervous that our killer would strike again. Having watched too many episodes of CSI: Miami and other Hollywoodized cop-show propaganda, I had a gut feeling that our killer would strike again because they begin to murder more frequently when their thirst simply cannot be quenched. It was a rough morning and my wife found me day dreaming over my bowl of lukewarm oatmeal. It was already 7, I was late for work.

Swinging open the doors to the station, I was surprisingly not met with the loud cacophonous chaos that had greeted me everyday this week. The office was pretty dead. Was it a Holiday? Then I heard Robbins voice call me into my office. He handed a laminated piece of white paper. Hesitantly, I snatched it from his hands and turned it over. There on the other side was the pencil drawn sketch of our killer to the best detail that our witness could remember. It was weird because at first I couldn’t process exactly what I was looking at. It was somewhat surreal because after analyzing the page for about a half minute, it dawned on me. I knew this guy. I felt so dumb that I hadn’t noticed it right away. It was the guy from Al’s Hardware Store. It was Al Olson from Al’s Hardware Store! I jolted to the door, but stopped when Robbins said “Too late”. “Too late?” I questioned.

“We took a sample of Al’s DNA and compared it with the DNA that we recovered from the victims shoe, and I don’t know how but it wasn’t a match. We still have Al in custody if you want to go question him.”

How could it not be a match, we had a witness identify him and work with a facial artist and it matched. Why was this not adding up? How could our victim have been seen leaving with this guy, but he not be the killer? It was the last time she was seen, it was the night she disappeared, how could it not be him? It didn’t make any sense to me. I needed to sit down.

I went in finally after a tall glass of water to chat with Al. He wasn’t very talkative, more annoyed than anything. He said he was trying to take our victim home, but as soon as they left the bar, a gentleman approached them and the victim willingly left Al’s side and left with the new mystery man. Al hadn’t seen his face and the description he gave could have matched any male on the east coast. Needless to say it was not a very enlightening interrogation.

“His alibi seemed fishy, but I think he’s telling the truth. I mean the DNA doesn’t match.”

There wasn’t much more we could do but let Al go. In the back of my mind I was kind of glad that Al wasn’t our guy. He always gave me the employee discount whenever I shopped at his store. I guess that’s what he had to do to compete with the big franchises like Home Depot these days.

I headed home with an empty feeling in my stomach, and no it wasn’t hunger, it was the fact that another day passed and we still had a killer on the loose. It was sickening, the feeling of failure and inadequacy. Anyway it had me thinking, but I was tired so as soon as I got home I passed out. I need a good night’s rest.

 Waking up Friday morning, for some odd reason I felt refreshed. It was the first time in weeks that I might have actually gotten a good nights rest. The real reason I felt refreshed might have been because it was Friday and tomorrow was the weekend, but it was probably a combination of the two. With my wife still soundly asleep I gently rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I cut myself shaving my face. Those are the worst little cuts. They were deep and bled profusely. I didn’t want to put a bandage on my face so I just dabbed a piece of toilet paper on it and waited for the blood to coagulate and scab. I splashed water in my face, I did have bags under my eyes but I wasn’t too tired. God I looked old; my hair was already beginning to gray. The cut on my chin didn’t make me look any better. The stress from work had really taken its toll on my appearance.

I put on a pot of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table to think. I must have been missing something, overlooking some detail that would break this case wide open. It seemed as though the closer we got, the further we got. It was frustrating. I sat at my table for almost an hour, blankly looking into empty space, but my mind was racing over so many details it felt like my head was going to fly off my shoulders. I snapped back into reality, I was again late for work.

During the drive to the office I just couldn’t get out of my head when that couple came and described Al to us. It was strange that they had acted so quickly in coming to the police. How did they even remember what the guy looked like? They only had a minute interaction at most. Something didn’t add up. I pulled up to the station and again it was quiet but I was expecting some development in the case.

Surprisingly Robbins didn’t have anything for me, no words just lips smacking together as he shoved two jelly-filled donuts down his throat. I sat down at my desk, leaned back, and folded my hands behind my head. As soon as I became comfortable it hit me. Why did the man that came in the other day have a band-aid on his face? Cut himself shaving? No, he had a beard. We needed to call him back in, something about that guy made me suspicious. Me and Robbins decided to make a house call.

Robbins drove, and I was in the passenger seat of his black police-issued dodge challenger. It was a nice car, surprising that this was in the budget. I joked with him in the car of a potential gun fight when we got there, but in reality it was nothing to joke about. There was a real possibility that some action would take place, but that’s what made this line of work so exciting, the danger came with the territory.

We pulled up to 86 Sycamore, the couple lived in apartment B3. Robbins knocked.

“Suffolk County Police Department open up, we just have some more questions for you two.”

There was a chance that they weren’t there, it was 10am on a Friday, surely they had somewhere to be. I tried the knob, the door was open. Cautiously, guns drawn, we entered the residence. I called out again, and again there was no response. The place was a wreck, there was broken glass all over the floor.

“It looked like Hurricane Sandy ripped through their living room,” Robbins uttered jokingly.

Just then a figure emerged from the bedroom, it was the women who had come in. She was sleepily moving towards us rubbing her eyes. I told her not to move any closer. She asked what we were doing in her apartment, and we told her we just needed to ask her and her fiancé a few more questions regarding the “Gilgo Jack” murders. She complied. Just as she was about to sit down, a noise came from behind us in the kitchen. Before I had a chance to turn around, I felt a burning sensation in my lower left back. I looked back at Robbins and he had a growing red, wet patch on his shoulder. We opened fire. As soon as I spun around, I was grazed again on the cheek. I fired two shots back at the man and hit him in the chest. He got off one last shot that hit me right in the neck, before crumbling to the floor. I hit the ground. The room was spinning. What the hell just happened? That entire moment felt like it was moving in slow motion. I thought of my wife. My field of vision was then filled entirely with Robbins who began applying pressure to my neck. It had missed my wind pipe and aorta thankfully. I was still alive but I was bleeding out, and if I wasn’t rushed to the hospital immediately then I certainly wouldn’t make it. Robbins threw me over his shoulder, fireman-carry style and began calling for backup to secure the premise. Robbins threw me in the back of his cruiser and slammed the gas.

 Its funny how the mind works. Sometimes you just can’t control your thoughts. Your conscience wanders through your mind like a lost traveler trying to find his way. I felt warm. My mind drifted to memories of when I was a kid playing at the beach. I saw my dad, he tossed me a football as I dove into the sand. I saw my mother, she was so beautiful and happy. Then I saw my kids, and when I looked to my left I saw my wife smiling. The sound of the water was so relaxing, I could practically smell the sea. I started walking towards the water, then I dove under a wave and as soon as the water hit my face I was thrown violently back into reality.

 I blacked in for a moment and looked up at a team of doctors trying to frantically save my life. The room was so bright. I was hot, but the warmth soon began to fade and I again fell unconscious.

When I finally awoke again Robbins, my wife, and my kids where there staring at me.

“I think he’s waking up! How are you feeling buddy?”

I didn’t know if I was still dreaming or not. I reached up my arm and touched my neck. It was tender and bandaged up. I was alive. My wife started to cry tears of joy, and came over hugged me and kissed me. I was definitely alive.

“Howie, you took that bullet like a champion, I thought we were gonna lose you there for a second. We got the killers, that couple that came in and identified Al, it was them working as a team to court young girls in and butcher them. You did it Howie.”

I began to cry, it was an emotional release that I was not expecting. I never cried, I hadn’t cried since my mother passed away. I was so happy to not only have closed the case but also to be able to live another day with my beautiful family. This whole time we were calling the killer “Gilgo Jack” while we should’ve been calling them “Gilgo Jack and Jill”. I faintly uttered that to Robbins, to make sure he added that in the press release. He chuckled and said, “Good to have you back Howie”.

[wordsbymareehasoomro]

Pages 1-7

 Before I could say goodbye, the train started rolling, I craned my neck to see him and I looked at him till he faded. I didn’t even say goodbye. He didn’t say it either, we departed like we were gonna meet the next day.

I knew he won’t show the pain. I knew he could smile and laugh even when he would be burning and exploding from the inside. That was the way God made him and that was how God gave this crinkly eyed monster to me. I was not supposed to change him but I do believe God should have sent a warning label along with him.

8th November 2007; when I first got to know Adrian, he was not the person you would want to be with. He was emotionally detached and carefree. Very charming. And awkward. Gentlemani-sh but would ignore you like you died. He was that guy who seemed mysterious because he was distant sometimes. I tried to dig into him all day long trying to make him say things that tell me about his life but somehow he would keep telling me that he has no plans of actual commitment. The highest level of compliment you would get from him would be ‘’cute’’ yes im not even kidding. Apparently hot was not a term he would use for you, in a million years. Like, I said a gentleman but forced into a fuckboy. I had a slight clue that there is a full-time gentleman hidden inside him and I literally burned my ego into ashes to know that full time gentleman out of this fuckboy.

Strange but yes, we met through his ex. He had a lot of exes apparently. Not new to me, I’ve had all kinds of species in my relationship history as well. Everyone had earlier mentioned this guy to me as a ‘’fuckboy’’ of course. I still don’t know how was I described to him but im sure in bad words. We both were bad in our own comforting ways. I saw a glimpse of him at a party, I had no second thoughts. Yes, I found him cute. Why? Because he almost fit my ‘’good looking characteristics in a guy’’ list and it was as follows

1.    Hooded, crinkly eyes, deep as hell

2.    Lips small but not too small. Big but not too big. Smaller than mine, big lips makes it feminine for me on a guy

3.    Hairy but not too hairy, should have dark deep eyebrows

4.    Should know how to make his hair. Not too boyish and not too uncle type. Just in the middle of it

5.    Should make a great couple with me

6.    Height bigger than me

7.    No teeth problems otherwise disqualified

8.    Shoe sense

  ‘’What are you looking at? He’s a Jewish and he is with every other girl in the world’’ my friend said to me in a sarcastic tone. I acted like I wasn’t looking at him ‘’I was looking at his ex, she’s pretty but desperately needs to get her teeth fixed’’ and we both laughed it off but deep inside, both of us knew I was gonna send him a friend request as soon as I go back home.

I was acquaintances with his ex so I search him up and he’s right there. ‘’Wow so now he has a dimple too? It was not even in my list!’’ That was a shocker. Quite strange but I had never been with a guy who had a cute little dimple and this one had it. Fucked me up. Added him instantly and he accepted ‘’instantly’’ because of course he was thinking of me as just another target and what was I thinking? Probably ‘’he’s a cute guy’’ just that. I didn’t wanna flirt with him, I didn’t wanna date him, I obviously at that point of time couldn’t think about marrying him because of the religious differences so what was I getting?

I don’t know.

I wish I was that sorted out in life. So now he adds me back and we kind of have this really serious conversation about things…which make me feel like he’s way too serious for me.

BUT YES, I would like to mention he started the conversation.

Adrian- Can you please introduce yourself?

Me- (being as awkward as I can be) How do you introduce? Hahahahahaha

Adrian- I’m a 21 year old living in Canada

Me- Okay can I introduce myself now? Im a 20 year old obsessed with batman and I wanna have a pet monkey so yes tell me more about yourself

Adrian- Damn and you ask me how do you introduce?

Me- Am I good at this shit? Duh Im good at everything

(And there, I said it)

No but on a serious note,  nice abs (after looking at a photo of his abs on his profile of course)

Adrian- typing…

Me thinking okay now he thinks im desperate as fuck and a slutty hoe

Adrian- Thanks but I don’t like my abs im going to workout more in the future

Me (not knowing shit about gyming and abs and workouts)

– but whyyyyy?

Adrian- Just like that

And you’re obsessed with batman? I am batman

(Wait what? Don’t tell me he likes batman too? This is gonna be interesting)

Me – If you don’t mind I would like to confess that I AM BATMAN sorry

Adrian- You can be batwoman for sure

Me – Batman with tits so mind your own business, I can be whatever I want to be

Adrian- Wow that’s pretty interesting batman with tits wow..

Me- yes very interesting, thankyou

(By now, He would have known this girl is mentally unstable)

Adrian- It’s good to be yourself

(He was still acting very gentleman-ish I have to tell you)

Me- you love me already

Adrian- Can you stop day dreaming?

(Ouch…)

Me- I can stop, yes.

Adrian- So I came back to study here after the party where I saw you, I come back to your city after every 3 months for a month or two

Me- Oh, I see

(Now, honestly I was like lets get out of this conversation its pretty dry)

Adrian- This is such a fucked up place, after a while you have nothing to do here

 And then I ignore the message. For three days. Yes three days. Because Im thinking this guy is pretty cute but too serious to talk to

And then in about a week, I am randomly going through my last conversations with people in the past few weeks, and I see his profile picture pop up and im thinking lets try again, maybe he’s not that serious, maybe he will send me memes, maybe he has a crazy side.

‘’Hey there’’ I send it to him

No reply.

A day passed away, No reply.

2 days pass away, no reply.

NEVER IN MY HISTORY OF HOOKUPS, IVE HAD A GUY WHO IGNORED MY MESSAGE FOR 2 DAYS.

My ego is burning.

3 days no reply.

My ego is about to burst into flames

And I get a reply finally, we exchange numbers

And then he wants to call me. Im thinking ‘’No, what if he’s a kidnapper, a rapist, a weird drunk fuckboy who wants to talk dirty to me, he wants to talk after 12am, he obviously wants to talk dirty im not talking to this random ass’’ I decline the offer. I make up an excuse and we don’t talk on call that night. The next night, he makes the offer again and I remember how he ignored me for 3 days when I didnt reply back for sometime and I don’t decline the offer. Why was I scared of not getting attention from this stranger who is too serious for me? I don’t know.

God knew better. God knew what he was upto. God knew why this stranger was creeping into my life like that.

He calls me. I’m so nervous. He sounds familiar. He sounds like someone I know but Im pretty sure I don’t know him. He begans talking like a gentleman and holy shit, in a minute or two this man starts making me laugh my ass off with his jokes. His horrible, lame yet funny as hell jokes and Im laughing, im laughing all night long. He’s telling me about himself, im telling him about myself, we both tell each other things that should take a longer time to be unveiled but we don’t take the long route, we spill it out. I tell him things that I would never tell a stranger, I tell him about family. He tells me about his family. We both talk about our little siblings. He gets serious for a while and then starts trolling me again and the laughter session continues. I stare at my wall clock, It’s 9 fucking am in the morning. No exaggeration. ‘’It’s 9 am’’ I said ‘’It’s 9 am’’ he grinned. And then we both laugh for no reason and we end the call in a few minutes. I don’t know about Adrian but I had a huge smile on my face before going to sleep, that night. And I had not smiled like that in a long.. long time and just so you know, im smiling even right now as im typing this because it reminds me of that exact moment I decided to sleep with him in my head, trying as hard as I can to insert him in my mind, thinking about the possibilities, I was crazy enough to fall for a guy after a call? ‘’No. No you cant’’ but no one knows me more than my dear heart ‘’Yes you can’’ it whispered to me.

The next day, I send a good morning text to him, You know the shit is about to blow up when you send a good morning to someone. He was my first thought in the morning.

We talk. All day almost. And the night? We call each other again like its routine. More secrets. More laughter. More knowing, less thinking about future.

I come to this conclusion in a few days that I don’t know shit about love but I like this guy. He is hard to read. I would call him an ‘’emotionless encyclopedia’’ who knew everything in the world but was emotionally detached to humans. I somehow felt there was a soft side to him but at that point of time, he was into his friends, both male and female he would skype with them all day long and I couldn’t figure him out properly.

But yes, I felt like it was clumsy between us. I couldn’t properly flirt with him because he wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t talk dirty because he didn’t dig the dirty. I couldn’t get the sort of attention I wanted from this guy and it was turning me off , and one day out of my desperation of trying to get attention from im, I asked him out in the most childish way you can ever expect. The girl asks out the boy in between a normal conversation. We are talking generally about hookups and im like ‘’Wanna hookup?’’ he doesn’t type for a while and then he says ‘’Hookup? Like a relationship?’’ I say ‘’Yes?’’ he says ‘’Okay’’ and it began.

It began like the most simplest thing in the world but it began to eat us like a monster, it began as a sunset so calm after a long day. firey yet calming, it’s simple, it’s constant, but it grows to be that rush of adrenaline when you beat the odds, you feel on top of the world. You are powerful, and each glimpse of him you get, leaves you gasping for more, he is a breath of freedom in a sea of trouble. He begans to be my strength and my luck and my happiness and he ends up being my weakness, my love and my reason to be alive.

Who knew?

We make it official like its some kind of a serious relationship and we both knew It wasn’t. we knew it was gonna end in a few months or weeks or days, I just wanted attention from the guy who was emotionless, he just wanted to pass his time with someone who was 24/7 available to be his muse. We both were fucked up.

In a few weeks, we infact I realized he was not my type. Not at all. I was mistaken. I was into the sense of humor. There was nothing else he could give me. He could not praise me for anything, he could not compliment me no matter how hard I tried to look pretty in front of him,  never showed me that I meant something. We had long distance which obviously meant we never faced each other so it was harder. He once told me im not hot in any possible way and one day I ask him what is hot for you and he shows me a girl from his college and it humiliated me in the worst possible way when I receive a picture of that girl. I forget bullshit easily but this bullshit, I wish I could get rid of. He would sometimes prioritize his friends in front of me, he would tell me he’s sleeping but he would be talking to his friends, I used to feel like shit. I had never felt like that in my past relationships. I felt like I needed to be prettier, I felt ugly, I felt insecure, I felt like there was something more entertaining about his friends that I had to copy. We both would never agree upon the same ideas about life, we started having different views about things and the worst of all, after making me feel like shit, he would always be emotionless and laugh at me for being sad about it. He never used to get jealous even if I would go out with a million boys who looked good, he never used to question me and it started pissing me off to such an extent that I finally told him, ‘’I cant do this, you are emotionless’’

‘’But I was like this from the start’’ he says

‘’ I don’t know, All I know is I feel like shit when im talking to you. I feel like comparing myself to all these girls you talk to or you show me because I genuinely feel there is something wrong with me. I try to look good, I try to send you pictures of myself looking good but I cant beg for a compliment, I have never felt so degraded in my life, Adrian’’ I mumbled in my crying voice

‘’You tell me you’re sleeping and I see you online talking to a friend, I don’t care about the gender, its about the priorities and the lies, at least treat me like a girl friend when you’ve agreed upon a relationship’’ I continued

And then there was a long silence on that call. For the first time, this emotionless encyclopedia Adrian did not laugh about it. He apologized for it. And then we both agreed upon the fact that we are both too different and I told him I need to be fed with attention if im with someone and you’re a detached person, you don’t believe in feelings and all

‘’Listen’’ he said

‘’I fell In love once,

I gave everything to that relationship. I gave honestly, I gave loyalty, I trusted that girl and I trusted the fact that she is going to trust me back. I loved her like I wouldn’t love anyone in the world because she was the most innocent and the prettiest soul I had ever known but you know what she did? She trusted someone else who told her lies. She believed the lies and she called me a cheater. Imagine being called a cheater when you’re loyal to the one you lovel’’

I was silent. He was telling his side of the story for the first time. He was being serious for the first time. I didn’t say a word.

He continued ‘’ I tried to explain, but she didn’t. I was so heartbroken that I decided I would never have a serious relationship ever again. I would never fall in love with someone ever again, I would never trust a girl ever again, I used to take my frustration out in the gym, I ended up having muscles and packs and I would upload shirtless pictures of myself just to give myself some peace of mind, In anger and frustration, I showed her I could do what she blamed me for doing and I dated the same girl she blamed me for flirting with. Of course it didn’t work out because I never liked her in the first place but I wanted to destroy myself, I used to drink, I used to smoke, I fucked myself up completely until I moved on and ever since that, I have been in useless relationships with strange girls I don’t know completely but im cool with it because girls are not meant to be trusted. I do respect them, I don’t mess up with their respect and I don’t trust a girl when she tells me she is going to stay because these are all lies’’

I heard it all and now I knew 1/100 of Adrian’s life and I could never in a million years guess that this guy would be heartbroken by a girl.

We still ended the relationship over call because I had nothing to say, All I heard was this guy could never love anyone again and I felt defeated. I felt like ‘’What did she have that I don’t?’’

Yes I did stalk her after the call, and she was below average. Can you believe it that Im rating his ex’s looks after the sentimental story? I have to rate her because I expected the love of his life to be a gorgeous girl with the kind of hot looks he used of show me pictures of. One thing pretty clear was that this emotionless guy did not give a fuck about looks too much. He was not into choosing girls based on their appearance, He fell in love with someone so average. That kind of made me fall for him more even though I didn’t want to anymore because we broke up.

I had made my dear heart understand that stop trying to make him fall for you because he has done that already and he failed miserably. He doesn’t wanna try again clearly so lets just leave him alone.

But my dear heart didn’t understand shit

We don’t text for several days, It was our second month knowing each other and I get an apology.

‘’Im sorry for being like that’’ he says

‘’Im sorry for asking you for attention all the time’’ I replied

And it was kind of a patch up again.

And we are doing this lifeless relationship again, why?

God knew better and you will know later on, why I keep saying this again and again.

[intriguing-catastrophe]

1-85 (;

I hate you lmao. 1. Are looks important in a relationship? No

2. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes

3. Are you a virgin? Nope

4. Are you in a relationship? Nope

5. Are you in love? Unfortunetely i am.

6. Are you single this year? I guess

7. Can you commit to one person? Yes.

8. Describe your crush. He’s got dark hair, and the most amazing smile ive ever seen in my entire life. And his lips are so nice. His eyes make me drift away every time i see them.

9. Describe your perfect mate. Honestly i cant

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Sometimes.

11. Do you ever want to get married? Yeah eventually

12. Do you forgive betrayal? Rarely

13. Do you get jealous easily? Yes and its a huge problem

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Well duh

15. Do you have any piercings? Yes, i have my ears, bellybutton, and conch.

16. Do you have any tattoos? Yeah one on my left wrist.

17. Do you like kissing in public? Actually yes

20. Do you shower every day? Just about.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Idk anymore

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? No

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yes.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Probably not.

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? Yeah maybe

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yeah but he didnt mean it

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? Yes

28. Have you ever been cheated on? All the time

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? Onceand ill never do it again.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Yes, my lips, and my weight.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Both

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Uhhh

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? Almost, half way ;)

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yes :/

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Yeah

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes absolutely

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? I do right now.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Yeah

41. Have you had sex so far this year? Yeah

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Well i always like to be touching the othet person

43. How long was your longest relationship? 9 months

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? A lot tbh for guys, ive dated 3 girls.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011? Fuck if i know lol.

46. How many times did you have sex last year? Like 2

47. How old are you? Nunya

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? To go for it

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Dont

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?Hell no 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yeah..

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?Yeah because they broke me badly 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No

54. Is there someone you will never forget? Yes. My best mate.

55. Share a relationship story. I loved him, he loved me, boom lost virginity, boom he cheated. Good story.

56. State 8 facts about your body. I have a birthmark on the back of my head. I have long legs. I have small ears. I have stretch marks. My left boob is bigger than my right. I have an innie belly button. I have two scars on my right hand from curling my hair and burning myself. I have blue eyes.

57. Things you want to say to an ex. Fuck you.

58. What are five ways to win your heart? Being funny, loving all of me, panda express, being comfortable with me, and being you.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)Lol look at my profile pic im lazy. 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? Uhhh damn this gonna be weird. But like 8 years. Oops. Age doesn’t always matter to me.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Their eyes.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Rent a hotel room, put red and pink rose petals all over the bed, light some candles, blindfold me and ;) boom. Cliche i know.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?Well kids, its when a dick goes in a vagina or a mouth or for females, it involes some tongue action 64. What is your definition of cheating? Anything to do with another person someone likes really. Even saying they are cute.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Tbh idek

66. What is your favourite roleplay? Uhh idk im lame

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? Honestly i dont even need money spent on me. Just relaxing at home cuddling watching scary movies and eating popcorn is amazing

68. What is your sexual orientation? Well, i go by bisexual but really pansexual i just hate explaining it all the time.

69. What turns you off? When someone is bragging about their self

70. What turns you on? Neck kisses, lip biting, spanking.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? I dont remember

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? “Fuck you’re tight” “damn babygirl” those are my fav ;)

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Just to genuinely care about me

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? Idk

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Bought me some art stuff and flowers

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? I gave them all my money so they could buy something for someone they cared about

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? It doesnt matter too much but there is a limit. A 15 year old should not be dating a 30 year old.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? If i told you i would have to kill you

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Today, i cant have who she has.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Today.

81. Who are five people you find attractive? Uh im gonna do people i actually know. Cale, simon, dan, nicole, jaden.

82. Who is the last person you hugged? My mom

83. Who was your first kiss with? My ex when i was like 14

84. Why did your last relationship fail? He completely ignored me and ghosted me.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? I have and still would.

I really sucked at this