#mallory writes sometimes

[sansa-of-oldstones]

I have ventured back to Pinterest for edit pictures, and oh my god, my boards are like a time capsule.

What a delight.

[sansa-of-oldstones]

I have no words. Thank you so much. This was the first fic I ever posted, and it means so much to me. 😭

In The Chaos by @sansa-of-oldstones

[not-poignant]

Out of simple curiosity how's the M&M worldbuilding going so far? Is it helping you feel more prepared for the future fic?

It very much happens in fits and starts, and I have the lingering sense that I'm not actually skilled enough as an author to pull off what I want to achieve yet. Or maybe ever.

I'm worldbuilding other stories too though! I actually dumped 2k of worldbuilding into another new world today. And that's like... yeah, going well!

Tbh worldbuilding can sometimes have the opposite effect where you feel less and less prepared to write something, vs. more prepared, because the more you know / invent, the more you realise you can never know / invent, or the more you feel like 'just that one other thing' 'just this one other thing' 'I just need this thing sorted before I start' even as you know there will be hundreds or thousands more hours once you start. x.x

It's more complicated by the fact that it's a huge world, it's a new world with new cultures, it has conlangs (constructed languages), and I'm sort of aware that like... I'm not at the level of the authors who are pulling this off, with the added benefit that a lot of people don't like reading this kind of stuff these days comparatively. I'd like...technically do better with something like paranormal romance, lmao.

ANYWAY, there's pros and cons to in-depth worldbuilding. I'm in the cons more than I'm in the pros right now, but that's also because I'm actively working on literally six other stories, one other world, and dealing with chronic health stuff, so it's easy to push M&M off the cliff of 'too muuuuuuuch' on a regular basis.

And... I know there's something wrong when I'm just not as excited to write it as I am excited to write other things.

The last like...heavily researched/planned story I wrote did pretty badly overall (The Ice Plague) so I feel a little like... I don't want to end up writing this because of Sunk Cost Fallacy, I want to write it because I want to write it, and until that point, I'll keep tinkering away in the background.

[itspileofgoodthings]

reading Anne of Windy Poplars and have decided that reality is actually a combination of Anne’s experience with life and Katherine Brooke’s (pre-Anne friendship.)

[shamebats]

After living 30 years as Mallory Ortberg - a single, financially independent person acclaimed for her feminist writing - Lavery felt prepared to risk the possibility of regret for an opportunity to make an interesting change. He told himself that if living as a male and didn't like it he could also detransition, as others have. "Essentially I thought [female to male transition] would be a really good, fun, interesting, compelling thing to do and so far at least I think that it has been."

Lavery now lives in New York with his wife Grace Lavery, a fellow writer who transitioned from male to female at the same time as his own transition. Grace had been thinking about it for decades so it was "a real delight" for the couple to start transitioning together, Lavery says, sometimes sharing their old clothes with each other and finding their own new personal style in parallel. No one got hurt or lost anything in the process of their individual gender transitions, he says, and the process was "fairly easy and good".

So-called trans-exclusive feminists, who invoke fear and anxiety with the message that men transitioning to women involves women losing rights, have it wrong, he says. "Most people don't transition because they've been persuaded that men are better and there ought to be more of them or women are better and there ought to be more of them. [More often, people undergo gender transition because they think] 'I think I'd really like to be a man' or 'I think I'd really like to be a woman."" Lavery's choice to live as a male doesn't represent a rejection of femaleness, he says. "I loved what I got to do before and I was ready to do something else."

Daniel M Lavery: the awkwardness of gender transition

[canonicallyginger]

Sometimes the mark of good writing is that it makes you really fucking angry at a character. Sometimes a character is so heinous and duplicitous that it makes you feel so fucking mad whenever they show up. The problem with this is that a truly hateable villain is usually not that fun if they keep winning for too long. You have to be careful. But when it's done right, when the character's villainy and overall awfulness make you mad just occasionally, when they're only around every so often, that's the fun part. Anyway this post is about Lady Ethel Mallory from Hello from the Hallowoods. Ive finally gotten to the part where she's pathetic and it's glorious

[unsoundedcomic]

Whumptober 2024 - 06 - "Not Realising They're Injured"

The Sonorie winter palace was in Alauri Beach, a dreamy subtropical district hugging Cresce's southernmost border. Northern districts feared Alderode and ill-intentioned Sharteshanian encroachment; locals said Alauri Beach's only enemy was the sea. Here the country harvested salt and seafood, chocolate and jewel-hued alien fruit that, after nearly a decade sequestered there, Roger still couldn't identify by name. He'd adjusted to the food, the mosquitos, the heat, the downpours, but loneliness remained a constant bedfellow. Even when his hosts provided alternatives.

Roger didn't spare a glance to the unclothed boy dozing in the fine satin bed behind him. Instead, from a high window of pebbled cerulean glass, he watched the waves lick the white sand shore far below, and thought of Mallory's mouth; of Mallory's dark lips parting to reveal Mallory's shell white incisors; of his bottom teeth rising to lightly close upon Mallory's tongue and stop him grunting as he came in Roger's throat.

Roger liked that thought, smiled, and added it to the letter unwinding from his quill.

He hadn't tasted that mouth in so many years. Sometimes he wondered if he hadn't dreamed their fiery affair. He'd certainly taken to romanticizing it in these ridiculous letters they shared, filling perfumed pages with whole bouquets of florid prose. Prick like a pine trunk. Creamy emissions sprayed across tendinous thighs and round, rosy ass. Ember eyes red and snapping. Roger thought he'd become quite the poet. But poetry by necessity was perhaps not as sweet as the lazy verses he'd written when he was younger, when life was easier, and Mallory was at hand to inspire his pen.

Roger slapped at a mosquito. Black legs and his own blood smeared his palm. His neck stung.

The palace was gorgeous. His personal quarters well suited the Queen's third husband. Its high stucco walls were covered in the softest gauzy drapes, and those drapes were slashed by golden cords pymarically aglow with shifting sun shafts and dancing firefly particles. Even the fine Foi-Hellick estate had not been this lavish, this luxurious with pymaric accoutrements. Fountains of emerald water burbled in each corner. Fragile blue fawns passed between them, sipped, would bow their heads respectfully if Roger met their eye. They were only glamours of course but he'd never seen finer. The peacocks too, and the songbirds. They peeled themselves off the walls every half hour, strutted about, clucked, sang, then replaced themselves in their murals. They smelled like sandalwood and one of the exotic fruits he couldn't name. It was the most beautiful room he'd ever seen, much less lived in.

Yet Roger thought of Mallory's strutting, Mallory's singing, Mallory's smell.

"It's a spear in my heart," he wrote, "That these glamours are more real to me than you may ever be again. If we don't meet soon, I hope the next assassin finds me alone and unguarded. Every day without you is a curse."

Gods, his neck hurt. Roger touched the bite but it wasn't bleeding. Perhaps the mosquito'd had that poxy fever that his servants warned him of sometimes, and now he was infected. Well, he shouldn't write so carelessly of dying, he supposed. The gods loved to ironically strike men down. But that would be poetry too, wouldn't it? He'd die long before Sonorie's people found the efheby.

Wait.

Efheby?

Was Mallory already-

From his bed, the boy muzzily called: "Lord Foi-Hellick?" Roger's thoughts scattered. "Why don't you tell me what I can do for you?"

Roger dropped his pen, gave his head a little shake to further scatter the blood-sucking swarm. "There is… there is naught to be done for me," he answered, "Not here. Not in this country."

"Pretend we are not in this country then. We will be in whatever country my Lord commands."

Roger stood. He turned from the pretty cerulean window, from his view of the southern sea. "Can you speak Tainish?"

Like marketplace produce, the boy in his sheets was beautifully arrayed, one leg bent beneath him, his soft cock sleeping on the cushion of his thigh. He nodded, and when he flashed his teeth in a smile, maybe there were too many teeth. Maybe they were the wrong shape.

"Ssa, maenhilo alata," he answered in the language of Roger's fathers, in the same ancient cadence Mallory used, "It is fine. I will speak any tongue my Lord desires."

[thebiggerbear]

thebiggerbear Main Writing Masterlist

Call My Name (Soldier Boy) - Grace Mallory, the Boys, and the government have all warily agreed to your plan to take down Homelander. There’s just one more person to add to the operation, the very person who is necessary for any measure of the plan’s success. Can you convince him to join the team and help you defeat Homelander once and for all?

Keep Me Inside (Soldier Boy) - When you took a job at Vought International to pay the bills, you never could have imagined just how much your life was about to change. Especially when you catch the eye of a certain Supe. [AO3]

Only Ever Holding Onto You (Beau Arlen) - When Beau Arlen called and asked you to join him at the Lewis & Clark County Sheriff’s Department, you knew you should have turned him down. Sure, he made a great case for your relocation, but it was the sound of his voice that had you putting in for an immediate transfer. After all, he was worried and needed you; how could you say no? Yet, the more time you spend in Big Sky Country, the more you wonder if you should have stayed in Houston.

The Ghosts Are Coming For You (Beau Arlen) - When you moved to Montana, you figured you’d be in for a much quieter, more slow-paced lifestyle compared to the big city one you had left behind. Meeting Lewis and Clark County’s youngest sheriff while working a string of murders in your new position in Homicide turns out to be anything but — especially when things start to hit a little too close to home and remind you of things you thought you’d left buried long ago. [AO3]

Closer (Russell Shaw x Female!Reader) - Now that Russell knows the truth about you, there isn’t anything he won’t do to try to get you out. Even if it means he might have to move up the timeline of his exit strategy earlier than planned. [AO3]

Follow Me Into the Dark (Dean Winchester) - Tragedy has struck in your life, quickly and without warning, leaving you completely devastated. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Dean Winchester rolls into town and he and his brother are starting to ask questions. Questions that you are not prepared to answer though you have a question of your own: just what the hell is Dean doing darkening your doorstep again? [AO3]

i need your hand but i don't want to burn it (Beau Arlen) - You receive a phone call letting you know a family member has passed. The news rocks your world, especially when you find yourself flying back home for the services, returning to a place you’d rather forget. As your best friend, Beau is trying to be there for you but you’re determined to go it alone. But since you’ve known him, when has Beau Arlen ever not had your back?

i want better for you...what's better for you than me? (Jensen Ackles RPF) - Your heart is broken and you’re currently going through a divorce that didn’t have to happen. Will you give Jensen the chance to explain everything that came about from that one night in Rome when you weren’t there? [AO3]

Nothing But Killing Time (Alec McDowell) - Manticore has recaptured you and this time, you've been assigned a breeding partner. From the moment you meet, it's evident that neither you nor X5-494 have anything in mind other than a means of escape. Can you two come up with a plan together to break out and reclaim your freedom? Or will Manticore come between you and shatter the fragile trust you've built? [AO3]

Their Silent Thunder Matches Mine (Beau x Cassie) - After a night of drinking and her walls coming down, Cassie makes a decision that could have repercussions on both of her friendships with Beau and Jenny. [AO3]

You Know What You're Here For (Multiple Pairings - Big Sky) - Sometimes the pace in Helena slows down and when it does, other things can happen. (aka I came in and smutted up the place in Big Sky) [AO3]

Close Enough (Russell Shaw) - When you’d met the Shaws at the morgue the day before, you thought that had been the end of it and you wouldn’t need to see one Shaw brother in particular again. Little did you know that Colter was about to once again ask for your help and not only would you be forced to see Russell again but things were about to change drastically for the both of you.

Come Pick Up Your Ghosts (Jensen Ackles RPF) - Jensen left a little…something behind on his last visit when he was in town. Something you are urgently asking him to come back and retrieve so you can know peace once more. [AO3]

Giving In (Character x Reader) - You’ve finally given in to what you’ve wanted all this time but will it be enough?

i think i've seen this film before (Jensen Ackles RPF x Reader) - When three certain little words escape him, you know them for what they are: a plea not to leave him alone with only his thoughts and whiskey for company. You’ve seen this song and dance before.

i won't let you go (CJ Braxton) - When Jen breaks CJ’s heart, though you hadn’t planned on it, her loss quickly becomes your gain and so much more. [AO3]

Let Me In Or Let It Drown (Rebecca Jessel) - A missing moment between Rebecca and Peter once Viola’s spell was broken and all of the souls at Bly Manor are free [AO3}

Let Me Set Your World on Fire (Michael!Dean) - While on a hunt, you all get stuck in an abandoned cabin in the woods due to a snowstorm that comes out of nowhere. It’s cold as hell (Cas’ fact checking not withstanding) and both you and Dean are trying to fight off the icy temperatures. When Cas offers his coat to Dean, in usual Michael fashion, the archangel offers you something bigger and more to his liking than a simple article of clothing to keep you warm.

Moving Forward Little By Little (Bobby Reyes) - You knew you shouldn’t have let him in that first night he showed up with alcohol in hand to talk about Jamie. But you had and now your partner never fails to show up at your door. The bad thing is, you don’t really want him to stop though you know you should. [AO3]

Off Limits (Russell Shaw) - When Reenie sends you to assist Colter with whatever he needs after getting arrested for breaking into a morgue in Virginia, you meet his older brother Russell for the first time. There’s some flirting and definitely a mutual attraction there before you Colter sends you off. Little do you know at the time that Colter has warned Russell that you’re off limits and that Russell has no intention of listening to said warning.

So Close (Russell Shaw) - You meet Colter and Russell at the morgue to help them gain access. Had you known how this was really going to go, you might have pushed Colter’s call to voicemail.

Something Like This (CJ Braxton) - A Nor'easter hits Boston and luckily for you, you don’t have anywhere you need to be except right here, snuggled up with CJ.

Something Real (Soldier Boy) - You had offered him the chance for something the two of you could build, something real, if he gave up the suit for good.

Thankful (Soldier Boy) - It’s Father’s Day again and you have an extra special present for Ben this time around.

where all the dreamers go (Beau x Cassie) - When Beau asked Cassie to speak with him outside alone for a minute, she had no idea just where that conversation would lead and what she would be agreeing to. [AO3]

You Didn't See That Coming? (Pietro x Wanda) - Wanda had never known pain like thia. After everything she and Pietro had endured, why did this have to happen? [AO3]

you taught me the courage of stars (Dean x Castiel) - (15x18 AU) When Chuck snaps his fingers, Dean figures that’s it. Everything they had worked hard to avoid, everything they had fought for, everyone they had lost along the way, Sam, Jack, Cas – this is the end. They had lost. Or had they?

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (Alec McDowell) - You’re looking for a way to set yourself up and blend in after breaking out of Manticore. Having heard the rumors, you seek out Max for help. In doing so, you come across someone you had never thought you’d see again.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (Anael) - Anael calls you to pick her up after she leaves Cas back at the Emporium. Having just come off of a rough hunt, you’re really not that inclined to be at the angel’s beck and call.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (Beau Arlen) - He put you with Hoyt and Tonya. For the day. What the hell had he been thinking?

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (CJ Braxton) - You had only meant to call once, remaining anonymous while feeling out the whole helpline thing for yourself. Now, you talk to CJ every Friday night around the same time. When you don’t call one Friday, CJ is worried and comes looking for you which presents its own host of problems.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (Dean Winchester) - You and Dean refuse to speak to one another after an argument and Sam has finally had enough.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (Jason Teague) - When another student makes an unwanted move on you, Jason’s not above flexing his assistant coach authority muscle a little to get the guy to leave you alone and send a message.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (Jenny Hoyt) - You decide to ground Jenny for the day and as expected, she’s pissed…or is she?

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (Rachel Gatina) - Rachel, who has never spoken to you before, approaches you to ask for a favor. Despite what Bevin said, Rachel decides that she has to gauge this whole “being into girls” thing properly. And she’s picked you to help her with that. …Lucky you.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (SDV Leah) - Leah tells you she wants a baby…a month after you’ve been married.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (Soldier Boy) - You’re pissed that he put himself at risk yet again.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." (Tom Hanniger) - You went to visit Tom in the mines for a little Valentine’s Day fun. Who knew that one decision would lead to everything that’s happened? Will you be able to help Tom or will he be lost to you forever?

"I took care of that asshole for you." "I don't like the sound of that." (Soldier Boy) - When Ben mentions something to you in the middle of battle, your attempt at a little levity turns the conversation in a direction that probably would have been better kept off of Comms during a mission.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Heartbreak (Beau x Cassie) - Jenny is witness to the first Christmas Beau is in Montana and spends at Cassie’s [AO3]

Kiss Me Again (Beau x Cassie) - where trying to sneak around isn’t necessarily Beau and Cassie’s strong suit as they come to find out [AO3]

Masks (Dean x Castiel) - where the Winchesters are attempting to get lunch during the pandemic & Jack finally works up the courage to ask for a dog

Nerves (Beau x Cassie) - where Beau’s nerves are making themselves known & Cassie decides to intervene [AO3]

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe." (Anael) - Anael is not happy that you’ve agreed to help the Winchesters with their far-fetched plan to destroy Chuck via Jack. She reluctantly accompanies you to the Bunker and this sets events in motion that prompt a conversation between you and Dean on just why the angel is so important to you.

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe." (Beau Arlen) - Your house is broken into one night when Beau wasn’t home and now you find yourself expecting it to happen again at any moment. Will you ever feel safe in your home again?

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe." (Dean Winchester) - When Sam calls to tell you that Dean is gone, you can’t accept it. Not until you visit the offline Bunker and see for yourself. …But is he really gone?

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe." (Jason Teague) - Jason has just helped you escape the clutches of his nefarious mother. Where will you go from here now that you know the truth?

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe." (Jenny Hoyt) - When Jenny is attacked, you couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough. You do what you can to reassure her that her mother will be found while you sit with her, waiting for the doctor.

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe." (SDV Alex) - Alex sees something through your window one night and it scares him silly. You have to explain to him that it’s pretty normal out here on the farm and there is nothing to fear. …Well, you were pretty sure there wasn’t, anyway.

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe." (Soldier Boy) - You’re tired of running and you go to Soldier Boy for protection. He agrees to do it but not without a price.

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe." (Tom Hanniger) - Tom has taken you hostage. This is not the Tom you knew and fell in love with. Unable to escape, can you get him to trust you and maybe even reach him?

"What do you see in him?" "Everything you don't." (Jake Gray) - When you go with Jake to visit his mom, you encounter a young woman who inexplicably sets you on edge and has you sticking that much closer to the boy who has your heart.

"What do you see in him?" "Everything you don't." (Jensen Ackles RPF) - Jensen says something at a con that initially bothers you that prompts a conversation where you admit that there are certain parts of his job that you could easily do without, not sure how that’s going to impact your friendship moving forward.

"What do you see in him?" "Everything you don't." (Soldier Boy) - Hughie and everyone don’t understand what you see in Soldier Boy but they also haven’t seen what you’ve seen: Ben.

when were you going to tell me (Dean Winchester) - After finding out you concealed something from him on a hunt, Dean is not happy with you and he definitely does not appreciate your attempts at humor on the subject.

why are you wearing my sweater (because it smells like you) (Bella x Jacob) - where Jacob gets ready to meet Bella at a bonfire the Pack is hosting and can’t find his hoodie [AO3]

"You're safe now. I'm here." (Russell Shaw) Part 1 - You've been taken hostage and Russell is part of the unit sent in to retrieve you.

"You're safe now. I'm here." (SDV Leah) - When Leah rushes into the house one night and starts fortifying the door, you immediately try to find out what has her so scared.

"You're safe now. I'm here." (Soldier Boy) - Soldier Boy has been on a ton of dangerous missions in his time, fought a lot of battles, but never did he imagine he would be undertaking the one you had just tasked him with. Shit.

*Requests are currently closed*

Upcoming:

SDV Leah (AO3)

Dean | Castiel (Tumblr)

Maggie Greene (Tumblr)

Margaery Tyrell (Tumblr)

Billy Butcher (AO3)

Soldier Boy (Tumblr)

Dean Winchester (Tumblr)

3x07 - After Dell (Beau x Cassie) - where Cassie finds out just how worried Beau was when he saw how close Dell had been to her [AO3]

A Prize Unlike Any Other (SDV Leah) - You may not have gotten the Golden Pumpkin but that’s alright, you got a different prize altogether.

At the Boot Heel (Beau x Cassie) - where Beau and Cassie have a moment (alternate scene from Thunder universe) [AO3]

no one's the new me (Soldier Boy) - Soldier Boy is the OG Supe. You goad him into proving it and get more than you bargained for…or did you?

where is she? (Soldier Boy) - Soldier Boy only has one thought in mind when Homelander wakes him up: you.

Where Were You On Our Wedding Day (SDV Leah) - You decide to go mining the morning of your wedding and Leah is not happy about it.

every king needs a queen (Soldier Boy) - Homelander makes you an offer that you are all too happy to refuse

You Win, Jake (Bella x Jacob) - Scene post-BD where Jacob and Bella compare war stories, playing a game of who wins the supernatural like they used to when comparing life skills for ages [AO3]

Connected Series List - a listing of all works that appears within the same story universe

Fic Requests List

tag list submission form

Or please let me know if you would like to be tagged in any current series or future works.

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

book & section dividers by @firefly-graphics

imagines header & support banner by @cafekitsune

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

not sure if this has been asked but how do our ROs + AdVenture crew express jealousy and how do they deal with it? If they even are jealous people at all. This story is sooo underrated, and the dialogue is so natural and funny. Never stop 🙏.

Thanks! I love writing dialogue so I'm glad it comes off that way. (ngl, sometimes I have to stop myself getting carried away writing conversations, oops)

This is an interesting question!

Mallory - Generally not jealous as a rule. They'd feel kind of burned to get dropped if they had a thing going with someone, but they like to flirt and have a very relaxed attitude towards relationships and hook up.

Teddie - Sullen and angry. Goes on lockdown and won't talk to anyone about it. Expect to get blanked to your face from then on. So I guess he deals with it by uh, not. (being clear, this isn't like, at a hint of another interest, this is, oh, I thought we were getting to be a thing, and you've gone off with someone else)

Kay - Tries to act like nothing is wrong but feels very insecure. She'll build up the feelings/thoughts huge in her head and by the time she gets to bringing it up, her reaction possibly vastly outsizes the actual issue.

Wil - Handles things like a goshdarn adult and openly brings up what's bothering them. A little more fragile than they'd like to let on, even if they try not to focus on the negative.

CG - This is complicated. What for others would be jealousy, for CG is wrapped up in abandonment/attachment issues. So does she handle it well? Not really.

Alistair - Not especially jealous, but trust is important to him in a relationship. If there's not formally a thing between him and someone else, he won't get jealous if they're looking elsewhere, even if he likes them. If there is a thing, he'd trust the other person and give the benefit of the doubt, but maybe ask to have a sit down and a chat.

AdVenture:

Grant - Hoo boy Grant. He's not great for this. He vents feelings by getting snippy and sharp, and this includes jealousy, which he very much gets. Will not frigging come out and just say what's bothering him and will tell the other person to figure it out.

Shauna - Kind of a golden retriever for this. She's very trusting and doesn't really get jealous. Jealousy probably wouldn't even occur to her. If she was pining for someone and they got with a different person, she'd just get kind of sad. Then think 'but I should be happy for them!'

Prii - Tries not to be jealous, but can be susceptible to overthink. Similarly, tries to be cool-headed and adult about their feelings in general, but not quite as good at it as they'd like.

Beth - Gets jealous. Deals with it by either not dealing with it at all or making very pointed remarks. She's not as shitty about this as Grant, but she's closed off about her feelings in general so it's difficult to pry the problem out of her.

[7-wonders]

Time of Your Life

Michael Langdon x Reader (Mad Love Act II, Chapter XVIII)

Summary: It's something unpredictable, but in the end, it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.

Word Count: 3.6k

A note from the author (it's a long one): "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Green Day has been on repeat while I wrote this final chapter for a couple of different reasons. While one will be revealed literally the moment you begin to read this final chapter, the other is for obvious reasons. We've reached the end of Mad Love.

I've spent more time than I should have thinking about the note that I would write to accompany this finale. This story started way back in 2019, born of one of my first one-shots that blew up. Though I had never planned to write anything beyond that original first chapter, people kept asking for a second part. Thus, Mad Love was born.

So much has happened in the five years since I began writing this, both within the story itself and within my life. I've graduated college, started a new job, moved cities and slowly learned how to become an adult. Through it all, there's always been this story to come back to. No matter what got in my way of releasing the next chapter, or how long the breaks between releases were, there were always readers just as excited to learn what was going on with Michael and Reader as I was to write it.

My thanks to anybody who's ever read this story, and my endless gratitude to those who have liked, commented, and reblogged throughout the years. I've fondly read everything left in the tags, from the quickest of keysmashes to the most thought-out notes. The support of my readers was, sometimes, the only reason I chose to write and update, especially in the last couple of years when my interest in this fandom waned. You've seen this story through the highs and lows, and you've seen me, the author, through the highs and lows.

With the end of this story comes the end of my time writing for Michael Langdon, and I'll miss him so much. He was the reason I started this blog in the first place, and getting to get inside his head has been such a benefit in my growth as a writer. Thank you for everything, Michael, you awkward, puppydog Antichrist.

For the last time, I sincerely hope that you enjoy, and remember that likes, comments, and reblogs make my world go round.

Mad Love Masterlist

Seven months later

“Smile!”

It’s a phrase you’ve heard innumerable times today, whether directed at you or overheard among the groups that comprise the hundreds, if not thousands, of people gathered. Though you’ve been directed to smile a number of times today, and that doesn’t show any signs of stopping, you doubt you’ll end up being annoyed. After all, how could you be annoyed on one of the best days of your life?

Your arm tightens around Kate and vice versa as you both do what’s asked and smile brightly for the camera. It’s a bit awkward, having to figure out how to hold your diplomas with one hand while simultaneously trying to keep your mortarboards from hitting, but you make it work. Once Kate’s step-mom flashes a thumbs up, Kate insists on one more, and you giggle as she kisses your cheek.

“Mallory, get in a picture with them!” Brennan, standing off to the side, urges.

“Even though I’m not a graduate?” she asks teasingly. 

“Still a bestie,” Kate retorts, wiggling her fingers in Mallory’s direction. “C’mere!”

She fits herself between you and Kate, the missing puzzle piece to your trio, as the three of you pose once more. Mallory will get her own graduation day soon—she only needs another semester of credits to graduate, and plans on returning to school in the fall to finish her English degree. There have already been plans discussed of how you’ll celebrate her own accomplishment, but she’s insisted that talk of this can wait. Today, she said, is for you.

And today, you’re so, so happy.

Sometimes, you never thought that you would actually see graduation day. Between the routine breakdowns every semester that made you ponder why you actually wanted your degree and how weird and supernatural your life had become in the latter two years of your post-secondary education, graduation seemed so distant, like a barely achievable fantasy. But in the blink of an eye, you found yourself sitting among your peers and listening to the same type of cheesy “this is where your life begins” speech that you heard at your high school graduation a few years prior.

This graduation is so much sweeter though, because you had to work for this degree. Through the late nights and tears, the well-researched essays and the hastily finished group projects (the bane of your existence), the relationship drama and the threat of apocalypse—you persevered, despite it all. You earned this accomplishment. This time around, the speeches sounded so much more inspirational, the air filled with more excitement, and the celebrations more deserved.

The best part of the ceremony? Walking across the stage to receive your diploma and looking into the crowd to see Michael standing and cheering with your family, tears in his eyes and a grin on his face. When you waved at him, his smile had somehow grown, and he whistled loudly.

Now, you eagerly search the faces of those streaming around you outside, hoping to see someone familiar. While you found your family right away after the ceremony officially concluded, Michael split off from them for a bit, making you wait to find the one person you wanted to see most. When you finally see your favorite pair of blue eyes, you peel off of Kate and Mallory and run to him. Michael opens his arms and happily wraps you up in a hug, the both of you swaying from side to side.

“Well?” he finally says, pulling away from you to fix your mortarboard, knocked out of place when it hit his forehead. “How’s it feel, graduate?”

“Feels pretty damn good,” you declare, flipping open your diploma and gazing down at it proudly. Your name and your major are written ornately, declaring that you’ve fulfilled the requirements of your degree. Michael kisses your cheek as he looks it over, tracing the engraving of your school’s crest on the inside cover.

“I’m so proud of you.”

You become unexpectedly emotional at this, tears pricking your eyes for the first time today (honestly, you thought this would happen sooner) and your throat growing tight. While you know that he’s proud of you all the time, hearing it on the occasion of the biggest accomplishment of your life so far makes it extra special. “Thanks, love.”

He kisses you chastely, acutely aware of the fact that your family is watching. It’s sweet, how eager he is to impress them. You’ve told him multiple times that he doesn’t need to try—he succeeded at making them like him from the get-go, simply due to how he treats you. Michael, of course, didn’t grow up with any idea of what a semi-healthy family dynamic is, and still believes that he needs to continually earn their approval. It’s a stark difference from the Michael that he was veering towards becoming a few short months ago, and you’re so thankful for it.

He wasn’t lying that night in New Orleans when he said things would be different from that point on, and that included his attitude.

Even after your return from your fall trip, as Michael officially put a stop to the apocalypse plans and started charming and convincing investors and Cooperative members alike into believing that Satan’s will had changed, you could tell that there was something weighing heavily on him. It was in the way that he looked at and acted toward you, the way that he hugged you in the morning and held you at night—like he was so worried that he was going to lose you, or like you would disappear if he looked away for too long. After asking him time and time again what was wrong, only to receive the same answer, that he was fine, you finally sat him down and asked for the truth.

“Honesty, remember?” you said. “We promised that we were going to communicate now.”

Michael considered what he was going to say for a while. You sat in silence with him for almost twenty minutes, holding his hands in yours and waiting patiently for him to gather his courage. Finally, he spoke.

“I saw the future,” he said. “The future that would have happened if I actually ended the world. It was a complete wasteland, devoid of almost all life. Those who survived the initial fallout were riddled with tumors and sores from the toxic air. They did terrible things—stealing, murder, cannibalism—just to survive. Nothing, though, was as terrible as me. I became…a monster. Someone cruel, someone evil, who enjoyed playing with the lives of those left like they were nothing but puppets. The only thing that I cared about was my father’s approval, and with the world ended and depravity everywhere, he encouraged me to lean into that depravity.”

Michael stopped when he became choked up, and his hands began to shake. One of your hands went to his cheek in comfort, only for him to let out a sad, distressed sound at the act. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“In that future, you—you died,” Michael blurted out.

“I did?”

He nodded as tears began to run down his face and make his eyes look impossibly bigger. “You died, and I couldn’t save you. I was too late, and left with nothing but your corpse. The image has haunted me ever since I saw it. When I look at you, all I can see is how lifeless you looked in my arms.”

It made sense, then, why Michael treated you the way he did. If you had a vivid image of the future, one where he was dead and you were forced to bear witness to it, you’d likely have acted the same way. To see him in this much pain over what he witnessed hurt you in turn. Sniffing back tears to try and remain the strong one (because Michael needed comfort in that moment much more than you did), you took his hand and placed it on the side of your neck.

“Do you feel my pulse, thrumming away under your fingers?” you asked, waiting for him to nod before moving his hand to your chest. “Feel my breathing? I’m not dead. I’m here, alive, and with you. And if I have it my way, I’m not going anywhere.”

Michael pulled you to him, and you straddled his lap in order to get as close to him as possible. If it took you plastering yourself to him in order for him to hear the truth in your words, then you were going to glue him.

“Yes, you saw a future where I died. But what matters is that this isn’t our future. Our future is this one, where you’re changing your path to ensure nothing like that happens. And it won’t, okay?”

It’s taken a lot of work and reassurance to get Michael to believe that the future you were on a crash course for is no longer even an option. With Satan’s recent acceptance of Michael’s alternate plan—“the long game,” Michael likes to call it—he’s finally starting to come around.

“There he is!” Kate says triumphantly when you pull Michael back to your group. “We thought you got lost.”

Michael smiles. “I was just taking my time.” He turns to Brennan and grins, abandoning holding your hand so that he can greet his friend (his friend! Michael has a friend!) with a hug. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks, man!” The joy on his face at Michael, notoriously not the best at touching, initiating a hug is evident, and you and Kate share a fond look over your respective boyfriends’ shoulders. Never did you think that your sheltered, half-demon husband would become good friends with a self-described frat bro, but stranger things have happened.

“Are you guys coming to the bonfire tonight?” Brennan and a couple of his closest Lambda Chi brothers had planned a farewell beach bonfire for tonight. It’s supposed to be pretty lowkey, according to Kate, with maybe thirty people at most—rookie numbers for an event hosted by Brennan, but ones that make the event more appealing after a long weekend of graduation festivities.

You shrug. “Maybe. We’re going to dinner with my family after this, so I’m not sure how long it’ll take or how peopled-out we’ll be.”

“Oh, you have to come!” Kate pleads. “What if this is our last night all together?”

“It’s not going to be! We have plenty more adventures in store,” you assure her. After all, it’s not like she and Brennan are going anywhere yet, not with Brennan finding an engineering job in the area and Kate getting a job offer out of her internship.

“But you and Michael are going to Europe in a month, and by the time you get back summer’s basically over and you’ll be off to grad school.”

You smile at the reminder of what’s in store for you. Michael was finally making good on his promise to sweep you off your feet with the “date” of a lifetime. Greece, Italy, England, and France were on the docket for your European adventure, but one of the perks of having an Antichrist husband who controls the world’s most powerful people is that you can change your plans to whatever you want them to be.

And grad school! While you’re excited to be in a new area, and to continue your studies in a field you love so dearly, you’re most excited for Michael’s future. In addition to what he’s already been doing with the Cooperative, he’s also planning on taking a couple of classes at the same school that you’re attending to find a major he’s passionate about. His orientation day is the same as yours, and you’re a little too excited that you’ll get to take your student ID pictures together. For the first time in a long time, Michael seems happy and excited for what’s in store. As for you, you couldn’t be more thrilled that he’s discovering who he is outside of being Satan’s son, which is all you’ve ever wanted for him.

“You said it yourself though, Europe’s not for a whole month!” you say to try and cheer Kate up.

She pouts and drags Mallory to her after a moment of thought. “Okay, but Mallory goes home tomorrow night! What if that’s it for us?”

It won’t be, since you and Kate literally have the tickets already booked for a trip to see Mallory in New Orleans before school starts in August. But despite your best efforts, the nostalgia gets to you. This likely will be the last time all three of you get to hang out together here, at the school where you all met. The longer you go without speaking, the wider Kate’s smile grows. Oh, she knows you too well!

Luckily, you’re saved by a member of your family grabbing your arm. “We’re going to head back to our hotel to get ready for dinner. We’ll meet you in an hour, alright?”

You smile and nod. “Alright, love you!” 

Hugs are given to both you and Michael (who still looks delightfully pleased that these people don’t all hate him simply by virtue of him being alive) before they split off. The conversation with Kate is forgotten for the moment as you make the rounds with some of your other friends, going through the routine of congratulating and smiling for pictures over and over again.

“We should probably get out of here if we want to be on time for dinner,” Michael eventually says into your ear. 

You nod after checking your watch to see that he’s right and head over to Kate, wrapping your arms around her from behind in an attempt to scare her. Instead, she just laughs and turns around so that she’s facing you.

“Hey, we’re leaving,” you tell her.

“But we’ll see you tonight, right?” she asks hopefully.

“I don’t know.”

“Please?” Kate’s eyes grow wide, and she clasps her hands in front of her. “Please please please?”

You sigh. “We’ll see…”

Naturally, you end up sitting in the car next to Michael as you pull up to the location Kate sent you at that damn beach. 

The sun’s just barely set, the horizon still a light yellow as the last rays of light try to cling on before giving way completely to the night. It silhouettes the scene below, where your friends are clustered in loose groups around the fire that’s already going strong. Their laughter, along with music playing from a speaker someone must have brought with them, can be heard even up here, at least a hundred feet away. It makes you eager to join them, and you reach into the back seat to grab the bag that you packed with a large blanket, some drinks (both with and without alcohol, for wherever the night leads you), and a couple of snacks.

“You made it!” Mallory cheers when you and Michael walk hand in hand to the group, Kate jumping up to hug you like it’s been years since she’s last seen you—one of your favorite traits about her.

“What can I say? Someone’s pretty convincing,” you tease.

Kate laughs triumphantly. “Damn right, I am. C’mon! Have a seat.”

Doing as she says, you spread out the blanket next to Kate, Brennan, and Mallory, lay your drinks and food out so that they can be shared, and get comfortable.

The night passes like most get-togethers with your friends do: with lots of laughter. And when there’s not laughing, there’s talking. The topics range from anything to everything—the simultaneous feelings of excitement and fear at what’s next, sharing memes, updates on job hunts, new music recommendations. Being able to fit fifty different conversations into one hours-long period is one of your (many) favorite things about your friends. You, Kate, and Mallory eventually end up on the topic of your Europe trip, both wanting to know all of the details now that you’ve gotten it mostly planned.

“How are you going about the Greece portion?” Kate asks.

You tilt your head in confusion. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Kate fumbles for a moment, unable to find the words. “Mal, help me out here.”

Mallory nods, apparently knowing exactly what Kate means. “You know, are you going to look at all the history and culture, explore some ruins and visit museums? Or are you going to live out your Mamma Mia fantasies, endless days spent on the beach, swimming in the crystal blue ocean, and,” she casts a look at Michael, currently chatting with Brennan and Jack, before waggling her eyebrows, “dot dot dot?”

You and Kate both laugh, with Mallory joining you after a moment of trying to keep up her straight face. “How long have you been holding on to that one?”

“Actually, only when Kate tossed the question to me.” She shrugs and sighs. “It’s hard being a comedic genius, but somebody’s got to do it.”

“But for real!” Before Kate can ask you the question again, another song starts up and she lets out a pleasantly surprised shout. When she looks at Brennan to get his attention, he’s already looking back at her. “Of course, you snuck this song onto the playlist.”

“I had to,” he says bashfully. “Beach bonfires get me feeling all sentimental.”

“We met at a beach bonfire,” Kate says to you and Mallory. “Labor Day weekend of our sophomore year! This song comes on, and suddenly I find myself talking to a guy who also thinks Perks of Being a Wallflower is one of the few movie adaptations that’s just as good as the book.”

“How did I not know that!” Mallory exclaims. 

“Brennan, you’re such a sap,” you tease.

“Only for my lady love.” He crawls over and kisses her, so naturally it’s your and Mallory’s duty as her best friends to gag when he does so. “So? May I have this dance?”

Kate goes along happily, allowing Brennan to pull her up and spinning with him in the sand. Michael joins you now that his conversation’s been broken up, settling back down on your blanket and pulling you against him so that your back is to his chest. You both watch your friends dance for a bit, a few others on the opposite end of the fire getting up to join them.

“Do you ever think about it?” Michael asks you, bringing your attention away from the scene in front of you.

You look at him curiously. “Think about what?”

“How we would have met if I wasn’t who I am. What our life would have been like.” He smiles, a slight movement tinged with self-deprecation, and takes a drink of his water before continuing. “I do. In my head, we met on the first day of class. It was probably some gen ed—English, I usually imagine. I would have sat next to you because it was the only empty seat left, and by the end of the second week, I would be asking you for help since I’m not the best at writing. We probably would have started out as friends before I got up the courage to ask you out on a date.”

“That does sound nice,” you admit. 

Though you won’t say it aloud, sometimes you’ve thought the exact same thing. How, if he was just a regular guy, your love story would have been something simple, something normal. You never would have been kidnapped (twice), or poisoned by Satan, or forced to marry the Antichrist, falling in love with him despite your very best efforts. You wouldn’t have had to spend so much time and energy worrying about the world ending while trying to figure out how you, a mortal with no sort of powers, could stop it. There wouldn’t be some alternate future out there where the world did end and you died, according to Michael, a painful and traumatic death.

“You know what, though? If I had the chance, I don’t think I’d change our story.”

He looks at you in bewilderment. “Even after everything we’ve been through? After everything I’ve put you through?”

“Have the things that we’ve gone through been crazy and oftentimes fucked up? Yeah, absolutely. But for every bad, there’s been so much good.” 

With Michael snapping for the first time and accidentally hitting you came going on your first “date” with him and learning that he really likes mint chocolate chip ice cream. When you were in the trenches after Dinah gave you the potion to reverse the effects of the poison apple, Michael never left your side and cared for you diligently until you woke up. The Cooperative meeting you attended, the one where you watched Michael incinerate a man with his mind, seemed a fair trade-off for getting to experience your senior homecoming with the man you love.

“I love all of you, Michael, demonic parts and all. If you weren’t the Antichrist, then you wouldn’t be the man that I love. So yeah, I’ll take everything we’ve been through. Because everything we’ve been through, we’ve done together.”

Michael’s laugh sounds surprised, as though he was waiting for you to reveal that you’ve been lying this whole time. “I love you too.”

While you and Michael had an impromptu heart-to-heart, more of your fellow beachgoers got up and started dancing as songs came and went. The song changes once more and this time Mallory jumps up with a whoop, grabbing Kate’s outstretched hand and spinning herself under it. As the two start to move with the beat of the song, they catch your eye and begin beckoning you over. Laughing, you shake your head and settle yourself more firmly against Michael.

“Aren’t you going to go dance?” he asks.

“No.” You smile and kiss him, happy to feel him smiling too. “I’d rather just stay here with you.”

It’s the truth, both for your current situation and for life in general. You don’t have the gift of divination like your husband and best friend—nor any powers at all—but you don’t need them. With Michael by your side, you already know that your future’s looking very bright.

•••

@ajokeformur-ray @iamavailablesstuff @narwhal-swimmingintheocean @nsainmoonchild @redroses07

@xo-angel-ox @littleangel4996 @iamlivingforturner @thatonehumanbeing05 @codycrazy

@love-on-the-murder-scene @gabriella-aesthetic @radicalisopod

[astroprinc3]

yapping abt my eene oc bcs i can!

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reb’s parents (primarily her dad) haves her take martial arts classes (karate)

this causes her to be a light walker and sneak around whenever she wants to

this of course, can be extremely beneficial to the eds’ scams

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reb thinks she can talk to animals

like actually communicate with them

she sometime crouches down and talks to little insects and rodents; even some domestic animals like dogs and cats

she can sometimes just go like “woof woof? woof woof woof woof!” to a dog and edd & eddy looks at her like “wtf..” while ed is intrigued and is like “well? what’s the animal saying?”

now why does she think she can do this?

she watches/reads LOTS of magic princess and fairy books

reb sort of shares this interest of fantasy with ed, despite their two separate interests clashing with one another (ed’s more masculine monster fantasies and reb’s more feminine magic fantasies)

the two do hang out together sometimes but mostly just to read their little books and graphic novels together as they yap abt what happens in them

despite some of her girly interests, she’s still somewhat of a tomboy

she doesn’t mind getting in less than sanitary situations

and she likes playing football from time to time (she thinks the only rule is throwing the ball, and that’s so much fun to her)

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reb comes from a successful family

her mom’s a surgeon and her dad’s a high school teacher—they’re two both highly respected and liked people in their work environments

she has 2 older brothers, one just got into culinary school, and plans to become a professional chef and open his own restaurant

the other is a professional boxer

this is the reason behind reb’s more tomboyish personality—she was raised around boys!!

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reb is definitely one of the guys

whenever eddy is addressing the other eds and reb, he’s just like “alright, boys”

he doesn’t bother to change it to “guys” or “boys and girl”

this is because 1: eddy simply doesn’t care

2: reb doesn’t care

and 3: eddy and the others also sees reb as a “guy” and one of them

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reb is one of the last one in the girls part of the cast to reach puberty

basically she’s a late bloomer in a family full of early bloomers. how unfortunate!

even in 8th grade, her voice was still pretty much the same as before

health class is always baffling to her

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her middle name is mallory and her last name is andersen. yea that’s it.

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final note: me personally I ship reb with ed (rebed) but i don’t mind her being with dee or eddy (rebedd or rebeddy)

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aaaaaand that’s it bc im lazy and i don’t feel like writing anymore. I might add onto this or make another post explaining reb a little more. ok, bai

[sansa-of-oldstones]

I found some of my original writing pieces I thought had been accidentally deleted!

[freyafrida]

how certain the journey special DVD bonus features

LOL this is a thing i did on my old blog when i first finished come back home ages ago, and I thought it would be fun to do again :> kind of, different format this time around. more notes and fun facts!

General inspo for this fic: besides, obviously, the desire to write something happy and shippy after reading Rilla of Ingleside, I always go back and forth on Walter's death. There are times when I think it's a little too easy, you know? On the one hand, I get why it had to happen, symbolically, why Walter is the one who has to die: he's the only one who grasps the full scope and horror of the war, who knows what he'd be sacrificing, he's the kindest and most sensitive character, he has the potential to be great and famous, he's the protagonist's favorite brother, etc. Of course he has to die.

ON THE OTHER HAND. Walter's last letter sometimes feels a little too neat to me, too -- life will never be beautiful for him again, so it's better that he dies anyway; he goes out in that "white flame of sacrifice", thinking that at least he has made the world better, that it's worthwhile. And, well. Those of us in the future know that's not really how it worked out.

Even all that aside -- Walter is romantic, otherworldly; the books repeatedly remark that he's not meant for this world or to grow up and do mundane things like get an office job and pay taxes and live to see, idk, space flight and rock music. So...sometimes I think it would be more interesting for Walter to live, to have to adjust to the postwar world, to have to cope with preparing himself to die and thinking at least he doesn't have to live with all he's seen...only to find out that, surprise, he does.

What always interests me about Walter and Una -- about the Blythes and Merediths in general, really -- is that the Meredith kids have a much harsher upbringing than the Blythes, even if the books rarely (if ever?) acknowledge it. Walter talks to Rilla of being happy before the war, with their home and parents; the Blythes' adventures in Rainbow Valley and Anne of Ingleside are all fairly harmless and twee. On the other hand, the Merediths' story in Rainbow Valley is sprinkled with death and hunger and neglect (even if it all gets wrapped up with And Then Rosemary Marries Rev. Meredith and Everything is Fine). Una in particular is very sensitive to the loss of her mother, and moreover she knows things in her house aren't right, that people talk about the Merediths for having a chaotic house and the children never being dressed properly.

So Walter and Una's dynamic interests me on that level! For survived-the-war!Walter/Una, I don't think it's as simple as Una healing Walter through being gentle or whatever. Rather, I think they're simply able to find common ground in knowing the world can be ugly and painful and randomly cruel. Walter doesn't have to hide that from Una the way he might with his sisters and other friends; they can be honest with each other, and that's where their relationship grows from.

This fic owes a lot -- a lot a lot -- to "Keeping Faith" by m_shell and "The Piper" by Una-Blythe! (I'll do a proper fic rec post one day, haha.) "Keeping Faith" is really the Walter/Una fic for me, it's tonally so perfect and gentle and aching. (Fully borrowed Walter's injury from this fic because I couldn't improve on it! I did toy with having him be blind, or having a face injury, but felt I wasn't writing about it convincingly.) I also really liked how Walter in "The Piper" is actually quite bitter, and how he and Una don't end up with ten kids and a perfect family at the end. Big inspiration there. (Also fully borrowed incorporating LMM's other characters into the fic from "The Piper" -- the Blue Castle reference in ch. 19 of Come Back Home came from there!)

Other big influence was weirdly George Mallory?? I read a couple of biographies about him and other 1900s dudes for ~research~ but ended up being particularly interested in Mallory's life (coincidentally, they found the boot of his climbing partner, Sandy Irvine, just this year). That also got me thinking about Walter's legacy, how "The Piper" (the poem) and his fame might impact his life later on. The epilogue was also inspired by interviews with Mallory and Irvine's descendants and how they try to remember their famous great-grandparents/great-uncles later on. (This interview with Mallory's daughter was one of the things I read and found really interesting.)

I think, realistically...if Walter had lived, his fame would probably wane. I don't imagine he would ever write anything quite as timely as "The Piper" ever again. I also think his creative output would probably be sharpest when writing about the war, and he'd end up in a struggle between selling his work to an audience who was generally sick of war poetry, but not being able to write as powerfully about anything else. I think, too, that people would be more enamored of a young soldier who wrote one powerful poem before dying in the war -- someone who lives, writes many other works that are overshadowed by that one poem, and spends the rest of his life being bitter about said war is less romantic. I can imagine Walter also unintentionally suppressing "The Piper"'s fame by refusing to let it be used for things or refusing to recite it. (I did end up referring to "In Flanders Fields" as though it exists in the universe alongside "The Piper" -- if "The Piper" replaces IFF as the big poem of the war, I can imagine IFF's fame overtaking it later in life due to McCrae's death.)

I think, too, that Walter, if he lived, would sort of hold himself back in life. I don't mean for it to come across as disappointment or a negative thing, necessarily, in the fic -- I wanted it to be bittersweet; that yes, he doesn't get all that he wants or dreams of, but he sees giving it up as a way to atone and live with himself. (I think it's totally possible, in another life, that he lives in Jazz Age Paris and is a famous poet and has a bunch of messy, destructive relationships that interest biographers just as much as his work, and he's maybe a better artist for never making peace with himself, but he's also not happy.) He knows what he's capable of, the things he's done. I definitely think he...I don't want to say "committed war crimes" haha, but did some things he wasn't proud of, at the front, not really caring about consequences because he was fully expecting to die. I think he'd sort of -- slightly self-centeredly, because Walter can be selfish -- see his own capacity for violence as symbolic of what led to the war and work to suppress it in himself, in his life. I think having a quiet life, giving love to the people around him, would be again a way of atoning and proving to himself that he's capable of kindness instead of destruction. Postwar Walter fully believes he's the worst person ever like THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER, UNA

Um. What else? Some other fun facts:

Was kicking around the idea of finishing this in 2022-2023 because it was nearly fully 10 years since Come Back Home was finished but I was also like "lol probably won't happen" but then got a v. nice ask from @batrachised and was like "Oh man people are still out here!! I could actually finish it!!" so big thanks there and to everyone who kept reminding me to finish <333333

Really meant to write more Jem in here but he just kept...not being relevant, SORRY JEM.

I got a couple of comments back in the day asking if the fic would save Stripey from being drowned by Bruce and I meant to get to it but couldn't really find room for it. One day, another fic, etc. (I was coming down on the side of still killing Stripey, SORRY STRIPEY, because I think it's such a perfect and tragic encapsulation of the book's certainty that sacrifice is worthwhile, because it has to be, and then you're reading it 100 years later like "oof.")

Walter having a school in Saskatoon named after him actually came out of researching Midnighters fic for the character of Jessica, and seeing that a good chunk of schools in Chicago were named after people with zero connection to the city whatsoever.

Came up with most of the first story in the bath and am wondering if this was harder to write simply because I don't have a bathtub anymore 🤔

i meant to take a photo showing my drafts of come back home and how certain the journey side by side, but can u believe, I LEFT MY WRITING NOTEBOOK AT WORK LOL. Fortunately there's nothing too crazy in there, apart from the reveal that I write fanfic and also some original fiction that probably reveals far more of my psyche than I want it to 😅 so i only have my old-ass notebook from 2012 on hand, NOTEBOOK RETRIEVED! here's how it started (my handwriting was v. v. jank 12 years ago) and the last few things i wrote:

anyway thank you again everyone for entertaining me and this fic all the way until the end i love you all <3333333

[bookofmac]

okay okay okay, thinking thoughts

So I find the concept of Names really interesting in Camlann, reading into the extracanonical stuff put on the tumblr is giving me food for theory crafting. The Catacylsm seems to be some kind of return of magic to the world (possibly heralded by the return of The King of the Britons in their hour of need?) and thus people with significant Names have access to something because of it. they fall into the stories of their namesakes; Perry, Gwaine, and Kay are Knights, Morgan is Morgana Le Fay, and we now have a Gwen in Shújūn.

Based on Kay's dicussion with Perry if more people can fill in the roles of their stories to more 'to plan' the stories will go, Of course this is not good news if you know the general end point of Arthurian legend (Betrayal, muderer, war, most everyone dead, the 'Glory' of camelot gone). It's inherently kind of a doomsday cult if you stay in those stories, you know where parts of this are going (i'll get back to this)

it also seems like there may be some, for lack of a better term, kin drama going on. There are 900 members of the court and Kay mentions that Peredur is a really uncommon name outside of Wales, meaning there are certain knights who are more common, i assume Lancelot's, Kay's, maybe a few Talisin's, a bunch of Gareth's, and like 50 Elaines like in the legends lol

We also dont have the context for how Names work full yet and neither do our characters. I think theres a lot of answers to be had with Shújūn/Gwen with how it works, how you know other than the buzzing in you're head and desire go through the motions and Follow the Story

Now, where does Dai fit in all this?

Dai doesn't have a Name, and I think theres going to be a point where he changes his name in a major way, but not to a Name, but a Bardic name. In welsh poetic and story telling tradtions Welsh poets, THE OG Bards, will take on pseudonyms tell their stories. This practice stems from the medievil era, but goes forth to today, and many modern Welsh and welsh heritage poets have connections to this tradition (Dylan Thomas' middle name was his great uncles bardic name, Sarah Williams published her work under the name Sadie), I believe it's also a requirement to have one if you intend to perform in the major Eisteddfod, (I am Australian so my experiance of Eisteddfods here is very different so if i'm wrong on that let me know)

Why would he do this? I think Dai is going to, at least try, to write him and his friends a way out.

Much ink is spilt over how Arthurian legend doesnt have an 'orginal text', and as such there are lots of stories that are inherently contradictory; Bedwyr is the best knight, but so are Gwaine, Lancelot, and Galahad. Mordred is some random king until his Arthur's son. Arthur has a sister, no he has two, actually he has three and one of them is an Elaine. This could be used to explain any doubles (are you my Gwaine), as well as why we see a few different spelling varients which are, the very welsh Peredur as opposed to Percival or Parzifal, the anglisised and more boarish Kay as opposed to Cei or Caius (this last one might just to keep Dai and Kay distinct tho). These variations are no more or less 'canon' than any other telling of the story, and so often the writer of a given telling of Arthurian legend is going to have their own bias. But things dont HAVE to end the way they always do, and sometime you need to have someone outside the story you're caught in to tell you a new one.

You are not locked into that ever looming cloud of Thomas Mallory and Le Morte d'Arthur.

Other evidence I have for this is that Dai sings at the begining of each episode, and sings in welsh at that. He also is, to a point our narrator, existing both in and out of the current narative. Also his name is an a lyric of Sosban Fach (a song i would be surprised if it wasn't in the show at some point) 'Dai bach y sowldiwr' which is also not from the text the song was based on. Tangential yes, but i think it's worth thinking about.

I think there is also something to be said about choice in what your name is and how it feeds into the overall theme of identiy, and how that plays into other themes at play in the story, like Transness, Imperialism, and Predestination

TL:DR; While he doesnt have a Name, Dai's gonna give himself an epic bard name and save them all by writing a killer hook to get them out of the story

[spoopydooblr]

Demons | Chapter 1

Pairing: Billy Butcher (The Boys) x Supe!OC

Summary: Over a year ago, Lilith Murphy escaped the experiments and torture of the Sage Grove Center. After laying low and stripping at Super Girlz, she’s found by Billy and The Boys.

Warnings: descriptions of sex work, sexual violence, sexual themes, mental illness, eventual smut (!)

AN: omggggggggg so anyways….here’s ch 1! get excited y’all!!! please do let me know what you think! comments and likes keep me writing lol

Lilith Murphy was running late. So late that her boss at Super Girlz even noticed.

“You’re on in ten, Murph.” He grumbled, barely looking up at her as she entered the back office.

“Sorry, won’t happen again.” She breathed, pushing past him. They both knew it would definitely happen again.

Her manager grunted in response, staring down at his nude magazine.

Lili made her way to the dressing room, smiling curtly to the other girls as she made her way to a chair. She wasn’t really close with any of them—Lili preferred to stay on the outside. It was safest there.

The reflection in the mirror was a sore sight—her red hair was a mess and she still had last night’s makeup on. Smudges of black lined her eyes while leftover glitter stuck to her cheeks. She took a makeup wipe from her bag and wiped her face, preparing it for another night of heavy makeup and sparkles.

The routine was the same every night now. Lili was basically nocturnal at this point, her sleep schedule a mess and social life nonexistent. But she had to be there, it was the only way to survive after escaping Sage Grove.

It was hard for Lili to believe it had been over a year since the facility got broken into by some randos. She had been stuck there for years, enduring endless pain and torture because of the abilities she possessed.

Now wasn’t much different, though. The endless pain and torture didn’t stop, even now that she was free.

She was so used to pain she felt numb.

——————————

“Are you sure this is it?” Hughie asked as Billy pulled the car up to a dark alleyway.

“This the address Mallory gave me.” He grumbled, done with Hughie’s shit.

Hughie felt a shiver down his spine. They were in the middle of a bad neighborhood, about to walk down an alleyway.

“And you’re sure she’s here?”

“What I just tell ya? She’s here.”

Hughie gulped as Butcher led the way into the alley. Black clouds looked over the city. They reached a locked metal door, to which Billy banged on.

A disgruntled man swung the door open.

“Password?”

Hughie looked expectantly to Billy.

“Sixty-nine.” He said.

The man nodded and led them inside a dark room.

“The girls start in five.” He told them, pressing a button and opening another, more heavy door.

Inside, pink and purple lights filled the dark space. Supes were all over, sitting at the bar and on luxurious couches.

“What is this place?” Hughie whispered to Butcher.

“You never been to a supe club before, kid?”

He shook his head. Billy chuckled, looking around. “You ever been to a regular club?”

Hughie laughed nervously. “Um, no.”

“Well, maybe if yer lucky, one of these broads will give ya a wank.”

“I don’t know if I—“ Hughie started, hesitating when the lights started to go down.

“Stay close.” Billy said, walking towards a stage in the middle of the room. It was crowded, but they were able to find room towards the front.

“Butcher, I don’t know if we have time to watch the dancers—“

“Would ya fucking shut it, Hughie?”

“But where’s…uh…where is she?”

Billy didn’t have time to answer as music erupted from the speakers.

————————

“Are you ready?” A voice boomed from the stage. A twinky-looking EmCee had appeared.

The crowd erupted, the men almost feral for the girls that were about to come out.

“Introducing…the Super Girlz!”

The crowd once again went nuts, hooting and hollering.

Hughie looked at Billy, who kept his eyes on the stage, smirking. Work could sometimes have a little play, right?

The lights went off and everything was black. Hughie wondered if they had stumbled into the wrong place.

Pink lights flooded the stage as three girls stepped into view. They were all clad in lingerie, barely covering their asses. The men around them were practically frothing at the mouth.

Rap music started to play and the three girls began their routine, but something was missing. It was almost like they were waiting for someone. They shook their asses in a line, staring seductively into the crowd.

From the behind the stage curtain, a long, pink tongue appeared, snaking around the girls. The tongue licked one of the dancers on the cheek and she grinned.

A man next to Hughie hollered at the girls. It was all so, so weird. Who was the owner of this tongue?

Suddenly, the tongue snapped back into the curtain. The purple fabric was pushed to the side and a new girl appeared.

“Is that…” Hughie whispered.

Billy just smiled, keeping his eyes on the girl with the tongue. He had never seen her in person—just her mugshot in the file Mallory had given him. She was beautiful, of course, but he wasn’t expecting her to be that beautiful. And that body…

————————

Lili stepped out of the curtains, her heart audibly beating. All of the Supes around her could probably hear it.

It was so embarrassing to be nervous every show, but she couldn’t help it. One, she was on the run, and two, it was scary to be naked in front of randos.

Her outfit tonight was an all black bikini, contrasting her fellow dancers’ pink sets. The bottoms were definitely too small and the top barely covered her nipples, but Lili didn’t mind. Less clothes was equal to more tips.

The men in front of the stage cheered for her, sticking out their tongues. It was something her regulars did, thinking she would appreciate the solidarity. She didn’t.

Lili started her routine, dancing along with the other girls and showing off her twisty tongue. She had told her boss that elastic tongue was her only ability, which he was fine with. The other girls barely had powers in the first place. If only they knew who she really was.

Each girl took their turn doing a small solo for the men, grabby hands pushing dollars into their underwear.

Lili stretched her tongue in her mouth, moving her hips to the beat.

When it was her turn, she let her tongue fly, the pink thing seemingly having a mind of its own. The men yelled, begging for it to touch them. She smirked, letting her tongue lick at her own thighs as she knelt, ass out.

Her hands went up to cup her tits, swinging her head around, letting her bright hair flow.

The crowd was getting crazier, as they usually did, but she didn’t mind. It was easy money.

Hands reached out to her, stuffing one’s into her bra. Lili smiled seductively, her tongue also grabbing dollars out of the air.

She was almost done with her routine when she saw a large, strong hand reaching with a twenty.

Lili looked up, mostly expecting some old, rich creep. Instead, her blood ran cold.

————————

Sage Grove, 1 year ago

Lili sat in a damp, cold room. They had just done one of their “sessions”, which was basically just legal torture. The doctors at Sage Grove had specific instructions for her, because of her background. She was apparently too powerful for V experiments. Instead, the doctors at the facility did the opposite, pumping her full of V Inhibitor to control her powers. She felt weak and tired all the time, her once great powers pouring out of her like blood.

She sat on the icy floor, wishing that tomorrow would be the day that the V finally killed her.

Suddenly, sirens wailed from outside. The door to her room opened, but no one was there. Carefully, she got up and walked to the doorway, eyes widening at what she saw.

Patients ran through the halls, their various powers surging. Lili smiled, she was finally free.

She sprinted down the hallway, unsure if her powers would even work. The V Inhibitor was still in her system, slowing her down.

The front of the facility was open, with patients causing chaos all over. She could’ve probably beat the shit out of anyone there, but that would make her more of a target than she already was.

————————

The minute the grass touched her feet, Lili felt like she was home already. Not that she had a home, but if she did. She pondered her next move, the idea of a home on her mind as she ran through the forest.

Then gunshots rang in her ears. Lili ran to the nearest tree, hiding behind it as she searched for the origin of the sound. Fifty feet away, one of her friends lay on the ground, bullet holes in his chest. She gasped, looking to the assailant. A man in a Hawaiian shirt held a smoking AK. Next to him was a blonde woman who kind of looked like Starlight.

No, no. That was Starlight.

What was she doing at Sage Grove with a mysterious gunman?

————————

Lili couldn’t forget a face.

Like literally. Her brain was so powerful she remembered most things.

The face of the man in front of her was the same as the gunman from Sage Grove. Sure, he was hot, but he murdered a kid. Why was he, and the twink next to him, at Super Girlz?

Lili took the money from him, shoving it in her bra and backing up.

He stared her down like she was some kind of prey.

Lili turned, her nerves almost ruining the other dancer’s routine. She had to go. Now.

The dance was almost over and sure, her boss would be mad she left, but Lili was in danger. Even if the guy didn’t want to kill her, he was surely being followed. The Seven had their ways.

Lili left the stage, her stilettos clicking on the floor as she ran to the dressing room.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…” she mumbled, trying to grab her clothes and bag. She couldn’t be on the run in lingerie.

“Well, well, well, look what we have ‘ere.” A British accent perked her ears. Lili turned, heart dropping.

“Who are you?” She pushed. “What the fuck do you want from me?”

Billy looked her up and down, eyes lingering a little too much on her tits.

“Just a little chat, right Hughie?” He motioned to the skinny man next to him.

“Uh, uh yeah.”

“Whatever you want from me, I don’t have it.”

Butcher took a step closer. “We don’t want nothing from ya, love. Just a little help, that’s all.”

“Help?”

Billy smirked. “I got a tip that a little lassie gave Homelander a run for his money few years ago.”

Fuck. Lili’s body went rigid. Her mouth dried. “Well then you got the wrong girl.”

Butcher laughed. He got even closer.

“Nah. I think we got ‘er right here.” He stared into her eyes. If she wasn’t on the run, she’d consider it a tender moment.

Billy paused. “Eh, Demoness?”

The nickname stung her like a fucking wasp.

“Don’t call me that.” She spat.

“Ah, there’s the spunk!” Billy turned to Hughie.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“M’ sorry love, how rude of me.” He stepped forward, again. “I’m Billy Butcher, and this here,” he clapped the twink on the shoulder. “This is Hughie Campbell.”

“Okay, and?” Lili looked past the men and to the door. “How the fuck did you find me?”

“Not hard when ya stripping around in ya knickers and using that tongue of yours.”

Rude, but true. Lili shivered, crossing her arms in front of her breasts. She was still practically naked. Again, Butcher’s gaze lingered a bit too long.

“You two enjoy the show?” She spit back, turning to grab her clothes.

“Eh, seen better.” Butcher replied. Hughie looked uncomfortable.

Lili scoffed. “Sure.” She rummaged through her bag, desperate to cover up. “Doesn’t matter anymore, though, does it?”

Butcher was silent. Lili took a step towards him, almost as tall as him with her heels. “When The Seven finds me, which they will, no thanks to you, they will kill me.”

“That’s why we’re here first, love.”

Lili almost pressed her thighs together at the nickname. “And what makes you think I’ll come with you?”

Billy laughed. “You got anotha option?”

Lili thought for a second. She really didn’t have another option, but Billy and Hughie were still suspicious to her. How did they find out about her in the first place?

“I—“ she started, but before she could get the words out, the door to the dressing room burst open.

For the second time that night, Lili’s blood ran cold. In the doorway stood The Deep.

“Lilith!” He said, seemingly relieved to see her.

Frankly, Lili was too stunned to speak.

“Ah, how nice of you to join us!” Billy said, standing in front of Lili. She didn’t expect him to try and protect her. “Looks like you were searchin’ for the little lady here too.”

He looked past Billy. “I’ve been worried sick about you!”

Lili rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, Kevin.”

Billy looked back to Lili, giving her a questioning look.

“N-no you’re not! Look at you, Lil!” He motioned to her bra and panties. “Why didn’t you find me when you escaped?”

Something inside of her snapped. After the years and years of torture, she was finally free. There was nothing holding her back from finally showing The Deep what she was made of. No Homelander watching over her or power inhibitors.

“You don’t fucking own me.” She spat.

“But, but I thought—“

“You fucking raped me, Kevin!”

Billy turned to Lili, then to The Deep.

Lili could hear his heartbeat pick up.

“The fuck ‘e talking about, Lili?”

She ignored him. Fight now, traumatic backstory later.

“I did not!” The Deep wined. “Why does everyone say that?”

“Maybe because yer a fuckin serial rapist bastard, ever think about tha?”

Lili felt her hands get hot. Oh no. She hadn’t felt her powers in a long time. The energy surged through her body, lighting her nerves up. Her heartbeat rang in her ears. There was no doubt The Deep could hear it, too.

“Lili, please.” He begged her. “Come back with me.”

“Never.”

“Please?” He pouted.

“The lady said no, Kevin.” Billy smirked, stepping towards The Deep.

They stared each other down. Lili didn’t know if Billy or Hughie were Supes. If they weren’t, it was going to be up to her to defeat The Deep. Her hands heated up more.

“Kevin.” She said, pushing past Billy. “You need to go.”

“Lilith—“

“Now!” She yelled, hands lighting on fire. Long, pointed fingernails grew from her fingers. Her eyelids flickered, revealing blood red irises, contrasting to her usual ocean blue.

Billy lunged back, but was unsurprised by her power. He must’ve read her file.

She spoke through new, pointed teeth, with a deeper, more ominous voice.

“If you don’t leave, I’m going to have to fucking kill you.” She couldn’t help the way she was feeling. After years and years of repressing her powers and taking the V Inhibitor, Demoness was back.

“Lili, baby—“ The Deep had only seen her powers once, ten years ago.

Lili opened her mouth, half expecting her tongue to slide out like a big joke. Instead, she breathed fire, flames shooting out of her mouth.

The Deep barely got out of the way before the fire scorched him. He fell to the ground.

“Fuck! What the fuck!”

“Get out!” She yelled.

The Deep scrambled up, grabbing the door handle.

“And Kevin,” Lili smiled with her fangs. “Do tell Homelander I’m back,” she looked to Billy, then back to The Deep. “Tell him I’m coming for him.”

Billy smiled to Hughie, who looked terrified. Lili forgot he was even there.

“Y-you can’t defeat him. He’s too powerful.”

Lili laughed, entire body in flames now. “Well a girl can try, right?”

“Lili—“

“No. Fuck you. Get out!” She shot fire from her hands, burning his skin.

The Deep crawled away, leaving an ablaze Lili with Billy and Hughie.

“Fuck.” She whispered, the fire on her body dying out. It was exhausting being a supe. Lili felt her body relax, but the relief was too much and she faltered, barely able to catch herself.

“Haven’t used those powers in a minute, huh?” Butcher grabbed her shoulder.

Lili’s eyelids fluttered. She was not going to pass out in front of a sexy older man.

“Uhh—“

“Here.” Butcher shrugged off his long black coat. “Don’t want ya lookin like a whore when ya meet the boys.”

He said that, though she could tell he would rather have her in her underwear (or nothing at all).

The boys?

[queer-ragnelle]

Huh, I wasn't aware the creator of Jeeves and Wooster wrote a Arthuriana. This is so cool!

On the other hand, what are the highlights you loved from the story? Any favorite quotes?

So many parts in Sir Agravaine to love! First of all the author name dropping Malory and Tennyson to call them out for only writing about supposedly handsome knights so so funny.

I had been under the impression, like, I presume, everybody else, that every Knight of the Round Table was a model of physical strength and beauty. Mallory says nothing to suggest the contrary. Nor does Tennyson. But apparently there were exceptions, of whom Sir Agravaine the Dolorous must have been the chief.

Get their asses!! Where my ugly boys at?! I also like that Agravaine feels melancholy sorry I do believe in my heart he's pathetic little soggy doggy who would be transformed in the right environment.

Handicapped in this manner, it is no wonder that he should feel sad and lonely in King Arthur's court.

His physical description is 10/10 but it's long so I'll just call attention to these parts. I HEART SHORT MEN WITH IMPERFECT TEETH!!!!!!!

Agravaine was a good deal better equipped than his contemporaries with grey matter, but his height in his socks was only five feet four ... his chin receded sharply from his lower lip, as if Nature, designing him, had had to leave off in a hurry and finish the job anyhow. The upper teeth, protruding, completed the resemblance to a nervous rabbit.

And he's got anxiety?? Perfect characterization no notes.

Sir Agravaine gulped. He was feeling more nervous than he had ever felt in his life.

I adore the lady Yvonne she's just existing and Agravaine is already worried about her impression of him and making up some bullshit in his head. We respect insecure characters in this house.

...he thought he had observed the damsel Yvonne frown as he rose. He groaned in spirit. This damsel, he felt, wanted the proper goods or none at all.

Then this right after made me chew a hole through my wall /pos

The fact was that Sir Agravaine had fallen in love at first sight. The moment he had caught a glimpse of the damsel Yvonne, he loved her devotedly. To others she seemed plain and unattractive. To him she was a Queen of Beauty.

"Love at first sight is bogus." WRONG!!!! It really does happen my buddy Agravaine is proof!! But seriously sometimes it really is like that two people are just drawn together and make a perfect match that nobody else could have been a replacement for one of them. It's delicious narrative frankly I'll hear nothing against the tried and true romance tropes they're beautiful. Now, without spoiling the full story, this might be one of my favorite lines in the whole thing because it's just so....knightly. Whereas Lancelot or Gawain might say they're not afraid as they charge into battle or whatever, Agravaine is very much afraid to fight this dragon. But he's going to do it anyway.

Then he looked at the damsel, and his mind was made up. What did death matter if he could serve her?

Brilliant. Spectacular. Show stopping. Wodehouse, I'm blowing you endless kisses. And Arthurian authors? More Agravaines like this please and thank you.