#male Hawke x Fenris

[privatebooth]

Arriving late or leaving early

Take your pick.

Think it's the last one for the near future.

[fuckyeahmhawkefenris]

It is unbearably quiet on tumblr lately, and what little talking there is, it's all about the next game. Yeah, we're no longer in 2012, I get it.

I'll just keep entertaining myself however I can.

I've always wanted to talk about one fic I secretly refer to as one of the hidden gems in the fenhawke archives. I have never ever seen anyone bring it up, and in all these years I've never dared to recommend it to anyone... Don't think you can even find it so easily? For good reason tbh...

Thing is, it's a fill for da kink community on livejournal. Anyone remember that place? The safe haven where anyone could anonimously submit the kinkiest most shameless things you could think of - offering prompts, filling them... Those were some desperate times when we were painfully low on content, and it was very hard to find something to read. Finding a story with characterization that suited your vision was near impossible!

I myself was desprate enough to brave through countless pages of imageries I could not stomach, skimming through them just to get the general idea until something captured my attention.

So I found this, and honestly, to this day to me it is one of the best examples of... idk, not just good characterization, but the overall feeling of the fenhawke relationship, why I can't let go of them after 12 years? It's all subjective, of course, but no fanfic ever resonated with me as deeply as this. Also back then mage Hawke was not very popular and most stories featured rogues... I used to be very sad and lonely!

Warning: it's extremely triggery. I wouldn't even recommend reading the first part at all, because it's too difficult and painful to get through. Hell, I couldn't read it! I was looking through the text very VERY briefly to get only the most basic and vague understanding of what was happening, and it was still hard! There is a lot of abuse, rape, slavery things...

To get the idea:

The Alone quest did not get resolved as planned. Danarius managed to win that battle, captured Fenris and returned to Tevinter, gravely injuring Hawke in the process (Fenris thought he was killed). To break the remains of his will, Danarius threatens to erase Fenris's memories of Hawke, and he succumbs and stops resisting altogether. I don't want to recall the details, but it was awful. Go straight to part 17 (it's a flashback) to read a very lovely take on fenhawke first night together. It's super sweet and gentle, though painfully sad in context. Still, beautiful. Well, it gets worse before it gets better! Somewhere in part 19 Fenris's friends come for him (they sailed all the way here on Isabela's new ship) and he's rescued. What follows is an exceptionally touching tender reunion with Hawke. Oh, and then, once all is settled comes the second part - All the King's men, which is much less controversial and fairly easy to read. Fenris copes with his experiences, and Hawke is always there for him. There are some truly fantastic moments as they slowly get close to each other again! Isabela is pretty great here, and Anders... sorta made me warm up to his character? And it's all fairly believable and close to how we see them in the game.

I'm saying all this and linking this fic on the off chance that someone with tastes similar to mine ever needs something like it. I know I am grateful it exists, and still hold it very dear to my heart. Definitely never regretted finding it!

[artnijna]

FenHawke: Seeing you again.

Aka I'm replaying DA2 and also rereading the Blue Wrath comics and I just want them to be happy...T.T

[proffbon]

The way he always goes back to brooding right after laughing...

[greypetrel]

5 or 8 for Garrett with the very angsty list? :3

Hello darling,

I cracked my knuckles and faced some fenhawke, those two prompts just begged for it. There you go, hope you’ll like it!

Tis the prompt list

Regret.

[ Male Hawke x Fenris | Post breakup cutscene | CW: Blood, blood magic, a very VERY minor self-harm, hurt no comfort | 1863 words ]

8. “I regret ignoring the clear signs you gave me that you were not ready for anything serious with me. I regret wasting my time making up excuses for you because I really thought... I hoped you would change your mind one day.”

It had been like watching the storm approaching on the horizon back in Lothering, when life was easier.

Big puffy clouds starting to collect on the horizon, as Raina admitted who exactly was helping her with her swordsmanship. Innocent, looming away, beautiful to look at, even. The idea that he could still stay in the sidelines of his life.

But then, the clouds swept closer, crossed the limit of the distant hills and rolled leisurely in, getting bigger, the whipped cream feel of them starting to feel less appealing, less enticing. Raina going out more often, Fenris stopping on the door to bid her goodbye as they returned from running in the morning. Crossing Garrett’s eyes on the door, and right after looking away.

Wait some more, and the wind come in, rustling leaves sounding the alarm for everyone to run back home, something is coming. Not unkindly, but not caring how far you are from the nearest shelter: a safety call or your doom knocking on your door. Fenris slowly entering their group more, on Raina’s insistence. Raina’s frown and urge to just talk to him instead of being a grump.

They quarreled, as fiercely as they hadn’t done since… Namely, a quarrel had been in the air ever since the invasion. Ever since they were surprised by Meredith, ever since Meredith saw Garrett weaving a spell and knew, and Raina, once the Knight-Commander had gone, unironically proposed just to go back home and leave the city to the Arishok. In the moment, they couldn’t stop for Garrett to exactly give his sister a piece of his mind, and after… It was stupid to quarrel with said sister lying on a bed that may as well have been her death one. Garrett had forgotten about it, in the relief in seeing her not dying and slowly gain back her strength.

But then.

Then the cloud came in.

The first drop of rain fell and it was thick and heavy, warm and red.

He hadn’t had the time to heal himself, before Fenris started it. Thunder booming in, the storm falling in force.

With a calm Garrett didn’t think he would have had, he rose from the pavement, clenched his fist tight to stop the bleeding with pressure, and just looked at Fenris’ face, as he kept launching accuse after accuse.

By all means they were fair accuses.

He had indeed asked Merrill to teach him. They were indeed doing blood magic on the library floor. His reaction too wasn’t exactly unexpected. Merrill had told him no, the first time he asked her, for that same reason. The reaction people around them would have knowing: Merrill didn’t want him to end up like her, stranded and alone. He had laughed, made her notice she wasn’t alone anymore, and asked her again. And again. Fourth time’s the charm.

But the fact that, of all people, Fenris was the first to discover it (save Raina, of course) was so ironic it made him smile. And laugh, right after. He didn’t want to, he really didn’t, but he couldn’t help bursting out and folding in half, a hand patting his thigh as the other, the one he still hadn’t healed, coming to hold his belly.

It worked in stopping Fenris.

“I’m sorry.” The mage said, when the laughter died out. He really was. “I hadn’t understood that what I do is still any of your business.”

It stung. Fenris was stoic, but Garrett saw the minute twitch of his brow. He had spent the last three years watching him from afar -and then from not so afar-, it was by now an instinct. It didn’t help the situation, not at all.

“Can’t I be worried about you?”

“If it pleases you, sure.” Garrett went on, and remotely he heard himself with a tone of voice that was light and jolly, and hated himself. “I’m just making you notice how ill-timed it is coming here and start insulting Merrill. Merrill who is the girlfriend of the one Hawke you can still talk to without screaming may I add. And how all these accuses are out of nowhere.”

“Out of nowhere?”

Garrett stepped to the side, placing himself between the two elves.

“Garrett, it’s fine-” Merrill tried to counter, but the rest went unheard.

“-Her foolish pursuit of dangerous magic burnt all bridges she had with her family. Do you want to learn from her? Do you really want to end up like-”

“Like what?” Garrett stopped him, before he could finish. The weird merriment melting away into what lied beneath. Weirdly enough, he didn’t honestly think he was still so angry at him. Months had passed. Sure, months in which they hadn’t exchanged one word between them, not a hello, go figure talking about where they stood. “Like what, Fenris?”

Silence fell on the room. Heavy and tense, more thunder, the temperature dropping and the light fading under thick clouds.

“Like a mage without a family, running from the law and hiding?” Garrett went on. He minutely registered Raina entering the door and stopping on the threshold, Bodahn peeking beside her. “Because then I will need to ask you why it wasn’t a problem with me. Or that was the grand thing you suddenly realised that night? How kind of you to spare me the accusations then, I’m really moved.”

“Gee, that’s-”

Raina tried to intervene, stepping forward. But Garrett had no patience for his sister. Not now. And if he knew she struggled with guilt and had this stupid tendency to pick up every single ounce of blame she set her eyes upon and shoulder it as if she deserved it, the blame for causing this fight wasn’t one Garrett was willing to relieve her of. Not when she willingly brought Fenris back. He turned to her, ready to give her a piece of his mind as well.

“You have nothing to-”

"I am just asking you-” Fenris interrupted him, raising his voice just some, tone firmer to catch attention. “-to consider what you’re doing. I am not foolish enough to claim any more right on what you do. I’m just begging you not to do anything you may regret.”

“Regret.”

The word caused another fit of laughter. More bitter, less boisterous. It also brought tears to his eyes, but Garrett refuse to shed them. Not in front of him, not there, not letting him know he hurt him that deeply. Rain could wait. To distract himself, he shifted his fingers in his hand, pressing the nails over the wound of before. Sharp pain to keep his mind focused. He was Raina’s brother, after all.

“I regret ignoring the clear signs you gave me that you were not ready for anything serious with me. I regret wasting my time making up excuses for you because I really thought... I hoped you would change your mind one day.”

Another flinch in the elf, more visible this time, before he turned his eyes down. Not even Raina had words to spare in his defense, tho. She frowned, thin lips bent in a harsh line, in a mannerism that was all their mother. A gentle hand was placed on Garrett’s elbow, light as a butterfly. He was very grateful for Merrill, he really was. She was good for Raina, good company, a delight to have around, a good friend and a good teacher. In that moment, tho, even that light touch felt too much. Too soon. And not for her fault.

“Thank you for your concern.” He spat to Fenris, at last. “But it’s misplaced.”

Not bearing with the tension anymore, and having said all he had to say, Garrett stepped away. A fleeting touch over Merrill’s fingers, in a silent assurance before he took the first step. A second and a third, he walked around Fenris on Raina’s opposite side, without even looking at him anymore. He didn’t care if there was an answer, an explanation, anything coming. He took the door of the library and marched up, jumping the steps two by two and telling Bodahn everything was fine, yes he knew his hand was bleeding, he had stitches in his room. Not that he would have needed them, but there was just this much of worry about blood magic he could stomach in one hour.

He ignored the voices starting to rise from the library. Raina’s curse, louder than it should be. No door slammed, no steps outside the library, tho. But it was fine. Fine as it can be. They could be friends, he thought. It hurt they were, but no one was stopping him, and of course Raina would jump at another lost cause like a fucking raccoon in sight of a trashcan.

It was none of Garrett’s concern, not anymore.

All his concern was to close his door behind his back -it came in a slam but it wasn’t on purpose… Or not fully so. Slide down against the door, long legs bending in front of him, and take a deep breath, remembering Merrill’s instructions.

Concentrate on the sparkle of magic within him, keep in the now, keep in the body, focus on the beat of his heart, the steady -too fast- tum-tum-tum of it. Find the rhythm and draw from it, there’s a spark of magic in every living thing. No Fade, no Spirits. Just him and his own spark.

It tingled, as his skin wound up together again on his palm, slowly and unsteadily, wobblying and stammering in its track, but never stopping. Millimetre after millimetre, whisper in the back of his mind after whisper, until he was staring at his hand, full of blood, blood under his nails, his mother would have been so angry he got his nails and his shirt dirty.

But there was no more wound, there. Flexing his hand resulted in no pain at all. It wasn’t a clean work, the skin felt bumpy and jagged and he knew he would find a scar. He still had to exercise, Merrill tho talented was no healer and he knew asking Anders for help would have resulted in a harsher fight, and more of an headache. But it came much, much easier than Spirit Healing ever did.

And then, and only then, the storm let loose and rain started to fall.

He finally let go and tears started to roll down his cheeks and into his beard. There were more of them than he thought, but it was fair, he supposed. He had been saving them since that one night Fenris spent there, he may as well let those out too and concentrate on how the sadness and the loneliness felt, churning his stomach and clenching at his throat.

For all everyone always said about the dangers of blood magic -Merrill included-, he wasn’t all that worried.

Beside having a teacher that was living proof that it could be done and wasn’t a sentence to a soon and horrible death, one thing had to be said.

He could reason with the demons, at least.

Reasoning with his own emotions was a little bit harder. For now, at least.

[aldruiel-scribbles]

In this link there is definitely not a folder with every Dragon Age eBook, numbered in order of reading plus the two Encyclopedias about the world. Please do not use the link, there are not free books in there.

[redmedic]

I am so honoured and lucky to get this as a commission - here is Fenris and Garrett Hawke for my good friend!

Patreon | Instagram | Redbubble

Here is the alternate version without colour:

[alekgarlic]

“people say that you and the elf – you know, that angsty tevinter one, are becoming quite the item. so, what’s going on hawke? you do know the elf is covered in spikes, like an angsty porcupine? he might have some… issues.”

[junie-junette]

I wish you all a very nice weekend with a soft morning kiss between Hawke and Fenris ! I was like coming home, drawing them again so I hope you'll like the drawing !

The joy of finding an old forgotten WIP in my files haha ! Fenhawke will still have the place n°1 in my heart ! ♡

[tiredwaterboy]

That one Laios and Kabru meme but with my wife

[vilnan]

nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you.

[privatebooth]

I think one of the reasons why I like Fenris so much and feel the constant urge to shower him with love and care in my pictures is because he reminds me a lot of a cat.

A poor stray cat that has been mercilessly abused and treated cruelly all his life, and who is very anxious and scared of you even if he tries to seem tough and independant, but he still jumps at every suspicious sound and keeps looking around in subtle fear, and then you carefully approach him, and try to be gentle and careful and as not intimidating as you possibly can, and slowly he starts trusting you and lets you touch and pet him, and he craves it so much, because he has seen how other cats can be treated, and how happy and content they are to be loved and cherished, and dammit he wants it too, but he's so afraid to be hurt again.

And then after years of this careful nursing he finally relaxes and tentatively comes to you and starts showing you how much he loves you and just wants you to love him.

[fuckyeahmhawkefenris]

MAJOR update

So I don't know if anyone else even cares about this stuff, but I made some huge progress with tagging/retagging things here. For some time I haven't been tagging any posts at all lacking motivation because, seriously, does anyone even look at tags these days?

Still, my love for this ship keeps me going. Maker, I'd forgotten how therapeutic the process is. For a few days I almost stopped dwelling on my own personal issues.

Anyway

Allow me to remind y'all that this blog has a list of TAGS, a rather extensive one. I shudder to think how much time I spent compiling it all, but it does make me happier somehow

We have an impressive collection of fanart, so many comic bits they had to be separated into their own category to make it possible to navigate through all the artwork, writings that I don't think can be found anywhere else. In the beginning this fandom also used to produce a lot of memes and jokes, not so much of it now, but we don't forget our history! There is so much to uncover and rediscover.

I guess that canoodling/hugging/cuddling/snuggling tags are still a mess (always have been) despite my best efforts, but I genuinely tried to make it make sense somewhat. Having 8000+ pieces of art for your ship gets you there. Hard to believe it used to be almost nonexisistent in the beginning. It was so easy to navigate in 2012...

I didn't even try to sort out the comics, and fiction is not tagged either, except for the most basic basics.

Well, if anyone has any better ideas/suggestions don't be shy about @ ing me. Hell, if you can think of any new tags worth adding, let me know. And if you could reply to the relevant posts with it, it'd be fantastic.

If you're bored and don't mind spending some time with Fenris and Hawke, observing them love each other, please take a look at the list. There are also separate pages for the people who make fanart and write stuff for us, so you can always find more of their works by looking up the artists name in the tags. Though this page is forever in progress.

There's always room for improvement, so if you have anything to say, PLEASE SAY IT.

Also, the pornstash is up again, and now there is some semblance of a system.

It is a members-only blog, since almost all of its content is flagged and can only be viewed by members. So you need to become one. Everyone is welcome to join, but please don't follow it. All you need to do is like this post. I'll see your username and send you an invite. After that you'll need to check your e-mail (NOT tumblr inbox!) and follow the link you'll find there. And please read the post i linked carefully, there's vital information in it.

I'm just really tired

I'd really like to sort this place out completely so that when I retire, and someone is willing to take it off my hands, I could be at peace.

[artnijna]

FenHawke: Seeing you again.

Aka I'm replaying DA2 and also rereading the Blue Ghost comics and I just want them to be happy...T.T

[proffbon]

I can't with his little giggles.

[kiivg]

.There’s music tonight at The Hanged Man, and more than a single jig on the menu.