#making what she thought were harmless statements about myself and my father

[twcfaces]

Since we're on the subject of Harvey being biracial, I think his pops really hated that.

Actual mentions of real-world prejudice, abuse, etc below! Please do not trip over this line if these things are triggering for you.

I feel like the elephant in the room is

>'but his wife was black'

Racism doesn't actually preclude a person from pursuing a relationship outside their race. But that is dissertation paper material and not fictional character blog material. Do not @ me for a dissertation or I will literally find one for you.

>But Halekulani why discuss real life nastiness when you're writing fiction?

Because I motherfucking w a n t to.

Anyway, Harv's dad would use any and all excuses to smack his son across the floor and then make an effort to 'make it up' to him before doing it again the next night and he would definitely dip into the 'you're [insert offensive hateful stereotypical shit here] because you have your mother's blood in you, etc.'

so, literally punishing him for something not under his control and something that isn't in any way a bad thing - but Harvey can never be 'normal' or acceptable to pops because he's not, y'know - white.

Harvey's father made him feel like he was split all the way down to his DNA, like there was something inherently wrong with who he was that he continuously had to make up for.

And there isn't. There is nothing - absolutely NOTHING - inherently wrong with him, or his mother, or his identity.

He gets that now, as an adult, that his father was just a fucking nasty, horrible, alcoholic, abusive, prejudiced, controlling asshole that needed to lord his authority over anyone that trusted him and anyone he thought he could bully.

But damn, sometimes it still hits. He wonders if he's speaking 'right' or if it's 'too much'. He wonders if his clothes are too reserved or too 'try-hard'.

And it sucks.

Yes, I just read GCPD : The Blue Wall. Why do you ask? [shaking, crying]

[carlosxhook]

The Law Of Total Madness ~ H.H

Pairing: Harry Hook x Reader (yes I wrote Got7 into this sue me) + (please don’t I’m broke 🤦‍♀️)

Y/N’s P.O.V

Being Chad Charming’s twin sister was an interesting occurrence, Ben being your best friend for your whole life and growing up around Chad expectation of the perfect sister was exhausting this was where you found your love for singing and dancing thanks to Ben. He also introduced you to your other best friend prince Yugyeom originally from Jypnation and 6 other his friends who made music together the 8 of you were always glued together, you stuck together and turns out it was good for you to get away from Chad he may of been your brother and yes you loved him but god was he unbearable! Even better the 8 of you talk in korean to confuse anyone trying to ease drop Princess love to be some nosey bitches, you were a hip hop dancing, princess role breaking rebellious free soul and Chad HATED that. Perhaps the icing on the cake was that you were secretly dating a Scottish pirate, the only son of Captain Hook, the love of your life Harry Hook. It happened when you and Ben were kidnapped with Ben after convincing him you should go with him for “protection” when really you just wanted to wag chemistry class they kept you and Ben seperate and you and Harry ended up in a long make out session about 15 minutes before the most epic battle you’d ever witnessed, Ben announced that after 6 months since Dizzy, The Twins and Celia came to auradon that 3 more vks would be coming over! Hoping it would be Harry, Uma and Gil you talked to Gil while ‘kidnapped’ you two were close it was nice he seemed genuinely like a good guy, it was nice that he’s loyal to his crew and today was the day they were to arrive. Ben, Chad, Mal, Carlos, Jay, Evie, Doug and I were all gathered around waiting for them to show them around and such, the limo pulls up and all three vks get out my chest gets tight thinking about seeing him again yeah we starting “being a thing” very quickly but I liked him a lot I knew that much “Welcome to Auradon” Ben smiles “Try not to break anything” Chad snarls and I smack him over the head earning a deep chuckle from Harry as he smirks at me “it’s very colourful here” Gil smiles he’s too pure omg “well I would love too stay and help but I promised NaNa I’d be at practice 10 minutes ago, it was lovely too see you all again.” I wave before running off towards the school dance hall and quickly issuing magic to get changed into a red crop top and some high waisted black shorts with black converse, damn I was too cute for my own good sometimes, poor Chad never got any magic my parents had me enchanted when I was little so I could protect myself.

Harry’s P.O.V

“I apologise for Princess Y/N’s departure she’s preparing for a very important event and competition as a representative for Auradon, if any of you need her she’s typically in the dance hall!” Ben hints looking towards me it’s not like her and I were seriously anyways, yeah I liked her, a lot but I’d barely say I thought about her. That’s a lie everyday that stupidly gorgeous girl plagued my mind and she just runs off before I can have her in my arms again, how selfish? Does she even still care about me, about us, we had a connection fuck I knew feelings and l..l...lov that l word made you weak, how pathetic I thought I had a happily ever after.

We go through the entire of auadorn and finally reach the Dance Hall we hear loud music coming from within and I peek in seeing Y/N practicing “let’s watch!” Ben opens the door and we stand at the back my eyes fixated on the gorgeous girl dancing her heart out, “she’s gonna win” Chad laughs at Gils proud statement “please who does she think she is this isn’t the isle she should be in a castle or locked in a tower” Chad snorts “I’m sorry say that again Princey” I growl “cool it” I hear Uma whisper “you wanna get found out huh” she follows. “He’s an ass” I mutter focusing back on the events in front of me Y/N walking towards us with a big smile “what did you think?” She asks as her sparkling eyes meet mine before Chad can even open his mouth I reply “Ye did very good indeed” winking at the now blushing princess “anyways” she chirps “we need 3 more female dancers to back up Yugyeom and I’s duo for the competition, because as much as I’d love too see Jackson, Mark and BamBam in skirts with wigs and heels... I don’t wanna frighten the audience” she giggles looking behind her at the 7 boys now making their way over once they reach us the throw Y/N a questioning look before speaking in what I can only assume in another fucking language.

Y/N’s P.O.V

I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss Harry I did and as much as I wanted to run into his arms and breathe in his scent and glory I know I can’t, I lean over to Uma to get closer to Harry “Hey Uma, I don’t know if ben told you but we are sharing a room, I’m barely ever in my dorm so don’t worry I won’t bother you!” I smile and she just scoffs she’s not the biggest fan of me I mean she did kidnap Ben and I after all, I couldn’t blame her though the Isle was shocking I would wanna get out too I am kinda thankful cause of it I found Harry. That was if he still even liked me, I heard from Mal he’s a player and no good that he flirted with anything that moved I mean one of the old exchange students Nana did that too, and he was harmless I was just hoping Harry’s flirting was too.

“Yugyeom, can we finish I wanna show em to the dorms?” I smile to the fluffy haired boy sweat dripping down his white shirt making it slightly see through “only this once ya, usually I’m the one to try cut practice shorty” he laughs “sweet, don’t forget we go all day tomorrow with the boys!” I point to our 6 other friends and wave shooting them a wink before turning around seeing everyone but the pirates had left “well I’ll shall show you to your rooms I guess” I lead the way to the dorms it’s a bit awkward and the silence burns.

“So Y/N” Gil cuts the air “what’s this competition?” He smiles coming and placing an arm around me I hear Harry growl but I just let Gil rest his arm on me “well it’s a multi-kingdom performance competition, we must sing and dance and the winner’s kingdom hosts a massive party and a heap of important musical performers come for all necks of the woods too play and come watch!” I smile getting excited just thinking about it “Yugyeom and I have a duo, I have a solo and so does he, then a boy group performance and then a girl group performance if we win 3/5 of the categories Auradon will host its first ever K fest, it’ll be amazing!” I stop abruptly “our duo performance is gonna be the best we’ve ever done, and we’ve done a lot” I chuckle “anyways this is the boys dorm 701 Gil and Harry are here and then just down the all at 690 is where Uma will be if y’all need her. Your belongings will be inside for you if you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask” I turn around and walk to my room Uma in tow “so Y/N, been a while huh?” She laughs “indeed it has, how’re you feeling about all this?” I ask pointing around “it’s where I’ve always wanted to get my crew, I got Gil and Harry here, now I need to work on the rest” I see a glint of sadness in her eyes “I’m only really here because I care about those boys and they don’t deserve to rot on an island, yeah they’re dicks and trouble but they’re loyal to me so I am loyal to them, they fight for me so I fight for them. Always!” I was shocked Uma was really caring I didn’t expect this side of her “I’m only telling you this because I know you and Harry are a thing” she pays my back “wait we still are?” I ask hopeful “yeah, the moment he gets you alone he’ll be all over you like a hungry wolf, watch ya back” she laughs I take a deep breath “thank you Uma I wasn’t sure he even still knew me” I lay on my bed and my stomach grubmles “girl you’re so busy dancing you don’t eat” Uma scolds “come on” she grads my hand “were getting you some food!” Running out the door she takes me too the kitchen and starts making food “I used to have make chips all the time at the shop, so hopefully Auradon sir makes them taste better than the grubby isle ones” she scoffs “Uma, can I ask something?” I nervously fiddle “sure princess what’s up?” She says cutting up potatos “Did Harry’s father ever abuse him?” She seems taken aback “it’s just I remember telling Harry I’d stay behind he just had to pretend he had me at sword point, and he said he’d never even pretend to do such a thing because he wasn’t his father.” I wipe a few tears I was confused was Harry harmful “Harry gets his father’s temper or therefore lack of, he had outbursts, I’m sure he’ll still have them, yes to put it shortly his father before he was in the crew would often abuse him. But it wasn’t uncommon, not in the isle love is a weakness.” “Then am I weak for loving him no matter what Uma” why was I even opening up to her “no because I think you could be good for him, just don’t turn him” she jokes “or I’ll use this” she holds her shell out “yes captain!” We laugh. “Maybe finally having a roommate won’t be so bad aye” I smile as she cooks Uma might actually be a really great friend and she knows more about Harry than anyone else maybe Hook and I could work.

*The Next Day*

“Those boys I swear are always late” I mutter to no one in particular “now what’s a gorgeous girl like you doing standing ‘ere all alone?” My heart jumps hearing his voice again “Hi Harry” I turn around smiling “ye know isle got boring without a princess to kiss” she smirks “is that so, awe Harry did you miss me” I joke about he moves closer “believe me or not love, I actually did. Let’s say you left a bit of a mark on me so to speak” I giggle “now come here babe” I pull him in for a long and heated kiss “Lovely doing business with ye princess” he smirks spinning around and walking out. What the actual fuck was that, what is he playing at I’m not just some toy, I turn on the music and start dancing to Bonnie & Clyde by Dean nothing can distract me not even Harry.

Harry’s P.O.V

I fucked it up I panicked and played fuck boy player again the confident fascade is what I’m know by I must keep it up, show no emotion, no weakness. Sorry princess. It’s just how I am.

I walk to uma’s room and knock on the door “yeah what” I hear her shout “it’s me” and like that the door flies open “Where’s Gil?” She questions “running round with Jay apparently they’re besties or whatever I’m just letting the dog loose” I plop myself down on the princess’ bed “geez Auradon beds are comfy” I sigh “I don’t think your little girlfriend would appreciate your smelly leather and metal scent over her sheets” Uma jokes “not me girlfriend” I point out “I’d watch it if I were you then, she gushed on about that Yugyeom boy for a very long time, of she ain’t yours surely she’ll be his I mean they’re never not together.” As if on cue in walks Y/N “Hey Uma did you see where I put my tablets, the ones with the orange jar, I’ve got a massive headache.” She rubs her head still unaware I’m laying on her bed “yeah left hand side of the bathroom counter top” she smiles did I miss something what are they all of a sudden so... friendly...

“Thank you so much oh and by the way I’ll be back late tonight so don’t wait up I’ll sneak in, Yugyeom and I have to rehearse til late cause Ben wants to come watch us and make sure it’s all good” I watch as she leaves then I close my eyes and drift off too sleep surprisingly.

“Harry wake up omg” I hear as I open my eyes too see Uma standing above me “what?” I ask rubbing me eyes then picking up me hook “get off of Y/N’s bed and wake up she’s gonna be here soon” she scoffs “surely she wouldn’t mind a handsome looking lad in her bed waiting for ‘er” I laugh.

Y/N’s P.O.V

“Ben I don’t really understand?” I question “you want us... to kiss?” I point between Yugyeom and I “yes the chemistry is there I’m telling you it’s the winning touch, the performance is so dynamic it just needs the big ending, it’ll leave everyone shocked, stunned and more importantly it shows how well you work together.” The king smiles “are you sure this is a good idea?” He’s gone crazy completely mad oh this is not going to end well “let’s call it a day you two need to eat and back again tomorrow for more practice” Ben smiles holding the door open for us both, “he’s not serious right Y/N” Yugyeom whispers “I hope he’s not, but something tells me he is, it’s fine gyu we are the best this is nothing!” I smile placing a hand on his shoulder “what about that boy?” He asks in a small voice “we aren’t dating he made that very clear, who cares this is our dream we are so close!” I smile side hugging him and briefly laying my head on his “fighting!!” I smile before grabbing his hand and walking to my dorm he always walks me to the door of my room when we practice late “Thanks Yugyeom!” I smile “let’s work hard tomorrow!” I hug him really tightly saying goodbye and open the door to find Uma working on something and Harry asleep on my bed “I don’t remember ordering a strange man in my bed, Uma I think this ones for you.” I point to the pirate passed out on my bed “he’s been like that for hours, I don’t think he’s sleeping at night” Uma shrugs “I’ll be back I have to go try round up Gil watch the scot” I laugh before going to change clothes in the bathroom I walk out no more than 10 minutes later and he’s still there snoring away. “Harry I told you if you were struggling to come find me” I play with his hair and carefully remove the hook placing it right next to my bed I grab the spare blanket from the cupboard and put it over him and when I go to walk away I hear “Please, just stay with me love” he says almost way too soft “I’ll explain later just please” I notice he’s shaking must be nightmares or ptsd “it’s okay Harry I’m right here, I’m always gonna be okay” I smile placing a soft kiss on his forehead and jumping into the free slither of bed he’s left much for my surprise he moves and pulls me close with his arm around my stomach before I know it I’m fast asleep.

Harry’s P.O.V

I woke up and there she was in my arms and it felt right, it felt like nothing could ruin this moment until once again I panicked I’m not used to feeling this I grab my hook and leave her all alone, pangs if guilt hit me but I ignore them I’m a pirate the best one I don’t need feelings they make you weak and I will never be weak. I will make my father proud he will call me his son and I’ll finally have a family, I don’t need some stupid princess to distract me.

Y/N’s P.O.V

I woke up alone in my bed with nothing left but the memory and slight scent of metal and the ocean, or was it leather? Doesn’t matter now he used me again and I let him, I need to watch myself no distractions that would discredit all of Yugyeom and I’d hard work I’m letting Harry ruin this for me. That being said another day another practice T-minus 1 week until we gotta rock this competition he’s obviously gotta work himself else I ain’t here for his amusement ugh, today there’s a big school meeting where we perform some songs as a taster for the school and our sister school (team) Ateez High are sending over their recruits to perform, I can’t wait we have had these prepared forever so we got this in the bag.

{Might do a series on this one, kinda proud my first imagine for Harry Hook x Y/N reader I had to add something kpop okay just bear with me! Got a few requests so I’ll be getting right into them⚡️🤍}

[libraryofloveletters]

Heir To The Throne

Chapter 2: Secrets 

There comes a day where all fathers pass their business down to their children. This was no ordinary business, this was the mafia. You were the sole heir to the throne and you didn’t want it. Your father’s right hands Derek and Aaron are tasked with convincing you otherwise, the last thing you expected to do was fall in love.

Mafia AU

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader, Derek Morgan x Fem!Reader

Warnings: cemeteries, mentions of garvez, loss of a sibling and parent, smoking, mentions of death, alcohol and the consumption of, little bit of Matt x reader, mentions of sex and sex references, kissing, swearing, guns and use of, threats, breakups 

Word Count: 3.2k

Author’s Note: a chapter gives you a bit of a better insight on everyone! chapter 3 will be on its way soon!! 

Masterlist /// Chapter 1  /// Chapter 3

----

Fog filled the cemetery as Luke drove through the giant iron gates. He was outside when you had come down and offered to drive you. 

You glanced over at the man who had a permanent scowl on his face. “How’s Penelope?” you ask him, a little curl at the edge of his lips appeared. “Oh dude, you totally like her!” you squealed and hit his arm playfully. 

“Shut up y/n, we’re just friends. She’s fine” he answered you, pulling over by the tree. “Just fine?” you questioned and he nodded. 

“Didn’t sound like she was ‘just fine’ last night” wiggling your eyebrows at him, he gave you a stern look. You raised your hands playfully, “your secret is safe with me grumpy” you smiled and turned towards the window. 

Luke placed his hand on your shoulder, you glanced over at him. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” he said, you reached up and gave his hand a squeeze before shaking your head. 

“I’m alright. I won't be long.” 

“Take your time” 

Stepping out of the car after grabbing the bunches of flowers you had, you walked down the pathway to your mother’s grave. You replaced the old flowers that sit beside her tombstone, which you could only assume had been put there by your father, and brushed off dust from the top. Stepping away, you walked down a bit further and sat on the ground in front of a tombstone. 

James Rossi 

1989 - 2015 

Beloved son, brother and friend.

Setting the bunch of flowers beside the tombstone, you let out a sigh. “So I slapped Derek last night. I know it was wrong but he was talking about you like it wasn't his fault.” your hand ran across his name on the stone. “It’s not my fault though, I tried to control myself but he was being a bitch and don’t even get me started on Emily.” you rolled your eyes, “I threw a bottle at her head but she deserved it so I'm not going to apologize for that.” A wind blew through the cemetery, you brushed away the few leaves that fell by the flowers. “Oh! Luke and Penny are totally hooking up and yes, he’s still as grumpy as he was the last time you..” sighing, cutting your sentence short. “Anyways, she seems to make him happy and I'm happy for him” you glanced over your shoulder, you could see Luke standing outside the car on the phone and smoking. 

“I’ll come around more often J, I'll try and get dad to come too. I love you always” you pressed a kiss to your fingers and then pressed it to the stone before getting up. You brushed off the grass and dirt from your legs and headed back to the car. 

“She's coming back, I’ll talk to you later and I love you more” you could hear Luke say to whoever was on the other end of the call. Smiling at him, “tell pens I said hi, lover boy” Luke shot you a glare before you hopped in the car. 

“Stop eavesdropping” he turned the car around, you looked out the window and replied to him, “not my fault you decided to declare your love to miss Garica as I came back” Luke chuckled at your statement. 

“You’re annoying” 

“Oh you love me Al” 

He shook his head and drove back to the villa. Upon arriving home, he excused himself back to the armoury, or so he said. Luke didn’t realize that you too, had seen Penelope waiting down by the garden for him. Heading inside, your father’s laugh was the first thing you heard. 

He hadn't laughed like that since your mother passed. 

As you walked down the foyer, a woman's voice echoed through the empty hallway. “Dave stop it!” she laughed, you pushed the door to the dining hall open. Dave and a blonde woman sat side by side having lunch. “Oh bella, I didn’t realize you’d be back already” your father stood up from his chair as you walked in. “Yeah, I didn't want to stay too long today, I have things to do. Sorry for interrupting, I didn't realize we had company” 

“I, have company, not you” Dave corrected you, “but since you’re here, y/n, this is Krystall. Krystall, this is my daughter y/n” your father introduced the woman to you. She stuck her hand out and you shook it. “Nice to meet you” she smiled and you gave her a nod. 

“Please continue, I'm just here for a drink and then I'm off” you spoke as you walked towards the bar, filling a glass with some whiskey. You pressed a kiss to your father's cheek and walked out. 

“What the actual fuck was that?” you mumbled, walking down the staircase to the basement. 

The hallway lights had been turned off, you fumbled around and felt the wall until finding the switch. There were boxes and crates stacked on each other and lined up against the wall, a light peaked through a crack in the door at the end of the hall. Pushing it open, Spencer sat at a table and Tara’s back was turned to you. “Hello my darlings” you shouted, making Spencer jump. 

“Fucking hell, I told you stop doing that!” he shouted at you, you walked over and ruffled his hair. 

“Calm down pretty boy, no need to stress yourself out” you walked over to Tara, you slung your arm around her shoulder, “hey pretty lady” 

“Hello to you too, what brings you down here to see us?” she asked you, her eyes on the screen in front of her. 

“Other than the fact that my father is entertaining a woman upstairs and I didn’t want to hear nor see that ?” you cringed, “I just missed your beautiful faces” you laughed. 

“So you finally met Krystall ?” Spencer piped up from his table, dividing the cash in front of him, you looked over at your cousin. 

“Finally met her ? How long have you known about her ?” 

“A few weeks ? according to Penelope, she’s been around for a few months because uncle Dave asked her to give Krystall a code for the gate” 

“What?! And you didn't think to tell me?!” you screamed at him. Spencer shouted back at you, “I thought you knew!”  

“Obviously not!” you yelled again, “Spencer some random woman has the gate code to our home and you didn’t think to mention that to me?! She could be here to kill us for all you know!” 

 Spencer rolled his eyes at you, “No need to get your panties in a twist cousin, I'm sure Krystall isn’t here to kill us. She’s a harmless woman, and would it be so bad for your father to start seeing someone ? Maybe he’d finally get off you back about taking over.” 

“Spencer, are you crazy ? This is the worst possible thing, she’s gonna drag him off to some island and leave me here to be in charge. I despise that idea, you know that.” rolling your eyes, your cousin sighed, 

“Just talk to him if you don't like it, you idiot, but shut up now. Not all of us can spend our day shopping with daddy’s money, we have a job to do” he said, turning his attention back to the money, his statement made Tara laugh. 

“Okay fuck you too Spencer, I'll see you two for dinner ? We’re still good for 10 right ?”  

“Sounds good” Tara and Spencer said simultaneously, your brows furrowed, “that was weird but okay. Laters babes” you headed out and ventured back up the stairs and out the door. Emily and JJ stood in the clearing on the grass with maybe 10 or 12 young guys, you could only assume they were the newest recruits to your father’s so called army. Entering at the other side of the building, Matt was in the armoury smoking a blunt. “Is this what I'm paying you for Simmons ?” you walked in, Matt sat up from his seat, he was zoned out but he heard the voice and assumed it was your father, you knew that for sure. 

“No boss, I'm sor- are you kidding?” he saw you standing there with a rather amused look on your face, you bit your lip as you held back a laugh. “Does my father scare you Matt ?” you asked, taking the blunt from him and took a pull. 

“No?” he said, truthfully that sounded more like a question rather than an answer. 

“And the truth ?” you sat down, propping your feet up on the table. 

“Yes” he leaned on the table across from you, you laughed while leaning forward to pass the blunt back to him. “Scaredy cat” you smiled at him, Matt rolled his eyes “you have nothing to worry about, you’re his daughter” 

“Doesn’t mean I’m untouchable” 

“Yeah, it does, actually” 

“Mhm, if I'm untouchable, what happened the other night with you ?” you raised your brows, Matt blushed. “Not what I meant” he said, you stood up and walked towards him. 

“Did I make you blush ?” you slung your arms over his shoulders, your hands coming up to his hair at the nape of his neck, “no of course you don’t, I think it's the other way around” Matt’s hands were on your waist, he lifted you up onto the table. 

“Why are you even in here? Where’s Luke ?” you twirled his hair with your fingers, Matt’s forehead rested against yours, “he’s making out with Penelope in the garden” Matt stated casually.

Pulling away slightly, you looked at him, “what ?” 

“Oh fuck, you didn't know” Matt’s eyes went wide. 

Of course you knew, but Matt didn't know that you knew about Luke and Penelope. 

“I know about them, you can relax” you laughed, “Luke would've killed you if I didn't already know though” your hands cupped Matt’s face. Matt leaned forward, your lips barely touching his. His hands on your lower back, pulling you towards him and closed the gap between the two of you. Your hands fumbled with the buttons on his shirt as his lips moved from your lips to your cheek and then to your neck. 

“Luke I need a g- oh” Derek's voice rang through the room. Matt pulled away from you, he looked like a deer in headlights.

You on the other hand, were as Matt said, untouchable. 

Matt buttoned his shirt back up, “um Luke’s out but I can get you what you need” he told Derek who was still standing at the door watching the scene in front of him unfold. Hopping off the counter, you wiped the lipstick off Matt's lips with your thumb and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I'll see you around love” 

--

Derek stood off to the side as Matt gathered the things he needed. “Does Dave know what you're doing with his daughter ?”

“I don't see how that concerns him” Matt’s back was turned to him, his response made Derek roll his eyes. 

“If you want to keep your fucking job, you’ll watch yourself” 

“And what does that mean ?” Matt turned, handing him the gun. Derek rolled his eyes, playing with the trigger of the gun. “It means stay away from her or I'll make sure you do.” spinning on his feet, he walked towards the door.

“What’s your issue with me dude ? y/n doesn’t even like you so why are you acting like this ?” 

Derek stopped in his tracks. his back still facing Matt, “and what do you know about how y/n feels towards me?” 

Matt scoffed, “after what happened to her brother, you think she’ll let you tell her what to do with her life?” 

The mention of James triggered something in Derek. James was one of his friends, his best friend in a way. What happened to James wasn’t his fault and he knew that. Derek had spent the last few years trying to get over that very thing. 

“What did you just say to me ?” Derek turned to face him,

“Her brother, his death was your fault wasn’t it ?” Matt repeated himself.

Derek shoved him back slightly, “watch yourself” he mumbled, he really wasn't in the mood to fight with Matt. 

“Or what ?” Matt challenged him and one thing you should never do, is challenge Derek. He has a habit of making his point no matter what. The muzzle of the gun pressed to the side of Matt’s head, Derek’s hand gripping to the collar of his shirt. 

“Let’s try that again” Derek gave him a smug smile. 

“Woah! Der, stop!” Aaron ran in, pulling Derek away from Matt. The gun was still pointed in Matt’s direction, Aaron looked over at Matt and nodded towards the door, Matt running out the door without looking back. 

“Okay, what the fuck was that about D?” 

Aaron took the gun from him and set it aside. Derek shook his head but Aaron knew him better than that, something was bothering him. “I know you man, you wouldn't pull a gun on him for no reason, what’s up ?” 

“It’s stupid” 

“C’mon” 

“It’s James” Derek muttered, his eyes focused on anything, anything that would keep him from looking at Aaron. 

“How- What ? How is that possible ? He shouldn't even- he couldn’t know about that” Aaron was confused, more than usual to tell you the truth. There was no way Matt could know about James, unless.. 

Aaron at Derek who was now looking at him. “Y/n..” he whispered, Derek nodded. 

“Did he say anything else ?” 

“Just that she didn’t like me” 

“Don’t take it to heart, she doesn't like anyone” Aaron gave his shoulder a pat before walking out. Derek stood in the middle of the armoury by himself. There were so many things he needed to fix, to mend, to make right so he could move on. Luke brows furrowed as he walked in, “can I help you ?” his voice startled Derek, “no, I'm good. Just came for this” picking up the gun and tucking it into the waistband on his pants.

--

The drive over was quiet, Derek stopped at the front by the gates and walked the rest of the way. It wasn’t cold but it wasn't warm either and the trees blocked the sun out. This place always gave him the creeps and you’d think a big, strong guy wouldn't get scared that easily but he couldn’t help it.

For the second time today, James had gotten a visitor. 

Derek stood in front of the tombstone. He wasn’t quite sure why he was there, maybe it was the mention of James’s death being his fault or just because his guilty conscience was getting to him. 

“I don’t know why I'm here, honestly. I haven’t been back here since your funeral man, I just- I couldn't.” Derek sighed. 

“It’s not my fault right ? you told me to go, I begged you to let me stay with you and you didn't let me.” he ran his hand over his face, “Your sister blames me. She thinks it’s my fault and she told her stupid little boy toy that.” 

The flowers caught his eye, red roses. 

“Your sister came to see you today didn't she? wait,” Derek chuckled “I'm asking you like you can answer me” he shook his head. 

“Do you know I’ve been getting her roses for her birthday for the past 5 years ? Red roses just like you used to. She doesn't know it’s from me though, she thinks they’re from your father” Derek sighed. 

“I don’t know why, I just- you know what ? I do know. I like her J, I do, like a lot.” he laughed, “holy fuck, I've never said that. I didn’t- wow” Derek paced back and forth for a few moments, he debated if he should tell her or not. She already hates him, what difference does it make ?

--

The heels clicked on the marble tiles as you walked down the staircase. You were just about to head out for dinner with Spencer and Tara when Matt walked past you. 

“Hey! I'm leaving, why are you going upstairs ?” you stopped, turning back and looking up at him. His back was to you, you could hear him sigh. 

“Matt, what’s wrong?” you walk up a few steps towards him, you reach for his hand but he pulls away. 

“y/n.. we can’t do this anymore” 

“What ? What are you talking about?” 

“This,” he refers to you and him, “we can’t keep doing this. You’re going to lead this shit one day and you can’t spend all your time with me, there has to be something more for you.” 

“Where’s this coming from ? What’s going on?” 

Matt didn’t say anything else, instead he met you in the middle of the staircase. His hands cupped your face, “I'm sorry” he whispered before giving you one last kiss. Your forehead rested against his, your hand on his. He stepped back, your hand still on his, he pulled away until your fingers were barely touching, he finally stepped away, leaving you there by yourself. 

There were so many questions. 

Why ? What had happened ? Did your father say something to him ? What was the reason ? Did Derek tell him something ? 

“Bitch, let’s go. We’re running late, Luke and Penelope are already on their way there” Spencer shouted for you from the bottom of the staircase. Your eyes fixed on the top of the stairs, you sighed and shook the feeling, turning towards Spencer with a smile on your face.

“Where’s Matt ? I thought he was coming with us ?” Tara asked as she walked over to the two of you. You shook your head, “he’s not feeling well” you lied, they both knew something was going on between the two of you but you weren't in the mood for it tonight. 

You just wanted one last night out with your family as a 21 year old. 

---

Ahh chapter 2 is done! how do we feeling ? I have something exciting in store for chapter 3! 

Taglist: @mac99martin @aaron-hotchner187 @tclaerh @luke-alvez @iconicc @lieberhers @pumpkin-reads @katexrichardson @sluttytears @thelukealvez @scandinavian-punk @laurenxreynolds @morcias​ @shotarosleftpinky​ @mrs-dr-reid​ @hqtchner​ @averyhotchner​ @ssahoodrathotchner​ @willlemonheadsupremacy​ @ssa-autumn-hotchner​ @potter-reid​ @sunshinepower17​ @emilysbau

[syinisuga]

Begin Again [MinYoongi]

Pairing : Yoongi x Reader

Word count : 5.2K

Genre : Fluff and Angst

Description : Friends to lovers, Long Distance relationship, Lovers to (?)

Summary : when you thought the friendship you once had with him died away after one silly mistake, and you thought you would never have again what you lost;

But it blossoms back unexpectedly stronger and is slowly growing to be something more beautiful than you ever had

"I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn, and end;

But on a Wednesday in a cafe i watched it Begin Again"

--------------------✨📖✨---------------------

It was the start of a new year and you weren't particularly happy about being moved up a few classes into an entirely new class with relatively new students you haven't personally met yet. You were still grateful for your good results in the past year to have you land in such a good class. In all honesty though, you did miss your friends from your old class, all of them being scattered in the back classes however changed your mind about being thankful that you're at least in a better one. The first few days of getting used to the classes went by rather slowly as you were listening to the introductions of the other students and teachers half mindedly, till around your 4th day into the classes that is.

You were randomly seated in the Chemistry lab by the teacher as she familiarised herself with the rest of the class. Not paying much attention you were spacing out, resting your chin on your palm, tapping away at your cheek.

" Um, hey there"

The voice from the stool next to you spoke. You turned your head to the direction of the voice, being met with warm brown eyes looking right at you. He had soft black hair, eyes slightly puffy as if he hadn't slept well the night before, lips curled up in a slight smile as he looked at you.

"Oh, hello"

you answered, trying not to sound overly shocked at the first human interaction you've had in this new class.

"I'm yoongi, what's your name?"

"I'm y/n, nice to meet you Yoongi"

"So what are your interests? What do you like to do y/n? Any hobbies?"

It definitely took you by surprise when this boy you've never really met before was suddenly making an interest to get to know you more. Something about him felt raw and not shy but in a good way.

"Well i really love listening to music and i do indulge in art as well. Spend most of my time listening to songs while drawing. Draw the mood of the song you know?"

"Damn, haha you sound kinda like me. Not tryna be cheesy or anything but i love listening to music too, I'm shit at drawing tho, i can barely draw a stickman"

Both of you exchanged a little chuckle at his open confession about himself. And even though it had only been a few minutes of words between the two of you, you felt at that moment that he wasn't like the other boys who popped up to talk to you first. This one genuinely seemed interested in you just to make a new friend.

-----------------------🤝------------------------

"Yo y/n you wanna ditch PE and hang out in the library? The new Resident Evil movie came out we can watch"

"You know what, yeah let's yeet"

You don't know how it went from spending lunch times together, to skipping the most boring subjects to hang out and hide. It'd been a few months since you started your new friendship with Yoongi, and by now you were known as the inseparable duo, funny enough both of you became the class representatives. Somehow you two got closer and closer each day, the more you talked the more you felt like you've known each other for years, yet some part of you knew that there was more to Yoongi than he was showing to you.

On a particularly slow day at your classes, you and Yoongi had pre planned to sneak out to hang out at your usual spot in the library. Sitting at the back of the library the both of you laughed at a joke Yoongi made about how almost the whole school shipped the both of you.

"You know y/n, I envy you"

"Oh well, I know I'm fabulous" you playfully said as you flipped your hair back, earning a little grunt and a harmless eye roll from Yoongi.

"It's not that you loonatic, i envy you...cause you have such a nice relationship with your family"

His sudden statement caught you slightly off guard but you gave him a look, clearly eager to know the reason behind his words. Flashing half a smile towards you he starts his story.

"Growing up for me was, well, it was an experience. I grew up under the care of foster parents who constantly reminded me that my parents gave me away cause i was a burden, all my life that's what i was told. Never had a father figure or mother figure to help shape my emotions? Guess that's why I don't show it if I'm sad or depressed, which is actually most of the time"

he looks down at his hands and chuckles softly.

"But you know something y/n? Being with you makes me feel like I could be myself, like I don't have to be afraid of being judged. And that's why I wanted you to know the truth but i understand if you don't wanna get involved or-"

You cut him off by placing your hand on his, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Yoongi, i want you to know that I'll always be here for you and you can talk to me about this anytime okay? You're my best friend now! And I'm hoping I'm yours too?" You ask in a more playful tone making yoongi giggle.

"Of course you are"

"Good! Cause i come in a package deal of crackhead and supportive as well as a no return contract"

"Sounds perfect to me bestie"

-----------------------😚------------------------

Over 2 years had passed and the whole highschool down to the teachers were sure the two of you were in a relationship, as everyone saw the two of you being practically stuck together almost all the time. Yoongi and your friendship became stronger than ever since that day he decided to open up to you. It became a regular thing where you'd confide in each other for emotional comfort as well as motivation and support. Not missing the fact that your level of crackhead together had become an all time high.

Your finals and exams blasted through and you had spent all your study weeks with Yoongi in the library. As sketchy as it was you and your best friend actually did sincere studying. And as it would, your hard work together paid off earning the both of you high marks in your finals. The two of you didn't miss to make a trademark crackhead scene at the receiving of the scroll ceremony when you accidentally tripped on your shoelace and Yoongi cracked up laughing and clapping before helping you up. The two of you celebrate with drinks and a lot of food that night and Yoongi paid for everything to make it up to you for laughing when you fell.

You looked at yourself one last time in the mirror before heading out to your highschool's hall. It was your graduation party but more importantly to you it was Yoongi's birthday. Coincidentally the two events had fallen on the same day, and what better opportunity than to get dressed up to party at your graduation ceremony together. It had been a heck of a ride these last two years, and you were going to make sure this last school event would be memorable.

Upon arriving you scan around the hall of students in search of the familiar face.

"Looking for me?"

He makes his presence behind you known by clearing his throat. You turn around to give your usual playful comment back but the words were caught in your throat as your gaze landed on your best friend. He was dressed smart, in a suit that looked like it was custom made to fit him, his hair in a side part and bangs neatly framing his face. You were so used to seeing him in his casual hoodies and ripped jeans that seeing him in formal wear made you choke on your words.

Too focused on getting your senses back in check, you don't notice how Yoongi's train of thought was stopped dead in its tracks as he watched you turn around to face him. He never pictured his crackhead of a best friend in something other than t-shirts and track pants. Seeing you in a dress that hugged your figure in all the right places and taking in the sight of you, with your makeup and hair all done to suit the dress you were wearing nearly made him pass out from how he was holding his breath to admire you.

Clearing the silence between the two of you, Yoongi speaks up first.

"Well well, you don't completely look like the satanic spawn of hot cheetos and depression today. You actually look pretty good"

Smirking a little smile you bite back at his comment.

"Well same to you too Mr. I'm a millennial emo teen. You actually look, presentable today"

The two of you exchanged a playful giggle and assumed your seats at your class tables as the ceremony went on.

You don't see the small glances Yoongi takes in your direction, the thoughts gushing through his mind about how you looked at the moment and cursing himself for not realising your features sooner. He admired the way you had chosen to dress up today, seeing the way you had styled your hair so your curls would frame your face, the way you had done your makeup in a more natural looking way that he thought suited you perfectly. Yoongi didn't remember when the unlabeled feelings for you came but the longer he looked at you the more he was starting to put a name to the feelings he had. So much so that he had completely spaced out in his thoughts of you like that he didn't realise you were speaking to him.

" -don't you think so Yoongi?"

"I'm sorry what did you say? The umm, the music is so loud"

"I saaaaiiddd it's beginning to get a little dull at this graduation ceremony, we need a little surprise, don't you think?"

"Surprise?? What kind of surprise?"

Flashing a smile his way you get up and walk towards the front of the hall where the ceremony host was finishing up their ending speech. Whispering into the host's ear, he gives you the microphone and you confidently stride to the front. But you accidentally go too close to the speaker and it lets out an unpleasant squee, making you move back and away a little. You look up and around finding your best friend's eyes looking back at you giggling at the scene that just occured.

"Well that's one way to get everyone's attention" you chuckle earning muffled chuckles and words from the hall.

"So firstly congrats to everyone on graduating y'all did it. But that's not why I'm up here right now. Today is a special day for someone, and since it's the last day we'll all be gathering I wanted to make this memorable for him. So everyone I would like to wish out here, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIN YOONGI"

you started to sing happy birthday and the rest of the hall joined in singing with you.

In all this happening, Yoongi could only focus on you, the way you just boldly got up to sing out loud and wish him Happy Birthday in the most "you" way possible. So he didn't know if it was the moment or if it was his unlabeled feelings overflowing for you, that he got up and walked towards you as the song was ending. He couldn't tell what came over him at that moment but he knew for sure he wasn't going to stop what he was about to do next. Cupping your cheeks in his palms, he leaned in, pressing his soft lips to yours. Kissing you with deep feelings overtaking his mind. The moment his lips touched yours he knew what those unlabeled feelings were, it was Love.

You couldn't process fast enough that your best friend was striding towards you with a goal, a desire. And you surely didn't expect for him to suddenly kiss you. Registering the feeling of his lips on yours, your eyes closed on their own as if on automatic response. You sank into the feeling of his lips, and it was then you felt the spark that ignited your own unlabeled feelings for Yoongi. You had definitely asked yourself countless times before if what you were feeling for Yoongi was more than just friendship. On the countless nights he had cried on your shoulder or when you cried on his, on the many occasions where you were both always partners in crime, you would always glance at Yoongi and wonder what more could there be to the feelings between you.

As the both of you slowly pulled away from each other a roaring sound of cheers erupted as it seemed to be that the two of you were the last ones to know you two were actually in love with each other. Taking your hand in his, Yoongi and you ran out of the hall that night knowing well where the two of you stood from that moment on.

-----------------------❤️------------------------

"No babe I think you should definitely take the opportunity to study there, I know it's far but it'll be really good for you, plus it's something you really like! It'll take some time for you to get used to the new place but i know you'll fit right in. In fact i know your wack ass would stand out"

You giggled at his comment but you wholeheartedly took his motivation and advice. But the question and thoughts still lingered in your mind as you heard Yoongi chuckle on the other end of the phone.

"But Yoongi, this means we'd be in a long distance relationship, with you going off to study in the opposite direction and all. Even our breaks don't match Yoongi.. what'll we do" the worrying tone in your voice didn't go unnoticed by Yoongi as he answered you in a calm reassuring tone.

"It'll take some work, but i know we can get through this okay? We'll make it, we can make it. I love you" you smiled at Yoongi's voice uttering the sweet words of love as you felt yourself calm your thoughts.

"I love you too Yoongi. Well then, keep me company while i pack?"

"You bet"

It had been a few months since you started dating, and honestly it didn't feel any different from when the two of you were in your phase of friendship, everything was going relatively smooth apart from the little fights and misunderstandings you had now that you were a couple. Sometimes you sit to think to yourself if moving into a relationship with Yoongi was the best choice, it would feel as though sometimes he would act differently and not like he always would but you just shake of the thoughts. You just figured with all these future college studies and intakes coming about that he was just as stressed as you were. You assured yourself that the two of you would be alright and that you'll always have each other.

A few more months pass and the two of you have already started your college lives. Yoongi being in a campus almost 8 hours away from you with minimal transport for him to even go home let alone plan to meet you. It was going smoothly, settling into orientation and getting to know the layouts of the campus well, meeting new friends and truly taking in your next step in education. You and Yoongi would exchange day to day text messages about how orientation and the first days of classes went.

All well and good till Yoongi's texts became slower and less frequent, he would always say that he's busy with his friends there, or straight up not giving a response at all. You became more and more fearful at how this long distance thing was going to work out for the two of you.

28th Tuesday

[12:27am] hey Yoongi! I hope you had a great day, I miss you and hope you sleep well, love you!

[08:40am] Hey Babe, good morning! I'm in class now, wishing we could skip like old times haha, hope you have a great day! Text me soon

[6:48pm] Hey i just got back to my dorm after classes, it was super fun! How was your day??

[8:11pm] Yoongi?? Are you okay? Are you busy babe?

[8:24pm] I miss youuuuuuuu :(

[10:16pm] Yoongi :(

You tossed your phone to the side of your bed as you felt your tears well up, why was he suddenly avoiding you? Is he okay?? Did he get hurt? Your thoughts were spiraling, getting messier till you heard the familiar ping from your phone. You scurried to your phone to see Yoongi's name pop up on the screen. Your smile quickly faded, replaced by disappointment at his reply.

[10:43pm] Hey, was busy with friends today, going to bed now ttyl <3

You frowned and wouldn't let him go this time. The days of short texts to unreplied texts and this is how he replies now? In a fit of fury you call him.

"Hello?-"

"Yoongi what's wrong? You haven't been replying to my texts as usual are you okay??"

"Mmh I'm fine, just busy with classes and my new friends y/n"

"Well I can't accept that answer Yoongi, I'm busy with classes and friend's here too but I take the time so why can't you?"

"Hey it's not that big of a deal y/n, we're in new environments now and it'll take me some time to settle in"

"Yoongi surely you have at least 5 minutes a day to text me??"

"Yeah of course I do, I just texted you didn't i?"

"That short ass reply was what you call a text Yoongi? It really sounds like you're avoiding me"

"You know what y/n I don't have time for this right now I'm tired"

"No Yoongi, I haven't talked to you properly in days come on don't you miss me Yoongi?"

"To be honest I've been enjoying the new company here that's I haven't missed you much"

"What do you mean Yoongi? You don't think of me?"

"Not all the time no, i have other things to think about here y/n i have new responsibilities here I can't be thinking about you all the damn time, just be happy I texted you back"

"Are you threatening to not text me anymore Yoongi? Is that what you're saying? You don't wanna talk to me anymore?"

"Oh god for fucks sake y/n stop being so clingy alright? Just grow up a little!"

The sound of his voice in heightened frustration made you choke on your words, you silenced yourself as his words rang loud in your head.

"You know what y/n I don't think this will work out, I'm going to get even busier and this will just be in the way of it all"

"Yoongi…"

"I'm sorry y/n but clearly this distance is proving that we won't work out"

"Are you... breaking up with me Yoongi?.."

The pain in your voice and the soft shaky exhale doesn't go unnoticed by Yoongi. Yoongi takes a deep breath, realising he spoke too fast in frustration. As much as he did feel for you this distance was tearing you apart and Yoongi didn't want to believe it but it was the truth. He spoke softer this time giving his side of his explanation.

"Y/n, you've been nothing but amazing to me, but I realize that we were more compatible as friends, I mean think about it, we've had so many petty fights that we never had before we dated. Our growing college life will further hinder our relationship. I don't want to hurt you like this by not giving you the love and attention you deserve. I'll always love you y/n, just not as more than friends I suppose"

You couldn't believe what was happening right now, your world felt like it was crashing down on you hard and fast, you could feel the sharp stinging in your chest from how your heart was breaking the more reality hit you. Yoongi's words had reason to them, but you were still in a state of confusion. Why could you make time for Yoongi but he couldn't for you? Maybe it's because the two of you are pursuing different fields of studies? Maybe he really had better things to do? Yoongi didn't want to hurt your feelings by making you feel abandoned so he was in fact abandoning you? No? But he said he'll still love you?? Your head was spinning a bunch of thoughts ran through your head.

"Okay Yoongi...if that's what would be the best for us..then okay"

"Don't worry okay? We'll still text as usual, talk when we can okay? I won't let you go, you're still my best friend y/n"

You didn't know if his words would be comforting enough, but at that moment you took what you had and calmed your thoughts for now.

"Okay Yoongi.."

"Good, I have an early schedule tomorrow. I'll talk to you later okay? I'm going to bed now. Goodnight y/n"

"Good night Yoongi"

-----------------------💔------------------------

As it will, Yoongi and you slowly drifted apart. You would often see his social media updates about how he was actively participating in clubs, and how he had taken up new responsibilities, going to camps and hosting events at his institute and he definitely seemed to be doing well. You on the other hand fell more and more at war with your emotions, it didn't hinder your studies. Thankfully you could keep those two apart. But whenever it got a little too quiet you'd think of him, the days in highschool when you were inseparable. You missed his laugh, his endearing way of calling you the most heinous nicknames. You definitely missed his comforting arms, his words of encouragement when you were down, you wished nothing more that in this moment you were crying to him instead of because of him.

You couldn't believe that you were sitting here, broken and feeling alone by the guy that made his way into your life, and had now made his way out in the most painful way possible. You were left there clueless and confused. Did he do it for you? Was it the right thing? Did he really think of you? Why was this happening? What would have happened if you didn't date? Would things be different? Would your best friend have stayed? All these questions playing through your mind, countless nights you spent crying yourself to sleep. Thinking of how you felt almost betrayed, you cursed at yourself for sending texts to him that were only left on read or replied with a simple "I'm busy, text you later".

Slowly days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months as you hadn't spoken much to Yoongi. You became stone hearted from all that had happened and slowly you got back into yourself. You were more and more active in your college life and you were growing to be better at controlling your emotions. Sure some little things remind you of him now and then, but it was much easier by now to brush his thoughts off. As sadly as your situation was you learned to move with it and not let it consume you. Every now and then you'd see Yoongi piston updates on his progressively active life and you'd feel happy for him, you wondered if he ever felt the same for you when he saw your updates on how well you were doing.

----------------------🍃-------------------------

It had been a total of 4 years since everything happened, you were on a roll and you had graduated college. You had a few job applications pending and you were more stable with your life by now. All the questions you once had were stored in a box collection dust in the far corner of your mind.

It was a relaxing Saturday evening, you were in your apartment lounging on your bed. As you were chatting away with your friends a familiar ping aroused from your phone. The name that popped up on the screen made your heart heavy and you breathing shallow, a true ghost from your past…

"Yoongi 🥀"

Your screen read. Taking a deep breath you opened the chat.

[9:57pm] Hey y/n it's been a long time… are you free tonight? Can I call you?

You didn't know what exactly to think right now. Every cell in your brain telling you not to. That you shouldn't give into him again, and that you should just talk to him over text no matter what it was. But your heart was screaming for him, the familiar feeling of longing for him returning in a massive tsunami, washing over your thoughts. You took a deep breath to centre your thoughts and decided you'd listen to him and talk to him again.

[9:59pm] Hey Yoongi, yeah I'm free to talk.

As soon as the message was read by him, your phone rang. You took one more deep breath and answered the call.

"Hello y/n, how are you?"

You cursed in your head at how much you missed his voice, the way he spoke to you at this moment had a hint of the same longing you had for him.

"Hey..Yoongi, I'm good. How are you?"

"I've been good too.. congratulations on graduating"

"Thanks Yoongi, congratulations on graduating too.."

"Thanks…"

The silence that fell had you both reflecting on everything that happened and how fast it all went by. The box of questions in your mind burst out once again whereas Yoongi on the other hand was feeling guilt and hate towards himself for everything that he put you through. Little did you know that these last few months Yoongi was hit with the hard realisation that he had lost not only his best friend but the person he cared about the most. His family certainly did not improve and the one person who was there for him when he needed it, he had left broken hearted and abruptly once he found a new escape. Yoongi was slowly flooded with memories of you as he neared his own college graduation. He remembered your highschool graduation and how he felt for you there in that moment of time. He spent a few nights crying at the realisation that he had thought of what's best for you but didn't think of how you felt and how he had left things between the two of you.

"Why Yoongi…."

Was all you managed to say out loud before your emotions caved in. Understanding what you were asking he answered.

"I was so caught up in the new environment of growing up and moving on that I did what I thought was the best to not hurt you...but I didn't think far enough that doing so will indeed hurt you.. and I wasn't there for you like i was supposed to. It took a hard hit to my head to realise that I was wrong y/n… you were always there for me and stupidly I made this mistake… I thought i was thinking of the best for both of us, when in fact i was thinking of myself.. I was selfish and I realised that…so many things reminded me of you y/n, the clouds, the sun, the sight of roses, the smell of hot cheetos.."

You giggled a little at his last comment earning a little muffled one from Yoongi.

"I understand if you hate me for what I did to you y/n… and I don't know if it'll ever be the same between us again.. but I'm willing to try to bring back what we had... if you're willing to give me a chance…"

You exhaled softly before letting out everything that you've been feeling.

"I don't hate you Yoongi, I never could and I never will. You're everything to me Yoongi and I was just really hurt by what you did and how you ended things. So many thoughts went through my head and I won't even talk about how much you made me cry….you dipshit" the playful cursing nickname made Yoongi chuckle a little, slowly making him feel reassured at the directions of the conversation.

"I'm willing to give us a chance Yoongi..and you're right, I don't expect it to be the same as what we had, I just hate that I lost my best friend.."

"I know..i understand that..and I'm sorry..for everything"

"It's okay Yoongi, I'm sorry too… maybe I should've been more understanding…"

"Hey… do you.. wanna hang out Tomorrow night?"

"You wanna hang out?"

"Yeah, i wanna see you and catch up with you"

"Sure Yoongi that'd be nice"

"Great!! I'll meet you at the café by our old highschool?"

"Sure Yoongi, sounds great"

"Right then, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow Yoongi"

You could hear the smiles in each other's voices as you both bid goodnight and hung up the phone. You didn't know what it was exactly but you knew just from that phone call that everything was going to be alright. You felt like you breathed much easier now, your mind much lighter. Yoongi felt the same, he was smiling more now filled with the excitement of meeting you again tomorrow after years.

-----------------------✨------------------------

You made sure to check yourself out in the mirror a few more times before heading towards the café. You had chosen to wear a simple yet stylish outfit, your hair tied back in a low loose ponytail, your short hairs framing your face. You were nervous yet excited to be reunited with your best friend again. And as you approach the café, there he was. Standing outside the door of the café waiting for you. The now slightly more mature looking, dark fluffy haired man, wearing a long black coat was looking just as nervous and excited as he was looking down at his feet.

"I didn't know you needed glasses to see now"

your voice made him turn his head fast in your direction. The moment his gaze landed on you, it felt like highschool all over again. The way you looked standing there, just centimetres away from him. He took in your slightly matured face yet he told himself that you hadn't changed one bit.

"It's official, you're old Yoongi"

He chuckled and playfully scoffed at your comment.

"Well at least i don't dress like the satanic spawn of depression and hot cheetos"

"Sure thing Mr. I'm still a millennial emo teen"

The two of you laughed, and the world seemed to slow down. The feeling that nothing ever really changed between the two of you was knowing, however this time something felt entirely different. Both of you could feel it for sure. It was the feeling of a bond stronger than both friendship and love. You didn't know what the feeling was exactly, all that you knew was that you're never losing each other again. All this while you've been sitting there watching the feelings you had burn and crash in the worst way possible, but today right here at this café, right in front of your eyes you watched everything Begin Again.

[littlemissagrafina]

A Sunflower's Bloom

Third and final part in the Remember the sun, little flower series for @angxlsgrxce

Read on AO3

Tony walked into the lab only to be greeted by Peter who was sitting on top of his work bench in a position that could only be described as pretzel meets spaghetti. 

Peter was lying on his side with his back against the wall that his bench was propped against, his one leg was stretched behind him, the other bent over it with his foot flat against the table top.

It was then that Tony noticed his one arm was looped under his bent leg and he was using his other arm to prop his head slightly as he carefully stirred up a new batch of his web formula.

Overall, it was quite normal for Peter with his strange spider flexibility but just looking at him made Tony's back ache.

"Peter, buddy, spider of my life, are you ever going to sit in a slightly normal position?" Tony couldn't help but tease the teenager, letting out a laugh at Peter's fake look of betrayal.

"Mr. Stark! That would imply that I am a regular person and we both know that I could never be normal. Besides, it's comfortable." With that he went back to his formula, looking at it with a slight furrow to his brows that made his nose scrunch up in a way that Tony couldn't help but think resembled a bunny rabbit.

Tony walked over to his own work bench and wheeled his chair back to Peter's. Sitting down in front of the bench, he picked up a pen and poked at Peter's leg until he looked up at the older man.

"What's got you frowning at your webs like that?"

With a huff, Peter unfolded himself and sat up on the edge of the bench with his legs hanging off the edge. He handed Tony the bodum beaker and picked up his bag, fishing his notebook out from it before putting it back on the floor. He flipped to a page near the back and handed that to Tony as well.

"I'm trying to find a way to make it stop clogging up the compartment when I have to refill it but I can't figure out what I need to do without changing the components of the fluid I already have. Everything that I've come up with so far makes it too watery." He explained as Tony looked over his workings on the paper.

Tony hummed to let him know that he was listening. He was quiet for a while before speaking again. "Okay, a fair warning, Pete. I have an idea but, as far as Pepper would be concerned, it's not the safest so we're gonna move over to the testing station and try it out there. That good?"

Peter nodded and slid off the bench to follow Tony to a more secured area of the lab that they had made after their last drone went a little crazy and set fire to Dumm-e and Tony's R&D paperwork.

Setting up the beaker and grabbing a few chemicals as well as safety goggles and gloves, Tony explained his idea for adding a different chemical to slightly tweak the reaction of Peter's new formula, hoping to stop the clogging as Peter desired without too much change to the original tried and tested formula.

"Ready?" 

Peter just grinned, slipping his goggles over his eyes. He watched as Tony added one of the chemicals, stirred it, and asked him to look at it as well as prompting Peter to tell him what changes he saw with each new chemical that they added.

Neither paid attention as Tony reached for the last chemical he wanted to test. 

Neither of them noticed that it had accidentally been switched by Dumm-e while they had been speaking and nerding over the ways they could change and improve the formula for different uses other than Peter's regular webs.

Neither noticed until the drops of liquid from the last chemical went up in an explosion of harmless sparks and smoke, a black cloud blowing back up into their faces and the sparks setting off the lab's sprinkler system automatically.

Both Tony and Peter jerked backwards, Peter almost falling over when he slipped on the water currently still falling from the sprinklers. He grabbed onto Tony which ended up being what pulled both of them off balance, sending them to the floor in a jumbled mess of limbs and a pained yelp with Peter landed on his arm.

"Peter!" Tony gasped, managing to heave himself up a moment later and reach down to help Peter up too. He hesitated when Peter hissed and pulled his arm away, panic instantly flooding his chest at Peter's pain.

Kneeling down, Tony lifted Peter to his feet by his shoulders instead of pulling him up by his arm. As soon as the teenager was standing, Tony was fussing over him, grabbing a clean rag (now conveniently wet from the sprinklers) from a nearby table and wiping the wet cloth over Peter's face to clean the ash off and make sure none of it had somehow made its way into his eyes behind the safety goggles. 

Tony was damn grateful that he had become so much more careful when it came to lab safety after he had started working with Peter so often.

Used to Tony's automatic fussing, Peter took a moment to assess himself for any pain or irritation, knowing Tony would ask him as soon as he calmed slightly.

A moment later the man did just that.

"Were you hurt? I heard your cry when you landed. What's wrong with your arm? Did you inhale any of the smoke?" Tony rapidly shot the questions at him, ushering Peter towards the dry end of the lab and onto the couch in the one corner.

"No I wasn't badly hurt, I just sprained my wrist when I tried to catch myself when we fell. Yes, I did inhale some but not a lot because I don't feel a lot of irritation or pain." Peter answered and then cut Tony off before he could ask more questions.

"Yes, I know we have to be careful with the smoke inhalation, especially because of the chemicals, but I know how it feels when it's bad because of the fires I've had to help with. I promise I'll tell you if I start feeling anything bad or painful."

Peter's straight to the point answers finally calmed Tony enough for him to sit down on the couch next to him.

Tony opened his mouth, going to ask if Peter was sure he was okay before changing his mind. "Okay, okay, I believe you. Can Fri scan you just to be safe?"

Knowing that Tony needed the peace of mind, Peter nodded and a moment later the A.I reported back with exactly what Peter had said. A sprained wrist and minor irritation to his windpipe.

"I would recommend ice for his wrist and a glass of milk for his throat, Boss." Friday's Irish voice spoke out.

Peter nudged Tony lightly with his shoulder. "See? I'm okay. Now that we're done with me, are you okay?"

With a little huff and a smile, Tony relented. His kid was okay. No need to panic. Nope, not at all.

Peter nudged him again. If he had to answer truthfully then so did Tony.

"Yeah, Roo, I'm fine, I promise. A bit of irritation as well but no sprains, bruises, or broken bones." Tony assured him, and asked Friday to do a quick scan of him as well, thinking it was only fair since he had the A.I scan Peter.

Once again she confirmed that there was no major injury or problem.

"C'mon, I wanna go wash the ash off my face and we should probably both go grab a shower and change into dry clothes. We need to make sure that we don't have any leftover chemicals left on us and you don't need to get sick from sitting around in wet clothes, either." 

Tony was about to get up from the couch when he noticed a bruise peeking out from under the sleeve of Peter's injured wrist. He reached out and carefully held it in his own hand, the sleeve riding up more to show the black lines of what looked like the sunflower that was usually etched across the skin of Peter's lower forearm.

The only thing that made it not so normal was that the ink looked like it wasn't running down Peter's arm after getting it wet. It hadn't even smudged at all.

Looking up at the teen in question and receiving a nod, Tony pulled the sleeve up more to reveal the rest of the flower. He ran a finger over it, careful to not put pressure on Peter's wrist.

"Peter?" Tony asked softly, making sure that his voice was open and gentle.

Peter gave a quiet hmm in response. He knew that he didn't have to be nervous of telling Tony, the man's reaction and acceptance just of the markers when he first found out was proof enough of it, but he couldn't help the slight anxiety that bubbled up in his chest.

An arm was draped over his shoulders, and he was pulled into a hug.

"When did you get it done, bud?"

"A few weeks ago." Peter mumbled into Tony's shoulder.

  Oh, Tony thought. The sudden light, happiness that Peter had exuded recently made sense now. His kid had finally found the permanency that he had needed.

Pulling away, Tony asked Peter to look at him. He grinned widely at the teen when he did, three simple words being said and immediately soothing a place in Peter's heart that he hadn't known was scared.

"I like it."

Peter smiled too. "Yeah?" At Tony's nod he spoke again. "I uhh, I got two. I have another one, I mean, not just this one. I got two that day." He stumbled over his words now, a bit bashful now that he wasn't as nervous about Tony's reaction.

Tony's steady smile helped some of his confidence come back.

"Can I see it? The other one?" Tony asked him, taking notice of the shy excitement in Peter's eyes.

Peter gave a small smile and turned a bit. "It's on my back." He explained to Tony's slightly confused expression.

Peter tugged his shirt up a bit until he was sure that the colourful petals and leaves of the sunflower were visible.

"That's Ben's flower." Tony muttered. It wasn't quite a question nor was it a statement but Peter answered anyway.

"Yeah. It's Ben's flower."

After a moment of silence, Peter lowered his shirt and turned around to face Tony. The man looked at him, a strange glint in his eyes.

"He'd be proud of you, you know. I didn't know him but from what you and May have told me… well, he was an incredible man Peter. Especially to have had a hand in raising someone like you who is so kind, giving, and loving."

Hugging the man who had become his father in all but blood, Peter felt his heart warm. He had lost, he had grieved, and he had hurt. But he had also found, healed, and loved.

Peter was drawn from his thoughts by Tony hugging him closer before pulling away and getting up from the couch. "C'mon, kid. Let's go get clean and then we can sort out the mess in here before Pepper has both our hides to cushion her seat during that meeting tomorrow."

"Tony, do you really think he would be proud?" Peter asked him just as they walked out the lab doors.

"Bud, the proof is right there in those very petals on your skin. He loved you and would be so proud."

Tony was right in more ways than one as Peter would later learn because a sunflowers meaning was adoration, loyalty and longevity.

And in the ink on his skin, in the pictures and paintings on the walls, in the memories of his uncle, Peter found that and so much more. 

Peter had finally found healing from the grief that had swallowed him for so long. He had a reminder and a hope with him, something to remember the good, the happy, and the love that he had experienced as well as all that was still to come.

His sunflower had bloomed and it was glorious.

[heynikkiyousofine]

Surprise, two chapters today! kagome begins her training, while she and Inuyasha have a chance to talk things out.

I recently finished planning out the story, so we still have quite a few more chapters coming, including the big battle and they wedding. I did say this was a happy ending fairytale right? 😉

As always, a big thank you to @keichanz and @neutronstarchild for being wonderful people and always being such an inspiration to me. have a lovely Wednesday!💕

Still not seeing the hanyou Prince at breakfast the next morning, Kagome began to feel uneasy, wondering if she really had offended him or if he was someone else in secret. Mulling in her own thoughts, she didn’t hear what Miroku was trying to explain to her.

“Princess?” His questioning voice asked.

“Hmmm? Oh! Sorry about that, I was just worried about Prince Inuyasha. He wasn’t at the last two meals….” She gazed at him, concern is her eyes.

“Ah, yes. Our Prince was called away for some business last night before dinner I believe. You shouldn’t worry, he will be back this evening.” Miroku smiled knowingly, for Inuyasha was actually in his room all morning, sulking away. Business, indeed. “Now, let’s begin. Yesterday, you put up a remarkably strong barrier, can you do that for me again?”

Nodding slightly, Kagome closed her eyes and reached into her soul, like she had been doing every time she needed to call upon her powers. Feeling the intense fire fill her soul, she opened her eyes to a sparkling pink barrier surrounding the monk and herself.

“Excellent. Now, I want to see how far you push the barrier out, keeping it strong. I would like to know how protected this barrier can become.” He stated, as if it were a cue for a weapon to fly through the air at them. Which is exactly what happened next, causing Kagome to shriek loudly, as the sword merely bounced off the glowing pink wall and clattered to the ground. “Ah, my dear Sango, you have joined us. Kagome’s barrier is very strong to have already dismantled your sword.”

“I can tell.” Sango simply stated. She stood there, a huge bone like boomerang across her shoulders, now in a black and pink leather outfit.

“Okay Kagome, we know you can block weapons as well, excellent. Are you able to use your powers in defense? Or have you used a weapon before?”

Shaking her head, “I only have a knife for cutting flowers, but have never used it like that. I would like to try my hand at something more defendable, but not so up close, if that makes sense. If my wings are out and someone is close enough to cut them off, I could use the knife to defend myself, but I don’t want that to happen.” 

Nodding in understanding, Miroku tapped his chin in thought.

“I’ve got it, I’ll be right back. Monk, behave.” Sango pipped up, looking over her shoulder as she headed towards a small building in the field they were standing in. Still in the castle walls, behind the living quarters, near the garden, Kagome was kept hidden, should she need to remove her pendant. Looking a bit embarrassed, Miroku glanced at Kagome before looking over his shoulder towards the garden. He felt the Prince’s aura and wondered if she could as well.

“Princess Kagome,” he started, “can you feel others around you? Their aura per se.”

“Just Kagome is fine, helps with the whole identity thing. I can feel something, like there is some one, who is calm and curious in the garden behind us. I can feel your aura this close, you have a good soul for the most part, your wandering hand being harmless. I can feel Sango in the shed, she seems frustrated, probably looking for whatever she went in there for. Any farther than that, no.”

Looking at her in amazement, Miroku simply smiled at her. He wondered if she knew it was Inuyasha in the garden and just didn’t say or really just felt another person in vicinity. “Yesterday, when you were showing us your true, uh self, what kind of aura did the Prince have?”

Blushing, Kagome looked at her small booted feet and lavender skirt. She really wished for something less formal, but wasn’t complaining about the gorgeous gowns the queen had prepared for her this morning. “I felt something, thought I’m not sure exactly what. He as a good soul, more pure than yours, it seems.”

“Souls? You’ve mentioned this twice now. As in you can see inside one’s soul to see their intentions, good, evil and such?” He asked, astonishment clear across his face.

Nodding, still gazing at her feet, “There was something else, like a pull. I should talk to him, or get to know him better before I can say exactly what it is. My soul seemed to call towards his and I felt safe in his presence, even though his inner demon emerged, though I’m unsure why.”

“Well, my dear Kagome, I feel as if the Prince should explain that one before I can. Ah, Sango is returning. I think you’ll like this choice of weapon.” He smiled at both women. Feeling a bit confused at his statement, Kagome turned towards the approaching woman and smile ruefully. She was carrying a set of bow and arrows.

“Oh, Sango. I think this will be perfect!” She gleamed at her new friend.

Seeing her excitement and laughing along, Sango instructed her on how to use the weapon, joking that they could use Miroku as a target, noticing a certain hanyou watching from afar in the garden. 

Inuyasha couldn’t help but be drawn to her. He felt incredibly stupid and ashamed for how he acted yesterday around her, berating himself all through the night. He even waited until after she left he breakfast table to come eat, getting disapproving looks from both of his parents. He promise this mother he would apologize and talk to the new princess today. As he watched her grip the bow and arrows steadily, he wasn’t surprised. She seemed to be taking everything in stride and learning new defense pretty easily.

As she shot the hay barrel against the weapons shack, inches from the center, he watched as she jumped in excitement and glee, while the others smiled and laughed at her antics. She was so joyful in everything she did, he was determined to apologize and talk to her later. He overheard them talking about him earlier and was grateful Miroku didn’t go into detail about her being his mate. He wasn’t even sure how to bring that up. I mean, here he was, having known all his life who he was and who she was, while she was just figuring out who she was just days ago, from what his father told him, saving hew own people, having an evil man after her, losing her mother and throw in a mate with all of that? He would’ve cracked and destroyed everything in his bedroom with all of that information, so he sure wasn’t going to throw one more life altering thing her way.

After a few hours, he could see her energy waning, knowing they were almost finished for the day. She had done remarkably well, wondering she ever had actually had to defend herself before. He began to growl at the thought without realizing it, watching her head rise and alert, gazing around her, as if she had heard him. Knowing lunchtime was around the corner, so he dashed away, determined to be enjoy a meal with her.

Kagome began to realize during her first day of training that she was going to be in need of a better outfit. She loved her dresses, made her feel like a princess, which she guessed in the truest sense, she was. She wondered if she could get Aunt Mara to create something that combined the two. Lost in her thoughts, she heard a growl, not of the evil intent, and looked around her, wondering where is was coming from. Feeling the aura she had felt in the garden all morning sprint away, she wondered if the Prince would ever come talk to her. Sighing to herself, she gather the last of her arrows and walked arm in arm with Sango towards the dining hall. She was feeling ravished and wondered if he would be there.

Emerging from her room, she had changed into a pale yellow dress, similar to her own back home, and walked with Miroku and Sango towards the dining hall. There sat Izayoi and her son, taking to each other quietly. 

“Hello dears! How was this morning? Sandwiches have been prepared for lunch.” Queen Izayoi called as the trio walked over, Kagome becoming increasingly nervous. It didn’t go unnoticed by Inuyasha.

Rising quickly, Inuaysha took two small steps towards them, held his hand out, “Princess Kagome. My name is Prince Inuyasha, it is a pleasure to meet you. I do apologize about yesterday, I’m not sure what came over me.” Though he knew that last part was a lie, he had to fix this with her. He wanted to spend every day from here on out with her and needed to make up for what happened. Watching her accept his apology with a small smile, he glanced at her pink cheeks and bottom lip she was currently biting at, her scent clearing from the sudden nervousness. He wondered what her lips would taste like, not realizing she has asked a question and was waiting on his answer.

“Thank you, Prince Inuyasha. I was wondering if later you would like to accompany me in the library? Show me around?” Kagome asked, nervously, biting her lip in anticipation. She had wanted to get to know him more, something drawing her close to him.

Shaking his head when he realized he was silent and her embarrassment waved across her face and scent, he stuttered, “Y-yes, I would like that.”

Both blushing, took their seats as Queen Kagura, Shippo and Rin joined the table, with Miroku and izayoi giving each other a knowing look. Grabbing a peach, Kagome smiled to herself, enjoying the delicious fruit while everyone chattered about her, feeling the prince’s golden gaze on her often.

After lunch, as promised, Inuaysha escorted Kagome to the library, passing the meeting room where his Father sat, reading over business. “So, are you getting a lot of training done, I saw you this morning, your barriers are impressive.” He began, a blush creeping across his features, trying to compliment her.

“So that was you in the garden.” Kagome stated with confidence, causing Inuaysha to blush even harder.

“How did you…?” He sputtered, clearly unsure of what to say, clearly embarrassed at being caught.

“I could sense an aura, had a feeling that was you at one point. I heard growling, but wasn’t too sure until you asked about my training.” She giggled at him. “Next time, you can join us If you want?” She blushed prettily.

“Sure.” He simply said. Pushing the large mahogany door open, “This is our library. Is there anything in particular you would like to look up first?”

“This may not be in the books, but you could you tell me what happened to my parents? Or at my birth celebration?” She asked, wide eyes looking around her at the dozens of bookshelves surrounding her.

“Let’s grab a particular book and I can tell you. I was really young when it happened, but I know my Father recorded the events in a book here.” Grabbing a brown bound book from a few shelves over, he flipped through the pages, before setting it back on the shelf and turning to another one.

“What do you remember the night of the party?” She asked, musing along a row of books, her fingers trailing. She loved the smell of books, though the only library she ever had been in was the small one in the village near her home, she thought painfully.

“I remember traveling to your parent’s castle and meeting you. You were thing this tiny thing, with beautiful wings that had barely begun to expand from your back. I remember my mother having to explain to me what fairies were. You laughed at me and tried to grab my hand a few times before going to sleep. You smelt the same as you do now.” Inuaysha stated as he came around the corner, eyes downcast in embarrassment.

“What do I smell like then?” She asked curiously, her voice growing softer.

“Sunshine and wildflowers. When I saw you in the field that day, I was unsure of which direction you left in, because you blended in with everything around you.” He whispered as he got closer to her, a book in his hands.

“Is that what you were looking for?” She tilted her head, still watching his golden irises glowing hotter.

Nodding, his breath hitched when she smile wide, just for him. Taking the book from his hands, she whispered a thank you, before turning to head towards a chair in the center of the room. Knowing he wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon, he told her he would gather a few more books about her heritage while she began to read that one, if only to clear his thoughts for a little while.

“Prince Inuaysha?” A small voice called after some time of searching.

“Inuaysha in just fine here in the castle, it’s a stuffy title.” He mused, turning from the bookshelf he was currently looking at.

“Inuaysha, can I asked a question?” Kagome called, knowing he could hear her from wherever he was at. Not waiting for a response, she asked, “Why did your demon emerge yesterday when you saw me? There wasn’t any feeling of malice or intent to hurt, I was only scared for your safety.”

“My safety?” He said, surprised. Nobody, but his friends and family ever cared when he was having one of his episodes, he liked to call it.

“Yes.” A soft voice said. Gathering his thoughts and the few books he found, he walked towards the plush chairs he often found his Father sitting in.

“Uh, my inner demon thought that my Father was, uh, lying to me. That he knew where and who you were, before you , uh, showed up.” He stated, not daring to look her in the eye, his words betraying his shame.

“Why would I matter to your demon?” She asked, curiosity in her eyes, but she had a sneaking feeling she knew. She had heard of demon mates before, what humans called soulmates. She suspected even mythical creatures had someone like this, but was unsure of the title. Though she had never seen a demon in action around his mate, she could put two and two together with how he had been acting since then.

“You’re uh someone special.” He stated simply, still not looking at her.

“Someone special?” She asked, daring to laugh at him. He was being bashful, and while it was cute, she really wanted answers. Hearing the laugh in her voice, he looked up at her. “Why am I so special to you? I know I am to your Father and Mother. I know I’m this born savior of my people and I’m the lost princess everyone seeks out, but why to you? Unless you are hiding something?” She asked, brow cocked, with a small smirk on her lips.

Licking his own, briefly wondering what hers tasted like again, he shook his head of those thoughts. They could discuss that later, he hoped. “You know of demons, correct?”

Nodding her head, “Demons have mates. Humans call them soulmates. I’m not sure of the term mythical use.”

“Mates or soulmates. Mythical creatures aren’t so different from us. Even though I’m hanyou, half-demon half-human, I still have one.” He put it simply. “So, uh, my demon was calling out, for, uh, you.” He wasn’t good at words! Why was this so hard to get out though? Everyone talked about their mater so why couldn’t he explain this better?

Watching emotions cross his face rapidly, his soul becoming agitated and angry, Kagome stood and walked closer to troubled prince. “Am I your mate, Inuyasha?”

Looking at her in shock, he just nodded dumbly. Laughing quietly at his bewildered expression she began, “I’ve discovered I’m a lost fairy princess, that an evil man is after me and the people I love, discovered power I never knew I had, met some of the most amazing people, am learning so many new things, finding out I have a demon mate is not the most surprising thing. In fact, I suspected I was something to you since the first day in the meadow, judging by how protected you made me feel, I just wasn’t quite sure.” Kagome reached for his closed hands, her tiny in comparison to his.

Dropping to a chair in utter astonishment, he just stared at this incredible woman. She already knew? That would make things here on out so much easier! Before he could voice his thoughts any further, Kagome squeezed his hands and caught his gaze. “Inuaysha, I want to take things slow. I understand we leave for the borders, my home, in just a few days, I would love for us to get to know each other. I know we are soulmates and what not, but I feel as if I know you already. I just want more, if that’s okay?” She looked at him in question, a small blush appearing across her features.

She is so remarkable and gorgeous he thought, before nodding, stiffening when she places a kiss to his cheek. Smiling at her softly, he pulled her close into a hug, whispering a thank you in her hair, while she squeezed him tightly back.

“Now, let’s get to looking. These are books on fairies that I could find, going back all the way to Midoriko, the earliest collections of fairy queens.” He guided her back to her chair next to him, handing her a blue bounded book. “Any questions you might have, just write them down on this paper next to you and we can go ask my Father together.” He smiled at her.

[radishaur]

can i request some zuko angst? just whatever you want really, you're amazing!

I hope this satisfies your need for angst! I was struck with inspiration at like 2 AM so I apologize if this doesn’t make any sense. I never edit anything and I don’t intent to start so early in the morning lol.

•••

Unrequited (Zuko x Reader)

Warnings: Implied NSFW (like minimally)

Genre: Angst

Part: 1/1

Summary: See request

•••

When you’re younger, people feed you lies. Most of them all small and harmless. They’re to keep you safe and healthy. Don’t go swimming alone or the Unagi will eat you. If you don’t eat your vegetables, the spirts will be angry with you. Don’t talk to strangers or you might get cursed. All tiny fibs to convince you of things you otherwise wouldn’t comply to.

What you don’t find out until later on in life is that they also tell you bigger lies. The biggest of all being about love.

They tell you countless stories about love. Forbidden lovers, princes and princesses, happy old couples, etc. The main similarity is that they all end in a happily ever after. They both fall in love and life is great.

My mother used to tell me I would grow up and find a man to have my own love story with. I think that was the biggest lie of all.

When Fire Lord Zuko turned 25, the council instructed him that he needed to find a bride. Him and Mai were no longer together by then, so the duty somehow became mine. I protested, but my mother and father didn’t listen. They practically sold me off to him like a piece of furniture. That was essentially what I would be after all.

I found myself slowly falling for Zuko as time progressed. Each passing day, my crush began to grow. By the time we were officially married I was helplessly in love with him.

Zuko had always been kind to me. We had become close friends in the time leading up to our ceremony. It never seemed to bother him that he wasn’t marrying for love; it was just what he had to do for his country. But that was the problem you see.

I knew he was still in love with Mai.

I had often caught him reading letters that the two had written each other or staring at photos of the two of them. He would bring her up during our conversation and I could just see by the look in his eyes when he talked about her that he was hopelessly head over heels for her. It was enough to rip my heart out.

We slept in the same bed, but we stayed confined to our own sides. We hung out occasionally and went on some outings to please the public, but it never crossed into the romantic area.

Two years into our marriage, I found out I was pregnant. The advisors has been pressuring us for a child and we knew we had to deliver. It was awkward and empty and heartbreaking, but we did it. Only once. I cried in the bathroom when it was over.

Having to be with someone who didn’t love you back was hard enough, but it was even harder when you were desperately in love with them.

Our child was born a healthy and happy girl. We named her Izumi. It was a beautiful name, but I knew why she was named that. It was a tribute to a moment he had shared with Mai. It was like she haunted every instance of our relationship.

Izumi quickly became the sole focus of my life. I spent every waking moment with her and vowed to myself never to lie to her. I wasn’t going to fill her head with white lies and bullshit. I was going to raise her right without the lies. And most importantly I would make sure she could marry for love.

Today was the day I was going to have the discussion with Zuko. I was going to make him promise me this one thing.

I put Izumi to sleep before knocking quietly on the door to our shared room. It was a formality that, although not necessary, we both indulged in. I entered when I heard him respond.

I walked in and saw him pouring over the desk in our room, focusing on whatever documents had arrived for him that day. He smiled at me briefly before returning back to his work.

I sighed and walked over to the desk hesitantly, my nerves beginning to kick in. I waited for him to look up at me. When he finally did, I fidgeted with my dress before speaking.

“I was hoping I could talk with you about something,” I said, finally meeting his gaze.

He set his pen down and turned to face me. He gave me his undivided attention and it made my heart break a little more. It was one of the things I also loved about him and it only made things more painful.

“Of course,” he said, motioning for me to sit in the chair nearby.

I brought it closer and sat down nervously. I took a deep breath, thinking of the best way to start the conversation.

“It’s about Izumi,” I began.

“Is she alright? Did something happen?” he asked worriedly.

He loved that girl more than life itself. It was just another thing that made me hopelessly adore him. I shook my head.

“No, she’s ok. It’s just...I want to talk about her future,” I said hesitantly.

“Her future?” he asked in confusion, tilting his head slightly.

“I know I don’t need to explain how much we both love her. She’s both of our entire world’s,” I began, causing him to smile as he thought about her, “So I know that we both want her to be happy in life. More than anything else.”

“Without a doubt. There’s nothing more I want for her,” he replied without hesitation.

I smiled softly at his undying affection for her. I took another deep breath before meeting his eyes.

“I want her to marry for love, not responsibility. No arrangements for politics or any other stupid reason,” I said finally.

Zuko looked a little surprised but it didn’t take him long to respond.

“Isn’t it a little early to be thinking of marriage? She’s only a year old,” he brought up.

“I know that. But I want to raise her with the knowledge that she has the freedom to choose. I don’t to lie to her,” I responded quickly.

Zuko frowned slightly, clearly not understanding the last part of my point.

“I don’t want to raise her telling her she’s free to choose and then force her into a marriage she doesn’t want when she comes of age. And I don’t want to raise her with the knowledge that she’s going to be married off against her will either. I want her to marry someone because she loves them,” I explained, a sad smile on my face before adding, “And because he loves her back.”

Zuko’s face softened into one of partial understanding. He was well aware of the feelings I had towards my parents about them forcing me to marry him at first. I had expressed to him my frustrations and he had understood completely.

But, he also didn’t understand that the second half of my statement was referring to him. He had no idea I was in love with him and I intended to keep it that way.

“Of course. I wouldn’t want anything less for my little angel,” he assured me.

“Can you promise me?” I asked seriously.

“I promise,” he replied.

I smiled, satisfied with his answer. I got up from my chair and he returned to his work. I went into our shared bathroom to take a relaxing bubble bath before bed. By the time I got out, the moon was shining high in the sky. The room was illuminated now by a few candles and I saw Zuko still working away at his desk.

I was already in my pajamas, so I simply got into bed. I had just gotten myself situated when I heard Zuko move. I turned to look at him and found him already looking at me.

“Uh, Y/N,” he said hesitantly.

I propped myself up and gave him my full attention, encouraging him to continue. He turned to face me in his seat with a perplexed look on his face.

“Why did you decided to bring that up?” he asked.

I hesitated. I looked off to the side while trying desperately to think of something to say. I mean, to his credit it was pretty random. Izumi was only 1 years old and it was definitely too early to be thinking about marriage for her. I bit my lip.

“I don’t know,” I lied, turning back to face him.

“I know you well enough to know you’re lying. Come on, we’re friends. You know you can tell me anything,” he pried.

Friends.

The word was like a knife to the chest. I sighed before falling into the bed on my back. I tried my best to think of anything to say in response to him that wasn’t the truth, but there was nothing. I resigned myself to just coming out and saying it.

“Because I know what it feels like to marry someone who doesn’t love you back,” I whispered.

The room had never been so quiet. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. I smiled sadly, still refusing to look at him.

“You...,” he began, but his voice trailed off quickly.

“Yeah.”

The discussion ended there and I simply turned on my side to go to sleep. I fought back my tears as I heard him turn back to his work. It took a long time after that night for things to go back to normal. Zuko avoided me just as much as I avoided him. After a few painful months, we finally returned back to some kind of normalcy.

Watching Izumi marry the love of her life was both a blessing and a curse. I was unbelievably happy that I was watching my daughter live the life I had always wanted. But another, admittedly smaller, part of me was deeply saddened.

Maybe love wasn’t a lie for everyone. Happily ever afters do exist. Just not for me.

[northcarolinanative]

𝙲𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗  / 𝙲𝚑 𝟷𝟺

Chapter 14: On Your Side 

A/N: Hi guys, it’s me, I know it’s been ages but I’m back, I have finally started to feel a little revived about this series so we’ll see how it goes. I feel low-key like a Riverdale writer because there are so many of my season 2 predictions that I want to put into this, but I don't really know how to. Anyway as always my requests/ask/messages are always open. I hope you enjoy:) 

Description: John B’s Sister comes home from staying with their mom, only to find out that her brother is missing and her dad was murdered. JJ may have just lost his best friend. Her and JJ have to figure out what to do and how to pick up the pieces.

Need to Catch Up? Previous Parts

I woke up to the sound of thunder cracking through the house. I turned to the other side of the bed to see JJ’s back. I saw the movement of his shoulders, rising and falling with his breathing. I got up making my way to the kitchen and fixing a glass of water. I leaned my back against the cool counter looking over the papers that sat there. The clock on the microwave read 4:45am I had a lot to figure out moving forward. I sat down, flicking on a dim lamp for some subtle light. My early bedtime making it impossible for me to go back to sleep. I reached over to the counter for my phone. The light was bright enough to make me squint before looking at the messages on the screen. 

The top message from my mother, asking how I had settled in with John B. I lied, of course, telling her that things were fine and that we were getting along great. I knew that she could say that she kept up with John B all these years, saying that she cared, but I knew the truth. This even further proves that evidence. She wasn’t meant to be a mother, she tried her best but being tied down and in the same place just wasn’t for her. I can’t help but think that if my father had won custody of me if she would have turned away from me too. 

I shook my head, trying not to fall down that rabbit hole in my brain. JJ was turning over in the bed. He rolled over, bunching the blanket up in his arms and holding it into his chest. I smiled to myself as I turned back to my phone. I have no idea what is going on between the two of us right now but I know that I am thankful for him. During my sleep, I missed a text from Kie. She told me to be at the Wreck around 7:30 to help open the breakfast shift. I texted her a quick I’ll be there before, beginning to pull out the papers and maps of John B’s possible whereabouts. 

I shuffled through the papers, trying to find as much information about the ship that I could with the info on the ship maps, as well as a binder that I pulled from my dad’s office. It detailed the kind of ships and had basics for each one. I was not sure how this could help, but I was doing something to move forward. The lack of internet at the Chateau was proving to be an issue as I needed more information. I thought about the few things that I need to look up and jotted them down in my notebook. I folded the maps and the lists into the book before pushing into a bag with my old laptop. The Wreck had the internet, so I was hopeful that Kie wouldn’t mind me using it after my shift. 

My research seemed to do the trick as it killed enough time for me to begin getting ready for my first shift at The Wreck. I quickly showered and got ready, wearing the light blue shirt that read “The Wreck” in obnoxiously large letters across the back. I was slipping on my shoes at the edge of the pull out when a voice started me. 

“Why are you ready?” It was JJ’s rough voice, obviously just waking up. “The sun is barely out.” 

I laughed at him before pointing to the logo on the back of my shirt. “Work calls my friend,” I said with a laugh, but JJ just rolled his eyes falling onto his back. “Feel free to stop by and entertain us?” I questioned. 

“Haha Y/N, I have to get at least 9 hours of beauty sleep, but we’ll see.” He said rolling on his side to face me. His face and tone shifted before his next sentence. “Be careful, okay? That place may be for the tourists, but the Kooks love to stir up trouble over there alright?” I just nodded and smiled slightly before turning to head for my car. 

-- 

My shift at The Wreck was nothing special. All the same as the country club, serve with a smile, a pretty self-explanatory menu, but the only difference was the overwhelming amount of tourists. Not that I minded, as they had no idea who I was, which I liked.  I wasn’t worried about the work, more so the people. I knew JJ was overprotective of the rest of us and meant well, but his words were in the back of my head the whole shift. The last thing I need is a kook making trouble and Mr. Carrera letting me go. 

Kie had me rolling silverware and working in the bar area. She said it was a good intro place before being put out on the floor. It also meant that we could chat and catch up. I liked Kie a lot, she was the closest thing I had to a best friend, even when I was back home. I was still hurt by her words, and hesitant to tell her anything, but I still love her. We were chatting while she went about her side task when I decided to ask about staying around. “Hey, is the Wifi back up here?” I asked, but kept my eyes trained on the task in front of me. 

“I think so?” She answered. 

“Do you think I could use it after my shift? I mean I brought my own computer and I’ll stay outta the way?” I bargained. I just got the job and didn’t want her father to think I was taking advantage of his offer, even if I was. 

“Sure!” She smiled. “We can sit outside at one of those tables when we get off. Pope is coming by and I’m sure JJ will be here before you leave.” I didn’t miss her wink at me after her last statement, the blush more than obvious on my face. Kie was super observant, of course, she noticed something going on between the two of us. 

“Okay yeah,” I said, sighing as she left to carry out an order. While I wanted to spend time with her and Pope, I don’t want to tell them what we’re doing. She’s made her feelings about John B’s accident completely known, and I didn’t want to give them false hope. 

“You look really familiar.” a voice spoke. I looked up from the silverware that I was rolling to be met with blue eyes and frosted tips. 

I’m sure he could see the confused look on my face as I just responded with an “interesting” and a soft smile. I could totally tell that he was a kook by the way that he was dressed. He was dressed in a pastel polo that was only halfway buttoned up and the styling of his hair that no doubt had too many products in it. 

He picked up a menu flipping through it before trying our conversation again. This time being more upfront. “Maybe a name would help you remember me, Y/N?” He said looking directly at me. I felt my skin go cold as he spoke my name. My only run-in with the kook being Rafe and his friends when Kie went full kook. I studied his face as he seemed to laugh a little. He seemed familiar. “Relax, I am on your side here. I figure you heard about your brother and my girl-” He coughed quickly before correcting himself, “my ex-girlfriend.” 

Then it all clicked. “Topper” I breathed out. I hadn’t known him well enough to meet him but had seen him with a few of the other kooks hanging around the boneyard in the past. I remember JJ telling me about the way that he was led out of the church disguised as John B. “What exactly are you doing here?” I asked.

“I figured that you know what happened by now. I’m sure the pogues told you, but I need to talk to you if anyone knows anything it has to be you.” He spoke. I looked up to see Kie trying to get away from her table to come help. Topper seemed to notice. “Meet me outside after your shift? I really need to talk to you.” He said before getting up. “Oh and a stack of pancakes to go please.” He flashed a smile before walking to the side. I quickly wrote up his ticket and pinned it to the wheel as Kie came up beside me. “Don’t worry about Topper, he’s been pretty harmless lately. He keeps asking a lot of weird questions and showing up here. He’s like so obsessed with Sarah it’s crazy.” She paused rolling her eyes. I was hoping that you could get out without an awkward kook visit.” She laughed and nudged my shoulder. 

I let out a sigh. “Yea and to think in the last 5 minutes of my shift. Are the boys on their way?” I questioned. If I was going to go meet with Topper and JJ saw, he would without a doubt start a fight. Something about the way that Topper spoke seemed serious. Also, he helped John B getaway, took whatever the consequences are, so I had to at least give him that. 

“Yea. Pope has to finish up some work with his dad, then they’ll be here.” She said with a smile. “You can go ahead and clock out, I’ll finish up here.” 

I nodded and said a quick “thank you” before making my way to the backroom to put everything away and clock out. My hands shook as I punched in the numbers, turning and putting tips away in my front pocket. I ran my hands over my head, letting out a shaky breath. Just gotta go get it over with. What's the worst that could happen? 

I walked out the back door to see Topper leaned against the front of his Jeep. I looked around for any sign of JJ, Pope, or Heyward’s old beat-up truck. “Okay Topper, this is weird. What the hell is going on?” I said walking to stand in front of him, crossing my arm over my chest. I could feel the way that my glare was harsh on him. 

“Look, Rafe’s losing his shit. I know he’s lost it before but he has really lost it.” He spoke, his tone heavy, almost panicked. 

I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “You're kidding right?” He just shook his head obviously. “Why the fuck do you think I’d care?” I started to get angry, turning to walk away. 

“Y/n! Wait, please!” He said, stepping forward to follow me. I turned to look at him with my eyebrows raised. “Look I believe y’all, that’s why I helped John B.” He admitted. “The way that Rafe has been acting I believe it too, he’s lost it. I think he’s dangerous.” 

I scoffed again. “Really?” I pointed to the now healing split on my cheek and motion to my neck. “I had no idea, Topper.” My voice was laced with sarcasm and anger. “Get to the point please.” I sighed. 

“He’s literally going crazy. I mean he says that he’s seeing Peterkin like he’s hallucinating her. He is dead set on pinning this on John B, saying that’s the only way that she’ll leave him alone. Ward tries to keep him locked up as much as possible, but you and the pogues” He sighed running a hand through his hair, messing it up, “need to watch out for him. You don’t know what he might do.”  

“Well, he is a murder.” I retorted coldly. 

“I know the pogues, they haven’t given up on John B or Sarah. You probably haven't given up on your brother either. I think that they are the last chance at putting this to rest. I wanna help you find Sarah, and your brother” He finished with a heavy breath. 

I tried to keep a poker face and the best way to go about this situation. “Topper, there is nothing we can do,” I spoke slowly trying to think of exactly what to say. I didn’t want to push him away in case we ended up needing his help later, but like the others, no need to involve him in something so uncertain. Not to mention that I had zero intentions of trusting him. “The police have given us nothing to work with, we’re just as in the dark as you.” 

Topper dropped his head to look at the ground. “Right.” He nodded. ”I guess I was just hoping that it wasn’t real, ya know?” His voice was quieter than before. His tone was soft and sounded broken. “Hoping that she wasn’t really gone.” 

I felt bad for him, even if he was pining after my brother’s girlfriend. He lost his girlfriend, to a pogue, then she might have died and his best friend, Rafe turns up to be a murder in a matter of a week. “Trust me, I know Topper,” I said, causing him to look back up and nodded before turning back to his car. “I’ll let you know if we find something though?” 

He smiled as he pulled himself into his Jeep as I headed to my car to get my bag before going back to the restaurant to meet with the pogues. 

Taglist: @nikki082489 @lovelymaybankk @dolanfivsosxox @alexa-playafricabytoto @downbytheouterbanks @heyhargrove @heywards​ @kayln021 @readysteadygo23​ @im-a-stranger-thing​ @thatsonobx​ @dumbxgurl​ @ameeraaa21@zehnuhrfunf​ @imagines-and-preferences1216​ @mileven-reddie​ @sw-eat-ing​ @tangledinsparkles @shawnssongs @karleeluv @rockyyc77​ @omigodyall @whoreforouterbanks @bqbyl0n @hmsjiara​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @softstarkey​ 

Masterlist 

[ollieofthebeholder]

leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

Tumblr tag || Also on AO3

Chapter 34: Jon

Sasha apparently has a particular New Year’s Eve tradition involving a karaoke club and far too much alcohol, and the Primes are understandably not enthusiastic about the whole concept, so in the end it’s just Jon and Martin and Tim who venture out to the celebrations. Martin manages to coax Charlie’s grandmother into allowing them to take him along, and they have a grand old time. Jon manages to actually get a decent picture at one point, and now his phone background is of Charlie perched on Martin’s shoulders, arms folded on top of his head, with Tim standing beside them, all three of them looking up at the sky with expressions of absolute delight and wonder. It makes him smile every time he looks at it.

Back in the Archives, they all buckle down to an individual project, in addition to their regular duties. Tim, of course, is still attempting to get a handle on his newfound ability to see the color of fears. It’s slow going, since Jon absolutely forbids him to practice in the Archives, or anywhere on Institute property, until he’s got a better handle on it; the sheer overwhelming presence of the Eye means he can’t look around without nearly passing out, so he finally agrees to hold off until he gets to a point where he can target it to a single person or object, or at least narrow down his field of vision. Jon Prime warns that that’s something that will only come with time, but Tim is determined. He at least makes some small progress.

Martin starts working on a cross-index of the statements they’ve studied—not just which ones relate, or seem to relate, to the same entities, but ones that have common names, locations, circumstances, or even dates. Honestly, it’s the sort of thing they should have been doing from the beginning; it’s just that Martin is the only one with any kind of library training, so he’s the only one who thought of it. And now that they know more about what’s going on, he has something to work with. Wisely, he saves it to a flash drive rather than on the Institute’s servers, so there’s no chance anyone outside the four of them or someone they approve to help out can use it.

Sasha focuses on the Institute, or more specifically on its Heads. While the four of them know that it’s actually been Jonah Magnus the entire time, or at least his eyes, she’s interested in the apparent successors—why they were chosen, how they were chosen, where they came from and what happened to them when Jonah Magnus was ready to move on, at least ostensibly. Jon cautions her to be careful, and she reassures him with a flurry of technical terms he loses track of halfway through, but there’s a crackle and pop of static that makes them both wince but leaves them with the Knowledge that she’s right. Her research is as secure as can be.

For his part, Jon digs into Gertrude.

He knows Jon Prime has some knowledge of her—of her travels, her past—but he wants to find out as much as he can on his own. Besides, he isn’t sure Jon Prime has the answers he’s looking for. Really, he’s not sure what answers he is looking for, but whatever it is, he’s going to do the research himself. It just feels like it’s cheating otherwise. So he tries to find out as much as he can about where she came from, how she came to the Institute, and what sort of things she might have been up to.

In doing his research, he comes across the startling information that Gertrude’s flat is still unlet. Apparently there were some legal complications due to the nature of her disappearance and death, and she was paid up for several months, so the agent simply never bothered to clean the place out. Something about this nags at him with a sense of wrongness, but—perhaps unwisely—he ignores it and keeps looking.

He tells his team that he plans to break into the flat. Tim and Martin both protest, and even he has to admit it’s not the world’s best idea, but he can’t think of any other way to gain access. Sasha rolls her eyes and tells him to give her twenty minutes.

Two hours later, he presents himself at the lending agent’s office as Gertrude Robinson’s grandson and asks, all innocence, what they’ve done with her things.

The agency is only too happy to let Jon clear the place out, even providing Jon with a couple of boxes in case he wants to take things with him. Jon’s not sure what he would want to take, but he accepts anyway. If nothing else, he can take it all and they can sort through it with the Primes’ help. The agent brings him up to Gertrude’s flat, lets him in, and tells him to just lock it behind him when he leaves, then wishes him luck and leaves him alone.

Jon gives the agent to the count of ten to get well away while he unwinds his scarf and unzips his jacket, then reaches into his inner pocket. Once upon a time it’s where he kept his cigarettes, but what he pulls out now is his new tape recorder. Not that he went out and bought one, of course, or that anyone on the team bought it—as far as he knows. They all came back from the holidays to find a neatly-wrapped package topped with a black-and-white striped bow on each of their desks; when they, with some trepidation, unwrapped them, they found separate and distinct tape recorders—a pretty clear sign, as Sasha says with what Jon considers unnecessary enthusiasm, that they’re all meant to be recording statements. And probably everything else they do. Since Elias doesn’t seem to know about them, they’re not using them for anything official, but Jon knows they’re all dictating their supplemental research onto them. He checks to make sure the tape is properly loaded, then thumbs the RECORD button.

“Right,” he says. “I’m standing in Gertrude Robinson’s flat. Former flat, I suppose I should say, but it hasn’t been relet and all her things are still here…such as they are. Thanks to Sasha, and some technical maneuvering I am not going to ask about on the grounds that she is an excellent and able assistant and I don’t want to have to visit her in prison, I was able to gain access by plausibly claiming to be her grandson. I’m here to look around and…hopefully get a better idea of her. So…let’s begin.”

He keeps up a running commentary as he searches the apartment. Gertrude’s life was an austere one; the kitchen contains nothing but a collection of teabags, a pot, a kettle, and a single mug. Jon goes ahead and packs it all into a box, especially the tea, which is Martin’s preferred variety. The bed is neatly made, as if she expected to be back soon—which, well, of course she must have—and she has no more than a dozen different outfits. Three suits—two skirt, one pant—and a red silk chiffon evening gown of a style popular in the 1970s hang in the closet, along with two pairs of sensible brogues and a pair of pointy-toed high heels; the drawers contain a few pullovers and a couple pairs of more casual slacks, beyond the usual assortment of undergarments.

The bookshelf draws his attention. It’s a single shelf, filled with books, but there are no others in the apartment. Quickly, he scans the spines, narrating a few of the titles into his recorder, before stopping and sighing.

“It’s…it seems to be mostly nonfiction,” he says. “Some fiction, but most of these appear to be books on history. I don’t have time to go through them all here, so I’m going to do the next best thing. The agent did tell me to pack up and take what I wanted and they’ll throw away the rest. There might be something useful in here. And if all else fails, we’ll have some new books to read, I suppose.”

His first box is relatively full, so he sets up a second box and begins layering the books in it, muttering to himself as he does so. “I have no idea if all of these will fit in this box or not, but we’ll see what we can do. For that matter, I don’t know if I’m even going to be able to pick it up myself. And if I have to carry more—”

The lightbulb goes out overhead with a faint, metallic pop.

Jon blinks the spangles away from his retinas and glances up with an exasperated sigh. It was late in the afternoon when he arrived here, and the sun has set by now, so with Gertrude’s unexpectedly thick, dark curtains drawn, there’s no light coming from outside. The ceiling light is too high for Jon to reach; he has a brief moment of wishing Martin was there, or Tim, before heaving himself to his feet with a sigh. He gives his eyes a second to adjust, then makes his way carefully towards the end table with its small china lamp. It’s not optimal, but it will at least give him enough light to see.

“You don’t want to do that,” a sing-song voice says from behind him.

Jon nearly leaps out of his skin. Footsteps sound behind him—sharp and crisp and ominous—and he turns around to make out a tall, slim shadow moving towards him.

“I mean,” the same voice continues, “you can if you really want to, but you’re not going to like it. Sometimes not being able to see is a good thing.”

“Wh-who are you?” Jon stammers out. He tries to tell himself that it’s simply one of Gertrude’s neighbors, that this is perfectly harmless, but he doesn’t believe it. The last eight months have knocked most of his capacity for deliberate self-delusion right out of him.

He can’t actually see the grin in the darkness, but he can hear it. “Well, my father named me Nikola, and then I killed him, so I thought I rather deserved to have his second name, too. Which makes me Nikola Orsinov. Pleased to meet you at last.”

Jon now wishes Tim or Martin were here for a completely different reason. He swallows hard. “Y-you, ah—you killed Gregor Orsinov?”

“Yep!” Nikola Orsinov says brightly. “He was really boring, and I’m a monster. What did you want me to do—not pull him to pieces? I did use all the bits.”

Jon can feel the bile rising in his throat and mingling with the terror, threatening to choke him. “How—how did you get in here?”

“I followed you, silly! You didn’t even lock the door.” There’s a slight creaking noise as the shadowy figure shakes its head. “Gertrude would be so disappointed in you. You let me into her house!”

“There’s nothing here,” Jon says. He fervently hopes that’s true. “N-nothing important…”

“Oh, I don’t believe that. And neither do you, or you wouldn’t be here! That nasty old Eye wouldn’t have told you to come if there wasn’t a reason.”

Jon wonders if it was actually the Eye’s idea that he come here, or if it was his own idea, or a conflation of the two. He also wonders if anyone will hear him if he screams, if he can make it past Orsinov to the door or if he’ll need to use the window, and if he’ll manage to survive if he passes out. Irrationally, on top of all of this, he finds himself trying to remember the name of that girl in his Intro to Drama class with the gift for fainting on cue without hurting herself. Slowly, he reaches for the lamp.

“Don’t turn that on,” Orsinov orders, somehow managing to sound sharp and intimidating while at the same time never losing the high, lilting, almost childish sweetness to her voice.

Jon freezes. The name Ellie Hall slams into the front of his brain and he desperately tries to clear it away. He refuses to let his last thoughts be ones of regret, refuses to wonder if he’d still be trapped in a dark flat with a manifestation of the fear of the unknown if he’d stayed on the theatre track, certainly refuses to waste any more brainpower on the stereotypical prima donna who’d been the reason he switched his degree path in the first place. Think, he tells himself. He needs to pull up something to give him strength, or at least the courage to face his doom.

His hand falls away from the lamp and hits his pocket; his fingers trace the outline of his phone through the fabric. He thinks of the picture on the background—of Martin and Tim with Charlie, watching the fireworks display. The people he cares about are waiting for him to come home. Whether they need him or not is immaterial. They’re waiting for him and he can’t let them down.

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail.

“Are you here to kill me?” he asks, and he manages to ask it without his voice shaking. Small victory, but he’ll take it.

“No!” Orsinov says, sounding absolutely aghast. Jon relaxes, marginally, until she adds after a moment’s thought, “Well, yes, but not now. That would spoil everything. It would be a shame for you to go to waste.”

Unbidden, Jon wonders how, exactly, she used all of Gregor Orsinov’s “bits” and what she plans to use his for. He really and truly does not want to think about it, but he can’t seem to stop. He decides to put the blame for that on the entity of fearful and forbidden knowledge looming over his shoulder. “Wh-why are you here then?”

“I’ve heard so many interesting things about you, Archivist. I decided it was finally time for us to have a good old chat,” Orsinov says. “Face to no face! Eye to…well.”

Face to no face. Okay. Jon is definitely not turning on the light now. “What have you heard?”

“Well!” Orsinov says with relish. “First my friends came to make a delivery for you, and they said you called on all sorts of nasty powers to send them away. That wasn’t very nice, Archivist. It’s rude to chase away your guests.” She gives a delighted little laugh—not a giggle, not like Michael’s, but unnerving in its own way. “And then it turns out we have a friend in common! Isn’t that nice? Only he’s very sneaky. He came to visit Daniel and Sarah, and they thought he was coming to join us in our dance, but then he was…unmasked. He ran away! So very rude.” She sighs. “But then, what do you expect from the Eye? No manners.”

Tim. Oh, God, she knows Tim was at the Trophy Room, of course she does. And if Breekon and Hope are her “friends”, then she knows about Martin and Sasha, too. Jon’s terror compounds. “Leave them alone.”

“Oh, I’m not interested in them. Maybe. Or maybe it’s all of you! But if you can do it by yourself, that would be fine, I’m sure.”

Jon takes a deep breath and squeezes his phone—for luck or comfort, he’s not sure which. “What do you want from me, then?”

“I want you to find that old skin for me,” Orsinov says cheerily.

“The sk—the gorilla skin?” It’s the only thing Jon can think of—the gorilla skin missing from the Trophy Room when Tim went to investigate.

“Mm-hmm! We thought nasty old Gertrude had destroyed it, but your friend came asking so many nosy questions, so now we think maybe she was just very good at hiding,” Orsinov told him.

“I’m sorry, you want me to find it for you?” Jon’s tongue seems to have become temporarily disconnected from his brain, because he cannot seriously be talking like this to something that has already made no bones about telling him it tore its creator to pieces.

“That would be lovely. And a lot nicer for you than our other ideas.”

The idea that Gertrude might have stolen a skin from the Trophy Room never occurred to Jon, but now that he thinks about it, it makes sense. He’s beginning to realize that she likely did read all of the statements, at least all the real ones; if he and his team can sense a true statement, surely she could, after forty years. She kept the Archives in disarray in hopes of slowing down Jonah’s plan, but he realizes she had to have read the statements to know they needed to be misfiled, and oh, God, why is he thinking about this now instead of getting out of this alive?

Because, a small voice in the back of his head says, if Gertrude stole the skin, it must be important to the Stranger.

“Wh-why—why do you want it?” Jon stammers out.

Orsinov’s hands clap together twice with a disturbingly hollow, plastic sound, and Jon can’t explain why that’s somehow more terrifying than his initial thought that she was an animated piece of taxidermy like Rawlings and Sarah Baldwin. In a voice of childish glee, she says, “I want to wear it when I dance the world new!”

Jon wonders if he can borrow some of Tim’s wit—what, you’re going to turn it into a dress or something?—but as the thought crosses his mind, another one meets it halfway and strikes him momentarily dumb with terror. The painting Martin Prime described all those months ago—the figure in the warehouse with the manic grin, the man tied to a chair. I thought you’d make a lovely frock.

Oh, God.

“But—but wh—” he begins, but gets no further. A shadowy arm shoots out of the darkness, faster than he can move, and seizes him around the throat in a powerful grip. It is, as he surmised from hearing the clapping, made of plastic—or at least something hard and unyielding—smooth, firm, and cold. He finds himself both wishing he kept his scarf on and glad he didn’t, as the plastic joints would probably pinch at Charlie’s inexpert and uneven stitches and unravel them.

That thought quickly takes second place to the fact that his feet are not touching the floor, followed by the fact that his flow of oxygen is very definitely being cut off.

“Question time is over, little Archivist,” Orsinov says, still in that same sing-song voice. “Find the skin. You have until…well, until I change my mind.”

She opens her hand, and Jon drops to the ground in a graceless, undignified heap. He gasps and sputters, struggling to force air back into his lungs, and looks up at the silhouette looming over him, equal parts terrified and angry.

“Shh,” she says, the sound far eerier than it has any right to be. “Save your energy for the dance.”

The plastic footsteps sound on the laminate again, and Nikola Orsinov is gone, leaving Jon alone in the darkened apartment.

He spends a few minutes greedily gulping down air. Tears stream down his cheeks and he’s not sure if it’s from the near-asphyxiation or from fear or maybe a little bit of both. Rubbing at his sore throat with one hand, he fishes out his phone with the other, activates it, and stares at the picture for a long moment, hoping to draw on that sense of peace and happiness he felt in the moment he took it.

He doesn’t. All he feels is a renewed sense of terror, because everything he loves is in this picture. It’s a reminder of what he stands to lose if he fails—of what can be taken from him in an instant if he’s not careful. He has to find that skin. Somehow.

He thumbs over to his contacts, hovers over the button to call Martin, and stops. He can’t. He’s still coughing and gasping for air, so if he tries to call, Martin will know by his voice something is wrong and try to come after him, and he can’t put him in danger. Can’t worry him, not like that.

Instead, he switches over to the group chat Tim has arbitrarily labeled Team Archives Happy Fun Times And Doomsday Prophylactic Society Executive Committee and sends a text. [Almost done. Where are you all?]

Sasha replies first. [Still back at the Archives. Cleaning up for the night.]

Tim is the next to respond. Rather than words, he sends a picture he obviously took at arm’s length, crammed between Martin and Sasha and with the time and date on a laptop screen behind them prominently displayed. Jon smiles, briefly. They’ve all grown a bit less trusting of text messages since the whole Jane Prentiss incident; he’s pretty sure the next step is going to be code phrases that change on the daily.

[Stay there. All of you. I’ll be back shortly.] Jon struggles to his feet and switches on the lamp. He contemplates the boxes for a moment, then sweeps as many of the books as he can into one and folds it up. The other he unpacks and unfolds again, then tucks the box of tea into his jacket along with the tape recorder. He puts the scarf back on carefully, hoping it’ll hide any bruising, hoists the box in both arms, and remembers to lock the door on his way out.

He drove today. Thank God he drove today. After carefully checking the backseat, the boot, and under the car for stray clowns or mannequins or anything else, really, he climbs into the car and drives the exact speed limit back to the Institute. It’s well past the end of the day by the time he arrives, and it’s a Friday to boot, so he’s pretty much the last car in the parking lot. Jon leaves the box of books in the boot, double-checks the locks, and practically runs down the steps into the Archives.

His team is there, standing by the cluster of desks. Martin is the first to notice, and he makes a small noise that alerts the others to turn around. Jon doesn’t slow down, just charges straight across the Archives floor and all but flings himself at Tim and Martin. As their arms wrap around him, he relaxes for the first time since the lights went out, even though he’s very aware of the fact that he’s still shaking.

“Jon? Jon, what’s wrong?” Martin’s voice is sharp with anxiety. “Are you hurt? What happened?”

“We’ve got you. We’ve got you,” Tim murmurs. “It’s okay. You’re safe. What happened?”

“Orsinov,” Jon croaks out, and damn, his voice is still raw. He doesn’t pull back from the comfort of his friends’ embrace, though. “Gregor Orsinov—his, his daughter, I suppose—calls herself Nikola Orsinov—she was there.”

“Oh, God.” Tim pulls both Martin and Jon closer to himself. There’s a brief rustle, and then Jon feels someone else join the embrace; he sincerely hopes it’s Sasha. “In Gertrude’s flat? Was she waiting for you?”

“No—no, she followed me.”

“What did she want?” Sasha asks, and thankfully her voice is right where he’d expect it to be if she was the fourth member of this hug.

Jon tries to take a deep breath and accidentally gets a mouthful of fluff from Tim’s sweater, so it takes a second before he can answer. “The gorilla skin—the one from the statement. The one that Rawlings told you had been stolen. She wants me to find it.”

Some of the pressure eases up; Jon clings harder to Martin and Tim, feeling a little foolish but not really caring. He’s scared, damn it, he needs the comfort, and while sometimes when he’s afraid he wants to be given space and left alone, more and more lately he’s found himself only feeling safe when he’s being held. He decides not to think too hard about what that says about him.

“Why does she think you can find it?” Sasha asks, sounding puzzled.

“A-apparently Gertrude stole it. Orsinov thought she’d destroyed it, but…” Jon hesitates. He doesn’t want to make Tim think it’s his fault.

Tim groans. “But I was asking leading questions, so once Breekon and Hope outed me, she thought we were looking for it, too. God, Jon, I—”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Jon insists. “I-it—it’s not your fault.”

“Did she hurt you?” Martin asks quietly. “Or just try to frighten you?”

Oh, Jon is tempted to lie. Martin didn’t force him to answer; he can just stay silent. But his options don’t exist in a vacuum, and he can’t do that to Martin.

“She grabbed me,” he admits. “By the throat. J-just for a minute, but—”

“Oh, God. Let me see.” Martin tries to pull back, but Jon grabs him tighter and shakes his head.

“I’m all right. I’m all right,” he insists. It’s not quite the truth and not quite a lie. “It’s not—I’ll take a look when we get home. I just don’t—right now I don’t want anyone going anywhere alone. Sasha, are you—do you want to spend the night or—”

“I really need to go home,” Sasha says, and when Jon looks over at her, she seems regretful. “Visiting hours tomorrow, and I promised Uncle Wade I’d be there.”

“Okay. Then I’m driving you, at least.”

“I’ll accept a ride.”

Jon nods. “Just…give me a minute.”

He knows it’s silly. Knows it’s a lot to ask of Tim and Martin. But he just needs a few more minutes in the safety of their arms before he has the strength to move.

They don’t talk about it further that night. They drop Sasha off, bring the books into their house, and have dinner. Martin makes a soothing tea and Tim carefully tends to the bruises forming on Jon’s throat and Jon makes tomato soup despite the other two saying he doesn’t have to cook. They end up going to bed early, snug under a quilt and a knitted afghan and cuddled close together. Jon falls asleep safe and warm in Tim and Martin’s arms, and for the first time in over a year, he doesn’t dream.

[haelieana]

TL : Leah

PR : Xeven_

Chapter 2

"Oh my, Luen, this is......"

"You have nice skin, so I enjoyed doing your makeup and the dress looks good on you. The Duke will surely fall in love again."

"The rumor has spread to the lady's on society that the Duke adores you. I envy you."

I don't know if I'm in a good mood, or if you want to make me feel good. Whoosh, I smiled. On the other hand, I was in tears because I couldn't control my facial expression.

As they were in a fuss, I couldn't understand how the Duke treated me like gold or jade, or like I was going to fly when the wind blew.

Pr: She means that the Duke saw her to be a person that should be treated delicately since weak things (like paper) get caught easily on the wind.

"God blessed us, the weather is wonderful today."

"God blessed us, the weather is wonderful today."

The scent of flowers was applied to my body. Thanks to the maid's deft make-up and my figure in a smooth silk dress wrapped around my body were distinctly different from usual. One maid turned her head up for the last time.

"Luen, we're going to leave now."

"You're going to be busy all day today, so take a break."

"If you need anything, feel free to call us."

When the girls, who chatted and filled the empty air, went out, the room became quieter. Like my complicated inner self.

I could have made a fuss looking at myself in the mirror, but I got depressed thinking about the future.

Sfx : *knock 2×*

-I know it's an excuse, but I haven't been able to hold back my curiosity.

He came in like he was waiting for me to be left alone. When I said ‘come’ in a weak voice, the door opened. I wasn't willing to get close to a man I wish I had just watched from afar.

"I’m blessed by the most beautiful bride in the world."

Yes, today was my wedding day. I want to flee to save my life, and I'm also about to be dragged to the wedding hall by the Duke of Piar.

'Oh my life, what can I do?'

In addition, I am now in a situation where I can live for a few years. Just in case he leads a rebellion.

Flop

Something fell off with a small noise. When I turned my head looking out of the window, there was a bouquet of flowers that were white at his feet. I rolled my eyes and walked to the Duke. It was a hideous white color.

"It's the same as usual, but you're even more beautiful today. It was because of you that the daffodils in the garden bowed their heads."

It was dazzling to wear a tailcoat with dizzyingly long, well-drawn legs. As the smile fell on his normally blunt impression, it became as soft as cotton candy that would melt when touched. Looking at the groom who is more handsome than anyone else in the world, I recalled the moment when he asked to marry me.

What the hell happened then.

**********

"You don't have to call the doctors to check....."

I trembled and managed to bring it up. There might still be a chance to escape. Even if it was not a hundred percent, I wanted to see if there was a little possibility.

Even now, I tried to call a doctor to prove that I was a false pregnancy. His attitude was unusual, I need to be kicked out of the dukes faster.

"Hmm? What are you talking about?"

Just as I was out of the Duke's arms, his sweet voice came as if honey were dripping.

"Confirmation. I don't give you that much faith."

"No, I didn't mean it"

"I can't doubt the fruits of our love, my Luen."

It was frustrating for me to see such a cold-headed, calculating man who made a name for himself like a clumsy insipid.

"There's no way you're lying to me."

Seeing him smiling with a harmless face with the theme of the dark duke made my stomach ache. Why would the bad guy feel guilty about me?

He leads the soldiers to the palace without hesitation and faces Yeoju.

-Don't do this. What's wrong with you all of a sudden?

-I'll take you.....

In the end, he wishes for the queen's happiness and chooses to give up on herself. She can't even tell him how she felt. The Duke was captured alive as it was.

'I'm sorry but I want to live.'

I had to stay away from the duke to do that. If I'll Stay with the duke, I'll die with him.

While I was mesmerized for a moment and got my act together, he began to make a formidable statement.

"I'm sorry about what happened. I was going to tell you after a little more preparation."

After letting me go, the Duke stepped back a few steps and seriously looked up at one knee.

Don't tell me.....?

"Luen."

His eyes were somehow moist. It was somehow strange to see water added to the face that exuded sexiness.

But I can't. No! No matter how handsome you are, this isn't right.

"I've been dreaming of this moment since the day I first saw you."

The Duke took a small box out of his arms, perhaps carrying it all the time to carry it. Inside the softly opened box, was a brilliant shining ring.

My heart sank. That sparkle is never for me.

Why are you here if it's me? What are they thinking about doing this to me, not the original Yeoju?

I wondered if the ridiculous situation would continue.

"Luen."

As close as I stepped back, the Duke came. And as soon as my name came out between his lips, all thoughts disappeared. I couldn't even wriggle as if my limbs were tied to what I couldn't see.

I felt strange for some reason. His eyes were so sweet that I felt possessed. I had to get my act together, but I was constantly persuaded by what he said.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you please accept my proposal?"

He held out the ring to me. I saw it closely and it was a ring that I knew. A large diamond shone even more through delicate work. In the original novel, the ring was prepared by the Duke of Piar to present with a desperate confession to Yeoju.

"Ha, haha"

I mean, smiling with a weird face.

There was nothing I could do. Every minute and second went too slowly and the confrontation continued.

'Shall I die now, or live a little longer?'

That is the problem.

I tried my best, but there was no answer. I was brought to this world without knowing the subject, so I thought I would adjust to it, but I can't walk on the flowery path, but I can't believe it's a Death Flag. I felt sorry for my situation, so I shed tears without realizing it.

"Luen."

The Duke came darting up and watched me. The maids say it's necrophilia.

I don't know why you keep hugging me when you give me away.

"Are you that thrilled? Don't shed tears."

"........."

"When you cry, I want to cry even more. So smile."

Soon, an eerie word and a ring were pushed in front of me at the same time. I tried to ignore it, but the pressure was getting stronger little by little. Somehow, it felt like a prey standing in front of a snake flicking its tongue just before it hit its prey.

'Let's move on from this moment on.'

Reluctantly, I reached out slowly and accepted the ring. The Duke quickly faced me in a gentle manner. He grinned as hard as he could, saying I was more beautiful than flowers.

'Things finer than flowers are peacocks.'

The game was over because he was caught up in it.

********

"Father, Shall we start?"

I didn't expect the Duke of Piar to make a sick face. He blinked slowly, perhaps because he felt my stare.

"It's something I've been dreaming about. Please excuse me."

Now there was no energy to refute or think what the hell was wrong with him. I gently placed my hand on the Duke's arm. We'll head to the ceremony. If you hold a ceremony in front of many people, you won't be able to skip it. But it wasn't without a way.

I tried to sigh, but suddenly I felt so quiet that I couldn't even hear the sound of breathing. As I looked up, the Duke of Piar's expression was unusual.

'Did you notice the idea of getting divorced and running away?'

I read other people's thoughts so well that I thought I might be a mind reader, I quickly noticed. His hands flinched to come up suddenly and closed his eyes.

".... My bride"

There was a strangely hot heat in his voice. Likewise, the heat from his hand to me. I was standing breathless because of the sudden act of sweeping my hair behind my ears.

"Wha, what."

A long, straight finger touched my ear. His fingertips kept hovering around my ears and it tickled. I couldn't help but open my body slightly and heard a small laugh above my head. It was clearly a different breath from a while ago.

My heart went up and thumped. What if this tension reaches him? I almost drooled and fell over.

"Are you nervous?"

Without hesitation, he came in nodding his head again. My nose was on his chest, which filled my vision. I also wanted to feel his trembling. He took a breath as I clung to him.

Having been holding me for a long time, he kissed me on the top of the head and said.

"Thank you so much for coming to me. I want to raise our children better than anyone else."

Oh, that's not it! But the protest only lingered in me.

Compelled again to look at my stomach, I picked up a word and spat it out.

"It's a lovely day, isn't it?"

"Even heaven rejoices in our union. Shall we go now?"

I was relieved by the duke who accepted my words without much doubt. I put my hand on his arm again.

"Ah!"

He grabbed my careless hand.

"It's against etiquette, but I want to go hand in hand. Will you allow me?"

His hand, one bigger than mine, wraps around mine. The end of my glove didn't come out in the air as if it wasn't to be seen in the world. My heart trembled strangely.

"Yes, it's okay."

I followed him with heavy steps to keep pace. It was also a sign that my relationship with him began in earnest.

*********

"The virtues of the couple cannot be overemphasized......"

Does everyone talk longer when they stand there? A yawn threatened to come out during the sagging officiant's speech, but I held it in. The high heels made my ankle sore and my head felt heavy because of the jeweled veil, but I couldn't show.

"I, Christian Noah, have a good day ahead of me. Lu........"

The person who keeps saying the same thing in front of me is the emperor, the lord of the original work and the ruler of the empire. The position is the end goal of the duke’s rebellion.

'That's the way it works!'

Suddenly, I rolled my eyes hard at the brilliant idea. It was a novel and ingenious idea, I think, as if lightning had flared up.

In the original book, Yeoju was a maid of the Imperial Palace. A princess of the fallen Kingdom of Lauren, she sneaked into the palace for revenge. And soon she got acquainted with the Duke of Piar.

Watching her but also wanting to protect her, somehow, the Duke fell in love with her. Eventually, Yeoju falls in love with the emperor.

'Yeoju must be somewhere.'

At this point, Yeoju would be trying to approach the emperor with a sword for revenge. Of course, he would have come here to officiate with Emperor Napsin.

A little earlier than the original, Yeoju. I had to let her meet the Duke of Piar.

'Then he'll fall in love on his own. That's the flow of the original.'

I was planning to live as a duchess and cheer for the love of the duke and the female lead. After that, it was pleasant to think of the day when I left after finishing my false marriage. It became more refreshing as the emperor's officiant seemed to be coming to an end.

"Lastly, let me ask you if there is anyone who opposes the marriage of these two people God has allowed."

Even I, the person involved, don't approve of marriage, but who allowed it?

'I'm against this marriage.'

I was sarcastic inside.

"I'm against this marriage!"

A roaring voice rang out.

[bestbakubros]

a/n: hello babes! this is the last of my art/writing trade fics and this is for @htownsmash!! I enjoyed writing a story for her oc and tamaki and i’m so happy i could write for her again!! thank you for being the best nani!! 

warnings: fake dating, friends to crushes, obnoxious family members, fluff!!, aged-up izuku, prohero deku

pairing: nani higurashi x izuku midoriya

~~~~~~~

Be my Date for the Night (wedding/fake dating au with Izuku Midoriya and Nani Higurashi)

The cheering and roars of applause had quieted down as the soon to be husband and wife sat at the table for the Higurashi annual family dinner. Nani’s sister, Audrey, was going to get married in a few weeks and the Higurashi family was quite excited to see one of their own get married off. As the family began to dine into the delicious foods in front of them, one of Nani’s aunts, who loved to gossip, strikes up a conversation that caught the relative’s attention. “So Nani?” She looks up at her aunt in acknowledgement. “Yes?” Her aunt gave her a sly smile as she cleared her throat.

“When are you getting a boyfriend?” Nani knew her aunt was going to bring this topic up as she did every year. She sighed and was about to use the answer she always told her but Nani thought it would be harmless to tell a little white lie, but she was so wrong. "Actually auntie! I have a boyfriend!” The long table of relatives suddenly became silent as they looked over and stared at Nani. Audrey was the first to perk up with questions. “YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME! NANI!!” Next was her favorite aunt. “Nani! Who’s your boyfriend? How come you never told any of us?” Questions upon questions were thrown at Nani as she continued to eat her dinner and roll her eyes at the ridiculousness she placed upon herself.

“PLEASE!” The nosy relatives turned their heads and were silenced by Nani’s father, who sat at the head of the table. Nani let out a sigh of relief, praising him for silencing the table. “Nani, darling, why didn’t you bring your boyfriend to our annual dinner? We would’ve loved to meet him!” Nani looked at her father, formulating situations in her mind. “Oh! He’s on hero patrol tonight so he couldn’t attend!” The Higurashi family roared at her statement, starting up the millions of questions again. “SILENCE PLEASE!” Nani’s father says, quieting the family once more. “He’s a prohero? What agency does he work for?” Nani looks down at her food before telling her father another lie, adding to the spiral she already put herself in. “Uh… Our relationship is secret to the world so I can’t tell you… Sorry!” 

Her dad simply hummed. “Bring him to your sister’s wedding! I would like to meet the man who captured my princess’ heart.” Nani’s mother and sister speak up after. “Dad! That’s a great idea!! You should totally bring your prohero boyfriend to my wedding!” Audrey teases her older sister with a bright smile on her face. Nani knew she was screwed. All of her thoughts went something like, “Oh shit… What have I gotten myself into.”

A few days after the family dinner, Nani went home from her little vacation and returned back to her hero duties. She walked into her agency, thoughts of her situation still running through her mind. She was so deep in thought, she didn’t even notice the tall broccoli boy walking towards her. “Hey Nan- oof!” Nani’s face strikes right into Deku’s chest, causing her to fall backwards. “Whoa! Sorry Midoriya! I didn’t see you there!” The green-haired boy lets out a shy laugh. “Haha It’s okay! Um… We have a new mission already, that's why I came running to you!” He lets out another shy smile, turning away from her. “Oh cool okay! Let me get dressed first and I’ll meet you down here!” He nods, stepping aside so she could get through the doors.

After changing into her hero outfit, Nani meets Deku where they had previously run into each other. They walk out of the hero agency together towards the location they were assigned to. As the duo walked through the streets together, Izuku decided to relieve the silence between them. “So Nani? What were you thinking about earlier? You looked very deep in thought!” She looks up to the prohero next to her before looking back down at the concrete. “Well… A couple nights ago, my family had their annual family dinner where all the relatives come ya know? And this year’s dinner was an important one since my little sister is getting married in a few weeks.” Deku hums, letting Nani know that he was listening. “Annnd… I kinda threw myself into a spiral of lies that is haunting me! But you know it’s fine! I’ll just show up and make up an excuse.” Izuku couldn’t help but feel a little curious about the lies she had told so he asked Nani.

“What did you lie about? If you don’t mind me asking!” She let out a small chuckle before continuing. “Not at all! Basically I lied about having a boyfriend… It’s stupid I know, but my aunt that loves to start up gossip decided to ask me the same question she does every year… and so, this year I was tired of her asking me… So to shut her up I- I told her that I have a boyfriend. Instead of her just hearing, my ENTIRE family heard and now they want me to bring said boyfriend to my sister’s wedding in a couple weeks.” Midoriya nodded understandingly. “Oh I see! Why not find a date?” He suggests, but Nani only laughed at his comment. “Well duh! I didn’t think about that!” She says sarcastically.

Deku scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I’m only teasing Deku! Of course I thought about that! The only problem is that I have so much on my plate right now with hero duties, and I don’t have time to look for a date. I mean we’re on missions upon missions that it’s impossible to find time to date anyone.” Izuku’s mind starts formulating a situation for Nani that could help her, causing him to blush, “What are you blushing about?” Izuku looks down at the white-haired girl, quickly looking away, letting out an awkward laugh. “Well… I was thinking maybe I could help you…” She looks over to the flustered boy, confused then suddenly understanding what he was hinting towards. “DEKU YOU ARE A GENIUS! YOU COULD TOTALLY BE DATE TO THIS WEDDING! AH THANK YOU!!!” She wraps an arm around the green hero’s waist, squeezing him excitedly, causing his face to go tomato red. “I-it’s not a problem Nani!”

A few weeks had passed and the wedding day was finally happening. Instead of staying at the fancy hotel the Higurashi family were occupying for the wedding, Nani told her family that she would get ready with them but had to go home so she could bring her ‘boyfriend’. After getting her makeup and dress on, Nani drove to the agency where Izuku was patiently waiting for her. She spots him in the front of the building, honking her horn to grab his attention. He waves as she parks and gets out of her vehicle. Nani flattens her dress down as she walked over to the well-dressed hero a few feet away from her. Izuku couldn’t take his eyes off of Nani. “Nani you look so…” She pipes up a joke. “Ugly? Aw I thought I looked really cute!” Deku’s cheeks turning a bright shade of pink. “N-NO! Not at all! Y-you look very beautiful!” Nani beams a bright smile towards him before giving him a peck on the cheek, careful not to get lipstick on his freckled cheeks. “I’m just joking with you Izuku! I know I look hot!” The duo laughed before getting into Izuku’s car so they could drive down together. 

The pair arrived perfectly an hour before the wedding. Along the drive there Nani told Izuku what to remember if people started asking questions about their relationship. “We’ve been dating for 3 months, and we met when we first started working at the hero agency. You got that Deku?” Izuku nodded. “Yes ma’am!” The ‘couple’ walked towards the venue where the ceremony was going to be held. Nani grabs Izuku’s calloused hands in her soft ones, intertwining their fingers together, causing another rush of pink on Midoriya’s cheeks. “Just to make it seem real…” He nodded, a thought running through his mind. “I wish it were real.”

As they walked in hand in hand, the Higurashi family members couldn’t help but notice Nani and her ‘boyfriend’ walk in. Small gasps were heard from a few of them as well as a couple of murmurs. “OMG! She’s dating THE number one prohero Deku? No way!” Izuku looked down at the usual cocky girl, who now wore a completely different expression on her face. He leans down to her ear. “H-hey. It’s okay Nani!” His thumb swiping her knuckles. “We only have to do this for one night! As nervous as you are, I’m a hundred times more. So don’t worry okay?” Nani nods at him, smiling at the reassured smile he gave her. Izuku leans down once more, giving Nani a kiss on the forehead, making the both of them blush. “To make it seem real.” He winks to her. “To make it seem real.” She said, squeezing his hand.

The ceremony ended and it was now time for the reception. The Higurashi family as well as their new in-laws gathered into the reception hall, sitting at their assigned tables. Nani and Izuku were placed with Nani’s parents, making Izuku feel more nervous. Nani turns to Izuku before her parents could meet them at the table. “Oh shit… Izuku... “ He turns to her. “What’s up?” She looks up at him, hesitation in her eyes. “About my dad… He’s um… He’s an ex-villain…Please don’t freak out or anything! I promise after prison he learned his lesson and became a good man!” Izuku’s eyes widened in shock. Before he could say anything, Nani’s father’s voice booms in their direction. “YOU must be the boy Nani has been talking about? That’s my princess’ heart you stole, so you BETTER be careful… I’m watching you.” 

Izuku let out a nervous laugh. Nani’s mother hits her husband’s arm playfully before turning to the green-haired boy. “Oh hush! You’re going to scare him away! It’s very nice to meet you…” Deku bows towards them, introducing himself. “Izuku! Izuku Midoriya!” Nani’s parents smile at Izuku’s politeness. “It’s very nice to meet you Izuku or should I call you Deku! You’re a very famous name in the villain world you know!” Izuku glances at Nani, who proceeds to give him an embarrassed expression. “Hehe yeah I guess I am! You know being the number one hero and all?” Nani’s father lets out a hearty laugh. “I like this guy Nani! He has quite the humor on him!” Her parents excuse themselves as more relatives went to greet them. Nani turned to Izuku, giving him an apologetic look. “Sorry about him… oh and were you making a joke?” Izuku shakes his head. “N-not at all… I was just-” She puts a hand on his arm to stop him from rambling. “It’s okay Izuku! You don’t need to explain yourself.”

The reception soon began and everyone was having a blast. Family members, especially Nani’s nosy aunt kept coming to Nani and Izuku asking millions of questions about their relationship. They answered to the best of their ability, and by the end of the night they were exhausted from talking to so many relatives. It was time for the dancing portion of the wedding, and the DJ started the night with a slow song. “All you lovebirds out there besides our newly weds, come on down to the dance floor!!” Izuku looked in Nani’s direction, who was across the room talking to her cousins as he went to get them drinks. He placed the beverages down before making his way to Nani, adrenaline pumping through his veins. “Would you please excuse us? Nani how about we dance?” Izuku extends his hand to her, which she took hesitantly. Nani’s cousins squeal at the cuteness unfolding before them.

Deku led Nani to the dance floor, placing her hands on his shoulders, then his hands on her waist. “How bold of you Izuku! I never saw you as a type to ask a girl for a dance. You’re always so shy!” She teased. He lets out a little laugh, smiling down at her. “I don’t know what came over me… I was grabbing us drinks and suddenly I was asking you to dance with me.” Nani couldn’t help, but wear a stupid grin on her face at his words. “My dad was right! You are funny!” Izuku took in the way that Nani looked at him with her beautiful golden eyes, rosy cheeks, and pretty smile. “Earth to Deku! You okay up there?” Nani waved a hand in front of his face after noticing Izuku quieting down and staring at her with his emerald eyes. 

“Ha… S-sorry!” She gave him a curious look. “What are you thinking about?” Izuku’s cheeks burn red. “I-it’s nothing!” Nani rolled her eyes at him. “Nothing, my ass! What were you thinking about broccoli boy?” He looks away trying to think of something to say before looking back down at her. “Well… I was just…” A sigh escapes his lips. “I-I was just admiring you. T-that’s all!” Nani smirks. “Aw I’m that pretty! Thanks Izuku!!” She gives him another peck on the cheek. Silence grows between the two of them again as they continue to dance to the music. “Maybe us fake dating wasn’t a bad idea…” Izuku mumbles. “What do you mean??” Nani looks at him puzzled. “Uh… Maybe we should… Actually uh…” Nani’s eyes widened in surprise at what he was implying. “I-I m-mean w-we don’t have to! I-it’s just a silly thou-” Before he could finish his sentence, Nani pressed her lips onto his. She pulls away, smiling up at the flustered boy. “I would love to go on a date with you broccoli boy!” The duo smiled at each other, cheeks shaded a bright red color. “Ha! T-then it’s a date!”

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Testimony of Ingo Michehl – assault by Japanese leader caused lung collapse

▲ Camp K, Macaama Hills

• This testimony has been very lightly edited to improve clarity.

STATEMENT ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE WITH CARP, THE STUDENT BRANCH OF SUN MYUNG MOON’S UNIFICATION CHURCH

How I joined

In October 1986, after completing my high school back home in Germany, I decided to travel the United States for three weeks to evaluate universities and to visit my host family in Auburn, California, where I had been an exchange student for 1 year in 1982. After visiting them, I went to San Francisco to meet with one of my “host sisters”, and to then move on to Yosemite, Southern California, Florida and finally back home. (I had a “Welcome America” ticket which gave me four flights in the U.S.)

Having just arrived in San Francisco by Greyhound, I went to Powell and Market Streets to observe the famous turning of the cable cars. As I was standing there looking around, I was approached by two Japanese “students” (though as I found out later they were not students), one of them being a woman in her thirties by the name of Hitomi Kanepa, who, since her husband left the Unification Church, has resumed her maiden name Saito. She is most likely at the present still at the Unification Theological Seminary in Barrytown, New York. She and her companion, Yoshihisa (I believe his last name is Nozawa), smiled at me with a bright and loving smile which rendered me completely unsuspecting, and when they invited me for a “a cup of tea” at their “international student club”. I, considering myself an international student, accepted their invitation.

▲ Powell Street, San Francisco

I was impressed by the luxurious location of this student club in a marble-walled office building, as well as by the people who seemed very energetic, bright, intelligent and ... international. Steve Greene, a British man in his thirties, said that he had been involved in this student organization for about seven years doing volunteer work as a staff member. His altruistic ambition impressed me. He gave me a short lecture about the principles of “CARP” – their vision to unite students from all over based on the idea that truth is universal. Then I was invited to dinner at the “Bush Street Center”, where all of the participants were shown a slide show about a beautiful workshop site [north of Santa Rosa], Camp K (now known as Maacama Hills), with many obviously excited, joyful young people of all nationalities. After dinner we sat together in small groups of 3 or 4. After joining CARP I learned that these groups were composed of 2 or 3 members and one “newcomer” – for the purpose of pushing the guest to go to workshop that night.

We were encouraged to join the workshop to meet international people, to exchange ideas and learn about this exciting new vision. Having been to many music, exchange-program and school-related workshops, I consented to sign up for a 7-day workshop, although it meant altering my travel plans. The high energy at the center, as well as my having been somewhat lonely after traveling by myself for about 10 days, dispelled any doubts regarding this apparently harmless opportunity.

At no point was I told that this was part of Rev. Moon’s Unification Church, a religious organization, and that the purpose of the workshop was to recruit me as a full-time member of CARP, to serve the rest of my life for an average of 18 to 20 hours a day to further the cause of establishing a totalitarian theocracy under the leadership of the self-declared Messiah Sun Myung Moon.

I come from a well-protected, stable family background in Germany. My dad is an engineer, my mom is a loving housewife. I have never seen an illegal drug with my own eyes. I was rather naive and utterly unprepared for this kind of subtle and “loving” manipulation. Also, I had broken up with a girlfriend in Germany not too long before, which had left my heart shattered and vulnerable, starving for love.

In the camp, I was overwhelmed with the love I was shown by members. Everyone was serving each other, surprising each other with little “love bombs” (tokens of one’s affections such as secret notes of affirmation, etc.). I was to believe that is the ideal world family of true love – and I did. I did not notice that I was being isolated from the outside world. The schedule was rigidly regimented, including precise wake-up time, two 2-hour lectures in the morning, specific sports and game times in the afternoon, followed by two to three more lectures, sometimes until 8, 9 or even 10 PM at night. Having had a major in German and English literature in my German high school, and being by nature interested in philosophy and truth, I did not find it odd that we were being bombarded with all this one-sided information. In retrospect, however, this procedure reminds me much of the “thought reform techniques” used on American prisoners in North Korea who were indoctrinated with communism and turned against their own country and its values by the communist regime during the Korean War.

I was deprived of information from the outside world as a frame of reference. And also the location of the workshop was in a remote area, there was no TV, no newspapers and telephone calls were only possible after getting permission and were highly discouraged.

I soon found myself fascinated and entangled with the doctrine, feeling compelled to stay by the message that upon continuous repetition I had unconsciously come to accept. I was unable to overcome the fear I had been indoctrinated with, i.e. the fear of betraying God and of being invaded and destroyed by satan if I left this “heavenly fortress” (or “bootcamp”) that, I had come to believe, protected me.

The fear I had been “injected” with, and my desire to serve God, were from then on often used to manipulate my decisions, to eliminate choices which did not serve the group’s purposes – thus undermining my own freedom of choice.

My leaders in California, including Mr. Aokie (regional director), Myra Stanaecki, and a woman named Jossenta, upon learning that I was scheduled to begin my civil service (the mandatory substitute for military service) in Germany by December 1, 1986, had a meeting, and rather than advising me to return home, told me that ... “I should decide.” Since I had accepted their teaching, choosing the option of returning would have been equal to betraying God and committing spiritual suicide. As a freshly committed new member I would never opt for this choice – and they knew and relied on it.

All attempts by my father to reach me and to warn me, as well as to pressure the leadership of CARP to send me home to attend to my obligation in Germany, were blocked. Most of his messages did not get through to me. My father has kept all the records of phone calls with leaders in California, such as those to the people named above and to Tom Frohlich, which were kept secret from me. I was blocked from all negative information, and at the same time I was being programmed against my parents – that satan was using them to pull me out of the movement, to destroy my eternal spiritual life. My group leader at that time during 40-day actionizing) was Myra. She one day told me that my Dad had called and that I should call him back. But she also prepared me, saying that he might be very negative about the movement, and that my mother and brothers might also respond very emotionally and negatively against the movement – which is a normal form of persecution, since satan does not want us to do God’s Will. I did not believe my parents would not believe me that this is a legitimate group – but to my shock her “prophesy” proved 100% correct – which of course reinforced my faith in her judgment. I was numbed to the pain of my family and friends regarding my decision to evade the draft (which made me an outlaw in Germany) and to stay with the group in America.

After the 7 day workshop it was expected that I would stay for the “formula course”: 21 day workshop, followed by 40-day actionizing, then for 3 ½ years of MFT (Mobile Fundraising Team – soliciting funds for the group by selling products such as “laser etchings”which were pictures engraved on aluminum foil), then 3 ½ years of witnessing ... and then the rest of my life serving the group’s purposes in much the same ways. Of course I was “free to go (or run away)” – and betray God and True Parents!

Apart from inducing me to violate the law in my home country, I was also asked to join the MFT team and to break the American law by selling products without a permit, traveling from state to state, and soon to become an illegal alien when my visa expired. I was not the only illegal alien CARP entertained, working without wages for 18 to 22 hours per day, making an average of $200 to $300 per day. Most of the team members were foreigners (predominantly Japanese and European travelers who had been recruited during their vacations much as I had been.)

All 11 of us slept in a Ford van. We travelled at night and fundraised during the day. We heard of a few other teams who had serious accidents with even some people getting killed because “the driver had been invaded by satan”. What that usually meant was that the driver had fallen asleep behind the wheel. I met several members with severe health problems due to such accidents. And the medical care for them – as later for me when I developed back-problems due to carrying my 25 pound backpack day in and day out – was insufficient, if provided at all. How much more effective is it to have slaves working for you that don’t need ‘physical’ chains?!

Other illegal activities we were led to engage in through our leaders were such things as sleeping with 5 or 10 people in a one person bedroom (without paying the extra amount), sneaking into state parks to sleep there, use the showers and leave before they would open so we would not have to pay. All this was justified because according to Rev. Moon’s teaching, the end justifies the means – and we were working and living to help America and the World.

Rev. Moon himself once stated, upon being asked about “white lies” by a member, “If you tell a lie to make a person better, then that is not a sin. ... Even God tells lies very often.” [Master Speaks: Rowlane Farmhouse, England, 1974] This may account for the practice of “heavenly deception” we were taught in order to accomplish the group’s goals. So when I later went to recruit new converts, I likewise hid the true identity of the group – “for the better of the newcomer” who would otherwise not join. The end justifies the means.

Another example of “Reverse Psychology”: My last leader, Mr. Tetsuo Yoshizumi in Chicago, once came to me after my not having completely followed one of his instructions. He stuck a few hundred dollars into my shirt pocket, pushed me and yelled “I don’t want you in my center any more! You are satan! Go back to Germany – with satan! NOW! Pack your stuff and GET OUT!”

I was shocked! If I obeyed his command I would be committing “spiritual suicide” We had been taught that upon leaving the church satan would invade us completely, he would destroy our family, cause us to become insane or die because of some horrible accident. At meetings we would continuously hear testimonies from leaders about members who would not “unite” with their leaders (called CF’s or Central Figures).

One story the regional director of Chicago, Rev. Hong, one of Mr. Moon’s first disciples, told us was that upon disuniting with his directions, a member’s child had just been born without any ears. Another disobedient member had developed cancer – satan’s punishment.

What would you have done in my situation if you had been indoctrinated with all these very real fears? Well, some part of me was rebellious, saying “OK! If all my work is not enough, and you really want me to leave – I’ll go!” However, another part of me, which was dominated by fear, guilt and low self-esteem which my leader had beaten into me (verbally as well as physically), was stronger. Consequently I lowered my head and said, “I repent! I’m sorry! I’ll never do it again!” But that was not enough! He wouldn’t accept it, telling me with an ice cold voice that I was insincere and arrogant – until I cried. Only after what seemed like an agonizing eternity he showed “mercy” and accepted my repentance “one last time! The next time you know what will happen!” He gave me a fasting condition (I believe it was a three day water-fast. At other times it had been 40 hours or even seven days of fasting to repent and separate from satan.

Another time I was just about to do my two hours of prayer conditions which would be finished at about 2 AM – when he told me through his assistant that I had to add another two hour repentance prayer because of some goal I had not accomplished. He added with emphasis that if I “failed”, that is if I fell asleep for even one minute, I would have to do it over again until I succeeded. So, feeling almost dead, I finished at 4 AM that night – only to rise as usual at 6:20 AM for the standard morning service, during which we would be expected to pray with a loud voice. He would listen, and if our prayer was not deep or loud enough, he would rebuke us and make us do it over again.

Perhaps due to my exceptionally high fundraising average, I “graduated” early from MFT, and was sent to Chicago at the beginning of 1989 to witness, that is to recruit new members, at the University of Illinois at Chicago (UIC). After flying to Germany for a very short time to get a new visa, I was enrolled in language school so I could get a student visa. Although I had been promised that I would be able to study, I was later only allowed to enroll at a junior college to take easy, non-time consuming classes in order to maintain my visa. I was made to feel guilty for even spending this time of studying “for myself”, instead of my “public mission”. I was not allowed to pursue a degree, and finally I had to drop school when my leader felt I was spending too much time there.

Each of the foreign CARP members had mailed in 200 applications for the green card lottery, and I had won a green card. Yet, because my German passport had expired and I could not get a new one without returning to Germany, my leader, Mr. Yoshizumi, forbid me to go, saying that I had made some “bad condition” again. It was more likely he knew that I would have to deal with the German government which was still looking for me since I evaded the draft, and that would mean my parents and friends might eventually have gotten a hold of me.

This happened in the spring of 1992. During my stay in Chicago I had to visit a chiropractor for a while because of the severe back problems I had developed during MFT – which I am still struggling with today. Again I was made feel guilty for “wasting public time” and “enjoying the massages while brothers and sisters were working so hard for God’s Providence”. I stopped going. Besides witnessing all day and preparing lectures until 2 AM during the week, I still had to fundraise each weekend, selling pictures from Friday to Saturday. Also I had to sell flowers each Holiday, regardless of the temperature. On Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve our flowers, the water in which they were standing became frozen solid. It’s amazing to me that despite the insufficient clothing we only got stiff faces and extremities instead of frost bite. The wind in Chicago gets VERY cold. Since I was a top fundraiser I was fortunate enough to have my own vehicle in which I hid when the weather got too terrible.

On New Year’s ’93 I was “blitzing”, selling flowers bar to bar in Chicago with my Central Figure who was driving the van. He dropped me off at different locations. I could not go back until I had sold out both buckets of flowers that remained – which took me until 4 AM. I remember the empty and sad feeling walking out of a bar I had just gotten kicked out of when I heard the popping of champagne bottles and joyful congratulations when the clock turned to 12 AM and the new year began. I walked outside and ... cried. I felt so lonely and homesick, full of despair and crushed. But as so often I caught myself and redetermined to accomplish my goal ... for God and True Parents. After all, I was sacrificing myself for the sake of the world.

How I left

Having been in Chicago for over three years, I was still having a very difficult time with my leader, Mr. Yoshizumi. I often could not understand his broken English and because I still included my own ideas in trying to accomplish his directions. I could not “deny myself completely” and I still had a spark of self-esteem left, which to him was arrogance. The weekend of Easter ’93, April 9-11, I again had to sell flowers on my usual pitch in South Chicago Heights. However, on Easter Sunday I also had to travel to Quincy, IL, about 6 hours Southwest of Chicago, to conduct a meeting for the network marketing mission I was pioneering. I had planned it several weeks ahead, but the night before, my leader told me that I could only go if I sold out all my flowers except for $20 or $30. So I “blitzed” the bars until about 4:30 AM Sunday morning, trying to sell my last few bunches. Knowing that I had to be in Quincy by 1 PM I stopped, because I knew that I needed at the very least 2 hours of sleep to be able to drive the 6 hours non-stop. So I distributed the last few bunches to the other team members’ buckets, took a nap from about 5 to 7 pm and left. I conducted the meeting in Quincy, slept for about an hour there and returned late at night – only to get up at 6:20 again the next morning, Monday.

As I was washing up after morning service, Mr. Yoshizumi suddenly was standing in the bathroom. He scolded me for disobeying his orders. “WHY did you disobey my order? I TOLD you you could only leave if you sold all flowers! But you distributed some to the other members!” He hit me and pushed me twice. Each time I fell with my back against a sharp, protruding corner of the bathroom wall. I was devastated, too weak and tired to even think. I was angry inside but I pushed it aside. I blocked it out of my mind. It was simply too much to take. Again I had to fast and repent. A day or two later I could hardly walk or breathe because of intense chest pain. Each step hurt tremendously, even each bump in the road I hit while driving the car. But I had to continue to make my appointments and fulfill my mission.

As my pain got worse and I began to feel cold and miserable, I called a Filipino doctor friend of mine, Dr. Juliet Dumlao, whom I had become acquainted with while fundraising. As I described my symptoms to her over the phone, she was very worried and said I should go to a hospital immediately because I might have had a heart attack. At the time I did not connect my symptoms at all with being pushed against the wall. I couldn’t do that, I replied (because of my mission work), so she ordered me with a doctor’s authority to at least go to bed. I said OK – but knowing my leader I did not do so until 10 PM, after finishing the most important tasks. Nevertheless, when he learned of my early return he ordered me to his office. I said I could not come because I was having cold sweat and I was very weak, but his assistant, Mr. Yone, insisted. So I dragged myself to his room and explained my pain and my conversation with the doctor. He was furious. “How come you are so incredibly selfish? You don’t care about our spiritual children you are killing every day (which meant that I couldn’t “save” or convert them through my lectures) – but you call a doctor for yourself!” He yelled and screamed at me but I was so sick I could only stand there and receive it. When he finally felt it was enough he graciously permitted me to rest some the next day.

All this was still not enough to make me leave, since my commitment was not to any person, but to God and the truth. I could only leave if I came to believe that the Divine Principle, the teaching of the Unification Church, was not the truth, and that Rev. Moon was not the Messiah. Thank God, this lifesaving information was finally supplied by a Christian engineering student at the UIC campus. I met him when I was distributing flyers, and on our first appointment on April 20th and in following meetings he pointed out to me that the DP is in clear contradiction to the Bible. Finally I came to realize that the DP could not be the truth, since, because we believed in the Bible as a revelation from God, He cannot contradict himself with a later revelation.

I left on Mother’s Day, May 9th, after selling out over $2,000 of roses as my last commitment to the church. Lesly, whom I had informed about my intention to leave and had asked for a place to stay, was able to oblige, so I stayed with him for a few days. However, because I was still coughing, we went to the Lawndale Christian Health Center in Chicago. I was worried that I might have picked up a tuberculosis virus. The test turned out negative, but when the doctor did an x-ray, he noticed that my left lung was collapsed to almost 20%, which was at the border of being fatal. He said, if I was lucky it would reinflate by itself, but if it had been more than 20%, I could have died. Puzzled about the cause he asked if I had had any trauma to my back recently. At first I denied this, but when he illustrated his hypothesis, I realized that I had indeed received a trauma injury recently, which I had completely blocked out of my mind. It was the incident in the bathroom when my leader had pushed me!

Since the incident had already happened almost a month previous, the deflation may well have been over 20% at the time. He said that I should wait for about 10 days. If it did not reinflate by itself by that time, he would need to introduce a hose through the back to suck the air out and reinflate the lung. I was terrified, but fortunately it DID reinflate.

Back in Germany, the prosecution against me was still under way, but thanks to indescribable efforts on part of my dad, the government finally dropped the draft and I only had to pay a $1,500 fine ... on top of the approximately $15,000 to $20,000 my dad had spent in lawyer’s expenses and phone calls, etc.!

Summary of some of the unethical practices I experienced during my time in CARP/the Unification Church:

a) Fraud – The deceptive, manipulative tactics of recruitment, including mind control, used to get and keep me in the group and the hiding of the true identity and religious nature of the group. This cost me the loss of seven of the most important years of my life, during which I could neither get a proper education nor earn any money for my future family.

b) Assault, personal injury and mental cruelty – such as the bathroom incident, etc.

c) Health problems as consequence of rigorous fundraising requirements: back problems (lower back pain, worsened scoliosis), extreme tension headaches, sleep disturbances. I almost died after my pneumo thorax condition because, like several other members I know of, I was forbidden to see a doctor.

People involved:

Tetsuo Yoshizumi 
(my leader in CARP who assaulted me)
 Unification Theological Seminary
, 10 Dock Road, 
Barrytown, NY 12507
 (his last address; I was instructed to use his name to do the network marketing business)

Jim McAuley, M.D. (the doctor who examined me)
 Lawndale Christian Health Center
 3860 W. Ogden Ave.
, Chicago, IL 60623


Juliet M. Dumlao, M.D. (the Filipino doctor)
 1159 Westgate
, Oak Park, IL 60301


Note 1. I still have the copies of my X-rays which show the partial lung collapse, and the doctor at the Christian health center, as well as Dr. Dumlao should be able to verify my claims. (Dr. Dumlao was the doctor I first called when I could hardly walk due to the pain in my chest – a day after the incident where I was pushed against the wall.)

Note 2. The “Women’s Federation for World Peace” is founded and headed by Mrs. Hak Ja Han Moon, Mr. Sun Myung Moon’s wife. Although to the public it is declared as being “separate” from the Unification Church, inside the group it is viewed as the same. It is a means through which to recruit new members and gain public respect. According to speeches of Mr. Moon it is OK to lie to the public because “the end justifies the means.” A practice known as “Heavenly Deception.”

____________________________________

Ingo Michehl has a website:

Introduction: http://minet.org/www.trancenet.net/moonism/intro.shtml

Unificationism/Moonism
: A Threat to Democracy, Freedom ... and Families http://minet.org/www.trancenet.net/moonism/index.shtml

"Blessing" ceremony in Washington, DC http://minet.org/www.trancenet.net/moonism/wedding.shtml

Deutsche Seiten http://minet.org/www.trancenet.net/moonism/deutsch2.shtml

He has many other pages which can be explored.

____________________________________

Moonwebs by Josh Freed (the book was made into a movie)

Video: Ticket to Heaven movie

Barbara Underwood and the Oakland Moonies

Mitchell was lucky – he got away from the Unification Church

My Time with the Oakland Family Moonies – by Peter from New Zealand

Crazy for God: The nightmare of cult life by Christopher Edwards

Ford Greene – the former Moonie became an attorney

Papasan Choi and Boonville’s Japanese origins

[totally-incorrect-theatre-quotes]

Little Talks (fanfic)

While the intention tonight was to (as usual) write a very Lydia centric fanfic I found myself writing more about Charles. 

No trigger warnings for this fic, while it is a little sad it is really fluffy. 

___________________________________________________________

The weekend’s in the Deetz-Maitland household had become quite chaotic since Lydia started back at school. All the shenanigans that she and Beetlejuice usually got into during the week were now being concentrated into only two days, which equaled a lot of headaches for the more quiet residents in the house. They all secretly loved it though, just seeing Lydia and BJ getting along and being happy. Most of their pranks were harmless as well, though every now and again something in the house would be mysteriously broken with both the culprits having a guilty look on their faces. 

Charles was in the midst of fixing up their last disaster which resulted in the side room having a suspiciously Lydia-shaped hole in the thin walls along with her having some incriminating scrapes and bruises that she denies is from breaking the wall when BJ dared her to try and walk through the walls while he was using possessing her. Needless to say, the idea only partially worked but the issue was that Lydia was still solid and simply broke the wall when she ran into it with full force. While he was finishing up the last of sealing the plaster Charles looked around at his handiwork, remembering the old days back in New York when he and Emily were fixing up their old townhouse when Lydia was still small. They didn’t have much back then, he hadn’t gotten the position he had now until Lydia was a little bit older, but they were happy back then, making do with what they had. Emily always reminding Charles that it wasn’t about the things they owned, but the memories Lydia was going to make. 

He went back up into his office after he finished, flipping through old family photo albums while before Lydia got back from school. His fingers lingering on the pages, not wanting to turn them and have to snap out of the memories he was reliving. Sometimes he liked to go through the books chronologically and watch Lydia grow up, other times he would pick one at random and just flip through the pages never quite knowing what he was going to get. Emily was the one who always wanted the pictures, he had never been a big fan of them or gotten into making the albums but he was grateful that they existed. The book he was looking through at the time was one that he hadn’t seen for a while, one of the really early ones that Emily went into so much effort to make when Lydia was just a baby, her blonde curls lighting up every single page. An off-colored copy of her birth certificate taped to the inside cover listing her full name, he made a mental note to keep that book out of BJ’s reach, knowing that he would tease Lydia mercilessly if he knew what her middle names were. 

He was about halfway through the second book, where Lydia was about three years old when he found a photo he couldn’t stop staring at. There was something about it that made him pause. It was nothing out of the ordinary, from what he remembered that day all those years ago Lydia was playing in the living room with Emily, her stuffed animals all lined up for some reason on the pale blue carpet. Emily laughing and begging Charles to get the camera and take a picture. Most of the stuffed animals in the photo were probably long gone, a phase of her life that she had grown out of, some were maybe still packed away in a box somewhere or donated to a toy drive because she didn’t need them anymore. His eye caught the one she was holding in her hands, a white and grey stuffed owl that even at the time had obvious wear and tear from being played and cuddle with so much. Artie, he thought the name was. He sat the book down on his desk and walked down to the basement where some of the less important boxes from moving in where still stashed.

It was a long shot, he didn’t remember packing it but then again it was probably packed away years ago and he brought every box over from New York to Connecticut. After about twenty minutes of sifting through cardboard boxes with faded labels, he found marked “Lydia’s Toys.” Most of the contents were strange toys that had accumulated over the years including some that he was surprised still made the same annoying noises even after years of being packed away in a box and gathering dust. Others were stuffed animals with matted down fur, dolls with marker scribbles on them or bandaids from her playing doctor. Finally tucked near the bottom of the box he pulled out the dingy owl. He held it in his hands for a while, looking over all the features remembering a young Lydia carrying it around with her everywhere even on the Subway where Charles was paranoid she would lose it and have a WWIII level meltdown until it was located, but here it was twelve years later, looking as though it was frozen in time. He didn’t know why he wanted to find it so badly, something about that photo made him feel something. He debated just setting it back down in the box, sealing it up for another twelve years, maybe giving the whole thing to her if she had a wife and kids of her own. 

He took the stuffed bird upstairs with him, ran it through the washing machine and even asked Barbara to help him sew and restuff the old toy. She didn’t question it, but she happily obliged, asking him if this was a gift for someone. He shrugged, still unsure if he would simply keep it in his office for some kind of posterity or give it to Lydia. The question was answered when he lost track of time and Lydia came running up in the attic, throwing her backpack by the door and kicking off her shoes before hopping on the couch next to Barbara and her father. It to her a second to realize who all was upstairs, and even longer to notice what was in Barbara’s hands. 

“God, I haven’t seen that thing in forever,” she remarked, a hint of hesitation in her voice that went undetected by the others, “Where’d you even find him?”

“I was looking at some old pictures, and I don’t know I just had a feeling that it needed to be found? I think his name was Artie or something like that-”

“Artemis.” She corrected, reaching out for the stuffed owl. She held it in her hands for a second, brushing the now white fur with her thumb before shaking her head and handing it back to her father, “Maybe, I don’t remember. It was a long time ago.” Lydia suddenly stood up from the couch and started to walk towards the door.

“Do you want to hold onto it? For posterity sake?”

“I’m not a little kid anymore dad. I’m fifteen, I don’t need a stuffed owl.”

With that statement she grabbed her backpack and left, her footsteps could be heard going down the stairs, and her bedroom door slammed shut beneath them. Charles sat there bewildered, Lydia always loved that toy, he understood that she was older now but for her to hate it so much, he was confused.

“I’m sorry Charles,” Barbara empathized, “It was a sweet gesture, but at least you can have a nice memory of her childhood for your office.”

He looked back down at the owl, before nodding and wishing the Maitland’s a good night. He went back into his office and placed the bird on one of his bookshelves next to a framed photo of an elementary aged-Lydia beaming at the camera, two gaps where her front teeth should have been that had just become the property of the tooth fairy. He tried to push all the thoughts of what happened away, opening his laptop and diving into work. He wasn’t sure what time it was that he fell asleep but he was woken up by the creaking of his office door. Always on guard that it could be BJ trying to play a prank on him, he instantly snapped awake and shouting, “What are you doing in here?”

But it wasn’t BJ. Flipping on the light switch he saw a startled Lydia clutching at her chest as she tried to catch her breath. She was standing illuminated by the light in the hallway, her baggy t-shirt down to her knees, her eyes were puffy and red and her hands were held behind her back. Charles softened immediately and went over to hug Lydia, she was tense in his arms though not wrapping hers around him. He smiled at her, trying to calm the situation down but she still seemed extremely worked up over something. He glanced around the room, unsure of what to say when he noticed that the owl was now missing off the bookshelf. Charles nodded his head,  opened the photo book off his desk, pulled over a chair and gestured for Lydia to sit next to him. Still staying silent she slowly walked over, the owl appearing from behind her back as she sat down and placed it softly on her lap. 

He flipped the book to the page he was on earlier and pointed at the picture. Lydia’s eyes softened as she was mesmerized by the photo, her mother frozen in a laugh, the owl clutched in her own tiny hands. She took the book in her hands and stared for a while, “You probably won’t believe this because I was so young but I remember this day.”

“You do?”

She nodded, “Me and mom were playing in the living room and for some reason, I wanted to line them all up in a row and dramatically recite stories that she would tell me to them. I used to reenact them sometimes too and I just remember mom laughing the whole time, not because I was being a dumb little kid but, I don’t know, she seemed to be having just as much fun as I was. She never told me my ideas were stupid no matter how out there they were, like remember the time that me and her pretended we were birds for a whole afternoon.”

Charles laughed, “You guys were VERY dedicated to the game. I’m pretty sure she even chewed up food and spit it in your mouth.”

“I know! It was so gross I can’t believe she actually did it.”

“Your mother was up for anything, we would be laying in bed at night and we would just talk for hours about all the things we wanted to do with you. Some plans sooner than others, most of them were her idea. I was never all that good at coming up with them. Like for your fifth birthday we planned out this whole party for you at this outdoor park but then it poured and she didn’t even miss a beat, she had something just as fun planned so that you didn’t have to feel left out on your special day.”

“I didn’t even know that there was ever an original plan.” Lydia giggled, leaning her head on her father’s shoulder as they flipped through more of the photo album. She scrunched up her nose at her old blonde hair and he couldn’t help but laugh, he couldn’t really imagine her as a blonde anymore either. She looked very, Lydia now, but he loved her either way. 

The two of them looked at photo albums for a long time, losing track of time, but every now and again a photo would spark a conversation or earn a laugh or an embarrassed look off of her. The owl still sat propped up in her lap, even as she started to doze off on her father’s shoulder. They got to the end of the book and she sleepily muttered, “I still miss her.”

“I miss her too.” 

She gathered Artemis up in her arms and clutched it close to her chest, “I think I’m getting better, I have days where I think I’m doing so much better and I don’t know why but seeing Artemis again… I didn’t think it would affect me this much, it just brought back a lot of memories.”

“It’s okay to remember, I still can’t be sorry enough that I didn’t let you talk about her before we moved in. I never should have made you feel guilty for wanting to think about the old times, I just didn’t want them to make you sad, you were so sad back then but the thing is there are so many good memories. Like Artemis and birthday parties and lazy days in pajamas just watching movies because it snowed outside.”

She smiled, her eyes drooping shut as she tried to fight away sleep threatening to take over, “Or when she used to speed the car down the hill we were would drive home from school, or she’d pretend she couldn’t find her house keys and pretend some monster or serial killer was chasing us. It’s the little things like that, it makes it so hard to be okay all the time because even looking at a stuffed owl that I was crazy about when I was a baby was enough to wreck me for a whole night.”

“I should have been more careful about giving it to you, it was an emotional object I shouldn’t have tried to pull it off as a casual gift.”

She yawned and burrowed further into his shoulder, closing her eyes gently, “S’okay. Can you talk to me more about her?”

He knew she needed to go to bed, she still had school in the morning but he obliged flipping through another photo album and telling stories from memories that the photos unlocked. The clock on his desk read 2 am when she finally fell asleep, he shifted awkwardly and gathered her up in his arms just as he did when she was so much smaller. He carried her to her bedroom and laid her down in her bed, pulling the covers up and placing Artemis the dingy old owl next to her pillow. 

[theshipshipper]

wish i could be | the little mermaid jonsa au

Chapters: 1/1

Words: 10,113

Read it on AO3

---

i.

It’s mornings such as these, with the cool sea breeze and the sun rising from the horizon, that Jon loved the most. He’s travelled a great many distance and visited many incredible sights but to be at sea was still his favorite.

“Fine morning, My Prince,” His father’s old adviser greeted, coming to stand next to him on the deck of the ship. 

Jon turned to face the man, finds his expression hard and dissatisfied. He's known Connington since he was a child, the man was his father’s most loyal adviser and now his own, and he was fully aware that the expression on his face was due to the fact that this trip hadn’t been as fruitful as Connington hoped.

The sole purpose of their journey to Essos was to find Jon a match. 

As the future King of Dragonstone, it’s expected of him to find himself a woman to marry. A woman who would stand alongside him as a symbol of a prosperous kingdom. Connington had taken it upon himself to introduce him to the Royalties in the East to hopefully find him a girl he may wed to secure the Targaryen line, though the effort had been a fruitless one.   

The whole thing felt absurd to him -- his future kingship, most especially. 

He never imagined that his father’s Kingdom would be his to rule one day. He was the second son and a bastard one besides, to even think that he would one day be King was preposterous. He knew it was his brother, Aegon, who was always meant to rule and he’d welcomed it. 

Growing up in Dragonstone had been suffocating. Everything he did was scrutinized and it felt as though there was no room for him to breathe. Second son or not, there were expectations of him and not all of them he could meet. It had been a relief when he turned sixteen and was allowed to forge his own path, choosing to explore the sea and relish in the freedom it had to offer. But his brother’s death had altered his fate forever.

“I shall miss this greatly once we land,” Jon sighed out, his gaze once more on the horizon, though the statement was meant more for himself than his present company.

“I’m sure you shall,” Connington replied gravely, no trace of understanding in his tone. “But your voyages has kept you from Dragonstone long enough, My Prince. Your people would surely find pleasure in knowing you’re among them once more.”

Jon stifled a sigh. He’s not sure it’s true. His people surely would have preferred his brother. Aegon was primed to rule them, not him. Up until a year ago, Jon had been but a sailor, and now, before him, lay an endless road of responsibilities he’s expected to cross.

ii.

Sansa scanned her surroundings carefully, determined to find a new treasure to add to her ever-growing collection of human artifacts. 

Though the site was too far from her father’s kingdom and too close to the Golden Witch's realm, she has been excited to visit the site specifically. She's heard from merfolk and other sea creatures that this shipwreck was one of the few that still remained untouched by humans and therefore still full of wondrous treasures to be found.

As she swam through the area, though, she found exactly why that was. The damage to the ship had been too massive to salvage anything. Most of the items she’s found so far had been covered in black dust and nearly ruined; there wasn’t much that she could keep. 

A smile blossomed onto her face as her eyes alighted on a small item hidden among the corals. She swam towards it and grabbed it for inspection, wondering what it’s meant to be. It’s thin and long, the design similar to her Father’s Trident, though significantly smaller and of a different color.

She frowned, waving it around to try and figure out its use. Finally, she sighed and inserted it into her sack, resolving to ask her friend, the Seagull, what it was. He would surely know.

She wandered around for a while longer, finding more treasures than she expected before finally calling it a day. She was sure there was plenty more to discover but she didn’t want to stay and risk being caught. Her Father would be angry if he found out she’d been visiting the shipwrecks.

“Sansa!” Sansa! Sansa!”

The sound of her younger brother’s voice brought a smile to her face upon her return home, turning to catch the littlest of her siblings as he swam towards her.

“Hello, little brother,” she greeted fondly, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Are you done with your lessons for the day?”

He nodded before glancing at her sack eagerly. “Did you find anything?” he asked her in a quiet tone, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

Rickon, her youngest and wildest sibling, shared her fascination with humans and their ingenious inventions. He's asked to bring him along during her travels many times before but she refused in fear of getting him in trouble. 

Rickon followed her into the cave she’d found to store and hide all her treasures and she showed him each of the new items she found and its uses

“Dinglehopper?” Rickon repeated, taking the trident-like item from her hand. “What’s it for?”

“For your hair,” she told him dutifully. “Humans use it to keep their hair proper.”

“Huh.” Rickon mused, weaving the end of the Dinglehopper through his own head of curls. “Incredible.”

Sansa laughed and showed him the other items, explaining each as she’d learned from the Seagull. Her brother listened eagerly, trying them all out for himself. 

"Next time will you let me come with you?" Rickon asked quietly as they made their way back to the castle. "Please, Sansa? I want to see the surface too."

She made a face. "Rick, you know I can't. I'm not even supposed to go there myself. Father would be furious if he ever found out I also brought you along."

He pouted and she was almost tempted to agree to let him tag along next time if she didn't know any better.

Though she herself didn't see any problem with it, her father, the King of the Sea, had decreed that no merfolk shall ever wander close to the surface and interact with humans.

None of her siblings had a problem with this; they were content as they were, but Sansa, with her dreams of one day venturing onto land, couldn't help but be curious of the life above. 

A sudden loud eruption caught her attention, followed by another one. She looked up and saw strange colors reflected in the water. 

She bit her lip, itching with curiosity. Any other time she wouldn't have hesitated to swim up and see what the commotion was, but it's getting too late and their family would surely notice their continued absence.

"What do you think it is?" Rickon asked curiously, changing his direction upwards.

She grabbed onto his arm, shaking her head. "Rick, you know you're not supposed to."

"But, Sansa, don't you want to see?" He asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes before untangling himself from her grasp.

"Rick," she shouted after him, gaining speed to try and catch onto him.

It's too late, though, because he reached the surface before her, and she found herself speechless once she saw what the commotion actually was. It was some sort of explosion that lit up the sky with strange shapes and colors.

"It's amazing," Rickon said, his voice filled with wonder.

"It is," she agreed with a grin, before she noticed the ship where the shapes were coming from. "Rickon, stay here and stay out of sight."

"Where are you going?"

"I just want to see something."

"Wait - " he reached for her arm when she started making her way towards the ship. "Sansa," he said in a hushed tone. "We're not supposed to go near humans."

"I know," she admitted, though this wouldn't be the first time she tried.

"I'll be back soon," she promised before swimming towards the ship.

It's a familiar one, dark and slim with a big sign painted with the color of blood. There's many dark tales surrounding the ship in particular and all sea creatures feared the sight of it. She's heard the whispers among her people about the humans responsible for the demise of their kind.

She was frightened the first time she ever saw it but the fear had diminished the longer she observed them. They all seemed so harmless and joyful. She always saw them - what was it called? - dancing with their feet and swaying about.

With enough practice from times she'd done it before, she managed to climb to the side of the ship. She peeked through the small opening and the big four-legged creature was upon her almost immediately.

"Hello, friend," she greeted with a giggle, reaching out to touch its face. The humans on the ship called him Ghost, Sansa decided it must be its name. "Did you miss me?" Its tongue lolled out and licked her face, making her giggle all the more. "I guess you did."

"Ghost! Where did you go off to, you big oaf?" 

Ghost turned and headed directly to his caller, a man with dark hair and dark grey eyes. Sansa sucked in a deep breath when she caught sight of him. The Prince, she thought with a dreamy sigh. She's only been admiring him from afar, watching him in the daylight with the wind touching his hair as he watched the sea.

He was already a sight to behold from a distance but seeing him up-close was even more glorious. Oh, how she longed to be next to him. 

"Beautiful," she sighed out, watching him laugh with the other humans as music played around them.

Thunder rolled suddenly, followed by the strike of lighting,  making her turn to the sky. The waves have started to get violent, tipping the ship dangerously into sinking. She fell back into the sea when the ship tilted, swimming away for her own safety. 

She met her brother at a distance, and together, they watched in pure horror as the ship ultimately collapsed.

iii.

The soft humming voice is what finally  brought Jon back to consciousness, the sound as gentle as the calmest sea. 

He coughed out uncontrollably as water dripped out of his mouth, trying to get up. He opened his eyes to the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, her hair aflame and her eyes as striking as lightning. Radiant, was the first word that slipped into mind as he stared at her, the thought proving more accurate when a bright smile enveloped her face.

“You’re awake,” she told him softly, ceasing her singing.

“Where - ” He blinked, trying to make sense of what happened.There was the storm and his ship catching fire. And trying to get Ghost into the boat and getting himself stuck. “What - um,  who are you?“

She opened her mouth to respond, except it’s not her voice that he heard. 

“Prince Jon! There you are,” he heard Connington’s voice calling him from a distance. “We’ve all been worried sick, I was preparing some men to go back into the sea and...”

He doesn’t hear the rest of his words. He  turned back to the girl, except she wasn’t there anymore. He looked around and tried to think where she could’ve gone. “Where is she?”

“Where is who?” Connington asked, reaching for his arm to try and help him up.

“The girl,” he clarified. It took a bit of effort to stand up, his entire body protesting at each movement.  “Where did she go? She was just here.”

“What girl?” Connington asked again, as though he wasn’t making any sense. “Goodness, Jon, your skin is pale and hot. We need to get you ins -”

“No. Wait - I need to -  ” He tried to push Connington away but stumbled when he tried walking on his own. He felt much weaker than he realized.  “The girl - ”

“There’s no girl, Jon,” Connington insisted, leading him to the direction of the castle. “Come inside. You need to be seen to by the Maester.”

Read the rest on AO3.

[big-bad-ulf]

The Prodigal Wolf Returns || Ulfric & Winn

Timing: Midday, Thursday 4th of June  Parties: @packsbeforesnacks, @big-bad-ulf Summary: Ulfric meets with Winn to discuss what drove him out of town, and consider their next moves.  Warnings: Mentions of assisted suicide, depression, and grief.

The clearing in the woods was quiet, remote, and neutral. Somewhere they could both feel at home, but that neither could claim ownership of. Hearing footsteps approaching, Ulfric dropped the cigarette stub between his fingers, stamping it out into the leaf litter below to conceal most of the evidence of the bad habit he’d picked up again after Celeste’s passing, though the smoke still lingered accusingly. “I suppose thanks are in order, for coming all the way out here,” he greeted Winn stoically, before finally turning to face the returned wolf. “As you’re aware, I’m not the one who you need to explain your actions to.” He hoped it was apparent he meant Layla and Ariana, but the young man didn’t have the best track record thinking things through to their logical conclusion. “But I’d like one, because as it stands I can’t imagine a scenario in which ‘sparring’ with a tiny human girl while in wolf form was necessary? Nor was fleeing town when you knew others of your kind were in danger.” The older werewolf’s tone was tired, weighed down by the collective suffering of White Crest’s pack over the last few weeks, but an anger borne of disappointment simmered beneath the weariness. 

Winn had been dreadin’ this conversation since he’d figured out everyone thought he’d skipped town. Ulfric was… intimidating, to say the absolute least. Winn could handle teenagers. He could handle folks in his own (relative) age group. And Simon was, well, kind, in a way that he wasn’t sure Ulfric was. But part of the problem was that he didn’t know Ulfric. Didn’t know most of the wolves, really, all friendliness aside. So, worst-case scenario, Ulfirc hated him. Best case scenario, Ulfric thought he was an idiot. As he entered the clearing, smoke tickled his nose. The Full Moon was on them and Winn was pretty sure he’d have smelled it even if Ulfric hadn’t just been smoking, but he stowed the frown. It wasn’t his place to judge someone’s habits; he’d had bad habits of his own. Still had some. “I appreciate it,” Winn said, “but it’s unnecessary. I should thank you, for bein’ willing to hear me out.” He leaned against a tree, scrubbing at his eyes. Reconciling with his father and (part of) his former pack hadn’t helped his sleep, much as he wanted it to and, with Natalia out of town, he was running low on aram. “Talked to both of them. Only one left that knew, I think, is you.”

He weighed what he knew about Blanche in his mind, what he knew about Ulfric, and his newfound fondness for the truth. “Blanche is… like a sister, to me. She’s a trouble magnet. If there’s supernatural nonsense goin’ on in White Crest, I head her way. ‘Cause chances are, if she isn’t already involved, she will be in, like, an hour. I know it was stupid, thought I had better control than I did. After I got a hold of myself, I dipped, for just a few minutes. Came back, told Blanche that I was leavin’ to take care of some things, left a note somewhere I thought she’d find it. Phone had been dead before that, and I figured if she told folks I was gone, they’d know that I’d be back soon and couldn’t really make a twelve-hour drive shorter.” Winn sighed. “That’s usually the part of the story where folks have questions, so hit me. Oh, right. Social media. A shirtless photo of mine got flagged and, since I didn’t have my phone, I couldn’t contest the deactivation. That one was just coincidence. Lady Luck wasn’t in my favor.”

“It was stupid,” Ulfric confirmed when Winn was through with his explanation. He crossed his arms and paced in a tight, restless pattern as he weighed the other wolf’s actions, to decide what needed asking. It wasn’t like he could pass any judgment in an official sense, it would be up to Layla and Ariana and any of the other wolves who felt slighted to decide for themselves how they felt and how they wanted to interact with him on a personal level. But as a more experienced wolf, he felt obligated to address the aspects of Winn’s behavior that had the potential to harm the entire pack, or even their entire species. “I understand this girl means something to you, but we don’t need to be teaching more humans how to fight us.” Not that it was likely a human of average strength would stand much of a chance, even with whatever ‘mind powers’ Blanche supposedly possessed, but that was beside the point, their weaknesses were meant to stay between them. “Learning that would only help her against our kind, and if you’re worried any one of us is a threat to her that’s something that can be dealt with internally… It’s the fact you don’t seem to know your limits that troubles me most, though.”

Ulfric stopped and stood his ground as he came to that conclusion, looking over Winn appraisingly as he remembered the young wolf bragging about having killed a hunter. He’d chalked it up to mostly harmless arrogance at the time, but when he later explained he hadn’t done it on purpose that should’ve raised more red flags than it had. “You don’t seem like you’re that new to this. You should have a better grasp of how much control you do or don’t have. So, I suppose my questions are, do you know what pushed you over the edge? What do you plan to do to ensure this doesn’t happen again?”

Winn tried not to bristle at the half-accusation, pushing himself off the tree and walking towards Ulfric as, hopefully, non-threateningly as possible. “With all due respect, I never said that I was trainin’ her to take out wolves,” he said. And he hadn’t been! Werewolves were just big and so were, what, half of the things B would run into? “She only knows the bare minimum, assumin’ she hasn’t talked to Kaden ‘bout his other job. Ain’t hard for a human to try silver, given only every story about us tends to revolve ‘round that fact.” He took a deep breath, exhaling through his nose. “But we can argue ‘bout Blanche later, it’s not like I’ll be sparrin’ with her in wolf form again.”

“It worries me, too. ‘Cause I’ve…” he paused, looking up into the canopy to choose his words carefully. “Let me backtrack. You don’t know much about me, and it might be… helpful. Since you’re the wolf ‘round here with the most experience…” Now, Winn was pacing. “I was turned almost eight years ago. The only turned wolf in a pack of, uh, werewolf fraternity brothers, down south. They guided me through my first dozen shifts, taught me how to be calm. So, believe me when I say: I have plenty of control, ‘specially for not havin’ been a wolf all my life. And don’t get your britches in a bunch, I know that sounds like bullshit, right now.” Winn ran a hand through his hair, uncomfortable with the conclusions he was beginning to draw about his time ‘changed.’ “I said I accidentally killed a Hunter… well, that was half-true. The accident was my own — I was sleepin’ with a Hunter, didn’t know he was a Hunter. The killing was on purpose. Self-defense, when he abused my trust, tried to go after my pack.

“After that, I was in… a dark place. That would’a been late 2015. Next thing I remember, I was in Europe, staggering in my human form out of the woods in early 2018. Thought, until recently, I’d spent a year or two in and out of my wolf form… but, I’m startin’ to question that. Couple theories’ve been tossed around, maybe it isn’t true. But when I… attacked B, it felt different. On a Moon, when I let the wolf come to the forefront… even when I was tryin’ to keep us separate, I still knew what was goin’ on. But with B, I don’t remember anything between getting thrown into a tree and pullin’ myself back from the brink. It was, well, dissociative is maybe the closest way to say it. I was there, and then I wasn’t. I’ve never lost control like that. Not even, y’know, when I was still new at this. It’s… it’s like hittin’ that tree pulled something out of me, something from under my conscious. I— Have you ever heard of anything like that? Where a wolf just… wasn’t himself, or even his wolf self? Even if it had been, say, Ariana, I don’t think it would’ve changed it. I still think that… part of me would want to attack everything.”

“There’s no need for that if you’re not going to do it again.” Ulfric agreed with Winn’s statement about Blanche. Truthfully, he did not want to be having this argument in the first place. A good old-fashioned brawl could be cathartic but having to play the role of stern lecturer just made feel weary, worn-out, and old. Running wild together, celebrating a successful hunt, sharing tales of old legends and recent exploits, those were the things he’d looked forward to about being a part of a pack again. Having to step up and confront things that put them in jeopardy was a responsibility that came with that privilege, but not one he enjoyed or hoped to have to take up often.

The older werewolf couldn’t contain a small grimace of disgust upon hearing Winn’s story. The chance that they might be a hunter was one of the many reasons it was a bad idea to get involved that way with humans, but he didn’t bother to voice his opinion on that. The man was an adult capable of making his own choices and he’d also spent a lot of his life as a human, so it was easy to see where that mistake had come from. Besides, it seemed he’d more than learned his lesson on that front.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to come back from a betrayal like that.” Ulfric replied at last, because the tale was tragic, if difficult for him to relate to on a personal level. “I haven’t heard of wolves entering an abnormal state like that,” Of course, his own ‘wolf self’ was similar in some ways to what Winn had described, an entirely animalistic being, but even then it retained the animal instinct not to attack its own kind without severe provocation and the risk of that side of himself emerging outside of a full moon was very low. “It seems the answers may lie in what happened in those lost years. What are the theories?” Staying transformed for the better part of years… Was such a thing truly possible? Ulfric could’ve almost been jealous of Winn for having that freedom from morals and responsibilities of the human world for so long, if the suffering it was causing him now wasn’t so apparent.

“Have you tried… it could be possible, or so I’ve heard, to bring some memories back through mystical means.” He suggested hesitantly. “I don’t like getting involved with such things, but you can’t just… go on the way you are, not without having to isolate yourself.” And that was the last thing he wanted for any of his kind, regardless of whether he held them in high regard or not. “If something were to bring on this feral state in front of a crowd that would mean disaster for all of us. And I’m sure you know that,” He leveled the younger wolf with a hard-nosed look. “Even if some of your actions suggest a distinct lack of judgment of the more mundane variety.”   

“I— Thanks.” Winn frowned, stopping his pacing as Ulfric spoke. “I have a… friend, who looked into some, uh, wolf causes. Didn’t find much, some reports of wolves stayin’ transformed who went… feral, who couldn’t change back into their human form.” What Rio had told him had scared him, but it hadn’t felt, well… correct. It seemed like even those wolves had the sense to not attack other wolves, that they retained some of their humanity, even if they became more animal than human. ‘Course, many of them didn’t live to tell their tale, and the records that Rio had found could only tell them so much. Some had been written by Hunters, others written by a wolf who had to put one of his own down. But Winn had come back, which seemed to be the wrinkle. No Hunter had ever tried to bring a wolf back to themselves, but not even a packmate could. So, if Winn had been transformed, how could he have come back?

“Given I’m back, though, my friend and I ruled that out. ‘Specially for a bitten wolf to come back from bein’ feral? Seemed unlikely. Not when there was another explanation. Which is, um…” Alright, okay. He could admit this aloud. “My dad is a huxian. He thinks it might be mystical, yeah. Somethin’ taken from me, or somethin’ I gave up.”

He swallowed, mouth dry. “I’m still tryin’ other avenues. R— My friend is lookin’ into… side-effects of wolfsbane. What shit street wolfsbane might get spiked with. I—” Winn scratched at his arms, almost wishin’ that he was wearin’ a shirt. “I took wolfsbane for months, after I killed that Hunter. Blamed myself for what happened to the pack. And I guess I… stopped.” He looked up into the canopy. “But you’re right. I need to figure out my shit, so I don’t put us all at risk. And, short of goin’ back on the wolfsbane — which I’m not gonna do — we really don’t have any leads. If there’s… a part of me, that’s missin’, then I don’t want to go on like this. I can’t. Even if…” Well, there was always this part. Winn looked back down at Ulfric, mouth set in a hard line. “Don’t… I don’t want your pity. This isn’t y’all’s problem, but there’s… well, if I’m missin’ two years, there’s a chance that…” He coughed. 

“There’s this Hunter I know. Luke mentioned him at the meeting. He… If I did somethin’ bad, hurt an innocent life, he’s the one I trust to… put an end to me. But I don’t want him knowin’ about what happened with B, and— I don’t know what could happen, if I get those memories back. No one I’ve talked to so far does. But if he’s… if I’m different, if I try to hurt someone, I need y’all to be willin’ to stop me. If that happens… As the person I am now, I want you… to take me down. If you can’t kill me, let me rot. If I can’t control myself, I am… I am not more important than all of you.” His voice was hoarse, tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t remember crying this much in a very long time, but he needed to be firm. “Promise me. Please. I’m sorry, so sorry, to put that burden on you.” He held out his hand, for the other wolf to take, to seal the pact. “But it has to be done.”

As Winn’s explanation continued, it became more and more clear to Ulfric that his actions couldn’t be explained away by stupidity or cowardice. That was a shame really, both of those causes would’ve been much easier to deal with than this mystery of missing memory. Everything Winn said seemed to introduce a new piece to the puzzle (Huxians, wolfsbane, and of course, the seemingly inescapable interference of hunters), but it was unclear how they whole fit together or how much of a threat would be revealed when the big picture came together. When the young wolf came to the end of his speech and what he was asking him to do sunk in, Ulfric’s blood ran cold. Protecting the pack was paramount, but the thought of killing another wolf was profane, it would be the ultimate sacrilege towards the gift his ancestors had bestowed upon him. 

“I’m not going to sit idly by and let you harm other members of the pack, of that you can be certain,” he answered carefully, considering his options. If Winn were to slip into a permanent state of mindless, unbridled aggression, the usual ‘last resort’ of exile would do little to keep him from returning and causing havoc in their territory. Caging was another possibility, but he knew if their circumstances were reversed, he’d prefer a quick death over a life spent in chains, and it seemed the young man would as well. And finally, allowing hunters to deal with him in that state would only further inflame their hatred towards his kind, along with being plain undignified. “If your continued existence poses a threat to their survival, I promise you, I’ll do what needs to be done.” Ulfric accepted after a long moment’s deliberation, giving Winn’s hand a firm, resolute shake, though the clamminess of his palm betrayed his instinctual, visceral reaction against the plan. “Let’s not let it come to that though,” He added, more of an instruction than a hope. “I’ve had my fill of death for the time being.” 

““Thank you,” Winn said, quietly. “But… Agreed. Don’t want it to come to that.” It wasn’t that Winn hadn’t considered his death before. Hell, after what had happened with his old pack, there had been times where he’d… well, where he’d really considered dying. Winn liked to think he was better, now. If not totally well-adjusted, at least pretty solid on the ‘me dying wouldn’t fix the issue’ mantra. Counseling helped that, and learning about counseling only reinforced it. Which is part of why he knew: “I need those memories back, though. Even if it hurts, or if there’s… a reason I buried them. Now that I know they might not be there, it’s like… it’s like I can feel the space where they used to be. They’re a blindspot, sure, but more than that they’re… part of me. I can’t…” He sighed, sitting down on the forest floor and breathing in the woods for a moment before continuing. “As I am now, I can’t imagine what reason I could have had to bury them or… take them? I don’t know anybody who’d have the answers. Plus, there’s all the shit with Luke, and what happened with Ari, and… Fuck, man, I haven’t even asked you how you’re doing. I… I mean, I didn’t know Celeste, but I talked to Ari some, and… I know it’s a cheap question, but are you okay, Ulfric?”

“I think I can understand that. Why you’d want them back.” Ulfric assured him. He was familiar with having gaps in his memory, though he’d never had much choice in the matter. Berserkers had lost the ability to remember most of their actions while transformed centuries ago, and their intentions behind that, if there were any, were shrouded in mystery and myth. He did have a choice, though, between taking the easy way out and walking away from the carnage he’d caused while in wolf form and reconstructing what happened during that time as best he could. Ever since his ill-thought-out vengeance against the hunters who took his younger siblings, he’d chosen to do the latter. Chosen to look at the carnage and accept why it had happened, and that it was a part of him.

 “What we do is what we are,” he pondered aloud, before directing his attention back on Winn more fully. “I respect your choice and wish you luck. You can count on me for… whatever it is you think I can provide.” Which wasn’t much, given his lack of expertise in the realm of the magical. He couldn’t even truthfully say he’d provide friendly support, because he was still too wary of the young wolf and the potential danger he posed to the pack as a whole to consider him a friend. An alliance was clearly in both their best interests though, so Ulfric refrained from repeating his earlier comments about not wanting any help from him when he asked how he was. “I’ll survive, so will you,” he stated simply and firmly instead, almost ordering the fates to make it so. “Any other option doesn’t bear thinking about.” The older wolf turned briskly and took off into the trees. Action was required of both of them, if the White Crest pack was ever going to be able to consider itself safe. They could spare no more time for conjecture and contemplation.

[elliemarchetti]

The Deal (part 9)

Previous chapters

Words: 3023

Hermione knew that there was a tunnel under the Whomping Willow but she never imagined it could be so narrow and much less having to go through it not for fun but to save a friend from a huge black dog. They advanced as fast as possible, almost doubled over, Harry in the lead and her in tow, with Draco behind her and Pansy closing the line. Before them, Crookshanks' tail disappeared and reappeared as the tunnel continued uphill and then curved just to end in a deserted, very dusty and messy room, with the wallpaper peeling off the walls and the floor all stained; every piece of furniture was broken as if someone had bludgeoned it and the windows were closed by nailed boards, so the only place Ron could be was the dark anteroom to their right. Obviously they were in the Shrieking Shack and just as she suspected that place wasn’t haunted by ghosts but something far more tangible and dangerous had torn the legs from the chairs and large pieces of wood from the furniture. As quietly as possible, they advanced into the antechamber and began to climb the falling staircase. Everything was covered with a thick layer of dust except the floor, where a large shiny strip indicated that something, probably Ron, had been dragged upstairs. There was only one door open. As they approached it they sensed movement on the other side; a dull moan, and then an intense purring hum. The four kids exchanged one last glance and then, with his wand tightly in his hand, Harry kicked the door and opened it wide, revealing a splendid four-poster bed with dusty curtains on which Crookshanks was laying. At their sight the purrs became more intense. On the floor there was Ron, holding his leg, bent at a strange angle. Harry and Hermione rushed over to him.

"Ron... are you okay?" Hermione asked, while Harry asked him, at the same time, where the dog was, just to find out it wasn’t a dog but Sirius Black himself, a mass of tangled hair going down to his shoulders and eyes shining in dark and sunken orbits. The waxy skin was so tight on the face’s bones to make him look like a grinning skull with yellow teeth that disarmed them with a croaking voice, pointing Ron's wand at them. His eyes were fixed on Harry.

"I was sure you would come to help your friend," he said hoarsely, as if he hadn’t used his voice in a while. “Your father would’ve done the same for me. You were brave not to go call a teacher. I am grateful to you... this will make things much simpler...”

The allusion to Harry's father rang in their ears as if Black had screamed it. The seething hatred her friend felt was evident, but fortunately, before he could do something stupid, Draco tackled him, helped by Pansy.

"Don't you dare mention him! You killed him, as you killed my mother!" Harry shouted in a voice trembling with anger but luckily the Slytherin’s grip was strong.

"I don't deny it," Black said softly. "But if you knew how it went..."

Any attempt to justify himself made Harry angrier and Hermione left Ron and approached him in turn, for fear he might break free, when the sound of muffled footsteps echoing across the floor was heard. Someone was going up and Hermione wasted no time, so she screamed to make their position and Black's presence known. Professor Lupin rushed in, his face bloodless, wand raised and ready. His eyes flickered from Ron lying on the ground to the other students, who tried to hold Harry back, to then speak in a very altered voice, a voice that vibrated with a repressed emotion. "Where is he, Sirius?"

Hermione looked quickly at Lupin. She didn't understand what he meant. Where was who? She turned back to Black, who, without expression, for a few seconds didn’t move and then, very slowly, raised his empty hand to indicate Ron. Totally confused, Hermione also looked at Ron, who looked completely dazed.

"But then..." Lupin murmured, looking at Black so intensely that he seemed to want to read his mind "why hasn't he revealed himself so far? Unless ... " Lupin's eyes widened suddenly, as if seeing something beyond Black, something no one else could see... "Unless it was him, unless you exchanged  without telling me?"

Very slowly, without lifting those sunken eyes from Lupin's face, Black nodded.

"Professor," said Hermione aloud, "what ...?" But she never ended the question because what she saw quenched the voice in her throat: Lupin was lowering his wand and a moment later he was at Black’s side, grabbing his hand and helping him to get up, dropping Crookshanks on the ground, and hugging him like a brother. Hermione felt her stomach broke. She couldn’t believe it. She had saved his back, she hadn't revealed his secret to anyone, and he had always been Black’s friend, maybe even helped him enter the castle to kill Harry. A tense silence descended. Everyone's eyes were fixed on Lupin, who seemed extraordinarily calm, even though he was quite pale. Ron made a heroic effort to get up, but fell back with a groan of pain. Lupin approached him worriedly, but Ron said, breathing heavily: "Stay away from me!"

Lupin stopped abruptly and then burst into a forced laugh. He looked as crazy as Black. "If you give me the chance, I’ll explain.” and when he did, he left everyone speechless.

                                                  ----------------------

It took a few seconds for the absurdity of the statement to strike, then Weasley expressed aloud what Draco was thinking too: it was ridiculous, Peter Pettigrew was dead, killed by Sirius Black twelve years earlier, and there were even witnesses to confirm it, everyone knew it but Draco knew well how the truth could be manipulated easily, how much people see what they want to even if the evidence is different and even his friends should’ve, after what had happened to Buckbeak. Furthermore, something in Black’s grimace and his violent reaction told him to give the unlikely duo the benefit of the doubt. Then Hermione spoke, trying to control the trembling voice, as if to try to convince Lupin to be reasonable: "But Professor... Scabbers cannot be Pettigrew, he knows that it’s not possible...”

"Why can't it be true?" Lupin asked quietly, as if they were in the classroom and Hermione had simply encountered a difficulty in an experiment with the Grindylow.

"Because everyone would know if Peter Pettigrew had been an Animagus. We studied the Animagi at Professor McGonagall's course and I went to do a search in the library when I had to do the homework: the Ministry keeps the wizards and witches that can turn into animals under surveillance and keep a register of what they can be and their particular signs. I went to look for Professor McGonagall on the register, and found that there are only seven Animagi in this century, and Pettigrew wasn’t on the list."

Draco barely had time to marvel at Hermione's zeal that Lupin burst out laughing. Maybe he was crazy, besides being a werewolf: "You're right again, Hermione!" he said. “But the Ministry has never knew that there were three unclassified Animagi that roamed Hogwarts."

"If you're going to tell him the whole story, hurry, Remus," growled Black, who continued to study all of the mouse’s moves. "I have waited twelve years and I'm not going to wait much longer."

"Okay... but you'll have to help me out, Sirius," said Lupin. “I only know how it started...”

Lupin stopped. Behind him there was a loud squeak. The door opened alone. All seven stared at it then Lupin went to look out on the landing.

"This place is haunted!" said Weasley.

"No," said Lupin, looking puzzled at the door. “The Shrieking Shack has never been haunted: the screams and howls the villagers heard were mine."

He brushed the gray hair away from his eyes, thought for a moment and then said: "It all starts here, when I became a werewolf. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn't been bitten and if I hadn’t been so reckless.”

He looked serious and tired. Weasley was about to interrupt him, but Hermione silenced him in turn and looked back at Lupin.

“I was a child when I was bitten. My parents tried everything, but in those days there was no cure. The potion that Professor Snape makes me is very recent. It makes me harmless, you know. If I take it the week before the full moon, I can keep control when I transform: I curl up in my studio, like a normal wolf, and wait for the moon to set. Before it was discovered, however, once a month I became a full-fledged monster. It seemed impossible that I was able to attend Hogwarts. The other parents wouldn't have liked that their children made contact with me but then Dumbledore became Headmaster, and found the solution. He said that if we took some precautions there was no reason why I couldn't come to school…”Lupin sighed and looked openly at Potter. “A few months ago I said that the Willow was planted the year I arrived at

Hogwarts. The truth is, it was planted because I got to Hogwarts." Lupin looked around desolate, "The tunnel that leads here, it was built for me too. Once a month they secretly let me out of the castle and I came here to transform. The tree was placed at the entrance of the tunnel to prevent anyone from crossing me when I was dangerous."

Draco didn’t understand where that story was going but he listened to him anyway. The only noise, besides Lupin's voice, was the mouse’s frightened squeak.

“My transformations were terrible. It's a lot painful to turn into a werewolf and since I had no humans around to bite I would bite and scratch myself. Villagers heard the noise and screams and believed that they were particularly violent spirits. Dumbledore encouraged the rumors, even now that the house is silent for years, the inhabitants haven’t dared to approach. But transformations aside, I was happier than I had ever been.

For the first time I had friends, three great friends. Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and of course your father, Harry. James Potter. Now, my three friends couldn't help noticing that once a month I disappeared. I made up all kinds of stories. I told them that my mother was sick and I had to go home to her. I was afraid that they would abandon me once I found out who I was. But of course they discovered the truth, like you, Hermione. And they didn't abandon me at all. In fact, they did something for me that didn't only made my transformations bearable, but it changed them in the most moments beautiful in my life. They became Animagi.”

"My father too?" Potter asked, amazed. Draco glanced at him. Obviously James Potter, the Gryffindor knight in shining armor had done something heroic for his friend.

“It took him almost three years to figure out how to. Your father and Sirius were the brightest students in the school and luckily, because the transformation into Animagus can end very badly, that’s why the Ministry keeps those who try to do it under close surveillance. Peter needed all the help James and Sirius could give him. In the end, during the fifth year, they did it. They were able to transform each into different animals, as they please.”

"But how did they help you?" Hermione asked puzzled while Draco understood that: werewolves don’t attack animals, so every month they sneaked out of the castle under Potter's Invisibility Cloak, but he didn't say it and let Lupin go on with his story while he thought he would do the same for Hermione. Lupin's face had hardened, little self-esteem in her voice.

“I fought with myself all this year, wondering if I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn't. Why? Because I was too coward. It would’ve meant admitting that I had betrayed his trust when I was here at school, admitting that I had involved other people, and Dumbledore's trust meant everything to me. He got me into Hogwarts as a boy, and gave me a job when I’ve never been able to find one because of who I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius tried to enter school using dark arts learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it, so, someway, Snape has always been right about me."

"Snape?" Black said hoarsely, looking away from Scabbers for the first time and staring at Lupin. "What's Snape got to do with it?" he asked with such perplexity that Draco also wondered if there wasn’t something really wrong with Snape.

"He's here, Sirius," said Lupin gravely. "He teaches here too." and then came back to look at his students to tell them that Snape was at school with them and he fought a lot to not entrust him with the Defense Against the Dark Arts chair, which didn’t surprise anyone as it was known that Snape wanted it more than anything else in the world, mainly due to a tacky joke made by Black.

"So that's why she doesn't like Snape," Draco said slowly, "Why did you think she was complicit in the joke?"

"That's right," said a cold voice behind Lupin. Severus Snape was pulling off his invisibility cloak, his wand

pointed at Lupin. Hermione screamed. Black jumped up. Potter winced as if he had been hit by a strong electric shock.

"I found it at the Willow’s roots," Snape said throwing the Cloak to the side, careful to keep his wand pointed straight at Lupin. “Very useful, Potter, thank you.”

Snape was a little panting, but his expression overflowed with repressed triumph. "Maybe you're wondering how I knew you were here?" he said, his eyes sparkling. "I've just been to your study, Lupin. You forgot to take your potion tonight, so I brought you a full mug and there was a certain map on your desk. A glance was enough to know everything I wanted. I saw you disappear in this passage.”

"Severus ..." Lupin began, but Snape didn’t let him continue.

“I said and told the Headmaster that you were helping your old friend to enter the castle and here's the proof. Neither I would’ve dreamed that you would’ve had the courage to use this old shack as a hiding place.”

"Severus, you're making a mistake," said Lupin urgently. "You don’t have heard the whole story. I can explain: Sirius isn’t here to kill Harry ."

"Two more criminals ready for Azkaban tonight," Snape said with feverish eyes. "I'm curious to see how Dumbledore will take it. He was convinced you were harmless, you know, a tamed werewolf ."

"This is stupid," said Lupin softly. “It’s worthwhile to lock up an innocent man in Azkaban for a fight between boys?"

Thin serpentine ropes came out of the tip of Snape's wand but Draco was quick enough to disarm him before they could reach Lupin. The others were paralyzed, not knowing what to do, but Draco knew Snape and his friends' temperament well enough to know that if he stayed armed in a short time something terrible would happen. Hermione, just as Draco had imagined, took an uncertain step towards Snape and said, in a broken voice, "Professor, don't you think you should listen to what they have to say?"

"Miss Granger, you're already practically suspended!" he snapped. You’re outside the confines of the school, in the company of a man convicted of murder and a werewolf. For once in your life, close your mouth."

"But if there had been a mistake..." ventured Pansy, who hadn't spoken all the time.

"SHUT UP, STUPID GIRL!" Snape shouted, suddenly losing control. "DON’T TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!"

He was scary, with that crazy light in his eyes, as if he had lost his reason, almost as Lucius Malfoy himself, which was the thing that terrified Draco most after the idea of losing Hermione. Fear froze him: he could have hit him or his friends, physically assaulting them as his father did when he lost control. Black also seemed frightened but Lupin, Potter and Hermione acted in unison, throwing three spells that lifted him from the ground and made him go crashing into the wall, where he slipped to the ground with a trickle of blood dripping through his greasy hair. He was passed out.

"The time has come to give you some proof," said Black and then ordered to Weasley, who had no intention to oblige and forced Lupin to snatch it from his hands, to give him the mouse. A flash of blue and white light shot from Lupin and Weasley's wands, which was still in Black's possession; for a moment the mouse was paralyzed midair, a small black silhouette that writhed madly. Weasley screamed when it fell to the ground and a head rose, followed by arms and legs, and a moment later, in the point Scabbers had fallen, a man trying to make himself small appeared, wringing his hands. Crookshanks hissed on the bed with fur standing on his back. He was very short, slightly taller than Pansy and Hermione with thin colorless, untidy hair that left a bald patch in the middle of his head and had the wrinkled appearance of a fat man who had lost a lot of weight in no time. His skin looked dirty and sickly, like the hair of the mouse it had been. He looked around, breathing quickly and irregularly. Draco saw his eyes shoot towards the door and return to all of them, just like a beast, as if he had lost part of his humanity after so long in the form of an animal.

"Well, hi, Peter," said Lupin and with three words he wiped out several great certainties in Draco's life.