#making this post at almost 1am so into the queue it goes!

[snowangeldotmp3]

THE PINK PALACE 🩷 if you want :)

LOUSEPH!! again apologies for taking so long with these and it is no longer wip wednesday (but lets be honest. has that ever stopped me.) anyway here is some pink palace for u <3!

“You’re not my mother. My mom doesn’t have buttons for eyes. And she sure as shit doesn’t make food like this.” Not Susan (with her beady little button eyes) smiles wider. It makes Max uneasy. Queasy, even. Makes her palms sweat and feet ready to go, go, go. Alarm bells blaring in her mind to get out, get out, get out. Max does not move. Her feet stay firmly planted in the lively dining room. “Max,” calls a voice so bone-chillingly familiar, that Max stops breathing. Heavy footsteps reveal a blond mullet and stupid, sad excuse for a mustache. And buttons for eyes. A smile (or a sneer? She could never really tell with Billy. It was always danger).“Max,” Not Billy says calmly and completely unlike himself. “Is that any way to talk to your mother? Come on, the food’s getting cold.” She watched him die. Not only that, he made her life a living hell. And now all of a sudden he’s playing brother of the year? Bullshit.

[blissedoutphil]

Tops Only Part 2

Dan’s favourite actor just opened a new bar right by the street near his apartment, and he couldn’t wait to check it out. One problem though, it was for Tops only, and Dan wasn’t one.

1389 words of Top!Phil, bottom!dan, AU where everyone’s born with a Type (top/bottom/switch)

There's a tiny part in here that was inspired by the Weenie Hut Jr episode of Spongebob. gotta love that classic

~Part 1~

or read on ao3!

“Thought you were gonna unstan him now.”

Dan rolled his eyes at Anthony’s remark, then went back to scrolling his tumblr. His post about how unfair Phil was with the bar had gained traction, and it was largely supported by his fellow Type. Though there were some Tops who grumbled about how people were taking things too seriously or tried to explain that it wasn’t unfair. Dan blocked those accounts. What do they know about unfair treatment?

Dan had asked Anthony to help with his plan B tonight: Perhaps they could let him in if he came with a Top. It would definitely irritate him if they allowed this, but at least he would be let in. Anthony easily agreed to try it out, so here they were waiting in line. He was a friend Dan didn’t deserve, always willing to indulge in Dan’s fanboying.

Dan had waited a couple of weeks, walking past the bar everyday but from across the road instead. He'd observed the different bouncers, trying to work out their schedules as he didn’t want to cross paths with the same one from his original attempt.

They stepped up to the new bouncer, who easily let Anthony through after they flashed their ID. But he held out a hand in front of Dan when Dan tried to quickly follow Anthony.

“Oh, I’m with him,” Dan reasoned.

“Still no can do buddy,” the bouncer stepped between him and Anthony.

“It’s okay I can take care of him,” Anthony spoke to the bouncer casually.

Inside, Dan hated the statement. He can take care of himself, thank you very much. But that’s just how the world worked and treated Types - Tops protect and care for their Bottoms. He understood where Anthony was playing at, so he played along and nodded with wide pleading eyes.

“Sorry,” the bouncer shook his head.

Dan frowned, but at least this bouncer was polite. Unfortunately though, he’d judged the guy too soon.

“I think you’d be better off in a Bottoms Only Bar,” the bouncer then suggested lightheartedly.

"Bottoms only?!" Dan repeated in surprise and seethed, “are you fucking kidding me?”

The bouncer shrugged unapologetically, swiftly moving on to the next person. Anthony shot Dan an apologetic look before he entered. Dan had prepared for this outcome, instructing Anthony to enter without him if he couldn’t so that he can bring back updates on what goes on inside that makes it so unacceptable for Dan to be let in.

Dan made his way back home begrudgingly, imagining himself opening a Bottoms Only Bar. See how Phil would like being excluded like this.

He sighed as he reached his door, shaking his head at his own thoughts. Why would Phil care about Dan’s made up Bottoms Only bar, he doesn’t even know who Dan is.

Dan entered his apartment and sprawled on his sofa, opting to scroll the internet while he waited for Anthony. The security at Phil’s bar was good, he read quite a number of fans’ posts on how they tried to sneak in not just through the bouncers but through any possible back doors. So far, nobody has had any luck still.

Anthony finally returned past 1am, startling Dan out of his accidental nap when he knocked on Dan’s door. Dan narrowed his eyes at Anthony when he opened the door.

“You didn’t need to be there that long,” Dan grumbled.

“Dude, it was...” Anthony was clearly very pumped up and tipsy after a good night out but he quietened, not wanting to make Dan feel bad about being unable to enter.

“Just tell me,” Dan groaned, slumping back on his sofa.

So Anthony related the events of his night. How there were Bottom waiters enticing the guests while serving their dessert and drinks. Giving them a show and dancing with the Tops, even getting sexual with those who gave extra tips.

“Did you like… get it on with a waiter or what?” Dan said judgmentally.

Anthony shrugged playfully, “The opportunity presented itself…”

Dan fake retched at Anthony’s confession, and got a playful punch on his shoulder in return.

It was clear from what Anthony told him that the bar really was catered for Tops only. That still didn’t satisfy Dan, though.

“He could’ve made an all-inclusive bar,” he pouted.

Anthony sighed empathically but he countered softly, “Well, it’s Phil’s way of finally expressing his Type I guess.”

“By capitalising on it and alienating a big part of his fanbase?” Dan spat.

“You really should unstan him if it bothers you, this is getting unhealthy.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Dan stuck his tongue out at Anthony.

“I saw him there,” Anthony admitted in a small voice.

“What?” Dan perked up instantly, “What was he doing? Did you get any pictures?!”

“I didn’t, but I think he’s there most nights. He made a short appearance and thanked everyone for coming and supporting him. Played around with some of the Bottoms for a bit.”

Dan scoffed, but deep down he felt a bout of envy. He wondered how those Bottoms got the job.

“Trust me Dan, you wouldn’t enjoy it there anyway. You’re not missing out on anything,” Anthony tried to comfort him.

“I guess. Thanks for getting the inside scoop,” Dan joked half-heartedly, getting up from the couch.

“I’ve prepared the guest room,” he yawned as he headed towards his own room.

He’d heard enough. Maybe Anthony was right, there was no reason to let some celebrity affect him this much. He decided to sleep his negativity off, abruptly leaving Anthony in the lounge. His friend had stayed over enough times to know to make himself comfortable in Dan’s home anyway.

Of course, unstanning someone Dan had adored for years was easier said than done. A few days later, he was back on his bullshit. He’d tried searching for any information online on how to get a job in Phil’s bar, but there was nothing at all. He frowned, he of all people should’ve seen information about it. How the hell did he miss any job ads or casting calls or auditions or whatever?

Dan sighed as he walked past the bar from across the road after work again. He could’ve been working in there right now. Seeing Phil every night. Maybe dancing with him. Instead he was stuck in some boring office admin job.

The queue to enter never wavered despite it being almost a month since opening already. And despite knowing almost everything there was to know about the bar, Dan still longed to step inside and see it for himself.

He visited Anthony for lunch the next day. And to drop Plan C on his friend.

“Are you insane?!” Anthony said incredulously upon hearing Plan C.

“C’monnn, everyone says we look freakishly alike anyway!” Dan persuaded.

“And what happens if they find out you’re using my ID? Will you pay the fine for me? Bail me out of jail?” Anthony stared at him disbelievingly.

“Don’t be so dramatic!”

“Oh I’m the dramatic one here? It’s just a bar Dan, let it go.”

Dan fell silent. He knew Anthony was right, there was no point in arguing. He sagged against his chair in defeat.

Perhaps Anthony felt guilty for dismissing his idea like that because after their lunch, Anthony sat Dan down on his couch and turned on one of Dan’s favourite movies that Phil starred in. It was telling that Anthony was trying to cheer Dan up because he would never watch that movie on his own accord.

“How long are you gonna be all mopey like this?” Anthony sighed after the movie ended and Dan was still being quiet.

“How come... I didn’t at least know they were hiring waiters or something?" Dan spoke wistfully.

Anthony gave a long suffering sigh before saying, “Maybe that could be your Plan D if C doesn’t work out.”

Dan looked up at his friend in surprise, finding Anthony’s hand outstretched towards him with his ID in hand.

“Really?” Dan said in an unsure but hopeful tone.

“Take it before I change my mind,” Anthony huffed.

“Thank you!” Dan leapt up to land in Anthony’s lap and crush him in a tight hug, “I owe you one.”

“Just don’t do anything stupid to get yourself caught,” Anthony chuckled, returning the hug.

-------------------------------

~Part 1~

This chapter's kinda short but dw next one's gonna be longer! Sorry no sign of Phil (yet) but hope yall enjoyed some danthony this chapter :) I'm enjoying projecting fan behaviour onto Dan lol

There will be either 4 or 5 parts for this fic, idk we'll see! lmk what you think so far~

[wannawrite]

Siloso Vibes

who?: Wanna One’s Ha Sungwoon genre: 🌸 type: bullet point, part of Christmas collab wink wonk blog navigator. • part of the collab with @onlyjihoonsand@hwinkinghwi • a day at Sentosa with Sungwoon + added Christmas spirit finally writing something for Sungwoon :”), never got a request for him before so I’m happy - Admin L posted late out of respect for Jonghyun. Admins will officially return on the 25/12 Rest in peace, king. you did well. forever and always in my heart. 

• Sentosa • first, I need to explain what Sentosa is and what there is on that island • so Sentosa is an island off the coast of Singapore, linked to the mainland by a bridge • everything there is built on reclaimed land • which is basically throwing sand into the sea to form a platform • I think so • yeah • okay • ‘babe,’ someone says, waking you up from your sleep. ‘Come on, wake up.’ • oh, it’s Sungwoon • who let him into my house? • WHO • I NEED SLEEP • oh yeah, my parents are completely in love with him so I can understand why the gladly opened the door for him • Ha Sungwoon had your parents wrapped around his pinky finger • he finally took a trip back to your homeland after graduation • let me explain • you had flown to Seoul, South Korea to further your university education and there, you met Sungwoon • you guys started going out in Junior year • everyone shipped it • Daniel owed Jihoon $10 • Jaehwan was so touched, he composed multiple songs for both of you • and some were on his debut album • oooh • recently, the both of you had graduated university • CONGRATS TO THE CLASS OF 2017 • AND TO EVERYONE STILL STUDYING, KEEP GOING AND WORKING HARD • YOU GOT THIS • YOU WILL MAKE IT OUT ALIVE • burning the midnight oil writing papers and feasting on instant noodles at 2am was all worth it to hold that 4.0 GPA in your hands • uhh…maybe • possibly • I’m sure its GPA calculated there • sorry, no wifi to check right now :( • right after your graduation ceremony • you ran back to your dorm, packed up whatever was left and met Sungwoon in the campus carpark • he was decked out in full tourist attire • floral beach button down • board shorts • fanny pack securely tightened around his waist • and of course • he just HAD to wear his Birkenstocks • of all of his expensive shoes rotting in his house • his Birkenstocks • at least they weren’t Crocs • you were grateful for that • at least that • I have nothing against Birkenstocks • I guess they just aren’t my style • but Sungwoon still looked like a freaking buffet so you weren’t complaining • he’s probably that young guy who can pull of the ‘dad look’ really well • you know • random coloured t-shirt • or polo • jean shorts? kakis? • white high socks tucked into sports sneakers • or moccasins • maybe pairing Adidas socks with Nike running shoes • can’t forget that leather fanny pack • or a black dad hat • sometimes he would trade that for a snapback or sun hat • okay that’s enough visualising weird images • brain: Sungwoon with that Prince Eric black hair, golden circular spectacles, in a white button-down with the first few buttons open and tight-fitting black slacks • me: SCREAMS • THROWS MYSELF OUT OF A WINDOW • you know that iconic Jimin black hair part? yeah, that one. that would look SO good on Sungwoon • he’s sort of Jimin’s brother anyway • let’s move on • shall we? • Sungwoon as Prince Eric though • super frickin’ hot • ENOUGH • so you two threw your stuffed suitcases into your car trunk and sped off to Jaehwan’s mansion • that’ll be Sungwoon’s car’s house for the next month • some of your friends are there chilling out, still clad in graduation gowns • they’re like ‘what’ • after explaining, they wished you a safe journey and kissed both of you goodbye • Sungwoon left a 23-page journal on how to care for his car • in case Jaehwan had no idea • he was reassured when Minhyun mentioned he would be living with Jaehwan until his apartment was ready • Sungwoon’s car would be safe in Minhwan’s hands • hopefully • Jisung and Daniel drove the two of you to the airport • helping with the luggage and all • Jisung pushing Daniel on the trolley that’s actually meant for baggage • snapping pictures like fansites • ‘hi I’m starting a Sungwoon fansite, I’d like to call it Smolwoon.’ • angry chilli padi Sungwoon activated • he’s so small but spicy I love • ready for takeoff • taken off • RUN DANIEL RUN • is there a sungwoon fansite with that name? please link them if it exists • if not, feel free to take the name • or smallwoon • and tell me about it! • you and Sungwoon eventually get checked in and everything • after hugging Daniel and Jisung of course • video calling the rest of your friends to say goodbye • Jisung almost shed tears • wow • imagine of Seongwoo was there • drama time • flights are such a blessing, I personally love flying and travelling • slept on the flight in Seoul • woke up in Singapore • hELLO CHANGI AIRPORT IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN MY LOVE BEST AIRPORT IN THE WORLD • YOU’RE DOING GREAT CHANGI AIRPORT • it was so cute to see Sungwoon half stumble off the plane • because he had an amazing nap • he emerged still sleepy-eyed and clearly freshly awoken • I’m talking bed-head, trying to cover up his puffy face with glasses and a mask • but he looked refreshed and well-rested so all is well • it’s important to sleep properly! • says the one who stays up to 2am to watch Master Key • Master Key is really addicting, I’ve never been so whipped • you guys managed to get a cab • around 1am three days ago, you got to your house after Sungwoon was dropped off at his hotel • because your house didn’t exactly have a guest room and sleeping in your room was a huge no-no • so you called and talked to him until 2am • how the hell did he wake early enough to get from Ritz Carlton to your home • what even • Sungwoon wasn’t one to wake early • he loved his sleep • and his pre-bed skin-care routine • speaking of which, his skin was effortlessly glowing • hmm, must be a change of weather • ‘BABE!’ Sungwoon yelled, shaking your blanket-clad figure. ‘WAKE UP!’ • was he…okay? • why does he want to deprive me of sleep? isn’t he supposed to come and cuddle with me? • :( • oh! • IT’S TODAY • ‘Aren’t you excited?’ Sungwoon whines, sitting on the edge of your bed. ‘Today’s going to be so much fun!’ • ‘and tomorrow,’ you mumble, still half asleep. ‘Are you not jet lagged? I feel like    I got run over by a truck.’ • SG translation: I kena truck langar • Sungwoon laughs, beaming brightly, sparkling like a total angel • ‘I am but I conquered all to come see you~’ • ROMANTIC • he’s such a hopeless romantic but pretends he isn’t • just a vibe • ‘see,’ he says, pulling up his Uber app to show you his new ride. ‘I even took an Uber here myself, and I spoke to the driver with slang and English.’ • you guys are probably using a mix of Korean and English to communicate btw • it’s so fun speaking in two languages • like you can interchange words into sentences • and no one around you will know what you’re saying • and when you speak dialect, it’s like your communicating in a secret code • for me at least • heh • you guys never had qualms speaking in both languages • for Sungwoon, who had pored over his English notes night after night so he could increase his fluency level, independently taking an Uber with a mainly English speaking driver was a huge deal • friendly reminder that English is not the only language in this world and people should not be obliged to learn/speak it. • it may be a commonly used language and more prominent but that still doesn’t mean everyone has to abandon their culture and switch to English • also, that Kpop, Jpop, Cpop, Cantopop, Bollywood, any other non-native English speaking idols/groups do not need to speak English to be valid • goes for anyone for that matter • :)))) • let people appreciate their cultures and languages • yay okay back to the story • the reason for Sungwoon’s excitement and eagerness • ahem..peculiar behaviour such as rising early • your itinerary for today was a day at Sentosa • more specifically, Universal Studios Singapore • can someone please go with me? • tomorrow would be Adventure Cove • should there be a part two for this? tell me, please • moving on… • it’s the most wonderful time of the year • to visit Universal Studios • well, the queues even at 10am in the morning proved you wrong • but we shall backtrack a little • how you got out of the house? • Sungwoon practically dragged you out of bed • threw you into the shower • saying that he would get your breakfast ready • you tried to battle the morning heat and wake up at the same time by taking an icy cold shower • WAKE UP • emerged refreshed and ready to roll • sort of • Sungwoon was sitting in the living room, talking to your parents • no sucking up needed to win their favour • especially since he helped to prepare your breakfast • ‘oh babe, you’re here! I packed your breakfast in a lunch box in case we didn’t have time.’ • so prepared I can’t • pulls a MOTHER • Sungwoon mum mode: activated • I know Jisung’s the mum but Sungwoon is probably the grandmother, mother or 帅叔叔 [handsome uncle] • flashback when Xuan described San E as 怪叔叔 [strange uncle] • I’m cackling • maybe Sungwoon could be a strange uncle too • eh • he strikes me as that • ‘see,’ he says, patting a stuffed tote black. ‘I even prepared all the things we could need. Umbrella, raincoat, sunscreen, moisturiser, bb cream…oh! This is a new kind of energy drink Jaehwan recommended!’ • hmmm….Jaehwan recommended • okay then… • your parents are SWOONING • WHAT A WELL-ORGANISED MAN • probably has an organiser in that tote • ‘uhh, okay. thanks, babe. so, mum and dad, we’ll be making a move.’ • your parents insist you update them every few hours • and they take a picture • like a prom picture • don’t blame them, they’ve only seen you and Sungwoon over Skype calls and Facetime • you guys hug them goodbye • ‘LET’S GO’ Sungwoon yells, tossing his tote into the backseat of your Rover • maybe some other car because Rovers are unreasonably expensive here • everything is unreasonably expensive here • ‘VROOM!’ • you speed off towards Sentosa. • in the ticketing queue, Sungwoon insists on applying a thick layer of sunblock • you hold his mirror • and then he does it on your face, purposely not blending it • asian beauty standards are like: • pls stop whitewashing • and idolising fair/white skin • dark skin is beautiful and should be deemed normal and acceptable too • anyway • at least he blended the cream properly before you approached the staff • Sungwoon couldn’t stop yelling excitedly as he entered the gates • he was amazed by every single little thing • CHRISTMAS SONGS • CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS • CHRISTMAS SPIRIT • santa hats everywhere • he does have Lotte World • but this was a whole new universe • ;) • Sungwoon’s hand envelopes yours and you two happily skip to the first ride • ‘what about Transformers?’ • ‘sure!’ • honestly, the queue for this ride is so ridiculous • luckily, Sungwoon keeps you entertained by taking a ton of Snapchat filtered selfies • Snow filters • making memes • Facetiming a tired Jihoon - time difference • who wishes he tagged along • he screams a lot during the ride • and screams after about how much fun he had • you two go on a couple more rides • got chased by a T-rex and got a bird’s eye view of the park • burnt to a crisp by a fire-breathing mummy before the roller coaster plunged backwards • went on a safari adventure and nearly got eaten by a crocodile • these are some of my favourite rides tbh • went along for a boat ride with Madagascar animals • ‘yo Sungwoon are you sure you’re tall enough to ride this?’ you tease playfully. • he pouts • yells a bit • before securing his red baseball cap on his head and confidently marching into the queue • ‘watch me.’ • ‘small is spicy.’ • after, you guys ended up buying ice cream • salted popcorn in a Minion container • Sungwoon calculated the expenses to the very cent • he’s either the guy to drop $1000 in a blink of an eye with no hesitation • or drop his friend off before the ERP [a system you pay - using cash card - to use a certain road via vehicle] because he wants to save that $2 • this happens to my friend irl lol ^ • you guys even purchase matching Santa hats • even though those at the mama shop are SO MUCH cheaper • Sungwoon persuades you to buy matching shirts too • ‘uhh are you really sure you want to buy that shirt for Guanlin?’ you questioned, pointing to the shirt in Sungwoon’s hands he got from the children’s section • ‘oh shush I know my son through and through, he’ll love it.’ • ‘….he’s almost 18 soon-‘ • ‘nope!’ Sungwoon exclaims, clamping a hand over your mouth. ‘No, no. His 8th birthday just passed.’ • poor Guanlin • Sungwoon and Jisung are going to feed him banana milk for the rest of his life • ‘what about Daehwi? He’s your son too.’ you point out his bias • ‘…well, he’s Jisung’s son right now because the sun is still out but I should buy my babies matching shirts too right?’ • ‘babe, help me choose one!’ • you guys spend at least half an hour haggling over shirts • which colour one would match Daehwi’s skin more? • wait, this is the exact colour of Guanlin’s eyes! • …this t-rex reminds me a lot of my sons • bet, Guanlin looks like this when he wakes up • *ends up spending much more than anticipated* • Sungwoon takes a brave step and agrees to ride the Battlestar Galactica:  Human Vs Cylon • two of the major roller coasters here • ‘woon, are you sure you’re over 125cm? you need to measure your height again…’ • *167cm* • ‘HAH’ he grins triumphantly • sighs • is confident • and brags about how he loves roller coasters • until he’s standing behind the metal gate, waiting for the cars to come back and all the screams from the previous riders can be heard • ‘uh babe are you sure you want to sit in the first carriage? I can always ask them to change our seats if you’re scared.’ • *bats eyelids* • you nearly fall for it • then, you gently push him to take his seat • ‘WAIT NO MY THING ISN’T CLICKING SHUT’ • a staff has to help him secure his barrier • he takes a deep breath • ‘I’m more nervous then when it was my debut-‘ • *yelling begins* • *yelling pauses* • Sungwoon nearly passes out • after,,, ‘THAT WAS SO FUN LET’S GO AGAIN BABE.’ • you guys stay there until almost closing time • cue staff trying to chase you out • ‘the night is still young.’ • so, you take a trip to Siloso Beach to watch the sunset • munching on fries • you rest your head in Sungwoon’s lap, his hands playing with your hair • the waves crash against the beach, the sunlight glimmers against your skin • ‘this is so different from Korea…’ Sungwoon mutters, almost to himself • he kisses your forehead affectionately, causing a smile to pull at your lips • ‘I like spending this kind of Christmas with you too.’

[gonefanfic]

(most of my) writing updates beginning May 8 2014 (as found on my Lunaescence profile (afaik no one reads AO3 profiles, so I don’t post on it). I had just started updating after about at least five years iirc. I didn’t start recording these updates until May 8, but they actually began whenever I added chapter 2 to both of these fics (Dec 2013 or Jan 2014), which I had culled down most of the bad original writing (including the entirety of chapters past ch. 1) from in the years before.

Writing Updates: May 8/14- Insanity and BnF both had chapter six added April/24/14, and are now approved (May 4 and 8) May 18/14- Both sevens have rewritten, completed, uploaded, and are awaiting approval. July 28/14- Sevens both approved and posted. Aug 6/14- Working on typing the eights. Taking my time a bit since the queue's closed. Aug 20/14- Now that I note the queue is open, I'm hurrying up again. Insanity 8 is almost done, I'm not sure where I want to put the chapter break. It's over 1000 words but I wanted to cover more plot than I have. Working on BnF 8 now, expect to upload this weekend. Aug 21/14- BNF 8 finished (3220 words) and uploaded, so here's hoping I didn't screw it up and it goes through. Insanity I'm still not sure where to end, but will be uploaded soon. Chapter 9 of BNF is plotted on paper. Aug 28/14- Insanity 8 is very nearly ready for uploading.  Around 2700 words, just needs to be wrapped up, which I'm not doing at 2:30am on a weekday. Plus, giving the mods some spacing what with the rush right now and stuff. Sept 9/14- BNF 8 is up and readable Sept 22/14- I've been sick. I'll try to get updates done for both stories soon. I'm having second thoughts on what's done so far in Insanity 8, which is why it didn't end up just wrapping up and getting posted. Sept 23/14- Insanity 8 is uploaded, awaiting approval. Starting the 9s today. Oct 9/14- Somewhat unexpectedly I am moving, so that will slow down the next uploads. Nov 21/14- Moved in, internet, etc, and not completely buried in stuff, and so BnF 9 is written and has been uploaded. Assuming no grievous errors on my part, it should be approved within a couple weeks. Insanity's 9 has only begun. Nov 26/14- Insanity Ch. 9 is at about 2000/2500 words, so it should be uploaded to await approval within a couple days. Dec 17/14- Validated! Awesome, except that now I'm the only one to blame for slow updates. Dec 22/14- Insanity 9 is finally up, working on both 10s. Feb 12/15- BNF 10 is up Nov 17/15- BNF 11 is uploaded Dec 1/15- BNF 12 is uploaded Dec 2/15- Insanity 10 is framed and started, BNF 13 is framed Dec 3/15- Insanity 10 is uploaded. Insanity 11 is somewhat planned. Dec 17/15- Started a Mushishi one shot. 540 words of probably 2-3k. Dec 29/15- Added further plans for BNF and Insanity's upcoming chapters Dec 30/15 Started a Hellsing one shot, planned an Inuyasha one, and started BNF 13 Dec 31/15- Insanity 11 is started. Jan 4/16- BNF 13 completed and posted, 14 is written. Jan 5/16- BNF 14 edited and posted Jan 7/16- BNF 15 started. Jan 23/16- Insanity 11 is posted Feb 15/16- Insanity 12 is started. 1200 words so far, expect 2.0-3.5k total Apr 18/16- [2am] Insanity 12 is up. BNF 15 will be next up Apr 18/16- [morning] BNF 15 is completed and up. Ins 13 and BNF 16 vaguely planned. Working on Hellsing fic as a refresher. Apr 18/16- [evening] I'm very excited by my Hellsing fic, currently at 3000+ words. Apr 18/16- [late late] Hellsing fic complete [6600ish words] awaiting editing and optional epilogue. This was a very accomplished day. Apr 20/16- Hellsing fic (Wingates Manor) complete and up at 7100 words May 9/16- BNF 16 written and posted. ~1500 words. Insanity 13 started May 12/16- Insanity 13 is 2100/3000ish words. Need to review some material to write Izumi. Starting BNF 17 while I find that. Aug 18/16- Insanity 13 edited and posted Aug 19/16- One shot Gravity Falls drabble written and posted Aug 24/16- BNF Chapter 17 written and posted Jan 27/17- Been on Lunaescence for 10 years! Mar 14/17- Updates for BnF and Insanity written in anticipation of Lunaescence launching. Started Insanity ch. 15 Mar 15/17- Luna is back! Mar 15/17- Various continuity/time corrections for Insanity and BnF. Hoping to upload new chapters, but getting an error. Mar 16/17- Various errors sorted out and both BNF and Insanity are updated Mar 17/17- Realized I've been on Luna for over ten years May 3/17- Worked on Insanity ch. 15 and better tied it together. ~2000 words now, will either be a little longer if I split it, or a lot longer if I fit the next piece into the same chapter. Jan 22/18 - Wrote and uploaded Insanity chapter 16 Nov 18/18 - Wrote short chapter 17 (~800 words) to Ins, uploaded to Ao3 Nov 19/18 - Reformatted and uploaded Ins chapter 17 to Luna Nov 20/18 - Insanity ch. 18 written (~2100 words) and uploaded Dec 2/19 - Insanity ch. 19 written and uploaded to AO3 Dec 4/19 - Insanity ch. 20 started Dec 5/19 - Insanity ch. 19 reformatted and uploaded to Luna Dec 5/19 - Insanity ch. 20 written and uploaded to AO3 and Luna Dec 5/19 - Insanity ch. 21 plotted, first sentences down Feb 13/20 - BNF ch. 19 completed and posted to AO3 Feb 20/20 - Insanity ch. 21 completed and posted to AO3 Apr 24/20 - BNF ch. 20 completed and posted to AO3 Apr 27/20 -  BNF chs. 19 and 20, plus Insanity ch. 21, reformatted and posted to Luna. Worked on Ins ch. 22 Apr 29/20 - Finished and uploaded Insanity ch. 22. Started Insanity 23 Sep 21/20 - Started BNF ch. 21 Sep 22/20 - Finished BNF ch. 21 Sep 23/20 - Proofread and formatted BNF ch. 21, uploaded to Luna and AO3 Sep 24/20 - Completed, edited, uploaded Insanity ch. 23 to Luna and AO3 Sep 25/20 - (will probably remove after next update is added) immediately willing to continue both stories but very very tired and hoping to have the effort on the 17th or 28th (lol watch that not happen) Sep 27/20 - started BNF ch. 22 and Insanity ch. 24, both in the hundreds of words Sep 29/20 - started Fruits Basket fanfic (untitled, transmasc readerxayame), finished and uploaded BNF ch. 22, started BNF ch. 23. finished Insanity ch. 24, but need to edit, especially for repetitious language. Sep 30/20 - realized I spelled 'colonel' wrong almost every time throughout the entirety of Insanity ('colonol') and manually corrected both uploads (here and AO3). Edited and uploaded Insanity Ch. 24 and made notes for Ch. 25. Worked on BNF Ch. 23. Finished ch. 1 of Ayame fic, but waiting to make some buffer before uploading. Oct 1/20 - [2am] finished and uploaded BNF Ch. 23. please note the author's note is not working Oct 2/20 - [~1am] Standardized spellings and italics use for swords 'Jyakotsutō' and 'Banryū' in BNF. Added umlauts to 'führer' throughout Insanity. Started work on chapters 24 and 25, respectively. Oct 3/20 - [~1am] Worked on BNF ch. 25. Started ch.2 of Ayame fic. Oct 4/20 - [am] Wrote much (half? two thirds? one third?) of Insanity ch. 25. super horny chapter, already noting new chapter/story warnings. Also worked on ch. 2 of Ayame fic (still not uploading ch. 1 yet) Oct 4/20 - [late] Worked on BNF ch. 24. Oct 5/20 - [2am] Completed and uploaded Insanity ch. 25. Read the warnings. Oct 5/20 - Completed Ayame fic ch. 2. Still need a title and the will to upload Oct 6/20 - Wrote the first five parts of 31 Day Horror House challenge. Oct 7/20 - Caught up with 31 Day Horror House (days 6 and 7 written) Oct 8/20 - [am] Continued BNF ch. 24, started Insanity ch. 26 and Ayame fic ch. 3. Oct 8/20 - [pm] Continued all active stories, wrote and uploaded day 8 of halloween challenge. Oct 9/20 - [am] completed Ayame fic ch. 3 Oct 9/20 [pm] completed day 9 of Horror House challenge Oct 10/20 - completed day 10 of Horror House challenge Oct 11/20 - completed day 11 of Horror House challenge Oct 12/20 - completed day 12 of Horror House challenge Oct 13/20 - Completed day 13 of Horror House challenge. Made Insanity and Ayame notes Oct 14/20 - finished this day of halloween challenge. Nearly completed BNF ch. 24 and a good amount of Ayame fic (but Aya fic may need a lot of editing) Oct 15/20 - finished and uploaded Horror House 15 and BNF 24. Worked on Ayame fic (no longer really bothering to mark chapters) Oct 16/20 - 31 Day Horror House 16 up, lots of Ayame fic, some of Insanity ch. 26 Oct 17/20 - Horror House 17 up Oct 18/20 - [2am] added about 1000 words to Ayame fic Oct 19/20 - wrote/posted horror house 19. wrote a few hundred words to all fics. Oct 20/20 - wrote/posted horror house 20 Oct 21/20 - wrote/posted horror house 21 and touched on Insanity ch. 26 Oct 22/20 - wrote/posted horror house 22 Oct 23/20 - wrote half of horror house 23 Oct 24/20 - finished and posted horror house 23, wrote/posted horror house 24, and did some work on Insanity ch. 26 Oct 25/20 - wrote and posted 31 day horror house chapter 25. It's short, sorry. Oct 26/20 - wrote and posted 31 day horror house chapter 26 and 27. now episodes will be posted so they can be read on the correct day, instead of at the end of or after that day Oct 28/20 - [2am] wrote and posted 31 day horror house, chapter 28. Oct 29/20 -[1am] write and posted day 29 of horror house, longest chapter yet Oct 30/20 - [2am] wrote and posted chapter 30 of horror house. Oct 31/20 - [2am] wrote and posted ch. 31, completing 31 Day Horror House. Nov 5/20 - some longer progress made on BNF 25, finally. some work on Ayame fic and Insanity 26. Nov 6/20 - worked on BNF ch. 25 and Insanity ch 26. Nov 7/20 - worked on BNF ch. 25 and some Ayame fic Nov 9/20 - worked on BNF ch. 25 Nov 10/20 - worked on BNF ch. 25 and Insanity ch. 26 Nov 17/20 - worked on BNF. Aware I missed noting some of the days this week that I worked on Ins, BNF, and Ayame fic, but don't remember them so can't add notation now. Nov 18/20 - (and Nov 19 early am) worked on Ins, BNF, and Ayame fic. Posted Ins ch. 26. Nov 19/20 - worked on BNF. Nearing 4000 word chapter (ch. 25), but no good places to split it so it is what it is. Nov 21/20 - [2am] completed and uploaded BNF ch. 25

[jonathanbuckland]

A Wonderful Adventure

I stopped using this account months ago because of a very specific personal reason which was completely unrelated to my love for Coldplay and Jonny. However, THE PAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTELY INSANE AND I NEED SOMEWHERE TO VENT ABOUT IT! 

I don’t really know where to begin or how to explain properly what happened recently. After years of saving, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to follow Coldplay for the last 5 dates of the European leg of the A Head Full of Dreams Tour in Cardiff and Paris. A few amazing things happened on the tour, so I thought I’d make a post explaining them. 

By now, I’m sure you all know about the incident at Coldplay’s Dublin gig a couple of weeks ago where Jonny got hit in the head with a bottle while he was performing on the C-stage. It really upset me as someone who looks up to Jonny a lot, both physically (because he is part giraffe) and as a musician. There was a massive outpouring of love across social media towards him and it made me really happy because he’s such a sweet person and deserves love and respect, rather than things like that. But the idiot who did it is just that; an idiot. They pale in comparison to the hundreds of people who were showing love towards him. 

The day after the concert, on Sunday 9th July, my friend Alycia (@coldplay-kid) was coming to my house as we were leaving for Cardiff the next day to see Coldplay. I was in my room blasting A Head Full of Dreams as I tidied it. I was also scrolling through Twitter and I noticed that Jonny tweeted a fan saying that he was okay after what happened in Dublin. I replied telling him that I couldn’t wait to see him nail his guitar solos in Cardiff:

I also tweeted about how British he is because he said thank you twice in his tweet before I went back to tidying my room. A few minutes later I picked up my phone because I noticed it was lighting up with loads of notifications. I went on twitter and loads of people were mentioning both me and Coldplay. Then I realised that Jonny had tweeted me! 

I started completely freaking out and my mum came in asking what happened! I went around telling everybody in the house that Jonny had tweeted me. I really don’t know how he found the tweet because I didn’t reply to his tweet for 25 minutes and in the one he replied to I didn’t even tag the band’s account! I guess he was lurking on Twitter or stalking my account (!) It was incredible because Jonny tweets very rarely and tweets fans even more rarely. I always used to tweet Coldplay asking them to check whether Jonny had the correct password and working wifi because of how infrequently he tweeted! I feel really honoured to have been one of the few fans that he has ever tweeted. I never ever thought he would reply, especially because I didn’t tag the band in it and they don’t follow me! It was such a funny tweet and it makes me smile every time I read it. Still hasn’t sunk in, to be honest. 

After the tweet, I thought my week couldn’t get any better…but then the concerts happened. 

Cardiff Night One (1/5)

I was going to the first Cardiff show with Alycia and our three other friends, Amber, Hannah and Laura. We all decided to make signs for the band. I wanted to make one for Jonny and settled on one that said “Jonny Buckland Defence Squad”. After what happened in Dublin I thought he deserved a supportive sign. The plan on Tuesday was to run to C-stage and to hopefully get on the barrier and get them to notice our signs. After almost three hours of queueing in the pouring rain, we managed to get C-stage barrier! Here’s a picture of all of us with our signs before he concert started:

The first part of the concert was amazing, but we were waiting in anticipation of them coming to the C-stage. Finally, the lights went down and The Guesthouse and Amazing Grace played. We knew it was time.

The first song they played on the C-stage was In My Place and as Jonny was playing the opening riff, he started turning around. He saw my sign straight away! He nodded at me and started beaming and even bowed his head like he was a bit embarrassed, bless. It honestly made me SO happy because Cardiff was the next show after Dublin and the last time he was on the C-stage something was thrown on him, but now he had a positive sign just for him! 

Here’s Jonny noticing the sign on the video I took:

Immediately after Jonny saw it, Guy saw it and smiled at me and then Chris came over to him and started looking at the crowd and he also saw the sign and laughed! I was in heaven. During the rest of the set, Jonny looked at me a few more times, still smiling, which was just amazing. They really are so close on the C-stage. I didn’t think it could get any better but boy, was I wrong. At the end of Us Against The World, Jonny took his guitar off and put it down on his stand. He walked straight over to me, beaming, and put his hand out towards me. I tried my best to reach over the barrier but then he mimed throwing something at me. I was shaking so much I couldn’t quite take in what was happening until it was over. He threw his pick at me and it landed just in front of me on a coat which had fallen off the barrier! He was trying his best to get it to me and absolutely beaming at me as he did it. It was such a special moment. He even waved goodbye to me as he left. I found pictures on Twitter of the moment a couple of days later:

(There’s also a video).

I put the torch on my phone on and refused to take my eyes off the pick until I had it in my hand. Infuriatingly, I was slightly too short to lean over the barrier fully and pick it up. Amber even offered to pick my ankles up so I could lean down and get it! Eventually, the stewards returned and I managed to get one of them to pass it to me (but not before she sent it flying as she thought I meant the coat…very stresssful). I finally came back to consciousness about halfway through Up&Up as I was in such a state of shock (and stressed over getting the pick)!

I still can’t process what happened and don’t know that I ever will. I wrote on the reverse of my sign “P.S. Can I have a pick please :)” and after Jonny had seen my sign I flipped it over. I intended to hold it up at the end for one of the Roadies to possibly notice, I never thought in a million years that Jonny Buckland would throw me his own pick on stage! I haven’t seen him do that to a fan recently. I feel so lucky and grateful for everything. 

Here’s me at the end of the show, pick and sign in hand (I look like a deer in headlights):

We also all got given picks by one of Coldplay’s roadies, Hoppy, who told us to come to the A-stage at the end because he didn’t have any with him at the C-stage. It was such a sweet thing to do. He really went out of his way to make our night special.

Cardiff Night Two (2/5)

On the second night in Cardiff, Alycia and I both had VIP Early Entry meaning we would be near the stage. I thought we were on Guy’s side for some reason, but when we got to the stadium on the day we realised we were actually on Jonny’s! I was over the moon. We already agreed that we wanted to stand near the A-stage, so it now meant I would be close to him again. After a messy entry, we managed to get on the barrier a little bit along from Jonny. We were both ecstatic with our spot. I brought the sign with me to the stadium, but I wasn’t sure whether to hold it up or not. I felt a bit awkward doing it again, so I had it at my feet on my the barrier thinking I would use it during the concert if he didn’t notice me. It wasn’t needed at all! As soon as the band came onstage for A Head Full of Dreams, during the opening verse, Jonny saw me and smiled at me. I think he remembered me from the night before. I was so happy. I made so much eye contact with him throughout the concert and there really is nothing like having his infectious smile aimed directly at you! During the Paradise remix, I was jumping up and down like a woman possessed. It’s one of the highlights of the concert for me, it’s so fun live. Jonny saw how much I was dancing and smiled at me again! He also smiled at Alycia and I during Fix You when he started his guitar solo because we started cheering him and dancing to it. I caught another moment on camera during Adventure of A Lifetime. They have monkey graphics on the screen and as a joke, I pointed at the screen and screamed “HARAMBE!!!!”. I looked up towards the stage and Jonny was looking at me and laughing. I mouthed something like “oh my god” and face palmed in embarrassment and he kept smiling at me. I don’t know if he heard what I shouted but he was definitely looking at me and smiling so that was pretty awesome. 

Here are a few screenshots of that moment:

At the end of the concert, Rob Brydon and a couple of others came out to sing the Welsh National Anthem. I noticed Jonny learnt it on guitar which I thought was really sweet. It was amazing to see him at his “home” show. Just before the bow, he came and stopped in front of us and applauded us. It was just incredible. I couldn’t get over the unbelievable couple of days I had. But I still had three more shows to go!

Paris Night One (3/5)

Luckily for Jonny’s mental health, I had seats for this show. I knew I was high up but I didn’t realise I was right on the back row! I had an amazing view of the Xylobands:

The Jonny Buckland Defence Squad was also still going strong at the back, as seen in this video I posted on Twitter.

I enjoyed a more chill gig and I think you need to see it from near the back to really appreciate all the special effects and effort that goes into each and every show.

Paris Night Two (4/5)

For this show I had normal standing. Feeling kind of insane and pretty exhausted, I headed back to the Stade de France at around 8am (after getting back to my hotel at 1am) and met up with my friend Ginnie. I spent the day queueing with Ginnie and her friends in thirty plus degree heat which was exhausting. Doors opened at 5pm and we managed to make it onto the second row, right in front of Jonny as our gate was on his side. I was pretty much directly behind where I had stood on the second night in Cardiff on the barrier. It was an amaaazing spot.

I managed to set the record for the quickest Jonny notice ever! As the introduction was still playing and he walked onstage, before he even picked up his guitar, he saw me and smiled at me. I was over the moon before the first song had even been played!

The concert was incredible. During ETIAW me and Ginnie stuck confetti to our foreheads because we were so sweaty. Jonny and Will saw and looked a bit confused but amused:

I didn’t film much of this show because I just wanted to enjoy it and it was beng filmed anyway.

Here are a couple of pictures of Jonny I took:

After the concert as I was walking out of the stadium, I saw a piece of paper on the floor and for some reason I decided to pick it up. It turned out to be a setlist! I looked around to see if anyone had just dropped it but it seemed that no one had. I couldn’t believe my luck!

(Yes, they were supposed to play Miracles….I want to fight them).

Paris Night Three (5/5)

After a wonderful day spent exploring Paris with some lovely Coldplayers on Monday, it was time for the last show. For the final show I had VIP Early Entry once again. I go to the stadium around 10am and queued with Ginnie and her friends in thirty four degree heat. I also met a really sweet fan, Mathilde, who was attending her first Coldplay show. I decided to join her and her brother on the B-stage. We got barrier right opposite the steps.

The heat was so intense, I probably would have fainted if I didn’t have the barrier to lean on and access to water from the stewards. I saw so many people that had to leave the crowd, some in tears. It was so sad.

After the longest five hours of my life waiting in the stadium in the suffocating heat, Coldplay finally came onstage.

When they came to the B-stage I held up a sign that said “PLEASE PLAY MIRACLES” but sadly they didn’t see it. Jonny noticed Mathilde’s sign which thanked them for coming to Paris and told them to come back soon and gave her a thumbs up!

I thought Jonny wasn’t going to see me but then near the end of Magic he saw me, grinned at me and we nodded along to the music together. I was over the moon once again for the umpteenth time that week.

Here’s some pictures of them on the B-stage:

I thought my night and the tour couldn’t get any better, but once again I was wrong.

During Charlie Brown, I noticed one of the roadies coming around the barrier with things in his hands after they were taking the instruments off the B-stage. I saw him hand something to a girl a bit further along the barrier from me and when I realised what it was, I freaked out. He saw and came and passed it to me!

I now had Will Champion’s drumstick which he just used on the B-stage right in front of me! I felt like the luckiest girl on earth! But the concert wasn’t even over! I had been drumming along with my stick all night to the songs (as I play drums) and during A Sky Full of Stars the camera guy saw me and filmed me for pretty much the whole song! I was on the screen so much! I was a sweaty, frizzy mess but I was so happy I didn’t care.

When the band walk to the C-stage, they had to walk down the steps in front of us. On their way there I was too in shock to do much but I did pat them all on the back. Jonny and Chris saw Mathilde’s sign, asking for a hug because it was her first show and both shook her hand! It was amazing to be so close to them and Jonny kind of leaned over to me to get to Mathilde (I was dying). Will also picked up a green AOAL balooon that was in his way and hit it into the crowd!

One of the highlights of all the concerts happened to me on the way back from the C-stage. I decided to stick my hand out for a high five. Guy and Will came past first, Guy just kinda ignored everyone but Will went past smiling at people on the barrier.

Then Jonny walked past. He saw me, grinned at me, came right over to me, took my hand and gave it a firm handshake. I filmed the moment, you can’t really see much but you can hear our hands clap together and me laughing hysterically before squealing like a pig. I’m 97% sure he recognised me throughout the tour, but this made me believe it even more! To me it felt like a thank you and goodbye. It was the perfect way to finish my last show of the tour.

I’m not sad everything is over because I’m so overjoyed this happened to me. I’ve spent a few hours typing all this up, with a grin on my face as I did so. I can’t believe my luck. I got two picks, a drumstick, a setlist and countless special moments with the band onstage. I’m so lucky to have had the chance to attend these shows. I can’t describe the feeling this band gives me. I admire them as musicians, human beings and everything they stand for.

Thank you to all the crew that work so hard every single day to make this amazing tour possible. The eight shows I attended last year and this have been some of the happiest days of my life.

And finally,  Guy, Will, Phil, Chris and Jonny: thank you for everything. I’ll see you soon.

[zeroeffortenvironment]

voyager

Do you know how far Voyager 1 is from earth at this moment? It's 13 Billion miles. That's with a B. We as a species made something with our own hands and then put it in interstellar space! I'm not sure what's more inconcievable, the sheer fact of it, or that it got to where it is because we hurled it there at a rate of 38,000 miles per hour, using machinery and knowhow that came from under those same hands. that's almost 50 times the speed of sound. certainly not the fastest thing we've ever threw in the air but this one also sends picture postcards from where he at!! this is with a setup that was bolted in place in 1977. That not only predates your stupid hashtag-riddled instagram feed, but predates instagram altogether, it predates quad band phones, GSM, CDMA, digital light sensor, internet, and based on the fact that you're reading this blog, it probably predated you too...

Anyway. pictures from Voyager reach us in about 20 hours. that's from what? 13 billion miles away. So assuming that I post something here every day (which of COURSE I do), I am happy to report that I am floating in the vacuum so far up the universe's Yeah that by comparison to me the voyager just got the memo and started packing for his trip. to be precise the reason why it's been 682 days is because I'm 1.86 light years away, which, in cubic inches and football fields is 1.0984153e+13 miles out. I'd type it out but I trust google on it. this figure has more places than I have neurons within my skull.

And that, your honour, is why it may SEEEM that I've been slacking on this blog for the last ahem.. 2 years.

It's 10 am, on December 23rd, 2017. I'm on a couch, Roxanna is asleep. It's properly chilly, but I'm not wearing socks, otherwise it wouldn't even be worth mentioning. A great big factory-like window graces a concrete wall to my left, deligently trying to keep out the sounds of a noxious hvac system of a shopping center across the street. For its size it's doing a pretty respectable job. Meanwhile to the right of me the dishwasher is having a deep-tech warehouse rave. the air is a mixture of coffee that's getting cold, and that indescribable but not necessarily unpleasant smell of a place on a cold day when you just wake up. I'm surrounded by plants, plants, some plants, pictures, paper, wires, a bicycle ominously hangs off the wall on a redwood shelf quietly waiting like a panther on a tree for the perfect moment to fall onto its victim. Ahead of me is the door into the bedroom. An ages-old ikea lamp curiously sticks its head out where my desk is, beyond that, more wires, more plants, our DIY plywood bed, graced by a pile of blankets, cats, and potentially roxanna, and an 8' closet door mirror. All of this aligned like planets on Voyager's journey with a reflection of my face at its end 2.25522e-15 light years away.

I look a little disheveled. but not awful. Roxanna has been putting pins in my hair for the last couple months because I refuse to cut it. She is convinced it looks adolescent left to its own devices. At work Jeff Su, our in-house older asian guy with a gray camry and no filter, remarked that I look like a golden poodle. I think it looks fine. more importantly I couldn't care less if anyone thinks otherwise.

This is beat-matched near perfectly with how I feel about almost everything else around me lately. Christmas is in two days, and I feel like all I want this year is to be floating in the vast nothingness of space in complete silence, absence of stimuli, thought or air pressure in my lungs. Or at least in a raft in the middle of a bay. Instead what might be happening is as follows: after christmas, the very morning of the 26ths, I have to be seen in a queue at the LA Federal Building at 7 am flat - that's when they open. I will be there with a heap of documents, forms, and passport photos procuring a same-day passport made using a citizenship certificate that I have just received in the mail which has the CORRECT spelling of my lastname. Once (or rather If) I get this, I am to pack expiditiously and be on a plane with Roxanna at 1AM the following day (27th), which will fly us to Morelia Mexico, where we will be joined by some of her bdgjillion relatives who will take us to a mountain cabin retreat at Zirauen. While out there we will be enjoying great company, and scenery whilst sleeping in a tent for a few days. Come the 28th or 29th (not sure) we set out for Caretero, and perhaps Guanojuato, where we will be impromptu-crashing at the home of other relatives. On the 3rd we fly back, ah! which reminds me - I need to send an email to my colleagues saying I won't be at work until the 4th. Which should technically be 5th because I am a human afterall and don't run on aderol.

ALL of this was figured out last night, between the hours of 5pm when I picked up my certificate in the mail and midnight or so. None of it was by me. I should really be teling this to my spouce, and I guess I will soon enough - but to me planning a last-minute trip of such complexity on such short notice is batshit insane, puts an undue burden on the folks that will be hosting us, and most importantly is the direct opposite of floating in a raft in the middle of the bay. And it is so by virtue of the fact that the latter constitutes Rest, the former - doesn't.

I don't doubt that parts of it will be fun, and I'll see lovely familiar faces and some beautiful places, but the problem really isn't our upcoming trip to Zirahuen, it isn't Mexico, Roxanna, or her great big army of amazing relatives. Btw it's worth a mention that I have already been to Mexico once for a Mayra and Tonio's wedding in Morelia last year, and had a blast.

The problem is not with traveling, it's with making plans. Or rather my perpetually empty calendar and never objecting to anything that other people may want to put on it.

Let's talk about Goals. Cheryl Crow's analysis of the matter falls way short of the Noble Peace prize - it is Not wanting what you got, not getting what you want, it's wanting something in the first place. You know what the hardest thing about meeting your goals is? THE absolute hardest thing no matter whether you're perfecting plie's in an intro ballet class or building the next Voyager - the hardest thing is having a goal in the first place. Because a goal worth having is the kind you absolutely can't live without - it defines you as much as your first and last name and your reflection in the mirror you see every day. With a goal like this, everything else is machine work - resources, design, problem solving, are all a matter of logic. I am convinced that all superhuman feats in history are results of having such goals, and have been dreamed, worked out, built, launched, and remembered because people woke up every morning, looking in the mirror and seeing the voyager reflect in their cornea...

Well, to get straight to point - I don't have one of these. And the longer i think about it the more I'm convinced that I never did. And if anything, this is one thing that keeps my mind completely devoid of thought as I float in my vacuum, and it is this:

if I want nothing and make zero effort towards achieving things I don't want (read: everything), then why the hell are there three achievement awards on my desk? why is my desk electric and goes up and down with a push of a button, and costs $3000 of company cash? How did I come up with Two degrees in Architecture at Cal Poly and UCLA? How did I even get INTO either of these two schools? How did I manage to not only get a job, but to keep it from 2009 until 2014, a period in architecture that was absolutely plagued by the recession. I am not putting myself on a pedestal here. The reason I bring up all these things is because I never looked at myself in the mirror and saw an architect with two degrees, three glass sculptures with my name etched into them, or the handful of buildings that I contributed design efforts to. None of this was ever a clear goal. Neither is the advancement up the ladder that I could be striving for, nor is architectural license that is the next logical step to your advancement up the ladder as an architect. I am not looking forward to any of that. I am particularly not looking forward to my performance review in early January where I will certainly be asked questions pertaining specifically to my ambitions in the firm, the industry, and my career direction.

It's a bizarre problem and I've learned to live with it - being exceptionally good at something but arguably having little interest in it. But it also leaves me in a perpetual search for something to BE interested in, because I'm a human, and we're a curious species, and I'm wired to have goals and predispositions. And like a bit-coin mining rig, my mind is occupied with this all the fucking time, to the point that I get tired of just thinking about it. In the meantime the world around me revolves according to its own rules. And whether I like it or not until I find something worth adjusting my trajectory for, I am at the mercy of the forces that make this world turn. So far, I think, they have been good to me. 

To this end I wonder if the Voyager gives two shits where it's going? here is an amazing thing - thousands of years of star gazing, invention, evolutionary thought and technological breakthroughs, wrapped up in a glistening contraption of elegant and perfectly straight trusses, it's own metallic mind and set of eyes forever traveling at 38,000 miles per hour. If the gods were to add up everything we achieved as a species and pick 10 top things - this is one of them! Here's an amazing thing that we made, and then we just sent it off away from us as fast as we fucking could. The only thing we know about the voyager's plans is that 44,000 years from now he has a date with a neighboring star. If that was ever someone's goal for it, they certainly aren't sticking around to achieve it. And thus I believe Voyager has no destination. it's moving in a straight line, occasionally adjusted by the orbits of planets it slingshots off of. And maybe the Voyager is also perfectly fine with that...

crap, I gotta pack...

[marsdelapaz-blog]

Looking Back

Note: This post may be filled with Engineering-related stuff

Since many of my friends are asking about how I reviewed for ECE board exams, here goes my post on what happened during the past few months (and maybe some tips that I hope would help):

Becoming a licensed Electronics Engineer is quite hard. It seems true that the exams for this field are really difficult. Talk about studying a very wide scope of subjects from Mathematics, General Engineering and Applied Sciences, Electronics, and Electronic Systems and Technologies... nakakabaliw!

The decision of taking the boards was just sudden. I was supposed to start working already but Mom told me to review first. Luckily, I was a scholar because the team I was part of won during a regional quiz bee back in college. I enrolled in Excel due to tons of free books as perks of being a quizzer.

I can still remember my first day in review center. There was a long queue of students outside the office. It was almost time for the lesson to begin that I and some of the guys I chatted with decided to head first to our classrooms. My section was C4. The room was quiet. I sat in front because of my blurred vision. It was then I met my first set of friends Phoebe and Kuya Anthony. People seemed to be in groups since most of them were from same schools. Fortunately, those two were from different universities too.

During the first few weeks, our classes were only during MWF. After some time, we had a lot of makeup and remedial classes. Since my weekly allowance was not enough, I asked one of the teachers there if I could just sit-in on different sections to catch up with the lessons. It was really tiring to have weekday classes plus exams every Saturday. Talk about commuting, battling the traffic in Dela Rosa and the long lines in bus terminals just to go home transformed me into this everyday haggard look. Also, I was not able to have lunch with that sched that I only brought bread with me as my baon. No wonder I got a lot thinner those days.

I remember my birthday last year, there was no celebration at all. I just went to Greenbelt after my class to go to the chapel. Along my travel from Morayta, I suddenly saw a “pass” writing on one of the UVs. Afterwards, the girl beside me was looking at her license. I hoped that they were God’s signs for me. I told Him that the greatest gift He could give to me is passing the board exams... that all of our sacrifices would be worth it.

Since going to RC was so exhausting, I decided to transfer to section F which is dedicated for those who are working. I didn’t find any difficulties adjusting. My new section is filled with various types of people and with a wider range of ages. At first, I was really nervous on going home since class ends at 9pm every Saturday. I thought it was dangerous and would be hard to find a ride going back to Buendia but it wasn’t actually. I usually arrived at home around 12 midnight. During Sunday, my sched went from 8am until 7pm. So yeah, I only slept for 4 hours or less every Sat back then.

I enjoyed being part of F. I made good friends with people from different parts of the country. They are Dave, Xy, Bob, Arianne, James, Lea, Harold and Orville. One thing we all have in common is that we love eating! We even munched some chips while we sat in front during classes lol. Also, we shared extra infos with what we reviewed. During vacant time, we usually went to Mini Stop to chat about random stuff and to buy more food! We are a happy group that we find a way to laugh no matter how stressful the process went on. We also had a short bond outside Excel and that was after our mock board. As usual, we just had meryenda together. We also attended Victory together. I actually enjoyed worshipping and listening to their preachings (I hope I’m saying the right terms).

As for my study habits, I was able to have more time to read and practice solving because I only had weekend classes. I had longer hours to read pdfs, lecture notes and books. I made my own schedule in which I alternated MATH-ELEX with GEAS-EST combination. I woke up as early as 5:30 or 6 in the morning then I slept at around 12 midnight. I dominated my review with concepts that I made sure to feed my brain with tons of infos everyday. I practiced solving especially in Math cause I felt some trouble in answering complex questions. I also had some 20-30 minutes power naps when it felt like 2 cups of coffee, sweets and spicy chips (especially Ding Dong sweet and spicy... my fave!) can’t help me for the day.

During the review, I became really depressed when I found out my scores during the mock board exam were really low. That was when I told myself to push harder. There were days that I can’t help but breakdown. I am really thankful to have my friends whom I can vent and cry out all my frustrations. When I feel really tired and can’t tolerate headache, I took some time to rest. I watched some Just For Laughs videos on Youtube and read some motivation quotes on Twitter. Afterwards, I resume studying.

As days before boards got nearer, I had less time to relax. I told myself that all these sacrifices would pay off soon. I put my faith in God that He’ll give what’s best for me. I was not able to attend mass every Sunday but I made sure to pray everyday. Some examinees had rituals before boards but I actually didn’t have any (though it seemed like I didn’t cut my hair cause it was said having a haircut would remove good luck but I actually didn’t have time to go to salon lol).

The day before boards, I went to Landayan to pray then afterwards rushed going home to pack my things. Mom let me stay in a transient house near UE (board exams venue) with my Excel classmate Remy who also lives in Laguna. I just scanned my index cards in bed then attempted to sleep at 1am though I had insomnia. Also, our roomie (ugh) had some issues on keeping the lights on that she and my friend almost had a fight.

First day: Remy and I had a short review of notes at 3am then prepared for our exams. I bought breakfast then went to UE. I didn’t bring a jacket and the ac was focused towards my seat that I went to the washroom several times before starting.  Math gave me a headache due to too much symbols. 15 minutes left and I still had some blanks. I just had the shotgun and intelligent guess methods. We were asked to get back to the room early that I ate for less than 30 minutes only. ELEX was okay. Most of the questions were from Gibilisco and luckily, I was able to read the whole file. When I went back to where we were staying. I was super sleepy that I didn’t read my notes much even if I had coffee at night.

Second day: I felt really tired that I wanted to sleep more. Fortunately, Remy woke me up. I spilled coffee on my blouse that I covered it with my jacket. GEAS exam was mostly about Mechanics. I didn’t practice much on that subject but it was my fave when I was in APC back then that I was able to recall how to solve the questions. I wasn’t able to memorize the RA 9292 so I guessed those ECE Laws questions. Those from Engineering Economy were sort of basic. For lunch, I met my mom then she handed me snacks so that I can eat whenever I feel hungry while answering. I felt gg with  EST. I wasn’t able to memorize the formulas especially for Microwave Comms. I just tried answering them based on how I understood the concepts with all the books I read. There was also a time I felt really dizzy that I ate Mcdo flavored fries which really smelled in the whole room btw. Haha! I didn’t consume the whole time for exam that I passed my paper around 4pm. I can still remember my embarrassing moment when I slipped upon going down the stairs and the PRC staff saw me. Grabe. I just told myself that even if such things happened, I’ll still become an engineer.

Third day: Our venue for ECT exam was held in St. Jude. We rode a cab going there as a birthday treat from Xy. The exam had 50 items with some Math and ELEX questions sort of recycled from the ECE boards. I finished around 10:30am. Mom fetched me and we had lunch there with my Dave and Xy from Excel. We went to Recto after for our last bond.

Upon going home after the tiring exams, I felt off when the transient house admin forgot to return my Excel id. I wanted it as a remembrance. I kept on ranting and hoping that it was a sign that I passed. I also deactivated my FB account so that people won’t ask me anything and not to think much about boards.

Days after, our school’s dean invited my thesis mates to participate in a national contest. I then went back to Perps and saw my friends from lower batch. While chatting with some of them, I heard congratulations from those far from me. They were saying that I passed the board exams. At first I thought it was the results for ECT but then I saw with my own eyes that my name was listed on ECE board passers. I was shouting and really happy. My phone and FB were flooded with all the greetings. Our thesis also won 3rd place. It was a super blessed day indeed.

So how did I make it? I just kept on reading and practicing. I gave my best effort no matter how tiring the process was. I maintained being happy even if I was super stressed. During the boards, I imagined myself as just taking a simple test during college. I tried to avoid being nervous. Also, I did not give up in order to fulfill my goal of passing.

Some resources I used:

Math: Gillesania 1 & 2, Excel books, lecture notes

ELEX: Gibilisco, Floyd, Excel books especially Industrial Electronics, lecture notes

GEAS: Excel books, Youtube, IECEP questions, lecture notes

EST: Frenzel, MCQs, Excel books, lecture notes

For the files of those I mentioned (plus those I wished I studied if I had more time), click here.