#making my way through my inbox
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🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌷
Should Rebecca have kept this to herself?
It would change how I feel about you.
Keeley fucking Jones using her accountability question against her. She didn’t know if it was fair to bring this all up to Jamie here and now, but she did know she deserved whatever hatred he felt for her. She couldn’t let Ted shoulder that blame any longer.
“I truly am sorry, Jamie. I know that means very little, and I wish I could go back and change everything I did, but I can’t. I can only take accountability for my actions and apologise for them.”
“Yeah, accountability fucking matters, doesn’t it? Do you even know what you’re sorry for?”
“Yes and no,” Rebecca answered honestly.
“I told you me Dad threw a boot at me, yeah? Well that’s when we won, what do you think he did when we lost?”
#the Rebecca and jamie having fun drinking wine fic this is not#fic: you inherit the sins you inherit the flames#jamie tartt#rebecca welton#BDU#bad dads universe#thank you my lovely friend#making my way through my inbox#snippet#rose for a snippet#ask box is always open#fuck jamie’s dad
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Cal Kestrel
Yes
#slowly making my way through my 30+ inbox messages#cal kestis#star wars#star wars fanart#jedi fallen order
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your art is absolutely amazing
i just went thru all of the poorly drawn mdzs and it was amazing seeing your art develop!
you just made my morning, thabkyou <3
Thank you so much for the kind words, and for cheering me on as I continue to learn!
#ask#non mdzs#digital art#I got this ask a while back during a time I was feeling down about my lack of art progress;#You inspired me to go back and actually *look* at how far I've come and it gave me a much needed boost to keep drawing B'*)#I saved this ask in my inbox so I could use it as a positive reminder that I *am* growing and changing!#But now... I have to send that appreciation back. Thank *YOU* for making my week!#I do not know much about puparia but I do think the character in your pfp is very stunning. I hope they have a happy ending!#(In general; if you've sent me a lovely message like this and i *haven't* replied; they all really do mean a lot to me!)#(I am slowly working my way through my entire ask box! I'll get it done!!! I Will!!!)
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Not sure if this was alright discussed but what was the crucio scene like for Lyla? Unless if Lyla has a unknown savage side we don't know of, There's 99% guaranteed chance Lyla wasn't the one to cast crucio.
So my question is, what happened, how did everyone react, or did she walk it off like how it was in game?
You're right! Lyla 100% wanted nothing to do with the Dark Arts, so she didn't learn or cast Crucio. I like to think Lyla is pretty tough for a Hufflepuff, so once she had a Wiggenweld potion after the Crucio scene, she was good to go!
However, later that night, her mind was filled with doubt. Why was Sebastian so effortlessly able to cast Crucio on her? She knew the three of them would be stranded if he hadn't stepped up, and he gave her a choice, but... why did it seem so easy for him and on his first try no less? The pain from the Curse subsided long ago, but the pain in her heart still lingered 🥺💔
Don't worry, they talked and hugged it out after everything that happened ❤️🩹🫂
#asks#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy fanart#sebastian sallow#lyla estaris#slowly making my way through my inbox 😅
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How exactly is being otherkin any different than being transracial by idea? I’m not pro-transracial, but I can’t really formulate an argument on where the difference is and why one is okay while the other isn’t
The difference, in my opinion at least, basically comes down to the fact that race and ethnicity are things other real people deal with and which have big cultural impact for a lot of people; species is not. You can't hurt theriform wolves by identifying as a wolf because wolves are not people and are not aware of any of this. Dragons may be people depending on the dragon, but they don't exist physically in this world to have an opinion. You can, however, hurt people of color by identifying as transethnicity and approaching it in a disrespectful way.
And I say it that way because if I'm honest, transethnicity is one of those transIDs where I'm... a little torn on it. I can understand the feelings and experiences they're describing, but I struggle to find a way to engage with the idea of being transethnicity that isn't going to wind up being racist in one way or another. And while I haven't exactly spent a ton of time in radqueer/transID spaces, when I've gone into their tags and such to do a little research on them, I have overwhelmingly seen transethnicity people being kind of if not extremely racist about it. The experiences are not inherently harmful, but it's really easy to slide into engaging with those experiences in a way that's harmful.
And yet... in this community we have, for example, fictionkin whose fictotypes are a different race than them all the time, and sometimes that's very important to who their fictotype is and how they view the world. And that works out fine. I think the primary difference is that fictionkin are generally expected to acknowledge that they're not a part of that group in the present and can't speak on the group's issues or experiences as if they were, whereas the minute you put a trans- label onto the word, the expectation is that you should be treating a trans[x] person as if they're [x]. (And if it's not, then... why are you calling it trans- anything to begin with when that's what trans- means in an identity context?)
So, I do genuinely believe that they're having these experiences, but... idk, there has to be a better way to frame and engage with those experiences. I don't know what that is, but it's got to be out there somewhere, though it may not be a one-size-fits-all answer. (And maybe there's a transID community out there that's found it, I don't know.)
Anyway, open invitation for POC to give their thoughts on this, since they've probably got better-constructed ones than me; if I'm honest, I haven't spent all that much time thinking about this issue. I think about it on and off here and there when it comes up and then it gives me a headache so I move on.
#otherkin#rani talks#asked and answered#anonymous#my opinion on transid stuff kind of boils down to just#50% of it is 'do you know you're allowed to just want things?' (transoccupation; transhaircolor; etc)#30% of it is 'you are almost certainly not trans[x] you're just [x] and are gatekeeping yourself/enshrining questioning doubt -#- as part of your identity instead of getting over it' (for the last time you cannot be transotherkin. you're just otherkin. it's okay)#(see also transplural and a lot of transabled)#10% of it is 'oh my gods you should under no circumstances be making that part of your identity' (transharmful; transabuser)#and 10% of it is this 'your experiences are real but there's gotta be a better way to engage with them than this' (transethnicity; transage#a LOT of it is just... why do you feel the need to put EVERY aspect of yourself through a trans lens#it doesn't have to be trans to be valid. you can just want things. in some cases you can just Be Things#anyway. that's my ramble for the day#transid#transethnicity#i am intentionally using that term preferentially bc i know transrace can mean something non-transid#just for the record on why i made that change from your original phrasing#anyway. brace for 48 hours of arguing about radqueer stuff in my notes and inbox o7
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i have finished all the body type 1 dyes... for now 😳 (edit: not anymore since patch 5 but STILL A LOT) everything is in the archive drive. special thanks to @salfur for handling the body type 2 outfits!
i added a spreadsheet (+ a pdf version) to the drive so you can check for specific items that may be missing - there are a BUNCH of items that have the same model, and are functionally identical once dyes are applied. so, for example, if you're looking for dye variations for the Anarchic White Outfit:
you can reference the Anarchic Blue Outfit dye sheet! ✨
also!
now that im finally done with the heavy lifting for this project..... the time has come for me to actually play the game. 🫣 im going to be streaming occasionally over on twitch, so feel free to follow me there if that's something you're interested in 💕 no concrete schedule yet, ill probably post updates on here to keep u in the loop on that (but i still gotta keep this blog tidy to keep it functional as an archive)
but anyway, for now.... i will take a nap 🫡
edit: adding my ko-fi since some people have been asking me about it - thank you for the interest & generosity! 💗
#not dyes#and again thank u all so much for the constant outpour of love & support & positivity ❤️#like idk ive been going through some shit lately but every time i open my inbox to more kind messages it just absolutely makes my day#this project has kept me afloat in a way and it's mostly thanks to you all. so thank u fr fr <3
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Are you a big fan of the headcannon that snotlout and Hiccup are cousins? I know they are in books, but in the show, it isn't specified its sort of implied, but then it's not that they're confused about it, I think, but yeah want to hear your thoughts!!
i think snotlout and hiccup being cousins lends their dynamic a really fun dimension that only helps their relationship — so yes, I’m a hugeeee fan of this headcanon. In part, I think their antagonism toward each other truly reads as a familial dynamic, but i also think it’s interesting to think how their relationship shifts over time from rivals toward a much healthier relationship. pre-httyd1, it’s pretty clear that snotlout is prioritized as the ideal viking and hiccup is viewed with disdain, but as rob-rtte shows, over time it’s *hiccup* who gets prioritized, whether that’s by their agemates to the village to even by the narrative. it’s interesting to think how snotlout as the ideal, bulkier cousin who was/is presumably in line to inherit the chiefdom of berk has to reconcile those years with the peacetime berk has now, beginning with his cousin who is the opposite of him in every which way.
also their freckles are like….really fun and them being cousins means i get to write a scene in my fic where snotlout goes “damn lil cuz i really fucked you up huh” and then he and hiccup knock it back because they’re stupid teenagers who stole mead from the great hall in order to hash out a long-overdue conversation
#my art#asks#anonymous#httyd#how to train your dragon#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#hiccup haddock#snotlout jorgenson#trans hiccup#ayeeeee thank you for the ask!!! sorry for taking so long#im slowly but surely working my way through my inbox o7#tho im also beginning to prepare to return to college….. U_U;;#anyway but hiccup and snotlout being cousins is forever my number one headcanon about the teens#also i think it makes thawfest that much funnier#astrid: i can be a dickhead to snotlout but YOU cant#youre FAMILY and family doesnt abandon each other on berk#hiccup gritting his teeth: yeah well im kind of known as a rule breaker these days soooooooo.#em.txt
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silkie chicken!!? for a weirder favorite animal
strange beast (affectionate)
#i didn't have the guts to sketch/line this one I just Went in with a fuzzy brush lmao#digital art#krita#birds#chickens#silkie#i promise I will be slowly making my way through these. i still ahve some in my inbox and there's replies on that post too#and these are a joy to work on <3 I'm just slow#animals
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it's been a hot sec since i've talked about cyberpunk and i was initially working on a fic that would tell the story of this whole thing, but i've abandoned it many months ago and cannot say when i'll be picking it up again SO! i've decided to instead make this timeline. sorry in advance for how much information is in this thing the cyberpunk extended blorboverse essentially refers to the story parallel to the in-game events of cyberpunk 2077 that @mojaves and i came up with. we don't really have a better name for it but at this point the term has been used so many times that i feel like everyone here knows what it is by now, but at the same time we've never really explained the full scope of what the story is by now (it's a lot sorry). so in an attempt to get you guys a little bit more up to date with it all, here's a semi coherent timeline that describes the core events of the story and every branching story that came out of it! for additional background information, you can check out the following posts (timeline 1 / timeline 2 / timeline 3) to catch up with the continuation of the in-game storyline that's referenced in this timeline, but it's mostly irrelevant to everything here save for a couple of referenced events that cross over between the stories. it all ties together very intricately sorry about that. don't worry too much about it i've included my taglist down below to make sure people who are interested won't miss this post, but feel free to skip over this if it's not your thing! won't be doing a lot of this kind of stuff in the future but i'm trying to get back to the cyberpunk roots so this is kind of like, a good starting point and reference point for later posts!
The story starts in early 2077 and is centered around Sebastian Vidal, gang leader of the Cobras and previous test subject of Arasaka Special Programs (the linked page is a lot of information but gives the most coherent overview of what the branch actually is). The current director of the SERPENT projects, Andrew Colton, and Dr. Alana Cartier, both want him dead, to tie up their last loose end before the rest of Arasaka can find out and shut down Special Programs once and for all.
Over the past months they’ve been hiring various assassins in secret, to try and get Seb killed; however, these assassins keep failing, and their latest attempt lies in the hands of Cassidy Shaffer, an ex-corpo turned assassin with a strong moral code and plenty of experience to his name. With little to work with, as his mysterious client doesn’t give out much information, Cassidy starts with what he thinks is gonna be a quick and easy job– but he ends up hunting after Seb for essentially a year.
During this year, the two men have a series of wild encounters that get more and more insane the longer it goes on; it includes, but is unfortunately not limited to, Cassidy biting off a chunk of Seb’s ear, the two of them running over the highway, the two of them getting handcuffed together and chased by the NCPD then hit by a car right in front of the hospital, and Seb sensually licking blood off Cassidy’s face after having stabbed him when Cassidy wanted to strike at a concert Seb is visiting.
All of it comes to a sudden stop when Cassidy learns his client has been lying to him the whole time, and since he does not appreciate lying clients he ends up jumping sides and teams up with the Cobras to do some cleanup duty in Arasaka Special Programs. He and Seb work together to go after a list of targets to get the still ongoing projects mostly to a halt, while remaining in the shadows themselves as to not draw too much attention their way; and during this collaboration they meet several people from their past, bringing back both good and bad memories.
One of these people is Hanan Chisaka, the Head of Security at Special Programs. She ends up becoming the next test subject of Project Cobra after the last successful subjects, Xavier and Gabriel Mason, end up escaping in the midst of the chaos of Hanako Arasaka’s capture in mid-2077. Once Seb’s best friend and Cassidy’s mentor, she’s now forced to hunt the both of them down; but in their final confrontation she snaps out of the controlled mode Arasaka keeps her in and runs away with them, effectively leaving Special Programs without any test subjects. Another one of these people is Reid Bennett, Cassidy’s ex and ex-coworker back at MaxTac. He still works for the corporation and has been on an ongoing investigation into Arasaka Special Programs; seeing Cassidy alive and well, working together with Seb no less, piques his interest and he continues to look further into the case, which will cause him to make a very big mistake later on in the timeline.
By September 2078, Seb and Cassidy have successfully taken down all their planned targets and retreat back into the shadows, leaving Special Programs with many losses and no test subjects. With the APEX program discontinued a month earlier (incident discussed in this fic, which is a continuation of the in-game events), and Hanako Arasaka recovered and ready to take the corporation back from the hands of her corrupt brother, Special Programs ends up having to retreat for the time being, and cook up a new plan in the background.
Special Programs by this point is run by Andrew Colton, Alana Cartier, and Kaida Akiyama, three players who have been in the game for a long time already in the SERPENT projects’ runtime. Colton and Cartier are married– Cartier used to be married to Seb and cheated on him for a good amount of time when he was still at Arasaka– but their marriage is starting to fall apart. Akiyama has had to watch over Special Ops agent Ambrose Hawthorne for a while during his chase after the Mason twins, which ended up with the twins dead and Hawthorne going into early retirement (Arasaka doesn’t know the twins faked their death and Ambrose is now dating one of them lol), and xe is now determined to help Colton and Cartier get Seb back into Arasaka so the projects can continue.
Cassidy’s initial plan was to leave as soon as the collaboration would come to an end, but he has found his place with the Cobras and instead ends up officially joining them.The next chapter in the story is a more laid-back and easygoing chapter, in which Cassidy learns to be part of real life again, and in which Seb learns to let people get close to him again after spending years trying to convince himself he doesn’t need any help. Over the course of a little over a year (all the way to November 2079), the two grow even closer than they had already done, going on gigs together and, you guessed it, slowly but surely falling in love until they inevitably end up together at the end of it.
Not long after the two get together, Reid returns into Cassidy’s life. He wants to try and be friends again and Cassidy gives him a second chance, though this soon enough turns out to have been a mistake, with Reid trying to create distance between Seb and Cassidy and then going as far as trying to sell Cassidy to Kang Tao (one of the few corporations that have been hunting Cassidy down for a while now) in exchange for his own freedom from MaxTac (where he would have otherwise been stuck at for probably the rest of his life). Naturally, Reid can’t watch Cassidy get tortured for long and leaks his location to the Cobras, who find and free Cassidy and take Reid into captivity instead– he does not get killed, but instead has to sit out some time at a safehouse somewhere in solitude, where he gets to decide what kind of person he wants to be in the future.
This brings us to Elysium; a gorgeous spaceship which was supposed to be a relatively cheap escape from reality for everyone who wanted a refreshing break from Earth, but through Arasaka sponsorship has become just another cash-grab project to compete with the Crystal Palace– and considering the megacorporation has its greasy hands all over it, the secret labs in the spaceship are used for a series of very unethical experiments. Naturally so, it would be the perfect place for Colton to continue his SERPENT projects without the risk of Hanako Arasaka finding out and shutting the place down. He sends forces up to Elysium (obviously after his other attempts at relocating the project to space have failed tremendously, having lost contact with every single crew in the smaller Arasaka stations in orbit around the planet), but since he’s not there himself his cousin (one of the CEOs of Elysium), Maxwell Crane, unbeknownst to Colton, takes control of the SERPENT projects in space instead. From the earlier linked Special Programs page: “Project Eryx used the technology of previous projects, but took a completely new approach in the hosts it used; rather than focusing on the human psyche it attempted to create a new type of cyborg which would lack the humanity that caused previous projects to fail. The Cobra chips were no longer used and the software was instead installed directly onto the host’s mainframe. The flexibility of the new hosts– more robot than human, and in some cases the entire human aspect was lacking altogether– allowed for experimentation with highly advanced cybernetic enhancements and military grade tech and upgrades, turning the test subjects– dubbed ‘prototypes’– into dangerous, unstoppable killing machines.”
Things settle down for Seb and Cassidy, but this moment of peace does not last long. In January 2081 the two find themselves traveling to the spaceship Elysium, to investigate a curious situation in the laboratories– they’ve been hired by Arasaka without their knowledge and it’s a setup to get Cassidy killed and Seb back in Cartier’s control.
While in space, they learn that the secret labs have suffered an outbreak of the above mentioned prototypes. They quickly connect the dots and realize Special Programs is back in the game, and they work together with security guards Aubrey Valentine and Leon dello Russo to try and fix the situation before it gets out of hand. Obviously this fails tremendously and Elysium ends up on a complete lockdown after a ship-wide outbreak, which is eventually contained in late March of that year, with CEO Maxwell Crane dead, leaving only his wife Kinsley Osborn behind.
Elysium continues to exist and is rebuilt after the crisis, and Kinsley Osborn can now finally turn it into the retreat it was always meant to be. Previously, most Elysium employees were to be stuck in space for the rest of their lives; however, with Arasaka out of the picture they are free to leave as they please, which results in a gigantic cut in total employee count in the months that follow.
Seb and Cassidy return to Night City and take Aubrey and Leon with them. Aubrey reunites with his sisters; Becca, James, and Rikki, and soon after his return to the city he opens an LGBTQ+ nightclub called Bodytalk with them, found Downtown, City Center, in June 2081. Not only is it a fun place to hang out at, it’s also his main hub as a fixer, and he starts a collaboration with the Cobras to get business going between the gang and the club; and soon enough it grows into a large and powerful network of connections, which is the foundation on which the rest of the stories are built.
After this point in time, many many more things happen but it would take me another hour or ten to go into full detail of all of that, so instead here’s a quick rundown of some of the other things that Bodytalk gets involved in:
Reid Bennett is handed over to Aubrey and he starts working at the club, and he becomes a very valued employee as well as a good friend to many now that he’s no longer fucking insane
Kaida Akiyama returns from Elysium and shows up to Hanan’s doorstep, to ask for her help with getting out of Arasaka for good; much later on, xe starts working for Bodytalk as well, in an attempt to put xyr past behind xem and become a better person
Urban Dynamite starts performing at the club regularly, and it becomes their home base
Luna Serratos, Cassidy’s ripperdoc friend from all the way back to killing era, gets involved in the Harbinger case from Maelstrom (one of the gang’s most feared members); turns out the Harbinger is in fact Reuben de la Rosa, a by then 22-year-old kid who has ended up in Luna’s care with his friend Noah Telavera after the two got caught up in an explosion. She requests the Cobras’ help with getting Maelstrom to let Reuben go
Officer Michele Diaz from Militech (who used to be Cassidy’s boss) is demoted following the lawsuits after the Elysium incident, and her investigation into the incident in hopes to get her job back leads her to Bodytalk; she begins threatening them and sends the whole club and their allies into uncertain times
Many people get married. There’s so many fucking guys here we went a little insane with the numbers but there’s several weddings and there’s a whole polycule going on too feel free to send asks about this if you’re interested
Cobra Cybernetics releases a new line of cyberware, which is incredibly buggy and dangerous to the public; it’s brought to the club’s attention and it makes them realize that Luiza Vidal (Seb’s sister), who not that long ago asked them to kill her husband (William Colton (Andrew’s brother), CEO of Cobra Cybernetics), has gone missing; they now need to get involved without getting the news out that they actually didn’t kill William and that he is still alive somewhere, while also balancing out dynamics between Biotechnica (angry at Cobra Cybernetics for stealing their designs) and Arasaka (the actual reason why Cobra Cybernetics’ designs look like Biotechnica’s designs, because William stole designs from Special Programs after halting their partnership after the Elysium incident, but these designs had been stolen by Arthur Jenkins from Biotechnica even BEFORE that to be able to hijack the European Space Council’s cybernetics following the Frankfurt incident. Are you still with me)
Vitali Dobrynin (fixer and main character from the in-game events storyline and the continuation of it; Vincent “V” Mayer’s boyfriend) ends up visiting Bodytalk after meeting Aubrey at a Fixer Council meeting, which happens in late 2083; this essentially ties the two main storylines together, which means that yes, a lot of the characters from the two separate storylines end up meeting :]
Officer Ulysses Dimakos (used to work with Reid at MaxTac) is sent to investigate Bodytalk following the Cobra Cybernetics scandal, and ends up teaming up with the club to get MaxTac on a dead trail in exchange for his freedom of the corporation
On top of the Bodytalk / Cobras centered storyline, there’s a couple of side stories that are still connected to the whole thing but are more of a standalone thing with only a few touching points to the rest of it all:
This obviously takes place a lot earlier because it’s already mentioned above, but Special Ops agent Ambrose Hawthorne is tasked with chasing after the escaped Mason twins; naturally he lets them go and ends up going into retirement, and Xavier Mason later on ends up becoming Bodytalk’s part-time repair guy on account of knowing Kaida
Gabriel Mason ends up in a car crash with retired security specialist Ames Ortega, who was also in Elysium during the incidents there, and the two end up babysitting Ambrose and Xavier’s kids together while those two are helping Hanan with getting Kaida out of Arasaka (Are you still with me. Blink if you can hear me)
Mercenary Frankie Sayyad gets a promotion from his fixer, Vulture (real name Diana Crane, Maxwell Crane’s older sister and cousin of the Coltons), and becomes one of her Bloodhounds; he works together with Evelyn Harris, Nimue Nkuna, and Beckett Rydel, the latter being one of the very first test subjects of Arasaka Special Programs, and the four accidentally get themselves mixed into a mystery concerning their secretive fixer
Caleb Harris, ex-security at Biotechnica, ends up back at Club Bodytalk not long after the conclusion of the Cobra Cybernetics scandal, and starts working for Aubrey; he is partnered up with Ramiel Al-Masri, a mercenary who has been working for Vitali Dobrynin for a while and has recently joined Aubrey’s mercenary roster too, and together they dive into a series of gigs neither of them had expected
Journalist Bodhi Shankar has finally found more evidence and information surrounding the mysterious cult gang Umbra and its so-called Prophet, Thiago Salazar; however, his antics have led to him accidentally becoming part of the gang himself, and he has to figure out a way to get Thiago to stop listening to the supposed deity that the gang worships known as Scintilla, before she makes him do things that will get many people killed
taglist (opt in/out)
@velocitic, @deadrlngers, @euryalex, @ordinarymaine, @gurathins;
@mojaves, @shellibisshe, @dickytwister, @mnwlk, @rindemption;
@ncytiri, @calenhads, @noirapocalypto, @florbelles, @radioactiveshitstorm;
@strafethesesinners, @fashionablyfyrdraaca, @aemondtargeryen, @radioactive-synth, @katsigian;
@estevnys, @elgaravel, @aezyrraeshh, @carlosoliveiraa
#nuclearwriting#timeline tag#this is really lengthy so again if you don't wanna go through all that i can respect that WBHSNGJFDHGDFJG just wanted to like#show that no i am NOT dead i have in fact been yelling about my ocs basically every single day since the last piece of writing i posted#but it's all in intricate rituals between me and my bf that as you can see results into. so much information. that's only barely coherent#i could go into entirely more detail is the thing. i could very easily go into entirely more detail because you see#we have encounters written out for killing era. all encounters. they're all there#we have separate timelines for the bigger events like the elysium arc and the maelstrom arc and the militech arc#the whole thing with cobra cybernetics is a buildup that dates back all the way to fucking 2072 and then happens in 2083/84#the colton/crane family dynamics are a whole bookwork of information on its own#then there's the whole polycule that's gotten. a little out of hand i'll admit but it's COHERENT i made a VISUAL for it#there's years worth of history between SO many of these characters that can all be analyzed and picked apart personally#there's the whole side stories going on with ambrose and the mason twins and the bloodhounds and umbra#the whole elysium incident on its own is a horror freakshow that would do numbers on here. i'm telling you#BASICALLY WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING#PLEASE COME INTO MY INBOX OR IN ANDY'S INBOX WE LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF#THERE'S SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE AN INSANE AMOUNT OF OCS FOR IT AND WE'RE STILL MAKING MORE#ELYSIUM HAS A WHOLE CREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE MADE UP A WHOLE CREW FOR ITTBHGFJNBHGJKSDGDSNGJDSG#I'M NORMAL
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I was joking a while back that the actor they have playing KDJ for the orv movie was too handsome for him and a friend who's read orv was like "KDJ is actually secretly attractive!!" And I just felt my soul leave my body right then
SIGHS...
Okay. Buckle in. I'm gonna finally actually address and explain and theorize about this whole...thing.
I'm not gonna cite any exact chapters cause it's like 11:30 and I've got an 8 hour drive in the morning but I'll at least make an approximate reference to where certain things are mentioned. Also, this post is just my personal interpretation for a good bit of it, but it's an interpretation I feel very solid about, so do with that what you will. Moving on to the meat of things:
There is one (1) instance in the web novel that I know of which describes specific features of Kim Dokja (especially ones other people notice). This takes place when members of KimCom are trying to make Kim Dokja presentable to give his speech at the Industrial Complex (after it's been plopped down on Earth). This is when they start really paying attention and focusing on Kim Dokja's appearance since they're putting makeup on him; I still don't think they can interpret his whole face, but they can accurately pick out and retain more features than usual. If I remember correctly they reference him having long eyelashes, smooth skin, and soft hair. These features can be viewed as (stereotypically) attractive.
Certain parts of the fandom have taken this scene and run with it at a very surface level, without realizing (or without acknowledging at the very least) that this scene is not about how Kim Dokja looks. This is, in part, due to not realizing or acknowledging why Kim Dokja's face is "censored" in the first place, and what that censoring actually means. I think it's also possible that some people are assuming the censorship works like a physical phenomena rather than an altered perception.
I'll address that last point first. The censorship of Kim Dokja's features is not something as simple as a physical phenomena. It's not a bar or scribble or mosaic over his face. If that were true it'd be very obvious to anyone looking at him that his face is hidden. But his face is not hidden to people. They can look at him and see a face. If they concentrate on his eyes, they can see where he's looking. They know when he's frowning or grinning. They see a face loud and clear. But what face are they seeing? Because it's not really his, whatever they're seeing.
No one quite agrees on what he really looks like. And if they try and think about what he looks like, they can't recall. Or if they do, it's vague, or different each time. We notice these little details throughout the series. Basically, Kim Dokja's face is cognitively obscured. Something - likely the Fourth Wall, though I can't recall if this is ever stated outright - is interfering with everyone's ability to perceive him properly. This culminated in him feeling off to others; and since they don't even realize this is happening, they surmise that he is "ugly."
Moving on to the other point about what the censorship means: To be blunt, the censorship of his face is an allegory for his disconnect from the "story" (aka: real life, and the real people at his side). The lifting - however slight - of this censorship represents him becoming more and more a part of the "story" (aka: less disconnected from the life he is living and the people at his side). The censorship's existence and lifting can represent other things - like dissociation or depersonalization or, if you want to get really meta, the fact that he is all of our faces at once - but that's how I'd sum up the main premise of it. (The Fourth Wall is a larger part of the dissociation allegory, but that's for another post).
So you see, them noticing his individual features isn't about the features. It's not about the features! It doesn't matter at all which features got listed. Because they could describe any features whatsoever and it would not change the entire point of the scene. Because the point isn't what he looks like. The point is that they can truly and clearly see these features. For the first time. They are seeing parts of him for the first time. Re-read that sentence multiple times, literally and metaphorically. What does it mean to see someone as they are?
This is an extremely significant turning point dressed up as a dress-up scene.
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P.S. / Additionally, I'm of the opinion that Kim Dokja is not handsome, and he is not ugly. He is not pretty, and he is not ghastly. Not attractive, nor unattractive. Kim Dokja isn't any of these things. More importantly, Kim Dokja can't be any of these things. The entire point of Kim Dokja is that you cannot pick him out of a crowd; he is the crowd. He's a reader. He's the reader. Why does he need to be handsome? Why must he be pretty? Why is him being attractive necessary or relevant? He doesn't, he doesn't, it's not. He is someone deeply deeply loved and irreplaceable to those around him, and someone who cannot even begin to recognize or accept that unless it's through a love letter masquerading as a story he can read. He is the crowd, a reader, the reader. He's you, he's me. He's every single one of us.
#orv#orv analysis#orv meta#orv spoilers#beso babbles#inbox#there's also the meta that he is described with these (stereotypically) pretty features as they are about to try and 'sell' him to a crowd#which feels to me like a very pointed way to convey how 'beauty' is commodified. how audiences like 'attractive' characters more#note: made some edits to add in a couple of sentences my brain forgot in the moment so make sure u reblogged those if u do#tag edits for further commentary that isnt strictly relevant to the point i was making:#do i think that this face censorship was executed as well as it could have been? nah.#not that it was like. done Badly. it's followed through to a certain point. its established enough for me to make this post at least.#but i do think it is the one thing in the web novel that SS didn't capitalize on.#like. they still stuck the landing but it was not as picture perfect of an execution as the rest of the metaphorical stuff in orv#also. this (not the face censorship specifically but the 'hes just some guy' point of it all) is one of the big reasons i think that-#-visual adaptions of orv can never quite work. they can do the best that they can with that medium but a lot of nuance is lost-#-simply by virtue of it being a visual medium#i personally think the only way a visual medium could work would be one where they commit to the power move of not showing kdj's face#(until a certain point (of view) that is)#his face is always facing away or out of frame or hidden by someone or something else in the way#commit to the fucking allegory or simply perish
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casey if you want the showers-
https://www.tumblr.com/kingofthering/766887733130084352/sounds-fantastic
random thought: maybe being a part of a structure like the academy might have fixed teenage casey stoner……
(x) he's getting in the shower, he's enjoying the sausage, he's having it all
and oh hm this is SUCH an interesting idea that had never occurred to me. with the academy, I often think about how valentino himself never ever would have joined it... just this implicitly subservient position to another rider, any restraints placed on individualism, losing the ability to define himself to the same extent... I do actually think valentino would be pretty good at team sports, like it's not a loner mentality that would be the dealbreaker - it's just that specifically the academy vibe would not have been for him
with casey... I mean, yeah, maybe? yeah, I reckon you're right. that could have worked miracles for casey. the closest he got was being one of alberto puig's kids for a while (hence the 27 to dani's 26), but obviously that was a very different vibe. this is how puig is being described in 2006 (x):
Puig is a very powerful figure in the paddock, running teams in the lower classes, as well as the MotoGP Academy, widely acknowledged as the best route into premier class racing for young riders. His influence is hard to exaggerate, and when you add in his forceful personality, known for attempting to silence those who criticize his riders, this makes him a potentially disruptive figure in any team. He is, like so many people involved at the very highest levels of professional sport, utterly driven, and people who are so driven often find it difficult to keep a sense of perspective. Alberto Puig is concerned with only one thing: that the riders he coaches should win. Nothing else matters. In a sense, this is totally understandable: He is paid to nurture young talent to produce winning riders, and he is remarkably good at his job. But his focus and his drive rubs off on his protégés, and can turn them into single-minded, dour automatons, concerned only with their own performance, and little else.
not very valentino, is it. like you do probably want an actual academy-esque structure where the kids within it actually get the chance to... y'know. bond. care about each other. no puig
and while puig did play a critical role in casey's career, that's still a connection that had more or less fizzled out by the time casey gets to motogp. so obviously no real equivalent in casey's career. and... I mean, yeah, surely it would have changed a lot. it always comes back to the same few things with casey, doesn't it. casey, who was bullied at school, who was frequently made an outsider even in the australian motorcycling community until he was eventually pushed out of the country entirely... the impact of this hypothetical academy structure does depend a bit on when it would GET to casey - because by the age vr46 typically steps in, a lot of casey's formative experiences have already happened to him. he doesn't get a racing licence from the AJRRA (the australian road racing association controlled mainly by parents of kids casey had been beating most of his life). he has to leave the country. they leave his sister behind. they depend on the charity of others in england. his family is 100% financially dependent on his racing success. every opportunity feels like it could be his last. like... this is stuff that's kind of set by the time he's 14-15. the contrast between his childhood and valentino's is discussed in this post:
and yeah, obviously a lot of that stuff would have already happened. then again, having somebody step in when he was... what, maybe 16-17-ish? and give him some job + financial security... I mean in blunt terms, I know this ask was probably more thinking about the community aspect - but you cannot understate the importance that these practical elements would have had for casey. and yes, there's the more emotional element of... finally being let into a club, of having someone fight your corner, of knowing you've got this structure looking out for you. of handling your contract negotiations - casey also talks about how he and his father frequently just felt like they didn't GET the paddock politics; the insider/outsider dynamic is so foundational to his experience in the sport. all these unspoken rules casey just didn't know... having someone there who DOES know and is looking out for you and can take care of everything bar the riding would have made such a difference
and my god, yeah, there's the community aspect. so much of casey's time in the sport is defined by how deeply, deeply lonely he was. the childhood friendships he'd had either get left behind or are eroded by competitive tensions. he never gets close to another premier class rider, doesn't get particularly close to his team either. in 2009, he said his only friend in the paddock was his wife. and... y'know, while I have no doubt the paddock could feel like a pretty hostile place, I also reckon it would've been a good thing for someone to force casey out of his shell a little bit. like, I get not getting close to your direct competitors, I doubt I'd be massively different, but maintaining that level of distance from basically everyone you travel with most of the year feels... not ideal. at least befriend some of the mechanics my man. looking at some of the canonical vr46 academy riders - naming no names, but I can also easily imagine them in the loner category if the academy hadn't picked them up. and at least THEY could still fall back on childhood friends and acquaintances if they hadn't had the academy, more so than a bloke who moved to a different continent aged fourteen. casey needed some friends!! and maybe just an occasional reminder that not the whole world is out to get him
so YEAH I do agree an academy-esque structure would've made a MASSIVE difference... to the extent that it's almost tough to imagine that version of casey. it does make you realise just how foundational all of this angst feels to casey, in a sad way. what does he even look like without his isolation... you might wonder whether that change would take a bit of his edge away - it's just undeniable that he got a lot of motivation and drive out of his oppositional dynamic with the rest of the world. he wanted to show everyone that they were wrong about him... the rejection by the club back home in australia made him angry, the rejection of teams in motogp made him angry... and well, his circumstances did make him desperate. they made him hungry. it's what he talks about here, isn't it, the feeling that some young riders just aren't taking their riding seriously enough, contrasting it to how he knew he had to take every single opportunity he was given. valentino vs casey about young riders (2009//2013):
(remember that the question valentino got explicitly referred back to an earlier answer about casey - "serious and sad" is kinda his characterisation of casey specifically)
then again. saying this pain was necessary to casey's success would be needlessly myopic, casey has plenty of drive even without piling on the horrors when he was 16-20, give the kid some friends y'know. you can still be plenty neurotic within an academy, you can still cultivate a persecution complex, look at pecco. also, y'know, obviously sports success isn't worth miserable children and never will be. and I suspect casey himself has softened a bit from the stance expressed in his autobiography - I've been thinking again about that podcast interview he gave earlier this year that takes a more explicitly critical view on how his parents forced their dream on him
speaking of, another big benefit of the academy is in outsourcing the role of enforcing discipline so that it's no longer the parents doing it, which again just feels considerably healthier. casey basically says as much in his autobiography:
though, again, I wouldn't call puig a particularly helpful influence either, and jorge's experience with amatriain should be enough evidence that it doesn't take a parent to establish an unhealthy (and even abusive) dynamic. obviously, the assumption here is that you drop casey in a vr46-esque academy - for all his sins, the academy valentino set up in no way resembles how these other 'talent spotters' manage their charges. it's just... it's a safety net, isn't it, in every sense. financially, job security-wise, socially... obviously it's always going to be performance-dependent, yes, but that bit's never going to be an issue for any version of casey
so, yeah. maybe not 'fix' casey exactly, but it would've changed so much for him... it does feel like it would've been an unambiguously positive presence in his life. no, it wouldn't just erase all his issues with the sport - but if he could've found a place within an academy structure like that, he would've been a lot happier for it. probably could've loved the sport more than he did. certainly would've felt a lot less alone
#:(((( blacked out when writing this and now reading it back i'm kind of sad :(#in a small way the academy does kind of represent a breaking of the cycle#i spent a lot of my teenage years observing the myriad ways in which sports can twist and warp parent/child relationships#and idk. within individual sports it does make you feel like a structure like that is something quite rare and precious#similarly valentino-the-mentor would've also been an unambiguously healthier presence in jorge's life -#- than all of jorge's actual mentors. though admittedly i'm pretty sure a raccoon on acid would also clear that particular bar#//#brr brr#heretic tag#batsplat responds#spec tag#lads im gonna continue to gradually make my way through the ranch stuff in my inbox as i continue to have new. thoughts#this post really went places from 'enjoying the sausage' huh
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i will be the enabler. contrahero 4. 🗣️🙏
4. After an argument
“Why are they sitting like that?”
“They just had a fight.”
“But they’re holding hands…”
“They don’t like it when they fight.”
#slowly but steady making my way through the reqs!!#was thinkin’ about this one in specific for so long. and both excited and scared to get to this akmsskdmdj#excited cuz post-argument scenarios are very dear to me. scared cuz the image I have in mind was pretty difficult to get right lol#I managed tho!!!#and here they are!!!!#akmkkskdkd thanks for the enablement <3#it came a bit later. but it came!!#slay the princess#contrahero#voice of the hero#voice of the contrarian#stp voices#mailbox#sal draws#not linking the list on these anymore. cuz I don’t feel like doing more reqs lmao#just doing the ones already in my inbox#(unless it’s more contrahero. I can always make exceptions for more contrahero)
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cutting teeth changed me in so many ways but for some reason one of the most prominent is my need for more trailer fics now. i need them to have the most impractical sex in there. i had a dream last night where assad sneaks into eric’s trailer to ride that old man senseless in between call times. this shit is haunting me
no literallyyyyyy like i need the cast to have terrible back problems because they're fucking on those tiny couches. falling onto the floor and continuing to fuck. breaking chairs. half in the bathroom and half out. they need to be fucking in inappropriate and inopportune places❗️🗣️
#asks#i reread that recently and was like there is no way he's fitting in eric's lap.#then smiled because i love impractical things happening in fic#going through my inbox responding to old old asks btw. hiiiiii#also the fact that it was responsible for making you have this dream. huge huge compliment. thank you 💗
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ur blog stinks of transmisogyny proshitter
#in all seriousness. obviously this person has nothing useful to add to any conversation.#but should i ever actually say something shitty. you can just like. tell me that.#you know. not by going anon in my inbox to insult me and not even tell me what set you off? because like if i don’t know what exactly you’re#mad about then i do have to make the assumption that you are just mad that i’m. being trans in a way you don’t like. and you’re using the#first word you can think of that will make me shut up through shame. which is a weird thing to do. maybe don’t use actual bigotry to tell#local idiot blogger to shut up. the damage done here is to the strength of that word as used to describe actual transphobia.#ask#anon hate#yeah ill make a tag for that for easy blocking actually. not that i respond to shitty messages like this often but. in the event.
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in my perfect world everyone makes so many lesbian muses the men then have to deal with the exact same behavior when every single post ever written isn’t about dick.
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[real talk: I’m a lesbian transmasc little enby guy. but my gender? is lesbian. it’s how I explain it. my attraction to women is a part of#my innate gender. that’s just how it is and the two things inform one another. heteronormativity is still so alive and now everyone can put#it under progressive little labels where the character is bisexual but everything that’s focused on for miles is the hetcoded shit. it’s a#cool little thing people do now. it went from when I was a kid and ‘there’s no such thing as bi you’re just confused’ to ‘everyone is bi#because it gives me points but I will never meaningfully observe the queer aspect of that identity and it can make me seem comfortable with#queer identities’. it’s lip service so much of the time. and I never ever ever say you’re only valid if you write bi characters in a#queercoded relationship. bisexuality is forever valid always even if you’ve NEVER been in a queer relationship. but this is writing and#real bisexual people (I’m not even bi I’m literally a lesbian) have experiences irl that make them feel shitty#when they see them boiled down to shallow. a lot in the same way I get upset when I see lesbian relationships brushed off or ignored in#spite of my own excitement toward the ship. MY POINT IS that lesbians are completely ignored by this point and I can say this both irl and#on here because when you live a life that excludes men from your romantic space you’re basically illegal. it drives me fucking insane. the#way anyone can make a fucking whitebread ass man on this site and their inbox will be exploding but you make a lesbian and you have to pad#quietly around because from jump you’re already worried about how people will perceive you and you KNOW they won’t be immediately welcoming.#this is an irl thing in such a big way and I’m a NEW YORKER. but the fact that this exists in the rpc? truly I miss when we just wrote and#enjoyed things and this wasn’t a cesspit of discourse instead of an actual creative community. like. I went to college to study boring#theses that couldn’t keep my attention. I slogged through litcrit theory. do I love it? yes. but some of yall really just wanna be on#debatebro YouTube and not in the actual rpc. it’s wild. everyone’s a philosopher but no one wants to meaningfully engage. and if they do#they want to in either bad faith or basically hardheaded ignorance about an issue. someone’s 2 seconds from rping destiny.#swear to fucking god if I see one person make an asm.ngold joke I will cry.]
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good morning!!
hello dearest :D!!
#i am so tired my dudes#was in the process of mentally drafting out a long post#thoughts and feelings#and gave up half way through#ah i fear i enjoy the rush of giving up on things more than the satisfaction that comes with persuing what makes me happy#hm#i wonder what that says about me#lol#inbox shenanigans#me my moots and i#hows ur day been!#were having biryani tonight nom nom#so excited#i love food omg#XD
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