#making my way through my inbox

[jamietarttsnorthernattitude]

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌷

Should Rebecca have kept this to herself?

It would change how I feel about you.

Keeley fucking Jones using her accountability question against her. She didn’t know if it was fair to bring this all up to Jamie here and now, but she did know she deserved whatever hatred he felt for her. She couldn’t let Ted shoulder that blame any longer.

“I truly am sorry, Jamie. I know that means very little, and I wish I could go back and change everything I did, but I can’t. I can only take accountability for my actions and apologise for them.”

“Yeah, accountability fucking matters, doesn’t it? Do you even know what you’re sorry for?”

“Yes and no,” Rebecca answered honestly.

“I told you me Dad threw a boot at me, yeah? Well that’s when we won, what do you think he did when we lost?”

[thesparkledash]

Can you draw Burning Spice Cookie with Flandere Scarlet and Golden Cheese Cookie with Remila Scarlet?

[tyquu]

Cal Kestrel

Yes

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

your art is absolutely amazing

i just went thru all of the poorly drawn mdzs and it was amazing seeing your art develop!

you just made my morning, thabkyou <3

Thank you so much for the kind words, and for cheering me on as I continue to learn!

[keri-mcberry]

Not sure if this was alright discussed but what was the crucio scene like for Lyla? Unless if Lyla has a unknown savage side we don't know of, There's 99% guaranteed chance Lyla wasn't the one to cast crucio.

So my question is, what happened, how did everyone react, or did she walk it off like how it was in game?

You're right! Lyla 100% wanted nothing to do with the Dark Arts, so she didn't learn or cast Crucio. I like to think Lyla is pretty tough for a Hufflepuff, so once she had a Wiggenweld potion after the Crucio scene, she was good to go!

However, later that night, her mind was filled with doubt. Why was Sebastian so effortlessly able to cast Crucio on her? She knew the three of them would be stranded if he hadn't stepped up, and he gave her a choice, but... why did it seem so easy for him and on his first try no less? The pain from the Curse subsided long ago, but the pain in her heart still lingered 🥺💔

Don't worry, they talked and hugged it out after everything that happened ❤️‍🩹🫂

[a-dragons-journal]

How exactly is being otherkin any different than being transracial by idea? I’m not pro-transracial, but I can’t really formulate an argument on where the difference is and why one is okay while the other isn’t

The difference, in my opinion at least, basically comes down to the fact that race and ethnicity are things other real people deal with and which have big cultural impact for a lot of people; species is not. You can't hurt theriform wolves by identifying as a wolf because wolves are not people and are not aware of any of this. Dragons may be people depending on the dragon, but they don't exist physically in this world to have an opinion. You can, however, hurt people of color by identifying as transethnicity and approaching it in a disrespectful way.

And I say it that way because if I'm honest, transethnicity is one of those transIDs where I'm... a little torn on it. I can understand the feelings and experiences they're describing, but I struggle to find a way to engage with the idea of being transethnicity that isn't going to wind up being racist in one way or another. And while I haven't exactly spent a ton of time in radqueer/transID spaces, when I've gone into their tags and such to do a little research on them, I have overwhelmingly seen transethnicity people being kind of if not extremely racist about it. The experiences are not inherently harmful, but it's really easy to slide into engaging with those experiences in a way that's harmful.

And yet... in this community we have, for example, fictionkin whose fictotypes are a different race than them all the time, and sometimes that's very important to who their fictotype is and how they view the world. And that works out fine. I think the primary difference is that fictionkin are generally expected to acknowledge that they're not a part of that group in the present and can't speak on the group's issues or experiences as if they were, whereas the minute you put a trans- label onto the word, the expectation is that you should be treating a trans[x] person as if they're [x]. (And if it's not, then... why are you calling it trans- anything to begin with when that's what trans- means in an identity context?)

So, I do genuinely believe that they're having these experiences, but... idk, there has to be a better way to frame and engage with those experiences. I don't know what that is, but it's got to be out there somewhere, though it may not be a one-size-fits-all answer. (And maybe there's a transID community out there that's found it, I don't know.)

Anyway, open invitation for POC to give their thoughts on this, since they've probably got better-constructed ones than me; if I'm honest, I haven't spent all that much time thinking about this issue. I think about it on and off here and there when it comes up and then it gives me a headache so I move on.

[bg3-dyes]

i have finished all the body type 1 dyes... for now 😳 (edit: not anymore since patch 5 but STILL A LOT) everything is in the archive drive. special thanks to @salfur for handling the body type 2 outfits!

i added a spreadsheet (+ a pdf version) to the drive so you can check for specific items that may be missing - there are a BUNCH of items that have the same model, and are functionally identical once dyes are applied. so, for example, if you're looking for dye variations for the Anarchic White Outfit:

you can reference the Anarchic Blue Outfit dye sheet! ✨

also!

now that im finally done with the heavy lifting for this project..... the time has come for me to actually play the game. 🫣 im going to be streaming occasionally over on twitch, so feel free to follow me there if that's something you're interested in 💕 no concrete schedule yet, ill probably post updates on here to keep u in the loop on that (but i still gotta keep this blog tidy to keep it functional as an archive)

but anyway, for now.... i will take a nap 🫡

edit: adding my ko-fi since some people have been asking me about it - thank you for the interest & generosity! 💗

[softantlers]

Did you see the parallel lottienathive pointed out of Lottie getting beat up under a moose skull while Nat gets pushed around under a deer skull when moose has always been associated with Nat and deer with Lottie

ahh i hadn't seen that! that's a really interesting detail!

tbh i am pretty hesitant to give the writers flowers on stuff like this because i do sometimes interpret them to be flukes, but i also think there's something to be said about what the show does on its own, ie: the natural symbolisms that come up in scenes (potentially unintended) without having to make a case that they were put there deliberately. as in, we can have fun with the sort of serendipity of this parallel simply because it exists. (sorry for the overexplanation on this but i see so many people suggesting others are "reaching" and dismissing us when we analyze these kinda shots & it's like no shit!! that's what makes literary analysis so fucking cool.)

with regard to the moose skull vs the deer skull in the different scenes, i think it's rich to consider them as foils!

so the moose is hanging over lottie in this scene. what's fascinating to me is that moose are solitary creatures that don't form herds. this is absolutely oppositional to everything we understand about lottie-- her whole arc in s2 is her desperate plea to bring the girls together & use the power of a proto intentional society for survival in the wilderness. girl wants a herd BAD.

but it doesn't really matter at the end of the day because the more she tries to bring everyone together, they either deify her (like most of JV) or resist her (like shauna & nat), which doesn't allow her to be part of her own herd. instead, it elevates her. the dynamic puts the crushing responsibility of leadership (and its associated resistance) on her shoulders.

in a way, lottie almost becomes the moose even though she wants to be the deer. when shauna beats the hell out of her, the isolation furthers & she is kept even more separate from the girls. she's not even part of the decision that leads to the queen hunt. also, her "herd" lets the violence happen to her in the beatup scene. she's very alone in this moment.

to an extent, lottie gets to experience the world as nat & the moose toward the end of s2. nat is quite solitary in this season as well; as the hunter, she is frequently alone in the wilderness & as the leading skeptic, she's also isolated.

we got the deer hanging over nat in this scene, and i think a contrasting experience is happening. natalie actually doesn't want to be part of the herd. this season is about her desire to run rogue for her own sanity when the choices & tide of the yellowjackets conflict with her own morals (hiding ben & later killing him; working toward repairing and using the transponder, etc).

what's interesting to me about this is while nat wants to break free from the herd, she's actually very embedded--much more so than lottie. by the end of the season, it's revealed that she's essentially the people's queen. despite being dethroned, folks are still following her & undermining shauna. tbh even "people's queen" is a bit of an oversimplification. nat is simply one of the yellowjackets--she's on their level, reflecting their own feelings back to them, in a way that neither shauna nor lottie can be. and so, there is a lot of love for natalie among the team that stays consistent despite this scene.

unlike lottie, natalie isn't actually deified as a leader. she is kept down to earth, able to connect with the JV in their acts of resistance because she is relatable--she is of them. in a sense, then, natalie actualizes the herd that lottie could never really be a part of. nat's functionally a deer this season.

it's kind of funny because when lottie saves nat by crowning shauna, she is essentially using her power as the moose, which i would say is part of this "ethereal wisdom" she gives off that allows her such influence over the yellowjackets (whether she actually even has it; moreso people place that expectation on her). but it's a solitary & lonely position.

anyways, these are just some random thoughts but i kinda vibe with the idea of what @lottienathive said about them blurring & part of that maybe could be that these seemingly clear-cut "deer" and "moose" roles are reversing and blurring as well.

[copper-skulls]

silkie chicken!!? for a weirder favorite animal

strange beast (affectionate)

[tillywunderwing]

asking on anon while not being shy just to break your rules. fuck you <3

anyways: the moment after Rising Phoenix where Handler renamed Pebbles

-your favorite blue-green orb

pretty bird... love you too "anon" <3

alt under the cut

been a bit under the weather today so i had to take my (mild) misery out on a fictional character, naturally. sorry reggie. someone had to take one for the team

[whump-in-the-closet]

Have you ever imagined being in the situations that whumpees in whump go through, or would you like to?"

hey anon! short answer? yeah, I have imagined myself in the same situations I put my whumpees in— I kind of need to in order to for my writing process. How would I react if I was trapped with someone who wanted information? What details would I notice? does the zip tie cut against skin, is the light swinging or still, what’s louder, my breathing or my heartbeat? How would I panic, would i try to stay calm, what kind of front would I put up? How would I feel physically and emotionally? So being able to imagine the scenario as the whumpee lets me flesh out the scenes and the characters.

But I wouldn’t want to actually be in the situation™️ or experience the shit I put my whumpees through. I will say that my answer isn’t universal and some people would for varying reasons and it’s a normal thing!

[bidokja]

I was joking a while back that the actor they have playing KDJ for the orv movie was too handsome for him and a friend who's read orv was like "KDJ is actually secretly attractive!!" And I just felt my soul leave my body right then

SIGHS...

Okay. Buckle in. I'm gonna finally actually address and explain and theorize about this whole...thing.

I'm not gonna cite any exact chapters cause it's like 11:30 and I've got an 8 hour drive in the morning but I'll at least make an approximate reference to where certain things are mentioned. Also, this post is just my personal interpretation for a good bit of it, but it's an interpretation I feel very solid about, so do with that what you will. Moving on to the meat of things:

There is one (1) instance in the web novel that I know of which describes specific features of Kim Dokja (especially ones other people notice). This takes place when members of KimCom are trying to make Kim Dokja presentable to give his speech at the Industrial Complex (after it's been plopped down on Earth). This is when they start really paying attention and focusing on Kim Dokja's appearance since they're putting makeup on him; I still don't think they can interpret his whole face, but they can accurately pick out and retain more features than usual. If I remember correctly they reference him having long eyelashes, smooth skin, and soft hair. These features can be viewed as (stereotypically) attractive.

Certain parts of the fandom have taken this scene and run with it at a very surface level, without realizing (or without acknowledging at the very least) that this scene is not about how Kim Dokja looks. This is, in part, due to not realizing or acknowledging why Kim Dokja's face is "censored" in the first place, and what that censoring actually means. I think it's also possible that some people are assuming the censorship works like a physical phenomena rather than an altered perception.

I'll address that last point first. The censorship of Kim Dokja's features is not something as simple as a physical phenomena. It's not a bar or scribble or mosaic over his face. If that were true it'd be very obvious to anyone looking at him that his face is hidden. But his face is not hidden to people. They can look at him and see a face. If they concentrate on his eyes, they can see where he's looking. They know when he's frowning or grinning. They see a face loud and clear. But what face are they seeing? Because it's not really his, whatever they're seeing.

No one quite agrees on what he really looks like. And if they try and think about what he looks like, they can't recall. Or if they do, it's vague, or different each time. We notice these little details throughout the series. Basically, Kim Dokja's face is cognitively obscured. Something - likely the Fourth Wall, though I can't recall if this is ever stated outright - is interfering with everyone's ability to perceive him properly. This culminated in him feeling off to others; and since they don't even realize this is happening, they surmise that he is "ugly."

Moving on to the other point about what the censorship means: To be blunt, the censorship of his face is an allegory for his disconnect from the "story" (aka: real life, and the real people at his side). The lifting - however slight - of this censorship represents him becoming more and more a part of the "story" (aka: less disconnected from the life he is living and the people at his side). The censorship's existence and lifting can represent other things - like dissociation or depersonalization or, if you want to get really meta, the fact that he is all of our faces at once - but that's how I'd sum up the main premise of it. (The Fourth Wall is a larger part of the dissociation allegory, but that's for another post).

So you see, them noticing his individual features isn't about the features. It's not about the features! It doesn't matter at all which features got listed. Because they could describe any features whatsoever and it would not change the entire point of the scene. Because the point isn't what he looks like. The point is that they can truly and clearly see these features. For the first time. They are seeing parts of him for the first time. Re-read that sentence multiple times, literally and metaphorically. What does it mean to see someone as they are?

This is an extremely significant turning point dressed up as a dress-up scene.

---

P.S. / Additionally, I'm of the opinion that Kim Dokja is not handsome, and he is not ugly. He is not pretty, and he is not ghastly. Not attractive, nor unattractive. Kim Dokja isn't any of these things. More importantly, Kim Dokja can't be any of these things. The entire point of Kim Dokja is that you cannot pick him out of a crowd; he is the crowd. He's a reader. He's the reader. Why does he need to be handsome? Why must he be pretty? Why is him being attractive necessary or relevant? He doesn't, he doesn't, it's not. He is someone deeply deeply loved and irreplaceable to those around him, and someone who cannot even begin to recognize or accept that unless it's through a love letter masquerading as a story he can read. He is the crowd, a reader, the reader. He's you, he's me. He's every single one of us.

[batsplat]

casey if you want the showers-

https://www.tumblr.com/kingofthering/766887733130084352/sounds-fantastic

random thought: maybe being a part of a structure like the academy might have fixed teenage casey stoner……

(x) he's getting in the shower, he's enjoying the sausage, he's having it all

and oh hm this is SUCH an interesting idea that had never occurred to me. with the academy, I often think about how valentino himself never ever would have joined it... just this implicitly subservient position to another rider, any restraints placed on individualism, losing the ability to define himself to the same extent... I do actually think valentino would be pretty good at team sports, like it's not a loner mentality that would be the dealbreaker - it's just that specifically the academy vibe would not have been for him

with casey... I mean, yeah, maybe? yeah, I reckon you're right. that could have worked miracles for casey. the closest he got was being one of alberto puig's kids for a while (hence the 27 to dani's 26), but obviously that was a very different vibe. this is how puig is being described in 2006 (x):

Puig is a very powerful figure in the paddock, running teams in the lower classes, as well as the MotoGP Academy, widely acknowledged as the best route into premier class racing for young riders. His influence is hard to exaggerate, and when you add in his forceful personality, known for attempting to silence those who criticize his riders, this makes him a potentially disruptive figure in any team. He is, like so many people involved at the very highest levels of professional sport, utterly driven, and people who are so driven often find it difficult to keep a sense of perspective. Alberto Puig is concerned with only one thing: that the riders he coaches should win. Nothing else matters. In a sense, this is totally understandable: He is paid to nurture young talent to produce winning riders, and he is remarkably good at his job. But his focus and his drive rubs off on his protégés, and can turn them into single-minded, dour automatons, concerned only with their own performance, and little else.

not very valentino, is it. like you do probably want an actual academy-esque structure where the kids within it actually get the chance to... y'know. bond. care about each other. no puig

and while puig did play a critical role in casey's career, that's still a connection that had more or less fizzled out by the time casey gets to motogp. so obviously no real equivalent in casey's career. and... I mean, yeah, surely it would have changed a lot. it always comes back to the same few things with casey, doesn't it. casey, who was bullied at school, who was frequently made an outsider even in the australian motorcycling community until he was eventually pushed out of the country entirely... the impact of this hypothetical academy structure does depend a bit on when it would GET to casey - because by the age vr46 typically steps in, a lot of casey's formative experiences have already happened to him. he doesn't get a racing licence from the AJRRA (the australian road racing association controlled mainly by parents of kids casey had been beating most of his life). he has to leave the country. they leave his sister behind. they depend on the charity of others in england. his family is 100% financially dependent on his racing success. every opportunity feels like it could be his last. like... this is stuff that's kind of set by the time he's 14-15. the contrast between his childhood and valentino's is discussed in this post:

and yeah, obviously a lot of that stuff would have already happened. then again, having somebody step in when he was... what, maybe 16-17-ish? and give him some job + financial security... I mean in blunt terms, I know this ask was probably more thinking about the community aspect - but you cannot understate the importance that these practical elements would have had for casey. and yes, there's the more emotional element of... finally being let into a club, of having someone fight your corner, of knowing you've got this structure looking out for you. of handling your contract negotiations - casey also talks about how he and his father frequently just felt like they didn't GET the paddock politics; the insider/outsider dynamic is so foundational to his experience in the sport. all these unspoken rules casey just didn't know... having someone there who DOES know and is looking out for you and can take care of everything bar the riding would have made such a difference

and my god, yeah, there's the community aspect. so much of casey's time in the sport is defined by how deeply, deeply lonely he was. the childhood friendships he'd had either get left behind or are eroded by competitive tensions. he never gets close to another premier class rider, doesn't get particularly close to his team either. in 2009, he said his only friend in the paddock was his wife. and... y'know, while I have no doubt the paddock could feel like a pretty hostile place, I also reckon it would've been a good thing for someone to force casey out of his shell a little bit. like, I get not getting close to your direct competitors, I doubt I'd be massively different, but maintaining that level of distance from basically everyone you travel with most of the year feels... not ideal. at least befriend some of the mechanics my man. looking at some of the canonical vr46 academy riders - naming no names, but I can also easily imagine them in the loner category if the academy hadn't picked them up. and at least THEY could still fall back on childhood friends and acquaintances if they hadn't had the academy, more so than a bloke who moved to a different continent aged fourteen. casey needed some friends!! and maybe just an occasional reminder that not the whole world is out to get him

so YEAH I do agree an academy-esque structure would've made a MASSIVE difference... to the extent that it's almost tough to imagine that version of casey. it does make you realise just how foundational all of this angst feels to casey, in a sad way. what does he even look like without his isolation... you might wonder whether that change would take a bit of his edge away - it's just undeniable that he got a lot of motivation and drive out of his oppositional dynamic with the rest of the world. he wanted to show everyone that they were wrong about him... the rejection by the club back home in australia made him angry, the rejection of teams in motogp made him angry... and well, his circumstances did make him desperate. they made him hungry. it's what he talks about here, isn't it, the feeling that some young riders just aren't taking their riding seriously enough, contrasting it to how he knew he had to take every single opportunity he was given. valentino vs casey about young riders (2009//2013):

(remember that the question valentino got explicitly referred back to an earlier answer about casey - "serious and sad" is kinda his characterisation of casey specifically)

then again. saying this pain was necessary to casey's success would be needlessly myopic, casey has plenty of drive even without piling on the horrors when he was 16-20, give the kid some friends y'know. you can still be plenty neurotic within an academy, you can still cultivate a persecution complex, look at pecco. also, y'know, obviously sports success isn't worth miserable children and never will be. and I suspect casey himself has softened a bit from the stance expressed in his autobiography - I've been thinking again about that podcast interview he gave earlier this year that takes a more explicitly critical view on how his parents forced their dream on him

speaking of, another big benefit of the academy is in outsourcing the role of enforcing discipline so that it's no longer the parents doing it, which again just feels considerably healthier. casey basically says as much in his autobiography:

though, again, I wouldn't call puig a particularly helpful influence either, and jorge's experience with amatriain should be enough evidence that it doesn't take a parent to establish an unhealthy (and even abusive) dynamic. obviously, the assumption here is that you drop casey in a vr46-esque academy - for all his sins, the academy valentino set up in no way resembles how these other 'talent spotters' manage their charges. it's just... it's a safety net, isn't it, in every sense. financially, job security-wise, socially... obviously it's always going to be performance-dependent, yes, but that bit's never going to be an issue for any version of casey

so, yeah. maybe not 'fix' casey exactly, but it would've changed so much for him... it does feel like it would've been an unambiguously positive presence in his life. no, it wouldn't just erase all his issues with the sport - but if he could've found a place within an academy structure like that, he would've been a lot happier for it. probably could've loved the sport more than he did. certainly would've felt a lot less alone

[shroomerr]

what brushes do you use on procreate ((if you use it)) and how do you get your lines so smooth ?? :0

Im dabbling in digital drawing but it’s still kind of a struggle for me shshs so if you have any tips I’d love to know ‼️‼️ also your art is amazing again 💪😫

Oh my first brush question!!

So I mainly use this brush called the "Funny Haha Brush." It's completely free on gumroad, but you can tip the artist if you'd like!

https://oryozema.gumroad.com/l/YQWUE

It's my go-to brush for both sketching and inking! Inking with it is really fun, and when I sketch with it, I lower the opacity all the way down. I like the sort of "crunchy" look it has and the texture it gives me! Though if you're looking for something cleaner, like a G-Pen, maybe this isn't the one skfdhlj. Try it out and see if you like it though!

Though in terms of getting better line quality, im afraid to say that just comes with practice 😭 im getting flashbacks to when i was younger and i'd ask artists i looked up to how they got so good, and they'd just respond with "practice"... SO IM NOT GONNA DO THAT AND INSTEAD YAP ABOUT IT

So the thing about getting smooth lines is that you have to be confident with your strokes: big, quick and broad lines. For example, chicken scratching is a habit I see a lot of younger artists do (not to say this is something you do! just something I've observed).

This is something you'll just naturally get better with over time as you become more confident with your lines, but a good exercise you can do to see improvements quickly is practicing drawing shapes like ovals, circles, parallel lines in quick succession and as cleanly as you can (and in the case of the parallel lines, making them as parallel to each other as you can). Ex:

What this does is you're essentially developing your motor skills to create cleaner lines, and training your muscle memory. Speed isn't the key here, it's more about precision! But you'll naturally get faster over time. Another good exercise that I also learned is where you create two random dots, and try to make a line connecting the two dots and make it as straight and clean as possible! I like to do "ghost" strokes where I plan how the line's going to move before I commit to paper.

Honestly these are just a couple of the exercises ive learned and picked up on over the years, but even I don't do them myself SJLFHKDJL which something I really slack on. But this is definitely for if you want to see results in your improvement faster!! And also, these are also great for warming up before you start drawing.

I totally get the digital art struggle ;; it was SUCH a learning curve for me, going from predominantly traditional to digital. Honestly, the most important tip I could give you is to just draw and have fun! There was a point where I didn't draw (apart from very small homework doodles) for 3-4 years, and in that time I never tried going out of my comfort zone out of fear that it would bad. And even after I started art school, I still wasn't able to draw at the level I thought I would be at. The gap between my perceived skill vs my ACTUAL skill was so big, I kept getting tripped up and being upset about it. The fear of failure was so strong, that I was more comfortable not trying at all. In fact, it wasn't until July that I started seeing improvements in my art!! Just a couple of months ago, I couldn't draw guys for the life of me, and now all I ever draw is south park boys sfljhjl. I'm still not entirely satisfied with how my art looks, but I'm much comfortable and happy with my art now than I ever have been in the last 7 years (holy shit its been 7 years).

So, TL;DR,

1. Line exercises are your friend!

And 2. Have fun! Find your muse, and just keep drawing that!! Find ways to insert your muse in everything!! DRAW TO YOUR HYPERFIXATION'S CONTENT!!

[salty-an-disco]

i will be the enabler. contrahero 4. 🗣️🙏

4. After an argument

“Why are they sitting like that?”

“They just had a fight.”

“But they’re holding hands…”

“They don’t like it when they fight.”

[oldbutchdanielcraig]

cutting teeth changed me in so many ways but for some reason one of the most prominent is my need for more trailer fics now. i need them to have the most impractical sex in there. i had a dream last night where assad sneaks into eric’s trailer to ride that old man senseless in between call times. this shit is haunting me

no literallyyyyyy like i need the cast to have terrible back problems because they're fucking on those tiny couches. falling onto the floor and continuing to fuck. breaking chairs. half in the bathroom and half out. they need to be fucking in inappropriate and inopportune places❗️🗣️