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brelione · 4 years ago

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Endgame(Kiara Carrera X Reader)

Request:with kie with a like super rich kook SO and bringing them to meet the rest of the pogues and they all expect to hate them but then not

Kiara had never liked you.Well, she had never reallly met you.She kind of just assumed you were a bitch.You were what Sarah Cameron thought she was, you came from a ridiculously rich family.

Your mother was a brain surgeon and your father was a famous actor so that obviously meant that you were ridiculously rich.Kie had done a lot of research on you, finding your name on your fathers wikipedia page and from there finding your blog where you posted videos of him behind the scenes and personal interviews with him on your youtube channel.

She was up for 16 hours straight watching all of your videos, memorising your intro song.You had a good one million subscribers, posting a lot of blogs and videos showing things that you had found on the beach.She would blush and giggle at your little comments.

“Hey, beautiful people!Its your bitch and today im gonna show you guys my new surf board because my old one got broke on an accident.I mean, my wrist also broke so if you were gonna comment on it, trust me.I definitely noticed.So before I get into this video I just want to talk about mental health really quickly.”You paused to take in a quick breath, speaking a bit too fast.

Theres a new suicide game and its getting across social media really quick so please do me a favor and stay safe.It doesnt matter what the problem is now, its only temporary and suicide is a permanent solution.I linked some suicide hotlines and free therapy sources in the description so please just keep yourselves healthy and happy for me, okay?Okay, cool.”You licked your lips, calming down from the quick rant.

“Also drink some fucking water!Its hot out and I almost passed out the other day and make sure you get a snack because this video is already fifteen minutes long and im probably gonna be ranting for another hour.”You grinned at the camera.

Kiara bit into a carrot stick, her knees on her chest as she sat in the recliner of her living room. “Watching another documentary?”Her mother asked, noticing that her daughter hadnt moved in hours.Kie shrugged, focusing on you as you dropped your surfboard. “This is exactly how I broke the first one-fuck!”You laughed, picking it back up.

Eventually the boys started to spam her phone, interrupting her binge watching.She left her house with a sigh, walking out to the dock and waiting for the pogues.Thats when she heard your voice.It was quiet as you walked, wearing white jeans and a light blue button up shirt.

“So you guys always ask me to show you the beach that I find all of my seashells at so thats what we’re-”You paused, looking over to Kiara.She quickly looked away, pretending to be busy on your phone. “Sorry guys, I just saw a really pretty girl.”You whispered to your phone, continuing your walk.

From there she finally worked up the courage to talk to you.She couldnt simply message you on instagram, you had hundreds of thousands of followers so her dm would get lost with all the others.

So she found her prettiest outfit and walked to your house, knocking on the door.You looked at her through the camera of your doorbell, knowing that you had seen her before.You set down your lap top as you were editing, going to answer the door.

“Hi...um...hi.”She laughed, not planning on getting this far. “Hi, um...what’s up?”You cringed at your words. “Nothing much.I just live a block away and I just thought id say hi...im sorry.”She laughed again, becoming more anxious.

“Its fine!So um...I dont know, do you wanna maybe hang out sometime?”You asked, leaning against your doorway.She licked her lips, trying her best not to blush. “Yeah, yeah ok.Um...could I get your number?”She asked, holding her phone.

You nodded, giving her your phone number and telling her to text you whenever.Once the door was closed and she had left you were a squealing mess on your couch, recording.

“So you guys know that pretty girl I was talking about that I saw?Yeah so I just got her number and im low key freaking out-oh god lets just hope she doesnt watch my channel!”You laughed before finishing the editing process, uploading it to youtube.

Kiara got the notification while she was washing her face, watching the video and absolutely losing her mind.She buried her face in her pillow, squealing before deciding to text you.

Unknown number:hey!Its Kiara.Do you wanna hang out tomorrow?

You smiled, letting out a sigh.You screenshotted it, knowing that it would be fun to look back at in the future.

You:Sounds good!Do you want to come over and we can get coffee or lunch or something?

Kie:Okay!!12?

You:Works for me :)

Kie:Okay!

You were anxious the whole night, trying to figure out what to wear.You couldnt decide, posting a poll on your instagram.They decided that you’d be wearing a dark green romper and sandals.You went to bed early since you’d have to wake up before afternoon, heart pounding.

When you woke up it was eleven and you were already behind, hopping in the shower quickly, drying your hair and brushing it, trying to get it to a soft texture.You didnt want to look like you were trying too hard, deciding not to use all of the hair products you’d usually put in your hair before a meeting or a date.

You got into your outfit quickly, pinning your pin back with bobby pins so you could moisturize your face, grabbing your box of beads and parting your hair.You braided the two groups of hair that framed your face, intertwining the beads along the way, securing it with an elastic.

You sighed, twisting a golden flower ring onto your pinkie before going down stairs to sit in your large living room, waiting for Kiara.Your doorbell alerted you to motion outside, getting excited when you saw Kiara walking up to your front door.

She was wearing a pink tube top, light washed jeans with her hair half up and half down, bracelets hugging her wrists.You got up, answering the door the second she rung the bell. “Hi.”You smiled, phone in your pocket.

“Hi.”She smiled back, looking up and down at you.The two of you got into your car, you driving as you started your drive to a cafe. “So how are you?”You asked, realising you knew nothing about her. “Im good, what about you?”She asked, hands in her lap. “I was up all night editing which obviously sucked but you know, it is what it is.”You replied, biting your lip.

She smiled, knowing she’d end up watching the video. “Editing what?Like an edits account on instagram?”She asked, cringing at how stupid it sounded.You shook your head, slowing down once you got to the main road, searching for a parking spot.

“No, I have a youtube channel.I kind of just post random shit and hope for the best.”You answered, pulling up next to the cafe.She nodded, turning to look at you. “That’s cool, what kind of stuff do you post?”She asked, resting her chain against her palm.

You bit your lip, glancing over at the cafe. “I post a lot of interviews and random videos of my dad and sometimes he’ll take me to a set with him and i’ll take videos with the cast.I got to meet Scarlet Johannson so thats cool.”You replied, unbuckling your seatbelt.She grinned.

“Thats fucking awesome-were they in a movie together?”She asked, wanting to hear you talk more. “A show thats coming to Netflix soon, its kind of like a murder mystery meets greek mythology and my dad plays Zeus.We should watch it together.”You answered.

The car was cool but you felt hot, probably because her eyes were focused on you.She nodded, liking the idea of hanging out with you more. “That’d be awesome.”The two of you went inside, the barista grinning at you.

She had always liked you and liked showing up in your vlogs when you came in to get your coffee with boba.She looked to the unknown girl beside you, a small pout on her face. “What can I get for you ladies?”She asked, already preparing your coffee.

“What do you want, Kie?”You asked, moving aside so she could see the menu. “Uhhh….whats a green frappe?”She asked, squinting at the menu. “Oh-its like a blended matcha latte with like mint and vanilla.It's really good.”You explained.

The two of you sat with your drinks, Kiara laughing as you stabbed the boba bubbles at the bottom of your cup. “You know whats cool?These straws are made of hemp plastic so its-”She cut you off before you could finish.

“Biodegradable?”She asked.You nodded, glad someone finally knew what you were talking about. “Yeah!And the company is awesome, they have like 10% of sales going to help the Amazon rain forests and another 10% going to help clean the ocean.”You smiled, taking a sip of coffee.

The afternoon had ended with the two of you on the beach, taking photos of eachother discretely while you finished your drinks, searching for sea glass and watching the sun set.Kiara was freaking out on the inside, knowing that she was pretty much dating a celebrity.

It didnt take long after that first day for her to start showing up in your videos.You held your camera as you two walked down the beach, her hand holding yours and twirling you every once in a while, flashing a smile to the camera.

“So we’re currently on our way to a place that Kie will not tell me about because shes rude.”You spoke, turning the camera to face you.Kiara simply laughed, placing her chin on your shoulder. “Uh...no its because im good at planning surprises.”She answered, grinning when you gasped.

Two surfboards were on the sand along with a blanket and a basket full of fruits, veggies and sandwiches.You cut the camera, giggling and pulling her into a kiss. “Love you.”She grinned, giggling.

“Love you too.”You replied, looking down at the boards.It didnt take long for the two of you to be in only your swimsuits, grabbing the boards and heading towards the water.You clipped the camera to your board, making sure it was secure before stating to film, catching a few good waves on camera before focusing more on Kie.

“There she is, showing off for you guys.”You zoomed in on Kiara as she rode the wave, twisting her body to get a beautiful spin on the dark blue wave.She disappeared under the water, resurfacing with a smile and hair on her face, swimming towards you.

“Did you see that?”She asked, a proud smirk tugging at her lips.You nodded. “How could I miss it?”You asked, earning an eye roll from your girlfriend. “Shut up.”She splashed you, letting out a loud laugh when you splashed back at her.

Turning off the camera, laying on your stomachs against your boards, holding hands so you wouldnt drift away from eachother.It was heaven. “So...ive been thinking lately.”She started, a nervous look on her face.

You raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. “And I think I want you to meet my friends.”She tapped her fingernails against your surfboard, waiting anxiously for your answer.She had told the boys all about you.

About how you had a huge following on youtube, how your dad was an actor and how you lived in the biggest house on figure eight.She had tried her best to tell them that you werent like the others, that you were fantastic and humble.

But of course they didnt believer her and ‘would believe it when they saw it’.She knew that if she didnt end up introducing you to them sooner or later that she’d lost the chance to introduce you at all.

You nodded, considering it. “Yeah, okay.When?”You asked, hoping you’d at least have time to think about this. “Tomorrow.”She replied, wincing when you let out a small shout. “Tomorrow?Shit-Kie, im not ready!”You exclaimed, covering your mouth when you realised how loud you had been.

“Babe, chill.Let me pick out your outfit and it’ll be fine.”She insisted.You gave in, the two of you paddling back to the sand, wrapping up in your towels and sitting on the blanket, eating some cutie oranges.

She spent the night at your house, holding on tight to you even though the two of you were in a king sized bed and she had more than enough space to spread out like a starfish.

The morning came too fast, Kiara raiding your closet for something appropriate for the occasion, pleased when she came across a black bathing suit and a yellow shirt along with some jeans, tossing them at you.

“Babe, you gotta get up.”She told you, already dressed and ready to go.You groaned, finally getting up a few minutes later, slowly changing and not even bothering to pick up your pajamas.You were still sore from last night, stretching your limbs as you pulled the jeans up your body.The boys were spamming her phone, making her annoyed.

Dumb Blonde:Where are you guys

God:Are you bringing them with you

Trash Rat:Dont bring them with you

Trash Rat:The place is a mess

Trash Rat:Kie

Trash Rat:Kiara

Trash Rat:Kiara Madelyn Klark Carrera

God:Where are you guys

Dumb Blonde:Wait are they the one with the dad that was in that one movie

She ignored their texts, turning off her notifications and sending you a quick smile, promising to get you an iced coffee on the way.You were half asleep in the passengers seat until she handed you a french vanilla iced coffee, slowly becoming awake.

By the time you had finished your coffee she had pulled into John.B’s drive way, hand on your thigh in attempts to calm you down. “You’re gonna be fine, babe.Everyone likes you, they just havent met you yet.”She grinned, getting out of the car.

You squeezed her hand, following her into the house.The boys were all sitting on the couch, looking up once the two of you had entered.JJ immediately looked you up and down, raising an eyebrow.You felt a bit insecure, trying to figure out what he thought of you.

“This is (Y/N).(Y/N), these are the boys.Thats John.B, thats JJ and thats Pope.”She pointed to each of the boys.The tension in the room was ridiculous until Kiara pulled you into her lap, the boys looking between eachother. “So whats it like having a movie star as a dad?”JJ asked, the first one to speak up.

You bit your bottom lip, pulling at the skin on your hands. “umm...its really cool sometimes.Chris Hemsworth is a family friend so thats cool but like...I cant go anywhere with him when he’s home without getting followed around and there was this one teenage girl stalking him once and she was climbing our house and was watching me sleep.”You answered, relieved when you heard Pope chuckle.

“Wait, actually?Thats so scary.”He replied, the two of you beginning to calm down a bit.You, John.B and JJ were all conversating about Chris Hemsworth, all of them asking a lot of questions.

“Wait-who else have you met from the Avengers?”John.B asked. “I met Scarlet Johanson and Chris Evans.”You replied.Kiara smacked your leg. “You met Christ Evans and never told me?”She asked, outraged.

You rolled your eyes, pulling out your phone to show them the vlog that Chris had made an appearance in.Kiara was just confused as to why she had never seen it before you informed her that it was private.

“Ew-ignore my face.Just wait a few seconds.”You told them, the phone between the circle that had ended up forming. “Oh my god!Its Chris Evans!”JJ shouted, staring at the phone.Chris had leaned over your shoulder, saying a quick ‘hello’ to the camera before Scarlet stole it from you.

“This is Scarlet Johannson and I have decided to take over my new role as (Y/N)’s mom.Im sorry (Y/M/N) but they’re mine now.”She smiled.Her hair had been dyed a light blonde, red lipstick and light eyeshadow.

You had been freaking out the whole time. “Wait-will you ever see her again?”JJ asked.You hummed, sure that she’d be making an appearance for a Christmas Party. “Can you tell her I love her, please?”He asked, face red. “She reaches my vlogs-do you guys want to be in one?”You offered, remembering that you had your camera in your bag.

They all agreed, excited as you took out your camera, Kiara holding onto you. “So Kiara introduced me to her friends today and JJ has a special message for Scarlet.”You grinned, pointing the camera towards him. “Marry me, please.”He winked, giggling.

Pope flashed a peace sign at the camera, John.B sticking out his tongue and doing finger guns. “This is John.B and this is Pope, and then we have Kie as always.”You pointed the camera at her.She bit her lip, winking at the camera and making you laugh.

“Oh my god- what is this vlog.”You shook your head, turning off the camera.When you had posted the vlog that night you were spammed with comments demanding JJ’s instagram and of course you had to give the people what they wanted.

JJ was more than happy to have a ton of pretty girls hyping him up in his comments, Pope getting a lot of attention as well.Scarlet had made sure to let you know that she had watched it and to tell JJ that he was too young for her but she was flattered by the offer.But then your instagram was being spammed.You were being tagged in dozens of edits of you and Kie along with one of you and JJ.But the comments on that one were so funny.

Kieand(Y/N)4life:bruh no

(Y/N)officialfanpage:no <3

(Y/N)officialfanpage:Kiara and them are meant to be bb

Kiara(Y/L/N):Kiara and them are meant to be buddy

KIEANDYNAREENDGAME:uhhh isnt it confirmed that Kiara and (Y/N) are dating?

“They’re catching on.”You told Kie, sitting down on the bed and showing her all the things you were tagged in.She grinned, telling you to post and make it official. “You sure?”You asked.She nodded, fixing her hair as you got ready to take a photo, kissing her cheek. She bit her lip, watching you type.

We are endgame.

@poguestyleskye @jjtheangel @lovelyelinor @messuhp @outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @i-love-scott-mccall

#kiara carrera #kiara x reader #obx kiara #kiara carrera x you #kiara carrera imagine #kiara

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splendidshinobi · 4 years ago

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FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 6-10

back at it again with the white vans

episode 6: the alchemy exam

alrighty then

um mustang calling edward “ed” is EXTREMELY offputting

ohhhhhhh noooooo not shou tucker

FUCK

im wholly unprepared

them all being in central instead of east is low key jarring like my brain isnt computing it

alexander’s intro is basically the same

nina bbyyyyy girl u deserved so much better

ed is such a fucking nerd...chemistry club modern au confirmed

god the more tucker talks the more i wanna beat his face in

al pretending to eat by tossing a potato in his armor i-

aww theyre playing in the snow theyre so pure

wonder how long thatll last

“bigger brother” and “little big brother” and ed doesnt even get mad

ed’s birthday party????????

A MELON? ED YOURE SO RUDE

so 03 had ed’s bday instead of elicia’s...CAUSE THEY GOT ELICIA IN THE WOMB

“it’s here!” “the tea?” “the baby!” hughes is a fuck head

ok so now they’re having elicia replace rush valley baby arc

this was winry’s time to shine in fmab i miss her

if winry isnt here who is gonna birth this baby

oh my god they just realized ed can use alchemy without a circle

no wonder he’s been using circles this whole time

SO ELICIA JUST POPPED OUT????? WHAT

STUFF ALEXANDER IN THE ARMOR AND PRETEND YOURE A TALKING DOG???

“i dont think thats very funny” NO ALPHONSE IT IS NOT

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THAT ONE I SWEAR TO GOD IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

damn bradley what up homie

im so thrown off by the way theyre doing the exam omg

seriously what the hell is fuhrer bradley’s purpose right now is he even the fuhrer in this i feel like they wouldve mentioned it

oh lord ed is about to impress everyone with his clappy hands

ok so next episode is nina FUCK

episode 7: night of the chimera’s cry

havoc babeeee

im gonna marry him my himbo king

also can RIZA DO SOMETHING PLZ

“huhhhhhhhh nina” ew tucker that was weirdly gross

wonder why

cant do it cant do it

do we think jean kirstein was modeled after jean havoc slightly looks wise

was that purposeful

ill have to google

serial killer who only targets women? it cant be scar...scar drinks respect women juice

barry or slicer bros maybe? um ok

why did we start with liore if they were just gonna hop right back into the past for a huge chunk of episodes idk

assessment day??? oh noodles

AL WHY DID YOU TELL TUCKER TO MAKE ANOTHER TALKING CHIMERA ALPHONSE NO

THE NOISE I EMITTED IM GONNA TAKE A LAP

im gonna FUCKING SCREAM

ed r u writing to winry??? that’s a bit out of character for u good sir

no tucker put that baby down

im gonna fucking SCREAM

aww he burned nina’s picture thats not sus at all

SHESKA!!!!!

wait does the ironblood alchemist know what tucker did to his wife? thats kinda the vibe im getting

SCARRRRRRRR

looking like a pirate too damn

his voice sounds different is that j michael tatum

apparently not it was dameon clarke in 03 ya learn something new everyday

ew elicia has a lot of hair for a FUCKING NEWBORN

ed really is such a cynic very suspicious of everyone as he should be really

basque grand knowS SOMETHING

oh jesus oh fuck oh god please do not TOUCH THAT BABY

ed and al snuck back in to the house well u know what its for the best

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

im gonna cry again please god no

FUCKING DIE SHIT HOLE

she’s hurting? oh my god

my sweet angel

ew his eyes!!!!!!!

tucker is such a fucking failure...like look at the chimera squad and greed’s theatre troupe being the way they are. ugh it really hits how fucking unfair it is

ed was really about to split them? boy you know better

where is nina going...im hurting

ed really tried to save her in this one

SCAR KILLS NINA IN THE STREETS???????? SIR

thats different

oh snap

oh FUCK

SCAR WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER BODY LIKE THAT

THE WAY SHE WAS ARRANGED ON THE WALL THAT WAS FUCKED UP

AND THEY FOUND HER LIKE THAT???? AT LEAST IN BROTHERHOOD THEY DIDNT HVE TO SEE HER CORPSE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

that was fucked.

episode 8: the philosopher’s stone

can yall get ed and al away from nina’s fucking MURAL

get out of the car mustang

finally jesus christ

roy mustang talking about healthy coping mechanisms dont make me laugh but alright baby boy go off i guess?

im curious about who this goddamn serial killer is though lets turn to that plot thread

r u kidding me

mustang is making ed and al take over tucker’s research?? thats actually wildly messed up

oh tucker was straight executed that’s a choice i guess

tucker and the philosopher’s stone sounds inaccurate but ok

ed please stop being mean to your brother

03 mustang has got me reaching for a fucking baseball bat on GOD

scar and edward having this conversation right now i literally cannot

WINRY yes bitch

BRADLEY WHAT IN TARNATION

JESUS LORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDD

alphonse shut your mouthhhhhhhhhhh

im so confused what is bradley up to

“alchemists are not cold blooded murderers?”

i mean

kimblee would beg to differ for one

whos this creepy lady

her voice sounds familiar

barry’s food shop?

the killer is barry ok got it

IS BARRY DISGUISED AS A WOMAN

I KNEW THAT WAS JERRY JEWELL’S VOICE

WELL I KNEW IT SOUNDED FAMILIAR AT LEAST

WINRY GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TRUCk

has PINAKO TAUGHT YOU NOTHING

ok so i VASTLY prefer suit of armor original manga canon barry

this is such an odd plot what in fuck

um OW the meat cleaver

im so confused this fucking plotline

oh hey alphonse nice of you to show up!

is barry still gonna become a suit of armor later on

it makes NO SENSE to introduce him otherwise

everytime i see 03 mustang i wanna beat his ass HONESTLY

literally i will shove my foot up his ass

fullmetal here we go

ed thinks he’s so punk rock

oh great scar’s seen the watch

episode 9: be thou for the people

ed you simp buying winry all this stuff my edwin heart is ascending

SIMP SIMP SIMP

“mr. elric”?? you mean MAJOR ELRIC

to be fair though fuck the military

YOUSWELL??? oh LORD

im gonna need to read a full chronology of this show

alphonse continues to be a precious angel

where’s my boy yoki!!!!!

edward you idiot don’t go flaunting your money

woof woof ed

al looks so offended by ed saying they just met

whereas in brotherhood didnt he totally throw ed under the bus???

a choice to be sure

ah there he is hello yoki

who’s the chick

shes a lesbian

yoki makes me miss my baby girl mei chang

mei where r u

WAS THIS MILITARY DUDE REALLY ABOUT TO CUT DOWN A CHILD??? oh my god

hawkeye getting a promotion yes bby girl

jesus theyre transferring them to east now OKKKKKAY thats not how it happened it the book but ill take it....just doing it the opposite way i guess

who is lyra who is she

cute some military bribery

umm lyra what the fuck did you do

lyra is a homunculus im callin it now

they definitely invented/changed up some homunculi in fact im certain they did and shes one of em. gotta be

i feel like 03 wrote ed as much more insensitive towards others than he really is...just a vibe im getting

i know he was faking for the townspeople’s sake but i still get this vibe from other instances

i mean i cant say its not “canon” because its 03 canon

anyways what a show off

i cant believe theyre going to east...fuery and breda better be there

ok finally some answers on their ages....ed got his license at 12 like normal and nina and youswell were when he was 12...liore was 15,

if they didnt flash the ages on the screen id be lost honestly

at least we’re back up to “present day”

episode 10: the phantom thief

ed saying he doesnt wanna see mustang

same

03 mustang is activating my fight or flight and im choosing fight

ed cheating at cards totally checks out

um who the fuck is this woman

what is she wearing

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT CUTOUT MAAM HOW DO YOUR C**CHY LIPS NOT POKE OUT

idk but this is fem!hisoka

“hey shouldnt we talk first” after getting handcuffed??? christ almighty these innuendos

siren??????? siren is probably also a “fake” homunculus

ugh

ok so the nurse is siren

ya aint slick girly

alphonse control your crush

I REFUSE!!!! ALMEI RIGHTS

why is al’s hair so brown in this flashback anywayssss

oh its spelled psiren ope

like she’s literally a batman villain...

oh my god...............the tiddy grab. my son would never

my son is respectful

is this her homunculus tat or just a random alchemy tat

the added plotlines and original content continue to confuse and astound me every single time....

ok but if psiren really was doing this for the hospital she wouldnt be so flashy about it. like thats how you get caught sweet cheeks

girly stop flirting with this child on god im gonna fucking kick you

now shes a nun????????????????

Shes a fucking troll i hate her

im going to kick alphonse into the sun

oh great now shes a teacher

wow shes a savior. the savior of amestrian venice. greatttttt

ed looking exactly like this emoji on this gondola rn 🧍‍♀️

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE CHILD

GOD THIS IS SO BATMAN VILLAIN ESQUE

alphonse plzzzzzzzzzz she aint your girl

ok so probably not the last we see of this ding dong con artist

ok so its starting to get muddy. im scared the 03 stans are gonna come after me like i do like it and im having fun watching it but some of the plot and characterization choices are just....odd??? idk i gotta keep going though!! im sorry i just stan arakawa and her work in all her glory!!!

#carol watches fma03 #fullmetal alchemist #carol's remaining brain cells #this is fun for me and no one else #whatever i dont care about anyone else on this website anyway #this is my stupid hole

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heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet · 4 years ago

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When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th

Mood/anxiety = numb.

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick.

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO.

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done.

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep.

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator.

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship.

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same.

---Emotionally it hurts the same.

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way.

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am.

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation.

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate.

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally.

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety - still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested.

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way.

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean.

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board.

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum.

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far.

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine.

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict.

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed.

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings.

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days.

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely.

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness".

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room.

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod.

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am.

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes.

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok.

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house.

We are having a picnic social distancing style.

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around. But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction)

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives.

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant.

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past.

#mental health #lost #hurting #help #self reflection #finelinebetweenloveandhate #still breathing #GAD #recovery #survivor

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pixelburied · 5 years ago

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excuse the cropped weirdly pictures; my family/pet's foster parents are great at snapping a sneaky picture of me curled into an unattractively slouched (relaxed) fetal state. which i'm self-conscious about because it's an unattractive position for pictures even tho i am quite pretty (but they are also cropped because im just also private as hell, sorry lmao).

bonus tho: said pet is laying ontop of me, face buried in my shoulder, twitching in her sleep as we speak!

--- but anyway. onto the actual submission:

so yeah. i saw your post! i'm here to address your call for dogs. but i dont have anymore pictures of my dog, Cash. however, i do have stuff about my cat, Allegra.

i dont have any of them together cuz Cash lives at my family's house and Allegra lives in my apartment. and we're p sure he'd try to eat her and she'd scratch the hell out of him, so we don't try to let them meet. but, just like how Cash continued the legacy of us adopting another big slobbery dog with possessive seperation-anxiety, Allegra does fit all the criteria of those same personality traits we are such a beacon for. so i hope youll accept it as comfort nonetheless

here's a story about my cat who acts just like a anxious, cuddly, and slobbery pupper. i even bought her a pet ID tag that's shaped like a bone to honor that joke lmao) Allegra: "the honorary and tiniest mastiff" and named after the allergy medication

i got Allegra just this last year. she was a stray. now, for context: there are lots of outdoor cats in my neighborhood and they all hate strangers (they aren't feral tho, they have collars). but they all avoided my old house though because of Cash. so Allegra, newly abandoned, took advantage of that safety(?) by constantly hiding out around my family's house whenever she felt endangered

before that point tho, where i vaguely realized she existed but had no idea of what her strategy had been: i knew the cats of the neighborhood would run 15 miles away at the sound of people. but i am a small bean of cliches, so i always say "Hi kitty" anyway. even if them running away breaks my heart. and on that day, i was on my way to work for the opening shift, not early per se but i had enough time for starbucks if i wanted (and i did want) and i saw the vague mass of a cat on the lawn. predictably, i went "Hey kitty". but i also kept walking to my car due to said expectation of cats running and not wanting my heart to have that little break

and allegra did run. she just ran at me, full speed. i almost kicked this sudden HURLING THING in my peripherals like a football out of fight/flight + anxiety, except i have the aim of Charlie Brown so i thankfully missed her terribly. she was purring up a storm and crying pathetically. tho she's a Siamese, so they talk (read: complain) a lot anyway so maybe she wasn't crying. i always call her talking "crying" anyway tho cuz of the whiny pitch of it so such is a moot point. the real point was: she was ridiculously friendly

then, one morning, she was especially incorrigible. she wouldn't let me go into the car without her jumping inside too and kept scenting me, my car door, and all my equipment for this art class i was going to use for my presentation. a presentation that was a huge chunk of my grade that i couldn't be late for and Allegra was going to make late for. i had to trick her into thinking i was going to run away from my car, to which she zoomed ahead to cut me off, except i had actually done a fake-out and had really ran into the driver's seat and was already starting to slowly reverse out of the driveway. she had the sense to not go after a moving vehicle, thank god. my family texted me she cried outside our front door for hours later though. my art class that semester met once a week, so it was a 4.5 hour class that started at 7AM. and even tho that day had been a presentation day and we had less than 15 students, we still went over 3 hours. she cried during all of it. i used the "free time" to make sure i bought a cat leash and a cardboard cat carrier. but when i came back, heard no crying

i tried to get one of my neighbors to hold onto her for the afternoon. i couldnt leave her in my old house; i had family members i lived with who were terribly allergic. but i swore, so long as someone held onto her for my shift, i could take her to a shelter after. she was just so friendly and obviously new here, i just needed someone to put her somewhere safe (we lived by the freeway, by a train, by the main alternative to the freeway, and by two dog parks). but nobody really could hold onto her, so i had to hope she'd show up again when i came back from work. she didn't. i left her food out anyway.

i took her to the Humane Society Shelter closest to us because they have a microchip scanner. and she did have a chip! that was completely empty! apparently, that's a thing!! the guy there asked if i was going to keep her then, and i hadn't really thought that far. i had made the mistake of naming her and thinking she was cute, and she had done the legwork of being a cuddly motherfucker who purred constantly whenever i was around

she'd only ever appear in the early morning, when i was on my way to my shift or a midterm. about a week or two passed like this with me having no idea where she was for the rest of the day. turns out, according to said allergic family members, Allegra actually never left the house. she would hide on our roof or on our back porch's clutter or in our droopy lawn plants (like our sweetgrass) to hide from the outdoor cats or other dangers (she's a smart cat who hates the sound of cars and would hide whenever any one was particularly loud)

i'm pretty sure she's plenty well-cared for tho. in fact, i'm almost positive she's a very spoiled cat. for example, i have backups of everything x2. i have one of everything in my living area and a copy in my bedroom, should i need to close her in there when allergic family members are over (i also carry all the big allergy medication brands as a back-up in case i get a visitor who forgot to take their medication, which includes me being stocked with allegra the medication lmao) and then i also have a back-up of all her stuff in my closet should anything break. i always make sure all my windows are open when i leave for class/shifts so she can have "Cat TV" since birds do fly around the area. she has a ton of toys (she has a toy box actually) and i bought her multiple hideaways (like her shark pictured here; she also has a cactus that's pretty cute). also, ontop of having a good breakway collar, her microchip now reads my information. but yeah, im still working on the money to get her one more of everything for the house we visit for the holidays so i don't have to carry everything. i do a lot of research still-- on both cats and Siamese-- to make sure i am doing everything to make her happy, since her world is just me and our apartment now

i called out for her-- i had long since started calling her Allegra as a joke, because its a name of a popular allergy medication and so much of my family was allergic-- and shrugged sadly when she didn't come out. i had just put my stuff down to get my key out when i heard a familar crybaby. turns out, she had been sleeping in our sweetgrass and i had woken her up. she ran over and i called my family to take my things inside while i used the rest of my day to get her to a shelter. i put on a cat harness+leash before trying to out her in the cardboard box. don't buy cardboard boxes from Pet Co. they're shit. she broke out of it Alien style before i had even fully reversed out of the driveway. i had to improvise her leash into a seatbelt instead

but yeah. i say my favorite gremlin is dog-like because:

she has an overbite, so she looks like she's got her lip jutted out in a pout all the time. what's dog-like about it is this makes her slobber whenever she's excited or content (and i've grown up with mastiffs, who slobber so much you need 2 rags per room dedicated to their slobber)

hesitatingly, i called my only family member that was semi-local to see if he would be okay with fostering her until i was going to move (which was less than 6 months away) because, otherwise, i wasn't going to be able to keep her. and she was definitely going to be adopted immediately. he and his wife said of course, without hesitation. they were both huge cat lovers and they were, emotionally, my closest family members; so i had kept them in the loop about my cat quest. and they had already discussed potentially fostering Allegra, knowing my request was a possibility (read: probability). he drove over from his workplace to pick her up, with his own carrier, and drove the roughly 2 hours from our house back to his

she meows when people are at the door and greets them by begging for pets

she loves shoes. she steals my tennis shoes because she loves the laces and she will try to swat at them when im tying them. her claw getting stuck and forcing me to not continue has worked to make me late multiple times. but she also will lay down around my friends' feet and rub her face against their shoes, flipflops, and toes. one of my friends likes to joke that allegra has a foot fetish. she also can and will put her face into my tennis shoes and try to sleep like that. that's my bastard baby

i visited their house about once a week. except during finals, where i didn't visit for two or three weeks since i didnt have any exams so much as i had projects. (allegra was PISSED at me when i came back, my cuddly kitty refused to come near me and would run away when forcibly placed on my lap. she even swiped at me. by the next visit, she was grumpy but happier. by the one after that, everything was back to normal) i really liked visiting those family members too; it made us even closer. though it still annoys the male how much research i do about cat-care (as opposed to just accepting everything everyone tells me as gospel). i researched even down to "how to best pet a cat". i did this since, due to said allergic family members, i had never owned a cat and therefore didnt osmosisly process how to best care for one. i've also never been fully fauthful of people's advice that's based on "This is how we've/the media always done it". my history with mastiffs showed that not all breeds are the same and that you do have experts to utilize within your phone, and they are experts over peers for a reason. so i looked up dumbass questions like "how to best pet a cat" since i'm not an expert and Jackson Galaxy and friends are right there in my phone

she wants to play constantly. she loves tug of war the most, but anything involving chase has her going at full-speed

ive spoken to fellow cat-owners and mastiff-owners about this, and i thought this was interesting: when she isn't playing, she's sleeping. which is what mastiffs and cats do. and when i get up, she follows me. which is what our mastiffs do. and while i do stuff, she sits and waits by the doorway or else walks around my feet until i tell her to sit out of the way. which is what our mastiffs do. and then i go to sit down again, and she lays down as close as she can and goes back to sleep, which is what our mastiffs do. apparently, none of my friends cats do this; their cats just, at best, wake up to watch them leave and then their cats go back to sleep in the same place regardless of if they come back

Allegra likes to sleep at the foot of my bed for bedtime, at least for a majority of it

but, regardless if my worries, allegra seems happy! she cuddles with her claws out all the time (not sticking into my skin, just out) which is a sign of contentment. she'll also use her claws to keep me in place, like a fucking seatbelt (example pictured in post); it's where her claws will dig into the furniture and i cannot get up because of her, the possessive piece of shit. but she also gives me tons of Slow Blinks of I Love You. and she always runs to greet me at the door. and it's really funny how, anytime there's guests over, she tries to make it obvious that she's my favorite over (usually through politely tapping my leg with her paw to ask and recieve pets, and then giving everyone a very Cat Surrounded By Knives grin cuz i havent petted any of THEEEMMM lmao) she's hilarious

she doesn't like to be carried unless it means she's going with me somewhere outside the house. then she's as well-behaved as a chihuahua in a purse

she licks my hands all the time. and she licks my face to wake me up (at 4AM, Allegra, go aWAY)

she loves smelly clothes. the shoe part should tell you that much tho. for our mastiffs, we would leave them a smelly piece of clothing between washes to comfort via smell. Allegra, in a similar vein, was not impressed when i bought a laundry basket with a lid (almost carrying her to the communal laundry room once was enough, thank you!)

in the same vein as the clothes: she also loves blankets too. the more Me Smelling the blanket, the better (aka she doesn't like brand new blankets until its been like. month two or three of use). this is largely because i love blankets. but she kneads them, purring, even if im not using them. and when i am, she takes my using them as an invitation for cuddles

she sits whenever i tell her "NO" like 'who me? i was not doing a bad. i am but small creature'

she asks for a daily walk. she doesn't like the idea of being an outdoor cat. she just wants walks. like, she has lived several months not going outside and has been super happy. she made it clear on her adoption day that she was done with outside. she was perfectly content with being an indoor cat! still is, in a way! i ruined it. for myself. me. i was worried she wasn't being stimulated enough, so i experimented taking her on a walk and now i have created a monster. now she sits by the door and cries until i get out her harness and leash. which she hates her harness in a "no ball, only throw" kinda way. but she has also proven hates going outside alone since she is now ALSO scared of everything (remember those outdoor cats Allegra The Stray would hide from? how they would run away from strangers?? yeah. now that she has a Person, Allegra's turned into one of Them now). yeah.. she runs the fuck away (or as far as she can with a leash) from people she sees on her walks now. and it is pretty obvious she hates cars and dogs too, because when i have walked her outside of our new complex she is too petrified to move. like, she freezes even when just being close to a street. she likes our complex's janky carpeted hallways between the apartments, and she likes the ability to hide behind my legs. being an outdoor cat is something Allegra has decided she is not a fan of. if i try to change things up scenery-wise, she always asks to go home as soon as possible and runs into the apartment if our walks turn too much into what her life was before being adopted (aka. streets/cars, lawns, people walking). she wants walks. she LOVES and BEGS for walks. but not be outside. walks. even though she still hates her harness lmao

and that's Allegra! she's aproximately 2 years old, i've had her for less than a year, and she's assumedly a purebred Siamese cat. and she's also my ESA, or Emotional Support Animal. if applicable, a cuddly and loving pet is helpful for keeping mental health more stable. in my experience of getting one, it was fairly easy to get it permitted; especially a cat because they're super easy to get registered as compared to a dog. i am lucky enough to have regular physician as my doctor that empathizes with mental health and knows it not to be her area of expertise so much as the patient+their therapist (but also i have a history of attempted treatment on my medical record since i was 16), so my getting registered was literally just me asking for a doctor's note and her giving it to me near immediately. i can't take Allegra with me to classes or resteraunts or anything, nor do i even want to, but it forces apartments/hotels to HAVE to let me board with my ESA and to do so without an additional fee. however, i don't know if that's how ESAs work internationally or even in all of the states of America, the country where i live. but it definitely helps to have someone who needs me to get up everyday, who can never trigger me, who makes me laugh with their hijinks, and who cuddles with me regardless of if i have had a good day or bad day. Allegra is especially good at her job by being especially attentive whenever i am anxious. even if it's just me getting a little bit anxious because i'm late in turning an assignment in but have logically decided it doesn't matter because the assignment is only 2 points anyway, just turn it in late and don't focus on it; and she starts patting my leg almost continuously asking for pets inbetween rubbing herself on my legs. it's why i let her get away with never paying rent. i'm really glad she chose me. we both got really lucky with that decision ♡

i don't want to assume your situation, so i won't recommend an ESA for you so much as just remind you that they exist. i hope this all helps you feel supported and encouraged to continue to find the small wonders ♡♡♡

#I REALLY DO LOVE THIS #AND ALLEGRA #10/10 would die for her #Thank you for taking the time to send this in!#I really really am happy #i had like a real bad mental health day/week/year idk #so this makes me so grateful!#long post #not choices #shwarmi #cats #kitty #submission

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the--blackdahlia · 6 years ago

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This Life Chapter 16

Title: This Life Chapter 16

Summary: Dean Winchester is the Vice President of the motorcycle club The Hunters. After almost 7 years in prison, he's free. But things have changed and Dean has to figure out how to put things back together.

Warnings: Language, mentions of drug use, this chapter is pretty sad

AN: Thank you to the lovely @sams-serialkiller-fetish . The song for this chapter is Come Join the Murder by The White Buffalo & The Forest Rangers

Sam was curled up in the passenger seat of Baby as Dean drove them back to Wolfpine. He had his arm cradled against him and his eyes were closed. Dean kept casting glances over at him. The kid had worked himself up the minute Ellen stepped out of the truck and asked where Benny was. Jim had forced him to take a couple pills from the med kit that Bobby kept in the truck and before Dean knew it, his not so little, little brother was snoring softly beside him in the Impala.

Dean was exhausted. He couldn’t wait to get back to Wolfpine and collapse onto his bed. And he had the pull out couch for Sam to sleep on for the night. Unless he decided that they needed to spend the night in John’s old house. But Dean didn’t think it was a very good idea. Plus, they had the Wayward Sons following them to Wolfpine to think of a plan in case the remaining Horsemen decided to retaliate for Azazel’s death.

Bobby had called in some favors with a couple sheriff’s who owed him a thing or two. Benny’s body would be returned home, and the bodies of Azazel and the henchmen would be dealt with. Jody assured Bobby of that. Bobby could focus then on putting Benny to rest. His dad was currently drinking his way through Atlantic City, and his mom was on her honeymoon with her new husband in Europe. Bobby doubted that either would be there to say goodbye to their son.

And then there was Sam. That kid had been through more trauma in the past year than any of them had. He had watched as a fire destroyed everything, he watched his dad shot in the chest and was left for dead, and then he was chained up to watch as a man who was like a brother to him was shot in the head and killed. Bobby didn’t know about what Azazel had told Sam, and neither did Dean. Bobby didn’t know about Sam’s downward spiral into depression that John managed to pull him out of. Dean was afraid it was going to happen again.

“Sammy.” Dean said gently when he parked Baby in Winchester-Singer’s lot. Sam groaned and slowly opened his eyes. “Hey, we’re at the garage. I thought we could stay here tonight then head to my place tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Sam said softly, opening the door and slowly getting out, stretching his long legs as he did. He had been asleep when they stopped in New Mexico. He didn’t even remember Dean making him get out of the car to use the bathroom and forced him to eat a little something that the medicine in him wouldn’t screw him up too much.

“How’s your arm?” Dean asked, coming around to look at Sam.

“It’s fine.” He whispered, but he was holding it close to him. Dean was sure that it was probably hurting. He followed Sam to the building. He could hear the others pulling in. But Dean knew that Sam needed time away from all of them. Hell, he needed time away from all of them. So they made their way through everything to the room that Dean used to sleep in when he just couldn’t handle being around John, until he got the apartment that was. It wasn’t much. A large bed mainly. But that’s all they really needed. They needed sleep.

“Let me look at that.” Dean said when he closed the door behind him. Sam held out his arm for Dean to check it out. He knew basic first aid. And he knew how to change bandages. He was going to make sure that they were always clean and taken care of. “It looks fine. It should heal nicely.”

“Thanks.” Sam sighed and set down on the bed. “You want the bed?”

“I think there’s enough room we could share.” Dean laughed. “And I’ll even keep my boxers on.”

“God, you’re ridiculous.” Sam said, kicking off his boots and laying back on one side of the bed. Dean kicked off his own shoes and his vest was next. He tossed himself down on the bed.

“God, this thing stinks.” He shook his head, not wanting to know what had been done on this bed. “I’m replacing it once everything is done and over with.” Sam didn’t answer. Dean looked over to find Sam fast asleep. He couldn’t help but smile. “G’night bitch.” He said, turning over and falling to sleep himself.

****

The next morning, there were not alarm clocks. Everyone slept in as much as they could, just enjoying their moments of peace. They knew that war was on the horizon, especially once the other princes found Azazel. They also knew that they were going to have to bury Benny. Bobby had tried over and over again to get a hold of either of his parents, but nothing.

Sheriff Mills came by in the afternoon. Dean was out in the garage, trying to focus on a car to keep his mind off of everything. The Wayward Sons were staying at John’s old home for the night. Bobby had never sold it, figuring that Sam might want it during the summers or something. Or that Dean would get tired of that apartment and want a change. Lucifer, Andy, Gabriel, Ruby, and Meg were all there, waiting for the other shoe to drop and war to break out.

“Dean Winchester.” Jody said, walking up to him. Dean smiled some.

“Hey Jody.” Dean said, wiping his hands on a shop rag. She could tell that his smile wasn’t reaching his eyes though and she immediately hugged him. She might have been on the Hunters payroll, but she was also a friend. That’s what made it a little easier to look the other one every once in awhile.

“Benjamin Lafitte has been released to the North Star Hospital Center.” Jody explained to Dean. “So you guys can arrange…” Dean nodded.

“Thanks Jody. We really owe you.” Dean said. Jody looked up then and smiled some as Sam came out into the garage, favoring his arm.

“Sam.” She hugged him, careful to miss his arm. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks Jody.” Sam said softly. “Hey Dean, have you seen Jim?”

“No, not yet. Your arm hurting?” Dean asked. Sam nodded. Dean was about to say something when some new bikes pulled into the lot. Jody was a little on edge. “It’s ok Jody, they’re friends.” Dean said. Andy took his helmet off and looked over at Sam and Dean.

“You okay?” He asked, walking past Jody.

“I’m fine.” Sam sighed. Jody took this time to size up the Wayward Sons. Andy seemed okay. Meg and Ruby weren’t too bad. Gabriel looked a little rough around the edges. Lucifer was fucking scary.

“I could score you some Demon Blood man.” Lucifer said. “It’ll stop all the pain.”

“Yeah, and it’ll stop him from being a functioning human being.” Ruby hissed. “Don’t even bring that shit around here.”

“Demon Blood?” Dean asked. “What the fuck is that?”

“Street drug and nasty.” Jody told him. “I just had to interview a couple of girls who had been slipped it in their drinks.” Dean watched Ruby awkwardly rubbed her arm as Jody spoke. “Moderation shouldn’t cause any life altering effects. But too much and overdoses can really fuck you up.”

“Can we change the subject?” Sam asked. “I don’t need Demon Blood. Just some low grade, over the counter painkillers and I’ll be good.”

“What happened anyway?” Jody asked.

“I got shot.” Sam said dismissively before he headed to where Ellen and Jo were to see if they had anything.

“Well, I guess you guys have things to attend to.” Jody said. “Let me know when the funeral is. I’d love to pay my respects.” She patted Dean’s arm and offered a small smile. “And tell Bobby to give me a call.” She left then. Dean went to go make the arrangements to have Benny buried. He didn’t want him to lay there and rot because his parents couldn’t give a shit about him. He also needed to research whatever this Demon Blood shit was.

“She was addicted to it.” Andy said to Dean, startling him some. “Ruby was. She was kicked out of her home, lost her job, everything. All she wanted was more of it. But she pulled herself out and is very anti Demon Blood.”

“Why is it called that?” Dean asked.

“No matter what form it’s in, it’s a deep red. It looks like blood. And it causes the user to hallucinate. A very common side effect is they believe they have powers.” Andy looked over at Lucifer, who was talking with Meg and Gabriel. “Lucifer OD’ed on it. That’s why he’s insane.”

“That did that to him?” Dean asked.

“Gabriel said he had a slight mental illness anyway. And he got hooked on Demon Blood. And he just took more and more until his body couldn’t take it anymore.” Andy explained. “Sam got lucky. He took it once and it made him sick and he promised to never take it again.” Andy realized as soon as the words left his mouth, he shouldn’t have said them.

“Wait...what did you say?” Dean asked.

“Nothing.” Andy shook his head.

“Sam took this drug?” Dean asked. Andy sighed.

“Once, as a moment of weakness. Right after Jess died. But he got so sick that the benefits were overshadowed. And he promised all of us and God himself that he would never do it again.” Andy could see the anger bubbling away under Dean’s skin. What else had Sam neglected to tell him? Instead, Dean stormed off, leaving Andy there. He went to find Bobby so they could get ready to bury Benny.

****

The funeral home was quick to have things set up. So it was the next day and they were ready. Benny was prepped and placed in a closed casket. It was sunny and warm. Every trope in movies said it was supposed to rain. So it couldn’t really be a funeral.

It was a graveside service. The funeral home did bring Benny to the cemetery via hearse, and the Hunters and Wayward Sons were the pallbearers. While the Wayward Sons had only known Benny a couple of days, they felt obligated to stand there by the Hunters. Ellen and Jo sobbed. Especially Ellen. She had watched Benny grow up from a chubby toddler to a man.

Sam was one of the first to leave when the ceremony was over. He had to get away. He needed air. So he stormed off, running away to a club of trees where he could sit and be alone. But he wasn’t, because Dean was right behind him.

“Sammy…” Dean said. “We got revenge for Benny and for dad.”

“You think that Azazel planned this all on his own?” Sam asked. Dean was about to speak up. “There are three more princes out there, plus their fucking henchmen. Dean, we have to stop them all.”

“And we will in due time.” Dean said. “We just buried Benny.”

“They won’t care.” Sam told him. “And if what Azazel said is true…”

“What? What did he say to you?” Dean asked.

“He told me that he slept with mom when her and dad were separated and that I have a good chance of being his kid.” Sam told Dean. “I don’t believe but…”

“Dad told me about that.” Dean said. “You’re not Azazel’s son. Even if you were, it didn’t change anything. Dad loved you so much.”

“But…”

“No buts Sammy. You’re a Winchester, that’s all there is to it. You ain’t getting out of this family that easy.” He smirked at Sam, who rolled his eyes. “Come on. I think a trip up to Austin for a burger is in order. My treat.”

“Can we take Baby?” Sam asked.

“Of course. Probably hard to steer your bike with that arm anyway.” They headed back to the others. They had gotten a ride with Bobby. Dean didn’t mention anything about what Andy had told him about Demon Blood. He just wasn’t in the mood to fight with Sam. He got his brother back and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t want to push him away.

And a trip to Austin really could do them both a lot of good.

****

Aguila, Arizona

Azazel’s body laid on a table as Asmodeus, Alastair, Ramiel, Lilith, Abbadon, and Dagon stood around. It had been chaos when the princes had came back from a run to Mexico and found their fourth dead on the ground. This just stunk of Hunters. Alastair was sure of it.

“They’re all dead.” Asmodeus finally said. “The Hunters have to be exterminated.”

“What do we do?” Ramiel asked.

“We slaughter them like the pigs they are.” Lilith hissed. She held Azazel’s favorite pistol in her hands. “I want to kill at least one of them.”

“Lil, just breathe.” Abbadon said. She looked at the others.

“Actually, I think it would be a fantastic idea to include the girls.” Alastair said. “They have a moral code. They’re not going to willingly shoot women. And they don’t have women in their group. It would be the perfect distraction.”

“Then let’s get ready.” Asmodeus announced. “I want the Hunters dead by the end of the week.”

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @i-would-die-for-woodland-demars @dekahg @marvel-af @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tags: @luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @flamencodiva @bella-ca

This Life Tags: @soulslaststand @jamielea81 @caplansteverogers @becs-bunker @colie87

Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23 @cloudyskylines @supernaturalwincestsblog @sams-serialkiller-fetish

#this life #sam winchester #dean winchester #supernatural #Jared Padalecki #Jensen Ackles

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purplesurveys · 6 years ago

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394

Do you use public transport regularly? I would if it were safer, more efficient, and less crowded. But it’s none of these things, so I resort to driving my own car. Who do you usually say hello or good morning first? My girlfriend. Do you usually have time for breakfast in the morning? What do you have? Not this sem, because my classes start at 8:30/9 so I usually go straight to the bathroom for a quick shower and off to the car. I never have time to pick up breakfast, unless my dad is home and packs me food. He usually makes me eggs and hotdogs. Have you ever had to work while there was a film crew at your work place? I’ve never had a job but yeah, they recently shot a movie in my school. Caused a lot of traffic that day but tbh I can’t be mad, the movie’s supposed to be really good (although I haven’t seen it so shame on me). Have you ever gotten an ailment just before you were going on holiday? Ugh I never get sick, my immune system doesn’t have a lot of stories to tell.

What’s your favourite colour of carnation? Light pink. When’s the last time you got to leave work earlier than scheduled? Not work, buuuut my communication research prof always dismisses us early for some reason. Last week he let us go 45 minutes before our scheduled dismissal. Do you play any “getting to know you” type of games with a friend on FB? No, that sounds very 2009. Are the roads basically rock solid frozen slush where you live right now? No snow where I’m from. Do you/have you worked a job where you could bring leftover food home from? Is there a winter break/half term coming along in your part of the world? No, we don’t get seasonal breaks like that except for summer and that doesn’t come around until May. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? My dog used to, but he’s gotten old and doesn’t really have the energy to go down the steps anymore haha. Still, he’s the first thing I see up the stairs when I get home. Have you had any assignments to finish lately? Yep, I did one before I drove home tonight. How about any long-running group assignments? I finished one last night but my groupmates were shit and I didn’t feel good about that homework at all. Do you have group chats with your friends that make you laugh? Yes, we have one for our friend group. Do you sing or whistle while you work? Sometimes, but it doesn’t last long because 1) I sing terribly, and 2) whistling is loud. Would you ever like a professional kitchen’s dishwasher at home? I’m fine with manually washing dishes tbh. Any exciting or fun plans for the weekend? Not this weekend. I do have to go to a volleyball game that’s required for my PR class, though. Not that I find it exciting. How about for this evening? I just got back home from a laidback date with Gab, so. We had cheap dinner and a study date at a coffee shop. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Hahaha, I don’t play video games. This is Gab’s question to answer. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? I don’t think so, no. What do you like in your omelet? We don’t usually make omelets at home, so when we’re staying at a place that makes omelets (usually a breakfast buffet at a hotel), I ask them to put everything that they have available–cheese, mushrooms, tomatoes, bell peppers, whatever else they offer. Do you do anything physically taxing that makes your limbs or back sore? Yeah, I have a shoulder bag that worsens my scoliosis when I have to wear it, cos it only puts a lot of pressure and weight on one side of my body. Does a cat ever randomly jump on your desk and blocks your screen? Does said cat like to climb on your shoulder and kneads your arm? Was today surprisingly sunny where you live, too? It was just sunny, it’s never a surprise. Did you encounter many happy people today? Did it make you happy? Surprisingly no. My org’s hangout space is empty on Tuesdays. I guess people’s schedules are packed on that day. The only people I saw were Laurice, Jane, Jo, Jum, and Kate, and they all were okay, but I wouldn’t call them happy. Has anyone put their freezing cold hands on your body today? Uhhhh nope haha. Has anyone tickled you mercilessly today? No, I would’ve kicked them in the face. Has anyone hugged or kissed you today? Yes, Gabie gave me both :) Aaahahhhhhhh I love her so so so much. When do you normally come on Bzoink? Mmm once a week, cos that’s the only amount of time I get to take surveys these days. Have you had to change clothes more than twice today? Nope, just one constant outfit for today. What’s something that makes you feel confident? Gab giving me boosts. I trust anything she says, so if she says I can do this or I can finish that, I usually will. Do you have any presentations you have to give in the near future? Nah, I don’t think so. Have you ever had a shrove bun? (Look it up, they’re really good!) NO BUT THEY LOOK REALLY GOOD I WANT ONE NOW??????? Do you have time for regular coffee/tea breaks throughout the day? I can’t take coffee anymore dude haaah. I recently ~resigned from coffee, cos I realized that whenever I drink coffee now, I feel more sick than energized to finish work, and I always end up having chest pains now unlike before. I denied it for a long time and kept drinking coffee (and getting sick after) until I finally sucked it up last week. Haven’t had any since. Do your lips or hands go really dry in cold weather? Not really. Do you have any wine or rum in your fridge? Yes. Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder when you got that old? Hahahaha yeah I look in the mirror but I don’t necessarily ask myself that. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. I get spurts of enthusiasm here and there, but they always die down quickly. Just three weeks ago I went back to studying Korean but I stopped after two days lol. Are you good at word games and anagrams? Yesssssss I love those. UBWHAECNI ^Give me the longest word you can make out of those letters Beach, china, whine, bench, bunch, cabin. Do you encounter eccentric looking people on a daily basis? In UP? Of course. I love it. Has a song been playing in your head today? What was it? imagine by Ariana Grande. Is there anything at the movie theaters right now that you’d like to see? Alone/Together, but I heard that the trailer is way better than the film itself. I’d see the movie but only if it were someone’s treat haha. Do you have free tickets for anything that need to be used soon? Nah. Do you have candy in your cupboards? We don’t keep candy in the cupboards, but yeah we have some lying around the house. Are you itching to do something else now? Eat, because I suddenly got hungry. Can you hear snoring from somewhere right now? Nope. Has the sun gone down by now? Yes, hours ago. It’s 11:36 in the evening.

#survey #surveys

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dead-thorin · 6 years ago

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everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore.

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot

#post from the blogger

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the-little-red-noodle · 6 years ago

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10/11/18 7:47

okay, lets talk.

Ive had an emotional 24 hours. I’ve been anxious, i’ve been insecure, i’ve been angry and sad and hurt and manic and crazy and i need to get it out so i can fucking cleanse and move into my weekend.

It started with spencer, what like, 2 nights ago now? i dont remember when it was, but i was getting insecure and noticing how i was affecting him. it was yesterday, cuz it was wednesday. i was insecure and didnt want him to leave my room and i think i really stressed him out because i just wanted him to stay and say the things i wanted to hear, but that isnt reality. he cant read my mind, he cant know what i need to hear, thats why i need to communicate and not just suck into myself and away from him, but i didnt want to do that because i didnt want to be crazy, but then i got crazy and i made him kinda late because he dropped by at 3:30 and only expected to stay till 4 but he left at 6:27 as i needed to go to my 6:30 lab.. so i feel bad but i just agh i couldnt let him leave when i didnt feel good..

i didnt feel good because we talked about politics. he got me going on the wage gap, so i got heated talking about the misconceptions and he was (respectfully) arguing with me because he is suuupperrrr super liberal, very very left, very socialist, and he’s a politics major, so he’s well versed and i get that going in, but i also wanted to share my side because im fairly moderate; i dont believe in a lot of feminist rhetoric, or the wage gap stuff. i read the study, and it bothers me that people misuse the statistics to say that women get paid less for the same job, because that is NOT what the study found. The point was that women take different kinds of jobs than men and tend to work less hours and have less education and qualifications. THAT is the ‘feminist’ issue, not paying women less for the same job because thats illegal and cant happen.

Heres the thing. I know there are sexist issues in our society. i know that it is harder for women than it is for men. but frankly, i feel better ignoring it as much as i can. i feel like if we keep telling women than they shouldnt be scientists because its a man job, or that society tells women that they need a leg up, because then we start believing it and internalizing and thinking we are less than men. i feel like if we just stopped talking about it, i wouldnt know that there was a gender discrepancy and id feel totally normal getting into stem. i dont want to feel like im some anomaly. and frankly yes, i notice sometimes. i notice the gender divide in stem. of fucking course i see it. i know that there are men in my neuroscience lab who think i dont know shit. im not blind, i know the STEM field is misogynistic. i know it is. but i dont like to subscribe to the feminist thing that im so held down and its because im a woman. but thats just me

anyway, my babe is very liberal and he was listening of course but also making sure i knew that the problems im ignoring are still there, which i appreciate but i also get kinda irritated with hyper liberal men because it sounds kinda guilty? like listening to a straight white man say that straight white men are the problem, annoys me. like yes thats true, but also ugh its annoying. i hate the men shame that feminism encourages.

so we kinda went back and forth for a while, which like, good that we can have real conversations, and politics is something that will inevitably come up, but as the conversation went on, i started getting insecure and anxious because confrontation scares me. not that he was really even confronting me? like spencer is such a sweet man, he’s gentle and kind and supportive and so sweet to me, and i know politics is literally his thing, and im glad that he’s super liberal as opposed to the other end. cuz like ya i am a queer woman and im glad that he seems like a strong advocate for minority groups like that, so like im glad, but i also started to feel like he was frustrated with me for like being ill informed.

heres the thang tho, im not really ill informed. ive done my research, i watch the news, and im a big fan of shoe0nhead which admittedly is very moderate bias media, but its content i agree with. and i was telling him that im fairly moderate, and he was like ya i can tell, and i was like and politics isnt really my thing, and he was like ya i can tell. but i didnt mean that like i didnt understand politics, i meant it as like i try not to really get into the conversation (partially because of sarah lawrence)

no wait i did tell him that. i told him how involved i was in social justice stuff in new york, that i literally led the anti Trump protest in NYC after he was elected. and when i told him that, he got all dreamy eyed like it was so attractive that his girlfriend was an activist, which is cute n whatever, cuz everything he does is cute..

the point is, that after this conversation i was insecure because i felt like he would be mad at me (he wasn’t) or that he would hate me (he doesn’t). and i know that logically of course, but still... ugh idk, the conversation just got me riled up and then he had to leave town for the whole weekend and i was feeling like we wouldnt have enough time to resolve it

but he kept saying everything was fine, that he wasn’t mad, that he might disagree, but still loves me duh. and i know he meant it, but u know when you get in your head and youre like shit i said too much, and now he will never look at me the same because we slightly disagree about politics, like my moms dating a republican and they reallllyyy disagree on politics, like i will be fine! whats yer issue self?

but ya so i just felt insecure, and i know he was trying to comfort me even tho i didnt let on thaaat much that i was hurting. i feel like when people i love get confrontational with me (which again, he wasn’t) i get upset and my heart feels heavy and it hurts and i want them to leave and i would have just ended our hangout because we both had places to be and whatever we’ll deal with it later, but i knew he was leaving tonight and was gunna be busy and we couldnt deal with it so i was scared and when my attachment feels insecure, i get SO insecure. hahahaaaa i was thinking this relationship would be any different? gurl.

but heres the thing, he is.. he’s fine. he doesnt think anything is wrong and he’s still my sweet pea boyfriend. and i know that now, because i did get to say goodbye in a good re-establishing way tonight.

i knew he was leaving after his class at 6:30 tonight and i was nervous because i knew he was gunna be busy with packing up and everything.

i ran into him walking to class and we were fine and kissy and cute and i love him but as we were parting i was like can i say goodbye before you leave, but i dont think he heard me cuz he didnt really respond because we were diverging and he was giving me his sweet boy eyes with an outstretched arm as we parted and i was like shit im still insecurrrreeee

so i texted him during the first class like “hey i meant cant i say goodbye before you hit the road but sounds like yer gunna be busy so have a great weekend baby i love you!” and i meant it, i wanted to end on a good note but then he didnt respond all day, and my anxiety was mounting and i spent the rest of today in my room doing nothing but stressing about him. stressing about a boy, nothing new for me.

but eventually i got really tired and took a real nap, i had accepted that i wouldnt see him again.. sad.. i woke up at like 7:15 and i was like hmm let me see if his car is still here, ya know, cuz im crazy. i went downstairs to fill up my water bottle and his car was still in the parking lot. so ya know, i text him, cuz im crazy. and i was like drive safe babe <3 and then as i got back to my room there he was outside my door with bags in his arm to pack up his car and i was so effing relieved to see him. we hugged and kissed and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and i was so happy to get to have a moment with him before he left.

i walked him down to his car, and filled up his water bottle for him and once everything was in his car, he just kissed me.. and i know im a hopeless romantic, but i was so happy to just kiss him and feel his lips smiling and feel his arms around me and hear him giggle and be adorable..

my heart still hurts, but it’s different now. my heart hurts because I miss him. i already miss him even though he only just left. he’ll be gone until monday night and i might not even see him then because he’ll be exhausted, which is fair. but now im sad because ill just miss him. i know he’ll be camping and among friends and nerding out on his larping camp vacation is fresno. of course ill miss him.. because i love him..

as we were kissing by his car i was like be safe (cuz his larping thing is basically nerd war with foam weapons) and he was like “yeah i will, cant wait to see you when i get back”, and i was like yeah babe ill be here to patch you back together when you get back, and he kinda laughed at me and was like “i dont think that’ll be your intention when i get back” implying that ill probably just want to rough him up immediately when i see him like i usually do. which made me really really happy to hear cuz it was like acknowleding that everythings still good and we’re still crazy about each other and we’ll just want to fuck as soon as he’s home which is sweet to me, like to me thats such a sweet sentiment. and i just got so happy that he in his own way reminded me that like we’re still on a good track, and we’re still happy, and he still loves me, ya know?

and also as we were hugging and kissing i started scratching his back how he likes and he sorta moaned and was like “ugh im really gunna miss this.. like im gunna miss you of course, but im gunna miss your back scratches” and that made me happy..

he just makes me happy.. i really love him and i’m really grateful that i got to have this brief reconnection with him before he left town till monday.. 4 days without him is gunna suck, but i know he’s gunna be busy and probably not have service and be off the grid so we won’t talk unless he reaches out. but i will manage. he managed for 4 days while i was camping, so i can manage while he is nerd camping

omigod that reminds me how much i love him, again. he’s nerd camping. ugh i adore him

he was like babe you gotta come next time so we can get drunk and fight together and he was all smiley like he really wants to show me off at his nerd event which is so sweet.. and as he walked me back to the dorm entrance cuz i forgot my key, he called me his girlfriend, and even though its small, its something.. i’ll take it.

i needed that brief little reconnection. the next 4 days i will have to detox. i have events planned like every day, so i’ll be fine. im gunna see my friends tomorrow and saturday night and i have chapter on sunday and should probably spend some time alone writing and detoxing and getting back to myself and feeling independent.

i want time to shower and braid my hair and brush my teeth and feed my body good food and watch youtube and write. i need to stay writing. i need to keep journaling because i know how much it helps me. i need to get my emotions out and analyze why the things that upset me get to me. whats the root of the problem and how to get through it. i need that.

i was and still am so frustrated with myself that i got so insecure over one political conversation with spencer. like... thats a problem, ya know?

and at least now that he’s out of town for the whole weekend, i dont really have an excuse for being anxious about seeing him? cuz he just drops by and i never know when cuz he doesnt text me first. like literally tonight as we were kissing outside my room he was like i came by earlier but you werent home, and i was like oh shit i was taking a nap and i slept through him coming to visit me :(( which is like oh my god that would have been so sad if i didnt get to see him on his way out because i was literally asleep!

his dropping by, while its the cutest ever because it just like him wanting to see me, its also kind of stressful because i never know when its gunna happen, so whenever im home, im kind of anxious because he could drop in at any second, and of course i get happy when he does because then i get to see my baby, but alsoooooo it means i cant really indulge in my personal space because it could be interupted at any moment, and as i found out tonight, i cant take naps because then i could miss him :(

thats probably something we should discuss at some point, because it creates anxiety for me that is related to spencer, and i want to eliminate any bad vibes from my relationship

relationship.. he’s my boyfriend.. ohmigod wuuuuuuut im still shocked that he wanted to boo me up this much.. he’s so sweet and cute and nerdy ugh

i love him.. i need to get over this dumb insecurity that comes from mild confrontation? that wasnt even confrontation??

so lets remember the things to look forward to about this relationship

he loves me. he claims me proudly as his girlfriend. he wants to bring me to belegarth events, even this day one in san diego where he’d bring me home and introduce me to his home friends which is pretty huge.. he’s sweet, he likes spending time with me and he drops by frequently and stays for hours.. we’re good, and i know i sound crazy needing to convince myself, but thats because i dont want to bug him to validate me, especially not when he has this big event that he’s so excited for. and i want him to be excited for his event and feel secure with me, because of course i love him and want to be with him.

10:53pm i keep taking breaks from the journaling, i get distracted really easy, watching youtube and texting people.. trying to be social, its hard for me. also trying to bury my spencer texts, just cuz i know im crazy and i want to try to not think about him..

do i go walk down to the cooler to get food? or should i just subside on whatevers in my fridge.. also i really should fill up my tank.. and calculate the gas so my friends can reimburse me.. sigh

anyway, i think im feeling mostly better after yesterday. like obviously im still gunna think about it, and ill always worry if spencers as invested as me, but i gotta take it with the context that he was the one who pursued me and crushed on me from day one and wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to call me his girlfriend.. he says he loves me and he comes to visit me all the time and spends his free time with me.. he’s a sweet pea and i shouldnt be insecure about it

and not to be cryptic, but what am i even worried about? part of me was reluctant to even get into a relationship, and was supposed to be single and focusing on myself and if anything, dating women. i accidentally caught feels for an amazingly sweet nerd man, and believe me im happy about it. i love spending time with spencer and loving on him. but to be cryptic for just a second.. worst case scenario? he’s just not interested anymore and we break up. sooo? ya that would suck, and i would be heartbroken, but i would also be okay because i have good friends and the whole point of breaking up with ryan was to be single.. so..

anyway, i should probably wrap up this journal entry cuz its long and all over the place

omigod he just texted me

aww he’s letting me know that he got to his thing safely and he loves me

seeee he’s a sweet bean, yall are fine, can you chill now? he’s so into you and you dont need to be insecure about this right now

and wow i sound crazy writing this much, i’ve literally been writing for hours. i know i need to journal more, and this is literally just stream of consciousness for hours and hours.. alright, ima end here and do hw maybe..

stay grateful. stay happy. life is good, you are blessed. friends are good. boyfriend is good. school is good for now kinda haha but i need to stay positive! yes i have bad days, yes i have low points, yes i get insecure and sad and upset and lonely. but i am so very lucky to be alive and to be surrounded by support and love and to feel and give love freely. i am lucky to have found friends i can trust. i am lucky to still have my close friends from beyond this year of oxy. i am beyond lucky to have an incredible man in my life. and also its halloween season which means lots of fun family stuff and so many fun parties on and off campus and looking forward to showing off my jessica rabbit costume and seeing spencers cowboy beebop costume and just drooling over each other ^-^

it is going to be a great rest of this month, and after this is november, which means thanksgiving and family stuff, and better fall weather hopefully and that means getting spencer to wear more sweaters.. mmmph and then after that is december which means holiday season, and more family stuff, and of course, finding a time to see spencer and be cozy and watch christmas movies and again, get him into more sweaters.. mmmmmmmph yes babe

there is so much to look forward to!! events and planning christmas presents for people omigod im gunna start that note on my phone, theres so much to do!! cuz i also have so many new great friends for this holiday season which means more presents for people which im always excited about :) and getting to watch my puppy grow up and see my family and take in the quality time together <3

i am loved. i am blessed. i am grateful. i want to spread love and positive vibes and happiness and love! so much love :)

okay. that’s all for tonight. shower, brush teeth, go to sleep. take care of yourself. LOVE

#samiswriting

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haeroniel-doliet · 7 years ago

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gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now) and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it.

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now.

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it. i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess.

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have a ballet company idk.

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim.

#ballet an hobbies and thoughts and lots of things.#honestly noneed to read

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kingshovelbug · 6 months ago

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Hii what is your best advice to younger adults trying to make it independently and make a living? In art, savings or anything you think of. Thank you in advance!

dont be too hard on yourself. its tough out there right now in regards to like everything regardless of what old people say. also this is going to be a lot so im slapping a read more on here

⭐️ first thing id recommend for anyone is to start figuring out a budget. figure out how much youre making monthly. keep all your food receipts for a month or two to see what youre spending on food. find out what youre paying for thats necessary like utilities and whats not

the goal for a budget (or at least mine) is to find a good balance of earning vs spending. im paying off my credit card right now because i ran through all my savings after we had to move last year but my goal used to be to save 1/4 of what i earned after bills and putting money into an emergency fund (usually an emergency fund is 3 months worth of expenses). but it depends on how much you can comfortably put away. if you can put more away do it. but if you never spend money and deprive yourself of joy youre going to burn yourself out regardless of what your job is

⭐️ if youre not already buy store brand for as much shit as you can. if its an ingredient i promise as someone who cooks and bakes you probably wont notice the difference. if its an actual snack it depends. again both from a money perspective and to boycott pro-isreal companies we get a lot of snacks from aldis and theyre awesome. i dont miss anything from mars, oreos etc when i have my chocolate coconut wafers

⭐️ if you have any subscriptions and you need to get rid of something you can probably cancel them. for *most* things theres some kind of free alternative. but again just like with a budget. there are going to be some subscriptions that make your life easier and while youd save money without them it would lead to extra work and burning out. ex willow has kofi gold because it has really cool extra features that help with running the shop. but for streaming services? im going to be so honest. both to save money and with how cheeky streaming companies (in a bad way) have been getting… you can find whatever you want to watch online for free

if you need to use anything from the microsoft office suite, but youre not required by youre job to specifically use microsoft, libreoffice is a free alternative that i actually like better. its what i use to help willow run their shop and its free

for art programs. if you still have photoshop switch. not just for money reasons. adobe is getting bold with what they can claim as their content and use from what people produce in their program. the switch isnt the easiest but there are a bunch of alternatives. some free some like csp offer one time licenses which are so much better than subscriptions. will has spent almost $2k on photoshop and after effects from using it as long as they have. when csp is $50 and they like csp better anyways. i also know of krita and fire alpaca which are free

⭐️ also theres stuff about being an adult that i thought you had to pay for but you dont? like for car insurance i went through an independent insurance agent and they found me a cheaper plan than i could find myself. i didnt pay the guy. they get a cut from the insurance company for finding them another customer. some banks or credit cards offer financial advising sessions to users. its boring but if you can get a copy of your health insurance see if they have any free shit on there thats available for you. my brother gets free doctor finding? like i can call them, tell them what specialist he needs and instead of me calling around to find one that can take him, they connect me with someone. my work offers 3 free therapy sessions (better than nothing) and free food that i take advantage of

⭐️ i think one of the biggest things that makes an impact for us is researching before buying stuff. sounds like a no brainer but you dont just want to find the cheapest deal. you want to find the best bargain, the best bang for your buck. whats the best quality thing you can get that you can also afford? itll prevent your from having to replace stuff all the time and by extension spending more than you need to. we have nonstick pots and pans that are scratched and starting to peel (which apparently can cause cancer??) that were cheap because of being on sale. now after looking into what makes quality cookware i know i should of just slowly bought stainless steel

⭐️ last big one. credit cards. unfortunately we need them so find one with a low apr and that offers decent cash back. use it up to like 20% of your limit and pay it off every month. focus on using it on things that will get you cash back so you can essentially get free money

im sure i could ramble more but this is already super long

#asks #anon

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gatoseliana · 7 years ago

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Disneyland | Nickana

TAGGING: @strummingnick & @gatoseliana

WHEN: August 1st

WHERE: Airport, Plane, Hotel, Disneyland

NOTES: Nick and Eliana start their Disneyland vacation and some other firsts.

WARNINGS: smut at the end - this is really fucking long you guys. we’ve been working on this for a month!

Eliana was so excited about going to Disneyland with Nick. They really needed a break from the real world and the two of them had never been before so it was gonna be nice to do something new together. Especially something as fun as Disneyland. The flight was early in the morning that Tuesday and Eliana's mom was dropping them off at the airport. Eliana had packed her bag with as much clothes that could fit, including the cute matching ones that Nick had bought for them. It was perfect. As their arrived at the airport Eliana stepped out of the car with him, saying goodbye to her mom. "Be safe and have fun okay?" She told them. Eliana smiled. "We will!" She looked over at Nick. "Ready to go?" She asked. Eliana was nervous for the flight. She had never been on a plane before. Her family wasn't really one for vacationing but she was glad that Nick would be there by her side the whole time.

Nick could barely sleep the night before, knowing that he was going to Disneyland with with Eliana. Carole couldn't stop hugging him before he left, but he promised to try and call her everyday. At least text her to let her know how the trip is going. "Bye, mom," he teased, waving at her. At Eliana's question, he nodded, breathing in a deep breath. "I think it'd be pretty cool to teleport straight to Disneyland, rather than go through TSA or whatever it's called. I don't need anyone feeling up my junk," he flat out said, shaking his head. Nick pulled his ticket out of his pocket, curious to see what gate they were leaving from. "Gate.. 5." Nick hated airports. They were always so crowded and most of the people were rude. Granted, he'd only been in one just a handful of times, he always hated the experience.

Eliana laughed. "Except for me of course" she joked and walked with him to security. She got out her ID and took her ticket from Nick. She stood in line with him and smiled up at him. "Teleporting would be fun though, not just because of Disneyland but just for everything. I could teleport to you whenever I wanted. Can you imagine people just popping up in random places. I feel like that would be a good movie" Eliana laughed.

Nick felt his cheeks turn a shade of red. "Of course except for you. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't want my girlfriend touching my junk?" He brought her hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the skin on the back of her hand. "I think they did make a movie about that. It's called Jumper, I think. It's got Hayden Christensen or whatever his name is and that Rachel Bilson chick. He'd teleport to different cities and on top of mountains and what not. I think he even teleported into a bank one time." Looking away from his girlfriend, he saw the lines for security. "Fuck," he muttered, shaking his head. "I hate this part," he said before getting in line.

Eliana giggled to herself and she raised her eyebrows for a moment. She took a breath as he kissed her hand. "OH..." She laughed. "I forgot about that movie. Yeah Rachel Bilson was in The OC. I loved that show. That would be so bad if everyone could teleport, I would steal all the time. You'd never get caught." Eliana got in line and looked up at him. "This is why we came early" she said. "I read up all about flying. You're supposed to arrived two hours early. Hopefully it goes by quick" Eliana said wanting to stay positive. "Also we should probably get used to standing in lines. It's like practice for Disney right?" She laughed.

Nick nodded. "She was also in that one show that my mom liked. Uh, Hart of Dixieland or something. But totally. We'd never be able to have anything and I'm sure almost everyone would become criminals." He paused for a moment, looking over at Eliana. "You'd really steal all of the time? My girl, the badass criminal." He couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face as he teased her. Brown eyes looked around the area around them, checking the lines. "I hope so. I'd hate to just stand here forever and miss our flight. I'd probably just get pissed off if that actually happened." When she mentioned practice for Disney. "Well, I researched it, and someone had a plan to get through rides quickly, instead of standing in line all day, if you're down to do it." He took a step forward in line, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck, already feeling the stresses of the airport.

Eliana "I've never seen that before. Seriously though. Maybe just you and me can have that power and no one else. Yeah that sounds good" She laughed. Eliana swallowed. "yeah super criminal." Her mind wandered to all of those murals she tagged around town. No one knew they were hers and she didn't want to get in trouble but she enjoyed it. It had been a while since she actually spray painted one, since the accident. "We're not gonna miss out flight." The moved up in line and smiled. "See we already are moving" Eliana nodded. Yeah we need to make the most of these four days! I wanna do everything! When we get to the hotel we should plan out exactly what we wanna do each day so then we are organized."

Nick laughed. "Yeah, I think only we should have the powers." A silence fell over them, and he looked at Eliana, who seemed to be in her own world. "Babe? You okay?" Nick ran his fingers through his hair as he watched the TSA search people. He looked at Eliana, a smile on his face. "I'm down for that! I'll pull up the thing I found once we settle in." They moved up more in line, surprisingly moving very quickly. "Maybe things will work out smoothly, yeah?" Eyes were glued to a guy getting stripped searched.

Eliana snapped out of it and she nodded. "I'm fine" She looked over at him and smiled. "Yeah of course." Soon enough they were in front of the line, Eliana put her shoes and suitcase on the conveyor belt and stepped through the metal detector. The TSA officer let her go through and she smiled. Now all they had to do was get to their gate and relax until they boarded. Eliana looked behind her at Nick as he went through the detector. She smiled at him. "That wasn't so bad was it?"

Nick kept his eyes on her, making sure that she was really okay. "Okay, babe." As soon as they were in the front of the line, he took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves down. He sat his belongings on the conveyor belt not long after Eliana did, timidly walking through the detector. A wave of calmness washed over him as he stepped through. The last thing he wanted was to be frisked in the middle of the airport. As he grabbed his belongings, Nick walked over to his girlfriend, shrugging at her question. "I just really dislike TSA, but now that that's over with, we can head for the gate and just chill." He smiled at her before taking her hand in his, the gate number running through his head over and over again. "I don't think that we have a long way to go, which is good. Do you want to get something to eat or something before we go and sit down?"

Eliana smiled. "I'm sorry babe" She said rubbing his back as they walked. She held his hand and nodded. "Yeah I'm starving and I dont wanna pay for expensive plane food. I looked up the little menu online and its just a sandwich for like 10 bucks. So not worth it." She nodded. Eliana looked around and pointed towards the food court. "We could go get something over there?" She suggested. Eliana knew that Nick was nervous but hopefully she could ease his mind. It was her first time flying too but it was more exciting for her than anything else.

Nick felt the muscles in his back relax at the feeling of her rubbing his back. At her mentioning how much a sandwich on the plane is, his eyes widened. "Seriously? Holy shit. Why would anyone pay that much for a sandwich?" He shook his head, trying to get over the idea of a ten dollar sandwich. Brown eyes were looking for the gate before her question caught his attention. "Yeah, that looks like a good variety," he said before veering off their course towards the gate to the food court. "Do you have anything particular in mind that you want to eat?" He let go of her hand for a moment before fixing the strap on his bag. Nick brought his hand back down next to hers, fingers gently running over the palm of her hand.

Eliana laughed. "I know what happened to five dollar footlongs?" She rolled her eyes. Eliana moved towards the food court with him and she sighed contently as he played his fingers on her hand. She squeezed his hand gently, a silent 'i love you' that she tended to do. "How about pizza?" She asked. "That sounds yummy and not super heavy you know. I refuse to have to get up to go to the bathroom on this plane. Plus we are gonna have a stranger sitting next to us and just...no" She shook her head and looked up at him for an answer.

Nick furrowed his eyebrows at her question. It actually made him wonder about it. He shook his head, shrugging it off. Feeling her squeeze his hand, he just smiled to himself before bringing her hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. "Pizza sounds great, babe," he said, returning the hands to where they were previously. "Yeah, I don't like going to the bathroom on planes. To cramped. Maybe, though.. we won't get a stranger next to us. Maybe we'll luck up and be put by ourselves or something." He paused for a moment, shrugging. "At least..we can hope so." Feet carried him deeper into the food court, keeping her pulled close to him, considering how crowded it was.

Eliana smiled as he kissed her hand. She looked up at him with heart eyes. She walked with him towards the pizza place and got in line. "I know. Oh that would be nice. We would have lots of room to stretch out" She smiled. "It's a long flight.." She sighed. The flight from Ohio to Anaheim was about 6 hours and for Eliana to sit still for that long was a long time. She ordered a slice of pizza and a drink as they got to the front. They paid and were handed their to go boxes. "You wanna sit here or at our gate?" She asked as she held her box in one hand and her dr pepper in another.

Nick couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face, heart thumping loudly in his chest. Licking his lips, he nodded, definitely wanting room to stretch out, considering he's not exactly on the short side. Ordering the exact same thing that Eliana did, Nick felt his stomach growl as he stood there, waiting on the food. Contemplating her question, it only took several seconds for him to answer. "How about the gate? That way, we'll be there already and we can prepare for the flight." He stood there for a moment, letting a good bit of people go by before finding an opening for them to escape the food court.

Eliana nodded. "Sounds good to me." They got to their gate and Eliana sat down near the gate desk. She looked up at the screen saying they were boarding in about an hour. She set her bag at her feet and looked over at Nick, smiling before she opened her personal pizza box. "So, once we land we need to get a ride to our hotel. Do you wanna take an uber or a taxi or something?" She asked.

Nick smiled as he sat down, letting out a small sigh through his nose. He moved his bags to where they were in front of him, so he could keep an eye on them. "Yeah. We're going to have to. I don't think I can rent a car, unfortunately." Opening his box, Nick relaxed more into the chair, bringing the slice of pizza up to his lips. In no time, the pizza was gone, and eyes searched for a trashcan. "Do you want me to take yours, babe?" He stood up, eyes on her.

Eliana ate her pizza quickly and she handed the box to Nick. They waited for a while at the gate until they were announcing that they were boarding. She got her pass out and moved her bag by her side as they stood up to get in line. They called their zone and soon they were getting onto the plane. It was a lot smaller than she thought it would be and Eliana hoped she didn't get too claustrophobic or anything. Now that they were on the plane and seating she was getting more nervous than she thought she would. She reached over to hold Nick's hand as passengers kept coming in and flight attendants walked back and forth through the isle.

Nick felt as if it was taking forever for it to be time for them to board the plane. When that time came though, he felt his nerves starting to heighten. He was more excited than anything. Once they took their seats and got ready for the plane to take off, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a pack of gum. "Do you want some? It's good for the ears, in case they pop." He squeezed her hand, trying to reassure her of everything. "I'm sure the flight will feel like it won't take long at all." Nick leaned over, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. As everyone settled into their seats, they started the safety video with a few flight attendants in the aisle.

Eliana took the piece of gum that Nick offered and she popped it in her mouth. "Thanks" She said softly. She squeezed his hand back and nodded. "I hope so" Eliana watched the video and she made sure to remember all of it. She had seen this stuff in movies before but never in real life. She reached for the safety pamphlet in the pocket in front of her to follow along. Soon enough the plane was moving and they were getting onto the runway. Eliana squeezed Nick's hand once more and she swallowed hard. "I'm scared" She admitted.

Nick nodded, a smile on his face. "Not a problem." When she admitted that she was scared, his heart almost broke. "You're going to be okay, babe." He let go of her hand, wrapping his arm around her frame, wanting her to feel protected. Generally, plane's were safe, so he wasn't too worried. It wasn't long though before they took off. His arm tightened around her, trying to get her nerves and her fear to subside, at least a little. "I love you," he said, whispering into her ear, nose against the side of her head. Luckily, no one had gotten the seat next to them, so he was glad that no one was there to judge the two of them, or squish them, either one.

Eliana As the plane took off Eliana tightened her grip on the seat and her currently open window she shut closed quickly. Hearing Nick's words whisper in her ear calmed her. A lot. She looked back at him and smiled softly. "I love you too" She said softly. Searching his eyes she realized that after a few moments there were just flying in the air now and it was more calm. She kept her eyes on him. "I love you a lot" She nodded. Sometimes the thought of how much she cared and loved Nick brought her to tears. Not today...but almost. "What would I do without you?" She asked.

Nick smiled at her words, hand moving to tuck some hair behind her ear. "I don't know. Hopefully, you can't live without me," he said jokingly. "Well, I'm sure you could live without me, but hopefully, you don't want to live without me." Eyes searched hers, their surroundings not even mattering to him at the moment. His heart beat in his chest, almost with a thud as he looked at her. "Damn. I don't think that I can ever get enough of you. It's almost like you're too good to be true." His cheeks turned a shade of red as they sat there.

Eliana shook her head. "I hope I never have to" She smiled. Eliana blushed and she licked her lips, looking down at her hands. "You're too sweet" She said. "Don't worry I'm real though, this is real. But I know what you mean" She said taking his hand. "Sometimes I think it's all too good to be true too. Like this is just some dream that I'm gonna wake up from and you're gonna go back to just being my best friend." Her mind went back to that day at six flags on the boat ride. She had fallen so in love with him since then.

Nick looked down at their hands, that smile still on his face. "I'm not going anywhere," he said, voice low, face getting closer to hers. "You're stuck with me being your best friend, your boyfriend, and whatever the future holds for us." Nose brushed against hers before closing the distance between their lips. The kiss was soft and simple, about five seconds long, before he pulled away, pressing his forehead against Eliana's. "I'm pretty sure that I could love you forever," he said, slowly closing his eyes, keeping his forehead against hers. It wasn't until he heard the flight attendant's cart that he pulled away from her, knowing that they'd want to know what they'd want to drink and if they wanted a snack.

Eliana looked back at him and she kissed him softly. She smiled when he pulled away and she looked into his eyes. "Good, because so could I" She smiled. Eliana pulled away and she looked up at the flight attendant asking for a ginger ale if they had any. She needed to settle her stomach a little bit. They just ate pizza so she wasnt feeling super great at the moment. The flight didn't seem super long especially since Eliana slept half the time on Nick's shoulder. She woke to the sound of an announcement from the pilot saying they had arrived and would be landing in a few minutes. She opened her eyes and looked over at Nick sleepily. "Hi" She smiled.

Nick just asked for a water from the cart, wanting to balance out the soda that he had not too long ago. It wasn't long until he noticed that the Eliana was asleep, so he just put his headphones in one of his ears, wanting to keep an ear out in case she woke up or if there was an announcement. Apparently he got lost in the music because the next thing he knew the pilot came over the intercom. He heard Eliana say hey to him, and he automatically smiled. "Hey, beautiful," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "How did you sleep?" He squeezed her hand gently, eyes still on her.

Eliana rubbed her eyes gently and she yawned. "Good." She slowly opened the window and braced herself for the light. "Look how close we are to the ground!" She smiled. "I'm so excited. We made it" Eliana looked over at Nick and smiled widely. The nerves from taking off were non existent anymore and now she was just excited to get to their hotel and the park.

Nick thought she was absolutely adorable when she was just waking up. There was just something about her. Her excitement just made her even more adorable. Once they landed and were given the all clear to finally get off the place, Nick waited until the aisle wasn't as congested before he grabbed whatever they brought onto the plane in one hand and her hand in the other. "Off to grab our bags," he said rather loudly, over the roar of other people. Once they were finally in the airport, he just took a breath. "We're in California." His eyebrows rose in excitement, a huge smile on his face.

Eliana got off the plane with him and they followed the signs to baggage claim. She laughed and looked up at him. "Yeah we are!" She looked out the windows of the airport when they reached baggage claim and she smiled. "Look there's palm trees out there! That's so pretty!" As they waited for their bags, Eliana pulled up the app to get an Uber. "So 15 minutes" She said showing him her phone. They walked outside to wait and Eliana was hit with the heat. "I should have worn shorts" She laughed.

Nick wrapped his arm around her as they stood outside, waiting on the Uber. "You can change into shorts when we get to the hotel, if you want." It felt as if in no time, they were in the car, riding towards the hotel. As everything passed by, he just stared at amazement. "This is so awesome," he said, squeezing her hand. Once they were in the room and settled in, the duo had decided to go to a club for their first night in California, and at the mention of changing clothes, Eliana remembered a pair of shorts that she had recently bought. When she showed him the shorts, if he had anything in his hands, it would have been in the floor. "I think you're trying to kill me, babe." To avoid staring at her, he slid his shirt off before rummaging through his suitcase to find a tank top, pulling it on.

Eliana frowned for a moment and shrugged. "What?" She looked at him take her shirt off and she wondered if she should change right there or going into the bathroom. She looked away and moved back towards her suitcase, looking for stockings or something she could wear underneath. Deciding to change right there, Eliana pulled her pants off and slipped into the shorts. She took her top off as well and looked through her bag, topless. She found a tank top that could match and then looked in the floor length mirror on the wall next to her. "How do I look?" She asked.

Nick ran his hand through his hair, a sigh escaping through his nostrils. "It's nothing bad, I don't think," he said, turning to look at Eliana. He noticed she was changing, and quickly turned around. Hands quickly ran over his jeans, trying to get the sweat from his palms. Plus, he need to calm himself down. At her question, he turned around, heart starting to beat faster. He nodded, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. Eyes quickly moved to the ground, still nodding as his hands went to his own waist. "Yep. You're definitely going to kill me. Or generally just frustrate me in general."

Eliana raised her eyebrows at him. "I'm sorry...should I change?" She asked. She didn't want to make Nick uncomfortable. Eliana walked over to him and she leaned down kissing his lips softly. "We're gonna have fun tonight right?" She smiled at him.

Nick shook his head, trying not to look at her. "No, no. You can wear whatever you want. Just be prepared for a bit of.. awkwardness from me." He saw her in front of him and he looked up in time to have her lips against his. "Of course. We always have fun together." He smiled, hands slowly moving to her waist before standing up, body close to hers. "So, when are we leaving?" Nick swallowed hard, trying not to feel awkward.

Eliana watched him stand up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're cute when you're awkward" She smiled. Eliana pulled away and sighed. "Well as soon as you want to. I'm already ready to go" She smirked and posed a bit. She grabbed her phone and stuck it in her pocket as well as her ID and some cash. They had gotten to the club and Eliana was so excited about just having fun their first night in California. She pulled Nick through the dance floor with her and found a bar table to sit at. "It's crazy in here" She laughed.

Nick felt his eyebrows furrow together when she sighed, but his face changed immediately at her words. "Alright. Give me just a second." He rummaged through his suitcase again, pulling out a thin sweater, pulling it on. Quickly, he sprayed his body spray onto the shirt, throwing the can back into his bag. Nick was ecstatic for their first night in California, and they were going to a club. Once they sat down, he let out a breath and a sigh. "It really is. I mean..damn." He shook his head before looking around the room. The club was absolutely crazy at the moment, and he couldn't really believe he was here because a club wasn't really his scene. "Do you want a drink or do you want to dance first?"

Eliana "No, you don't have to buy me a drink." She showed him the big black 'X' on her hand. "You'd get in trouble" She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "You get a drink and we can dance" She smiled at him. Eliana hopped off the stool and she leaned over kissing Nick's cheek. She ran her hand across his shoulders as she walked behind him towards the dance floor. Eliana never got embarrassed so dancing by herself was no big deal. She enjoyed herself.

Nick shook his head. He knew ways around hiding alcohol. Granted, he's not one to get absolutely wasted, but drinking at family parties is what he did best sometimes. Feeling her hand on his shoulders, they tensed slightly, starting to present his awkwardness again. He walked over to the bar, ordering a beer. It only took a few minutes, but paying the bartender for the bottle, Nick headed for the dance floor, brown eyes searching for Eliana. Finally spotting her, feet carried him closer before he stopped in his tracks. Eyes fixated on her, watching her every move. "I'm screwed," he muttered before bringing the beer to his lips.

Eliana was dancing to the music and she moved her hips back and forth and turned around seeing Nick. "Nick!!!" She yelled and walked over to him. "Dance with me" She said taking his free hand. Eliana pulled him to the dance floor and she moved her hips to the music, standing close to him. She laced their fingers together and she smiled at him, genuinely happy.

Nick almost spit his beer out when she yelled. Before he could say anything, he was being drug to the dance floor. It wasn't that he didn't like to dance. He just didn't dance often. Seeing the smile on her face though, Nick couldn't get enough of it. His body moved with the music and with Eliana's, just enjoying being there with her.

Eliana wrapped her arms around his neck. "if you spill that on my I kill you" She teased. Eliana leaned in and she kissed him softly. She continued to dance with him. They enjoyed the rest of the night and as sober as Eliana was she really had fun. It got later and later and soon it was so late that hurt body was getting tired, especially from dancing. "I'm probably ready to go soon. What about you?" She asked.

Nick finished off his fifth beer, hearing her question. "Yeah. We probably should go soon. We have to be up early anyways, right?" He grabbed her hand, moving away from the dance floor. "Do you want to walk since it's not that far? I'll give you a piggyback ride, if you want one." He tucked some hair behind her ear before wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

Eliana "Right!" She smiled. Eliana nodded excitedly. She loved when Nick gave her piggyback rides. "You sure you're okay to give me one. I mean you are 5 beers in babe?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. Eliana took his hand and they walked out of the club together and onto the street. It was a little chilly outside but all the sweat and body heat inside made it feel nice.

Nick laughed at her question. "Babe, I'm perfectly fine to give you a piggyback ride. It takes a lot more than five beers to get me even tipsy." After a moment, he licked his lips, still tasting beer. "I'm just a bit more relaxed is all." Once they were outside, he squatted down, arms out a bit. "Hop on, beautiful." Once she was on, feet started to carry both of them towards the hotel. "You okay back there? You cold?" Warm hands were on her legs, but his mind was trying to travel anywhere but those legs.

Eliana shrugged. "Okay" She hopped on his back and wrapped her arms around him once they were outside. "It's freezing but I'll deal" She smiled. As he carried her to the hotel she smiled to herself, just happy being with him. Once they were inside she hopped off his back and took his hand, walking towards the elevator. She pulled out the room key from her pocket and smiled over at him. "Thanks for the ride" She smirked.

Nick laughed. "You're welcome," he said before leaning up against the wall. "See. Those five beers didn't really effect me." He quickly winked at her, moving inside the room once the door was open and Eliana walked through. Closing the door behind him, he slid the long sleeved shirt off, playfully tossing it at her. "How early do we have to get up, babe?" He moved to his suitcase, rummaging through it, debating on what he was going to wear to bed.

Eliana smiled. "Good" She said. Eliana laughed and caught the shirt that he threw at her. "Early" She said. "I wanna make the most of the day" She sat on the bed and watched him go through his suitcase when suddenly a little box of condoms fell out onto the floor. She raised her eyebrows and looked at him. Eliana had been thinking about being with Nick recently. She had been wanting to tell him for a while but wasn't sure how to bring it up. She knew he was ready and was just waiting for the okay from her. Seeing those condoms on the ground she didn't know what to say.

Nick nodded, still looking through his clothes, not even remembering what he had packed. "Sounds good to me." Feeling eyes on him, he looked at Eliana. "What?" He stepped back, kicking the box of condoms. Looking down, he realized why she had been looking at him. "It's just a precaution. I'm not saying that we have to, but just in case we do decide to. We're prepared." He bent down, picking them up. After a moment, Nick spoke again. "Plus, my mom made me pack them as a just in case type of deal." By this time, his cheeks were a deep red, feeling the embarrassment and awkwardness. "I'm sorry," he said, softly, running a hand quickly over his face. At this moment, he kind of wished he was drunk to save him from the embarrassment.

Eliana raised her eyebrows and she just watched him explain and get all awkward and flustered. She thought it was adorable when he did this. Eliana stood up and she put her hands over his. "Maybe we will use them." She said looking up at him finally. "I've been thinking about it a lot." She nodded. "I think I'm ready" She smiled up at him with love in her eyes. Eliana loved him to pieces and she would never want to do this with anyone else but him.

Nick looked at Eliana when she spoke. "Wait, what?" An eyebrow rose, surprised at her words. "A-are you sure?" He didn't really know what to say. Squeezing her hands gently, he licked his lips, heart pounding in his chest. "I know you.. probably haven't thought about this, but.. when would you.. want to?" He stumbled over his words, still not believing what he was hearing. Nick swallowed hard, knowing this was going to be on his mind for awhile.

Eliana shrugged. "I think we should just let it happen." she said. "I mean...planning it seems like too much pressure you know. I thought about maybe while we were on vacation. Just...we have privacy and don't have to worry about anything else but us you know" She smiled and cupped his cheek. "You're so cute when you get nervous like this. Relax babe." She leaned in and kissed his lips softly. "It's just me remember?"

Nick completely agreed with her. "I agree. I just didn't know if you had it planned or not. I know some people like to do that." When she told him to relax, he exhaled deeply, trying not to be so awkward. "I know it's just you, but I get so nervous. Like I'm going to say something wrong or something. I'll try not to be though." He brushed some hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear, quickly. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Eliana "Well I want it to be special but I realized that being with you is going to make it special you now." She smiled at him. "Nick you could never say or do anything wrong. Just be yourself because that's who I love." She blushed a little and smiled. "Yeah yeah I know" She teased. "Thank you. You're not so bad yourself mister." She took the box out of his hand. "So...we can save these for later" She smiled and tossed them back into his bag.

Nick smiled. "Okay, okay. Be myself. Got it." He shook his head for a moment before laughing at her tossing the box of condoms back into his bag. "Come on, babe. Let's get ready for bed." With a lopsided smile, he pressed a kiss to her lips. "We have an early morning ahead of us, and I don't even know what time it is." He backed away from her before sliding the tank top off his frame.

Eliana "It's late" She smiled. Eliana kissed him softly before getting ready for bed. They had a long day ahead of them in the morning. It was about 8am when the alarm went off that morning. Eliana moaned and rolled over in bed, away from Nick's body to turn off her alarm on her phone. She opened her eyes and yawned. "Hey, time for Disney" she said softly with a groggy voice as she shook Nick lightly.

Nick felt her moved away from him, but he didn't want to get up. "Five more minutes," he said, voice a bit gravely. When she shook him though, he slowly sat up in the bed. "I'm up, I'm up." At a little faster pace, he started getting ready. Once he was finally finished, he sat on the bed, yawning.

Eliana sat up and she smiled. They got ready pretty quickly considering they were super tired that morning from the night before. She get dressed into their matching Disney shirts that read Soul Mate. It was adorable and perfect for their first day at Disney. She sat on the bed next to him. "No yawning its fun time!" She smiled and bounced a little on the bed.

Nick shook his head, rubbing one of his eyes. "Damn. You are too perky in the morning sometimes, but I still find it adorable." He smiled a little before leaning over, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. Standing up, he sighed, feeling his pockets to make sure he had everything he needed. Grabbing his phone and wallet, he slid the items into his pockets before turning back to her. "I guess we should get going, yeah?" Nick held his hand out to her, eyes still looking a bit sleepy..

Eliana "Not even true. I'm only excited because we are going to Disneyland. Like actual Disneyland!" She smiled. Eliana grabbed the little backpack she was bringing with her and nodded. "I'm ready" They made their way down to the lobby where they had a shuttle going from the hotel to the park whenever they needed. They hopped in and were on their way. Eliana was getting even more excited. She got out her phone and Snapchatted the two of them. "So where are we going babe?" She asked, camera facing him as they sat on the shuttle bus together.

Nick stepped onto the shuttle and went to sit down, trying not to be so groggy. Hopefully, he'd be good to go by the time they got to the park. Seeing her camera pointed at him and hearing her question, he lifted his sunglasses, showing his tired eyes. "Back to bed." He smiled for a moment before lowering his sunglasses and laying his head on her shoulder. "You smell good," he said, voice raspy again.

Eliana laughed. "NO! We're going to Disneyland and Nick is a party pooper" She laughed as she talked to the camera. After she posted it to her story she looked down at Nick with his head on her shoulder. "Thanks" She said softly. "Lets get something to eat when we get there yeah?" She asked. "We can find something breakfast!" Eliana wrapped her arm around him.

Nick did a fake dramatic gasp, only causing him to cough. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "I'm not a party pooper. You just killed me last night with all the dancing." He turned his head to kiss her, realizing that the only thing there to kiss was her neck. So he pressed a kiss against her skin. "But it's okay though. I'd do it all over again." He left his head right where it was at. "Breakfast? That might actually wake me up a bit. That and some coffee." He closed his eyes, and the next thing he knew, they were at the park. Standing up, he let Eliana go ahead of him, but he grabbed hold of her hand, not wanting to lose her in the crowd.

Eliana laughed. "I'm sorry" She smiled. "Do you have a hangover?" She asked. Eliana smirked and she turned her head down to kiss his lips before letting him rest his head back on her shoulder. "Oh coffee sounds amazing right now." She nodded with wide eyes. When they got to the park Eliana was on full adrenaline. She was so excited and everyone was so friendly already. Down mainstreet she say people lining up to meet Mickey and Minnie. "Nick!!! Look!" She said jumping up and down. "Okay first things first. Food and coffee" She opened the map and looked around. "Hey they have starbucks here!" She smiled. "How's that sound?"

Nick shook his head. "Nope. No hangover. Just tired as fuck." Once they were through the gates, he could tell that Eliana's excitement level went from a 10 on the scale, to about a 100. He just thought she was completely adorable. When she said something about Starbucks, Nick nodded. "Yeah. I'm down for a caramel macchiato. Where is it?" He looked on the map, realizing he would totally get lost without the map. Feet carried them towards Starbucks, the movement waking him up a bit more. "So where are we going after Starbucks?"

Eliana "ohh me too!" She smiled. "Umm..this way" She said walking and showing him on the map. Eliana was pretty good at directions and could always remember things once she had been there once before. They found the starbucks and got in line. She pulled out the map again. "We should go on a big ride to wake you up. Maybe Space Mountain?" She asked. "We could hit every land in a circle maybe? I'm not sure how people usually do it." Eliana shrugged. Two people behind them tapped them on the shoulder. "You should get fast passes" They said. Eliana turned around and she looked at the couple behind them. "It's out first time here." Eliana smiled. "Yeah get fast passes because then you can go through the line quicker than everyone else, you just have to come back in an hour. It will tell you on the pass. You just scan your tickets at the station." Eliana looked at Nick and shrugged. "Thanks!" she smiled. "It's easier to do that and just go on all the short line rides while you wait for your fast pass" They woman said. Eliana nodded. "Okay" She looked back at Nick. "We could do that."

Nick followed her, but never did he expect someone to just randomly talk to them. Especially people that don't work at Disneyland. Although they did give the pair some really good advice. "Yeah, I'm totally down for that. But I'm going to need my coffee first." He wrapped his arm around her waist, continuing to walk towards whatever direction he thought Starbucks was in. "Maybe we can hit up some booth or something for fast passes? I don't even know what to look for, babe." After a moment, he looked at Eliana. "Do they have a picture of them on the map or a little icon for them?"

Eliana They made their way to the line in at Starbucks and she nodded. "yeah look it shows which rides have them. I guess its the big rides" She shrugged. "We can ask someone how it works. Like...a worker" She smiled. They got their coffees and something to eat as they sat at a bench on Main Street. "There are so many people here" She said as she watched people walk by and drank her macchiato.

Nick took a sip of his coffee, trying to be careful to not burn his tongue. At he comment, he looked at Eliana, smiling. "The only person I want here is sitting right beside me." He leaned over, pressing a kiss to her cheek before taking another sip of his coffee. "So, what fast pass do we want to get first? Space Mountain..or something else?"

Eliana nodded and smiled at him. "Yeah we can get that one first and go on everything else in Tomorrowland while we wait maybe?" She asked. She looked at the map and looked over the rides, seeing how far away it was from where they were. She handed it to Nick to look at it. "We gotta get you awake. That coffee making you more awake?" She asked. Once they were done they started walking hand in hand towards Tomorrowland.

Nick looked at the map as they walked, trying to figure out exactly where they were at. He finally saw a name that looked familiar, so he used that as a point to see where they were at and where they needed to go. "I'm slowly getting there," he said, finishing off his coffee, recycling the cup. "So, get fast passes for Space Mountain then go on rides in Tomorrowland? Sounds like a plan to me." As they continued to walk, he saw a fast pass kiosk. "Hey. We can get fast passes here, babe. If we don't understand it, we can always ask someone." He started walking towards the kiosk, trying to watch someone else use it.

Eliana followed him and she frowned. "Wait..." She stopped him. "The sign says its only for the Buzz Lightyear ride..' She looked around and found someone who works for. "Hi, how do you get a fast pass for Space Mountain?" She asked. "It's out first time here and we aren't sure how it works." The worker explained how there was a fast pass station at each of the popular rides. You slide your ticket in the box and it gives you a pass that you bring back between the times that it says you can and then you get into the fast pass line. "So if you wanted Space Mountain fast passes then you go over to Space Mountain ride around the corner and it's near the end of the line over there through the long hallway type thing pass Pizza Port." He smiled down at her as he pointed. "You can only get one fast pass at a time but as soon as your return time passes you can go get another one which makes it easier to hit the big rides faster." She looked over at Nick to make sure he heard all of what the worker had told them.

Nick looked up at the sign, furrowing his eyebrows. "Oh," he simply said. When she moved over to a worker, Nick followed close behind. He listened to what the guy had to say. He nodded when the guy spoke. "Pass Pizza Port and through the hallway. Got it." He looked down at Eliana before giving the guy a smile. "Thanks, man," he said before feet started to carry him towards the direction the worker said. "One fast pass at a time, but we can get another one once the return time passes." He was repeating it so he could remember it. "We just have to look for the signs, right?" He looked at Eliana before bumping into someone. "I'm sorry," he said, frowning.

Eliana walked with him and she stopped when he bumped into someone. "Hey" She said taking his hand. "You okay?" She asked. Eliana turned back around and she looked up. "Um...I think that's probably Space Mountain right?" She asked looking up high at the white round spaceship looking thing. "It looks like a UFO!" She laughed. Eliana dragged him towards the long entrance and saw the fast pass sign. "Babe, look. This is a star wars ride. I didn't know that was Disney" She said looking over at him. "I wonder if that Star Tour thing was Star Wars too?" She shrugged. Eliana had still never seen the movies despite everyone's gushing about them.

Nick nodded. "Yeah. I'm good. I just didn't mean to bump into them." He looked at Eliana, a slight frown still on his face. At her question, he looked up. "Yeah, it looks like it." That frown immediately turned into a smile. "You didn't know Star Wars was Disney? That's was a big thing in the news. But I don't remember what year it happened." Shaking his head, he started walking towards the fast pass kiosk thing. "Come on, babe. Let's get these fast passes, and go do something else for the time being." He followed the instruction on the machine, getting a fast pass. "Hey! I did it."

Eliana "Baby...does it look like I read the news..especially about Star Wars?" She asked laughing a little. They got their fast passes together and walked back out of the hallway. "So in an hour we can come back" She said. "Oh look see it says we can get another one in an hour. So maybe in an hour we can go get another one somewhere else and run over here to ride this!" She smiled. "Yeah lets find something to ride!" She got the map back out and pointed at where they were. "Look at that car thing!" She said pointing to the Autopia ride where you get to 'drive' a little car on a track.

Nick looked at their fast passes, seeing what she was talking about. "Yeah, I'm down. Maybe we could go ahead and decide on what ride we want to get a fast pass for, so he kind of know where we're going." When she pointed something out, he grabbed her hand, a huge smile on his face. "Come on then. Let's get on it." He started walking backwards, facing her, as he started gently pulling her along. Turning around, they stopped at the end of the line, being glad that it was short. "So we're staying here until the park closes, right?"

Eliana smiled at him and she followed as they got into line. "Yeah they close at midnight. Oh we could watch the fireworks!!" She smiled. "I just wanna do as much as we can the next four days you know" She nodded. Eliana squeezed his hand and she leaned against the railing in line. "We can ride rides and meet characters, see the shows." She nodded. "Just being here already makes me forget about everything back home. I wish we could stay forever."

Nick was kind of shocked about what time they close. "Seriously? Damn. Are we staying the entire time? I mean, we're getting up early to come back again, yeah?" At her comment, Nick nodded. "Tell me about it. All of those stresses are gone, at the moment. All I'm worried about is you and this trip." He smiled, stepping closer to her, wrapping his arms around her. Pressing his lips to her forehead, he left them there for a moment, content.

Eliana shrugged. "Maybe because its summer so people aren't in school." She laughed. "We don't have to stay the entire time!" She looked over at him and she frowned. "Don't worry about me though" She smiled and leaned forward pecking his lips. She wrapped her arms around him and she closed her eyes for a moment as he kissed her forehead. It was like they were in their own little bubble. The entire day they went running around the whole park and it was starting to get dark. "My feet hurt" She whined and then laughed. "I'm ready to go back to the room. What about you?" She asked. They were starting to rope off areas for the night parade.

Nick loved the entire day that they spent at Disneyland. It really was a magical place, and he couldn't be more excited to come back the next day and have another adventure with Eliana. At her statement, he laughed, but then he heard her question. "Yeah. We can go ahead and go back. Maybe we can beat some traffic and what not." Taking her hand, he started walking towards the gates. "You want another piggy back ride, babe? At least until we can get to the gates?" He turned around, brown eyes looking at her. "Oh, and we might want to get a ride back to the hotel somehow because I don't particularly want to walk. I did enough of that today."

Eliana nodded and she hopped up onto Nick's back. "You're the best ever" She smiled. "Oh hell no am I walking back to the hotel. That's too far!" She laughed. "I'll call the shuttle. She got on the phone while he was giving her a piggy back right to the front entrance. They went through Downtown Disney and to the drop off and pick up area where they could wait for the hotel shuttle. She hopped off his back and smiled, pulling him down for a kiss. "Thanks babe" She smiled. Once they were back in their hotel she flopped down on the bed and smiled. "I'm tired but I also feel really wide awake right now. Day one down and three more to go!" She smiled.

Nick closed the hotel door behind him when she laid on the bed. "I know how you feel, babe." Sitting his bag down, a sigh fell from his lips before he quickly stripped the shirt from his body, trying to cool off. "It's still hot as hell." Walking over to the air conditioner that was in the room, turning it on. "Much better," he said before sitting down on the edge of the bed. "We'll probably be exhausted by the time we get back home."

Eliana watched him take off his shirt and she smiled a bit. He was very handsome and no one had really made her thing about that before. "Yeah it is" She said softly. Eliana sat up and faced him on the bed after slipping her socks and shoes off. Her fee really were killing her and she knew she would feel this everyday they were there. "I plan on taking the longest nap ever when we get home" She laughed. Her laugh faded and it turned into silence for a moment. She pushed him slightly and smirked, teasing him a bit for no reason than that she could. "I love you" She said simply. She couldn't say it enough.

Nick laughed at her remark about the nap, shaking his head. Eyes moved to look at her when she pushed him, lopsided smile on his face. "I love you too, baby." He leaned over, pressing a kiss to her lips before moving to face her. "You up for a foot massage?" He looked a bit unsure after the question left his lips. "I wasn't sure about how you felt about people touching your feet." Hand rested on her leg, his smile fading a bit into a small one.

Eliana kissed him back softly and she nodded. "Really?" She asked. "You can touch my feet...or you know anywhere" She nodded and blushes a little. Eliana sat back on the bed and she looked over at him, her feet sticking out for a foot rub. She watched him closely and smiled to herself.

Nick rose an eyebrow, lower lip moving between his teeth. Hands started working at her feet, eyes staring into hers. "So..anywhere huh?" Tongue darted out, licking his lips as silence filled the room. Thumbs continued working on the muscles on her feet, hoping that he's doing her some good.

Eliana watched him rub her feet, sitting there shirtless. She nodded. "Yeah" She said softly and looked back at him. She knew what he was thinking and maybe she was thinking the same thing too. She sat in silence just watching him. The foot rub was amazing but maybe Eliana wanted to do more than that tonight and she wondered if he could read it on her face like he usually did with everything else.

Nick kept his eyes on hers, thumbs still working at her feet. A blush reached his cheeks before he looked away. "Are you sure?" His voice as low as he let go of her feet, starting to crawl up to her, body almost over hers. "If you're not sure, it's okay." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, not wanting to take anything too far. Nick brought his hand up to her neck, letting it rest there, thumb caressing her jaw.

Eliana felt her heart racing so fast and she watched him crawl up her body. She nodded. "I'm sure" She whispered. Eliana leaned up slightly and she pressed her lips against his. She was so nervous but it was also very exciting at the same time. She leaned back on the bed so she was laying down down and her legs spread open for Nick to rest between them.

Nick kissed her back almost immediately, thumb still caressing her jaw. Nerves were starting to build up in the pit of his stomach, but he was nervous in a good way. He was still a bit unsure. Nick was so afraid that he would screw things up with Eliana. After a moment, he pulled away slowly, still close to her lips. "Do you want control? We can go your speed and do whatever you want." He pulled away a bit more, continuing to look at her. "This is about us, but this is your first time. I just want it to be good for you." With a breath, he pushing himself up and off the bed, moving to grab a one of the condoms out of his bag.

Eliana kissed him back and she looked up at him as he pulled away. She shook her head. "no no please..I really don't want to be in control because I have no clue what I'm doing" She said softly. "I'm nervous but...I also want to" She nodded. Eliana watched him get up and grab the condoms from his bag. She sat up and for the first time in her life she felt embarrassed. The idea that she'd have to strip down in front of him was scary. She she had changed in front of him and everything but it was different this time. She stood up and walked towards him. "I guess I should...take my clothes off right?" She asked as she looked at him. Eliana took a breath and she reminded herself that this was Nick, the man she loved so much and wanted to be with for as long as she could remember. "This is a big deal" She laughed a little. "I'm making it awkward."

Nick watched her closely as she got up and walked to him. He honestly didn't know what to say. How was he suppose to make things easier for her when his stomach and mind weren't making things easy for him? Clearing his throat, he reached out, putting one of his hands on her waist. "It's okay, it's okay." He moved to wrap his arms around her in a hug, hoping to reassure her of things. "If it will help you feel a little more comfortable, you could always get undressed under the blankets and stuff." He looked at her again, a reassuring smile crossing his features.

Eliana wrapped her arms around him and she thought about it for a second. "I want you to do it" She said softly. Eliana moved closer to him, their bodies just inches apart. She looked up and searched his eyes. After the exhausted day she was surprised that she was so awake right now but Nick had that effect on her. "I love you" She whispered. He hand moved onto his bare chest and she took a breath in unison with his. She smiled softly at him.

Nick kept his eyes on her, heart pounding in his chest. "I love you too," he said before slowly leaning in, pressing his lips to hers. Nick was still hesitant, but he timidly reached down, grabbing at the bottom of her shirt, tugging on it a bit. It wasn't until after a few moments that he slid it off her frame, tossing it in the floor.

Eliana kissed him back and she pulled away from the kiss as he slipped her shirt off. She leaned back into the kiss because kissing was the safe zone. She knew how to kiss him and she liked making out with him and it was familiar. Her heart was racing and she moved her hand down his bicep. She pulled away just inches from his lips so she could speak. "I'll tell you to stop if I want to okay?" She said. "But right now I dont want to. I want to be with you. I want you" She whispered and attached her lips to his once more.

Nick nodded at what she said. "Okay," he muttered, before she kissed him again. It had been awhile since he had been intimate with anyone, so he knew he'd be rusty. Three years. If Nick would have thought to wait, he would have waited for Eliana. Slowly, with hands shaking, he tugged on the belt loops of the shorts she was wearing, pulling her body closer to his. It took several moments, but fingers started to work at the button of her shorts, still trying to be cautious.

Eliana smiled against his lips when he pulled her by her shorts. She let him slip them off and they dropped to the floor. She stepped out of them still kissing Nick, never parting. She stood there in her underwear and bra and she moved her arms around his neck. This was all so intimate with him. She never thought she would be doing this with him but here she was. All those years crushing on him and then finally being with him had seemed like a dream.

Nick felt her arms around his neck, and his hands automatically went to her waist, gripping it firmly. With his chest pressed against her bra clad one, after what felt like forever, he felt as if it was his turn to lose his pants. He fumbled slightly with the button of his own shorts before they fell to the ground. Stepping out of them, the kicked them to the side, hands starting at her waist and moving ever so slowly up her back. Nick's heart was pounding in his chest as he pulled away just slightly. "Sorry," he muttered. "My lungs were starting to burn."

Eliana pulled away and she looked down between them. She laughed a little and nodded. "It's fine" She looked at him and kissed his cheek. "Are you nervous too?" She asked, knowing the answer was yes because Nick wore his nerves right on his face while with Eliana it was harder to tell when she was nervous. She just got good at hiding it. She touched his cheek and smiled. "Maybe we should get under the covers?" She asked.

Nick felt bats in his stomach as air was starting to feel his lungs. A lopsided smile appeared on his lips, eyes looking at her. "Yeah. I am." His brain wouldn't shut up, no matter how hard he tried. What if it would be horrible for her? What if she didn't like it? All of these thoughts were reeling through his head. When she touched his cheek though, his brain stopped for a moment. Nodding, he completely agreed with Eliana. "I need to grab another condom. I kind of dropped the other one when you told me you wanted me to take your clothes off." He brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck.

Eliana laughed a little at his comment and she nodded. She moved back towards the bed and moved under the covers. She laid down and watched Nick grab another condom. Her stomach was doing flips but the excitement was still there. Eliana pat the bed next to her for him to join her under the covers. The lights were already dim in the room except the small lamp on the dresser.

Nick turned around looking at her, heart about to explode out of his chest from nerves. He froze when she pat the bed beside him. Fingers moved to his arm, pinching himself, wanting to make sure that it wasn't a dream and he was actually going to be very intimate with Eliana. He moved over to the bed, climbing underneath the covers. Swallowing hard, Nick just stared at her, wiping his hand on his boxer briefs, seeing as his palms were a bit sweaty. He slid closer to her, body almost touching hers.

Eliana looked back at him and she turned on her side a little. She searched his eyes and moved towards him, their bare bodies touching. She leaned up and kissed him gently. He hand moved up to his cheek as they kissed. She could feel her nerves bundling up and her adrenaline was sky high. She ran her hand down his arm and towards his hand, making him touch her chest. Eliana wanted him to take control but she realized that Nick was just as nervous as she was.

Nick just wished that his nerves would go away. They were making him act completely different than what he normally would in the bedroom, but it was something that wouldn't just go away either. In a split second, he moved them both to where his body was on top of hers before he moved to press kisses to her neck, working his way down her body, lips wanting to touch every part of her. Over her breasts and down her stomach slowly, his eyes moved to look at hers, searching if she was having second thoughts. He sat up on his knees, fingers hooking into her underwear. "You okay?" Before he went any further, he wanted to make sure that this was what she wanted and she wasn't going to change her mind.

Eliana felt her body tremble a bit. She watched him kiss down her body and her eyes shut closed without even thinking. She looked down at him as he spoke and his hands were on her underwear. "Yeah. Perfect" She smiled down at him softly. Eliana looked him up and down and she kept that smile on her face. She lifted her hips for him to take her underwear off and she swallowed slightly. No one had ever seen her this vulnerable before but she was glad that it was Nick.

Nick slowly slid the underwear from her body, tossing them on the ground somewhere. Eyes raked over her body, breathing deeply. "Fuck," he said, moving back up her body. "You're absolutely beautiful, Eliana." Lips pressed against hers, nerves starting to subside. He pulled away, moving to pull his own underwear down, grabbing the condom that was laying beside them. "Are you ready?" His jaw tightened, taking in another deep breath.

Eliana looked up at him and she blushed a little at his compliment and kissed him back. She nodded at his question and looked down, watching him slip on the condom. She tried not to stare but he wasn't exactly very small. She swallowed and laid back more. "yeah" She said softly. Eliana closed her eyes as he slipped inside of her and her mouth turned into an 'o'. It stung a bit but not too bad and it felt different than anything she was used to. She looked up and him and put her hand on his arm. "Oh my gosh" She breathed.

Nick had guilt appear across his face after seeing her face and hearing her words. "I'm sorry if it hurts," he said, jaw tightening. He gave her a few moments to try and get adjusted to having him inside of her before moving his hips against hers. "Fuck," he muttered, burying his face into her neck. Hips continued to slowly move against hers, thrusting into her each time. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" Even though she felt really good around him, Nick wanted to make sure she was okay, first and foremost.

Eliana shook her head. "it's okay" she said. Eliana thought it would hurt way more and it actually started to feel really good. She nodded at his question. "No!" She moaned. "please don't stop" She wrapped her arms around him, one hand on the back of his neck. Her eyes fluttered closed and she bit down on her bottom lip. She moved her head to see him and attached her lips to his. She wanted more because it felt way better than she ever thought it would.

Nick went to say something else, but was stopped by Eliana's lips on his. Hips continued to grind against hers, picking up pace. As he continued to move with her, his breathing started to become uneven, and he had to pull away. Nick pressed his forehead against hers, lips parting a bit, a soft moan escaping him. Even if this intimate moment between the two of them started out as awkward, it would be one that Nick would always remember.

Eliana moved her hand to his cheek as he moved faster into her. She moaned against his lips and looked up at him, their foreheads pressed together. She pushed her hips up against his and kissed him once more time. Eliana's other hand moved to the sheets, gripping tightly by her side. "Fuck" She moaned and pressed her chest into his as she arched her back.

Nick let his hands run over her body before they finally settled. One at the small of her back and the other tangled into her hair, tugging on it just slightly. Hearing that word leave her lips, his heart beat harder in his chest. "So good. So close." he mumbled before kissing her again. Nick has always let a lady finish before him, and Eliana would be no different. Even if he had to pull out some tricks, he'd definitely make it happen.

Eliana arched her back more and her hand gripped his shoulder. She was close to being pushed over the edge and all she could think about was Nick and how crazy it was that they were doing this and how much she loved him. "Nick" She moaned and her walls tightened around him involuntarily. Eliana cursed and her back fell back against the bed.

Nick felt her tighten around him, and it brought him even closer to the edge. Although it seemed that they had their high together. His body started to collapse against hers, hips still slowly moving, letting her ride it out. "Fuck," he muttered, before his body finally collapsed against hers, face buried into her neck. It took a few moments before his body rolled off hers, laying beside her, trying to catch his breath. He turned his head to look at Eliana, licking his lips. "So much for sleeping," he said softly, voice a bit raspy.

Eliana laid there a little out of breath and she looked over at Nick laying next to her as he spoke. She burst out laughing and she shook her head. "Yeah" She calmed down and looked over at him sweetly. "I love you" She said softly. Eliana looked up at the ceiling and she sighed. It was perfect. It wasn't candles and rose petals but Eliana realized that she didn't need that and that it was perfect because it was him.

Nick just smiled widely as he heard her laugh. "I love you too," he said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder. "Was it okay?" He left his lips against her skin, fingers starting to caress her arm. "You're amazing, babe. And I definitely wasn't expecting that. That was amazing." Nick just looked at her and smiled.

Eliana turned her head to look at him and she nodded. "It was perfect" She whispered. Eliana smiled and stared back at him. "I'm even more tired now though" She chuckled. "We should probably get to bed. We have a whole other day at disney ahead of us" she nodded. Eliana turned on her side and she cuddled into him, both still naked.

Nick let his eyes stay on her as she spoke. He hummed for a moment, a smile on his face. "Well, sex tends to wear you out," he said with a small shrug. "But yeah. We should get some sleep." Arm snaked around her waist, a sigh of content escaping him. "I love you," he said before pressing a kiss to her nose, closing his eyes.

Eliana nodded. She closed her eyes and cuddled into him, pulling the covers closer. "I love you too" She whispered. After a while she was fast asleep in his arms, exhausted from not only what they had just done but from the entire day at Disney and Eliana couldn't wait to do it all over again in the morning.

#para #para: nick #para: disney

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