#making me love every aspect of philosophy i despised

[breakbreadwithme]

this book is fucking devastating me at every turn, i’ve never marked up a book so much in my life

[quickdeaths]

The doctor's laugh didn't put Shinobu at ease. Quite the opposite, she tensed as he seemed to find amusement in her assessment, and although it had been a flippant thing to say, neither did it deserve being dismissed outright. Perhaps they should have been clearer. "I should be going eventually, yes," Shinobu agreed, even while making no moves to get out of her seat. "But I don't need ample time to consider the words you've spoken, and I imagine that sitting upon my thoughts would only lead to them becoming more muddied by the time we next speak, sensei."

Shinobu had moved their legs as well, sitting cross-legged in the booth, not entirely comfortable but unmotivated to change that for the moment. "That analogy falls apart upon close inspection, in my opinion. My perspective is that a first impression means little, and that those who desire one deserve a second chance and a closer look, but I'm no altruist. I don't surround myself with people whose company I despise." Her sharp tongue made sure of that, cutting people off swiftly and without any hesitation with her words. "But when talking about one's impression of themselves, first impressions don't factor into it."

After all, when one woke up in the same skin each day, occupying a position and living a consistent life, it was reasonable to suggest that one had an understanding of the self. Furthermore, Shinobu would argue that their understanding of themselves was particularly thorough, given the amount of self-examination that came with a transgender identity. "It's good practice to not judge a person by a first impression; if one refuses to judge even after a fiftieth, that's foolishness, not compassion."

But there was more to it than just that, and Shinobu frowned. "Ultimately, everyone has the same problem, sensei. When it comes to me, the reality is so unflattering and unpleasant that everyone chooses to see what they like." Mmm, that was it, wasn't it? Even those kinder people who Shinobu had some fondness for were the same. "Miss Kashima, Miss Taniguchi, and the rest see me as some handsome, brooding prince, some archetypal monster to be tamed through affection, or a skin-deep sadist to aid in living out masochist fantasies."

As they spoke, Shinobu's arms crossed over their chest, their body language tighter and tighter with every sentence. "Anzu sees me as her childhood friend, still naive and gentle, unburdened by anything at all. Miss Ji-yeon sees me as a different kind of love interest - as someone who could support her even when society opposes so much of who she is." Those were both preferable to the princely label, but neither truly cut to the core of who Shinobu Yaguchi was. "Whether wholly imaginary, or something that once existed but no longer does, anyone who desires my company is mistaken as to my character, and willfully blinds themselves in order to make me a more palatable person."

She knew this about herself, without reservation or doubt. People saw what they wanted to see, and once they had entrenched themselves, being near her was a kind of sunk cost fallacy. "For my achievements, I'm admirable and worthy of respect. For my personality qualities, I'm rather loathsome and cruel, lacking any redeemable aspects. I have enough impressions of myself to understand that, and that's why it's no hypocrisy to separate out my understanding of self from a simple, uncomplicated philosophy of social interaction."

While Shinobu conceded that there were outliers to her rule, she wasn't willing to dismiss its premise entirely. 'Exceptions provide context to a rule,' as she said. Briefly, she made mention of Kamoshida, the fact that few people spoke out against him at the time. However, Maruki himself would readily argue that the reason for doing so had little to do with the expectation of upholding societal expectations for kindness, and more to do with fear. Fear of retribution for many, and fear of a loss of reputation for a select few. Though he wasn't permitted to speak too much on the matter himself, unfortunately. He could only comfort those affected, and help them out as much as he could.

Despite her brief tangent, she did answer his question. For Ji-yeon, the answer was difficult to determine, but would likely pan out as he'd expected. For Anzu, alternatively, a denial of Shinobu's negative traits was, in itself, a red flag. He found himself amused by her blunt assessment of an old friend's judgments, a light chuckle leaving his lips. “That's quite an assessment of Tachibana-san!” Everyone had a friend like that, didn't they? One who didn't always make the best judgment calls, but who had a kind heart nonetheless. He hadn't met her himself, of course, but clearly this girl held a special place in his client's heart. Again, he was glad to know that she had people whom she cared about.

While he settled quickly, not wanting to give the impression that he wasn't taking their conversation seriously, he segued just as fast into his point. “What I've noticed is how quick you are to distance yourself from compliments, and those who espouse them. Tachibana-san has poor enough judgment that her opinions should be inverted. My assessment of you is incorrect, and you're ready to argue against me to prove that. Even when you think Iida-san might say something kind about you, you hesitate to speculate on what.” All simple observations from their conversations, but he felt they all connected together nicely, whether she'd realized this as she explained them or not.

Sitting back in his seat, he crossed his legs, as he would while sitting in his chair in his office. “It may be a difficult question to answer, so feel free to take this with you and think on it for next time.” What was a therapist, if not someone who offered a bit of homework? Not that he required an answer for her on this one, but it was something he hoped she might think about further. “You've explained your philosophy to me on giving those who ask you out a chance to prove themselves beyond first impressions, but you don't give yourself the same respect. You're cold on the surface, and you dismiss anyone who may attempt to see beyond that. Why don't you deserve the chance you give to others, Yaguchi-san?”

[rumblelibrary]

The Diary of Doctor Laszlo Kreizler

Chapter 1

Synopsis: Alienist’s notes are private, sometimes gruesome, secrets of others and of himself.Those pages belongs to secrecy and decadence, have a glimpse to this world made of drafts, notes, accidents and reflections. Or maybe it is you the only person that should ever reach for it.

While you read this imagine Laszlo mostly at the end of his day, scraping the ideas and the thoughts, adjusting previous notes with additions, closing the day behind himself with a couple of sentences while sitting in his evening robe, a good glass of whiskey and his glasses bridged almost at the tip of his nose. Or maybe imagine yourself, you sneaky thing, reach for it from a far shelf.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: listen, this is the set of ideas and confessions of a man living in the 1890’s. Most of them will be outdated, rough, even deprecating in some analysis of the roles of men, women and social status, religion, etc.So be prepared, my point is to make Laszlo reflect upon those topics, but to be as faithful as I can to his time. Mention of death, mutilation, self harm and a minor depiction of a fight. Psychologically troubled young children ahead! Author’s note: I am a nerd for a good Victorian novel and a sexy Alienist.I have always been charmed by Laszlo’s mind and inner conflicts. So I took the chance and tried to have a run into that rollercoaster.  The story is placed between season 1 and season 2.

Diary belonging to Dr. Laszlo Kreizler.  This is a professional book of annotations over medical treatments of an alienist toward his patients. Do not disclose and send it back to the address if found: Kreizler’s Institute, xxxxxx, New York City (NY) L.K.

Samuel Griswold Goodrich, Illustrated Natural History of the Animal Kingdom (c1859). Contributed for digitization by University Library, University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.

Schiller in his “Die Weltweisen” wrote: So long as philosophy keeps together the structure of the Universe so long does it maintain the world’s machinery by hunger and love. From the philosopher point of view sexual life takes a subordinate position in human’s life, from recent studies pushed by European philosophers, everything is about sexuality and its development. I like to think of the experience of being an alienist as the process of Queen Penelope that, while waiting for her husband Ulysses return, undoes her craftwork every night. I undo the fabulous constructs of people’s beliefs to go back to the rough sketch that stands at the beginning of their loss, their complex, their pain. Maybe that’s why working with children is so motivating and fascinating. They can be saved and yet, I am well aware, some of those sketches already traced in their young lives equal to scars that not even the most advanced theories could cure. But I can sooth them. I can prevent them the torment, the anguish, the recollection at night of those monsters. I feel like a poet would be a better alienist than a philosopher, but I have got no poetry nor philosophy in my veins, but the cold experience of the razor blade judgment of Life itself.

Today I observed a fight among the children at the Institute. Age range between 10 and 12. Boys. The fight was over the possession of a side of the playground, the territory of a pack  of youngsters formed under the name of Steven. Peculiar lad, coming from a military background finds comfort in replicating the schemes he lived in his family. He takes the role of the Father/Captain of the team and subjects children that come from a similar background story, but do not posses his same attitude to the command. All quiet on the front, until the space he declared is own spot got affected by the presence of others.  Intruders. I knowingly let the events unfold to see how Steven would react to his challenged authority. His reaction was, at first, worded, a sketch, a stage-play of an action he witnessed over and over, and he knew the part so well that some of the contending kids lowered their stance against him. Among considering to mildly intervene into this pyramid scheme of authority, another boy, Jan, calls himself on the role of the educator and hero of the masses and proceeds to unfold a wild and well assessed punch on the newly declared dictator face. Balance is established again. No need for me to arbitrate, once more the laws of nature seem to apply to children as in a state of nature.

Meet John Moore over lunch. His job at the newspaper is picking up, he is charmed by the spirits and the wits that he finds in his shared office with all the other writers. He mentions many, goes on and on over qualities and troubles, gossips and tendencies, and even little scandals here and there. To be aware of all those details gives me no interest, but to see a dear friend so invested clearly gives me something to pick up. To consider also the amount of details and the way he describes this or that member of the journal, I can do a small exercise of analysis. It is almost too easy because John is painfully genuine, even some of the kids at the institute would beat him hands down in a battle of lies. The more he likes somebody, the more he goes on about all the details and the characteristics, often letting aside the physical appearance. When he doesn’t like somebody he has a couple of adjectives for the wits and around four or five for the physical aspects that usually indulge on some repulsive idiosyncrasies.  John is a man that painfully fits in the storyline of The Picture of Dorian Gray: to him physical beauty is spiritual beauty and, of course, the other way around. This part of him surely intrigues me, makes me want to tease more from him. But, as a friend, it concerns me as John is way too prone to purposelessly decide that somebody with good eyes is also a good human being, which is a very romantic and admirably naive way of judging matters. I noticed some names that keep repeating in his narration. I dread that it is synonymous of a soon encounter from my side with the objects of his admiration. Fetiches, I dare to say, that I will have to annihilate before they sediment into his mind, perpetuating a narration that soon sees John being mislead by others.

Reserved: Tickets for the Eroica, Symphony n. 3 by Ludwig van Beethoven. Thursday evening.

Note on the show: the first movement lacked the pathos needed to begin with, I am not sure that the guest orchestra really managed to portray the wider emotional ground needed to withstand the whole representation. As the evening progressed there were some outstanding performances by the cellists. Still not approving the choice of reprising the early quick finale movement against the lengthy set of variations and fugue that we are used to in presence of the Eroica. Underwhelming the performance of the horn and oboe, vital in the comprehension of the genius of Beethoven. 

Niki is a new addition of the Institute, quite old for the standards. He is already 16, he will leave when summer ends to some expensive college his family meant him to stay. His parents expect me to make him “normal” in the time we are allowed together.  He is Austrian and I let him act it out like I don’t understand German for the first week of hist stay until today. I believe I hit his pride, which is good, in the moment I answered back to one of his sneaky comments. Now he knows. He is not safe from me, he doesn’t like it. The young man has a tendency to danger, risky tasks and edgy situations. In his mother’s own words “Niki is not afraid of anything”. The phrase didn’t raise any excitement in the father, rather some sort of painful acceptance that is role as the alpha male of the house is probably not only being challenged, but  already diminished, if not abolished. I have taken in consideration that Niki will break himself a bone or two in the process of the therapy, probably out of the spite of boredom or rebellion. It took him less than few days to turn himself into an outcast among the outcasts, which only drives me closer to analyse the complexity of his narcissistic wall of self defence. I gave him a physical challenge to lift a certain weight, he is a pretty skinny one, he didn’t like the challenge, but I am sure he will take it. He is a brainy guy, he hates to be questioned on unfamiliar ground. He won’t sleep at night thinking about it.  A challenge, in this first phase, can only bring me closer to the ease of his pains. To continue the observation.

It is a sad privilege of medicine, in particular the one I practice, to be able to witness the weaknesses of the human nature and the reverse side of life. Nevertheless, I oblige this same privilege of the study as life moves into shades of darkness. To be aware of it gives more solace to my soul than to be victim of patiently waiting for the inevitable unfolding of the events. To be able to understand more about psychology would bring more comfort and elevation to any human being, the times might not be there yet, but eventually something will move into the direction of a more wholesome approach.

Dinner meeting with Sara Howard, at the restaurant Jardin Des Cygnes, 7 pm sharp.  Do not expect to reach the dessert. Do not know if John will be participating due to undeniable tension among the two and the fatal despise of John over French cuisine.

The case that Sara unfolded tonight to my ears feels more and more like pulled out from some gothic book or from the mind of a Roman historian that needed to justify the godly origins of an Emperor. One killing, apparently random, a very constructed iconography over the body. Signs and insults, shapes and drawings. Is this a work of art? Does the killer wants his victim to be his Mona Lisa? His David? I am charmed and destabilised. If this was a murder like any other, then why to spend so much time into it? Based on the description the act of killing itself was quick: a sharp cut over the throat, almost like not wanting to ruin too much the surface to use as base for, what? I keep rerunning those symbols over and over as Sara described them to me, my mind is flooded with the designs of greek philosophers that needed to explain themselves why the sky is above our head and never collapses on us. Hilarious how, no matter the science advancement, in the mind of many the sky stands inevitably overt their shoulders, suffocates them, brings them to a death of the soul and not of the body. Is all this graphic charade indeed only a form to scream for attention?  To stress the eyes of an unaware viewer? It seems ridiculously elaborate, a scream for attention would be quick, it would be like guided by instinct, not reasoning, craftwork. Any man with a knife can paint in blood red the walls of a room and that’s asking for attention. That is the primal howl: look at me! I am here! But this one.  I don’t know yet.

Spent the early morning reading anew my copy of The Metamorphosis by Ovid. Didn’t touch it in a long time and I got bedazzled by the world of terrible sensuality, anger and selfishness of those gods and mortals. I think back at all the deviances and weaknesses of human kind and I try to relate it to all of those humanoid figures. Niki would be a minotaur, the lonesome son left in the labyrinth and his strive for success is his bull’s head. Or maybe a centaur, because of his wits and strategic thinking. I might keep up the process, maybe this is the way to understand my patients better, to understand the killer better. Must remember not to romanticise it. Greek gods were probably the first form of self indulging of a society that needed gods to be forgiving and allowing favours and punishments, but only in exchange of sacrifices. But the sacrifice never comes from the God’s will, but from the will of the man that perpetuates the act of killing. To sacrifice someone or something is the sadistic response to a lack of love deeply inherited in human mind that becomes neurotic. Is the killer giving the God of his own neurosis a body to feast upon? 

I talked with Jan this morning. The young boy is about 10, but he acts like a full grown adult. I could easily asses that’s the reason why he could challenge Steven in that fight. Two children mimicking adults situations they know too well. Jan is son of an industrial man, but he is also son of the dialectics of the industrial revolution. He sounds like he swallowed some of those books about working class rights and communism, probably pushed by a resentful surrounding (mother?uncle? the midwife?) over the social role of his father. As much as incredibly smart and lectured, Jan lost most of his early occasions in life by spending a considerable amount of time using his fists. The anger ever present in the young boy always surprises me, he seems to be holding a power, a strength of a full grown man in those tiny arms. Nevertheless, he is already the tallest of the group. He is surely an idealist, which makes him also tragically fragile. His strength mixed with his heart of gold can make him the best of the heroes or the worst of the villains. He apologised for the fight, he specified how he didn’t like the sound of Steven’s voice, more than the sound, the level of pitch.  I can’t stand somebody shouting orders, I just don’t listen anymore. He is so mature even about his own feelings, almost a gentleman in his chivalry toward the weaker children, honest with his open heart and resentful against any form of injustice.  I am not spared by his ways, he would come at me whenever he feels like I was being partial over some of the kids, his sense of justice blinds him and transform a perfectly balanced boy into a ranging animal.

Ordered book, to be delivered around tomorrow evening: Introduction à la méthode de Léonard de Vinci by Paul Valéry. Suddenly feeling myself as a gross ignorant in art themes. I always regarded myself aware of the artistic personalities and tendencies of present and past, but this new amount of perceptions over the human figure and the human body leads me to document myself more. I could ask John for advice, but he wouldn’t take things at matter that seriously. I can almost hear him say how I can make gruesome a pleasant topic such as art. I should probably wait to see the body to push any further aesthetic study, but I find myself not being able to stop. I reckon, I can allow myself a vice or two.

Today I saw the body of the killed man, courtesy of the Isaacson's. To be fair, I had underestimated it. In Sara’s descriptions, probably due to her more analytic mind, all the charm of the representation got lost in favour of a less cryptic and reasonable understanding of the act. Sara got what some alienists will call a masculine mind, which I don’t perfectly agree on. If I apply that same approach John would be a very feminine mind, all wrapped up in romanticising even the ugliest. I guess that dividing the world in “fragile and gentle” and “strong and powerful” is just easier to explain the fluctuation of something that doesn’t need a real name or a category like human inclinations on thoughts.  I got a feverish sense of patience by looking at the body. Each symbol traced with sapient slowness, dense of the time that the killer spent with the body. That is a work of hours, he had time and meaning. He had resources and was able to spend not less than the time he needed to reach, a vision? An ideal? A message? Is it the message meant to be understood? Am I supposed to unravel it or it is maybe just the way the killer communicates within himself? And if I do decifrate the code, will that bring me closer to him? Or to his next victim?

Reminder: ask John to replicate all the symbols on the bodies in the correct measure and order. It might be needed some hard convincing. Addition: scheduled meeting, his house, 3 pm.

It wasn’t a day like any other when I met you. Or maybe it was, and that’s why I got so struck by it and now I am here playing it over and over through what my memory clung on so desperately. In my own experience, life was often similar to swimming in a lake. Those rich, dense lakes in the north of (illegible cancelled word) were my father used to bring us during summer. I still feel the pull, the draw down toward the abyss. It ashamed me, in a way, the fear that such a simple feeling aroused in my young mind, unaware nevertheless, that such a feeling would follow me through all my existence. It was a prophecy and, like most of the prophecies, was a riddle. I cradle in my heart the charm of those days, the mindless happiness. The foolish feeling of freedom. Little I knew that freedom would be taken away from me that soon, that the body that used to navigate me over the dense waters, helping me to fight the haul toward the unknown, would become my own cage. That day. Today. The day where I met you, the day I was afloat.  The child gasping for air felt the wrench become a gentle push and now he is floating on his back over the scary waters of reality and malice. It gave me relief and it gave me terror, because since that very moment I knew that I would never be able to move on from the sight of you. From the feeling of your eyes lingering on me. From the smile you so easily shone upon me. From the whiff of imported perfume that hit me when you turned on side exploding that swan like neck. And nothing, not even my stern look, could dim that wave of hope that your sole presence washed over me. The abyss roars, calls me to a home of damnation and terror and curses my name and yet you repeated that hell-bound name of mine after me and I felt safe.

John told me so much about you, it feels like I have always known you.

The rope is gone from my neck, the guillotine won’t fall on me, I am spared, I am free.

I have read your latest article, I am thrilled to help with the case.

I am in disbelief.

Your voice.

Dr. Kreizler

How dare you? How dare you to come into my life, to appear, like a vision, mystical, in a way I despised at University when all those theology students talked about the divine. In this very moment I can’t recollect much of what you said, something about the case, about going with John at the obituary. It feels confusing, I feel overstimulated, my memory fails me, I am not sure anymore. I write these few lines and it is passed the hour of the witches and I wish, I demand, to never see you again, because life should never grant hope to a condemned man. 

[winedarkwords]

Books like The Goldfinch:

None of these books are The Goldfinch 2.0, but they have elements that make up the flavour, you know?

A Home at the End of the World, Michael Cunningham; Fiction, lgbtq+:

Orphanhood. Unconventional friendships/love & found-family. New York. Traces two of the protagonists' lives from childhood through adulthood.

White Oleander, Janet Fitch; Fiction:

Very similar in terms of : writing-style, emphasis on art & beauty, setting, family, and specifically mother-daughter relationships. Trade Las Vegas for Las Angeles, gender-swap Theo, and (unfortunately…devastatingly) no Boris, but twice the misfortune = White Oleander. Warning: it has an almost A Little Life level of sadness and repetitive misfortune; the main character is in the foster-care system and every positive and negative aspect of that is explored. It’s an excellent book, but I can only read it once every 10 years for that reason (at least it has a happy ending).

A Little Life, Hanya Yanagihara; Fiction, lgbtq+:

You knew this one was coming. Some people despise this book, and I understand why. Come for: the found-family; deep friendships and an analyses of what it means to be in love or even have a relationship; a vivid, idealistic New York bursting with success and sparkling personalities; an in-depth appreciation for all art forms. Reasons not to read: so much sadness. How can so many terrible things happen to one person?! Also, certain characters die, and for what? You did this for what. Why.

Conversations with Friends, Sally Rooney; Fiction, lgbtq+:

Comparable in its exploration of unconventional friendships (are they dating? Are they not? Who can never be sure) and questions of what does it mean to be a family or how do we love people; not my favourite of Rooney’s, but needs to be mentioned. Also, the messiest, angstiest, narrator. So.

Tin Man, Sarah Winman; Fiction, lgbtq+

Don’t make me say it: Unconventional. Friendships. Also, Vincent Van Gogh and his Sunflowers play a role similar to Carol Fabricius and his Goldfinch. Plays with themes surrounding loss, and how art can save and connect us. 

The Tsar of Love and Techno, Anthony Marra; Fiction:

 I sobbed for 3 hours after finishing this. Please read it. It’s all about the power of art and human connection in devastating circumstances. 

Nana, Ai Yazawa; Slice-of-Life, Shoujo:

HEAR ME OUT: Nana and Hachi. Very much co-dependent, homo-erotic best friends with wildly different personalities who love and are loyal to each other above anyone else. Yazawa also emphasizes found-family and art. If anything, please read this because it's one of my top 3 Not Guilty, Guilty Pleasures. The art, the drama, the powerful bonds and personalities, the humour....ok.

Call Down the Hawk, Maggie Stiefvater; YA, lgbtq+ :

Repressed handsome young man who wears boring suits and has an attic stocked with original art (it’s a mEtaPHor). Huge emphasis on the importance of art +self-expression; there are dates at museums and many discussions surrounding dead painters, fraud, and how to both literally and figuratively get away with murder. Some solid mommy & daddy issues.

Great Expectations, Charles Dickens; Fiction:

If you know, you know.

The Lonely Hearts Hotel, Heather O’Neill; Fiction: 

Her style is reminiscent of The Night Circus, but the way she argues for the importance of childhood + how the characters are determined to make an innocent, happy space for themselves while desperately attempting to banish their trauma (physical & sexual abuse, orphanhood) through whatever means possible (drugs, sex, crime) is very, very, very Theodore Decker. Also, the imagery and wild characters share a similar vibe with The Goldfinch. 

Wind, Sand and Stars, Antoine de Saint-Exupery; memoir, adventure, philosophy:  

There’s a reason a whole section of The Goldfinch is named after this book. The way Saint-Exupery speaks of passion, pursuing a life beyond normalcy, comradeship, and loneliness hits just right. 

(I came out with a list like this last year, but of course, Tumblr tore it into pieces and threw it into the internet abyss where no tagging system can find it. So. Welcome to the 2021 version.)

[lawgrain]

So it's kinda like that guy at work ehi always throws fits then? From kur perspective he's an immature asshole who blew up at an assitant for misfiling invoices or made someone cry after they stole his lunch. We all hate his ass. But for him, he's had two blowups spread over several months and every "normal" day is the result of a hard-won fight. We only really see him when he loses. We don't see the hundreds of times he wins the battle against himself.

Okay I’m about to tell y’all how petty my ass is here. But first, I was thinking about this in general and I don’t know if I’ve come across as contradictory or tying to deny anything you’ve said. I really hope I didn't at least and I actually hold pretty similar views. I’m not really certain how it’s been coming across though.

So my petty self. I’m technically under the volition of you can know a person has a good heart and still dislike them for actions. The reason I’m so full heartedly on the inside technically matters is because I’m looking at things from an emotional stance. If you have no way to know what the inside is, thats fair, you can only judge what you see. But people can objectively see a person with good actions but dislike them.

Example here because I know I’m not making a ton of sense. I watch reality tv sometimes. And there was an objectively good player, he didn’t do much wrong when it came to the actual game aspect. I despise his arrogant ass. He played a good game, he did the same sort of stuff other people did and at some point he did even better than others. He certainly made it further than people I actually liked in the game. But the point stand the because people could see what his personality was like and because everyone got glimpses into what he was like as a person inside, no one liked him. Everyone can admit that he did good but no one cared too much.

On the flip side, I’ve 100% seen assholes on shows like that and love them (well some of them, not all). Why? Because they own up to it. They admit when they are wrong, are able to see when lines are crossed and know how to look at themselves realistically. Those are qualities I value, even if the person can be a jerk. Like I watched one guy be a jerk, get instant karma, and then go “Yeahhhh I totally deserved that. It’s a completely me move to talk shit and then just get beat”. I didn’t like they’re initial action but I still like the person. People can still like things that they know aren’t great.

Sometimes it’s just not about right or wrong, good or bad. It’s just the perspective. Inner qualities don’t take away actions but actions don’t define a person. It’s completely valid for people to want to judge solely on actions because that’s what genuinely affects the things around them. But it’s also completely valid not to hate someone based on actions because they believe that those inner qualities can help that person become better. I think both are actually good response even if they contradict each other

As to your point how can you value something you have no reason to believe is there. It’s complicated from my perspective. Because for someone to do that, they have to first be unreasonable. They have to have faith. A blind belief. They have to look at the world, say that they see nothing there and then decide to believe in the potential of something being in there anyways. And people just do that all the time. Sure, they get screwed over when they decide to believe in the wrong person and maybe after that they decide never to do that again. 

On the flip side of that, no you don’t have to believe in anything. Not just because no one should force opinions on others but, like you said, it makes no sense. Why in the world /should/ anyone believe something with no evidence. Worse yet, why should people believe in something they’ve seen evidence against. It’s crazy.

By the way, that idea kind of echoes some ideas brought up in philosophy of religion, I’m a little on edge within that topic range b/c its a sensitive subject. I bring it up because while the idea echos topics in religion, that doesn’t mean it can’t be applied to ideas unrelated to it. 

Again, I have no idea how any of this is coming across. I’m just having fun with the topic if I’m to be honest. I tend to argue both sides of things but I get why that might come off wrong to others. 

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @silkdust

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a bucket shape, with saturn as the handle of the bucket. your saturn is in the 9th house, hence matters regarding learning, experiences, knowledge and open-mindness will be your priorities in this lifetime. you may travel and learn a lot. you also have clear ideas about your future and who you want to be. even though you may have different passions and talents you’re capable of only sticking to one and mastering it, giving your all.

your dominant planets are jupiter, venus and the moon. you're a very emotional and empathetic person, you always try to be kind to people and you strive to make others feel comfortable with you. yet, you may be a bit impulsive and say things that you don't actually mean. on the other hand, you're very easy-going and kind-hearted, you hardly ever mean to harm someone.

your dominant sign is sagittarius. you have an amazing sense of humor, your personality is so bubbly that it naturally draws people towards you. you're also extremely open-minded, you rarely have prejudices. you have a knack for spirituality, religion, philosophy... anything that can stimulate you mentally.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and indipendence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in virgo, 1° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

you have a practical approach to the world. you’re kind of logical, it’s hard for you to improvize. you always want to keep everything neat and organized, at least in your mind. you could have a natural coldness to your face. you may seem a bit older than you are, or at least very mature and responsible, even though you may be more outgoing than you look due to your many sagittarius placements. with your attentive eyes, you pay attention to every single detail you see. you’re a perfectionist, and you always want and try to be at your best state. I would say you’re quite competitive when it comes to your goals, but you don’t really do it to be above others. you do it because your obsession for details kind of stresses you out. improving and proving yourself is a way to boost your self-esteem, you feel fulfilled when you can achieve your goals. you are extremely intelligent and logical, you’re always up for a deep talk or simply for an occasion to gain more knowledge. you like being smart, you always want to know about everything. even the latest, trendy meme counts for you. your nature is very cautious; you’re rarely impulsive, you always think deeply about your decisions, as you don’t want to commit any mistakes. because of that, you can be particularly picky. not only with material things such as movies, books, food etc. but even with people. it’s hard for you to open up to someone you don’t know at all. you take things slow, both in friendships and in relationships, just to preserve yourself. you may come off as kind of snobby, but you’re just misunderstood. you don’t like flaky bonds, you need security in your life. physically, as I’ve already mentioned before, you have this kind of strict look on your face. your eyes may be almond-shaped, and you could have a natural feline gaze. overall, you have something smaller about your features; you could have thin lips, a small nose, small eyes… you could have a smaller frame with thin bones. you may be of average height, and I’ve noticed that most virgos tend to have pretty long legs? no matter if they’re tall or not, their legs will still be longer than their bust. but possibly, due to your heavy sagittarius dominance you may still have something bigger or larger on your body, maybe you have wider hips or shoulder or maybe a wide forehead. you may also have almond-shaped eyes or larger lips.

virgo ascendant square sagittarius mercury: you appear as a very intelligent individual, and people may even feel intimidated by that. you love interacting with others; even if you're not much talkative, you like hearing about others' theories and opinions. you could also do that by reading blogs, books etc. you may sometimes find yourself in conflict with others, as you’re very opinionated and hate it when others’ opinions are baseless. pretty much, you could seem like a know-it-all. on the other hand, you have a nice sense of humor, you're able to light up the room with your words, even though this quality of yours may be overshadowed by introversion at first. it's hard to find a way to make you come off as more gentle, as you have some of the most fiery and blunt signs in your chart. the fact that your mercury is in sagittariurs squaring your mars doesn't help either. you could take advantage of your astute words and sense of humor to get you out of troubles, though! just be careful not to claim that everything hurtful you say is a joke. it's something that sagittarius placements do a lot.

🌞 sun in sagittarius, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by jupiter and mars

in life, you strive for freedom and independency. you are an extremely wise person, and you believe strongly in your beliefs. you rarely change your mind, but most of the time you’re an open-minded person. you love learning about anything, and you may also have a good memory. in fact, it’s common for you to be the one who explains things and possibly even leads a group, and this could unluckily make you seem as a know-it-all. you do take pride in your wisdom, indeed. your deep way of thinking is also where your desire for freedom comes from, as you wish to be able to expand yourself through travelling and new experiences. you may also be attracted to foreign things, such as foreign literature, fashion, art, music etc. it’s another way to travel and open your mind, without actually having to leave your house when you’re busy. when you get angry, you can actually get very rude and offensive, even towards authorities. you’re short-tempered, and you despise being told what to do. you’re also a good, loyal friend, and you’re the type to stand up for them and defend them during a fight. you’re very outgoing, especially with people you feel comfortable with, and you probably love talking. you’re able to put a smile on others’ face just by telling your stories, even though you never truly go in-depth. in fact, you have a shy side to you that makes you more secretive, regardless of your friendliness.

sagittarius sun square virgo moon: you're the type to start lots of projects, always feeling like you need to transform yourself or your routine. you're very self-aware of your identity, as you're constantly in contact with your feelings. you may even appear as too emotional, as the sun brings all your emotions out to see. this placement most likely makes it hard for you to make choices, you are very indecisive; on one side, your sagittarius sun wants to make new experiences, you're all about the risk. your virgo moon, on the other hand, wants everything to be planned, you despise going with the flow as you feel the need to have everything under control. as a result, you may change your mind often, and people could possibly picture you as shallow or unpredictable. you're interested in knowing more about your roots, your childhood, and also about having a family in general. when you were young, you probably were even more energetic than now. you could be the type to look nostalgically at your old pictures, and you care about your mother a lot. you're also very interested in your own culture; you're not afraid to show the world your interests, reactions and opinions. the problem with this square, especially with the moon being in virgo, is that the individual may become so self-sufficient at the point that doesn't let anyone interfer in their life. it's obviously a good thing to do when someone tries to hurt you, but there's the risk it may happen even with people that are trying to help you if not well-developed. last but not least, your parents' relationships might have had impact on your growth. maybe they're divorced, and one of them had to compensate for the missing parent; perhaps, one of them was highly influenced by the other.

sagittarius sun square pisces jupiter: this is a hard aspect, which could make you feel even more proud of yourself due to your sagittarius sun. you may feel like the universe is constantly against you, you may feel unlucky, or even overindulge in things you like to cope with sadness or anger. you may have the tendency to overeat, buy useless things etc. you go from having a low self-esteem, to even looking very bossy without even realizing it. you struggle to keep your identity balanced, even though you might have not been aware of it at first. to achieve fortune and joy in life, you need to work hard for it. to do so, you have to learn your karmic lessons in this lifetime, which probably revolve around family issues and their impact on your interactions with others.

🌙 moon in virgo, 24° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and venus

this is the most romantic virgo decan. you want to have everything under control, you can't bear not being organized. you most probably write down your appointments and stuff on an agenda, or perhaps even in the notes app of your phone. you're extremely precise, you want everything to be perfect. mixed with your virgo rising as well, you probably care a lot about your appearance; you most likely have a skincare routine, workout... just anything that makes you feel healthy. you love taking care of yourself, especially of your hygiene. you also put a lot of effort in your outfits, you fear not being at your best state. you're a perfectionist, after all. this also project in your home environment; you may clean your house thoroughly, it's most likely all neat. in addition, this mania of yours of being perfect makes you have high standards; in fact, you need people in your life that try as much as you do. you despise lazy people. you probably have a reputation for always being calm and elegant, as you try to avoid conflicts as much as possible. you're very smart and insightful, and you strive for perfection; you want to prove your power to yourself, as it helps you boosting your self-esteem. in fact, it depends a lot on your achievements; if you don't meet your expectations, you start going through a hard time of insecurity and struggles. you love communicating, but you may struggle to find the right words, especially with your mercury squaring mars. your eyes talk for you, though. you're also very introspective, and you're fond of art and creativity in general. you're very critical, both of yourself and of others. you don't do it with malice, though, but as I've already mentioned you want to frequent people that try to be at their best all the time, just like you after all.

virgo moon square sagittarius venus: there are contrasting feelings in your relationships with others; after all, your virgo moon wants to commit to someone and be loyal to them. on the other hand, your sagittarius venus wants to be free. you don't want to feel tied to someone, you still need your independency. those two desires of yours probably contrast each other, stressing you out. you want a calm, almost boring relationship, but with this placement you can't seem to have one. your feelings and self-esteem may depend a lot on your relationships, not only with your lovers, but also with your friends. if someone isn't loyal to you, you immediately start blaming yourself. in your life you may lack intimacy, and while it may make you feel better at first, based on the rest of your chart you actually need someone on your side. you can't do everything on your own. it's very challenging, but you need to find someone that projects your ideals of love. if you need a free-spirit, go look for one. it may take you a while, but if you learn all the lessons you need to learn from your breakups, you'll be able to live a peaceful life with your spouse.

virgo moon opposite sagittarius jupiter: you enjoy making different experiences and living your life to the fullest, making you also a risk-taker. you may lack self-control, even though I don't really think you struggle with being cautious with all this virgo energy in your chart. with this trait you get bored easily, and you may have a reputation for being flaky. you tend to overindulge; you may spend too much money, or even develop eating disorders like binge-eating. at least, you're able to build your life again and have a fresh start, but you risk to get stuck in this cycle. you have the potential to master different talents, but you may struggle to develop them due to this placement. you're a procrastinator, and you find it hard to focus on more things at the same time. you may also attract people with different beliefs and ideas from you, causing you to fall out with them easily. there are also positive sides to this placement, though! you're probably naturally lucky, even though luck may not always be by your side. you have a nice sense of humor, making you more likeable to contrast your scorpio rising.

🗣 mercury in sagittarius, 1° / 1st decan ruled by jupiter

you say things impulsively, you're bluntly honest, and this could often hurt people around you. in addition, you like having the last word, despite being proven wrong sometimes. you have a knack for wisdom, you love being and looking smart. you're the type to spend the whole day reading and analyzing philosophical quotes and then make them your own, applying them to your life. you want to be and feel experienced, hence you may inform yourself about a variety of topics just for the sake of knowing them, perhaps you're not even that much interested in them. you could go from talking about politics to astrology, your mind is quite messy but still very full. you may possibly have a youthful voice, and sometimes you can speak in a loud volume without even realizing it. you may also exaggerate your words a lot, for example you might have got a single scratch on your cheek and call it a gash. you could possibly also be the type to joke over your own feelings, and then obviously get mad at others when they do the same with you. your mercury is also retrograde, hence you're not much talkative, you're more on the introspective side. you may have troubles communicating your thoughts clearly, or maybe you're the one who may misunderstand/mishear what others say to you.

sagittarius mercury conjunct sagittarius pluto: you may become a bit manipulative. you probably don’t even realize it, though, as you have the ability to make people do what you want them to do. you probably love being right, especially during arguments, and you always manage to be so thanks to your skills. your words are like knives for others, they can truly cut deep through their ego. you’re direct and blunt, as you just say what you have in mind with no filters. you can develop a provocative attitude without even realizing it, which can obviously cause you conflicts. you need to be more careful about how you communicate your ideas, otherwise you could seriously damage other people’s self-esteem. on the other hand, if you acknowledge your flaws and work on them, this can actually turn into diplomacy. take advantage of your interest in your inner self to find out how to be a bit more gentle in choosing your words.

❤️ venus in sagittarius, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by jupiter and the sun

people may consider you flaky, as you value freedom above all. you may be the type that likes making new experiences regarding love, and you often date your crushes. yet, you feel too limited in a relationship. you don't enjoy committing to someone if that someone isn't perfect for you, you're only completely loyal to the one you consider your true love. you can't give up your freedom, your thirst for adventure and experiences for someone else. basically, your ideal partner would be a risk-taker, someone loyal but not too clingy, that is down to go on a road trip in every moment. someone impulsive, that could help you stepping out of your comfort-zone. you're probably into those youthful love stereotypes, e.g. high school dates. you want your relationships to be filled with excitement, you despise boring, traditional and cheesy things. you may also find yourself being attracted to unavailable people; that is, you could fall for people that are already taken, or maybe they're physically unavailable, e.g they live abroad or in another city in general. you're also attracted to foreigners, and people that have a wise, yet bubbly aura around them.

sagittarius venus square libra mars: you are very serious when it comes to love. you seek intense, long-lasting relationships, filled with both romance and passion. ironically, you tend to attract people that are the opposite, who are only looking for fun and casual romance. that could afflict your self-worth significantly, as you feel unlucky in love. this is also another placement that indicates that one of your parents, probably your father, or still anyone of the opposite sex probably influenced your approach to romance and sex. there are different scenarios I have in mind, but I'll talk about it later in the family life section.

sagittarius venus square pisces jupiter: you come off as a very positive, happy-go-lucky person. you're extremely friendly, and this makes you good at social relationships. you may have lots of friends, or at least you have the potential to make many if you opened up and talked to them. yet, while this energy gives you positive vibes, some people may take advantage of that, as you could easily be mistaken for naive. people can try to dominate you unconsciously (sometimes even on purpose) not only in relationships but even in friendships. aside from that, I don't think this placement causes you many problems. you may have the tendency to procrastinate and not work. you could be quite lazy and get easily distracted, as you're constantly with your head in the cloud. yet, thanks to your virgo energy, you still manage to find some motivation to do your work.

☄️ mars in libra, 7° / 1st decan ruled by venus

there’s this stereotype that libra mars people are passive-aggressive. it may be true, but only partially. in fact, you try to avoid conflicts exclusively when you’re in public, or maybe with someone you don’t know well. in that case, you can eventually try to avoid the problem. with people you’re close to, you’re pretty much the opposite. you may say the worst of things that you probably don’t even feel, you may even have the istinct to throw hands. you’re driven by a strong sense of justice, and you probably were the class’ snitch during daycare/primary school. you also strive for equality, hence you may get very defensive when it comes to proving your innocence, or just really anyone’s. overall, you’re a fair person with strong morals, who acts based on the situation you’re in.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in virgo. you appear as someone intelligent, possibly judgmental and critical. in fact, you’re a perfectionist, and most of the time you appreciate it when someone takes care of themselves just as much as you do. you’re also particularly pessimistic, and this could be annoying for those around you. you’re very logical, you probably lack intuition just like you lack water in your chart. you’re very pragmatic, and you may even be judgmental, but this energy is probably mitigated by your jupiter dominance, which makes you more open-minded and flexible. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 4th house: you come off as a very private, yet mature person. you may be quite secretive, or at least you only prefer to share your persona with those around you. you probably love your family, they're the centre of your life and you'll also be very fond of your future family as well.

your 2nd house is in virgo. you have a practical approach to money; even though you may like spending and shopping, I see you being careful with them, and you may even have track of them through an agenda or something like that. you feel the need to be perfect, and that can cause you self-esteem issues. with your heavy sagittarius energy, I assume that this manifests as sudden bursts of insecurity or of confidence, your image of yourself fluctuates a lot. you take pride in your intellect, you are very proud of your ideas, theories and opinions. you could also make money from communication of any kind. you could be a stewardess, as well as a writer, a singer... with mars placed in this house, I feel like you may be very fond of money. you could do something just to earn material things from it, like money or any other good that satisfies your wants. you may be quite materialistic, you enjoy the finer things in life, or at least you want to be financially stable. you like the idea of saving money, but ironically you may be too impulsive when it comes to finances and spend money in random things you may not need. the moon here also gives you materialistic tendencies; you may struggle to show your feelings with words, you tend to show your feelings through material things such as gifts. you're probably the type to say I love you through gestures instead of words. the ruler of the 2nd house is placed in the 4th house: your future career may include 4th house matters; that means that you could follow your parents’ steps and work in their same field, for example, or maybe even follow their studies. you could possibly work with families, e.g as a counselor, or perhaps in real estate. it could also symbolize that you're going to marry someone wealthy, and hence you'll have a rich family.

your 3rd house is in libra. it's most likely common for you to include other people in your thoughs and speech. for example, you may often find yourself talking about your partners, your friends, neighbors, celebrities... you probably also like gossips. this placement, on the other hand, gives you an opinionated, even poetic mind. you could be interested in literature for example, and you most likely were good at school. your mind and words are your energy tank, what satisfy you the most. you may talk a lot about different topics of any kind, from childhood to videogames, but you never get boring. you're always entertaining to listen to. with the ruler of the 3rd house being in the 4th house, you may often talk about your childhood. you may have lots of memories that you're able to remember, and hence you may tell them frequently to your loved ones.

your 4th house is in scorpio, with also your sun, venus, mercury and pluto sitting in this house. your relationship with your family is most likely very intense, but not necessarily good. it could be that your parents were quite overprotective of you, you felt judged and restricted from acting the way you wanted. or perhaps, they were emotionally distant, your childhood lacked affection. you probably had to grow up sooner than other kids, and it could be that you first came in touch with plutonian topics (drugs, spirits, sex, death etc.) at a young age. you were more mature from this point of view. in addition, it's also probably that your parents were particularly overprotective, and hence they could have limited you from making experiences. this challenging childhood of yours is most likely the cause of your unstable self-esteem, and perhaps you also have troubles with long-term goals and dreams too. still, with most of your personal planets in the 4th house, you are still very attached to your family. you may have good memories of your childhood, even though you had to undergo lots of hardships you are still optimistic about it. after all, you learned how to transform and to be a better person through these experiences, making you more mature to approach life.

your 5th house is in the sign of capricorn. capricorn usually brings a feeling of seriousness to the house it’s in. I don’t think it’s your case, though. in fact, neptune, is also placed in this house. you could be a bit more introverted, probably you’re not the type to frequent clubs, parties, etc. you’re more serious from that point of view. your hobbies could actually drain your energy for you; let’s suppose you’re into videogames. you could literally spend the whole day playing videogames, as you take your hobbies very seriously. you’re not the type to start a project and then leave it, and it could be helpful considering that your sagittarius sun gets bored very easily, you’re very resolute. also, you most likely have 'mature’ hobbies; you could be into politics, economy, history… you could be into slower types of music, for example, or perhaps you like reading about world issues. with your children you may be quite strict, as you see them as a responsibility. also, you may often be attracted or attract older or more mature partners. you’re most likely a very romantic and artistic person, you may be fond of music, dancing, singing, acting… anything creative that stimulates your senses. yet, you may be a bit picky when it comes to hobbies; you probably only like reading specific types of books, you only listen to a certain music style, and so on. you may also be into spirituality such as psychology, astrology, law of attraction, yoga, mediation, etc.

your 6th house is in aquarius, with also uranus placed in this house. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine throughout your life. probably, when you were you younger they taught you things that aren’t healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines… also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don’t think you do it too often, but it may still happen due to your sagittarius dominance in your chart, but for example you wouldn’t mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. this placement also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it’s your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. you may pursue a career that looks unexpected for you at first, something that you never thought you'd do. it will most likely be a creative, artistic job. it will be a very pleasant job, it won’t even feel like a duty to you as you’ll choose a job that you like and that you’re passionate about. regarding your health, throughout your life you may often come across sudden health problems, illnesses may come out of nowhere.

your 7th house is in pisces, with also jupiter placed in this house. with this pisces descendant, you attract people that are pretty much very intuitive and soft; they could have pisces placements, or at least they’ll be extremely artistic and emotional. yet, you may as well surround yourself with 'broken’ people. that is, people that aren’t exactly in the best state of their health, whether physically or mentally. neptune, the ruler of this house, is in the 5th house. since in your chart the 5th house represents your job too. you’ll most likely meet your future spouse at your work place. you could pursue the same career, they could be a customer of yours… or perhaps, you could meet them in a fun situation, like a party, a vacation, a night out… any situation where you’re supposed to be chilling and having fun, you may meet your future spouse there. with jupiter in this house, you may meet your future spouse at school, or maybe even directly abroad. they may be foreign, or at least they’re able to speak a different language from yours. they could also have a different culture/religion. also, in a relationship you probably hate feeling suffocated. while your pisces descendant may make you enjoy skinship, you may sometimes also need your space, you still need your freedom, especially since your dominant sign is sagittarius. overall, this placement also indicates that you may have more than one marriage, or in general you’ll date many people. you could also be quite lucky when it comes to love, and you only tend to attract the positive side of your pisces descendant.

your 8th house is in pisces. you may have many dreams, you’re very artistic and creative. yet, due to this placement, you struggle to let this side of you out and make it concrete. since you have a strong virgo dominance in your chart, I assume that the reason for this blockage is your rationality. you’re way too logical, and you don’t leave space for your imagination. that’s probably caused by the fact that you’re afriad of being seen as a failure, and hence you don’t really go out of your comfort zone when it comes to your ideas. to reach your state of happiness, you need to turn what you dream about into reality, just like the fact that the ruler of the 8th house is in the 5th house confirms: you have 8th house-related hobbies, such as astrology, horror, occult, sex, psychology… or perhaps, you could work in one of those fields. you may also handle someone else’s money, hence you could work in a bank. this is also another placement that indicates that you're not the type to be extremely extroverted, you'd rather stay alone than in others' company.

your 9th house is in aries, with saturn sitting there. you have a joyful, child-like approach to adventures. you strive for freedom, you want to be your own boss. you don’t want others to tell you what to do, but saturn here may make you struggle to achieve your individuality. perhaps, during your childhood, you were restricted from acting the way you wanted. it’s like your ideas were disrespected, and you weren’t allowed to embrace them, or perhaps you were afraid of the consequences. it may be that when you try to break free from what you consider to be a limitation, you may come across a few struggles that could possibly hurt you. luckily, this is an aspect that will naturally get better time with time as you get more mature. in addition, saturn is well-aspected, so you don’t really have to worry about anything in particular. the ruler of the 9th house is in the 2nd house: you may be interested in foreign languages, and you may actually be able to speak one, or at least you are skilled enough to learn one. you’re also very open-minded. you could actually earn money from this interest in foreign languages and cultures, you may work abroad or maybe as a translator. you could also earn profit from writing of any kind and / or teaching.

your 10th house is in taurus. when it comes to work, you’re quite materialistic. you want to earn a great income from your job, you aspire to be wealthy, and luckily with your virgo dominance you probably don’t lack ambition. yet, as I’ve already mentioned in the previous sections, you shouldn’t procrastinate nor be lazy, you should break free from your limitations and work hard to visualize and achieve your goals, or it may be hard for you to have a stable career life. you may be attracted to artistic careers, such as designing for example, or even stuff like food. you could be a singer, a rapper, a writer… even a therapist or a counsealor, as well as an actor or comedian. you would do well at a variety of things to be honest! but make sure that you understand who you want to be.

your 11th house is in cancer. this placement indicates that your friends, they’re your comfort-zone. you feel understood when you’re with them, they’re pretty much like a family to you. you can tell them anything, you put all of your trust in them. or at least, if you haven’t met anyone like this yet, you’ll surely meet a friend that is like a soulmate to you. they’ll also be very important for your growth. in addition, it could also be that you’re still friends with someone from your childhood or even high school days, and hence you could literally grow up together. you could also have some step-siblings. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 2nd house: since your 2nd house is in virgo, you could befriend people that are quite similar to you, mentally or maybe even physically. your friends may come from abroad, they may be able to speak more than a language just like you do. or at least, they’re also very open-minded and intelligent. you may also meet them in school / college or even work. in fact, you may earn money from or together with your friends, perhaps you may work together. or at least, when you're with your friends you feel much more secure, it's probable that you act more confident when you're with them.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don’t show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they’re probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios. the ruler of the 12th house is in the 4th house: your family may also be somehow involved in spiritual matters; they may be into psychology, astrology, tarots, religion… you may even have sleeping as a hobby, you could sleep a lot to relax. you could also enjoy yoga, meditating and doing charity work. you could also make dreams about children, about your childhood or about your family.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract scorpio, sagittarius, pisces and capricorn placements. your future spouse will most likely have scorpio and sagittarius traits placements, maybe a scorpio - sagittarius cusp. they’ll be very assertive, bold and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. as I’ve already mentioned before, you may meet them during a fun situation, hence at a party, during a vacation, in a restaurant, at a concert… also, your spouse will most likely be one of your soulmates, and hence once you meet them you’ll probably have this 'I’ve already seen you before’ feeling. they’ll seem very familiar, and you’ll find emotional comfort in them. your children will most likely have strong capricorn or pisces traits: they’ll be very hard-working and ambitious, but also very funny and warm. also, they’ll be extremely creative and more mature as time goes by.

👶🏻 family life

I won’t say much in this section as I’ve already talked about your childhood in the 4th house section. anyways, your mother was probably the most dominant figure in your family. she was very intense, even scary at times, especially when she got angry. she might’ve also been very possessive or overprotective. she could have scorpio, gemini, virgo, leo, libra or aries placements in her chart, as well as taurus. as for your father, he was more laid-back, but probably very stubborn and also quite protective too. he may have taurus or libra placements in his chart. if you have siblings, your relationship with them may be quite pleasant. probably, you used to get along very well with them, it was pleasant for you to hang out and talk to them. they could have libra or taurus placements in their chart.

📊 career

luckily, there are many aspects in your chart that indicate that you’ll be able to earn a big amount of money from your future job. it will most likely allow you to communicate your feelings, and it will also be the key to finally achieve a stable relationship with your self-image and worth. there are strong placements in your chart that point out to acting and writing talent, as well as singing talent. you’re just a very charismatic speaker, so I’d suggest you to take advantage of this natural talent of yours to earn money, luck and self-esteem. as I've already mentioned above, you'd do great at jobs that require teaching, hence you could become a teacher or a professor, as well as writing of any kind, especially creative writing; you may write books, poems, or maybe articles for fashion magazines. careers that allow you to interact with others and talk about feelings are also recommended, hence you may do well as a nurse, as a therapist, etc.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

your sagittarius energy screams grunge! you probably love 90s/00s aesthetic, with fishnets, black, burgundy, belts, leather jackets... all of this stuff. also, oversized clothes are a must for you. you may especially be fond of wearing tight tops with baggy jeans or viceversa: tight pants, possibly leggins, with big, long sweatshirts and t-shirts. it's very comfortable, but you still make it look trendy and particular with your charisma. you may also love printed things, especially graphic t-shirts. for shoes, I'd say trendy sneakers and boots are a must in your wardrobe.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past lifetime, you used to put your spirituality aside for a while to focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you learned how to be responsible, healthy and stable on the earth. you know your values, and they’re already very grounded, you’re very mature from this point of view. in this lifetime, you now need to get more in touch with your spirituality. you need to get close to your higher self, and you may actually be quite skilled at it; probably you may interpret your dreams, you could be interested in religion, what’s beyond the world, and you’re most likely also interested in astrology and other occult matters. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having awareness of your soul’s purpose. since you’ve booked a reading, I’m sure you’re already on the right path, so keep going this way.

🤔 major transits analysis / february 27th

tonight's virgo moon will have huge influence on you as your moon sign is virgo, and it's also conjunct your ascendant! a new moon represents new beginnings, and hence it's the perfect time to start making effort to change your mindset or your appearance, in your case. if you want to start a diet, a workout routine, this is the best time for you. in addition, it's also a good time to evolve your mindset, you could start being a bit more optimistic and it's also a good time to manifest or start manifesting. beware of sudden health issues, though!

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated <3 -libramc xx

if you want to book a reading like this one, check my pinned post!! :)

[thompsborn]

hey ari!!!! 🌹

hihi!! :D here’s the first scene of my untitled mcu rewrite! 

send me a 🌹 and i’ll choose a wip to give a sentence/snippet from!

-

“You’ve been called the Da Vinci of our time,” Christine Everhart says—as if this is something that Tony doesn’t already know, though he bites his tongue to stop from saying as such. He has a feeling she wouldn’t be impressed by being interrupted, anyway. “What do you have to say to that?”

Tony doesn’t hesitate to respond, “Absolutely ridiculous. I don’t paint.”

His humor goes unappreciated and without comment. Instead, Christine goes on, voice still uppity in that entitled journalist sort of way. “And what do you say to your other nickname? The Merchant of Death?”

The air feels sticky and hot within seconds, attempting to clog up his throat, but he just tilts his head slightly to the side and speaks around the lump that’s attempting to block his airway, forcing an aura of calm, of relaxation and a faux casual exterior as he simply replies with, “That’s not bad,” even as it presses down on his ribcage, pushes air from his lungs. He hates that nickname. He despises it.

And he can’t think about it anymore, or else he’ll start to spiral.

“Let me guess,” he says—a slight topic change will help, he hopes. “Berkley?”

“Brown, actually,” Christine corrects, eyes narrowed, just slightly, in an uncertain intrigue. A journalist through and through, then—thinking of stories to run rather than finding wariness in an uncertain situation. Most people would be nervous, intimidated, under the force of Tony’s calculating stare.

What he says are not his own words, but rather the words of his father—the ones he was taught to say, when this topic comes up. It helps take the weight of his uncertainty off of his shoulders. He can’t flounder for a response when it was already given to him, after all. “Well, Miss Brown,” he starts, if only to give his brain a moment to bring the right words to the forefront of his mind. “It’s an imperfect world, but it’s the only one we’ve got. I guarantee you, the day weapons are no longer needed to keep the peace, I’ll start making bricks and beams for baby hospitals.”

Christine smiles like she can see right through him. “Rehearse that much?”

“Every night in front of the mirror before bedtime,” Tony tells her. It’s not as untrue as he wishes it was. While he may not recite it anymore, there was a time when he did, every night for months, along with all of the other things his father taught him to say when asked about aspects of Stark Industries. Howard was never the best man, likely wasn’t even a good one, but he knew how to run a company. Tony has yet to fail him on that front since inheriting the company at twenty one, and he refuses to start now.

“I can see that,” Christine assures, any amusement that may have been lingering beginning to drip away, a tad more impatient in her tone, features becoming more determined. Leaning in, just the tiniest bit, her recorder still in hand, light blinking red, she tells him, “Mr. Stark, all I want is a serious answer.”

He feels something swell in his chest. “Okay,” he says, looking away. “Here’s serious.” He pauses, for only a fraction of a second—not long enough to raise eyebrows, or to even be noticeable, but enough for him to piece together a response that he knows his father would expect from him. It starts, of course, with the man behind the inspiration. “My old man had a philosophy,” he tells Christine, looking back to her with his expression concealed, revealing only what he wants her to see. “’Peace means having a bigger stick than the other guy.’” he recites. In his head, he hears the echo of his father’s voice.

Christine cocks her head to the side. “That’s a great line coming from the guy selling the sticks.”

“My father—” it makes him want to grit his teeth, but he feels, suddenly, the need to defend the man who likely doesn’t deserve it, “—helped defeat the Nazis. He worked on the Manhattan Project. A lot of people, including your professors at Brown, would call that being a hero.”

(At the age of four, that’s all Tony wanted to believe. “Daddy’s a hero,” he would say, oh so surely, to himself. “That’s why he’s gone all the time, right? ‘Cause he’s being a hero?”

Maria Stark was a tired woman with a loving heart that lay, wounded, in her chest. “Your father is accomplishing great things,” is what she would tell him, whenever Tony approached her to ask. If prodded further, she would brush the curls hanging in her son’s eyes and say, “He helps save lives.”

“Like a hero,” Tony would whisper, awe struck and desperate for a reason why his dad was never home.)

Christine doesn’t become shimmery-eyed like four year old Tony did. Current Tony doesn’t, either, but it’s not like anyone would have been able to tell if he did, thanks to his sunglasses. Instead, Christine takes on a slightly harsher tone, saying, “And a lot of people would also call that war profiteering.”

Tony reaches up, pulls his sunglasses off, and asks, “Tell me, do you plan to report on the millions we’ve saved by advancing medical technology or kept from starvation with our intelli-crops? All of those breakthroughs—military funding.”

(“He helps save lives,” Maria said.

“Like a hero,” Tony would respond.)

Christine looks incredulous, but not exactly surprised. “You ever lose an hour of sleep your whole life?”

This is more familiar ground—an opportunity to flirt, to shift the tone, change the topic. Tony raises his brows, tilts his head, and says, “I’d be prepared to lose a few with you.”

“Typical,” Christine says with a snort, shaking her head. “You sleep well then, Merchant of Death.”

Tony watches as she walks away, the click of her heels echoing, just slightly, in the silence that follows. He clenches his jaw, unclenches it, and lets out a slow breath before turning around and climbing into the car, Happy just as silent as he holds the door for him. It’s one of those rare moments where Tony doesn’t get to have the final world.

Really, he’s not quite sure that he would know what to say.

[miss-spooky-eyes]

OC Inspirations: Devinahl & Indy

I was (delightfully) tagged by @vespertine-legacy​ a while ago and I’ve hesitated to do this because I knew I was going to talk WAY too much - but it was weighing on me, so I decided to open up about the sources from which I stole, that is, drew inspiration for Devinahl and Indirae.

What three fictional characters is your OC a combination of?  

This doesn’t apply to every OC - not even mine - but its certainly true for a few : Many of our characters are, to an extent, inspired by characters we see in movies, books, games, TV shows, etc.

Does this apply to any of your OCs? Was it a conscious decision on your part or not? Is your OC a combination of three (or more) fictional characters?

If so - post some GIFs / pics and tell us about them! What does your OC draw from other characters?

Too much Devinahl & Indy chat after the cut.

DEVINAHL

The truth is that when I came to creating my Imperial Agent Devinahl, and in particular fleshing out her backstory in far, far too much detail, there were some sources that I went to extremely explicitly and deliberately. And chief among them was ...

1. Garak, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

That’s right. Garak from Deep Space Nine. Plain, simple Garak. Outcast. Exile. Spy. Addict. Perennial liar. Patriot. Terrorist. Would-be genocider. Very good tailor.

(If you haven’t seen DS9, then you need to. It’s like Star Trek, but if it was actually good? And Garak is a big part of what elevates it.) 

Is it weird to compare my ancient video game Barbie/gorgeous sex bomb badass assassin and seductress to a cold-blooded space lizard who spends his days hemming pants? Possibly. But there are aspects of Garak’s character that, consciously and unconsciously, I made parts of Devinahl’s DNA. 

Firstly, Garak is a patriot. He loves Cardassia so much that despite seeing its flaws with absolute clarity, despite having been exiled and reviled by it, he would die without question to serve it (of course, he’d much rather make someone else die). And while seeing that as a weakness, despite knowing that the Cardassia he has committed to serving is disappearing before his eyes, there is still a part of him that believes that that commitment - that neverending sacrifice - is noble. The only noble part of him. That’s central to Devinahl’s character (which is, in turn, the way I made sense of the IA storyline). That while hating and despising the Sith, she would nevertheless believe in the Empire - not so much believe that it is good (at best, I think she sees it as order and stability where the Republic is corruption and chaos) as believe that her commitment to it is the only redeeming thing available to her.

Secondly, the way that Garak will take his needs, vulnerabilities, sincere emotions and package them in ways which gets him what he has to have to keep going, without ever giving up full control? Particularly in the extraordinary episode The Wire, in which a dying Garak tells Dr Bashir a series of lies about himself in order to elicit Bashir’s forgiveness, because he needs to be sincerely forgiven but without ever telling the truth?

Out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren’t? My dear doctor, they’re all true. Even the lies?

That is everything I tried to do with Dev, particularly in my fic about her and SCORPIO, particularly when it comes to her and Arcann. To know what she needs, as Garak needs absolution from Bashir, and tell just enough truth - put herself into just vulnerable enough a position - to get it, but never without reserving something, holding something back, whether it’s the knowledge that she can maneouvre herself out of SCORPIO’s clutches at any time or her real name? That’s a fucking survivor.

Thirdly, the relationship between Devinahl and Sifter (the spymaster who finds her as a traumatised child and grooms her for Intelligence) and specifically, the deathbed scene I wrote in Riddle was directly inspired by Garak’s relationship with Enabran Tain and that death scene. 

Yes, Devinahl was not Sifter’s actual daughter, but in every real sense she was formed by Sifter - and had Sifter had just one day with Dev like Tain had with Garak, Dev would have been lost. She would have turned herself into a carbon copy of Sifter, and she would have died. But the bittersweetness? The acknowledgement that the parental figure you love will never, not even now that they’re dying, love you as you want them to?

‘I should have killed your mother before you were born. You have always been a weakness I can't afford.’ ‘So you've told me. Many times. ...’ ‘Elim, remember that day…in the country. You must've been almost five.’ ‘How can I forget it? It was the only day.’

(The love and infinite sadness with which Andrew Robinson says that line, ‘It was the only day’? I’m crying just thinking about it. Anyway, it was everything I was thinking about and wanted to achieve in that scene.)

Oh ... and Devinahl’s ambiguous relationship with her implants? Well, Garak also has an implant in his head. And that’s all I’m saying about that.

2. Oryx from Oryx & Crake by Margaret Atwood

A novel character rather than from TV or movies, I hope that’s OK. And I know that there are ... very problematic elements to the way Atwood writes about Oryx, her family, her culture, her background. But she was one of the strongest elements that went into creating Devinahl and her backstory.

There were specific aspects of the story Oryx tells to Jimmie - particularly the parts about being told to scream and make a fuss if a man tries to take you away to a hotel room, and then being told not to make a fuss when a man tries to take you away to a hotel room - that became part of Dev’s story. But there was also a general attitude and way of looking at life I wanted to capture and incorporate. Oryx’s philosophy of value?

Of course (said Oryx), having a money value was no substitute for love. Every child should have love, every person should have it. . . . but love was undependable, it came and then it went, so it was good to have a money value, because then at least those who wanted to make a profit from you would make sure you were fed enough and not damaged too much. Also there were many who had neither love nor a money value, and having one of these things was better than having nothing.

I wanted to create a character who could look at life and suffering and abuse, even her own, and view it in that dispassionate way which horrifies someone from my middle-class Western background - and then I wanted to test that idea, to bring it up against SCORPIO and have SCORPIO try to break it down with torture, to see if it was just a cool facade/necessary illusion. I wimped out of really testing that belief, instead having Dev always know that she could get out of her situation/having her find a way to be loved without truly having to sacrifice her protective patterns ... but if I was a little braver and better, I’d have tested it to breaking point. How far can a character go who thinks like that while still remaining, on some level, compassionate/human/likeable?

3. Saffron (Firefly)

I could have gone Black Widow (definitely the inspiration for Dev’s aesthetic in terms of outfit etc). But the plain truth is that I thought more about Saffron while dreaming up Devinahl/writing her backstory than I did about Black Widow (yes, Widow turned her weakness into strength in a manipulative fashion all the time, but Garak did it better, and other than that she mainly looked after boys in a way that I did not want Dev to be limited to). 

Firefly, for a show that had - what - 13 episodes? - exercises far too much of a hold on my imagination and Saffron, especially in the first episode in which she appeared, was such a tremendous character. The way that she found exactly the triggers to turn each member of the crew inside out? (And if she’d had more time, it absolutely would have worked on Wash and Inara, too - it only didn’t because she had to hurry.) Dev has that. I can’t write it, because I suck, but she has it. 

Oh, and nobody will ever know Devinahl’s real name (apart from you, if you read my fic about her backstory) and she’d die before letting you know it. That’s straight from Saffron. As is, I suppose, the man who would accept her just as she is without needing to push to know her secrets, except it worked out a little better for Dev and Arcann than it did for Yolanda and Durran Haymer because Dev and Arcann will always have pegging.

INDIRAE

(This will be a lot shorter than the section on Devinahl, I promise.)

1. Steve Rogers, Captain America (and whatever else)

I have never been super into the MCU, but the key reference I used to find a way into Indy’s character, back when she was nothing more than a cool-looking Cathar Bounty Hunter, was Steve Rogers. (November can attest to this)

Indy’s physical size - she’s six foot if she’s an inch, and big - is key to her personality, but equally key is the idea that she would always experience that size as uncomfortable and slightly alien to her. Like Steve Rogers, she started out as the scrawny kid always getting beat up by everybody ... And when she got her strength (with a hefty assist from the toxic waste run-off into what was her family’s only source of water) and suddenly got TALL and STRONG? She did not like bullies - which was what led her to help Coda out of a jam at the spacesport and started them on their road.

(If there’s a better way to play the BH storyline than as a stone-cold mercenary with an utterly unwilling heart of gold ... then I don’t know about it.)

2. Xena, Xena Warrior Princess

I’ll be completely fucking straight with anybody about this (so to speak): I love Xena, I had an obsession with it as a teenager I’m still unpacking, and the show tends to feed into my characters in an ... odd way.

Indy is physically imposing like Xena, is the main thing; and her dynamic with Coda owes a lot to Xena’s with Gabrielle (although Coda is as big and tough as Indy, she is the fast talker/smooth operator to Indy’s laconic strongman). I wanted Indy to dominate action scenes the way that Xena does, be that kind of a force of nature; and watch her struggle to find ways to channel that charisma, to need Coda’s help to understand how to do it.

3. Dottie Henson, A League of Their Own

OK, first of all, I do not want to hear any kind of mockery. This is, unironically, one of my favourite films of all time.

Again, we come back to the core theme of a character struggling with her own greatness/potential. That’s what is the most fascinating through-line of A League of Their Own: Dottie, this unbelievable baseball player/physical presence (yes, she’s very tall, just like Indy) who is so terrified to admit that she wants anything more than her smalltown life and dreadful husband, even while the evidence of her talent and passion for the game is burning up these ... fields? Diamonds? I don’t know baseball apart from this film.

Indy certainly hides behind not wanting to be a bounty hunter. She doesn’t believe in any Mandalorian nonsense about romanticising what is an unglamorous job. She’s just doing it for credits and afterwards, once she’s secured her family’s future, she’s totally going to go home and settle down in some acceptable, domestic way. Being on the Mantis with Coda, it’s absolutely just a means to an end. She doesn’t want to be there, she doesn’t care about it, it’s not who she is, she doesn’t need it. This life, the adventure, the freedom, the fighting for survival, it’s certainly not what gets inside her and what lights her up, no, not at all. 

Oh, and Dottie is also a reluctant leader. She doesn’t see why her talent should put her in the position of telling other people what to do - but then, on the other hand, she sees so clearly what they need to be doing, and when she says to do it, they listen. She doesn’t want to carry this team, but they’re only a team so long as she carries them.

(Don’t worry, Coda’s not going to let her lie to herself for too long.)

[rainbowstrashpile]

The Hypocrisy of Cathedrals

A show of good faith that I am indeed working on a Primedak fic. Not finished yet, but the intro is solid now. WARNING: Prime is a terrible person and uses terrible language to describe every living thing in the universe basically. So if you’re uncomfortable with that, please do not read.

Nothing sexy yet. Just Prime being terrible.

The universe is governed by very little. For the most part, it is matter gravitating towards matter. Coalescing. Becoming. Morphing and igniting and compounding into stars and planets, nebulae and meteors, burning screaming spinning rupturing crashing uncontrolled. Chaotic. Messy.

Truly, this cacophony is something to be despised as the things it gives rise to are horrendous. Planets laid to waste by dying stars, their surface now an irradiated husk. Solar systems devoured by a star's gravity, their mass so great they pull everything around them down into their flames. Planets so hot that they rain glass; billions of tiny knives ripping through the atmosphere. Hostile, horrible, useless.

But the worst of all is life. Seething, crawling, oozing masses all loudly clambering for more more more, their hunger unending. For eons, he has watched what other life forms are capable of, and he has found them lacking.

Prime has come to live by a rigid philosophy. Curated over the millennia and refined down to a simple fact: to want is a crime. A cardinal sin. Wanting leads to greed; to covetous desire, then to war. Endless, senseless violence where there is no true winner. The only prizes gained were loss and suffering. It was exhausting, really, that most beings were too unevolved to grasp this, too simple in their mindset to realize they themselves were the root of their problems. Wasn’t it better then, that the universe be governed by order rather than chaos? Guided by a deft, firm hand as opposed to the mindless greed of the inhabitants? Too wanton and wasteful for their own good, consuming everything around them. Instead, Prime would provide all that was needed. Prime would bring peace and enlightenment to the unwashed masses. In turn the only thing they should desire was his approval, his love.

Just like his little brothers. All of them together, working in perfect unison. Their small thoughts a happy, thrumming buzz in the back of his mind at all times. How glad they were, to have such great purpose. How thankful they were, to be allowed to bask in his light. What could be better than serving the one who had created order in the universe at last? 

Attending to the one who had brought enlightenment and civilization to countless lives, despite the primitives kicking and screaming the whole way. His work is exhausting, and at times even frustrating, but by now he has it down to a science. There's a rhythm to the teaching, an order. A delicate dance of subjugation and indoctrination. They always resist at first, too set in their flawed ways. Generally, they must be crushed completely, their egos broken down to nothing with their kingdoms in flames, in order to finally accept peace and light. But Prime and his brothers are infinite, unyielding. A flawlessly composed missionary melody executed with precision. But then, something discordant happened; a sour note in his otherwise perfect meter. A defect. A mistake. And like all mistakes, he had been cast out.

Prime, in his infinite wisdom and kindness had tried to send him out with honor. To die on the battlefield with glory in the name of his creator. Instead this defect kneels before him again, a testament of undying loyalty, craven to serve. He has returned from parts unknown, dragging with him not only two other lifeforms, but an entire planet of backward creatures. And what a mess he’d made of this new conquest. A terrible impression of Prime’s divine Horde.  

Poor little thing, trying to lead an army like that. His brothers are simply not meant to lead. They are created only to serve. It’s no surprise that he had done such a terrible job; that he had been manipulated and felled by his so called subordinates. Lucky for him, Prime is merciful. He is willing to take him back into the fold; to correct his lowly, animalistic behavior. It seems that, hidden from the light of Prime, even his brothers will become corrupt. For this one wanted more than to be a good boy. As if wanting something wasn’t bad enough on its own. This one thought he could be favored. Held on high and beloved above all of his brothers. How selfish, how greedy of him to want more, especially when Prime loves all of his brothers equally. He would have to be reconditioned for that, certainly.

This little brother had to be shown that wanting will only lead to pain. Especially when he had wanted something other than the peace and order Prime had so graciously brought to the universe. And what a strange thing he wanted indeed. Purple hair. Red eyes. Gentle gloved hands. Diminutive. Soft. Despite that, she had been a blur of motion, a wellspring of knowledge and innovation; exuberant and enthusiastic. Her heart so open Little Brother had fallen head first into it.

He had wanted to stay with her. To build a nest for them to tinker away in; two defects hidden from the cleansing light of Prime. 

It was only when she was gone did he resume his quest to come home. But still, his labor should be rewarded. And not just that of the portal, but his missionary work as well. Despite his flaws, this brother had been kind and generous in trying to bring these heathens to Prime's light. To fight for so long in order to return to his side; and in such a sickly state too. Poor defect. His body would collapse, as hard as he may try to be like the others. He would only slow them down, gumming up the works of the machine they worked so hard to maintain. He could be propped up with chemicals, reinforced with outside structures, but try as he might eventually he would fail again.

And yet, it seemed a waste to be rid of him. His time away had done things to him. How interesting this one had become. Deviant, in a way; corrupted by the chaos and want of an uncivilized world. How fascinating it would be to crack his mind open, to lay him bare entirely; to witness the seething mass of imperfection he had become. To feel those sins burn away by Prime’s light.

Once his new guests had been settled he would deal with his wayward brother himself.

______________________________________________________________

Prime is terrible but his tits are huge and he’s hot as hell. He has panache. I cannot resit him. I’m so glad he’s dead. I in no way approve of any of his actions which it’s insane that I have to say that in 2020 in a fanfic. Can’t I just be horny for fat tits in peace?

I wanted to give everyone a first installment because I kind of feel like I’ve been leaching off this fandom and annoying everyone. Unfortunately I specialize in dark fic so my contribution is this. Anyway, I’ve actually got a lot of script format dialog written for Prime and Hordak, and even some smut. But it’s all jumbled up and not fleshed out yet.

And if anyone wants to just chat about how terrible but absolutely fascinating Prime is my ask box is open. It’s so interesting to me that they went with like, a mega church prosperity gospel, pray the gay away, space Catholicism final boss. Prime is deeply rooted in all the negative aspects of Christianity and for someone who was raised Catholic, I love to see people make villains out of that. Spop ended up having its fair share of problems at the end but kudos to them for that callout. I doubly love Prime because despite being all things terrible about Christianity, this man openly fucks? Every move he makes is unabashedly horny. He even wears revealing clothes. And that’s so against modern Christian morals. He’s every scrap of authoritative hypocrisy I was raised with turned sexy. His aesthetic is if Apple went art nouveau. He’s terrible and fascinating and the only reason season 5 is watchable.

[weirdcultstuff]

Unrelatable Ex-Amish Feelings

Just a note: The specific group I grew up in was an extreme group, with a cult leader. I tried my best not to include things that I think might be specific to the cult I was in, but I can only write from my own experiences, so some of this might not be universal to all leaving-amish experiences. :)

1. Despising Beverly Lewis books. Despising that TLC ‘Breaking Amish’ show. And if I hear one more time about ‘the amish mafia’ I swear I’m throwing something.

2. Seeing strangers with head-coverings or large families and no longer getting that instant mutual bond, because you are out of context to them now.

3. Rolling your eyes at the ‘Amish Made!’ signs.

4. The cognitive dissonance overload.

5. Critical thinking skills? Who is that?

6. Not having an identity as an individual.

7. (If you’re a girl) working caretaking and cleaning jobs. (If you’re a guy) farming, landscaping, and construction.

8. *I’M GOING TO HELL! I’M GOING TO HELL! I’M GOING TO-*

9. Going P.I.M.O. with your also shunned family, because they’ve joined another group that you don’t want to be in either.

10. Purity culture hangover, can’t make eye contact!!

11. Saying “Mr.”, “Mrs.”, “Professor”, “Dr.”, etc. feels like a direct insult instead of being respectful.

12. Not being able to say “Ich liebe die” to friends because it sounds so much more real and serious than “I love you.” In fact, having tons of language confusion and general work to do on your English.

13. *They’re English, they wouldn’t understand how Amish do anyway.*

14. Just. Not being able to explain anything. Ever. It feels like living in two completely different realms of existence, having been amish and not-amish.

15. The shame of buying something at an amish place and being recognized, and offered the things for free since amish don’t do business with shunned amish.

16. People thinking they understand amish culture because they “grew up around baptists.” Like, I guess?? I understand what you mean? But also no.

17. Despising almost any depiction of the amish in mainstream media, and not being able to articulate how it’s all such skewed perspective, and not knowing how to communicate things properly or make it better. Frustrating!!!!

18. Fighting not to have that Penn Dutch accent and thinking it makes you sound dumb.

19. Being the only kid at your college who knows how to clean and cook and sew and keep house.

20. Missing the cows. Missing the garden. Missing making hay. Missing your friends. Missing your family. Missing taking care of babies. Missing working with people who genuinely like to work. Missing tomato sandwiches. Missing the singing. Missing, missing, missing. Parts of you are missing.

21. Freaking out about every possible aspect of clothes and what to wear.

22. (If you’re a girl) panic attacks about giving presentations in school because *women must be silent, and shouldn’t teach men, and business casual means you can’t even cover your head and who is even giving me the authority to do this?*

23. Not knowing how a parking meter, or a vending machine, or maybe an online bank account works and having to ask for help and just feeling so, so, so small and stupid.

24. Being 100% completely clueless about LGBTQ+ terminology or issues, and accidentally coming off as homophobic.

25. Realizing you accidentally came off as homophobic (or sexist, or racist, or ableist, etc.) after learning more words and stuff, and feeling really worried and ashamed about it.

26. Boundaries? What are boundaries?

27. *What do I do with my hair? I don’t look normal.*

28. Not understanding computers. Even after learning how to use computers, not understanding things intuitively like all the other kids who grew up with them.

29. Getting real freakin’ excited about how easy life becomes with electric washing machines and cars and electric heaters.

30. Getting in abusive relationships and getting taken advantage of because you have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.

31. Feeling alone. Like you’re the only one doing this.

32. Wanting to go back. Missing home, and familiarity, so much.

33. Feeling nostalgic about the good old days when you had any kind of idea of what was going on ever.

34. Missing 100% of pop-culture references.

35. The internalized sexism. (If you’re a girl) just automatically deferring to any men in the vicinity.

36. Wearing clothes that are too big. In muted colors. Without many prints. And feeling very self-conscious about it all. Hoping you don’t run into any amish people in public because they’ll see from your clothes how far you’ve backslid, how much sin you’re living in.

37. Not knowing how the government works. Or voting. Or welfare.

38. Automatically denying and defending any abuse that happened, because *amish are right and the church is right and talking about abuse with english people is only going to prevent them from seeing the truth and the light.*

39. Bristling when people treat you like your life previous to shunning just didn’t matter or didn’t really happen. Newsflash, world, people who have lived lives different from yours still spend all of their lives in ‘the real world’ same as you.

40. *If I just married an amish man, or even a mennonite, this would all go away. Things would make sense again.*

41. What is evolution? What is anything? Is God real?

42. *If I picked the wrong way, and I know I picked the wrong way, then I’m going to hell. I’m going to hell. I’m going to hell. I’m going to-*

43. *I’m being taken captive by strange philosophy. I’m being taken captive by the world. I’m being given over to a reprobate mind for the destruction of the flesh. I’m too far in, I can’t see what’s right or good anymore. I’m going to hell.*

44. Hey, look! You have a favorite color now.

45. “Guys, I’m not Amish. There is not an Amish person alive who would say that I’m Amish. Stop calling me Amish.” *I’m also not ‘english’ though.*

46. *I’m a bad witness. I’m living a sinful life. I’m shaming my family.*

47. Not trusting the government. Not trusting the school system. Not trusting the healthcare system. Not trusting anyone who isn’t amish, not really.

48. Finding out there’s more kinds of ‘english’ music than rock music.

49. Meeting people who have never heard of the amish and just....not being able to compute that.

50. Collecting kitsch. Just ‘cause you can.

51. Switching back and forth from wanting LOTS OF FLAVORS AND COLORS AND LIGHTS AND FABRICS AND MUSIC AND WORDS AND VIDEOS AND BOOKS AND- and wanting to just sit in a dark room with the lights low, doing mending or something normal because it’s all just overload and it’s making your head spin.

52. Amish people invalidating your experience. Non-Amish people invalidating your experience. *Nobody understands, I’m all alone, everyone thinks I’m crazy.*

53. Instinctive fear and disgust towards halloween things. This is what worldliness is, this is all demonic. None of it looks cute. Except that baby dressed up like a hot dog, she’s so cute.

54. Not understanding how non-amish people view animals and pets as practically members of the family instead of mildly interesting or useful outdoor things. Then missing your siblings so much and being so touch starved that when you’re at a friends’ house and their cat sits on your lap you feel positively glowing and warm inside, and you finally ‘get it.’

55. *What church do I go to? Am I mennonite now? Am I baptist? Am I Christian? I have to be a Christian, obviously. Where do I belong? Who do I belong to?*

56. Not understanding equality, even if you think it’s right.

57. Doing ANYTHING your boss tells you to, being a massive pushover until you slowly learn the difference between aggression and standing up for yourself, and then learn how to actually stand up for yourself.

58. People assuming you’re stupid because you don’t know stuff they learned in grade school. You assuming other people are stupid because nobody taught them the stuff you learned as a kid.

59. The moment when you realize that you actually have a lot to give up now, if you go back. And you actually have an identity, you’re a person. Kinda glitchy and buried under a mountain of trauma, but you’re a person.

60. Finding therapy. Finding friends. Finding the internet. Finding other people who have been through hard things too and connecting with them over the things you have in common and your shared support for each other in the things you don’t. Healing, growing. Coming to a point where things feel possible.

It’s a wild ride. But it’s worth it. Hang in there, friendo. <3

[hungarianrhapsodyof1986]

How You Saw The World

How You Saw The World

Hiya everyone ^^! It’s me, Cap. Soph606 with... another fanfic ^^! It will be based on Vumin, and it will be from Jumin’s point of view. I’ve always wondered how V had seen the world, considering he was a photographer who saw more to everything around him than what was presented before him... but this is how it would go in my mind. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this and have a good day ^^!

How You Saw The World

I’ve always admired how you saw the world. You saw it in every detail; no matter how small it may be. You added deep, aspiring meanings to the littlest things, all the while revealing the great, moving messages the biggest of things wanted us human beings to receive; astounding me every single time. I’ve never been able to see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt; nor sense what you sensed... and that makes me wonder how you were able to obtain those many, hidden truths; even without having to undergo training nor mind-numbing and painstaking contemplation. It was as if you had some kind of gift. A gift I didn’t have. A gift I wished I had received. But; even if I wanted to receive it, I still questioned what it could do; especially right after seeing you. It gave you so much, and those blessings it bestowed upon you were too mighty and strange for me to understand. That made me ask so many questions. How could you see the world in all its beauty? See the good within the bad? Fall in love with humans despite their hypocrisy and inconsistency? You’ve always lingered on the good rather than the bad and lived your life believing in the wonder of this mysterious earth; along with the good and purity of people. You were fascinated by even the most minor of details; and you documented all of their perplexities and complexities behind the camera lenses you had frequently hid your eyes behind. For a time, I mocked you, foolish, jealous and blind as I was; not knowing how to honor and understand someone as interesting and precious as you... and you were conscious of that. Yet, you didn’t cry. You didn’t plant a grudge against me, nor did you seek out war against me.

...Instead, you dragged me into your world.

You dragged me into your world of bewildering puzzles and mesmerizing beauty. You helped me see what I could not. Obtain what I could not get. You showed me what you were able to see. You taught me your ways; and I no longer mocked you. I no longer laughed at you... rather, I was inspired by every word you uttered and followed you with all the will I had in my soul. Ever since I was a child, I had always been blind to your universe, which you already had when you were born. You saw everything with eyes only few possessed. Because of that, I was jealous... I thought you perfect... not seeing the full picture. But when you led me into your world, I understood. Even in your world of passion and art, there were imperfections and abominations. There were things a normal person would consider as curses to them.

But you were never normal.

You were a gifted person, childlike and naïve. Or at least, naïve in my eyes. As I said before, in your aesthetic haven of endless wonders, there were abominations. I was one of them. Afraid of exposing my inner demons and ghosts, I tried to hide every negative aspect I had... but I failed miserably. With your eyes of truth, you saw everything I had attempted to bury deep within me; and instead of despising me and shooing me away, you embraced me and loved me, killing the darkness that had blinded me to everything around me. I was a cold, emotionless and heartless man who believed that humans were corrupt. I lost trust in them long before, and I thought that I was better off alone. Because of that, I lost interest in the world, and it lost its interest in me in return. Because of that, I failed to see the beauty you saw, and I got lost, spiraling in the bottomless pit I unknowingly dug for myself. I buried myself in my grief; hurting myself without end.

But when you came along, everything changed for me.

You brought to me warm light, warming up my heart and dispelling the darkness. You chased away my demons and you decorated my empty world with your love. I was never able to express how grateful I was to you, as I was not adept at expressing myself, but I showed you parts, trying to break the walls I have built around myself. As I expected, you broke them down for me and saw everything within me. You aided me in everything I did and loved me for everything I was. You sang to me songs of utter devotion, told me tales of overpowering emotion; showing to me the many truths you’ve always seen. You continued to teach me how to see the good in everything, in hopes that I would follow your footsteps. I hoped that too. And for a time, I thought I had. I thought everything was perfect. But then... something happened. Because of that, my world crumbled into dust; and the question that had always stayed at the back of my mind haunted me.

“If you disappeared, would I be able to survive?”

That question still haunts me to this very day. Everyday, I fear that I might suddenly collapse; and no one will be there to help me. And as I rise to the sound of birds chirping outside once again, I proceed, thoughts racing in my mind. I’m burdened with them. I head downstairs to eat breakfast, and I’m greeted by the same box that had rested on the dining table ever since you passed away. Stricken by grief, I was never able to touch it... though I’ve always wondered what was inside that thought-invoking object. I sigh. Are memories really the only things the dead can give us? I eat, staring at the sky for the thousandth time. The sky is bright... you would’ve seen beauty in it, even if you were enveloped in sadness... but I would do quite the opposite. Even if you’ve taught me, I’ve never inherited your gift; and it hurts me... it hurts me so much. O, unsympathetic sky... why must you hurt me more? Everything around me is a reminder of you. The framed photos that hang on the wall remind me of the photographs you took. They show me only fragments of the reality you lived in. The cameras around me remind me of the times when you marveled at the tiniest of details; like the ant that once crawled in the garden outside, or the falling leaves during one Autumn season. And the sun... oh, yes the sun. You used to tell me everyday how it inspired you; how it gave you the passion that fueled you every single day you lived. During the final moments of your existence here on earth, you told me not to mourn; not to let myself drown in the deep ocean of despair you had once rescued me from... and I promised you that I wouldn’t... but now, I’m just angry at myself. I’ve failed you. I’ve been aggrieved ever since, and I’ve wished every single day that it was I instead who had been taken away.

But it’s been too long.

Enough of this. Enough sulking around. I’ve broken every promise I made you. I mourned. I let myself drown. I am ashamed... but the very least I can do for you now is try to move on.

I open the box, and I see a couple of pictures. On top of those pictures is a note. “My favorites” it reads, and I look through all of them, still remembering what hidden messages you revealed to me.

Contrast. Uniqueness. Balance. Misconceptions.

“The contrast of the black and white shows us that everything in this world has a dark and light side to it. There is always conflict between the good and the bad... and sometimes it seems that one side is winning. But, when you look closer at it; when you study the picture well, you’ll see that there is always balance. Neither side wins nor loses. One cannot live properly without balance. One cannot live only filled with negativity and pain; nor can one live only filled with ecstasy and the sense of being in blissful nirvana. Both will only blind you; but if both sorrow and joy are balanced, one can see everything. One can live in peace. Most believe in the opposite; thinking a life filled only with joy will give you everything you ever wished for... but I understand. It’s a common misconception, at least for me; which brings me to talk about uniqueness. Just like this flower, we are unique. There is no one who is an exact copy of us. One may look like us, or act like us, but there’s always something that separates us from the world... may it be our talents or philosophies or whatever it is that we possess that others don’t. We are all afraid from being called different. We know that the world will mock us for being so... but it is our uniqueness that makes us who we are. It is our uniqueness that makes us special, so we must treasure it and express it proudly just like this flower. We all have a gift, it’s just that it’s not easy to discover. Treasure yourself, you are only one. There can be no one else like you.”

Hope. New beginnings. Possible futures.

“The sunrise is a marvelous, mysterious and ravishing thing. It’s an event that brings me hope for a bright, new day. It signifies new beginnings; it can even be one itself. It whispers in your ear possible futures... it wishes to bring you hope; but most of the time, we are deafened by our worries and fears that we don’t even bother to hear it. The sunrise is something that empowers me to live on, knowing that there is still a future to discover, that there are still much more things to learn. Nature just wishes us to survive; and it gives us items and gifts of wonder and beauty to do so... it’s only natural that we do it a favor and do what it wishes. We all have success waiting for us. We all have the potential to do something great. It’s just that we need to do our part to make our fantasies come true. If at night, under the gaze of the calming moon, we dream and fantasize of the future, then in the morning, under the gaze of the bright sun, we try to take a step forward to achieving our goals. The reason why I believe the sunrise is a symbol of hope and new beginnings is because the light of the newborn sun dispels the dark set around us. When the sun rises, it tells us that it’s ready to guide us. It brightens our life, exposing every truth we couldn’t see in the darkness. Though, do you not see the balance? Yes, there is light, but there are still fragments of darkness left. I believe in a life of balance. That’s what gives me hope. I wish everyone else could find hope in the sunrise too.

You shape your world, and no one can shape it for you. Make your unique world of self-expression. Craft your future of hope.”

Peace. Harmony. Unity.

“I have always believed in the good of human beings. I believe we are all creatures of peace and harmony. We are not made for war. War brings us only destruction and ruin, may it be internally or with another person. When we fight one another, we kill one another; both literally and figuratively... but when there is peace, and when we aid one another, see what greatness we can achieve! When we help one another, we become just like the flower and the bee; we all benefit and survive. We are united someway, but misunderstandings tear us apart. With my photos I have tried to advocate peace; and I hope those who’ve seen my work can see what meanings I have concealed in my pieces. We must learn to cross the boundaries uncontrollable forces have set for us... we must break down the walls that have been built before us and give joy to those who have never experienced such before or had lost it. There cannot be peace when our demons overpower us. We cannot live in peace if we are ashamed of ourselves. When I met you, I knew you were tormented by inner struggles and unrest. I saw how you were at war with yourself... and I wanted to help you. I hope that we have become like the bee and the flower in this photograph; and that I have given you the peace your soul has begged for for so long. Just like you’ve given me peace, I’d like to ask you to give it to others as well. Be the bee to those around you. Inspire people to be the best they can be. Believe in the good of people; linger on the good. I stress on the importance of balance, but strangely, I am more attracted to the light; just like everyone else. When you meet someone, focus on their light... but if their darkness shows, teach them how to control it; show the way of balance. Be the bee. Be the peace.”

...

Once again, I am perplexed by your ability to comprehend such things. As I remembered what you’ve told me long before, I remember the sound of your voice... the sound of it is still strong; I hope it never grows faint. I wish the real world could be like your ideal one... I wish the beauty and the good could express themselves more often. When you were still here with me, everything seemed to glow. The many colorful flowers seemed to grow more vibrant. The birds seemed to sing songs that I could understand and appreciate. I felt like I was in heaven when you were with me... but now that you’re gone... I feel like I’m in hell. I laugh sadly at a sudden realization.

...Balance.

I sigh out of longing and fix the photos; ready to place them back inside the box when I see a note lying at the bottom. I recognize it to be from you... your messy handwriting always stood out. I take the note out and I begin to read.

“Hello, Jumin. Most likely that by the time you read this, I’ll be gone... so I’ve decided that I would take this opportunity to tell you the things I was unable to tell you when I was still there, in the mysterious world that kept so many secrets from those who were clueless of the magic around them. Ever since I was a young boy, I have seen the enigmas of this universe; and I’ve always been curious of the littlest things around me. There was always this burning passion within my heart, and it burned so great that I wanted to share the beauty I saw to those who were blind to it. I found a way to do that through photography. I grew to love the beauty set around me by nature. With my curious eyes, I exposed the wonders of the sights around me, and I desired to express them to the world. As a photographer, I saw and fell in love with the beauteousness of everything that existed around me. Maybe that’s how I grew to love you. I saw in you the same passion I had. Your eyes were filled with the same curiosity mine always held. I knew, from the very beginning, that you had the capacity to uncover and understand every hidden message nature has to offer us... I knew that you had the same gift as mine. I wished to teach you how to use your gift... I wished to show you that you can do the same thing as me. I think I have taught you the basics during my time there on earth, and in my memory, I ask you to enhance your skills and nurture your gift. See and hear the messages all around you. Learn from them. Be the best person you can be... then be glad that I can rest in peace knowing that you will try.

-Jihyun”

From then, promises bounced forth. I would do what you wanted me to do, and let me die in sorrow and pain if I fail. The light of the morning sun illuminated the glossy paper, revealing colors at the back. I flip the sheet and gasp at what I see. What is this?

A picture of me?

I wonder what you tried to say, but I realized it when I read the singular word that had been scribbled at the bottom left of the photograph.

“Love.”

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @likeaforgottenmemory

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a bucket shape, with jupiter as the handle of the bucket. your jupiter is in the 7th house, hence matters regarding relationships and love will be your priorities in this lifetime. you also have clear ideas about your future and who you want to be. even though you may have different passions and talents you’re capable of only sticking to one and mastering it, giving your all.

your dominant planets are venus, the moon and neptune. you're a very romantic person who strives for peace and balance, you like equality and you hate injustices and conflicts. you're also very creative and you have artistic interests, you have a strong imagination and you may often get lost in your own thoughts. yet, you could be a bit too emotional or moody.

your dominant sign is libra. you're overall a peaceful person, you try to avoid conflicts if possible, even though sometimes you could have a sharp tongue. you're a romantic person, maybe too much. you hold unrealistic expectations of people, hence you often get disappointed when things don't turn out the way you thought. you're able to see both sides of an argument, and that's both good and bad. in fact, you're very objective, and most probably your opinions are right; yet, it may be annoying for people that are venting to you, as you could constantly point out their mistakes, even though you don't do it out of malice.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in libra, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

you're naturally likeable, you have a particular charm to you that makes everyone drool over you. you're very nice and outgoing, you always try to make others feel at ease. you're very considerate of others' feelings. you strive for fairness and justice, it's the way you approach others and the world. basically, you treat others like they treat you: if they're kind with you, you'll be very sweet. otherwise, you'll turn very sarcastic and harsh, almost cold at a certain point. this can make you seem quite aggressive, especially with your impulsive sagittarius moon. you're very opinionated, you always feel the need to express your thoughts as you're very proud of them. in addition, since you always decide whether something is right or not, you may come off as a know-it-all. on the other hand, you're very sociable and you enjoy being in company, doesn't matter whether you're with your family, friends, lover etc. you may get to know many people throughout your life, but your friendships may not be much stable. you are surrounded by people, but you could feel lonely particularly often. I also need to point out that libra is ruled by venus, the planet of beauty. you're most likely very attractive and magnetic. even if not necessarily conventionally, people find themselves attracted to you. you may have sparkling doe eyes, with also full lips and a defined cupid's bow. your face is more on the longer side, perhaps you have an heart-shaped face, with high cheekbones and a pointy chin. you may also have naturally amazing, fluffy and flowing hair. your body is also very feminine, with a lot of curves and softness to it. it's very romantic, to sum up. also, your hair is probably naturally beautiful; it could be curly, or at least it's very thick and healthy-looking, even if you don't take much care of it.

libra ascendant opposite aries jupiter: you probably learn a lot from people around you. you're most likely surrounded by wise, spiritual and possibly foreign individuals in your life. they help you to grow up, both spiritually and mentally. this placement also enhances your libra-sagittarius energy, making you look even more outgoing and approachable. you're also very open-minded, and you rarely have prejudices. the downside to this placement is that you may depend too much from your friends or lovers, especially when it comes to your beliefs. you're easy to influence, and you may change your mind often if others disagree with you. you could possibly have high expectations from others, creating a false idea of those who surround you. at least, you're aware of your abilities and you have the potential to make the most out of them, but you're modest about it. you don't come off as bossy, as other jupiter - asc aspects would.

🌞 sun in libra, 4° / 1st decan ruled by venus

this is the most romantic and kind-hearted libra decan. you are very intuitive, you understand others’ real feelings very easily. you’re very polite and mannered, you have this innate elegance about you that could make people jealous. you may even come off as snob. even though you may look flaky at first, once people get to know you you’re actually very reliable and trust-worthy, as you are a person of strong morals. you may unconsciously manipulate people, but you don’t do it with malice. in fact, you’re probably not even aware of it most of the times. you’re reserved, and you don’t like being the centre of attention, despite craving compliments. nonetheless, you still like getting to know new people; you’re the type to know everyone, but you may struggle to find actual best friends, as your bonds with people are quite undeveloped and superficial. you have a nice sense of humor, and you may rely on sarcasm a lot. you’re also the type that doesn’t like to accept her mistakes. probably, when you were a child you used to scream 'it’s not my fault!’ in every occasion. in life, you strive for equality and fairness. for example, you don’t want to give less than someone else, you would feel guilty about it. at the same time, you don’t want to be the one that gives more either; you’re afraid that people could take advantage of you. therefore, balance is what you find the most pleasant.

🌙 moon in sagittarius, 9° / 1st decan ruled bt jupiter

you're an outgoing and warm person, who always tries to make others feel at ease. I assume you try to be nice to everyone, but you can't help but be a little awkward around people you don't know. with your sagittarius moon, you go with the flow and don't shy away from challenges. they're moments to prove your potential and abilities. you are an extremely open-minded person, you rarely judge a book by its cover. you probably despise racism, homophobia, misogyny etc. with a passion (as you should tbh). you may also be into poetry, philosophy, and just anything that can stimulate both your mind and feelings. in fact, your mind is constantly wandering somewhere else, allowing you to travel with your fantasy. you're also probably attracted to foreign things, like people, music, fashion, languages, movies etc. you love learning about anything, and you may also have a good memory. in fact, it’s common for you to be the one who explains things and possibly even leads a group, and this could unluckily make you seem as a know-it-all. you do take pride in your wisdom, indeed. your deep way of thinking is also where your desire for freedom comes from, as you wish to be able to expand yourself through travelling and new experiences. when you get angry, you can actually get quite rude and offensive, even towards authorities. you’re short-tempered, and you despise being told what to do. you’re also a good, loyal friend, and you’re the type to stand up for them and defend them during a fight. you’re friendly, especially with people you feel comfortable with, and you probably love talking. you’re able to put a smile on others’ face just by telling your stories, even though you never truly go in-depth. you're quite optimistic, as you see good in everyone. yet, while this is a good trait that allows you to be more at ease in relationships, you may also be fooled easily due to your blind optimism.

sagittarius moon conjunct sagittarius saturn: you most probably felt misunderstood during your childhood, as if everyone were cold with you. maybe your mother (or anyone in your family/childhood) was emotionally absent or even aggressive, hence you didn't grow up in a completely healthy environment. this issue causes you to question your worth; you may have low self-esteem, especially during your early years. your family may have big expectations of you, and hence you feel the need to meet them, making you even more pressured to be perfect. overall, your personality may resemble that of your parents a lot, even though it may feel challenging for you. you're constantly strict with yourself, challenging yourself to improve. especially with your libra dominance, you always want to be at your best state, physically but also emotionally. you just want to radiate good vibes, even though you may feel limitated to share all of your true self due the moon making this harsh aspect to saturn.

🗣 mercury in libra, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and mercury

you're very diplomatic! you always try to be nice and gentle with your words, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. your tone of voice is extremely soft, sometimes it could even be hard to understand what you say, as you could naturally have a high voice. you're extremely balanced, you have amazing problem-solving skills as you're able to see both side of an argument. it's natural for you to understand what's right and what isn't, and most of the times you're actually right. when you're with someone you're not really close to, you could even be the accommodating type who allows others to speak over your voice, or maybe you let others speak first as a gesture of kindness. I feel like with your sagittarius moon you have very strong opinions, and you're actually particularly proud of them. luckily, this placement makes you able to communicate them with diplomacy. you could often get angry if someone tries to prove you wrong, but aside from that, you try to be very elegant and formal when you speak. you're probably not fond of cursing, or at least you try to appear as mannered as possible with people you're not comfortable around. last but not least, you're such a charismatic, smooth talker that you result very persuasive. you're able to trick people with your words, which appear very diplomatic and calm.

libra mercury opposite aries jupiter: this placement emphasizes your intellect. your mind is so broad that you can come up with different theories and philosphies, making you a sort of genius. you're probably good at memorizing things, and you could even have a photographic memory. yet, with this aspect, you may have troubles being consistent with your ideas. you may overestimate your needs and thoughts; for example, you may promise yourself to get all As in maths, then you get tired and bored and you end up getting Cs. same goes for your handwriting, for example: you may start writing in the best way possible, then you get lazy and end up writing in a sloppy way just to take notes. you also overthink a lot, and that causes you self-esteem issues. on the other hand, you're very open-minded and objective, as you look at the big picture. you'd do very well as a journalist, for example, or perhaps also as a judge of any kind. you may also be naturally skilled at foreign languages, you can mimic accents pretty well. you're probably also very poetic and / or wise, you're like a teacher for your friends.

❤️ venus in libra, 14° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

you're very romantic, and this placement helps your sagittarius moon being less flaky. you're not looking for a partner, you're looking for a whole disney prince. you do care about looks when choosing a lover, but not necessarily a conventionally beautiful person. they have to appear perfect at your eyes, and this usually depends on the way they treat you. in fact, you despise vulgar, rude people. people that act like that immediately become unattractive to you. you're also very picky, exactly because you're looking for the perfect lover. you're probably the type to cry at movies. you're also quite of a cliche; you're into roses, romantic dinners, sunsets... anything romantic that you hear about in fairytales. the problem with this placement is that you may overestimate the people you frequent, ending up having different expectations from reality. probably, you may idealize people too much; that is, you may create a version of others that only exists in your head. hence, once you get to know someone better, they turn out to be the exact opposite of what you thought. this causes you to be sort of naive when it comes to relationships, so pay extra attention to this problem now that you're aware of it.

☄️ mars in virgo, 23° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and venus

your life revolves around being productive. you don't like to waste your time, you always try to learn and gain something useful from everything you do. that's caused by the fact that you're motivated to be perfect in what you like; this, combined with your competitive nature, may often cause you to burn out. in fact, the downside to this placement is that you may overwork yourself too much. this is bad, especially considering your heavy libra dominance: pisces is all about imagination, creativity, beauty, romance... if you work too much, you don't have time to travel with your mind, and that's a serious issue for a libra. in fact, it may be hard for you to endure too much hard work. you're capable of achieving your goals, but in order to do that you also need a break from time to time.

virgo mars square sagittarius saturn: this is another placement that indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. but soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in libra. you always try to be kind and friendly with people you don't know; you most likely don’t like conflicts, you prefer avoiding them, even though you may have some troubles with that due to your impulsive and fiery sagittarius moon. you probably care a lot about your appearance, and because of that you could get insecure from time to time. usually, people with libra in their 1st house look for themselves in others, as their chart is basically upside down. you also have your libra mercury in this house; you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive, and you are able to come up with new ideas and solutions quickly. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. your scorpio pluto is also in the 1st house: you see the world as a place full of dangers and malice, hence it’s hard for you to trust people. this awareness of the world makes you look mysterious and secretive, as if you always know something more than others (and you probably do). pluto is also the planet of transformation, and you might experience a lot of rebirths throughout your life, both physically and emotionally. you might lose/have lost a big amount of weight, for example, which makes you look like a different person. or maybe, you like dying your hair of a different colour, giving you a different vibe.

your 2nd house is in scorpio, with also your moon and saturn placed there. this placement can make you seem a bit selfish. in fact, you’re extremely possessive of your possessions, you don’t want to share them with others. there’s a lot of karma around your finances. in fact, if you’re too stingy, it may bite your butt. you need to give in order to receive, so I’d suggest you to share your things more with others. you could share a meal with a friend, for example. you’ll surely get something positive back from it. your finances may not be stable either; they are in constant change, and while this placement can make you earn quite a great amount of money, it can also make you lose everything you have. no inbetweens. the 2nd house is also about self-esteem, your relationship with your appearance. you have contrasting feelings about it; some days, you’re very confident. other days, you hate yourself. you may find flaws in every single picture you take or every pants you try on. it’s a very intense placement, as you may often feel as if you need to change your appearance in order to love yourself. based on other placements in your chart, it could manifest in spending money in a new wardrobe for example, as you feel like changing your style would help you boost your self-confidence. the moon here also gives you materialistic tendencies; you may struggle to show your feelings with words, you tend to show your feelings through material things such as gifts. you're probably the type to say I love you through gestures instead of words, even though your libra dominance just makes you very affectionate in general. saturn here could have given you some troubles with your finances in your early years; perhaps your family used to struggle with money, and as a result you can get quite anxious when spending money, you hate waste. this could also manifest in your sense of self-worth; you could have been quite insecure, especially before your 30s. you may have to work extra hard to achieve wealth and / or self-esteem, but at least you're going to be quite successful and confident.

your 3rd house is in sagittarius, with also your uranus and neptune placed there. this is an amazing placement for a writer! you’re extremely open-minded and philosophical. you’d probably do great at poetry or just literature in general. you’re thirsty for knowledge, you aspire to learn everything you can, you enjoy being smart and educated. you most likely love comedy, and you have an amazing sense of humor yourself, you’re able to light up the room and make everyone burst into laughter even if you don’t mean to. you’re also very intelligent, you’re able to memorize things fast and you’re also a fast-learner. you may be less into gossips than other libras, as you’re very benevolent and considerate of others’ feelings. in addition, you’re able to see the good in everyone, there’s no reason for you to talk behind someone’s back. actually, it’s the opposite. you’re quite impulsive, you say things as they are. uranus and neptune are also sitting in this house: you are extremely creative, you are able to come up with very innovative ideas easily. the downside is that you may sometimes end up sounding a bit like a know-it-all when stating your opinions, as you're very passionate about them.

your 4th house is in capricorn. I can tell that your childhood was quite complex. not necessarily bad, I don't see any kind of trauma, but you probably had to grow up way sooner than other kids. your parents could have been very hard-working and focused on their jobs, possibly wealthy too. they were very responsible and cared a lot about you, they always made sure you had everything you needed, even though they could have been slightly absent from time to time due to their jobs. people with a capricorn ic usually find something missing in their childhood, they had to deal with responsibilities from a young age. it could even be that you started working when you were still a teen, or maybe you had to take care of the house or of your siblings for them. you weren’t much extroverted, you preferred staying in, drawing, playing games etc. it could also be that one of your parents may be absent; they could be divorced, or in the worst case they might have died when you were pretty young.

your 5th house is in aquarius. you’re extremely creative, your ideas are very innovative, and you may have particular hobbies, interests or taste than others. when you’re able to fully express yourself, you gain full security and you start experimenting and inventing new things. you could be the type to start new fashion trends, music styles, art styles… basically, you’re a creative genius. your hobbies may also involve astrology, as well as human studies like psychology, or also anything that has to do with technology. you may be into videogames for example, tv series, social media… they’re your way to spend your free-time and relax. your relationships may also be very unconventional; you could usually date people online, or perhaps you may have the potential to meet someone through dating apps. they’re quite unstable, they may end out of the blue for example. yet, the part of fortune here makes it better; in fact, you’ll be able to achieve the best of your luck through creative outlets. again, if I were in you I’d definitely try writing something! you may also dedicate yourself to fashion, art, music, etc., anything that stimulates your creativity.

your 6th house is in pisces. in your daily life, you hardly ever have a structured schedule. you go with the flow, you take things as they come. you may often have your head in the clouds, you could get distracted easily and you may literally creative oscar-worthy movies in your head instead of doing what you need to do. your job may involve arts, images, possibly even fame. you should definitely use your creative talents for your possible career. also, you could benefit from helping others; you could be a psychologist or therapist of any kind, a nurse… any place where you’re able to help others. again, you could also help others through your art, hence with your lyrics, books, etc. when it comes to diets, workout routines, skincare routines etc. you could lack consistency, even though your libra energy makes you more motivated to take care of your appearance. you may sleep a lot, it’s easy for you to feel tired and stressed even when you’re not over-working yourself.

your 7th house is in aries, with also your jupiter sitting in this house. love is most likely not your priority in life, even though you're very romantic. you need independence, and you’re able to stand up for yourself on your own. you don’t need someone else to help you. for you, love is a want, not a need. you tend to attract partners in your life that are hot-headed, stubborn, assertive and goal-oriented. they strive to be the best at everything they do, they’re extremely competitive and willing to do anything to achieve their goals. basically, you attract very dominant partners, but you don’t want to be dominated or controlled. you may often experience power struggles between you and your partner, which cause you issues in every relationship you get in. at the same time, you wouldn’t stand someone too submissive either, as you still need someone that would mentally stimulate you. they may actually be quite selfish and self-centered, they’ll care more about their own development rather than that of you two as a couple. an aries 7th house indicates that while you’ll have a very active, passionate spouse, you may also experience lots of arguments and discussions in your marriage life, perhaps even physical violence in the worst case. your jupiter here luckily makes things better; while you may often experience power-struggles with your partners, you most likely attract very outgoing and altruistic people as well that could help you feel loved. you may also have tons of people crushing on you, you could have lots of luck with love and even with friendships.

your 8th house is in taurus. you have the most stable, stubborn sign in a house that requires constant change. you probably hate changing your routine and stepping out of your comfort zone. changes are hard for you to accept; you find it hard to change job all of a sudden for example, or even letting go of a toxic friend of yours can be stressful for you. also, you could be quite materialistic and fond of material possessions, causing you to be a bit too stingy, which isn’t good for your karma. another reason that this house contrasts with your 2nd house in scorpio is that you feel like you constantly need to change, but ironically slow taurus makes your changes way slower than usual. sometimes, when they happen, they’re so subtle that you probably can’t even see them or at least notice them at first. this placement may also indicate that you could get an inheritance, especially since your venus isn’t harshly aspected, and you’ll most likely have a peaceful death.

your 9th house is in gemini. gemini in the 9th house cusp usually makes people a bit close-minded, as they are very logical and careful in their approach to the world. you may change your ideas and opinions quite quickly, to the point that you could seem unconsistent. when learning new things, you like exploring different matters and subject, from maths to literature, but you may struggle to focus on only one. as a result, you may lack precision. you're probably a fast-learner and you're very witty and curious, you like learning about anything you can. you probably like studying, not necessarily at school but studying in general, and you may also be skilled at foreign languages. you could also be interested in foreign matters, such as cultures, music, etc.

your 10th house is in cancer. your career needs to be private. that doesn’t mean that you can’t become famous of course, but you prefer being more hidden at job, you may even work from home or from a young age. many celebrities with this placement, in fact, started working when they were still young. also, cancer indicates that your future job will give you the opportunity to express and / or deal with your / others’ feelings and emotions, and considering that the ruler of this house, the moon, is in the 2nd house, I can see you making loads of money thanks to your job. you could become a writer, a singer, an actress, as well as a nurse, a therapist… anything that allows you to express your emotions while also communicating something is suitable for you. you could possibly also choose the same career as your parents, or you may handle the family’s business for example. you could also end up doing the job of your childhood dreams. you feel the need to pursue a meaningful career in your life, you want to feel emotionally connected to it. you don’t only want something that allows you to earn money, you also want to gain wisdom and maturity from a job, and hence you could even be a bit picky in choosing your future career.

your 11th house is in leo, with also your mars placed there. with this placement, you’re probably very popular among your friends, you’re most likely the most talkative or funniest member of your group. you may also attract very popular people yourself in your friendships, perhaps even celebrities. possibly, you could even make friends that allow you to gain recognition and / or popularity, doesn’t matter whether it’s in school, job, etc. you could also have very big dreams for your future, probably regarding your career and finances. you most likely aspire to be wealthy and financially independent, you are very hard-working and possibly even a bit materialistic. mars here makes you attract a lot of people in your life. whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you’ll always be able to have someone by your side, even though you may struggle to create stable bonds. friends come and go, basically. you may attract very fierce, almost violent friends. they’re very energetic, and probably extroverted people who like socializing and enjoying life to the fullest. you're also very hard-working, and you aspire to achieve all of your dreams.

your 12th house is in virgo. this is another placement that indicates that you are an amazing writer! in fact, the 12th house is about secret skills too, and virgo is ruled by mercury, the planet of communication. you do the math. with this placement, though, I feel like you may feel restricted from pursuing your goals, or even a career in the public eye, as you’re quite sensitive to others’ criticism about you. you strive to be perfect all the time, and your libra rising wants to constantly have a nice reputation. a scandal, or even simple haters, would probably be the end of you. you also have venus placed here, meaning that deep down, you actually crave affection from someone else. yet, you may be afraid, or perhaps too shy to approach a possible partner. but remember, the 12th house is also the house of secret talents! in fact, especially with your libra rising, you’re extremely likeable. you shouldn’t be afraid of not being liked back, for example. remember that your love life will get better with time, as you become more mature in that field. the sun is also placed in this house; with this placement, I assume that you may struggle to take action. you may try to avoid conflicts at all costs, to the point that you could actually start victimizing yourself. you could struggle to accomplish your goals, you try to be productive but you may be too shy to be in the spotlight once you achieve your goals.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract aries, aquarius, sagittarius and libra placements. your future spouse will most likely have aquarius and libra traits placements; they’ll be very smart, creative, bold and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. it could be love at first sight, and you may meet them through other people, maybe through your job or through your friends. your children will have strong aquarius, possibly capricorn placements. they’ll be very dreamy, they’ll have big goals for their life, and they’ll also be extremely intelligent and creative as well.

👶🏻 family life

your father is probably a very caring person that knows how to stand up for himself when he has to, but he may struggle to do that. he’s very smart, caring and empathetic, even though he may be a bit childish at times. he could have cancer placements in his chart, possibly scorpio too. your mother, on the other hand, is a bit more serious and focused on work, but she always made sure you always had what you needed. she was probably the strict parent in the family, but she still has some sweetness and nice humor to her. also, she may have capricorn, aquarius, sagittarius or cancer placements in her chart. if you have siblings, they most likely have sagittarius, aquarius, pisces and / or aries placements in their chart. they could be foreign or skilled at foreign languages, and you may feel very at ease with them. you have an amazing bond with them, you’re able to both relax and have fun together, even though you may discuss often. you could have been very jealous of each other when you were kids, maybe.

📊 career

as I've already mentioned above, you're going to pursue a career that will allow you to interact with others. you would probably do amazing at a job that requires you to help people, you could make a great nurse or psychologist for instance. you may also work as a teacher of any kind, not necessarily a professor or school teacher. you may also become a chief or a boss in your job, since the ruler of your midheaven (career), the moon, is in the sign of scorpio, and hence you will probably work alone, you won't have to depend on others. I definitely see you being successful in whatever you choose, you could become very independent and financially stable thanks to your job. possibly, you may also have a business with your future spouse. you could also work with children or for family, as a counselor for example. anything that allows you to interact with and help others would be great for you, as it would make you more empathetic and sensitive to the external world.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

you’re very traditional about your clothes, maybe even basic. you’re the type to have lots of essential clothes in your wardrobe, e.g a white shirt, white t-shirt, jeans etc. you love wearing sophisticated, elegant fits. for example, you may be fond of wide leg jeans, or maybe flare trousers, boatneck sweaters, tiny jewellery… things like that, that are always a must have. you may fancy pastel colors, or even neutral shades like black, white, grey, beige etc. you’re also the type to follow fashion trends.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, you were a very spiritual individual. you were close to your higher self, and you probably were able to talk to ghosts, you used to interpret your dreams and you most likely were also interested in astrology and other occult matters. in this lifetime, you need to put your spirituality aside for a while, and focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you can still use spirituality to find out, but your priority is learning your karmic lessons regarding your self-esteem and work. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having an organized schedule, which allows you to balance both your hobbies and work.

🤔 major transits analysis / april 22

the sun is currently transiting in your aries 7th house, exactly conjunct your jupiter. you could be feeling very needy lately, but very optimistic as well. you want to be with people, maybe with your loved ones, you feel like you need a lot of care and attention and as a result you're literally craving human interactions. you may get angry or disappointed easily though, as you could be quite impulsive as well, so beware of that. jupiter, on the other hand, is in your 5th house; you may be lacking discipline in these days, perhaps you tend to procrastinate as you feel quite tired and you have to relax. of course it's ok to take some time for yourself, but remember to be responsible as well; hard work pays off.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you! -libramc

[once-upon-a-lyfetime]

Character Development--Thanatos

So, it’s Character Development Monday. Here we have some answers about Thanatos, the main villain/antagonist of my Ace NaNoWriMo novel. I’m in the planning stages for this year, so expect to see a lot more character development stuff coming!  Erased some non-relevant questions.

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have? My father taught me everything I know. Literally. He began teaching me nearly from the moment I was born; he taught me to speak, to read and write, to work magic. He taught me potion making, spell casting, charm work, and all the more mundane arts of mathematics, literature, and the natural sciences. I loved my father, and he loved me, after a fashion. He wanted me to succeed. 2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have? My mother’s influence on my life was far lesser than my father’s. She raised and loved me, fed and clothed me. She comforted me after failures, patched up my burns, bruises, and scrapes. She was wise, in her own way—most witches are, after all. Though she tried to pass on her own wisdom, her own brand of magic was lost on me. I loved my mother very much, and miss her every day. 3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings? I was an only child. Most wizards and witches rarely have more than one child, due to the amount of work that goes into training up a new wizard. 4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient? My father was a strict man, but never unfair. He expected me to work hard at any task he set for me, whether or not I understood its importance at the time. Failure was quickly corrected and another attempt encouraged. He never scolded or punished for not succeeded at something I had tried. Disobedience, however, was punished swiftly and severely. 5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered? Not to any extent. My mother tried to protect me from some of the darker aspects of magic, at least until I was old enough to understand, but my father was always very frank with me. About everything. He answered any questions I had, always assuming that, if I was old enough to ask, I was old enough to be answered. 6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child? I felt affection of some sort from both parents. My father was, I think, proud of me. 7. What was the economic status of their family? Well off. My father was a fairly wealthy, well-known wizard, but my mother was truly the backbone of our home. While my father dallied with potions and experimentation, my mother made her living telling fortunes and selling magical odds-and-ends. It was an easy living, in such a large city. 8. How does your character feel about religion? Neither strongly for, nor against. Magic and science go hand-in-hand, but religion plays very little part in my particular brand of magic. My mother prayed to her nature goddesses, but I never picked up the practice. 10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted? Thanatos is incredibly intelligent, but he’s more book-smart than street-smart. He’s spent the majority of his life studying, experimenting, and striving for perfection. He’s less intellectual, though he has studied some philosophy and he enjoys a good debate now and again. 11. How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated? I am incredibly intelligent. I received one of the best educations available to me. 12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations? Thanatos speaks in a relaxed manner rarely. He’s usually trying to impress someone—his peers, his inferiors. He has a tendency to use three words where one would suffice. 16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike? I am a successful wizard. Or, I will be. I have been trained and have studied exhaustively for my entire life, it is only a matter of time before someone realizes what a magnificent, talented wizard I am and I am given the renown I deserve. 17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When? Unfortunately, I have been unable to travel much. While I wiled away the hours studying I read about many wondrous places. I hope to visit them in the future. 19. What were your character's deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now? Realizing that, despite having come into his own as a wizard many years ago, he still hasn’t earned the renown he deserves. 21. What are your character's manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate? Impeccable. I was raised as a nobleman, not a barbarian. Heroes are metaphorical characters, designed to rile the emotions of the peasants. I hate those who lack ambition. 22. Who are their friends? Lovers? 'Type' or 'ideal' partner? I have companions and peers in the magic community, and have taken on many lovers over the years. One, specifically, has come into my life on more than one occasion, and we enjoy one another’s company on the occasions that bring her through town. 23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex? I don’t believe I’ll ever settle down. A partner would need to be someone as free-spirited and independent as me. Someone who could come and go as they please, or who will let me come and go as I please. Sex is enjoyable, but not something to ruin yourself over. 24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? I attend occasional meetings with my wizard associates. Occasionally I am invited to attend events as a guest of honor. I prefer to stay on the sidelines of these events. 25. What are their hobbies and interests? Magic, obviously. I specialize in potions. Unfortunately, my work takes up most of my time, but when I have the occasional free moment I like to read. A lot can be learned, even from novels. 26. What does your character's home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance? His tower is a fairly typical wizard’s tower. The architecture is dark, brooding, with the stereotypical decor—dried herbs, skulls, etc. His personal taste is a bit more refined. He likes dark colors—reds, blacks, grays, etc. And he prefers a stylized robe in red or even blue/purple. He likes to stand out and make an impression. He keeps his hair short, but spikes it to accentuate the streak of gray. Along with his usual desire to stick out, he tattooed several magical symbols on his face; the symbols protect him from poison and other insidious forms of death. 27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality? He wears only the best quality fabrics, and can usually afford colors that are usually only worn by royalty. 28. Who is your character's mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice? I have no mate. —Female witch here— understands my need for solitude and privacy. We enjoy our time together, and she challenges me intellectually, which is delightful. I think we both desire Independence more than commitment, though if I ever wanted to raise a child, she would be ideal. 29. What is your character's weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling? A total lack of self-awareness. He wishes only to become the best at what he does, without realizing that his actions have a consequence for the people around him.

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive? No. He had, by all accounts, a decent childhood and young adulthood. 31. Does your character have children? How do they feel about their parental role? About the children? How do the children relate? I am childless. 32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively? Stressful situations tend to get an aggressive reaction out of him. He doesn’t like being wrong or being put upon. 33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health? Neither, really. He’ll have a glass of wine now and then. 34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous? Definitely self-righteous. He believes he’s in the right and his own goals are the most important goals. 35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures? Realistically. Failure is a part of success; without it, he could not become the best. 36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering? He likes to think he’s indifferent to suffering, but he realizes that he doesn’t like seeing people suffering, especially when he accidentally caused it. 37. How is your character's imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? He’s always thinking about his potions and magic in the back of his head. Imagining the things he can do with his potions. Ideally, he wants to help people, but he doesn’t realize he’s actually hurting people. 38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic? Very enthusiastic. He’s got a curious, inquiring mind. 39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid? Usually? Stupid people. He hates uneducated people, people who have no commonsense, etc. 40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one? A little flat/dry. He tends to miss the joke. 41. Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony? He’s very un-self-aware. 42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? He wants reputation, glory, etc. He’s been working non-stop for years to earn the reputation he has. 43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back? He’s the one who’s been stealing people’s souls. He can’t possibly tell people, especially once Randon hires him to save Bradley. 44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them? Very badly. He’s willing to do anything, including hard work, to get them. 45. Is your character pragmatic? Think first? Responsible? All action? A visionary? Passionate? Quixotic? He’s definitely responsible. He rarely has any free time, choosing to use his time productively at every chance. 46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body? He’s a fairly average height. Maybe about 5’11. Thin, almost scrawny, he doesn’t exactly get a lot of exercise to physically bulk up. He stands tall, but wears platform shoes to add some height, feeling that the taller he is, the more imposing and impressive he’ll appear. 47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Does they want to be visible or invisible? He wants to project the image of an older, more important person. He wants to be very visible, but unapproachable. 48. How are your character's gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish? He gestures wildly as he speaks, especially when he’s working. His work gestures are uncontrolled, erratic, and occasionally a bit dangerous. He’s been known to break things. 49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent? He speaks in a low voice most of the time, with precise enunciation. 50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating? Usually pretty sour. He’s a serious person.

[delwray-blog]

PHARISEEISM IS A JEWISH SYSTEM DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED TO CHRISTIANITY

PHARISEEISM IS JUDAISM!

Phariseeism is Modern Day Judaism, Judaic Encyclopedia. Modern Day Phariseeism is a Jewish System diametrically opposed to Christianity while on the other hand, a Pharisee can be either a Jew or a Gentile (goyim, a non-Jew animal) and even a Christian. Phariseeism is Judaism! Any Christian can be a Pharisee and for that matter, there is a little Pharisee in all of us. For the sake of this paper, I choose to put the emphasis on the Christian and the Pharisee produced from his fallen nature.

The Pharisee is an "Actor' when it comes to Spirituality

“Ye are of your FATHER THE DEVIL, and the lust of your father ye will do.” John 8:44

“…ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the CHILD OF HELL than yourselves.” Matt. 23:15

“The LORD looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God. They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy: there is none that doeth good, no, not one.” Psalms 14:2-3

I make no apology for the way I write and characterize the false pharisaical attitudes found in our churches and in our Baptist ranks today as is true of every period in God’s dealings with man and human nature. If you love God’s Word, you ought to have a genuine righteous indignation and hatred for what God hates.

“Through thy precepts I get understanding: therefore I hate every false way.” Ps. 119:104

“Therefore I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right; and I hate every false way.” Ps. 119:124

Are we on the same plain, on the same page or do you think it is wrong to attack another’s religion? Is this your case, or has the fear of man kept you in a spiritual stronghold? Now that you’ve noticed the negative aspects of much of God’s Word. If you love that which is “pure” God’s Word, you will “...Abhor that which is evil…” Rom. 12:9. Sadly, the majority of Christians refuse to accept the duality of God majoring on his positive side and neglecting His negative. Right on His love and wrong on His hatred! God is love but He is also a God of hatred. Man’s failure to distinguish between the two opens him up to all kinds of Phariseeism!

The “act” or “show” of spirituality is Phariseeism. A Pharisee is an actor, one who goes through life acting out the Christians life. He well could be the super-spiritual Christian demonstrating his religious practice or the one practically performing his religious commitments or duties. It’s that person who looks just like a Christian, sounds like a Christian, has all the right friends, talks the talk, walks the walk, always carrying his KJB and letting you know how strong his belief in it is, shouts the loudest, preaches how great the “love of God” is wanting you to know he is a King James Bible authority, prompt in every service, giving liberally to those in need, tithing and active in all the programs of the church. The religious sect known as the Pharisee’s is today’s “Judaism” and still exists as it did when Christ was here on earth, but in different forms. Its philosophy, way of life, views, and attitude is more apparent than ever. Jesus in the strongest terms warned against this way of thinking in Matthew 23.

“But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in,” Matt. 23:13.

“Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity,” Matt. 23:28.

It was the pharisaical attitude that crucified Jesus Christ and had the Apostles martyred. The Apostle Paul struggled with Phariseeism. Phariseeism, as I am defining it in this context, signifies fixation with external religious practices and confidence in one’s own performance; such fixation replaces authentic confidence in God and trust in His Word as the basis for one’s salvation and the more abundant life walking with Jesus Christ. I remember God telling me when just a teenage that He would never leave me or forsake me, promising to be with me in life an even in death waiting to carry me over home. And what a relationship we have had! How foolish to go through life with the wrong views and the wrong understanding and miss out on a personal friendship with Jesus? They told me, when a kid, I would never amount to anything for God, and as I look back over the years I must admit they were right. Jesus made all the difference though because the relationship that was formed between He and me made an “ordinary boy’s life turned into an extraordinary life for God.” They don’t know the half of it, I wish they only knew! Back to my purpose for this treaty, human nature wicked as it has never changed and it is deceptive as ever. We are more apt to let ourselves be deceived than to deceive another.

Many of you remember the day George Wallace, the Governor of Alabama was shot he was a candidate for the president of the US. Unfortunately, he wound up spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Incredible life for the man who stood at the entrance of the University of Alabama when the Federal Government was forcing integration on the all-white colleges in America. Wallace’s last words were, “segregation today, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever.”

The irony of the shooting was the man in the crowd that shot him was dressed as one of his supporters. He was shouting as if they were friends and shot him at point-blank range. Far worse than George Wallace’s shooting is the murder of innocent souls by those exhibiting the pharisaical attitude and its lifestyle? The Devil will do anything to keep a soul from coming to Christ. The Devil uses all religions to keep souls from recognizing their true condition “lost, helpless and hopeless.” without a relationship with Jesus Christ. “…we shall be saved by His life.” It is the relationship that makes all the difference not the practical side of the Christian’s experiences.

In Paul’s day, certain religious leaders were getting inside the hearts and minds of Christians and getting them to move away from relational trust in Christ to confidence in the flesh. These religious leaders were seeking to convince Gentile Christians that faith plus circumcision equals salvation. For Paul, these religious leaders’ demand that Gentile Christians be circumcised signified the mutilation of relational trust. We find Paul discussing this problem and providing a response in Philippians 3:1-21. I doubt many Gentile Christians today are debating whether or not to be circumcised to make sure they are saved. How about those who demand baptism? However, we often struggle with a more subtle form of performance-based spirituality expressed through a certain kind of Christian work ethic. I wonder what Paul would have made of those attempts to assure ourselves of our salvation and adequacy as Christians through our spiritual performances and forms of religious proficiency or duties?

Performance-based spirituality is nothing new. “Faith plus circumcision” is simply an old form of it. The age-old problem of performance and capacity-based spirituality vs. relational spirituality is alive and well. Forms of performance or capacity-based spirituality are more subtle today, though they are always relatively easy to measure. Too often our approach to spiritual formation is a series of “cut and paste” activities. We start with a “sanitized” view of the gospel and then we attempt to “match” our living to that. This ignores the depth and complexity of life and breeds a static, performance-oriented spirituality of having all your “ducks in a row.”

Performance-based spirituality often manifests itself in discussions of strong Christian leaders. For all his strength in Christ, Paul was weak, intentionally so, as we find in 1 Corinthians 2:2; 11-12. Paul did not succumb to the attempt to find his confidence in the power of his personality and strength as a leader. A preacher friend wrote this way, “Mind you, I have always secretly desired to be a “strong man;” but the longer I look at scripture, I just don’t see it. We don’t see the kingdom going forward on the coattails of “Great Men,” but on the bloody despised backs of men like Paul, who was a weak abominable person.”

Certainly, Paul could have played the game of performance-based spirituality. After all, he had reason for unparalleled confidence in the flesh. Consider what he writes in his critique of Christian Phariseeism:

“Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not grievous, but for you it is safe. Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision. For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more: Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee; Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,” Philippians 3:1-8

Though Paul could have boasted in his flesh, we find in verse seven and following that he places his confidence in Christ. After all, those who trust in Christ are circumcised of heart. They are the true circumcision, according to Paul:

“For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.” Philippians 3:3,

This was no academic debate for Paul. One needs to keep in mind that the leaders Paul is challenging here were moving about in churches. They were not outsiders. In fact, they were master performers inside church walls. I need to be on guard that I am not someone who is guilty of advocating forms of religion that involve boasting in the flesh and that inspired Paul’s cutting critique. We all need to be on guard against boasting in our spiritual performances rather than Christ.

So, how shall we proceed? Shall it be from inability to ability to expertise? No, but by considering everything a loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus as Lord. It involves discounting a righteousness that comes from boasting in this or that law and counting on a righteousness that comes through relational trust in Christ. Such trust involves forgetting what lies behind us by way of our performance and pressing forward in Christ in view of his performance on our behalf Philippians 3:7-14.

In place of proceeding from inability to ability to expertise, we need to proceed by way of responding to Christ’s initiative and provision of His life and repenting and daily being renewed. As Oliver B Green wrote, “When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, “Repent” Matt. 4:17, He willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance” Such repentance does not mean less work, but more work, the work of faith. The circumcised of heart will not fall back and coast; rather, they will run hard to the finish line to take hold of the one who has taken hold of them Philippians 3:12-14. They will work harder than anyone, yet without boasting in themselves. After all, as Jesus told another Pharisee, those who are forgiven much love much and those which are forgiven little love little Luke 7:47. Or as that former Pharisee Paul wrote,        

“And last of all, he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.” “For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God, I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain, but I labored more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. Therefore whether it was I or they, so we preach, and so ye believed” 1 Cor. 15:8-11.

How confident in Christ’s love are we who confess Christ? What are ways that we struggle with performance-based spirituality today in your estimation? What recommendations might you have to move us from placing confidence in our performance in placing confidence in Christ’s performance of the faith on our behalf? How might we encourage one another in view of Christ’s love to live out the faith so that God’s grace toward us is not in vain but bears relational fruit? Jesus did not only die on the cross because He loved us, But He also died because of His hatred for sin and for the unrepentant sinner’s pharisaical attitude of rejection. “It's hard to believe that someone would die in the place of a good man, but Christ went the extra mile and died for the ungodly. And that is exactly the point of God's love. That sin and ungodliness were so repulsive to God. That He would rather die than let us keep living like that. That Hell was so horrible that He rather die than let us go there” Romans 5:6-10.

“And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased, and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.” Matt. 23:12        

“Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?”  Matt. 23:33

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @baggable

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are the moon, mercury and jupiter. you are a very genuine person, you always have good intentions and you're very altruistic, you always try to do good for others. you're very sensitive and empathetic, even though you could sometimes be quite moody and impulsive. you are also very intelligent, and you most likely have a great sense of humor.

your dominant sign is cancer. you seek emotional security in life. you need to feel grounded, you're most likely extremely cautious about the decisions you make. you're also very sensitive and compassionate of others, even though you could get slightly passive from time to time.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and independence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in virgo, 11° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and saturn

you have a practical approach to the world. you’re kind of logical, it’s hard for you to improvize. you always want to keep everything neat and organized, at least in your mind. you could have a natural coldness to your face. you may seem a bit older than you are, or at least very mature and responsible, even though you may be more outgoing than you look due to your sagittarius and cancer placements. with your attentive eyes, you pay attention to every single detail you see. you’re a perfectionist, and you always want and try to be at your best state. I would say you’re quite competitive when it comes to your goals, but you don’t really do it to be above others. you do it because your obsession for details kind of stresses you out. improving and proving yourself is a way to boost your self-esteem, you feel fulfilled when you can achieve your goals. you are extremely intelligent and logical, you’re always up for a deep talk or simply for an occasion to gain more knowledge. you like being smart, you always want to know about everything. even the latest, trendy meme counts for you. your nature is very cautious; you’re rarely impulsive, you always think deeply about your decisions, as you don’t want to commit any mistakes. because of that, you can be particularly picky. not only with material things such as movies, books, food etc. but even with people. it’s hard for you to open up to someone you don’t know at all. you take things slow, both in friendships and in relationships, just to preserve yourself. you may come off as kind of snobby, but you’re just misunderstood. you don’t like flaky bonds, you need security in your life. physically, as I’ve already mentioned before, you have this kind of strict look on your face. your eyes may be almond-shaped, and you could have a natural feline gaze. overall, you have something smaller about your features; you could have thin lips, a small nose, small eyes… you could have a smaller frame with thin bones, and you don’t gain weight easily. you may be of average height, and I’ve noticed that most virgos tend to have pretty long legs? no matter if they’re tall or not, their legs will still be longer than their bust. you could also have some rounder features to your face or body, such as an apple body shape, plump lips or round, watery eyes

virgo ascendant square sagittarius moon: you may have troubles understanding others’ real feelings for you. you may feel as if everyone hates you, like everyone is talking behind your back when it’s the opposite. the sun being in cancer doens’t help either, as this aspect enhances its trust issues even more. you’re particularly sensitive about others’ view and opinion of you, you may get deeply hurt when people criticize you. you could have the tendency to act differently than you usually do, in order to preserve your feelings. this is obviously a toxic behaviour, that fills you up with your own stress and doubles it. due to that, you may become very moody and nervous, ending up hurting others yourself. or maybe, it’s the other way around; your feelings are so overwhelming that you can’t hide them, and that could put you in embarrassing, unpleasant situations. you may show all of your emotions on your face, ready to be read. the way to cope with this placement is finding someone similiar to you; someone who’s trust-worthy, and very sensitive and empathetic too. someone who’d never judge you for you think or say, and that would always help you becoming the best version of yourself. someone that understands you, without having to explain all of your behaviours and habits.

virgo ascendant square sagittarius pluto: you're aware that the world is too nasty for your honesty, hence you may have trust issues. even though you are friendly, you're very picky about who you decide to actually call your friend. you may constantly feel lonely, as if no one were willing to listen and understand you. you live with the fear that others may take advantage of you, hence you end up doing it yourself, unconsciously. you may be controlling, but your chart hints that it's not too much of a big deal. you may have the tendency to do it sometimes, but it's mostly a bad trait of your past life. the universe is testing you to see if you've learned your lesson or not. you have all the skills to avoid this type of behaviour now that you're aware of it.

🌞 sun in cancer, 4° / 1st decan ruled by the moon

this is the darkest, most intense cancer decan. even though you may not show it due to your heavy sagittarius and virgo influence, you’re actually very vulnerable and sensitive. you may be a crybaby, as crying is a way to vent your emotions. you may even overreact, and be considered too dramatic. you’re extremely moody; you could be all happy and relaxed with your friends, then suddenly you get sad, or even angry. it’s hard to deal with this, especially because your emotions are quite intense. this could make you argue a lot with your peers. even though it takes you a while to find someone willing to stay, when that moment finally comes you’ll embody cancer’s best trait: that is, you’ll become a ‘mother’ to your friends, lover etc. you have a very nurturing soul, you have a knack for affection and care, and you could even get kind of clingy, even though you may feel limitated to give your love to someone else. cancer is a cardinal sign, hence you may be the one to take initiative, yet you do it undirectly. you’re probably the passive-aggressive type, even though this may be mitigated by your dramatic and impulsive sagittarius moon. you most likely try to be patient, even though you could struggle with that due to your fire dominance. you may also hold a grudge easily; once someone tries to take advantage of you, it’s over for them.

🌙 moon in sagittarius, 9° / 1st decan ruled by jupiter

you're an outgoing and warm person, who always tries to make others feel at ease. I assume you try to be nice to everyone, but you can't help but be a little awkward around people you don't know. with your sagittarius moon, you go with the flow and don't shy away from challenges. they're moments to prove your potential and abilities. you are an extremely open-minded person, you rarely judge a book by its cover. you probably despise racism, homophobia, misogyny etc. with a passion (as you should tbh). you may also be into poetry, philosophy, and just anything that can stimulate both your mind and feelings. in fact, your mind is constantly wandering somewhere else, allowing you to travel with your fantasy. you're also probably attracted to foreign things, like people, music, fashion, languages, movies etc. you love learning about anything, and you may also have a good memory. in fact, it’s common for you to be the one who explains things and possibly even leads a group, and this could unluckily make you seem as a know-it-all. you do take pride in your wisdom, indeed. your deep way of thinking is also where your desire for freedom comes from, as you wish to be able to expand yourself through travelling and new experiences. when you get angry, you can actually get very rude and offensive, even towards authorities. you’re short-tempered, and you despise being told what to do. you’re also a good, loyal friend, and you’re the type to stand up for them and defend them during a fight. you’re friendly, especially with people you feel comfortable with, and you probably love talking. you’re able to put a smile on others’ face just by telling your stories, even though you never truly go in-depth. you're quite optimistic, as you see good in everyone. yet, while this is a good trait that allows you to be more at ease in relationships, you may also be fooled easily due to your blind optimism.

sagittarius moon conjunct sagittarius pluto: you’re way more secretive and cautious than most sagittarius moon people. you tend to preserve yourself, even though it’s hard for you to repress your emotions, as they’re too to intense to bottle them up. you absorb people’s feelings like a sponge, there’s no way that you won’t instantly understand their real emotions. overall, you tend to overreact a lot; you have cancer's sensitive energy on one side and pluto’s mysterious, almost scary vibe on the other. dealing with these emotional burnouts may be stressing to you, as you totally get caught up in them. even if it looks like you get to know other people often, you actually don’t let others know you. you’re the type of person to talk and socialize, but you never reveal your deepest fears and thoughts to strangers. you only open up to people you’re sure you can trust. when you’re angry, you can literally go as far as using violence; you need to let out your emotions by screaming, swearing… anything that can make you feel better. there’s a secret, sensitive side in you that needs passionate and romantic partners in love. yet, you can’t help but feel more attracted to the ones that may hurt you badly. you’re possibly quite sensitive to higher entities too, like ghosts, spirits and so on.

🗣 mercury in cancer, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by the moon and neptune

you don't really rely on logic. you're very emotionally intelligent, and you take in consideration others' feelings when you speak. even though you may be impulsive and blunt sometimes, you don't do it with malice at all. you may actually feel guilty after you realize that you've hurt someone. you may be sort of manipulative, as you're very observant of others' behaviours. because of that, you may be extremely good at interacting with others, since you know how to speak to people when you don't let your impulsiveness get over you. you know how to persuade others, even though you may not even realize it. if you manage to balance your moon and your mercury, I think it would give you great social skills. you'd be able to stand up for yourself, while also being mindful and conscious of the effect of your words on others. you may get defensive quite easily, and because of that you may become a bit secretive. that's because, deep down, you feel the need to be understood to fully convey and express your emotions. you want to feel at home with your interlocutor, otherwise you'll just be awkward. on the other hand, you have a nice sense of humor, you're able to light up the room with your jokes. your voice may be nasal, but pretty much very gentle and feminine as well.

cancer mercury square libra mars: this placement makes you slightly more aggressive with your words. as a result, it makes you look more assertive and almost bossy. you could often attack people with words when you get angry, and you can get quite provocative too, even though it may happen in a more passive way. you still have your cancer energy's kindness and diplomacy in you, after all. even though you’re quite controversial for the way you speak, you’re still very sensitive to others’ words. your self-esteem tends to find its base mostly on others’ opinion about you, and you always look for reassurance from your loved ones. to deal with this hard aspect, you need to think before you speak. if you have troubles understanding others’ feelings, just think about how you’d love to be treated. patience will just come naturally to you.

cancer mercury square aries saturn: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you’re too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don’t try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into troubles. that’s probably caused by the fact that you don’t really pay attention to your words. you’re quite straight-forward, and due to your mars energy you always seem as if you’re up for a fight. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often with others, and misunderstandings are also common. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking with others more at work, anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.

❤️ venus in leo, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by the sun and jupiter

with leo venus you're very picky, as you have high expectations for your future partner. you always try to be at your best state, and you want those who surround you to be perfect too. it's hard for you to fall for someone, as you take everything in consideration: personality, physical appearance, fashion sense... it may look like it is too much, but once you find the right one that truly satisfies your standards, you're in for a long ride. you'll want to travel, live your life in the best way possible with the person you love. you look at them as if they were the brighest star in the sky, and you want to be seen like this as well. you may even be a bit clingy, but your partner needs to be aware of that. they can't repress your need for affection. you see love as a way to revive your inner child, you feel younger when you're in love. even though you want someone fun and outgoing, you also need someone ambitious, hard-working and generally serious when it comes to committing. there's no room in your life for flaky people.

leo venus square taurus saturn: you feel unable to love someone. this placement usually brings fear of committing, causing the individual to be flaky. there are two possibilities; I assume you directly avoid to get into relationships. your mind may unconsciously repress any thought about an eventual crush or love interest. it is caused by your insecurity, especially regarding your looks. or perhaps, it’s the other way around: you literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. you could feel pressured to be in a relationship, even though it’s not your priority. generally, when saturn affects venus, it indicates that you're only going to get into satisfying relationships in your 30s, so it's recommended to get married after your saturn return, which happens around your 27/28 years.

☄️ mars in libra, 27° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and mercury

there’s this stereotype that libra mars people are passive-aggressive. it may be true, but only partially. in fact, you try to avoid conflicts exclusively when you’re in public, or maybe with someone you don’t know well. in that case, you can eventually try to avoid the problem. with people you’re close to, you’re pretty much the opposite. you may say the worst of things that you probably don’t even feel, you may even have the istinct to throw hands. you’re driven by a strong sense of justice, and you probably were the class’ snitch during daycare/primary school. you also strive for equality, hence you may get very defensive when it comes to proving your innocence, or just really anyone’s. overall, you’re a fair person with strong morals, who acts based on the situation you’re in.

libra mars opposite aries jupiter: you easily come off as more assertive and arrogant than you actually are. you say things impulsively, and sometimes you’re too blunt and hurt people’s feelings. you don’t do it on purpose, though, there’s no malice behind your acts; it’s just your natural way to express your opinions. you’re also very competitive, and this may make you look selfish. on a positive side, you probably have a naturally nice body (or maybe you react fast to diet/workout). you’re a risk-taker, and if you’re not you should try breaking the rules sometimes (obviously not doing illegal stuff lol). in fact, it’s when you’re both physically and mentally active that you’re able to come up with even better ideas, as you’re full of creativity. to cope with this placement, you can try doing something fun to challenge your mind, basically get out of your comfort-zone. of course you don’t have to overdo it, but it would be beneficial.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in virgo. you appear as someone intelligent, possibly judgmental and critical. in fact, you’re a perfectionist, and most of the time you appreciate it when someone takes care of themselves just as much as you do. you’re also particularly pessimistic, and this could be annoying for those around you. you’re very logical, even though you probably don't lack intuition thanks to all the water energy in your chart. you’re very pragmatic, and you may even be judgmental, but this energy is probably mitigated by your cancer and sagittarius dominance, which makes you more open-minded and sensitive. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 4th house: you come off as a very private, yet mature person. you may be quite secretive, or at least you only prefer to share your persona with those around you. you probably love your family, and you also want to build your own family in the future.

your 2nd house is in libra, with also your mars placed therr. you find beauty and aesthetic in material things; you most probably love clothes, art, music… anything that isn’t exactly a priority in life, but that allows you to express your personal taste, which is very refined. with this placement I’d suggest that you should pursue a career that allows you to express your creativity, as arts and beauty allow you not only to make money, but also to increase your security and confidence. you could also spend money in venusian things like clothes, make-up, decorations and anything that involves beauty and aesthetic. with mars placed in this house, I feel like you may be very fond of money. you could do something just to earn material things from it, like money or any other good that satisfies your wants. you may be quite materialistic, you enjoy the finer things in life, or at least you want to be financially stable. you like the idea of saving money, but ironically you may be too impulsive when it comes to finances and spend money in random things you may not need.

your 3rd house in scorpio. you probably love witty jokes and sarcasm. you’re extremely honest when you think and speak, and most of the times you have no problems expressing your opinions. you could possibly be very good with words and be good at convincing and manipulating others. usually this placement makes someone kind of mischievous when it comes to words, but I think that with all the jupiter influence in your chart, you’re able to control this in order not to hurt others. your mind is very deep, you’re probably not really into small talks. you may also love anything that is considered taboo, like astrology, horror, nudity, death… you’re also quite secretive, you’re seen as an enigma. you don’t want to share much about you. last but not least, you value honesty above all. you only speak the truth, and hence you also want it back. you may as well be into conspiracy theories, science and anything that can expose what’s behind the universe, the government etc.

your 4th house is in sagittarius, with also the moon and pluto placed in this house. you could come from a foreign place, or perhaps you moved houses a lot during your childhood. perhaps, you have someone in your family that is from a different culture or religion from yours, or perhaps they’re able to speak more than one language. your parents could have been very successful at school, they could actually be professors. you might’ve always been a smart kid, you could’ve grown up learning more languages and you were most likely good at school too. you also got to make lots of experiences during your childhood, you might have travelled a lot. your relationship with your family is most likely very good. it could be that there might have been a few misunderstandings between you and your parents, but nothing too serious. maybe, they could have been a bit distant, it could be that they had to travel a lot for work and hence you felt lonely; or maybe, it's the opposite, they were a bit too affectionate and overwhelming, possibly possessive too, and you may have been babied or spoiled a bit too much. yet, this didn't really affect your growth and mentality, so it's probably nothing important. in fact, you also have the moon placed in this house, which indicates that your family is your comfort-zone. you feel comfortable with them, you're allowed to express yourself the way you want without being judged or repressed.

your 5th house is in the sign of capricorn, with also your neptune placed there. capricorn usually brings a feeling of seriousness to the house it’s in. I don’t think it’s your case, though. in fact, neptune, is also placed in this house. you could be a bit more introverted, probably you’re not the type to frequent clubs, parties, etc. you’re more serious from that point of view. your hobbies could actually drain your energy for you; let’s suppose you’re into videogames. you could literally spend the whole day playing videogames, as you take your hobbies very seriously. you’re not the type to start a project and then leave it, and it could be helpful considering that your sagittarius moon gets bored very easily, you’re very resolute. also, you most likely have 'mature’ hobbies; you could be into politics, economy, history… you could be into slower types of music, for example, or perhaps you like reading about world issues. with your children you may be quite strict, as you see them as a responsibility. also, you may often be attracted or attract older or more mature partners. you’re most likely a very romantic and artistic person, you may be fond of music, dancing, singing, acting… anything creative that stimulates your senses. yet, you may be a bit picky when it comes to hobbies; you probably only like reading specific types of books, you only listen to a certain music style, and so on. you may also be into spirituality such as psychology, astrology, law of attraction, yoga, mediation, etc.

your 6th house is in aquarius, uranus is also sitting there. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine throughout your life. probably, when you were you younger they taught you things that aren’t healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines… also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don’t think you do it too often, but it may still happen due to your virgo and mars dominance in your chart, but for example you wouldn’t mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. this placement also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it’s your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. you may pursue a career that looks unexpected for you at first, something that you never thought you'd do. it will most likely be a creative, artistic job. it will be a very pleasant job, it won’t even feel like a duty to you as you’ll choose a job that you like and that you’re passionate about. regarding your health, throughout your life you may often come across sudden health problems, illnesses may come out of nowhere.

your 7th house is in pisces. with this pisces descendant, you attract people that are pretty much very intuitive and soft; they could have pisces placements, or at least they’ll be extremely artistic and emotional. yet, you may as well surround yourself with 'broken’ people. that is, people that aren’t exactly in the best state of their health, whether physically or mentally. neptune, the ruler of this house, is in the 5th house. you could meet them in a fun situation, like a party, a vacation, a night out… any situation where you’re supposed to be chilling and having fun, you may meet your future spouse there. also, in a relationship you probably hate feeling suffocated. while your pisces descendant may make you enjoy skinship, you may sometimes also need your space, you still need your freedom, especially since your moon sign is sagittarius. also, pisces makes you idealize your crushes/partners way too much, to the point that you create an image of someone in your head that turns out to be the opposite at the end. you ignore your partner’s flaws, as they seem perfect to you.

your 8th house is in aries, with also jupiter placed there. generally, people with aries in their 8th house are very confident when it comes to taboo topics; they have no problems showing their interest in them, especially with people they're intimate with. thanks to jupiter's presence in this house, you're not afraid of darker topics and embracing them. for example, you could have lots of sex drive. you constantly try to improve yourself by coming up with new projects, you love challenges. they help you growing up into the person you want to become. you may come across some hardships regarding yourself, your identity. but, when you face those fears and start loving yourself, you’ll naturally become more mature and 'transform’. last but not least, this placement can also indicate that you're going to have a peaceful death, you're going to die later in life.

your 9th house is in taurus, with also saturn sitting there. with this placement, I feel like you may use your intellect to gain financial security and material possessions. while this is a good thing, as it helps increasing your confidence, don’t forget that your intellect is more important than money or any other thing. don’t underestimate it. you’re totally capable of learning and understanding things by yourself, hence don’t wait for others for help. you should start dealing with your own experiences alone, without anybody else’s help. this placement can also be someone a little close-minded; in fact, you're probably very stubborn and firm about your beliefs. you hardly ever allow others to change your mind. saturn here could make it hard for you to step out of your comfort-zone, you may be shy and therefore you could often miss out on important opportunities in your life. luckily, you're going to get more assertive as time goes by, and you will feel free, you just need to grow more mature.

your 10th house is in gemini, with also your sun there. you may actually pursue more than one career throughout your life! you’re very flexible and skilled at multi-tasking, so you probably wouldn’t feel stressed about it. perhaps, you could alternate a creative profession with a more logical career, like working in an office for example. also, your suitable jobs should include communication and creativity at the same time; you could be a writer, for example. or perhaps, you could keep these two things in two separate jobs. what matters is that you use words in both of them, and hence you could even be a judge, a singer, a translator, etc. you may also have to interact with other people in your job, I don't see you working from home for example. you could even work as a teacher, or even professor since your jupiter is strongly placed in your chart. you may also be very popular on your work place, and you may even be in the public eye for your job.

your 11th house is in cancer, with also mercury placed there. this placement indicates that your friends, they’re your comfort-zone. you feel understood when you’re with them, they’re pretty much like a family to you. you can tell them anything, you put all of your trust in them. or at least, if you haven’t met anyone like this yet, you’ll surely meet a friend that is like a soulmate to you. they’ll also be very important for your growth. in addition, it could also be that you’re still friends with someone from your childhood or even high school days, and hence you could literally grow up together. you could also have some step-siblings. you have a very distinctive way of thinking and speaking. you don't like being like others, you don't follow trends. you're probably the trendsetter, and you may find confidence and pride in your ideas and opinions. some may even define you weird, but you have very strong beliefs that could actually be helpful for the world. you're quite 'ahead' of others from this point of view, you're able to find beauty in things without being influenced by others. for example, you may follow a fashion trend before it gets viral. you are able to come up with very innovative ways of solving problems, you're extremely creative. you may even be the type to invent your own words, or perhaps you love learning and reading new words, you have a wide vocabulary. you're also probably interested in science and any darker or logical topic, you want to use your words and theories to change something in the world. you want to leave an impact, maybe even help others through your mind. you have a very witty sense of humor, you most likely speak fluent sarcasm and you're also very astute.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don’t show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they’re probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios. venus is also sitting there; you most likely have lots of dreams, that could even predict the future, and generally they're not too violent or turbulent. you’re hopelessly romantic, to the point that you almost look naive. you’re not simply looking for a partner or spouse, you’re looking for a soulmate; someone you can literally communicate with just using your eyes, someone that knows how to make you feel even messier on the inside. you like to nurture and feel nurtured in a relationship. your ideal lover would be sensitive and empathetic, yet still with a sort of rebel vibe to them.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract pisces, sagittarius, aquarius and scorpio placements. your future spouse will most likely have some of their planets in scorpio or aquarius; they’ll be well-balanced, with a stable job and finances. yet, they won’t be too much of a workaholic, as they’re also most probably a chill individual who loves relax and vacation as well. they could also be foreign and very open-minded. yet, they could be quite impulsive and chilidish at times. your chart points out that this relationship will be kind of unordinary; you may meet them abroad, most likely at work, or even during a simple trip. they’ll also be very spiritual, perhaps religious, or even psychic. your children will have aquarius placements: they’ll be extremely open-minded and intelligent; they could be a bit rebellious, but in a very woke and revolutionary way. they'll be very creative and quite sensitive too. also, this placement indicates that you may get pregnant unexpectedly, so be careful to that.

👶🏻 family life

your mother was probably very outgoing, sociable and open-minded. she was probably very intelligent too, and she could have been a successful student. she was basically the perfect, nurturing mother. yet, she probably was too emotional, she could have even been quite possessive or moody. she probably has sagittarius, scorpio, gemini, leo and / or cancer placements in her chart, as well as 9th, 8th and 4th house placements. your father, on the other hand, was probably less strict than your mother. he had a complex personality, he most likely used to act different based on the situation he was in. but you most likely used to play a lot with him, you had fun together. he could have been very sociable and intelligent too. he may have gemini, sagittarius or virgo placements in his chart, as well as 3rd and 6th house placements, perhaps even 9th. if you have siblings, they have scorpio, libra or aries placements in their chart, as well as 1st / 7th / 8th house placements. you might have fought a lot when you were young, there were many control issues and your bond is very intense. yet, you're still very affectionate, and your bond will probably get better as time goes by.

📊 career

as I've already mentioned above, your future career will most likely involve communication of any kind; you could have to interact with other people, and hence you may work in a place that allows you to communicate with others and that can get quite crowded, like a shop for example. you'll most likely start from these small jobs, like working in a cafe for example. yet, your gemini midheaven indicates that you can handle way stronger careers; above all, communication and creativity are the most indicated fields for you to be successful. you would do amazing as a writer for example, or perhaps you could even become an amazing teacher / professor. yet, you may even choose to pursue a more complex career, like a career in the med field. you could become a nurse for example, as it allows you to both help and communicate with other people. you will start from simple things, but as time goes by, you'll be able to become more independent, maybe even a leader. you probably won't have to depend too much on other people.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

keyword for your wardrobe: black. every leo venus loves black, it's probably my favorite love story. after all, it's such a versatile color! it can be both badass and classy, how can I blame you. you may also have a thing for anything that looks luxury and high quality; you probably enjoy wearing designer brands, especially in your belts and bags. you may also like wearing fitted clothes, even just simple skinny jeans or tight tops. aside from black, you could as well use white and bold colours like gold, hot pink etc. also, you may as well be into pastel colors, and you could like following fashion trends.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past lifetime, you used to put your spirituality aside for a while to focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you learned how to be responsible, healthy and stable on the earth. you know your values, and they’re already very grounded, you’re very mature from this point of view. in this lifetime, you now need to get more in touch with your spirituality. you need to get close to your higher self, and you may actually be quite skilled at it; probably you may interpret your dreams, you could be interested in religion, what’s beyond the world, and you’re most likely also interested in astrology and other occult matters. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having awareness of your soul’s purpose. since you’ve booked a reading, I’m sure you’re already on the right path, so keep going this way.

🤔 major transits analysis / june 18th

a few unpredictable, possibly painful events may occur in this period of time, as transit saturn is in your 5th house conjunct your natal uranus. there could be an unexpected loss of money for example, a sudden breakup or argument or even death. something will happen that will surely change your view of things and will help you have a major transformation, in order to leave toxicity behind.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

and this is it! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

[delwray-blog]

PHARISEEISM IS A JEWISH SYSTEM DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED TO CHRISTIANITY

"The Jewish religion as it is today traces its descent, without a break, through all the centuries, from the Pharisees."

Phariseeism is a Jewish System diametrically opposed to Christianity while on the other hand, a Pharisee can be either a Jew or a Christian.  Phariseeism is Judaism! Any Christian can be a Pharisee and for that matter, there is a little Pharisee in all of us. For the sake of this paper, I choose to put the emphasis on the Christian and the Pharisee produced from his fallen nature. Modern Day Phariseeism 

“Ye are of your FATHER THE DEVIL, and the lust of your father ye will do.” John 8:44 “…ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the CHILD OF HELL than yourselves.” Matt. 23:15 “The LORD looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God. They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy: there is none that doeth good, no, not one.” Psalms 14:2-3 By Pastor Del Wray

Actors of Spirituality I make no apology for the way I write and characterize the false pharisaical attitudes found in our churches and in our Baptist ranks today as is true of every period in God’s dealings with man and human nature. If you love God’s Word, you ought to have a genuine righteous indignation and hatred for what God hates. “Through thy precepts I get understanding: therefore I hate every false way.” Ps. 119:104 “Therefore I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right; and I hate every false way.” Ps. 119:124 Are we on the same plain, on the same page or do you think it is wrong to attack another’s religion? Is this your case, or has the fear of man kept you in a spiritual stronghold? Now that you’ve noticed the negative aspects of much of God’s Word. If you love that which is “pure” God’s Word, you will “...Abhor that which is evil…” Rom. 12:9. Sadly, the majority of Christians refuse to accept the duality of God majoring on his positive side and neglecting His negative. Right on His love and wrong on His hatred! God is love but He is also a God of hatred. Man’s failure to distinguish between the two opens him up to all kinds of Phariseeism! The “act” or “show” of spirituality is Phariseeism. A Pharisee is an actor, one who goes through life acting out the Christians life. He well could be the super-spiritual Christian demonstrating his religious practice or the one practically performing his religious commitments or duties. It’s that person who looks just like a Christian, sounds like a Christian, has all the right friends, talks the talk, walks the walk, always carrying his KJB and letting you know how strong his belief in it is, shouts the loudest, preaches how great the “love of God” is wanting you to know he is a King James Bible authority, prompt in every service, giving liberally to those in need, tithing and active in all the programs of the church. The religious sect known as the Pharisee’s is today's "Judaism" and still exists as it did when Christ was here on earth, but in different forms. Its philosophy, way of life, views, and attitude is more apparent than ever. Jesus in the strongest terms warned against this way of thinking in Matthew 23. “But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in,” Matt. 23:13. “Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity,” Matt. 23:28. It was the pharisaical attitude that crucified Jesus Christ and had the Apostles martyred. The Apostle Paul struggled with Phariseeism. Phariseeism, as I am defining it in this context, signifies fixation with external religious practices and confidence in one’s own performance; such fixation replaces authentic confidence in God and trusts in His Word as the basis for one’s salvation and the more abundant life walking with Jesus Christ. I remember God telling me when just a teenage that He would never leave me or forsake me, promising to be with me in life an even in death waiting to carry me over home. And what a relationship we have had! How foolish to go through life with the wrong views and the wrong understanding and miss out on a personal friendship with Jesus? They told me, when a kid, I would never amount to anything for God, and as I look back over the years I must admit they were right. Jesus made all the difference though because the relationship that was formed between He and me made an “ordinary boy’s life turned into an extraordinary life for God.” They don’t know the half of it, I wish they only knew! Back to my purpose for this treaty, human nature wicked as it is, has never changed and it is deceptive as ever. We are more apt to let ourselves be deceived than to deceive another. Many of you remember the day George Wallace, the Governor of Alabama was shot he was a candidate for the president of the US. Unfortunately, he wound up spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Incredible life for the man who stood at the entrance of the University of Alabama when the Federal Government was forcing integration on the all-white colleges in America. Wallace’s last words were, “segregation today, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever.” The irony of the shooting was the man in the crowd that shot him was dressed as one of his supporters. He was shouting as if they were friends and shot him at point-blank range. Far worse than George Wallace’s shooting is the murder of innocent souls by those exhibiting the pharisaical attitude and its lifestyle? The Devil will do anything to keep a soul from coming to Christ. The Devil uses all religions to keep souls from recognizing their true condition “lost, helpless and hopeless.” without a relationship with Jesus Christ. “…we shall be saved by His life.” It is the relationship that makes all the difference not the practical side of the Christian’s experiences. In Paul’s day, certain religious leaders were getting inside the hearts and minds of Christians and getting them to move away from relational trust in Christ to confidence in the flesh. These religious leaders were seeking to convince Gentile Christians that faith plus circumcision equals salvation. For Paul, these religious leaders’ demand that Gentile Christians be circumcised signified the mutilation of relational trust. We find Paul discussing this problem and providing a response in Philippians 3:1-21. I doubt many Gentile Christians today are debating whether or not to be circumcised to make sure they are saved. How about those who demand baptism? However, we often struggle with a more subtle form of performance-based spirituality expressed through a certain kind of Christian work ethic. I wonder what Paul would have made of those attempts to assure ourselves of our salvation and adequacy as Christians through our spiritual performances and forms of religious proficiency or duties? Performance-based spirituality is nothing new. “Faith plus circumcision” is simply an old form of it. The age-old problem of performance and capacity-based spirituality vs. relational spirituality is alive and well. Forms of performance or capacity-based spirituality are more subtle today, though they are always relatively easy to measure. Too often our approach to spiritual formation is a series of “cut and paste” activities. We start with a “sanitized” view of the gospel and then we attempt to “match” our living to that. This ignores the depth and complexity of life and breeds a static, performance-oriented spirituality of having all your “ducks in a row.” Performance-based spirituality often manifests itself in discussions of strong Christian leaders. For all his strength in Christ, Paul was weak, intentionally so, as we find in 1 Corinthians 2:2; 11-12. Paul did not succumb to the attempt to find his confidence in the power of his personality and strength as a leader.  A preacher friend wrote this way, “Mind you, I have always secretly desired to be a “strong man;” but the longer I look at scripture, I just don’t see it.  We don’t see the kingdom going forward on the coattails of “Great Men,” but on the bloody despised backs of men like Paul, who was a weak abominable person.” Certainly, Paul could have played the game of performance-based spirituality. After all, he had a reason for unparalleled confidence in the flesh. Consider what he writes in his critique of Christian Phariseeism: “Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not grievous, but for you it is safe. Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision. For we are the circumcision, which worships God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more: Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee; Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,” Philippians 3:1-8 Though Paul could have boasted in his flesh, we find in verse seven and following that he places his confidence in Christ. After all, those who trust in Christ are circumcised of heart. They are the true circumcision, according to Paul: “For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.” Philippians 3:3, This was no academic debate for Paul. One needs to keep in mind that the leaders Paul is challenging here were moving about in churches. They were not outsiders. In fact, they were master performers inside church walls. I need to be on guard that I am not someone who is guilty of advocating forms of religion that involve boasting in the flesh and that inspired Paul’s cutting critique. We all need to be on guard against boasting in our spiritual performances rather than Christ. So, how shall we proceed? Shall it be from inability to ability to expertise? No, but by considering everything a loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus as Lord.  It involves discounting a righteousness that comes from boasting in this or that law and counting on a righteousness that comes through relational trust in Christ. Such trust involves forgetting what lies behind us by way of our performance and pressing forward in Christ in view of his performance on our behalf Philippians 3:7-14. In place of proceeding from inability to ability to expertise, we need to proceed by way of responding to Christ’s initiative and provision of His life and repenting and daily being renewed. As Oliver B Green wrote, “When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, “Repent” Matt. 4:17, He willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance” Such repentance does not mean less work, but more work, the work of faith. The circumcised of heart will not fall back and coast; rather, they will run hard to the finish line to take hold of the one who has taken hold of them Philippians 3:12-14. They will work harder than anyone, yet without boasting in themselves. After all, as Jesus told another Pharisee, those who are forgiven much love much and those which are forgiven little love little Luke 7:47. Or as that former Pharisee Paul wrote, “And last of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.” “For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God, I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain, but I labored more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. Therefore whether it was I or they, so we preach, and so ye believed” 1 Cor. 15:8-11. How confident in Christ’s love are we who confess Christ? What are ways that we struggle with performance-based spirituality today in your estimation? What recommendations might you have to move us from placing confidence in our performance to placing confidence in Christ’s performance of the faith on our behalf? How might we encourage one another in view of Christ’s love to live out the faith so that God’s grace toward us is not in vain but bears relational fruit? Jesus did not only die on the cross because He loved us, He died because of His hatred for sin and for the unrepentant sinner’s pharisaical attitude of rejection. “It's hard to believe that someone would die in the place of a good man, but Christ went the extra mile and died for the ungodly. And that is exactly the point of God's love. That sin and ungodliness were so repulsive to God. That He would rather die than let us keep living like that. That Hell was so horrible that He rather die than let us go there” Romans 5:6-10. “And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased, and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.” Matt. 23:12 “Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?” Matt. 23:33