#making connections where there are none that's me

[otnesse]

You know, mulling it over especially regarding the Darth Plagueis novel, we might need to consider what exactly caused Palpatine to turn to the Dark Side. I mean, yeah, he's technically a spawn of the Dark Side, but looking at his family history, I suspect that there's at least some contributing factors for what caused him to turn down that path.

We know he's the firstborn in the Palpatine family, and to say his family life despite the luxury was NOT a good life is an understatement. See, his dad hated him and didn't exactly make it a secret that he'd rather disown him than have him, even forced him into a paternity test twice (and there's even evidence his dad's dislike of him is at least part of the reason Palpatine became a delinquent as a youth, and even regarding the "spoiling" part from his dad, it was purely self-serving on Cosinga's part since he wished to avoid scandal.). It says a lot that Cosinga likes Palpatine's younger siblings more than him because they conformed to his ideals, and his father was no saint either, having quite a bit of narcissism to him as well as refusing to acknowledge his own faults (Palpatine even admitted he'd at least sympathize with him even if he can't necessarily love him if he admitted to his faults), and there's plenty of evidence that he wasn't even faithful to his wife and family either (which may have led to Pallipoedes' existence). He apparently was also lacking in friends at the time, and while part of it might have been due to his having some degree of elitism, it's also just as likely he simply was unable to make friends. At least Anakin had a loving mother to come back to, and even Count Dooku, aside from his family, also had his fellow Jedi and even his Padawan to turn to to give him some emotional support to keep him in the light [especially when it's implied Qui-Gon's death is a major factor in why Dooku ultimately turned to the dark side]. It actually says a lot that he'd actually turn to Sith books just to feel some kind of connection. You almost have to feel sorry for him put that way, even if he IS a pure evil scumbag ultimately. Actually, if anything, compared to real life dictators such as Vladimir Lenin, Palpatine probably could have turned out good DESPITE his origins, but factors pushed him to the Dark Side regardless, with it NOT helping matters that it's implied his TRUE father is none other than the Force itself, similar to Anakin (and if anything, he might have been even CLOSER to being spawned by the Force than even Anakin due to it not being the result of a Sith experiment.).

Personally, I would have been MORE scared if Palpatine actually DID come from a loving family (more than just a wealthy background, but having ACTUAL loving parents), yet still turned out psychopathic (you know, like Vladimir Lenin. Unlike Stalin, who at least had a poor upbringing and being the victim of an alcoholic and abusive father, or even Hitler and Mao, who had much of the same and, in Hitler's case, might have even been sexually abused by his dad, Lenin had for all intents and purposes a happy childhood and genuinely loving parents. Oh, and also Karl Marx, he was much of the same.). It's also part of the reason why it's kind of hard for me to buy Palpatine as being inevitably evil (I suspect if things turned out slightly differently, he might have not only been a full Jedi, he'd even make vast reforms that would have AIDED the order ultimately, maybe even eliminate corruption in the Republic and maybe even bring back its military without needing to turn it into an Empire). If he were written more like Lenin or even Marx, where they DID in fact have a happy childhood yet STILL turned out pure evil, I could buy it.

Does anyone else ever think about how comparatively hard it was to get Anakin to turn to the dark side?

It may be partly because we see every step of Anakin’s journey, but… Count Dooku had spent decades as part of the Jedi Order, was raised as a traditional Jedi, and still turned to the dark side within a few years after Qui-Gon’s death. Yes, he was friends with Palpatine, but Palps was twenty years younger than Dooku. Palps probably wasn’t that huge of a deal in his life initially. And when Dooku was in the Clone Wars, he was already a Sith.

Then there’s Krell. Krell has visions of impending doom, and that’s all we have in canon. However, Krell, like Bariss and potentially Nadhir, is implied to have gone dark due in part to the pressures the war and the questions it raised. However, there is no reason to believe Palpatine was cultivating their mindset personally.

Then there’s Anakin. The guy who has at least one mental illness (A French psychiatric or psychological academy- I forget which- diagnosed him with Borderline Personality Disorder, and there are others disorders he could have), a traumatic background, and was denied contact from his mom. He has rocky relationships and more issues than a star has photons. He’s had a Sith lord and master manipulator subtly grooming him for darkness for thirteen years, putting as much effort into it as into conquering the galaxy. He was on the front lines of one hellish war at the ripe old age of nineteen, and had a ton of responsibility. And it still took the Council and Palpatine using him as a double agent, visions of someone he loved dying, and a bit of trickery to get him to turn to the dark side.

That’s actually pretty impressive resilience.

[revelboo]

I would give my (and Tarantulas) firstborn for a continuation of the aphrodisiac / ovi fic

Congrats, you’re making me actually think about how this could work and I’m not sure how I feel about that 🤣 🔞 mass displaced mech 🌶️

Bound Scenario Pt 2

Tarantulas x Reader

• Venting raggedly as you tremble, he’s reluctant to pull out. Worked so hard for this, taking advantage of this quirk of his organic alt mode, his frames ability to create protoforms, though none of the previous batches of eggs were viable. Without a spark, they’re just wasted materials and a strain on him to produce, dormant. Leaning over you, your pupils are still dilated when he cups your cheek and you lean into the contact. Unsure if his theory is correct, that if he sparks you while you’re full of his eggs, the spark will split. Get pulled into the forming protoforms while you keep them safe, carry them.

• Feeling almost drunk on arousal, aching for more even as you squirm at the uncomfortably full sensation of whatever he put inside you, you groan when he pulls out. And you push up onto your elbow, shuddering when something small and round slips out of you. Is that an egg? Hearing Tarantulas snarl when you try to touch it, catching your wrist and bending over you. Using his mouth and glossa to deliberately press it back inside you. Visor brightening as he brings his extra limbs forward, seeing webbing in his claws as he passes it to his mouth, mandibles pulling it in and then his mouth is on you, his glossa stroking deep, feeling that pressure as you grab at his helm. And feeling a faint, shivery sensation before his head lifts.

• Still crouching between your spread thighs, his head tips when you try to ask a question, the words muffled by the gag and he reaches out to remove it with an extra limb. “What did you just do to me?” You ask and he winces, wondering what part you’ll be angriest about. Laying eggs inside you or the copulatory plug of his webbing meant to keep them where he put them until he removes it to carefully frag you later. Or that he didn’t ask first.

• “I gave you young,” he says and your eyes narrow. “Our young.” Realizing it was an egg and your weird, alien husband laid eggs inside you. Alarmed and hoping he’s not the sort of bug that lays eggs in drugged prey and lets their kids eat their way out. And he’s shifting his plating to expose his spark as he cages you and snares you before you can ask. It’s not the first time you’ve spark bonded him, swimming in the mad, chaos of his broken mind, overwhelming you. So much hate and resentment and longing that you feel like you might lose yourself if you’re tangled in him too long. The ache of wanting a family and having that taken from him just when he thought he had everything, his creation twisted into something unrecognizable. Betrayed and trapped, his slow descent into madness needling at you. And claiming you, having a second chance. Loving you with an all consuming fixation and intensity, needing to be loved, desperate for belonging. Broken and reaching for you, needing you to fix him even though you’re not sure you can. And there’s a question there, a coaxing as his madness sinks in icy shivers into you until you relent just to make it stop. Feel a pull, a loss that echoes through you and you’re reaching even as you lose whatever he just took, feeling it slip right through you.

• Shuddering as his spike releases and pressurizes at the feel of the new spark splintering, he reluctantly severs the connection, shifting his plating. Knowing he needs to explain as he leans over you to free your bound wrists and slides his arms under you. Or he can just avoid your anger and envenomate you again. It’s tempting, but he vents knowing he won’t. “Didn’t occur to you to ask first?” You demand and his mandibles flex. ‘It did, but forgiveness is easier than permission,’ he admits and you reach to grab one of his mandibles and yank making him hiss. “Are your kids going to hatch in me and eat me alive?” Staring in horror that you’d think that, he shakes his head. You’re his, fully bonded to him. “You’re lucky I love you or I’d smack the shit out of you.” You love him?

Previous

[shahaddahlan0]

We Were There... They Executed the City

Two days ago, we decided to return home to see what was left of it this time.

We woke up at seven in the morning.

We didn’t tell my family about our decision until we were already packing our bags, ready to move forward.

Even my beloved grandmother tried to stop me. She pleaded with me, begged me… but I lied.

I told her we were going to visit my sister, where Hassan’s family had been displaced to the south.

Only Sarah knew about our real plan. I told her the night before.

She tried to stop me, warned me not to make such a reckless decision.

And it was a reckless one I know.

Even though she isn’t from here, she seems to understand all too well what this mentally deranged occupier is capable of.

I appreciate her fear…

And I deeply value her constant emotional support, which I’ve needed more than anything, and more than ever before.

But I’m sorry, Sarah…

Because someone is counting on me. Someone is waiting for me.

Yes the plants.

I can’t turn my back on them and leave them behind.

Our souls are connected… from their roots to my heart.

We reached the city…

And everything was upside down.

Everything was grey.

The houses were all shattered.

The trees burned.

You know… their aircraft saw us. They noticed we had returned.

But it seems this time, they let us stay.

Because they know what they did to this city.

They know they wiped away every trace of it.

They know they destroyed all paths to survival.

They executed life itself here.

I looked around and saw my beloved books suffocating under dust and rubble

as if they’d been playing with it for days on end.

The trees had lost all their greenery.

Now covered in ash

As if grey were swallowing them whole.

It was truly tragic and heartbreaking.

I was devastated by what I saw.

I rushed to check on the little plants Hassan and I had recently planted in small pots.

Some had died… unable to survive.

Others were still waiting… begging for help.

Hassan was heartbroken he didn’t make it in time for the thyme "الزعتر".

It had died too.

I went to water what was left. But then came the shock…

There wasn’t enough water.

In fact, there was none.

Our home’s water tanks were smashed

nothing but shattered fragments scattered everywhere.

Hassan looked around, hoping to find water from our neighbors.

But all their tanks were destroyed too

Not even a few drops left.

Finally, we found a few small containers.

His brother had filled them before they fled.

I took them and began watering the mint, the grapevine, the banana plant, and some flowers.

When I finished, I found my gentle-hearted angel busy feeding the cats.

Ever since we stayed here previously, he always made a habit of caring for the cats in the area.

I walked toward him

And I was shocked at how few remained.

Back in March 2024, when we were last here, dozens of cats would come to us for help.

Now it felt as if they had all gone extinct in this wretched city.

Only three were left.

One of them was bleeding from the back of her neck

Clearly a recent injury.

Even Maryam wasn’t there.

By the way, Maryam isn’t our cat.

But she’s lived in our home for seven years ever since we settled here.

She’s the one who gives birth to those sweet, tiny kittens…

We called out for her over and over.

But no use.

She didn’t answer. She didn’t come.

I hope you’re okay, Maryam…

And I hope this nightmare ends soon.

By the way…

Today is my thirty-first birthday.

Everything is grey.

But I have complete faith in God, in my love, in all of you, in my music, in my plants

That I will bloom despite it all.

I’m trying, and I’ll keep trying, to color my life again.

To fill it with beauty:

The green in my trees,

The blue in my skies,

The purple in my flowers, and the sunsets I cherish.

And also

Mint "النعناع" was the second to wish me a happy birthday… right after the love of my life.

Please…

Don’t leave me in all this ash.

With your prayers and your love,

I will become capable of living again…

Capable of facing more days to come.

I love you all.

Shahad

9. June. 2025

VETTED by @gazavetters ✅️ (#502) & VETTED by @bilal-sala7 (#3)

[alicelillianshaw]

'Alice…'

Jack's brows knit together, and there's a strange swooping sensation in Alice's stomach. Not fear. Not apprehension. Nothing like that, but Alice still found herself searching his face intently, attempting to read whatever letters and words might be woven within his expression.

Obviously— she'd just shared a lot. They'd known each other for less than a week, and here Alice was, wanting to publish a piece in the fucking New Yorker about her feelings for him! That was a massive step even for a one year relationship. And for someone who had met four days ago? It almost sounded like lunacy.

But Jack.

Well.

What was convention? What were standards and rules and customary steps between two people flung at each other

Jack was Jack! Jack didn't hesitate. Jack matched her, and then set the pace. He was bold, and he was affectionate, and he was beautiful, and he didn't make Alice feel silly or delusional for anything that she said. The connection was there— they both were happy to acknowledge it. When Alice had spilled the ugly parts of herself, cried across from him, Jack had caught each tear. He'd assured Alice that every version of her— even that twisted, ugly part of her in college— was someone he wanted to be around.

But the way he was looking at Alice— she couldn't quite parse it. Curiosity burned within her, and she found herself pressing against him more, a gentle lean seeking the heat and solidity of him.

And then–

'Can you get out?'

Hu— oh. Oh. That wasn't even directed at her. Alice, confused, watches as the driver's eyes flick back up in Jack's direction.

'Sorry. Can we have some space?'

Oh. Space? Space! Alice blinks, hard, smiling a little in what she hopes is encouragement, because, well. What could Jack have to say to her after all that? After that proverbial gush of words, pledge of affections, voicing her desire to let the whole fucking world what she felt for him.

Maybe— that was too much? Maybe he wanted to reel it back a bit, except, well, no. No. No, Alice had seen the look on Jack's face, and she knew Jack and his personality and she didn't think this would startle him. He was an all-in sort of man. Whatever Jack had to say ... Alice would be alright with. They were alright. Her and Jack's hearts had brushed, melded, in a singular way, and she knew what flickered between them was intense. His eyes— cast into an exquisite Prussian shade of blue in the dark light of the car— finally raise to meet hers.

Oh. Oh. And there was something there that made her want to sink into him.

'Alice... I love you very much.'

An explosion of thunder— a summer cell that shook windows. A wave slapping against black sheets of rock in Oahu. Snow whispering through the trees where Alice had camped near Alberta. The trill of a Canyon Wren at her old house; the gentle whistle that woke her every summer. A million, billion different sensations and sounds flood through her brain, the glories of life and nature, big and small, and yet somehow none of these things sound even remotely as remarkable as the words that spill from Jack's mouth.

Not even close.

She even blinks, to process it, to make sure she's heard right.

He loves her.

Jack— the man across from her— loves Alice very much.

What a big miracle, in such a very short amount of time.

Alice grabs his other free hand.

"I love you."

"I think I love you more than I ever loved anything."

A breath, because Alice may pass out with how wonderful and mystified she feels, that Jack, remarkable Jack who can get thousands of people to adore him— sees Alice, and after four days decides he loves her.

Her smile is wobbly and wild.

"—Fucking thank you, by the way, because I was trying to work out when to get that in there, I know I just dropped a lot on you at once so I didn't want to overwhelm you, but—"

Alice squeezes his hands.

"Do you know how happy I am you love me?"

Relief washed over Jack like the first drop of rain after a six month long drought. Hearing Alice admit that she didn't want to go either. Couldn't she just stay? Forever? Yes, Jack was saying forever after four days. It didn't matter. Nothing did. Because it occurred to Jack that rules didn't exist for these types of things.

His relationship to Sophia had lasted nearly two years, including the one year of marriage, and that hadn't worked out for him. Jack had never been so happy to get divorced now. Because here was Alice, a stranger (but not really, not at all), telling Jack that she just couldn't stop writing about him. A dozen paragraphs about the waterfall.

Alice assured Jack that she didn't want to make anything worse — his public image, and she leaned in to kiss him in between her words, before continuing: she was excited about the way she felt for him, and she wanted the world to know.

Jack exhaled, and a strange wave of emotion passed over his eyes. He swallowed, stared down at her knuckles. She wanted the world to know how she felt about Jack. It was a public declaration of love, and Jack couldn't wrap his head around that. Jack had criminal charges pending. She'd walked in on him snorting an obscene amount of cocaine earlier that evening. She didn't know about the pills in his luggage, or the other skeletons in his closet.

Did he deserve it? It felt like he didn't, but he was working very hard to earn it.

"I think it's easy because of the person you are." 

The person that he was. Is.

Jack would've walked over a thousand miles of broken glass if it meant that Alice was waiting for him at the end.

Jack would've walked over a thousand miles of broken glass if it meant he got to read just a single line of poetry from Alice.

Despite what she'd seen earlier that day, Alice wanted to share her feelings for Jack to the world.

"Alice…"

His brows were furrowed, and he realized that maybe he was gripping her fingers a little too hard. He relaxed, soothing whatever discomfort he'd caused with a brush of his thumb, again and again.

They weren't far from the airport now. Just a few turns away. And he felt the faint vibration of his phone. Notifications, maybe, that the plane was ready to go, or that there was a delay. He didn't care. He didn't care whenever Alice was telling him all of these things that he didn't deserve. Things that made him feel dizzy.

Words that charmed him. Words that made Jack feel like the most important man in the world. Words that made Jack feel so loved.

Purpose. Alice gave Jack purpose, and he felt like it was to love her for the rest of his days. Little by little, Alice was picking up all of the broken, damaged bits of Jack. She was smoothing them out, gluing them back together until he felt brand new again. She was doing the impossible. Alice and her hands — did she know she performed miracles with them?

The car came to an abrupt stop. He looked up, and there was the plane. He wasn't sure how long he'd been staring at her hands for. Maybe a few seconds. Minutes. He wasn't sure. Jack swallowed, before finally looking at Craig. His driver of many, many years.

Craig who kept a secret better than anyone else on his staff. Craig, who'd heard some pretty cruel and damaging arguments with his ex-wife, and there were never any leaks. Jack trusted the man, but it didn't stop Jack from blurting something out.

"Can you get out?"

It took Craig an awkward silence to register that Jack was talking to him. Jack realized the bluntness of his request, and added:

"Sorry. Can we have some space?"

Craig dismissed himself pretty quickly. The driver's side door shut, and Jack remained silent because he didn't know what to say to Alice. Well, he knew what to say, but it had only been four days. But Jack reminded himself: there were no rules for this. He went back to staring at her hands, and more time passed, but Jack wasn't sure how long.

It was the good kind of silence. Comfortable and soothing. He hoped that he hadn't worried Alice with his rash behavior, and the quiet that followed. He was just … cherishing the moment because everything was about to change.

There weren't any rules. Jack wanted to tell Alice that he was grateful to have met her, that she'd changed his life. He wanted to tell Alice that he wouldn't have changed anything that happened in the last six months. It led them to this very moment. But the words fell short. He wasn't a poet.

Jack was always a fan of keeping things simple — in the moment. No thought, just action. He finally looked into Alice's eyes.

"Alice... I love you very much."

[hevvxx2]

Title: Loud Thoughts, Hot Coffee- Part 6: “Oh No, I Can’t Hear You Anymore”

Characters: Joaquin Torres x Reader

(Sam and Bucky mentioned)

Warnings: None, well if you count Joaquin slowly going crazy lol

Blue words: Inner Thoughts

Pink Words Translation

Summary: After that hellish week she endured with Joaquin... she decided it was time for a little payback.

It started with a smirk.

After a week of mind games, eyebrow compliments, mental lemon bombs, and an extremely flustered Joaquin Torres, she decided it was time for a little payback.

So the next morning, she showed up to HQ looking a little tired, rubbing her temples.

“Morning!” Joaquin chirped, coffee in hand.

She blinked at him. “Did you say something?”

He furrowed his brow. “Yeah. I said ‘morning.’ You okay?”

She sighed dramatically. “I don’t know. My head’s been weird. Static-y. I think something’s… off.”

“Wait.” he whispered, leaning in. “You mean like—telepath off?”

She hesitated, just enough to make it believable. “I think I lost the connection. I haven’t heard a single stray thought since last night.”

Joaquin froze.

“Oh my God. She lost her powers. What if it was me? What if my tests fried her brain? What if the penguin parade was too much?”

She blinked innocently. “What are you thinking about right now?”

“Nothing!” he squeaked, far too quickly. “Just peace and quiet. Very normal brain stuff.”

“Okay okay okay. Don’t panic. Don’t think anything weird. What’s safe? Grocery lists. Puppies. World peace. Mamas cooking.”

Translation: Mama (Mom)

She tilted her head. “Still nothing.”

He started to sweat.

Sam walked in, immediately sensing vibes.

“What’s happening?” he asked.

“She thinks she lost her mind-reading powers.” Joaquin whispered.

Sam froze.

She shot Sam a look over Joaquin’s shoulder — the universal “play along or I end your life” signal.

Sam blinked once, then said, “Huh. That’s… serious. Has that ever happened before?”

She sighed, long and dramatic. “Only once. After a concussion. It came back after a few days. But this time, I’m not so sure.”

Joaquin nodded solemnly, then promptly ran straight into a chair.

“Okay this is fine. This is fine. Todo esta bien. Now I can think whatever I want and she won’t know. I have freedom. Power. I’m unstoppable.”

Translation: "Todo esta bien." (Everything's okay.)

She fought a smile.

He stared directly at her.

“Her lips are perfect. Like—objectively perfect. Should I say that out loud? No. No. Play it cool, Torres.”

She looked at him blankly. “Hmm?”

He panicked. “I said… the weather! Looks great today!”

“JESUS SANTO, SHE HEARD ME. SHE’S LYING.”

Translation: "JESUS SANTO" (Jesus Saint)

Later That Day…

Joaquin was spiraling. And she? Thriving.

She “accidentally” walked past him singing along to a song he had been thinking about 10 minutes earlier.

She answered a question before he asked it — then blinked and said, “Lucky guess.”

She pulled a protein bar out of her bag and offered it to him right as he was about to stand up to get one.

“Coincidence.” she said, smiling sweetly.

“This is psychological warfare. I am being bullied.”

He sprinted to find Bucky.

“She’s faking it!” he declared, wild-eyed.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Faking what?”

“The mind-reader thing! Or the not mind-reading thing. I don’t know anymore. She’s in my head!”

“Isn’t that what she’s always done?”

“Exactly! But now she’s doing it without doing it! It’s a double fake-out!”

Bucky smirked. “Sounds like someone’s losing their mind.”

Joaquin grabbed his face. “She knows my pillow thoughts, man. My brain isn’t safe.”

The Reveal

That night, she walked into the kitchen where he was sulking over a protein shake.

“Feeling okay?” she asked casually.

He narrowed his eyes. “You can still read minds.”

She leaned against the counter, sipping her tea. “Prove it.”

“You knew I was going to say that!”

“I’m psychic.” she said with a wink. “Oh wait. No, I’m not.”

He stood up. “So you are faking!”

She bit back a smile. “Joaquin… You’ve been mentally screaming about my lips for three days. I didn’t need powers to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”

He turned scarlet. “That’s— That’s not— You don’t—!”

“I also know about the unicycle penguin battle fantasy you had this morning.”

His soul left his body.

“And that you still rank my burgundy dress in your top three religious experiences.”

He collapsed dramatically into the nearest chair.

Sam walked by, high-fived her, and said, “Ten out of ten. Expert level trolling.”

She turned to Joaquin, finally merciful, and said with a smile:

“Relax. Your brain’s cute. I like it. Even the chaos.”

He blinked.

“You like… my chaos brain?”

“Wouldn’t want to read anyone else’s.”

…Brain.exe has stopped working.

Like my work? Here is my Masterlist!

A/N: I'm in love with this series! I'm loving writing it and just losing myself in it.

Also this is what i was listening to while writing this, this song has been on repeat for the past couple days lol

Taglist: @mochminnie, @je33123

[timeskip]

I'm seeing connections where there are none but 100line having a HxH reference (AS A JOKE. Not intentional commentary.) is actually extremely interesting to me regarding how HxH chimera ant arc and 100line work through similar themes about war and specifically the ways teenagers in both series are being utilized to fight for something they don't fully understand.

Like at least in HxH the children on a death mission know what they're getting into and are being treated as adults who deserve to be (mostly) informed of what's happening, even if that's ultimately harmful to their well being. Even if the adults should have saved them. As far as 100line goes, they're almost in the OPPOSITE problem, where they're in a school, still treated as high schoolers, secrets are constantly kept from them, they're not ALLOWED to know what they're fighting for. For their own safety, they're not even allowed to understand why the invaders exist, or what hemoanima is. All they can do is use this mysterious power to fight, because otherwise everything they know will be gone. But in HxH, they KNOW what their power is doing to them. They can make informed choices in ways the 100line characters cannot (even if their hemoanima is very much hurting them every time they fight)

But ALSO both of them have these themes of the teens involved not being able to comprehend that the ones they're fighting are more similar to humans than they initially seem. I'm still not at the end of route 0 in 100line (I stopped at like... day 84-ish?) so I'll be interested to see how this develops. In HxH it's Gon who can't understand Pitou for personal reasons, who cannot comprehend the compassion they have because he sees them as a monster. And that spirals very hard into the final act of the arc... Where the thing 100line references happens.

Anyways I was completely flabbergasted when this happened in 100line:

[tanoshiboo]

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god I found something else I swear to god Shadowsugar is real but as bitter exes

( CAUTION: SHADOWSUGAR THEORIES AND ANALYSIS OVERLOAD , HUGE READ )

disclaimer for those who read and are not into Shadowsugar: just in case, none of this is disproving the existence of Hollysugar, it is providing for the theory that Shadowsugar may have existed in the past and are now separated

I failed to understand what was the point of the ouroboros in the first trailer of Eternal Sugar, since there was nothing that could imply what the ourboros represents (which signifies the cycle of life, death and rebirth) outside of the fact that her name involves "eternal" but the ourboros does not exactly represent infinity in the way that the staticness of her garden is infinite but in the sense of a cycle that never ends (like how life and death is a cycle that loops and loops for infinity and I'm pretty sure it's actually why Burning Spice is the way he is)

I'd say that a lot of the beasts in a way cooporate into the end of a cycle (reducing the cookies to flour, destruction and prevention of a cycle, keeping them in jam/in a static garden forever where even alteration of the seasons is not possible)

What Eternal Sugar has is eternal stagnation, a flat line, not an eternal cycle or a loop - the orborous wouldn't be a fitting motif for what she's doing - Sloth is often stagnation, it's the refusal to change for the sake of your comfort zone, to stay in one place

Though I'd love to hear some people's interpretations of what the ourboros could mean for Eternal Sugar cookie honestly I could easily be wrong here

So , it's like, for me: What could this ourboros represent if not something to do with the story and herself?

"Name and interpretation. The term derives from Ancient Greek οὐροβόρος, from οὐρά oura 'tail' plus -βορός -boros '-eating'. The ouroboros is often interpreted as a symbol for eternal cyclic renewal or a cycle of life, death and rebirth; the snake's skin-sloughing symbolises the transmigration of souls."

Hades and Persephone within their story and as a couple represent exactly this: death and rebirth, the cycle of life and the seasons (summer, spring and winter, autumn)- It's why Persephone is associated with the cycle of life now, it's why Hades and Persephone are one of the most important stories in Greek mythology

I talk about Shadowsugar connections with Hades and Persephone here:

The fact that they also chose the serpent form to represent this so particularly and chose pink and blue as colors , turned it into a heart that then shatters/breaks and milk comes out like COOOOME OOOOON I am so sick of coincidences let me go LET ME GOOOO!!!!

In Eternal Sugar's garden, we also see many bleeding hearts (literally) but this could also represent a certain flower: The bleeding heart

which often represents heartbreak and sorrow, especially in Eastern Asia - It even has a Japanese folklore story which goes along as such:

"Long ago there lived a noble prince who tried in vain to win the heart of a very beautiful princess. The prince had brought the princess wonderful gifts from his travels far and wide. Yet she had taken no notice of him. One day the prince returned from a long journey with very special gifts to surely win the love of the princess. First he presented her with two magical pink bunnies. (Peel off the two outer petals and set them on their sides to display two little bunnies.)

The princess only sighed and barely looked at the little bunnies. The hopeful prince had another gift for the princess – he presented a pair of beautiful enchanted earrings. (Remove the two long white petals and hold them next to your ears.)

These she took happily, but declared she could not love him. Still, he can’t bear to give up hope, and he makes her another gift of slippers made of the finest silk.

Again, the princess hardly noticed the prince’s gift. Now the poor prince was utterly heartbroken. He could try no more to win the heart of the princess. He rose up, pulled a dagger from his sheath and stabbed himself in the heart. (Remaining in the flower is a heart shape with the stamen, appearing as a dark green line down the center. Hold the heart up, carefully remove the dagger-like line, and plunge the dagger through the heart.)

The princess was overcome by the dedication of the dying prince and his unending love for her. She realized too late that she loved him also. “Alas,” she cried out. “I have done wrong, my own heart is broken also. I shall bleed for my prince forever more!” And her heart bleeds to this very day."

Now I'm just giving food for thought here... Just giving fooooood for thought 🥄🥣

By the way, almost every single one of the Shadowsugar-associated couples involved rejection too,

Aphrodite rejected Hermes until Hermes played a trick on Aphrodite

Persephone rejected Hades until he tricked her

Lilith , well.. rejected Adam but did not reject Satan initially

2 out of 3 , and then you also have the bleeding heart which is also associated with rejection/heartbreak and agony + as well as being associated with a literally royal rejection

I mean the bleeding heart and heartbreak/sorrow/agony/rejection could easily have something to do with Hollyberry and Eternal Sugar's relationship but I'm not seeing any of this (including heartbreak alone) unless they're actually more doomed than people thought initially

And Shadow Milk is disguising himself and stalking Eternal Sugar as a bleeding heart (lol)

^ Shadow Milk has been stalking Eternal Sugar even before Hollyberry like a dog on crack for whatever reason

if Sugarfly acknowledges that their "sheep" "bite" so often that it's become a fun fact then your chances are it's been happening for a while now and he doesn't do this with the other beasts let alone so explicitly, no no ❌ I can only imagine he might do the same with Silent Salt but for the sake of White Lily because Shadow Milk wees himself at the mere mention of PV and WL

and then you have ES imitating his speech mannerisms to the point where it confuses Sugarfly (the fact that she's also referring to Elder Faerie cookie too LMFAAAOO)

^^^^ I also still haven't gotten any explanation for this unless it's just asset repurposing or something/just foreshadowing Shadow Milk's appearance

I think despite it all, the theory of Shadowsugar having previously been a thing still remains.. I have always thought they might be exes, and it continues to live, it has never died - The only thing that might have died is the idea of them ever getting back together.. That may be a long-lost idea lol

I'm going to say something mildly horrific, no one kill me, but what if one of the few reasons why Pure Vanilla understands Shadow Milk and Eternal Sugar understands Hollyberry is because...

Purelily is almost one-sided, I mean it is canon but Purelily has had many complex issues when it comes to their romance and Pure Vanilla's love for White Lily is very rarely reciprocated

Hollyberry, too, implied she had her own struggles with love and heartbreak in which we're not fully aware of yet ... This has been kept secret for some time now

I don't know, I'm just brainstorming here 🐤

also thought these were quite interesting overall, make of them what you will

Hey out of curiosity you think about shadowsugar now that the new episode and we have an interaction for these two?

The canon dynamic rn came off to me as bitter exes/divorced couple who still are not over it.

Pre-Awakening update, I was speculating Shadow Milk Cookie to be in love with Eternal Sugar Cookie and vise versa and when he showed up as Lady in Azure, I had a theory that maybe

1. Devsis just dropped an easter egg

2. If he's involved in the story then maybe he has come to meet with ES to maybe inform that he has PV in the bag (cuz the episodes are happening at the same time and dude can conjure up portals so maybe he just came to boast) and then ES says "Me too!~" and they have a good laugh about scamming their other half off their soul jam once and for all

3. Dude would probably join HB as that disguise to get to Crispia so that he can stalk PV again.

I was sorta there with theory 2 but at the same, not really so leaving that behind...the bit he showed up was shocking to say the least lol

Let's take a quick look at their conversation at some of the integral parts of the conversation:

At the beginning, it may come off as a normal statement for ES. But pay attention to what she says "Don't tell me you seek happiness from me?"

This can imply he has done so in the past.

Also this dialogue:

It's the classic thing most exes, who you ended things badly, will say when they meet you again lol

"God you look awful."

ES is also doing the same here lmao

And SM takes it graciously cuz he's used to it lol

They both know she doesn't mean it.

But what adds the interesting twist in the dynamic is this piece of dialogue right here:

ES explicitly states she will not tolerate his "tricks". This could heavily suggest that SM has scammed/harmed her directly or indirectly in some way before which may have caused a rift between them.

To further illustrate the point,

"After all we've been through together?"

This dialogue is CRUCIAL in understanding their relationship.

Not to mention, since the episodes are all happening at the same time canonically, SM visited ONLY her even now. He didn't visit the other beasts. He's visiting her in a vulnerable moment.

Right after the moment he failed.

This actively CONFIRMS that they are very close. Or to be precise, were close. ES use to be very gracious and warm to him BUT-

Something changed.

And we get the reason right in the next dialogue:

SM lied to her or at the very least, manipulated her until she caught him. He used her and possibly took advantage of her.

SM recognising this quickly changes topics to the other awful stuff he did like to move attention away from that such as:

However, by the last dialogue, you can see ES growing impatient with that manipulation again cuz he's moving away from what she's saying and she doesn't really have the time to call him out so she just wants him to leave so that she can go back to HB.

However, SM is not done with her.

He doesn't wanna leave yet. He wants her to not think about what he did with her but instead focus on the other atrocities but then-

ES confirms what I said earlier:

They were close.

Very close.

To the point, they know eachother intimately even.

ES quite literally sees through his act and that's exactly why she dislikes him now. She doesn't like being manipulated by someone like him and being taken advantage of/used as a pawn.

This directly confirms that he has done so with her in the past. He has lied, decieved and manipulated her subtly to use her to his own benefit.

She knows this and knows now is not an exception either.

Which is why, she tells him to get out cuz she's got work to do.

And what he says next further solidifies this dynamic.

This interaction goes beyond just a conversation between exes.

SM and ES both know the fact that the other is very toxic and a bad influence.

ES is capable of manipulation and lying just like SM.

Both are red flags and they both know it.

But they are still bitter because they once had a good, happy relationship until one of them changed and that...shattered it and got them seperated.

That could explain why these two are arguably the MOST obsessed with their counterparts.

They really want to get that sense of connection, that understanding they once had with someone else...which is why they desperately want their "other half" to stay.

It is a way of coping, you can say even.

That is why, when SM got rejected in his endeavour, he went back to ES. His comfort spot or a "safe" zone.

Cuz they were close and even if he ruined it, like the toxic guy he is, he still reaches out to the one person he cared and cares for in his own twisted way.

And ES....doesnt want it. Not anymore.

She's found her happiness in HB who is a straightforward, simple person who has no double meaning in her words.

She doesnt want to go back to someone like him even though some of the qualities she admonishes him for are within her as well; manipulation and lying to be exact.

And that is the exact reason why SM is so bitter about it.

Now, not only had he lost the person he tried to move on with but that same equally toxic ex found a partner when he failed miserably and THAT PARTNER ACTUALLY DIDN'T RUN AWAY AND STAYED?! He's salty about it lol that's also why he basically said "Well you can be just a phase for her. Keep an eye on her LOL" while ES basically replies with "You're wrong. MY one is different than yours. THEY ARE MINE FOR LIFE."

That's also why SM is basically bitterly laughing at her before going off:

And as much as ES pretends she doesn't care about what he says, she still does as evidenced by here:

She does start paying more attention to her.

And if you saw the end of chapter then you can see her desperation for HB to not go.

Because she doesnt want to accept that none of this was real and that the sense of happiness she found from their relationship was nothing but for coping the loss of the past one.

She doesn't want to accept reality.

That is why she is hysterical when HB says she needs to leave.

So yeah! TLDR, ShadowSugar were DEFINITELY a thing in the past.

I think this is further evidenced by the fact that her garden still has remnants of it. It's still ridden with snakes which is SM's thing and goes against her aesthetic. Not to mention, despite being in a time crunch, she still makes out time to meet him when she realises it's him and SM goes to her of all beast cookies.

It definitely means something.

Also the fact, they have this conversation:

The first one especially.

It is a weird thing to discuss with ppl you don't trust or care about.

That particular set of dialogue is not something you talk with anyone about. It's unless they do trust the other person to not leak this trust thing that you discuss if you trust your own team mates.

It could further illustrate the fact that ES and SM eventually broke off due to trust issues because if two ppl in a relationship constantly gaslight, manipulate and lie to the other...Trust issues will rise at very least.

But that doesn't really stop them from reaching out to eachother still cuz they both know, they both are awful. They're petty and bitter over what the other did while also knowing they have done worse or maybe even better.

It's inverse Purelily basically (could be why their colours are reversed).

One is built on trust, truth, love, connection and respect; the other is built up on distrust, lies, hate, manipulation and disrespect.

[ravi-is-my-beloved]

I just realized that interconnected hoses of the fire engines to give the 118 good water was a callback to everyone in the neighborhood connecting their Christmas lights to give power to the little boy’s medical equipment during the storm. (I forget which season it was, but you get the gist.)

[queenerdloser]

i just finished dark heir

[icewindandboringhorror]

Would most people realistically use 'carry' and 'convey' as synonyms in typical speech?? Seems a slightly reaching comparison to me lol

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

I think I need that "Wow, I haven't stubbed my toe in five months! I was then shot fifty-seven times." Audio again

[klysanderelias]

I think it's really important to have representation in ttrpgs, but that's something that is easy to do half-heartedly and thoughtlessly. Just mark this NPC as trans, this NPC as gay, and it won't matter anyway because they're the guard captain the PCs get the quest from. It's also easy to say 'you can do what you want forever' and push the work onto the GM - after all, they're the ones who have to play the characters anyway.

But there ARE ttrpgs that go beyond just representation, and that are interested in what it MEANS to be queer, to be marginalized, to be ostracized.

I can only speak to my experiences as a bi man growing up in a very Christian environment, but I feel like a core part of my identity is the fear. Needing to hide who I am, WHAT I am, but that's not all - it's also about needing to hide my desires and my needs. That there's a part of me that's wrong, and that puts everyone else around me at risk.

And y'know, I had a lot of work to do to unlearn that, and to get to the point where I'm comfortable with my sexuality and my place in the community, but it's still hard. I'm still possessed by that fear, and some days it makes me a brave man and some days it makes me a mess that hides in my apartment.

But it also means I don't want anyone else to have to go through what I went through. I barely made it. There were a lot of people my age who didn't. I remember growing up with the Laramie project, brokeback mountain, the Westboro Baptist Church - we didn't get happy endings, we got picketed at our early funerals.

One of the things that I've always pursued in ttrpgs is the ability to represent that struggle - when I first got into DnD 3.0 in third grade, my first ever character was a minotaur (which wasn't legal but I was like eight, cut little kly some slack). I played characters who were hunted, who were homeless, who were hurt. I played one character who had been poisoned by shadows and had a strength of 4, who was forced to drink antitoxin to stay alive from the magic poison still coursing in his veins. I played a tiefling sorcerer whose spells had a chance to go wrong, so any time he tried to help it might just make things worse.

All of this was stuff I had to litigate with my GMs - none of this was balanced, or mechanically represented, or given space within the rules, it was just something I had to fight the system to do.

But that was the power fantasy, right? Not just that there was something wrong with me, that I could overcome and still be a positive force in the world despite, but that because I survived, I could save someone else.

Y'know what I like about Eureka? That's all in the rules.

I can play a gorgon, who eats people and just looking at them can kill you, but also can use their blood to heal other people. I can play a wolfman, who has to constantly worry about the beast inside breaking loose and hurting innocent people, but also can literally sniff out clues. And even if I don't play a supernatural investigator, I can play someone who feels off to the people around them, who struggles to make human connections, who hyperfixates on things at the cost of their own health, who has compulsions that they have to fight against.

And Eureka also has a lot of built-in assumptions that help to build this experience - you are playing an investigator, who is not a cop. Investigators are not vigilantes or superheroes. They're ordinary people in extraordinary situations. Eureka isn't a game about getting kills or winning fights, it's about trying to protect vulnerable people and find the truth. Sometimes the investigators don't do one, or either. Sometimes the story ends and there are no accolades or rewards, just a late night drive out of town before the cops catch up. I've run two Eureka games and both of them ended bittersweetly - the investigators did it! And it cost. There were no parades or rewards, just ordinary people trying to put the pieces back together.

And those are the stories that feel queer to me - I didn't get cozy found family. I grew up seeing pictures of the Gay Men's Choir showing how many members they lost to AIDS. I spent my twenties driving to my friends' houses at 3 am to make sure they were still alive. I grew up feeling like a monster, and that's never stopped. There will probably always be something wrong with me - I will always have to try to act right, to keep from revealing my true nature to someone who thinks the world would be better off without me. I wonder if there will always be a little part of me that agrees with them.

I've written a module for Eureka - I don't know that it's very good, but I don't think I could write it for most other ttrpgs; at least, not while actually engaging with the mechanics and themes. It's a story about scapegoats, and what it means to have a loaded gun in the house. It's a story about being queer in a way I don't think I could tell without the care and design philosophy of the @anim-ttrpgs team.

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is a queer text.

[sforzesco]

poetry might not convince me to pay attention or care about the medici family beyond necessity, but you CAN convince me to turn the spotlights directly onto lorenzo de' medici with phrasing like this. intimately linked. even wedded, you say. and with galeazzo maria sforza's named mentioned. fascinating choice of words.

Magnifico: the Brilliant Life and Times of Lorenzo de’ Medici, Miles J. Unger

[babymorte]

all these dudes keep adding me on snap through quick add and i don’t know who any of them are i literally have 5 friends and one of them is my 2nd account, i don’t sync contacts and i only have 6 contacts in my phone anyway and ive literally asked everyone cuz im socially awkward and i dont wanna ask these dudes who they are or how they know me cuz thats weird but like HOW DO YOU KNOW ME

[corys-nsp-fixation]

Due to SGCBarberian's TCD series most likely coming back it's made me semi-ill over it again.

So I'm gonna share an au concept that's on and off plaguing me. [That I think is post-inspired however I think my brain made the post up since I can't find it-]

The concept started as Redstoner Ross & Doctor Ross being the same person.

And then that gave me the idea of Doctor Ross having panic attacks every now and again bc of (what he calls) "a traumatizing hallucinational episode and or hyper realistic coma"

He'd hate whenever one came up bc in his head that's vulnerability he can't have due in the moment and almost certainly hates how he is at times because of how he is.

How could they be the same person? You may ask

Well, I somewhat have an answer. I wrote the au concept a couple days ago & just started re-thinking about it since I'm ill over both redstoner & doctor Ross.

However the current concept is some sort of cruel experimentation of sorts [maybe- idk I'm still thinking about how they could be the same place- Dr. Ross himself doesn't even fully know if it was a real experience or not so there's that-]

[linogram]

i rlly need to put signs in