#making connections where there are none that's me

[otnesse]

You know, mulling it over especially regarding the Darth Plagueis novel, we might need to consider what exactly caused Palpatine to turn to the Dark Side. I mean, yeah, he's technically a spawn of the Dark Side, but looking at his family history, I suspect that there's at least some contributing factors for what caused him to turn down that path.

We know he's the firstborn in the Palpatine family, and to say his family life despite the luxury was NOT a good life is an understatement. See, his dad hated him and didn't exactly make it a secret that he'd rather disown him than have him, even forced him into a paternity test twice (and there's even evidence his dad's dislike of him is at least part of the reason Palpatine became a delinquent as a youth, and even regarding the "spoiling" part from his dad, it was purely self-serving on Cosinga's part since he wished to avoid scandal.). It says a lot that Cosinga likes Palpatine's younger siblings more than him because they conformed to his ideals, and his father was no saint either, having quite a bit of narcissism to him as well as refusing to acknowledge his own faults (Palpatine even admitted he'd at least sympathize with him even if he can't necessarily love him if he admitted to his faults), and there's plenty of evidence that he wasn't even faithful to his wife and family either (which may have led to Pallipoedes' existence). He apparently was also lacking in friends at the time, and while part of it might have been due to his having some degree of elitism, it's also just as likely he simply was unable to make friends. At least Anakin had a loving mother to come back to, and even Count Dooku, aside from his family, also had his fellow Jedi and even his Padawan to turn to to give him some emotional support to keep him in the light [especially when it's implied Qui-Gon's death is a major factor in why Dooku ultimately turned to the dark side]. It actually says a lot that he'd actually turn to Sith books just to feel some kind of connection. You almost have to feel sorry for him put that way, even if he IS a pure evil scumbag ultimately. Actually, if anything, compared to real life dictators such as Vladimir Lenin, Palpatine probably could have turned out good DESPITE his origins, but factors pushed him to the Dark Side regardless, with it NOT helping matters that it's implied his TRUE father is none other than the Force itself, similar to Anakin (and if anything, he might have been even CLOSER to being spawned by the Force than even Anakin due to it not being the result of a Sith experiment.).

Personally, I would have been MORE scared if Palpatine actually DID come from a loving family (more than just a wealthy background, but having ACTUAL loving parents), yet still turned out psychopathic (you know, like Vladimir Lenin. Unlike Stalin, who at least had a poor upbringing and being the victim of an alcoholic and abusive father, or even Hitler and Mao, who had much of the same and, in Hitler's case, might have even been sexually abused by his dad, Lenin had for all intents and purposes a happy childhood and genuinely loving parents. Oh, and also Karl Marx, he was much of the same.). It's also part of the reason why it's kind of hard for me to buy Palpatine as being inevitably evil (I suspect if things turned out slightly differently, he might have not only been a full Jedi, he'd even make vast reforms that would have AIDED the order ultimately, maybe even eliminate corruption in the Republic and maybe even bring back its military without needing to turn it into an Empire). If he were written more like Lenin or even Marx, where they DID in fact have a happy childhood yet STILL turned out pure evil, I could buy it.

Does anyone else ever think about how comparatively hard it was to get Anakin to turn to the dark side?

It may be partly because we see every step of Anakin’s journey, but… Count Dooku had spent decades as part of the Jedi Order, was raised as a traditional Jedi, and still turned to the dark side within a few years after Qui-Gon’s death. Yes, he was friends with Palpatine, but Palps was twenty years younger than Dooku. Palps probably wasn’t that huge of a deal in his life initially. And when Dooku was in the Clone Wars, he was already a Sith.

Then there’s Krell. Krell has visions of impending doom, and that’s all we have in canon. However, Krell, like Bariss and potentially Nadhir, is implied to have gone dark due in part to the pressures the war and the questions it raised. However, there is no reason to believe Palpatine was cultivating their mindset personally.

Then there’s Anakin. The guy who has at least one mental illness (A French psychiatric or psychological academy- I forget which- diagnosed him with Borderline Personality Disorder, and there are others disorders he could have), a traumatic background, and was denied contact from his mom. He has rocky relationships and more issues than a star has photons. He’s had a Sith lord and master manipulator subtly grooming him for darkness for thirteen years, putting as much effort into it as into conquering the galaxy. He was on the front lines of one hellish war at the ripe old age of nineteen, and had a ton of responsibility. And it still took the Council and Palpatine using him as a double agent, visions of someone he loved dying, and a bit of trickery to get him to turn to the dark side.

That’s actually pretty impressive resilience.

[feelfreetopleasemexo]

WAIT. WAIT. GET THIS.

Katsuki who has crazy mommy issues x laid back and non judgemental reader who he accidentally calls "mommy" because of how comfortable and safe he feels with her.

He doesn't realise it, but subconsciously, he feels like reader gives him all the soft love, connection and understanding his mother never gave him all his life and one random day while they're hanging out in her room or something, when he goes to adress her he almost slips up calling her "Oi Mom——! OH FUCK�� I MEAN-" but then reader being very laid back and non judgemental assures him she do not give a fuck and thinks it's super cute he sees her that way

you can totally make this into a smut where he finds out he has a mommy kink and reader tells him its okay and whatever😝

Anyway your writing is so fire and you're super pretty too LOVE YA💋🩷

Oh my fuck, yes i actually love this!! And thank you so much, means the absolute world to me! 😭🥰

A simple slip of the tongue.

What people see when they look at Katsuki:

-standoffish

-asshole

-loud mouth

-brutal

-aggressive

What you see when you look at him:

-passionate

-fiercely loyal

-protective

-honest

-god damn Adonis

It’s one of the many reasons why you work so well together as a couple, where others see his rough exterior, you see the reasons behind it. When it’s just you two he can let his guard down a little, which means you get much more of an insight into his actual personality, quips, troubles and all. Katsuki didnt have the worst childhood in your friendship group, but that doesn’t negate the fact that his mother didnt exactly show him the softest forms of love. Dont get me wrong, she tried her best in the way she knew how, but just because someone punches you in the face as their way of saying they love you, doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt like fuck still.

When katsuki got drunk, he got more honest with you, which is the only reason you knew so much about his home life to begin with. It started off with tiny remarks, youd cuddle him into your chest and play with his hair, and hed let out tiny moans and almost inaudible ‘I never got this as a kid’ confessions. First hed get embarrassed that they’d slip out, jump away from you and scorn, but when he saw that every time he’d confess something youd smooth him back to your chest and continue, completely unfazed, the easier it became to open up. He’d never tell you out right , but it was the number one reason he loved you, close second being your deliciously plump ass, he knew that no matter what he threw at you, youd accept him, comfort him, and above all else, love him.

You were in the kitchen, fixing yourself some tea and him some disgustingly spicy noodles which hed demanded he needed after that torturous lecture from Aizawa, when all of a sudden your phone rang. Mina was calling you, hounding you for the notes from the lecture as she definitely had not fall asleep half way through, and definitely did not miss every single thing that Aizawa was talking about. You rolled your eyes as you humoured her, detailing all the important topics that everyone else had managed to write down, when Katsuki began to call for you.

“BABE! Are those noodles done yet? IM DYING IN HERE!….BABE?! Oi! MOM….fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck fuck fuck.” The simple slip of the tongue made your heart hitch in your throat, luckily Mina hadn’t heard it and was continuing to trail on about how none of the topics made sense, and how she was sure that she was going to fail the class. You laughed slightly to yourself, the warm familiar feeling rising in your chest which usually came from when Katsuki would drunkenly confess, only this time he was stone cold sober, and this definitely didnt mean to come out. You carried on the conversation with Mina, wrapping it up as Katsuki sheepishly peered his head around the corner of the door. You didn’t even look at him, when you finished with Mina and hung your phone up, you waltzed back over to the noodles and continued stirring them. He stared at you for what felt like an eternity, your body almost moving in slow motion as he gauged whether youd heard him screaming like a banshee or not. He watched your hips sway, you voice hum gently and your hair trailing down the sides of your back.

When the food was ready, you span around and jolted slightly at him peering at you from behind the wooden doorframe.

“Hey baby, sorry it took so long! Mina was kinda yapping so I had to help her out, but here! As spicy as I could physically mark them you mad man.” Your smile warmed the embarrassment in his chest, his shoulders still tense and his jaw as tight as ever, he grabbed the bowl from you with both hands and stared down at it.

“Oh yeah that’s cool, no er, no worries. I was just shouting to see if they were done i, I didn’t realise you were on the phone.”

His eyes stared at the noodles as if theyd personally offended him, ratted him out to you about his slip of the tongue. You kissed the side of his cheek and smiled up at him, causing his eyes to meet yours. Your smile was the sweetest, softest thing hed ever seen, and on more than one occasion was the reason for the confessions in the first place. You tilted your head and giggled softly at him, as he stared at you like a deer in headlights, an angry, embarrassed, fire wielding deer, but still. You walked past him with your tea in one hand, your other grazing gently over his bicep as you past him, sitting down and crossing your legs on your bed as if to invite him to sit infront of you. He walked over to you and perched on the end of the bed, facing you, with his shoulders still stiff, and his clenched jaw causing his cheek muscles to shake.

“I, er….I appreciate it. I appreciate you. Glad you didn’t hear what I said earlier…” his voice became soft, almost a whisper as he cherished the fact you were on the phone call. You stared down as you drank some of your tea, your eyes fixed on the swirls your breath created.

“I heard you. And I don’t care.” His eyes shot to yours, embarrassment and angry filling his face, he grasped the bowl so tightly it nearly scattered under his palms.

“You fucking heard me?! I didn’t mean it, shit, I just…” You leaned over, placing a delicately understanding kiss on his lips, rendering him speechless.

“Kats, I don’t give a shit. I call people mom or sis all the time, shit happens. Brains are weird and mouths are too… but I must say, yours is particularly weird when you do that thing with your tongue that i like.” He couldnt believe you didn’t care, he knew you were nonchalant and understanding but this? After all the times he’d complained to you about his mom, and then calling you her? What was wrong with you?! And what the hell did he do to deserve someone so kind, so understanding, so fucking nice. It baffled him that you seemed so unfazed, so much so that he missed the clear hint of flirting in your voice. You pressed another kiss to his lips, moving slightly closer to him.

“Thought it was kinda hot to be fair, you thinking of me like that. Do you want me to take care of you? Show you how much I love you, baby?” His cheeks became more flushed, his eyes widened at your blatant change in demeanour. Why did the thought of you getting off on him calling you mom cause such a tight feeling in his stomach? Why did you acting like you liked it make his trousers suddenly feel instantly tighter…He tried to shake it off, tried to reassure himself you were just being your usual understanding, kind self, but as soon as you set your drink down and sat yourself in his lap, he knew something was awakening in him.

“Oh fuck, why do you have to have the fucking mommy kink? Denki having it? That’s a no brainer, Deku? Yeah sounds about it, but you? God fuck baby girl, why did I have to pick such a perv?” His eyes softened as you giggled at him, throwing your head back and laughing, only to the bring your forehead to his as you cooed softly.

“Yeah baby, it’s me that has it. All me. Fuck it, I’ll take whatever you can’t right now, as long as it means you call me mommy again.”

[ijustmissyouraccenths]

Venom & Honey: Last Taste (preview)

The TV cast a low flickering light across the living room.

Y/N sat curled into the couch, one leg tucked under her, a half-finished mug of tea going cold in her hands. The blanket draped around her shoulders didn’t help the chill that had crept in.

Harry was on the other end, silent, still. Remote in hand, though he hadn’t pressed a button in minutes.

They both stared at the screen.

The anchor’s voice was clipped. Precise.

“…federal investigators are reopening a string of unsolved murders believed to be connected by method and location. Though no suspects have been named, law enforcement is urging anyone who lived in or traveled through the affected regions to come forward.”

Maps blinked across the screen—faint outlines, red pins, years blurred into captions. Towns too small to register on most people’s radar.

But they knew the pattern.

Y/N set her mug down.

She didn’t look at Harry. She didn’t have to.

He stood slowly, the remote slipping from his hand to the cushion with a soft thud. His fingers raked through his hair, his jaw working like he was grinding down words.

“We leave tonight,” he said.

Y/N blinked. “What?”

He turned toward her, eyes sharp. “We pack what matters, we’re gone by morning. I’m not waiting for them to knock.”

She stood now, too, slower. “You think they’re onto us?”

“I don’t think,” he snapped. “I know.”

She stayed calm. “If we run, we look guilty.”

“We are guilty.”

Her voice lowered. “So are a lot of people who never get caught.”

That pulled something taut in him. He paced once, then stopped, staring at her like he was trying to figure out who she was in this new light.

“You want to stay?”

“I want to stop running.”

He scoffed. “And what—plant flowers? Get a dog?”

“No. We get married. We settle. We become everything they don’t expect.”

His mouth twitched, not a smile. “You want to play house?”

“I want to disappear the only way that works anymore. We build a life so believable they’ll never look twice.”

He stared at her for a long moment. His expression gave nothing.

Then, low and cold, “You’re willing to lie to everyone for this?”

She took a step forward. “We already are.”

That hung between them.

The screen kept playing in the background, now listing “persons of interest,” none of whom had names. Just blurred images, grainy silhouettes.

Harry looked past her, jaw flexing.

Then he said, “Then show me. Show me how far you’re willing to go.”

Y/N didn’t flinch under Harry’s stare.

She just reached past him, clicked off the TV. The room fell into a deeper quiet, the kind that came when no one had anything left to say—and everything to decide.

“We don’t go far,” she said finally, her voice low but steady. “We pick a town no one’s watching. Somewhere close enough to keep our story believable.”

Harry didn’t respond. Not yet.

She continued.

“We don’t change too much. Just enough to throw off anyone who’s half-paying attention. New last name. Something plain. Married. No recent records.”

He shifted his weight. “And when they ask where we’re from?”

“We say we left the city. Looking for a slower life. Fresh start. It’s not a lie.”

His jaw tightened, but he nodded once.

Y/N stepped closer. “We get a house that needs work. Something cheap, but enough to look like an investment. We go to the hardware store. We buy groceries. We make small talk with the neighbors.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Small talk?”

“You don’t have to like it. You just have to smile.”

Harry let out a quiet laugh, dry and disbelieving. “You’ve really thought this through.”

“I’ve been thinking about it since we stopped running the first time.”

He watched her like he didn’t know whether to admire or resent her.

She kept going. “We get married. At a courthouse. Something simple. We don’t ask questions about each other’s pasts. We don’t offer more than we have to.”

Harry took a step forward. “And if they still come knocking?”

“Then we make sure we’ve done such a good job they start to doubt themselves. A happy couple in a small town? It’s not what they’re looking for.”

He was quiet for a beat.

Then: “What last name?”

She answered without hesitation. “Callahan.”

His eyes narrowed. “You had that ready.”

“I told you—I’ve been thinking about it.”

Harry didn’t speak for a moment. Just studied her, like he was trying to figure out what part of this was hers and what part was his.

Finally, he said, “You think we can sell it?”

Y/N nodded. “We won’t have to sell it. We’ll be it.”

He stepped close enough to feel the warmth of her skin. His voice was quiet, but sharp. “Then pack light. We start tomorrow.”

[alicelillianshaw]

'Alice…'

Jack's brows knit together, and there's a strange swooping sensation in Alice's stomach. Not fear. Not apprehension. Nothing like that, but Alice still found herself searching his face intently, attempting to read whatever letters and words might be woven within his expression.

Obviously— she'd just shared a lot. They'd known each other for less than a week, and here Alice was, wanting to publish a piece in the fucking New Yorker about her feelings for him! That was a massive step even for a one year relationship. And for someone who had met four days ago? It almost sounded like lunacy.

But Jack.

Well.

What was convention? What were standards and rules and customary steps between two people flung at each other

Jack was Jack! Jack didn't hesitate. Jack matched her, and then set the pace. He was bold, and he was affectionate, and he was beautiful, and he didn't make Alice feel silly or delusional for anything that she said. The connection was there— they both were happy to acknowledge it. When Alice had spilled the ugly parts of herself, cried across from him, Jack had caught each tear. He'd assured Alice that every version of her— even that twisted, ugly part of her in college— was someone he wanted to be around.

But the way he was looking at Alice— she couldn't quite parse it. Curiosity burned within her, and she found herself pressing against him more, a gentle lean seeking the heat and solidity of him.

And then–

'Can you get out?'

Hu— oh. Oh. That wasn't even directed at her. Alice, confused, watches as the driver's eyes flick back up in Jack's direction.

'Sorry. Can we have some space?'

Oh. Space? Space! Alice blinks, hard, smiling a little in what she hopes is encouragement, because, well. What could Jack have to say to her after all that? After that proverbial gush of words, pledge of affections, voicing her desire to let the whole fucking world what she felt for him.

Maybe— that was too much? Maybe he wanted to reel it back a bit, except, well, no. No. No, Alice had seen the look on Jack's face, and she knew Jack and his personality and she didn't think this would startle him. He was an all-in sort of man. Whatever Jack had to say ... Alice would be alright with. They were alright. Her and Jack's hearts had brushed, melded, in a singular way, and she knew what flickered between them was intense. His eyes— cast into an exquisite Prussian shade of blue in the dark light of the car— finally raise to meet hers.

Oh. Oh. And there was something there that made her want to sink into him.

'Alice... I love you very much.'

An explosion of thunder— a summer cell that shook windows. A wave slapping against black sheets of rock in Oahu. Snow whispering through the trees where Alice had camped near Alberta. The trill of a Canyon Wren at her old house; the gentle whistle that woke her every summer. A million, billion different sensations and sounds flood through her brain, the glories of life and nature, big and small, and yet somehow none of these things sound even remotely as remarkable as the words that spill from Jack's mouth.

Not even close.

She even blinks, to process it, to make sure she's heard right.

He loves her.

Jack— the man across from her— loves Alice very much.

What a big miracle, in such a very short amount of time.

Alice grabs his other free hand.

"I love you."

"I think I love you more than I ever loved anything."

A breath, because Alice may pass out with how wonderful and mystified she feels, that Jack, remarkable Jack who can get thousands of people to adore him— sees Alice, and after four days decides he loves her.

Her smile is wobbly and wild.

"—Fucking thank you, by the way, because I was trying to work out when to get that in there, I know I just dropped a lot on you at once so I didn't want to overwhelm you, but—"

Alice squeezes his hands.

"Do you know how happy I am you love me?"

Relief washed over Jack like the first drop of rain after a six month long drought. Hearing Alice admit that she didn't want to go either. Couldn't she just stay? Forever? Yes, Jack was saying forever after four days. It didn't matter. Nothing did. Because it occurred to Jack that rules didn't exist for these types of things.

His relationship to Sophia had lasted nearly two years, including the one year of marriage, and that hadn't worked out for him. Jack had never been so happy to get divorced now. Because here was Alice, a stranger (but not really, not at all), telling Jack that she just couldn't stop writing about him. A dozen paragraphs about the waterfall.

Alice assured Jack that she didn't want to make anything worse — his public image, and she leaned in to kiss him in between her words, before continuing: she was excited about the way she felt for him, and she wanted the world to know.

Jack exhaled, and a strange wave of emotion passed over his eyes. He swallowed, stared down at her knuckles. She wanted the world to know how she felt about Jack. It was a public declaration of love, and Jack couldn't wrap his head around that. Jack had criminal charges pending. She'd walked in on him snorting an obscene amount of cocaine earlier that evening. She didn't know about the pills in his luggage, or the other skeletons in his closet.

Did he deserve it? It felt like he didn't, but he was working very hard to earn it.

"I think it's easy because of the person you are." 

The person that he was. Is.

Jack would've walked over a thousand miles of broken glass if it meant that Alice was waiting for him at the end.

Jack would've walked over a thousand miles of broken glass if it meant he got to read just a single line of poetry from Alice.

Despite what she'd seen earlier that day, Alice wanted to share her feelings for Jack to the world.

"Alice…"

His brows were furrowed, and he realized that maybe he was gripping her fingers a little too hard. He relaxed, soothing whatever discomfort he'd caused with a brush of his thumb, again and again.

They weren't far from the airport now. Just a few turns away. And he felt the faint vibration of his phone. Notifications, maybe, that the plane was ready to go, or that there was a delay. He didn't care. He didn't care whenever Alice was telling him all of these things that he didn't deserve. Things that made him feel dizzy.

Words that charmed him. Words that made Jack feel like the most important man in the world. Words that made Jack feel so loved.

Purpose. Alice gave Jack purpose, and he felt like it was to love her for the rest of his days. Little by little, Alice was picking up all of the broken, damaged bits of Jack. She was smoothing them out, gluing them back together until he felt brand new again. She was doing the impossible. Alice and her hands — did she know she performed miracles with them?

The car came to an abrupt stop. He looked up, and there was the plane. He wasn't sure how long he'd been staring at her hands for. Maybe a few seconds. Minutes. He wasn't sure. Jack swallowed, before finally looking at Craig. His driver of many, many years.

Craig who kept a secret better than anyone else on his staff. Craig, who'd heard some pretty cruel and damaging arguments with his ex-wife, and there were never any leaks. Jack trusted the man, but it didn't stop Jack from blurting something out.

"Can you get out?"

It took Craig an awkward silence to register that Jack was talking to him. Jack realized the bluntness of his request, and added:

"Sorry. Can we have some space?"

Craig dismissed himself pretty quickly. The driver's side door shut, and Jack remained silent because he didn't know what to say to Alice. Well, he knew what to say, but it had only been four days. But Jack reminded himself: there were no rules for this. He went back to staring at her hands, and more time passed, but Jack wasn't sure how long.

It was the good kind of silence. Comfortable and soothing. He hoped that he hadn't worried Alice with his rash behavior, and the quiet that followed. He was just … cherishing the moment because everything was about to change.

There weren't any rules. Jack wanted to tell Alice that he was grateful to have met her, that she'd changed his life. He wanted to tell Alice that he wouldn't have changed anything that happened in the last six months. It led them to this very moment. But the words fell short. He wasn't a poet.

Jack was always a fan of keeping things simple — in the moment. No thought, just action. He finally looked into Alice's eyes.

"Alice... I love you very much."

[outofangband]

Some thoughts on Morwen and motherhood inspired by @tobermoriansass’s recent metas about motherhood in Silm

Content warnings for discussion of child death, war trauma and cultural prejudice

So I know a disclaimer is unnecessary because you all know I love Morwen but I still feel the need to say, while I think Morwen’s relationship with and approach to motherhood is complicated, this does not make her a bad person nor does it at all mitigate the intense love and loyalty she has for her family (and also doesn't make her a witch! bringing this up not just because I like talking about that aspect of her story but because the connections between motherhood and witch panics are very prescient and also very interesting in themselves!)

Basically I think Morwen's role as a mother is intensely wrapped up in her childhood trauma. I talked about it a bit in my post about when she tells Túrin, “if you wail, something else will find you first, but I think this was a sentiment she heard from Emeldir directly and that she watched happen; she watched children die both in the Bragollach and on the journey to Brethil. She dug shallow makeshift graves to help ensure the bodies wouldn't attract predators or worse. She was told that hesitance can be deadly and that mercy might mean ensuring a quick death over prolonged suffering or imprisonment. And I don't think she fully recovered from this by the time her children were born. I mean she is young when she marries Húrin; Tolkien made a number of different timelines, none of them canon but by best estimate, she's barely an adult so she's less than five years away from this intense trauma from the Bragollach

Morwen doesn’t really ever get to experience motherhood completely removed from these traumatic circumstances whether she’s in the aftermath of them or, with Niënor, they’re being repeated. Her approach to motherhood is thus entwined with her approach to survival in general

I think Morwen never really talks to her children in the "normal" way. Sometimes it's amusing to her loved ones; she'll speak to one year old Túrin in full sentences without adjusting her language at all. Sometimes it's alarming; she won't hide harsh truths as we see in canon with Lalaith's death and this can also appear in seemingly much less serious circumstances.

I think Morwen does well especially when she has Húrin to balance out her approach. She's honest, reliable and very good at practical solutions. She's incredibly calm in the face of the chaotic upset of a child with a minor injury and that calm can sometimes be helpful.

She values courage, integrity and fosters Turin's pride in her own culture. (As we see with the conversation about Sador, she can sometimes devalue kindness and pity) but Húrin clearly values kindness and pity and Morwen clearly loves him for that, whatever else she feels about it

She doesn’t want Túrin to be cruel. She wants him to survive and she’s coming from a place where everyone about survival is cruel

I also think she’d be incredibly reluctant or even hostile to parenting advice from almost anyone

And in her defense it’s very possible that some advice she’s given is unfair or devalues her own cultural practices with regard to parenting (I’ve talked before about how people view her response to Lalaith’s death and my headcanon that aspects of that bleed into the later accusations against her including people who claim that she killed Lalaith l…anyways I won’t go into that too much now because it’s not strictly relevant but like…ask me about this…)

But she’d also react badly to advice that comes from a better or more reasonable place

With Niënor things are even more complicated. I think that anyone with any approach would struggle in these circumstances and there’s a lot about Morwen’s approach that keeps Niënor safe

Everything about her approach with Túrin is heightened by the fact that the situations of her childhood she was reacting to are happening again.

Paraphrasing from another post of mine here about Morwen and Niënor but I think there’s a lot of emotional difficulty on both sides

Morwen’s suppression of her own emotions and difficulties communicating are exacerbated so much when Niënor is young because she is so isolated. And so by the time Niënor is old enough that they could have a more equal relationship it’s much harder, especially as the danger that marked Niënor’s childhood has not passed and neither has Morwen’s worry for her

Anyways I hope this makes sense I worry I worded a lot of it poorly

[one-sunny]

Wrong Time | The (Real) Break

15: When you move to a new town, you don’t expect to run into your high school sweetheart. Old feelings begin to arise and you are suddenly faced with the complexity of relationships, communication, and the struggle for true connection.

Warning: 18+ only. contains sexual themes and content, use of cigarettes, toxic relationships, toxic behaviors, mentally/ emotionally abusive behaviors, gaslighting, destructive behaviors, miscommunications, complex feelings, jealousy, anxiety, loneliness, some reader x Ace, slow burn, angst, cheating, mentions of suicide (used manipulatively)

Sanji feels as if he exists freely for the first time in months. As if the wool was pulled from his eyes. As if he had been manually breathing for so long and has finally taken a breath on his own.

Manipulative.

That’s what you had called her. Vera has used the word many times to refer to others in Sanji’s life, but it had never felt right. Now, with weeks of resentment building towards his girlfriend, he realized that it finally sounded right.

Vera was manipulating him for so long. Making him feel as if he had to walk on eggshells and read off of a mental script to make her happy. The sick feeling and the anxiety had been because of her. He finally felt free of it.

But Sanji was a man. A real man who needed to have a real conversation.

He doesn’t wait. Not like you said he should. He arrives at Vera’s apartment just after leaving yours, pounding on the door, silently begging for it to open. She had been blowing up his phone, so he was well aware that she was awake.

The door is thrown open and Vera stares at him long and hard. “You haven’t been answering the phone.” She simply states, eerily calm. Words are poised on her tongue and ready to strike. But Sanji brushes past her to force his way inside. He didn’t care what was going on with her right now. It had to happen tonight.

“Vera, listen-“

“Where have you been?” Her voice is clipped, expecting.

“Listen.” He repeats sternly. Her brows raise and her arms cross, hand waving him on from its position tucked in her chest. “We have to break up-“

“I knew you were gonna try this crap again.” She immediately snaps. Sanji forces himself to hold strong. “What, did you see your friends again? Talk to one of them? Is that where you’ve been?”

“No-“

She laugh, loud and edging on the side of a woman gone mad. “So you’ve been with her.” She crosses the room to pick up her phone. Her hand shakes it in the air dramatically and then she is speaking the name of your apartment complex. “I have your location, you idiot.”

Sanji takes a deep breath through his nose. None of this mattered to him anymore. She didn’t matter to him anymore. “Yeah, I have.”

Vera’s face drops to a look of concern that Sanji has never witnessed before. She genuinely looks taken aback. As if that answer was entirely unexpected. As if she realizes her control over him is slipping away. “What?” The words are barely above a whisper. A vicious rage rises up inside of her. “What?!” She finally shrieks at him.

It makes Sanji jump, the sound threatening to pierce his ear drums. “She needed a ride and I was there for her-“

“Oh, oh wow.” Vera places a hand on the counter and leans back, as if processing the information. “You slept with her, didn’t you?” Her voice raises. “Didn’t you?!”

“No, I didn’t sleep with her.” Sanji almost backs down when he sees the look in her eyes. But he can’t allow himself to give in. “But I kissed her.”

Vera’s eyes widen at the revelation that he wasn’t under her thumb anymore… She could turn this around. She was sure of it. Close to eight months of practice sure. “You…” Her voice cracks. She stares at him, unblinking, until her dry eyes blur and well up in tears. “You cheated on me?” Sanji bows his head, he wasn’t proud of it, but he still wouldn’t want to change what happened. “I thought-“ She hiccups. “I thought you loved me? I thought we were going to get married one day! But you.” She presses her palms to her face to hide the fact that she wasn’t able to produce anymore tears. And to project her voice more.

“I did. And I’m sorry that I did that to you-“

“All that crap about being a real man and treating a lady right.” Her fake sobs grow louder. Sanji’s heart squeezes. But just as he is about to approach her, your image pops into his mind, and he stills mid step.

“Vera, I’m sorry, but I’m breaking up with you.”

Vera panics. “But- but I told you before that I would die without you.” Her hands drop from her face and her eyes speak desperation. “Sanji I will kill myself if you leave me. That will be on your hands.”

Sanji’s eyes close for a brief moment and he sucks in a deep breath, remembering the smell of your perfume on your skin. The taste of it. “No you won’t.” He shocks himself by speaking the statement.

“Y-yes I will.”

“Vera.” Sanji’s voice is surprisingly stern. “No you won’t. You’re just,” He shakes his head and makes a strangled noise in his throat. Of course, he knows it’s all fake, but he can’t just stamp down all the feelings he once had for her. “You’re being manipulative.”

She pauses for a long moment. Stares at him. Then her expression shifts. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her words are void of emotion. “You’re making things up in that stupid little head of yours, Sanji.”

“No I’m not.” Sanji bites his lip. Hard. “You can’t keep doing this to me. Not anymore. This is over.”

“Over? Do you think you’ll even be able to function without me? You were so broken before me, Vinsmoke. Always having nightmares about what daddy did to you- I fixed that!” She’s shouting at him, but it doesn’t make any sense. The nightmares still happen. Lately, she has taken a leading role. “You are so pathetic, Sanji.”

“We’re done, Vera.” Sanji makes a break to move past her but she quickly blocks his way.

“No we are not! You’re throwing away someone who loves you for some high school fling! Some slut!” Anger flares up inside of him.

“Don’t talk about her like that.”

“She is never going to love you, Sanji. She broke up with you once and she will absolutely do it again.” She is screaming directly in his face now. “I’m the only one who will ever love you,” She leans in ever closer. “And that’s a hard task for me, Vinsmoke, because you’re so pathetic. You’re unlovable, Sanji, but I make it work.”

A string of spit flicks into his face. Acid fills his throat and he feels like he might be sick again. That she is causing him to be sick again.

“I know it. Your father knows it. Your brothers. Even your mother knew how pathetic you are.” She pushes his shoulder for emphasis, his body swaying with the movement. “And your little girlfriend is going to realize it too. That you’re worthless.” She shakes her head and clicks her tongue. “I guarantee she’s not going to try as hard as I do.”

Sanji steps back from her orbit. “You’re wrong.” And suddenly the door is an unstoppable goal. He needed to leave. He needed to get out of there. As soon as possible.

“You will never find someone like me!” She is shouting after him.

He chances a glance over his shoulder, hand on the door, squeezing it tight. “Good.” He hears a scream of frustration behind him as he waltzes out the door. Sanji doesn’t stop walking- running down the stairs and out the door- until he is safely in his locked car.

Her words reverberate in his mind, bouncing back with power. It was all mind tricks. He was well aware of that fact. But it was hard to ignore the things that he has been told since childhood.

His eyes flicker to the clock. Two in the morning. You were probably asleep. You had expected him to deal with this part tomorrow, after all.

So Sanji forces himself to make the drive home, used to it to a point that he can zone out and still safely pull into his own complex. Then he is forcing himself out of the car, moving his limbs as if each one required a hefty amount of energy to maneuver. All the way inside and to his own door. All of his brain power forced into fumbling with his keys.

Until he is inside and can collapse on the couch, far too physically and mentally drained to even make it to bed. He pulls out his phone to send you a message. Vying to talk to you. Missing you. Craving your touch.

His shoulders sag as he realizes that he doesn’t have your number anymore. Vera deleted it. So he tosses his phone aside and allows himself to lay back against the cushions.

Words echo in his mind- Vera’s. His brothers. His fathers. All calling him worthless. Telling him that he’s nothing. Tears begin to flow freely without him even realizing it.

Exhaustion takes over him.

✐ ᝰ ✐ ᝰ ✐ ᝰ ✐ ᝰ ✐ ᝰ

Sanji’s throat burns when he wakes up. His back aches and his stomach turns. And yet, he felt better than he has in months. Despite the burning in his eyes and the pounding of his head, he jumps up from his couch with a smile on his face.

It was far later than he would have liked to wake up, but he didn’t really care. Because he would get to see you. To hold you. Never let you go… ever again. It made his heart flutter and he twirled in place in a love sick daze.

Sanji doesn’t even bother changing, still adorned in sweats and a hoodie from last night. He bursts out of the house with a bounce in his steps. The negative thoughts wouldn’t win this one. Not when he was so close.

The drive to yours seems to take forever.

Until suddenly he’s bursting up the buildings stairwell, taking them two at a time, desperate to be by your side. When he finally makes it to your floor, he swings the stairwell door open and breathes a sigh of relief. Just down the hall. He was so close.

When your front door opens.

And out steps Portgas D. Ace with a dumb, satisfied look on his face. He holds a plastic bag in one hand and his nose is buried in his phone. The elevator is about halfway between Sanji and your door. Ace never spots him.

Sanji feels his knees buckling from underneath him. He catches himself against the wall, leaning his forehead against the hard plaster, feeling very ill. He might throw up. He might pass out.

He was certainly going to cry.

Everything from the night before comes crashing down on him. From the argument with you, to the intense make out session, to Vera. To her every word. How pathetic he was. How unloveable he is. How you were going to realize all of these things.

Maybe Sanji truly was unloveable.

Series Masterlist | Chapter 16

Taglist: @thekatisspooky @teacarby @zoecelestine @vespidphoenix @mere-mortifer @sagyunaro @dailybrekker @meow-0x0

[ravi-is-my-beloved]

I just realized that interconnected hoses of the fire engines to give the 118 good water was a callback to everyone in the neighborhood connecting their Christmas lights to give power to the little boy’s medical equipment during the storm. (I forget which season it was, but you get the gist.)

[tanoshiboo]

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god I found something else I swear to god Shadowsugar is real but as bitter exes

( CAUTION: SHADOWSUGAR THEORIES AND ANALYSIS OVERLOAD , HUGE READ )

disclaimer for those who read and are not into Shadowsugar: just in case, none of this is disproving the existence of Hollysugar, it is providing for the theory that Shadowsugar may have existed in the past and are now separated

I failed to understand what was the point of the ouroboros in the first trailer of Eternal Sugar, since there was nothing that could imply what the ourboros represents (which signifies the cycle of life, death and rebirth) outside of the fact that her name involves "eternal" but the ourboros does not exactly represent infinity in the way that the staticness of her garden is infinite but in the sense of a cycle that never ends (like how life and death is a cycle that loops and loops for infinity and I'm pretty sure it's actually why Burning Spice is the way he is)

I'd say that a lot of the beasts in a way cooporate into the end of a cycle (reducing the cookies to flour, destruction and prevention of a cycle, keeping them in jam/in a static garden forever where even alteration of the seasons is not possible)

What Eternal Sugar has is eternal stagnation, a flat line, not an eternal cycle or a loop - the orborous wouldn't be a fitting motif for what she's doing - Sloth is often stagnation, it's the refusal to change for the sake of your comfort zone, to stay in one place

Though I'd love to hear some people's interpretations of what the ourboros could mean for Eternal Sugar cookie honestly I could easily be wrong here

So , it's like, for me: What could this ourboros represent if not something to do with the story and herself?

"Name and interpretation. The term derives from Ancient Greek οὐροβόρος, from οὐρά oura 'tail' plus -βορός -boros '-eating'. The ouroboros is often interpreted as a symbol for eternal cyclic renewal or a cycle of life, death and rebirth; the snake's skin-sloughing symbolises the transmigration of souls."

Hades and Persephone within their story and as a couple represent exactly this: death and rebirth, the cycle of life and the seasons (summer, spring and winter, autumn)- It's why Persephone is associated with the cycle of life now, it's why Hades and Persephone are one of the most important stories in Greek mythology

I talk about Shadowsugar connections with Hades and Persephone here:

The fact that they also chose the serpent form to represent this so particularly and chose pink and blue as colors , turned it into a heart that then shatters/breaks and milk comes out like COOOOME OOOOON I am so sick of coincidences let me go LET ME GOOOO!!!!

In Eternal Sugar's garden, we also see many bleeding hearts (literally) but this could also represent a certain flower: The bleeding heart

which often represents heartbreak and sorrow, especially in Eastern Asia - It even has a Japanese folklore story which goes along as such:

"Long ago there lived a noble prince who tried in vain to win the heart of a very beautiful princess. The prince had brought the princess wonderful gifts from his travels far and wide. Yet she had taken no notice of him. One day the prince returned from a long journey with very special gifts to surely win the love of the princess. First he presented her with two magical pink bunnies. (Peel off the two outer petals and set them on their sides to display two little bunnies.)

The princess only sighed and barely looked at the little bunnies. The hopeful prince had another gift for the princess – he presented a pair of beautiful enchanted earrings. (Remove the two long white petals and hold them next to your ears.)

These she took happily, but declared she could not love him. Still, he can’t bear to give up hope, and he makes her another gift of slippers made of the finest silk.

Again, the princess hardly noticed the prince’s gift. Now the poor prince was utterly heartbroken. He could try no more to win the heart of the princess. He rose up, pulled a dagger from his sheath and stabbed himself in the heart. (Remaining in the flower is a heart shape with the stamen, appearing as a dark green line down the center. Hold the heart up, carefully remove the dagger-like line, and plunge the dagger through the heart.)

The princess was overcome by the dedication of the dying prince and his unending love for her. She realized too late that she loved him also. “Alas,” she cried out. “I have done wrong, my own heart is broken also. I shall bleed for my prince forever more!” And her heart bleeds to this very day."

Now I'm just giving food for thought here... Just giving fooooood for thought 🥄🥣

By the way, almost every single one of the Shadowsugar-associated couples involved rejection too,

Aphrodite rejected Hermes until Hermes played a trick on Aphrodite

Persephone rejected Hades until he tricked her

Lilith , well.. rejected Adam but did not reject Satan initially

2 out of 3 , and then you also have the bleeding heart which is also associated with rejection/heartbreak and agony + as well as being associated with a literally royal rejection

I mean the bleeding heart and heartbreak/sorrow/agony/rejection could easily have something to do with Hollyberry and Eternal Sugar's relationship but I'm not seeing any of this (including heartbreak alone) unless they're actually more doomed than people thought initially

And Shadow Milk is disguising himself and stalking Eternal Sugar as a bleeding heart (lol)

^ Shadow Milk has been stalking Eternal Sugar even before Hollyberry like a dog on crack for whatever reason

if Sugarfly acknowledges that their "sheep" "bite" so often that it's become a fun fact then your chances are it's been happening for a while now and he doesn't do this with the other beasts let alone so explicitly, no no ❌ I can only imagine he might do the same with Silent Salt but for the sake of White Lily because Shadow Milk wees himself at the mere mention of PV and WL

and then you have ES imitating his speech mannerisms to the point where it confuses Sugarfly (the fact that she's also referring to Elder Faerie cookie too LMFAAAOO)

^^^^ I also still haven't gotten any explanation for this unless it's just asset repurposing or something/just foreshadowing Shadow Milk's appearance

I think despite it all, the theory of Shadowsugar having previously been a thing still remains.. I have always thought they might be exes, and it continues to live, it has never died - The only thing that might have died is the idea of them ever getting back together.. That may be a long-lost idea lol

I'm going to say something mildly horrific, no one kill me, but what if one of the few reasons why Pure Vanilla understands Shadow Milk and Eternal Sugar understands Hollyberry is because...

Purelily is almost one-sided, I mean it is canon but Purelily has had many complex issues when it comes to their romance and Pure Vanilla's love for White Lily is very rarely reciprocated

Hollyberry, too, implied she had her own struggles with love and heartbreak in which we're not fully aware of yet ... This has been kept secret for some time now

I don't know, I'm just brainstorming here 🐤

also thought these were quite interesting overall, make of them what you will

Hey out of curiosity you think about shadowsugar now that the new episode and we have an interaction for these two?

The canon dynamic rn came off to me as bitter exes/divorced couple who still are not over it.

Pre-Awakening update, I was speculating Shadow Milk Cookie to be in love with Eternal Sugar Cookie and vise versa and when he showed up as Lady in Azure, I had a theory that maybe

1. Devsis just dropped an easter egg

2. If he's involved in the story then maybe he has come to meet with ES to maybe inform that he has PV in the bag (cuz the episodes are happening at the same time and dude can conjure up portals so maybe he just came to boast) and then ES says "Me too!~" and they have a good laugh about scamming their other half off their soul jam once and for all

3. Dude would probably join HB as that disguise to get to Crispia so that he can stalk PV again.

I was sorta there with theory 2 but at the same, not really so leaving that behind...the bit he showed up was shocking to say the least lol

Let's take a quick look at their conversation at some of the integral parts of the conversation:

At the beginning, it may come off as a normal statement for ES. But pay attention to what she says "Don't tell me you seek happiness from me?"

This can imply he has done so in the past.

Also this dialogue:

It's the classic thing most exes, who you ended things badly, will say when they meet you again lol

"God you look awful."

ES is also doing the same here lmao

And SM takes it graciously cuz he's used to it lol

They both know she doesn't mean it.

But what adds the interesting twist in the dynamic is this piece of dialogue right here:

ES explicitly states she will not tolerate his "tricks". This could heavily suggest that SM has scammed/harmed her directly or indirectly in some way before which may have caused a rift between them.

To further illustrate the point,

"After all we've been through together?"

This dialogue is CRUCIAL in understanding their relationship.

Not to mention, since the episodes are all happening at the same time canonically, SM visited ONLY her even now. He didn't visit the other beasts. He's visiting her in a vulnerable moment.

Right after the moment he failed.

This actively CONFIRMS that they are very close. Or to be precise, were close. ES use to be very gracious and warm to him BUT-

Something changed.

And we get the reason right in the next dialogue:

SM lied to her or at the very least, manipulated her until she caught him. He used her and possibly took advantage of her.

SM recognising this quickly changes topics to the other awful stuff he did like to move attention away from that such as:

However, by the last dialogue, you can see ES growing impatient with that manipulation again cuz he's moving away from what she's saying and she doesn't really have the time to call him out so she just wants him to leave so that she can go back to HB.

However, SM is not done with her.

He doesn't wanna leave yet. He wants her to not think about what he did with her but instead focus on the other atrocities but then-

ES confirms what I said earlier:

They were close.

Very close.

To the point, they know eachother intimately even.

ES quite literally sees through his act and that's exactly why she dislikes him now. She doesn't like being manipulated by someone like him and being taken advantage of/used as a pawn.

This directly confirms that he has done so with her in the past. He has lied, decieved and manipulated her subtly to use her to his own benefit.

She knows this and knows now is not an exception either.

Which is why, she tells him to get out cuz she's got work to do.

And what he says next further solidifies this dynamic.

This interaction goes beyond just a conversation between exes.

SM and ES both know the fact that the other is very toxic and a bad influence.

ES is capable of manipulation and lying just like SM.

Both are red flags and they both know it.

But they are still bitter because they once had a good, happy relationship until one of them changed and that...shattered it and got them seperated.

That could explain why these two are arguably the MOST obsessed with their counterparts.

They really want to get that sense of connection, that understanding they once had with someone else...which is why they desperately want their "other half" to stay.

It is a way of coping, you can say even.

That is why, when SM got rejected in his endeavour, he went back to ES. His comfort spot or a "safe" zone.

Cuz they were close and even if he ruined it, like the toxic guy he is, he still reaches out to the one person he cared and cares for in his own twisted way.

And ES....doesnt want it. Not anymore.

She's found her happiness in HB who is a straightforward, simple person who has no double meaning in her words.

She doesnt want to go back to someone like him even though some of the qualities she admonishes him for are within her as well; manipulation and lying to be exact.

And that is the exact reason why SM is so bitter about it.

Now, not only had he lost the person he tried to move on with but that same equally toxic ex found a partner when he failed miserably and THAT PARTNER ACTUALLY DIDN'T RUN AWAY AND STAYED?! He's salty about it lol that's also why he basically said "Well you can be just a phase for her. Keep an eye on her LOL" while ES basically replies with "You're wrong. MY one is different than yours. THEY ARE MINE FOR LIFE."

That's also why SM is basically bitterly laughing at her before going off:

And as much as ES pretends she doesn't care about what he says, she still does as evidenced by here:

She does start paying more attention to her.

And if you saw the end of chapter then you can see her desperation for HB to not go.

Because she doesnt want to accept that none of this was real and that the sense of happiness she found from their relationship was nothing but for coping the loss of the past one.

She doesn't want to accept reality.

That is why she is hysterical when HB says she needs to leave.

So yeah! TLDR, ShadowSugar were DEFINITELY a thing in the past.

I think this is further evidenced by the fact that her garden still has remnants of it. It's still ridden with snakes which is SM's thing and goes against her aesthetic. Not to mention, despite being in a time crunch, she still makes out time to meet him when she realises it's him and SM goes to her of all beast cookies.

It definitely means something.

Also the fact, they have this conversation:

The first one especially.

It is a weird thing to discuss with ppl you don't trust or care about.

That particular set of dialogue is not something you talk with anyone about. It's unless they do trust the other person to not leak this trust thing that you discuss if you trust your own team mates.

It could further illustrate the fact that ES and SM eventually broke off due to trust issues because if two ppl in a relationship constantly gaslight, manipulate and lie to the other...Trust issues will rise at very least.

But that doesn't really stop them from reaching out to eachother still cuz they both know, they both are awful. They're petty and bitter over what the other did while also knowing they have done worse or maybe even better.

It's inverse Purelily basically (could be why their colours are reversed).

One is built on trust, truth, love, connection and respect; the other is built up on distrust, lies, hate, manipulation and disrespect.

[queenerdloser]

i just finished dark heir

[icewindandboringhorror]

Would most people realistically use 'carry' and 'convey' as synonyms in typical speech?? Seems a slightly reaching comparison to me lol

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

I think I need that "Wow, I haven't stubbed my toe in five months! I was then shot fifty-seven times." Audio again

[sforzesco]

poetry might not convince me to pay attention or care about the medici family beyond necessity, but you CAN convince me to turn the spotlights directly onto lorenzo de' medici with phrasing like this. intimately linked. even wedded, you say. and with galeazzo maria sforza's named mentioned. fascinating choice of words.

Magnifico: the Brilliant Life and Times of Lorenzo de’ Medici, Miles J. Unger

[babymorte]

all these dudes keep adding me on snap through quick add and i don’t know who any of them are i literally have 5 friends and one of them is my 2nd account, i don’t sync contacts and i only have 6 contacts in my phone anyway and ive literally asked everyone cuz im socially awkward and i dont wanna ask these dudes who they are or how they know me cuz thats weird but like HOW DO YOU KNOW ME

[corys-nsp-fixation]

Due to SGCBarberian's TCD series most likely coming back it's made me semi-ill over it again.

So I'm gonna share an au concept that's on and off plaguing me. [That I think is post-inspired however I think my brain made the post up since I can't find it-]

The concept started as Redstoner Ross & Doctor Ross being the same person.

And then that gave me the idea of Doctor Ross having panic attacks every now and again bc of (what he calls) "a traumatizing hallucinational episode and or hyper realistic coma"

He'd hate whenever one came up bc in his head that's vulnerability he can't have due in the moment and almost certainly hates how he is at times because of how he is.

How could they be the same person? You may ask

Well, I somewhat have an answer. I wrote the au concept a couple days ago & just started re-thinking about it since I'm ill over both redstoner & doctor Ross.

However the current concept is some sort of cruel experimentation of sorts [maybe- idk I'm still thinking about how they could be the same place- Dr. Ross himself doesn't even fully know if it was a real experience or not so there's that-]

[linogram]

i rlly need to put signs in

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent-ish things ~