#makes it annoying to be trying to buy shit tho . ppl will just Lie

[matoitech]

why do ppl lie so much abt stuff thats rly easily checkable on lioden. ppl will be trying to stud out their king or sell lions and say theyre g1 or clean and theyre obviously not. like do u think ppl wont check? what do u gain from lying abt something so obvious i dont get it man

[singsongraptor]

An essay about non-compliance and being Black and disabled.

I hate the term "noncompliant" as a patient. It strongly implies a willful refusal to heed the advice of HCPs and it's unevenly applied against patients and is frequently weaponized by HCPs. Drs esp refuse to acknowledge any barriers pts may have to compliance

The threat of being labelled noncompliant erodes the trust of patients and is often used to coerce marginalized pts into treatments they can't sustain or that they know will harm them at worst and do nothing at best. It prevents pts from seeking help for problems as well

I've been coerced multiple times into doing tx that I know I can't do or that I know will be harmful or unhelpful. Or I just flat out lie, bcuz either I've tried it before or I know my barriers to access will go ignored and I'll be labeled noncompliant for shit I can't control.

Black ppl are assumed to be untrustworthy, uncaring about our health, lazy, immoral and ignorant, stupid and foolish. You see this whenever studies show that racial bias is a primary reason Black ppl have worse health and here come the "if they didn't eat fast food" ppl

Those ppl victim blaming us refuse to note that fast food places outnumber grocery stores, that those stores lack quality food, esp fresh produce, that ppl working 3 jobs don't have time to cook and that healthy foods are overpriced. The noncompliant label is used similarly.

I don't think drs and other HCPs should label a pt noncompliant without notating every single barrier the pt faces to compliance bcuz drs are predisposed to think marginalized pts are exaggerating or lying about their circumstances and ascribe mal-intent to them

Part of my issue with it is that it reveals how much HCPs start an interaction by disbelieving marginalized patients. The more axes of marginalization the more disbelief.

An example: every neurologist and ER doc I've met asks me if I have diabetes if I mention my nerve pain and paresthesia. They assume the cause is that bcuz I'm fat and Black and most HCPs hold the inaccurate belief that Type2 is caused by fatness and bad diet.

I'm not diabetic, I'm not prediabetic, nobody in my family has diabetes, they ask bcuz they make assumptions about me and my diet based on bias. They don't believe me when I tell them what my diet is like. They over test me for diabetes.

They always prescribe diet change and exercise, bcuz they assume I'm lazy and eat poorly. They persist in it despite my barriers to healthful food and exercise options and mark me noncompliant when I inevitably say I haven't implemented their vague advice bcuz barriers

They don't actually believe my barriers are what I say, that they're just excuses, lies, that there's more I could do, that there's more help and access than actually exists. That I'm an unreliable narrator, so I can't possibly know what works or what may harm me, and so I'm noncompliant instead of facing barriers and distress.

Noncompliant means an HCP thinks I'm a liar. Noncompliant means they don't need to care about me or work with me to find solutions, bcuz obvs the problem is I don't care about myself and aren't trying hard enough and am probably malingering (even tho there's nothing to gain). Noncompliant means I had the audacity to challenge their perception of themselves as an immutable, objective authority, of someone inherently smarter or inherently trustworthy and they're offended when I don't trust them.

And you'd think they'd be more prepped to believe me since I don't ask for pain relief, but HCPs are so primed to believe that Black ppl are drug seeking that they hyperfocus on pain I'm not really concerned about bcuz it's my other symptoms that cause the pain.

of course they never offer meds for pain relief, always exercise and weight loss, aka things that will make my pain worse, and even tell me to ignore agonizing pain, even if I literally can't do it. Aka they're literally telling me to injure myself, otherwise I'll be noncompliant. Or they suggest psychotherapy for pain or psych meds, most of which have pretty intense side effects or aren't actually indicated for pain. But figuring out and treating the symptoms that cause my pain never seems to cross their mind.

This is another reason I get pissed off when white disabled ppl claim ableism is the same or worse than racism, and when they appropriate our hashtags and tell Black ppl to step aside and pipe down about their liberation and make way for white disabled ppl.

Cuz the assumption is always that Black ppl don't actually suffer, that they're unreliable narrators, that they're to blame for their woes, that they don't experience ableism AND racism, that they exaggerate and have more resources or power or liberation than they really do.

HCPs don't really ask or comment when I do talk about my pain, but they don't really ask or comment when I talk about my symptoms and how they affect my daily life or how they are the root cause of my pain either. They latch to pain bcuz they can blow me off with dangerous instructions and because they're primed to be biased against Black pain and are ready to attack it. That's a problem they can "solve" easily bcuz aren't Black people always complaining about pain for nefarious reasons? The easy answer is to give them everything except direct pain relief, any and every other thing they're saying is clearly to support the grift for drugs, cuz that's what it's always about right?

Bcuz in the end they solidly believe that I'm a liar and the source of my own suffering, even if they don't realize that's what they believe. Medical and nursing schools still teach racist medicine, still teach that Black ppl don't care about their health

HCPs still believe that Black ppl are lazy and don't care about their health, that the problem is we're not doing enough and that systemic barriers like poverty and food deserts are weak excuses for being disgusting and irresponsible. "Noncompliant" is a weapon against us

Noncompliant signals to every HCP that sees it that this patient is pointless to help, that a patient is irresponsible, lazy, lying, and looking for an easy fix, maybe even malingering. "Noncompliant" means difficult or annoying, means attention seeking, means disregard this one

So yeah I hate that term with a passion, bcuz HCPs wield it like a club to destroy marginalized pts and force harm upon them, force neglect and gaslighting on them. It lets HCPs off the hook of examining their bias, of acknowledging systemic barriers. It enables lazy medicine.

But I mean lazy medicine is what most HCPs do for marginalized people, especially on multiple axes of oppression. That shit matters.

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[crowned-ladybug]

Marvin from the rivals au for that character thing or just in general bc I love him so much and I want to know more about him

This got so long, I’m so sorry. This is like 2k words bc if allowed to talk about this boy then i could talk Forever. Oops

(With the meme it’s here btw)

Occasional sleeptalker. Usually just incoherent babbling, andJackie finds it hilarious to listen to if he's awake for it

Can braid his own hair perfectly without any trouble. Fear him

Shows his love of certain ppl by buying them lil gifts but hatesthe confrontation and awkwardness of giving them to them so heusually just leaves them in places he knows they'll find them,usually with no indication that they're from him either

Colour codes Everything

Has his own way of organising things that makes sense to Him okaybut he can't really explain it to anyone else. It annoys poor Jamesonto no end bc he organises shit to help with his anxiety and MarvinKeeps Ruining It

His reaction to Chase and Jackie wanting to get up to impulsivefun shit is "sure, go ahead, just don't hinder whatever I'mdoing" (or sometimes he joins them) and Schneep is sodisappointed in him for not helping him keep them in check instead

Has a fuckin perfectly figured out skincare routine and he'sdragging all the others up with him

Generally v good at lazy/spa day kinda self-care

Has ADD (tho all the egos have ADD/ADHD tbh)

Chase has absolutely compared him to Mettaton X at some point andMarvin doesn't know how to react to that

Gets cold super easily and Hates It. Is an absolute lil bitchabout it and won't stop whining until he can get warm again(favourite way to do that is to cuddle Jackie, and he just goes allhappy and melty from it, but I still wouldn't try to talk to him if Iwere you. And Jackie is a good bf who puts up with Marvin's stupidcold hands and face)

Has two modes when cuddling btw, he either just lies peacefullywith someone (mostly Jackie) while having an arm draped over them orholding their hand or pressed up against them, or he turns into afuckin octopus. Good luck trying to get up, you won't succeed

Which has led to multiple instances of someone needing Jackie forsomething, only to find him unavailable bc he's completely trapped bya sleeping Marvin even if he himself is wide awake. But he enjoys ita lot too bc Hell Yes Affection and would never have the heart tomove him and wake him up

He's also p damn pointy so he's not really the most comfy personto cuddle but Oh Well

Also wakes up slow and says a lot of bullshit in the process (orstuff he'd normally filter out and not get to say, like sappy shit)

A flirty lil bitch

Knows Jackie blushes super easily and enjoys the fuck out of it.Constantly trying to figure out how little it'll take for him to beall red in the face (And he knows Jackie doesn't mind and he backsoff when he's told to. Don't worry. Consent is still there)

He on the other hand doesn't blush often so when he does it meanshe's Super Flustered

Ik i said this last night too but he knows how to dance and doesit p well tbh?? He used to dance a lot when he was a kid/teen butdropped it when he realised he was trans bc then he tried to be AsMasculine As Possible bc he felt like if he didn't he'd be "fakingit"

(Grew out of that eventually. He's so glad he did)

Insecure about more stuff than he would ever let you believe

Once he starts really caring about the other egos he tries So Hardto be good to them and secretly beats himself up sometimes for stillbeing an Asshole when he messes it up. Yeah it's angsty. He'd takehimself apart just to make it up to his friends for having been anasshole to them before

Not a morning person but he can still function if woken up early,he'll just make sure you know that he's Not happy about it

Very rarely gets dysphoric, really only if continously referred towith the wrong pronouns/gendered terms or if called his deadname

At some point he started shooting Jackie flirty looks while sayingbullshit in French (Jackie doesn't speak French) to fluster him butit got to the point where Marvin realised that if he wanted to keepdoing it he'd need to Actually Learn French instead of just spoutingthe same limited amount of bullshit all the time. And that's thestory of why he started studying a Whole Other Language

Likes flowers but knows fuck all about them

I don't think I'll ever properly type down how he got his scar sohere: before Marvin pledged alliance to the other egos, Anti alreadyassumed he would, and so he captured him and threatened to torturehim to get information out of him/possibly force him on his sideinstead. Marvin called his bluff and told him to fuck himself. Antigot angry, waved his knife a lil too close to Marvin's face duringone of his threats and ended up actually cutting him. Anti was superhappy bc holy shit I Did Something, and Marvin decided that he's hadenough and since he'd been saving his energy all this time, blew up acharge of electricity in Anti's face. He then proceeded to teleporthome (with the chair he was tied to still attached but uhh. That partof the story is a lil less dignified so shh)

Anti has had a special place in Hell for him ever since (and withthis I'm realising that Anti is actually p fuckin bad at his job??Wow)

Says he doesn't like his hair messed with. He's lying.

But you gotta be Special and Important To Him to have permissionto touch his hair (or a hairdresser I guess). But Jackie is one ofthose ppl so he can mess with Marvin's hair all he wants (he evenlearned how to braid hair just to surprise him and lemme tell you,Marvin was Absolutely v surprised) Stroke and pet his hair longenough and he'll go all melty

His teeth are a lil bit pointier than average (and Jackie is sofucking gay for that and I'm shaming him)

Used to write poetry as a teen. Don't bring it up, he'sembarrassed.

Shoves all his feelings and problems in a box and hides them inthe attic bc He Doesn't Want Them

Can sing okay but doesn't do it often bc it's not Perfect so it'sBad. Hums more often tho

He's scared of a bunch of stuff in horror movies (and triggered bysome) but No One is allowed to know that. He's glad most of theothers don't much like them either and thus they don't watch themtogether anyway. He really doesn't want others to see him scared bche thinks it'd make him look weak and ridiculous

(Yes, he double-standards himself vs other ppl a Lot. Being scaredor having bad mental health or messing up is only bad if he does it.But you didn't hear that from me.)

Pokemon is one of his biggest and longest-lasting hyperfixations

Holy shit I've never drawn him in a suit but my dudes he looks SoPretty in a well-fitted suit, Holy Fuck. Give him a lapel flower andit'll be Perfect. No one can resist that amount of charm

Knows how to walk (and even run and dance) in high heels but can'tfucking stand them (no pun intended, he just finds them reallyuncomfortable)

Will be stunned silent if anyone assumes he doesn't absolutelyAdore Jackie, both bc How Dare You and bc he's trying So Hard to be agood bf is he really That Bad at it?

Pressure is not his main stim but it's the best way to bring himout of a panic/anxiety attack and just ground him in general, espwhen he can't use his magic or doesn't think to use it. (He doesn'thave any weighted stuff so in others words: lie on him.) Once hecalms down enough he'll hopefully start doing his vital-readingmagic, which should help calm him more

(Also yeah, the whole vital-reading that I've probably talk aboutjust Way Too Much already but jic I'll mention it again anyway: hecan use his magic to read other ppl's vitals. It calms and comfortshim. He mainly does it to Jackie, who has given him blanketpermission for it)

Favourite stim is fondling with squishy things (like those foamanimal keychains??) and scraping stuff like candle wax or soap (itwould probably be chewing if he actually realised that that is aValid Stim but he Doesn't)

Has his own apartment for a while still after moving in with theother egos bc he doesn't expect it to last. He sells it about a yearlater

His job is being a magician too and doing his shows that bring inAbsolutely enough money for him to not have to get another job or doshows like every other night. Ppl don't know he has Actual MagicPowers which makes a lot of things easier for him

His masks are all self-made bc he didn't wanna chance lettinganyone else do it, and he's had many less fabulous ones before bc healways wants Better. The gold patterns on the one I've drawn him withbefore are covered in glitter. He has a couple other ones he usestho, all different styles and shapes and colours for the sake ofvariety. He always wears matching make-up (mainly eye make-up andlipstick) for his shows

The scoreboard on the fridge (a piece of paper where they trackevery time him and Jackie defeat each other in Anything At All) washis idea, but it was Jackie who drew the stick figure renditions ofthe two of them on it (so it was a joint effort, really. Yeah,ironic. Or typical)

Has no shame when it comes to PDA as long as it isn't suggestive,but Jackie is a lot less sure about it (esp when out in public) soofc he respects that

That also means that if Jackie decides to hold his hand in publiche gets So Fucking Giddy you have No Idea and also you wouldn'tbelieve it even if you saw

Speaking of giddy. If you manage to get him to start talking aboutJackie (not a hard thing to achieve tbh) he will get so happy andgiddy and excited and Will Not Shut Up okay. Or at least it'll takehim a While to realise that he's rambling and has completely shed hiscool exterior. He just really loves his bf okay and he kinda justwants everyone to know how great he is

Can remember names and face p well but numbers and dates? Nah son.You better believe he has to make memos and calendar entries on hisphone for Everything. He's glad he can remember his own birthday,almost everything else he just kinda remembers (so only as specificas season or month). He feels bad about it tho, esp when he has tocheck like twice a day coming up to an important date that yes, it'sstill two days away, he didn't miss it

Has the kinda handwriting that's v pretty to look at but is anabsolute Pain to try to read