#maitland writing

[herefortheships]

Betelgeuse and marriage theory

A Beetlejuice head-canon/theory I have (It's somewhat "Beauty & The Beast" coded 🌹🥀).

Having died poisoned on his wedding night, Betelgeuse's soul is bound by the ritual of marriage.

We already know he will be able to reenter the mortal world if he marries a living person (due to the rules of the afterlife and whatnot), but here's where my head-canon starts:

Bound to the ritual of marriage, if he marries someone he loves, who truly love him back, dead or alive, his soul will be freed and he will be able to pass on to the great beyond next to his beloved (once his beloved passes away as well, assuming she happens to be currently alive *hint hint*). This person has to wear Delores' ring and accept and love Betelgeuse as is. She has to fall in love with his soul. Only loving him truly, wearing the ring, and sealing the deal with a kiss will release him, and that way, in the end, both his soul and his beloved's (it has got to be Lydia, please) can move on peacefully into the great beyond and exist without curses or attachments.

Totally a fantasy in my head because there's no way something like this would happen in canon much to the sadness of my little heart lol, but I thought I'd share it with you all. And who knows, maybe if there's a third movie they will explore what it is about Betelgeuse's character that is so attached to the concept of marriage. Because, listen, maybe the ritual where a ghost marries a living person and can materialize in the living world is something that is bound to the rules of the afterlife, and detailed in the Manual for the Recently Deceased, but the symbols and ritual of marriage is something intrinsic to the character of Betelgeuse itself.

He died on his wedding night, for starters. He was tricked by Delores and fell for her immediately. One could argue he fell quickly because she is so gorgeous and no doubt manipulated him into believing she loved him, and that's definitely part of it, but also, (and I have no doubt about this one), he believed her and fell for her immediately because Betelgeuse wants to be loved. He's a romantic underneath it all, and he wants to love and be loved. He might have been desiring it for a long time, failing to find love throughout his life until he met Delores.

He may exude self-confidence (maybe even to a delulu extent lol) and present himself in this very raunchy way, but inside, I'm sure he desires a genuine love; he wants to love someone and be loved truly. And he died, murdered by his bride on the night of his wedding. Betelgeuse was murdered on the night that should have been the happiest of his life, and his desire for love and a wedding stayed with him beyond the grave, now stained with blood and betrayal and a curse that can only be broken, in my head-canon/theory, by marrying someone who truly loves him, whom he truly loves.

Marriage is definitely a very important theme in Beetlejuice, so it'd be interesting if there's something more underneath it, which could be explored in the next movie if we are so lucky to get it.

[afewnovelideas]

Chapters: 11/? Fandom: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics), Batman and Robin (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Beetlejuice (1988), Detective Comics (Comics), DCU, Batman - Fandom Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Martha Wayne/Thomas Wayne, Tim Drake & Alfred Pennyworth, Alfred Pennyworth & Martha Wayne & Thomas Wayne Characters: Thomas Wayne, Martha Wayne, Tim Drake, Alfred Pennyworth, Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson Additional Tags: Crossover, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Beetlejuice (1988) Fusion, Beetlejuice References, Batfamily Bonding (DCU), Weird Plot Shit, Not Beta Read, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Ghosts, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Tim Drake-centric, Tim Drake is Red Robin, Grandparents & Grandchildren, Neitherworld (Beetlejuice), Martha Wayne and Thomas Wayne Live, Meet the Family, Family Feels, Family Bonding, Good Grandparent Alfred Pennyworth, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily (DCU) Feels, Batfamily-centric (DCU), Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Wayne Family (DCU), Wayne Family Drama (DCU), Martha and Thomas Wayne - Freeform, Dead Martha Wayne and Thomas Wayne, it's complicated - Freeform Summary:

Thomas and Martha Wayne died in Crime Alley... but then they walked through the front doors of Wayne Manor over thirty years later? No one is quite sure what the heck is going on, but perhaps a grandchild (or several) can help them?

[ghostprincessworld]

Why am i writing fanficton about john maitland??? I need to be restrained.

[itsawritblr]

Me when readers expect writers to provide "trigger warnings."

[musical-shit-show]

isn't it delicate?

Pairing: Musical!Beetlejuice x Reader

Inspiration: Prompts #1 (“did…did you just kiss me?”) and #2 (“i didn’t mean to say that but yeah, i love you.”) from Prompt List 2, requested by @animetattoochick

Warnings: cursing, sexual innuendo, fluff

Word Count: 2,701

Author’s Note: Thank you for your patience on this one! I really haven’t been feeling very inspired lately, but I’m so glad I was able to finish this request. I have one more in my inbox currently but after that I think I may be able to get a couple other one shots out before the end of the year. I always love this time of year and I tend to feel more inspired around the holidays, so hopefully I’ll have the time to write more! As always check out my Masterlist, About Me page, or Prompt Lists if you’d like to submit an ask! Happy reading :)

“So…any men in your life I should know about while you’re up there?”

“Mom! That’s…no. Not…really, no.”

“Well, alright. That wasn’t very convincing, but I’ll take it,” your mother mused over the phone, only slightly teasing, “Just, tell me: are those people being good hosts? What were their names again—?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose. Your mom was always the forgetful type, “Charles and Delia. And their daughter, Lydia. She’s about sixteen, I think? Cute kid.”

You didn’t feel like you should mention the fact that your new teenage counterpart only wore black and was incredibly morbid, or that two ghosts occupied the attic, or that you were frequently plagued by a literal demon.

If you told your mom any of that, odds were that she’d drop dead from shock.

Ever since you started renting out the Deetz’ third bedroom in their Connecticut home, you tried to keep the details to a minimum when talking to your family. All they knew was that you had moved hundreds of miles away for your dream job, which was true; what they didn’t need to know what that you practically lived in a haunted house.

For the first few weeks you lived there, everything was relatively normal. Delia and Charles were in the city most days, and when you got home from work, Lydia was usually at the kitchen table doing her homework or in the attic. One day, you were headed to your room when you heard concerned whispers coming from the other side of the attic door.

“I just don’t know if now is the right time to tell her, you know?” you heard an older male’s voice say, his tone clearly distressed. You couldn’t help but wonder who Lydia was talking to given that Charles had been gone for a few days.

“Adam, it’s been weeks!” Lydia shot back, “Besides, I’m worried if we wait too long, you know who might show up and scare her away. You know how he gets.”

“She does have a point, hon,” this time, a sweeter woman’s voice spoke, “Besides, I think she’ll take it well. She gets along with Lydia just fine, doesn’t she?”

“Of course! If I just explain—”

“Okay, okay,” the voice now identified as Adam cut in, “I was getting a little sick of hiding up in the attic again.”

You heard the old door creaking open and bolted to your room, shutting your own door as quietly as you could. You stood at the foot of your bed, utterly confused.

Who were those people?

When did they manage to sneak into the attic?

And why the fuck was Lydia keeping some huge secret from you?

You thought you had a good rapport with her, given that you were several years her senior and were getting along with her alright. You maybe even could see yourself taking on an older sibling role, especially since she didn’t have any of her own and few friends at school.

Plus, you could tell she had a hard time opening up. As your mind slowed, you realized she would only come to you when she was ready. Whatever weird shit was going on would become your business when she finally told you.

It didn’t take long after your adventure in snooping.

A few days later, you heard a soft knock on your door and Lydia’s small frame peaked through the door. “Come on in,” you smiled, closing your laptop, “I was just checking out dinner options, how does pizza sound?”

“Oh, um, yeah,” she replied, uncharacteristically timid, “Pizza sounds great.” An awkward silence filled the air as she sat down on the edge of the bed, the buckles on her black chunky boots jangling slightly, “So…I have to tell you something.”

“I figured.”

“It’s just…I don’t want to freak you out or anything,” she began gingerly, “I haven’t told anyone about this, but since I like you and you’re living here, I thought it’s only fair—”

She was very sweet for beating around the bush, but you couldn’t keep it in anymore, “Is this about your two friends you’ve been sneaking in? Because honestly, Lydia, it’s completely fine if you have people over, you’re not bothering me—”

“What, no, I—” Lydia stared at your incredulously, “How did you—?”

“I heard you all talking the other day,” you confessed, finding her teenage antics a little endearing, “You aren’t exactly the quietest bunch, but like I said, I don’t mind.”

Lydia shook her head, not wanting anything about her situation to be misconstrued, “No, you don’t understand. Adam and Barbara, they aren’t friends from school or anything like that. They live here.”

You blink stupidly.

“Or, I guess lived here.”

You grew even more confused.

“I’m not sure I understand,” you said, a small laugh escaping your lips.

“They’re dead,” Lydia finally stated, unsure how to make herself any clearer, “Ghosts. They died here before me, my dad and Delia moved in. And…since you’ve been here, they’ve been staying in the attic.”

You laughed involuntarily. You couldn’t help it.

Surely this teenager was fucking with you.

But as silence once again permeated the room, Lydia stared at you earnestly, not breaking into a mischievous smile or shouting a good “gotcha!”.

“Oh,” you muttered, “Oh, you’re serious.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Cool. Ghosts are real. I can handle that.”

“Yeah, you seem really calm right now. It’s kinda freaking me out.”

“I’m good,” you reassured her. Or maybe you were just reassuring yourself? “I am. Just…processing.”

The existence of ghosts didn’t surprise you that much, but you were obviously way off when it came to Lydia’s secret. In your defense, you were busy with the move and your job and everything else, how could you notice anything strange going on?

“There’s something else too,” Lydia said quietly, swinging her chunky black boots off the bed and landing on the floor with a thud, “Or, I guess, someone. His name is, well, I usually call him Beej. He’s like a super chaotic ghost or demon, I’m not really sure. It’s a long story…”

She shifted on the bed again. “Anyways, I met him pretty quickly after we moved here, and, well, he’s kind of…a lot. And he left for a bit, but he and I are actually friends. Real friends, not like before. Like I said, long story, but I just wanted to tell you in case he shows up here and—”

Before Lydia could finish, a flash of green light illuminated the room, and the figure that appeared before you was the strangest man you had ever seen.

He donned a hideous black and white striped suit that appeared to be falling apart at the seams, and his hair was a violent shade of green that actually made you wince. His skin was sickly pale, and the tattered overcoat he wore to round out the ensemble shed dust and dirt particles with every movement.

“Lyds!” he shouted, his voice grating and coarse, “My ears were burning; were you talking about me, oh best friend of mine?” He tousled the teen’s hair, much to her dismay. Before Lydia could answer, he turned his attention to you.

Eyeing you up and down, the man cocked his head to this side. You felt a light tingle on the back of your neck; why did you suddenly feel like you were being hunted?

“And who do we have here?” he purred, a Cheshire cat smile spreading across his face, “Babysitter?”

“I’m sixteen, asshole. I don’t need a babysitter,” Lydia chimed.

You told him your name, and considered extending your hand in formality. That idea quickly disintegrated when you saw how grimy his hands looked, fingers black at their tips in a clear indication of decay.

“I, uh, live in the guest bedroom,” you choked out, “And your name is…?”

“Wish I could tell, ya, babe,” he said with a chuckle, running his tongue across his slightly jagged teeth, “I like to say I’m the ghost with the most, but you can call me whatever you like—”

Lydia was quick to cut him off from the incessant attempts at flirting, and you learned his real name was Beetlejuice. He winced at the sound, and the more he and the younger girl told you about their escapades, the more enthralled you became.

Before you could fully process all the insane information the duo was throwing at you, Beetlejuice left, citing a bio-exorcism that needed attending to. You made a mental note to have Lydia explain that in greater detail later. With a *pop* and a puff of green smoke, he was gone.

But not for long.

Over the next few months, Beetlejuice’s visits became more and more frequent, much to the dismay of everyone else in the house, living and dead.

Except for you.

You found him utterly fascinating, despite his shocking outward appearance and often lascivious gaze. Yes, he was a dead guy, but he always made an effort to ask you about your life, even if it was followed up by a crude joke or bad pick-up line. When he wasn’t tormenting the other inhabitants of the Deetz residence, he was almost…sweet to you.

Of course, his sweetness was usually undercut with his sleazy tendencies; Though you knew he liked getting a rise out of you and you would often bicker with him on purpose. Even as you performed mundane tasks, you could tell he was leering at you, studying your every move.

You thought you were alone while on the phone with your mother, but Beetlejuice had become sneakier; this time he was listening outside your room, floating inches above the floor so his shadow couldn’t be seen under the doorframe.

“Anyways, no, there’s, uh, no guy,” you said sheepishly, your tone coming out more bitter than you intended. “You know I’d tell you, Ma.”

“I know, honey,” she said, her voice comforting you, “Just, try to make some friends, okay? We miss you and I don’t want you to be lonely.”

For some reason this made tears well up in your eyes. “I miss you too,” you choked, masking your sob with a cough, “And uh, I’ll try, don’t worry. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” There was a pause on the other end. Your mom knew you were crying, which made you want to cry even more.

“Okay,” she said, not wanting to upset you further. She knew you too well, “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Your phone beeped and then returned to your home screen, and you let out a heavy sigh. A few tears dropped onto your jeans, the salt stinging your eyes.

“Who made you cry?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin as Beetlejuice materialized next to you, a few strands of his hair sprouting red at the roots. You shook your head in dispute.

“No, it was just my mom—”

“Oh, typical mothers. They really are the worst sometimes. Y’know, did I ever tell you how my mom—”

“Beej!” you cut him off before he went on another one of his rants, “I know. I’m sure you’ve told me. But no, she didn’t make me cry.” You wiped a stray tear away from your face and sniffled, feeling pathetic. “I guess I’m just a bit homesick.”

His hair instantly reverted back to its original state of vibrant green as he sat down on the bed next to you. “Oh…right,” he said, twiddling his thumbs, “You breathers can get so…sensitive sometimes, huh?”

You laughed dryly. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” It didn’t take long at all for you to see that Beetlejuice was a big softy, even though he liked to tease and scare you on an almost daily basis.

You didn’t mind, not even a little bit. Because against your better judgement, you found yourself developing feelings for him. Weirdly strong feelings. And you weren’t sure what that meant with him, well, being dead and all.

That fact didn’t seem to matter when he took your hand in his, your warm palm contrasting with his almost frigid skin. You felt yourself shiver, and you weren’t sure if it was from the sudden temperature change or the physical contact.

“I’m uh, not really good with this shit,” he said indelicately, “But I like having you around. Usually, I spend all my time either in the Netherworld or scaring the life outta breathers but…I didn’t want to come back to this house that much until you showed up. So…thanks for that.”   

He ran his thumb across the back of your hand, the gesture making your insides churn.

“Plus, if you were gone, I’d lose my eye candy,” he added, making you instantly blush and let out a laugh, “Adam’s hot and all, but you might just have him beat—"

You couldn’t help it. You kissed him. Your eyes were still red from residual tears, and he was a demon, and you tasted the faintest earthy flavor on your lips, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care about any of those facts.

It was a fairly chaste kiss, only lasting a few moments before you pulled away. Instantly Beetlejuice’s hair started sprouting a light pink color.

“Did…did you just kiss me?” he asked in disbelief. He was usually the one doing the kissing, or groping, or endless propositioning.

A sheepish laugh escaped your throat, your palms instantly moistening with nervous sweat. “Uh, yeah?” you croaked, “Is that alright?” Beetlejuice looked utterly dumbfounded.

“Alright?” he laughed. If he were still alive, his heart would’ve fluttered. “Babe, more than alright, I loved it! Shit, I’ve loved every second you’ve been in this boring ass house…because I love you.”

The realization came to the demon as soon as the words left his lips. He didn’t even register what he had said until you muttered, “you love me?”

Fuck.

‘Well,’ the demon thought, ‘no going back now’. He couldn’t detect whether you were pleased or creeped out by the sudden escalation, but decided to trudge forward through the emotionally honest deep end he had unwittingly dove into.

“Erm…” now it was his turn to be sheepish, “I didn’t mean to say that but yeah, I love you. Sorry to one up you, babe, but if you wanna go back to making out, you won’t get any complaints outta me.”

Even as he cracked jokes, he could feel his anxiety rising to his hair, which was slowly turning a sickly shade of yellow that mixed with the pink strands. He held his nonexistent breath as a wide grin spread across your face.

“Oh Beej, I love you too,” you said, finally able to put words to the ache you’ve felt for him for weeks, “Even though you’re a complete perv who shouldn’t have been spying on me in the first place.”

He scoffed at the accusation. “Look babe, let’s not forget who kissed who first,” he reminded, tracing his fingers along your arm. His hair was now a vibrant pink. “Though I wouldn’t mind going in for round two—”

“Round two of what, exactly?!” Lydia burst through the door, causing the two of you to jump away from each other on the bed. “Or do I even want to know.” The young girl looked disgusted at the thought.

“Jesus Christ, Lyds, ever heard of knockin’?!” Beetlejuice admonished. It was so big brother of him it almost made you burst out laughing.

“Yeah, I wonder where she got the spying from,” you deadpanned, your gaze flickered between the both of them before landing on Lydia, “We’ll meet you downstairs in a minute to talk, alright?”

She crossed her arms across her chest before stomping down the steps, yelling out a “No funny business!” for good measure, utterly embarrassing you and tickling Beetlejuice all at once.

You made a mental note to banish him the next time you talk to your mom; the fact that you were now dating a literal dead guy would not be a topic of discussion on the next phone call, and you didn’t need Beetlejuice butting in to introduce himself as her future son-in-law.

----

thanks for reading! please like/comment/reblog if you enjoyed! :)

[bjfinn]

MISINTERPRETED

[LYDIA is lying on her bed listening to "Every Breath You Take", when BARBARA enters.]

BARBARA

Oh, I love that song! It's so romantic!

LYDIA

What? You do know what it's about, don't you?

BARBARA

Yeah, of course! (faltering a bit) Uh ... what's it about?

LYDIA

It's about a stalker.

BARBARA (laughing uncertainly)

What? No, it's not!

LYDIA

Listen to the lyrics -- (sings) "Every breath you take/Every move you make/Every bond you break/Every step you take/I'll be watching you/Oh, can't you see/You belong to me" -- and so on.

BARBARA (shuddering in horror)

Oh, God!

[chiropteracupola]

spooky scary sleepover

[moth and compass is a collaboration with @natdrinkstea]

[mysteroads]

Chapter 8: Epilogue

Summary: The shopping trip comes to an end, and several important conversations are had.

Excerpt:

The quiet came back, but only for a minute. It was Lydia's turn to ask the uncomfortable question, which she did with her usual bluntness. “Beej, what was the Broker talking about? The ways and doors, and that Lovecraftian title instead of a name?”

Beetlejuice sat up with a groan, looking at her with exasperation. “Couldn't just let that go, huh?”

“He also said that freaky things might be coming to earth, so no,” Lydia said, unrepentant.

Beetlejuice sighed, running both hands through his hair. “Okay, big fat exposition time. Sorry folks at home, info-dump incoming.” Addressing Lydia again, he said, “Look, I explained to you that the barrier between the Neitherworld and the Living World is kind of like an airport, right? Certain gates open for a short time, then close.” Barbara and Delia leaned in; this was all new to them. “Usually, it's related to the stars and other celestial shit like that. Yah know,” he deepened his voice, “When Venus is ascendant in the ninety-ninth house, the moon is a waning crescent, the ambient temperature is ninety-nine degrees, and a bear just shat in the woods, The Blob will come forth and devour Pennsylvania.” He flapped a hand at Delia, silencing her automatic protest of his butchering the fine art of astrology. “Stuff like that. Halloween used to be a really big day for the supernatural, same with the solstices and equinoxes, but that's slowed down a lot the last thousand years.” He frowned, shuffling his boots, then crossing his ankles. “It's really bad news if the barrier between here and Neitherworld is thinning. Plenty of Neitherworlders are nice enough, but there's also plenty who wouldn’t play nice with fragile humans. One of the reasons the Enlightenment Era came around was ‘cause monsters got put on the endangered list here on Earth. Which is cool, yay scientific method and indoor plumbing, but you mortal types aren’t equipped to handle fuckers like me anymore.” He sighed heavily, hair turning pale again. “As for The Lovecraftian name guy… Far as I know, Creator of the Doors Beyond is one of the ones who made the barrier in the first place. Hence the title.”

“And why did Broker warn you about him?” Lydia pressed.

Beetlejuice didn't answer for a long moment, then said, “‘Cause a guy like that might not care for a demon hopping the fence as often as we do. After Chuck and Adam get their suits and I send the fairy snob home, we may need to take a break from our little adventures for awhile, Babes.”

Lydia bit her lip, but nodded. “That's okay, Beej. I don't really want to attract attention from things scarier than the freaking King in Yellow.”

Barbara and Delia exchanged relieved glances behind the two ‘kids.’ Every responsible adult in the house worried about what Beetlejuice and Lydia got up to in the Neitherworld, and meeting the Broker had just broken their worry dial. They would not be upset at all that their ‘kids’ would be staying in the human world, even if it meant more pranks and becoming closely acquainted with the local police force. Better that then real, life and death dangers.

Beetlejuice relaxed slightly at Lydia’s ready acceptance, and a tiny smile snuck back onto his face. “I’ll make it up to you. We'll go to Vegas!”

“Beej,” Lydia said, patting his shoulder, “you don't have to ‘make up’ for wanting to avoid the wrath of an eldritch monstrosity.” She paused, then smiled in a way that made both Barbara and Delia's developing parent-radar start beeping frantically. “But we can take a trip later, if you want. Could be fun to see how many people in Vegas believe in ghosts.”

Beetlejuice’s eyes began to gleam. “Not a bad idea. Maybe we can visit other cities too. Compare and contrast.”

Lydia nodded. “For science.”

He nodded solemnly, then offered his hand for a fist bump. “For science!” When they fist bumped, there was an actual explosion noise that made the two adults startle, and set Lydia and Beetlejuice to cackling.   

[rosiebeetle]

Here is a one shot request from @mossthegoblinart this one was SO fun to write! It's very cheesy but I think it needed to be.. Sorry it's Beetlejuice is a bit ooc I've never wrote him in the "I'm gonna bully them so they push ME away" way I've always wrote him in the "I NEED TO BE PERFECT FOR THEM SO THEY LIKE ME PLSPSLPSLSPSLSPLSPSKSJSJMDBD" way so it definitely was hard 😭😭 BUT I HOPE U LIKE IT!! It's a whopping 3k words and if u see any Grammer errors nuhuh.

It was weird. Being in an actual *home*. Growing up he didn't even have a home, just a broken, gross, dumpster of a trailer. Sometimes Dante's was a home yeah but a guy can only be thrown out of a place so much before they ban him.

It felt so *weird* to be sitting in this basement. One minute he's green card marrying a teenager and now he's sitting in the basement.. Newly dead.

After all the chaos of Juno and the heartfelt goodbyes they found out that since he was newly dead and died in the house he couldn't exactly leave. The door was being used back and forth so much that it had stopped working, he had no idea how long it would take for it to start back up again but he didn't really mind. The longer he stayed here the longer he could be with Scarecrow.. And the maitlands not that he actually liked them at all, they were losers just losers with pretty faces! And soft hands. And pretty singing voices.. And were kind to him.. Tried to be anyway. They even just sat and listened to him ramble about the guacamole thing.. BUT LOSERS NONETHELESS.

Everything was so weird. He felt like a wolf in a sea of white sheep. Even though the deetz were FAR from normal in breather standards he still felt out of place. He didn't belong here but he was there nonetheless, but if he would be stuck with his favorite breathers on this planet why not make it a little fun. Just because he had to stay with them doesn't mean he would be boring.

It started out with a few harmless pranks. Salt top being unscrewed, charles ties all getting cut into dick shapes, Delia's crystals magically having bites taken out of them, Adams model having a mini dantes on it. It got worse soon. It went from harmless to harmful real quickly.

“Charles honey I'm going to hop into the shower!” Delia walked to Charles and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “Alright- wait- we should check it first.. Just to be safe” he slowly got up from the bed and walked to the en suite bathroom. “That dreadful demon broke the water heater. Gave me a burn on my hand!” He huffed and checked the bathroom.

Delia sat on the counter as he searched the bathroom. He tested the water, searched in the soaps, looked inside the shower drain but nothing seemed odd. “Charles honey he wouldn't do anything horrible to me, I think we've been getting along lately!” Delia smiled. “I've been giving him small therapy sessions and I think we've really bonded, I'm trying to get him to calm down on the pranks.. “

Charles looked at Delia, too kind to tell her that the demon wouldn't care at all. “Alright.. Just be careful, after the stunt he pulled with the maitlands I don't put it past him to start targeting us again..”

A few days prior Beetlejuice had been targeting mainly the maitlands for weeks. They had been dealing with the pranks, laughing a long but recently Beetlejuice had pulled a prank that worked up barbara so much that even he was to scared to fuck with her again. Barbara did not mess around when it came to her garden. He had ruined weeks of hard work with his stupid bugs and snakes eating everything up and she was livid. Even after he had fixed everything she was still a bit salty towards him.

“Delia's in the shower” he snickered looking over at Lydia.

“She's not gonna care beej” Lydia rolled her eyes and continued to brush through Bubbles hair. Bubbles was a stray cat Lydia had found at school a few weeks back and the whole family adopted the pretty little lady. She was a calico with a bit of a wobble but she was perfect.

“Yeah yeah whatever” he blew a raspberry at her and waited. And waited.. And waited.. And waited. But there was nothing, no scream, no ‘BEETLEJUICE!!’ no nothing. An hour passed and he was getting bored. “Lyyydiiaaaaa “ he whined, laying upside down on the couch now.

“Told you she wouldn't care beej” she gently whacked him in the face with the tv remote. She had put on some weird ghost movie half an hour ago.

A few minutes passed and Delia came down stairs, her hair a new vibrant color of purple. “Beetlejuice! How did you know I've been wanting to dye my hair lately? Oh you're such a little angel!” Delia smiled and walked to the couch.

“You what?” he seemed almost defeated as he sat up. “don't you h-” he was quickly squeezed into a hug from the woman and GOD she could hug. For such a tiny lady she had some strength. But the hug was.. It wasn't nice. He hated it, in fact it was a dumb hug! It was warm.. And tight, the pressure felt nice.. He could feel himself melting into it. He caught himself and growled a bit pushing Delia off. “Whatever” he flipped her off and sunk down into the floor, into his little basement bedroom.

“What did I do?” Delia looked a bit confused as she looked at Lydia. Lydia just shrugged and continued to watch her movie.

Beetlejuice paced back and forth, his arms crossed and his hair a mix of purple, orange and red. “I'm not a stupid fuckin-” he growled and grabbed a pillow and chucked it at the wall. It barely didn't anything. The red in his hair grew and he balled his hands into fists. “I'M NOT A DAMN ANGEL” he grabbed the pillow and bit it, ripping it with his teeth panting and growling.

He felt angry, he WAS angry. He needed to hit something, he needed to destroy something. He was a demon god damnit! He didn't help people! “People are supposed to DESPISE ME!” He continued to rip and tear into the pillow with his hands. “They should be scared of me not fucking!-” he couldn't even finish his sentence. He put his hands on his arms and scratched. Yes he was a demon but the bed was very comfortable and he didn't want to destroy it. He grit his teeth and plopped down onto the floor. “I'll show them- I'll show them I'm a fucking demon. A *rotten, evil, bastard of a demon.”

It was quiet. She didn't enjoy how quiet it was, that ment there was trouble. “Adam honey?” Barbara looked up from her crochet and over at Adam who was working on some miniatures.

“Yeah?” Adam responded but didn't really look up from what he was working on.

“Do you know what Lydia and Beej are up to?” Barbara just got a shrug from Adam. He was probably just too focused. It was almost dinner though, it's NEVER this quiet at night.

The family had gathered at the dinner table. Everyone was there except for Beetlejuice.

“Where's beej?” Lydia was first to ask as she peaked under the table.

“Oh! He offered to make dinner so he's in the kitchen right now finishing up!” Oh god no. Barbara couldn't even taste that much right now but the thought of eating beetlejuice's cooking made her nauseous.

Without another word there beej was, proudly walking in with multiple hands carrying everyone's food. Surprisingly it didn't look bad! It was some normal looking pasta.

“This is like the only thing I know how to cook so if ya don't like it you're gonna hurt my feelings” he grinned as he set a plate in front of everyone. It was some raviolis with marinara sauce, mushrooms and some onions. Lydia and the maitlands looked suspicious but Delia looked more than happy.

“Thank you so much Beej! It looked wonderful!” Delia smiled at him as he sat down on the other end of the table. Beetlejuice looked way too excited to see them eat. Grinning from ear to ear.

Delia took a bite and the others took it as a ‘it's safe’ and started to eat. The others were happily eating but Delia seemed just.. Confused. She chewed slowly before swallowing and looking down at her plate.

“What's wrong Delia?” Beetlejuice sounded weirdly innocent. “It's just a little beef, won't kill ya” he saw Delia freeze and everyone went silent.

“Y-.. That?-” Delia couldn't form the words as she grew nauseous. Breathing heavily and her throat burned. “I just.. That-..”

“What did you do?” Lydia sounded a bit angry as he glared at Beetlejuice before looking at Delia concerned.

“I just made my ma's recipe!..” He acted offended and sat up, putting a hand on his chest. “Oh wait.. Delia's vegan! Oh how could I forget!” He grinned and rolled his eyes. “Ya know how shit my memory can be kid” he chuckled and lifted his hair to show a smooth brain before he put his hair back down.

He looked over at Delia and she started to cry. It wasn't as loud as he hoped.. It was silent tears running down her cheeks and mumbling about how she was disgusting. His grin faltered a bit as he looked at her crying into the plate.

“Im- I'm a murderer” her voice was broken. He didn't mean to make her *this* upset. He just wanted a bit of yelling! Maybe some over dramatic wailing but she looked distraught. She looked like she actually *did* murder somebody.

He opened his mouth to apologize but it quickly snapped back shut. He's a demon, why the fuck should he care? “It was just a dumb cow Delilah! It's not like it's gonna come and haunt-” he looked besides Delia. “Oh never mind there's the ghost of it now!” He threw his voice and whispered into Delia's ear. “Why would you do this to me Delia.. I had a daughter!.. MOOOO”

Again he didn't get the over the top sobbing he wanted. She looked like she couldn't breathe now, gripping at her ears mumbling I'm sorrys. Charles and Barbara were quick to go to her side and comfort her.

“BJ WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” Now he expected that out of Charles or maybe even Barbara but not Lydia. His grin faltered again and he was choked up. “I- well!” He pursed his lips trying to speak. “Not my fucking fault she can't bother to check her food!”

“GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW BEETLEJUICE” Charles' voice boomed and he felt Charles glare through his dead soul. He shut up and quickly scattered to his room in the basement like a dog that had just gotten scolded for eating scraps off the table.

Hours passed and eventually it was found out that Beetlejuice didn't use actual beef in the food. It was vegan. Delia had calmed down but Charles and the maitlands were still angry. Lydia just seemed disappointed.

“I think it's about time we have a talk with him about all this-” Barbara finally spoke up. The five of them had moved to the living room. Barbara Charles and Delia were sat on the couch, Barbara and Charles on either side of Delia. Adam was in an old rocking chair and Lydia was in the lazy boy.

“I agree. At first the pranks were fine but now it's escalated and he needs to know this isn't ok.” Charles looked over at the door to the basement.

“Maybe we need to talk to him about what's ok and not ok?” Adam added. “with a mother like that I doubt he understands right from wrong..” He leaned back in the rocking chair, gently tipping it back before letting it go so he could rock.

“He- he has said he doesn't understand empathy..” Delia was quiet as she looked down at the table.

“That doesn't mean it's ok! Delia, you had a panic attack, I've had to go to the hospital to get my hand wrapped, Barbara's garden was destroyed, it's all going too far!” Charles looked at Delia, leaning forward to catch her gaze.

“me and Adam will go talk to him” Barbara stood up. “He's probably upset right now, we're ghosts so he can't accidentally hurt us” Barbara crossed her arms and looked at the basement door. “Once we calm him down or at least explain what we need to talk about we can bring him up and then we can all talk.”

The family all silently agreed and Barbara and Adam made their way down to the basement.

He could hear their faint talking. He was laying on the ceiling and trying to listen. He heard the stairs creaking and he fell bad to the floor, hitting his head. He groaned and sat up, rubbing the side of his head.

“BJ?” Barbara called. “Not now babes, got a headache.. Maybe later if you and sexy are up to it” he grinned at them but it fell when he saw Barbara's face. She looked mad.

“Beetlejuice. Your ‘pranks’ if you can even call them that have gone way too far!” Beetlejuice narrowed his eyes at her and stood up. “It wasn't even actual meat that's her fault for not knowing how the fuck to tell when somebody's playing a prank on her!” He spat out.

“That doesn't excuse what you did! All you've been doing in this house is hurt people! We let you live here, we gave you a space and your being ungrateful” it was horribly out of character for barbara to actually be *arguing* with beej but honestly she was fed up.

“God you breathers are really fucking stupid!” He grinned but he seemed more angry than happy. “it's like all of you” he walked closer to the couple as he spoke. His voice started to become distorted and a tail slid out from the back of his jacket. “I'm a DEMON” by the time he yelled he was glaring down at Barbara, just a few inches from her.

Usually this is the part where the maitlands run and scatter but Barbara just looked angry. She put a finger to his chest and started to push back. “Well demon or not you could at least show some manners!” When the hell did she get so strong? He started to take steps back, if he didn't voluntary step he would have been pushed over. “You are a member of this household and a part of this family whether you like it or not!” She yelled pointing a finger at him.

He was silent as his demon features slipped back into hiding. “A part of this family” he repeated in his mind. It didn't seem too bad. But it was scary. It wasn't familiar. He didn't belong here, bye wasn't like them. He wasn't perfect, he didn't do the whole family bullshit. “I'm not a part of your stupid delusional sitcom bullshit! You guys go play house as much as you want but don't fucking expect me to be an obedient little fuckin dog for you all!” He growled and Adam quickly pulled Barbara away. Barbara didn't look scared but Adam did. The fear in Adams eyes made his dead heart twist.

“Listen.. Beetlejuice we- we don't expect you to change everything you've known.” Adam swallowed. “We just want to coexist.. With you. You make Lydia so.. *so* happy and we know you can be kind.”

He was a bit frozen and he heard footsteps and more heart beats. Lydia and Delia. Charles was there but he stood at the basement doorway.

“Beetle?” Delia looked at him and he could see her puffy red eyes and the red that had taken over his hair was now a deep purple.

“Im.. I'm not you- you can't just-” he couldn't even think of what to say as Delia walked closer.

“Your hurt sweetheart” delias voice was soft like a mother's. It reminded him of how Argentina would talk to him when he was younger.

“No I'm not-” he was quick to respond.

Delia laughed lightly. “Not physically, Mentally.” Soon she was in front of him and her hand hovered over beetlejuices like she was waiting for consent. He narrowed his eyes in a confused look and just nodded.

Delia took his hand into hers and gently squeezed. “I know all of this is new to you but you have to understand that we feel hurt when you do things like this beetlebug” she smiled softly at him. “And you can deny it all you want but we want you here.”

“You just want me here because I can't go back home” he growled quietly but didn't make an attempt to pull away, the warm touch felt soothing.

“We want you here because you deserve it. Where's that kind little demon that had that silly little game show with us!” Delia smiled.

“I literally killed your guru and tried to kill you all too” there was a small pause.

“Yeah well Kevin was an asshole anyways.. And besides the almost dying thing I had fun!” She squeezed his hand a bit tighter. “You've helped us all so much hun”

He felt a bit dazed. At first he had only focused on all the evil shit he had done but he didn't even realize the cause and effect of everything.

“If you didn't show up me and Barbara would have never been able to keep our house the way it is” Adam chimed in.

“We wouldn't have met Lydia” Barbara added and looked over at Lydia with a soft smile.

“Me and Lydia would have grown closer apart if it weren't for you.” Charles had finally come down and stood next to Lydia, putting a hand on his daughters shoulder, gently smiling down at her.

“I wouldn't be here if you weren't on that roof bj” Lydia's voice was quiet but it was way for Beetlejuice to hear.

He didn't even notice the tears flowing down like a waterfall until he sniffled. “your all so fucking emotional” he sniffled again trying to wipe his eyes.

“Your the one that's crying dumbass “ Lydia snorted and walked over to beej, throwing her arms around him.

“yeah well you look like a stick of black liquorice” in retaliation Lydia Headbutted beetlejuice's ribs.

“Your apart of this weird little family whether you like it Beetlejuice” Delia wrapped her arms around Beetlejuice too.

“WE ARE NOT GROUP HUGGING RIGHT NOW” His voice cracked as he yelled. The body heat and the pressure made his head feel quiet. There weren't a million thoughts going on anymore. Before he knew it he was getting hugged by everyone in the house now.

He felt weird. His paranoia, his anxiety, it was gone. Everything felt so.. *safe* now. Safe with them.. He felt like his puzzle piece finally clicked into place instead of it getting jammed into it until it fit. He accepted the tears and let himself start bawling. Soft murmurs of comfort. Whispers of it was ok and telling him to let it all out.

Usually now was the time he forced everything away and he would get overwhelmed by everyone crowded around him but it felt perfect. He didn't feel like he was a burden. He was family.. He had a family. The deetz were his family.. The maitlands were his family. For once he didn't feel the need to run away and hide. He didn't need to, they wouldn't leave him. He was there family now.

[leahsflwer]

Miles Maitland imagine “I will miss you my dear” smut || Michael Sheen

Warnings: Adult content, smut, not for innocent people 💀, explicit content (words & actions)

Miles Maitland x masc reader ♥️

Miles spotted men from across the room and smiled hurrying over to me with no thought while the others danced around the hospital room. I couldn’t help but flash a smile in return. Miles was so bubbly. He held my hand and suggested I come over with him, but I declined his offer by shaking my head. He was quick to understand and pulled me outside to my car.

He got inside and so did I. He looked down with his glasses on and I couldn’t already tell something was up with him.

I removed his shades and spotted the tears under them, he sweet, soft face was now red and wet from his tears and sniffles.

The sight broke my heart, I immediately held his hand and looked him in the eyes. He was taken back by my sudden touch but eventually smiled and shook his head.

“I’m sorry.. it’s just that I must go back to France. I am not ready to leave you all. Especially you. I’m will miss you my dear” he fake chuckled, I could hear the pain in his voice and it was horrible

“I’ll come with you. I do not care to live here. I’d prefer to be there” I replied

“But your job? You would lose your job that you worked so hard for?” He shook his head

“No. You’re more important than anything in the world. I care upon you, more than some job that I do not even like.” I smiled and lifted his head up by his chin.

He flashed an adorable smile at me with his blue eyes beaming and glossy from his past tears. He was back to the happy Miles I loved. Miles was giving me butterflies from just a simple stare, he was beautiful.

I didn’t think as I leaned over and kissed him. But his lips felt so soft and warm on mine. I was bigger than him so I could easily hold his face like it was a feather.

He climbed over onto my side and sat on my lap, his body felt so soft and fragile, but I held onto his waist and smiled into the kiss. Deepening it and he didn’t even hesitate to let my tongue explore his mouth. The kiss was growing hotter and more needy.

His hips slowly started to grind down on me, causing a groan to escape my mouth. He was not waisting any time and I loved that.

I could feel my cock harden as he continued to grind down on it. He wasn’t being easy on me today so I wouldn’t be easy on him either. He stopped everything and slide down to the car floor and looked up at me with puppy eyes as if he was asking for it.

He grinned and unzipped my pants, pulling them down alongside my boxers. the cold air hitting my shaft made me grip onto the car seat, his warm hand held onto it and slowly pumped it, making me groan.

“Fuck..” I breathed out as he wrapped his mouth around my shaft as much as his pretty mouth could take.

My hand made its way to his black curls and gripped onto them, gently pushing him down further. I could feel him moan at the action sending electric waves throughout my body.

He was making me moan from just a simple blowjob. Usually I was fine by them, but this was different, I’d liked him for a long time so perhaps that’s why it felt so much better. But Miles was good at it, a natural.

Soon I gripped tighter onto his hair and bucked my hips.

“Fuck Miles- I’m gonna- fuck…” I groaned as I released into his warm mouth.

Miles pulled away and swallowed what he could, using he finger to wipe some off him lip and licked it off. He was dirty and it turned me on even more.

He got back up and removed his pants and underwear that was a deep blue. It suited his figure with his perfect hips and those chubby thighs. He sat back on my lap and gently lined himself up at my cock. I was a bit nervous for him to just take it like that, but he seemed happy with it. So as he slowly pushed me inside him I kissed his neck leaving soft kisses and little marks.

“Shit.. you’re so big~” He moaned out and slowly bounced up and down.

He looked so good jumping on my cock like that, I wanted to treat him like a princess and cherish him. It felt so good I thought it was a dream. But his moans were my reminder, those perfect sounds.

It was music to my ears.

[Now.. this was a late night write so I apologise for how bad it is lmao! But enjoy if that’s your cuppa tea? I’m in the process of writing much better imagines ahha]

[aew-regression-cove]

caregiver adam & barbara maitland headcannons

𓉸ྀི regressor reader

Okay so I'm picturing this as you've moved into their house. They'd find out about your regression by accident, they wouldn't mean to. You thought you were alone and had regressed. It was then they walked into the room, all three of you panicking as they realised you could see them.

Barbara was able to calm you down, reassuring you that you were safe, that her and Adam meant no harm and explaining who they were.

The three of you end up falling into roles of them acting like parents (your caregivers) whilst you were regressed.

They had spoken about kids when they were alive but they never got the chance so looking after you was very comforting but also completely new to them.

They didn't originally really use many nicknames for you but after a while they ended up with what felt like a never ending list- 😂

They're both quite big on affection and hugs!!!

Adam loves to ruffle your hair playfully, normally just after Barbara has fixed it from the last time he did it.

There is no denying that the house they live in is quite big- and it's also no denying that Barbara (especially) seemingly enjoys decorating- She most definitely decorated a play room for you (+ Adam helped assemble any furniture)

^^^ this room is stocked!!! Like I said the Maitlands never got to have a child of their own so you can bet they spoil you!!! There's all sorts of books, games, toys and stuffies in the room- there's also lots of clothes, both dress up and normal.

They love to have little fashion shows with you!!! Barbara loves dressing you up!!!

On Saturdays you get to help Adam with his model of the town, he loves finding out something new has changed or been added and you've taken a picture for him. (Like Lydia did at the end of the movie)

You and Barbara bake lots!!! 🍪 :3

Now they can't exactly leave the house which is unfortunate but they make sure to have LOADS of fun inside!!!

Movie night? Absolutely, every week, several movies!!! You (and Adam) normally fall asleep after a few..

They'd make sure that Beetlejuice doesn't know of you (they try their best but he has his ways) — they 100% do make sure however that he can't communicate with you in any way!!!

Barbara is the best when it comes to nap times/bed time routines, she tucks you in happily, and most times there are plenty of cuddles with all three of you!!! (Although Adam has a habit of chatting and waking everyone up 😂)

Adam prefers reading to you or talking about your days to help you settle for sleep, Barbara prefers singing or humming lullabies.

The three of you have matching plushies that are all different sizes. (Adam's is the biggest, then Barbara's and then yours!!!)

There's always drawings you make stuck with magnets to the fridge!!!

There is always a fidget toy in near proximity. If you can't find one ask Adam. (he's probably fiddling with one that he's picked up absentmindedly)

The three of you have a 'family picture' that is hung up and framed next to the fireplace. Adam and Barbara are both wearing sheets so they can be 'seen' either side of you- :/

Adam is a sucker for letting you have snacks (even before meals) — Barbara pretends she doesn't know most of the time.

Listening to music whilst cuddling or dancing is a common activity!!!

They are both very gentle Caregivers!!! <333

ⓘ if you want to reblog, let me know and I'll decide to temporarily unlock the post or not <3

[tickle-bugs]

For the warmup prompts can you do Beetlejuice and Lydia (platonic! I do not ship them romantically in any way whatsoever) with the dialogue of “I bet I can get you to say my name.” If not, I totally understand!

So for people who haven’t seen/listened to the musical the vibe is completely different from the movie LMAO less “this is our weird uncle beetlejuice the family won’t talk to him he’s wanted by the feds and can’t come within 500 feet of the house” and more “cool but still weird cousin beetlejuice who collects strange rocks, is always in danger of being actively actively on fire, and is wayyy too into dark humor”. It’s a good show! If you like comedy musicals with a rock lean to the soundtrack, you’ll probably like it. It’s got a Little Shop of Horrors sensibility to it, I think. 

If anyone tags this as ship w/ Lydia and Beetlejuice I will crawl out of your screen like the girl from the ring and gnaw on your bones I’m so serious

AU where the plot of this show doesn’t take like. A week LMAO. Basically Lydia hasn’t said BJ’s name yet but she also hasn’t decided what to do with her dad yet. So they’re at an impasse. Lydia regularly goes to hang out in her haunted attic and lament because Delia won’t go up there, thus making it safe. Beetlejuice keeps doing Say My Name-style ad pitches to get Lydia to summon him properly but he’s not very good at it. 

EDIT: FORGOT THE BODY HORROR WARNING OOPS!! It’s very mild but just in case anyone needs it <;3

Full-Time Spectres

Lydia’s life is far from conventional, perfectly so, but she’s started to adapt to the strangeness in the walls of her house. She doesn’t have the one ghost she wants most of all, but she’s got three that do just fine for entertainment and scheming purposes. She’s gotten used to the cold spots, the occasional flicker of the lights, and Adam’s habit of walking through walls rather than doors--he figured out that he could and never wanted to stop. 

Some things she’ll never adjust to, though, like her attic being strewn with scraps of brutalized board games.

Monopoly’s been pinned to the wall with a knife, Ludo sits perfectly still on a shelf with suspicious-looking green liquid in the shot glasses, and a chess board hovers in the air, eternally aflame. It’s a massacre and she doesn’t know where half of these things came from. 

“What’s, uh…what’s happening here?” Lydia kicks the door shut behind her. The door creaks open. She kicks it closed again with a frown.

Adam looks up and squints at the door. His eyes dart around as if he can see the schematics of it and diagnose the problem from halfway across the room. Lydia allows herself a tiny smile. 

“Adam’s teaching me to play checkers.” Beetlejuice beams, which is unsettling in itself. 

“Well, I tried to reach him to play chess, then a few other things…it didn’t go well.” Adam pushes his glasses up his nose and surveys the board in front of them. He captures one of Beetlejuice’s pieces with a triumphant little ‘aha!’.

Beetlejuice takes a long, pensive look at the board. Very thin tendrils of smoke curl out of his ears as he tries to decide which piece to play. Adam, sweet Adam, goes to help him make an advantageous move, but Beetlejuice shushes him. 

“What are you doing?” Lydia sidles over to Barbara, who fumbles with an old lamp. She sets it down before she can shatter it. 

“Well, it was going to be a surprise but…” Barbara gestures excitedly to a small nook in the attic. She’s rearranged various boxes of her former belongings to build a shoddy sort of booth. A heavy, ugly floral curtain hangs precariously over the doorway. 

“It’s a dark corner!” Lydia gasps sarcastically. 

“No—well, yes, but it’s supposed to be a kind of mini dark room? I don’t know much about them but I know you’re always taking pictures.” Barbara shifts awkwardly.

Oh. Oh. 

Lydia cradles her camera in her hands, running her thumb along the outside. The pebbled texture is a kiss to her fingertips. If she concentrated hard enough, she can remember the feeling of her mom’s warm hands over her own, showing her how to hold the camera. 

“If you don’t like it—“ 

“You made this for me?” She whispers. She tries to swallow the lump in her throat. 

“Still workin’ on it, but yes.” Barbara gestures lamely. 

“You…didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve got nothing but time. Might as well use it right.” Barbara shrugs. Lydia bounces on her toes.

“I’ve still, um, gotta clear out all of our junk. Adam and I don’t need it anymore, not really, and you need room to breathe. I know it’s not much, but--”

Lydia crashes into Barbara for a hug. She’s icy to the touch, but her touch is the most comforting thing Lydia can imagine. Barbara pulls her in close, cradling the back of her head with her cool hands. There is no heartbeat in her chest, but Lydia can feel that it’s not empty.  

A memory of her mother prickles at the back of her mind. She pushes it down. 

“Do you want help?” Lydia pulls away and looks towards the dark room, ignoring the twinge of grief in her gut. She can see its potential around the edges.

“It’s your surprise! You can’t help with that!” Barbara gasps, affronted. 

The curtain falls heavily from the hooks and thumps into the ground. A plume of dust kicks up and Lydia coughs. 

“Okay. Maybe you can.” Barbara scratches her head. Together, she and Lydia hoist the heavy curtain back into precarious-looking hooks embedded in the wall. As they back away from it, silently begging it to stay in place, Beetlejuice sits up ramrod straight. 

“Adam, Barbara’s throwing away your coin collection,” Beetlejuice gasps and points over Adam’s shoulder.

“What? They’re vintage!” Adam whirls around. Beetlejuice moves a bunch of pieces around, making a bunch of captures, and eats a piece for good measure. He winks at Lydia. She fondly rolls her eyes. 

“You know I would never.” Barbara says. Adam deflates. She kisses his forehead. He grumbles a little but accepts it.

When Adam turns back to the board, Lydia has the express joy of watching him go through the five stages of grief in real time. He looks from Beetlejuice to the board in sheer despair. 

“Why do you keep eating the pieces?” Adam puts his head in his hands. 

“Because, Adam dearest, it makes you mad.” Beetlejuice pats his shoulder solemnly. Lydia snorts.

“Well, I’m officially out of games.” Adam pats his thighs and stands. He ambles over to Barbara and appraises the curtain. He puts his hands on his hips and starts muttering about supports and tracks. Lydia tries to follow along but her eyes near-instantly glaze over. 

“Sooooo, Lydia.” Beetlejuice slides over to her. “Have you given my offer any more thought?”

“You still haven’t given me a convincing argument. Calling yourself ‘the worst of the best’ isn’t exactly a glowing review.” Lydia wrinkles her nose. 

“These two like me!” Beetlejuice points at the Maitlands. Barbara gives a teasing ‘meh’ gesture just to see him splutter in offense. She laughs softly. 

“I’ll admit, I’m coming around on him.” Adam chuckles. 

“Thank you, Adam. Mwah.” Beetlejuice blows a kiss in his direction. Adam turns a little pink and goes back to working on the curtain. Barbara whispers something in his ear that makes him turn even pinker. 

“They like anyone. I’ve met cardboard with stronger opinions than them.” Lydia scoffs, then turns. “No offense.” 

Adam and Barbara both shrug. 

“Fair point. Counteroffer: you hate your dad, I hate your dad, let’s kill him.” Beetlejuice gives his most enthusiastic jazz hands. Lydia stares at him blankly. 

“Denied.” She pushes his hands out of the way. 

“On what grounds?”

“On the grounds that you suck. Your fate hinges on me and you can’t even get me to say your name. You spend all your time cheating at board games because you need me more than I need you. That’s pretty lame for a big, scary demon,” Lydia says mockingly, curling her fingers into claws. When Beetlejuice gives her the finger, she gives two right back with a smirk. 

“Lydia, be nice,” Barbara chides, goosing Lydia’s side. She yelps and smacks her hand away. 

Beetlejuice gasps. Lydia slowly meets his sparkling eyes. 

“No.” Lydia points at him. Beetlejuice smiles slowly, wicked and full of mischief. 

“I’ll kill you. I’ll bring you back to life just to kill you--”

Lydia steps back, Beetlejuice steps forward, and all hell breaks loose. Lydia springs over a pile of Maitland junk and ducks under Adam’s arm. She shoves him into Beetlejuice’s path.

Beetlejuice simply picks Adam up and deposits him elsewhere like a Maitland mannequin. He squeaks and leaps out of the way of their chase.  

The two of them circle each other around an unbuilt dining room table kit, Lydia just barely keeping out of arm’s reach. She bolts past a dilapidated spin-your-own-yarn kit and dives through Barbara’s legs to hide behind her. 

Beetlejuice stops and visibly considers the consequences of doing the same. Barbara gives him a withering look. He tries to circle around her, but Lydia’s excellent at moving her around like a meat shield. Beetlejuice visibly starts scheming. 

Barbara looks at Lydia, looks back at him, and slides out of the way. 

“Barbara!” Lydia screeches in outrage but there’s not enough time to screech and run. He grabs her and pulls her into a bear hug. 

“Thank youuuu, Babs!” Beetlejuice grins at her. She shakes her head fondly and honorably discharges herself from the battlefield. 

“Hey Lydia…I bet I can get you to say my name.” He cackles evilly. Lydia hisses at him, but damn it, she’s already giggling nervously. He swoops his hands over her stomach, wiggling his fingers but not quite touching. 

“B-Beetlejuice!” She squeaks and rocks up onto her toes in lieu of running. 

“That’s one!” He singsongs, finally touching down on her stomach. She folds into his hands—unwise, really—and curses Beetlejuice to the high heavens and below. 

“Think we should help her?” Adam leans over to Barbara. They both watch Lydia worm around in Beetlejuice’s arms, not making much of an escape attempt despite the volume of her threats. 

“Nah.” Barbara moves a crate of nearly-unused embroidery hoops out of the way with tender care. The curtain collapses again. Both Maitlands sigh. 

“Beetlejuice, you fucker!” Lydia growls, but quickly loses it to laughter. He’s doing this infuriating little pinchy-thing to her sides, one that makes her leap clear off the ground each time. She tosses her head back and cackles, her whole face scrunched with the force of it. 

God, she hasn’t laughed like this since…well, it’s been a while. She’d forgotten that she could. 

“Eh, that probably counts. One more!” Beetlejuice finds a deathly spot on her lower ribs and decides not to leave it alone. 

“Beeeeeeeeeeeee--AHHH!” 

“Hm, yeah. See, now we’re gonna have to start over.” Beetlejuice tasers her sides, right at that spot, and feigns disapproval. Lydia makes a noise at a pitch audible only to dogs and demons. 

Crunch. 

Lydia’s foot connects directly with his face in a frankly-stunning high kick. He drops her roughly. Something goes flying across the room and hits the wall with a quiet thump. Barbara gasps sharply and covers her mouth in shock. 

Beetlejuice touches his nose—or rather, the space where it used to be, and a thick hush falls over the attic. Everyone’s eyes drift to the nose, now fallen among jars of the most rancid-looking kombucha on the face of the earth. It twitches plaintively. 

He laughs, loud and boisterous. His lack-of-nose whistles as he does. Adam picks up the fallen nose and gags before tossing it to Lydia and wiping his hands on his shirt. 

“Got your nose,” Lydia giggles weakly, depositing it into Beetlejuice’s hand. 

“Nice shot.” Beetlejuice chuckles, uncomfortably nasally, and shoves his nose back into place with an awful crack. He takes a long, wheezing inhale and gives her a thumbs up. 

“So…” He sidles close to her, bringing back the jazz hands. 

“No.” 

“Yeah, that’s fair.” He sighs. 

“Lydia, are you alright?” Delia’s voice curls faintly up the rickety staircase. She climbs up, but not all the way—Lydia can tell by the shuffling of her awful shoes. 

Everyone freezes.

“Lydia?” 

She opens her mouth to answer Delia and Beetlejuice squeezes her sides. She yelps and whirls around, but he doesn’t even have the decency to feign innocence. He just does it again, waiting for the precise moment she goes to speak. 

“Y-Yeah, I’m o-okay.” Lydia wrestles with Beetlejuice’s hands, her voice shaking with barely-restrained giggles. 

“Oh god, please don’t make me come up there.” Delia’s ‘whisper’ is anything but. Beetlejuice snorts. 

“I’m fine! Just, uhm, doing spring cleaning.” Lydia calls back, stomping on Beetlejuice’s foot. He doesn’t even flinch. 

“Okay.” A long, heavy pause from Delia. 

“You can go now!” Lydia yells. Delia’s heels click quickly down the stairs, back towards the dreary living. 

“You’re insufferable,” Lydia hisses at Beetlejuice, punching his shoulder. He holds his hand over his heart and gives a grand, sweeping bow. When he stands up, he smacks his head against the dagger in the wall. Lydia snickers at him.

He turns around like a penguin, never one to do things normally, and makes a delighted noise at the pierced Monopoly board. He pulls the knife out of the wall and pokes his finger with it a few too many times, fascinated with the sharpness of it. 

He stretches, makes a bunch of vague measurement and aiming gestures, then lobs the knife straight upwards. It lodges into the ceiling with an enthusiastic ping! The blade warbles with the force of it.

Beetlejuice slaps the Monopoly board down on the floor and plops down in front of it. Adam bemoans the state of the attic ceiling as Barbara consoles him. 

“Wanna play?” Beetlejuice snaps his fingers and the board changes, shifting into black, whites, purples, and greens. Graveyard moss creeps along the edges of the board. Monopoly components spawn into existence on the board, appearing in puffs of fog and comically-quiet wails of the damned. 

“Sure.” Lydia sits opposite him. She pokes at some of the moss. It sprouts to meet her touch. 

“If you get stabbed, you lose?” Beetlejuice casts a cursory glance to the still-wobbling knife. The blade shifts slightly out of the ceiling. 

“Deal.” Lydia sticks her hand out to shake. Beetlejuice takes it with gusto. 

“You guys wanna play?” Lydia turns to the Maitlands. Barbara and Adam look at each other, communicating in that telepathic way of theirs. Barbara grins and leads Adam over to the board to sit. 

“I call thimble!” Adam reaches for it. Beetlejuice swats his hand. Adam reaches again. Beetlejuice swats him a little harder. 

“You can’t have the thimble. I’m the thimble.” Beetlejuice pinches it between his fingers. 

“Can I have the thimble?” Barbara leans close to Beetlejuice and looks up at him through her lashes. Lydia never would’ve guessed that a demon could blush, but sure enough, Beetlejuice’s face takes on the slightest bit of color. 

“I sense that I’m being manipulated.” He narrows his eyes. 

“Is it working?” Barbara smiles. 

“Yep.” He slaps the thimble into her hand. She passes it to Adam. He beams. Beetlejuice rolls his eyes but his gaze lingers on them for just a bit too long. 

“Well played, Babs. Well played.” Beetlejuice scoops up the racecar piece and frowns at it. Its tiny metal form melts and reconfigures into a small hearse. Satisfied, he places it right next to the cat piece—Lydia’s, of course. Barbara takes the top hat with pride. 

When Beetlejuice jumps Adam for his extra get out of jail free card—of which there are a suspicious amount in Beetlejuice’s version of the game—Lydia laughs and swipes a bit of Beetlejuice’s money. Adam’s hiccupy cackles are the backdrop for Barbara robbing the bank in broad daylight, taking as many bills from the tray as her heart desires. 

Lydia’s life is certainly very strange and painfully unusual, but she wouldn’t trade it for the world. She can only hope that her mom will love being part of the attic’s menagerie of ghosts and ghouls as much as she does. 

[itsawritblr]

Me when someone expects writers to provide "trigger warnings."

I made this in 2016, and it's even more pertinent today. Unfortunately.

[bjfinn]

TOGETHER FOREVER

"Beetlejuice"/"School of Rock" crossover

"Together" by J. Gregorash, B. Macmillan & B. Lampe, © 1987 Attic Records Limited

"I can't say that!" Adam was horrified at Beej's suggestion.

"Ah, come on!" Beej said. "You told me that you wanted to be more assertive, right? So ... you gotta get a bit nasty! You can do it!"

"I don't think I can -- I'm not ... comfortable with that kind of language."

"You gotta step out of your comfort zone!"

"It's okay, Adam," Barbara told him. "Beej is right. Besides, they're just words."

Adam took a deep breath. "Uhhh .... I wanna m-m-make your ... your pussy --" he winced at the sound of it -- "vibrate like a ... a ..."

"Come on ... 'like a tuning fork'," Beej coaxed, eyeing Adam intently. "You can do it ..."

"Like a ..." But Adam faltered and shook his head. "I'm sorry -- I just can't."

"Wimp," Beej said in exasperation.

"Adam is not a wimp!" Barbara told him, her eyes blazing. "He's a good man, with a sense of decency -- unlike some others I know! Besides, he doesn't need to say those kinds of things to me to get me in the mood -- he's my husband, and I love him!"

"Well, jeez," Beej said, "that's really sweet, Babs. That's so sweet that I think I'm going into a diabetic coma!" He retched comically. Barbara glared at him.

"But seriously," he continued, "you two do know that technically, you guys aren't married, right?"

"What are you talking about?" Adam exclaimed. "Of course we're married!"

The demon shook his head. "Sorry, guys, but remember that whole 'till death do you part' part? Death parted you -- your marriage is now null and void. Over and done. Kaput. Finito. Curtains. End of the road. That's all she wrote. The fat lady sang her song. The party's over. Everybody outta the pool. Elvis has left the --"

The Maitlands looked at each other in horror.

Barbara buried her face in her hands. "This can't be happening! " she wailed.

"It's okay, Bunny," Adam said, his arms around her. "We'll fix this, you'll see." He looked at Beetlejuice. "We can fix this, right?"

"Oh, sure," Beej replied affably. "You guys can just get married again. Of course, we have to get someone to officiate -- my mom could've done it, but ... well, we all know what happened to her." He looked at them with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I guess ... I could do it," he said.

"You?"

"What's the matter, Adam?" the demon glared. "Don't think I'm qualified? Or maybe you don't think I'm smart enough -- is that it? You don't think I'm smart enough to perform the ceremony?"

"No, no," Adam replied hastily. "O-of course I don't think that! I'm sure you're perfectly qualified -- I was just surprised, that's all."

"Well, okay then," Beej said, placated. "So first thing we gotta do is figure out when. Any ideas?"

"Well," Barbara began, "we got married on Valentine's Day --"

"Of course you did," Beej interrupted. He stuck two fingers in his mouth and retched again. "Bleagh!"

"-- so," she continued, daggers in her eyes, "I think it'd be romantic to have our ... second wedding on the same day."

"That's a wonderful idea!" Adam gushed.

"Yeah, yeah," Beej said, "real romantic. Blah blah blah." They glared at him, and he said, "Okay, okay -- Valentine's Day. Uh ... when is that?"

"February fourteenth."

"Okay, so -- let's see, that's about ... uhh, what's today's date again?"

"Today's the ninth," Adam told him.

"The ninth of what?"

"Of February."

Beej's eyes widened in mild surprise, and then he frowned as he counted under his breath. "Ten, eleven, twelve, thirt-- holy crap! " he exclaimed. "Five days??? You're giving me five days to get ready??? How am I supposed to get everything ready in five days??? "

"It would really mean a lot to us, Beej," Barbara said. She batted her eyelashes at him. "We'd be ever so grateful."

Beej bit his lip, and the Maitlands could almost see the lustful thoughts in his head. "Well ... okay. Five days." He clapped his hands briskly. "All right, no time to waste -- we got a wedding to plan!"

*****

"Five days??? " Dewey said when Beej came to tell him the news. "That's not much time!"

"That's what I said," Beej told him. "But Babs and Sexy have their hearts set on a Valentine's Day wedding. So can you come?"

Dewey sighed. "I guess I ... I can ask for the day off," he replied. "But ... uh, yeah, sure -- I'll be there. You can count on me, bro."

"Great!" Beej said. "And bring Roz, too!"

"Uh, yeah ... okay, sure. I'll see if she can make it."

*****

"Valentine's Day?" Rosalie said when Dewey told her about the wedding. "I don't know -- that's a school day this year."

"Yeah, I know, I just found out -- Beej just ... he just told me about it last night. They really want you to come, Roz -- my new family really wants to meet you." He looked at her pleadingly.

"That's low, even for you, Mr Finn!" she told him with a chuckle. "Bringing family into it, and then using those puppy-dog eyes on me!" She sighed and smiled. "All right -- I'd love to come as your plus-one."

"You're my only one, Ms Mullins," he said, grinning, and pulled her to him roughly.

"Hmm ... my father warned me about men like you."

"Men like me?"

"Rogues and charmers." She leaned into him and took his lower lip between her teeth. "Good thing I don't always listen to my father."

"I had no idea you were such a bad girl, Ms Mullins," Dewey said, grinning.

"Well, you know what they say, Mr Finn."

"What do they say?"

"When I'm good, I'm very good -- but when I'm bad, I'm better."

*****

The next few days were a whirlwind of activity as the entire Maitland-Deetz household got involved in the preparations.

"Any idea what flowers you'd like?" Delia asked.

"Red roses, lily-of-the-valley, holly, ivy and daisies," Barbara said without hesitation. "That's what I had at my first wedding -- red roses for true love, daisies for loyalty, ivy for fidelity, holly for domestic bliss and lily-of-the-valley means 'you've made my life complete'."

Delia looked at her, surprised. Then she blinked twice and smiled. "Wow! All right -- that's what we'll order from the florist." She wrote the list of flowers down. "And how about for the food? I thought we'd start off with shrimp cocktails ..."

*****

"Okay," Beej said to Adam, putting an arm around his friend's shoulders. "Babs is busy getting stuff ready with Dee -- they're gonna be a while. So that gives us a chance to have 'The Talk'."

"What talk?"

"You know -- 'The Talk'. About the wedding night." Beej elbowed him in the ribs. "I mean, you wanna make it special, don'tcha?"

"Beej," Adam said, "my dad gave me 'The Talk' years ago, when I was a teenager. And Barbara and I have had... sex plenty of times."

"Yeah, but you can't even say ... 'sex' without gettin' flustered!"

"I know how to please my wife," Adam replied, but Beej heard the lack of conviction in his voice.

"You know how to keep her from complaining out loud -- there's a difference. You just listen to your old pal Beej, and you'll give her a night she's gonna remember forever."

"Or one she'll wish she could forget," Adam muttered.

"Okay," Beej said, ignoring the comment, "so, this is what you do ..."

*****

Barbara saw the look of revulsion on Adam's face when he came into the kitchen. "What's wrong, honey?" she asked.

"Beej just gave me 'The Talk'," he told her. "He's ... it was ..." He shuddered.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad."

"Oh, it was -- believe me! I'm pretty sure that some of his ideas are physically impossible! I swear, sometimes I really fear for his sanity."

"What sanity? This is Beej we're talking about," Barbara said. "We both know that he's completely unhinged, even at the best of times. Especially when it comes to sex."

"I know, but this was a whole new level of ... ugh!" He shuddered again. "I want to scrub my brain with a scouring pad now!"

Barbara put a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to take his advice," she said. "You know what I like."

"Yeah," Adam agreed, taking her in his arms. "Yeah, I think I do."

*****

Barbara opened her hope chest and pulled out her wedding dress. Holding it up in front of herself, she turned to Lydia. "I think it'll still fit," she said. "Do you think it'll still fit? God, I hope it still fits!"

"Breathe," Lydia told her. "It looks like it will -- and if it doesn't, we can fix it." She smiled and placed both hands firmly on Barbara's shoulders, giving her a gentle shake. "It's beautiful, by the way."

"You really think so?"

"I really think so."

*****

"Do you have something to wear?" asked Charles.

Adam looked uncertain. "I've got a suit," he said, "but it's kind of old and worn-looking."

"Then we need to get you a new one."

Adam shook his head. "I can't ask you to --"

"You didn't ask," Charles told him. "I'm offering. Tomorrow I'll take you shopping. My treat."

"That's really very nice of you, but --"

"No buts -- I insist."

"Well ... in that case, thank you."

*****

"Hi," Dewey said when Rosalie arrived at his apartment the afternoon before the big day. "Right on time. Shall we go?"

"Just let me check my hair before we do," she said, and took a step towards the bathroom.

"Your hair looks great," he told her. "You look great."

"And you clean up pretty good yourself," she replied, turning to drape her arms around his shoulders.

Dewey leaned in to kiss her --

"Hi, guys!"

"Beej! What the fu- What are you doing here???"

"I came to get you," the demon said. "Ready?"

"Uhh ... I-I think we'll take my van, thanks," Dewey told him.

"Nah, my way's quicker -- come on!"

Dewey barely had time to grab his guitar before Beej whisked them away in a puff of smoke.

*****

"BJ!" Charles exclaimed as Delia let out a gasp of surprise, when the three suddenly appeared in the middle of the living room. "What the --"

"Shit, Beej!" Dewey said. "What did I tell you about doing that!" He turned to Rosalie, who was standing with her hand on her bosom, trying to catch her breath. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah," she said. "I just wasn't expecting it."

Dewey glared at his friend.

"Sorry," Beej said contritely. "But you're here now -- safe and sound. And that's what matters, right?"

Dewey grabbed Beej by the arm and hauled him over to the fireplace. "We talked about that!" he hissed.

"I forgot, okay?" Beej retorted, pulling his arm free. "Sorry! Jeez, sue me, why don'tcha?"

Dewey made a fist. "I'll do more than sue you, pal!"

"Okay, okay," Delia said, "everyone just calm down -- what's done is done, and nobody got hurt. And Beej's intentions were good."

"Yeah!" Beej exclaimed. "My intentions were good -- so there! " He stuck his tongue out at Dewey and gave him the finger with both hands. Dewey scowled at him in return.

"Well, now," Charles said briskly, to forestall any escalation in violence between the two, "it seems that introductions are in order, wouldn't you say, Dewey?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Uh, this is Roz -- Rosalie Mullins. My girlfriend -- and my, uhh ... boss?" He screwed up his face at the sound of it. "Uh, yeah ... so, uh ... yeah, I'm dating my boss."

"You mentioned that at Christmas," Lydia pointed out as she entered the room.

"Oh. Uh ... yeah, right -- course I did. Anyway, uh ... this is Charles and Delia, and their daughter Lydia ..."

"Very pleased to meet all of you," Rosalie said, shaking hands with each of them in turn.

"Uhh ... where're Adam and Barbara?" Dewey asked, looking around.

"Barbara's trying on her wedding dress," Lydia told him, rolling her eyes. "For the fifth time today."

"And Adam's downstairs," Charles said. "He's working on his model train set. I'll get him." He went to the basement door and opened it. "Adam!" he called down. "Dewey and Rosalie are here!"

"I'll be right up!" Adam replied.

"He'll be right up," Charles repeated. "Now -- how about something to drink? Dewey? A beer, I presume? And for you, Ms Mullins?"

"Oh, please -- call me Rosalie. Ms Mullins is what they call me at the academy." She smiled warmly. "A beer will be fine, thank you."

"In that case, I'll have one, as well. Delia?"

"Oh, just water for me -- I'm doing a cleanse before the wedding. Want to make sure I'm not going to spread any bad vibrations!"

Rosalie smiled and glanced quizzically at Dewey, who cocked an amused eyebrow at her. I told you about Delia, his look said.

"Beej?" Charles asked.

"A beer for me, too, Chu- uh, Dad," the demon replied.

"I'd like a beer," Lydia piped up.

"You're not old enough, young lady," Charles told her. "I'll get you a soda."

Lydia pursed her lips in annoyance as her father went into the kitchen.

"Hey," Beej said to her. "Worth a try, right?"

*****

"I need you to give these to Lydia," Adam said, dropping his and Barbara's matching wedding bands into the demon's hand. "I was supposed to give them to her myself, but ... well ..."

"You forgot," Beej said. "Well, don't worry -- I got your back, buddy. You can count on me -- I won't let you down. I got a mind like a steel trap, never forget anything. I'm kinda like an elephant, you know? Speaking of elephants, I remember one time --"

"Just ... get the rings to Lydia, please?"

"All right, all right! Jeez!" Beej scowled, miffed at being interrupted. "I never get a word in edgewise with you! It's one of your less endearing qualities, interrupting people! You really should do something ab--"

"Beej! " Adam snapped. "I-I ... I'm sorry, okay? I'm just ... nervous."

"I get it," the demon said, mollified. "I'll get these to Lyds right away!"

*****

"Hey, Dewey?" Adam said. "Could I ask you a favour?"

"Yeah, sure." Dewey replied, setting aside his guitar. "What can I do you for?"

"Well, at our first wedding, just after the ceremony, I sang this song to Barbara -- I'd like to do that again, but I don't want to sing it a capella, you know?"

"You want me to accompany you," Dewey said. "Yeah, sure -- I'd be honoured. Uhh ... what's the song?"

"It's 'Together', by Joey Gregorash," Adam said. "Do you know it?"

Dewey's brows furrowed, and he shook his head slowly. ''No," he said. "I don't think so -- how does it go?"

Adam sang a few bars.

Dewey nodded slowly. "Yeah, I've heard that one -- nearly forgot about it. It's a good song." He picked up his guitar again. "Sing it again?"

As Adam sang, Dewey picked out the chords. "A ... E ... D ... A ... D ... C#m ... Bm ..."

They practiced the song a few times, until Dewey had it down cold.

"Okay, yeah," he said, grinning. "I got it now. I'll back you up."

"Thanks -- it'll mean a lot to Barbara. And to me, too," Adam told him.

"Sure thing, dude!"

*****

Barbara groaned in frustration. "Why won't this damn zipper zip up???"

"Let me help," Delia said. "It's just nerves -- there! All done!"

"Thank you," the ghost replied. "And I am nervous -- as nervous as the first time we got married."

"Let's do some breathing exercises," Delia suggested. "Guaranteed to calm you down. Okay, now -- breathe in for one, two, three, four ... and out for one, two, three, four. And again -- in for one, two, three, four ..."

"It's not helping! " Barbara wailed.

"Keep breathing! One! Two! Three! Four! ..."

*****

Beej and Dewey were helping Adam get ready. He'd already donned the dress shirt and trousers Charles had gotten for him, and now he was trying to put on his tie.

"I don't know why I'm so nervous," he said as he made his third attempt at a Windsor knot.

"Lemme do it," Beej said impatiently. He undid the knot Adam had attempted and started to tie it anew.

"I guess 'cause it's still a big deal, right?" Dewey said. "It's kinda like performing -- no matter how many times you've done it before, you still get butterflies before a show." He looked at Beej. "What the -- how the fuck do you tie your own tie, man? That's not how you do it!" He slapped his friend's hands away and straightened it.

"You know,'' Beej said, watching what Dewey was doing, "it's pretty normal to have second thoughts-- I mean, this is the woman you're gonna be spending eternity with. Are you sure she's the one?"

"She's my wife -- or at least, she was, when we were alive. I already made that choice a long time ago, and I've never regretted it."

"Okay," Beej said, "but eternity is a really long time!"

"Leave him alone, Beej," Dewey said with a chuckle. He finished the knot and took a step back to view his handiwork. "Perfect!"

"I just wanna make sure Adam's thought this thing through! Netherworld divorce is a real pain in the ass, you know."

He looked appraisingly at Dewey's handiwork. "I ... guess you did a good enough job," he conceded reluctantly.

"Gee, thanks," Dewey replied, and stuck his tongue out at his friend.

"I've thought it through," Adam assured him. "I love Barbara -- there's no one else I'd rather spend eternity with."

"Okay, it's your funer- uh, wedding!"

The three of them grabbed their jackets and headed downstairs to the living room.

*****

"I'll go and check if the guys are ready," Lydia said, and opened the door to the living room. She stuck her head out and had to suppress a giggle when she saw Beej standing at the altar with Adam. The demon was wearing his "scuzzball game show host" outfit -- the electric blue frilly shirt and matching trousers, striped vest, lime green bow-tie and the garish mustard yellow jacket that looked like it had been made out of a pair of curtains from the '70s. He looked adorably ridiculous.

He beamed at her and gave her two thumbs up.

Adam, standing beside the demon, looked like a GQ model -- pearl grey dress shirt, pin-striped grey Armani suit and blue paisley tie and pocket square. Lydia gave him an approving look, and he smiled, blushing slightly.

Dewey and Rosalie were seated on the chairs that had been set out -- she was wearing a classic little black dress with a pearl choker and matching earrings, while he was wearing a camel blazer over his AC/DC t-shirt that, amazingly, he'd tucked into his jeans. His hair, despite his best attempts, still looked like he'd just rolled out of bed. Lady and the Tramp, Lydia thought, and smiled affectionately.

"They're ready," she told Barbara and Delia.

"Okay," Delia said. "Let's get this show on the road!"

In the living room, Beej gave the nod to Dewey, who took his guitar and began to play Pachelbel's Canon in D Major -- Barbara's request.

Lydia emerged from the kitchen first, walking in time to the music and carrying a bouquet of holly and ivy. Then came Delia, with a bouquet of lilies-of-the-valley, followed at last by Charles and Barbara.

Adam gasped when he saw her -- she looked exactly as she had on their first wedding day ten years ago. She wore a sleeveless white floor-length dress with a jewel neckline of Carrickmacross lace, a crown of daisies on her head holding the veil that hid her face, a bouquet of red roses clasped in her hands.

When she and Charles reached the altar, he bowed slightly to Adam and took his seat, and the soon-to-be remarried couple smiled giddily at one another.

"We are gathered here today," Beej began, reading -- or at least pretending to read -- from a gigantic book bound in black leather, "to join together these two spirits in ghostly matrimony. What death has joined together, let no one put asunder." He winked exaggeratedly at Lydia. "Made that part up myself -- pretty good, huh?"

"Wonderful," came her sardonic reply.

Beej stuck out his tongue at her and continued. "Do you, Sexy -- er, I mean, Adam -- do you take this woman to be your awfully wedded wife for as long as you both shall be dead?"

"I do," Adam answered, gazing at Barbara with love.

"And do you, Babs -- uh, Barbara -- do you take this man to be your awfully wedded husband for as long as you both shall be dead?"

"I do," she replied.

"The rings, please," Beej said to Lydia.

She looked at him in surprise and shook her head, hands raised in a gesture that meant I don't have them.

Beej glared at her and gave her a quick, angry nod, his hair turning magenta.

Lydia shook her head again.

The demon slammed the book shut angrily and gave an exaggerated laugh. "We seem to be having some, uh ... technical difficulties. Excuse me a moment."

He stomped over to the girl. "What did you do with the fuckin' rings?" he whispered loudly, spittle flying from his mouth.

"I don't have any rings!" she hissed back, wiping his spit from her cheek. "You were supposed to give them to me!"

"I did give them to you!" he insisted.

"You were supposed to, but you didn't! "

Beej screwed up his face in rage. "Well, you could've asked me for them! But anyway, I know I don't have any fuckin' rings!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, I'm sure! I think I'd know if I had them!"

"Really? Check your pockets, dumbass," Lydia smirked.

Angrily, Beej stuck his hand in the pocket of his jacket, and then, smiling and chuckling self-consciously, he pulled out the rings.

"Found 'em!" he called, holding them up for the others to see. "Heh-heh-heh ... just a slight miscommunication!"

"Yeah," Lydia muttered. "Between your head and your ass."

Beej scowled at her and headed back to the makeshift altar. He handed one to Adam and the other to Barbara. They looked at them, and then switched -- he'd given each of them the wrong ring. Of course he had.

"Now," Beej said, "where were we? Oh, yeah. Place the ring on Barbara's finger and repeat after me: With this ring I thee wed." He looked uncertainty over at Lydia. 'I thee wed?' That doesn't sound right, he mouthed.

In reply, Lydia gave him a nod and a thumbs-up.

Beej shrugged and motioned to Adam.

"With this ring I thee wed."

"Now it's your turn, Barbara -- with this ring I thee wed."

Barbara repeated the words as she slipped Adam's ring back onto his finger.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife -- you may kiss the bride." Then he placed a hand to the side of his mouth and in a low voice he added, "You might wanna slip her some tongue while you're at it."

Adam frowned at him in disapproval.

"Ah, come on," Beej said, nudging Adam in the ribs with his elbow. "You only live once -- uhh ... well, you know what I mean."

Adam chuckled. He lifted the veil from Barbara's face and pressed his lips to hers. She closed her eyes, but then they flew open and she gave a muffled "Mmf!" in surprise -- Adam had never done anything like that at their first wedding -- before responding in kind. Adam shifted his gaze to Beej, who grinned broadly and gave him two thumbs-up.

"I will love you till the end of time," Adam said when they came up for air.

At that, Dewey took up his guitar again. "That's my cue," he said, and began to play.

Adam took both of Barbara's hands in his, and cleared his throat. "I sang this to you at our first wedding," he said. "And the words mean just as much now as they did then."

Barbara's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes welled up as Adam began to sing:

On this day, we stand together

And pledge our love to one another

Oh my darlin', I will love you

From this moment there will be no other

And on this road that lies before us

Live the love, the joy and sorrow

But we will always try to remember

The pain today is the joy tomorrow

Her voice joined his for the chorus:

And now together, together

Love will be much better, yes it will

Together, together, our love will share

And forever, forever, love will keep us together

Together, together our lives will change

But until then, till then we will follow

Follow this road endlessly, for we believe

That we have found love from this moment

From this moment until forever

And now together, together

Love will be much better, yes it will

Together, together, our love will share

And forever, forever, love will keep us together

Together, together, our lives are gonna change

And together, together, love will be much better, yes it will

Together, together, our lives are gonna change

And forever, forever, love will keep us together

Together, together, our lives will change

Lydia began to applaud, and the others joined in enthusiastically. Everyone gathered around the happy couple, congratulating them and wishing them all the best.

Adam turned to Beej and mouthed a silent thank you. Beej smiled warmly in response, his lower lip trembling, and wiped a tear from his eye. He looked at Lydia, and she smiled and nodded at him -- he'd done good.

[bunnys-beetlejuice-blog]

"Oh, and here I thought you were getting all kinky with me!"

w beetlelands :3

Choices, Actions, Consequences - Chapter 11 - moonbunnyblues - Beetlejuice - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]