#mainly her realising and coming to terms with perhaps being a lil gay | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chisatowo · 3 years ago

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If I ever do actually write something for my thh talentswap, I'll probably have a separate mini series from Sayaka's perspective, since she undergoes a lot of character development shit that Aoi doesn't rly get to see

#rat rambles #dangan posting #talentswap au #mainly her realising and coming to terms with perhaps being a lil gay #ok but in all seriousness I have a lot of thoughts abt her and I wanna explore them damnit #she genuinely has so many issues and even once she can recognise theyre there she has no fucking idea how to tackle them #and like also. she has no fucking clue how to be open with her emotions in the slightest.#shes spent so long building her entire life off of a very specific persona that she doesnt know how to be anything else #even when shes at her lowest. even when she just wants to let the people she loves know she cares.#thats another big differenve between gamer sayaka and canon sayaka I think #while they obviously both operate off of some sort of persona for canon sayaka its a lot more deliberate I think #shes very self aware in her words and her actions most of the time. she has to be.#and while thats not to say gamet sayaka isnt aware of her words her act is generally a lot more instinctual I guess #like up until she was put into situations where she really did want to drop her act but couldnt she didnt even realise she was acting #like I cannot make this clear enough outside of the internet gamer sayaka was isolated as fuck #it was the only place where people validated her. accepted her. loved her.#she has and incredibly unhealthy relationship with the internet and especially her channels audience #and being completely cut off from it leaves her incredibly scared and lost #because she doesnt actually know how to talk to real people normally let alone in a killing game where a wrong move might get her killed #and it takes longer than shed like to admit for the gravity of the game to sink in #and even once it does sink in she doesnt even slightly know how to deal with the idea of her potentially dying #honestly just dropping her in any real world situation would probably have caused her to spiral let alone this #its all so real and its happening and she isnt even slightly equipped to fully process that #I dont even know if any of this is making sense sorry dnfnfjf #I just have. so many thoughts abt her.

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