#mainly cos my girlfriend and i had such a busy day with a bunch of friends

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 356

Adjective: Recondite

Noun: Shard

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Recondite: (of a subject or knowledge) little known, or abstruse

Shard: a piece of broken ceramic, metal, glass, or rock, typically having sharp edges

[cali-holland]

Teenage Love Story, Part Five- S.M.

Pairing: Shawn Mendes X Reader

Prompt: Shawn writes his own version of "Lover” for you, a.k.a an extension of part four mainly from Shawn’s point of view.

Word Count: 2500

Previous Parts: Teaser   One   Two   Three   Four

Warnings: lil bit of sexual jokes if you squint

Based on: Lover (Remix) by Taylor Swift ft. Shawn Mendes

A/N: Here’s the fifth part no one expected six months later...

~~~

August 2019

Shawn couldn’t help himself as he paced nervously in his hotel room. He had just finished his show in Boston, and he should be filled with exhilarating adrenaline; instead, he was overcome by nerves. 

He found himself in a catch 22 of sorts- Taylor had just released a new song, Lover, and he knew that you wrote a good amount of that track, but he missed you and he knew the song would only make the pain in his heart grow. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to listen to it, if he could even bring himself to listen to it. It was supposed to be your song, your love ballad to him; and he knew it must be good if Taylor released it as a single. Who was he kidding- he thought every song you wrote was good.

“It’s just a song.” Shawn whispered to himself as he played with the phone in his hands, “I’ve listened to all of Y/N’s songs. This isn’t any different.” He kept talking to himself, shaking his head as he tried to reach a decision. “That’s it. I’m going to do it.”

Sighing, he laid down on the bed and opened up Spotify. Of course, it was advertised at the top of his phone: “Taylor Swift’s new single, Lover, out now”. He began the song and listened intently.

“We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January,

This our place, we make the rules,

And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear,

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?” Shawn let out a heartbroken laugh, remembering back to that day that he first read through your journal. He knew it was private, but he just desperately wanted to know. That was the day he gave you that promise ring and promised to always be yours. 

As the song continued on, Shawn felt his eyes begin to sting with tears. Defeated, he stared up at the ceiling, longing to hold you again.

“And I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you,

I’ve loved your three summers now, honey, but I want ‘em all,” He didn’t need to even think about whether it was you or Taylor who wrote that line; he knew it was you. He saw that in your journal as well, and he had told himself he wanted all of your summers too; yet, here he was, spending his first summer without you in years.

As the song ended, Shawn put it on repeat and just stayed there, crying alone in his hotel room. If anyone were to walk in, he doubted that he could even bring himself to be embarrassed of his current; his head was filled with thoughts of you. He just wanted you and only you.

He wiped away his tears and looked at his phone clearly for the first time since he first heard the song. Spotify had credited you as a co-writer of the song. Shawn smiled fondly, glad that you finally took credit for your song-writing talent. He found himself reading over your past text messages to each other from all those months ago. You were so in love back then. He wanted to reach out, to tell you he loved the song, to say that he was proud of you, to apologize for hurting you.

But he couldn’t. He thought maybe you had moved on, maybe you had found someone better than him. He knew that you deserve the best and he highly doubted that he was the best for you.

Abandoning his hopeless scroll through the text messages, he began to go through his photos. He didn’t think it would make him feel any better, but that bittersweet feeling of reminiscing was all he could get at that moment. Photos of your time together was the closest he could get to you.

He had an album titled “Lover” that he had started while you were still together. While the pictures and videos were all out of order, he still admired it. You found it cheesy but embarrassing as he had some pretty questionable photos of you saved in there. You’d never admit it to him, but you adored it.

The very first picture was the first one of the two of you. It was of you two backstage of the 1989 tour; you were sat in Shawn’s lap and he had his hands over yours as he showed you how to play one of his songs on guitar. Taylor had taken that picture, and she was so proud of her matchmaking work. At that point, you and Shawn had been dating for a little under a month. He loved that photo so much that it was still framed on the wall in his house.

One of his favorite photos was of the two of you dressed as Jack and Rose from The Titanic for Halloween, when Shawn managed to come visit you for the holiday while you were away at college. You had both agreed to do a couple’s costume, and the idea of using The Titanic came from a movie marathon the night before. You watched everything from that to Dirty Dancing to Mamma Mia. Shawn felt himself starting to blush thinking back to that night- you two definitely focused more on each other than the actual movies. 

Next, he found a video from your three year anniversary when he surprised you with a candle lit dinner. As if that wasn’t romantic enough, the two of you danced around in the kitchen all night. Shawn had taken a short video of you singing “Let’s Get It On” to him, “C’mon baby, let your love come out, if you believe in love, let’s get it on”. He dropped his video at the end because you pulled him in for a heated kiss, and in that moment he couldn’t care less about his phone. 

His favorite picture of the two of you came up next. It was a simple photograph of Shawn kissing outside of your college townhouse. Sitting on the top step of the stoop, you were looking down at Shawn, who was sitting between your legs. He remembered it was definitely an awkward angle for a kiss, as his head was practically upside down, but that was one of the moments in which wanting to kiss you outweighed all other discomforts. Connor had taken that picture of the two of you, and Shawn kept it as his phone lock screen until you broke up. 

Following a string of goofy selfies taken between you two, Shawn found a video of you. You had secretly recorded it on his phone before he left for tour, knowing that he’d find it under his special photo album.

“Hey, honey,” You smiled into the camera, “If you’ve found this video, that means you’re going through old pictures of us and you’re missing me. I’m missing you too. I don’t know where you’ll be when you see this, but have a great time on tour. I’m sorry I couldn’t join you, just don’t go getting yourself any groupies,” You teased, “I’m counting down the days until I get to see you again. I love you, Shawn.” You blew a kiss into the camera before the video ended.

He let out a shaky breath and set his phone aside. Sniffling, he went and grabbed his guitar, deciding he should probably take some time to work out his feelings, rather than just wallowing in his self-pity.

No matter what melody he attempted to play, he just came back to the chords of “Lover”. Shawn ran a hand through his hair and began to play the song to himself.

“We could light a bunch of candles,

And dance around the kitchen, baby,

Pictures of when we were young would hang on the wall,

We would sit on the stoop,

I’ll sing love songs to you when we’re eighty,

See, I finally got you now, honey, I won’t let you fall,” He paused, realizing the lyrics weren’t the words you had written. Quickly grabbing his notebook, Shawn wrote down the lyrics, wanting to hold onto them in case some opportunity presented itself to use them later on. He continued playing, using your lyrics for inspiration,

“Look in my eyes, they will tell you the truth,

The girl in my story has always been you

I’d go down with the Titanic, it’s true, for you, lover,”

Shawn added the new lyrics into his journal, his fingers tracing the words. He set aside the guitar and journal, knowing it was probably well past time for him to go to sleep. With an early flight tomorrow morning and the alarm clock informing him that it was now 1 AM, he decided it would be a good idea to get some rest. Lying down in bed, Shawn drifted off to sleep with thoughts of you.

~~~

November 2019

Making his way through the busy airport, Shawn was the happiest he had been in a long while. A large smile grew on his face as he saw you waiting for him by the baggage claim. He ran up to you and engulfed you in a large hug. Holding you tightly, he spun you around as you laughed.

“God, I’ve missed you so much.” Shawn said, setting you down and keeping his arms around your waist.

“I’ve missed you too.” You barely managed to get your words out before he kissed you passionately. You let out a small moan and pulled away from the kiss for a moment, “Shawn, paparazzi.”

“I think I’m completely justified in kissing my girlfriend.” He stated, letting go of your hips to hold your hand.

“You are, but I’d rather not give the paparazzi exactly what they want.” You teased.

“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it.” Shawn joked with a wink, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. Soon enough, the bags began to surface from the plane, and Shawn grabbed his luggage, ready to leave the airport. You held tightly onto Shawn’s hand as you left the airport, escorted by Shawn’s small security team through the swarm of paparazzi. 

Once back in the safety of your townhouse, you and Shawn found yourselves cuddling on your bed as Shawn was exhausted from his day of traveling. With your head resting on his chest, you listened to the sound of his heartbeat; his hands trailed up and down your back soothingly. The serene moment was disrupted by Shawn’s phone ringing.

“Needed already?” You teased as he shuffled slightly underneath you to answer his phone.

“They never let me rest.” Shawn joked, answering the call. You shifted to rest your head on his bicep so it’d be easier for him to speak. “Hello?”

“Hey, Shawn,” Your ears perked up from hearing your sister’s voice on the other line. Shawn looked down at you as you raised your eyebrows questioningly at him.

“Taylor, what’s up?” He asked, trying to inconspicuously turn down the volume. You felt his heartbeat speed up and you knew he was trying to hide something about the phone call from you. You couldn’t make out what your sister told him, but he replied back with a few ‘yeah's' and ‘that’d be incredible’. He hung up the phone and peered over at you, as you watched him expectantly.

“So, what did Taylor want?” You questioned.

“We may or may not have made a collaboration.” Shawn replied.

“Really?” You asked.

“Yep.” He nodded, his fingers finding yours. He was nervous about something, which only made you more curious. You were about to press further, when his stomach let out a large growl.

“Have you not eaten at all today or something?”

“I think I had a bagel mid-flight.” Shawn said. You sat up and pulled him up with you.

“You need to eat, come on.” You stated, now distracted by making sure your boyfriend was fed. As you got him together some leftovers for lunch, he began to play music. You let out a laugh as Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” began to play.

“Remember when I surprised you for our three year?” Shawn asked, his hands on your hips as he swayed softly to the music. He began to press light kisses to your neck.

“Remember how you almost burned your hand with a candle?” You teased.

“Hm, I must’ve blocked that out.” He laughed, giving you a kiss on your lips before going back to focusing on your neck.

“Shawn, why are you being so touchy, right now?” You couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a giggle as his stubble tickled your sensitive neck.

“I just really love you.” He replied.

“I love you too, Shawn.” You lightly pushed him away as the microwave finished. You handed him his plate of food, telling him to eat. He ate the food so quickly, you would have thought that he hadn’t eaten in a week.

“So, what’s this collaboration with Taylor all about? I hope you know that you’re an awful liar.” You said.

“Well, I wanted to surprise you.” Shawn answered, “But I have a feeling you won’t let this drop.” “You know me so well.” You smiled.

“Come here,” Shawn led you to your living room and you sat on the couch while he grabbed one of your guitars. He went into ‘performance mode’, as you liked to call it. He teased, “I’d like to dedicate this next song to my lover.”

You laughed and clapped along in encouragement. You softly smiled as he began to play the beginning of “Lover”. He sang the first verse, and you grew a little confused; he was simply singing your song. As much as you loved it, it felt like a cover. That was until he got to the second verse. You felt overwhelmed with emotions as he adjusted the lyrics to fit with his own memories of your relationship. By the end of the song, you had tears in your eyes, feeling nothing but love for your boyfriend.

“Did you like it?” Shawn asked, putting down the guitar.

“I love it.” You smiled, pulling him in for a kiss. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too. I’m so glad you like it. I was nervous because you already made the song so perfect. I wanted to write you my own love letter through it. You deserve the best, so that’s all I could hope for.” You cut him off with another kiss, effectively stopping his worried rambling.

“That’s the most thoughtful, beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me. And Shawn, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me too.” It was then that Shawn true happiness, in the arms of you, his lover.

[booksncoffee]

how you get the boy - twenty five

Squinting my eyes at him, I said, “You’re a jackass, do you know that?”

“I know, but you love it,” he grinned. He’s right, I did.

read below // story page

“Bunny, how’re we doing this?” was the first thing Harry asked when I opened the front door to let him in. Despite how many times I’d told him that he didn't have to knock the door to get inside, he refused to listen to me.

Looking at him, I noticed that he looked nervous as he licked his lips every five second and although I wasn't nervous earlier, I was now.

Nearly two weeks had passed since we decided to give this relationship a go and as surprising as it might sound, no one apart from Louis had found out about us. Neither Harry nor I wanted to make it obvious seeing that everything was still new, but given that our friends were a bunch of people who normally noticed things they shouldn't, we had thought that they would know, especially Niall.

But then again, we hadn’t gone out much as we were both busy with classes and as for Harry, if he didn't cover the morning shift at The Cup, he would cover the night one. And because of that, the only time we were together was when he sneaked into my room at night – not that he had to because Louis knew – or when I went to The Cup to fulfil my coffee need in the morning.

That didn't mean I wasn't surprised that no one had said ‘I told you so’ to my face yet.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” I told him with a shrug as I made my way to my room; Harry followed suit. Niall had texted the both of us earlier today to come to Vortex tonight and a part of me couldn't help but wonder if it’s just another one of his plans to get us together. If it was, then he was just wasting his time because we didn't need his plans anymore. “Do you think he knows?”

“Niall?” Harry questioned. I nodded. “Dunno, s’hard to figure that one out. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't.”

“Funny that you’d say that, button, cos I think it’s harder to figure you out,” I replied, ignoring the offended look he’d chosen to display; he knew I was right because he didn't say anything else afterward. Simply shrugged and ran his fingers through his hair.

“So, you haven’t told him, then?” I quizzed as I took off my jumper and threw it to my bed, smirking when Harry’s eyes slightly widened, his cheeks turning red. Before something could happen, like any of us getting distracted, I grabbed my dress from the bed and put it on.

Harry cleared his throat before he shook his head, getting up from the bed to help me with the zip of the dress. His fingers were so cold that I jumped when they made a contact with my skin. “No, I haven’t,” he answered.

“Thought you two share everything or summat.” I glanced through my shoulder, smiling upon seeing how focused he looked as he pulled the zip up like it was the most difficult thing he ever had to do.

When he’s done, he pressed a kiss on the blade of my shoulder and said, “Nah, not everything.” I kinked an eyebrow at him, finding it hard to believe that they didn't. How could Niall know everything, then, if Harry wasn't the one who provided the information to him? “Besides, we’ve agreed to let them find it out themselves.”

Harry was right; we did agree on that and right now I wasn't so sure if it was the right thing to do.

Initially I thought they would put two and two together soon, but it seemed like I was wrong. The urge to tell Shiloh about Harry and I were so strong at one point, but I couldn't because I was the one who decided to keep this to ourselves and Harry had agreed to my reasoning which was: it’d be fun to see the look on their faces when they realised that we had finally figured things out between us.

Much to my dismay, seven days had passed and all I wanted to do was shout at the rooftop and let everyone know that I was with Harry and I couldn't be any happier. I wanted them to know that we’d stopped being such fools and decided that we’re better together than apart – I wanted them to know everything.

“Unless you’ve changed your mind about it?” Harry added when I turned around to look at him. Placing his hands on each of my shoulders, he continued, “Cos I’m okay if you say yes.”

I mulled over his words as I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, chewing on it. It didn't take me longer than five seconds to come to a conclusion that I was done keeping us on a down low. “Yeah, I think I have,” I admitted sheepishly, my cheeks turning red.

Harry’s face split into a huge smile and he let out a relieved sigh. Then, pressing his palms together in front of his chest, he threw his head back and mouthed his gratitude to the ceiling whilst I rolled my eyes. He intertwined our fingers next, urging me out of my room even though I hadn’t finished getting ready yet.

“Harry, where’re we going?” I asked as I reached for my purse that was hung on.

“Vortex,” he answered.

“But I’m not ready yet!” I exasperated, but he didn't seem to mind about that.

“Bunny, I’ve waited seven days for you to say that so I don’t have to pretend as if we’re not together in front of our friends anymore,” he confessed as he took my jacket from the coat stand and handed it to me before continuing, “Don’t tell me you’re not dying to see the look on their faces when they found out about us.”

“Well, yeah, of course,” I said with a roll of my eyes. Even though I knew Shiloh would give me shit mainly because I didn't tell her about it as soon as it happened, I couldn't help but imagine how surprised she would look when she learned that Harry and I were a couple.

“Then, let’s go girlfriend!” He exclaimed, holding the door open for me, grinning like a Cheshire cat because he knew full well that I couldn't say no to him. He was right when he said that he was irresistible, but I would never say it to his face. Letting out a sigh, I stepped out of my flat and let him lead me to his car. And once we’re in his car, he turned to me and said, “No offense, bunny, but your plan sucked.”

I gasped. I had no comeback for that, however, because he was right. My plan sucked because pretending as if we weren’t together in front of our friends proved to be more difficult than I thought it would be. I was glad that tonight, we didn't have to do that anymore. We could be who we were behind closed doors in public now.

“Next time, we’ll go with my plan, alright?’ Harry added as he manoeuvred his car out of the parking lot and into the street. “I’ve been told that I’m good with plans unlike you.”

Squinting my eyes at him, I said, “You’re a jackass, do you know that?”

“I know, but you love it,” he grinned. He’s right, I did.

&&

Niall was already drunk when Harry and I finally got to Vortex and so was Shiloh, surprisingly. I didn't expect her to be here considering that she had always avoided a night out with Niall and the gang unless I forced her to accompany me.

Alas, there she was, sitting next to Niall in the booth they must have saved for us and downing her liquor in one swig. A shit-eating grin graced her lips when she spotted me and after putting down her glass, she waved at me.  

“Harry!” Niall jumped out of the booth excitedly, almost knocking down the drinks on the table. His eyes landed on me then and he grinned, “I see that you came here with Tee.”

“Yeah I did,” Harry smiled as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and brought me closer to his side. My heart was thumping wildly against my ribcage and it was as though Harry knew that because a second later he rubbed his hand up and down my arm. He knew that it could calm me down.  

“Oh my God,” Shiloh slipped out of the booth to stand next to Niall, her eyes widening when her eyes lingered on Harry’s hand that was on my shoulder. She turned to me, next, and pointed a finger at me, “You little shit.”

From the corner of my eyes, I could see Niall struggling to understand what was going on. His eyes darted from Shiloh to me then to Harry and after ten seconds of doing so, realisation seemed to finally dawn upon him. “You two had sex, didn't you?”

Of course he chose to point that out instead of the elephant in the room, but then again it’s my fault for forgetting that intoxicated Niall didn’t have a filter. Luckily, I didn't have to answer his question as Shiloh nudged his side with her elbow hard enough to emit a yelp from him. Rubbing the sore spot, he shot Shiloh a glare, one that she ignored, as she turned to Harry and I and asked, “Are you two dating?”

“Yeah, we are,” Harry answered rather immediately as he glanced at me, squeezing my shoulder. Looking at Shiloh, I could tell that she was holding back a squeal when Harry smiled and pressed a kiss on the crown of my head.

“Finally!” Niall exclaimed as he stepped forward to punch Harry on the shoulder. Harry didn't budge; he simply smiled and shrugged. “Didn't think any of you would grow balls anytime soon, but you did and I have to say that I’m proud.”

Harry rolled his eyes at his friend, but instead of ignoring the comment, he chose to go along with it, “Thanks, mate, couldn't have done it without you.”

“Hell yeah you couldn't have done it without me!” He responded quickly, an amused smile pulling at his lips. He looked tremendously proud of himself and neither Harry nor I had the heart to burst his bubble. We continued to inflate his ego. After all, we’d agreed that if it weren’t because of his meddling, we wouldn't have found our ways to each other.  

“How long has it been?” Shiloh quizzed, eyebrows raised.

“Almost two weeks,” I answered nonchalantly, hoping that she wouldn't get angry with me. Unfortunately, she didn't seem happy by that new piece of information. I wouldn't have been happy either if I found out that she’d been dating someone for two weeks and I didn't know anything about it.

“I can’t believe you didn't tell me anything,” she pouted, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Unlike Niall, intoxicated Shiloh got upset easily. The only good thing was that she wouldn't remember what happened the night before that could tick her off. Giving me another look, she added, “You owe me an explanation, Tee, a long one.”

“Did we miss out on something?” Liam appeared from behind us, his glossy eyes darting from Harry to me.

Louis slung an arm over his shoulder as he took a sip of his beer, “They’re probably telling these two that they’re dating.”

“You are?” Liam’s eyes widened, eyebrows raised. When Harry and I nodded, he muttered, “Fuck me. Congratulations, both of you!”

“Thank you,” Harry and I said in unison.

After having taken a sip of his beer, Liam continued, “Wow am I the only who didn't see it coming?”

I shrugged, “Don’t worry, Liam, I didn't see it coming either.”

“Heeeeey,” Harry turned to look at me, brows furrowing. He placed a hand on the spot where his heart’s at as he pretended to look offended. “I’m wounded.”

Rolling my eyes, I asked him whilst jabbing his chest, “Well, did you see it coming though?”

“Touché,” Harry mentioned with a chuckle and a grin fell back onto his face a second later. I was elated to know that he wasn't really offended because if he were, then I would have to come up with another explanation.

“Love works in mysterious ways,” Liam chimed in as he smiled at us and although he said those words nonchalantly, I could feel the weight of his words as blood drained out of my face and beside me, Harry’s body visibly tensed. No one seemed to notice it, not even Shiloh or Niall as they weren’t looking at us. Which was good because no one should notice that the mere mention of the L word caused panic to weave its way under our skin. Then, oblivious to our reactions, Liam added, “Do I hear wedding bells ringing here?”

“Oooh nice one, Liam!” Niall hooted, giving his friend a high-five, the two of them burst out laughing before they proceeded to making bets and speculations that involved Harry and I: when do you reckon they’re gonna get married, I bet you a tenner that they’ve had sex, who do you think is the little spoon, ooh I bet you a tenner that Harry would shit his pants when he meets her parents etc.

Clearing his throat, Harry told the group that he needed to excuse himself to get something to drink and I decided to go with him because I could tell something was bothering him. Something was bothering me too and it was obvious that there’s something that we needed to discuss and we needed to do it alone.  

Once I was certain that we were out of everyone’s earshot and once I’d taken a sip of the drink Harry had ordered for us, I asked, “Are you okay?”

Harry looked around us for a moment before his eyes landed on me, and a sigh escaped his mouth. “Dunno,” he muttered. He ran his fingers through his hair afterwards and just when I thought I had to cajole him into telling the truth, he said, “’m a bit scared, I guess.”

At that, my heart dropped and I could feel my throat constrict. “S-Scared?” I croaked and Harry looked at me, offering me a small smile as though to say yeah, ridiculous, innit and as though to assure me that I shouldn't worry about it. But I already did. Clearing my throat, I forced myself to speak. “Why?”

Instead of answering my question, Harry shook his head and took another sip of the alcohol. “Forget it,” he said, earning a scowl from me. Forget it was one of the many phrases I’d grown to hate. “No, really, just forget it, bunny. You’re going to think I’m being ridiculous, anyway.”

“I think you’re ridiculous all the time,” I said as a joke, to which he rolled his eyes at me. “C’mon, Harry, I’m sure s���not that ridiculous.”

“Well, at first I was afraid that you’d freak out,” he admitted and I was glad that I wasn't drinking anything at the moment, for I was sure I would’ve choked on it if I were. Before I could convince him that I wasn't going to freak out like he thought I would, he added, “But it turned out that I’m the one who’s freaking out.”

I inhaled sharply before I started speaking again and I could feel words pushing their way up to my throat. “Is it cos this-“ I gestured between the two of us, “-is more real than it ever was now that everyone knows about us?”

Harry swallowed and nodded his head, “Yeah.”

“Harry-“

“Bunny, I’ve wanted us to happen ever since I could remember and I just.. I don’t want anything to ruin it. I won’t let anything ruin us,” he spluttered in one breath and placing a hand on his bouncing knee, I told him to take a deep breath. He did. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m afraid that things won’t work out and Liam’s already talking about wedding bells and-“

I didn't allow him to finish his rambling as I stepped forward and pressed my lips against his. I’d learned somewhere that the best way to shut someone up was to kiss them. For a couple of seconds, I was worried that it didn't work as he pulled away as soon as my lips touched his, but when his palms found my cheeks and a grin touched his lips, he dipped his head, his tongue swiping my bottom lip. I didn't think I could ever get enough of his kisses and that thought alone was terrifying, but I pushed it away. Instead, I focused on the way he made me feel, my heart slamming against my ribcage and electricity running down my spine – they were all so new and for some reasons, I wasn't scared and the itch to run away never came.

It wasn't until I was gasping for air that I realised that we weren’t alone in my flat or in my room or in Harry’s room. We’re in Vortex, surrounded by strangers and our friends who were now cheering at us. They were a bunch of idiots, I knew that, but what I didn't know was that they’re out here to embarrass us.

Cheeks flushed, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes momentarily to regain my composure. And when I opened them, I realised that I wasn't the only one who’s blushing. Harry was too.

“I bloody hate them,” Harry whispered, chuckling when I agreed. Pressing a kiss on the corner of my mouth one last time, he intertwined our fingers and asked, “We’re okay, yeah?”

I couldn't fight the huge smile taking over my feature when I said, “We’re great.”    

&&

Nick had never visited me twice in a month – that had never ever happened. I’d always made sure that he wouldn't do so because I didn't need him sticking his nose in my business. Therefore, when I walked into my flat after spending the night at Harry’s, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me because sitting on the couch with Louis was my beloved brother.

The two of them were talking but as soon as he spotted me, Louis got up from the couch and mouthed the word ‘I don’t know why he’s here’ before he left the living room to get into his room.

I rubbed my eyes with the pad of my hand. I was hoping that by doing so the image of my brother would disappear, but I was horrified to find that he was real and he was making his way to me, his arms wide open.

“Nick?” His name came out as a question rather than a statement and before I could register what was happening, he pulled me into a hug, his cheek pressed against the top of my head. “What-uh-what’re you doing here?”

“To check on my sister,” he replied matter-of-factly and I wasn't surprised to hear it coming from him given that this had always been his answer. “Where were you?”

“I was at Harry’s,” I told him after taking a deep breath and swallowing the lump in my throat. Bottom lip pulled between my teeth, I scanned Nick’s face anxiously to gauge his reaction. Usually I wasn't afraid of Nick or of words that slipped past his lips, but for some reasons, as I waited with bated breath, I realised that much like Harry, I wanted his approval. Needed his approval.

When his brows furrowed, I knew straightaway that I wasn't going to like whatever he’s going to say next. “What’re you doing there?” He asked, and then pointing at Harry’s t-shirt that I was wearing, he asked, “And why’re you wearing his shirt?”

A scoff left my mouth before I could stop it and an offended look crossed Nick’s face, “It’s none of your business, Nick.”

“Right right,” Nick muttered under his breath. When I thought he’d drop the subject, he said, “but it kinda is, Tee, you’re my sister.”

“Fine,” I huffed, throwing my hands up before dropping them to my sides, “Because I’m his girlfriend, you dumbass. And I can wear his shirt if I want to, surely there’s no rules against that, yeah?”

I could’ve sworn that Nick’s eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline. Licking his lips once, twice, he scratched his neck and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Girlfriend, eh?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, mirroring his stance, “Why? Haven’t you heard of the term girlfriend before?”

“Oh, trust me I have,” Nick countered as he chuckled to himself and I realised then that he had gotten under my skin – that easy. “Wow, Tee. Boyfriend, huh?”

I rolled my eyes at him, ignoring the fact that I was slightly insulted by his insinuation. “Mhmm,” I hummed, “I’d appreciate it if you don’t scare him away, by the way.”

Moving towards me, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and squeezed it. I shot him a glare. “I’m only doing it to see if he really does like you or not. If he doesn't, he’ll run and if he does, he’ll stay. And it seems like so far no one has stayed, hmm?”

If I was slightly insulted ten seconds ago, I was greatly insulted now. His words were like daggers and with each second that I let pass by without any exchange between my brother and I, they went deeper and deeper.

I had never considered myself as someone who cried so easily, but Nick’s words hit all the right places and it hit the button I didn't know exist inside of me. And as I pressed my lips together, I felt a pinch behind my eyelids and quickly, I shoved Nick away from me.

His jaw hung open and I took a deep breath before I spoke again. “Why’d you have to ruin this for me? And why do you have to be so mean, Nick? I never stick my nose in your business and God, Nick I like Harry so much and-” I paused to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat. It was getting harder and harder to speak and Nick seemed to notice that. A look of guilt crossed his face as he looked at me and for a moment I thought he deserved to feel like shit. But soon enough, I told myself to pull it together and dejectedly, I said, “Nick, I just like him so much, okay.”

Nick was silent for exactly fifteen seconds. He opened his mouth and closed it – he did that at least five times. Then, as though he finally decided not to say anything, he moved forward and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, sighing. “I’m sorry, Tee, I didn’t know-“

“S’fine,” I told him even though a few seconds ago it wasn't fine. I was angry. “I mean, you didn't know.”

“I should’ve known,” he said and I didn't have to look to know that there’s a hint of smile at his lips. He pulled away to hold me at arm’s length, “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Tee, and that’s enough, I guess.”

I kinked an eyebrow at him, “You did?”

“Yeah,” he admitted sheepishly, “When we had dinner together, I saw the way he looked at you. I didn't believe it at first, I suppose, but Louis told me that Harry’s a good bloke and.. Well, I think I could save the protective brother speech.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him, finding it hard to believe that he’d just said that. It was easy, too easy. “You could?”

“I mean I did prepare the speech before I came here-“

“What?” I stepped away from him to shoot a glare, “Is that why you’re here?”

“Tee, you can’t blame me,” he exasperated as he threw his head back and groaned. “I saw the picture you posted on Instagram, you were both drunk and I just- I guess I was worried that he’s not good enough for you.”

I didn't even remember that I posted a picture on Instagram or anywhere, really; I might need to check on that later. “Nick, Harry’s too good for me. If anything, I’m the one who’s not good enough for him-“

I didn't get to finish my sentence because Nick’s already shaking his head, “No, don’t say that. I’m not going to let my sister thinks she’s not good enough for a bloke.”

“But that’s the thing,” I paused as I began pacing back and forth in front of Nick, my restlessness was making him fidgety too. “Harry’s not just a bloke. He’s the bloke, Nick.” As soon as those words left my lips, I stopped walking, my chest constricting and I wasn't sure if it was because I’d just realised that or if it was because once again, I said my feeling out loud to someone else instead of him.

When I looked at Nick, I was pretty sure that my face mirrored his horrified expression. He must have been as surprised as I was to hear those words coming out from my mouth. “Tee,” he called my name, brows furrowing. “Are you sure? Cos saying he’s the one is kinda a big thing.”

“I know, I know, but Nick,” I paused to take a deep breath and calm my erratic heartbeats. “It scares me how much I like him – it’s crazy.”

Then, for once Nick smiled, really smiled. The one that had never failed to reassure me because when I saw it, for a moment I forgot what was I freaking out about. It was the same smile he always showed to me when I knocked on the door of his room, unable to sleep because of the thunder. It was the same smile that told me again and again that things would be okay. “Tee, if it scares you, then maybe this is something you should hold on to.”

&&

As soon as Nick left, I went to Harry’s flat only to find that he wasn't in the living room like I had expected him to be.

When I opened the door of his room, I found him fast asleep, a pillow hugged under one arm as he laid on his front. I had half the mind to wake him up, but when I remembered that he hardly slept last night, as he was busy working on his assignment. I didn't know if he even went to sleep last night. All I knew was that it was late and despite my promise to stay up with him, I felt asleep before he finished his work.

I sat on the edge of his bed, careful not to bump into him, as I didn't want to wake him up. Unfortunately, when the mattress dipped, Harry mumbled something incoherent under his breath and next thing I knew, I felt his arm around my torso, pulling me towards him.

“Hi,” he whispered when I lied next to him, my nose nearly touching his.

“Hi,” I replied as I pushed a strand of his hair away from his face. His eyes were heavy and I regretted coming over here. “You should go back to sleep.”

“Mmm, nah,” he shook his head, “I wanna talk to you.”

“We can talk later, Harry, when you’re not sleepy,” I told him, rolling my eyes when he shook his head and rubbed his eyes. He was acting as though our time was limited and if he didn't talk to me now, he wouldn't get the chance again. “Okay, what d’you wanna talk about?”

Harry cleared his throat, his eyes fixed on my lips. “Can I kiss you first?”

I didn't say anything. Simply inched forward until our lips met. We kissed each other slowly, lazily, our noses bumping every now and then. All of sudden we felt like we had all the time in the world and maybe we did because we weren’t going anywhere.

I was positive that we wouldn't have stopped kissing if Harry hadn’t knocked his forehead against mine, his clumsiness emitted laughter from the both of us.

“Sorry,” he said as he pressed a kiss against my forehead. We stared into each other’s eyes in silent for almost a minute before he seemed to remember that he had something to say earlier. “So, uh, your brother’s here.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. I realised a few seconds later that I hadn’t told him that my brother came to visit again, so I was shocked that he knew. “Wait, how’d you know that?”

Blush crept up to his cheeks and he rubbed the back of his neck, a sheepish smile adorning his lips. “I might have walked in on you two talking earlier,” he admitted, “I left straightaway, though, cos I thought you needed to talk to your brother alone. And I don't think he’d like it if I was there.”

“I told him about us,” I mentioned out of the blue and instead of smiling, he had a worried look written all over his face. “And he’s happy for us, Harry.” At that, his face lighted up and I felt my heart swell. “I also told him that we’ll have lunch or dinner with him next week.”

Harry visibly gulped. “Is he going to give me the protective brother speech?”

“Maybe,” I told him, giggling when his eyes widened. “Maybe not.”

“Well for what it’s worth, I don’t think I’ll be scared of him,” he said rather smugly as he squared his shoulders and I couldn't help the eye roll. Alas, every atom inside of me was screaming and buzzing: he’ll stay he’ll stay he’ll stay. “I’m not going to let anything come between us, remember?”

“Yeah, I do,” I answered, after swallowing the lump in my throat. My heart was hammering against my ribcage and I could’ve sworn Harry could hear it because he was pulling me closer, his brows furrowing slightly.

“Is everything okay?” he asked and there was an edge to his voice like he was begging me to tell him that everything’s okay.

I nodded, “Yeah, of course.”

“But?”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes briefly. When I opened them, Harry was still looking at me, his intense gaze making it almost difficult for me to breathe. I licked my lips a few times. “I-I was talking to Nick earlier about you and I-uh-I realised that I like you, Harry, so so much.”

Upon hearing those words slipping past my lips, he let out a relieved sigh and rested his forehead against mine. “You scared me,” he told me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, brushing my thumb across his cheek as I offered him a small smile. I dampened my lips once more before I asked, “Harry, i-is it normal to feel this much, this strongly for a person?”

I didn't realise that my hands were trembling until Harry took them in his and he gave each of my hands a squeeze. “Bunny, there are times when I just can’t explain how I feel for you because sometimes it’s the only thing I could feel and it scares me, but I think.. I think it’s normal. Absolutely normal.”

[jafreitag]

The Liner Notes Felsen Interview

Back in November 2017, Liner Notes featured “Vultures on Your Bones,” the new single by Bay-area ensemble Felsen. That track kicks off their new album, Blood Orange Moon, which was released last month. It’s great. (And that’s not damned faint-praise. I enjoyed TF outta this record. And everybody, especially my best friend, knows that I’m a music snob.) Listen for yourself. You’ll dig.

Felsen honcho Andrew Griffin and I grew up together in Valparaiso, Indiana. We’re old friends. We recently had a chance to Q&A via email about the new record. Here’s the result – the first-ever LN rock star interview. If you’re expecting Lester Bangs chatting with Joe Strummer, you will not be disappointed

JF: Describe your life path from Valpo to Oakland.  How did a Midwestern kid end up on the left coast leading a rock band?

AG: I moved from Valparaiso to Chicago in 1991 with my Loudflower bandmates after I graduated from VU.  I worked shitty restaurant jobs, and we were really going for it for about another year until the band imploded.  I started taking drum lessons soon thereafter, and that teacher encouraged me to further my education and go to Berklee College of Music.  I moved to Boston in the fall of 1993 with my girlfriend, Norene. I started school in January 1994. Norene and I got married in ‘96 and then we moved to the SF East Bay in 1998. I started working playing drums and teaching lessons.  I worked my way up the food chain of bay area drummers, toured the US with a few different bands, went to Europe a few times. Always working. I started teaching in schools, different music programs, daycare music, you name it, I did it. Plus…thousands of gigs…you’ve got to if you wanna eek out an income.  I played lots of rock, singer songwriter stuff, cover bands, wedding bands, jazz, country, Zydeco, Blues, Salsa, Cumbia, musical theater gigs, Big Band…everything. I learned much along the way. I had a band when I first arrived in the bay area, where I was the songwriting drummer – that being my 3rd valiant attempt with this concept, the first being in Valparaiso with the aforementioned Loudflower.  It never really seemed to work out though. Odd concept I guess – songwriting drummer with someone else singing and fronting the band. I set that notion aside around 2000 and just focused on drumming. I started to produce other people’s music. I was also a busy co-writer with a handful of really talented Bay Aarea songwriters. Mmost notably, I worked closely with Rich McCulley in the early 2000’s.  I was Rich’s drummer, and we wrote a bunch of tunes together, played about 180 gigs from coast to coast putting 70,000 miles on his van (seriously).  The drumming life was good to me.

JF: When did you form Felsen?

AG: I started to record what would become Felsen’s first album, Accidental Drowning, in the fall of 2007.  I had no real plan at the time. I was in the middle of a long cancer ordeal, and I guess I was killing time, as I wasn’t working much due to my sickness.  There was also some desire to commit to tape my songs as my health situation was rather grave and perhaps my time was short. I had a newborn son at home at the time, and I wanted to leave something behind just in case.  I thought I would have other friends sing the tunes as I’d done in the past, but when I started to write about what I’d recently been dealing with (life and death and being a dad), I realized I had to sing. I’m still learning.  I’m a work-in-progress. That album took about a year to record, and then a few months of mixing. I got a small record deal with an East Bay label, 9th Street Opus, and they encouraged me to put a band together and make a go of it.  I was now the frontman, singer in a band–didn’t see that one coming. That was in the summer of 2009. I’ve been doing Felsen ever since.

JF: There have been various lineup changes.  I think the last time that I saw the band at Valpo’s legendary Club Coolwood, you were a quartet.  How has the band evolved since then?

AG: It’s really hard to keep a band together.  I’ve done my best. People come and go over the years.  Mainly, they run out of time (or money) or have moved from the area.  I will say, though, that every time someone new comes into the band, the bar always gets raised higher.  The level of musicianship is ever increasing as I’m able to attract better and better players as the band’s notoriety grows, we get better gigs, better money etc. I’m very, very grateful to all the folks who’ve helped me along the way.  In my current lineup I’ve got two people who’ve been with me about four years each. I haven’t been touring as much, mainly playing around the bay area and Northern California, and have had the luxury of playing with a slightly larger ensemble – sometimes up to 7 musicians.  When we tour again, it’ll most likely be a more compact unit, most likely a quartet. Touring is dreadfully expensive. Hey…can we sleep on your floor? Can you make us a vegan meal? Can I get your credit card number?

JF: You played drums in high school, right?  And you were in bands back then. I can’t remember the names.

AG: You are correct, sir.  I’m a proud alum of the very fertile Valpo music scene.  My first band was with Chad Clifford, who’s still going strong in Valpo.  Here’s a few band names: Merge, The Happy Bunch, Blue Elvis, Astral Zombies, Buddha’s Belly, Loudflower.  Anybody remember these bands?

JF: I remember the Happy Bunch, and maybe Astral Zombies, haha. When did you start playing guitar?  When did you start writing songs?

AG: My parents were kind enough/wise enough to allow my bands to practice in their house when I was in junior high and high school.  The guitars and amps, etc., lived in the house, and I guess I got curious about guitar around 9th grade and started fooling around then.  Maybe around 11th grade I could play a little bit. My freshman roomie at Valparaiso University had a guitar and an amp that I was constantly playing.  By my sophomore year, I had acquired a guitar (the borrow-to-own program thankyouverymuch) and basically started writing tunes the same way I continue to.  I was writing lyrics in highschool for my bandmates to sing and started writing poetry and short stories in college. I guess that all melded together. I’ve always mainly enjoyed creating original music. I’ve never been a very good or dedicated cover band guy.

JF: Do you still play drums?  With Felsen? I know you’ve gigged with other bands, too.  Camper Van Beethoven? Cake?

AG: Yup, still quite busy playing a lot of drums and teaching tons of lessons. If you know of anyone who needs a drummer…let ‘em know…I’ll do my homework…but I’m very, very expensive.  OK JK. I’m really fortunate to have lots of opportunities to play great original music here in the bay area (and beyond). I love it very much. The new Felsen album is all me on the drums.  We were going through some personnel changes at the time. Super fun experience for me. And, yes, a few big name gigs along the way.

JF: Describe your process with respect to songwriting.  Are you a notebook guy, scribbling lyrics in coffee shops when inspiration hits?  Or a device guy, recording snippets on your phone? Or are you more structured? Which comes first, chords or words?

AG: I’m pretty disciplined about recording new song snippets on my phone or computer.  Also, I keep folders in my google drive. There’s a random lyric folder where I dump words, phrases, stuff I hear in passing, or on TV, or Netflix or read on the internet or in a copy of the New Yorker (my doctor’s office magazine of choice) or just bizarre stuff my kid says. I then begin to sort through that stuff, sifting it out into more specific files – like a file all about technology or Trump or nature or death or love or sadness. I play guitar and stare at the screen, and, eventually, the words start to coalesce around the music (or vice versa).  I also keep a file of good opening lines and a file of song titles. Metallica starts with titles, and I wouldn’t argue with those dudes. That’s an interesting way of going about business, IMHO. Too many songs have shitty boring titles. I like song titles that could be movies, or novels. Good movies and interesting novels. “The Telepathic Kind.”  That’s a good title. Or “The Secret Life of Guns.” “Blood Orange Moon.” “White Denim Jeans.” Yummy titles. I’d read those books.

JF: I’m a New Yorker fan, too. I regularly snag passages and dump them into a notebook app. Such good writing, particularly about music. (Amanda Petrusich is a god among manboys.) Speaking of words, is there an aerial theme?  Airplane, Airline, Moon?

AG: I just saw Up In the Air again the other day.  Amazing movie. I guess that one really hit me years ago.   It takes years for me to wrap my brain around something. Re: air travel, etc. It’s a lonely world of airports and shitty motels.  I’ve spent a lot of time on the road. i guess I really saved up some of that sadness. I move at a glacial pace processing life events and churning them into songs.

JF: Are the songs on the new record all new? Have you played any of them live before going into the studio?

AG: There was really only one tune that Felsen had been playing on stage before recording the new album: “Poor in a Wealthy City.” I wrote much of that tune in a motel room in the Midwest when Felsen was on tour in the fall of 2013.  I wrote very deliberately for this new album. I did perform a handful of the tunes, as I was writing them. I wrote for two years, and then spent two years recording.

JF: Describe your process with respect to recording/production.  Were you involved on the production end of BOM? If so, what were your goals?  Do you have an idea of what you want a song or an album to sound like when you press record?  I’m thinking of something like Ansel Adams’ concept of previsualization. Maybe preaudialization?

AG: On Blood Orange Moon, I had a pretty clear idea of what I was going for. I started a branch of the Felsen family tree, playing with a few new faces and a few old ones, referring to that unit as the Felsen Symphonette. Incorporating cello, glockenspiel, synth, acoustic guitars and hand percussion – a bit of a departure from the electric guitar-heavy music of previous of Felsen albums. The Symphonette started to perform house concerts and backyards – low volume, lo-fi, and low tech.  Why not write an album of that lower volume stuff? I was inspired by a Rolling Stone review of George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass that described that album as “music for mountaintops.”  I liked that idea alot. I was also greatly under the musical narcosis of Beck’s twin albums Sea Change and Morning Phase, as well as Songs for a Blue Guitar by Red House Painters. I also heard Serge Gainsbourg’s tune, “Bonnie & Clyde” in an episode of Mad Men and eventually found Serge’s Historie de Melody Nelson. I recruited Allen Clapp of the Orange Peels to mix the album.  This album needed tons of reverb, and Allen has a special understanding of reverb.  He and his studio live on a mountain – music for mountaintops, indeed. Blood Orange Moon’s tempos are slower, volumes often quieter, and I’m often singing in a lower register. The tunes kinda sprawl out more and take more time to unfold.  They’re kinda cinematic in scope. The overall pace of the album is much slower. That’s a good reminder for all of us to just slow down.  Life is way too chaotic and insane right now. Chill out America.

JF: The production on “The Telepathic Kind” is lush in a ’70s way.  (Not a criticism. I love ’70s music.) Intentional?

AG: Yes and no.  It kinda seeps out of me.  I love the early 70’s Pink Floyd – Meddle and Dark Side of the Moon era.  I wanted that tune to be really dreamy and kinda narcotic sounding.  That one also owes much to Sun Kil Moon’s “Ghost of the Great Highway” as well.  Mark Kozelek really knows how to take his time and let a tune slowly unfold.  I love that. It takes courage to do that, too. On previous Felsen albums, I guess I was holding onto the idea that we would someday, somehow, get a song on the radio, and I had been making what I believed were radio-friendly albums (to the best of my ability).  I guess I’ve officially abandoned that idea entirely this time around and just made an album that I enjoy listening to. So…lots of 6 minute tunes this time ‘round.

JF: Guitar solos are pretty prominent on the new record.  Was that intentional? Did you do those?

AG: There’s a few.  I’m OK with it – I’m old fashioned.  Seems like they’re being abandoned, but I’m all for it.  The guitar solos were all done by Dylan Brock. I love Dylan’s playing.  He toured and recorded with Felsen for about four years. He’s got a real unique sound.  I hear Johnny Greenwood and Johnny Maar in his playing. Also a hint of George Harrison. There’s some pedal steel, and that was done by Gawain Matthews, who also engineered a goodly bit of the album.

JF: Talk about the instrumental interludes.  I think of you as a wordy guy, and it was fun to hear a few purely musical tracks.

AG: They’re like incidental music in a movie.  Again, going for kind of a cinematic thing.  I put a lot of thought into the sequencing of the album – I always do, but this one feels really special in that regard.  The album flows from start to finish, and it’s meant to be listened to as an LP, as well. I know that’s a tall order for our overly-stressed-out and frantically-paced society, BUT if you can just slow down and listen to this, you’ll really see it as an album.  I think it holds up. The three, short instrumental interludes really help tie it all together and make it feel more album-like.

JF: “Spanish Jam Sandwich” is like psych-rock Felsen.

AG: Yup.  Felsen is a cult.  That’s our theme song.

JF: What has been the local response to BOM?  I know you played a record release show recently.

AG: Excellent response locally.  We got lots of great press nationwide, and then we had a team of local friends write their own reviews.  My fav review so far has been from one of the bay area’s finest songwriters, Mr. Maurice Tani. My new, all time fav quote re: Blood Orange Moon: “It sounds expensive – back in the day of album rock, an album like this would have cost a mountain of corporate cash and a cigarette boat full of drugs.”  Nailed it.

JF: Any plans to make it back to the Midwest?

AG: We hope to be back in 2018.  Maybe play the Popcorn Festival?  Contact your local congressman and demand Felsen. Also, contact Von Tobels and see if they’ll underwrite our tour.  You never know.

Fwiw, Von Tobels is a local hardware store. For years, the business called itself the “Do-It Center.” I’m sure no teenagers ever had sex in their parking lot just because. Anyway, thanks, AG. I’ll have an influences playlist from him in the next week or so.

More soon.

JF

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[datingadviceonreddit]

X-post from r/datingoverthirtyThis is gonna be stupid long but I would appreciate any advice. I am also an overthinker, so I might digress on certain details.Backstory: So it's been about 5 years since I had a real relationship. Im 32 now and think I'm ready to start this whole stupid thing called dating lol. My previous relationship.. We dated for about 4 years, were good friends/co-workers for years before that. All in all it was an ok relationship. We hung out alot, did stuff together like go out to dinner alot, watched movies and TV together, had sex here and there, both sides of parents liked the other person, she did convince me to change my college major to something I had more interest into. The bad parts were she was very verbally abusive like never appreciated things I did for her, would look down on me for stupid stuff, and she hated most of my friends for some reason. I'm pretty sure she was just a closeted bipolar introvert 🤣 Near the end of our relationship we would fight on and off about little things. It finally came to an end when she lost her job because the company went out of business, she didn't like living at her parents anymore and wanted to move out of state. Myself at the time had my own apartment and a steady job. It got to the point where she decided to move out of state and tell me literally the day before she was moving. Before I knew of her plans, That night she came over, we had dinner, watched a movie and had sex, then she dropped the bomb on me. I told her if she was absolutely committed to our relationship I would have really considered moving with her. The company I worked for was nationwide so that wouldn't have been an issue. That was met with a "no thanks, I dont see that happening" and she pretty much left my apt after that and we never spoke again except for some happy birthday texts and short small talk texts a year later. Nothing was ever resolved in a closure type way. The only thing that I know now is that she married some guy down where she lives like a year and a half after our breakup. Im thinking she may cheated on me near the end, but never admitted to it. I had severe depression for about 2-3 years after that. I just basically put it in my head that she died and focused on work and hanging out with friends and going out to the bar and just having fun. I Just had a fuck bitches, get money attitude. Work, have fun, get drunk alot, repeat. There's been a couple girls since then that I have hung out with a few times, mainly Friends of Friends, one one night stand from a bar, may be hooked up with them a few times but nothing of substance. They all seem to have issues, I had the foresight to see at least they would be terrible in a relationship. Those interactions ended as soon as they started because they were crazy. Over the years being in sales help me develop a confidence to talk to almost anybody. I think I can start a conversation pretty well, carry a conversation, I think I'm pretty intelligent and have interesting things to talk about, have interest in many many topics. I do joke around but it's usually like sarcasm and topic based humor. I think I can be complimentative and charming when need be. Now my downfall is that I live by the expectation of a false sense that people will always do the right thing and be responsible and being someone who I can count on. Because I overthink sometimes I create a perception of an interest and it doesn't turn out to meet that expectation. I am also brutally honest at times when I shouldn't be. I run my mouth to get my way sometimes. I think it's related to being aggressive in my previous sales job. I've recognized this and I'm still working on it.Current situation:I frequent this bar a few blocks from my house. I've been going there on and off for about the last 6 years. It's the type of place that I usually go to like Friday and Saturday nights, there's people around my age and they play good music have a good food and drink specials. Usually go there with a group of friends as well whenever we feel like going out, any day of the week. I'm friends with the managers and about 80% of the staff, bullshit around with the owner bunch of times. The owner has directly told me that me and my group of friends are like family there and if we need anything to let him know anytime. Soo..There is a new girl (29 yrs old) that's been working there for about 3 months and I think she's pretty damn cute but never worked up the balls to talk to her. One night going there with my group of friends, it turns out my best friend's brother-in-law came with us. He knew her from back in the day and started catching up. To protect their identity, We'll call him umm 'James' and new girl 'Ashley'. Me and James have hung out maybe about 15 times, I really wouldn't consider him to be a good friend but he's an alright dude to hang out with. We all started talking with her and we all become Facebook friends. About a week later, we are all hanging out having a bonfire, drinking, just having fun. After about midnight, everybody went to bed except for James and I. We were just talking and bullshiting, I mentioned that I had a crush on Ashley. He half joked, "let's text her and see if she'll come over". So he did and she responded and said she would come over for awhile. James kept joking with me saying she was coming over so he could bang her. James has a girlfriend, but they have one of those relationships where they fight, breakup and make up like every 3 weeks. Currently on the 'off week's as I put it. He was mostly bullshitting me to make me jealous. She comes over and we all just sat around the fire and We stayed up till 5 a.m. Just talking and having fun. No bullshit involved. Just talking about everything including how her ex cheated on her recently with a couple girls, how her friends flake on her and how she used to have an office job and only works at the bar because it's fun. After she went home, James stayed in the spare bedroom as I was driving him home the next day.Next time I saw her at the bar, I mentioned that we had fun and we should hang out again. She mentioned she had plans on the following Saturday to go to this other bar that was having a couple country bands playing. It used to be a bar that I would go to a lot in the past and liked. I wanted a chance to hang with her so I agreed to go with her. I didn't really look at it like a date because she told me to invite some friends as well.That Saturday rolls around and I'm excited to see her. We text back and forth about meeting up and taking Uber there because we will probably be drinking. We decide to meet at this bar that her roommate works at, 830 pm. She also mentions that she's had a cold and a small fever. She called me about 6 and says she still wants to go but to give her extra time to get ready and take some medicine. So we push meeting up to about 9. I get to our meeting point at 9 and wait for her, she is 15 minutes late. Whatever no big deal. She shows up in a dress and smelling amazing, I compliment her. I pay for the first to Uber to the bar we were going to. We get there around 9:30, just walk around and she occasionally stops and talks to some random people she knew from there a while back. Small Talk catching up but she included me in the conversation. She introduced me as a friend. We check out some of the band's music, grab a couple drinks, dance a little.. she was flirty in the general conversations we had and at one point was talking selfies of us. We alternated paying for rounds of drinks and shots, I was only kind of buzzed. I'm sure she was too, but I don't know her tolerance like I know mine.2am rolls around and we get Uber again on her phone because mine died, she said let's get food and hang out at my house. We pick up taco bell and take a 20 min Uber back to her place (very close to my house as well). We are sitting together in the back and after about 5 minutes, she lays on me and I put my arm around and just caress her arm. We get to her place, We eat and were hanging out and just listening to Pandora on her living room tv. Had maybe another beer there and just talking and occasionally dancing terribly. We got to one point where I was sitting on the couch and she was in the recliner next to it. I get up and pull her over to the couch, we talked for a minute and I felt it was right to try to kiss her. I gently grabbed her face and tried to pull her in for it. She backed away and said she didn't want a relationship and wasn't looking to hookup. I said ok, I'm sorry I just thought it felt right. I held her hand and just told her I wanted to show her a guy can take her out for a fun time and she deserves better.At right around this point, her roommate comes down for food or something and we just start shooting the shit about sports and stuff. Ashley is like I still don't feel good and I'm tired, takes some cold Medicine and tells me I can sleep on the couch. I was like you have a couple dogs and they are probably gonna bug me all night, I might just go home. Her roommate jokes that Ashley has a king size bed and that she should share. I don't think it was a push to hook her up or anything. Ashley says "yeah you can share the bed with me but no funny business". We go in the room and I want to be respectful. She was laying in plain clothes (t-shirt and jeans). I'm laying next to her on my stomach still in my clothes as well but wide awake. It's a dark room and maybe I felt invincible in what I was saying. I started joking with her that she couldn't fall asleep because I was wide awake. Then I said "I meant what I said earlier, you deserve better. Better friends, better relationships, a better job." I dont really know why I said it, but I always fall for broken girls and think I can fix them or make their life better. I still joked around and then asked if she reconsidered that funny business. She was like "what do you mean, we're not having sex". I said "no, nothing like that maybe just making out. I don't know, I'm half joking". She was like "no, I'm about to fall asleep" and did almost instantly. I laid there for about 20 minutes while she fell asleep. I was literally still wide awake and didn't want her to be weirded out with me in the morning. I order an Uber on my phone back to my car. Sober by now. The Uber arrives and I wake her up and tell her I'm just going to let her get sleep because she is sick. She walked me to the door and we hug. I said "I had fun tonight and I'm sorry for being forward earlier". She said "it's okay maybe I lead you on some how".I don't really worry too much about it except for the end of the night being sort of a creeper. Monday rolls around and the bar is having a birthday celebration for one of the older bartenders. I'm friends with her so naturally I go up after work (10pm ish) with my best friend, his wife, his brother I hang with alot ('Mark') and their cousin ('Andrew').We are watching Monday Night Football and having a couple drinks and just celebrating the whole birthday thing. Ashley is there with a friend of hers, I don't really say anything to her for awhile. She said hi to me in passing I took that chance to talk to her for a few minutes. Everything seemed okay. The staff there decided they wanted to close around 1 to go to the casino afterward for the bartenders birthday. They start closing down and Ashley started to help them with some cleaning. All the staff was almost ready to go, but they changed their mind on the casino and said they were going to a strip club that the bar owner had buddies that worked at and and asked if any of our friends wanted to go. I said no I don't have money for that, I'm just going home. The bar owner said "don't worry about that, they are only open for like another hour. Just bring your friends and I'll get you in for free and I'll buy some beer for you guys". My best friend and his wife went home because they were tired and had to work in the morning. I was off the next day so I agreed to go. Me, Mark, and Andrew went in Andrews car and met them there.So when we get in, it's my group I came with, the birthday bartender, 3 other bar staff members, the bar owner, Ashley and her friend. We just hang around at this table, drinking a couple beers, joking around, making paper airplanes out of a stack of dollars and shooting them at the girls there lol. Just good old fun. No one got lap dances or anything. They close like an hour or so after, Ashley offers for people to come to her house to hang out. Not really to party, just hang out or sober up or sleep.Everybody except for the bar owner and birthday girl go over to the house. We are all hanging out in this basement just having another drink, listening to music and talking. I don't really talk to Ashley, because I'm letting her do her host thing and I didn't want to bother her. I was also drunk as hell from doing shots and drinking beer and I didn't want to do or say something stupid. About 45 minutes, Somehow some of the guys that work at the strip club come over and thought it was a party. They showed up with a bunch of weed, cocaine and Hennessy and a stripper chick.At this point, the bar co-workers leave. I do a couple Henny shots with one of the dudes. Ashley asks me to come upstairs and talk real quick. She takes me in her room and asked who those people are and how they got the address. I said I don't know. She said "maybe I'm naive but I've never been in this situation. I don't know them and I don't want them here, will you help me get them out of here?" I said sure, I'll see what I can do. Literally at that moment, everyone is upstairs now in the living room. We hear a loud bang in the bathroom. There is my friend Mark basically blacked out in the bathroom and he pissed himself. I'm pissed off that I have to babysit him and embarrassed that Ashley had to deal with that. Andrew and I agreed that we should probably take Mark home. I'm moving Mark into the living room when I see Ashley hanging around the strip club guys. They had a plate with Coke lines on it. Ashley had the plate in her hand but handed it off to the guy and said I'm good for now. I'm thinking she was offered some and refused. In the process of Andrew and I getting mark out of the door to the car, Ashley starts being really obnoxious and anxious repeating herself and saying that we can all just stay there and it's ok. Andrew and Mark are outside by this point. I said no we're just leaving. She kept being really anxious and I asked her why are you so wound up and anxious. I look into her eyes and they're open really wide and she utters I just did some coke. Me being drunk, I almost over react because it's a jarring situation and she's told me she's only done it like twice in her life. The girl I like and have a crush on is doing drugs after asking me to help get rid of those type of people. I asked her if we could speak in private and she refused. She said she would text me tomorrow. I later found out she said she was feeling overwhelmed with the situation and that's why she did it. I gave her a really sarcastic 'have a good night' and left.We go back to my house and everyone goes to bed. I'm in my room and I'm fucking boiling pissed at this point. I think all the liquor hit me and I overreacted and I couldn't contain myself. I got on my phone and I texted her. I went on this mini rant about how I was disappointed in her and if she was going to do drugs I didn't want to know her. I told her that's not my life or scene, that my friends don't do shit like that. Also saying I was disgusted in her decisions and how I was pissed that she asked for my help and then basically did the opposite. That maybe I built up an image of her in my head and it was wrong. I fall asleep. I woke up around noon the next day to an essay long text with terrible grammar and no punctuation at all. She basically yelled back at me and shamed me for making her out to be a horrible person and that I don't know her or what she's been through. That she's never been in a situation like that and felt overwhelmed and that's why she asked for my help. But then even said I'm probably just overreacting because I was drunk. I text her back and apologize, run some damage control saying it was just coming from a good place. She then almost brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal, blaming it on that I was drunk and probably didn't get good sleep the night before.I don't talk to her for about 3 days and then see her at the bar when I went up there. That night she saw me only said hi and only that. I was going to try to talk to her but she left early and took another female co-worker home.I text her something to the effect of "do you still hate me? I just don't want you to think I'm a complete asshole. I really was only looking out for you..let's talk sometime". The next night I go up there with some friends to hang out. She's working again. She said hi to me, sorry I didn't reply to your text I wanted to but I was busy all day. I just pulled her into me and hugged her and said I'm sorry. We then had random conversations throughout the night for like a few minutes at a time. Not mentioning what happened but just talking about different things. The bar closes at 2 but my friends wanted to leave at 1 to go have a bonfire and drink at the house. I invite two of the bartenders that were off already earlier that I know back and Ashley. They all said yeah we'll come over after everybody gets out of here. Ashley said she was kind of tired but would probably come. 330am rolls around no one shows so I'm like whatever man, I tried. My best friend's wife and one of her friends Uber up to this 24-hour diner nearby while me and besty stay at the house. Guess who's up at the diner? Ashley with some other co-worker. Best friend's wife went up to her and said "I thought you were coming over". Ashley said no I'm tired and just wanted food. Have not seen or talked to her since then. The other two bartenders text me in the morning and apologized for not coming saying they were too drunk and went home. I'm ok with that.So anyways in talking with many of my friends about this. I've gained some perspective on what I want in a relationship. I know I want all the right things, to do the right thing and to have someone that will provide support I can count on. It's just hard not knowing if I should continue pursuing Ashley or to move on. I know I fucked up I overreacting to the situation earlier in the week. I just don't know how she feels about the entire thing. I find myself staring at her picture because she's so damn beautiful. She has cute tendencies and surprisingly is kind of shy. I just don't know if it's really being shy and there's so much more to learn, or if she is truly something like a drug addict and manipulative or or she's just a broken soul and I feel like I have to fix it. That's my overthinking issue. This shit stresses me out.Tl;dr: Ex was a shitty bitch that fucked me up and now I had a decent "date" with a new girl but drunkenly overreacted to a recent drug use. Wat do? via /r/dating_advice

[zouanor]

10

“My dad’s sick.”

It was the first time in just about three weeks that i’ve seen Niall (and for a good reason this time). It’s the first time in three weeks that I wasn’t put under the stress of being someone I wasn’t. It was the the first time that I was able to breathe and just relax, do my own thing without being scrutinized or have weird looks given to me.

It felt nice.

Once Niall’s family had finally left, we both went out to dinner. He both had thanked me and apologized for everything that was either said or looked upon. I understand though, he wanted to make it realistic as possible. But he was also right back weeks ago when he said I would be asking him to do the same thing with my Aunt. But my family didn’t meet Niall, only heard of his name or seen a picture or two on Instagram (even though they still believe he’s not real).

While I went back to work and focusing of Cissy’s wedding with Charlotte and spending time with Liam and Louis, Niall went back to school. From what I gathered, he had to focus on a big test and continue on with his senior thesis. As much as I would’ve liked to see him, I rather him focus on something like that than me. After all, he spent nearly a month trying to play the role of boyfriend, and has probably learned a little too much about me.

Or maybe he hasn’t at all and I just played everything off like he knew he did.

Whatever it was, I think the both of us were thankful it was over.

Hanging out today was actually Niall’s idea. He wanted me to come down to Sheffield and we’d just hang about there. He said that Harry and Alexa might join us, but he didn’t know exactly due to whatever they were planning amongst themselves. I was fine with either, because even if I couldn’t hang out with them now, there were more times that I could.

So there was the two of us walking around Graves park around noon-time. It was colder than normal, so when I say I looked like an eskimo, I really did. I had a parka on with the fur hood covering my face and to say the least, I was bundled up. Niall on the other hand just had a winter jacket and a hat to keep himself warm, like the cold didn’t really affect him much.

Jerk.

While one hand held hot chocolate, the other was wrapped around Niall’s arm and into his hand. It was a new thing of ours, at least I think it was. I don’t know how it started or when it did, but I liked it. Most of the time I didn’t think about it until I felt warmth and realized that I wasn’t holding my own hand.

“He’s sick? Like is it a cold sick or he’s got something wrong with him?”

“Thats the thing, I have no idea. Charlotte and Mum’s keeping quiet about this. It’s like they don’t want me to know, but I’m a big girl, I deserve to know.”

“But what if they’re doing it to protect you?”

“Protect me how?” I asked before bringing the hot chocolate to my lips. I was confused on just about everything, about why they were keeping that from me and why they were, in Nialls words, protecting me.

“Well, what if they’re trying to find a way to tell you? I mean, you’re not always good with news right away. So what if they’re trying to find a good way to tell you, and not cause you to be upset about it?”

He was sort of right. I wasn’t good with news at all. A good example was when my mood dropped the day his family said they were staying for a little bit longer, and we saw how much my mood had dropped then.

“But I’ll be upset because they’re not telling me whats wrong. I mean, I think it has to be something bad if they’re not telling me anything at all.”

“It’s only your mum and Charlotte that knows, right?” He asked, tugging me over with him to throw his empty cup away before continuing on our walk.

“I have a weird feeling Liam knows. But Liam wouldn’t lie to me, ever.” I groaned at the thought of all three of them keeping this from me. What would make it worse was if Louis was told not to tell me either.

“For now, Flower, let’s talk about something different and not worry about this, yeah?”

And while I nodded my head in agreement, I was still going to worry.

~~~

We actually managed to meet up with Harry.

Niall said that when he got off the phone with Harry, he said that Alexa couldn’t join them because she went to be with family. While I was bummed that I wasn’t going to see her, I was actually happy to have at least the boys to keep up with.

“My favorite person is here!” Harry chimed once he had seen us. While Niall had (once again) suspected it was about him, he started beaming.

“Haven’t I told you? It’s always going to be Rosie. You’re my favorite too, just not, the favorite.” Harry smirked after putting emphasis on favorite. Niall went on to mumble a ‘fuck you’ but gave him a hug anyways, then moved to the side so I can get my hug from him.

It was Harry’s suggestion that we went to some hole-in-the-wall restaurant. I didn’t have a problem with that, I could find anything to eat at this rate.

“Why has Niall kept you away from me?” Harry asked minutes later, his arms folding against his chest, a cocky grin forming on his face.

“Because he’s jealous that I’m your favorite and not him?” That gave Harry another laughing fit and Niall muttering under his breath again.

“While yes, thats true, I wanna know whats been going on that you’ve been hidden away from me.”

“Busy I guess. I mean, i’ve been working a whole bunch, but I’ve also been working on wedding stuff with my sister.”

“Wait Charlotte’s getting married?” Harry had looked so confused while Niall started laughing.

When I first met Harry, he asked about me just like Niall had. So I had told him about my sister and my parents. Other stuff had came up, but he was always so intrigued about my sister for some random ass reason. Maybe it was because she was crazier than me, or maybe it was because I always talked about her more than my parents. Whatever the case was, he just… was interested in my life.

“No! Remember i’ve talked about her friend Cissy? I’m helping Charlotte plan Cissy’s wedding because Cissy doesn’t like event planners because they ruin things. Charlotte’s the maid of honor and I’m walking with the ring bearer and flower girl so they won’t kill each other.”

Harry’s expression changed into an understood look, and nodded his head slowly.

“So you’re going to walk with kids? Do you have a date?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

As quickly as he asked that, it was also as quick as I grabbed my drink and took a sip. I looked at him for a split second before moving my eyes in the direction of Niall. Niall, on the other hand, had his arms crossed and looked around every place he could without looking at Harry.

“No fucking way. He’s meeting your whole family at a wedding? Fuck, can you record that for me?”

“No!” I hollered rather loudly, my hands going straight to my mouth as my cheeks with a shade of red. I didn’t need people’s attention on me because of that and I didn’t want it.

“Dammit, that’s going to be a lovely ‘meet the parents’ plan. Have you at least seen her dress, mate?”

For the rest of dinner, Harry droned on and on about the wedding details and Niall’s involvement as being my date because I played his girlfriend. It went to the point of us saying goodbye to each other and Niall pushing Harry off in the direction he was in, saying something along the lines of “shove off” and “good night.”

~~~

“Why can’t you just stay.” Niall whined again.

After dinner with Harry, we went off to do our own thing again. We mainly went walking around the school campus. Once again, my arm was linked around his from earlier in the day, only we had no hot chocolate this time. I opted to hide my other hand in my coat pocket to keep warm instead and worried less on the hand that would be frozen.

“Cos I’ve got to work and you have a senior thesis to write.” I reminded him.

“That’s not fair.” He huffed then, making a frowny face because of it.

“It is fair, because you’ve got a paper to write and I know come december you’ll have to get it all edited by a teacher and have to rewrite it. More slacking means more stressing on it down the line.” I hummed.

“How do you know that?” He made a face at me.

“You’ve mentioned it once or twice.”

“I did?”

“You did.” I confirmed.

“Oh.”

We moved on from the campus down to the main street. It all fell silent again as we walked, and in a way, it was soothing and nice. I mean, I know talking was nice and so was a conversation, but having silence was a good thing too. After all, being in the presence of someone was good enough in the long run.

Niall guided me to the train station, knowing that even if he begged and pleaded all he wanted, I still had to go back home. Not to mention, it would’ve been weird if I had stayed, because it technically would’ve been the first time ever staying there.

As in, fully sleepin there. Staying the night. With him.

As much as the offer was nice, there was no way I was ready for that? Let alone even prepared for something like that.

The sky was turning pretty shades of pinks and oranges just like the morning would, only it was showing the sun was setting. Because of this I held onto Niall a little bit tighter, even though there wasn’t a reason for it. But knowing that once we would get to the train station and get my ticket, the sky would probably be black out.

“When are you coming back North?” I asked randomly, realizing that we were getting closer to the station.

“Dunno, maybe next week? It’s the end of october, everything’s starting to get crazy. Why what’s up?”

“Just wondering if I’ll see ya or not.” I shrugged my shoulders then.

“Why?” He asked again, this time stopping in our tracks to look at me.

“I’ve got plans coming up and I wanted to know if you coming up to Leeds would interfere with them or not. Now can we continue walking?”

Niall rolled his eyes then, leading us to start walking again. Although he had said next week, I was pretty sure he was going to stay down in Sheffield for the next couple of weeks because of school. It would be okay for me, because that way I can get things done with Cissy and probably get my own place decorated for Christmas and whatever else I needed to do.

Upon getting to the train station and paying for my ticket, Niall waited with me there until the train came. We stayed in silence once again, this time appreciating it as we waited. Or well, I waited and Niall stood there to keep an eye out on me.

“So… about that dress.”

“You’re back on that subject?” I turned to look at him, a smirk forming on my face as he sheepishly smiled at me. “No, it’s a surprise. Literally no one has seen it. You’ll just have to wait like everyone else.”

“But how am I going to match?”

“Guess you’re not going to match then.” I started to laugh once Niall made a horrible attempt at a glaring look.

“When is the wedding, seeing as you never brought up a date at all.”

“May 10th down in London. You know where the Royal Exchange is? That’s where we’re going.”

By then the train had arrived and waited for everyone to aboard and get off. I walked over to Niall, hugging him tightly before letting go and made a face.

“I’ll see you soon.” Niall spoke, giving a little wave as turned to walk into the train.

I really hoped I would see him soon.

~~~

The following morning I was up and waiting around for Charlotte.

After I had gotten home last night Charlotte had called me, asking if I wanted to hang out. I told her I had just gotten home, and so today would be better than last night. I had no idea what we were doing, but I all i know was that she wanted to hang out.

“You’re awfully giddy looking today, Rosie? What’s gotten into you?”

“I am?” I asked. I didn’t think I looked giddy today at all.

“You look it. Is it a boy?”

“No?”

She made that infamous face of hers, saying “okay whatever” without being verbal about it. It was a look that she normally gave me when I wanted to play dumb, or that I was confused by her actions. And right now, I was confused by her actions.

“Anyways, we’re going to plan your birthday.”

“My birthday isn’t until December… We’re on November 4th. We don’t need to do anything for my birthday.”

“C’mon Rosie, we went to Amsterdam for my birthday! This time around we get to celebrate yours in a different place. Where’d you wanna go? Paris? Madrid? Rome? Greece? C’mon give me some ideas!”

“It’s the two of us, yeah?”

“Mhm.”

The two of us went walking. I figured we had no exact place to go too because we were wandering. I didn’t mind though, walking around with no destination. It had became my new favorite hobby to do, even if we had someplace to go, just walking was a new thing for me. And since that's what Charlotte and I were doing, I was perfectly happy doing that.

My birthday was on December 10th, and Charlotte wanted to plan my birthday now.

Thinking about it though, it made sense. I had weeks to plan her birthday and now she wanted to have the same amount of time to plan for my birthday. I was glad that she was at least offering different places and ideas.

The first thought in my mind would’ve been Belize to see my dad, but Charlotte and I were going in the summer and that would’ve been a little too much.

“What about Madrid?”

Charlotte turned to look at me with a big smile on her face.

“Madrid it is.”

We continued walking for a little while until we found a restaurant to eat at. Charlotte raved on and on about how good the food was since she had been here a few times with some of her friends. I wasn’t trusting her until I had some for myself.

After what seemed like forever, I had to ask.

“How sick is dad?”

That got Charlotte to choke on her meal, reaching for her water. I sat there quietly, watching her trying to get her thoughts together and to clear her throat. I wanted to know, I had to know.

“He’s fine, Rosie. Just had a minor cold, nothing to worry about.” She made it seem as if it was nothing to worry about. That wasn’t what I heard a few days ago, saying that they were worried and wouldn’t tell me.

“That’s not what you guys made it out to be.” I huffed.

“Rosie, don’t worry about it, alright? Mum and I got it under control.”

I didn’t know what it was, but what she said made my blood boil. I didn’t like the idea of not knowing, and so this was just the icing on the cake. I looked around quickly before making a drastic decision. Grabbing my bag I hopped off my seat, giving her a look.

“Whatever Charlotte.”

And while I heard her protests for me to come back, I didn’t.