#mainly because you are just as capable of being radicalized as anyone else!!!! you are not special you are not immune to propaganda!!!!!!

[like-a-school-gymnasium]

love unfollowing someone for putting a post on my dash justifying killing people just because they are bad people and also revoking their right to be considered human bc of that.

[cotton-candy-in-a-thong]

Noncon stories, Fantasy vs. Reality, and more. fucking. issues.

Recently, I’ve been hit with some drama as to why I’m a “bad person” by various, anonymous users in this fandom. I thought I’d try to address the claim, address my stance on fics that involve noncon, and what I think about the “Tumblr mentality” after everything I’ve seen of this place. I should also note that I’m going to use the specific words and phrases I’ve been forced to constantly repeat as explaining my stance has been very difficult for me, as I’m a person who’s apparently challenging to understand.

This is going to be a long post, with subjects that's obviously going to trigger people so here's a warning right now..

That being said, I’m going to dive into this with some shit I’ve definitely said before:

“Consensual Noncon” Kink

The Appeal of this Theme in Fanfiction:

I don't think calling fics that involve noncon "rape fics" and those who enjoy it "getting off to rape" is a very good way to put it. Many engaging and well done media pieces often involve some very dark themes. Again, Monster by Meg and Dia is a song that features the main character sexually abusing a girl he met. You COULD call this a "rape song", but acting as if the rape is the only thing that matters in this story would be pretty..naive. The story has to do with an emotionally, and physically neglected/abused boy, who grows up and becomes an attention/love starved monster who's SO starving for validation, that he believes forcing himself upon a girl he knew would "prove" to himself that he's capable of being touched and loved. Of course, the main character eventually realizes that rape is not love, that what he did was wrong, and later kills himself in his own bathtub with kerosene and a match.

However, the assault aspect of this song is still a meaningful and alluring part because it talks about how emotional and physical abuse can warp someone's perspective on reality, to the point where they think forcing someone to "stay" with them is how to create a healthy relationship. That's the same energy I have for noncon fics, especially in the slasher fandom. Many slasher fics that contain noncon often have to do with the slasher preying on the reader because of their own fucked up mind. It's intriguing because, let's be honest, pretty much none of the slashers are in a pretty good mental space lmao. Thus, noncon actually falls more in line with how slashers would go about what they believe is a "good relationship" more often than quite a bit of fans here seem to believe. Again, Michael got boners, Jason chained someone up, Fredddy smooches people against their will, Billy Lenz is a sex offender, Chromeskull makes snuff, yada yada yada, you know the drill. That being said, it's interesting to see noncon being expressed with these characters because it gives us a new perspective on how fucked up they'd likely be if the world of sex and relationships was introduced to these characters.

Now why would some people become sexually aroused by the events of the story? First of all, how does “Consensual Noncon” kink work?

u/Jumbledcode. (2015). ‘Can anyone comment on why people (someone like me) enjoy rape/non-con story lines?’. r/TwoXChromosomes.

“I'd suggest that there are several factors that make up the appeal of non-con fantasies.

Guilt/Self-image: For many people, their sexual/relationship desires don't necessarily match their image of themselves, or alternatively they feel guilt over others' perceptions of those desires. Rape fantasies allow them to mantain some illusion of denial over their desires while still indulging in the idea of them.

Responsibility/Laziness: The appeal of abdicating control isn't limited to avoiding guilt; it's very tempting to want a scenario where you have no responsibility for maintaining your lifestyle/happiness. Similarly to before, it's the appeal of being given what you secretly want without even having to choose it.

Transgressiveness: A rape scenario has overtones of danger and taboo-breaking. These can easily be exciting and can therefore be a turn-on.

Desire: Being wanted is often a huge turn-on, and the idea of someone desiring you enough to break laws and disregard everything to have you plays into this feeling.

To me, it seems that most people who fantasize about being the subject of rape do so due to some mix of these motivations I've mentioned. Of course, there are also those who have experiences which have taught them to associate non-consent with their sexuality, but that's a separate issue”.

What if the Fanfic Only Involves the Act though? Wouldn’t it Encourage Actual Rape?

Let’s differentiate fantasy and reality. Towards those with the noncon kink: it offers arousal because of the ideas listed above (the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). Rape is the use of sex to remove control over the victim’s mind and body. The readers DO have control over whether or not they get to “encounter” (the choice to even read) this fantasy, so right away consent is present in reality, and no actual rape is being done.

Now does this mean that the kinkers are getting off on the idea of rape? Not really.

The thing with self-inserts is that it allows you to be connected to the story. That way, even if the story has you bruised up and begging for mercy, a part of you-you (if you’re a kinker) wants to keep reading it as you find it exciting. That way, as you and story-you are connected, what you really want in such a fantasy is for it to keep going despite the brutish, possessive, however yet desired nature of the character you’re dreaming about dealing with. (repeat: the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). That being said, it’s still entirely possible for kinkers to have their personal space and wishes crossed, and ultimately assaulted. Us enjoying the fantasy of such a reverie sexual encounter does not spell out to real life because (in reality) we’re not horny all the time, we would still like our bodies to be respected when we find it necessary, and we still have feelings as we’re still human.

“Fantasy (including video games) leads to violence” fallacy.

It would be like assuming that shooters in games like GTA fantacise about murder, encourage it, and would do it in real life. Taking fabricated anger out on virtual bodies or NPCs is quite different from the weight of murder (the killing of another human being). One can play video games with lots of violence towards such fabricated characters, while discouraging violence towards human beings. The act of using a game controller to beat up Donkey Kong in Smash, to shoot Nazi zombies in a Black Ops game, or to kill a Geisha in Little Nightmares is incredibly, and immensely different from completely eradicating the life of a person on Earth, and to assume that everyone who plays violent video games would spill out to violence in reality would be to participate in a ridiculous fallacy. Yes, there are outliers who are feeble minded enough to let their fantasies influence their actions towards actual people, but I must repeat that there are also people who utilize these fantasies for their personal satisfaction, while understanding the weight of the real world around them (and choosing not to act so detrimentally). Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair as it would be unnecessary to blatantly say that all fantasies are horrible and should be entirely eradicated if there ARE many people who ARE aware enough to understand that some thoughts are better off staying in fiction.

Now is the time to address what’s been said:

...Firstly, I think it’s very disgusting that random users, on Tumblr of all places, are trying to manipuate random victims of sexual assault into hating something or someone just because these users FEEL like “it’s the right thing to do”.. People, victims of sexual assault aren’t your fucking dogs. They’re not carriage horses, they’re not your work mules, they’re not your guns and swords...they’re just people who normally wanna be left the fuck alone like everyone else. Plus, there ARE people who have experienced sexual assault who take joy in reading such dark storylines. What would these users have to say to them? That they’re not “real” victims? That what they’ve experienced “never happened”? That they’re “just like” their own perpetrators for using the consensual nonconsent to miraculously help them overcome their trauma? Should they really abandon their coping mechanism just because there are other victims who cope in different ways?

..If you seriously believe that all people who have gone through a traumatic event are gonna cope in the exact same fucking way, you literally don’t even know enough about PTSD to even be making a bold statement about cope.

This is the part where I finally realized that people, and especially those on Tumblr, don’t actually care about rape victims as much as they may claim. Many users on here, on this platform and in this fandom, don’t truly give a flying monkey shit about rape victims as people, nor what they have to say about the subject. Rape victims..on this place..seem to be used mainly as a means of figurative weaponry for a group’s subjective morality.

I find the similarity close to radical feminism. Radical feminists often believe that women, from near and far, have to do everything in their power to “destroy” the patriarchy. This would mean disobeying the societal expectation of women, even if there are some women who take joyment in engaging in some societal standards for their personal liking. An example would be sex work. Radical feminists acknowledge the flaws in performing sex work, but believe that NO woman should EVER partake even if the woman wants to do it out of her own free will. In demonizing and ostracizing any woman who doesn’t fall into the radical feminist agenda, radical feminists actually contradict their purpose to “let women be free”. At this point, you realize that radical feminists often don’t actually give a fuck about what any woman wants for herself. Instead, radical feminists want to utilize any woman they can find just to flip off men as a group.

In Tumblr users trying to “stand up” for rape victims for their personal “holier-than-thou” ego, they fail to care enough about the very people they defend to understand the dynamics of some of their coping mechanisms, thus begin to bully some members of the group they claim to protect because of the very narcissism, misunderstanding, and controlling nature going on behind their own “activism”. So now that some users have found something to hate, in this case being noncon stories, they attempt to manipulate victims of rape into ostraciszing and demonizing fantasies and other victims of rape just because the “activists” themsleves don’t like it. Even trying to argue that rape victims have a “duty” to agree with everything these “activists” try to do for them.

Sounds awfully familiar to the attitude democrats have towards any minority when it’s time to vote. “I care about you...but you have to agree with everything I say and believe because I want what I think is best for you. If you disagree with me, you’re ungrateful and a traitor”.

Now...a little about myself.

I’m not sure of everyone else who’s into the noncon type of story, but I use it to get away from my past. In noncon stories, I want to read what happens in the chapters. I want to imagine them for morbid curiosity and arousal I feel at the time being. In reality, my attackers didn’t care when I wasn’t in the mood, and never gave me a choice. In noncon stories, I get to choose the character I want to encounter in the fantasy and NOT have it picked FOR me. In real life, I didn’t get to choose who did some things to me. In noncon stories, I get to stop reading them and do something else whenever I’m not feeling it anymore. In reality? My attackers kept going because, in the situation, it was no longer up to me. After noncon stories, my body doesn’t walk away with bruises, bite marks, and physical reminders every time I take my clothes off or try to masturbate. In real life...that shit can mark you, disease you, and then traumatize you. With the stories, I get to delete my search history, join another fandom, and act like nothing ever happened. For reality? Your own body is a reminder of what happened because it was real. In reality, I’m NEVER gonna fucking forget what happened. I’ll be lucky if my own mind and body doesn’t haunt me for at least one day..

So seeing that someone, and probably multiple people not only tried to use victims of sexual assault for their own “go get em” dogs, but to try and phrase me as someone who loves and encourages such an assault on human beings? After the things I felt? After the things I tasted? After pathetically searching for the support of relatives, just to get shut down with “you’re lying”?..

...All the times I've been held down..threatened..clothes getting snagged off..parts being opened and touched after I've fought to just get the fuck away from certain people...

According to this anon..."she likes rape".

...I guess I just fucking LOVED EVERYTHING THEN.

You know...all my life I’ve been misunderstood by many people. It’s honestly really disappointing that even now when I’m better at explaining myself than ever, I’m STILL being phrased as a “psychopath” by random people who haven’t even taken the time to even know me. Not even from a minute-long conversation through a damn computer screen. And you wanna know the funny thing? I’m probably being laughed at as this is being read. Some of these users, these internet stalkers, are probably giggling, smiling, and saying “Haha YES we GOT the bitch!! Cry you piece of shit SLUT!!”. So maybe explaining my past experiences to help everyone understand why some people may use noncon stories to their fantasy advantage is gonna land me messages going: “You haven’t been raped you lying bitch”, “Maybe you should get raped again”, “You definitely enjoyed it”, and the overused, yet strong “Kill yourself”.

So how am I gonna end this message? With me saying that many of you, who THINK you’re doing the right thing by justifying harassment and trying to manipulate others into joining your little crusade to bully people away from the fandom (over extremely mundane fucking things)...aren’t really good people. At best, in this case...you’re fucking stupid. You will never truly speak for any of the marginalized groups you claim to know like the back of your hand. Simply, you will never. be. a hero.

If by chance, by an astrological chance..that any random user wants to come up and apologize out of the blue for talking such shit and for saying such things..I don't even wanna hear it...just get the fuck out of my face..

[lastcrystalwitch]

4/11/21

Curbing frustrations due to stopping smoking, *I am constantly reminding myself to be a decent human being, and be decent to others. Its been a while since I stopped smoking. But this is the first time I did so willingly.

I had my heart broke. A close friend of mine turned out to be an enemy. Someone who didn't believe in me from the beginning, lied to my face countless times that I am just finding out about, and told others bad things about me. All I can do, and all I could ever do, however, us just accept this distrust, because that is the person that they want to be and I cant change that. I can only just keep being myself, wishing good for everyone and understand what it is that makes me tick, and focus on my needs. I spent a year and a half doting on that person, taking care of them, bringing them gifts, and trying to make them smile when most of what they did was talk bad about me behind my back, lie to me, and prove to me that they don't respect me, don't care about me, and they are stuck in a childish mindset.

Honestly early drug use in young teens prevents their brain from developing. So perhaps that's the case. You're a lost boy from neverland. And If you want to grow up and stop acting spoiled and entitled, and super selfish, you'll have to try harder than everyone else. But small steps first starting out.

Spirit told me not to burn my bridge with you. That you will grow up, that you will learn, but only after you lose your entire family, people disown you because of your cowardly negligence, and you lose everything. I don't keep liars as friends. And I should have been more careful. They say love is blind. But only the ancients understood it fully. This is why I still love you. I see you for you, and not what everyone else sees. Let me explain.

There are many forms of a persons soul. Spirit, soul, essence, and physical outer spirit, what you show everyone else, are all radically different things.

To help explain this a little bit I borrowed the following list from Wikipedia, which does a fair job at explaining most things. However, there was an exceptional volume written by one of my favorite authors so far, in the early 1800's - and his name unfortunately escapes me. He was a scholar, professor, archeologist, and preserver of ancient history. He had traveled to many many sites from ancient cultures, mainly Egypt, and it is because of his work as a linguist that we were able to get this list together to help others understand there is more to a person than just their spirit and their soul.

1Khet (physical)

2Sah (spiritual body)

3Ib (heart)

4Ka (vital essence)

5Ba (personality)

6Shut (shadow)

7Sekhem (form)

8Ren (name)

So, each one of these is its own separate element that makes up a person. And in this book from the 1800's, the one that escapes my memory - he goes into each of these, and If I am remembering correctly, this is not an exhaustive list; there are more elements to a person. But he goes into each one and breaks it down. I can do my best to explain these, but I feel like I wouldn't do half as much as a good job.

But when I look at a person, I don't know if it is my vision, but I don't see someone's KHET. I see their "ihb", Thier "Shut", and their "Ka."

But that is because as someone who was constantly bullied in my life, by all types of people, beautiful people, ugly people, faking nice people ... I don't look at the way that they dress, or how skinny they are. That is the least important part of a person. The most important part of a person is the part that they show to no one when no one else is there, how they interact with strangers, and how they interact with animals and their environment. Spencer might have broken my trust, but I see his KA, I've always seen it. And his Ka is beautiful, RARE, and so strong. He asked me what I see in him. Many people have asked me what I see in him. He has broken BA, and a very interesting Sekhem. He hates his own Ren as much as I do, and opened up to me as to why. And I know he wasn't lying about that. I enjoy his company because I see who he wants to be. And I see his Shut, (shu*ot) or his shadow. But behind every Shut, there is a light side. And he has the capability to become one of the most successful and influential people I know. He has endless potential which he hasn't even scratched the surface with, and he can change so many peoples entire lives, and doesn't even know it yet. I love his Sah, which isn't easy to explain to someone who has never heard these terms before.

And without which is why I see lots of growth needed for him to do. And he'll get there. It might take him 20 years to stop being afraid of himself, and I say that with so much love. Afraid, not calling him a coward, he is very brave, but he runs away in fear of getting hurt, and in fear of people letting him down, like so many people have done so many times in the past. Your Ka is beautiful. One of the most rare and strongest I have ever seen. As shocking of a presence as being very tall. Someone with a beautiful Ka will always influence others. Always draw attention. They are so rare and unique of a person that instantly others are attracted to them. Instantly they get noticed.

You know what is cute? Someone so tall trying to be invisible. ^-^

They are able to be someone that others depend on, feel safe around, and look up to. People want to be around others with a Ka like that. Always. Even when you're feeling blue. Because when that Ka feels better, when its not sad, when you get out of your comfort zone, set a goal for yourself and get it done, the sun comes out of the darkness. And that Ka starts emanating happiness. People with strong Ka's are like superweapons. They can be the back bone of families. Someone who everyone loves and cherishes. I don't think they know it, but that Ka is the most beautiful part of someone. And it drives me insane to think that he doesn't even know his own worth!

I forgive you for lying to me. I don't accept it, lying isn't good. But I understand why you did it. They were selfish reasons, and I don't use the word selfish in a negative way. Selfish in the fact that you were just looking for a way to get what you wanted, to make yourself happy. So you could have fun, enjoy the day, and smile like you do sometimes.

But you are still a child when it fully understands what it is that makes a person happy. And that's not your fault. You never learned the secret. No one told you because it doesn't exist in your family. It doesn't really even exist in mine, its something that I had to figure out and struggle through myself growing up, and dedicating 15 years to bettering myself and doing everything I could to become the best version of myself;

In order to be happy with the decisions that you make, in order to feel comfortable with you decisions and be proud of yourself, you have to know yourself. When we spend so much time hiding and looping pain around in our heads we spiral down into a circle that never ends. This leads to depression, drug abuse, alcoholism, lying to your friends, lying to your family, and lying to yourself. You'll look in the mirror and not know/not like who you are. To not know yourself.

Take time to practice healthy practices for you. Become an adult. Become who you want to be. You say you wished she'd come out of the blue and make you be someone who you wished you were: Someone confident. Someone happy. You wished you were okay. You said that she'd come into your life and make you stop drinking, stop doing all the drugs.

Be careful what you wish for, Giant. She came into your life. She adored you. She tried to show you how to love. You pushed her away, thwarted her efforts to help you, shamed her, disrespected her, hurt her feelings, tore her soul, made her spend entire nights crying over you and your decisions. She just wanted to trust you. And you broke that trust. YOU destroyed your relationship with select few who really were expecting great things from you.

Because you still need to learn. You still need to try. There is a point, and it is possible. Everything that you want, you can achieve. The only person who is stopping it is yourself. Grow up.

I see your pain. You can't understand that because you can't empathize with others like I can. I know your heartbreak. I can say that because I have a very big heart.

But seriously, grow up. Set a goal. Get it done. You're sitting and rotting in your own filth and its no ones fault but yours. You can blame anyone you want to. Anyone. I can think of seven people you'd probably blame instead of yourself.

Take responsibility for your actions. This is a part of growing up. Accept that you made a mistake. Say your sorry, and try again. When you do something wrong, admit it. When you go out of your way to hurt someone, tell yourself that it is bad. Be a god damn decent human being and the world will be yours. Stop living like a pathetic thief. You're better than that. You're stronger than that. I see your Ka, and I believe in you. Seriously, stop your shit. Just stop. This is bigger than your deep seeded sadness. This is about the rest of your life.

I can't force you to change. You'll either change, or stay the same miserable self you are and end up being hated and shamed by everyone in your family. But its up to you. Its only up to you. She came into your life. You got what you wished for. You had the lock, and she had the key. But you have to be the one that turns the key and opens the door to your own success and future. Sometimes you have to help yourself. Sometimes you have to do things for yourself.

I know you can do it. I believe in you. But it doesn't matter what I say or think, or how I feel. You'll never see it that way, unless you grow up and get your head out of your ass. <3 Be a man, know yourself. Learn what it is that makes you tick. Stop the drugs. They're just a guaranteed trip to self sabotage and unhappiness. Seriously dude, you're going the wrong way on that, and I CAN SEE. So I'm giving you a heads up. It doesn't make you feel better

STOP LYING. Mostly stop lying to yourself. Drugs don't solve anything. What do they make you do? Well, they mess up your kidneys, which always hurt and only feel better when you apply pressure to them. You're rotting your kidneys. You've only got two, and a rare blood type, so the more you drink and the more you do drugs, the higher your creatinine level will be and it becomes like a cutter. You are injuring yourself to the point of self harm. And you do it deliberately to TAKE THE PAIN AWAY.

I know this because I can see your spirit. And there were so many conversations that we have had. So many that I know you don't remember. And after finding out how much you lie, I can't believe all of it anymore. I can't trust you. YOU DID THAT. No one else. And it sucks, but even behind all the lies, the Ka was still there. I could feel your actual hurt as my own, so those 5am talks we had, all those conversations, and the times that you were there for me, weather you were to blind to know that you were there for me and if you even realized it or not, I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and hanging around me sometimes. Thank you for sitting with me on the couch, while I cried because my soul hurt and the world didn't make sense. Thank you for showing me what a kind person and loving friend you actually really are, even if it is hidden under layers and layers of pain and guilt and self loathing. Thank you for letting me get to know a little bit of you, and thank you for making me smile when you know I didn't feel good. Thank you for making me laugh when things were getting too serious. Thank you for sharing your joy with me in my life. You don't know how many times you made me feel better just by being able to forget about all the worlds problems and sing in the car. Thank you for saying things without saying them, and showing me that you are so genuine and unique, there really isn't anyone like you in this world. You are super special, and you've literally saved my life the night you let me come into your room and sit there and watch the fishes. You don't know how much pain I was in. And you were there for me. You helped me not end my life that night. I only walked away with a couple scars. YOU HELPED ME. YOU did. Just by letting me in. We didn't talk. I couldn't. I was crying too much and my Ba and Ka were in absolute shambles. You didn't do anything except be in the right place at the right time, but your energy, as confused as it was at that time, helped me know that I wasn't the only one alone and suffering. And it was okay. and YOU had given me another reason to keep breathing. You'll never know how much you mean to me. Thank you for what you have helped me though.

I hope you can learn and know the Wisdom, not knowledge, that you can do anything you set your mind to, if you want to. I have proved to myself and to you, that you are the only one that is making your life miserable. I have done everything for you. And unless it is served to you on a silver platter, you reject it. You are the only one stopping your life progress. And you've convinced and lied to yourself so much about it that somehow you actually believe it is true.

I wish you could see through my eyes.

Even better, I wish you the courage and strength it takes to change you life and want to succeed better. Because you have all the tools. Shit, I gave you EVERYTHING. The only excuse is yourself. You are what is stopping you.

Life goes on. We never forget them. But we have to live our lives. They forced themselves to be a memory. Force yourself to live. Go live out your own story. Stop lying to yourself. Your a fricking great person! You lie, sure. You manipulate, sure. But I see you! That isn't who you want to be and the time in your life right now is merely a stepping stone for all the endless things that are out there. There are layers of things that you don't understand. I'm not trying to be mean, but trust me when I say there's a lot out there.

Maybe someday we will meet again when you turn into an adult. Because right now I see you as a boy. There is so much out there to look forward to. There are SO many fun things out there in different cultures. You have a journey ahead of you, and I just wished that I could have been part of it with you.

I forgive you. You really really hurt me. And it absolutely is your fault and no one else. But at the end of the day, its You who has to live with who you are. And you can CHANGE and Grow. I have all ready seen the person you are 20 years from now. And you wouldn't believe it if I told you. Rv's, dual citizenship, backpacked across the grand canyon, visited MT St. Helen, been to Yellowstone 3 times, had lots of fun there with friends. Married, divorced. Someone who is comfortable in his own skin. Someone who doesn't feel the need to impress everyone, and who is happy. Someone who has become comfortable in his own skin. Someone who doesn't get offended by what other people think.

In 20 years I see you happy. I see you deciding you're a product of your environment and you wanted to change because everything is not set in stone. Its just what you knew. Past tense.

You can learn from your mistakes.

Just because you've never won the lottery, doesn't mean its not possible. People are winning the lottery all the time. There is hope. Just because you have never felt comfortable in your own skin doesn't mean that its not possible. It just means that you can experience it, and LIVE it, and KNOW it, for the first time, and for the rest of your life.

In 20 years you have more money than you know what to do with, and you have your own place, and like 3.5 cars, 2 that run 2 that don't. Projects. You have goals. You have your own family. You have your own life. People look up to you. You smile more. Your mouth doesn't hurt anymore because you stopped saying, "It doesn't matter." Instead you say things like, "Its possible."

But you have to try. And you have to keep trying.

But first you have to stop with the drinking and stop with the drugs, because you're literally hurting yourself and everyone around you, and you are going to be the only reason that you end up alone and unhappy. The truth hurts. Just like when I found out how much you really did lie to me, after I really didn't deserve it. I did everything I could to help you. I spent hours doing paperwork for you to help you get free dental, researching schools for GEDS, looking at loan and credit repair options, screening background checks to help you find out if you were really hung up locked out of states and not allowed to come back. You're actually not banned from Florida or Texas. There are no warrants out for your arrest by the way, because you never actually did anything super terrible. Otherwise you would have been thrown in jail instead of told to get the hell out of dodge.

There are people out in this world that really do care about you, and really want to see the best for you. But you have to want the best for yourself. You just want to be happy. I don't know how high or drunk you were when we had that conversation, but you just want to be you again. You just want to be happy again.

You can be. You have to do it though. I can't hold your hand like a little boy and do it for you. I tried. YOU were the reason that it didn't work. I did my part. YOU were the one that let yourself down. Literally all you had to do was to sign it. And I see this pattern with you.

Really, lets go ahead and break this down.

You are the cause of your own unhappiness.

Others can literally do EVERYTHING for YOU, and you come up with some kind of excuse and you LIE to YOURSELF, of why it won't happen. You do this to yourself. You are what they call, "A product of self fulfilling prophecies."

That's because you make it happen.

Your success: YOU make it happen.

Your failures: YOU make it happen.

Its really up to you to decide who you want to be. Not the other way around. Really. I'm not joking. I'm being honest. I'm not lying.

You can do it.

But you have to want it.

And you don't have to be alone.

And as shitty as you have treated me, and as terrible as a human you've been to me, doesn't make it ok. That was a really really mean, unnecessary and childish thing you did, for the past year and a half. Manipulating me like you did.

It still hurts because I trusted you, and you shit on me. YOU did that. That was YOUR choice.

But its MY choice to give you a heads up and let you know what you've been wanting to know this whole time, You are the way to your future. If you want to be miserable for the rest of your life, I cannot stop you. If you want to be treated like a little boy, who lies, and who is mean for the rest of your life, I cannot stop you. You are the only one who can change you.

Your entire future and happiness is up to you.

Choose your attitude. Choose your future. Choose to be someone you can be proud of. For once, stop lying to yourself. Its stupid.

[takebackthetreasure92]

Making myself clear to my ex-stalkers

This is an email I sent my former staff worker from InterVarsity Christian Fellowship in February 2018. Apparently, InterVarsity remains under the impression that I won't speak out about the fact that they gang-stalked me and encouraged my abuser to harass me--even strangle me. And spread slander about me that they knew was false, just because my would-be murderer was a model student leader and it was my reputation or his. Are they really foolish enough to think I will back down? #InterVarsity #metoo

"Hi Jordan,

This is just to set you straight on a few things and make sure you understand what I hope for and don't hope for with you in future. The reason for using the pseudonymous email address is just a precaution against a certain ex at the moment because my legal name change is not information he needs right now, but I think you know who this is ;). (It's Julian, who has ditched their birth name for good.)

So I know that you, at the very least, had the decency to recognize the low and utterly puerile nature of your betrayal of me. You even almost got yourself to believe your own lies sometimes. I say almost because you had your somewhat squeamish moments, like when you used Gregor's last abusive accusation of non-forgiveness as a way to try to shut me up about every way our former cult had fucked up. (Honey, you realize your willful blindness to InterVarsity's more dangerous qualities and failure to watch Gregor's paranoia and rage, both of which escalated almost no matter what I did (keeping my mouth shut not being something I owed him or that he deserved), could have resulted in me getting literally strangled to death at Rockbridge, right? If you honestly don't--well, that ought to at least explain quite a lot about my continued hypervigilance around IV that led to some perfectly understandable PTSD paranoia. Google around and inform yourself on what that looks like. For your love of God, please recognize the signs in the students that come your way in future at Needle's Eye or anywhere else.)

Jordan, I feel like if you had paid closer attention to the things I was trying to tell you every time I brought it up or a PTSD flashback brought it to mind, which I unabashedly recall was often because...your cult was (and is) dangerous, you might have picked up on the fact that I was hoping to wake you up to what was going on in the ministry. And you used both my persistence and my PTSD to stab me in the back in what was the most manipulative way possible (no matter what prettier half-truth you told the self-righteous and naive Halen about it). Your smile at me when you knew Josh's confusion at that ridiculous gossip situation (your poisonous cult was the problem there, dear, not me) gave you a way to fuck me over, and to let your own childish ass off the hook for having an openly pro-gay transgender member, recalled a seven-year-old boy who had just told a perfect fib to the teacher on someone else and thought he was going to keep the candy he stole from that other person after all. You were a child, to be blunt, Jordan, just an immature, accountability-shirking little boy who threw his more Christ-like morals completely out the window--and all in the name of covering up every disgusting arm-twist (all failed arm-twists in my case, hee hee hee) and mind game and coercive (and often abusive) move InterVarsity had ever pulled to keep its attendees in line. Speaking of which, your expression when you thought I was about to blurt out the words "I was gay" at one event might have led someone else to think I was about to forcibly break someone else's arm, at the very least. Jordan, becoming disappointed when people who say something controversial on Facebook and then have the temerity to show up at your event--that is a fifteen-year-old thing to do. Admittedly it's better than seven, but *really?*

You know, what I give myself a pat on the back for is not giving in to your or Gregor's immature insistence that I keep my mouth shut. What you did there was wrong, Jordan, not least because you knew perfectly well Gregor was a very, *very* dangerous person when his narcissism was threatened. The only thing I caved on with him was the fact that during our casual relationship he monopolized my time romantically, literally stalked me, and acted very petulant and possessive when other men's names came up--and in the later stages of that contemporaneously cheated on me with my roommate and later went out of his way to paint me as a complete ninny for getting offended by that, as if nonconsensually holding someone to romantic double standards does not count as cheating, which of course anyone without pathological narcissism and over the age of 18 or so knows it does. Just because I gave him my silence on just that one at the time for Brooke (who truly had no clue because she had taken his fibs hook, line and sinker, to the point where he would have had no problem still messing with her mind by smearing his way out of further accountability, just like you did with me later in the game) did not mean that I was going to even begin to overlook my conviction that InterVarsity classmates needed to be told what the ministry was capable of, under the wrong circumstances and with the promise of seizing more and more control over the lives of its members. That I never ceded that control to you all--for which again, I feel extremely blessed and grateful, but to God goes that glory--is of course the real reason you gave me the boot and then tried so hard to mindfuck me into thinking I had no one but my own sorry, selfish, deep-in-sin self to blame.

LOL! Grow up, Jordan. That is the kind of silly lie a fourteen-year-old boy tells his partner (especially if his partner is female-identified and he therefore feels entitled to say it to "his girl") when he's trying to get a get-out-of-jail-free card for screwing her over by making her believe it's because of something she's done. Spiritually, you are the one who needs to get your shit together. You and InterVarsity fucked our friendship over, and you delivered the coup de gras for an incredibly selfish, inappropriately domineering, and silly reason. Emma may have been able to behave like a manipulative, completely brainwashed fool on the matter most of the time (which of course, to a degree, she was), but your own acting and/or (more likely) self-deception skills left just a bit more to be desired. I mean, I get that the staff routinely throw both themselves and their dogma at people to earn their allegiance (in many ways it was like dealing with very persistent pimps, especially when you were trying to shut me up, just to be brutally honest there), but still. And for the record, I have called Gregor out on everything (partly to cleanse my own mind of any toxic remnants of his brainwashing and mainly to secure my safety and my partner's, now that Gregor lives just over in Nashville) and threatened him with a restraining order based on both his abuse and threats and his (actual) stalking behavior if he *ever* resumes any of that again--and pointed out to him that pointing those projections of his back at him where they belong would be a cakewalk in any "court of law," should it come to that. Which of course praise God it almost certainly won't, now that I've made it clear I don't trust him to behave in the event of reconciliation, not in this life. For the last seven years all I've wanted for him was for him to be free of all the poison in his soul--that is a wish extremely near and dear to my own heart and soul--which is why your disgusting use of the ammo he gave you in telling you of his self-exculpatory-nine-year-old accusation of non-forgiveness (no, child, the reason it so visibly hit home was not actually being guilty of that; I've given you the real reason) was so, so, SO low. And I did not give a fuck about what Mary and the other brainwashed, narrow, and foolish girls thought, just to be radically honest about them.

Again, for your own sake, for the sakes of your students in Needle's Eye, and literally for God's sake, you have got to get your spiritual shit together. For years I thought you were one of the ones who also remembered to hold onto principle and, more importantly, a sense of principle *that originates within the self,* not the cult. I was very, very wrong about that. As advice, I'll let you know that I often felt like one of the few people in the cult who hung on to their adulthood in that sense, mainly *because* I would not relinquish control over my life, let alone my mind. You almost got me with the implied lie about everything being just "benevolent misunderstandings," but in my heart and in the hearts of others who would have been vilified and dismissed right and left, had they voiced those opinions to the overenmeshed majority, all those childish fibs never quite held water. Your crimson-faced mortification when I cunningly ratted your bullshit out to Josh--that was a very adult high five on your part, so I sincerely high-five you in return for all that--said it all.

I need scarcely say that I make no apologies at all for exposing all of your evil as a ministry to the university's first-years. They were the ones who needed to be warned in light of all your intrusive, sneaky, manipulative, and just plain disrespectful rubbish in infiltrating the move-in volunteer staff and pulling out all the shots in your usual WAY-too-manipulative ploys to lure new people over. There is a world of difference between wanting a person to be Saved--God has a myriad of tools suited to that purpose, as you well know, for which good old-fashioned prayer will suffice if it's meant to be--and wanting to be the saving force and guide. And there certainly is a difference, a very consequential AND spiritually essential difference, in wanting it so intensely that you will stoop to ANYTHING to pull people into your ministry, not RUF or Cornerstone, and to make sure they join, stay, and follow YOU. The real kicker here is that their definition of "follow" is for their members ENTIRELY too invasive, inappropriately domineering, manipulative, unhealthy (the DEFINITION of unhealthy, dear, so it's small wonder your staff used that buzzword fairly frequently with folks, in the pot calling any criticizing kettle black), and just plain psychologically abusive in a much-too-frequent pattern.

So I beg of you. BEG of you. If you have not already, get your shit together. I intend to just let you be in future, and I would appreciate it if you would extend me the same courtesy, starting with not responding to this email. Even though you're out of IV now (for your sake I sincerely thank God for that), I don't need to tell you outright that you had your chance with my friendship; you blew it when you irrevocably broke my trust. Forgiveness always came easy for me, but almost no matter what comes up down the road I will never fully trust you again in this life. The same goes for Gregor and Emma. And there is nothing you can say to me that you can get inside my head ever again. I'm just being honest.

Please, just work on healing any remaining crippling and lies in your mind and soul.

In Christ,

Julian"

[razorblade-eyes]

GGS Spotlight: Hilary Milsome

Name: Hilary Milsome Age: 60 Location: Melbourne, Australia

What does it mean to you to be part of the GGS Community? It’s wonderful to have a safe place to ask questions, share successes, or even vent. These women are wonderfully supportive, and my idea of what “strong” looks like has changed radically since being introduced to such a wide range of views and perspectives.

Strong is sometimes being physically able to lift stuff, sometimes able to keep going in the face of adversity, sometimes being able to support others, and maybe even being strong enough to ask for help when you need it.

In the GGS community, I see all these things and much more. Even though I’m on the opposite side of the world to the majority of the members, I feel like many of them are friends, perhaps one day some of us will meet “in the flesh!”

How long have you been strength training, and how did you get started? I wasn’t sporty as a kid or teenager, always the short “fat” one. But although I have been a gym member on and off for the last 30 years, mainly going to classes, no one had ever managed to inspire me to strength train. Then, eight years ago, I “accidentally” took out a gym membership that came with three included personal training sessions (I went along for a sales pitch with no intention of joining). I was 52 and I described myself to friends and the sales guy as “old and slow.”

The personal trainer I was assigned was a young woman in her early 20s. Her compassion, empathy, support, caring, and encouragement set me on a wonderful path. I lost 18 kgs and found strength and mobility for the first time in my life.

But more than that, she gave me the belief that my body was capable of pretty much anything I put my mind to if I was prepared to work at it.

 Favorite lift: Deadlifts every time (although I do love a bit of kettlebell work).

Most memorable PR: It’s not my current PR, but in my first year of strength training, my lovely trainer told me that when she saw me walk onto the gym floor she told another trainer I was going deadlift 50 kgs for the first time that day, the other trainer said “Who? Her? But she’s tiny!”

I was shocked that someone else thought it was a big achievement for me because I felt quite ordinary. I lifted that 50 kgs, and I’ve never forgotten the amazing feeling of success and I hold that memory close to remind me not to underestimate myself.

Top 5 songs on your training playlist: I have eclectic music taste, mostly old school, so anything by Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Living End, Jethro Tull, Nirvana, Michael Jackson, and Cream are great. But I’m currently loving lots of Muse (the Drones album in particular) and P!nk.

Most memorable compliment you’ve received lately: One of my own personal training clients recently Facebook posted a photo of our small group session with the post “Hilary understands us” — that was pretty awesome.

Most recent compliment you gave someone else: I try all the time to let my personal training clients know that I love how hard they are working and the way they are challenging themselves to try new movements and new weights.

What do you do?  I’ve been a self-employed bookkeeper for 18 years, which I have loved. But I qualified as a personal trainer two years ago and am slowly transitioning to work more as a trainer from my home studio, and doing less bookkeeping.

My passion is to help others discover the positive benefits of strength training, no matter what their physical starting point, age, or health conditions.

What else do you do? I love spending time with my family, particularly my young grandkids (aged 2 & 4). They never fail to make me smile and warm my heart with the best hugs. Growing my own fruit & vegetables is very rewarding as well as being a great way to relax. I enjoy travel, both Australian & overseas, New Zealand is a favorite destination.

I also love to study and I’m currently studying GGS-1 which is fabulous. My original personal trainer qualifications didn’t go deeply enough into many aspects of being a trainer so I was excited when I saw the GGS-1 certificate offered and couldn’t wait to sign up. I haven’t been disappointed.

I love the fact that the first priority in the course addresses issues and attitudes that affect women in the gym and in life. I’ve finished the second part on nutrition and again it explores areas that weren’t even mentioned in my initial personal trainer course. I’ve started the section on exercise now and I love turning those pages or watching those videos — there’s always something new to learn.

Your next training goal: My current personal trainer will be moving on to another career sometime soon, so my goal will be to self-train for the first time in my life. To start with, just being consistent and challenging myself will be the goal, more specific goals might come later!

Favorite way to treat yourself: Nothing I like better than taking time to sit in the garden on a lovely day, with a good book and no thought of “I should be doing…”

Favorite quote: There has to be more than one:

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” — Henry Ford

“If not now… when?”

Favorite book: In non-fiction, The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris was life-changing for me. It helped me turn around a bout of anxiety that had been causing me problems for a few years and it gave me a new attitude to acceptance of who I am and where I’m at.

In fiction, I love to read so there are many. Dystopian books like The Handmaid’s Tale, 1984, and Brave New World are high on the list. And Australian novel Jasper Jones by Craig Silvey blew me away recently.

What inspires and motivates you? I’m motivated by all the fabulous strong women I have been meeting in person and online since becoming involved in strength training and since joining GGS. They show me that so much is possible and there are so many new things to try.

I’m inspired by anyone who is committed to whatever they are doing, working hard and moving towards their goals.

And I’ve been close to family and quite a number of friends who have experienced life-changing illness, and I’m inspired by how they just get on with their life no matter what they have to deal with.

For what are you most grateful? I have a wonderful family and friends who support and encourage me no matter what stage of my life I’m at. I am blessed to be able to share so much of my young grandchildren’s lives; it’s a privilege that not all grandparents are offered.

I’m also very grateful for a number of fabulous young women who have changed my life in many wonderful ways. Among them are my first trainer eight years ago who inspired me to honor and trust my body, my current trainer who has generously supported me as I develop my own skills as a personal trainer, and Molly Galbraith (who I met at the recent Women’s Fitness Summit in Melbourne) who has opened my eyes to so many positive and inclusive attitudes to women in particular, that I hadn’t encountered before.

And last, but certainly not least, I turned 60 last year and I’m grateful that at my stage of life I have all that I need to live a comfortable life, being able to make choices to do the things I enjoy.

Of what life accomplishment do you feel most proud? I am proud that I didn’t just give in to feeling “old and slow” and stay on the couch, which would have been the easy option.

I hope I’m setting a good example for people around me, that it’s never too late to start looking after yourself both physically and mentally, and that it’s important to care for yourself before you can really care for others.

Tell us about a time when you overcame fear or self-doubt. Definitely making the decision to study to be a personal trainer and then taking on clients was a big step for me. It was a struggle for me to believe that I had something to offer others. I’m not some lean, young marathon runner or competition weight lifter so I thought people would think “What does she know?”

But it seems that my clients are reassured that I understand where they are coming from. I love that I can work to motivate others and teach them that we can all be strong and healthy to the best of our ability and that it can look different for each of us.

How has lifting weights changed your life? I feel strong and powerful, I can do so much more than I ever could before, and I love that I can play with and look after my grandkids without thinking about how I’ll cope running after them. I don’t groan when I get up off the couch or get out of bed in the morning (except for DOMS of course — lots of groaning then).

I’m reminded of how much I’ve gained when I see other people struggling to get up and down off the floor, having difficulty getting out of cars or chairs, or sitting on the sidelines instead of playing games with their kids or grandkids.

What’s the coolest “side effect” you’ve experienced from strength training? Oh goodness, so many great “side effects.” Believing that being strong will help me move into this later phase of my life with the best health I can hope for, and seeing my body positively for all it can do. Oh yeah, and being able to cross the monkey bars in one go!

What do you want to say to other women who might be nervous or hesitant about strength training? Give it a go. Find someone to help you get started, a person who really listens to you, helps you identify your goals, and is encouraging and supportive. Maybe find a small boutique gym, or a good personal trainer in a big gym, where you can have some private sessions to learn technique. If you feel that you know what you are doing, it can make all the difference when you head into the gym on your own. And don’t settle for a trainer who doesn’t treat you with respect or give you 100 percent of their attention in every session.

 You can connect with Hilary and find out more about her on Facebook.

The post GGS Spotlight: Hilary Milsome appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

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[letlhogonolotakesuclalaw]

A lesson in Faithfulness

One of my favourite Bible scripture  is Job 22:28 (ESV)

 “You will decide on a matter, and it will be established for you and light will shine on your ways.

 Can you see the depth in this scripture? It says that you will declare a thing and it will be established for you. So basically, it is saying chat the chats and see the chats come to live. Let me show you how my chats from days long gone but never forgotten came to live. Are we all ready to see God at work in the life of this Kimberley born boy?

When I started my undergraduate degree at Stellenbosch I had big dreams – to be a great human rights lawyer and in order to do this I wanted to achieve a few things that I thought would equip  me with the needed skills: (1) work at one of the ‘Big 5’ law firms, (2) clerk at the Constitutional Court and (3) study overseas preferably at an American law school.

I wrote all this on my vision board and hoped for the best. I recall at the end of my first year at University, I went back home and we all went to church. The pastor on this particular day preached about 2 Kings 4, which the story of Elisha and the Shunammite womxn. In verse 16: the Bible says “Elisha said: ‘at the end of this season next year, you will embrace a son”. The pastor using the son as a miracle or a desire that you would like to birth.  I wrote down that I would like to work for BOWMAN GILFILLAN. In January, the following year, I had a scholarship interview with Bowman – this was successful and they funded my undergraduate degree. Let’s all say it together, “Look at God!” This was proceeded by an offer for employment with Bowman for my article for clerkship. Again friendships, “Look at God!” My time at Bowman was meagre (but that’s a story for another day).  Despite the hardships, God was faithful. The relationships I developed there were amazing. I met my mentor, Kholofelo, there. She is one of lives greatest blessing I have received. She is a constant source of support and has helped me get to where I am today.

The following year I made the decision to consider applying for clerkship at the Constitutional Court. This was a big decision and I struggled greatly. I suffer from a huge impostor syndrome. Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a concept describing individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud". Therefore, as a result, I believed that I was not good enough, this was partially informed by my experiences at the firm that I used to work (story for another day. Remind me friends). Before making this big decision, I thought the best thing to do was to make my request known to God. I prayed friends.   This was coupled with numerous conversations with my mentor, who on more than one occasion had to assure me that I was deserving and capable of this opportunity.  

I asked God for a sign and God delivered it in a Whatsapp message from my friend, Nelisile – who was studying abroad. She texted and said: “You need to apply to the court.”  And I said great, this is the sign that I have been waiting for! But in truth, I questioned God and said, there is no time frame, so this message is not specific enough for me to accept it as a sign. I know, I know, I am stubborn, I think it comes with this thing of believing that I am not good enough and that I don’t deserve good things. Cray right? It’s pretty sad actually. But you know what, I am working on this. I will be loud, crass and all of the things soon. Wait for me. It will be beautiful guys!  

Anyway, later on the same day Nelisile sends another message and says “NOW!!!!! NOW!!!!! THE TIME IS NOW!”. I applied and successfully got shortlisted. The interviews took place on 1 June 2015, easily one of the best days of my life. I remember when the day was done, I said to one of my friends that I wanted to chain myself to the doors of the Court so that the Justices know how much I wanted to work at the Court. Don’t side eye my dramatic imagery there, I am extra. Allow me. Needless to say, I didn’t do this, instead I spend the next few weeks in angst. You know that feeling when you really want something to go right because you think that it will be life-changing, that’s what I was feeling – an expectation of hope and light. This feeling was fulfilled 15 June 2015. I know you are thinking, “How does he remember all these dates?” I mean, on these dates, my life as I knew it changed, how can I possibly forget. I was appointed to be a law clerk for Justice Madlanga of the Highest Court in the Land. And again the congregation said, “Look at God!”

1 July 2016 came and that’s when the dream begun, I was a law clerk of a Justice in the Highest Court in the Land. The first day was the fulfilment of a dream. Instagram can attest to this. I did mention that I am extra right? Good! My time at the Court was truly life changing. I could write books about my time at the Court and in the Chambers of Justice Madlanga, but, suffice to say that it was a wonderful experience (I will write more extensively about Justice Madlanga and how the time at the Court was an Ezekiel 37 moment – the valley of the dry bones).  During my time at the Court, I had to make a decision about what I was going to do after my year at the Court. Was I going to go back to Bowman? Or was I going to study? Or do I do something else? I decided that I wanted to study further. To immerse myself in academics would do me good. But as you may predict, the impostor came again to remind me that I was  not good enough.  This was a difficult process for me, I had to write a personal statement about why I thought I deserved to be accepted into law school. I didn’t know what to say honestly. A lot of people will say, “oh, but you’ve done so much”, but having done all that I had,  I still didn’t believe that I deserved it. As an aside: law school application in the States is so prohibitive and time consuming, I would recommend that you start gathering all your documents earlier so that when application open, you have all that you will need.

Anyway, back to this story, the application process took me more than it was supposed to because you know impostor was in full gear and hammering at my heart but I finally managed to put my application through. The period was filled with a lot of questions about my self-worth, my intellect, and quality of my application. It was quite the rollercoaster ride. I vividly remember getting my acceptance letter from UCLA. It was a Friday morning and I was just there minding my own business and then this email comes through. I was shocked, and I didn’t tell anyone about it for about two weeks. I believed that it has been  sent to the wrong person – even though it was sent to my email address and was addressed to a Mr Mokgoroane. I know, I am a Mr Mokgoroane and I did apply, but still. Writing this now sounds preposterous and to some degree laughable but it is true. I just didn’t believe that I would get in. My friends can tell you about the depth of myself doubt during this period.

  Now UCLA was a thing and I was like uhm… I need to raise money for flights because the way the rand is set up, the money I am getting may not be enough. I started a crowdfunding page and that’s where the #LetlhogonoloTakesUCLALaw started. This was a trying time for me, mainly because I didn’t have any idea if people would donate but through the help of many role-players and social media, I reached my target.  When this happened and the tickets were booked, it reminded me of the words of Warsan Shire when she said: “if we are going to heal, let it be glorious.” It was glorious, the feeling that everything was coming together.  Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, I find out that Professor Kimberlé Crenshaw (https://www.ted.com/talks/kimberle_crenshaw_the_urgency_of_intersectionality?utm_source=tedcomshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=tedspread-a) will be teaching me in the Spring. Yes, you heard right, the Kween of intersectionality.  As if that was not enough, I hear a radio interview on 702 with a  Professor Robin Kelley talking to Eusebuis about Black Radical Thought (https://omny.fm/shows/mid-morning-show-702/black-radical-thought), and I find out that he is from UCLA. I Google him, and find out that he is the chair from History at UCLA and he is a huge scholar of Critical Race Studies. He had an event the day after his interview and I got to meet him and he said that we should connect when I get to LA. How insane is all of this? It sounds so surreal. Even as I write this, I cannot believe it myself. I’m like God though. This reminds me of Numbers 23:19

“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”

 God had plans for me and when I declared them by writing them down on a vision board or during a sermon in church, they came to be. University of California, Los Angeles was God’s dream for me, I aligned my heart with God’s plans and here I am, living dreams I dared to dream even when I trembled at the face of inadequacy. And now I am here at UCLA Law School doing my Masters in Law in Public Interest Law and Policy and Critical Race Studies fully funded and I look back at my life and realise that there is power in declaration (Mark 11:24).

#LetlhogonoloTakesUCLALaw is a testimony of the faithfulness of God in my life and a testimony of chasing your dreams relentlessly. I am reminded of the words of Koleka Putuma, when she said “You owe your dreams the courage”

 Stay blessed.