#mainly because i think i cant relate to this kind of behaviour

[shalomniscient]

your opinion on shawn? 🎤

i’m gonna be honest… i’m not the biggest fan. i still haven’t done her interro so i don’t know the context as to why she behaves the way she does in the event but i very much disliked it. the continued attempts to flirt with chief/the player, even though intended to come off as comic relief, just felt like someone being unable to take no for an answer to me and it really rubbed me the wrong way. i’m sure i’ll be a twinge more forgiving once i do her interro, but for now, i kind of dislike her. sorry to all the shawn enjoyers 😔😔😔

[museofthepyre]

do you know what everyones problem with elijah is? Im new to to fandom and im so genuinly confused as to why people seem to like think elijah is the worst (as in evil) character in the series. like i dont think people find him poorly written, they just, dont like him? which is fine yknow like who you like, but then people act like jedediah is a flawed but good character? which confused me a lot since I actually dislike jedediah more, as he just hurts in a more personal way it feels like. Elijah was sweeping Sydney in with promises of love that he hadnt gotten from jedediah, sydney only accepted that because of the way jedediah had been shunning him for years. It really bothers me that people forgive jedediah for his bad behavior, but then crucify elijah for behavior that while yes was very bad, had been hurting syndey way less for way shorter, and the only reason sydney was that vulnerable was because of jedidiah. Im asking because i am genuinly confused and I cant find anyone talking about the why of disliking elijah, i dont know if im missing something because of personal bias (jedidiahs mistakes that hurt sydney hit much closer to home than elijahs) sorry if this is a bit rambly, Im just very disenheartened to see so many people say they hate elijah when I just dont understand why, you dont need to answer this ask btw its mainly just curiousity

I think you kind of touched on the answer a bit already- imo it definitely comes down to what hits closer to home for any given listener. We all have unconscious biases. We all consume media through the lens of our own life experiences, and… ok ramble incoming

Elijah and Jedidiah both think/ behave in ways that are profoundly human, they represent very real concepts (see my whole Jedidiah= unhealthily distant, withdrawn and cold attachment style, and Elijah= unhealthily obsessive, suffocating and intense attachment style rant). These aren’t your typical innately evil villains, they’re just unhealthy people with warped ideas of love. That is an all too common thing to see irl. I think because of that… many of us can relate one or both of them to people we‘ve known in our own lives… alternatively, we can relate them to ourselves. I’ve heard some people say that Elijah’s actions hit a nerve because of past traumas with toxic relationships… aaand I’ve heard people say the exact same thing about Jedidiah! I think Elijah receives more scrutiny because his actions were… well they were actions. Visible, overt, right in front of you. You can point at them, pick a line from the transcript and say “that right there is bad”. Jedidiah’s wrongs often came in the form of neglect and abandonment, an absence of action, that’s so much harder to pinpoint. Maybe he’s slipping under people’s radars? Maybe more people see themselves in him and have a sense of understanding (which is valid, he embodies some very relatable neurodivergent struggles). Maybe it’s because he steps up and works on himself by the end and we don’t see that from Elijah (yet). Maybe people find Elijah “worse” because he reminds them of a more common negative experience, I’m not sure. One could speculate.

I’ll speak personally as an example of what I mean: I am wayyyyyyy more upset by Jedidiah’s actions. And that’s because of… you guessed it… my own personal experiences and how they influence my perception 🎉🎉🎉 I’ve got BPD, and I have an all consuming fear of abandonment. The idea of loving somebody and then having them suddenly withdraw, avoid you, and treat you coldly all the while providing NO EXPLAINATION WHATSOEVER… just leaving you to spiral and pick apart your own behaviours under a microscope, thinking you must be the problem— it’s a major trigger of mine. I’ve lived it!!! I grew up with it!!!!! It hits a huge sore spot for me and I admittedly struggle to overlook that sometimes when I see him.

Conversely, Elijah… I unfortunately connect with in a much deeper way. My own default attachment style is obsessive, intense, and often leaves me tunnel-visioned and unstable (…BPD), and he speaks a language I understand? If that makes sense. I see so much untreated, pre-awareness me in him. I know what it is to be involuntarily engulfed by an all-consuming obsession/ delusion. He doesn’t scare me, because I know what he’s made of- I see what’s beneath it all when I look in the mirror. Or at least that’s the lens through which I interpret him, I’m sure many disagree and yk what? Absolutely valid!!!!

There’s no one correct way to consume media, yada yada you get the idea, CHNT is unique because no character is intentionally malicious or evil (not counting Adam maybe… Lucille you’re on thin ice) and it’s fascinating how there’s such a dichotomy between the love and hate for these two. I may have swayed a bit off topic I just have many thoughts. I might come back with more later.

Ok rant over 🪱

[shareyourpeace]

Life is full of choices. Every single thing you do involves a choice and one will make your life better and one won't. If every choice you choose is the right one, you're choosing happiness. The other choice is depression.

Mixed inputs over the years but this is my compilation of them all.

I was depressed. I was in the dark place so many bloody times. After a while, every time I’d thought that was my lowest, that it couldn’t possibly get worse. Then I’d sink lower and lower. I did it again and again x100000.

I can proudly say that I finally see my self-pitying self as I truly was (sometimes even still am). I convinced myself that when I was avoiding was looking in the mirror it was in fear of seeing myself. Although I did look pretty sick, weary and at times nearly deathly (no exaggeration) looking at my physical self in the that wasn’t the key problem. But that lack of self love impacted my self hygiene so at times it was also a problem. A smelly problem. NGL.

The inner contacted I was ignoring was a whole lot more signifcant than that. The buried issues control your conscious emotion and alas your behaviours.

I believe that looking deep into my eyes and into my soul and allowed myself to realize I cant keep lying to myself that whats happening externally is rhw issue. Fact is when you face the truth of the matter which is usally repressed past traumatic issue related, then it would leave you with two options; You can do what YOU and only YOU are obligated to do. Be responsible, face your issues OR you could bury then and then stacked more and more on top of them until you have a nervous breakdown. The stacking would begin with the instant anxiety your self-served ignorance, that you will feel in the future every time you even slightly think of the subject and your anxiety levels will eventually reach it’s capacity.

Which means projection, it comes in many forms - anger for me. Leading me to blame someone else for something silly. Which is usually/defnitely/completely my fault. I’m always dramatic, causing a scene, with 99% chance of precipitation when I flip the lid. And that leads to what? Embarrasment, shame, self-esteem issue blah blah fucking blah.

But many people (like me) literally have not got the physical emotional or spiritual energy to face that shit right now. It’s a lot easier to binge watch every single Greys Anatomy epidsode from season 1 to 500 or whatever one there on. Im no one to judge i watched them all in 3 months from like july til now [ill calculate the hours later]. What Im trying to say here is just recently I was considering mental rehab because I couldnt do it all over again by myself. But my mindset and really my behaviours, thoughts and people arounf me changed.

Most of all, I did. I evolved, started my next chapter whatever... Thing is, Im really actually happy now.

When I refused to deal with my shit, I lived an anxiety-ridden life of self-destruction.

Like many of us, I experienced trauma all through my childhood right to adulthood, even recently still. I’m recovering from recent events and think of myself that because of that it makes me a bit of fraud to give “ advice “ to people, so I’m, going to state right here and now this is not what I’m doing

I climbed up and out of depressions for about 15 years. I experienced  emotionally damaging moments that through me off back into the black just as I was convinced (as super proud) that I’d gotten back feeling hopeful for myself and beginning to think of the future again. This happened so many times, but the last time, was the last time it will happen to me.

Each experience has gifted me with a lesson and the knowledge Ive picked up from how different people react to eachother and themselves and how I react. Mainly how I have learned to not let  my emotions control my life, I’, not only trained my mind, but I’ve gotten physically fit. I can jog now.

 And if you don’t know me (which you don’t) I am lazy my nature,  I joined the gym lots and never went but Im blessed to be slim by nature so you wouldn’t notice much. But I smoke almost ten years now, I barely went on walks 3 months ago and now I jog 10km AND work out a day. And I aint bragging or trying to make you feel bad in anyway, I did this by making the right choices.

Jogging and the other doors and being in nature cleanses my soul. It has healed me so in so many ways this time and I know it’’s for the better because Ive been the top perfomer in work (I WFH for tech company, usually I am alway middle performer, scraping above average).This is a huge indication that dumping  the rubbish thoughts you CHOSE and CHOOSE to think makes space for productivity and exceeding. Not only at work, you do more cleaning, cooking (cue healthy eating more brain food and creative meditation).

I am have been through a journey these last few year and  I’m not here to moan about the in’s and out’s, shoulda coulda woulda, no blaming or aiming or cause hurt or condescend, no moaning and venting - basically no bullshit.

I want to share how I’ve gotten and continue to get better.

Mind body and soul reconnection is what I feel like I’ve began to have and I want others to too because I empathize so much with almost everyone, especially the people who have the least amount of support or knowledge to have any kind of hope. I want to spread that hope.

I live alone and have through covid. if I could this alone (mainly - Ive fuck all family, none at all nearby, lack of friends (later)) and if I can do this, fuck anybody can.

I aint preaching so save the hate for someone who will allow that toxic shit from entering their precious mind space.

Much love,

Zoe

[sin-scythes-and-assaults]

Family Sucks: The Rant (tm)

When I see posts and videos that are like ‘aw my mum/dad/carer are so cool I relate to them so much we’re best friends!!! !! !! ! ! !! !! !!!!’ I wanna just cry tbh because I know that I will never have anything like that??? I feel like I need to get the whole story out for whoever is reading this to understand so I guess ill start with my dad. My dad, for lack of a better term, is an arsehole. For all his claims that ‘you’re my child of course I love you!’, he really had a problem showing that. When I think of him, I don't think about the now-obvious attempts to win us over in some silent war between my mum and him - I think of how he’d ask me what I did at school (aged 6), and then completely ignore what I said, saying a quiet ‘uh huh, yeah, sounds great!’ as he sat on his phone in the car waiting for my older sister. I’d remember the disinterest he had towards us in terms of our hobbies and interests, and even discouraged me at times because the things I wanted to do ‘weren’t suitable for a girl’ (it was fishing. I wanted to learn how to fucking fish like both of my brothers, and he said no because I was a girl. I had to teach myself and save up for months to buy my own rod, bearing in mind I was about 8-10yo at the time). I’d remember the screaming matches at 3 in the morning with my mother, who I didn't realise was actually standing up for herself for once. My mum, when I was younger, wasn't much different. However, she had a reason, and I excuse her for it. She used to work full time as a nurse, with very limited pay, and had to look after my three siblings and I, not to mention provide for a father who did next to nothing about the house, but contributed greatly to the bills. She was tired - and I don't mean ‘yawn ooh I'm a little bit sleepy’. I mean. Tired. She tried not to fall asleep during mealtimes, knowing that in a few hours she’d have to go on another 11 hour shift. She’d take sleep where she could, but it wasn't enough because she had to look after four of us and a father who was barely there. We were a poor family, mainly because my dad refused to help with anything other than the mortgage and the electricity and gas bills. He didn't pay for food for a family of 6 every week, my mum did, and she barely made enough money as it was. Also, I don't know why, but I have always thought that, to some extent, these severe money problems were my fault. Don't ask why, I just thought they were. She tried to connect with all of us while she could, but I think that because I was the youngest, I was the last priority. I felt excluded from the whole family, being constantly picked on by my older brothers and my sister, too. My self worth also went down when I made friends with a certain girl in my year at school. She abused me. She hit me, slapped me across the face, bit me and dug her nails into my skin until I bled. This happened regularly. I still have a scar on my hand when she decided to make me play a ‘cute game’ where one person was basically to hurt themselves until the other person completed a task. (I wont go into details about this game bc its fucking horrible) She didn't even properly tell me what was happening, only to ‘trust her’, and I ended up getting hurt for it. She humiliated me in front of someone I had a crush on for almost a year multiple times, called me fat (which prompted me to have a very bad diet consisting of only one small meal a day and nothing else, thinking it would make me attractive), worthless, and blackmailed me into staying in contact with her, even until about 4 or 5am most nights. This took a toll on my mental health, and I started to self harm. Life sucked, I finally confronted her about it with my best friend, and she fucked off, claiming she was the victim. I managed to stop self harming. Things got better. But!!  !!! !!!! ! A few years later I fell out with my Best friend over something (I cant even remember what??? I'm p sure it was my fault though and I still feel fucking terrible) and we didn't talk to each other again (I recently got in contact with her though and she’s still as amazing as ever. I missed her so much) Fast forward to the second half of 2014, where my parents arguing had come to a head (bearing in mind, the reason for said fighting was kept from me until only a few months ago) and my dad had permanently moved out. They got a divorce and now live miles away from each other. My dad, being the glorious fuckwit he is, decided to give us a total of 3 months to sell our house, find a new one to buy that was more affordable and could house 5 people (which was simply impossible) and move in. This is because he decided to stop paying the mortgage , and we had three ‘paid’ months left until it essentially got repo’d, unless we find this magical fantasy house he left us to find. As you can imagine, it didn't go well. We did manage to sell our house, but we had to lower the price drastically so the snotty family that bought it would actually consider it (they were arseholes too). So we had limited money from the sale of our house to buy the one we had picked out, which was now too expensive for us. We didn't get the rest of the money in time. We ended up homeless for a year, but fortunately, my gran had a big house. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough room for us all, even if we shared. My eldest brother, Dominic, was essentially ‘booted out’ to go live with his girlfriend and her family because he was ‘expected to’. We hardly see him now. (I miss him) I had to share a room with multiple family members, so I had no privacy at all. The only time I was alone was when I was in the shower. Meanwhile, my gran was picking apart my school life, my hobbies and my interests, saying that what I wanted out of my future wasn't worthwhile. I had to deal with this for a year. A year. I relapsed into self harm, almost went through with killing myself on multiple occasions, and thought about genuinely just up and running just so I could leave all the shit behind. We found a house. It was a shithole and the seller was wanting way more than it was worth -It was all we could afford. We bought it. We had to spend thousands damp proofing the whole house because the guy lied and said he had done it. We had to spend thousands on new windows because they had severe problems and were letting in currents of water when it rained. There was rot beneath the floor and in the attic so we had to spend hundreds to get it redone. We became very very poor again. I could hear my mum crying herself to sleep at night again. If we had been any more in debt we would have had to sell this house just months after getting it. My room is so small I cant lie out on my floor without my feet hitting a wall, the walls are so thin that I can hear my sister breathing as she sleeps in the room across the hall. I began to collect plants. They depended on me, they needed me, and that's the kind of responsibility that I needed - something wanted me. I had something to look forward to at the end of the day. I had mini hydrangeas, a trellis with honeysuckle and jasmine by my window, lavender, lemonbalm, everything. I knew what their individual needs and wants were and in turn they helped me sleep at night. They started to die. My mum had decided to spray them with a pesticide that was too ‘strong’ for them, and in the wrong places. Their leaves started to rot and they all. Died. I still act to this day that it wasn't a big deal, that it was just a silly mistake, but I know that I wont ever find that same happiness again????? I think about those plants sometimes and somehow I always bring the blame around to me and I don't understand why I do that with everything?? Regardless, I was fucking sad and my mum started to bitch about it. Then, I find out a few months ago that the reason that my mum and dad got a divorce was because my dad had been cheating since at least the mid 90′s. since a few years before I was born. For 18 fucking years he had been cheating, all with different women apparently, and I had been fucking clueless. Again, because I'm a self-depreciating piece of shit, I brought the blame back to me and tell myself ‘if you noticed sooner you could've said to ma and she wouldn't have had to go through that shit’ but the thing is, I know I wouldn't have realised because I didn't know any different??? And when I tried to talk to my ma about it one thing she said was that ‘there were faults on both sides’ and now that's got me thinking ‘what if she cheated too?’ If it turns out she has, I seriously don't know what I'm going to do??? because shes made it out all these years that they've been divorced that my dad is the ‘bad guy’ and I don't know what I'm going to do if I find out the woman I've been heralding as ‘strong and brave’ for standing up to that kind of behaviour from my dad did the same thing And it scares me so much Who knows I might add to this later through an edit but now im in a rlly sad place n I wanna stop

[insearchofthemarshhare-blog]

Transcription of the interview with Sister Smeg of the Mythical Penis and Fortune Telling Balls on 19/12/17

TDL: I'm here this afternoon with Sister Smeg of the Mythical Penis and The Fortune Telling Balls, from Canterbury Convent in Dungeness. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy, busy schedule to allow me to interview you. Right sister, do you beleive that art should have the status as other subjects within the convent?

SS: I think art has a primary status within the convent and I think it also depends how you see and how you see it functioning, I kind of think maybe what other things you are looking at and what skills you are building or what subjects you're kind of considering, so where does art stop and where does it begin and what activities are we limiting it to. So, I think in a way like anything that's useful then status is fundamental and it should absolutely be centralised. So personally I find it very difficult not to kind of see it as such.

TDL: Definitely, I mean I think we will, hopefully, delve more into that later but certainly, do you believe that art is more holistic? In that its a tool that is not contained within one remit, that it can be sort of science-based, that it can be language-based, there are quite a few different avenues, I mean every avenue could use art as a means of expression and exploration. 

SS: So almost that sense of what does it not connect with, you know, that kind of sense that art doesn't touch on or look at, then I think if we're thinking that art connects with life which it does, and as a life force, which it is, then in many ways the argument surely is what is do we dislocate it from, deny it from. So, I ask you at any points in the cirroculum that you can identify that art couldn't come into

TDL: that's fantastic, I mean speaking of cirriculums do you find that any government legislations have affected your methods of teaching?

SS: I would promise you that my job is just to ignore and just to continue the fundamental of what happens at the convent is important and should be recognised and should be absolutely central. You know that kind of sense that can be all sorts of policies but we kind of know that not all policies are useful, so I give for example Clause 28, wanted about sexuality in schools, its the kind of sense of how useful this is and I think again that kind of sense of what it did, how it belonged, how it functioned how many people had to not to discuss something. We know that this isn't right

TDL: Certainly, I mean obviously as a self-governing religious body which has traditionally employed very archaic tradtional, wholesome family values, I mean how have you found approaching conversations with sexual narrativies and gender identity, how difficult have you found introducing these conversations within the convent?

SS: A part of life for all of us, one of the ones I draw your attention to is that quite often in comprehensive education these subjects are taught as biology and blogy only so the emotional is stripped away and taken out and the unsual or the odd or the oddity isnt discussed and theres a kind of sense, theres a lack of queer or theres a lack of the other or theres a lack of any experiences that don't fit outside of the impregnation of a woman and the creation of the child. Almost as though that this is the only avenue and then when this is looked at it doesn't have any sense of anything else that happens around that so for instance, I think one the things that i think is central to the convent is the creation of other families or other peer groups, or other recognition of families that aren't necessarily blood relations just in the same way again for all kinds of behaviour I think that there should be that sensibility of life more than biology.

TDL: I mean that's incredibly exciting, it runs at discourse with traditional Catholic, certainly christian educational legislation. I mean, obviously this method of identity through encouragement of normalising traditionalised minorities, do you find that art is a tool which sort of helps children both express and understand traditional normative behaviours, reinterpreting them for contemporary social interaction. Do you believe that art could help these students become a lot more knowldegeable and obviously, do you think that could permeate through society outside of the convent?

SS: Of course, because art tells stories of the body, of bodily experience, of desire and you know, the kind of desires that happen with Apollo and Daphne when Apollos pusuing Daphne and she pauses and she realises whats going to happen and has that moment of realisation that she doesn't desire him, praise the gods, and then is turned into a tree. Those transformations are important and then his desire becomes about almost taking one of the branches and fashioning a flute, so you kind of think desire can be a ridiculous thing but at the same time you kind of think that at the same time this sense of who we are only becomes complicated when we're not allowed to know ourselves or understand ourselves or understand that in many ways that this narrative that we're given of our lives and of what love would be and what companionship or friendship would be, they are taught in ways that are very very reductive and you think that surely that this is what art does, art opens things up, art isnt a straight line that just talks about marriage and babies as the only expression.

TDL: Tradtionally, I know a lot of educational bodies found it very difficult to accept children - young student's as sexual beings and this behaviour if not potentially repressive, there was a lack of emotional support of gender and sexual identity, a lot of focus was based mainly - as you say - on biology. What means or techniques do you employ if your teaching to allow students to explore their own identity and sexuality through potentially art? Is there a method that you employ? 

SS: That method is to get to the core of that person and to get to the core of who they are and what they do and what they are about and that is as unusual to one person as it is to another it doesn't get duplicated, it doesn't duplicate itself. I think again that kind of sense of what it is that somebody wants or what somebody expresses, people can express things that can be (inaudible) but at the same time problematic and terrifying, can be the things that liberate them. So there's things that they then kind of create, that are impossible or seem to be the absolute antithesis, are quite often the things that rescue them. So this kind of sense of what, where the positives and negatives lie, I think that art brings in a level of complexity can deal with this, that kind of goes beyond merely of what your body does as to what a body feels and what a body experiences or how a body lives. These things are informative.

TDL: Certainly, now what a body wants, definitely. I mean, up until very recently the covent had taught only female students, with the introduction of males students in 2010, has that changed their educational enviromnent at all, has that meant that certain teaching techniques were changed?

SS: I suppose what happened with the introduction of male students into the convent are the conversatsions that would've been abstract had suddenly become grounded and thats a really interesting thing that we're not purely talking about ideas we're talking about phsyicality and different physicalities. and I think that has bought in a really new dynamic to the convent which is exciting and which surely should be looked at further.

TDL: That's fantatistic, as an educator and practioner what do you believe your role is, especially in regards to teaching the students?

SS: My role is in many ways to be invisible, is in many ways to be a gravitational field, its to start to pull things together, to kind of enable people to look at things trhough a different lens to kind of consider to where they place themselves, how they experience things so in many ways you become a mirror, you become a sounding board, you become a hammer, you become a tool, you become all kinds of things, quite often you become not quite human, you can become the most terrifying thing in the world to somebody. You can become that point of absolute and utter authority and then at the same time you can totally refute that within every element of your being which is a really important structure, so I'd argue that point of teaching is to create a situation in which something magic can happen without the really base notion of what that is, the literal, but to actually look at the point where the impossible starts to shift into focus, so something that can't take place can take place, or something that hasn't been thought of actually starts forming itself. And I think that this is the thing that I raise quite often with teaching espeically teaching in relation to the body is quite often, you can see something very clearly but the objectivity that somebody else cant see themselves and I often think that that is an aspect of teaching that is really fascinating to us.

TDL: So when you say that you hold up a mirror do you mean that these sessions of learning are primarily student-led? So it's discovery, it's self-discovery for the students by using you as tools to aid that journey?

SS: Totally, I'm not different from rulers, pencils or anything else that happens, I think that this is the thing that education - I think for want of a better term - some kind of wonderful vanity project for the people who educate, actually about being useful for the people that are being educated, quite often that strips away this notion that it's about yourself and it starts to posit it as what's the potential for the person thats studying where are they going to go? That's more exciting as and educator you already know where you're going or you hope you know where you're going, totally.

TDL: I agree with you, I was lucky enough to interview a couple of the other sisters and they certainly were egocentric and it was certainly a very very different methodology of teaching. One of the sisters employed the "slippery" method where she was quite keen to slide out of sticky situations and the other sister employed the "silent" method which she beleived in abstinence and the absence of talking, is there a word or a term or perhaps even an influence that could succintly summon your methods of teaching?

SS: I infer the methods of teaching that I've got, very stupid term, but almost infered to cosmos in that you start to think of galactic connections between loads of possibilities, things, areas of connection, ways of for instance, whats the relationship between some planet that we haven't even thought of Jupiter and how do these things even pull together? That notion of what knowledge is and how knowldege constitutes itself, it's about bringing things, mapping things, looking at things. So for me, that becomes a really intriguing thing.

TDL: So sister, would you be happy for us to call it in the Cosmos pedagogy, methodology?

SS: Yes do, please do, this is perfect.

TDL: Thank you so much, I suppose I have one more question really and that would be do you think that the exploration of sexuality through art can support the deconstruction of traditional knowledge bases of gender roles and sexual indentity?

SS: Of course, and I think if it doesn't it weakens us all and that I think that we don't allow that space that's about imagination to be about imagination than we're failing our subject. I think we do something apalling if we can't enable people to look at every aspect of their life, every aspect of their experience and really take that on as an adult and thoroughly look at it and engage it with the world, and I think that there is so much pertaining to the body that we are ashamed of, we're embarassed or we can't imagine it or we can't imagine ourselves, that kind of sense, you know, we're reduced to bodies that seemingly just are made to connect with other bodies and their far bigger stories. The stories that are far more unexpected and I think this is the thing that our job is to encourage this and ecourage more thought, more expereince, so literally people should, they need to embark on their own journey, we need to be waving them off at the station as they depart.

TDL: Well sister Smeg that's fantastic, thank you so so much, so paving the way for future generations and you're doing correctly and hopefully we'll be waving them off at Dungeness platform and sending them off to the future to change the world.

SS: Braver, and bolder and more capable and less afriad and that's what we need to teach.

TDL: Something we could all ruminate on I think, definitely, sister smeg thank you so much for your time, it's been an absolute pleasure

SS: Thank you.

[mylog123-blog]

In class today, we had a long and DEEP discussion that mainly focused on important aspects of being a successful actor.

the yellow post sticks on the left have the answers to the questions we answered and just any relevant points that mattered in the discussion.

THE THREE QUESTIONS

Q1. How do you as an actor activate your imaginary circumstances?

for me? I usually relate these circumstance with my own life, so... depending on the given circumstances, I would think about how I could react in this/that situation. I'd think about the time I had experienced loss(the loss of a family member etc.) basically my own personal experience. EG.--The  Stanislavsky  technique--Emotional memory.

Lee Strasberg was also mentioned in the discussion.He was known as the method man--- Tim(tutor/teacher/director) mentioned that Lee Strasberg based his entire work on emotional memory which was very interesting but not controllable.(I will look into him)

To keep up with the question, its also important to research and learn about your character; so first, take as much information from the text as you can, because you cant start your own inputting of the character without having taken on board the play writes given to you.

LIVING RESEACRH

The era:

how did they live at that time? their mannerisms at that time? what did they eat? how did they dress? etc. These are important because when your on set as an actor and you know all these things about your character, it shows that you've spent enough time to be able to know what your character  should be doing whilst doing nothing. even focusing on just little gestures.if I remember correctly, Chi ( one of my peers)  during the disccusion,she quoted that, “you should also look into the little gestures that defer your character from others.” eg. does your character bite their nails? how is there posture?- sloppy or up right-and nutual ?etc.  

IN MY OPNION, I also think that in that way you will be able to sustain your character and maintain/remain within the bubble in which your imagination has sucked you in, almost like a sponge when it sucks in water then once squeezed, it has a lot to pore out. It’s essential to sustain your character, and you can only really do that if you know the character truthfully well. you can also look at who the character is based on so comparing them to historic figures , politicians etc.

whilst researching, make sure that you resist to watch any versions of the play that have already been done before on YouTube or any other websites , because then you find your yourself kind of copying. without knowing it, your killing and damaging your creativity in a sense where your now depending and imitating how other people are interpreting the character and not how you would. I'm guilty of this myself because its something that I use to think was very helpfull  but once Tim (tutor/teacher/director) had explained the disadvantages I then started seeing the fault  and I now think that its very-very-very essential to be more naturally creative, so...creating the character from the inside out.

most importantly you've got to be opened. Stella Adler quoted, “you can not just be opened to the beat of your generation”. you've got to be more of an observer whilst your watching a film a documentary or just life in general. you need to be able to watch things superficially, really tune in with what's happening around you.

KEYWORD: zeitgeist- it was used as a phrase, its to do with the spirit of the age , its to do with what's going on right now--

I research into Zeitgeist and I found out that it is a German word meaning time spirit--- so the ZEIT-means TIME and GEIST-means spirit.

Q2.

   the quote on the right says, “ acting is the ability to live truthfully under the given imaginary circumstances”--Sanford meisner

what this quote might imply:

it might imply to realism, creating a truthful behaviour on stage. Actors who are believable on stage or in front of the camera.

you could even approach this by asking questions, that curiosity of  finding Information  which are essential and very reflective to your character. for  an eg. some play writes give away information about circumstances through out the text  “oh! its a bright and sunny day on the beach, in autumn, on a Tuesday”. you will also have the stage directions-(Charlie closes his eyes as he crawls inside the empty dark cave).Tennessee Williams work is another great example he is a modernist writer( ‘Cat on hot Tin Roof’ and ‘Street Car Named Desire’). his pieces are usually very long and descriptive I am yet to look him up and see more of his work.