#magic spells are sufficiently advanced viruses

[astercontrol]

OMG just ONE more crossover i swear

"So, you're the new security program, I hear."

"Yes I am, mister… Rinz… what was it again?"

"Oh, nevermind what. I just… I just really need all this extremely dangerous coding cleared OUT of me, sir..."

"Not exactly my job. SIR. I can recommend a debugging program, if you like."

"Oh, thanks! Sure! No worries. Sorry, officer, I didn't mean to bother you specifically, you just happened to be here…"

"Indeed I did, mister Rinz. So, what's dangerous about the coding, if I may ask?"

"…Everything! I don't even know what exactly it was written to do, but, officer, it has taken over my actions, again and again, and made me do things I promise I'd never ever actually want to do-- things I don't think I even physically COULD have done on my own-- it has caused SO much destruction you can't even imagine--"

"Virus made you do it, eh? I can't say I haven't heard that as an excuse before. You got a criminal background I could glance through, for reference?… Never mind, I'm already pulling it up from your energy signature… Oh…. Oh my."

"I swear it's not my fault that coding is there…"

"You didn't, perhaps, make the genuine mistake of choosing to go someplace you had good reason to suspect you COULD pick up a dangerous packet of data like this?"

"Please, I didn't choose THIS! Can you get it out of me, or not?"

"…I know a fellow who can. One of the IGORithms... I'll send you to him straightaway, mister Rinz. I've looked through your rap sheet and… well, it's impressive, I can tell you that, but I have to admit, I agree that it smacks less of malice aforethought, and more of incompetence not-thought-at-all. I'll let you off for now. Keeping an eye on you though."

"Thanks so much, officer. Um… where's the debugger fellow you're going to refer me to?"

"I'll take your disk to him myself."

"… Take my disk?"

"You know. Just so you don't leave town."

"Ugghhh. …All right. It's not like I've much choice, have I. Here you go."

"Hmm! Interesting piece of hardware, my good chap. Is that… a sea-turtle engraved on it?"

"It… it came with that decoration, sir…"

"Not a User-believer, then, eh. A Turtle-believer."

"I don't really believe in much of anything, sir, except something that has it out for me… I can't even remember anymore, I've been through so much…"

"Never mind that. I think we're done here. I'll just take this for now, mister Rinz… ah! here it is. Rinz-wind."

"Yes, officer… what's your name again?"

"Not important. All security programs do the same job, in the end…. I'll see you around, mister Wind. I've got my eye on you."