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leblogdebrillante · 7 years ago

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Insistent zooms on breasts, mirror effects to reveal private parts (even though the legend doesn’t give a reflection to vampires) and male narrators : everything was done to reduce the figure to a sexual object intended to the male gaze. We can see it as a reaction to feminist and LGBT demands at that time (May 68 in France, Stonewall riots in 1969 in New York). If women, particularly lesbians, demand rights in the street, [men] must make sure to add another layer of patriarchy to movies. And if they try to rally other women to their cause — in the style of vampires who contaminate their preys — [men] must show them — by concluding the movies with their death — that they intend to fight back.

English translation of the article below :

Lesbians in horror movies : the story of a curious curse

Since their beginnings in genre movies, lesbians never stopped scaring. From Dracula’s Daughter by Lambert Hillyer in 1936 to The Neon Demon by Nicolas Winding Refn in 2016, they’re under the influence of a curse or saddled with dangerous mental disorders — in any case, monstrous. Deconstruction of a hex inherited from Hays Code, that Joachim Trier wards off in his new movie, Thelma.

At night, in a gloomy London apartment, an elegant countess asks a young strange girl, who’s supposed to pose for her, to undress. She gazes avidly at her naked shoulders and yields to temptation : she hypnotizes the innocent girl before swooping on her like a vulture. That’s with that rape scene in Lambert Hillyer’s Dracula’s daughter that a woman��s desire for another woman is first represented in a genre movie, in 1936. In this founding movie, the heroine tries to break her curse, vampirism, which mostly pushes her towards women. But where does this obsession, found throughout the history of genre movies, with showing female homosexuality as a defect?

In an article published in the magazine Circé, researcher Émilie Marolleau puts forth an hypothesis, linked to the masculinity crisis caused by the Great Depression, from 1929 to the dawn of World War 2 : “Men were often confronted to a job loss and saw their status as the head of the family challenged. So lesbians were perceived as a threat since, by being financially independent and working (often) as much as men, they were seen as usupers of male privilege.” To protect patriarchy, there’s nothing like making them terrifying. A stigmatization confirmed by the Hays censorship code, enforced from 1934 to 1966 in Hollywood and imposing negative representation of “sexual perversion” — meaning, among other things, homosexuality —, finishing the gestation of the monstrous lesbian figure in genre movies.

Occult powers

In the wake of Dracula’s daughter, fantasy movies often linked sapphic predilection and curse. In Cat People (Jacques Tourneur, 1942), the heroine refuses to flirt with her husband and justifies herself by mentioning a curse cast on her home village in Serbia — any strong emotion might turn her into a killer panther. Throughout the movie, various signs imply an allegory of lesbianism : the young woman declines hetero sex but visits a panther at the zoo daily, like attracted to a dangerous [female] friend ; at the restaurant, a catlike woman calls her “my sister” in Serbian, as if they belonged to the same community. If the heroine doesn’t accept herself, she ends up transforming into a voracious feline anyway when she becomes jealous. In the end, she metaphorically gives in to her desire for women by freeing the panther, but it throws itself at her and kills her.

In most fantasy movies, a woman who desires another woman ends up being punished (in The Hunger by Tony Scott in 1983, the vampire is locked up in a coffin for eternity ; the heroine, transformed into a ghoul, becomes a threat to slay in Jennifer’s Body by Karyn Kusama in 2009). On the contrary, the validated model is often the straight couple, who gets through this unscathed, like the lovers targeted by the countess in Dracula’s Daughter, or the husband and his mistress in Cat People. The right path being clearly defined, and the taboo exciting desire, moviemakers have a field day with eroticizing the “deviants”. So the cursed lesbian and bisexual women are systematically femme fatales uner the Hays code, before being even more fetishized in the 1960s and 1970s. From Blood and Roses (Roger Vadim, 1960) to Vampyros Lesbos (Jesús Franco, 1971), via the productions of the English studio Hammer (The Vampire Lovers by Roy Ward Baker, 1970 ; Lust for a Vampire, Jimmy Sangster, 1971), a wave of B movies and Z movies show sexy female vampires who strip at every opportunity and throw themselves voraciously at scatterbrained women.

Insistent zooms on breasts, mirror effects to reveal private parts (even though the legend doesn’t give a reflection to vampires) et male narrators : everything was done to reduce the figure to a sexual object intended to the male gaze. We can see it as a reaction to feminist and LGBT demands at that time (May 68 in France, Stonewall riots in 1969 in New York). If women, particularly lesbians, demand rights in the street, [men] must make sure to add another layer of patriarchy to movies. And if they try to rally other women to their cause — in the style of vampires who contaminate their preys — [men] must show them — by concluding the movies with their death — that they intend to fight back.

Born twisted

If, in fantasy movies, lesbians always go through medical analysis (the heroines of Dracula’s Daughter and of Cat People see a psychiatrist ; a doctor diagnoses the one in Blood and Roses with split personality, some genre movies insist more on the existence of a serious mental instability, creating the archetype of the obsessed and psychopathic lesbian. Rebecca by Alfred Hitchcock (1940) gives the first image of it with the housekeeper madly in love with her late lady of the house who turns her frustration against her master’s new wife. Nearly murdering her in a fire, the bitter maid dies, burnt out.

For a long time, psychiatry considered homosexuality to be a mental illness. The international classification of illnesses published by WHO only removed it from the list in 1992, which gave plently of time to the two notions to merge in the collective unconscious – and in movies. Single White Female by Barbet Schroeder (1992), Mulholland Drive de David Lynch (2001), Cracks by Jordan Scott (2009) ou The Neon Demon by Nicolas Winding Refn (2016) are so many movies that turn their character’s lesbian desire into a really morbid obsession. High Tension (Alexandre Aja, 2003) even entirely relies on that trope, the final plot twist revealing that the killer was actually one of the two heroines, who became schizophrenic by her frustrated desire for the other. While the cursed femme fatale scares as much as she creates empathy and desire (after all, she came across her problem despite herself), the psychopathic lesbian, whose vice is congenital, is supposed to only inspire repulsion. So she’s often masculinized, like the character played by Cécile de France, short hair and defined muscles, dans High Tension, or Jena Malone’s character, "tomboy” chic, in The Neon Demon. By making them stray from gender norms, something we still see too rarely on screen, moviemakers seem to insist on her instability and try to disgust the viewers.

Beloved witch

In that very dark picture, some glimmers of hope still shine. An empowering aspect is sometimes is sometimes given to the troubled powers of lesbians : the heroine of Cat People is precisely defending herself with her gifts from the abusive psychiatrist who wants to sleep with her to “cure” her ; in Jennifer’s Body, the ghoul passes her power to her best friend during a symbolic sex scene, which allows the latter to avenge her for the boys who assaulted her. But no movie neutralized those tropes as much as Thelma. In the graceful fantasy movie by Joachim Trier, a young woman leaves the Norwegian countryside and discovers her attraction for a girl who studies with her in Oslo.

The movie clearly dissociates lesbian desire and mental illness, since the epileptic seizures that strike Thelma when she feels her desire arouse, and that awaken her telekinetic powers, are actually linked to the pressure of her ultra-Christian education. By searching on the internet, she learns that the same symptoms probably happened to the “witches” burnt in the Middle Ages, Joan of Arc as well as the “hysterical” patients of professor Charcot in the 19th century : only one sequence, that blows away centuries of misogynistic pathologization. If, on the other hand, we don’t blow away decades of negative lesbian representation in genre movies with only one movie, the time for undemonization seems to have come, like the seventh season of American Horror Story would let us believe. Broadcasted on the American channel FX, it follows a lesbian mother who becomes paranoid after the election of Donald Trump. Forgotten, the devil and the insanity : the small screen and the big screen finally start to show that the only problem shared by all lesbians is misogynists and reactionaries.

#lesbian movies #lesbian film #lesbian representation #lesbian visibility

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koganphrancis · 7 years ago

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Nancy Pimental is so full of shit-I’ve been meaning to break down this article since the season finale.

TVLINE | Several characters asked if Ian was on his meds, but we never got an answer. Did you intend to leave it on an ambiguous note?

Yes. With Ian, we constantly want the reminder that he does suffer from bipolar disease, and you never know with somebody who’s bipolar whether their actions and their behavior are just because they’re a passionate person, who’s just being self-expressed and finding themselves and finding a new hobby or direction. Or is it, “Oh wow, no, that is bipolar disease rearing its ugly head.” And also, as far as the meds, from research that we’ve done and the people that we know and the conversations that we’ve had about bipolar, the meds are so tricky. Because, I guess, people start to feel good, so then they don’t take the meds. But then they start to feel themselves going down the rabbit hole, so they take it, or they self-medicate, or they change. The meds constantly have to be re-calibrated. We wanted it to be ambiguous because it’s a hard question to answer. Because he probably takes it sometimes, and not other times.

“Constantly want the reminder”???? This from the show that said showing whatever the hell had Ian magically stable in Season 6 was zzzzz and they had been there, done that with his disorder? Fuck you, Nancy-the real deal is you don’t give a shit about Ian’s character and you just throw things into his story figuring anything goes at this point and you can retcon anything you want, anytime you want. “The meds constantly have to be re calibrated”-however, we don’t bother showing or even talking about Ian getting any kind of professional care for his condition-EVER. And “several” characters (only three,but I guess that is more than a couple) asked ONCE OR TWICE if he was on his meds, but there was never any follow up when clearly they weren’t working even when he told Fiona he was taking them. I did agree with Ian’s speech to Fiona that he was allowed to have emotions, but the fact that he was physically violent (throwing the ice water on her several days in a row) and making her cower when he yelled at her about those emotions was so out of character for him-and no one cared. (And, I could be wrong, but I just don’t think Ian would be capable of showing that violence towards her. I have a brother who is schizophrenic and even at his most agitated, he’s incapable of any type of violence because he has a gentle nature. I don’t know if it’s the same with people who have bipolar disorder, but as far as I know, it doesn’t cause you to have a personality CHANGE-people have their high highs and low lows, but not violent, destructive outbursts unless that’s part of their personality anyway, from anything I’ve ever read.)

I saw a tweet the other day complaining about people wishing Mickey had been in Season 8 because that would have magically cured Ian/made him stable and that bipolar doesn’t work like that. I didn’t wish Mickey back because I thought he could’ve stopped everything Ian was going through, but I do think if he had been around a lot of the stuff that happened would’ve had to have been acknowledged instead of just dropped by the next episode, or even within the episode, never to be brought up again. The show has established that Ian’s family and then Faileb and Terror don’t deal with Ian’s issues caused by his disorder at all, but Mickey did. There were plenty of times he was just as helpless as anyone else when it came to trying to reign Ian in, but he was also the only one trying. The family throws up their hands and says, “He’s just like Monica,” and Terror stops paying attention to anything Ian’s going through the minute he realizes it’s not about him (Faileb did that too). Mickey was our boots on the ground-for the viewers that still care about Ian, he was the one that watched Ian through our eyes, and even when there wasn’t anything he could do to help, he was still aware of what Ian was doing, of what was happening to him.

TVLINE | Has Ian’s behavior changed Trevor’s feelings for him? Is there hope for the two of them?

I don’t think there’s hope for them. Ian’s behavior has definitely changed Trevor’s feelings. Seeing how Ian had this kind of God complex… His actions started off pretty altruistically, but then he kind of turned a little megalomaniacal. That has turned Trevor off, for sure.

I can’t begin to express how hard I’m hoping this is true. Like I said, if this ISN’T what happens after she said this? Fans are gonna riot in the streets. But I can also see her backpedaling and saying how when the writers got back and discussed where they want the show to go (and John Wells reminded them that it’s a network mandate that they have a trans character so Terror needs SOMETHING to do), they decided to keep on trying to make this “couple” a thing-because heaven forbid anyone other than Ian needs to learn about trans issues or could be in a relationship with a trans person.

Also, I love her saying “seeing how Ian had this kind of God complex”-um, Nancy dear, we didn’t SEE that at all, since all those scenes seemed to have been cut. Terror’s last speech about Ian being all into people worshiping him made zero sense, since Ian was only shown to be bemused about people even wanting to listen to him, let alone worship and adore him. Watch your own shitty show, Nance-I had to, so should you.

Not to mention the correct short answer to this is: There was never hope for the two of them.

From the start, the fans weren’t buying this odd couple-Terror looked and acted way too young for Ian, and then the little we learned about his “character” was all insufferable. He supposedly guides troubled youths and yet he tells Ian to “get over” a lifetime of neglect and abandonment from his mother, tells Ian his mother was “kind of crazy” when he knew she had bipolar and for all we know knew Ian has it as well, advised Ian to have meaningless sex with a stranger when he was mourning his mother even though he knew of Ian’s past as a teenage sex worker...the list goes on and on and on-why Nancy is acting here as if Ian’s actions in this past puzzling season are what makes them not work as a couple is bullshit.

TVLINE | I was so happy and relieved to see Carl get on that bus to military school, and I’m kind of hoping he doesn’t come back because I’m worried for him. Were you purposefully trying to make Carl and Kassidi the modern-day equivalent of Frank and Monica?

Yeah, one hundred percent. Somebody else just asked me about that. They were like, “Why would you do that to Carl?” I’m like, “Because it’s Monica and Frank, and it’s all Carl knows! That’s his role model of love.”

Carl was too young to ever have had Frank and Monica as his role model of love (she was gone for most of his life)-the couples he saw that were actually in love were Mickey and Ian and Kev and Vee (waaaaay back in the day-before Kev went off to college with Lip and became the Rape Walker). So, again, fuck you, Nancy-quit discounting everything Mickey meant to the show and quit acting like things that never happened (Carl learning about relationships by observing his parents) happened.

TVLINE | How much of his relationship with Sierra and his feelings for her were real? He’s sort of questioning it, so should we be questioning it, as well?

It’s kind of like how we all question things in our lives and relationships and feelings. You can say, “Yes, I loved this person,” but then the more you work on yourself or become self-aware, it’s like, “Wait, did I really love that person? Or did I love the dysfunction of it?” Fiona’s gone through a lot of that, too: “Did I just love the chaos? Did I love the co-dependency of it?” I don’t know if we ever know the real answer. But I think who he was in that moment, he did love her. But was that booze talking? Was that because it just reminded him of the role models he had, Frank and Monica? Was it that that’s all he knows? It’s a complex question that doesn’t necessarily have a real answer, I guess.

Another question that has a short answer: He was never in love with her. We jammed that in at the end-them exchanging the words-just to break them up 20 minutes later. We never showed a single reason or personality trait that Lip would love her for-intellectually they’re not compatible at all, emotionally she was just as lost as he was...we need to show Lip having robust hetero sex even when we’re trying to tell you he’s so drunk there’s no way he wouldn’t have whiskey dick, but that’s just how we do around here.

TVLINE | I want to start off with the ending, and that image of Lip driving off on his motorcycle. What feeling did you want to leave the season off on with that?

That anything is possible for Lip, and that he is in control of his life, and that he’s taking his life back and has freedom to be him.

And yet there’s nowhere for him to ride off to-at the end of the episode he’s back in the Gallagher living room and now we’ve given him a child to either raise or to be forgotten about, just like Molly Milkovich, but I digress. Bottom line is, he’s still stuck where he’s always been, where all the triggers and reasons for his drinking are. This whole season no one moved forward. Even Carl went “back” to school.

TVLINE | Ford has been a different kind of love interest for Fiona, one who’s a bit aloof. He even said that he doesn’t fall madly in love like a teenager. Is that good enough for Fiona?

I think it is, because [it’s] kind of like what we were just talking about with Lip. When you fall in love like a teenager, you do, as an adult, start questioning whether that’s real love or not. So when you don’t fall in love like a teenager, you actually take space and time to get to know somebody for who they are, as opposed to what they represent for you. So it’s really good for her.

TVLINE | Do you see them as having a real future together?

I don’t know. We definitely want to keep it alive, for sure. But we haven’t really necessarily talked about future future stuff yet. We definitely want to explore it. We don’t want to kill it yet.

Ford is the latest in a long line of white bread boring guys we foist on Fiona, because she too needs to be having lots of robust hetero sex. He was as condescending as Faileb, and did you notice he answers most of Fiona’s questions with questions? He’s so fake deep and “finding himself” and the whole thing about making Fiona wait (and sort of work for) sex was actually quite explicable when you heard he spends his time impregnating the entire lesbian community of Chicago-poor guy’s dick has been rubbed raw, he had to hold Fiona off till he could stick it in without whimpering.

TVLINE | Debbie and Derek’s situation left off on an open-ended note. Is she seriously considering sharing custody of Franny with him?

I think yes. That’s probably the direction we’re going to go. We wanted to show Debbie having some change, and growing up and realizing she needs to put what’s best for Franny in the foreground, and not necessarily hold a grudge. I think she’s matured somewhat. She’s worked hard this season, and certainly had some bumps and bruises, to say the least, but she’s worked hard at providing for Franny, in her own way.

Literally no one gives a shit. The show could return and we could say Debbie won Derek back and moved to his military base with him and Franny and the fans would be fine with never seeing her again.

#Season H8 post mortem #Recap #John Wells needs to clean house and get rid of all the current writers and Nancy #Start with a clean slate #Another pointless season like this one is the last thing the world needs

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kickthecan-revolution · 7 years ago

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She’s coming back. We might be getting her back. We’re too scared to bet on it after the doctors all implying this is a permanent break from reality, but she gave permission to have an anti-psychotic drug this morning and when my sister came back to the hospital tonight, L was a different person. She broke out in a huge smile and said “mom, come in!” This is after days of such hatred spewed at her, L shielding her eyes from my sister because “she’s dangerous”.

She started to cry and said “Mom, I understand now. We are the sick ones, we are all so sick. This is all about love, the only thing that matters is love. We’ve been doing all of this spiritual seeking but what we have been looking for is love.” And she wept but not from a place of agony. Her little brain has several things that blur so many realities, making the invisible visible. Imagine if your nightmares were what you see and hear, if the fairytales we were told were as three dimensiona as our dinner. Schizophrenic experiences are scary for us but the terror within it is unimaginable.

We are trying to hold our joy back or temper it because we don’t know what will come tomorrow and this is just such a long road ahead. This might be her getting some liquid nutrition too, we don’t know. It’s like she went through a battle and the drugs helped her fight it. Yesterday, she was raging and scary and cruel and kind of spooky; when my sister was walking into the hospital via the ground floor lobby, L - who’s on the third floor - looked at the nurse in her room and said “my mom is here and is coming to this room and she is NOT allowed in.” She can’t see the parking lot or the window from her room, how in the world did she know that, we are bewildered, that kind of thing has happened a couple of times. Our gallows humor madly giggled about how weird that was, laughter we will only share and see. We have actually laughed a lot and it shocks us but it’s all so fucking weird and scary that sometimes, we laugh at something and it becomes a guilty secret.

For the record, I feel horribly about how I acted toward that policeman yesterday, what I said to him and what I said about him here. I took this all out on him, and I was wrong.

For now, there’s a quiet hope growing. I’m allowing myself to feel it, just a little tonight, and then tomorrow we are back to this being bad again.

Even if she does, she’s right, it really is all about Love. Even Whitney Houston said that.

Thank God for science. For doctors. For nurses. For clinical trials. For those of you who support and fund the science that helps with mental illness.

Please sleep now sweet girl. Please please rest. We’ve got you.

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laurelmile-pile-of-ocs · 4 years ago

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So about Zeke, he's been my hyperfixiation for at least 2 weeks now. Absolute babe, but also, absolute Schizophrenic Sociopath.

But so, Zeke is Fiance's with Ashton, a psychopathic cannibal, who would have become a chef if his circumstances had been better. Zeke would have been a Florist had his circumstances been different as well.

Zeke is madly in love with Ash, I mean this boy wouldn't mind being arrested with him, but would want to avoid being arrested in general. But so, Zeke goes all put to shower him in kisses, and general affection, but being understanding with Ash's boundaries and comfort levels. So, Zeke will watch him cook, or maybe help him bake, just overall indulge in his hobbies with him.

Zeke will give him boquets of flowers, and even buy him good meat for his cooking, even if it's expensive. He just wants him to be happy, even if that happiness means murdering others. He has no boundaries when it comes to Ash's happiness. Zeke is a bit of a jealous person, but never outward, or in front of Ash. He keeps this jealously secret, that way it doesn't hinder Ash.

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malibusunset-xf-blog · 7 years ago

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Just checking in

Hi everybody. I know it’s been way too long since I’ve posted anything and I have no good excuse, other than that my relationship with fandom is a bit schizophrenic. I go through periods of time where it just falls out of my life and I let it and that’s okay.

Then months later I trip over it–a photo, an email, a memory, a song–and I sit down and re-read a favorite fic or binge on my favorite episodes and I am madly in love all over again.

I hadn’t written a damn thing since Riptide until last week. My head just wasn’t in it and I’ve been utterly (and peacefully I’ll admit) distracted by the rest of my life. But then I had some time on my hands last week and I sat down to face the blinking cursor.

Started something. No real idea where it’s going, but I know it’s going to be short this time and there will be nudity. 😊 So anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello and that I have not dropped off the edge of the earth and that I am (kinda) working on something and that I miss you all. Carry on….

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myunknownalpaca-blog · 7 years ago

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Lets get started Loverboy

Reid gets out of bed, after his time off to visit his mother he’ll be starting again today. But his mind keep wandering.

What if I’m going down the same road as my mom? He shakes off the thought, he passed the age of getting a schizophrenic break, so maybe he will pass this to? Sigh... He really needs to focus again.

Today I will see my friends again and … Yeah. Friends that’s all we are. Damn good friends. He grabs his bag and heads to the BAU office.

He is first to arrive, well after Hotchner of course. That man almost lives here. Time enough for him to grab a cup of coffee.

“Hey Pretty Boy!”

Derek. His heart skips a beat.

‘Can you pour me a cup too?”

“Of course!” Oh, that sounded way to happy, come on it’s just Derek, your best friend. A friend with perfect skin and those arms. Focus okay focus. Just your best FRIEND. ´Here you go,”

“Thanks kiddo.”

Kiddo he still calls me that, ah well he may call me anything and anytime. And anywhere. God Focus!

“Kid, you okay? I almost hear you those brains of you breaking.”

No, you don’t, okay maybe. “There is nothing going on just rethinking my past week.”

“Oh, yeah okay, well tell me about it, how was she doing.”

This is so not the place and time to tell him this. What shall I say. If I lie he will see. He knows me. “It was nice seeing her again,” that wasn’t a lie.

“But? “

“Uh well it…”

“SWEETIESSS, come we have a new case!”

Thank you, Garcia.

MORGAN POV

Goddammit kid, why don’t you ever just tell me what happened, it’s that I’m judging. We do need to talk about it. I see how tense he is. Morgen lays his hand on Reid’s back, just maybe a second to long.

“Goodmorning everybody, today we have a bit of a different case. We are going undercover, well at least a few of you.”

Nice, some change. I hope it’s something I can play.

REID POV

For the love of god, no. I nearly can’t play the I’m-not- madly-in- love-with- Derek-Morgen part. How the hell do I do this. Oh, maybe I don’t have to only a few. Okay just calm yourself down.

“Where are, we going undercover?”

“Thanks, Reid, we are going undercover to lure out a serial killer, he has his eye out for openly gay couples, all happening in Florida.”

Great.

´The first victim was a men from the age of 32, he and his partner, 45, just moved to Florida to seek their happiness, the second victim found 2 days later was his partner. After 2 weeks, another new couple came to buy a house in Florida and they were victim 3 and 4.”

“What was their age difference?” JJ asked.

‘The third victim was 31 and his partner, victim 4, was 47.”

“So maybe that’s what makes him chose these men? “

“It could be, Garcia send them the files to their tablets, Wheels up in thirty!”

“Yes, sir!”

He didn’t say who are going undercover, well I would like to but only with Derek, Oh I’m so happy we don’t learn to read thoughts. Which of course isn’t even scientifically possible. He feels a hand on his shoulder,

“Hey kid, you ready to go?”

“yes, I am I just want to fill me a to go cup with some coffee.” The hand on his shoulder doesn’t move. Morgan doesn’t let Reid rise to get the coffee.

What is happening, not that I’m complaining but hey, this is weird. Maybe it’s about the undercover thing.

“Derek?”

“Yeah, kid?”

“you okay?”

“Uhm yeah yes I am okay” The hand leaves his shoulder and Morgan takes a chair to sit next to Reid.

“Well, I was wondering, I mean… Well so I Thinks yeah.”

“Just say it, already.” Derek looks over his shoulder, everybody is busy grabbing their things, JJ is calling on the phone with Will and Hotch is face timing with Jack.

“It is about this undercover thing, I know Hotch hasn’t said who are going but I think that it will be us.”

‘Well I figured that to. Why is that a problem?’

He really doesn’t like the idea of dating me. I know he doesn’t know I like like him but it still hurts. Reid swallows, to keep his panic inside. Again, he feels a hand, on his knee this time, the thumb is making little circles on the inside of his knee. His body reacts, he calms down.

“Do you think you’re up for that, Reid?”

UP FOR THAT, I would be happy to, to just touch you everywhere I want to, to kiss you in public hold your hand

“Kid, you there?”

“Oh yeah, sure,”

“Cause I think I’m quite the catch” Morgan smiles, Well, maybe it’s more a smirk.

< A few hours later>

“Welkom too Florida,I hope you had a good flight, thank you for coming so fast.”

“No problem at all, where can we sit?” Hotch asked. The woman leads us through the station, there is a room at the end of the hall.

Perfect.

“Morgan, Reid, I would like you two to go undercover, at least if you think you can handle it? “

“Yeah sure, no problem” Reid looks over to Morgan, He just nobs to Hotch.

“Okay, great”

“I’ll tell you the what where’s and who’s in a minute,First, let me tell you all about what the bodies told us about this guy. All the bodies had traces of Viagra in them, but there is no forced entry or sexual abuse found. Therefor I think that the killer is making the couples have sex in front of him.”

“Okay, so he is a watcher, maybe something to do with his inability to have sex himself?” JJ adds: “And he gets off to live porn, but why kill them?”

“Maybe it reminds him of a relationship he had, and that broke down? “

“That’s what we are going to find out. JJ and Prentis, you go talk to the families. Rossi will you go talk to the EM? Then I will put Morgan and Reid out for the undercover task, Garcia, I need your help.”

Garcia, Hotchner , Morgan and Reid wait till everybody is gone.

“Okay, you know what the plan is, You two are going undercover as an openly gay couple, There is a house we “bought” where you guys will stay. You are moving in this afternoon. Garcia has been busy making a background story for the both of you. Garcia will send them to you. Whatever happens on this case, you need to keep playing your role. He will be watching you in your home.”

“I don’t think it will be a problem, what do you think pretty boy?” Morgan lays his hand down om my leg, not the normal place, it is higher.

God this is going to be hard.

‘NO it wouldn’t, I think Morgan and I make a great couple.” Garcia laughs, Hotch smiles but stays serious. And the hand on his leg, it moves, it makes little circles slowly going up.

“Uhm yeah okay, do we need clothing or?”

“No everything you need will be in the moving boxes.”

“Okay let’s get to this then.” Hotch and Garcia leave making sure everything is in place. Morgan lifts his hand from Reid’s leg. He comes close to Reid, and whispers:

“When do you want to start lover boy?”

THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT,

“We do need to discuss, how are we going to do this, like do we discuss the details or just do what feels good?”

bad choice of words, so bad. He is seeing I’m enjoying this, he will laugh at me.

“Let’s do what feels good” Morgan takes Reid’s hand and takes him outside, “let’s go home Kiddo.”

There is a car parked in front of the station, A simple polo. Reid gets into the car, Morgan behind the wheel. It’s just a 15-minute drive to their so called home. The moving truck is already there and both Reid and Morgan take some of the boxes inside.

MORGAN POV

So, I feel like I am on vacation with the person I love most, and the best thing is I can live out my fantasy of making out with Reid loving that sweet ass of him. And I get to take him out on dinner dates and I wouldn’t be weird if I did anything. Maybe I should tell him, I like you kiddo, Like allot. I don’t know, maybe Reid can’t handle it and I blow this operation.

Reid walks through the house, Morgan is walking after him. “Let’s start” He grabs Reid’s hand and takes him outside. “Let’s introduce our self, the neighbour is coming our way”

REID POV

“Hello!”

Reid lets go of Morgan’s hand to shake the hand of the Neighbour.

“Ellie, Nice to meet you.”

Wow, Ellie looks like the type of girl Derek would like, but today he can't cause he is with me. With me, I like that.

“Nice meeting you to!” they talk a bit and then Morgan lays his hand on the lower part of Reid’s back.

“So, you two here just for some fun? Brothers?” Ellie asks. Reid looks at Morgan and then back at Ellie.

“Well no, we are coming here to start our life together, as a couple.” Morgan’s hand on his back lowers even more. Morgan pulls Reid closer to him, using the loop of the jeans he is wearing.

“Oh, that’s so nice! But I wouldn’t tell mister Jensen, his is a bit of a homophobic.”

“Okay, thank you. We will watch out! Thank you, Ellie.”

“Okay I’m going back home, really nice meeting you!” As Ellie walks away, Morgan looks at Reid.

Don’t give me that look, goddammit. I really want to kiss him. Well I can, can’t I? Okay its part of the case just do it. But before Reid could move Morgan pushes him against the little brick wall. Pushing himself against Reid. He puts his hands-on Reid’s ass and lifts him on the brick wall. Well okay, this is good to... just kiss me already.

Morgan whispers in his hear: “Reid, I’m going to kiss you now. If you want to stop just push me back okay kiddo?”

“yeah,” Slowly he pushes Reid’s leg to the side, and fills the gap between them. Putting his hands on Reid’s waist and slowly putting his lips on Reid’s

MORGAN POV

I’m so freaking proud of myself. I’m doing this. Okay back to that beautiful boy before me. Slowly Morgan moves closer to Reid, pushing his lips softly against Reid’s. Trying to get access to deepen the kiss. Put Reid doesn’t let him. He pushes Morgan back. Morgan sighs softly.

But then Reid pulls him close and whispers, “Derek, there is a guy staring at us. At 11 o’clock. I’ll be taking you home now, just act like you want to celebrate our new house with me, in EVERY room.”

I don’t even have to act for this. I could make love to him in every room of this house. Okay serious, Unsub, mission, I can behave myself.

“Morgan what did you say?”

‘Huh, I didn’t say anything did I? “I didn’t say anything?”

“Well you did, I could make love to you in every room. That is what you said.”

Shit.

REID POV

HE SAID IT I HEARD IT, HE MIGHT REALLY LIKE ME. Or it is the thing. I’ll just play along.

Reid pushes Morgan back just a little more before sliding against him of the wall. Slowly moving his hands from Derek’s shoulders to his waist. Touching his but before grabbing his hand and pulling him throughwarts the door of the house. Morgan on his turn turned on by the play Reid is putting on and let him lead him. But just before Reid reaches the door, Morgan puts him against the door. Pulling Reid in his arms, kissing him like they are some horny teenagers. Reid tries opening the door leading to him and Morgan to stumble in the house, leaving the door open. Both so caught up in what they are doing they don’t notice someone following them inside.

After a second kissing in the hallway, Morgan whispers: “Reid somebody’s in the house, we need to press that button to warn the team.’

“Where is it hid?”

“Under a bottle of lube on the nightstand, it is the one with the red cap. If you open it, they are getting a message and will come find us.”

“Okay, just act like there isn’t anything happening and we are going to have sex okay? ´ Reid kisses Morgan softly before taking his hand, and leading him into the bedroom. Pushing Morgan on the bed, slowly undressing him, he reaches for the bottle on the nightstand.

“I got it.” Reid whispers in Morgan’s ear. Morgan reacts to the touch of Reid’s hands. But Reid doesn’t stop, slowly pushing himself onto Morgan. Legs on each side of his body. Basically riding Morgan.

I think I got his mouth shut, he doesn’t know me like this. But I don’t mind being in control for once.

MORGAN POV

Fuck, Fuck Reid, Goddammit Kid. I don’t want him to feel my boner just yet. Or do I. I don’t think I will scare him. Fuck it. Morgan begins to undress the button up Reid was wearing. Slowly running his hand on the skin, he is exposing. He sees Reid’s eyes close.

He is enjoying this. Never thought, good to know tho. Reid opens his eyes again, focusing on the person he is on top on. But Morgan needs the control, he turns position with Reid, now being on top of Reid kissing him on his mouth going down, to his neck. Staying there leaving little lovebites al the way down to Reids collarbones.

But then Reid sees someone standing in the doorway. And before he could warn Morgan an little arrow hits Morgan in the back. Collapsing onto Reid. The man comes closer and Reid is unabele to move. He starts feeling sleepy, and closes his eyes...

#criminal minds #spencer reid #derek morgan #just undercover #Fanfictio #moried #chapter 1

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maybemamajenna-blog · 8 years ago

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4/8/2017

I need to explain some things to y’all. But first, let me start over about myself.

Hi! My name is Jenna. I’m 22 years old. I was born and raised in Connecticut, right next to Long Island Sound. I moved to Asheboro, North Carolina in December of 2013. It was a nightmare. I had fallen head over heels, madly in love with my best friend. And he lived in Connecticut. We went to high school together. We dealt with our emotional and mental traumas together. He was in Griffin Hospital in the pysch unit the same time I had barely, by the skin of my teeth, avoided being committed and ended up in IOP (intensive outpatient therapy) 3x a week for 4 hours a day. I went Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9am to noon. I was suicidal. I was depressed. I was anxious. He was the only thing that kept me alive. He’s a paranoid schizophrenic and had been committed after he was hallucinating and tried to kill himself. He was doped up, I was doped up but we had each other. He’ll forever be my anchor. We ended up breaking up in April of 2014, after just a few months of dating. But I lost my virginity to him, and that’s one thing I’ll always be proud of myself for doing. I waited until I knew I was loved, and I loved him in return. I wanted kids, and he just wanted me to be happy. He never had a desire for kids, and I think that played a crucial part in our downfall. I found out he was cheating on me one night when he left his phone in the bathroom and his password was my birthday. As a woman, most of y’all know that when you have a feeling, you need to trust it. I don’t go through phones. I don’t invade privacy like that, but I knew something was going on. I was right.

I went into a downward spiral after that, fucking anything that wanted to fuck me. I didn’t care about myself, and I sure as hell didn’t care about anybody else. I began cutting again, and I had stopped. I worked my ass off to stop. I ruined it one night and I never got that time back. It was so bad, I had to wrap gauze around my entire thigh about 4 inches down. My mom began to notice how many band-aids and how much Bacitracin was starting to go missing. And the medical tape. So much medical tape. My sister had just had her spine fused so we had so much gauze, tape, the wound pads, anything you could need. I hated myself. I hated the world. I didn’t want to be around anymore. This went on into 2015 and a few months into 2016. I refused any sort of emotional connection with another human being. I knew they’d just end up leaving. Everybody always did. I had two major pregnancy scares during this time. One with a guy named Mike and the other with a guy named Damien (though Damien’s scare was more of my guilty conscience.) So I stopped having sex altogether.

Chris walked into my store where I worked in April of 2016. I was hooked on him instantly. There was something about him that I knew I shouldn’t be with. I kept doing it though. I kept flirting with him until one day I gave him my phone number (twice). He texted me from his store before I could even get back to mine. He came to my house that night, slept over (nothing happened) and went home the next day. He texted me all day and came back that night. And he pretty much moved in after that. During all of this, my mom was moving to Charlotte with my stepdad, my sister and my stepsiblings. Chris came in right at the time, and we were allowed to keep the apartment in Asheboro. We couldn’t afford it. Actually, we probably could, if we didn’t spend so much money on weed and alcohol. Then he got fired, and we were relying on my 30-hour max job and $7.75 pay rate. Obviously, that wasn’t going to work. So we left Asheboro and came to Charlotte. We lived with my mom and my stepdad for about 2 months before I got my settlement from my hurting my back when I was 17. I bought a 2015 Jetta, all registered and insured in my own name. We got an apartment. We got clothes. We got weed. We got food. We spent all of it, though I did give a lot of it to my mom. A lump sum of $17,000 plus other expenses. Chris never got over that. He felt as he was entitled to the money, when he never was. My family hated him. My stepdad ignored him, except for just telling him he needed to grow up. My mom lectured him. Chris was never one for authority, and whether he liked it or not, they were his authority. They’re my parents, and they’ve been around two decades longer than I have. It caused a lot of strife in my family and between me and Chris. The way I was raised was to remember who was there when everything crumbled, not just when everything was good. And that was my family. No one believed that Chris was good enough for me, but I ignored that and kept going. In March 2017, we were getting evicted. Chris never saved his money and we always ended up spending his plus mine. And I make a lot more than he did. He got frustrated with his job after he was written up and his hours were cut so he walked out of his job, no two week notice and in the middle of the week. Leaving me, again, as the only one with a job while we were being evicted, I’m in collections for m credit cards, my insurance and registration lapsed on my car, the internet got shut off, and the electric was next. He did nothing all day but smoke weed and complain. He’d been sick for weeks. And he couldn’t smoke, and he smokes a lot of nicotine. He became more of a nightmare than he had already been. He started yelling at me more which led to longer, more intense fights. My anxiety and depression went through the roof. All of the stress of our life had fallen onto my shoulders while he did nothing to help me. He called me a child for my anxiety. Told me I could “talk myself out of depression” and went on rants about exposure therapy being used for depression. No matter how many times I explained to him that exposure therapy is used for anxiety and phobias, not a god damn mood disorder. He didn’t care. He knew everything about everything, when in reality, he knew nothing. All that did was insult me. I was devastated.

I had a light though. There was a guy staying with his company in my hotel for nearly 7 weeks. I saw him everyday but we never spoke. On March 2nd, he talked to me. I’ve never seen another human being as perfect in my life before he said my name. I was addicted to him instantly. He said every perfect thing to me, but I was with Chris. I tried not to let myself get too attached, but I was. I fell so in love so quickly.

Chris and I broke up on April 1st. It was a long, drawn out process. And the first person I called was Richard. He saved me. He talks to me everyday. He loves me. He’s trying to take care of me.

I couldn’t be more thankful for him. He came to me in, arguably, the hardest time of my life. As soon as I saw him, I started to actually see Chris for who he was. He was mean, he was cold and he hurt me. I’m getting better.

#personal

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bunchofbooks · 7 years ago

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It’s Time for Kyrsten’s Opinion on Your Voice is All I Hear by Leah Scheier (SPOILER FILLED EDITION)

Back in October I reread Your Voice is All I Hear for Mental Disorder Awareness Week. It had been probably over a year since I had read this book and I remembered that it definitely was not my favorite, but couldn’t really remember what it was that I did not like. Under the cut is my review of this book, but it is spoiler filled so in case someone does want to read this, I put my summary and review under the cut. I will give a warning however this book does deal with mental disorders and a suicide attempt so I would be careful if these things can be upsetting or triggering to readers.

Your Voice is All I Hear is a story about a girl named April, who is a sophomore in high school. Her best friend unfortunately gets moved to a different school so the two of them for the first time will have to be away from each other. April begins to look up new students that will be in her school, and finds out that a boy named Jonah will be attending the school. The two become friends, but soon enough, April notices that there is something not right about Jonah and he is soon diagnosed with Schizophrenia. April, against the better wishes of her friends and family continues her relationship with Jonah and helps him through his diagnosis and treatment of the disorder.

Schizophrenia is not a disorder that gets a lot of representation. . . At all, unless it’s some villain in a psychological horror movie that is terrorizing people, so for a young adult book to have a main character that is diagnosed as Schizophrenic, I was super excited. However, my excitement was short lived when I began the book. I would probably say that this is one of my least favorite books I read this year and this post is going to be super long so buckle up kids it’s going to be a long night. I get it, it’s a young adult book, I’m probably not the target audience the author had in mind when writing this.

One of the earliest problems I had with the book was the trope that the author created where it was the popular girls against April. April did not like the popular girls because they were popular and the popular girls did not like April because she was “different”. I thought maybe it could have been because April at points was a bit of a bitch, but who knows? Another early problem with the book was the homophobia. I don’t think at all that at the end of the day, Leah Scheier intended for this book to come across as having homophobic scenes, however there is one part where April is talking to her friend Kristin about Jonah and tells her that he is artistic and Kristin - based off of that alone - tells April to cut off the relationship because Jonah would not be interested in her because he is gay. . . Because he likes. . . Art? Alrighty then. April of course tells Kristin that if Jonah was gay that would be okay with her (wow thanks April, that’s so kind of you), however she makes a list of reasons he could be gay and reasons he could not be gay. . . All of the reasons he was gay were taken from what seemed like a caricature of what a gay man was supposed to be like. As someone who identifies as a part of the LGBT+ community that part did not sit right with me.

Another part of the book I was not into at all, was their relationship in general. April and Jonah knew each other for a whopping two days and suddenly were madly in love with each other? Again, young adult books typically have a love story that develops quickly but April and Jonah’s relationship seemed really quick. Their relationship didn’t seem healthy either. At one point Jonah develops this *brilliant* plan where he would “fake break up” with April, in front of the entire school, which would have been great, if April knew what was going on and wasn’t embarrassed by Jonah screaming that she was a bitch in front of a room full of people and then pretend to date another girl and embarrass her too.

I also have an issue with the way that Schizophrenia was portrayed in the book, I thought the author made it seem like April could love Jonah until his Schizophrenia was cured which is. . . not a good idea to spread in a book. April would say things like “I can’t betray Jonah, he trusts me” and refuse to give up this notebook he had filled with his thoughts and ramblings, even when he is taken to a psychiatric hospital. I felt like she wanted to keep this secret between her and Jonah so much that she put his recover and treatment in danger and that again is not a great idea. I feel like the author looked at the mayo clinic’s page on Schizophrenia and wrote a book based on that.

Overall, I thought April was unlikable as a character. She was selfish and when the school found out that Jonah was diagnosed with Schizophrenia a quote she says is, “my life at school is over now”. . . That’s so kind of you April, I’m sure your boyfriend, the one diagnosed with Schizophrenia and in a psychiatric hospital is having a blast right now, let’s focus on how this affects you. April cared more about her reputation at school than the treatment of Jonah in my opinion. April also didn’t trust the psychiatrists or any of the doctors working with Jonah in the hospital and her and Kristin decide they’re going to try to treat Jonah, I must have missed the chapter where they both became licensed counselors? April at points acts like she is more affected by the disorder than the person who is actually diagnosed. In one scene they are in a therapist’s office together and Jonah tells April that he is hearing voices and the therapist seriously just finishes telling them both how great it is that Jonah finally admits that he is hearing voices and April starts to ask him if anything they had was real. While I think that line in general is incredibly corny and should have died with the 90′s teen dramas, the line here was selfish! Maybe wait until he isn’t in a therapist’s office or don’t downgrade his accomplishments in therapy with your own rants? April wants Jonah to get healthy again, which is great. We think we see some character development in April. . . until she says she wants him to get better so she can love him. . . and then the character development just crashes. . .

Overall I did not like the book and would probably give it 1.5-2/5 stars and the only reason I give it the 1.5 - 2 stars is because I think it is important that we have stories about mental disorders that are less represented. I just don’t think that this was executed well. Did you guys read this book and if so did you like it did you not like it? What did you think of April?

#booklr #books #book reviews #ya

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