#made it somehow thank god
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there are fixations where you're like oh my brain has latched onto something per my usual adhd patterns and then there are fixations where you touch a piece of media for the first time and immediately you're like ah... so this is what it is like, to meet your soulmate. and your soulmate. is a shounen manga from 2004
#i watch the first episode of death note and suddenly see the world in colour like in one of those fanfictions#now that ive collected a few of these i really am seeing such a pattern of my Media Type#it boggles the mind still that this series is something that feels like it was made in a lab specifically for me and i somehow didnt pick it#up until my twenties. i mean i maintain thats a good thing but still it's odd#like this feels like it should have been formative media for me but thank god it wasn't#rookposting#it is nice to be so into something that i feel like i can create for again#and thank you all for tolerating me slamming through your walls shouting about a twenty year old series
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Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.
It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)
#also I don't mean we're similar in any way when it comes to rape or SA. Please don't twist it that way at all.#I mean like in terms of the jealously resentment revenge hurting others to feel thrilled not taking responsibility not seeing flaws etc#I'm diagnosed with NPD also but pls know my experience will be different from others. We're all different people obvs.#also Jimmy has like wayyyyyyyyyy more things wrong with him not just untreated NPD lol#I would say that untreated NPD is a hell most can't describe#you barely feel anything except rage boredom and jealousy (in my case)#love is a form of ownership and control because you can't really feel it the right way#so your -person- is an object of intense obsession and also a tool for you#if that makes sense? I see that with Jimmy and Curly for sure#You want to tear others down and hurt them because it makes you feel good to put them below you#there's a constant feeling of insecurity and it drives you crazy fr#kind gestures from friends feel insulting#and oh my god achievements made by friends and family in my case feel like I've been shot like I hate when they achieve things#It's not logical obvs but that's something I instantly noticed in Jimmy so i was like .....oh brother lol#and also if they achieve something my brain needs it to somehow be tied to me or I'll make it tied to me so they can be thankful#they should always center their attention on me and if they don't I immediately resent them#these are just some of my thought processes on the matter so I can show the similarities I feel with Jimmy#the KEY DIFFERENCE is all of these thoughts I have are left in my head and not exhibited in my actions (any more. took a long time)#but he is such a nasty human with ZERO introspection that he prob never even thought about treatment#also doesn't help that the hot blonde he's friends with never did anything to help with that#idk sorry for oversharing but ahhh this game is so well written I gotta yap about it lol#also kind of a funny unrelated story to show how weird the achievement thing can be lol#my friends announced they saved up enough to go to Vietnam (their dream trip) and I was happy for them (I really was)#but of course my delusional ass immediately also took it as a threat#and I booked a month long trip to Europe a few days after so I could also announce it LMAO#that is a kind of innocent incident when compared to Jimmy but it just shows how annoying NPD can be#Jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#NPD
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So... a while ago i made this redraw of an edit with itafushi wedding, however i was only happy with how I drew Itafushi, so i said that i would upload a version without the rest of the characters and then...never did it. the reason is because tbh i wished i had painted it better. So i decided to do it again, but then i had problems with adding stripes(? to Yuuji's hair the way i initially had done with Megumi, so i decided to add more detail by making him have individual spikes...and then i realized that they looked way more detailed than i had initially planned, but it was also the best hair I've painted in my life.
So in the end i had to redo Megumi's hair so it matched and THEN try to match the style for everything else. It could look better tbh but I'm too proud of the hair to be bothered by it.
Oh and i also added Megumi's new scars, cause why not.
#tbh im not sure if i would be able to replicate whatever the fuck i did there/hj#god megumi's hair was somehow harder than yuuji's. i actually had to erase and remake some of the front spikes so i could keep the “flow”#of the upward spikes#thank god it's over#itafushi#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#jjk yuji#megumi x yuuji#jjk 268#jjk manga spoilers#jjk manga#jjk fanart#digital art#fanart#mine#made with tablet
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hate when i see a youtube video that's like 'analyzing why [thing] is bad!' and you watch the video and they just say nothing for twenty minutes
#random thoughts#watched a video on why a specific character was poor representation for survivors of assault#and it was such a nothing burger of a video#'this character is bad because children might see them and think their behavior is okay' okay?#i learned how to block out memories from finn adventure time but that doesn't mean memory suppression shouldn't be addressed in media#plus hazbin hotel. i'm talking about angel dust btw if that wasn't blaringly obvious. is an adult cartoon. for adults#adult cartoons shouldn't have to restrict their subject matter because kids could see it#and angel dust being a male queer SA victim using hypersexuality as a coping mechanism could be good!#and the fact he hits on other people despite it making them uncomfortable isn't exactly a problem a la his character?#it could be a control thing. i used to do something similar (pushing other people's boundaries and complaining when they pushed back)#because it made me feel some kind of control over my life#it could start off as a really shitty joke and then grow into 'oh god is that why he does that??'#but anyway their second main point was that the songs were bad? and that poison being an upbeat song makes it bad#like despite listing many other songs which are upbeat with heavy lyrics. but somehow poison is the exception because it's a cartoon?#like again that could be a character thing. angel dust using obfuscation as a coping mechanism to distract himself from his shitty life.#。・゚゚・the lyrics are upbeat to distract you from how dead i feel inside・゚゚・。#and their reading of the second song seemed really mean-spirited?#like as 'everyone has problems so you're not special because you're a whiny baby' rather than 'you're not as alone as you think you are'#and like if op wanted to just complain about a show they watched then yeah go off i do that all the time#but don't parade it as character analysis???#and they say 'oh reading it as a feelgood you're not alone message doesn't work because these characters' struggles are not equal'#but like. sometimes rape needs to feel like it's not some special trauma. it's not unique and you're not uniquely fucked up for it#two characters' traumas don't need to be directly comparable for them to bond!!!#and im not like. defending hazbin hotel btw. never seen it not going to see it no thanks#i'm just complaining about a mediocre youtube video that i'm going to forget about in a week#god i hate that brand of youtube video. where they just complain about things without going into depth about why they're bad#especially if their complaints are shallow and don't have to do with like. the actual structure of a character or story#like it's so easy to say 'this character is bad because theyre a predatory stereotype' but like. go into some depth at least#i think i hate these videos so much because they're fueled purely by hate. no love for the source material or even a desire to learn#or a love for storytelling even
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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P'Aof revealed on twitter that JimmySea improvised the scene where Mork tales Day's watch off and you want to tell me that they really went into the d/s territory themselves????? Oh i am so gone
SLACK JAWED SHAKING OUT OF MY SKIN CRYING SHITTING YELLING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS FOAMING AT THE MOUTH THROWING UP BLOOD WHILE IN A DEAD FAINT IN FRONT OF MY SCREEN NEEDING SMELLING SALTS TO RESTORE CONSCIOUSNESS I NEED EVERYBODY TO PAUSE
HOW DID I MISS P'AOF SAYING THIS HELLOOOOOO????????????? JIMMYSEA TRULY KINGS OF UNDERSTANDING THE ASSIGNMENT OF COMPREHENDING THE NUANCES OF GRASPING THE INTRICACIES OF DELIVERING THE IMPLICATIONS OF MASTERING THE RITUALS AND OF IMPROVISING THE MOST DERANGED SCENES EVER PUT TO FILM IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION I LOVE UNHINGED METHOD ACTORS WHO ARE ALL ABOUT THE PROCESS
also im not the most knowledgeable person about d/s dynamics, but if i came out of this episode with one single certainty is that mork is a service top. i think in general it's pretty obvious that mork's love language is acts of service (and his attempt to fix phorjai's laptop when he was hitting on her is a pretty glaring example of this), but i love that this episode points out that there's a big difference between HAVING to service someone and WANTING to service them. it's one of the many reasons day calling himself mork's 'friend' and mork's reaction to it is so important: day is putting them on a more equal ground, which of course makes him more accessible (because boss and employee is very much not the kind of relationship they want to have with each other), but it also tells us that when mork says 'let me help' and 'you need anything else?' it's not out of obligation due to his job. he WANTS to do that, he WANTS to take care of day and do what pleases him, because that's his way of loving and flirting with someone (and on the other hand, day has never wanted to be taken care of because since the accident people believed him incapable of doing it himself, but when it comes to mork, day now welcomes and even desires his care in a very different way)
AND ONCE AGAIN THE FACT THAT THIS ENTIRE SCENE WAS IMPROVISED BY JIMMYSEA AND YET FITS THE EPISODE AND THE CHARACTERS SO WELL???????? OUTSELLED OUTSERVED OUTSLAYED OUTACTED OUTPERFORMED OUTEVERYTHINGED
#IDEK WHY IM STILL SURPRISED ABOUT JIMMYSEA IMPROVISING THE MOST INSANE GOD TIER CONTENT TBH THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY DO#ANYWAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME KNOW ABOUT THIS ANON BECAUSE SOMEHOW I HAD COMPLETELY MISSED IT#also not sure if i made sense about mork being a service top but hopefully ;;;;;;#also hoping you're having a wonderful day!!!!!! 💜#last twilight the series#morkday#jimmysea#m: ask
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i know i just got here, but seeing all of the laughably bad takes from both sides of the spectrum is convincing me that no, i don’t actually need to be on social media again.
#this is about mdzs fandom discourse#this is a jc/jiggy support blog#but#they did bad things and made bad choices and i love that about them#i can acknowledge their bad choices and their flaws and still like them#but hooooooly fuck#the jc/jiggy/XICHEN antis drive me fucking banana nut bonkers#there are valid reasons to dislike all 3 of those characters and somehow you have created ones that are so far from reality i cannot believe#that we read the same book#or watched the same shows#1. get some reading comprehension i beg you#2. for the love of fucking god please like. find some god damn joy in your lives and stop giving a fuck about characters you don’t like#2.5 and people who like characters you don’t like#2.75 and i know that’s kind of blasse of me to say in the tags of a post griping abt people griping abt characters they don’t like#3. just??? go find joy? touch grass?? not everything is about you and your terrible reading comprehension#4. stop assuming that your way is the right way#5. the puritanical bullshit of protagonist inherently good is really getting old#i am begging you to do any modicum of research into the concept of antiheroes#it will broaden your horizons i prommy#not everything is about blorbos being all good all the time#your blorbo is not free of sin#(unless it’s sizhui. sizhui is always free of sin)#anyway i think imma delete tumblr. the algorithm keeps showing me anti posts and im old and tired#no discourse here pls and thanks#moots dm for discord if u wanna
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"yaoi ship wars" this and "don't get into dunmesh for the yaoi do it for the doomed yuri" that when we're all forgetting the true enemy here ... lai/cille ...
#dunmesh spoilers#woke up in a cold sweat after dreaming ryoko kui had retroactively made lai/cille canon#thank god straight people don't exist in dunmesh#ekjfsjdf i actually dont have that much of a problem with lai/cille i think it's sweet#however i just know people are going to get the wrong idea from the succubus chapter#succubus!marcille really said “if i were ACTUALLY a succubus you would have been charmed when i tried to kiss you right??”#and laios is like “oh yeah you're right that makes no sense” like it WORKS LMAO#like we're all wearing shipping goggles here and if things somehow went down the exact same way with kabru i would never shut up about it#but thankfully ill never need to embarrass myself in quite that way because ryoko kui didn't personally slap my dolls out of my hands lolol#sadie and lars being hit by a canon and sinking on their ship ass energy lmaoo
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#mol.txt#my mother is just. Such a narcissist lmao#she's so worried abt a&s thinking she's a bad mother for not coming here to help with my surgery meanwhilenthe woman needs her knees replace#she just texted in the gc i made for updates while i was under like#thank you for your unselfish care lmao#bc she finds it so unfathomable that anyone would want to care for me or be around me#who isn't obligated to by a blood relation#bc she doesn't like me and only thinks about herself#anyway i'm used to her bullshit and know how to deal with it but like#good lord woman stop making my ankle surgery about you#like it's not about you actually it's about me#the person whose ankle was coming unattached#the one who got their ankle cut open and redone yesterday like oh my god#but naturally she has to be like this bc this is who she is#she's always been like this of like. it's so nice of them to include you! abt a&s like yes we're friends?#like. i know how to deal with it and shit but. god it is a bit exhausting and just makes me feel a bit like shit hm!#like no i am actually lovable somehow#ANYWAY#just needed to have a moment
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Hihi this is so random but I saw your tag on the green blue hetrochromia thing for Richtofen and I wanted to say that's actually a really old fandom trope! Back on DeviantArt I recall a lot of artists drawing Ed w/ green eyes but I believe at some point it was made cannon that his eyes were blue so people began doing hetrochromia...Though honestly I could be misremembering, all I know is that ppl have been drawing him with one blue and one green eye since at least 2011! :-3
WHAAAT OH MY GOD THATS SO COOL I was wondering bc I started seeing it around more often lately, but I had no idea where it came from :0 the closest thing that I cld even think of was that in Origins (I think it was Origins anyways??? i cld be completely misremembering) they accidentally made Richtofen's eyes green for a bit (or maybe it was on purpose who knows what was happening with Origins, Samantha was American for like five minutes bc of how little they knew what they were doing dfhgjdfgjks) and then immediately went back to blue :sob: It grabbed my attention bc a very similar thing happened with the Ace Attorney fandom regarding Phoenix Wright's eyes :> in official art his eyes seem to swap between blue and brown a lot, so most artists (myself included teehee) adopted heterochromia as a headcanon for him!! I'm a VERY long time cod zombies fan going on like?? 13 years now I think if my xbox's achievement tracker is to be trusted???? but im only recently starting to interact with the wider fandom for it and i am VERY quickly learning that ive got a lot of catching up to do :(( once my laptop is fixed though i am drawing SO MUCH OF THESE FREAKS AUGHH
#it made me so happy opening my inbox to this btw#sorry to get kind of ranty in the tags but i went a very long period of my life not realizing there WAS a fandom for cod zombies and it-#-felt very isolating for a while :< turns out i was simply not looking in the right corners of the internet it seems bc while the community#-is not particularly large there IS a dedicated fanbase that i jsut somehow managed to miss for the last (checks notes) at least a decade#i hope to make cod zombies friends someday........ i very recently got my brother and his partner to play after begging for years and i am-#-SO SO SO SO SO happy that they like it :> their enjoyment of one of my longest running interests has brought me so much joy and made an-#-otherwise rough start to the year be very very very joyful for me :3#oh ym god sorry wow i got very off topic in these tags. uhhhmmm#thank u for reaching out it means so much to me :3 i love cod zombies so much and being able to talk abt it with other people so much-#-lately has felt like making up for lost time :> very joyous and whimsical#ask#cod zombies
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Dungeondaily posts are so crazy bc like. Jesus Christ. Those bitches really went through All That in like a month and a half.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#the character development is insane if you think about it#the world really said 'grow and be better or die' with a deadline of like a few weeks#and somehow. somehow they made it thank god#its so funny also. everyone is like#hyper traumatized#and for falin it was just a really weird month and a half that she doesnt remember much of anyway
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Tagged by @space-diablo
I shall tag @optimisticlucio and @cute-sweet-corgo
THIS OR THAT
coffee or tea | early bird or night owl | chocolate or vanilla | spring or fall | silver or gold | pop or alternative (metal) | freckles or dimples (I have no opinion on this) | snakes or sharks | mountains or fields | thunder or lightning | egyptian mythology or greek mythology | ivory or scarlet | flute or lyre | opal or diamond | butterflies or honeybees | macarons or eclairs (pastel de nata) | typewritten or handwritten | secret garden or secret library | rooftop or balcony | spicy or mild | opera or ballet | london or paris | vincent van gogh or claude monet | denim or leather | potions or spells | ocean or desert | mermaids or sirens | masquerade ball or cocktail party TOP 5 SONGS ON REPEAT
they change all of the time but currently... Oops! all Star One
I'm not even ashamed, this album is a masterpiece, definitely recommend Prescient to anyone here who also likes metal
#aethris text#thank you for the tag!#I usually listen to so many different things but this month its been really just#goodness gracious Revel In Time is just SUCH A GOOD ALBUM#Ive loved Star One since I first listened to Space Metal but my god they somehow keep getting better and better#I also actually watched Primer after first listening to Prescient and not only is that song a banger of astronomical proportions#it has also introduced me to a movie I really enjoyed#this was the best blind album purchase Ive ever made#anyway enough of me fangirling over this band#check out the album if you like metal though
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I’d like to take a moment of silence for the archive dot org death of season 25 episode 13 of SNL starring Ben Affleck as the host and Fiona Apple as the musical guest
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I talk a lot about random gods but really random fate makes me want to fucking explode in a completely different way
#the song somehow hits far too close to home without even having lyrics what the fuck#it's made so fucking well but if im not careful i just make myself sad (doesnt happen with random gods)#it sounds so good and for what#anyway progfrox is a god among men. as are all those involved with making the game. thanks for coming to my ted talk#rain world#rainworld#not sure i should maintag this but i wanna see if people agree#personal#vent#??
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JDIEOSKS WHY DOES EVERY PERSON WHO HAVE THE ALIAS LEXI OR WHATEVER SS WITH KAVEH
#like Hals lex alr annoys me LMFAO it’s like that name alr gives me bad vibes#sorry I’m gate keeping BUT ITS LIKE THEYRE ALL DUPES OF ME CAUSE WDYM YOURE ARO ALSO ….#yes that’s right even tho they’re older than me I’m the original LMAO cause I’m just ✨✨✨ yk !#kidding kidding THIS POST IS LIGHTHEARTED (not rlly but it mostly is !!!)#I just hate anyone who has lex in their name sorry 😞#dora daily#omg wait block button is free … thank god for that >:D#I think the thing that is the actual reason I’m annoyed cause they say shit like I don’t share uhmmmm sorry to break it to you girlie but#these characters weren’t made for you you’re not special 😭👍#that’s a big reason why I want to gate keep from those Lexi ppl not only their name annoys me and they’re always somehow into kaveh too ???#but they’re annoying gatekeepers like be fr !!!#because of that kaveh wouldn’t like you anyways ‼️🙄#LMFAO HAHA anyways tldr don’t trust ppl who have lex in their names they’re bad vibes 😞🙏#like man if I had a kaveh buddy why not wouldn’t that be sm fun but naurrrr they had to go be annoying about it 🙄🙄🙄
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Baxter Ward in other relationships: *quick flings/hook-ups/nothing serious bye*
Baxter Ward with the MC in Step 3: *will not do anything beyond a hand squeeze or hugs/arms around them/on their shoulder unless the MC either seems to want it or instigates it*
The irony that when he actually cares and has feelings, his initial immediate reaction is to hold back because he knows what's coming and that it'll make it hurt more. The silliness of Mr. Direct and Forwardness when he actually cares about the other person is a lot.
I mean, he even gets surprised when the MC missed him while he was gone before Drinks happens and still thinks he doesn't bring value just for who he is. >_>
#Mr. Baxter Ward being all oh no feelings#oh god I'm falling harder#oh no I may hurt them but I want to be with them and well this crush was in the past so I'm sure it's fine#you big dummy you absolute buffoon I adore you#anyway thanks for the fairytale angst adventure sir#I'm going to fill these tags so much because I swear to god if you go into the tag again I am shy and nervous and anxious!!#let me organize in peace!!!#in for a penny in for a pound as he falls harder and doesn't seem to understand why the mc could also be doing so#you are so silly#I made this blog to yell into the abyss and yet somehow still keep talking about Baxter anyway#I think if I could've asked for anything more with Step 4#it would be more smaller moments of them together once everything is okay#Just more of Baxter finally no longer holding back and knowing it's okay to express his feelings when he truly cares#anyway this ridiculous rewrite has over 300K words and isn't done yet... 850+ pages and I'm still going#There's at least a few things I want to flesh out more and 3-5 other completely extra post step 4 things I want to write#Though one I really need to wait for more of OL2#of course I'm still hoping for a crossover thing#Other people: wedding/NSFW DLC#me: I want the DLC where Baxter re-meets his childhood friends with his Sunset Bird Friends (and girlfriend/boyfriend/partner if applicable#and they make up and all go to the diner and everyone is happy and become friends#and maybe we get some old stuff from his childhood home because he probably hasn't been there since college#and hopefully his parents aren't there because there are multiple people who will throw hands#I just want that closure on his behalf#maybe the closure is more on my behalf because I just think he needs all the hugs and his whole thing about not wanting to be important#YOU ARE IMPORTANT!! The wedding DLC broke me so bad and not even for the reason it was supposed to#and then Baxter's DLC just made it hurt all the more and like#as much as I was pissed at him I just want to hug him and see him happy#OLBA#OL#Baxter Ward
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