#maddie and chimney regarding their talk about children

[deadnatura11]

Also can we take a deeper look at how this episode is filled with people saying things that they don't mean?

"I'll put her [my mother's ashes] in the spare room and work on us!" -> "We're getting a divorce and I don't care about my mom."

"I never loved you." *sneeze* (meaning he did love her once) -> "I won't cheat again." *sneeze* (I will)

"You're annoying I wish you'd disappear." -> "I love you and I love being a big brother."

JUST SAYING...

[lesbianrobin]

ok so here is my pitch for my dream buddie catalyst:

eddie and maddie are trapped in some sort of likely-fatal time sensitive situation together (drowning related probably because it's Them) (have they overused it yes is it still thematically appropriate YES) where one person could potentially sacrifice themselves for the other to survive. i want eddie and maddie using their combined experience and ingenuity to survive together and discussing who should be prioritized which means they talk about parenthood and how they both feel they've failed their children by "running," how their lives have been so defined by trauma and they don't want to scar their children any further by leaving them again. of course they're doing everything they can to get out together, but as the situation deteriorates throughout the episode(s) (c'mon something like this could be at LEAST a two-parter) they can't help returning periodically to the world's most morbid debate.

i want buck and chim on the outside both going out of their goddamn minds. they know that eddie and maddie are stuck (wherever), know that they're probably alive, but aren't sure in what condition and if they'll stay that way. rescue operations begin as everybody walks on eggshells around buck and tries to comfort chim, who wants absolutely none of it. time is running out.

eddie says that he couldn't possibly let maddie sacrifice herself for him and look buck and chim in the eye afterwards. maddie says that she couldn't do that either. she says that at least jee-yun would still have her father, and eddie says that christopher would still have buck. maddie says that of course none of them would just abandon christopher if something were to happen to him but—

and eddie cuts her off and says it's in my will. if i die, christopher will have buck. buck will have christopher.

they just look at each other for a weighted moment. maddie makes a decision. she says ...i meant it, you know. that i couldn't let you die down here (wherever here is i don't KNOW okay i'm not here to think up convoluted emergencies i'm here for drama) and look my baby brother in the eye knowing that i could have changed it. eddie says i know, okay, but it's different, you're his sister, and maddie says, yeah, but you're his... and she pauses. and eddie says what? best friend? partner? that doesn't—

and maddie says you're his. eddie, you're his.

and eddie... i want to see something slot into place. i want to watch him understand as maddie spills everything she's been suspecting since the day that buck came out to her and maybe since before she and eddie even met. maddie says you know, when i first came to california, you were all he talked about? you're still all he talks about. you and christopher. you're his. i couldn't... eddie, you're out of your mind if you really don't think that losing you would break him just as much as losing me. he would forgive us both, because he's buck, but i couldn't... i'm no saint, eddie, i want to survive. i don't want my daughter to grow up without me. but i can't do that to him. i don't know if he'd survive it. even if he did, the guilt would eat me alive.

meanwhile. buck is barely holding on to his sanity as rescue efforts are underway and time is running out. chimney is keeping it together as best he can but there isn't much that he and buck can do. he can't let himself fall apart because buck is already a stiff breeze away from clawing his own skin off and somebody has to keep their cool. something goes wrong—suddenly, their short amount of time has gotten shorter, and they may only have enough of a window to get one out before it's too late for the other. buck, who has been ranting and arguing and screaming this whole time... is silent. he is silent, and he stares straight ahead at nothing in particular, and we know that no matter which way the scales tip, his soul will be destroyed all the same.

eddie regards maddie for a moment. grief, heartbreak, anger, all flicker over him, but what settles is determination. he says that neither of them are going to leave again. that they'll survive together, or not at all, or leave it to the universe to decide.

of course they make it out. by the skin of their teeth, they make it out, working together, clawing their way back to life and love and possibility. maddie makes it out first, and eddie sees buck as she falls into chim's waiting arms. he watches as buck sees his sister, and reaches out to take her hand with trembling fingers and white knuckles, but there is no relief, no happiness in his red-rimmed eyes. just a deep, unspeakable grief, until his eyes slide past maddie and meet eddie's.

finally: relief. and then he is in buck's arms, a perfect parallel to chim and maddie, and we see eddie's face over buck's shoulder, and we know. he is in love, and buck is in love, and eddie knows, and he sinks into his partner's embrace with joy and acceptance.

after that, who knows? maybe a grand confession. a moment of quiet understanding. a passionate post-rescue kiss. a chaste, tender kiss in some kitchen or other. maybe eddie panics later, or maybe he's found peace for once. maybe buck has realized something and he makes the first move. maybe it happens immediately. maybe it takes a while, takes discussions about how it'll affect work and christopher and whether it's worth risking all that they have for all that they want.

and maybe they'll ask whether it's even a risk at all.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buddie and Madney: Dad Buck and Uncle Buck-Part 4 of 4

Part 4: Dad Buck vs. Uncle Buck

Buck is already a father to Christopher and he’s an uncle to Jee-Yun; therefore the roles he plays in each of their lives are distinct and have been shown a number of times in CANON.  GIFs are being used to illustrate his role as a dad vs. an uncle and they include five times Buck was a dad to Chris and were compared to five times that he was an uncle to Jee.

GIFs 1 & 2:  In 2x4 “Stuck” Buck stepped all the way in to help Eddie get permanent childcare for Christopher but in 6x4 “Animal Instincts”, he declined to help Maddie find a nanny for Jee.

GIFs 3 & 4:  In 3x12 “Fools” Eddie and Buck had a conversation about Chris’ skateboarding incident and they discussed everything together the same way parents do whenever they have conversations about their children.  But in 5x14 “Dumb Luck” Maddie called Chimney and he met her at the hospital so they could discuss Jee’s intussusception because they’re her parents and Buck’s her uncle.

GIFs 5 & 6:  In 4x14 “Survivors” Buck left the hospital and all he had on his mind was going to talk to Christopher after Eddie went into surgery and that’s because Buck was already Christopher’s co-parent long before Eddie told him about the change he made to his will.  But in 5x17 “Hero Complex” Maddie asked Buck to babysit Jee for a few hours while she went to the hospital to check on Chimney.

GIFs 7 & 8:  In 5x14 “Dumb Luck” after Eddie returned home from a therapy session, he simply asked Buck, “Where’s Chris?” and Buck explained that he was in his room doing homework.  Eddie didn’t jump up to go see for himself because he was talking to Chris’ other dad.  But in 6x8 “9-1-1 What’s Your Fantasy?” when Maddie and Chimney returned to Buck’s loft after their house hunt, Chimney asked Buck “Where’s Jee-Yun?” and Buck explained that she was upstairs taking a nap but Chimney went upstairs to get her. 

GIFs 9 & 10:  In 5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia” Chris called Buck when he couldn’t get Eddie to answer his bedroom door but in 5x14 “Dumb Luck” Buck was still at the firehouse while Maddie and Chimney were at the hospital waiting to hear news from the doctors about Jee.

Bonus section:  Hen and Chimney have always known that Eddie and Buck are co-parenting Christopher and that they are in love with each other (related post).

They weren’t surprised in 4x14 that Buck was going to be the one who talked with Christopher after The Shooting.  When Albert asked, “Where’s Buck?”, Hen looked at Chimney and Chimney responded and explained that Buck had a harder job that night.  Bobby is the captain which means it’s customary for him to go talk to the family after someone on his team is injured. But Bobby, Hen, Chimney, along with everyone else at the 118, already know that Buck and Eddie are co-parents which means there weren’t any questions regarding which one of them was going to tell Christopher about what happened to Eddie.

They weren’t even surprised when Eddie asked Buck in 6x4 “Animal Instincts” if Christopher told him anything about the way he had been skipping his science club meetings.  One look at Hen’s and Chimney’s faces while Eddie was talking to Buck illustrated how normal Buck and Eddie’s behaviors are for them whenever it involves them being co-parents to Christopher.  They’ve always known even when Buck and Eddie argued with each other inside of the grocery store in 3x5 “Rage”.  Buck is a second dad to Christopher and an uncle to Jee-Yun which means his roles in their lives are very different.  He loves them and he would die for either of them but he has been Chris’ second dad for almost 5 years and everyone in their found family understands and doesn’t question it.

[princessfbi]

evan “buck” buckley PLEASE N THANKS

My beloved...

Evan “Buck” Buckley

How I feel about this character

*clears throat*

I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR! I love Oliver’s subtle acting choices. I love how Buck is a perfect vehicle to combat the infestation of toxic masculinity in today’s media. I’ve loved him since day one when he walked up to that loft and ate an entire stalk of broccoli while getting yelled at by Bobby. I loved him at the first smirk when I said, “Oh okay. You have issues and I am here for it.” I love his growth. I love his journey. I loved Buck Begins. I love his baggage. I love his faults. I love his strengths. I love how his faults and strengths aren’t mutually exclusive. I love him. I love him. I loveeeee him. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Eddie for number one. But even if Buddie doesn’t happen I would love to see Bi!Buck in general. But you know what? They’ve really also sold me on the Buck/Taylor thing. I don’t think I would like them to be endgame because I would rather have two different (straight presenting at least) gender besties that doesn’t end in romance but I’d be okay with going on a little FWB journey or just Buck and Taylor being chaotic besties. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Here’s my take on his relationships with Maddie and Hen. 

Now, let’s talk about Chimney. Buck and Chimney’s relationship from “hey, yo rebar head” and Chimney’s almost dismissiveness of Buck to that scene in the locker room in Buck Begins where Chimney is almost in complete agony over not only Maddie hurting but Buck as well? UGH! Because Chimney gets both their sides. He gets the pain. He gets the resentment and feelings of abandonment. He gets Maddie and Buck better than their own parents. And he had to sit and watch how Marge and Phil treated both of them. He had the dots and he got a front row seat to those dots being connected. I just.... UGH. I love their relationship so much. 

We’ve already been gifted with so much Buck and Chim content this season but it just shows how far they’ve come. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don’t think Buck was wrong to do the lawsuit. Sorry? I think it was ridiculous because there’s literally the union and everything that he could’ve gone to, to deal with it but I don’t think his reasonings behind going were wrong. Coming from a home that Buck did where you are a victim of emotional neglect, you don’t develop foundational building blocks that are necessary for decision making. I don’t think Buck ever truly knew how to speak up for himself or defend himself. I think Maddie did that for him growing up and then I think once she left, he was stuck with his parents who either ignored him or tore him down. Buck isn’t his best advocate. That doesn’t mean he’s a victim. In fact, he’s the opposite. He doesn’t see himself as a victim because his parents always invalidated him. Buck doesn’t think he’s allowed to be a victim (hence why he was so quick to move from his leg, the tsunami, the way his parents treated him) but trauma is trauma. It doesn’t matter what kind of house you live in or where you grew up or how much money you have or what gender you are. The hardest thing to do though, is to validate your own self and recognize that something needs to change. Buck was struggling to get his own sense of control back. In Buck’s mind, he went through this trauma (an event he had no control over), he worked hard to come back (something he did have control over), only to be set back once again by something he had no control over again. Only this time it was different because this time his sense of control was taken away by someone he knew and trusted. 

Was the lawsuit stupid? Yes. Was Buck’s reasoning wrong? No. 

Buck is constantly faced with a double standard in regards to his actions and he’s only just learning how to be his own defender in his late twenties through therapy. Take for example when he said to Taylor in the hallway “Hey, I’m likable.” That wasn’t Buck being delusional. That was Buck using a tool from therapy to be his own advocate and in that case, it didn’t work, which happens. 

But the important thing to remember is that he’s trying. 

A bad decision does not invalidate the real feelings behind it. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Bi!Buck but also I would like to see Buck recognizing that even though he wants to work things out with his parents, I would like him to realize that sometimes that just doesn’t work out. I think Margaret has had too much resentment for too long in regards to her kids and it shouldn’t be on Buck or Maddie to change that for her. If your children’s lives being threatened wasn’t enough for you to come around then therapy isn’t going to do much either. 

Give Me A Character and I’ll Break Them Down

[tempestaurora]

Hi, don't know if you're still doing this but:

2 royal + 52 Marriage of Convenience 

Eddie and Buck 911

2: Royal Au + 52: Marriage of Convenience

alright i've read like four of these in the past two days so i've been trying to think up something original

personally, i'd tell the story of the buckleys, rulers of some made up country like genovia. the buckley king and queen, phillip and margaret, had three children: daniel, madeline and evan. tragically, their eldest grew sick at a young age, and prince evan was born in an attempt to save his life (although the family would never admit that to the world); evan's spare parts, however, must have been defective, for the young prince daniel died, leaving madeline as the heir to the throne

now, here's the thing about being royal: it sucks. no one tells you it sucks, but it does, and madeline (or maddie, as she prefers) and evan know this first hand, especially as maddie grows older and has to start looking for a husband

in walks doug kendall, a neurosurgeon, and by god does the country love him

so much so that evan, once old enough, decides to start travelling, start going around the world, because it's not like he'll be missed, right? he may be the country's beloved prince evan (the brightest smile and biggest heart of any royal they've ever known) - but he's not needed for day-to-day things

so he travels, and when he does, he does it in disguise. no guards, no royal escorts, no private planes. he even goes by buck, because its easier that way - and its not like genovia is a big country, so its not like he's going to get recognised

he's on a tour of the united states when he reaches el paso, texas, where a young eddie diaz, recently abandoned and divorced by his wife, and father to a four-year-old christopher, are struggling to make end's meet

one of eddie's three jobs is as a bartender at the bar that buck wanders into

and by god can they not stop staring at each other

i mean, a hot bartender with just the right amount of stubble who holds himself with innate confidence

and a hot patron with a birthmark above his left eye and an open smile like sunshine is just flooding out of him?

they get to talking real quick

and although buck doesn't mention being a prince, he stays at the bar long enough to hear all about eddie's life and current troubles (isn't the patron supposed to vent to the bartender? buck asks. hey i listen to people vent all the time, eddie replies, it's rightfully my turn)

and well, buck has an idea - a dumb idea, because he's a bit drunk, but an idea all the same

we should get married, buck says

what

buck shrugs. if i'm hearing you right, you just got divorced, your parents are threatening to take away your child - aka the light of your life - and you need insurance and money. if we get married, you're no longer a single dad working three jobs with no insurance - i dunno man sounds like a good idea to me

and eddie's not usually one to do stupid, reckless things, and he fully expects this to backfire in a ridiculous way, but goddammit - he's twenty six, he's allowed to do dumb shit occasionally, and buck is something he definitely wants to do

it takes a few weeks (they both think the other will back out, but neither does) and buck has to get a lot of things sorted privately and quietly, especially in regards to marriage licenses and visas, but idk he's a prince he can fast track that shit, but then the two of them are getting married at a court house, with just christopher and eddie's sisters to witness

(eddie hears buck's name as evan buckley for the first time on the day they get married; he does not recognise it in the slightest. he doesn't care about royals.)

(in those few weeks, eddie is blown away (and a little in love) with how good buck is with chris; there are several near-misses with either of them shirtless, fresh from the shower, or dressed up in a suit; and at least nine moments where they almost kissed but didn't and thought the other didn't want to)

helena and ramon, by the way, are pissed

eddie is thrilled

and everything's great - buck moves into eddie's house, ending his tour of america then and there in el paso; signs lots of documents and makes lots of phone calls; listens to eddie talk about the idea of moving to LA, of being a firefighter, of doing something he's proud of

and after one night when buck carries christopher to bed and tucks him in, eddie watching from the doorway, they return to the living room for eddie to immediately kiss him

buck kisses back, of course

its the next day that the news drops: prince evan buckley of genovia has secretly married a single father in texas

eddie finds out through the newspaper. he looks between it, then buck, then it, and says: what

and buck goes for a smile and says, surprise?

eddie's annoyed for like a minute and a half, but buck is too delightful and charming to be mad at for long.

buck's parents, on the other hand - boy can they hold a grudge

the story ends like this: buck and eddie travel to genovia with christopher; they introduce him around the family, around the country, and genovia is still surprised, but ultimately endeared by the family prince evan has made for himself, unaware that it was built on a dumb, drunk idea.

(what happens when they find out? eddie asks quietly, one night. why would they find out? buck replies. we're married, eddie, and not to be embarrassing - but i've got a massive crush on you, so i'm happy to see where this takes us)

in the epilogue, buck denounces his claim to the throne to move to the usa, LA specifically, and live with christopher and eddie there. maddie follows not long after, publicly divorcing her abusive husband and needing some time away. she eventually goes back, because being a royal may suck, but she's still instilled with a sense of duty towards her people - however, when she returns, many years later, upon her parents' abdication so that she may take the throne, she brings her husband, chimney, and their daughter, jee-yun with her

by that point, of course, eddie and buck are very happy, very in love, and are no longer married out of convenience, but joy

Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story.

[crazybagelbitch]

V&A universe 🥺🥺 telling the kiddies

Chimney and Maddie are nervous, that much is blatantly obvious to the children sitting (and squirming, in Arthur’s case) down on the couch in front of them.

“Am I in trouble?”

“No, you’re not in trouble, Art,” Chimney says, laughing a bit despite trying to stay in a mature, reassuring headspace for this, because really, Arthur has always had the ability to make him laugh no matter what it is that he’s feeling. They’re made for each other, he thinks. They’re not tied by blood but for whatever reason his biological parents couldn’t raise him and from the first time he met that once tiny newborn baby through the Safe Haven program, he had fallen in love. Surely, their connection is as strong as it would have been had they shared DNA.

But maybe that’s what makes him so nervous. This is... this is the very beginning of adding to the family by blending, adding Violet and Maddie in even though Arthur is related to neither of them by blood. When he adopted Arthur, there was no one else in the family to think about. He chose parenthood, and he had no partner or other preexisting children to consult about it.

But now he has Arthur, his son, the most important person in his world and he knows that as much as he loves Maddie and Violet, that if Arthur is never able to get on board, it’ll never work. And he knows it works in the exact other direction with Maddie regarding Violet.

“Why do you guys look so scared then?” Violet asks, “are you guys in trouble?”

“No, no one is any trouble, I promise,” Chimney says with another laugh, looking at Maddie and waiting for her to nod before continuing to speak, “no one is in trouble, but your mom and I just wanted to talk to you two about something together.”

“Okay, then about what?”

“Baby,” Maddie starts, biting her lip and taking a deep breath, “you know how Chimney and I spend a lot of time together?”

“Yes,” Violet nods, “you--”

“Are you getting married?”

“No, no,” Chimney shakes his head with a blush and now Maddie is biting her lip for a different reason, to keep from bursting into a fit of giggles, “no, Arthur, Maddie and I are not getting right now but we are dating.”

“Dating?”

“Yes, dear,” Maddie murmurs, looking fondly at the cannon ball of a child that she’s grown to love so much, “dating. Your dad and I like each other very much and we’ve decided to be more than just friends. But if you or Violet are uncomfortable or--”

“Daddy thinks Maddie is pretty!”

“Well, yes...”

“Mommy is pretty,” Violet agrees and this is not going the way that either Maddie nor Chimney expected, but at least it’s going well, in it’s own way.

“Thank you, Vi,” Maddie smiles nervously, “and I happen to think Chimney is quite handsome.”

Violet giggles at that, before leaning over and whispering something in Arthur’s ear, which makes him start giggling, which makes both of their parents a little anxious but they’re mostly just enjoying that no one is upset or protesting.

“Violet says that means you guys are going to kiss each other!”

“Weren’t supposed to say it out loud,” Violet huffs, but she’s still grinning.

“Well, I mean... yeah,” Chimney says awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.

“Kiss, kiss, kiss!”

“Maddie, what have we done?” he half jokes.

[gaiamax]

Don’t call me, Evan

Trigger warning: implied childhood sexual abuse 

All secrets are deep,

All secrets become dark.

That’s in the nature of secrets.

Writer, Cory Doctorow

The youngest member of the station had felt off all week, like the ground way swaying under him. It had made him irritable and brought long-buried feelings and experiences back to him. As he steps into the house that belongs to Athena and Bobby, he can hear the conversation about going to church for the coming Easter weekend. Joining the adults, he makes his way into the kitchen.

When Buck doesn’t join in the conversation, Bobby involves Buck directly by asking him a question. “Just about  everyone else is joining. Are you coming as well?”

“No” Buck answers much too quickly. “After everything I’ve been through. God is either a dick or not real”

“Buck I know been through a lot this past year but he never asks for more than we can handle” Bobby tells in a soft tone while placing a hand on his shoulder.

All the young man can do is stare at it and watch the flashbacks fade in and out, his brain can see both that man’s hand and Bobby’s and finding it really hard to tell which one is real. At last he bites out “Then your god asks way too much of twelve-year-old boys.” he pulls Bobby’s hand off of him and walks quickly to where the children are playing video games. Buck’s statement causes everyone to look over at Maddie for answers but she shrugs her shoulders.

……

It's the shift after the service most of the firefam had attended and now they were sat eating dinner with Maddie and Athena. The conversation had polite chat, catching each other up on their jobs for the day. The familial atmosphere changed when Athena brought up a new topic.

“So you know that man, I was talking to,” Athena starts. “He set up a community centre in a small town called Ridge Lake…”

Before Athena can continue Maddie buts and adds “That’s where we grow up, you wouldn’t believe Buck, it was Travis Miller.” For Buck that’s way to close, he ran away from that town and him, that off feeling he had been having all week has finally come to a head. It feels like someone has thrown a bucket of cold water over him. “He was like Buck’s mentor as a kid,” she tells the team before turning her head to her brother “You should go see him and thank him, I gave your number to him.”

Everyone waits for Buck’s reply but he never gives one instead he just bites his lips, willing any sliver of emotion down.

Hen speaks with the confusion the rest of the team is having “You’ve never mentioned him before.”

Trying to sound nonchalant Buck starts to speak “it didn’t come up.”

Athena, slightly annoyed at being interrupted, huffs and starts to speak again “he wants to set up one here but he needs donors. So I’ve agreed to help him set up his presentation but we need others. It’s Wednesday, I know the kids are on break, he’s fine with them coming.”

Everyone agrees to help out, Buck wanted nothing more than to say no but now he knows the children are going to be there, he has to say he’ll help too, to make that they stay safe. “I’ll help too” he manages to get out his voice, cracking.

……

Buck can see Travis’ hand on Christopher’s shoulder and his blood runs hot in his veins. He marches over one purpose in mind. Taking two steps at a time. When he’s finally at the two, he wrenches Travis’ hand off the shoulder it’s resting on and slams him into the nearest wall. “Don’t fucking touch him! Or anyone else. Why don’t you just leave, no one wants you here” Buck whispered harshly still holding the older man up against.

Taking a soft placating tone, that had a bite only Buck could hear the older man replied: “Now, Evan I know we’ve had our disagreements but that’s hardly reason for you to attack me”. He says his statement loud enough, so the attention in the room is silenced and brought them. “Think of the impression you’re giving your friends and their children. Your sister even” With that Buck turned his head around, seeing the looks of confusion of the adults and the fear in Christopher’s eyes at his outburst that seemed to come from nowhere.

He let go of the man and ran away to the small room jutting of the hall with his eyes trained on the floor. When he was finally in the room alone with the door close, he sets himself against and just chokes out sobs for a few minutes before hearing a knock on the door. “Boy!” Athena chortles in her usual, you’re in trouble voice that in this moment is somehow comforting. “You need to explain what the hell that was. Let me in.” Before doing her command he squares himself; clenching his jaw, standing to his full height and wiping the tears away with the back of his hand.

He lets her in the room, before stepping as far away from her as much as the four walls would allow. Buck can see that that action, has made an impression on Athena with her raised eyebrows which she quickly hides. “Travis Miller” she states, looking Buck straight in the face.

“What?” He replies, his face etched in confusion. “He’s here?”

“Travis Miller. He runs a community centre that helped you as a kid and is trying to set one up here.” She states again but the tone, more commanding this time while she stares at his face, he feels like he’s back in the bank heist interrogation. For a second Buck wonders if she figured it out but he watches her eyes wander over him for answers.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Buck asks, while trying to make his face impassive and make some distance between him and that man. He knows it’s a futile effort after his display but he has to try.

“He’s the one who helped you get records expunged,” Buck inches his head up from looking at the floor and just regards her with a dirty defiance, which falters her for a half a second. He knows it’s because it's a look you’d never see on his face or could imagine. “And he’s here now” she replies quickly trying to get the answer out of him.

“How do you know that? I told you to stay out of my business” he shouts slamming his hand on the table.

“We’ve been in the hall for two hours and you’ve haven’t spoken to once. Then out of nowhere, you attack him.” She tells him unfazed by the slamming of his hand against the wall and him moving closer. Buck can feel the heaviness of her eyes roaming over him, looking for any cracks in his brittle armour, so he stills himself.

“So, what?” He shouts even louder this time, trying to get that distance from everyone.

“Why don’t you want to talk to the man who made you being here possible?” She asks completely calm, only wanting an answer so she can understand.

Athena demeanour was in direct opposition to Buck who threw one of the spare chairs across the small room. “Damn you, Athena. It’s none of your damn business.”

“He says that what happened between you two is your fault,” Athena says trying to persuade him, to give her answers.

“I’m warning you, Athena,” He tells her with more poison than a scorpion while shaking his head “back off!”

As he spits out the final letter the door flies open, and Bobby, Eddie and Chimney are there staring at him in anger and disbelief. “We heard shouting and stuff being thrown,” Bobby says while checking over Athena, making sure she isn’t hurt. Which only convinces Buck that they can never know, they wouldn’t ever trust him again.

Choking down the bubbling cries in his throat, Buck speaks “I’m going to go home”

Even though it didn’t need an answer Bobby gives one infused with a striking bite “I think that would be best”

……

It’s five hours later and Buck is still sitting in his bathroom; where he had been since he got home, he had a panic attack in it and hadn’t felt well enough to leave. At his moment the bathroom was the safest place in his studio because that was the only room that had a lock on the door. The only place where he felt safe in his whole home. The safety of the room was interrupted by knocking, he had ignored for the better part of five minutes. It had only continued, but this time it was accompanied by Bobby’s voice. “Buck, I know you’re in there. Answer the door.” He was told by his surrogate father figure. All Buck wanted to do was pretend that he wasn’t home, but he knew couldn’t Bobby would just come back later so on shaky feet he made his way to the door. Before it was fully open Bobby walked inside and sat down, waiting for Buck to join him.

“What you did earlier was not okay!” Bobby told Buck who nodded his head agreeing. But then the older man continued speaking. “You're a different person than who were as a kid and the person who joined the station.”

Buck moved further back on the sofa, turned his head to the side and Bobby could see the defensiveness take hold of Buck’s features. “Are you trying to say something to me?”

“Only if you’re hiding something, you need to trust us” Bobby back-pedalled, speaking softly. “Trust us enough, to tell us about it”

But Buck's defensiveness was comfortable where it was “Bobby. It’s not about trust.” As he took in a deep breath to start to speak again, the stronghold of defence had been replaced by a desperate need to be believed. “It’s about having a little privacy. I got the right to keep something to myself.” Buck told him while pointing at himself during ‘his right’ and slamming his hand on the coffee table at the end of his sentence. “Look at us, man, we practically live together already” Buck moving back as he started putting even more distance between the two men, escaping any comfort Bobby was trying to give. The thought of being touched by anyone right now wanted to make him vomit.

Buck can see Bobby thinking before he speaks. Then he finally opens his mouth, “c’mon we’re going to miss dinner.”

Buck voice comes out like a sacred child looking for approval “I’m still allowed to come?”

“You’re still family. It’s family dinner” Bobby answers with how you would speak to a toddler. Under his breath, the older man continues on “maybe we’ll get something out of you.”

……

As he stepped into the house, Buck saw Travis sitting at the table drinking a glass of wine. The minute his brain makes the connection, he turns round on his feet to leave but Bobby blocks the door. “No, Evan. Whatever happened between you two, you need sort it out. He obviously cares about you, after everything he’s told me about you, I don’t think I could be as nice.”

“Don’t call me Evan!” Buck spits from a clenched jaw, trying to get through Bobby again.

“Look just stay with him alone for twenty minutes after that if you still want to leave you can” Bobby tells him, Buck eventually nods blinking tears away.

……

Bobby joins the others in the living room and asks “Do you know what happened?” to Maddie.

Maddie just her head and speaks with disbelief “He should be Buck’s hero. Travis practically raised him after our father died, took him on trips, mentored him, they spent all their free time together”

That when all clicks for Athena, her brain finding the final piece of the puzzle it had been doing in the background for the better part of two weeks. “We should have never left them alone. I think I know what he’s afraid of” She tells everyone, but the strange angry panic in her voice worries Bobby. The older couple share a look, Bobby eyes widened and shakes his head. They let a second pass, letting the new information wash over them before running to the two men, followed by the confused others.

They are just out of sight of the two, when everyone freezes on the spot at Buck hissing out “Travis.” It’s a sound so foreign coming from Buck.

“They won’t let you leave?”, the man replies in a casual uninterested tone.

“You already know” Buck answers getting more angry.

“I told them that you allow your emotions to control you” Travis begins to taunt his face curling into something barbaric “like a child. But they already know that.”

“Really because Bobby said you were saying good things about me.” Buck counters trying to spit venom and muster up any confidence.

“You’re good at football, is that meant to be secret?” He asks again unfazed by the man… no the boy

“No, that wasn’t” Buck answers after a second, turning his away to lose eye contact.

“I don’t follow”, Travis continues his tone moving back to casual.

“ All these years. I kept my mouth shut. I let you go on being the hero Travis Miller my mentor” Buck shouts with anger and confidence finally make itself known coupled with conviction. It’s Athena who unfreezes first but something tells her not to move just yet.

“What are you talking about?” The older man asked but this time slightly vexed.

“God, I was so afraid of you. I was afraid of the police, afraid of losing everything I was gaining. But that’s how you work isn’t it. You make sure there’s a hell of a lot to lose, don’t you?” Buck asks angrily through the silent tears. Bobby and Hen unfreeze together, she looks over at him for confirmation. Her answer in a sad soft nod, both of them go to step out but stopped by Athena who just shakes her head.

“I don’t know what you think you remember” Travis replies vexed but trying to remain casual.

“It’s not about what I remember. You sent videos to me of my own abuse” Buck shouts again, wiping the tears away. At that everyone else unfreezes, a blazing fury burning in all of them, but slightly brighter in Maddie and Eddie. Athena stops them before they interrupt telling them he needs this confrontation.

“Now, you’re just talking crazy.” Travis tries gaslighting half heartedly, knowing that he’s got himself in a situation he can’t get out of.

“God, I should have told somebody when I was a kid! When you were helping me. Well, you know what happens in cases like this; once the dam breaks, the flood comes. One person steps up, then another and another. Because we’re not scared of you any more, we know we’re not alone.You’re your own dam.” Buck his voice filled with sobs and cracks but he also holding his head up high with authority.

“Whatever lies your making up.” Travis shouted back.

“They are not lies, you did it to me. You did it to me and filmed it” Buck counters, leaving no room for excuses.

“I did nothing to you or any other kid” Travis tries again but faltering, he has nothing to fall back on.

“One by one, they are going to pile up until there’s so many accusations- you can’t say they’re all lies.” Buck tells him enjoying the fear that he felt on Travis’ face

“ Do you have any idea how many kids I’ve helped get out of our town? Hm?” How many lives I’ve provided.” Travis asks slamming his hand on his chest. At that Bobby can see Buck’s body start to shake violently with sobs. “Look at you. You’d probably be addicted to drugs or dead by now”, the older man says with disgust.

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t for free, was it?” Buck chokes out.

“I pulled you out of the gutter”, Travis tells him a look of betrayal in his eyes.

“I pulled myself out of the gutter, all the way to the LAFD!” Buck shouts back, with even more conviction, this man doesn’t get to claim he the reason for anything good he himself has done.“I did that!”

“You saying I had nothing to do with making who are?” Travis asks, spit flying out of his mouth.

“No, Travis. Actually I’m saying you have everything to do with making me who I am” Buck speaks calmer than earlier.“Because of you, I get to spend the rest of my life actually helping people”

“Look Evan, I never hurt you.” Travis tell Buck trying to hurt the younger man much as possible.“You could have said no.” Buck lets out laugh that is dry and humourless that quickly turns into more crying.

At that Athena steps into the room with her phone to her ear, “Dispatch, I need….”

Her voice is hidden by Travis shouting “I’ve helped a lot of kids.”

“Shut up, you’re lucky I’m not beating the shit out of you.” Eddie tells the man, anger dripping from every word while he and the others use cable ties to attach him to the chair.

“The community centres are needed, it’ll be worse without them.” He tells them, anyone who will listen trying to convince them to let him go.

“Somebody’ll keep them running. The emergency services will. Athena will.” Buck states back.

As he is turning to move to the other room, he hears “Wait. Wait. Evan… isn’t there something you can do for me?”

“You can go to hell” Buck tells him without looking back

Toss a comment (and reblog) to your writer, oh valley of plenty.

[princessfbi]

Hi my favourite Buckley Siblings person. I need some serotonin after reading some horrifically hot takes that basically said that Maddie and Buck is not a healthy dynamic and she has no boundaries when it comes to him.

So, I was wondering if you could give your too reasons as to why the Buckley siblings are elite? 💜

Isn't that always the curse of the eldest daughter? To be invalidated in your feelings and your trauma because you're expected to perform to an expectation that can be crippling. There's a joke somewhere along the lines of "are you an overachiever or were you just the eldest daughter?" that seems fitting this morning.

I mean let's talk about Margaret and Philip's history of invalidating their children's feelings for a second.

They forced Maddie to never talk about a brother who died that she remembered and had known for most of her life. Maddie was nine. She would've been a fourth grader! She was a kid who still had to walk in a single file line down the halls. Do you know what the big deal was when I was in fourth grade? I got to have my classes upstairs on the second floor. That was the big monumental life change for me in that grade. It was a big deal.

Maddie was a fourth grader who lost her brother, didn't even have a grasp of the concept of what death meant, was told to pretend Daniel didn't exist, and was aware enough that her whole life had changed.

That's a fourth grader being told never to talk about someone ever again. A fourth grader who is then taken away from her home, her memories, her friends and forced to pretend like nothing was wrong.

There's a reason emotional neglect has such a clear through line to later in life abuse. It's this idea that Margaret and Philip perpetuated with Maddie that there has to be this performance. Nobody understands our suffering and judges us. It both alienates a child and teaches said child that the world will not understand you if things are different. You see that with the way Maddie hides things with Doug, she makes excuses for him, it's different with her and Doug, she judges other victims of domestic abuse when they come into the hospital, and she deflects. All of this she learned from her parents.

Maddie hiding the abuse 🤝 Margaret and Philip hiding Daniel's death/their grief

Maddie making excuses for Doug 🤝 Philip making excuses for Margaret

It's different with her and Doug 🤝 Philip and Margaret crying victim about people judging them for having Buck because obviously that's not the same thing as other people who procreate children to save other children

Maddie judging other victims 🤝 Margaret and Philip judging Maddie for attaching herself onto someone who loves her (questionable but I think in Doug's own way he did)

Maddie deflecting about the abuse 🤝 Margaret and Philip deciding to move away and never talk about Daniel again

You see them do it again and again to Maddie ("You don't know what it's like you're not a mother yet") so it's no wonder Maddie does it to herself. She'd gotten used to it. You see her do it to herself with Buck, Chimney, Sue, Josh, and then for a brief moment when she's struggling with the PPD.

Maddie deflects but she also makes a point to not let Buck do that. That's why it's so meaningful that she came to talk to him after he revealed he was going to therapy because she thought he wouldn't want to talk about it freely with Chimney around. That's why she prods when Buck makes excuses for Abby's behavior towards him. That's why her scene where she calls Buck sad and lonely is so important. That sticks with Buck and instead of getting angry about it, he tries to get help. But then he does the same for her too "Because I always felt like you were sad too."

Meanwhile in regards to Buck, we see Margaret and Philip objectify Buck from before he was even born. I think a lot of people forget that objectifying someone doesn't strictly imply sexually. Being a donor baby already comes in a severe degree of objectification (you can see this as a major argument in regards to the whole concept of donor siblings ie the book Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro for example). Margaret and Philip objectified Buck from conception and when it didn't work, they didn't put the work in to shift that way of viewing Buck. He remained an object to them. He was never a baby, he was a thing. "We live with a reminder staring us in the face." They didn't just invalidate Buck. They didn't let Buck be a person.

And Buck had grown up being objectified his whole life which is why he doesn't even react when people are constantly doing it to him (people on the job, Abby, Bobby and the team to a certain extent.) I think it's interesting the way he reacts when Omar does the same thing when Maddie introduces him.

Maddie: Omar, this is my brother, Evan.

Omar: Oh, yeah, the football star.

Buck is so visibly uncomfortable when he says that it actually hurts my soul which is why that scene where Buck says "I'm going to be something... I just-- I don't know what it is yet" is so important. Because Maddie has spent her entire life being invalidated and she goes out of her way to make sure that doesn't happen with Buck. She validates Buck. She reminds him that he's a person. That he is someone.

So, when Maddie gives Buck the keys and the money to go away, she's not just giving him an escape. She's giving him permission to go be someone.

What I think people sometimes forget is that the trauma Buck experienced (the neglect which in my personal opinion, is a form of abuse though I know the technicalities are a gray point) was also what Maddie experienced. The difference is that Maddie got to be a person. She got to be their daughter. Their choice. Wanted. Buck wasn't given that consideration.

So, she did it. Maddie changed the course of trajectory for Buck.

And she started that when she was nine years old. A fourth grader decided that she was going to want this unwanted baby.

Maddie wasn't fighting her parents in Buck Begins about being able to talk to Daniel. She wasn't even fighting because they were invalidating her feelings again! She was fighting them because they were back in their lives and treating Buck like he wasn't a person again. She was fighting them because they came into town and gave a lackluster attempt at trying check and make sure Buck was fine before they dismissed him.

And Maddie wasn't going to let them do that again.

I mean just think about the "Don't be stupid, Evan"/"Don't talk to him like that" scene. It's so understated how significant those two lines are. It speaks volumes of the way Margaret in particular has diminished Buck's capacity as a human being and how she'd done it enough times that Maddie immediately jumps to his defense.

And it's not just Maddie who does it either. Because Buck knows Maddie deflects. He's seen her do it with his own two eyes (I just don't think he realized how much she deflects from him because again he thought they were on the same page). "C'mon you don't have to pretend with me. I know things aren't okay with, Doug." So Buck jumps in between Maddie and anyone who is a "danger" to her.

He does it with Margaret: "She's going to nursing school. You should congratulate her."

He does it with Doug: "Standing in between you and anyone who thinks they can hurt you is exactly where I want to be standing."

He does it with Gloria: "Want me to talk to her?"

And he does it again in the big build up at the infamous dinner scene with his parents. Buck has seen Maddie just take it, so he puts himself in the middle. "It was a compliment, Evan!"/"Oh, was it?"

"A united front."

"You and me in the world."

"Us vs them. That's what we always said."

I agree that I don't think it was Maddie's place to tell Buck's parents about his therapy (though, I know why she did it). But Buck is such a firm believer in the "People make mistakes. Doesn't mean you give up on them." and that came from Maddie and grew from his experience with Bobby, Hen, Chimney, Eddie, and Athena.

Buck and Maddie are never going to give up on each other. If they had, Maddie wouldn't have given him an escape. Buck would've stopped trying to contact her. Buck and Maddie show such a capacity of love and forgiveness towards one another it's maddening because they so easily could've not.

It's not Buck tolerating when Maddie "hurts" or "upsets" him. It's Buck loving Maddie so completely that he loves her in spite of her flaws. The same way she has loved him in spite of his failures.

I think that's really the saddest part about the people who don't quite understand the Buckley siblings relationship. It's people who don't get or haven't gotten to experience the profound love that comes from being forgiven for something. Forgiven completely and not just stated. I think to be forgiven, really forgiven, is maybe one of the greatest gifts a person can give you. Because to be forgiven is to be seen. It's be seen for all your faults and still accepted. Whether a person deserves forgiveness or not is really just a moot point if you think about it. Because to make the choice to forgive someone is a liberation of yourself by saying "I am not going to hold this baggage for you anymore." It's all you can control at the end of the day. How people respond when you say that is when you really get to see the true value you hold to a person. Like my sibling and I grew up hating each other. HATING each other. It wasn't until we were older that we started to connect. But I have never once, nor have they, questioned whether or not we would go to the mat swinging for each other. And yeah we have a lot of baggage we're still holding onto but one by one we're letting things go and we are still around for one another.

That's why I think it's fascinating Buck's capability for forgiveness and it stems from Maddie because Margaret and Philip I don't think have ever forgiven Buck. They may not have blamed him but they never forgave him either.

François Duc De La Rochefoucauld has a really amazing quote about forgiveness.

"One forgives to the degree that one loves."

Buck's capacity to love and forgive is because Maddie loved him so completely. She saw him as a person. She treated him as a person. She forgave him for being a person and she loved him for being a person.

They survive major childhood trauma together. It has created this codependency that is shifting for the better because Buck and Maddie are getting better. They're surrounded by people who love them the way Margaret and Philip should have loved them. They are surrounded by people who validate them the way Margaret and Philip should have validated them. They are surrounded by people who see them for who they are the way Margaret and Philip should've seen them.

"Cause it's hard to feel betrayed by someone you didn't really think you could count on anyway... and easy to lash out one the person that you know is always gonna forgive you."

So that's my top reason why they're elite. Buck and Maddie forgive one another the same way they love one another. Completely and entirely with their whole hearts.

[crazybagelbitch]

Violet/Arthur universe 🥺🥺 buck finally manages to convince Maddie to pop by the station to meet his friends but Arthur is there with Chim waiting to be picked up by his grandparents and Buck realises they’ve been hanging out when Arthur and Violet are super excited to see each other

“Alright, sweetheart, let’s go see Uncle Buck and maybe our friend Howie, too,” Maddie hums excitedly, a pep in her step as she holds her daughter’s hand and marches them both into the station.

“Maddie!” Buck says excitedly, “was worried you would back out again but--”

“VIOLET!” an excited, tiny child’s voice calls, scrambling over towards Violet and her mother as fast as his four year old legs will take him.

“Arthur?” Violet giggles, “Arthur, hi! Mommy, didn’t tell me we would see Arthur.”

“I didn’t know,” she says honestly.

“Waiting for his grandparents to come get him,” Chimney explains as he strolls over, shaking his head and smiling at his hyper son’s antics, hugging Violet so enthusiastically he almost lifts her off the ground, “hey, gentle, buddy. We’ve talked about this.”

“Like his hugs! Like flying,” Violet squeals, and Chimney can’t help but grin at his son and his friend.

It’s not that Arthur doesn’t have friends from school, but he’s always happy for his son to meet someone new, especially when the little girl’s mother is his beloved coworker’s sister. It feels like things are coming full circle.

“Uh, I’m assuming you two know each other beyond when Violet had her fall?” Buck asks awkwardly, gesturing to the two children running off to play with the toy firetruck Arthur had brought to the station.

“The kids have had a couple playdates,” Chimney shrugs casually, seemingly oblivious to the adoring eyes Maddie is shooting his way, with flushed cheeks. Buck, however, is not oblivious to it.

He knows it’s probably not fair, because Chimney is Chimney, possibly the most harmless man he knows, but it’s hard not to feel protective of his sister regarding men, given all that she experienced with Doug. He shakes his head, wondering how Doug could’ve helped to produce someone as sweet and kind as Violet. His niece clearly had empathy beyond her years.

“Does Arthur usually come to the station first when he doesn’t have preschool?” Maddie asks curiously, completely ignoring her brother’s presence.

“No, not usually, but our normal babysitter is sick so I didn’t have anywhere else to take him. Thankfully his grandparents--”

“I can take him next time. If I’m off shift, I mean,” Maddie interrupts eagerly, probably a little too eagerly, “I’m happy to help. I’m a single parent, too, ya know? I know that goes.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you. And I know he’d be in good hands,” Chimney smiles, “besides, I’m pretty sure Violet is well on her way to becoming his best friend. He loves her.”

“And Violet has so much fun with him, too,” Maddie nods, “thick as thieves, those two.”

“Hi, I’m Hen,” a new voice cuts in, holding out her hand for Maddie to shake, an easygoing smile on her face though when she turns to face Chimney her eyebrows are raised, “your brother’s coworker, and also Arthur’s aunt.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you. Good stuff, of course. Chim always talks about how brilliant a paramedic you are and how good you are with his son.”

“Arthur is a little cannon ball, but I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Hen shakes her head with a laugh.

“So like, how often are these playdates?” Buck asks, but he just goes ignored.

“He’s not gonna want to leave when Mr. and Mrs. Lee get here,” Chimney chuckles, looking over at Arthur playing gleefully with Violet.

“Sorry about that,” Maddie laughs, “I was expecting to see you maybe, but didn’t know Arthur would be joining us.”

“What do you mean maybe? The whole point of you coming was to meet all my--”

“Shut up, Buck,” Hen cuts him off, “so, Maddie, tell me a little bit about yourself.”