#macau: can't get out can't get in either

[thistransient]

It's that time again... The counter employee said "Have a nice flight!" and I said "You too!" 😅

[yujeong]

There's this idea that possessed me the other day, and since I don't trust myself to be able to write it at all in fic form, I'm going to share it: Pete experiencing symptoms of narcolepsy post-canon Pete feeling tired all day after they leave the hospital with Vegas and Macau but paying it no mind - he barely slept the past month after all, it's logical that he feels this way. Pete trying to sleep at night but being unable to, again paying it no mind - he's anxious about Vegas, he can't sleep without sensing his breath on his skin, without hearing his heartbeat. Pete at the verge of sleep seeing Vegas' bloody corpse on the floor next to him - it scares him shitless but the excuses never stop. It'll be fine, he'll adjust to his new reality, Vegas will get better, he'll get some sleep soon, it'll be fine. Except Pete eating breakfast with Macau and out of the blue collapsing on the table, his head falling onto the plate with the food Vegas prepared for him to eat. He's awake, he can hear Macau screaming his name and asking for Vegas to come and check because Phi fainted, except Pete hasn't fainted, he's wide awake, but he can't move and he can't open his eyes or his mouth to tell Vegas he's fine, and he's sorry for ruining the food he went in the trouble of making. He tells him eventually when it passes and he can open his eyes again and he can apologize to a frantic Vegas who's inspecting him all over and cleaning the mess he made on his cheek and his hair. He convinces Vegas to let it be and that it's probably because he's tired. Pete driving with Vegas on the passenger's seat when suddenly the tiredness is so overwhelming he falls asleep. It happens so quickly he doesn't register the consequences of it, how it'll lead to a crash, how he's going to lose Vegas and it's going to be his fault again, just like back then. He wakes up to find Vegas shaking him with teary eyes, screaming his name while being in evident physical pain. Pete wants to let it go, it's fine, he's just tired, except it's not fine because he's careless, he almost killed Vegas, but he can't have him being in distress. Porsche eventually comes to pick them up - they were on their way to meet him anyway. Pete didn't trust himself enough to drive. ^those are the two main ideas I have at the moment + another one which would be a variation of this: Pete experiences an intense emotion (I'm thinking either stress or laughter, it depends on the context) and losing control of his muscles again. It'd fuck up Vegas tenfold if the reason for that emotion was him :) One last thing: There's no cure for narcolepsy. You can only treat some of the symptoms with medication and lifestyle changes. Would you like to know what one of the options for medication is? Well:

Now wouldn't that fuck up Vegas' little mind just a bit? Mmm, I wonder. Decisions, decisions... (Everything I've found about narcolepsy so far is from this article my beautiful beta shared with me. I want to study narcolepsy a lot more to see how it could be used for this story, if I end up writing it.)

[snickerdoodlles]

Very Important Question about Vegas's Youtube era: how colorful is his cookware? Did Macau and Chay get him pink and green pineapple patterned mini-muffin trays?

Vegas's kitchen is so colorful. his kitchen looks like a cute kitchen pinterest board threw up all over it. nobody can tell if his aesthetic is retro or industrial or countryside or what, because it's this eclectic mishmash of individually cute instagram worthy things thrown together in a way that almost works but doesn't, because a proper pinterest board is always a hot fucking mess when taken in its entirety.

it first begins with items of whimsy. Macau shows Vegas a picture of a dinosaur ladle, Vegas says "what the fuck is that? father would never allow for those" and that alone manifests 12 of them in his shopping cart. feels very weird about it when they arrive and banishes the box of them to the forgotten corner of a cupboard. then Macau buys Pete his first pineapple jar. and like. it's a pineapple. that's all it is. Pete sticks it in Vegas's kitchen and Vegas is stuck staring at a ceramic pineapple that just looks like a pineapple, unable to figure out why it feels weird. Macau gets Pete a second pineapple jar, except this time it's also an owl face, and Vegas can't figure out why he wishes he was looking at that one instead of the regular pineapple one. he wants to hurl both of them at a wall so hard they leave a dent as they shatter. he wants to put them in a window where they'll be framed as the sun rises on them. he buys a spatula with a bee pattern on a whim all by himself and is so on edge about it for the next two weeks he whips welts onto (a very happy) Pete's back.

over the course of time, all of Vegas's kitchen supplies become items you'd expect to find on pinterest. bird salt and pepper shakers. cutely bland patterned jars labeled COFFEE and TEA. an industrial chic spice rack that sits under his cottagecore herb wall. highly specialized mini pans that make foods in special shapes. so many pastel pots and pans. at first Vegas is always saying stuff like "someone got that for me" or "my father would hate it." but it's not about that. later he's defiantly indifferent and daring about owning them at all. but it's not really about any of that either. it's really just...Vegas letting himself have cute things. things that would be called ~girly~ or ~ruin~ his image. there's actually several items he's just neutral about (like the soft pastel colors--not really his thing tbh! but a good pot is a good pot) or even sometimes dislikes (mini muffin trays = yay!, mini pans that only cook one(1) thing = frustration)-- but like. Vegas is allowed to have them. he's even fine to like them if he wants to. it doesn't matter that he has them. the image they paint of him doesn't matter. and that feeling of just owning cutesy, whimsical, or downright weird kitchen shit as he pleases without it being anything else is its own high for Vegas and his traumas ❤

[veliseraptor]

Hey! I've been trying to ask you this forever, but I keep forgetting because I'm so busy. Is there anything you headcanon about Vegas that annoys Pete and vice versa? Little things that they discover about each other when living together. Maybe even because of differences in social class. Also, is it true that Macau is planning to go to medical school?

and I've been meaning to answer this forever so I think we're even

in answer to your question: oh for sure there are things that annoy them about each other! I mean I'm pretty much of the opinion that any couple (or, honestly, any pair of people in any relationship) is going to discover things that annoy or frustrate them about each other. it's part of being two people who are different and not constantly in sync. that's relationships mate

when it comes to what those things are with these two...some of them are definitely class oriented, specifically I think with respect to the disparity between Vegas and Pete and Vegas's casual indifference to money as an unlimited resource vs. Pete's much more acute awareness of limitations and costs. and while that's not so much annoying, what is is the behaviors that result - Pete gets really uncomfortable with Vegas spending lavishly to spoil him, for instance, which annoys Vegas because he's just trying to do something nice, why doesn't Pete appreciate it >:(

meanwhile Pete gets annoyed sometimes by Vegas's massive entitlement complex and general expectation that he'll get what he wants on a micro if not macro level (which I think he does - he doesn't expect his father's love and approval or to beat out Kinn at anything but he will get that motorcycle he wants, if you understand me). and then there is Vegas's casual condescension to people who aren't on his level, in particular I think to other bodyguards, including people who are Pete's friends. Vegas makes some snide remark about how the main family bodyguards get their personalities removed when they're hired and Pete is like. "oh cool you know that's me and my friends right"

then there's I think the whole thing that happens sometimes where Vegas's temper gets set off and he gets mean, and then Pete reacts in the way that he's used to reacting to that from previous employers, namely by retreating into his :) smile and basically being friendly-nonthreatening-harmless, and that just makes Vegas angrier, for, like, six different reasons, among which are (1) reminder of how their relationship started out, which he doesn't like to think about, (2) the sense that Pete is reacting to him as an employer and not a boyfriend, (3) the knowledge that he's just hurt Pete and that pisses him off too, but in a way where he's still pissed off at Pete, (4) the frustration of not getting a reaction/response.

and it's not like Pete's happy about this either. I think it drives him even more nuts though when Vegas afterwards retreats into a self-pity and self-loathing hole and Pete has to drag him out of it. I think in general when Vegas gets really up in his own head sometimes Pete gets frustrated because come on, can't he just move on and never think about his feelings and issues and pretend they're not there? it works for Pete.

(it doesn't work for Pete. Vegas also recognizes this and wants Pete to recognize this, and it is frustrating when he doesn't. in general I think Pete's resistance to, like, confronting his feelings is something that drives Vegas a little nuts. they have an argument, Vegas says something nasty, Pete's obviously hurt by it, later on Vegas apologizes and Pete's like "oh it's fine :)" because he just wants to move on and not think about it anymore (and also probably has legitimately decided to do that, on purpose) and Vegas is like. "NO IT ISN'T, IT IS NOT FINE, DON'T DO THAT" which just makes Pete even more double down on the "it's fine :)" and. that one post about how in order to get Pete to talk about his feelings you have to catch him in very specific very fast vulnerable moments before he can turn it around into being about someone else. Vegas knows he's doing it, but can't figure out how to get him to stop. yeah. they're doing great.)

anyway all of this to say that they love each other very much and also drive each other up the wall in a variety of ways and that's what makes it so fun. they'll figure it out. or they won't exactly but they'll not figure it out in a way that's fun and spicy and keeps both of them alive/not destroying other peoples' lives. it's for the best.

[ae-azile]

Hello, I really love Progression so much and I am so happy you update every week. We, the readers got so spoiled rotted by your regular updates. It is amazing. I adore that fic so much. I have seen your headcanons about everyone sexualities/orientations. It is so amazing. I bet it would be great if everyone in that fic would bake the cake in the theme of their sexual orientation (like Nam did). I think a lot of people would be quite surprised. Because only few (Kinn, Chay) identify as gay in the pure sense of word of sexual orientation. You mentioned that Tankhun is pansexual and Vegas is demiromantic and Pete is demisexual. Kim is grey ace/demi too. (sorry if I don't remember correctly that post you made). I am looking forward to the next chapter.

I'm glad you are loving Progression! I definitely fell behind with chapter 26 due to some work stress and getting sick, but hope to get jolt of creative energy (along with time) and write more very soon! Haha, that would be fun for them all to have a bake off. Kinn is probably lucky that his preferences are so on the nose because I feel like he would probably lose if it became a competition 😂. Although, maybe he and Chay could team up 😉. You know Kinn would subconsciously start competing against Vegas, going for the best gay male pride flag themed cake, only for Vegas to come out with a magnificent white, grey, green and black cake and for Kinn to be stumped since their colors don't match at all. Pete would just smile and say, "He figured it out in therapy. I am the only person he is ever interested in having a romantic relationship with because we connect on a deep level and he can't imagine loving anyone else but me." Meanwhile, Macau gags in the background as he puts his finishing touches on his ally cake.

While I doubt that particular scene will play out, it would be fun to write a cracky one-shot set in/inspired by the universe! I do think Kim will talk about his lack of experience with Lane soon, which may lead to some revelations about himself. I could see those revelations being eye-opening for Chay (as his partner) and Khun (who may identify similarly in the sense that he doesn't neatly fit in one box). I actually see Kim and Khun identifying similarly. Khun has severe sexual trauma from his kidnapping that has only been hinted at. His brothers are aware, but it is in the past and Khun has only recently spoken about it with Arm. It definitely reshaped him and he probably is more demisexual equally by nature and trauma, while likely being panromantic. However, due to immense trauma, long term agoraphobia, and having his life stifled by his father, Tankhun did not have many options to meet new people. His relationship with Arm is the most important one he has ever had (and vice versa), but he is lucky he found someone he could feel that safe with and loved by.

As for Kim, I think he wants love. He is selective and paranoid, but he likes the idea of romance and would be open to it if he found the right person, so he could either swing demi or pan in terms of his romantic orientation. I think it could have been pan if he had a healthy environment and healthy relationships to look up to. But I think he is likely somewhere between sex positive ace and demisexual. He loves sex with Chay and he thinks Chay is beautiful. Sometimes, he initiates and he is beginning to understand what he likes in terms of physical intimacy and is open to experimentation. But I think what has him hooked on it is the closeness and trust he has developed. If his relationship would fall through, it would be devastating for him, and it would likely take a long time for him to open himself up enough to build another relationship so close and trusting that he would want sex with another person.

Thank you for the fun ask! I appreciate it!

[saturnskyline]

i was rewatching hospital scene, our beloved, and realized that for someone who lost everything, vegas actually won the most in the end. his father is dead, he is free from doing the job he hated, he has pete and macau, and a happy hospital ending. he can build a new life, read books, learn to cook and spend time with his family, and heal from the abuse.

meanwhile we have unhappy kim and chay, porsche who became everything he hated in some ways (he did found his mom and kinn at least), and as far from his beach bar dream as possible, kinn who is still just a chessboard piece (got porsche though) and not that happy about his job either if episode 6 tells us anything. so in the end "the villain" got the best outcome? kinnporsche is insane?

nonnie you are SO RIGHT. the way that vegas hits rock bottom and still sorta wins in the end?? very not normal about it 😭 i also really love the nuance of the ending overall. kinnporsche slaying as Mafia Boyfriends™, but ultimately trapped by korn (always emo about the beach bar.. just terrible), kimchay being miserable with their unresolved issues, despite being the couple that arguably has the least baggage (? i mean it's still a lot though) .... meanwhile beloved hospital family, dysfunctional as it is, gets to end on a pretty positive note! vegas is alive, for one, and as you pointed out, he has pete and macau and is free from his horrible father! so yeah, lots of unexpectedly good stuff going on there <333

now, obviously our dear family's situation isn't perfect - vegas still has to cope with his life being turned upside down, and while they're supposedly "out" of the mafia, it's hard to know what korn has planned for these three in the future. and sure, all of them have LOADS of trauma to work through, what with the torture and the abusive fathers, etc. but what i really love about the happy moments throughout the series is how they exist in spite of all the darkness. against all odds, these people have survived and gotten to spend, at the very least, a peaceful moment with each other. the "antagonist" of the story (if kinn is to be read as the "protagonist", that is) gets the chance to start anew with the people he loves most. and wow, isn't that just something?

one more thing, since i'm incapable of shutting up about this: i will never be over just how completely the show sold me on vegaspete. all the pieces just came together, and by the time we got to the finale, it was insane how cathartic and satisfying that hospital scene really was. so much has been said about this already, but i still can't believe the extent to which i fell in love with these freaks... and by that i mean occasionally disregarding the main couple (the literal name of the show????) in the second half of their arc and wanting to skip back to the deeply toxic, painful, walking-daddy-issues-in-a-trenchcoat pairing. (not like kp doesn't have any problems.. but c'mon lol.) anyway, i guess what i'm trying to say is that, while i never anticipated this, i'm really quite happy to be here 😅😅

[lu-sn]

niche postcanon au where macau decides he's going to learn how to surf

he's a beast at skateboarding already, right, and one of his friends drags him to a surfboard competition as a spectator and of course this boy is like "that looks sick and i could totally do that, it can't be that different from skateboarding"

so summer break comes around, and macau realizes that the best time to catch waves and not be interrupted by peasants is at like. five am. so he recruits pete to bully him out of bed and into the car every morning at the crack of dawn, and pete drives him to the coast while macau alternates between snoring ungracefully and gazing out the window at the pinkening sky.

pete sits in the sand with all of their stuff and watches macau eat shit again and again and again as the sun rises and colors the water a beautiful translucent purple-blue. sometimes he naps on the cool sand, sometimes he fucks around on his phone, sometimes he listens to music while peering out across the ocean at the tiny dot that is macau in the distance, patiently waiting for his next wave.

he snickers as the veteran surfers on this particular stretch of beach, thoroughly entertained by macau's bullheaded drive, take him under their wing and start teaching him the finer points that he's missed out on. which waves are easiest to catch and practice on, and which waves he can ride for longer once he's got his footing. how to go from lying prone to standing without overbalancing, how to make the board act as an extension of himself (this comes easier than the rest), how to dismount (kid, you really don't need to belly flop every time, even though you clearly get a kick out of it).

pete always wades into the shallows once the sun has fully risen and the water has warmed up a bit, takes like twenty videos of macau for him to pore over on the drive back. and every time he does this, he can see the clear improvement. macau is getting better and better.

in the beginning, vegas wants nothing to do with this (four am??? like hell, pete. macau can suffer all by himself). but his curiosity gets the better of him, and also when he whines about pete leaving for the tenth time in one morning, pete tells him to stop being a baby and just come along. so vegas comes too, occasionally, when he has nothing better to do - brings a book along, or dozes off beside pete. and as they watch the sun rise together, day after day, pete thinks he could never get tired of this.

at the end of the summer, macau enters an amateur surfing competition, and pete and vegas stand on the beach and happily make snide peanut gallery comments about all of the other competitors (that kid's form is terrible, that other kid needs way more core strength before he's going to be any good, etc, etc). they cheer obnoxiously loudly for macau. and macau doesn't win anything, but he comes back to them and he looks windswept and sunburnt and absolutely delighted. vegas ruffles his hair and macau takes that as an invitation to tackle vegas to the ground, still soaking wet. pete laughs, takes a billion pictures of them wrestling on the sand, and doesn't move to help either of them in the slightest.

[usertoxicyaoi]

sometimes you'll just open your notes app and-

Macau gets it. Being in love and being loved looks wonderful on Vegas. Being trusted and honoured and appreciated for his dedication and diligence to his work looks befitting on Vegas.

But, Macau misses his big brother.

He shouldn't, because that's being selfish. That's asking Vegas to carve out some time and attention for him too, when Vegas already has his hands full. He's got more important things to focus on now.

So, Macau chooses to stay silent.

Or maybe it's a lesson to learn, that he isn't a child anymore. He can't keep on going to Vegas for every little thing. He can't keep on relying on Vegas.

But then, who else does he go to? Who else will love him? Who else will understand him and everything that he's gone through?

He remembers how, at school, when he was 9 years old, his class teacher gave them all a task to share with the class who their favourite superhero was. Macau said it was his big brother, Vegas. He remembers how some of the boys around him sniggered at his reply, whispering about either how lame or incorrect his answer was, but he didn't find it funny, and he wasn't ashamed, and he didn't care. Then, when he was 12, they were asked to write a parapgraph on their best friend and to read it out loud to the class. Macau wrote about his big brother, Vegas. The boys in his class still sniggered. He still didn't care. Then, at 15, they were told to improvise a speech lasting 3 minutes long only, on the most important person in their life. Macau talked about his big brother, Vegas. They still sniggered, and he still didn't care.

Now, at the brink of turning 18, if he were asked all those same questions once again, his answer to them would still remain the same.

Macau's whole life has been shaped by Vegas. He's been not just a big brother, but a parent and a best friend and a role model too. He idolises him. He owes his whole life to him.

And that means coming to terms with the fact that, just like how Vegas has devoted his whole life in raising Macau, its now time for Vegas to devote the rest of his life in him putting himself first. And for Macau, that means him needing to realise his place in it.

He's just not sure where he stands in all of this. He doesn't want to overstep and end up tainting and damaging the good Vegas has in his life now. He doesn't want Vegas to ever turn around and look at him, only to remember his past and have that weigh him down heavy. Not when Pete, Vegas' light and his future, is right there with him.

[sorvete-de-pacoca]

Similar prompt to the Arthur one, but now between Afonso and Luciano.

Afonso: Fodasse. You want me gone? Is that it? All we do is either fight or ignore each other. This isn't right. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of fighting you. If you want me out of your life, I'll go!

"I never said that" Luciano whispers angrily.

"but that's what you want!"

"no! Don't put words in my mouth! I wouldn't have to bicker with you if you paid attention to me."

"So that's your excuse? Trying to get someone to pay attention to you? You're not a toddler anymore Luciano. Use your words!"

Luciano stares at him in silence for a short minute "Alright, fine. If it's the truth that you want...I hate to see you more with Macau than with me. Even with Spain you act more intimate. Seeing you give your time to others make me mad."

"it's unfair to acuse me when you're the one who acts distant." Afonso points out

"yeah I know. But I can't help it.."

"and why is that?"

Luciano looks away "it's .. complicated"

"no, you said you would give me the truth" Afonso pressures "I want all of it!"

Luciano feels cornered. But the man doesn't seem to let him go

"because... I like you. Like like you.."

Portugal eyes go wide "h-huh?!"

"that's your damn truth. I ignore you because I don't know how to handle this."

"Luciano, that's...that's not funny." He thinks he's joking.

"yeah, I know..." Luciano avoids his eyes and walks away, leaving the confused man behind.

[bitacrytic]

Talk about the major vs minor family has me wondering what Porsche is gonna do as the head of minor family and how does Vegas react to that. Also Porsche being at odds with Kinn because of this new position: Was this set up purposely to get a crack in their relationship? Probably. Will Vegas just sit back quietly twiddling his thumbs after getting demoted? Probably not.

Anon, are you are asking for canon spoilers? If you are, I'm sorry, I don't follow the books, so I can't tell you about the main/minor dynamics, beyond what the show has given us.

HOWEVER, if you're asking for my personal take???

Let's take your points one at a time.

What is Porsche going to do as head of the minor family and how does Vegas react to that?

I feel like Porsche is going to work with Vegas... not above Vegas. It wouldn't take a genius to know that Vegas knows minor family shit more than Porsche ever will. Considering how easily Porsche followed Vegas' lead with Uncle Thee, I feel like this is a possible progression.

He will never trust Vegas fully. I can see him double-checking Vegas' work or verifying details, but I can also see him following Vegas' lead.

Vegas might take a few months off, when he leaves the hospital. I can see him and Pete and Macau going to a DIFFERENT safe house for some fish air. But by the time Porsche burns down a few bridges, Vegas has to come back to work.

He'll handle business but I don't see him being resentful about the ring or Porsche being the "leader" of the minor family. If anything, it's good that it's Porsche and not Kinn or Korn. I imagine that Vegas might need a couple of years before he's ready to be in a room with either of them without reaching for a gun.

Porsche being at odds with Kinn because of his new position. Was it set up purposely to get a crack in their ship?

To say that Porsche and Kinn won't have trust issues or fight or break up is wishful thinking. Kinn hasn't worked through his issues yet and Pordche leaving him to go with Vegas was extremely traumatic. So, him magically becoming a trusting boyfriend is bullshit. I believe they still have work to do. Add to the fact that Porsche has developed his own trust issues and we have fiasco after fiasco in the making.

However, now that they're not hidden anymore, now that Porsche has his family and Kinn's friends and family know about Porsche, and Porsche is no longer just some bodyguard, I see their quarrels being hashed out, with people like Tankhun and Chay to go between. Because, I can't help but imagine what Kinn would do, if he was pissed at Porsche and hurling insults, only for Tankhun to enter into the room. And I know Chay will not hesitate to call porsche out when he's doing the wrong thing.

So, I don't think Porsche being the minor leader will crack their ship. It will just be another thing they have to work through. With the help of friends and family. They'll do their work. They'll learn to trust each other and hopefully, they'll set healthy boundaries between boundaries between relationship and their separate duties.

I also don't think Korn wanted to crack the ship, per se. He wanted Porsche to be loyal to Kinn. He didn’t want Kinn to reciprocate, but Kinn did. And Kinn has proven that he'll be an obedient son as long as his father doesn't try to take Porsche away from him. So, I think Korn has abandoned trying to separate them. He's seen a bunch of problems and solved them all by giving Porsche that ring.

Will Vegas sit back, twiddling his thumbs while being demoted?

No, I do not think he will. The ring is Porsche's. It was given to him by the main family. That's done. Vegas won't fight that.

But, I do think Vegas will do something to establish himself as the "actual" head of the minor family. Maybe hold a few secrets ransom, maybe stay out of a deal that falls through till Vegas shows up.

I don't think Porsche will fight back on it. But if Korn tries to arm twist Vegas, I feel like Vegas will assert himself. In my head, he and Porsche work more like partners at best, than Vegas being a subordinate.

And yeah, the minor family will continue to work with the main family. As Kinn said on the show, they're already sharing profits 50/50. There's hope for working together. And with Porsche between Kinn and Vegas, communication is possible. Harmony is possible.

I also see Pete's presence as a balm of sorts. The havoc that Vegas is capable of causing would not occur, because Vegas is a family man now. And one-thirds of that family has heavy ties to Korn. So he won't go all out. But he will do something.

So... yeah. These are my thoughts on the main/minor family dynamics, post-show.

[yujeong]

Hello. I'm back with my Macau bullshit. This time: the difference between his relationship with Pete and his relationship with Porsche (because if I don't scream about Pete and Porsche and the parallels between them, I can't function as a human being apparently.) Ok so, first things first. I am aware that I may be comparing apples and oranges here. Besides the fact that they're both bodyguards of the main family and very close to Kinn, there's not really anything else tying them together in regards to their relationship with Macau. But here's the thing. That's what I care about. What circumstances make Macau act like the devilish little gremlin that he is VS the compliant and polite son of the minor family. And my boys are perfect for the job. (The post will be split into 2 parts because I guess I had a LOT to say about Porsche and Macau so, Pete and Macau will be explored in another one)

Ok. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we did NOT get enough Macau in the show. He had like, what, 5 scenes total? HOWEVER, the scenes we got were spectacular for a gazillion reasons but I'll choose to focus on a specific aspect of them for this post: Most, if not all of his scenes, were either from Porsche's or Pete's POV. And that's giving us a lot. Let's start with Porsche. He - and the audience, remember, most of this show is through Porsche's POV so that's important - meets Macau like he actually is; a typical teenager. He's moody, rude and doesn't want to deal with Porsche's bullshit. (Although, one could argue he was extra antsy because they were at the main family's house, which I choose to believe due to how the minor family is treated by their relatives.) Their first scene, accompanied by the scene in which he goes to Gun and calls Porsche out in front of everyone is Macau being sincere. It actually is him, and it's tragic as well as amazing how he's never himself again in front of Porsche for the rest of the show. Because the next time we see Macau with Porsche, it's in ep 7, when Vegas has his plans with Porsche to execute and Macau has to follow along. BUT, Porsche gets to have a glimpse of the real Macau in this exchange:

(Vegas' smile is KILLING me OMG, he loves his brother SO MUCH, I'M CHEWING GLASS AS WE SPEAK-) Porsche never gets to see Macau's actual face in this (maybe a glimpse from above but with difficulty) but his voice betrays his happiness at seeing his brother and from the answer he gives. Aaaall of that fades away when the bodyguards sit down. Macau turns quiet and polite, keeping appearances because they have guests, and we have him welcoming all of them, and Porsche, like this:

The show knows we the audience - and Porsche - remember what has happened between the two, so Macau saying "Hello" to Porsche carries significance here. GOD, I wish I could make gifs because, after that, after the camera stops focusing on Macau's face, you get him blurred in the background and the boy is SO uncomfortable by what's happening. His eyes dart left and right, mostly at Pete and Arm's direction - he fucking HEARS Arm's comment about "no surprise that the heirs of this family turn out like this" and he SIGHS and looks downward and he STARES at Vegas' direction when he spews his bullshit about how the minor family treats their bodyguards. My boy is PRESENT in the discussion and he hates every second of it. Isn't it spectacular then, how the next scene between him and Porsche, is the one in which Macau apologizes? I love the fact that he calls him Phi. It's so good, because in my eyes Porsche doesn't even deserve it. He never apologized for what he did to Macau. He did, to Vegas, but not to Macau himself. So, the respect Macau shows to him is so fake I could cry from laughter.

He finds him trying to get on Vegas' motorcycle and touches him and urges him to ride it. "I know you like motorcycles," he says, like that's a normal thing to know and not something Vegas told him to say because VEGAS is the one who knows.

I'm dying over here, truly. Macau is amazing and it hurts as much as it's funny, because Macau must be feeling so bad here imo. He's not an idiot, he knows Porsche was in the wrong and Vegas knows as well because LOOK AT HIS FUCKING FACE AS MACAU SAID THE THING:

This isn't a strict face, one that's like "that fucking kid, finally he learned how to apologize". This is a "the things I do for my plans to work" kind of face. Vegas used Macau here. And I'm convinced that he hated every second of witnessing this scene in front of him.

Also, I love how Macau is touchy with Porsche. Macau does show affection through touch, just like his brother does. It's evident by the hospital scene with Pete and the scene above with Vegas when they talked + the scene in ep 2, in which he stretched his arm in Vegas' direction. But, just like Vegas, he uses that in his advantage to get what he wants here. What Vegas wants from him to get, which is, Porsche's trust. And, if any audience member actually believed for even a second that Macau was sincere here, then comes this to show them that NOPE, the boy doesn't believe his words in the slightest:

It's easier to see in motion but Macau's shy grin as he sees Vegas in front of him, shows you everything you need to know about the sincerity of his words. And even if THAT wasn't enough, you have Vegas confirming your suspicions with his words:

Oh, Vegas, you scheming bastard. You wanted your plan to work so badly, you used even Macau for it. I wonder if that kept you up at night. This whole scene was so...Vegas coded? It felt like Macau adapted Vegas' methods of seduction with Porsche here, didn't it? Actual Macau would never do any of that and it's incredible how Porsche only saw that version of Macau after ep 2. It makes you wonder; what did Porsche see and hear from Macau during that one-month period before the show finale, a period of time in which Vegas was fighting for his life + Porsche had just gained Vegas' right as the heir of the minor family? How was Macau's behavior then? I really wish we got to know, because Macau showing his true self to Porsche again due to circumstance is very appealing to me. Porsche&Macau in general is a relationship dynamic I haven't seen people talk about at all, which is strange due to their canonical scenes. Oh well. Another excuse to write essay long posts on Tumblr, I guess.

[snickerdoodlles]

PLEASE tell us about Pete and his terrible design choices.

OH YES thank u for the kick nonny. (context: Vegas's kitchen, but more importantly, my fic: Interior Design.)

so the idea behind interior design fic is that Vegas loves his homes moody, dark, and chock full of symbolism and Pete, after so many years of first abuse and then dehumanization, likes anything with personality. however, while Pete likes Vegas's stuff being anything but boring, it's not really him either? which then hits a conundrum in that Pete doesn't want to vanish in his own home, but Vegas's aesthetic is a strong personality to compliment/compete against and Pete doesn't really have any idea on even what he likes, much less have a distinct design preference. there's a lot of shrugging and frowning and frustration involved. neither of them have a clue how to identify or articulate what feels off about the situation and they characteristically just let it fester until they can fuck it out and start the cycle all over again.

(i picture there is a lot of Pete kinda throwing his stuff around carelessly to make it his space too, and equally Vegas getting annoyed by the untidiness and pushing Pete to his limits or manhandling him until he bruises/scratches/whatever. none of this deters either of them from their bad habits in the slightest.)

then Macau and Chay start buying Pete that sort of white suburban lady stuff you'd see on pinterest or designer instagram and he absolutely loves it. i poke fun at that aesthetic because many aim for styles like handmade craft, or eccentric traveler, or eclectic bohemian, etc-- except the creative eccentricity and uniqueness that makes those styles so neat doesn't translate to anything that's mass produced at the lowest cost possible. it's just...hollow, because those styles are about telling the unique story of one person but mass market says nothing specific about any person by design.

which for Pete, who doesn't really know what he likes and still masks out of habit, is perfect. everything's personalized except it's meant to be blandly appealing to everyone and therefore can't crack his shell in any meaningful way. its distinct blandness all kinda runs together but of course starkly stands out against Vegas's moody shit and religious iconography. everyone side-eyes Pete a bit for his shit style and Pete is thrilled, because it's recognizably his shitty style. Vegas fixates on the ways Pete's shit clashes with his and expresses his feelings about it extensively all over Pete. Pete is thriving.

Pete still hasn't managed to put this into words, mind you. he's sticking up his ceramic birds and shitty craft hedgehogs and weird paper lights going "i like better? i like better" with zero introspection and no plans to do so ❤

[veliseraptor]

is it time for another 150 words meme? guess it is!!

for those who haven't been around for one of these - pick a number from the list of wips below and I will write 150 words in that project. you can send me up to three if you really can't decide on one. if you don't recognize or are curious to know more about what these are, my wip list has a brief summary of I think all of them.

twelve options and it's basically vegaspete and yi city all the way down with two wild cards

1. This place was too open and there were too many people around, none of whom he knew. There could be more of whoever those people had been around; he didn’t want to divide his focus to see if either of the two he’d dropped had ID. Pete was on his own and Vegas was compromised. “We have to go,” Pete interrupted. 

“You – what? What the fuck – are those guys dead?” 

“Sorry,” Pete said, adjusting his grip on Vegas. Then, because he felt rude and a little bit bad and Vegas did seem to like these people, he added, “have a good night.”

And he half dragged, half carried Vegas out into open air. 

Pete wavered between driving without somebody else as eyes or waiting for a car with a basically incapacitated Vegas and decided he wanted to get them out of an uncontrolled environment now. He disentangled himself from Vegas to put him in the passenger seat, which was more difficult than it sounded because Vegas didn’t want to let go and at one point bit his neck, which made it very hard for Pete to focus the way he needed to. (Drift)

2. Vegas wondered if he should try to pretend to know who he was talking about. Nobody liked hearing that the death that’d meant so much to them hadn’t made an impression. 

“You don’t even remember him, do you,” said his captor. 

“I have no idea who you are,” Vegas said. “So, no.” 

He didn’t like that, and expressed as much with another kick in the ribs. Vegas gritted his teeth so he didn’t yelp even though his vision swam and his head spun, his still mending insides vehemently protesting.  (All's Fair)

3. Xue Yang had a deep professional respect for Wei Wuxian’s work. He was, unquestionably, a master of their shared craft; Xue Yang had built a not insignificant part of his own work on the scraps of foundation he’d left behind. He was skilled, and smart, and based on his activities during the Sunshot Campaign had a nasty streak Xue Yang could appreciate. 

On a personal level Xue Yang sort of wanted to gut him with a dull knife. (demonic cultivator team up fic)

4. “Why are you guys being so weird,” he said aggressively. Vegas shot him a look that Macau met without wavering. “What? It’s making you really uncomfortable to be around.” 

“So go find somewhere else to be,” Vegas said. “Nosy.”

“I live here,” Macau said. He turned his gaze on Pete. “So?” 

Vegas could see Pete hesitating. His eyes darted toward Vegas and then away. 

“Don’t try to pry shit out of him just because you think he’ll crack before I do,” Vegas said. 

“He will, though,” Macau said, eyes still fixed on Pete. “You’ll tell me what’s going on. Right, P’Pete?” It hovered somewhere awkwardly between a wheedle and a command. Vegas reached over and smacked the back of his head.

“Cut it out, you little pest,” he said in English. 

“Did you have a fight or something?” 

Vegas’s insides seized up a little but before he could respond Pete said, “no, it’s not like that. Everything’s fine.” He smiled and Vegas felt like there was something scraping against his skin. He clenched his molars together until his jaw hurt. Macau looked even more suspicious.

“Riiight,” he said. “Sure.” (post canon vegaspete long(er) fic)

5. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Pete asked again, for the fifth or sixth time. Vegas gritted his teeth so he didn’t snap.

“Yes, I’m sure,” he said through them. “Stop asking.” Pete barely flinched before relaxing into an easy smile. 

“Okay,” he said. 

“You’ll have sightline from here,” Vegas said, by way of…not apology, but maybe it would help Pete feel a little better. “Don’t worry. I don’t think…” his voice wavered and he cleared his throat. “I won’t be long.” 

Pete scanned him with watchful eyes that didn’t quite match his smile. “You can stay as long as you want,” he said. In his eyes Vegas read I don’t like this. 

“I know I can,” he said sharply. “I wasn’t asking permission.” He turned before he could see Pete’s reaction and walked into the cemetery. (Fidelity)

6. “Can I tell you a secret,” a-Qing said, her voice now dull. Song Lan made an affirmative sound, though he tensed. A-Qing chewed her lower lip. “It’s bad,” she said. 

“Mm-mm,” Song Lan said in denial. A-Qing turned a little in his direction, looking at him through her eyelashes. 

“I think Daozhang is still in love with him,” she said despairingly. Song Lan’s heart sank, the hope that he’d been wrong dwindling to nothing. He said nothing, waiting, and a-Qing kicked her heels. “I thought he’d get over it, now that he knows how awful he always was but he still…it’s not fair. That bastard is dead and he’s still making everything worse.” 

Song Lan’s chest ached. 

“What are we going to do,” a-Qing said, her voice small and unusually young-sounding, so unlike her usual brash, confident self. 

I wish I knew. I wish I knew what was right. No, Song Lan had to admit to himself that was no longer his first question. He wished he knew what would help. Right or wrong, if it brought Xiao Xingchen some peace… (Life After Death)

7. That was the trouble, wasn’t it? Xue Yang was right: Song Lan did want him to suffer. He wanted him to feel every miserable bit of pain he’d caused him and Xingchen and so many others; he wanted him beaten down and broken and begging forgiveness that he would never, never receive. The violence of the thoughts he’d had about what he could do to Xue Yang frightened him. The ease with which he’d already done some things – nothing against the torments Xue Yang had inflicted, but that was not a standard he wanted to live by – sickened him. But that didn’t mean he didn’t crave vengeance. He hadn’t spared Xue Yang’s life out of kindness. 

“Yeah,” Xue Yang said, reading Song Lan’s silence correctly. “So there you go.”

Song Lan grimaced, closing his eyes and taking a moment to center himself before saying, “whatever – baser urges I might have, as I’ve said, that isn’t how I want to conduct myself. With anyone.” 

Xue Yang looked away from him. “Seems to keep happening, though,” he said. “So much for daoshi discipline, huh?” 

“You are remarkably good at trying my patience,” Song Lan said. Xue Yang’s eyes darted back in his direction and he laughed; this one sounded significantly less wild than some of his others. 

“It’s not just you, Song-daozhang,” Xue Yang said, his voice suddenly bright and lilting. “I try plenty of other peoples’ patience too.” 

“I can imagine,” Song Lan said, which drew another laugh from Xue Yang. 

“It’s a gift,” Xue Yang said, with a sunny smile. (Walking Far From Home)

8. Xiao Xingchen had to laugh. “I would try to coax you back out,” he said. “I’m sure you’d be a very cute tarantula.” 

Xue Yang laughed and grinned at him even more widely. “You would think tarantulas are cute,” he said. “Sure, okay. I’ll be your special tarantula and I’ll only bite other people, not you. I’m very venomous, though, so be careful.” 

Xiao Xingchen tried to look solemn. “I trust my tarantula boyfriend,” he said, but he couldn’t hold a straight face, breaking into a giggle. 

“Your first mistake,” Xue Yang said, the two of them laughing together. Then Xue Yang lit into tickling Xiao Xingchen, and Xiao Xingchen almost kicked him in the stomach by accident, and the shadows of his dream faded from his mind. (Redux)

9. So. He was back. 

He was back and he was alive and something was wrong with him.

There were a lot of things wrong with him. Clearly. Or maybe had been wrong with him all along and now it was just…exposed, laid bare, yanked out in the open where he couldn’t ignore it. 

Vegas had done a lot of things to him but Pete thought that might be the worst. (jiggety-jig)

10. “Why won’t it work, you mean?” Xue Yang said, and laughed. “I can’t tell you all my secrets, Zichen.” 

Don’t call me that, Song Lan almost wrote, but he stopped himself. There was almost certainly no better way to ensure that Xue Yang called him nothing else. Instead he wrote, I would expect you to want to brag.

“Ha,” Xue Yang said. “What would be the point? It’s not like you’d be impressed. And you already know how good I am. Was.” His smile fell away a little, momentarily, and for a split second Song Lan saw him as he’d truly been when he died, hollowed out and exhausted, bloody and beaten even before Song Lan slid Fuxue between his ribs. “You are how good I was. My greatest creation. Even more than the Yin Tiger Seal. I just remade that, after all, but you were all mine.” 

Song Lan couldn’t actually vomit but the nausea was still overpowering. (the poison in your bones)

11. Liu Mingyan was a problem. 

If she had to be fair (though Sha Hualing was not generally interested in being fair), she was less annoying than her brother, but that was setting a remarkably high bar, and she was more annoying to Sha Hualing specifically. As far as Sha Hualing could tell, Mingyan-guniang had made it her business to interfere with Sha Hualing’s business at every possible opportunity. Sometimes it seemed like she couldn’t turn around in the Human Realm without running into her, even when Sha Hualing wasn’t doing anything wrong. Or hadn’t done anything yet, anyway. 

Or at least hadn’t done anything Liu Mingyan could possibly know about. 

It wasn’t like Sha Hualing couldn’t handle her. Obviously she could; she’d defeated her one-on-one, and later on held her captive. It still made sense to be cautious. A little wary. Human beings could be tricky sometimes, and Liu Mingyan in particular made Sha Hualing uneasy. Not that she would say as much to anyone. (under pressure)

12. “All of us,” Gabriel said, “must, in our lives, learn how to surrender to some greater power. Preference may not come into it.”

Lymond’s unnaturally bright eyes blinked once. “Not mine, at any rate,” he said. “I’m sure your preference is quite informative, in this case.” 

“Your wound,” Gabriel said, removing his hands, “needs tending.” 

“And you, with your healer’s hands,” Lymond said. “Ille more suo victus pietate, nec sordes cavit, nec fetorum exhorruit.”

“I make no claims to the miraculous,” Gabriel said. “But such things come first and foremost to the faithful.”

“Accept Christ,” Lymond said, “and my deformities shall disappear. Deny him, and I am cast out of the body public. Is that it?”  (et ipsi sunt jacula)

[ae-azile]

I loved the cousin drunken bonding in latest Progression chapter. It was so hilarious and cute. I am absolutely blown by Macau/Kinn though. I don't think I have ever read about these two together, even talking more than few words. While Khun/Vegas is cute and can be seen, Macau/Kinn is such rarepair cousin bond than I immediately started to ship them hard (not ship as romantically but as in cousin bonding). I can't wait for the next chapter. I hope ultimate shippers, Chay and Porsche, can see their appeal too. :D

Hello! I'm glad you liked the bonding between the cousins. It was definitely fun to write. I will say my favorite cousin dynamic tends to be between Tankhun and Vegas. They are the oldest sons and Vegas never treats Tankhun with disrespect - even after getting hit in the head with a tray. The most he does is attempt to stare him down, a challenge he quickly backs down from in silence, which is surprising when he had been smugly challenging Kinn through tense conversation just seconds before. The most negative thing he says about him is that he is "something" (at least going by the English translation). I like to think that they loved each other at one point, and maybe Vegas looked up to him and feels some semblance of sadness when he thinks about what Tankhun went through. Tankhun was old enough to be the big brother Vegas desperately needed - and maybe once had before their families became too strained and set on competition.

As for Kinn and Macau, they have a potential dynamic that interests me too. I can see Kinn as someone who wants to be both a protector and a friend to his brothers, but it is difficult with their very different personalities and the wedges forces between them due to their trauma and their overall situation. He was likely conditioned to be a protector by both his father as well as himself after Tankhun's kidnapping happened. While he likely adores his older brother, is present for him, and makes sure he has guards who are more suitable as friends, rather than just staff, there is likely some resentment, heartbreak, and grief for who is older brother once was and will likely never be again. His relationship with Kim seems like a distant one. In this story, this result is due to an upsetting incident during their childhood, Kim struggling to connect and express his emotions, and Kinn being the most involved in the family business while Kim wants nothing to do with it. There is likely resentment from Kinn as well, that Kim gets to follow his dreams while Kinn has to stay back and do all that is expected of him.

While both Khun and Kim genuinely love Kinn, there is a distance that Vegas and Macau simply don't have. While Vegas always feels like he is getting pitted against and beat by Kinn, he is more successful than him in at least one aspect: he actually has a healthy relationship with his brother. Macau is the youngest and not involved in the business either. Like Kim, I see him holding very little interest in it. However, he is present for his brother. He supports him, spends time with him, and is openly affectionate with him in a way that seems to come to both of them easily and without hesitation, which is something we don't really see between the major family brothers (although Khun does seem to want physical affection from him).

To me - at least in this story - Macau represents what Kinn would ideally want in a sibling. Macau may not show interest in any mafia business, but he also likely doesn't share any old lifetime goals Kinn once had for himself. On top of that, Macau is loyal. He is the one member of the family who successfully does his own thing and stays out of the business, yet stays loyal to his brother, who is very much tangled up in the expectations their family has. He is present, loving, there, and was never in a situation where he stepped back from previous responsibilities like Khun did. He also never distanced himself from the entire family due to his lack of interest in their operations like Kim did.

In some ways, Macau just being himself and resistent and avoidant towards the mafia/his father while remaining close and loving towards his brother makes him the most ideal sibling in either family. He is also the most "normal" by far. Kinn adores his brothers and wouldn't trade them for anything, but I think Vegas got something that Kinn simply didn't by having Macau as a brother: a healthy brotherly relationship that somehow was strengthened by their circumstances rather than tainted and strained. I think a lot of that deals with how Macau operates, which brings out Vegas loving, affectionate, protective, and nurturing side. This is a side Kinn has as well, but since his relationships with his own brothers were strained, that side sort of remains stagnant.

It's been coming out more that they have all become closer, and Kinn is incredibly grateful for it. That being said, he feels like a third wheel at times, and his role as heir/head made Tankhun and Kim hesitant to share certain things with him. Despite Vegas also being heir/head, Macau never faced this predicament. So when Macau and Kinn get drunk together after the cousin reconciliation and the two are left alone, I feel like Macau's sincere side comes out, all while Kinn's protective and caretaking side comes out. Talking with Macau was likely very easy in comparison to opening up with his brothers. Despite it being alcohol fueled, he felt genuine connection with his (now second) youngest family member. It felt easy, like how brotherly bonding should feel like.

We definitely might see more Kinn and Macau moments! I can see Macau just randomly inviting Kinn out to go jet skiing or something and Porsche being like, "Huh???" all while Kinn leaves the compound with an excited grin on his face because he's getting chosen over Tankhun and Kim lolol. But I think Chay will be invested, and Porsche will too after getting over his confusion.

Anyway, this turned into a rambling essay that got away from me lolol. But thank you for the ask and I hope you enjoy the next chapter!

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

Liveblogging notes from ep. 5.

Regretting a few of our life choices this morning, are we Kinn? Good. (I'm enjoying him as a character, but dude, just because somebody is all but saying take me I'm yours doesn't mean you gotta.)

Porsche is not okay. :(

Kinn you really fucked up.

Kim wtf are you doing? Ah, digging for info, not getting much so Kim out. And Korn is under no illusion that his youngest was doing anything else. You did a great job on your kids.

The camera work on this show is an actual joy.

Porsche is giving him the cold shoulder and he's in trouble with dad, who knows everything. Short game. Kinn sucks at chess? He's not paying attention? He wants to get this over with? Oh wow he looks upset. Practically nothing has visibly fazed him up until now. I note that the game doesn't stop just because he loses in two minutes flat, either; it just resets.

So far this episode is hella somber, even given the Khun/Kim interaction. Change from the rather manic air we've had previously. Porsche is having the worst day, somebody rescue this guy, wtf? And right on cue is Pete, adorable and concerned and so, so oblivious about the real problem.

Kinn is back to day drinking and Porsche won't look at him and everyone is miserable (except Khun who has a whole new hobby -- at least it gets him out of the house) and they both try banging random people and can't stop thinking about each other.

I have to pause here and try to unpack some of this.

Porsche is going through it on so many levels. He's a fighter and has already been in one gunfight; getting hurt like that didn't affect him, but getting drugged and assaulted while virtually helpless is not something he's prepared for. He evidently doesn't remember that part of the night well enough to identify Vegas, but he might remember being scared. Likewise, that he might be personally targeted on the basis of who he works for clearly never occurred to him. (A little ironic given how many other characters are trying to figure him out.)

There's also the fact that he had sex with his boss, who is giving him almost no clue that it meant anything at all, leaving Porsche to wonder if this is some distressing requirement for working here that he didn't know about. The one thing the Mafia does not appear to have is an HR department. They'd started to interact kind of like normal people the other day, and now everything is weird and dangerous again. Is this like the Macau situation, where he's being shielded from something even worse? Or is this genuinely awful behavior on Kinn's part? How the hell would he know?

Then there's the sex itself, which between the whole question of his sexual identity, the uneven power dynamic, and Porsche's altered state of mind at the time, is complicated to say the least.

He's vulnerable, and he's isolated. His usual friends either aren't there or don't notice how much misery he's radiating. He's generally biased toward action as a character, but there is no action he can take, nothing he can do about any of this. It isn't much surprise that he's basically gone into shutdown.

Kinn is a bit more difficult since we still know less about him, but there's some parallels. There's a physical vulnerability component, very different from what Porsche is going through but no less complicated: it isn't just Kinn in danger. We got this much from the chess scene. The last time Kinn got involved with anyone, it ended in a disaster which did not affect just him. We are back, with some subtlety, to choice; it's not just a matter of which price does he want to pay, but who else is going to pay it. Porsche got targeted because Kinn likes him.

Then there's the emotional side of things. Kinn has been reminded that historically he is maybe not the best judge of who can be trusted, and the stakes are high. Sex is not allowed to have emotions tangled up with it. In fact, nothing is allowed to have emotions tangled up with it -- but we saw when he was talking to Korn how that runs against his instincts. He would like to prioritize Porsche right now, but a) doesn't appear to have the emotional toolkit and b) lacks confidence in his own judgement here, so he caves to his dad.

Kinn also has no one to turn to, unless you count his father, whose advice is clear but for some strange reason doesn't make anyone less unhappy. He has a lot more freedom to act than Porsche; there are lots of things he can do, it's just that all of them are making things worse, and so he's snappish and indecisive and defensive.

In case things aren't awful enough, look who rolls up while Khun and the gang are all leaving Yok's but the human red flag himself to take advantage of Porsche's state. Don't leave anybody alone with Vegas should be like, a standing order for these guys.

Oh wow, Kinn is drunk. Vegas is feeling like a winner.

Kinn, this is the opposite of a good way of dealing with any of this oh my god you actual disaster! Good, Porsche, call that bluff.

So. Much. Tension.

Bad decision again buddy! You are on one hell of a streak now. Ken is the one I can't pick out of the crowd ever. Give that man an accessory please, they all dress alike.

Thank god we are cutting to Chay, that was an exhausting half hour and unusually long tight focus for these episodes. Chay has just gotten off a better flirty line than every single one of the older characters together, well done.

Kim is still hunting for intel on Porsche. (New theory: Korn actually brought him in so the family would have something to do, like giving puzzles to your herding dogs so they don't rip up the furniture.) Kim's weakness is music I see, just has to play along. Given the established distance between Kim and his siblings, the contrast here is sad.

Korn has not caused enough trouble? Having your boss's boss ask how you're doing is awkward even at a normal job. Everyone makes mistakes literally none of this is Porsche's fault! Why does Korn look so satisfied with this development?

So Porsche gets a week vacation to hang with Chay and be reminded of why he agreed to do this in the first place? Hm.

Learn to knock FFS, Kinn. Oh, he did not know about this move from Korn? Why looking for Porsche dude? Finally sober up and realize how badly you fucked up? (We can hope.) I don't know if I would go with "heartbroken" so much as just plain "broken." Pete with some (badly needed) good advice.

Porsche's old friends can tell there's something going on with him. Porsche's new life keeps invading the settings of his old life.

Kinn you officially have less understanding of boundaries than my cat. Also, you have bodyguards for a reason. If you leave them behind so you can go argue with/apologize to Porsche, wtf did you think was going to happen?!

Chan with the red alert. Korn with an unreadable expression. It's been like a million years since we had an action scene. Big has the worst luck, damn.

[suga4mycoffee]

The moments of realisation that hit you when re-watching this show are brutal.

Like the moment where Vegas speaks about taking care of the hedgehogs, and all of them dying.

The moment where he speaks about the last one, and how "He still left me, too."

How "I didn't even get to name him.", because if he didn't name him, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much when he died.

How everything he's ever tried to take care of, except Macau, has died. And that he must be terrified that something will happen to Macau, too.

When he says "Everything that I love has left me.", and you realise he's just waiting for that to happen to everyone in his life that he even remotely cares about.

How you realise that, maybe, this is why Vegas tried so hard to treat Pete like a pet at first.

Maybe, this is why he kept calling Pete a pet. "You are such a good pet of the main family."

Perhaps, it's why he tried to make Pete eat from a pet bowl.

Because if Pete was 'just' a pet, like the hedgehogs he's cared for, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if he died.

But when he sees that Pete might actually die, he panics.

He crumbles, because he's scared he'll lose Pete, just as easily as those hedgehogs.

When he calls Pete's name, no longer calling him a pet of any kind, shaking his arm, tapping his face. Because Pete is so much more than a pet.

How Vegas dresses Pete's wounds, gives him medicine, speaks to him softly.

How he makes him hot food, in a proper bowl with proper utensils, and even eats some of it himself, to not only prove that it isn't poisoned, but to show that it's a bowl he's willing to eat from. That it isn't something he'd give to a pet.

How he's completely fine with Pete having a book to read, until Pete says something that makes him lash out.

How he gave Pete a chance to escape, to leave him, instead of dying under his hands, like all his hedgehogs. Like the one he holds in his hands when he leaves him the key.

The way he sits like his strings have been cut, mourning the last hedgehog, and knows that Pete will be gone by the time he's brushed himself off and gone back inside.

Because "Everything that I love has left me."

Except Pete.

Because Pete doesn't, no, can't leave Vegas while he's suffering.

He was given the perfect opportunity to leave, to go back to the main family, to escape Vegas.

And instead of grasping that opportunity with both hands, he stays. He sees Vegas, alone and in mourning, and decides that he can't leave him.

He gives Vegas an ear, lends his metaphorical shoulder to cry on, because he wants to help ease his suffering.

He sits with Vegas as he gives the hedgehog a little funeral, handing him flowers to lay atop the grave. (If I'm not mistaken, the flowers are plumeria flowers, which have various meanings, one of them being new beginnings.)

When Vegas stands and walks away, Pete follows.

Pete says he doesn't know why he didn't run away, but I don't believe that. I don't think Vegas really believes that, either.

And Vegas opens up to Pete. He tells him about the hedgehogs, about his battle to care for them and keep them alive, and how he failed. How they died over, and over, and over. How he doesn't have any left. How he didn't name the last one, because maybe it would hurt less when that one died too.

He tells Pete how he's always measured against the main family, against Kinn, and found lacking. How, no matter what he does, his efforts will never be noticed, never be given the same weight.

Pete tries to comfort him, tries to stop him from hurting himself.

We're then gifted with an absolute masterpiece of a sex scene, which I'm far from qualified to properly gush about. Plenty of other people have written amazing things about it, so I'll leave it to them.

But after? When Vegas is left staring at Pete, who smiles, giddy and satisfied?

Vegas is coming to the realisation that he's completely and utterly fucked.

Because Vegas thought he could keep enough distance between them that Pete's inevitable escape wouldn't hurt, that if Pete happened to die it wouldn't be a big deal.

But it was never going to work. Pete already got under his skin long before that, Vegas already cared too much, there was no way he could have made it easier on himself.

Vegas realises, right here in this moment, that when Pete inevitably leaves him, it's going to hurt so much more than he ever imagined. That if Pete dies, it's going to utterly destroy him.

And you realise it, too.