#maéreverie hearn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lyricalive · 1 year ago

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We spend our whole lives waiting for the stars to align, but maybe it's already happened. The fated alignment of me, and her, and me.

——Say, Renko. Have you ever heard the legend of the purple mirror?

幻想惑星直列〜 Phantasmal Syzygy

#01 The Mystery in Your Town

– "11:59:55..."

– "Huh?"

– "And there it is, 12 o'clock! Happy birthday, Merry!"

My name is Maéreverie Hearn, but I've become far more used to the nickname given to me by my club partner. On top of nearly forgetting my own name, I'd also nearly managed to forget my own birthday. Between odd course schedules and late-night excursions, it's a bit hard to keep track of the days.

– "Oh, so it is."

– "Hm... Even though I say 'happy,' you don't look too happy about it."

My partner, Renko Usami, rests her cheek upon her fist as she sees through my forced smile. I wave my hand dismissively at her concern.

– "Well, it's not like I was born at exactly midnight. No need to celebrate prematurely."

– "What time was it, then?"

– "How should I remember?"

– "Do you happen to have a photo of your birth? Maybe I can tell from the sky."

– "I wasn't born out in the wilderness, you know!"

The special ability of Renko's unusual eyes is to tell the exact time by looking at the stars and the exact location by looking at the moon. Studying photographs for this information is how we've gotten our leads for various occult investigations, but there are limits to its practical usage.

Even so, I treasure those eyes very much.

She goes on for a bit, pestering me to call my family overseas to ask for this trivia, which I defiantly refuse. Any contact with them feels like a distant past that I have no wish to go back to. I moved to this faraway country for a reason. That reason was to learn more about my own unsettling eyes, something I always expected to do quietly and alone until Renko came along.

It's surprising to think that's it's only been three years... or three years already.

#02 Higan Retour ~ Riverside View

Three years ago.

It was shortly after our trip to the ghostly field at Rendaino, where we got our first glimpse of another world together. On the heels of this, one of our earliest successes, Renko had insisted that we carry on the momentum full-force.

She decided to investigate a certain abandoned shrine that cropped up a lot in her stash of old photos. Her source for these photos seemed sketchy to me at the time, though there's plenty of evidence for their validity by now.

I remember the silhouette of the shrine building, looming just a short way back over my shoulder. Surrounded by trees and moonlit darkness, Renko pulls me along by the hand, as she always does. Then she suddenly stops, narrowing her eyes at the moon in the sky.

– "The area here is so strange. We've been walking for almost an hour, but we've barely changed location."

– "Are you sure you're not just navigationally challenged?"

– "What are you talking about? I'm a human GPS!"

– "You're also a human clock, yet you were late to our meeting today."

– "Touché."

I used to be rather harsh with my teasing, didn't I? Nowadays, she's usually the one who teases me instead.

– "Still, it feels odd to me too. Hakurei Shrine… We keep cycling back to it somehow."

– "Hey, Merry. Do you know about Zeno's paradox?"

– "Zeno's paradox? The name sounds familiar."

– "It has to do with the infinite nature of limits... the phenomenon of getting closer to the goal, but never reaching it. I strongly suspect that's what's happening here."

– "Are you saying this barrier is impossible to cross?"

Renko shakes her head with the absolute confidence I've since come to expect from her.

– "Of course not. Not for us, anyway."

The sparkle in her eyes as she says this is as bright and vivid as a dream.

Despite her confidence, we didn't end up solving the mystery that day. That's usually how our club adventures go. We spent some time searching the shrine, and we took home a souvenir that we found in the ruins for further study. Just a small hand mirror, silver-rimmed, not particularly valuable.

But for its own sake... it was fun. Although we couldn't get close to our destination, I think it brought the two of us closer. And with that, subtly, something important shifted in my perception.

– "Let's keep searching together, until we find it!"

No matter who or what may be manipulating the distance, the other side must exist somewhere. There's a part of me that wants to get there, no matter what. And there's also a part of me that doesn't want the search to end.

It's as if Renko brings forth a new definition of "dream."

Come to think of it, it was rather soon after this excursion that I started experiencing my first strange dreams…

#03 Gensokyo, Past and Present ~ Flower Land

– "Is there anything you want as a birthday present, Merry?"

– "Yes, there is. An eight-tier cake with gourmet chocolate and genuine fruit toppings."

– "Darn. I think our local café is fresh out…"

With a smirk, Renko turns the joke on me as expected.

– "Hee-hee, I'm just kidding. I don't need anything in particular."

– "Aw, don't give me that. There must be something."

I put my hand to my chin and think a little more deeply. What is it that I want…?

To be honest, the certain circumstances of today have made me somehow anxious about getting through the night. So, as mawkish as it may be, the best gift that I could receive is just the comfort of her presence.

– "Well… I suppose it would be nice if we shared a good dream tonight."

It hardly sounds like a request worthy of a special occasion. I can visit dreams at any time.

In fact, it's grown increasingly natural to visit this one particular world every time I close my eyes. Overflowing fields of golden flowers… cool air stirred by a wind god's wings… the sound of younthful fairies' laughter… and bright sparks of fireworks even against the daylight sky.

Whenever I think about it, this is definitely where I want to be. It's such an amazing place that I could almost lose myself in it. I could almost forget to wake up.

That is, until I remember Renko waiting for me in reality. It's awfully ironic that Renko was the one who inspired me to be so interested in my own dreams, by showing me how much fun they can be to chase. Yet she's also the reason I fear them most—the fear of being apart from her.

Then, the ideal dream is one where she and I can explore it together. That's what makes this request special.

Maybe it's selfish of me to want the best of both worlds. My heart aches to imagine ever having to choose.

Of course, if it came down to it, my choice would be…

– "Let's do that! It would be my pleasure!"

I smile at her earnestness, and wonder why we don't take advantage of this method far more often. It's as simple as holding her close while we sleep, placing my hands over her eyes...

As soon as we turn out the lights, the mood of the room shifts. We lay down on our sides, and I feel the curve of her warm body against mine. I slip my arms past her waist, bending them up toward her face, and rest the palms gently on her eyelids.

And so, as Renko and I go to sleep together that night, we share a dream.

However... in the world we see, there are no fireworks, no fields of flowers or fairies playing.

There is only, against a twilight sky, a strange woman with a parasol standing before a vaguely familiar shrine gate.

#04 Eternal Spring Dream

Three days ago.

During one of many perfectly average meetings set in the clubroom of our university, Renko and I are engaged in conversation. Because it's only the two of us in such a wide room, the space between the walls seems cavernous, like even a whisper would echo all the way across.

– "I've been doing more research on the dream realm."

– "Research, meaning...?"

– "These notes."

Of course, she means the thorough collection of notes that can be sourced back to the Secret Sealing Club of a former era. They were originally digital files, but Renko had printed them out for the convenience, and perhaps for the aesthetic, of tactile experience. For a modern girl, she has some surprisingly old-fashioned values.

– "Is it that theory again? About the dream self?"

– "It is. Supposedly, every person alive has a corresponding dream self."

She straightens her tie with nimble fingers and prepares to explain.

– "The dream self is almost identical to the person it belongs to—except that it carries their deepest and most repressed wishes, which explains how unrestrained people act in their dreams."

– "Essentially, it's a self with fewer boundaries."

I have to chime in, because she's overstepping my specialty a bit. The psychology of the self is something I've studied a lot. Of course, it's a study that tends to lead fruitlessly in circles.

A person's unique consciousness is born from their choices under free will. At the same time, people have thoughts that they choose not to act upon, which remain within the subconscious.

But because those hidden thoughts and wishes do exist, there must also exist some quantum reality in which the person consciously chooses such thoughts. So, the person who would have been born from the choices which you didn't make, but which you could have made... but which you did make, sometime and somewhere... Calling this a different person is pure semantics, right?

Well, I suppose that the quantum entanglement of multiple possible realities is Renko's specialty, too. So I let her continue.

– "Something like that. This similar yet distinct entity is the one who actually experiences the physical events in the dream realm."

– "I'm not sure if I follow. In the first place, I still have scars on my own body from things that happened in my dreams."

– "Exactly. So here's the question raised by that contradiction: Assuming there is supposed to be a different body taking the hits for you… Where exactly is it? Where is your dream self?"

– "Ah, I see... Maybe my dream self is off playing hooky somewhere, and I'm being forced to take her place."

– "Right. It really would explain a lot about the way you experience dreams compared to everyone else!"

– "Oh, but you know me. I'm so well-behaved. No version of me would ever be so irresponsible."

– "Ha ha! I'll give you credit; that was a good joke."

– "You aren't supposed to laugh that quickly! How rude."

Despite protesting, I giggle along with her. Within a few minutes, though, her expression grows serious again.

– "There's also another way of looking at it."

– "What's that?"

– "Think about it, Merry. What is it that you always say?"

– "…"

– "'Dreams and reality are the same.' If this is your objective truth, then..."

– "Then, my dream self is..."

Just me...?

– "Crazy, right? I still think there's got to be some consistent logic to dreams. But the way your dreams work doesn't make any sense. If only one person in the whole world could be an exception to the rule, it's you."

Renko flips the page of printed materials, eyes wildly scanning it all over. I don't really know what to make of all these theories right away, so all I can do is look down at the documents.

Most of the text on the pages is typewritten, as if on a word-processing application. But there are a few lines scribbled along the side of the document in very messy handwriting, perhaps via a tablet's touch screen. I've never focused on those lines before.

I tilt my head to try and make out the words, which Renko doesn't seem to be acknowledging as anything but random symbols.

– "Purple... mirror."

– "What's that, Merry?"

– "Mm, nothing."

The words that I was casually reading didn't mean anything to me at the time. But they lingered in my mind long enough that I decide to type them into a search engine that night.

...A terrible choice. The search results send a chill down my spine.

Which brings me back to my terribly anxious feeling on the present day.

#05 Charming Domination ~ Who Done It?

We awaken from our dream. With a heavy exhale, my bedfellow stretches her arms high in the air, rustling the pillows beneath us.

Unfortunately, I didn't enjoy the dream as much as I hoped I would.

– "She was there. A beautiful woman with blonde hair. You saw her, right?"

I rub my cloudy eyes as I try my best to recall the image. In the dream, we had tried to approach the woman, at Renko's insistence. But no matter how far we walked, we never seemed to get any closer. It was as if the stone path at our feet were a travelator conveying us in the opposite direction.

Her demeanor dark and solemn, the woman didn't seem to acknowledge us at all. Eventually, she folded her parasol without a word and vanished into the shadows.

– "You say beautiful, but she seemed pretty nasty to me."

– "What do you mean, nasty?"

Most disgusting, the parts of yourself that you don't want to see.

– "..."

I open my mouth to speak. But the words that had come to mind are so unintelligible, I have no reason to say them. These intrusive thoughts have been bothering me more and more lately, and I can't understand where they're coming from.

– "There was an aura of elegance and mystery. She was so captivating; I couldn't take my eyes off of her."

– "All right already. You don't have to obsess about her."

Renko laughs, a sharp and carefree laugh.

– "Merry, don't tell me you're jealous."

– "Huh...?"

My cheeks grow warm at the accusation. Is that really what I'm feeling? How silly, to be jealous of an image from a dream... Surely, that's all she is to Renko.

The problem is that I sensed something off about her... in a much different way than anything else. Her expression as she stood before us in that dream was difficult to read. Lonely? Somber? …Menacing? I couldn't trust her. Or maybe that's just my excuse. I pout stubbornly.

– "You know, she kind of reminded me of you. But don't worry. It can't beat the real thing."

'Real'... It's always such a funny word to hear. I don't think I'll ever quite wrap my head around just how she uses it. After all, to me, dreams and reality are the same.

That makes this scary person all the scarier.

#06 Yorimashi Between Dreams and Reality ~ Necro-Fantasia

– "Hmph! I'm telling you, I don't think that person and I had anything in common."

I feel the need to exaggerate this, in order to make myself feel better.

– "Eh? Take a look in a mirror. I swear it was your eyes, mostly, that seemed so similar."

Never one for talk without action, she quickly begins scavenging around for a mirror. Conveniently, there happens to be one resting in the top drawer of the bedside dresser. I recognize the object that she withdraws.

– "Oh. That's the magic item we used at the bar."

Our riskiest club activity to date, we had visited a shady tavern and entertained its patrons with visions of other worlds, reflected right in this silver mirror.

– "Well, we told them it was a magic item, but it's just an old relic we borrowed from a shrine a long time ago."

– "Borrowing something usually means you bring it back at some point."

– "Irrelevant. The point is, it was only magic because of your abilities. You can use it for everyday purposes too."

I wonder about her words as I glance into the mirror. The picture is blurry at first, maybe because I'm still drowsy from sleep. I try my best to focus.

Staring into the glass, I recognize the shape of my face, round cheeks thinning into a dull point. Wavy blonde hair falls over my thick eyebrows.

And below that... Renko often compares my eyes to a kaleidoscope. Changing with the light at different times of day, the color is always a surprise, even to me. Bright gold, vivid red, calm blue. I widen them for a clearer analysis, letting the light absorb into them.

Right now, the deep color I see is...

I am you, but you are not me.

No. Something's not right.

My fingers began to tremble in a way I can't control. Instinctively, I draw in a sharp gasp of breath.

– "Ah, careful!"

Renko's arms wrap around mine, her tight grip steadying the object before it drops. I let out my held breath in a dramatic rush as I jolt my head in her direction.

She's gazing back at me. The moment that I can see myself reflected in her own dark brown eyes instead of in the mirror, somehow, it calms me down. I relax against her grip.

– "…Thank you. I don't know what got into me."

She removes the glass from my hands and places it safely back on the dresser before leaning in for a peck on my forehead.

– "Never mind, Merry. On second thought, it's like... the difference between a binary star and an optical double."

– "Huh?"

– "In celestial astronomy, two bodies may seem to overlap, even though they're actually be very far apart."

– "By that, you mean..."

– "You and the dream-you aren't even comparable after all."

Her analogies are roundabout, but her logic is straightforward as ever.

– "Mm. Well, congratulations on your good taste."

#07 Romantic Escape Flight

It's the morning after our dream, the morning of my birthday, and classes will be starting in a few hours. There isn't a single part of me that feels motivated to do something as mundane as listen to lectures. I linger idly in front of the closet as Renko uses my bathroom to brush her teeth.

From the rack, I choose a dress in my typical style, which is a rather atypical style for our era. Living chronologically is overrated, isn't it? The charming frills and lavender color are timeless, in my opinion. I'm not thinking very deeply about it at the moment, though, as I half-heartedly pull the collar over my head.

– "Backwards, Merry."

– "Eh?"

– "You're a grown adult now. The only ones allowed to wear their clothes reversed are little kids and reflections in the mirror."

– "Very funny."

Renko, finished with her own preparations, hovers behind me with an air of that playful tone I know her for. I immediately pull my arms back through the sleeves and adjust my mistake. But by the time I finish flipping my hair out of the collar and glance back at Renko, her tone has shifted.

– "Hey, ever since last night… No, even before then, you've been a little off. There must be something big on your mind."

Renko is always very physically observant of her surroundings, but she picks only the strangest times to be emotionally observant as well. In this case, she isn't wrong. I must be making it all too obvious.

– "Sort of. Say, Renko…"

Have you heard the legend of—

Wait, no! That's not what I want to say. It's the very last thing I want to say!

– "Huh?"

– "Ugh, I'm sorry. It's… something I really can't talk about."

Even as they leave my mouth, I know I've chosen the wrong words. These words will only pique Renko's curiosity all the more.

– "But we're partners, aren't we? You can tell me anything!"

– "It's not that I'm trying to keep a secret. It's... complicated."

– "I'm pretty smart, you know. Maybe I can help figure it out."

I know. The problem is she's so studious that, if I mention it, she'd certainly start researching it immediately. Renko is someone who believes that all knowledge is good. But I've read enough horror stories to know that the most curious one is always the first to fall.

– "I'll tell you tomorrow, all right? I promise. Today, I really need to clear it from my mind."

Renko blinks a few times before her lips curve into a frown. She beholds me with a somewhat pitying expression, clearly not understanding how I could be so negative on such a positive day. She reaches up gently and rests one hand on my right shoulder.

– "Merry. Could it be... you're afraid of getting older?"

#08 Voyage 1970

Am I afraid...? Is that part of why I've been feeling so strange? Twenty years isn't even all that old in our modern era where such long lifespans are possible.

Besides, age is just a number. It's always been difficult for humans to come to a consensus on when a person has fully matured. The age of attending school, the age of drinking alcohol—all of these things change with society. And yet, based on the development of the brain, modern psychology still might not consider me an adult.

I believe, and my partner would surely agree, that the best measure of life is by the knowledge we gain and the experiences we have. If that's the case, shouldn't I be excited to grow up?

Well, it's not that simple. The state of the body, the state of the mind, and the state of the world that continues to change with time all affect the opportunities to experience things. If I'm being honest, my ideal might be to freeze time and remain on this very boundary of childhood of adulthood, where it seems like every opportunity is offered at once.

Oh. Renko asked me a question, didn't she?

– "Not at all~ I've decided, I'm going to be eternally seventeen."

My partner's grin returns. She seems satisfied with my genuinely positive answer.

– "Seventeen, huh? Nice choice. You'll have good physical fitness, and you'll never see a single gray hair."

– "That's not really why... Seventeen was freshman year. That was my age when we met. It was an interesting year for me."

The year of our partnership. The year of our first club activity. The year of my first strange dream. My life changed so much. It began to feel like the life I want.

– "Then, let's keep living it!"

At her words, I feel a mischievous smile cross my lips, boosting my spirits. Though I didn't know it before, I realize that this is exactly what I hoped to hear from her.

I want to keep living it right now.

– "…Hey, Renko. Are you up for playing hooky today?"

[Intermission] Last Occultism ~ Esotericist of the Present World

You there. The one who is so interested in urban legends.

...Hm? There's no need for that frightened face. The incident has been long resolved, so I'm not angry with you anymore.

In fact, in exchange for all the fascinating tales you brought to us, I simply wanted to offer you one to take back home in return.

Have you heard the legend of the purple mirror?

Here is a small warning in advance: Those under a certain age, you might want to cover your ears now.

Oh, my, did that make you all the more intrigued?

This story is about a sickly girl, who spent most of her life being treated for her strange illness.

When she was young, her parents gave her a gift—a beautiful antique hand-mirror that had been passed down for generations. She always carried it with her, and treasured it dearly. When she looked in the mirror, despite the unpleasant effects of her ailments on her body, she was able to see herself as beautiful.

However, one morning, just short of her 20th birthday, she found that the metallic rim around the glass had been painted purple. She had no recollection of making this change herself. But those around her had witnessed her in the act, eyes focused, paintbrush in hand. They had even heard her give a very clear reason in her own words—simply, "I love the color purple!"

Having no recollection of the trancelike state in which she had done this, the girl was frightened. Her illness began to worsen, and her mental state began to deteriorate. From then on, when she looked in the mirror, she no longer saw herself as beautiful.

What did she see instead? That much is unclear, but it can only be assumed that it was something far more terrifying. In her impulsive fear, she threw the mirror to the ground and smashed it to pieces. No longer was she able to see anything at all.

The day before what would have been her coming-of-age ceremony, she locked herself in her room, repeating the words, "Purple mirror. Purple mirror. Purple mirror"—over and over again. Ah, how her loved ones blustered with concern! But alas, there was no longer anything they could do to help.

These were the last words ever heard from the sickly girl. She passed away in her sleep before she could ever see her 20th year.

Through the intense feelings of this young woman, these words now carry a strong curse. Just by hearing them, dear listener, I'm afraid you are also in danger. It is said that, if one still remembers this story by the time of their 20th birthday, they shall suffer the same premature fate.

The moral of the story is… Oh.

Why, how embarrassing. I seem to have completely forgotten my own point.

I'll leave it to you. What do you think is the lesson here?

#09 Eternal Shrine Maiden

– "Hakurei Shrine. It seems like fate keeps leading us back here."

We're lucky to have caught a train that got us all the way up to the mountain within the hour. We had a small bit of hiking to do, just like last time. I end up less winded, so I must have gotten a bit more in shape over these few years of excursions.

Still, no amount of stamina could clear this endless path. This is as close as we're likely to get.

– "I remember this like it was just yesterday, and the mysterious way that the scenery kept looping."

The shrine grounds are overgrown and abandoned. But there is a sort of lively spirit that shines through it. Even if that liveliness is not the truth of this world, my eyes must be seeing the truth somewhere...

The iconic gate, more rust-colored than red, and asymmetrically inclined with age, welcomes us into the only landmark of an area on the otherwise unbounded premises.

– "We know, from last time, that the area out further than this is protected by some sort of illusion."

– "Mm..."

– "But maybe there's an alternate way through? A clue we didn't find yet inside the shrine building. A key, or a back door..."

It's a fine idea. But there is something else on my mind to do first. Something I want to return, rather than something I want to take.

My eyes gravitate toward the central altar of the shrine. On the altar, above the cracked remains of an empty donation box, there is an empty space. A small metal stand, resting upon on a jutting wooden shelf.

– "The stand is still here, just as we last saw it."

– "Ah! This is where we found that useful souvenir last time."

Renko approaches the altar, and instinctively assumes the position to make a prayer.

I follow after her, wondering whether I ought to have a specific prayer in mind. Or is it all right if it's just a ceremonious gesture?

I clap my hands together twice, and close my eyes.

#10 Swim in a Sakura-Colored Sea

After making the prayer, I take a moment to look around.

Framed parallel around the altar are two large moss-covered statues, whose forms are difficult to make out. But I'm rather sure that they're supposed to be Chinese lion dogs, guardians of the sacred building.

– "Take a look at these statues, Merry. They're kind of cute."

– "I agree. The moss looks a bit like shaggy green fur."

From her bulky dark-colored backpack, which she brings along on every excursion, Renko takes out a camera phone. She then stretches her arm forward, so that the front screen faces the both of us while capturing the scene of the shrine altar in the background.

– "Merry, look this way. Say ah~un!"

– "Ah~..."

– "Un!"

Once she's snapped the photo, I rest my chin on her shoulder to look at the image on the screen. Renko and I appear comfortably in the center, and the two statues appear on either side of the frame.

Traditionally, these guardians are supposed to be facing perfectly forward, on vigilant alert. But amidst the dilapidation of the shrine, the ground beneath the statues' bases has shifted so that they are slightly skewed.

– "How funny. They're turned in opposite directions."

Komainu are a symbol of duality. Rather than being two separate creatures, these dogs are actually two halves of the same divine beast.

What an interesting perspective that sort of existence must offer. You might think that a single being can't look both ways at once, and yet...

I'm reminded of the task I wanted to do. From my own knapsack, I retrieve the old silver-rimmed souvenir that used to be stowed in our bedside dresser drawer.

#11 Ore From the Age of the Gods

– "Renko. I think we should—"

Before I can speak, our attention is distracted.

Seemingly cast from behind, an odd shadow crosses our line of sight, streaking quickly over the mossy stone path.

– "Huh? What's that?"

By the time we turn around, whatever had cast the shadow is gone.

My brow furrows with a bit of concern, as I brush a lock of hair nervously behind my ear and inch closer to Renko's side.

– "I'm not sure... Such a vague shadow could be just about anything."

– "So it was vague to you too. I thought maybe you saw it differently."

– "I'm afraid not."

– "Well. If Merry's eyes didn't see it, we can probably conclude it's nothing important."

– "...Hm-hm."

I graciously accept the unbounded faith that Renko has in me. It makes me feel at ease.

– "It's frustrating to be teased, though. The shape of a shadow is always only one half of the picture."

– "Mm..."

My partner brings her hand to her chin, the gears in her mind turning as always.

– "Hey, Merry. Do you know about Plato's cave?"

– "Plato's cave. Yes, I'm familiar with that one."

– "When people are stuck in a cave, instead of seeing what's happening outside, all they can see are shadows on the wall."

– "And they have no choice but to assume that to be their reality."

– "You know, I've always wondered. In that allegory, what exactly is keeping them from just leaving the cave?"

I smile at Renko's simplistic sense of determination. If all of humanity shared this enlightened straightforward attitude, philosophy would come to an end as quickly as physics has.

– "If they aren't physically imprisoned, it must just be their own minds trapping them there. I suppose that's the whole point."

– "In other legends, the goddess Amaterasu was said to be stuck in a cave for a long time. Do you remember what it was that lured her out?"

– "Let me think. She came outside because she thought she saw a brand-new god waiting outside to meet her. Though it was actually just... a mirror."

Renko closes her eyes thoughtfully for a moment, then breaks into an amused smile.

– "What an interesting lesson. Sometimes, the way to the truth is through an illusion."

I glance down at the mirror in my hands. It's such a timeless symbol. We used this mirror to see images of the dream world... which makes sense, because a mirror itself is a boundary.

In ancient times, the very first human who saw themselves in a mirror reflection of water must have been very shocked. The shock of seeing the other side of reality, that fear of boundaries, created something that echoed through time.

And the truth that you acknowledge echoes back.

...Something's wrong.

Once again, something is in my thoughts.

Something that I'm not quite sure is me.

#12 Ultimate Truth

I gaze into the glass of the mirror.

I'm uncomfortable looking at it, but at the same time, it feels like I need to.

Perhaps you should look closer.

Violet eyes stare back at me. The image looks more dissimilar to me than it does similar.

Where are these thoughts coming from? For the moment, it's the only voice I can hear.

Perhaps you should look away.

The thought immediately contradicts itself. I don't understand...

My body is stiffly frozen in place, as I don't know which thoughts to follow.

This world exists for you to chase.

This mirror, we determined, was not a magic item.

So I don't believe the mirror is talking to me...

It must be because there is a strong spiritual sense in the air around this shrine, that my own perception is drastically acting up.

It also exists because you chase it.

This is a paradox. A sort of riddle.

In a daze, entirely spacing out from my surroundings, I seem to have nothing better to do than to ponder this riddle.

– "...?"

I'm reminded of something I once learned... about a certain definition of "dream."

Something that you want to reach—but it can only be called a "dream" because you haven't reached it.

The answer to the paradox might be a dream, or an illusion. Like the dreamlike scenes that have appeared in this glass before.

Yet, I cannot allow you to chase too freely.

If contaminants get mixed in, they've got to be eliminated.

Without averting my eyes from the mirror, I mumble under my breath another paradox that I've heard recently.

– "I am you, but you are not me... ...!!"

With a sharp pang, I feel a pressure in my head, and a tightening in my chest.

I can't be sure if something external is affecting me, or if the charged atmosphere is compounding my own anxieties. About this mirror. About this day. About myself.

– "Merry!? What's the matter?"

Renko's voice pierces through to my ears—

—as she draws her face close enough to mine to see herself in the mirror, too, to see what I'm seeing.

The thick strands of her brown hair, tied loosely in a red ribbon, are dangling next to my cheek.

Her eyes, those eyes that I so treasure, are open wide and round.

Catching small rays of the sun, which is just now beginning to set, I can see specks on light like stars glittering inside of them...

My star. Like a binary star, bound by gravity.

– "...Renko."

I watch the mouth of my reflection form the syllables of her name.

Even though the mirror image is backwards... it's showing me the truth.

Somehow, I can recognize my own face looking back at me more clearly when it's by her side.

Of course, this face is Merry Hearn, the dream-chasing member of the Secret Sealing Club.

This is just one tiny corner of reality. But I you will do everything in my your power to defend it.

...

I calmly lower the mirror, and turn decisively to my partner.

– "Renko... I'm fine. I was just thinking about how we need to return this mirror we borrowed."

– "Oh?"

– "There are other treasures out there. Let's return it now."

After a moment to process my words, Renko sighs with a chuckle.

– "I see... I figured that's part of why you wanted to come. I guess you are a well-behaved young lady after all."

#13 A Dream Transcending Space-Time

– "11:59, and... 12 o'clock!"

– "Ah... It's finally over."

– "And a very merry un-birthday to you."

The sky hangs dark with midnight. The moon is at apogee, its farthest point—or so says my astronomy-loving partner. It's hard to believe, but we had spent all day at this shrine.

Now we lay flat on our backs, in the patchy, withered grass on its abandoned outskirts.

– "It was an unexpectedly pleasant day, thanks to you."

– "Even if the professor's going to be upset when we get back, it was worth it."

– "I think she'll understand. If only the school would allow it, she'd be all for the idea of field trips."

Renko rolls over on her side, resting her cheek on one hand.

– "So, Merry, you were going to tell me something once the day passed."

– "Oh? Was I?"

I glance at her, my chin tilted with a hint of confusion.

– "You were! I've been waiting so patiently. Don't try to hide it now."

– "Sorry, Renko. I honestly don't know what you mean. I can't think of anything I wanted to say!"

Maybe I had left the thought behind, along with other things, at the altar of the shrine. If they happen to be important, maybe I'll have the experience of learning them all over again.

– "Well, you'd better spill it as soon as you remember. More to the point, though, how are you feeling?"

– "Mm. I feel refreshed... Lighter somehow."

– "That makes sense. You did say that you aged down to seventeen. That must be a nice feeling."

– "Hee-hee."

It's time to return home. I brush the dust off my clothes as I rise to my feet. And I take one last peek over my shoulder.

The old mirror is carefully placed back on the sacred shelf, where we first found it, and it radiates a glossy shine under the dim starlight.

Renko joins me in this farewell gaze... but before we turn our backs to it completely, she does a quick double-take.

– "…Wait, huh? Was the rim like that before?"

– "Hm?"

– "Did you paint that yourself?"

I squint my eyes at the object from a distance, admiring the detail I see.

– "Oh. I don't quite remember that either."

– "How strange..."

– "But that's all right. I love the color purple!"

Afterwords

With a clear barrier, we must keep dream and reality separate. Wasn't that your her idea, after all?

Our relationship will be… as humans and youkai have always been. A duel, a mirror existence.

Finally, I get to express my most anticlimactic but satisfying wish: for the Hifuu Club's everyday lives to never end.

I can't bring myself to process Merry and Yukari as the same chronological person—to imagine Merry actually turning into Yukari. But I obviously want a satisfying explanation about their relationship. That is...

Yukari is Merry's "dream self"—by definition, though not in practice. A dream self, representing one's deepest and repressed wishes, including the desire to cross into fantasy. Ironically, Renko awakened this desire as much as tearing her from it. And Renko was the one, in "Changeability of Strange Dream," who suggested the need to keep dream and reality separate. The same ideal that shapes the formation of Gensokyo.

There are many ambiguous details left to interpret about how and when things may have happened for these two entities to coexist. Regardless, the important thing to me is that "Merry" will always be her own chronological character. The character of Merry, defined through the concept of her togetherness with Renko, stays consistent when you focus on that reality. The character of Yukari, defined by the concept of "Gensokyo," does the same. One does not replace the other. In parallel alignment, in syzygy.

This relationship is specifically not a "one-way street." The road goes both ways, and the two sides have crucial roles to uphold. In the same way that spell card duels in Gensokyo are intentioned to maintain an ongoing balance, rather than a war that decisively must be won, I think the struggle between Merry and Yukari is not meant to be settled. This is a tone that makes sense for the open-ended presentation of the series, but also in-universe. If the Hifuu Club remains constantly on the border of discovery, they will thrive on their curiosity while successfully preserving the mystique of fantasy.

The story adapted here in the interlude is an actual existing urban legend with many variations, all known as "The Purple Mirror." As soon as I found out this existed, I was personally flabbergasted and offended that I had not seen it used in Yukaribel context just for the name alone! Incidentally, the style of the legend's telling was trying a bit to evoke the narrative tone of Lafcadio Hearn's "Stories and Studies of Strange Things."

Thank you very much for reading!

Hifuu CD-style stories:

» [Tumblr] [AO3] 自封夢幻〜 Sentimental Reverie

» [Tumblr] [AO3] 陶然夢幻〜 Transcendental Revelry

» [Tumblr] [AO3] 羨望横断〜 Unenviable Crossroads

» [Tumblr] [AO3] 外来土産〜 Adventive Reminiscence

» [Tumblr] [AO3] 中古技術〜 Electric Spirit Seance

» [Tumblr] [AO3] 幻想惑星直列〜 Phantasmal Syzygy

#touhou #renko usami #maribel hearn #renmerry #yukari yakumo #yukaribel #fanfiction #sjsfgsd i have a lot to catch up on posting... but...#this is a fic i wanted to post today!#on lafcadio hearn's birthday #i hope you'll accept my extremely uneventful yet intensely thematic 'good end' yukaribel fan theory

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