#m/m written by straight women is in most cases Very Annoying

[talaricula]

‘ello friends

can i ask you all to rec me your favourite lgbtq fantasy? am thinking in the style of six of crows, a crown for cold silver, when women were warriors, etc. not too many m/m romances written by straight women pls (that’s actually why i’m coming to tumblr for help; goodreads lists are 95% that). can be ya but not too ya, pls. for reference, i love six of crows and the raven boys but divergent was too predictable and cliché for me. i love big, sprawling epics with several characters with different genders/sexualities/disabilities/backgrounds/personalities becoming a Found Family TM the Very Most of all

any help and recs would be very much appreciated

(also open to Gay Books and Fantasy Books even if they don’t overlap if you think they are AMAZING)

Edit: graceling, of course. Graceling is another very good example of inclusive ya fantasy I ADORE

[blackgirlsuperherorants]

With more articulation, I'm ready to talk about why the push for Lokius simply bothers me, and this can be said for other m/m or w/w ships that fans push to be canon so hard just because they ship it.

It's the framing. The framing that if Marvel doesn't do it (or whatever the brand is), it's because homophobia, and if other fans don't like it/ship it, it's because homophobia (even if they ship other queer ships and are queer themselves.) And the biggest problem with that is that it overshadows the REAL issue of lack of queer representation on screen in mainstream nerd media, especially from big things under the Disney umbrella (Marvel and Lucasfilm/Star Wars, especially.)

It makes it bad that your ship isn't canon instead of bad that there haven't been any queer romances on screen in the MCU.

And like, as a writer myself, I find myself dissecting the stories of other media all the time. I can watch an MCU movie or series and pretty much assess what direction the story is going in by the narrative points they're hitting. I knew Sylki was basically gonna happen (even if just a kiss) because narratively, that's what the show was doing as soon as they had that "what is love" conversation on Lamentis-1. It didn't mean I liked it. But I knew it was happening.

Similarly, there's no romantic undertones to Loki and Mobius. None. For Marvel to make them a couple, it would mean they'd be doing it simply because the two present as men and it would make stans happy. And while there's something to be said for fan service, it would be annoying to watch them cram two guys together who aren't romantic in the slightest. I'd much rather see Loki meet some guy and have the same type of undertones they were giving to Sylvie and form a real bond to where the kiss feels earned and warranted. Not just put him with the nearest man because "he gay lol."

And how you guys are claiming it's being queer that makes you want this is beyond me. It's not being queer that makes you want this. I don't want queer characters that fuck everyone of whatever gender(s) they're attracted to even when it doesn't make sense for them to. I want real love stories. I mean, yeah, sometimes we can have a slut character, because that's fun, too, but that's not even what y'all think Lokius is. You seem to want them to be in love. But why? Because he's the first friend Loki made that isn't through Thor?

I hate that, too, because I hate this idea that queer people cannot have friends of their same gender without wanting to fuck them. IDK how y'all are, maybe y'all are like that, but I almost never have wanted to fuck any of my friends. The only few exceptions have been when I tried to befriend someone I had a crush on (in which case, usually the friendship can't work, really, because I have a crush on them.) I also think it's okay if you can have casual sex with friends, or if you have a friendship that develops into romance, but Jesus, do you people not have friends that you don't want to fuck? I am bi, maybe more pan (gender kind of doesn't matter to me, I guess) and I'm friends with people of all kinds of gender identities and like... I love them as people, which is why they're my friends, but I DO NOT want to fuck them. Especially my closest friend. I talked about her, before, here, but she's like my sister. The thought of fucking her is gross, to me. Not because she's gross, but because it feels incestuous.

Loki shouldn't want to fuck Mobius just because they developed a friendship. And that's very much how it's written on the series. They almost dislike each other (or Mobius is at least indifferent to Loki) and then they become friends.

That's not to mention the power dynamic that exists, there. And I know some of y'all are subs, but yeah, it's a bit gross to imply a sexual relationship with Loki's captor.

But on to Sylki. It sucks that I feel like most of y'all hate Sylki because Sylvie is a girl, and not just because it's bad in other ways. Like, the reasons Sylki is bad have less to do with "it should have been Mobius" and more to do with it being a lazy 1980s action movie plot that should have never happened. I'm not as creeped out by the selfcest (as many of you wouldn't have been if she was a he, I'm almost positive), but what's bad about it is that they couldn't have a strong female lead character without her being the love interest of the main guy. She didn't need to be, especially because she was a Loki variant, anyway. There was no need for it to have romantic undertones, and there was no need for them to kiss. It was sexist more than it was homophobic (and I can't help feeling like y'all are kind of being biphobic in this case. Maybe I'll talk about that, later, but yeah.) It was sexist bullshit. And there's valid criticism that Sylvie is underdeveloped. She's just angry and something for Loki to project affection onto.

I was also hoping they'd do a "found family" type of thing with Sylvie and Loki and let her be like the sister he never knew he needed, but no, they had to go trope and make her the love interest. It was lazy and bad and basically went "If Loki girl, main Loki want bone!"

Basically, having the main character fall for a character just because of their proximity and gender is bad and I hate it (and it would have been bad with Mobius, too, but yeah.)

Both the Mobius and the Sylvie thing also feel kind of racist, to me, because the show has prominent Black women who aren't even presented as desirable to Loki. And y'all, of course, ship him with anyone but the Women of Color. Y'all can pull true love with Mobius out of your ass, but he couldn't possibly fall for the Black women. lol.

Anyway. Not every show needs ships, and this show shouldn't have had any. I hate it. It's bad.

I guess on the biphobia front, I have heard some takes that it's not biphobic because Loki being queer in the MCU which hasn't shown any queer relationships, and Loki being the first openly queer character means they shouldn't have shown him with a woman presenting character. Which, I guess I get where you're coming from... but I have also been in fandoms for a long time and I see mostly girls saying this shit, which is what leads me to feel like it's simply jealousy. It happens all the time when a long-beloved single male character/celebrity suddenly starts dating a woman. Everyone hates it. And like, we haven't seen Loki be with ANYONE in the MCU, because mostly he's been doing villainy and his dating life hasn't been relevant. If the demigod says he's bi, he can kiss a woman. Especially a woman version of himself. Like I said, I hate it for other reasons, but pretending it's because he should have kissed Mobius is utterly delusional. He probably shouldn't have kissed anyone. Not in this series. There was no reason for any canon romance, especially because the show has a season 2 and we'll have time to see Loki develop earned, deserved romance with someone.

I'd much rather see them create a character just to be his boyfriend than have y'all push Marvel into making Lokius canon, which is a nonsense ship that only happened because Mobius is the only prominent male-presenting character before we meet the other Lokis.

My sincere wish is for people to remember that their ships are just ships and to enjoy them without getting all self-righteous about it. I TOLD y'all that Lokius wasn't gonna be canon like 4 episodes back, and here y'all are acting shocked and like Marvel took something from you. NOBODY expected y'all to ship Lokius. It's not even queerbait.

You can make clear arguments as to why Sambucky was queerbait. It's there in undertones in the actual series.

You cannot watch Loki and tell me you thought it was queerbait, unless you think men can't have conversations or hug goodbye without being romantically involved. Which means, in my opinion, that you need to learn about healthy masculinity.

Again, this is not a defense of Marvel. They DO need to let characters be queer, for real, and not just by saying " A bit of both". Like, let Loki be queer. Let Deadpool be queer. Let these queer characters be queer on screen. Yes.

But please stop making it about your ship. I'd rather see a flashback of Loki dating a guy and see him kiss someone he loved back on Asgard than watch y'all force Lokius. Because my queer rep is not about your crackship. It really isn't. And the fact that y'all keep calling us homophobic for not liking your ship REALLY needs to be addressed.

Like, when will y'all stop? I got on Stucky shippers about this shit in the past. All of us gay as hell, too, we just don't like YOUR ship. A lot of us like other queer ships. A lot of us like queer ships in other fandoms, too, and even have queer OCs. YOUR ship just ain't it. Stop forcing it. Literally, most of the ship wars between MCU fans have been queer ship vs queer ship, not really queer ship vs straight ship. Like, the number one Stucky rival ship was Stony. Not Steggy. People are not homophobic for not wanting your ship.

Sometimes it's because they ship something else.

And sometimes, like me, it's because they want something to make sense narratively and not happen for the sake of it happening. It's always better writing to have a character meetcute a new love interest than to magically turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Like, even when the characters are straight. Like, when Moesha dated Hakeem. It was just weird, even if he was kind of a great boyfriend. He was just supposed to be her friend, and people didn't really like it because it didn't fit narratively.

And that's why ships for the most part should be left to fanfiction, with the exception of a few where fans are right to call out the writers for not making it canon because it's clearly bait (like what happened to Destiel shippers. To see Lokius shippers compare themselves to THAT was so ridiculous. Destiel shippers had a decade of evidence only to be let down by a criminally unfair ending. Lokius shippers saw two men have a deep conversation once and lost their minds.)

Anyway, I'm not saying don't ship Lokius. I don't even hate it, really. I just think it obviously shouldn't be canon, and fans pretending like they were robbed of it is ridiculous. Literally, Ao3 exists for this reason. I will never see Steve fuck Sam Wilson, so I wrote it into my fanfic. I am not mad that they didn't actually date in the main MCU storyline.

[bthump]

I am curious why you don't like het pairings across the board since I ship both het and same sex pairings . I understand LGBTQ+ peoples' desire to see themselves represented in media , but I think that when it comes to fandom people tend to fetish same sex pairings especially mlm pairings and bashing female characters that get in the way of their ship.

I’ve done my fair share of navel gazing about why I hate 99.9% of het in media since I was a teen and I could write a long list of reasons that probably influence my preferences, like gender essentialism, the vast vast vast majority of creators being men influencing how they write women + het relationships in ways that offend me, the fact that it’s the default and my interests are often influenced by spite, the rote way it’s usually written, i hate 99% of the tropes that are usually associated with it, the fact that irl I have 0 interest in engaging in a hetero relationship myself and therefore can’t relate...

but yeah ultimately I don’t know or care or think it matters lol, the vast majority of het ships just do not spark joy for me.

And now, The Discourse, which I would love to put under a cut but apparently that’s just not in the cards right now, thanks tumblr.

please don’t reblog I guess?

I just like, disagree with the rest of your ask lol, sorry. And I know this is a very standard take in fandom so I’ll try to explain why I disagree. I appreciate you asking politely Anon and I’m hoping this doesn’t come across as too annoyed or anything - like I’m annoyed by the discourse in general lol, not by you specifically.

In my experience in online fandom the most female character bashing I’ve seen, and the most vicious, has come from fans of rival het ships, and regardless I don’t particularly consider “bashing” fictional characters to be much of an issue. The problem is when people do so in offensive ways (eg “she’s a slut” or w/e lol), and then the issue is people believing and saying offensive shit, not people hating fictional characters, and the focus should be on general awareness of what misogyny (among other oppressions) is and how to avoid perpetuating it in all areas of life, and not on declaring groups of fans problematic depending on which fictional characters they do or don’t like.

And sure, some majority m/m fans do bash female characters, and some do it in offensive ways, but I don’t think it’s at a rate higher than other het fans, or even f/f fans in the few fandoms with rival f/f ships ime, so it bugs me that people act like it’s an m/m fangirl thing.

I also think fandom discourse wildly misuses the term “fetishizing.” Fetishizing, in yk oppressor/oppressed contexts, means to reduce someone down to a single aspect of their being in a way that dehumanizes them. And like 99% of fanfic does the opposite, shipping is all about being invested in and exploring characters as people (or trying to, bc lbr it’s amateur fiction and writing fully fleshed out 3 dimensional people is a skill that amateurs can’t necessarily be expected to have perfected, which is a big reason discourse focusing so hard on problematic fanfiction is a waste of time lol). Someone who isn’t a gay/bi man getting turned on by imagining 2 dudes fucking and writing a story about it isn’t automatically fetishizatizing gay men, even if it’s a straight woman doing it, even if it’s 2k words of sex written to turn readers on.

Fetishization doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with sex - it can, but it can also be sexless. For instance, a gay character showing up in one episode of a sitcom to make limp wrist jokes, or a gay character showing up in one episode of a drama to die of aids and make you sad, is fetishization. Conversely a pwp about say Guts and Griffith fucking after a battle or something is almost guaranteed to have more care and consideration for the emotions involved and characterization, because the people who are inclined to write that are already invested in the characters as characters rather than generic gay stereotypes.

Fic writers can write offensive/homophobic/fetishizing things just like anyone else can (and having het ships as well as gay ships doesn’t make someone less likely to write homophobic things either), but the way fandom discourse reduces everything to wide generalities is less than useless imo, the key is to address actual specific behaviours, like the aformentioned “I hate X female character” vs “X female character is a slut who doesn’t deserve Y.” The former is a non-issue, the latter is a symptom of ingrained misogynistic attitudes.

Anyway ultimately I think fanfic is like, the least useful thing for media oriented discourse and activism to focus on for various reasons including the lack of reach and impact fic has, the lack of systemic quality control, the fact that fic writers aren’t pros and aren’t getting paid, the fact that fic writers aren’t pros and shouldn’t be expected to have the talent required to convey difficult subjects in completely inoffensive ways even if their personal politics are beyond reproach - because it does take straight up writing skill as well as understanding, the fact that fic writers have no industry power or influence, the fact that the vast majority of fic writers are marginalized in some way themselves (and misogyny against real women should always take precedence over misogyny against fictional women), the fact that many are just teenagers, etc

tl;dr I don’t think women preferring to ship m/m is inherently problematic, and I don’t think the current state of online discourse is equipped to even address the cases when it can be problematic lol because nuance is virtually impossible in unmoderated spaces where reblogging/tweeting divorces something from context and twitter posts and tumblr asks have a character limit and vague non-specific hot takes always get more clout and notes than carefully considered nuanced discussions and essays - and amateur unpublished writing is so unimpactful in the grand scheme of things that it barely matters anyway.

[juniper-and-lamplight]

2019 Femslash February Recs

It’s Femslash February! Which means it’s time for some RECS. Here you’ll find multifandom femslash fics, as well as a few not-quite-femslash fics that focus on female characters. My femslash reading is all over the place, and this list follows suit: some recs are new, some are collected from earlier rec posts; all are in alphabetical order by fandom, at least. Recs below the cut, and please remember to show your love with kudos and comments! 

Code Name Verity Wind, Sand, Devotion - montparnasse, read by fire_juggler - 6k, 53min, T, Maddie/Julie "Empty spaces want for filling, and Maddie Brodatt is overflowing." A gorgeous, sensitive pod of a hauntingly lovely fic.

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency A Moment of Clarity - electricteatime | @kieren-fucking-walker - 7k, G, Farah/Tina “Farah is saved from answering when Tricia promptly throws up on her own shoes. She would be more annoyed, but in the moment she finds herself too preoccupied to care. Girls with girls. There’s a thought." If you believe that Farah Adrienne Black deserves ALL the love and acceptance, from herself and from others, then you absolutely must read this fic.

real and okay and beautiful - embraidery | @blueandnoah - 2.8k, G, Farah/Tina/Amanda (but mostly just friendship) "Mona's feeling down in the dumps (body insecurities) and her friends try to help her feel better about it all!" Do you love awesome women supporting each other and feeling free? If so, read this!

Keep the Home Fires Burning - @flightinflame - 16k, M, Farah/Tina, AU "Bergsberg is a small town off the beaten track. For Project Vesta, a Blackwing runaway, it offers a fresh start and the chance of a friend in the town's sheriff." A painful, cathartic fic that gives Tina’s character some real attention, and gives Farah and Tina the happiness they deserve.

pray for the thunder and the rain - inkyfishes - 7k, T, Farah/Amanda "A Farah-centric slice of a possible future. Everything has gone wrong. Everything is broken. Farah works through her anxiety whilst beginning their lives on the run. Her place in the universe is, as yet, undecided." An excellent and all-too-brief glimpse into Farah’s psyche, with a steady undercurrent of Faranda.

i was born in a summer storm (i live there still) - janeseyre - 10k, G, Farah & Todd & Dirk "Farah confronts the vestiges of her past as she, Dirk, and Todd travel east to visit her mother. It turns out Farah isn’t as over her father’s death as she thought she was." A deeper look into Farah’s families, both biological and chosen; full of lovely little smile moments and Farah getting the closure she deserves.

Never Played It Cool - @lavellington - 1.8k, T, Farah/Amanda "Dude," Amanda says, squeezing her tight while her hair tickles Farah's face. "It's so good to see you." "You too," Farah says, meaning it, and when they break apart Amanda's hands linger on her shoulders for a second longer than they have to, and that's nice. That's enough to feed her borderline pathetic crush for a week, at least.” Short, sweet, a tiny bit steamy, and beautifully in-character.

Hold Her Fast - Lynds | @gold-from-straw - 11.9k, T, Farah/Amanda, AU "Farah Black is the new girl in Amanda's school, and she's captivating. Everyone has a story about her. Amanda just can't quite figure out why her entire being is so totally aware of her, why her skin prickles when she's around, why Farah looks more real than anyone else she's ever known." I’m not typically into high school AUs, but this one is funny, moving, angsty, and gloriously DEFIANT.

Firearms Proficiency 101 - @nekosmuse - 3k, T, Farah/Amanda "I can't believe you took me to your private shooting range on our first date. That is so punk." Do you enjoy awkward Faranda? ME TOO. Especially stuff like Farah saying: "I... I am... into you as well." These nerds <3

you will soothe my worried looks - orphan_account - 2k, T, Farah/Amanda “Farah sees a therapist. It's a strange journey, but not one she needs to take alone." I would read many thousands more words of Farah in therapy, honestly.

there's cell reception on this widow's walk - strix_alba - 2k, T, Farah/Tina "In which Tina sort-of-kind-of asks Farah to stay with her in Bergsberg, and Farah kind-of-sort-of wants to say yes." Clumsy flirting, Farina styles! Tina mentally describes the Jacket Team as a “bunch of hot, uptight weirdos,” which is p e r f e c t.

Coincidental - tastewithouttalent - 3.7k, M, Farah/Tina "It turns out that blue is a ridiculously good color against the dark of Farah’s skin, and also that that shirt fits her better than any shirt has any right to fit anyone, and also apparently Tina has more of a uniform kink than she realized she did." You just have to love a babbling, awkwardly-crushing Tina.

(Note: this rec list isn't meant to be About Me, buuuuut if you’re into DGHDA femslash, I’ve written a few Farina fics you might enjoy.)

Ghostbusters (2016) Celebrate the Me Yet To Come - Vera (Vera_DragonMuse), read by @revolutionaryjo - 6k, 37min, M, Jillian/Erin "She is deeply strange and strangely deep. She looks in the void and the void blinks first. This is how Jillian Holtzman makes herself." Holtzmann is such a fantastically odd character, it's so enjoyable to dig into her past and her passions.

i don't wanna give you up (i don't wanna let you love somebody else but me) - @notcaycepollard, read by RevolutionaryJo - 3k, 20min, E, Jillian/Erin "Erin Gilbert is not the second or even the fifth straight girl Jillian’s ever fallen for, and it’s kind of getting to be a problem, except when she sees Dr Erin Gilbert, she thinks, maybe, this woman might be a statistical outlier." Closely observed, funny, hot, and the narrative voice is perfect.

Gilmore Girls Suggestions (And Mallomars) - Mosca | @moscarific, 3.3k, T, Rory/Paris "Identity, chocolate, mother-daughter relations, and the importance of voting: scenes from the first 90 days." Hands down, this is a more plausible (and enjoyable) romance than any of the ones that actually occurred in canon.

Harry Potter Library Solicitation - @gracerene09 - 1k, G, Cho/Hermione "It's not as if it's unusual for a solicitor to spend so much time in the Law Library of the Ministry of Magic. Hermione has a lot of cases to prepare for, after all. It certainly has nothing to do with how helpful and interesting and surprisingly funny their newest librarian is." As a librarian, I'm verrrry picky about librarian fics, but this was adorable.

The violets and the bloodroot - @lbmisscharlie - 908 words, G, Hermione/Luna "Luna strokes the underside of one tentacle; the plant hums. Hermione’s skin feels warm, her breath humid. The Room of Requirement offers up many things." Short, but vivid and memorable.

Winter Like a Balm - Lomonaaeren - 2k, T, Ginny/Luna "The first winter after Fred's death, Ginny escapes into the Forbidden Forest with Luna and her unicorns." A gentle but deeply felt story about grief and loss that brings Ginny through to the other side, to the terror/joy of allowing herself to feel hopeful again.

Grazed Knees - montparnasse - 5k, T, Luna/Ginny "The war is over, except that it isn't, and Ginny is done fighting, except that she's not." The mood in this one is so evocative, and I love it so much.

Blood Magic and Rebirth (or, The One Where They Are All Feminist Academics) - notcaycepollard - 1k, G "Moon cups, Luna thinks. Moon cups and blood magic. And she remembers the old itch under her skin, and a music box fluttering into a flock of birds, and wonders just how powerful it could be." Not femslash, but this fic is 1000% headcanon for me now.

Trust A Few - @violetclarity - 13.2k, T, Hermione/Pansy "Hermione has a pregnant adopted sister, parents who don’t believe she’s bisexual, and a crush the size of the Great Lake on Pansy Parkinson. Taking Pansy up on her offer to be Hermione’s fake date to her parents’ Christmas dinner could solve at least one of those problems...but it could also make everything worse." Half holiday romcom, half character study of adult Hermione her relationships (both romantic and familial).

Independent Love Song - @writcraft - 6.2k, E, Ginny/Millie "Millicent Bulstrode is a tailor and Ginny is losing her mind over a woman in a tweed blazer and burgundy brogues." I saw the summary and thought “hell yes,” and then I read the fic and upgraded that to a “FUCK YES PLEASE.” I love dapper butch Millie, and just-out but all-in Ginny, and also I would like to own ALL of Millie’s clothes.

His Dark Materials Selected Moments in Introductory Symbology - @kaydeefalls - 5.6k, G, Lyra/OFC "Lyra in Oxford after the Fall, relearning the alethiometer and discovering a life of her own." A poignant yet hopeful follow-up to the original trilogy, with characterization that feels very authentic while still allowing for growth.  

Merlin A Statue Strong Enough for Two - @theladyragnell, read by exmanhater - 39k, 3hrs 30min, E, Elena/Mithian "Elena is a street-level superhero. A visit from an old enemy forces her to step up and see what she might have to do with the Sidhe who invaded and were sent away twenty years ago. Luckily, she has fellow superheroes to back her up, and a new girlfriend in her regular life to make things feel more normal." I admit that I was skeptical going in, but the characterization and world-building in this AU is strong and absorbing.

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries Rise and reprove the insolent daylight - lbmisscharlie - 3k, E, Phryne/Mac "Mac takes a breath; Phryne exhales. The trailing skirt of Phryne’s shining dress – starlight and sparkle – brushes the backs of Mac’s hands as she slides them up to Phryne’s knees. Her stockings are soft; her thighs fall open, softly, under Mac’s hands, which clench, just slightly, with the heat that sends to her gut." Lush and laden with sensory details and weighty emotion

Every Day's Most Quiet Need - @tiltedsyllogism - 22k, unrated, Phryne/Mac, Phryne/Jack "Doctor Elizabeth Macmillan does not traffick in regrets...if Mac occasionally longs for a time before her friend became somehow distracted by the stiff shoe that is Inspector Jack Robinson— well, one must always endure some bad with the good." I love everything about this fic, but especially the closely observed characterization, of both individuals and relationships. There's a moment where Mac recognizes that she and Jack share a certain kind of "well-tailored" intensity...I almost shouted "YES THIS" when I read it.

et faisons la grasse matinée - mazily | @ylizam - 1k, M, Phryne/Mac, Phryne/Jack "'I do love you,' Mac says. She's not fond of saying it." Quiet, atmospheric, and sensual.

Sherlock How the mouth changes its shape - breathedout | @havingbeenbreathedout - 132k, E, Sherlock/Johnnie, AU “1955. A hidden London; the clandestine love between women. To Sherlock Holmes, struggling private detective and mistress of disguise, it’s a realm she renounced. To Johnnie Watson, daredevil ambulance driver turned auto mechanic, it’s too familiar.” Not only is this a deliciously plotty mystery with complex characterization, it’s also well-researched historical fiction. (Also recommended: HBBO’s Femslash and sex-writing essays.)

In the palms of the hands, invisible - lbmisscharlie - 3k, E, Sherlock/Jo "'I touch myself here, in this room, stretched out on the sofa, when you’re asleep, or showering, or – or in the kitchen –' Sherlock's breath hitches, almost imperceptibly, when Jo’s hand skitters, startled by the deep, rumbling rush of lust that pools low in her cunt at Sherlock’s words." The voice and characterization in this fic absolutely destroys me. It’s so uncomfortable and fascinating and real.

Diversionary Tactics - ShinySherlock, read by @fffinnagain- 2k, 16min, E, Molly/Irene, AU "Oh. This could be interesting. Irene’s fingers moved to the third button of the dress and paused. 'Shall I just . . . check the rest of you, then? Make sure you’re quite all right?'" A brief, hot, historical PWP, Mollrene style. UNF. Finnagain's performance is very...impassioned--maybe don't listen in public ;)

Supernatural To know what's under the floor - beckaandzac, read by exmanhater - 4k, 21min, G, Charlie/Jo, AU "No one here is like me, Jo thinks, and she knows it’s what every eighteen year old on the planet thinks. And she also knows in her case it’s completely justified. But then she meets Charlie." A college sorta-AU in which Charlie and Jo get something a lot closer to the lives they deserved.

Wonder Woman (2017) be yourself my ally - imperfectcircle - 15k, G, Diana/Etta 'That’s all very flattering,' Etta says when Diana has finally run out of steam, 'but surely you have more qualified candidates than me?' 'You are of the world of men.' Diana looks a little embarrassed. 'But not a man.' Diana and Etta go back to Themyscira." Did you wish for more Themyscira in the Wonder Woman movie? Did you think that Etta Candy was delightful and underutilized? ME TOO! Hence, my love for this fic.

Etta Candy's Last Stand - sanguinity - 2k, T, Diana/Etta "This is the way Etta is going to die: trapped between a bed and Diana Prince’s breasts." Bless Etta Candy and her dorky, romantic heart.

Beyond Belief - thingswithwings - 14k, E, Diana/Peggy, crossover "Diana finds her for the first time in 1947, underneath a rather heavy pile of fallen masonry." An unapologetically sexy crossover fic about camaraderie (and attraction) between two badass women.

Further fic recs | Fic bookmarks

[thehollowprince]

Hey, it’s the “coding” anon here and honestly that answer to my question was excellent and the exact reason I come to your blog. I would absolutely love to hear you go on about the fetishization of m/m relationships!

This has been sitting in my inbox for over a week, and I want to apologize. I'm sorry for taking so long to get to this one, but I'm overworked at the moment. I've been pulling 60+ hour work weeks, by myself and I haven't had off since the first of December, so I'm a little tired. But I'm here and I'm ready to murder this bitch of a subject.

For starters, and for context, in case anyone who sees this doesn't follow my blog or, if you do and don't really pay attention, I am a gay man, so a lot of this comes from my own personal experience.

Now, onward my fandom soldiers.

M|M Fetishization & Objectification

I've only been super active within fandom spaces for the last couple of years. Before that, I just scrolled through Tumblr and reblogged gifsets and fluffy headcanons and whatnot, but even then I noticed a trend in fandoms that made me uncomfortable. That trend was the overabundance of gay men (chatacters) in fandom works, especially when there either weren't any gay men in that show or book or whatever.

I'm not at all saying we need less of that. I want and need more gay characters in the things I watch and read. That's actually one of the criteria I look for before I start a new show, or a book series or comics. I want to see myself represented in the media I consume, even if it is only this one tiny piece of who I am. But the problem for me arose when I saw all these fan works and headcanons and gifsets and thesis length metas about gay or bi male characters that were neither of those things in their original source material.

The biggest examples of this occured in fairly popular shows that I loved at one point, but do to a combination of bad writing and then the horrible fandom, drove me to actively dislike and avoid them. And that's always a sad thing, when you end up losing the love you had for something because others just won't let you enjoy it as it is.

Those two examples are Teen Wolf and Supernatural.

For years I watched people go on and on and on and on about Stiles Stilinski and Dean Winchester and how they were bisexual and so on and so forth.

There's nothing wrong with headcanoning a character as gay or bisexual, especially when those characters are severely lacking on screen and on paper. The problem arose when the fandom at large started to ignore the ACTUAL gay or bisexual characters that are in these shows and focus solely on their headcanons as the only representation in the show.

To start with Teen Wolf, we had, in the first season, an openly gay character that everybody in the school loved, that being Danny Mahealani. This character was introduced as gay from the very start, but oddly enough, there is almost no large fandom meta or fics or anything about him. In fact, a lot of his traits and qualities ended up transferred to Stiles, such as his intelligence and overall popularity. Hell, even Danny's attraction to Derek was stolen and transferred to him. These aren't things that Stiles is overall known for in the actual canon. He's clumsy and socially awkward and on the outskirts of the school like Scott (the main character) and has been obsessed (to the point of being considered a stalker) with one girl since elementary school, but somehow, in fandom, Stiles is suddenly the genius polyglot queer with severe depression who has a crush on the broody muscular werewolf who just wants somebody to love him.

Fandom created this portrayal of the character that didn't exist anywhere in the fandom except for his appearance. The reason I saw behind this was twofold. 1: fangirls (fandom is mostly female) want to see two "hot" guys kiss and get it on because they get off to it, much in the same way that straight men get off to lesbian porn. 2: Stiles (or any of these headcanoned characters) becomes a sort of self insert.

What I mean by that second one is that women and girls find a male character that's not "too masculine", usually kind of gangly or skinny, somewhat on the effeminate side. Someone that they can project their ideas and insecurities and so forth onto so that they can that pursue that relationship with the hunky manly man that they want to bang.

You may be asking yourself, "Why don't they just use one of the female characters as a self insert?" and I'm here to tell you that I have neither the time nor the experience to go into detail about internalized misogyny and how effects the way women do almost everything, even watching and interpreting their media.

But the reason they chose the male character is that, years ago, during the dark days of FF.net there was a lot of self insert OCs that infiltrated almost every level of fanfiction. Which caused the fandom gatekeepers to rear out of their hibernation and just shame anyone who tried to introduce an Original Character to this already beautiful world and ruin it with their lusts. Thus the OCs slowly disappeared and identifying with the male sidekick was born. And this is generally where we get the whole "my smol gay son!" bullshit. (side note: please keep in mind that 75% of shows are male characters and their problems, which is another cause for female fans to identify solely with men.)

So, for years, I watched Danny, and then his boyfriend Ethan, being shoved aside in fandom spaces so that the fans could focus Sterek (Stiles and Derek) despite the fact that both characters were stared to be heterosexual and that, on screen, they expressed nothing but mutual dislike for one another, if not outright hatred. This got so bad that Sterek, the crack ship whose members had no romantic or sexual interactions whatsoever, managed to beat (by a very large margin) actual gay ships from both this show and others in a fan poll. It got even worse when the character of Danny was written off the show (with no explanation) and we were introduced to the character of Mason.

Mason Hewitt was everything that fandom!Stiles was. He was smart and funny and openly gay and crushing on a hot werewolf. He even did the research that the fandom loved to attribute to Stiles, literally everything that the fandom had Stiles doing in fanon, but somehow the love for him (Mason) wasn't that big of a note in the fandom. I mean, Mason was even a major plot point of season five and the pack's mission to stop the Beast, but i heard nothing but cricket chirps from the fandom.

You'd think that after Stiles was written out of the show for the last season that maybe Mason will get some love now, right?

Wrong!

I didn't think it was possible to get any worse, but the fandom proved me wrong. Because instead of focusing all their pent up energy on Mason and his boyfriend, Corey, who had a number of cute moments in that final season, these fans focused on another crack ship that had no basis anywhere except in their fantasies. That ship being Thiam, which is based, once again, around two characters who actively dislike, if not outright hate, each other and even physically assault one another. But no, that apparently is a display of affection by someone who is emotionally stunted and just needs love to blossom and be his true self.

You notice how often the fetishization of homosexuality (even if only imagined) intersects with woobification?

You'll notice, if you look at Danny and Mason, that they're both POC, with Danny being brown (Hawai'ian) and Mason being black. Now, as I've said before on this blog multiple times, I am the Whittest White Man to ever White, so I don't have any qualifications to talk about fandom racism, so I'm just going to leave that little nugget there for you to think about and interpret how you will.

Moving on to Supernatural...

Before we start with this one, understand that I have not watched this show outside of an episode here and there since season eight, because I realized that no, this show wasn't going to get any better, so if any of this is contradictory to what has happened over the past six seasons (god, this show needs to die!) I do apologize.

Dean Winchester... I never really liked this character, especially as the show went on and I started to actively dislike and then, hate him. So it was annoying not being able to go into any aspect of the Supernatural fandom without coming across a post about Dean and his issues or his Bi sexiness or how his brother was mean to him.

Also, people, understand that this wasn't a new revelation for me. My dislike for Dean and the fandom's obsession with making him bisexual just so they could hook him up with Cas wasn't an overnight decision. I was there...

I was there at the Beginning, when this show first aired, when the ONLY constant characters on this show were Sam and Dean. I endured the hellfire that was Wincest and its infection of almost the entire fandom. Like, that right there, that was one of the most extreme cases of m|m fetishization I've ever seen, because the fandom needed to get off to two guys being together so badly that they turned to actual brothers for want of any other male character.

That's why Destiel immediately became so popular, because here was another guy that we saw with semi regularity that wasn't rated to the Winchesters, obviously they were meant to ship them.

Now, you may be asking yourself, "I thought this bitch was going to talk about gay fetishization, not his dislike for one character?" to which I'll just say I very easily go off tangent. But all of that is relevant because, come one of these later seasons, there was a scene where Dean was at a bar and the (male) bartender hit on him, and he didn't react negatively or homophobic.

Oh, my God, I watched my dash and the tags explode in post after post, meta after meta, about how Bi Dean was canon confirmed! Now he and Cas will HAVE to be together, because its canon that Dean likes guys. and Cas is an angel, who doesn't follow human sexual limitations, and... blah, blah, blah.

Cut to a few years later, and we're introduced to a character named Max Banes, a witch and hunter, who is openly gay and flirts with Sam in his first appearance. Where were all of his metas and fanfics and headcanons? Granted, he only appeared in two episodes, but I have watched people in this and other fandoms build mountains our of molehills, going on and on about how two male characters weren't actually straight and how they were destined to be together because the once wore similar style shirts a couple of seasons apart, or because of a carnation in a jacket pocket that signified love via the Victorian flower code (or something like that), or how the wallpaper of that room they shared a scene in was a subtle clue to their true desire for each other, etc.

And I'm not exaggerating there, those are actual examples I've seen in fandoms over the years.

But back to Max, why is it that he was left along the wayside, despite fitting most of the criteria that fandoms love in their m|m ships while Dean had entire thesis level posts about that time he shared a glance with Castiel or he let a bartender hit on him and not get upset?

And its not just these two shows, not by a long shot. If you were to go into literally any fandom of a certain size or bigger, you will come across fans putting two straight characters together because of "the chemistry" they have. Even if those characters are confirmed to be straight - especially if those characters are confirmed to be straight. Because when these loud fans don't get their crack ship that they rub one out to, they scream queerbaiting and homophobia and oppression, harassing the actors and producers and directors and writers.

Here are some others that just pop to the front of my mind...

Asher Millstone from How To Get Away With Murder (saw him shipped with Connor a lot, despite Connor's actual boyfriend)

Sherlock Holmes and John Watson from BBC's Sherlock

Tony Stark from Marvel comics (all because of one panel where he said "ladies and gents" when he announced he was off the market

Literally any male character in the MCU, which is his we get the things like Stucky and Stony that permeate the fandom on almost every level (and some leeway is given here because of the MCU's lack of wueer characters)

Klaus Mikaelson and Stefan Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries/The Originals (honestly, I was surprised that people in the TVD fandom weren't immediately all over Josh and Lucas, because they're literally everything that fans want and use in their headcanon gays)

Kol Mikaelson and Jeremg Gilbert, also from TVD

Elia and Filippo from Skam Italia (despite there being, once again, actual gay characters on this show. Hell, the entire second season was dedicated to a character coming out of the closet and being with a guy)

Etc.

I could go on and on but then this post would seem infinite.

Closing thoughts, please keep in mind that I am just one guy and that my opinions don't represent everyone in fandom spaces. But also bear in mind, that my frustrations are well founded and valid from my own experiences in the fandom.

My sexuality and the fact that I'm attracted to men is not a toy for a bunch of sexually repressed fangirls who think two guys being together is hot.

[osmw1]

Dimension Wave   Prologue

—Live another life in an alternate universe. Phase II of Project Second Life is live! Now accepting new participants, but hurry—offer ends soon!

“Whaddya think?”

The characters and background art were so realistic, they almost had me fooled. This feature took up seven pages in this gaming magazine, so it’s gotta be quite popular.

“I don’t know what to say…”

Two girls—actually, my older and younger sister—showed up out of nowhere with grins on their faces. They stuck this video game magazine in my face and hounded me over the article. Honestly, I have no clue as to what they’re trying to do. Well, I’d be lying if I said I had no interest in games. But the write-up seems to be about an MMORPG. I’m more of a fan of games like Harvest M○○n and Animal Cr○ssing. I like that comfy, casual pace.

“Ugh, you’re suuuch a bummer!” “I know, right?!” “…”

What’s with them? They’re so hyper. Even if it’s me saying, I think we get along well. We game together since both of my sisters are very into it. Well, it’s probably because of my influence on them, considering that I’m the only guy of us three.

“So? So? Whaddya think?” my younger sister asks me in a cutesy voice.

Her excitement is almost annoying, but since she’s my sister, I hold my tongue and continue reading the magazine pushed up against my face.

Dimension Wave

Looks like it’s an online multiplayer. Skimming through the pages, it looks like players get to work together with allies to fight off enemies. All their weapons, magic, and monsters are pretty typical too. Oh, you can also go fishing. I like stuff like that. It’s nice and relaxing. There are various races to choose from too. Oh? The description seems kinda odd. What’s this?

—Continuing with the well-acclaimed playstyle of the first phase, Phase II of the game will also not allow players to log out until the session has been completed. This further encourages players to fully experience a second life in the game. However, in-game time differs from real-life time. Though each session will require years of in-game time to be completed, it will translate to 24 hours of real-life time. This means that even players who are in full-time employment will be able to enjoy all of the content. We are now accepting new applicants, so don’t hesitate to sign up! Please visit the address below for details.

So it says. Oh, that’s right. I remember now. It was about a year ago when they caused a big stir. It was the guy who planned to create a whole “second life” thing in a VRMMO world.

And as it says in the magazine, months and years in the game will only be just a few hours in the real world. The game targets young professional. For the sake of giving them the chance to live a second life, players also can’t simply logout until the game is done. Content is released monthly to pretty high praise, save for a vocal minority. Or so I’ve read on a gaming news website. Even my buddies were raving about it after trying it out. Is it really that good though?

The problem is that people’s demeanors change after playing. I mean, if you spend seemingly years in the game, it’s bound to affect your personality. There’s even this disgraceful bastard who not only got a girlfriend in the game but is still going out with her IRL.

Fuckin’ normies!

… I should mention that cost of entry is rather high. Not only do you need special equipment, but the game itself costs a lot. After all, the developers and retailers need to make money. In short, it’s not spare change for a student at the very least.

“So? How are you going to pay for it?”

Honestly, even if you begged Mom and Dad for it, they’ll tell you off…

“Heh heh!”

My older sister remains reasonably excited and brings out an envelope. The Second Life Project is written as the sender’s address.

“No, you didn’t…” “I sure did! Here’s the acceptance letter.” “How did you get this? Who did you have to—” “Remember that tournament I won a while ago? This was the prize!”

She spoiled the answer but also my joke. The license was a prize for winning a tournament for this fighting game, which was made by another company of the same conglomerate. I’ve read that they’re making a lot of money lately. My sister definitely signed up the tournament just so she could get her hands on the license. It’s almost weird being related with these girls.

“Three people can sign up with one of these licenses, ya know!”

Here is my older sister who’s grinning from ear to ear and my younger sister who’s almost physically buzzing with excitement.

“Three people? That’s an odd number, eh?”

Isn’t it normally two or four? I’ve heard stories of couples who played together and came out with a stronger bond than ever. But I’ve heard that the game made things worse for some people too. In any case, it looks like I’m invited too. … wait, hold on.

“Hey, why don’t we put these up on an aucti—boof!”

Before I could finish my sentence, my right cheek encountered my younger sister’s fist.

“No way, you dummy!” “No, hear me out. Selling just one of these would give us enough money for a family vaca—boof!”

This time, it was left cheek, older sister.

“I believe I can leave the whole taking care of Mom and Dad thing until after I become a productive member of society.”

They sure are loyal to their desires. Well, it’s not the license is mine anyway, so I don’t really have the right to tell her what do with it.

“So, who’s player three?” “Huh?” they simultaneously interjected. “Hmm?”

The two girls stare at me as if I were speaking alien.

“Don’t you want to play too?” “Uhh, not really?”

It does sound interesting, but I’m iffy about VR games.

“And plus, I get kinda woozy from VR setups.”

VR machines and these fully-immersive online games have been sweeping through the gaming industry. Just before, the sci-fi subgenre of cyberpunk was very popular. Fully-immersive online games made a big splash when they first came out as it was almost as if cyberpunk has become reality. A large portion of gamers were very positive about it too.

Firstly—and I think a lot of Japanese gamers can sympathize—is that a lot of these physically-stimulating virtual reality games rub people the wrong way. For example, like how retro-styled games with pixel art are still really popular, people are used to gaming through a big TV screen. It’s hard to transition away from that concept. Even though I was born into a world where beautiful 3D games were the norm, I’m sure there were people who rejected the transition from pixel art to low-poly graphics.

Well, if that’s the case, I shouldn’t be opposed to these fully-immersive games.

Secondly, the games are very affected by the player’s brainwaves. It’s been recently proven that mental output and processing power vary greatly from person to person. In other words, a person’s ability to judge and reason have been proven, which is why fully-immersive VR games—games that depend on those functions—are heavily dependent on the player’s abilities.

To sum it up, there were gamers who were dissatisfied with the apparent unequal starting lines started cropping up. And excluding the small portion of people who physically and mentally fared well, the sales number weren’t so hot. Well, I guess it’s kinda like when touchscreens first hit the market. Those resistive ones weren’t so good and people didn’t love them. But as technology gets better, so will the performance of VR machines, and I’m sure it’ll then be a big hit.

Hmm, I swear I’ve heard someone tell me this before.

“Y’know, big bro, vat-type VR games have built-in brainwave normalizers so that anybody would be fine, right?” “Oh, is that right? I guess that’s why they’re so expensive then.”

Vat-types could be described as high-performance VR machines. They’re different than regular head-mounted display units hooked up to a computer. Vat-types connect the player by immersing them in a vat full of liquid in which humans can breathe. It’s really something straight out of a mad scientist’s lab. And to speak frankly, the reason why vat-types are invitation-only being because this is tech from the near future—it must cost a whole lot of money to operate.

“Well, I get that even I can play, but don’t you two have anyone else you could invite?” “It’s a ticket for three people! It’d be a lot more fun to go as siblings, don’t you think?” “Yup, she’s right!”

It seems like the three of us are closer than I thought. That makes me rather happy, to be honest. And so, that’s why I’ll be participating in Dimension Wave too.

The day has finally arrived. The three of us go to the venue by train.

Even though my sisters rushed me out of the door, a lot of people had arrived already at the event site. We brought a few things with us, including the license and a USB flash drive that was distributed to all the players. Stored in the flash drive was the data of our created characters. It takes quite a bit of time to customize a character, so they got us to do that ahead of time.

I made my macho mountain of muscles about three days ago. Swole characters aren’t ordinarily popular, but I think they’re cool.

Humans, Lycanthropes, Elves, Jewels, and Spirits were available choices for your character’s race and I chose to make a Spirit. Spirits don’t have levels, HP, or MP, so it makes them pretty special among MMOs. They had a bit of information on their official site, but I had to figure most of that out by myself. Jewels seem interesting too, but I ultimately decided on a Spirit.

I like the unique races.

As for my sisters, the older one picked Human and the younger Lycanthrope. I didn’t ask them, but they told me anyway.

“Oh, looks like they’re starting to let people in.”

Even before I had said that, those two were already restless and had begun heading inside. And why am I at the end of the line anyway? Eventually, I handed one of the three passes to a staff member and got in return a key with a blue plastic number tag attached to it. Then, we were split into two lanes—one for men, one for women.

“See you later.” “See ya!”

I waved them a simple goodbye before heading into the men’s changing room. It’s pretty big in here. I opened the locker with my number on it and found a set of clothes inside. Before the event, we were told to send in our measurements along with our authorization codes so that they can get it tailored to us.

I put my valuables inside, though that consists of only my phone and wallet, and put on the special clothes. It looks like a plugsuit straight out of an anime or something. It’s really elastic. The guys beside me are being awkwardly silent changing into their suits. But even without saying, I can tell they’re thinking of the same thing. I think they used to submerge you in the nude, but after some criticism, they came out with these tailored plugsuits. They even contain emergency life-saving measures. That’s probably one of the reasons why it’s so expensive as well. After changing, I double-checked to make sure my locker was locked and then hurried out the door.

“Whoa…”

The vats lined up row by row was really a spectacle seemingly taken out of a mad scientist’s lab. They’re actually pretty big, even though it’s just for one person. It’s as big as my bed at home.

“Let’s see, let’s see.”

There’s a large sticker placed instructing which way to stick the USB flash drive in and how to shut the door. It’s so simple, anyone can get it right with a quick glance. I plug in my flash drive into the port, hopped in the vat, made sure the door was closed, then slowly lied down. There’s still 10 minutes left until it starts. I take the time to think through what I’ll do in the game.

The two of them mentioned that they were picking a combat class, but I had other plans. I’d think I’d like to try the fishing activity that was in the magazine the other day. I know it might be a bit weird to just fish in an MMORPG, but the whole point of this game is to live a second life, right? I’ll live it leisurely. I haven’t thought much about what’s after though. I’m sure I’ll find a goal while I play. Just as I was thinking about that, I suddenly remember that they had an event called Dimension Wave going on, just like the title. I totally forgot about it up until now. I still have to decide on whether or not to participate, but I’m sure my sisters will. I’d like to at least play support for them.

“Oh?”

Time snuck up on me while I was lost in thought. An announcement played as they started to pump the liquid in. It’s green, I thought… but it was just the reflection of a light inside the vat. On second inspection, it’s actually colorless. The vat filled up in a flash. I’ve subconsciously held my breath, but I can naturally breathe in the liquid. What a shock. I really can breathe. Honestly, I wasn’t actually sure until now.

—Reading data 0%・・・100%. —Data import complete. Beginning brainwave normalizer load test.

I can see it. Rather, it’s being projected straight into my brain. A scene prettier than reality appears before my eyes. Lots of people are walking in the streets of this fantasy town. The sound is coming through too. I hear everything from the male voice of the shopkeeper to the noise of shuffling feet and footsteps. In normal VR systems, you get the tiniest hint of lag, even if it’s not much. But in here, not only is it running without so much a hitch, the fidelity is extremely high. That’s specialized equipment for ya.

—Test complete. Game will begin after all processes complete.

It’s a weird feeling. The voice goes directly into your head without me needing to use my ears. I was thinking that I’ve totally entered a sci-fi world, but tech in the real world is more advanced than I thought. I guess you could call it being excited, but oddly, I couldn’t calm down and stop looking around everywhere. But right as I do so, everything disappeared.

“That can’t be good.”

I’m not just talking about vat-type machines, but when any piece of electronic suddenly goes black like if you yanked the plug out, it kinda makes me feel weird. It’s like as if the world that I’ve been living it just suddenly disappeared.

And then—

—Best wishes to your new life!

previously: /ch000/ /next/

(please support me on Patreon or Paypal)

[readbookywooks]

The Shades, in brief, were an abode of discredited gods and unlicensed thieves, ladies of the night and peddlers in exotic goods, alchemists of the mind and strolling mummers; in short, all the grease on civilization's axle. And yet, despite the fact that these people tend to appreciate the soft magics, there was a remarkable shortage of witches. Within hours the news of Granny's arrival had seeped through the quarter and a stream of people crept, sidled or strutted towards her door, seeking potions and charms and news of the future and various personal and specialised services that witches traditionally provide for those whose lives are a little clouded or full of stormy weather. She was at first annoyed, and then embarrassed, and then flattered; her clients had money, which was useful, but they also paid in respect, and that was a rock-hard currency. In short, Granny was even wondering about the possibility of acquiring slightly larger premises with a bit of garden and sending for her goats. The smell might be a problem, but the goats would just have to put up with it. They had visited the sights of Ankh-Morpork, its crowded docks, its many bridges, its souks, its casbahs, its streets lined with nothing but temples. Granny had counted the temples with a thoughtful look in her eyes; gods were always demanding that their followers acted other than according to their true natures, and the human fallout this caused made plenty of work for witches. The terrors of civilisation had so far failed to materialise, although a cutpurse had tried to make off with Granny's handbag. To the amazement of passers-by Granny called him back, and back he came, fighting his feet which had totally ceased to obey him. No one quite saw what happened to her eyes when she stared into his face or heard the words she whispered in his cowering ear, but he gave her back all her money plus quite a lot of money belonging to other people, and before she let him go had promised to have a shave, stand up straight, and be a better person for the rest of his life. By nightfall Granny's description was circulated to all the chapter houses of the Guild of Thieves, Cutpurses, Housebreakers and Allied Trades[1], with strict instructions to avoid her at all costs. Thieves, being largely creatures of the night themselves, know trouble when it stares them in the face. Granny had also written two more letters to the University. There had been no reply. “I liked the forest best,” said Esk. “I dunno,” said Granny. “This is a bit like the forest, really. Anyway, people certainly appreciate a witch here.” “They're very friendly,” Esk conceded. “You know the house down the street, where that fat lady lives with all those young ladies you said were her relatives?” A very respectable body which in fact represented the major law enforcement agency in the city. The reason for this is as follows: the Guild was given an annual quota which represented a socially acceptable level of thefts, muggings and assassinations, and in return saw to it in very definite and final ways that unofficial crime was not only rapidly stamped out but knifed, garrotted, dismembered and left around the city in an assortment of paper bags as well. This was held to be a cheap and enlightened arrangement, except by those malcontents who were actually mugged or assassinated and refused to see it as their social duty, and it enabled the city's thieves to plan a decent career structure, entrance examinations and codes of conduct similar to those adopted by the city's other professions- which, the gap not being very wide in any case, they rapidly came to resemble. “Mrs Palm,” said Granny cautiously. “Very respectable lady.” “People come to visit them all night long. I watched. I'm surprised they get any sleep.” “Um,” said Granny. “It must be a trial for the poor woman with all those daughters to feed, too. I think people could be more considerate.” “Well now,” said Granny, “I'm not sure that -” She was rescued by the arrival at the gates of the University of a large, brightly painted wagon. Its driver reined in the oxen a few feet from Granny and said: “Excuse me, my good woman, but would you be so kind as to move, please?” Granny stepped aside, affronted by this display of downright politeness and particularly upset at being thought of as anyone's good woman, and the driver saw Esk. It was Treatle. He grinned like a worried snake. “I say. It's the young lady who thinks women should be wizards, isn't it?” “Yes,” said Esk, ignoring a sharp kick on the ankle from Granny. “What fun. Come to join us, have you?” “Yes,” said Esk, and then because something about Treatle's manner seemed to demand it, she added, “sir. Only we can't get in.” “We?” said Treatle, and then glanced at Granny, “Oh, yes, of course. This would be your aunt?” “My granny. Only not really my granny, just sort of everyone's granny.” Granny gave a stiff nod. “Well, we cannot have this,” said Treatle, in a voice as hearty as a plum pudding. “My word, no. Our first lady wizard left on the doorstep? That would be a disgrace. May I accompany you?” Granny grasped Esk firmly by the shoulder. “If it's all the same to you -”she began. But Esk twisted out of her grip and ran towards the cart. “You can really take me in?” she said, her eyes shining. “Of course. I am sure the heads of the Orders will be most gratified to meet you. Most astonished and astounded,” he said, and gave a little laugh. “Eskarina Smith -” said Granny, and then stopped. She looked at Treatle. “I don't know what is in your mind, Mr Wizard, but I don't like it,” she said. “Esk, you know where we live. Be a fool if you must, but you might at least be your own fool.” She turned on her heel and strode off across the square. “What a remarkable woman,” said Treatle, vaguely. “I see you still have your broomstick. Capital.” He let go of the reins for a moment and made a complicated sign in the air with both hands. The big doors swung back, revealing a wide courtyard surrounded by lawns. Behind them was a great rambling building, or buildings: it was hard to tell, because it didn't look so much as if it had been designed as that a lot of buttresses, arches, towers, bridges, domes, cupolas and so forth had huddled together for warmth. “Is that it?” said Esk. “It looks sort of - melted.” “Yes, that's it,” said Trestle. “Alma mater, gaudy armours eagle tour and so on. Of course, it's a lot bigger inside than out, like an iceberg or so I'm given to understand, I've never seen the things. Unseen University, only of course a lot of it is unseen. Just go in the back and fetch Simon, will you?” Esk pushed aside the heavy curtains and peered into the back of the wagon. Simon was lying on a pile of rugs, reading a very large book and making notes on scraps of paper. He looked up, and gave her a worried smile. “Is that you?” he said. “Yes,” said Esk, with conviction. “We thought you'd left us. Everyone thought you were riding with everyone else and then wwwwhen we stopped -” “I sort of caught up. I think Mr Trestle wants you to come and look at the University.” “We're here?” he said, and gave her an odd look: “You're here?” “Yes.” “How?” “Mr Treatle invited me in, he said everyone would be astounded to meet me.” Uncertainty flashed a fin in the depths of her eyes. “Was he right?” Simon looked down at his book, and dabbed at his running eyes with a red handkerchief. “He has t-these little f-fancies”, he muttered, “bbbut he's not a bad person.” Bewildered, Esk looked down at the yellowed pages open in front of the boy. They were full of complicated red and black symbols which in some inexplicable way were as potent and unpleasant as a ticking parcel, but which nevertheless drew the eye in the same way that a really bad accident does. One felt that one would like to know their purpose, while at the same time suspecting that if you found out you would really prefer not to have done. Simon saw her expression and hastily shut the book. “Just some magic,” he mumbled. “Something I'm wwwww-” “- working -”said Esk, automatically. “Thank you. On.” “It must be quite interesting, reading books,” said Esk. “Sort of. Can't you read, Esk?” The astonishment in his voice stung her. “I expect so,” she said defiantly. “I've never tried.” Esk wouldn't have known what a collective noun was if it had spat in her eye, but she knew there was a herd of goats and a coven of witches. She didn't know what you called a lot of wizards. An order of wizards? A conspiracy? A circle? Whatever it was, it filled the University. Wizards strolled among the cloisters and sat on benches under the trees. Young wizards scuttled along pathways as bells rang, with their arms full of books or - in the case of senior students - with their books flapping through the air after them. The air had the greasy feel of magic and tasted of tin. Esk walked along between Trestle and Simon and drank it all in. It wasn't just that there was magic in the air, but it was tamed and working, like a millrace. It was power, but it was harnessed. Simon was as excited as she was, but it showed only because his eyes watered more and his stutter got worse. He kept stopping to point out the various colleges and research buildings. One was quite low and brooding, with high narrow windows. “T-that's the l-l-library,” said Simon, his voice bursting with wonder and respect. “Can I have a l-l-look?” “Plenty of time for that later,” said Treatle. Simon gave the building a wistful look. “All the b-books of magic ever written,” he whispered. “Why are the windows barred?” said Esk. Simon swallowed. “Um, b-because b-books of m-magic aren't like other b-books, they lead a -” “That's enough,” snapped Treatle. He looked down at Esk as if he had just noticed her, and frowned. “Why are you here?” “You invited me in,” said Esk. “Me? Oh, yes. Of course. Sorry, mind wandering. The young lady who wants to be a wizard. Let us see, shall we?” He led the way up a broad flight of steps to an impressive pair of doors. At least, they were designed to be impressive. The designer had invested deeply in heavy locks, curly hinges, brass studs and an intricately-carved archway to make it absolutely clear to anyone entering that they were not very important people at all. He was a wizard. He had forgotten the doorknocker. Treatle rapped on the door with his staff. It hesitated for a while, and then slowly slid back its bolts and swung open. The hall was full of wizards and boys. And boys' parents. There are two ways of getting into Unseen University (in fact there are three, but at this time wizards hadn't realised it. The first is to achieve some great work of magic, such as the recovery of an ancient and powerful relic or the invention of a totally new spell, but in these times it was seldom done. In the past there had been great wizards capable of forming whole new spells from the chaotic raw magic of the world, wizards from whom as it were all the spells of wizardry had flowed, but those days had gone; there were no more sourcerers.