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sharffffff · 10 days ago

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After returning from the Null, Pangi had to take a long slumber to recover what remained of his sanity and put it all together. What he didn’t expect to find out after waking up a couple of days later was the fact that his faction, green faction, had somehow gained a new member, but also that said member had somehow already lost a life. Well, that second part was more expected than not - Pangi had come to learn that new otherworlders are usually very squishy and quick to die, but the circumstances of his death were still of interest to him.

That new member, Lukey, was somewhat of an interesting case. Pangi felt weird around him, and he wasn’t sure exactly why - something felt different, slightly wrong about his essence, but he couldn’t put his mind to what exactly. Pangi blamed the corruption spreading throughout his left arm for this disturbance - after all, he did gain the ability to feel people’s essence after the prolonged contact with corruption back in his labs, and maybe its physical manifestation was messing with his perception of things - but then again, everyone else’s essence still felt the same.

But even if Lukey was somehow different from other realmers, did it really matter? Not in Pangi’s eyes, for he was just excited for more members to join the Honey Badgers, although the place quickly started feeling overcrowded as more and more people started joining. For now, he wasn’t too attached - he was still afraid of attachment after everything that happened with Pili, and with the new realmers usually going M.I.A. after a couple of days on the server, he couldn’t allow himself to believe that Lukey would stay around for long. So few others did, after all.

But there was something so enticing about Lukey as well, something that lured Pangi closer despite the risk, despite the care he put into not getting attached. It might have been the desire to learn what made him different, or the wish to defend him from danger, or just the want to bond with the newest realmer, the newest green member - but he got close. Too close for comfort. Close enough to get attached.

So when the Kingdom suddenly took interest in him, when he died again, this time to Sneeg, when Pili tried killing him over and over again, when that same damned cat started getting close to him, when Ros told Pangi to be wary of him, when he learned that it was her who killed him on the first day? He felt the rage riling up within him, he felt the desire to retaliate, to defend, to do whatever he had to to make sure Lukey was going to be safe.

And when Lukey asked him if he should reset, if his levels were worth it - Pangi answered it honestly. It would be strategically better to reset, to die a third time, but it’s a coward’s way out - and Pangi has lost too many friends already. He wanted Lukey to stay alive, he promised Lukey that he would keep him alive no matter what if he decided to stay. And in return, Lukey promised him something nobody else has promised him before - while so many have told him they would die for him, Lukey said that he would live for him. He kept his last life to not hurt him, to show him that he isn’t like the others, to care about him - something awoke in Pangi, something that he thought he lost long ago. And he grabbed onto that feeling and didn’t let go.

So when Pili, Pili of all people, asked Lukey out for the ball, that feeling took over everything, letting him succumb to revenge, turning his eyes just one shade more purple than they were before - barely noticeable, but that rage was powered by corruption spreading throughout his body. He wasn’t going to lose Lukey, he wasn’t going to let Lukey go through the same issues he went through, he wouldn’t let that cat ruin him. He had to protect him, he had to make sure he knew what he was getting into, he had to-

He didn’t mean to. He didn’t mean to. He didn’t mean to at all. His hands instinctively grabbed the handle of the crossbow when he was talking to Lukey, rage consuming his vision, and the trigger slipped - piercing straight through Lukey’s throat, not giving him, nor Pangi, a chance to react, to save him, to do anything. He- he killed the one person he was supposed to protect. The one person who was willing to survive for him for his own detriment. How could he? How could he have done that? And he knew Lukey would never forgive him. Who would ever forgive a sin as great as this? A sin as great as killing the person who kept their life just for you? He would understand if Lukey left, if he left him, if he left green, all because of this mistake, all because of this rage, all because of him, of Pangi. He hated this, and he hated himself.

And then Lukey came back. And he didn’t hate him. And he didn’t despise him for his death. And he only held it against him a little bit - but all in a joking manner, all with a sparkle in his eyes and a smile in the corner of his mouth. And Pangi broke a little bit, not knowing what he did to deserve this, to deserve him, to deserve forgiveness. How could have his actions been forgiven that easily? How could Lukey stay by his side, despite what he has done? How could he not leave him when everyone else he ever held close did?

Maybe his last vow of protection didn’t hold, maybe he broke it himself, but this time, this time it would be different. He would give his life for Lukey’s if he had to, he would fight his battles as if they were his own - because they would become his own. And he would kill for him. Do the one thing he can do best, bring death to those who have to die to ensure Lukey’s safety. And that was a promise. There was an exception - or at least, Pangi thought there was. Ros was a friend, one he was not killing to put in the way of his rampage, one who he trusted to always be honest with him. And so long as she remained honest, she was safe.

And Lukey? Lukey did something Pangi did not expect. He revealed a secret, unprompted, as an exercise of trust - and Pangi knew just how important secrets were for the person carrying them. He never expected anyone to tell him their secrets, he respected their privacy and wouldn’t ever push, so this exercise of trust - it mattered so much to him. Yes, Lukey didn’t tell him everything - but he also told him he wouldn’t. He was honest, he revealed that when he came back, he came back in the Null, and Pangi could feel its essence lingering over him. And he could finally understand what the other strangeness of his essence was - but it was a secret not yet shared with him, and he wasn’t going to pressure Lukey into sharing it. It was not his secret to learn, after all.

But even knowing what it was, even knowing what he knew, Pangi didn’t care. What would it matter if Lukey is from the Null? What would it matter if he is a Keeper? He forgave Pangi when he didn’t deserve forgiveness, he stayed at his back when he needed it most, and his actions mattered much more than who he was. That, that Pangi knew for certain.

Somehow, each time he goes to slumber, something seems to happen to Lukey. This time was no different, with him almost being killed by yellow, by Sneegsnag, by Ros. He was told it first by Ros, and her story downplayed a few things here and there, and it hurt him. Not just the fact that she would tell Sneeg to kill the one person he cared about the most in this realm, but the fact that she would lie to him. And when Lukey told him what really happened, and when Ros confirmed that what Lukey said was the full truth, while her previous story contained some lies… Pangi was disappointed. The one thing he couldn’t stand, the one thing they promised to each other they wouldn’t do - Ros did it. She lied to him, and only confessed to her lie when presented with the truth. And it hurt, oh, it hurt so much. And Pangi didn’t know what to do now. He didn’t know if he could ever trust her again.

And so he decided to trust the only other person he could. He showed Lukey the room that mattered the most for the upcoming war, the room that housed the weapon that would help them win it - this could compromise their entire future, but he trusted Lukey, not just with his life, but with lives of everyone on the green, with their potential victory. And he knew this trust was not misplaced.

He had to know one thing, though. Just one thing. And so he went to Ros again, to ask why. Why would she do this, why would she try to kill Lukey again after the Kingdom has already been a cause of two of his deaths. And her answer didn’t make sense to Pangi. She heard him in the Null, but he was in the Null too, for as long as she has, and he didn’t care about the fact Lukey was from there - although he didn’t pay much attention to the very fact that he knew that, for that was a secret yet not shared with him, and so he would respect its secrecy.

But the other point? It just confused him. Ros told him that there is something Lukey wasn’t telling them, and that was not something he would ever be concerned with. Pangi was even told by Lukey that he can’t say everything - and Pangi understood that, and didn’t pry further. And so he answered with the fact that all of them aren’t telling everything to each other, that all of them have secrets - and Ros didn’t appreciate that answer. Pangi knew that this was it. There was no way to mend this, and what would come tomorrow would most certainly result in war.

And so the only thing he could do was prepare for bloodshed. Prepare himself, and prepare Lukey. After all, he had to make sure Lukey would survive to see the sunset, and be there to mend his wounds when he came back. He was the only one Pangi could trust with that, after everything that’s happened. The only one who he could trust at all.

#the realm smp #trsmp #trshipping #pangkey #pankey #lukgi #pangi #lukeytv #hey so uhh yeah have this idk what to put in tags #have this fucking pangolin just be head over heels over lukey <3

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sharffffff · 9 days ago

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Ugh. The past 24 hours were less than pleasant, and the conversation with one of the Keepers in the last twenty minutes in that place didn’t make the experience any better - in some way, it made it worse. Now Lukey knew the place to put to the name he heard so many times, was accused of being from so many times - and that made the situation worse. Not with Ros, no - well, with Ros too, if she was ever to find out that he went to the Null after the reset, or that this apparently wasn’t his first time there… that didn’t matter, though. Lukey didn’t care about what Ros would think in this moment - no, he cared for someone much closer.

He wasn’t stupid. He saw the three bedrolls in the dark corridors of the Null, he heard people talking about the three of them being stuck there for ages, and he knew how Ros reacted to the mere chance of her hearing his voice in that place - his chest still bore the scars to remind him of the spear that pierced him on his first day in this Realm. And with the Keeper saying that it was his fifth time there… even if Lukey didn’t remember it, it confirmed he was there before. It confirmed Ros didn’t lie, it confirmed that he was there before. And that was what frightened Lukey beyond anything else. What would Pangi think?

As Lukey paced around the room, this was the only thing he could think of. Before Pangi didn’t have any reason to believe Ros about the fact that Lukey was from the Null, Lukey declined it, after all, and he believed so himself - but now he had different information, conflicting information, and he knew how much Pangi despised liars, and he knew that Pangi was stuck in the Null for decades, and he knew how Ros reacted to just the possibility of him being from that place - so how would Pangi react? He knows where Lukey is, he knows where Lukey respawns, he can reset him over and over and over again…

And Lukey would take it. It wouldn’t be the axe that hurts the most, it would be the fact that Pangi would hate him for something he can’t control. He hoped it wouldn’t happen, but he feared it would. Pangi was traumatized by that place, after all, and Lukey wouldn’t hold it against him if he found out that he lied, even if it was unknowingly, and started to despise him for that, and for being from the place he was stuck in for so long. He didn’t want Pangi to hate him, but he couldn’t keep this from him. Not even if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to - he wanted to be honest with Pangi, he wanted to tell him at least something, he wanted to show his loyalty, to show his honesty, to ask for forgiveness - even if he was supposed to be the one to do the forgiving, even if it was Pangi’s fault he was even reset in the first place - but he couldn’t hate Pangi. And he hoped, he hoped oh so much, that Pangi wouldn’t hate him.

Lukey didn’t know if he could survive without Pangi, and not in a way that he needed Pangi’s protection - no, he needed Pangi like lungs needed air, and the very thought of him hating Lukey, of him leaving Lukey behind, refusing to acknowledge his existence - it felt ruinous to him. Pangi killing him over and over again would be better, it would be so much better than just silent hatred, than leaving him behind, than ignoring and avoiding him as much as possible - and seeing Ros’s reaction to Lukey, he was afraid that that would be the fate he would get from Pangi as well. And it destroyed him. He didn’t want to believe it, he hoped for the better, but the fear consumed him, the dread spread throughout his body, and he felt frozen in place as he looked upon the white walls of the lab, perhaps for the last time on this realm. He expected to get exiled, get kicked out of Pangi’s sacred place, forbidden to ever step foot in here. This could be the very last time he sets his sight on this place, and he dreaded the moment when Pangi would appear.

With a sigh, Lukey turned around, ready to go back to the office he had only recently finished, ready to pack up what little stuff he had to be prepared to get out, only to see Pangi standing closely behind, looking at him with interest, eyes sparkling with a slight purple in the corners of the bright sky blue. Lukey jumped in surprise, stumbling back and into the wall, afraid of what was to follow. He was certain that Pangi could feel the Null’s essence of him, and he was prepared to face his fate, to forever lose him - but nothing happened. There was no axe in Pangi’s hands, there was no anger in his eyes, only the relief and hope and excitement to see him back. But… why? Why did he not react? Why did he not care? Lukey was relieved, of course, but he was also apprehensive. Was this a trick? Was this an attempted to lure him into false sense of security? Because if it was, it was really cruel. And it was working.

But he couldn’t help but notice just how much lighter Pangi became when he realized that Lukey was back, and remembered him, and was fine. His face held a constant smile, his eyes sparkled with joy, and his tail wagged under the robes. Pangi clinged onto Lukey’s arms much more than before, and almost refused to let him go, as if afraid to lose him, and it confused Lukey even more. Did he not sense the air of the Null on him? Lukey didn’t want to cling onto false hope, he didn’t want to lull himself into thinking he was safe, and even getting the apology and welcome back gift from Pangi felt wrong. Lukey not saying anything ate at him from within, as if he was lying by keeping silent - and he couldn’t bare lying to Pangi. He had to speak up.

“Where were you for the last 24 hours? What was it like?” This question from Pangi hit Lukey like a truck. Oh. Pangi knew. He asked because he wanted to see if he would lie. Of course this was all a test. He was going to lose him no matter what, wasn’t he? He was stupid for holding onto hope.

“Oh! Oh… You may be familiar…” Lukey didn’t want to say it. He didn’t want to confirm his worst fears would come to pass. But he couldn’t lie to Pangi. He hated this. He hated all of this.

“Oh, was it the Null?” Pangi tilted his head slightly, like he always does, with a spark of interest and recognition going through his eyes, and it scared Lukey even more than before. Yes, Pangi would do it in casual conversations - but he would also do it when measuring up a target before the hunt, and Lukey was afraid that in this situation it meant the latter. He could already see his jaws snapping around his neck, ending his life once again, ending yet another hunt, ending this relationship, ending Lukey’s hope - but he had to answer. He couldn’t lie, so all that remained was telling the truth.

“It was.” Lukey closed his eyes, ready for the strike, but it never came. After a couple of far too long moments he opened them once more, only to notice the barely visible nod that Pangi made after getting that confirmation, and a slight wag of his tail. He was… glad? Was he happy to know his suspicions were confirmed? Why did he not strike? Why was there no fear in his eyes? Why was there no resentment? Lukey didn’t understand. This didn’t make sense. None of this made any sense.

“So, how was the Null? Was it your first time there?” And there it was. Again. This was the question that would be followed by the resentment, wasn’t it? Pangi just needed to know for sure that it wasn’t his first time there before he could strike, and Lukey was about to give him this opportunity on a silver platter.

“You know what? I’m going to say it once, and I’m not going to repeat this again. I’m not certain, Pangi.” Lukey didn’t lie. He wasn’t certain. He could only remember being there once, this time, after the reset, before being brought back. But… if the conversation with the Keeper was to be believed, he has been there before, and more than once. And he wasn’t certain if he could believe him - but something within him told him it wasn’t a lie.

“What do you mean? You’re not certain it was your first time there?” Pangi tilted his head again, this time in genuine confusion. Lukey could tell that Pangi knew this wasn’t a lie, but he also couldn’t understand how it wasn’t a lie, and that clearly excited the pangolin. Lukey, though? Lukey just feared for what it would mean for their future.

“No, I’m not.”

“What… makes you not certain?” As Lukey was preparing to answer, he flinched, as Pangi’s hand that he forgot was even holding his shoulder suddenly pulled him alongside him, into the office, where Pangi pointed towards the seats. This was the end, wasn’t it? Lukey tried acting calm, but he knew that hell would follow, and he knew he couldn’t tell everything, but he also couldn’t lie, and he was afraid that this was the end of everything.

“So… why are you uncertain?” Pangi’s blue gaze pierced straight through Lukey, and he knew that his time has come. He hated that it had come to this, he hated the fact that Pangi was going to despise him for trying to keep secrets from him, he hated that he was going to be left alone, yet again, undeserving of love.

“...That’s all that you need to know.” Lukey knew this was it. The long pause, followed by unsatisfying answer? He didn’t know why he wasn’t dead already, but he was still alive, and when he looked up, he could see smile back on Pangi’s face, could hear his tail trying to wag despite him sitting. Why… what? He didn’t understand.

“Oh! Staying mysterious around here, okay!” Pangi replied with a mischievous smile and instantly shifted the conversation in other direction. He didn’t try to pry, he didn’t try to get the secret out of Lukey - he just accepted it and moved on. He didn’t hate him for who he was, and because of that, Lukey was left confused. How? How was he okay with this? He was in the Null so long his entire being was corrupted? How would he be okay near someone who has been in the Null more than once, by his own self admittance, and refused to share the full knowledge of just how many times he had been there?

Lukey didn’t know how he deserved to be loved, when the world before has only shown him hatred and resentment and fear. But what he did know is this - he would fight for this love no matter what. He wouldn’t love unconditionally, he knew the problems that could lead with it, but as long as there was mutual respect and trust - he would do anything in his power to prove to be worthy of Pangi’s love, and would do the same in return. Because that’s what love is about.

#the realm smp #trsmp #trshipping #pangi #lukeytv #pangkey #so do you guys think lukey was afraid that pangi would react the same way that ros did the moment he learned that after reset #lukey went to the null? because i do #he was afraid to be abandoned; to be hated; to be despised #teehee #pankey #lukgi #incredibly self indulgent btw i hate these two with a burning passion /pos

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