#luckily got an appt saturday.... the One thing that went okay for me.

[gardenofgods]

guess who hit a fucking fatass bird on the interstate and now has to spend 940 dollars on a windshield

[cookie-monster0-o]

My car stopped as I was driving to the library last night. UNbelievably, it died as I was making the turn onto the street that the library is on, and I was able to coast right up to the (no parking) curb at the book drop off. So that's good. My phone was at 5%, it was raining and dark. Fun times, she says sarcastically. E came and jumped my car, I pulled off the spark plugs (twice!) And was scared of being electrocuted the whole time. Yaaay. When she (my car) died about 20 feet down the road and needed the second jump, I cried. I'm on that middle ground ledge, where I am poor myself, but as long as nothing really mojor happens I'll probably be okay. And even better than that, I am the lucky kind of poor where, as long as I am living with E and his mom, I don't have bills to pay and they will always provide food for the kids and I. So really nothing is ever going to be THAT BAD. everything's ok. Mostly.

But now my books from the second libary are overdue. ($). I can't renew them online because I have over ten dollars in overdue fines($) due to having lost a book, bought a replacement ($) on thriftbooks, the librarian said it wasn't good enough condition so I have to buy a new copy ($), and I'm still racking up that fee. At Iz's allergist appt there was a copay I wasn't expecting ($). I had to use the ten dollar bill to pay for part of it, the ten I was saving to pay the parking ticket ($) that I got for parking in one of those "No parking from 9am-2pm" streets, which I parked in because it was 8am and we were a few minutes late to J's blood work appt. (Which I could potentially be billed up to $150 ($$) for if E's insurance decides not to cover some of it. Which is fun, I don't have that much in the bank, so if they try to charge my debit card, I may get an overdraft fee and that other fee too. E will pay for the blood work, but may not pay the other fees. We'd have to see, if that happens.) I asked E if he'd repay me for the allergist copay, I Think he said yes, he hasn't yet but he may. So I'll have the ten back, and $5 for gas money. Because I have an eighth of a tank. But I don't have money for gas. ($). I was going to ask my mom and E if they'd give me a little for gas. I was planning on going to a family friend's party Saturday with the kids and my parents, so I'd at least need some gas to get to my parents' house, then carpool with them.

So. Now the car. I cried, because my first car I bought in college, I spent $1,000 on that I saved in high school. Nearly cleared out my account. My parents paid the other $1,200, for the $2,200 car. We bought it in August, literally the week that my college classes began, and it broke down and died forever in January. $2k for a few months, fun. That was in 2012. My parents just bought my cousin's old car for me, this April. Spent about 1.5k on it. When it went last night, I cried. The thought that they'd spent $$$ again, just to have a car for 4 months again, made me cry. I swore I would get a job as soon as I had a car. I swore I'd go to the dr, get blood work that I'm years overdue for, go to a therapist (also years overdue). I didn't. Switched insurance providers, new coverage starts Aug 1st. Can't see a Dr till then. Luckily, if my car was totally dead, I could borrow E's mom's car for Dr appts. I was thinking of all of this last night when I was sitting silently waiting for E to come with the jumper cables. So when it died a second time and I had to jump it again, I felt panic-y and cried.

E thinks it's fixable things- maybe alternator, could be tension ring, could be fuel injectors? ($$). E brought it to his mechanic friend this morning. Which I didn't ask for but hey E does whatever he wants to, fuck me, right? My parents are going to be paying for whatever has to be done, which, like, lucky for me, but also they are borderline just-barely-making-it too. They're not broke, they both have incomes, and my mom is very good with money (bookkeeper, and master budgetteer). But like she was fretting over the car A/C, hoping it'd be under $200 because the budget's tight. It was, but it also broke again. So ($$). The decision now is, do we put the money into my car, or sell it and put that money towards a different car? Who knows man, I hate that question. Makes my stomach hurt. Guess we're putting it into the car because it's already at the mechanic, right, E? Hopefully it's a small problem with an inexpensive fix that works for a really long time. Fingers crossed then.

I filled out a survey (150 pages, tiny little check boxes) and it paid ten up front and will pay $40 once the survey's returned. The ten was what I spent at the allergist. I was going to use the whole $50 to get a hair cut and tip, but now it was reallocated to the ticket. I have till Aug 3rd to pay for it so I hope it comes in by then. I could ask E's mom for the ticket money and give her the survey cash if it comes later in August. I still need to buy the dang library book. And pay that fine.

I've decided I'm not getting a hair cut this year.

[itsjayyyy]

September 18, 2018 4:53 pm

wow since it’s been a few days since an update, I had a lot of things to open this entry with, but of course only one topic can be the first i talk about. so, the most recent one: I was just laying in bed thinking about how I need to study for my bio exam tomorrow and also complete the next two modules for econ, but then I realized it’s tuesday and econ hw is due monday nights, and freaked out. I literally went through all five stages of grief, before I was like “it’s okay, it’s only the homework, the exam will pull my grade up” and opened my laptop to start reading for bio. but then I checked econ and apparently because there’s an exam this week, there wasn’t any homework due so HOLLA.

so this past weekend has been annoying, as always. I was at ioa for friday, but we only had three workers total (we normally have 6) for closing, so it was hell trying to close on time. and then saturday I went to usf, which is always hell. not to mention, hhn started so we had to spend an hour cleaning so the night crew would be set. and at the end of my shift, the usf manager has the nerve to say to me that she wants me to pick up some shifts this week. I tell her that I have four exams, and I’ll have to check my schedule, but she says “oh but your availability says you’re free after 4 on tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays” what the fuck!!!!!! don’t go looking at my availability when I’m not your employee!!!!!!! so I kept saying I had to study, I had to see, two of my exams are online, etc and she kept pushing for me to at least take shifts on friday afternoon and saturday, since I should be done with exams by then. I took the saturday shift because by this point my shift ended a minute ago and I wanted to leave, and told her I’d call her to let her know if I can take friday (I won’t.) SO SUNDAY I walk in to ioa (home sweet home), and we have a new coworker!!! And by new I mean he used to work at usf but transferred here permanently. What. “Oh jay we send you to usf because they’re understaffed and we’re overstaffed.” Okay. So I tell my manager that they’re stupid for accepting MORE workers when we have that issue, and she has the audacity to say to my face “oh it’s more than that, he didn’t like it at usf” as if I haven’t spent the last two months telling both ioa and usf managers that I hate usf. Okay. So Sunday, when I next work at ioa, I’m going to speak to my highest manager and tell her that she either tells the scheduler that I am not to work at usf again, or I quit. I have enough money in my savings account to last me a while.

wow. rose deadass drank 6 apple juice boxes out of the 8-pack we had. this bitch clearly doesn’t care if I starve huh.

so yesterday I met up with heather after class in the student union. did I mention how much I love cafe bustelo? I really love it. a good cafe con leche really warms me up. we talked for a while, then I walked her to class. In our conversation, our birthdays came up at some point (I think I said something along the lines of “you didn’t get me anything for my birthday this year! and she said “you didn’t get me anything either!”) and I was like “I bet you don’t even know my birthday” and she said april 22nd. and then later she was like yea well I bet you don’t know mine and i immediately said march 19, so she said she’d buy me starbucks today to make up for it.

today’s morning was really gr8 and also really un-gr8. like, I woke up at 7 thinking I had to leave the house at 8:30 for my ortho appt, and laid in bed for a while before finally getting up and showering. but when I stepped out of the shower and saw the time was 8, I realized that I didn’t leave the house at 8:30, my appointment was at 8:30. cue getting dressed while still partially damp, forgetting heather’s gov’t textbook, and going 75 in a 45 zone. I thank the gods daily that motorcycles don’t get red light tickets.

while driving down the main road leading to my university, I had this white car weaving between traffic. at one point he was behind me, but then when I slowed down in a turn he switched to the right, which ended up being right behind a campus shuttle (you know, the ones that drive 5 mph under the speed limit at all times and you can barely see around. and they’re diesel, ugh!). as he saw me speed up at the end of the curve, he switched back to behind me and sped up too, but as soon as I reached level with the front of the shuttle (and the pickup on the other side of me), I slammed on my brakes so he couldn’t try to go around. Definitely risked getting run the fuck over, but it was so worth it seeing the look of frustration on his face.

I got nearly instant karma, though, because he entered the university through the first turn, when I went for the second a little ways up since it’s closer to my garage. but the traffic light was down, so I had to merge into one lane with everyone else, and then they wouldn’t even allow left turns because it’s too complex for the person directing traffic, so I had to make a right then a u-turn. But it was made up for by the fact that the trike that normally parks in my spot was probably also deterred by the traffic, and I got to claim my righteous spot.

so when I got on campus, I went to heather’s class, or rather, the building it was in since I couldn’t find room 106 exactly. I remembered that my annoying coworker said that her classes were in that building + the one next to it also on tuesdays, but I thought that there was no way I’d actually bump into her considering there are over 60,000 students and the buildings are pretty large, plus I didn’t know what time her classes are.

well, now I know that her class gets out at the same time + same building as heather. we walked towards the starbucks (which is near her next class), and I introduced her to heather, we talked about how it was to work at universal, the sort. and then she was like “well I gotta go to class now, bye!” and i was like bye and smiled and when she was more than 20 feet away I turned to heather and said “that’s the coworker I told you that I hate.”

I love pumpkin spice season!!!!!!!! got a frappuccino tho, because it’s never truly fall in florida. heather got a mango dragonfruit refresher bc I recommended it to her, and it’s funny because the person ordering before us was also named heather and also ordered a mango dragonfruit. As a barista, that’s like my worst nightmare. Luckily they were able to tell it apart because the other heather got a grande. We sat in the starbucks for a while, I explained how weed is a lot more safe than cigarettes, talked about pine hills’ reputation, and how samantha’s mom is so damn disrespectful. This woman drove heather home one day when picking up samantha, and the whole ride was bragging about how samantha was going to be so successful because she’s majoring in some type of psychology and will be making over 90k a year. and then she turned the conversation to how teachers don’t make that much money, and she asks heather how she could do that, just take such a low-paying job. and lemme tell ya how MY GIRL HEATHER FUCKIN SNAPPED. she done said she tired of people saying teachers don’t make a lot of money yall. she said to samantha’s mom, “I don’t know how you’re looking down on my salary when you have three children from three different men with only a salary of $30k.” Y’ALL. the point that heather was trying to make the point that “people from working-class families act as if a salary less than 100k is unacceptable even for an unmarried, childless young adult despite working class families often having a household income of 50k while supporting children just fine,” but damn she really went there. goin off on this good catholic woman for having baby daddies. well samantha’s mom and samantha became very upset. and they told heather’s dad who would not leave her alone until she apologized. as in, he was banging on her door telling her she had to apologize. I said put headphones in and ignore it, she was like “girl you don’t understand haitian parents. my dad literally opened my door with a knife when I locked it.” so she had to apologize :/ but she also made it clear that she didn’t like the way samantha’s mom disrespected her. she tried to make it seem relatable, and be like, “oh what if i said that to your mom, wouldn’t you tell me to apologize” and I’m like???? no???? I would make my mom apologize for being disrespectful first the hell??? then I reminded her about how I literally lived on the streets for 3 weeks because my mom was disrespectful to me.

today after class I decided to take the city bus home, for 4 reasons: I wanted to stay humble and remember where I came from, I wanted time to be able to finish this book, not walking the last half-mile home every day this semester has caused some weight gain, and I really wanted to hold my parking spot against that damn trike, and it seems he comes too early in the morning for me, so I just left my bike there overnight. yea I’m petty.

The book was really good. It’s definitely a hard read, for sure. In the sense that it really will make you cry. At the end, it listed all of the school shooting victims since columbine, plus a small snippet about them (it was like 20 pages long). The one that really got me was an 8 year old, whose text read “shoot me first,” as he wanted to take a bullet so it wouldn’t be used against his classmates. Then, below that entry, a seven year old, who said “shoot me next.” Just typing that is making my eyes water again.

The walk home was super tiring. I’m super out of shape, it was hard for me to even imagine that I did this every single day the entire first semester of college. And I have to do it tomorrow morning again, ugh. Can you believe heather wakes up at 5:30 am???? I’m never seen out of bed before 7, and even then it’s only for things like appointments. But I guess I really should start waking up earlier, because whenever I get on campus around 8 I feel great because I have so much time to study and stuff. but that means I have to buy a coffee on campus, and I don’t know if I want to commit to that expense.

edit: so I originally posted this to my main, and when I saw that I copied it, then deleted it, then tried to paste it into a new post, but I guess I didn’t press ctrl hard enough because it didn’t copy. and I was about to cry bc this is close to 2k words, but then I realized I had a tab of my main open that still had the original post showing, so I copied from there.