#lucimeon if you squint

[4am-obey-me-thoughts]

Adjusting

Summary: After choosing to fall for love, Simeon finds himself struggling to cope. Mammon offers him some advice.

Word Count: 909

“Shut up!” He screamed, hands slamming onto the table, wings flared. Claws marred the wood, deep scores where his grip once held firm. The last semblance of patience silenced with the chatter around the table. All eyes fixed on him, his own widened. “I’m… I’m sorry. I- Excuse me.” Black sclera fading to white, he stood, fleeing from the dining room. Attention turned to the eldest, expecting him to go after the former angel as he had time and time again. Lucifer stayed seated. “Give him time. He’ll adjust.” A stoic expression, a sip of coffee. Memories of words wounding more than just pride. With nothing else to say, the brothers, subdued, finished their breakfast in quiet. Lucifer excused himself first, the distant click of the front door shutting behind him. Eventually they all filtered out, one daring enough to deal with the new addition to the household. Patience. It used to come so easily. What did the humans say again? Patience is a virtue. He could almost laugh. Anything could set him off now, minor annoyances once tuned out all he could focus on. Grating on him until he snapped. Beelzebub’s open mouth chewing managed it that morning, a new one to add to the list. They were trying to help him acclimate, really they were. And he was grateful. The list just one of many strategies. Write down what angers you, avoid it until you can bare with it. Satan’s advice came in handy. More so than he cared to admit. Though he found himself failing to follow it. Lapses in rational thought. It all came at once. The ripping of grace from his essence. The transformation. New senses, new sights. Unknown to angelic eyes. It brought him to his knees. Begging. Pleading for forgiveness. Cries of repentance as feathers greyed and wings became necrotic. Pain like nothing he’d ever known. And he chose it. Simeon chose to fall. A bitter thought, sad and tired. He had a consolation, he supposed. He didn’t have that far to go. Already down in the Devildom. Already knowing what to expect. Or so he thought. Words couldn’t describe the experience. Not in entirety. It left an absence. A void so deep it couldn’t be filled. An absence of something fundamental. Anger. Hurt. Resentment. The only things left in its place. He tried to hide it. To pretend. Telling them he’s fine. Telling himself he’s fine. That he made the choice. Free to love who he wanted. But freedom came with a price. Everything. He lost almost everything. Luke. Michael. His home. And he feared, slowly, even himself. “Simeon?” The door opened, a soft yellow hue cutting through the darkness of the room. Sat on the bed, his wings cocooned him. Dark grey dipped in murky brown, a pair from six remaining. He didn’t move, didn’t answer right away. Not until the sound of the first footfalls pierced the silence. “I need to be alone. Just awhile longer.” A muffled plea from beneath the feathers. A pause. The closing of a door. The creaking of the mattress with added weight. “Look, yellin’ at breakfast ain’t a rare thing,” Mammon began, trying to lighten the air. “Someone always starts it, just surprising it was you. We’re not used to you raising your voice. Still pretty tame for a demon, if ya ask me.” “...Please, just go.” A sigh. “Alright, I’ll go. But you gotta hear me out first.” No response. He took that as a yes. “I know what everyone’s sayin’. It gets better with time. You’ll adjust.” A shuddered breath, the soft rustling of feathers as something shook within. “But I know it’s not that simple.” Simeon froze. Mammon continued. “They’re not wrong. You’ll find something to cope eventually, but it ain’t about that. It’s about right now.” He looked down at his hands, twisting a ring on his finger. “I won’t lie to ya, it gets worse before it gets better. But you’re not alone, okay? It’s different for everyone, but we’ve all been there.” “Some stuff you have to figure out on your own, but the Great Mammon has your back. So do the others.” Mammon shifted in place. Talking about this stuff was hard, letting the honesty, the integrity, breach the surface. He persevered. “It won’t be easy, ya just gotta push through it. A day at a time. You like writing, don’t cha? Have you tried that? Or reading? That always keeps Satan occupied. If you like that anime stuff I bet Levi would lend ya something. He’s like your number one fan.” A slight chuckle, trying to relieve his tension. “That’s all I had to say.” Mammon stood, a sigh suppressed. “I guess I’ll be going.” A hand shot out, grabbing his wrist before he made the first step. “Mammon, wait.” Surprised, he glanced back. Wings wrapped around him still, Simeon looked at him. Despite the red and puffy eyes, a small smile greeted Mammon. “Thank you, I… I needed to hear that.” He let go of his wrist, hands folded and placed on his lap. “’Course. The Great Mammon gives the best advice, ya know? I’ll leave you alone for now, but I’ll come back later with one of Satan’s books. He won’t mind once I tell him who it’s for.” With a well-intentioned but poorly executed plan in mind, Mammon left to enact it. Simeon laid down on his bed, feeling a little lighter.