#low key reminding myself that i’m allowed to be sad even though my problems aren’t always that terrible

[thedeerman]

being rapid-cycling bipolar means that i can’t sleep at night because i’m hypomanic but then cry my eyes out because the order i made for the steam deck i’ve been waiting to get for years got cancelled and now i’ll have to pay full price because my company just stopped having them out of nowhere. thanks, obama

[flyonmylovee]

[ Here are some of my coherent thoughts on Shoushitsu + Tri overall, hopefully more organized than the string of upper-case letters I splattered across everyone’s dashboards a few days ago. This is INCREDIBLY long and all based on my personal speculation and the limited knowledge of mythology + themes outside of the adventure-verse, so I hope that dividing it into sections is helpful if anyone actually wants to read this and everything should be taken with a grain of salt. ]

So before I go any farther, I feel like I should say that I loved Shoushitsu. I’m becoming quite the apologist for it but I mean, I’ve been waiting my entire life for Sora to not be written out of a movie. While her character development leaves much to be desired, I have a ton of faith in the next two movies. I’d like to wait for those to come out before I make any definite judgments about whether Tri did Sora justice or not. I remember reading interviews with the Tri crew before Saikai came out, and the way they spoke about the characters really made me believe that they understand how important they are to us. I have faith that this is still well-planned. Little parts of Shoushitsu actually reaffirmed that for me. Now, if the next two movies don’t pull through I will totally eat my words, but as of now, I’m genuinely pretty happy. 

On Sora’s Arc: I don’t think it’s complete. To be honest, I don’t think any of the kid’s arcs are complete, so I’m 100% setting myself up for disappointment with the last movie, but once again I’m keeping the faith that something’s planned. Anyways, I think we all saw Sora’s problem coming from a mile away. She’s an introvert who tries to get her energy from others. If she can’t be motherly she feels like she has no purpose. Everyone grows up except for digimon. What would she do if Piyomon wasn’t around? Apparently, totally crash and burn and turn invisible to her friends. 

I noticed a lot of references to Meiko throughout Sora’s ordeal. Meiko’s a newcomer and arguably the source of all their problems. Sora spent a considerable amount of time worrying about her and trying to include her in the group. The moment Pyocomon rejects Sora, you can literally see the darkness in her eyes and the entire first episode I was yelling at my screen about how nobody noticed her obvious depression. I really like the way sad Sora was animated. It was resonating. Someone should have felt it, and I think Sora knew that too. Instead, we see everyone consistently worrying about Meiko. Taichi declares that she’s part of the group and that they have a responsibility to reunite her with Meicoomon. So where does that leave Sora, who’s also very separated from her partner? I think this speaks a lot to the scene around the campfire later that night. They’re discussing how Meiko’s just a normal girl and pondering whether she’d make it in the digital world. Someone says that she probably wouldn’t. Sora has a strikingly out of character moment when she agrees with them. “Probably.”

I think that was Sora’s true low point. She threw someone under the bus for morally questionable reasons. It seems like Sora felt excluded not just by Piyomon, but replaced by her entire group of friends that she’d spent years emotionally investing in. “I just wanted to be recognized” is such a meaningful line. She’s not one to try and profit off someone else’s misfortune, so if Sora felt any true darkness, I’d say this was the moment.

To make matters worse, another scene that stuck with me is when the kids first realize that Meicoomon’s memory is still intact. Sora’s the first one to really question it and ponder about whether the reboot was really worth it. When Koushiro confirms that it likely wasn’t, I think Sora sort of cracked. The comparisons to Meiko are still relevant here. 

In the end, Sora ultimately solves her own problem and is able to reconnect with Piyomon. She’s persistent and Piyomon realizes that she’s “a big softie”. I question how much of this is due to Sora evolving as a character and Piyomon just deciding to not be such an asshole, but still. No one held her hand through any of it. Even if she wanted someone to, she didn’t let anyone. I can easily make the case here that nothing about Sora really changed- she just hit rock bottom and was able to bounce back. My instinct is that if Piyomon were to change her mind and reject Sora again, she’d fall right back into the same depression. There’s still the potential for Sora to see that darkness and like so many of the chosen’s problems, they remanifest in different ways. Sora will continue to struggle with feelings of self-worth, which is disappointing, but when it’s so deeply embedded it’s also unrealistic to see it solved in a single movie. 

I think what matters most about the conclusion is the affirmation of one of Sora’s core beliefs. They and their digimon partners are exceptional. They’ll always be connected, no matter what happens. This is the thought Sora uses to cheer Meiko up and Meiko repeats it right back to her. I think the Tri crew was trying to emphasize it’s importance. More than anything, I think what matters here is that Sora’s darkness caused her to question that belief. Who is she if the value she always relied on isn’t true? What’s the use of her words if they’re just cliches? If they and their partners aren’t exceptional, how can she not consistently be anxious about the future? 

I did appreciate the end of Sora’s arc. You see the “taiorato” triangle reversed. (And, in fact, you see the taiorato crew in different triangle formations at many points during Shoushitsu. For me it highlighted changing dynamics.) In the first movie, Taichi and Yamato stood in front of her and we see Sora in the background worrying between them. At the end of Shoutshitsu, it’s Sora front and center with Pyocomon held close. Taichi and Yamato are standing behind her, probably wondering how it’s possible to suppress so many negative emotions, but Sora could care less. It highlights the importance of her friendship with Piyomon over everyone else. Everything fell back into place (thankfully) and she can move forward. As long as Piyomon understands her, they can regrow. 

And this is good. A scene I particularly enjoyed in Adventure is the one where they finally encounter Sora after she’s realized she has the crest of love. The only reason Sora got any emotional closure from that is because she opened up. Why did she open up? Piyomon told her she should. Piyomon helped her explain her feelings. Piyomon asked everyone to understand. I think Piyomon acts as Sora’s translator. No one really understands her and I question whether Sora actually wants them to. When it comes down to it I think she just wants to love and be loved in return. The only thing is that Sora still hasn’t learned to truly love herself. She’ll have to one day, but I’m not sure if we’ll see it.

I’d like to take a moment to discuss whether Sora was “shafted” or not. On the surface it definitely does. However, when you look closely, it seems like the writers really took the time to look at her major arcs in Adventure. There are many parallels that are meaningful if you know where to look, which echoes the way that Sora’s friends really need to treat her. Just like Takeru continued to evolve in this film (which he did, it wasn’t just Patamon ‘stealing the spotlight’), I think Sora has the potential to continue growing in the next two installments. Should she? Yes. Will she? ...Probably not. Am I still hopeful? Yeah, absolutely. 

On Taichi & Yamato: Their interactions in this film took years off my life. There’s a scene involving Machinedramon where Tentomon’s buzzing around mumbling “Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!” and there isn’t a more accurate comparison to me watching Shoushitsu for the first time. I loved every minute of it. 

Let’s start with Taichi. We know that he doesn’t understand Sora. I’m always brought back to Sora’s CD drama when she first tells Taichi she’s quitting football to play tennis. Taichi’s totally dumbfounded. He thinks that Sora’s losing herself and he questions her decision. Sora becomes flustered, and if I’m remembering correctly, doesn’t even offer Taichi an explanation. She just gives up. It’s like she already knows it would be no use to try and tell him that her starting tennis is a result of her allowing herself to truthfully grow. I think that Taichi was spot on throughout this entire movie in terms of his interactions with Sora. No complaints from me. The entire movie could have been Taichi following Sora around in the woods like a lost puppy and I would’ve been happy. There are a few key moments that stuck out to me, though.

First, there’s Taichi saying “I could never understand you, Sora” before echoing something Piyomon said to Sora before. She takes care of her own problems and never tells anyone else. (Does she really take care of her own problems though??) Anyways, in Adventure, Taichi tries to cheer Sora up by telling her that she cares for everyone else. He thinks that’s good. Sora instantly shoots back at him and says he doesn’t know her and he should stop speaking like he does. To me, Taichi’s reaction here made it seem like he never forgot that conversation. He doesn’t understand her. If he made that implication in the future he’d probably get chewed out again. In Taichi’s very literal head, his comment probably sounded completely rational and that sort of makes me laugh. Interactions like this with Sora just seem to never go in his favor and it’s like he’s started to just accept it. 

Still, it’s easy for the viewers to see how much he cares for her. Taichi struggles to maintain a necessary level of consideration in order to make Sora feel better. He laughs with Agumon in the river as Sora walks away, he calls her a big pain, he tells her to chill out, and basically repetitively word vomits into her hat and wonders why she won’t put it on... all things that remind me of their friendship in adventure. It highlights the youthfulness of their friendship. His teasing her is incredibly thoughtless and poorly timed, but we’ve seen this a million times before and we don’t question whether he cares for her. 

One of my favorite scenes in all of Shoushitsu is Meiko and Sora’s encounter with not-Gennai (as I’m gonna start referring to him because he’s creepy af, but more on that later). Sora, who clearly hasn’t planned beyond the next couple of seconds, starts throwing rocks around and finds herself in a physical tussle with the enemy. This is the second or third scene of many in which Sora should have probably died, but the other cool thing about Shoushitsu is that we learned Sora’s bones are made of metal. Anyways, as Sora’s digging herself into this hole, about to hit six feet under, portals open up to all the other chosen children. We don’t really see anyone’s reaction, but we know they can see everything. The one person that we do zone in on is Taichi. He’s staring up at the scene, wide-eyed with worry, and he mutters Sora’s name in disbelief. I really enjoyed two small details about this scene: the timing and the portal’s location. Just before Sora’s fight, we see Taichi talking to Gabumon about whether being chosen matters anymore. He had faith that he could have Agumon digivolve if he needed to, but that obviously didn’t happen. I started to wonder if Taichi was reminded of SkullGreymon, etc. I think a big misconception about Taichi is that he’s always ready to charge. In Tri he’s clearly not, but he wasn’t always that way in Adventure either. It’s actually pretty common for Taichi to freeze and to question himself, and that scene sets him up to be in that mindset. And just, HIS EYES. When he sees Sora it’s like he freezes again. He’s already feeling useless, he couldn’t help Sora before, she’s about to get totally obliterated by Machinedramon’s cannon, and the portal that appears in his area is up the side of a cliff that looks like it’s at least 100 feet tall. 

That animation probably didn’t mean anything, but it was neat to think about how quickly Taichi probably had to scramble up there to rescue his friend. I imagine him instantly side-lining his doubts and stereo-typically jumping into action, which he hasn’t been able to do all season. If that happened then Sora was the cause. I like to imagine that Taichi was thinking he couldn’t let her down again. His face made it seem like his life was flashing before his eyes, and perhaps he was remembering all the times he’d froze to Sora’s detriment. Nanomon’s the best example. Sora almost died and whether it was actually Taichi’s fault or not (ok it 80% is), he knows what it’s like to live with the guilt of losing her. Now, I also believe scenes like Nanomon’s treated Sora as kinda disposable for Taichi’s character development (another post for another day), and Shoutshitsu towed a fine line with this, so I’m glad that they didn’t show him scrambling up the cliff. Still, it’s an interesting thought. I only rewound the scene a handful of times. 

Now moving on to Yamato, I have some... complaints. But don’t we all with him? Anyways, in the broader scheme of things I also appreciated his interactions with Sora. It’s obvious that he cares and that he’s more attune with her feelings. He has a better sense of what’s inappropriate and what isn’t. Still, he’s struggling, and I don’t know whether I totally buy it. When Yamato went right along with Taichi in calling Sora a big pain (just before I yelled that Sora could kill the two of them in the digital world and no one would ever know) I asked myself a pretty good question. What the fuck is Yamato’s deal? I actually don’t think we really know. We’ve gotten a good picture of the way he’s grown, but most of his issues have revolved around Taichi. I hope we circle back around to him later and see him work through some crisis that explains this. I think he should understand Sora better than this, whether they’re together or not. My only logical explanation for the way he acts is that Taichi’s around. I wonder if Yamato would have acted differently had he approached Sora alone. 

I’ve also heard a lot of mixed reactions to the lack of Sorato in Shoushitsu. I’m kind of glad that their (non) relationship wasn’t emphasized. It would have detracted from Sora solving her own problems. I’m starting to think that Sora and Yamato really aren’t together, otherwise I don’t know if Taichi would’ve tagged along for the conversation. He’s always been pretty thoughtful about giving them their space, it seems. Remember the first time we see the three of them in Saikai? Anyways, as someone who ships Sorato, Taiora, and Taiorato, my hopes of seeing some new information are dwindling. However, I really do think that we’ll get a small scene in the last movie. If the Tri crew is serious about connecting things to the epilogue I think they’d tack something in about them making up, or something reinforcing the fact that they’re together. Maybe they’re saving it till last to capitalize on those $$profits$$ but I think there’ll be something. 

On Gennai: There’s been a lot of contention about the scene. I’ll be the first to admit that it made me hella uncomfortable. It’s long and drawn out and I was uncomfortable enough watching him search for her digivice, and then that other thing did me in. I acknowledge that Tri’s goal with this was to make people uncomfortable. The kids are grown up. Things are dark. This show isn’t for kids. Mission accomplished. I particularly like the way not-Gennai speaks. Excellent job by the voice actor TBH. Everything about him is creepy. I also couldn’t shake the thought that as Sora was fighting with him, her friends saw the whole thing. Digimon’s never been a show for processing but I do maybe wish they’d done a little more here. Taichi & Yamato should have been angrier and I feel like this was the second time when something majorly traumatic happened to Sora and we just assume she doesn’t need to process it. Not that there’s... really time. I don’t really know what I’m asking for here but I don’t think many of us expected that sorta scene, so.

On the flip side, a lot of folks have really valid criticisms of this scene. There was no warning for it and I’m so sorry that so many people had to sit thought it unexpectedly. I think those that watched it first could have put out some sort of warning while still being spoiler free, and I’m gonna personally keep that in mind for the future movies because not-Gennai continues to be creepy af. I don’t really have anything valuable to add to the Gennai discussion beyond this, so this is where I’ll leave it. I just hope we all know that it is 100% ok and normal to wish this scene wasn’t in the movie and it has nothing to do with not accepting that Tri is for adults. 

On the plot overall: I feel like I’m being pulled in twenty different directions and I don’t know how Tri could possible wrap this all up with a nice, nostalgic bow. I wonder if they’re planning on some sort of Tri 02 which... wow. That would be incredible, wouldn’t it? But my hopes are not high, they actually don’t exist at all, so... moving on. Er, I made a post about it, but wtf are those planetary objects that are floating around? Why did they show up after the battle between Alphamon and Omegamon? Is it representative of the infection? Of that strange, inter-dimensional world? Was it just an addition to the animation? If not, why are they still present during the evolution scenes in the fourth movie? They’re all over the place. I personally think the digimon are still infected and that the true reboot hasn’t really happened yet. I think a true reboot will come when Meicrackmon causes enough damage to get Yggdrasil’s attention and reset the entire world. I think that reset already happened in the very beginning scene. It reminded me of “the end of the world” event from Norse mythology. I think it will happen again and I think we’re in the specific “pre-apocalyptic” period that’s mentioned. Maki obviously believes the reboot already happened but I think she got played. I don’t think the digimon needed to lose their memories, I don’t think the kids needed to go to the digital world... I just think that different actors were trying to make Meicrackmon well... crack. It happened, but it could have happened in a number of different ways. 

I’m noticing an “X” theme and I can’t help but think about the x-antibody. There’s always this focus on Meicoomon’s eyes. I don’t know much about the x-antibody or Yggdrasil’s reset in previous seasons/games, but I would love to talk to someone who does? The first time Meicoomon changes modes (not evolving), we see that DNA-X appear on Meiko’s digivice. I wonder if it’s symbolic of the X factor altering her partner? To me, this helps me rationalize why Alphamon’s involved. Additionally, to me, the orb that appeared on Maki’s digivice sort of looks like Yggdrasil’s orb form...? 

Random note, here, but there’s also a lot of talk of falling into darkness, or hands plunging into darkness. I thought it was interested that Meiko (who also didn’t deny that Meicoomon was “bad”) says “I thought you were finally out of my hands, but...” 

I also like Meicoomon’s nickname of “The Libra”. So Meicoomon’s meant to act as some scale, and not-Gennai wants her to tip into chaos due to Yggdrasil’s will? Why was Meicoomon “never meant to be born”? Why can Meicrackmon evolve into Ophanimon and Mastemon (literally a balance of darkness and light, normally angewomon and ladydevimon jogressed) in one of the games? Is Meicoomon meant to be a scale on her own or is there someone else keeping the balance? Why did a Tri writer say that Meiko felt the need to alter her behavior after she noticed Meicoomon acting strangely? Why did they say Meicrackmon’s “physical appearance” is important? Why is her digiegg being similar to Tailmon’s important (especially when Hikari’s trait is light)??? Plotmon is known (sometimes?) as a digimon that was created by human researchers. I totally believe that Meicoomon was created. Perhaps by Meiko’s dad? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. WHERE ARE THE 2′s IN THE DIGITAL CODE. WHY WAS IT PURPOSEFUL FOR ONLY PALMON AND GOMAMON AND LEOMON TO BREAK THROUGH INTO THE WEIRD INTER-DIMENSION? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE NAME ‘TRI’ BESIDES INDICATING THE THIRD SEASON? Yggdrasil has three roots that carry it’s worlds, right? Three “norns” that cater to it? For some reason this makes me think of everyone else jogress digivolving. I don’t know why don’t look at me this is unfounded and I shouldn’t be posting it. In like, every Tri interview though there’s at least one person telling us to watch the evolution sequences carefully, so I feel like that holds the key to something. 

Anyways, I’m so deep into Norse mythology and I need to stop so those are some of my under-developed thoughts. I don’t know much outside of Adventure seasons, so. 

Random Points: 1. I still can’t get over the art. There’s so much thought put into some of these scenes. I also LOVE the tri version of keep on. oh my god. 2. I like the parallel of insults Piyomon was throwing at Sora. “You’re weak” “You’re only human” and then the insults of Meiko that Sora jumped in on “she’s just a normal girl” and then how not-Gennai taunted Sora “without this you’re just a normal kid.” There’s so much under the surface here which is Sora in a nutshell.  3. We were brought through that strange inter-dimension before we see the kids in the digital world. It’s when the Tri logo is on the screen and the background is dark. You see those strange planetary objects floating around. Are we even in the digital world we know? I’m reminded of the way Taichi says “I encountered you” in the first PV.  4. Still convinced that if the reboot happened Plotmon shouldn’t have Hikari’s whistle. Isn’t Hikari holding the whistle string in her poster? We also heard the whistle at the end of the first PV. I hope they use it to call Ophanimon FM back to reality or something.  5. Hikari is the only one who seemingly is okay with the reboot. Plotmon has none of her bad memories. Still though, something is off. If the kids figure out how to reverse everything I think Hikari will try to stop them. 6. I liked that when Taichi + Yamato were failing miserably at cheering Sora up, Yamato would also twist his head to glare at Taichi when they made it worse. It’s like he always assumes Taichi’s a fool ahaha. 7. I’m also laughing because what if, ok what if... going back and looking at my linked post above, there’s an interview with the Tri crew and they talk about how Omegamon splits apart too early due to Taichi’s emotions. Yamato calls him out on this. The interview asks us how that will affect things now. I remember reading somewhere that a digimon’s digicore can be altered if jogress evolution is interrupted, or something like that. I cackle every time I think about all of this somehow being Taichi + Yamato’s fault. It obviously isn’t but just... what if they made it worse ahah. Get wrecked, Yamato. Anyways, digicores coming into play here would have many implications. Everyone’s last little bit of data would remain, right? I don’t know anything about digicores so I’ll leave it at that. 

Ok, I think that’s mostly everything! Wow this is a novel and a half, so if anyone’s still reading this... than..k.s? I want to add screenshots so I’m at work so maybe later. I may add more thoughts too. All subject to change, but I wanna keep it all here so I’m not spamming everyone with smaller, more frequent posts. 

[chocolate-brownies]

Leslie and Josh came to therapy to talk about their son’s problems in school. But it soon became apparent that they had a different problem altogether—one common to working parents.

Their daily routine included a dizzying array of activities and responsibilities that kept them constantly stressed. Getting their kids out the door to school was an ordeal, involving much haranguing and eating on the run. After working long hours, they arrived home to a laundry list of other duties. Constant interruptions from electronic devices made them feel on call to their workplaces and disengaged from each other. Though unhappy, they didn’t know what to do or how to make a change.

As an experienced child and family psychologist (Anthony) and a management psychologist who works with business leaders (Paul), we were struck by how common these concerns are. We hear the same thing over and over from the people who come to see us: They feel overwhelmed by life. They struggle to make choices and decisions. They often feel stuck, adrift, or thwarted.

For many of us, the pace of life has accelerated to a level where we can’t fully adapt. We exist in a buzz of worry that we’re not doing what we’re meant to do, and the anxiety we feel, in turn, makes it difficult to get things done, creating a spiral of inaction. What we need is more agency: the ability to cut through all of what pulls at us, find emotional and physical balance, think more clearly, and advocate for ourselves so we can take a course of action that makes sense. With agency, we can feel more in command of our lives.

In our new book, The Power of Agency, we outline seven steps to creating more personal agency, so that you can put yourself on a more powerful path—whether at work, in your relationships, or in life in general. Here is what we recommend.

1. Control stimuli

Agency begins with what you let into your mind—meaning what comes in from your environment. If you are lacking agency, it’s likely your attention is being hijacked and you need to figure out how to restore it.

For example, research has shown that having a phone present while you work distracts you and interferes with your capacity to think. On the other hand, taking a walk (especially outdoors) is a good way to restore depleted attention in your brain so you can concentrate better later.

To help you increase your agency, practice going to quiet and screen-free spaces to escape overstimulation. That may mean spending time in nature, turning off your phone notifications while at work, or avoiding eating in loud cafeterias.

2. Associate selectively

It’s impossible not to be affected by those around us—it’s easy to “catch” their emotions, for example, and our brains tend to synch up when we associate with other people. That means you should set boundaries with difficult people, disentangle yourself from negative online interactions, and be more conscious of how you might be vulnerable to “groupthink”—pressures to behave or think in ways that are contrary to your values.

Surround yourself with friends, family, and communities who encourage you to reach your full potential, nurture your talents, affirm your values.

Instead, surround yourself with friends, family, and communities who encourage you to reach your full potential, nurture your talents, affirm your values and difficult decisions, and give you a reality check when you’ve behaved badly or are stuck in negative thinking. You can also get involved with your community through volunteering or just chatting with local merchants or neighbors. These positive social interactions will improve your state of mind and physical health, two critical building blocks of agency.

3. Move

Physical movement, along with proper rest and nutrition, puts your body and mind into balance, giving you greater motivation, strength, and stamina. Research has shown that sitting a lot is dangerous for your health, and that even short breaks from concentrated periods of inactivity—like getting up to stretch or walking around the block—are good for you. Studies also suggest that exercise can lead to greater self-control—the ability to defer gratification, which is key to agency.

If you’re in deep at work, set a timer to go off every hour and remind yourself to take a moment to assess your mood. If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, get up and move. And, if you’re having any issues at work, discussing them in a walking meeting (instead of a sitting meeting) may help mitigate conflicts.

4. Position yourself as a learner

People with high levels of agency are continually learning more and expanding their capacity to learn by adopting a more open, collaborative approach to everything in life. This requires nurturing your curiosity and allowing yourself to explore new ideas, skills, and people.

You can take an interesting class, explore your world kinetically (through your hands or body), or spend time playing or using your imagination. Or you can learn from other people by staying curious and asking them open-ended questions, listening to gain understanding, and avoiding any quick judgments.

This isn’t always easy. Practicing a growth mindset—where you recognize that you are a work in progress, capable of learning and changing—can help combat the fear of failure or judgment that often come with learning new things. If you have trouble letting go of perfectionism, it might help to practice mindfulness meditation, which has been shown to reduce self-judgment, or use cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques that help put mistakes in perspective.

5. Manage your emotions and beliefs

Too often, we operate from unconscious beliefs—I’m too old to learn a new job skill or No one will ever want to be in a relationship with me—without being aware of how they thwart us from even trying certain things. When we are driven by unconscious emotions like fear, sadness, or worry, it can lower our energy and make us feel doomed or overwhelmed, which also hurts our agency.

Increasing your awareness of how your emotions and beliefs drive your thinking, influence your behavior, and affect your judgment will help you navigate life with greater confidence. While uncovering these inner thoughts and emotions may take effort, being more self-reflective helps you keep grounded by slowing down your thinking process.

For example, try to catch yourself the next time you feel angry with yourself. Don’t automatically accept that harmful emotion or, worse, dwell on it. Instead, pause and question it. Why am I feeling this way? Am I pressuring myself too much? Maybe my beliefs and expectations need some adjusting. Start by slowing your thinking down. Take slow deep breaths. Take yourself to a quiet place. Consciously let go of the tension building up in your muscles. These simple techniques will relax you and keep you more self-aware. This enhances your agency by putting you more in charge of what you feel and think.

Don’t automatically accept that harmful emotion or, worse, dwell on it. Instead, pause and question it. 

By learning how to recognize our inner emotions and thoughts, name them, and let them pass through us, we can practice more self-control, which also helps build greater agency.

6. Check your intuition

Think of intuition as deep inner knowledge that is comprised of millions of data points that our brains have observed over the course of our lives. When used wisely, it can be a tremendous boost to our creativity and help us make important decisions, thereby increasing our level of agency.

Many of us are familiar with visceral, gut feelings about people or things—such as when you meet a new boss and sense right away that he’s bad news. When you’re in situations involving unclear social demands with few clues to navigate them, this type of intuition can be useful to you. However, you must be careful not to confuse intuition with bias and prejudice. In situations where emotions are running high—like during a job interview or when swiping on Tinder, for example—it’s best to slow down, take a breath, check in with others, and get more information rather than relying exclusively on quick, automatic impressions.

Strategic intuition, a second type of intuition, is more intentional. For example, you decide to stop thinking about a particularly vexing problem at work and—while on a long run, in the shower, or after meditating—a solution avails itself.

Finally, “expert” intuition happens after long periods, sometimes years, of practice at a particular skill. Here, less conscious parts of your brain are able to take over, provided you stay calm. Think of a pilot handling an emergency landing who allows their mind and body to perform as needed, without consciously thinking through each and every step. 


You can get better at using intuition to inform your decision-making if you learn to quiet your mind, develop a greater awareness of what you’re thinking and feeling, and listen to your body.

7. Deliberate, then act


People with low agency experience common impediments when trying to make sound decisions. They may procrastinate, obsess over details, or worry excessively during the process; they may lack confidence and be risk-averse; or their thinking may be too fast and they act on impulse. When making an important decision, like where to move or how to advance your career, it’s helpful to stop and deliberate first. Put yourself in an environment conducive to reflection and exploration, and make sure you have time and your emotions are calm. Then, focus on the issue at hand enough to clarify your primary objective and what is at stake. Asking open-ended questions and gathering pertinent facts also helps.

It’s good to generate lots of options at first, making sure that any strong emotions or biases aren’t driving your thoughts. Then, you can draft a plan for yourself based on those options, putting your thoughts and decisions into writing. The plan should simplify your options and incorporate the most important facts. At this point, let your mind rest and allow any intuition to rise to the surface. Set your plan aside and come back a while later to reassess it, making changes as necessary.

Remember, taking action doesn’t require 100 percent certainty. Higher-agency people will start to act if they are 80 percent sure or more. So, don’t over-deliberate before acting. You can always reassess later if need be.

Having more agency means taking responsibility for your life. The next time you sense something happening around you—or within you—that doesn’t feel quite right, don’t ignore it and reflexively press on. Exercise the discipline to stop, pay attention, and work on finding a better path for yourself. By practicing more agency, you’ll have more influence over your life and greater impact on the lives of others.

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

The post Seven Ways to Develop Personal Agency appeared first on Mindful.

[thisefflorescence]

So, the other night, this guy hit me up and it was pretty freaking random all in all. Like, you know when you know somebody and you talk every once in a while and you never really expect them to hit on you? Yeah, it was like that. But weeeeird cos I mean, the dude sent me a selfie with his butt like showing in the background. Not shaming but guys don’t usually do that, at least not in my experience. I’ve had random dudes sent me dick pics, even without warnings. But I don’t usually get many butt pics, lol. ANYWAY, I was like shocked cos this guy didn’t seem the type, he’s just a nice guy, never really flirted with me or go out with me or nothin’. So it was completely random and out of the blue. I was like uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh did I just see your butt? It’s not a huge deal cos I mean it’s just a butt, but it caught me off guard and then he sent ANOTHER one. Then proceeded to like flirt a bit and ask if I wanna see the other side. I was like nah, I’m good. But damn that was so out of no where. I just told him I’d rather like, see his face. Then he says somethin’ like how was hoping I’d give him that response but I don’t think so, lol. After that, HE GOES AHEAD TO ASK ME OUT. And sayin’ how he’s always been interested in me. Like???? I don’t know, it was an overall strange approach because why wouldn’t you start up a conversation normally, confess that or ask someone out like normally without butt pics or dick pics or anything? LOL I DON’T KNOW MAN. I just felt awkward about the whole thing because I’m also the type of person who doesn’t like being mean about it or like, rejecting someone so I always try to do it so nicely or I’ll be like “yeah, totally” then ignore their messages or kinda disappear a bit. Which I KNOW isn’t exactly a nice approach but I guess that’s my way of avoiding things, though being direct about it would probably work better but I’m always so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings about it or like, when someone gets all butthurt and offended. It’s just nice if you can avoid all that, y’know. Anyway, so I’ve just been low key ignoring some of his messages and replying slow so he’ll probably get the hint. It wasn’t that bad but it’s just, I dunno. Not the approach that appeals to me, I guess. I reckon it could probably work for some people. I even think he’s cute and stuff and he seems like a nice guy but just generally not interested in anyone right now aaaaaand that was also weird (for me) so. I was kind of shocked to be asked out even because it’s been a while. It’s different being hit on by someone you talk to, like, this guy went to my school, compared to random dudes online who live on the other side of the world. I feel like that doesn’t happen much these days. I’m fine with that. It just surprised me a little. I’ve spent a lot of time being in long relationships, like, one was four years and the other over a year. So I never really went on many ‘dates’ with other people except before my four-year-relationship and that was soooo long ago. I feel like I’m a bit of a hermit too, like I don’t go out nearly as much as I should, I’ll only meet with a couple of friends and stay in touch with them, I kind of shut myself off from most people or possibilities of meeting new people (online doesn’t count, that’s mostly because I’m playing games or bored or somethin’). Like I literally avoid a lot of social events like parties, I don’t go clubbing or to bars or anything and I don’t really think that would be my scene, anyway. I just feel like I shut myself off from a lot of the world so most people don’t even know I exist, lol. I’ve kind of always kept to myself but these days, to an extreme amount. It’s okay though. To be honest, I’m not even over my ex yet. Even though I’d like to be. There’s a difference between what you want and what you can’t control. If anything it only gets worse sometimes. Like lately I keep reminiscing, thinking about how things use to be between us and how close we were and how much fun I had with him just being there. Even now, he’s just got this effect over me and his presence just makes me happier. I care a lot about him but I think sometimes I’m scared of showing it or saying too much, even if there’s something I’d like to say because I’m so strict with myself about him and about getting into a relationship like that again. I always have to remind myself how I was unhappy and how hard it was for me sometimes. Long distance literally sucks balls. But that doesn’t mean I’d take any of it back or that I don’t miss moments we shared with each other. It’s just sad. I seriously get so sad thinking about some of it, so I try not to. I don’t know, I just get super emotional. Even just stupid little fights we had back in the day, or fights we still have, or if I think about other girls he’d talk to that I use to get jealous over or kind of insecure about. Like, I still feel all these emotions. It’s just hard to push away but I’m okay at hiding it or ignoring it. I don’t even like thinking about him with other girls now, even though I lie to him and to myself about it like, ‘oh yeah I wouldn’t care, you can go with anyone, we’re not together anymore so it would totally be fine.’ Like to an extent, yeah, that is true. We aren’t together and realistically there should be no reason for me to be jealous or like, I wouldn’t necessarily be allowed to be jealous, because I ended it and we’re not together anymore. But I know a part of me would hate it. Can’t really help how I feel. I literally can’t tell him any of this because I know he’s still got feelings for me, too, and he’ll only hang on harder to the hopes he has of us getting back together. I can’t even talk about it with him because I’m scared of my own feelings and letting myself fall back into that. It would be ideal to just move on, remain friends, avoid long distance all together and relationships in general because really I don’t want that in my life right now. A part of always yearns for connection and having something special with someone, expressing love and feeling loved, etc. But, another part of me is still clinging onto my past love and trying to move on, also just in general I want to avoid the problems that come along with it, arguments and stress. I just want to try to be happy and I’m okay with being alone. I feel like I don’t have to worry so much about making someone unhappy or always having to feel like I’m not being good enough or not doing something right. I can be free to be myself without any of that. So, enough about my non-existent love life.