#low and behold... it was the issue. and i got better

[oreana-galena]

It's nice to finally have myself be happy with my hair again. Like, geez.. you never realize how good you had it till it's actually gone. And I do mean that.. lol

I was suffering through extreme hair loss all my life, but I was always told it was many things; the main two being the fact my curly hair was so thick that large chunks had to fall out all the way to a possible thyroid issue.

Spoiler alert: none of that was true.. lol What it was was severe anemia.

And boi did that stuff nearly lay me flat. It started to go after my hair because it was better than going after my organs. But that doesn't mean I don't suffer from slight brain damage now no thanks to the lack of oxygen my body was getting for many years.

Nearly losing all my hair to nerve damage and what not--it took me having to self-diagnose just to find the issue.

After 4 years of taking iron pills, I finally have my hair back to normal. My motor functions are still a bit weak but I'll blame the C virus for exacerbating that.

Normally, I wouldn't care what my hair looked like, but sadly, I have a narcissist for an adopted guardian who nearly caused me to die from an eating disorder years ago. So yeah. I couldn't afford to ever have her see me looking less than perfect.

But it sure is nice to have my hair coming back in thick again.

[hella1975]

hella I keep getting edits with some sort of original version of waiting room?? on my fyp and I'm gonna be honest waiting room wasn't a song that did me in quite as badly as the rest of you but this version I keep hearing literally rips my heart straight open😭😭 like I've been planning on fixing the no waiting room on spotify issue by taking it into my own hands🏴‍☠️ but now I know it's gonna have to be this version I'm not even bothering with lost ark waiting room. it's just gonna be waiting room og bc what the fuck?? "I never grew up with you, and you're not my waiting room" what the fuck??? with the haunting background noises literally WHAT THE FUCK????????

OMG IVE SEEN THAT ONE everyone keeps going on about the vocals of 'and you're not my waiting room' but i really cant get over 'i never grew up with you' like what??? WHAT??????

[chxrrysangel]

Thinking really hard about Mr. Logan Howlett this week. Haven’t even watched Deadpool & Wolverine yet but the Hugh Jackman renaissance is making me FERAL.

ANYWAYS

Logan has always been a hands on kind of guy. Always the “better to do it yourself than trust someone else” you know? So when your dear next neighbor has some car issues, he refuses to call up the local mechanic.

It’s summer, 90+ degrees outside and humid like a motherfucker. On what’s typically a quiet morning during days like this, too hot for even the local kids to venture outside, you hear some clinking and what sounds oddly enough like a drill. Peeking through the curtains, your eyes scan the mostly empty street to see Logan bent over the hood of his car.

And he’s shirtless.

Even from this distance, you can see his flushed skin glisten with sweat as he works. You fall into a daze, how could you not? It would take being blind to not notice how hot your neighbor was, and your brain never failed to forget it. His jeans hung somewhat low on his hips, hugging his strong thighs in a way that made anyone salivate with need. His back muscles were a sight to behold, straining and shifting as he worked.

He wiped the sweat off his brow, turning around to lean against the bumper. You panicked, ducking your head out of his sight. You angled yourself in a way that would hopefully obscure your compromising position, decreasing your chances of a potential complaint. From this new position, you found it even harder to move away from the window. He was perfect chiseled and toned, almost as if he was crafted by the gods themselves.

“Fucking hell,” you whispered.

The longer you stared was the more flushed you felt, unable to pull away as he moved to work under the car. The two of you hadn’t spoken more than a minute at a time, but his charming demeanor quickly enticed you. Just then, you got an idea.

Scrambling to the kitchen and almost slipping on the hardwood, you gathered your ingredients. By the looks of it, he’d be outside for quite a while. What kind of neighbor would you be if you didn’t offer him a drink?

A little bit later, you stood in front of the mirror trying to work up some courage. Giving yourself a little pep talk and a little minute shot of liquid courage, you ventured outside with a tray and the brightest smile you could muster. Upon hearing your footsteps and the soft clinks of ice, he turned around before you had the chance to call out.

And he smiled, canines on full display and cheekbones puffy with glee.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Your cheeks heat up at his compliment, feeling bashful.

“Stop, you’re too kind.”

“Never that,” he retorted with a wink. He points to the strawberry printed tray in your arms.

“Some of that for me?”

“As a matter of fact, it is. Thought you could use a drink.” He gushed, taking the tall glass cup gratefully. You set down the pitcher and tray on his tool kit, planning to come back for it later.

“Well uh…call me if you need anything else yeah?”

He didn’t respond at first, choosing that moment to make your escape before you ran your mouth.

“Wait.” You paused mid-step, turning back to face him.

“I could use some company…if you don’t mind that is.”

“No, no. I’d like that,” you responded, stumbling over your words.

“Yeah?,” he said with a boyish surprise in his tone. You assured him with a nod and smile.

“Lemme get you a seat then. Be right back.” You watched as he wiped the grease off his hands, jogging past you to get a chair from inside. Even covered in sweat and grime, he was hottest man you’ve ever seen.

[lilliths-httyd-blog]

Summarising every single HTTYD movie, short and episode in roughly one sentence:

HTTYD 1:

ADHD incarnate befriends Death: The Dragon and with the power of friendship they OH GODS OH FUCK OH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Legend of the Boneknapper:

Gobber likes to tell campfire stories

Book of Dragons:

DreamWorks attempts to write a reader POV fanfiction

Gift of the Night Fury:

Critical series lore in a Christmas special?? Yeah seems normal for this franchise

Riders of Berk:

1. Mildew tries to get a bunch of teenagers executed or some shit

2. Solidifying Gobber as a total madlad: The episode

3. Hot take: You can skip this episode, it's arguably the worst one in the franchise, but you WILL miss a penis joke so there's that going for it.

4. Toothless develops an Older Sibling complex over Beyblade: The Dragon™ and HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT???

5. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MILDEW?? I mean I knew you were an ass but I didn't expect THIS??

6. "The films aren't anything like the books!" UM, ACTUALLY- (aka the episode where Hiccup goes full-on Book!Hiccup mode and Alvin is nothing like his book counterpart but the rest of the outcasts are)

7. "Look at this super dangerous dragon I found! I'M GONNA WRESTLE IT!!"

8. Hiccup has body image issues

9. Mildew gets bitten in the ass (SATISFYING)

10. The Mary Sue: Part One

11. The Mary Sue: Part Two

12. Oh yeah Snotlout's dad is an abusive cuck who can go fuck himself I'm not even joking. Love Snotlout tho I gotta say.

13. "IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?! STRIKE ME DOWN, ZEUS!! YOU DON'T HAVE THE BA-"

14. Toothless has a mortal enemy apparently and it is fucked up

15. (Dagur fanboys start screaming in the distance)

16. Snotlout fixes his mistakes (they were very big mistakes)

17. VALKA??? VALKA MENTION??? HICCUP HAS A DRAGON PLUSHIE??? (silently weeping by the end of the episode)

18. Fishlegs and Snotlout piss off some helicopter parents who are also Invisible Acid Dragons™ (ohhhhhh no)

19. Are there... other Night Furies????

20. Lol no BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THERE IS-

Defenders of Berk:

1. Fight Club reference

2. That one time Meatlug became magnetic and almost died

3. Dagur is gay for Hiccup but like in a yandere way

4. Whoever designed the Screaming Death must have been on a particularly fucked up slice of magic mushroom because I've never seen something more in need of holy water than that dragon (my childhood favourite :D )

5. Snotlout's dad is a fucking asshole but I never thought he'd stoop that low

6. Behold: My second favourite dragon who canonically killed Astrid's uncle

7. They tried to train Terrible Terrors in this episode, guess how that went lmaooo

8. (grabs more holy water) IT'S BACK.

9. Hey remember Tiny Beyblade Dragon? Yeah now he's kinda sorta the size of a house. Meanwhile everything is on fire (twin's fault)

10. Behold: My favourite dragon's frozen carcass preserved in ice- I mean my favourite dragon is hibernating in ice- I mean OH SHIT OH FUCK HOLY FUCKING SHIT OH NO-

11. Dagur subjugates my favourite dragon and then karma bites him in the ass

12. Snotlout and Gustav are an anxiety/adhd wombo-combo

13. Ruffnut cuts her hair short to save the life of a really cute dragon and Dreamworks was too pussy to keep it like that for the rest of the season.

14. (darude sandstorm plays)

15. The dragons get high and try to kill each other

16. Toothless is on drugs (I'm not even joking, during the Toothless POV shots you can literally hear stoner music playing)

17. Dagur with helmet hair Dagur with helmet hair Dagur with helmet hair

18. THORNADO NOOOOOOOOO T-T

19. ALVIN, DAGUR, SNOTLOUT AND THE SCREAMING DEATH. HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO GET BETTER THAN IT ALREADY IS???

20. IT GOT BETTERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Dawn of the Dragon Racers:

The gang got new fits and invented a sport

Race to the Edge S1:

1. Oh shit, Dagur's out of prison, better go chase him down and OOOH, SHINY TELESCOPE THINGY?? (Hiccup is a magpie apparently)

2. Gothi once again proving herself to be an absolute madlad

3. Hiccup and the gang move out of home because telescopy thingy told them to. What could possibly go wrong? (GONE WRONG)

4. Welcome to our new home on Dragon's Edge! It's been years since we've been able to function effectively as a team, and Tuffnut's been smoking way too many hallucinogens lately OH FUCK HE WASN'T HALLUCINATING OH FUCK ME

5. Snotlout is gay for Fishlegs

6. NOT GUSTAV NOOOOOOOO

7. Basically what happens when you put me in charge of anything

8. "Look at this super dangerous dragon I found! I'M GONNA WRESTLE IT!!"

9. Fishlegs and Snotlout are gay

10. THE MARY SUE IS BACK AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH

11. WELL THAT PLOT TWIST CAME OUTTA NOWHERE

12. (darude sandstorm vocoded to running in the 90s plays)

13. they made girl dragon pink

Race to the Edge S2:

1. Astrid becomes that "SHOW ME YOUR WAR FACE" guy basically

2. SCOTLAND FOREVER!!! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (new villain alert and he is AWESOME)

3. MARY SUE IS WORKING FOR THE VILLAINS NOW???

4. Dreamworks introduces Dragon Werewolfism and does NOTHING with this concept after this episode?? What a ripoff!

5. Fuck Snotlout's dad so much

6. Hiccup punches Snotlout in the face and knocks him out which is no surprise considering he is God of Dragons

7. MARY SUE WAS SPYING ON THE VILLAINS ALL ALONG NOW???

8. Two people and a singular dragon try to fight off an entire armada

9. They succeed somehow

10. Oh hey it's a HTTYD 2 dragon (Free Willy parody? You couldn't have done anything more original?)

11. SKRILL!! SKRILL!! SKRILL!! SKRILL!! SKRILL!! SKRILL!!

12. Prepare to thirst in 3... 2... 1: (Viggo appears)

13. If you thought Dagur was homosexual, you aren't prepared for how gay Viggo gets

Race to the Edge S3:

1. Dagur did WHAT NOW???

2. Fuck Cavern Crashers so much but SNOTLOUT SNOUTLOUT OI OI OI!!!

3. Sword in the Stone parody?? Are all the Fishlegs episodes story parodies now??

4. Did... Did they try to portray Snotlout's dad as being in the right in this episode?? Ew fuck that.

5. Viggo almost caused Covid-19

6. Hiccup forgets that not everyone has ADHD and the dragons go completely fucking feral

7. This show loves to force romances, doesn't it?

8. I think these people took HTTYD/Pokemon crossover fics a bit too far

9. A musical episode which has a reason to exist. Sarah Z was right all along?

10. Favourite Fishlegs episode :)

11. DAGUR DID WHAT NOW???

12. My go-to introductory episode for non-fans. It's got everything. Including Viggo.

13. OKAY BUT THAT CLIFFHANGER WAS METAL

Race to the Edge S4:

1. OH THAT FINALE WAS METAL MALA IS JUST SO METAL I LOVE DEFENDERS OF THE WING

2. If you listen closely you can hear TJ Miller in absolute hysterics in the recording booth

3. At this point in time Viggo only values Hiccup as being worth 1000 gold coins

4. I love Snotlout so much... Spitelout can go suck a bag of rocks

5. Oh fuck yes Dagur's back

6. Viggo throws a hissy fit and kisses a man and Toothless is willing to die just so Hiccup doesn't have to die alone (sobbing)

7. Everyone is high in this episode

8. "You didn't think after all we've been through I'd expose myself without some... added protection?"

9. Jumping into a volcano on purpose: The episode

10. Viggo takes a sip of water in this episode (very important)

11. It took Hiccup and Astrid over four years since their first kiss to officially start dating, but they finally did it and it was one of the best episodes in the whole show

12. Ryker has had enough

13. Viggo confesses his love for Hiccup and then fucking dies (or did he?)

Race to the Edge S5:

1. "The volcano on Dragon's Edge is a dormant volcano" THINK THE FUCK AGAIN, FISHLEGS

2. How the fuck did Gen Z: The Dragon get ahold of Viggo's sword?

3. Savage needs therapy

4. Snotlout's casual sexism almost gets him killed: Lesbian Island edition

5. If you've ever watched an elderly person try to escape a nursing home then you've seen this episode before. Just without as many bones and corpses

6. The Gays Are Back In Town ft. Gay Snotlout, Gay Fishlegs and Gay Viggo

7. "my city now" - Krogan

8. You cannot watch this episode and tell me that Viggo isn't in love with Hiccup

9. Krogan insulted Viggo's hobby and Viggo got mega salty about it

10. Astrid punches a dragon with poisonous scales and almost dies because Save Stormfly Make Anditode™, turns out she did this for no reason whatsoever because Stormfly Wasn't Dying

11. Tuffnut fakes his own death in order to make Ruffnut happy

12. Dagur not-so-casually finding his fathers dead body

13. Rage.

Race to the Edge S6:

1. My blood has never boiled so hard as it did watching this episode

2. Stoick gets played like a cheap kazzoo and regresses back to how he acted in HTTYD 1 out of sheer stress

3. THIS SHOW LOVES TO FORCE ROMANCES, DOESN'T IT?

4. Fishlegs can't believe that his ancestors were Dragon Hunters as if he wasn't once enrolled in Dragon Killing School

5. Nothing solves a sibling rivalry like teaming up to kill the annoying cousin

6. THIS EPISODE GOT AGE RESTRICTED ON NETFLIX BECAUSE ASTRID SHOOK HER TITS AT HICCUP AND DAGUR AND MALA HAVE A MUTUAL PAIN KINK

7. The twins are just. So ride or die for each other it's not even funny.

8. Viggo confesses his love for Hiccup and then fucking dies for real this time (Viggo fans start sobbing as The Winner Takes It All by ABBA starts playing in the distance)

9. Snotlout writes a book

10. What if the gang had never left Berk? What if Hiccup never shot down Toothless at the start of HTTYD 1? What if Spitelout actually loved his son?

11. Protecting an island filled with a bunch of dead dragons

12. The satisfied smirk on my face knowing what the characters don't

13. The most satisfying death in the history of mankind.

HTTYD 2:

Way to straight up ruin Hiccup's life, am I right?

HTTYD 3:

Ruining every character and spitting in the face of all that I love

Homecoming:

20 minutes of my life that I'll never get back

Snoggletog Log:

Half an hour of a fireplace and the wrong voice actors. This shit plays like a DVD menu.

[navree]

I saw your post and got super worried because I assumed it was the artist I've loved since they started here on tumblr. So, I went on the dreaded 🐦 app and low & behold, stan culture ruins things once again! Kinda glad I wasn't around during the heyday of GOT because it must've been absolutely insufferable! 😖😖😖

Fandom during GOT's prime must have been insane already, but I do think it's gotten worse in recent years. There used to be the unspoken rule of "if you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything at all" that appears to have completely vanished from fandom spaces. Cuz if I see a post with an opinion I don't like/agree with, or fanart of a character I don't care for, or fic of a ship that I dislike, I'm not gonna leap down OP's throat about it. I'm just gonna scroll, maybe vague post about it on another app (I've vague posted about some dumb Twitter opinions on here on occasion), and then move on. But this idea that, if someone doesn't like the same things you like, they're not only morally reprehensible but personally committing some kind of wrong against you specifically is insane. It's more than that trend I've mentioned about trying to equate fandom with morality, it is, as I said in the tags of that post, something that reeks of insecurity. There's a bunch of people in varying fandom spaces that feel that their own opinions simply must be validated, because their opinions are correct, but it's not enough for them to think it, other people need to think it too.

And it's an issue that has dominated Team Black in HOTD specifically. Cuz I'm not seeing it from Rhaenicents, from Greens, even from show casuals. It's diehard Team Black and primarily TB book purists at that who find Rhaenicent fanart (especially ones that take Emma D'Arcy's actual appearance into account), or Team Green posts, or even regular posts expressing any sort of appreciation for Team Green actors or sympathy for some of the characters (especially Alicent or Helaena) and just lose their minds. Insult the poster or the artist, deride actor's appearances, weaponize actual political language to support their point despite no real tangible thread of connection ('killing Lucerys is basically femicide' omegas aren't a real thing and killing that boring ass boy is not, in fact, femicide, there are actual femicides happening in the real world right now, focus on those), and get hopping mad at the fact that these varied posts exist. It's greed to an almost biblical proportion tbf, it's not enough that most show casuals agree with their opinions, that most people with both book and show knowledge are on their side, that the narrative of the show supports their views (in the Jaehaera art thing specifically, that canon dictates she's gonna die and that Daenaera and Aegon are gonna be married and have a reasonably happy married life). Everyone needs to be on their side, nobody had better dare have opposing views to their's. And if those opposing views exist, well then those people have earned all the nastiness that's gonna get thrown their way for having those opposing views.

Like, you're that insecure? You need everyone to agree with you in order to hold fandom opinions? You can't just like something for your own reasons and ignore people who don't agree? Other people, people who don't even know you exist, hold that much power over you? Team Black, are you guys really so pathetically weak?

Anyway, fuck people who tag butch Rhaenicent art with snippy "Daemicent!!!" quote tweets, fuck people running TG fanartists off of social media because you can't handle drawings, fuck people going up to actors and saying vile shit to them based on their characters, fuck everyone who tries to be an asshole about Olivia's looks or TGC's looks or Phia's looks, and fuck stan culture. Everyone's who's so deranged about their fictional opinions that they act nasty to real human beings should simply find the nearest noose and hang themselves by the neck until dead, the world will be an infinitely better place and no one will miss them.

[jmdbjk]

[...aggressively posts the thoughts of boss man of JIMIN FANCLUB...]

There he is! Yes, it is Chief Executive/Chief Hypeman (not to be confused with Hybe... puh-lease)/Chief ball-juggler/the one and only Jeon Jungkook... [applause APPLAUSE applause] thank you, thank you very much.

[also aggressively crops out the weverse logo]

Some of us were reticent to speak out loud about whether JK would do a live (because Jimin left the country) for fear of being called delulu... but when we all came online... lo and behold... everyone else had the same thoughts... As everyone is saying... two is a coincidence but three times? It's a thing y'all.

It's also not a coincidence that he was playing a Muni Long song in his underwear folding live last month. We should all learn by now, when it comes to Jimin and Jungkook, there are no coincidences.

I love the way he mangled the rap parts! He's one of us!

Is it just me or does that ray of light traveling up the side of his head give Like Crazy MV vibes?

He sang and hummed Angel Pt. 1 intermittently between other songs and chatting throughout this live.

I noticed a few changes in Kook's surroundings and I wonder, since the stalker food delivery scare, I wonder if they've come up with some new guidelines for broadcasting lives from their homes? Use an opaque drink container; point the camera away from areas that show personal affects; keep the volume low enough that you don't disturb your neighbors (this makes me laugh because he has been notorious for potentially disturbing the peace for YEARS!). He received a "semi" complaint. Semi...

Imagine having the retched luck of buying/renting an expensive and very nice apartment in a very nice part of the city... and your punk neighbor is constantly playing loud music/singing in the wee hours of the morning? (have no fear neighbor, he won't be living there forever).

Not a coincidence when Jimin was cautious about being too loud in his own apartment during his #1 BB100 live at 3:30 a.m. Why? He knew that JK received this semi-complaint. If they aren't together, they are surely up in each other's DMs all day. I digress.

I wonder if Kookie is finally listening and following a few of these guidelines? We won't call them rules because I think to Kookie they are just "strongly recommended suggestions" quote/unquote. But perhaps its time he heeds some of these suggestions. I know Hobi would be proud.

Except he was belting out Taeyang's song so he forgot he was supposed to be keeping the volume low hahahahaha.

Kookie cooking a lot lately, gaining weight, no big deal, he can just lose the weight (after all he's a 25 year old male with a mesomorph body type). He says he is back to working out and having to "kind of" have to go back to maintaining his body. His right shoulder is giving him a little issue with tightness but it needs to get better quickly because.... he didn't say.

He reminds us he's not on that old dusty boring Instagram app anymore but he looks at weird and wild TikTok these days (lord help us). But is probably where he saw the Jimin Summoning challenge.

He saw a comment "We're so sorry"... does this mean Weverse Armys finally got the memo about being total dumbasses in the comments in the past and are cleaning up their act now?

Songs he listened to/sang today: Charlie Puth x Dan+Shay: That's Not How This Works; Imase: Night Dancer (JK made a comment that they needed to make songs like this); Taeyang: Seed (In Your Heart); Seventeen: Son Wukong; Taeyang: Shoong!; TWICE: Cupid; Seventeen: Let's Fight.

This made me laugh (turn up the volume):

He mentions Hobi finishing his basic training...

He let out a decidedly resigned sigh and said:

And then he did an military marching chant... and it just occurred to me... JK would make a good drill leader. If that's even a thing?

Right, Kookie... we'll never notice... we'll just be bawling our eyes out every time we see it get shorter and shorter knowing what's coming.

Overall, he looked upbeat and in a very good mood, no low points or withdrawn moments. A lot has happened between the last time we saw him live and now. It seems like he's in a very good and positive frame of mind. He said he would be back soon.

I will leave you with Kookie butt-wiggling in his chair:

[im-a-chunky-potato]

Hi Potato! Just curious, have you ever written for nikozai? platonically or not?

also, use this ask as an excuse to rant about them if you want :)

Ehehe glad you asked! I don't know if this counts, but here's something I wrote a bit of. (Sorry I'm sharing the whole thing since I've never published it anywhere else)

Nikolai sat in a security room in Meursalt, holding a knife in his hand. Blood dripped down the side of the knife and slid down his legs, leaving a red trail in its path. Scattered all around him were dead officers.

He glanced at the security camera. It seemed as if Dazai and Fyodor were speaking a different language and having a heated conversation.

Nikolai yawned. Games of cat and mouse never really were his thing, and this was positively boring! But Fedya did ask him to do this, so how could he not comply.

Although... something was off about Fyodor. Nikolai may not be a genius, but he certainly wasn't a fool either. The way he was obsessing over this mission, how he was always scheming and plotting.

This wasn't him. Or at least it wasn't how Nikolai remembered him. He seemed to have completely lost his humanity in the process of this.

He brushed off his fears. This was Dos-kun he's talking about, of course he had a plan. And Nikolai was a large part of the plan, his job was to watch carefully and break them out when it was time.

But admittedly, something had started to draw his eyes towards Dazai instead of Fyodor in this place.

It's hard to explain. Whether it was the softer eyes he had or the way he spoke so adamantly about his allies, Nikolai was intrigued.

Fedya could never be like that. He had far too many trust issues and relied heavily on control.

...control. Of course Nikolai had some feeling he was being controlled, but it was merely a hunch. And Fyodor knew him better than anyone else, so why would he need or want to control him?

That was a foolish question to ask, and Nikolai was well aware of that fact. But he didn't want to be alone in this world.

At that moment, something Dazai said caught his attention. "The ones who actually make this world turn are those who scream within the storm of uncertainty and run either flowing blood."

He held faith in his people, and did not hold them tight but rather let them do as they please...

Nikolai set down his knife and paced around the office. Now he was no idiot. He would have more freedom on Dazai's side, which is exactly what his mind yearned for. But he neither had the skills nor the mindset to step forth into the light.

And that would involve leaving Fedya. He knew deep in his heart that Fedya wouldn't mind, but he did. He didn't want to leave him alone.

Nikolai strayed deeper into his thoughts, falling into an endless abyss of considering what was more important in his life; his "friend" or his freedom.

His eyes soon found their way back to the screen where the two men were still arguing. But to Nikolai's shock, Dazai turned directly towards the camera and gave him a smirk.

Dazai knew. But how? He couldn't have snuck anything into the prison, could he? No, this prison was the safest place on Earth.

But suddenly it clicked in his mind. Thwre had to be a camera somewhere. He walked around the room, carefully inspecting every panel in the room. Nothing.

He checked every floorboard, every desk, Even every person. Nothing still.

Suddenly he got the odd feeling to check his knife. Low and behold, a small camera and microphone was hidden in the hilt.

Nikolai stared at the knife in his hand before stealing one of the security guards gun and shooting it.

He glanced back at Dazai, who pouted before continuing his argument with Fyodor.

Nikolai couldn't believe this. It was absurd. Dazai-kun, messing with him, while in prison?

Before long he started to giggle. Then that giggling turned into full on laughing. Dazai was providing him such a fun game to play, and he was willing to indulge for longer.

Fyodor would never allow him to do something like this... it wouldn't be necessary to his plan as he would say.

But Dazai was doing this, while keeping Fyodor distracted. The guy had potential. And Nikolai hadn't laughed this long in a while.

This feeling he was experiencing was not unusual to him. After all, it was quite similar to how he felt towards Fyodor.

Bloodlust. He wanted to see Dazai dead at his hands, choked to death by his own bandages.

After all, Dazai was staying in his mind for far too long. He couldn't be truly free if he kept thinking about him.

But no, that wasn't entirely true. He wanted Dazai to have a conversation with him, to hear all that Nikolai had to say.

My, what a conundrum. But luckily he was already planning the great prison escape between the 2 geniuses

Suddenly, Fyodor revealed the signal they planned since the beginning of this, and Nikolai summoned the portals to take Fyodor and Dazai away.

It was decided. Whoever won this game would win his heart and soul.

Well then...

Let the Nikolai games begin.

Ramblings:

What I love about Nikozai is how it contrasts so well with Fyolai! You can do a lot of drama.

And depending on how you view both Nikolai and Dazai, it can take so many shapes and forms! It can either be the pranks of two clowns, a serious talk between the two of them, or anything in between! I love the possible variety<3

Sorry this is a long post already so I won't keep you for long hehe. But Nikozai is weirdly possible to work with.

Like Dazai already has connections to both Fyodor and Sigma, so it's fun to imagine the gossip they'd share with each other. Or Nikolai has already met Atsushi, so how would he speak of him?

Anyways yeah I think that's it for now hehe. Thank you so much for this ask!!!

[eddie-brii]

So funny headcanon and a little drabble I have related to Jalim, some canon divergence here.

During quarantine together Jason asked Salim to teach him Arabic, in an attempt to awkwardly flirt as well as try to strengthen their relationship. At first the lessons were simple, both of them working on it in private until Jason had gotten a little better, his Montana twang making it difficult.

It was all going well until they had started working on it after a meal one evening, the other survivors around, low and behold they managed to catch some unwanted attention.

"So got any good dirty talk in that gibberish?" Merwin had a wicked grin on his face when he asked.

"I beg your pardon?" Salim looked confused and startled at the older marines intrusion. Jason dropped his head in hand, mortified at his subordinates behavior and tried to hide the blush starting in his cheeks. The question had caused a switch to flip in Jason's head, his brain imagining Salim's voice in his ear, whispering in Arabic. He did not need that right now.

"don't play innocent, can't tell me you've never had a pretty little thing call you daddy before in bed." A look of shock took over Salim's face as he realized what the vulgar man was implying, however, before he could reply Jason spoke up.

"Corporal Merwin, remove yourself from this conversation before you further offend our friend here."

"Aww, since when you care bout offending someone, LT?"

"May I remind you Lieutenant Othman here not only greatly assisted us but saved your sorry ass in the hut?" Salim saw a glint in Jason's eye before he continued to speak. "Besides, I wasn't aware that you needed to spice things up between you and Lance Corporal Gomez.

The last part had Merwin sputtering as laughter filled the common area from most of the other members of the group. Rachel had proceeded to continue where Jason had left off and thankfully distracting everyone from the two sitting in the corner. They made little progress as they both enjoyed the sudden lively atmosphere, Jason also grateful for the change as didn't want to dwell on the thoughts Merwin question had conjured up.

Unfortunately, later that evening he found he mind drifting back to the early conversation when Salim knocked on his door to finish what they had started. They had been at it for an hour before it was made apparent that Jason's heart wasn't in it.

"Is it the question your comrade asked earlier?" Jason's attention was drawn back to Salim at his words, he wasn't even aware when his brain started to drift, but he took the out instead of admitting what was on his mind.

"Merwin lacks social skills. I'm sorry if he offended ya by asking that shit, it was way outta line."

"It was no issue, I believe I've gotten somewhat used to his... Blunt manner." Salim shifted in his seat before continuing. "I had been more worried he suspected the.... newer nature of our relationship."

"I highly doubt that he would care beyond having some ammunition to fire at me." Jason turned his head down, staring at the bunk they were seated on. He didn't have his hat to hide behind as he felt Salim's eyes bore into him suddenly. The older man's hand came to his chin, making Jason meet his gaze.

"Though it does beg the question if you've learned enough to understand me should I try "dirty talk" as he put it." Jason's eyes went wide as his jaw dropped, Salim looked far too pleased with himself at the marines reaction. Jason recovered enough to close his mouth and swallow before replying.

"Only if you teach me what you want me to scream."

So just to clarify, I don't headcanon Joey and Merwin together. I think the ship is cute but I headcanon Joey as 19 or 20 with Merwin being 35. Plus I really like the brotherly dynamic between them.

[marengogo]

Rambling in INFJese - Part 8: Me, Myself & Jikook

Soweto - by Victony, Tempoe  [Outlaw]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Ladies, Gentlemen and Distinguished Enbies; I’m finally back well sort of, as I’m writing to you on my train back home.

Although I’m indeed back physically from all the little trips I took during the festive period, between Europe and Africa, I am very thrilled to say that I am also ready to begin a healthy coming back mentally and emotionally, and now those have been pretty absent since November 2019.

Needless to say, the journey toward me being ready to regain my Mind & Emotions has been a fucking struggle. I had to start with admitting that I was not okay first and foremost, which finally happened towards the end of 2020, I must specify that non of my mental or emotional woes had anything to do with COVID the virus only heavily affected my business, which in turn affected my finance etc etc, but we made a miracle recovery in 2022, so thank the spirits for that!. 

In addition, I also had to realise that I was burnt-out through and through, hence, I didn’t have the energy to actually do anything, be it physical or not, and that that was okay. Basically I needed a way to begin my physical, mental and emotional rebirth so the festive trips were mostly planned with that mind state, because even though most of the trips turned out to be incredibly relaxing, mindless and super fun fun; one, the last and main one, wasn’t. 

The last trip I took the one where some of my friends had problems at the airport, that one was specifically related to my family and it was the one I dreaded the most, because it meant I had to face “music” I wasn’t ready to dance to, let alone listen to. This particular trip was meant to happen in 2020, but COVID etc-etc. Then, something happened in 2022 that made it impossible for me to postpone it any further and by November 2022, even though I was still scared shitless, I got to a point in which I wanted and I was ready to finally do this. 

Luckily for me other family members and friends decided to join me on this trip; we love travelling people in my circle, so ANY excuse really! We started with fun stuff first, and travelled like there was no tomorrow and then left the serious part for last (could have, I would have preferred to do the tough part first and the fun last, but that part was during a family gathering and its date was fixed).

So, attend the gathering I did, and low-and-behold, it turned out to be not as bad as I had envisioned it to be. Needless to say, all my fears and insecurities lied within me and were all also amplified by me. Mind you, they were not baseless, because there are some major issues within my family, but what I realised this time around is that for some things there is really nothing I can do about it and that at times, understanding and admitting this is a start. Furthermore, finding a way that would allow me to coexist without compromising myself in an unhealthy way, is the only/best thing I can do. 

Facing things head-on is the best way I know how to do things and for the past 2 years and some I had been scared shitless to do so. The last time I did, November 2019, left me traumatised and the chain reaction of tragic and unfortunate event that followed that didn’t help either.  But 2021 rolled around and though I was still burnt-out and not okay at least a part of me knew I wanted to be okay. Thus, I began with therapy; the best decision I made in my situation, which btw, I had been advised to go to since that fateful November 2019, but I wasn’t ready. Another thing that was important for me to own up to was that; You know yourself best, and if you are not ready, you are not ready. 

People around you that care for you will keep trying to push/guide you into getting to a better place, because in their eyes they see you suffering and are trying to help. If you do have said people in your life, make sure to listen to them, just listening won’t hurt, it is already a blessing in itself to actually have people who care about you. HOWEVER, don’t force yourself to do anything you are not ready for. Always do things on your own time and at your own pace. For example, there is another situation I wanted to resolve in 2022 and ended up not really would have been too much on my plate in addition with my family gathering thingy, but I am now ready so I’ll do it now in 2023. My Own Time, My Own Pace.

And there it is! 2023 is going to be me beginning my journey of proper self-healing 🧡💙. I can feel it in my bones that I’m ready to face all that comes at me and take charge of my life again. Oh and I know you all know I am big on Mythology, but Astrology is also another of my passions, so just in case you were curious about the colour palette and keywords for your sign this year, please find them following I’m Gemini BTW:

Now, Let’s talk Jikook shall we? 

In reality I’d like to talk BTS, but then again, I mean, when don't I want to talk BTS 😜. For example, I’d like to point out that Jin’s first month away is officially today and now there are 17 more months to go. I know it sounds like no time has passed, but if you think about it, 30/31 days have come and gone and even though I miss him like hell I check that bloody count-down everyday, I am so freaking happy just being able to say; 1 month down, 17 to go (We started at 548 days y���all!).

The passing of time is indeed made less noticeable when other things are happening doesn’t it? The rest of the members are still very active J-Hope has sort of become the BTS Awards Spokesperson as well as going around the world to perform. Joon is still working on music, Taekook are being Taekook and should be allowed to (in the sense that Tae as always keeps in contact with ARMY as often as he does and on the other hand JK doesn’t 😎; all very regular), Yoongi is Yoonging to the highest degree possible (I have a separate post planned for Min-Fabulous-Gi) and Park Jimin, well Park Jimin; TOMORROW CAN’T COME ANY SOONER:

Time is passing, Time is constant and Time is something that some Jikookers are not understanding, or taking properly into consideration. Time will bring about an unprecedented number of Montagues and will decimate a substantial number of Jikookers. Sure, we are going to get content that was filmed in 2022, documentaries, RUN episodes, we might also see them when all the other members leave for the military but supposing that BTS gets back together December 2025, let’s say 13 December 2025 for counting-sake, which would mean that if we start counting from today, Jikookers are looking at not having any Jikook interaction, possibly, for the next 1067days.

1067 DAYS.

We will all be 2 years older by then, we could have 1 year old children by then, we could be owners of great business by then, life could have changed drastically by then. A lot WILL HAVE happened by then so ...

Please let that sink in and understand what this means.

So what could/does this mean exactly? Publicly, nothing much really, because everything has been the same since July 2019. I’ve already tip-toed on the subject a couple of times but, to be more precise, everything had been the same, publicly, for Jikook, since July 14, 2019, when this selca was published. 

This last non-work related Jikook selca was posted a couple of months after Rose Bowl and way before HickeyGate, one being an out of the blue, hella spontaneous moment, the other being a moment we didn’t witness, but was “explained/reported” to us by Yours-Truly-Jikook. 

After July 14, 2019, any SM/public interaction from Jikook has either come under the form of HBD wishes, brand sponsorship, paid content, RUN BTS or during concert. Thanks so some of which we know that, for example, Jikook still actually do take selcas and JK still does takes videos of JM; we just are most likely never gonna get to see them as of present.

Furthermore, after July 14, 2019, when/if they do hangout together privately, it is either relayed to use through other members or through people who breach privacy for a living, which fuck them indeed. All this just to say that if we properly stopped and think we REALLY HAVEN’T BEEN GIVEN ANYTHING FROM JIKOOK THEMSELVES, ABOUT SOMETHING PRIVATE RELATING TO THEM, FOR AT LEAST 3 YEARS NOW. 

Wanna think even further? After July 2019, Jikook are the only two members who seem to always gravitate towards each other whenever we’ve seen them at Awards shows, they are always in perfect harmony on RUN BTS, they are always happy with each other on Banftan Bombs, and still do shenanigans during their yearly Memories. 

JM, alongside Hobi, brought his pretty self to visit JK on his birthday and on the other hand JK’s mother decided that you know what “we will have a seaweed soup today because it is JM’s birthday, even though he is not my son”. Jikook are seemingly very close and comfortable with each other, like they’ve always been, if not even more than before. Yet they are the only ones who have never commented/liked each other’s posts or INTERACTED on IG. Capulets and Montagues will tell you that because of this lack of interaction, all the aforementioned is clearly fanservice, but you and I, let’s be for real for a second.

We all know the great non-importance of the members interaction with each other on SM, which Yours-Truly-Jin has reminded us of before leaving to serve his country, but also we know very well that, although each couple in the world is different, many famous ones, do stay clear from interacting on SM, particularly if they are not official yet. Take my dearest Zendaya and Tom for example, before they announced their relationship, Zendaya only liked Tom’s IG if it was something directly related to spiderman or if she was directly tagged, which Tom aside for spiderman promotion, Tom has ever only did for her birthday. 

Zendaya had explained that she had always been paranoid for media to find out and she wanted this part of her life to be private, so she was VERY CAREFUL and weary of public interactions as much as she could, but they are both young, human and famous, so people who breach privacy for a job, caught them in a very private moment, which they impulsively had public …

Now that they are out and about together, Zenday is virtually liking all of Tom’s pics, same for Tom with Zendaya’s. Since being official, they’ve posted incredibly sweet birthday posts for each other and Tom is doing the most to promote her projects LOL; but this has been after they became official. 

Now, not only JK and JM live in a rather complicatedly-homophobic country, but they are about to enlist, which ones again, let’s be real, does this seem like the right time to be “parading gay pride and flags”? If I were you, I’d take time to concentrate on members' projects, rewatch all BTS shows from the beginning, take up a hobby if you don’t have one, save money for the biggest concert that will have ever taken place on planet Earth for when they get back in 2025/2026. 1067 days are 1067.

I’m personally rather booked for this year and coming, it seems, mostly private life, but don’t worry, I intend to still write quite a lot, about all members, and things regarding Jikook of course, there is so much that has happened and that is worth discussing, at least it is of interest to me. And if within this 1067 days, Jikook do something, which they intentionally wanted for us to partake in something current and private related to their life, something not pre-recorded, branded etc etc, then please don’t forget that because they DO NOT OWE us any private interactions, THAT would be considered one of the HIGHEST privileges bestowed upon us, by Yours-Kindly-And-Truly-Jikook.  

Very happy to be back and, as always, very respectfully yours,

Happy New Year 2023 🫰🏾💜,

Marengo.

[magnoliamyrrh]

i find the whole conversation around self-dxing to be interesting too because while self-dxing can indeed be dangerous and bad, on the other hand i am also quite anti-psychiatry, if youve got something youve obviously got it without a diagnosis, and getting a diagnosis can be hard af

like idk i think way too many ppl push this "go get therapy go get professional help and evaluation!!!" thing all the time. as if many therapists and psychs arent stupid af, as if they cant be wrong, as if they cant further traumatize someone, as if they can't be smart and kind ppl but Still get things wrong. and as if the entire psych system for the most part isnt fucked in manyyy ways...... like... yea, if you can and find a good one go i guess depending on circumstance... but you better take everything they say with a grain of salt too, wtf

.... yes teenagers and in general young ppl self diagnoing themselves with 2000 things is harmful. they may be doing it either for attention, because its cool and trendy, bc theyve actually got histrionic or mauchausens, bc theyre pathologizing normal human reactions, or bc theyve not done enough actual research and went off of articles which explain things in such a way that frankly most humans would relate. or they may confuse disorders among each other, or they may not be pragmatic enough abt it. yes this is a huge issue. weve got 20000 teenagers and young adults and even some adults running around saying theyve got turrets or did or autism or bpd or ocd or whatever the hell is trendy. psych wards for symptoms and conditions (which are themselves often imperfect) have been watered down to an extreme and are thrown around. therapy talk is being used to make excuses for behavior which should not be excused

...... at the same time. yea self diagnosis isnt inherently harmful all the time. the ppl who say otherwise and are 2000% certain only docs can tell u shit arent skeptical enough of docs. with some things its obvious. i didnt need any doctor to tell me i had anorexia nervosa or bulimia lmaoooo that shit was obvious and clear as day. i didnt need to be told i had bpd, i caught on at a young age i had it, and bc i neither could go to therapy nor wanted to, i spend years understanding that disorder on every which side and way and recovering from it myself. it saved my life. i dont even wanna know how bad things would have been if i didnt accept i had that and understood it - and yea, i didnt need no doctor to tell me to know. and low and behold, docs agree i used to have bpd, still hsve some symptoms, but have mostly recovered from it. funnily enough i caught onto having some sort of osdd/did years ago, than denied it completely to myself for years, than i couldnt ignore it and deny it anymore. ended up getting a diagnosis for that too. :/ i figured i had adhd for years on end but docs either thought it was something else or i wouldn't bring it up much. low and behold i have a diagnosis and the high doses of adhd meds i can handle without feeling st all "drugged out" are proof that i do actually have adhd

if anything lmaoo i have personal experience with having a crazy psych. a woman who mistook cptsd&osdd/did for bipolar disorder, gave me drugs literally illegally which ate at my body and told me not to tell anyone, and also yelled at me that i was crazy. had a therapist who thinks being molested makes ppl homosexual and that step-parent sexual attraction is normal on some level.....;;;; like;;;;;;..... yea. the psychs and therapists arent some sort of final say people. they can be crazy and they can be wrong

and the idea that Inherently someone with bpd, or did/osdd or whatever else Cant Know of their disorder before being told (tho the latter was actually suggested to me many yrs ago by someone) is just. wrong and harmful frankly. yea in some cases pls dont know, or theyre in extreme denial (like with anorexia). but not with all. not with all. 👀 my psychs found it surprising how self aware i was, impressive, but they did not think this was some sort of disqualification

idk. yea. like. theres definetely issues around self-dex especially in the hell were living today but acting like its Always Inherently Bad and Will Never Help and docs are some sort of authority who are the only ones with some say... ,,,, yeaaaa. no. that's also dangerous

[beatrice-reden-official]

They could prescribe you any illness you'd like

If you define the terms of your ailments

You could sing a pretty malady like a black canary

But a crow don't know the smell of carbon monoxide

^ Judith starting to lose faith in the resistance, and seeing everyone else's optimism ^

How many years have you been on that couch

They could've quilt'd you in the throws by now

You draw a line in the sand where it ends and you begin

But the tide rolls in, so who knows? Oh well

^ Talking to Breen, catching on to his problem with identity ^

And a little identity never hurt nobody

But lately you've been focusing too much on yourself

So how many milligrams of you are still left in there

^ Judith looking at herself, starting to get worried that by joining the Combine she's going to lose herself ^

Cause back in my day we didn't need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists

No, we just drank ourselves to death, and god damn it, we liked it

^ Talking to Alyx, and getting very frustrated with her questions because like. Obviously she wants to know where Judith has been going. ^

Who makes the call? What's a symptom, what's a flaw

Can it be both? Well I suppose that's an answer

Would you give up your humanity for just a touch of sanity

Cause God knows it's not like it's cancer

^ Back to Breen, starting to get a bit sarcastic about his choice (and deflecting her own guilt onto pity for him) ^

And good news to the purists: they've discovered a cure

For the symptoms of being alive

It's a painless procedure with a low rate of failure

But very few patients survive

^ Hahn taking Judith to see the experiments, and Judith is trying so hard to feel something about it. ^

And a little conformity never hurt nobody

But lately I've been worried that you're losing yourself

So how many milligrams of you are still left in there

^ Back at Breen, still seeing his personal decay ^

Cause back in my day we didn't need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists

No, we just bled out in our bath, and god damn it, we liked it

^ I dunno mate ^

Doctor, what's my prognosis if the studies show that

Disease is in the eye of the beholder

Tell me "so it goes"

We depress to impress, I guess

In layer after layer to get off our chests

It's cold out now, we can take it off later

Better safe than sorry, and we both know the danger

^ Judith at Eli, trying to connect to him again ^

So doctor, could you run another test

Got a feeling that this time I might just pass it

Well, if you raise the average

We'll all sing when the bell curve rings

In lyrics symptomatic of the way we think

If our harmonies don't sync, we can change our voices

A chorus on condition of our diagnosis

^ Thinking about her double crossing, starting to struggle with issues about herself and how she changes from place to place ^

Back in my day we didn't need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists

What can I say, except don't heed no evil wills of moral nihilists

I said, "Back in the days of lobotomies and shock therapy and mad scientists

Oh don't you make me waste my breath. God damn it"

^ Judith during the office scene, finally snapping and jumping in to save Eli because she can't stand Breen anymore ^

Ain't your you-dentity at stake

Does aspirin kill you with the pain

You're not your thoughts, you're not your brain

You're just the character you've made

Up in your head, down in your heart

What seem like separate body parts

Come together to believe they're you

And not just chemistry

It's not the way that you were raised

Or what the advertisements say

Not what you pay for, what you pray for

What you want, or what you say

And I see your tendency to redefine disease by what you need

And I'm afraid I can't prescribe the diagnosis that you seek

And something tells me that you need

Forgive me now if I misspeak

But something tells me that you like

And something tells me

You prefer

To be sitting there flipping through those old issues of People

Well that's our time, see you next week

^ Judith at pretty much everyone, just...releasing all those emotions she kept under wraps to keep herself and the people she cares about safe. ^

OOOOOOOOOO YEAH!! I LOVE THIS

[realmackross]

PARTIES: @realmackross TIME: Evening, September 17th SUMMARY: Mackenzie gives Taylor a little phone call over some social media issues. WARNINGS: None! PREVIOUS THREADS:1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - Current.

“Social media is not a media. The key is to listen, engage, and build relationships.” - David Alston

Taylor. Mackenzie was going to murder her. Not literally, but still. The warning Winter had given Mackenzie right before she left had sat stewing in her brain for a day or so, before she had finally decided to look into things. And low-and-behold, what did she find? Someone had indeed been posting for her. Just another headache to worry about with the slew of other things she had been dealing with.

The phone rang and it rang again, until, "Hey Mack. What's going on? Everything still okay?"

Mackenzie was fuming. But yet, she had still understood why her assistant had done it. Mack had a persona to keep up to the world and not just to Wicked's Rest, which she had sometimes forgotten, especially when things had seemed like they were finally going right for a brief minute or so. But there were delicate things happening with people like Cass, who now thought that Mackenzie didn't want to be her friend. Of course, Taylor didn't know that Mackenzie had fallen over a balcony and went splat in front of a room full of people. But Mack had figured she was doing the already overly stressed woman a favor.

"Hey, so, just curious...Have you been posting stuff on my social media accounts?" Her jaw was clenched as she held back the urge to yell. Mackenzie didn't yell at Taylor. She never really had, except for the night they were cleaning up the Brody incident. But that was out of fear, stress, and so much more.

"What?" Taylor paused knowing that Mackenzie wasn't happy. She had been her assistant for nearly a decade now. A friendship and partnership longer then Mack had known Winter.

"Taylor, don't act dumb. I know you have. Winter told me." Mackenzie knew how much the pair didn't get along, so double checking first had been as much of a service to her assistant as it had been anything else. "Look, I'm not...okay, I'm mad. Those are my private accounts. You have control over the public ones. And I'm fine with that, but I have friends on there who now think I don't like them, and you know how hard it is for me to find genuine friendships with my status." Mackenzie took in a deep breath holding for nearly a minute, before letting it out very slowly, "I know you're just trying to do damage control, and I appreciate that. I do. But those people I can handle, okay? So just, stop. I'll be home in a few days. I'm feeling much better. The public socials look great. And I'm so sorry you've had to get wrapped up in all of this with me again. I'm honestly surprised you've still stuck with me through all of this, and I don't know how I can ever repay you for that. But I'm okay. Alright. Just don't worry about the follow-up to any conversations. I'll handle it when I get home."

Taylor had stayed quiet. She had felt bad, but had also felt somewhat frustrated. All she had done, ever since the zombie fiasco had started, was take care of Mackenzie. Make sure her secret had been kept safe, and that's all she had been trying to do this past week, considering her boss and so-called friend had kept her in the dark more and more since coming to Wicked's Rest. There had almost been a part of her that wanted to say 'fuck it'. Out Mackenzie for what she was and what she had done, but she couldn't. Partly because she would probably go down with the zombie, but also, because they had just been through so much together and Mackenzie had still meant something to her. Whether or not that held true on the other side of the friendship, she wasn't sure anymore. But Taylor reluctantly replied back, "Yeah, got it Boss. Glad to know you're doing okay. Just let me know when you're back, and I'll catch a flight out to see you."

Hearing the click, Mackenzie's eyes dropped. She could tell that Taylor was upset. The defeat in her voice had made the zombie feel even worse than she already was, and she would now be adding Taylor to Apology Tour 2023.

Laying the phone down on the nightstand, she slid down in the bed and pulled one of the pillows over her face. Letting out a loud scream as hard as she could into the fabric pressed tightly to her face, Mackenzie had wanted to disappear. The talk with Alex from the day before going out the window and into the abyss, at least until Mackenzie could find the courage to go back home to Harborside and face the absolute nightmare her life continued to become.

[runfast-runfar]

So life has been… eventful lately to say least

12/7/22

✨ so this month has been a ride, and it’s a week into it 😅

I have been having on and off back pain/muscle spasms for a few weeks now and it’s gotten significantly worse. In 2019 I had what was believed to be a pinched nerve which mimicked these symptoms, but unlike last time, it’s not getting remotely better. It got so bad that I ended up going to the ER on Monday of this week and there they became suspicious of a stroke. Low and behold an MRI of my brain showed damage from a stroke. Apparently younger people are more likely to have a “silent stroke” than a typical one. So now the worry is why I had a stroke and if it is a result of an underlying condition.

Also, side note, do other peoples IV injection sites bruise and HURT or is it just me?!

✨ so I have an x-ray scheduled for tomorrow which will show if I have any sort of growths potentially causing neurological problems. And then after the x ray we will be scheduling an MRI potentially followed by a lumbar puncture.

✨ I was in the ER and in the room next to me was a woman who had her family in there with her, and it made me so sad to realize I never have that when things go wrong. My mom always thinks I’m overreacting and when I asked my brother if he would come he got annoyed and said he’d drop me off but that’s all (it was early). And that just makes me pretty sad to think about I guess.

✨ it’s never a good time for health issues to arise, but man was this all awful timing. I am 5 weeks into my new temp to hire job and am having to request time off for doctors appointments etc and it’s crushing me bc I know this might mean I won’t get extended a full time position. It’s not like I’m an employee and they will let me go (that’s a potential lawsuit lol) but they can very easily just say it didn’t work out at the end of my temp time and I know if that happens it’d be bc of this situation which would suck.

✨ but I’ve been trying very very hard to not jump to worst case scenario with all of this. As hard as that’s been! But its been tough bc I have been literally sedentary; anddddd I JUST GOT MY OWN PELOTON literally the day before all of this happened and I haven’t even been able to ride it once bc of my stupid back! I can’t even go on walks bc of it. And that’s been, mentally, extremely extremely hard.

✨ so if you can, please cross your fingers that whatever is going on is benign and treatable and I’m back to running/biking/dancing around as soon as possible. My heart honestly needs it so so much.

✨ and then I included some pictures from before my back got really bad and I was out and about enjoying the California winter weather ♥️

[ugh154628]

why is she convinced that anyone would be jealous of her relationship her fiancé is a fucking dork

Agreed. I would say dating him is in my top 5 most embarrassing decisions LOL.

I think she knows I'm not actually jealous of her dating him, and is just trying to convince herself of that because it's her main reason for even dating him LOL. I also think that she is projecting and thinks her and I operate the same way. Like the whole "I hate my ex and I'm going to try the convince the rest of the world to also, but I actually only hate him under the circumstance of him getting a new girlfriend" like SHE did.

I seriously can't think of any other reasons that a bitch would be HELL BENT on making posts about their ex's girlfriend being awful SPECIFICALLY in relationships on a daily basis, ya know after trying to defame them for 3.5 years before that....while also bragging about how much better she is to him and constantly needing to essentially say "I have him and you dont haha" all the time. If you pay close attention, she is the essentially mirroring him and I's relationship in regard to me being the ex girlfriend now, trying to get pay back by doing similar shit to me with him that in a sense happened to her when him and I were still together...but on an insanely dramatic and obsessive level.

Like for example, I made ONE snarky post ripping on her appearance and how she wasn't taking him away from me (the red post) in 2019, which wasn't unprovoked mind you, and she took that, clearly never let go of it, and sent it back 10 times worse and for an ongoing long period of time. She has gone on a tangent ripping on my appearance and what not nearly every day for two years now, as well as constantly posted about how she has him in a way to try to step on me. When it isn't actually affecting me really. And those are just a few examples. She has a weird obsession with trying to hurt me in the same ways she was hurt.

But the thing is, her and I aren't the same people. We don't get hurt by the same things, obviously. I mean, most remotely stable people don't flip utter shit about their ex getting a new girlfriend for an extended period of time like that, let alone freak out this hard over someone making a single post about them on Facebook that probably would have been forgotten about by everyone in a month or two. I have my issues for sure, but my tolerance...most people's tolerance...to getting their feelings hurt over some originally petty Facebook drama is a lot higher than that. And almost always high enough not to harass and stalk over the perceived, petty betrayal everyday for years on end.

The way she projects her character onto me is actually insane, too. Like, she was actually the one (secretly) jealous of Sam and I dated when she the ex girlfriend, meanwhile accusing him of abuse / assault and trying to cancel him but primarily me for dating each other, or the way she clearly saw it someone "taking him away from" her. I noticed that it seemed like the main reason she was accusing him of assault was to say to others "Amber is dating my r*pist/abuser", too. Like I was always involved in her posted accusations some how, which I find pretty significant to the bigger picture here. I also think that might be way she amped up her slander about me after they got back together. I think she is trying to deflect away from the way she originally smeared him and I all those years.

With that said, I think she started with the assault accusations to justify her harassing me, particularly to drown out her threatening behavior in the background that I had started to make others aware of, and as an added bonus, to take advantage of the movements against abuse/assault skyrocketing at the time to harm "Ricky"'s reputation at the same time as mine.

And low and behold, when he's single, she clearly takes it all back, was originally disregarding all of what she used to say about him when it was brought up....while going on and on about how I'M the jealous ex. When you look at the bigger picture, the dots connect and it looks weird as fuck. I would say that constitutes believing she never really hated him and the assault accusations were just a revenge tactic based around a jealous rage that he moved on with someone else. And that everything else she says now is also a twisted version of the truth or not true, to distract people from the original bullshit / lies she was telling for years prior.

However, I also think she would rather date someone thinking it hurts another person's feelings than date someone she really likes. Kind of like when narcissists don't really have a soul and only date to hurt others indirectly. Like intentionally date someone their ex is friends with, or someone the ex was insecure about. They don't actually have a heart or like those people. They're just users and date certain people to hurt someone else specifically. Makes me wonder why she even dated him the first time to be honest because from what I've learned, she only dates and befriends people for some type of ill-themed personal benefit.

And at this point, I also believe, that is why "Ricky" dated me. I think she was always insecure about me based on things he told me (apparently talking down on my makeup and getting mad at him for sticking up for me or something is what he said) and thats why he went after me in the first place - to hurt her already injured self esteem in regard to me. I mean, even her getting so bothered by me dating him specifically says a lot there. I think he was at least initially using me to get at her self esteem, and likewise, now using her to get at me with my long-run anxiety about her extreme vendetta against me. I also think that "Ricky" doesn't really love people. I think he grows dependent on using them for some sort of personal gain after awhile like she does, but he doesn't actually have a heart either.

And I think he used/uses his girlfriends for a lot of things, especially to hurt his last. I have thought about this a lot and I truly think he is the worst kind of strategic sadist. Between just her and I, both times show a clear pattern. He first picks women that are confident in terms of expressing their feelings and opinions, generally strong-willed, loyal and territorial. He also picks women with some level of mental illness / mental health weakness to use against them in some way later or that would make them vunerable to fighting for him: in my case things like anxiety, people pleasing, and fear of abandonment as some examples, and in her case, a severely low self esteem, codependency, and vulnerability to extreme embitterment. He then plants the seeds to have his girlfriends and ex's hating one another and one of them ultimately defending him against the other. He might start by targetting a few girls to make the current one insecure, to set the stage of a nightmare come true later that someone unstable like "Cece" would lose their mind over... and/or... spreads horrible rumors them to the next girl he dates, victimizes himself in extremes to said girl in regard to the last, manipulates the new one into putting him on a pedestal, and then, into fighting the bullshit he ultimately starts himself - to overall, hurt his ex girlfriends. Because to put it simply, he can't handle being dumped but also isn't confrontational, so he would rather throw lowkey tantrums to his new girlfriend and essentially uses the new girl against the other.

He prefers passive aggressive, underhanded shit and pulling the strings in the background, (ex. Telling me how she abused him, showing me her social media accounts, telling me how she is vengeful and vandalizes cars, etc.) and basically does little manipulative shit that seems like innocent venting, but is actually purposefully fueling the fire without the receiver realizing it. I think he's a sadist and knows exactly what he's doing, but also underneath that, just a weak-esteemed coward.

Anywho, and TLDR: "Cece" knows I'm not actually jealous, and she's projecting how SHE used to think when they were broken up and he was with me. Also, she only wants relationships where she thinks she's harming another person and to feel above than other people (their exes) because she fully operates from ego. And then, "Ricky" suffers from little man syndrome. He is a sadistically selfish pussy with no soul and only values women for personal gain, primarily to use them against each other. Because he's overly sensitive to rejection and gets his fee-wings over the top hurt when he ultimately gets dumped.

[medical-blitz]

I wake up 25 years later. After 2009

I get life flighted, on my 55th birthday, and it's time to go.

Call 911, ICU 12 DAYS. then what ? Omg on forced oxygen,IV, immediate blood work. Answering questions while face covered with mask!

I was diagnosed with Thyroid Storm, In Atrial Fibrillation and Fast crashing heart failure , I remember being diagnosed with over active thyroid in 2009 for a job physical, I got what was necessary at that time in 2009 to get the job. Then after I got it. And stopped using meds. I really had no follow up appointment, but too the job was 28/14 meaning, your gone and home those amount of days.

I was never consistent in medicine regiments, I wouldn't even finish 7 to 10 day antibiotics, and end up returning to doctor to get a fresh prescription for antibiotics because I felt better after first couple to few days. And for whatever infection or illness would return or never really been gone, so having said that .

I was uneducated about how serious it was to continue and monitor a thyroid issue.

WELL NEVER DO THAT. The thyroid was detrimental to my future health. As it is for anyone.

As I always,remember to mention my earlier diagnosis to anytime I go ER which was rare. Well in 2014, I had an excellent job, best insurance you could imagine at no cost to me or reproccusions of future liens etc.

I was getting a complete , head to toe toe to head inside and out , physical by my own request.

I was feeling great, had a few concerns.

But asked. By any chance was my thyroid checked? I was QUOTE- UNQUOTE Told " your thyroid is fine"

But throughout years I've had small injuries and chest X+rays have been taken and had to return for retaking

They (medical team) showed concern, and then I was cleared saying looked like nodules on your lungs.

So back to 2014 I was told and after ct mri, upper GI, I Had intertial lung disease, and never were prescribed anything to treat or cure or handle emergency breathing issues.

See earlier than 2009 I was having a hard time breathing, sooo I went to doctor and complained of even climbing a set of stairs , I was only 27 at the time. I was told quit smoking. It's your lungs.

I went through life and reached June 4th 2024 almost died because I bloated so bad struggled (understatement) to breath could reach to even wipe after going bathroom, walk nothing my shoes wouldn't even go on my feet.

Away I went. With the lung disease etched in my earlier diagnosis,and scares with spots on my lungs from times before hand. And let me tell you what a scare. Because it was building up over a couple of weeks before I finally couldn't walk 5 feet and felt like passing out. Sitting or rolling over felt as if I just moved mountains. Away I went.

I however explained the 2014 diagnosed issues. And 2009 when my thyroid was mentioned, well I was living actually with Graves disease, never told.

And hyperthyroidism developed, mind you untreated. They immediately checked my TSH,T3-4 and low and behold.

All my symptoms came to the conclusion of why is was in serious medical crisis.

Do not ignore a thyroid diagnosis, I ruined my health.

I was in complete congestive heart failure,Pre-diabetes,thyroid storm. Which is rare. But fatal. And developed TED, which is hyperthyroid eye disease, I have major effects from this. My heart wasn't underlying, it was caused by my not having had stayed on thyroid treatment , and thyroid care or acknowledgment is detrimental to every organ in your body. My cholesterol levels are through the roof, and now I evolved from pre- to type 2 diabetes,Blindness could very well be in my near future or 3-10 years of life span. And now I have more than 19 symptoms from possible one medication or couple combined within last three months. I was developing them soon after my release from my initial hospital stay.

I have not quit smoking. And THAT BY EVERY MEANS NEEDS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, because I may very well be falling back into the danger zone and completely Not having my treatment working correctly, it is a major hold back or set back.

My will power is unbelievably weak, I cherish my life, and it's the hardest to do.

So here's my concerns being set for tomorrow,the next day I'll go the next , um finally made a follow up appointment, finally after four months got the blood work done for digoxin level monitor required action, and oh boy my numbers for more than couple tests needed, I am drowning in high to low all in negative for me.

Procrastinating is not an option, it's a constant struggle as well.

So I'll be at the doctor and find out what exactly is the next step. Besides nicotine, I am slowly but surely in the irreversible side of things if I don't go. I already canceled a week ago.

Results and Further Information will be coming soon. And add some links to further educate how serious it is for untreated Graves disease to hyperthyroidism not being treated.

[outlandishscenarios]

New (fixed) Keychains

so some good news. more good news and a mess for me.

remember I think few weeks back, I had a issue with the keychain makers and I was waiting for a response. Well they did contact me back we spoke and resolved the issue and got it fixed. Now the good news just the other day I received a package, I had no clue was arriving let alone even sent and upon opening it, low and behold I got the fixed versions of the messed up keychains. yayyyy!

but here's the mess- I have extras and my desk only has one drawer that holds all my needed college supplies (textbooks) and art supplies and no other storage for them all not including the 14 missed up ones I have, that they never wanted back.

As such the extra fixed version are going in the shop and would await for a new home if any one want them. Thank you all.

under the cut are their pictures and shop link if you like to get them.

the fixed sun

fixed moon ( the blue dot not an imperfection the holographic effect kept reflecting back when using a better light see image below to see the keychain flipped around to the side with out the holographic effect)

see XD

These would be sold as a set (store link below)