#loving S2 even more now!!! and i will defend it until my very last breath!!!

[londonspirit]

Well then...

It's been two weeks since the final episode (HOW?) and i have finally sorted my thoughts enough to write little about it (mainly for myself - as always).

First of: I fucking LOVED it!!! Yes, it wasn't perfect but that's only the studios fault and nobody else's.

(although I do have a few issues with the editing of especially the last episode: there's too many things wrong to ignore it. There's tiny bits not lining up before which is fine because one can overlook them; Ed going in for the kiss at the beach from the left and the close up is from the right, things like that. In the last epi there's too much of that: the crew behind them when Izzy dies, that's just bad editing; although once again, I'm pretty sure that's the studio's fault, if they could've done it like they wanted to, there would've been reshoots for it *sighs* It's a shame, because that scene is beautiful otherwise; sad as hell but incredibly well done. Taika and Con are really going for it, and it's amazing!)

Edit: knowing now that they cut FORTY fucking % I only keep my 'critics' because this is mainly for me! Knowing that, I am even more in awe about what they managed to make with that!!! They are all fucking MAGICAL for making this show as beautiful and amazing as they did!!!! And I really hope ONE DAY we can get a Director's Cut or something that's gonna make it all more smooth and just that more coherent, just like DJ would've wanted it to look!!!

Anyhow, i loved it. Im so happy to now have 8 more episode to obsess over again, to rewatch whenever I want and revel in the fucking MAGIC they gave us! The writers have really outdone themselves this season! It's tight and fast-paced but it still works fantastically well!

Personally, I've never been more in love with Taika - his acting was outstanding this season!!! Absolutely NO notes on that!! That man's soo fucking talented that whenever he says otherwise I wanna smack him over the head and shake him. I REALLY hope he does more of this because it was insanely good and I want more. (also: he's never looked more gorgeous!! the HAIR! the BEARD! the fucking EYES!!! GUH!! I wanna give him all the awards for this role alone but that's just me!!! So yeah, much much love for him!!) Same goes for Rhys - they're both soo fucking good together, and I cannot wait for them to do more drama because they'd fucking smash it! And not to forget the rest of the cast: every single one gave their absolutely best and I loved every single second of it!!!

What else? The fucking LOCATIONS!! God, I've always wanted to go to AoNZ but this season made me so much more needy!!! (not happening anytime soon but yeah, ONE DAY!!). Sooo stunning, sooo damn beautiful!! GUH!!!

Also: Guest stars!!! First and foremost: FAMILY!! Say what you want about that, but I fucking LOVE when shows do that!!! Taika's kids made me squeal soo much in the BTS vids already, but having DJ's wife in it as well??? With a rather substantial role? And her absolutely smashing it?! Totally made that episode even more amazing!!!

VERY much in love with Ruibo!!! Her Queen was incredible and I loved every second she was on screen!! Her character was so nuanced and wonderful and perfectly balanced. I REALLY hope we can get her back for a 3rd season - she fucking rocked it!!!

And we got ALL THE KISSES!!! I mean, I was hoping to get some more, and something a little more passionate than in S1 (don't get me wrong, I still love that one but yeah...) And we got soo many!! And soo many wonderful ones!!! And no I can't pick a fav: I love them all. The moonlight one had me losing my shit all over the place (at work no less) - the callbacks, Ed's fucking EYES and Stede's shy glances!! GUH, that was just soo delicious!!! The Calypso one was just hot as hell and I may have cursed them for not making that longer!! And the beach one was just utter perfection! Their faces, their smiles, Ed's 'I love you' still makes my stomach all gooey!!!

And then there's Izzy. *sighs* My little angry raccoon man. Our indestructible little fucker. Con motherfucking O'Neill. UGH!! I hated him (Izzy, not Con) all the way through S1! There was not one redeeming feature on that bastard. BUT... when you've read all the Ed/Stede fics and you start to look for something new and then find some beautifully written Izzy/Roach ones and then start to like him and eventually read more and then end up reading (and writing) some SteddyHands and you're like 'yeah, I can see it now'. It also helped A LOT that Con's such a darling man and so real for it all, and you have too much time to fall in love with him after all... So naturally you start to like S2!Izzy. And then you start to love him, and you fucking ADORE the SASSINESS he's got this season. (Still not over the morning after Izzy - the SASS was through the fucking roof!!!) AND THEN THEY LET HIM SING!!!! DEAR GOD!!! I would've loved for a full on musical episode (I mean, that talent show would've been such a GREAT opportunity for that!) The ENTIRE cast is freakishly talented and they all could've pulled that off. So naturally I was VERY HAPPY that at least they let Izzy sing!!! I'm still not over that!! (And Im highly amused that even some of the crew had no idea that he could do that!!! I mean... he got a fucking OLIVIER award to prove it!!!) (but then again, I spend way too much time on YT to find his stuff so that's probably just me!) AND DID HE DELIVER!!! The whole party bit, with the make-up and the shyness at first and then just BURSTING it out was just sooo fucking beautiful!!! Every damn frame of that was a bloody masterpiece and I'd KILL for the bits they cut - I'd pay a very good price for a DVD with ALL the deleted bits because I KNOW that DJ had to tighten that baby down massively!!! I NEED THAT!!! *exhales*

So yeah, S2 made the impossible possible and made me LOVE Izzy fucking Hands! Which im certain was their plan all along - otherwise his death wouldn't have been this devastating!!! Which is fucking WAS!! I cried at work (thankfully there was nobody there!)! And im still not over it!! I totally understand WHY they did it. Doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. (here the strange editing sort of took away from the PAIN of it all a bit but if you concentrate on Ed and Iz it can be ignored).

*sighs* I'm just so sad that some people went and attacked our beautiful writers like they did. I know it's only a small part of an otherwise amazing fandom but I HATE that they're soo fucking loud - i can only hope DJ and his writers know that most people love what they did! (and NO, I do NOT wanna discuss it. you can be sad, yes, and you can be mad too but you do NOT go and shit-talk the writers or send them death threats - that's an absolute no-go! And no, in a show that's all around queer and has a lot of disabled character, it's not homophobic or ableist - it IS after all just a tv show. If YOU put too much of your own wants into it, that's on YOU! Ugh, sorry, didn't want to get into this but it makes me soo mad!!!) Once again, I'm very glad that I follow only the right people, no need to block or unfollow anyone on here or on Twitter! *blows kisses*

So yeah, despite some small flaws and scenes I KNOW have been cut, I love the second season just as much (if not more) than the 1st one. I can only hope that the studios decide to let DJ finish it. Im so happy with what we got - fanfiction can totally work with that. But I would love to see more Ed and Stede (trying and probably failing) to run their Inn, see the crew of the Revenge get into insane adventures, maybe even meet some more new characters (JC and BM still need to make a cameo!) - there's still soo much story to tell and I would LOVE to actually SEE it on screen!!!

I also would LOVE for the cast and crew to be able to finally talk about it, promote it, share stories and pictures and everything during a 3rd (and last) wave of MADNESS surrounding the show. Everyone deserves to bask in the love we have for them and our show. S1 had barely any promo. S2 aired during a strike. S3 could make up for all of that and get cast and crew the love, recognition and adoration they soo very much deserve!!!

[kaypeace21]

something i noticed, during the s3 byler argument, Mike says “El’s not stupid, it’s not MY fault you don’t like girls.” Mike’s “it’s not my fault” doesn’t fit as a retort, the theme of his retort should be defending El. He should have said “it’s not HER fault you don’t like girls”. Knowing there were other versions of that line the writers must have consciously chosen to leave this one in, knowing how it could be interpreted. anyway, do you have any idea why mike even said that line?

Yes, I have talked about it -here (in my long ‘why Mike is gay post’). But since so many people misinterpret the meaning of Mike’s words- might as well do a shorter/more brief version .And do a post focusing on it. HE’S SAYING THIS TO HIMSELF!

First some background

Mike DOES NOT think Will is gay. Dustin foreshadows their fight in s1 saying “Dustin: “He’s just jealous.”  Mike: “What?” Dustin: “Sometimes your total obliviousness just blows my mind?”  Dustin: “ What matters is, he’s your best friend. And then this girl shows up… and all you ever want to do is spend time with her!” Mike: “that’s not true!”

Dustin:  “Yes it is! And you know it. And he knows it. But no one ever says anything until you’re both start… yelling at each other like goblins with intelligence scores of 0. And now everything is weird”

Mike: “He’s not my best friend! … I mean he is. But so are you.”

 He won’t let himself consider that Will could be gay because then it would be harder to pretend he isn’t gay himself . That it isn’t just a weird phase that he’ll grow out of. We see that throughout the show Mike is projecting his feelings for Will on to El . Who in s1 was described by 5 characters as looking like a boy (and specifically like Will, by 3 characters ). There’s just way too many examples of him projecting to list here. But s3 we see Mike is trying to mimic romantic moments between him and Will (from s2) to El (in s3). In order to transfer his romantic feelings for Will on to El. The “blank makes you crazy” vs “crazy together”, the shed scenes of “most important thing” vs “the best thing I’ve ever done”,etc.

The difference between past seasons though, is that Mike is now conscious that he’s doing this. The more feminine El gets- the harder for him it is to pretend. Especially now that they’re going through puberty- and the physical differences between boys and girls is becoming more prominent. We see this in the first ep of s3.  I talked about it more here, but the Duffers use music with all the characters to convey plot points or the emotions of the characters. One example is when Mike forces Will to dance with a girl so he ���fakes a smile’. 

So yes, the fact that the very first lyrics that play when we see mileven kiss for the first time  is “Just a little uncertainty can bring you down”-  reflects Mike’s true feelings.And we know this is how Mike (not El) feels about their relationship because he begins to sing the song right after this lyric.The song is even from the album titled “boy in the box”. AKA: Mike is in the closet

“And nobody wants to know you now. And nobody wants to show you how.So if you’re lost and on your own. You can never surrender.” He fears that if he isn’t straight everyone he cares about will abandon him, and that he’d be lost and the only one ‘like this’ -all alone.But he can’t ‘surrender’ the false-idea of being in love with El (out of fear). This is the rural Indiana in the 80s- at the height of the aids epidemic. People on the news said gay people were being rightfully punished with the ‘gay cancer’ (aids). They equated being gay with being a perv, p*d*phile, murderer, or mentally ill. Churches said you’d ‘burn in hell’. In rural areas people would form gangs and murder people they thought were gay. Of course Mike is terrified and wants to be straight! His parents in s2 were Reagan supporters. And Reagan was notoriously homophobic. He’s probably afraid his parents will hate him, kick him out, or that someone will kill him or he’ll die from aids by simply kissing a boy.

  We see Mike is doing his own f-ed up form of conversion therapy. He kisses El but he puts on the wall a drawing of Will so he can look at it while he kisses her. Probably hoping to transfer his romantic feeling for Will on to her.

Like that’s Will! He has light brown hair (not black) and Will is the only one associated with fire and has drawn himself with fire in the past. And Will even overlaps with the rainbow drawing that reads “mike”  before we see the mileven kiss. It was intentional.

So when Will Says “you’re ruining everything (their relationship) .And for what?! So you can swap spit with some stupid girl.”

This infuriates Mike because he thinks swapping spit with El is the best way to save their relationship! And he’s been trying to ‘fix himself’ so Will doesn’t hate him- and it hasn’t been working, to Mike’s frustration. So he screams “El’s not stupid, it’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” because he’s projecting. And although, he loves Will… a part of him probably is a bit angry that he’s making him feel this way. 

Mike never actually says to El’s face that he loves her- he even says during his fake-confession  “[old people] say it”.And later Mike apologizes to El and says “sorry, I sound like a [7 year old].” Aka the number Will rolled in s1. Right after he discusses d&d with Will and talks about seeing both of them for the Hollidays. So it’s telling that after he says “El’s not stupid . it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” (to himself). He immediately regrets yelling at Will. He even closes his eyes and takes a breath before continuing.  And apologizes,  by giving a heteronormative answer of:  

“I’m not trying to be a jerk, but [we’re not kids anymore]. What did you think, really?! that we’d never get girlfriends. That we’d just sit in my basement and play games for the rest our lives?” 

Mike is yelling this at himself to keep his feelings for Will under control.El is an idea to Mike about what adulthood is- which is why he doesn’t really defend el (and his ‘love’ for her) but just talks about “girlfriends” in an abstract way.  This was essentially Mike telling  himself-  he’s NOT allowed to just be with Will and never have a gf. He has to grow out of his ‘childish feelings’ for Will- before it’s too late, because being a gay man is dangerous.  That’s why when the camera is on Mike (when he looks back a the byers house -and they only show Will and Mike). The dialogue is  “But I know you’re getting older, growing, changing. I guess, if I’m being really honest, that’s what scares me. I don’t want things to change.”He doesn’t want things to change (and his feelings for Will to evolve into love, because that means Mike has to admit he’s gay and accept his future as a gay man-which at the time, didn’t seem very bright). They both are afraid of the future because of this. Mike tries to act like a ‘straight-adult’ and Will tries to revert back into his childhood because of this. 

Mike also mentions “games’ because d&d is a symbol of byler’s romantic relationship. He’s just pretending to not enjoy the d&d game. Mike says they have to get girlfriends and they can’t play games for the rest of their lives. But that’s what Mike wants- he just wants to be with Will for the rest of his life (playing games) without either of them having girlfriends. Because, we see Mike never took any of Will’s d&d art off his walls.Even though he changed his poster (from the same wall  that had will’s drawings on it) Mike couldn’t remove any of Will’s d&d art.  It was an act - which is why he was upset (in the last episode) when Will was donating the game, and why during the Hopper speech,  it pans to Mike as Hopper says “I miss playing board games every night.”

Mike even has a binder filled with every d&d drawing Will has ever given him.

In the pilot, they even say Will uses d&d to “escape” his insecurities about his sexuality “like mike” & Mike uses d&d to “escape” his insecurities about not having a gf.  * And no, dustin & Lucas didn’t use d&d to “escape” anything- in the pilot script.

And right before Mike says the famous “crazy together”line it zooms in on Mike’s d&d set.

The  “crazy together” scene is romantic since both Mike & Flo both equate love making you ‘crazy’. Mike saying “it makes you crazy” and Flo saying saying in s1 “ only love makes you crazy and that damn stupid”). 

(x)(x)

Mike is lying about his feelings for El- and El is just confused about her feelings for Mike.  The only one’s with mutual feelings for Mike is Will! Will even has a breakdown and goes ‘crazy’ after seeing a pic of them the night they promised to go crazy together - and then Will repeatedly calls himself ‘stupid’ . Because this is when he realizes and admits to himself he’s in love with Mike. And so he grabs a bat (that his dad- who called him a ‘queer’ taught him to use) and destroys castle Byers in a fit of anger and self-hate. That fight was what caused Will to realize his feelings for Mike and the jealousy he had been feeling were because he was in love with Mike. When Mike asks “what did you think, really? That we’d never get girlfriends… play games for the rest of our lives?” 

Will is 100% honest a says brokenly “yeah. I guess I did” And then says angrily “I really did!” . Even if both don’t understand the gravity of their words in that moment Will was honest- he doesn’t want to ever have a girlfriend he just wants to be with Mike for the rest of his life. And Mike, who assumes Will is straight, is shocked that this conversation upset Will. Or that he would disagree with his words.

And again their last conversation (about d&d is very telling and is foreshadowing). What Will meant when he said ,  “I’ll just use yours when I come back- I mean… if WE still wanna play”. Is essentially foreshadowing that the ball is in Mike’s court. If he wants to be with Will for the rest of his life he has to initiate it and prove he loves Will after pretending for so long to love El, instead.

gif credit:  first 2 gifs ampwn98 , 3th gif by janebycrs, 5th gif Cath-avery , 4 & 6th gifs mine

[late-to-the-sexy-party]

Half a Pint of Sex

A little AU that takes place during S2 E1. What if Rae didn’t leave after she saw Finn in the shower?

Also posted on AO3.

Thank you as ever to Lil, my beta reader from another mother: you are exacting and wise and very exciting to work with. 

@madfatty @burnnmyhearttout @thatfunnygirllauren @hellothisismebye

Rae was in a tizzy as she walked back from the lingerie shop. It was all well and good to bare everything in front of Chloe and Izzy and the baps-expert bra lady, but…ugh…who was she kidding? Even that was horribly uncomfortable. How could she ever do this with Finn? She closed her eyes and counted to ten. “He likes me,” she reminded herself. “He’s already touched my lady bits and he wants to go camping and he knows we’re getting three tents. Relax, idiot! He likes you. He really likes you.” She repeated the affirmation, though suspected this could all change once Finn really saw all of her. But the pep talk and the teal underwear in her shopping bag gave her a surge of confidence or maybe it was just hope. Whatever propelled her, she found herself heading to Finn’s house. Maybe to show him. Maybe not. 

Meanwhile, Finn was in his attic, waist-high in boxes and sorting fairy lights from Christmases past. Most of his thoughts were preoccupied by the camping trip and how not to let on that he was preoccupied. Being attentive to Rae was work but the best kind. It felt good to be in this deep, to care this much. Anyway, their first time would not be in a tent, that was not how he’d pictured it, hence ten calls to arrange the surprise caravan and a whole morning in the attic. He was glad she’d been busy earlier because he was crap at making excuses. He was covered in dust from his efforts, but now he just wanted to see her. Fuck it, he was going to go over to hers even if he had to wait around until she got home. He headed to the shower to wash up.

Rae’s feet automatically slowed as she approached Finn’s house; much had changed since the first time she’d walked up to his door. When she was with Finn their chemistry was obvious and magnetic, but when they were apart the whole thing still seemed impossible. If she could get back in the same room with him, the rest should take care of itself. She needed to trust in the strange magic of them. She pushed herself forward with the memory of Finn’s reassuring smile, his promise of “to be continued.” Gary welcomed her inside amidst a haze of Dire Straits. Rae prayed her own straits were not so dire.

Finn’s thoughts were racing in the shower. Was he putting too much pressure on her? He was pretty sure the whole thing had been Rae’s idea. It was a sleepover and she’d asked for three tents. And she had let him touch her the other day in her room, but then Linda had barged in and it just didn’t feel right to continue. He’d run off to footy practice even though he’d planned to skip it. But now it was all he could think about, how ready she’d been for his fingers. The hot water across his shoulders was starting to remind him of that warmth and how it had spread to her wickedly soft inner thighs. He rubbed at his stiffening cock but glanced up to find the door open, and his dad didn’t need to see that. He turned the water a little colder–he would wait until he was in his room to finish that thought.

Rae climbed the stairs with a distracted smirk on her face and heard the water running as she reached the top. Was Finn in the shower? Was he showering with the door open? Who showered with the door open? “Oh,” she thought, as she saw his wet and flawless frame turning away, “people with perfect bodies.” And there it was, the arse she coveted, bare as the day he was born, as peachy as she’d ever imagined.

Suddenly, she was struck with a huge choice: run out of this house straight to the airport and jump on a plane to the North Pole to live in a cave and raise polar bears and never again see a human arse that would remind her of what she couldn’t have OR literally put on her big girl pants and meet her own life head on. Seeing as she’d spent her last pound on the pants, air travel was out of the question. She walked halfway down the stairs and back up three times before finding herself in Finn’s room. The next set of events was a blur, as she ran to the window and yanked the curtain over to block out as much light as possible, raced into her new underwear while holding the door closed and finally dove under his duvet and slid herself all the way to the wall.

Lying in Finn’s bed, Rae was shocked by her own actions, completely out of breath and utterly grateful that Chloe had explained what she meant about preparing for “naked time” with Finn. That morning, Rae had shaved her legs, continuing above her knees which she hadn’t even realized was a thing, and she’d smoothed out her underarms and even tidied up her unruly thatch of pubic hair. As she awaited the inevitable, she tried to make herself as small as possible, but her flesh refused to cooperate and kept falling around her in the most hideous of ways. Every time she angled herself to smooth one area, another rolled up and out, and she was quickly getting itchy and hot in all the places where her skin was rubbing against itself, and this was all a very bad idea, and her head was pounding and she thought she might throw up. Her fevered train of thought came to an abrupt halt as the freshly-bathed scent of Finn Nelson burst across her senses and then he was there in the room, in his boxers and running a towel over his head. He didn’t see her at first, as he was taking in the closed window curtain with mild confusion.

“Don’t be scared it’s just me!” Rae blurted out as she pulled the duvet up to her nose. “Hiya.”

Tracking Rae’s voice, Finn found her wedged in the corner of his bed. Her position was almost comical as if she were trying to disappear into the wall, but this did not diminish the salient fact: Rae was in his bed. She was under his duvet. She was hiding something, possibly nakedness. His body was reacting faster than his mind and he quickly moved the towel down to hide his excitement. He was turned on; he was touched, and he was stunned by the boldness of her gesture. As his eyes adjusted to the dimness, he could see that she was terrified.

“What are ya doing under there, girl?” He asked in a tone he hoped was both non-threatening and affectionate.

“Oh nothin’,” Rae responded. “Just thought I’d make sure you had sheets under here.”

“Oh, and do I?” Finn couldn’t help but flirt as he moved slowly towards the bed. He was still having trouble processing what was happening, but whatever it was, was very good.

“Yes, comfy sheets.”

“They’re comfy, eh?” Finn was fully loving the dynamic now. He felt a little bad for torturing her like this, but he knew this would all work out even if she didn’t seem to. “Can you feel them especially, ‘cause maybe you’re not wearin’ anything?”

“Oh, I’m wearin’ something…some…things…” Rae was biting her lip, rolling her eyes and blushing to her toes.

Finn was standing right up against the bed now. His curiosity was beyond piqued, but he knew Rae was regretting her actions and he needed to get her back on board. He was always most confident expressing himself from his arsenal of smiles, and he carefully chose one for her that conveyed sympathy, encouragement and understated joy. When he saw the muscles around her eyes relax, he spoke, “I’m really glad you’re here.” Then even more gently, he added, “Would it be okay if I joined you under there?”

Rae nodded, and Finn slipped cautiously onto the bed, keeping a respectful distance and his eyes on her face.

“So, what are these… things…you’re wearing?”

Rae huffed and rolled her eyes, “Chloe took us to a lingerie shop and I wound up buyin’ this stuff. But they’re totally impractical and I don’t think they look good on me. And I mean, I’m not even sure if you like my boobs, because they’re too large and they’re not made for lacy-”

“Rae…Rae!” Finn was struggling to get Rae’s attention and she finally stopped babbling long enough to look at him. “Do you not know how I feel about your boobs? Guess you hadn’t noticed me looking at them all the time when we first met? Archie and Chop had to tell me to stop!”

“Nah… I hadn’t…” Rae attempted a nanosecond of mental acrobatics, trying to immediately recall all the times this could have happened. It was new information and she couldn’t help but smile and then laugh, “Chop had to stop you?! But Chop looks at them all the time!”

“Yeah…” Finn winced “Now he says if I get to touch’em, then he should at least be able to look at’em.” He scrunched his face and waited for her to punch him.

“What?! Oh thanks for that! Really defending my honor, eh?” The banter was so normal, that for a minute, Rae forgot they were in a bed and half naked. “You know Chop needs to watch himself or Izzy’s going to get seriously insecure. I know she already feels—"

Suddenly Finn was kissing her–his version of oral sparring was not really fair, because he always won.

Finn was glad she was back to form, because he was addicted to transforming loud opinionated Rae into quiet, yielding Rae. Kissing her was like unlocking so much sweetness, and it was all for him.

When she stilled, he spoke quietly, “Anyway, I told Chop, that was bullshit and he had to stop.” Finn continued with a playful pout, “But can we not talk about Chop anymore? Besides…I haven’t really touched them… not really…”

Rae was pleasantly transfixed by the recent kiss and his current gaze. This back and forth between humor and seriousness, teasing and affection, of her knowing him and his knowing her was the alchemy she needed. She bit her bottom lip as she slowly lowered the duvet to her waist, revealing all the cream and teal she’d been hiding. Finn gasped and stared, and Rae felt like she was on fire. His hand instinctively reached out to touch her, but he stopped himself.

“Can I?” His breath hitched on the words and Rae felt a sense of control that she had never known. She could feel how truly sexy she was in that moment with her hair flowing around her face and her lips parted. She looked at him from beneath her lashes and knew how completely she had him. All of time seemed to slow down in that astonishing moment.

When Rae finally spoke, “Yeah,” was all she said. He reached towards her hesitantly and ran his finger along the top of her shallow bra cup, tracing the entire seam where it met the soft flesh of her right breast. Finn’s eyes were on hers, as he slid his finger below the edge, lowering it inch by inch until her whole breast spilled out. They held each other’s eyes with half shock and open mouths. Gradually his eyes lowered to take her in, the fullness, the large dark areola, the perfectly protruding nipple; the sight drew his tongue forward. Then, just as slowly, Finn freed her from the left cup and felt woozy with the vision that lay before him.  

Rae smiled as she watched Finn’s reaction and relaxed into this new sensation of feeling like the best thing he’d ever seen.

“They look so good, Rae…” Finn was nearly stuttering, “better than I imagined.”

Finn was consumed with looking, just feeling her with his eyes for a full minute before finally sweeping his fingers around the outside curves of her and his thumbs against her nipples. He kissed her then, pressing his whole body into her, knowing she could feel him hard against her leg.

It all turned hot and heavy quickly as they licked and sucked at each other’s lips and tongues. They were grinding against each other’s thighs and her hands were grasping at his hair and his hands were full of her breasts. Things were escalating and their hearts were racing, when Rae put her hand between them and pushed him back.

“Are you okay?” he panted, concern registering in his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m good,” she panted back. “So, so good… I just don’t think I’m… ready…”

“Oh, Rae,” Finn smiled. “We don’t have to…there’s so many other things we can do… I mean…if you want to…”

“Yeah…I want to…” Rae smiled, and Finn remembered she had her own arsenal, and this was the one–so wide and genuine and beautiful–that lit up his heart.

“Honestly,” he added, “I’m just chuffed to see you in your underwear.”

“You really like it?” She asked, pretending the question was not rhetorical.

“Yeah, I really like it,” he answered, as if she didn’t know what an understatement that was.

“Do you think your dad might…?

“Nah.. not if my door’s closed.”

“So he’s not makin’ hot pot or anything? Maybe needs some ingredients?”

“He won’t bother us,” Finn grinned as he spoke. “He knows you’re up here. And he totally loves you.”

Rae smiled to herself wondering how many Nelsons might love her. Finn shifted out of the bed to put on some music.

Rae teased him, “Oh, let me guess…”

“Oi!” Finn shot back, “I’ve been waiting for this. You can’t deny me it.” He pulled out his album of decidedly not crap reggae and lowered the needle. “Plus now my dad will really know to stay away.”

As she watched him return to bed, bopping his head suggestively to the music, Rae giggled and felt her whole body melt and tingle in anticipation. “So, where were we, girl?” Finn asked as he crawled in next to her. He looked into her eyes and ran his fingers through her hair, and Rae was very happy to remind him. 

[sheoptimist-a]

✧ *･ 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐄𝐄 𝐈𝐓? 𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐓 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐔𝐋? 𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒 ･* ✧

guard elizabeth and councilman bill forbes’ marriage was far from perfect. maybe at some point, the two were really in love with one another. but as years passed and they grey old, they also grew apart. the only thing that kept them together ( other than the fact neither of them were willing to deal with the long process of getting a divorce ) was their daughter, caroline. with sparkling blue eyes, long blonde hair and a captivating smile, she had her parents wrapped around her little finger since she was a baby. sure, she was a handful. little girl from alpha station, who’s parents worked important jobs and spoke to important people, caroline wasn’t exactly the nicest girl on the ark. but she loved with all of her heart and oh how did it hurt when her own parents broke her heart and trust and—well, her.

her life started spiraling out of control when her father began drinking. at first, it was barely noticeable. just an extra tint of pink on his cheeks or a spark on his eyes. but it was quickly replaced by the stench of alcohol that seemed to stick to him like a second skin. his behavior changed, too. the once focused and well-opinionated member of the council turned into a man who arrived late at meetings, tripping over his own feet and nursing a flask without a hint of shame. about a week after this happened for the third time, bill got home and announced he was removed from the council. the very next day, his wife took his spot. 

from then on, it got worse. caroline saw too much of her drunk of a father and too little of her workaholic mother. she threw herself into her studies and spent a lot of time with her friends because being home was simply not an option. by being absent, she didn’t notice her father had developed a new addiction. so when, during a random room sweep, a guard pulled out a bottle of painkillers from under her pillow, caroline couldn’t fathom how it’d ended up there. only that she wasn’t the one who stole and hid it. she kicked and cried as the guards dragged her out of the quarters, screamed that she was innocent and didn’t know how the pills had ended up there, but it was useless. she was thrown into a cell and forced to wait six months for her eighteenth birthday, when she’d put on trail to see if her crime could be pardoned. she knew it wouldn’t. they were floating people for crimes smaller than stealing medication. she’d die in six months because she was guilty. guilty of a crime she didn’t commit. 

what caroline didn’t know was that during the time she spent on her tiny cell, her father - the one who hid the bottle under her pillow - tried to change chancellor jaha’s mind. he hoped he’d be able to sway the man and get him to pardon his daughter on her trail. it worked—sort of. instead of being floated, caroline was sent to the ground with other a hundred young prisoners just two days after bill’s last conversation with jaha.

under the cut, you’ll find more information about caroline, as well as a detailed description of what she’s up to season by season. if you’re someone who’s currently watching or intends to watch the 100 at some point, i suggest that you stop reading here as there are spoilers everywhere lol. but if you wanna risk it, be my guest! <3

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞: caroline elizabeth forbes

𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: the ark (formely) ; the hundred (formely) ; skaikru (formely) ; spacekru (currently)

𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐬: care, blondie, prisoner 307, karoline kom skaikru, karoline kom speiskru

𝐚𝐠𝐞: 17 (s1) ; 18 (s2-4) ;  24 (s5) ; 149 (s6, chronologically)

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: elizabeth ‘liz’ forbes (deceased) & william ‘bill’ forbes (deceased)

𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞: caught with painkillers during a room sweep

𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬: guns, knives, bow and arrow & distraction

𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬: optimistic, hard-working & loyal

𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬: neurotic, controlling, spoiled (mostly in s1!!), & insecure

season one

earth is weird. there are mosquitos and green things everywhere, the sun is too hot but the water on the river near camp is too cold. and not to mention the fact they’re all sleeping on the ground and no one seemed to think about packing some shampoo! so yeah, earth is weird but caroline is sure she can get used to it. but then jasper gets speared and they find out not only they’re not alone, but whoever is out there wants them all dead. she freaks out and wishes there was a way they could all get back to the ark. but there isn’t.

so she has no choice but to learn how to defend herself, be it with a makeshift knife or actual guns. she fights with her fellow delinquents, tries to protect them and herself and the camp but it’s not enough. so when time comes for them to get into the dropship, she obliges without a second thought. they blast off, turn a bunch of grounders into barbecue and she thinks ‘it’s finally over’. but it’s not. the moment they all step outside, smoke bombs are being thrown into their camp. everything is suddenly a pinkish-red and the last thought caroline has before passing out is that she misses the obnoxious amount of green.

additional note: her father volunteers for the culling. it’s his way to make up for what he did to his own daughter.

season two

mount weather is great. it might be because she missed sleeping on an actual bed, eating three solid meals a day and being able to shower properly. caroline likes mount weather but she doesn’t like mount weather’s people - well, some of them are fine. maya is nice and so is the old lady who gave her the last strawberry lemon shortcake during lunch one day. - they look at her funny when she walks past them on the halls and their smiles always seem so fake. still, caroline tries to fit in and get used to living there. 

but then clarke escapes and she’s hurt but can’t bring herself to blame her. so she tries to move on with her life because maybe they can be happy there. harper goes missing four days later and caroline just knows there’s something the wallaces are keeping from them. something important. hell breaks loose a few days later and, before she knows it, she’s chained to a moldy wall and watching as mount weather doctors are drilling her friends to get to their bone marrow. the drilling machine never comes anywhere near her body, but the images of raven strapped down and screaming will forever be seared into her brain. some miracle - aka clarke, bellamy and monty - happens and the people in mount weather are dead and they are free to go home. 

when they finally make to arkadia, caroline reunites with her mother - apparently kane had requested her to stay behind and keep an eye on things - and is engulfed in a bone-crushing hug. they cry and smile and say they’ve missed each other many, many times. it’s all good until caroline asks about her father and liz has to tell him that not only he was the one who hid the painkillers under her pillow, but that he volunteered to the culling. caroline silently cries in her mother’s arms while mumbling ‘i forgive you, daddy’ over and over again.

season three

being treated like a child sucked. even after everything they went through, the adults don’t seem to trust any of the remaining members of the hundred. they boss them around and scoff whenever they try to voice their opinions. caroline manages to tune them out most of the time and focus on learning a bit about medicine and reconnecting with her mother. their relationship is way better than it was when they were in space, however, they still butt heads every now and then, but that’s completely normal when you have caroline forbes for a daughter.

when jaha starts preaching about the city of light, caroline isn’t among the people who buy into it. to her, it screams bullshit and there’s no way in hell she’s accepting the weird chip he seems to never run out of. then people start acting weird and she grows wary; but it’s only when raven stops acting lke raven that she realizes the seriousness of the situation. so she tries her best to help and goes to polis when it’s needed, shooting brainwashed grounders as they barge into the room while clarke is in the city of light. when it’s all over and the people are no longer mumbling about A.L.I.E and the city, caroline take a much needed deep breath to collect herself and starts looking for her mother.

additional notes: she does NOT take the chip. her mother, however, does when jaha threatens to hurt her daughter. caroline is under massive stress during all of this; fretting over her mom’s safety while trying to avoid being chipped.

season four

‘radiation, seriously?!’ is the first thing that comes out of caroline’s mouth when she finds out what A.L.I.E told clarke. but then again, should she even be surprised? ever since they came down, they barely had time to breathe before another bad thing happened. when she hears through the grapevine that jaha might’ve found a bunker that will be able to save them all, she begs clarke to let her go with them. she mumbles something about ‘four people cover more ground then three’ until clarke gives up and lets her join. her hopes are crushed when they make it into the bunker and find thousands of toasted skeletons, but, of course, she tries to hide it. she puts on her best smile and goes back to the camp where she knows her friends and mom will be waiting. when they finally find the right bunker, caroline’s hopes are renewed and she just knows they’ll make through yet another terrible thing tossed their way.

she asks - or rather, demands - clarke and bellamy to let her come with them to rescue raven. caroline had grown to love and admire the mechanic and there was no way she’d leave her behind. john and emori show up not long after and, together and clad in hazmat suits, the five of them leave to find their friend. along the way, monty, harper and echo join them. when clarke announces they’re going to the ark, caroline is shocked. she didn’t think she’d ever go back there, but if that was her only shot at surviving then so be it. she says goodbye to her mom and tries to sound confident and happy even though she’s secretly afraid. she mumbles a heartfelt, ‘ i love you, mom. may we meet again ’ to liz before passing the radio to bellamy so he can say goodbye to octavia; 

caroline stays in becca’s lab to help raven, harper, emori and echo set everything up for their launch. she gets into the ship with her heart racing and palms sweating and as it launches, without clarke inside, caroline is in deep silence just like everyone else. expecting something bad to happen with the hundred year-old rocket or for the death wave to get them. when nothing happens and they’re somewhat safe in space, tears start streaming down caroline’s face as it dawns on her: clarke is dead.

additional notes: back in the bunker, liz joins david miller and writes her daughter’s name in the lottery to make sure she would have two chances of getting her name drawn. however, when unconscious arkadians start to be removed from the bunker by grounders and caroline still hasn’t returned, kane decides to give her spot to liz.  

season five

algae sucks. of course, caroline never tells monty that. she doesn’t have the heart to, not when the two have grown close over the six years they spent on the ring. she grows close to the others too, but especially to echo. the two train together almost every day and the brunette teaches her how to use a bow and arrow - a really shitty one they put together with random scrapes they found laying around -. 

it takes a while but they manage to get to the ground and she’s utterly shocked to find out not only that clarke has been alive the whole time but that she also had a kid. the bunker is open, their people come out and caroline looks and looks, but her mother is nowhere to be seen. she asks multiple people but it’s kane who delivers the news: her mother is dead. it tears her apart and she cries on the former chancellor’s arms for a few minutes before wiping her tears and leaving to find bellamy. 

when bellamy decides to put the flame on madi, caroline is extremely against it. no matter what the girl has witnessed or how strong she seems to be, she’s still just a child. she gives him the cold shoulder for a few hours until she has no choice but to talk to him. caroline marches with everyone else because she knows that’s her only shot at surviving and she wants to keep on living to make her mother proud. when hell breaks loose, caroline manages to escape with some of the wonkru members and return to the dead zone. she tries helping niylah tend to the wounded, but she’s no doctor and fears that she might kill them faster than a gunshot. still, she keeps on trying because they’ve all come so far to die now.

caroline almost doesn’t make it into the eligius ship. she’s trying to support someone who’s injured pretty badly, which means running isn’t really an option. however, when she sees everyone rushing inside the ginormous ship, hope blossoms within her for the millionth time and that’s what fuels her to all but carry the woman she’s helping and lead both of them to safety. 

she attends the meeting where they decide the fate of human race. like everyone else, caroline doesn’t like monty’s plan of using algae. she’s has enough of that thing to last a lifetime. so when raven and shaw suggest cryosleep, she’s quick to agree. of course she knows that, ultimately, it’s up to madi. thankfully, the new heda also agrees and everyone starts getting ready to go to sleep.

before going into her chamber, caroline jokes with bellamy that, when she wakes up, she will be ‘ the hottest 34 year-old on the ship ’. she then proceeds to give him a quick hug before hopping on what’s going to be her bed for the next ten years. or so she thinks.

additional notes: liz dies during the dark year. caroline doesn’t know what happened but she knows that octavia is responsible for her mom’s death so to say their relationship is strained would be one hell of an understatement.

season six

she knows something’s not right immediately after waking up. for one, only a handful of them are awake and then there’s the fact bellamy looks like someone kicked him in the groin. she finds out about earth and monty and harper only fifteen minutes after she gets out of her cryo chamber. she hugs emori while listening to monty’s video logs and by the time he mentions harper’s death, she’s silently crying on her friend’s shoulder. afterwards, they talk. about who should be on the exploratory team, when they should leave and how many guns they should bring with them. caroline volunteers to stay on the ship with raven, but the brunette waves her off and tells her to ‘go have some fun for her and try not to get killed’. so she gets ready and heads to the ground with the rest of the team.

things start going downhill within hours of them being on the new planet and seriously, that has to be a new record !  by the time clarke figures out about the toxin being related to the eclipse, caroline is already starting to feel the effects of it. she’s chained in the same room as jackson and miller, losing it way before they do. she’s the only one awake after bellamy and clarke use the darts on their friends and leave to deal with echo and emori. time seems to drag by, but eventually, the effects wear off and caroline comes to her senses. shortly after, the door opens and in comes abby.

caroline tries to adjust to life in sanctum - yeah, apparently that’s the name of the moon they’re going to live in -, but it’s hard. maybe it’s because of everything she’s gone through on earth, but she doesn’t fully trust russell and is constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. eventually, it does. immortality and bodysnatchers are a thing in sanctum and caroline has half a mind to scream ‘ i told you so ! ’ to all of her friends that thought she was being paranoid.

additional note: this will be updated once the season is over. i just wanted to post an overview of what caroline is doing in sanctum lol.

[softnorwegians]

Some asks that I’m answering all together because I don’t have much to say and didn’t necessarily want to put them all on people’s dashes:

I just rewatched Season 2 and I‘m asking myself why I liked Noora that much. Besides the whole William thing. What he did to Vilde was so gross and he did not change. And let’s be hones, what happend to Noora when she was young was what William did to Vilde. Besides that. When she just directly shows Eva the tabs on Isaks Phone and talks about him and Sara in such a judgmental and mean way. And the whole Syria Crisis thing was so awkward, she didn’t really care. She just wanted to seem better 1\

2 than Eskild. And how she kissed Yousef even though she was so sure that Sana fancied him. And why? Because Sana did not tell her William had a new girlfriend. But in season 2 Noora doesn’t tell Eva about Jonas new girlfriend for a while. She tells her right before Eva and her go to the party where Jonas and his girlfriend are too. Ugh Noora in season 1 was awesome but they completely destroyed her character.

Yeah, tbh Noora was never one of my favorites? Maybe because I try to live-and-let-live and not get too judgmental so it’s extra painful to see someone failing at that. I think Noora is realistic and sometimes relatable but it can be a little hard to watch, hahaha.

I was always okay with Noora until s4 though! I absolutely got completely sick of her during s4, ajhksjf. I don’t hold kissing Yousef against her because I like to pretend that just didn’t happen but I was exhausted by how much we were seeing and hearing about her.

I’m confused as to why people are upset about William getting mad at Noora when he thought she slept with Nikolai?? Unless I’m remembering it wrong, he asked her “did you sleep with my brother” and she responded with “I don’t know” and he stormed off. That definitely doesn’t seem like an overreaction to me, just miscommunication as to what happened and what exactly Noora didn’t know (whether she was raped or not vs. whether she had consensual with him or not)

Well, “I don’t know” is an answer that doesn’t really make sense when related to the question of having sex so I think people felt like it was little ‘eh’ to not pick up on the undercurrent of what she was saying with it. But yeah, I’m not holding his initial reaction against him. It’s when he gets the texts that I’m like “...what”.

just saw this in the tag "blackmail? lol she doesn't have to go on the date. all she had to do was say "hell no" and then tell vilde what happened. it's not that serious". why did society teach us it's desirable for a man to never stop even if you say no to him, that if he just keeps pushing you'll see the light eventually. it's also funny that france leaked a key episode again to create hype. there's no way it isn't intential. i guess at least Italy will get s3 since they're in Oslo now *sighs*

I probably should have addressed more about Noora agreeing to the date but oh well. ...I have an allergic reaction to “s3” and “remake” in the same sentence. It’s making me not want to watch any of the remakes any farther, tbh.

one thing is also that he doesn't say it in a joking way, he sounds serious and it's very bad directed if that line was supposed to be a cute way of asking for consent.

Yeah, agreed, like I don’t get that at all from the line. It’s more what I figure it has to be.

If you look past how unnecessary annoying and obsessed Julie made Vilde (to a point some people probably thought it all was Vilde and not William), she also had a pattern with Norh*lm. His friends get beat up instead of him, he acts like 180, Noora doesn't owe him. He gets mad and hurt when she tells the truth, he walks away and she lays it out again but she kisses him. She doesn't know if she was assaulted but she has to get him back when he's been hurt. What a mess but boyfriend goalz!

I’m tired.

If it's hard to see how Wilhelm pressured Noora then switch it out to be about sex or coming out of the closet and add in how everything affects Vilde with her eating disorder and fragilness with her feelings then perhaps it's clear as a day.

Sorry, I’m not quite following this one! But I feel like I would support you. 😁

I don't see why peolke think william changes in s2? He gets points from his fans that he stops sleeping with girls, is gentle and soft (Vilde said he was that and that's why she fell back to her, NHs must really dislike Vilde in the 2.8 scene), doesn't pressure her with sex after she says she wants to wait, doesn't read her messages, finishes her essay while she's sleeping after a panic attack and GOSH doesn't leave his love in that state to party hard. Then ignores/levavs her when he finds out.

I’m still with Vilde, she deserved better than William and why isn’t that true for Noora too?

I would actually say literally nothing I hate about willhelm (besides not using a condom) is stuff heard via rumors and gossip and actually just through stuff he actually does onscreen lol. Also even if He never would've actually told Vilde about what happened threatening to do so isn't any better sorry

I just really hate in general that he’s leveraging something to get to Noora. I mean, she does agree to this date (offscreen) but even then, it was a bargain and not because she actually wanted to be there. What kind of “date” is that. I just hate seeing that in any context, a woman coerced into a “romantic” situation.

“Take Vilde, she reveals he was loyal, caring and gentle when they had sex beforehand we were made to believe the opposite was true”..Um and then he slept with every girl in school. I mean sleep with whoever you want, however many people you want but being gentle and nice in sex doesn’t mean your a good person. That is the opposite of loyal.... I don’t even hate William honestly think I hate Noora more but the pro side always reaches so hard only people who reach more are the Jonas haters.

Oh, yes, I didn’t comment on that but the “loyal” definitely doesn’t apply.

I agree we should have gotten way more Vilde and Even content and way less Noora and William drama. I hated the way Vilde was portrayed(the comments she made about Sana to the Pepsi max girls and just some stuff she did/said we’re not cool and I didn’t like that it was kinda brushed aside)and don’t get me started on the lack of Even. He was(I’m assuming)a big part of her life, he was best friends with her brother and was probably around a lot and we just didn’t get the storyline they deserved.

*pours one out for the s4 we imagined during the hiatus* 

Common trauma? Amazing how William knows Noora doesn't feel loved and left by her parents yet he shuts her out and leaves her after he's seen her having a panic attack when she can't breathe and says she feels as if she's going to die over something she isn't ready to share yet. And this is supposed to be a desirable relationship? At least they are attractive? But attractive white fuckboys have always gotten what they point at.

Yeahhhhhhhh, it really does make it harder to excuse what he does when he knows something is wrong and she’s actually pretty upfront with “there’s something I have to tell you but can’t yet”.

it's amazing how most 18/19 are decent at that age and you get to vote, drive and drink, but if you are a rich badboy you have a right to act however you want and people must forgive you in the end. since julie never made his bff chris be more than a second supporting character, why couldn't he be the huge asshole instead and wilhelm had to be torn with his loyalty? then I rmbr the blackmail date did so he missed defending his boys, tg s1 didn't say it was the date's fault he wasn't there! 😊

I don’t even mind that they started William out as an asshole, they just went too far with it imho and never pointed out “this behavior is wrong and we know it” and he never had to atone or redeem himself for what he did.

n8rhelm is supposed to be the classic hate to love story, there's a million movies but ive never seen one where the person is terrible to the love interest and manipulate them like this. also william is a really weak actor, don't know if that doesn't translate,all he have is his looks and glaring stares. he couldn't even deliver pretending to be a bad actor with niko there or when he tells nooea to be quick with the water. he has no timing or natrualness, only kisses and react n's great acting

I find Thomas Hayes to be... not a great actor but also not completely terrible? There’s some scenes I buy him (the marching band scene where he’s rolling his eyes I remember as good?) but he doesn’t bring a lot sometimes. idk.

thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “(1) ok I’m pro-noorhelm and arguing via ask is hard with a limit and I…”

And whenever Noora talks about his good qualities and whatnot, we never really get to see them. It’s all off screen. It would be easier to forgive him if we actually got to see his change, but ah well

☝ I think that would really improve things, tbh.

thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “the funniest argument to me used by noorh*lm stans in excusing his…”

It also perpetuates the idea that ‘no means convince me’ and that’s farked up

Ugh, yeah. That’s one of the more depressing undercurrents of s2.

daigina replied to your post “1)The truth is really in the eyes of the beholder , you guys don’t…”

I agree it’s a good move with William but it does nothing to resolve the major problem with him that season which is how he treated Noora with no discussion or explanation or apology at all. If that detail had been fitted into even a short discussion between the two over all of THAT in Williams clip that would have been soooo nice

Also that was such a tiny thing?? Like they didn’t even spare two seconds of dialogue on it, it’s barely there. If you need a magnifying glass to see character development, does it count?

Yeah, I liked that lawyer detail but it really was such a last minute, supplementary thing!

i still think julie had no idea what the fight was about in s4 or changed her mind when someone was coming back. we knew she rewrote and missed gullruten, several norwiegians reported on rumors at the time that she bearly had written the last episode when it was time for recording. she wrote the fan fave to have an unprovoked violent moments just in time to bring back the one who everyone complained had hit someone with a bottle. and how could yousef've been so wrong about what happened at bakka

oh god, let’s not even get started. it just makes me sad to think about how thrown together s4 wound up being.

Hi. Is it true that skam italia is using a white actress to play Sana, a muslim character?If so, it is wrong in so many levels, tbh!

I believe the actress is white and isn’t a muslim. And yeah, nagl. 

I feel like that with skam france they have the intention to do a season 3 and want it to start in autumn to align with the original series. I’m not saying I agree or like this tactic but it seems to make the most sense of why. Sure the time span is short between 1 and 2 but it’s not the most unrealistic. The director said he went on this project because of season 3 especially so I guess that’s why I think it’s like this. It would be more odd for Lucas to move in to the flat during the year.

Oh god... sorry, not you, I’m just at the point where I really don’t like being reminded that season three will ever be remade anywhere.

[tuesdayandtuesday]

the art of the trade

day three of @platonicvldweek - lions/bonding

2694 words, in which keith and red share a moment or three. s2 spoilers. 

also available on ao3.

--

      Red believes in equal exchange or nothing at all. Trust for trust. Joy for joy. Hope for hope. But she also deals in wrath, envy, even despair. Whatever Keith can offer her, she will match it, and needless to say, he prefers trading lighter memories, few and far between though they seem. However, Red shows no obvious interest in the memories themselves, but in the act of the trade, and when Keith settles into her cabin to think, her presence presses all around him, heavy and warm. Expectant.

        At first, he ignores her needling. The dark bruise in the crook of his neck already prickles with every movement, and Red’s prodding is nothing compared to that. Truthfully, he isn’t sure what might compare to the Trials of Marmora and the assorted purple souvenirs he has returned with for its completion. So little in his life has been so grueling as Kolivan’s challenge, so little has been so exhausting.

        Leaning back into the seat, Keith turns his knife over and over in his hands, returning time and again to the insignia on the hilt. He’s felt disbelief in his life before (his father gone, the Kerberos mission lost, the Blue Lion found), but the disbelief that fills him every time the blade transforms is a far different kind. This disbelief is not colored by awe or despair, or even skepticism, but a vague shade of peace mingled with the shadows of questions he is unprepared to pursue. After years of confusion and ignorance, years of pushing away the dwindling hope that he might find answers, he has them. Not all of them, of course, but more answers than he ever dreamed of seeing in this lifetime or even the next.

        A wave of curiosity washes over him, a tightly checked answer to the What’s next? that he asks himself. It comes from his lion. He rests the knife across his knees. “It’s Galra,” he says. “I’m Galra.” It feels a lot like a confession.

        Silence. The faint pressure lifts from his shoulders to prowl around the cabin. Even seated, he gets the sensation of pacing, tensing, and then a soft weight settles on his chest. Red, expecting more, but not taking it. Red never takes.

        But just because Red never takes doesn’t mean that Keith is ready to give. Or to receive.

        Sometimes he appreciates Red’s reliability, her give and take. He can count on her even when the rest of the universe is unsteady. The knife across his lap breathes hesitation into the cabin, though, and he knows that if he shares with Red tonight, she will not waver in her policy. Offering her the Trials of Marmora means offering all his anger. All his fear. And then Red will trade him anger and fear in kind.

        He pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales. He’s felt enough terror to last a lifetime. What’s a little more? So he braces himself and lets Red in, laying the Trials at her feet. The weight on his chest lifts, taking with it a sense of security, but he pushes the Trials forward through his vulnerability, waiting for his lion to take them.

        And she takes them with a reluctance he has never felt from her before, as if she too dreads the pact they make and the memory she must provide in return. Red hovers over the loose, scattered offering and hesitates to draw it close.

        “I’m here,” he tells her. I’m ready, I’m scared, just do it, he means. But it isn’t until he adds, “Come on, Kitty Rose,” that she pounces.

        She’s never burned through his mind so quickly. He gasps despite himself, hand scrabbling for the armrest to use as an anchor. The Trials rush before his eyes in sharp relief, jerking along at breakneck speed, and even though these are his memories, he can hardly keep up. Only when Red pauses to reflect his emotions back at him does he fully comprehend where she is in his memories.

        The triumph of solving the first riddle of the Trial. The terror of watching Shiro leave him alone. The aching cocktail of regret and desperation and sheer smallness of seeing his father again, losing his father again. For the sake of a greater cause, perhaps, but Keith chokes on that loss in particular. That’s a deeply personal memory, and though it’s too late to draw it back now, it’s probably closer to his heart than anything else he has ever allowed Red to see.

        Curiously, she skims over the truth of his heritage with disinterest rather than surprise before drawing back, leaving Keith to steady himself with his head between his knees, knife cast aside on the floor. The cabin spins when he opens his eyes, and there’s a ringing in his ears that’s just soft enough that he only catches it during held breaths.  Eventually, though, the world rights itself and Red’s composed quiet returns.

        For a moment, the cabin feels lonesome, like Red has retreated. Keith slides down in his seat and puts a hand flat against the dashboard. “I did my part. Come back?” He doesn’t ask out of the desire to see Red’s memories. No, he is rethinking just how much fear he can take in his life right now. But Red has never wavered before, and if she can relive the troubling portions of his past, grounding him, then he will do the same for her. There is no caveat to this, no second-guessing. Just simple responsibility coupled with the unshakable desire to exist together. There is no turning back now. The time for that came and went in the moment he opened the airlock to earn her trust. They chose each other.

        So Red comes creeping back into the cabin, filling the space with a soothing warmth that Keith reads only as an apology for what’s to come. “When you’re ready,” he says, shutting his eyes.

        But instead of blitzing through again, Red eases him down slowly. She begins with a name.

        Cassidia. Cass.

        Then Keith is struck by a burst of pride and affection so strong that he is nearly pitched from Red’s memory. Visions flick past, blurry stills that shine with color, particularly with bright scarlet and streak of sky. He knows those colors. Every time he and Red set out for the emptiness of space, he wears them.

        Red does not need to speak for Keith to understand that he is seeing a guarded glimpse of his predecessor. She is Altean, with cherry bright marks at the corners of her eyes, like Allura and Coran, and her pointed ears glitter with a row of silver studs in each lobe, little lines of starlight. In some scenes that Red supplies, Cass is loose, relaxed. Keith knows very little of Altea, but he doesn’t have to be an expert to understand that these frames show Cass with her people, wholly in love with her place among them.

        There are other moments that Red provides, though, sharper moments. Flashes of the other paladins appear with their faces smudged out, their backs against Cass’s and their weapons raised against a common foe. Red’s pride takes on a fierce, even violent edge before being suddenly swept away in a wave of stuttering fear.

        Here the memories coalesce into a stream. Motion and sound arrive, and though dimly aware that he is in Red’s cabin, Keith still flinches at a series of explosions that erupt behind his back, as if they can still hurt him. Red wants him to watch, though, so he steels himself. For her.

        He recognizes the ship’s interior. Its structure has changed a little with the advent of better engineering and ten thousand years, but not so much that he cannot recognize the cargo bay of a Galra ship. He also recognizes the height from which he looks down at the scene; this is distinctly, immediately Red’s memory, played out through her eyes alone.

        She is not moving. She tries, but a stifling ripple of magnetic interference has locked her limbs into place, making her helpless even as her paladin fights for her life below.

        Cass’s fighting style strikes Keith as reckless, and he shares a faint flare of approval with his lion. The numbers of the Galra have yet to overwhelm her, and instead of fighting the group head-on, she twists between individual soldiers, using them as shields against their fellows as she works her way to the outside of the cluster. Along the way, she doesn’t touch her bayard, instead trusting in her raw Altean strength to throw her foes into one another, blocking the way. Only once free of the throng does she draw her sword and defend herself, which has its own wild abandon to it. Cass does not pause to consider her options, but slides fluidly from one strike to the next, making it up as she goes along. The life-or-death nature of the fight makes it necessary, but there’s a practiced air to her carelessness, as if she cannot fight any other way.

        But even a capable warrior cannot fight numbers, and a reckless warrior rarely fares any better. For every soldier Cass cuts down, two more, three more, four more take their place. She is surrounded in half the time it took her to free herself from their midst, and no closer to Red than before. The bayard gleams, throwing up showers of sparks with every robotic limb severed, but behind the glass of her helmet, Cass has taken on a pale cast.

        The scene slows. Red’s doing. Keith feels her waver, and waits for her to collect herself. They will see this through to the end, as they do.

        Perhaps for Keith’s benefit, or perhaps for her own, Red skips most of the fight, skimming ahead to the worst of it all and leaving the details in the dark. Unadulterated dread rises in Keith’s throat, almost choking him, and he can barely bring himself to look at the carnage in the bay. The cargo has been destroyed, as have the soldier drones. Not a single space is free of debris save for the ring around Red’s feet, guarded by her particle barrier, which sputters from electromagnetic interference that Red still, still cannot fight. But Cass is not inside that ring.

        The worst of the devastation is against the doors that lead deeper into the belly of the ship. Entire pieces of the infrastructure have been ripped out and thrown into a colossal heap of mangled metal, still smoking from whatever destroyed it. At the edge of the mountain, Cass’s hand curls around her bayard, now in its compact state, and suddenly her voice is in Keith’s head even as it crackles over the comm and into the cabin.

        “Sorry about that,” she rasps, and Red’s translation is shaky; he can hear the underlying Altean in weak, jagged notes. “Thought I was clear. Can you come get me?”

        They all know the answer. Paladin and lion alike are trapped. They spend some time in total silence save for Cass’s labored breathing and weak struggling. She is pinned down by the debris, her legs crushed by the weight above. Suddenly, Keith is glad that this is not Cass’s memory; he doesn’t know if he could bear sharing that pain. He doesn’t know how she does it.

        Did it.

        Even as he realizes that this is a memory long past, even as he remembers that Cass was the Red Paladin of Voltron, Red’s anguish catches him unawares, bringing hot tears to his eyes.

        He is right. Cass is–was–reckless. She forces herself upright as far as her trapped legs will allow, and even as he follows her line of sight, she whips the bayard along it. Straight for the cracked, flickering control panel across the room. Altean strength is a marvel, because the bayard sails without slowing, and Cass’s coordination is a miracle, because the weapon hits its mark exactly. A red light comes to life overhead, blinking on and off as a precautionary alarm begins to sound. At the bay’s edge, the shuffle of locks and pistons grows into a roar. The airlock begins to open.

        “Here’s the plan!” Cass shouts, though Red can hear her no matter what. “That door is gonna open and carry everything out in about ten tics. Me, you, this scrap pile, everything. And then you can come get me. We can get away from Zarkon. All right?”

        Keith knows it won’t be all right, and so does Red, but there’s still a desperate hope in them both that somehow this will work. And for Cass, that hope is more than enough. She seems to sense Red’s terror and doubt in the final tics, and smiles anyway, thumbing her nose before sealing her helmet again.

        “You’ll catch me. Rosie, you always do.”

        The Altean is not precise, given the way that Red stammers over the translation, but Keith can hear the echoes of his nickname for her with heart-wrenching clarity. It doesn’t matter that he adopted it from Hunk, albeit in private. It doesn’t matter because it’s his name for her, Cass’s name for her, it’s a name that spans centuries and she has clung to it all this time.

        And then the universe drops out from beneath him as he watches Cass get sucked into space, even as Red is held back by the magnets and her own emergency measures that can’t be overridden without her paladin. Red’s loss finds all the fragile crevices in his chest and splits them wide open, stealing his breath and setting fire to his spine. His head swims as he sees glimpses of Cass spiraling out into the void, laid over with a translucent shadow of him doing the very same thing.

        There are only two differences amongst the overlapping, overwhelming grief. The first is that while this is Red’s last glimpse of Cass, it is her first glimpse of Keith.

        The second is that she could only save one of them.

        Just like that, the memory is gone and Keith is back in the cabin. He sucks in the deepest breath he’s ever taken, curling his hands around the armrests to keep them from shaking. He is one part human, one part Galra, but after that, he may as well be one part despair and one part rage. The fury is residual, he realizes as he waits for Red’s emotion to work through his system and fade away. It is residual, and it is inward. Red blames no one but herself for Cass’s death, and guilt-ridden, Keith silently promises to make an effort to float freely through space with far less frequency than he has been as of late.

      After sharing so much, they share silence. Keith’s heart slows to a crawl, and Red’s warmth creeps back into the cabin, coloring the air with a heady mixture of apology and regret.

      For the first time, these things are freely given.

      Keith almost doesn’t comprehend it at first. Searching for the absence of something is harder than finding the thing itself. The sense that something is missing crawls under his skin, insistent and wary, and then it suddenly dissipates as he realizes that Red is not waiting for him to offer a memory in kind. Tonight, they’ve traded hearts, and there is nothing more they can ask of one another. Nothing more they should ask.

      Still he closes his eyes and presents her with one last memory for the night. There is smallness again, this time created by the legions of stars all around, by the cold kiss of space, but there is also a touch of peace and ease as he floats by. The universe is grander than any dream he could possibly harbor, and out here, he should be scared.

      But then Red’s muzzle looms before him, eyes burning, and in the scant seconds it takes for her to catch him for the very first time, he is home.

      Judging by the way she drops her head to her paws, the cabin lights dimming, so is she.