#loveyouruterus

[ameliaily]

Even on a rainy day, there's a light that can never be extinguished. Sending healing love and prayers to you, beloved. Though I know the times may be uncertain and tough, you will get through this. Just like you've gotten through everything else. 👑 #SelfLoveStory #selflove #selfcare #selfhelp #SelfLoveDay #divinefeminine #femininemagic #femininefridays #loveyourbody #loveyourself #loveyouruterus

[dismantlerepair]

I got a new uterus for Christmas. @iheartguts . . . . . . . #uterus #iheartguts #stuffedanimals #toys #sortof #cuddilyuterus #womenempowerment #loveyouruterus

[bcchronicles]

Nexplanon? More like no-thanks-planon

I sneezed today and my ovary twitched. Not in a super painful way, just a twitch. It happens. It reminded me that I haven’t written in this blog since my first post. The twitch came after I was laying on the couch last night and felt another familiar twinge in my abdomen. “I think I’m ovulating.” I said to my partner. He looked at me puzzled, and said, “You can feel that?” Sure, I can feel it. When it’s on my ‘bad’ ovary, I said. The body awareness that comes with having any sort of issue with one’s uterus is sort of wonderful and magical, because how can somebody have insight to autonomic body process in the tiny body-part-that’s-never-really-yours, the thing a size of a pea part of you? It’s amazing. It’s annoying. So all of that to say that I realized I hadn’t written here in months. I think it’s because I don’t really know which direction to go in – do I write chronologically? Just the interesting stories?

I thought I’d just try to attempt to write about where I was a year ago, which was essentially the lady-shrugging-emoji. Where in the world do I go after having an IUD for years? I didn’t even know what my options were. I will most likely write about my IUD at some point, but it’s a boring story, in that it was mostly successful for me. I had it for almost six years, and it was working in all the ways it should have been- I hadn’t had a period in years, my brain and my body felt good, and it was preventing pregnancy. I met somebody new, somebody I really liked and wanted to continue having sex with, and because of reasons that are personal to him and he’s not like me when it comes to spilling guts and hormones all over the internet, I’ll respect his privacy. What’s important to know is that after years of birth control hopscotch, my Mirena, my saving grace, had failed me. Per usual, the nurse practitioner at Planned Parenthood was straight-forward and upfront with me. She recommended the arm implant after I said that I really, really, really didn’t want to go on the pill, warned me of the side effects, and I was on board. I shrugged, she numbed me up, she placed it ever so carefully, and I went home with a bright pink wrap on my arm and a paper bag full of condoms.

I didn’t notice the changes at first. I was stressed out. It was a busy quarter, I was moving from my apartment temporarily into my partner’s and then in a few weeks, moving into a new place if I could find one. I bought a car, which was liberating, but also expensive and a huge adult undertaking. A lot was going on, so I wrote off the anxiety as a function of my situation. Then I sprained my ankle and was completely immobile. I couldn’t drive my car, I was on crutches, I was in pain, and my stubborn self was struggling with accepting help. I wanted to cry all of the time. I started to think thoughts that I had never thought before. I was disgusted by my body, by my attitude, by my pathetic bids for affection from friends and my partner. I gained weight. I woke up in the middle of the night, my heart racing, convinced he was cheating on me. I accused him of texting women. I drank a lot. Why wouldn’t he text women? I’m disgusting. I encouraged him to sleep with other people. I hurt him. I hurt myself. After years of being a huge burden, I pulled away from friends, because my brain told me that I was not worth it anymore. I had spent everything they had given me and it was time to give them the sweet relief I was sure they wanted. It never occurred to me that this wasn’t. normal.

I was miserable. I was depressed.

On top of all of this, I was spotting continuously. In my fragile and destructive mental state, I was convinced that I deserved every ruined pair of underwear, but after a few yeast infections, I started to do some research. After a few google searches and some clicks around, I stumbled on a message board about Nexplanon. There were countless women who were anxious, depressed, and paranoid. Some women had six month periods of normalcy followed by six months of severe emotional symptoms. Some were on other prescribed medications for anxiety, others had self-harmed. Also, it became clear that I wasn’t imagining the weight gain. Many women had gained dozens of pounds in a matter of 1-3 years. The common denominator was Nexplanon. As I read these women’s tales, I was overcome with relief. I was overcome with disgust. How is this thing allowed to exist? We trust that if we are advised to implant something into our bodies, something that will prevent pregnancy, that it won’t mean that we are putting the rest of our bodies, our brains, our relationships on the chopping block. When I express the need to prevent pregnancy, I’m not also saying that I’m willing to trade my quality of life, my self-esteem and my wardrobe in order to do so. I had it removed a few days later. It was in my body for a total of 16 weeks, give or take a few days. Dejected and ashamed and free, I went on the pill. This was nine months ago, but this still isn’t the pill I’m on now. Because that pill didn’t work either. That is a (shorter) story for a different day.

[ameliaily]

I busted out the good #pearls to support this goddess, @isabelle_loeb, at her play #WomenOf4G ➡️ it's still running so get your tickets at brown paper tickets! Check out her insta for more info about the all women cast. Such an amazing play. #losangeles #hollywood #hollywoodtheater #bossbabenation #bossbabes #loveyouruterus #femininemagic #divinefeminine #selflovestory (at The Zephyr Theatre)

[ameliaily]

Listen, I know you've been through some sh*t in your life and sometimes you might feel like giving up.... What if good men don't exist? What if you'll never be able to charge what you're worth? What if this crap is all there is? That will only be true if you stop trying. Keep going. There is much to do and much to learn. And a life, love, and business that make you smile from ear to ear is on the other side of this madness. Keep going. Keep your soft sweetness. You never want to lose that. I'm with you. I love you. 👑 #SelfLoveStory #selflove #selfcare #selfhelp #divinefeminine #divinemasculine #femininemagic #femininefridays #loveyourself #loveyourbody #loveyouruterus #relationshipcoach #relationshipcoaching #lifecoach #spiritjunkie #spirituality #spiritualgangster #chakrahealing #crystalhealing #loveandpeace

[ameliaily]

Love Your Body... NOW. She's waiting. #loveyourself #loveyouruterus #loveyourbody #selflove #selfcare 👑 #selflovestory (at Sheila Kelley S Factor)

[ameliaily]

Take a joy ride. Live life glamorously. There's no shame in wanting luxury. 👑💃🏻🕺🏻💰#selflovestory #glamorous #divinefeminine #femininemagic #loveyouruterus #bossbabenation #selflove #adventuretime #legoland #family #nephewlove (at LEGOLAND California)

[ameliaily]

Love yourself no matter what #selflovestory #divinefeminine #femininemagic #loveyouruterus #bossbabenation #selflove #selflovecoach #SelfLoveDay #hypnotherapy #hypnotherapist #hypnotherapyworks