#lover? killer? is my love what's gonna kill me? etc etc

[toxicstarboy]

Crazy Killer 💋

Killer/yandere! Idol! Bangchan x Male! Reader

Summary: a crazy killer is going around South Korea. They kill anyone who has had any interaction with a certain lover to a famous idol. Unknowingly, the killer being the closest person to his boyfriend, Bangchan himself. The only question you can ask yourself is, ‘do you forgive him?’ Unexpectedly, you do more than forgive him.

Warnings: murder, kidnapping, yandere tendencies, violence, manipulation, and MANIC READER. Let me know if I missed anything.

The younger of the two eats the fruits off his plate. M/n chews slowly. His eyes staying on his plate. He tried not to look too flustered at the stares of Bangchan who sat across from him. His eyes stared intensely on M/n with a look of love and affection.

M/n finds himself looking up and him and smiling. “What? Do I have something on my face?” M/n questions as he playfully wipes his face. He knew there was nothing on his face, but he couldn’t help teasing Bangchan. Bangchan chuckles deeply and shakes his head.

“No, you don’t actually. You’re just..really beautiful darling.” Bangchan admits confidently. His lips in a form of a smirk. M/n scoffs playfully and rolls his eyes, “yeah, yeah. I’m pretty. I know that already.” M/n jokes,“Tell me something I don’t know.” His hands reaching over and holding Bangchan’s.

Bangchan laughs and kisses the back of M/n’s hands. “Fine. You’re absolutely drop dead wrong about everything.” Bangchan teases him. Bangchan knew about M/n’s huge annoyance being called wrong. He was too stubborn for that.

M/n stares at him in shock before he starts to laugh, “you are so mean.” He looks into Bangchan’s eyes before he leans forward and kisses him. “But..I love you, so I have to deal with your bullshit.” The (brunette, black, red, etc.) haired boy speaks against Bangchan’s lips.

Just as M/n was about to go back to kissing Bangchan’s plump lips. A bang sounds through their house. “Hmm? What was that?” He looks around. Bangchan clenched his jaw as he watched M/n look around. “I don’t know. But it’s most likely nothing darling.” Bangchan squeezes his hands comfortingly.

M/n nods, “you’re right. I’m gonna use the bathroom before we watch our movies yeah?” He says as he stands up and walks away to the bathroom. Bangchan watches him silently until he was out of sight. Bangchan rushes down to the basement and pulls open the secret chamber.

“What the fuck did I say about making noise when my husband is home?” Bangchan snaps. He knew M/n wasn’t his husband, yet, but it doesn’t mean he won’t say it. Bangchan stares at the woman on the ground who was sobbing with the rag in her mouth. “You bitch. First, you insult and degrade my husband, which is MY job. Second, you can’t stay still or quiet. What else do I need to do to teach you a lesson.”

Bangchan watches as she stares at him pleasingly. He already cut off her hand, but if he needs to go further. He will. He never cared for anyone but his boyfriend, husband, his everything. He walks over before he kicks her across the face. Her sobs immediately stopping as she passes out. Bangchan scoffs before he turns and leaves. He locks the chamber door quickly before he races upstairs.

He sighs in relief when he doesn’t see M/n. He didn’t ever want M/n to find out about his secret. Bangchan wanted him and he didn’t know how his lover would react. He hurries and cleans up their plates and mess. He grabs snacks and a bag of chocolate covered popcorn.

He walks into the living room sitting on the couch. Bangchan grabs the remote and clicks the first movie, stopping it before it can start. He waits patiently for M/n. He looks down and sees a slight mark of blood on his shoe. ‘Fuck. I need to take these off and wash them. ‘

Bangchan didn’t even know why he kept his shoes on. M/n and him never kept their shoes on. He quickly takes them off and walks to the kitchen. He grabs a rag, soaking it with warm water before he expertly washes the blood off. He sets his shoes down by the front door.

He sits back down and smiles widely at his boyfriend when he walks in. “Hey, you spent a while in there..” Bangchan whispers. His smile showing concern, but his eyes showing a fake look. ‘Why the hell was he gone for so long? He doesn’t need to be away from me so long. I should tell him.’

Bangchan clears his throat as his leg begins to bounce up and down. “You don’t need to be gone that long, and if you are going to, you could warn me.” His words dark. M/n stares at him confused and chuckles nervously, “I’m sorry, I just got stuck watching videos on my phone. You know how I am..” he said.

Bangchan nods, “It’s fine. I’ll just go with you next time.” He whispers. He sighs and lays back into the couch. He looks at M/n again with a new look on his face. A warm look, comforting even. He sets the snacks down and opens his arms.

M/n smiles and immediately sits with him. His body automatically leaning close to his lover. He kisses him softly before he turns to the TV. Bangchan, who caught on, quickly starts the movie.

M/n open his eyes after closing them for a couple minutes. He looks up and sees Bangchan sleeping. He smiles and kisses his cheek. He slowly gets off his chest and body. When he finishes standing up he places the blanket back over his boyfriend. He grabs all of the trash. He goes to the trash can, trying to throw them away as soon as possible.

He wanted to go back to Bangchan and sleep in his arms. He stood in place when the sound of the same bang from earlier went through the house again. He looks around before he looks at the basement. He stares at the door cautiously and suspiciously. He was always scared of their basement, that’s why Bangchan said for him to stay away from it.

M/n gulps the saliva in his mouth before he walks to the basement door. He opens it before he walks down the stairs. He looks around the room, his eyes not missing one spot. He sighs in relief when he finds nothing suspicious.

But his relief is cut short when another bang comes from within the house. But it was immediately evident it was somewhere in the basement, maybe even near it. He whimpers softly as he looks around again. He doesn’t see anything before his eyes linger on the moved bookshelf.

A door? Since when have they had that? M/n’s breathing picks up as he walks closer to the door. Once he touches the handle a voice behind him stops his movements, “What are you doing?” M/n having to hold himself from flinching at the sound of Bangchan’s voice.

“B..baby?” M/n turns to him and smiles in comfort, “sorry, I heard another bang, like the one from earlier. It scared me, so I came down here. Since when did we have another door in here?” M/n questions as he turns to the door behind him.

Bangchan watches him with a look of numbness and anger. “I thought we both agreed you wouldn’t come near the basement, let alone in it.” His stare growing darker and harder. M/n turns to him and shrugs, “I..don’t know. Aren’t you curious what the noise is?” M/n asks.

Bangchan hums. It seemed he was in deep thought to M/n. And the truth is he was. ‘Should I just let him go in? I mean what’s it gonna do to let him see what I do in my spare time? I’ll just slowly make him fall in love with me again. Maybe even force him to stay, oh who am I kidding. I already plan on it.’

Bangchan smiles at M/n, “Fine. Let’s go inside.” M/n smiles back nervously, “can you maybe open the door? I..I’m kind of scared.” M/n mumbles. Bangchan steps forward and kisses M/n quickly before he moves him aside. He looks at M/n before he opens the door. The sound of the door sliding making the sound of shuffling quiet down.

Bangchan stares at M/n uncertain but half sane. He knew that M/n was staying whether he said no or not. He lets M/n step in before he steps in after him and shuts the door behind them. He watches as M/n stares at the woman on the floor. Her eyes puffy and red from crying.

Hell, it looked like she never stopped. “So? Is that what you wanted to see?” Bangchan asks. M/n keeps his gaze forward. He didn’t know what to do. ‘Why..why would Bangchan do this? I..don’t know how to feel. Should I feel mad? Sad? Scared? I kind of feel..turned on. He went insane because of me. Am I really that special?’

M/n turns to bangchan, but his eyes remain on the floor. “Di..Did you do this for me?” He licks his lips. Bangchan laughs, “of course I did. She was such a bitch to you. You don’t deserve that darling. Please, just see it from my point of view. Would you just let someone fuck with me? No. Just like how I will never let that happen to you while I’m around and alive.”

M/n opens his mouth to respond but he didn’t get the chance to as the woman behind them starts to squirm and sob again. He turns to her as she stares at him begging with her eyes and muffled words. Bangchan smirks as he grabs a knife near them. “You should prove yourself to me. That you love me as much as I love you, darling.”

The younger boy swallows nothing as he sees how Bangchan steps closer to him with the large knife. He..He couldn’t. He would never..no. “I..I don’t-” he gets cut off by Bangchan clenching his jaw with his larger hands. “Do you not love me? I mean, I did everything for you. I killed, I paid, I cooked, and I fucked the loving shit out of you. This is what I get?”

M/n whimpers at Bangchan’s intense words. Especially the idea of how much Bangchan has done for him, how he killed for him, paid for everything, cooked for him. And the fact Bangchan brought up their intense sex life, made him even hornier than before. M/n shakily lets out a breath before he grabs the knife. He wanted to prove himself. He needed to.

He hears Bangchan chuckles deeply, “good boy.” M/n looks at the woman before he gets on his knees near her. He watches as she stares terrified at him. But from the way she looked between the two made it seem like she was terrified FOR him. He raises his arm hesitantly and starts to stab her. A smile slowly making its way onto his face. He never felt so excited, yet dangerous before.

Bangchan laughs slightly at the sight, “that’s enough darling.” When he sees how intense M/n was getting. He didn’t need him getting any messier, not when he was planning to make the most mess out of him. He was gonna reward M/n good.

(Another bloody Bangchan pic)

Part 2 w/ smut or nah? I think I might just make a whole thing with Strya kids as killers while I write the other chapters of Kiss My Wounds. Would yall like that? If so can yall give request if the next one, thanks!

[smileysuh]

racer TEASER

🌙 staring. Jaehyun x afab!Reader

🔮 preview. You feel like a chew toy caught between two rottweilers, and it kills you to give Jaehyun one last look before turning your back on him, following your brother to his car. Jaehyun is watching you as you get in, and when you close the door, you let out a deep breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. “I know, what a killer race,” Johnny grins, starting his engine. “Could have been better though, he could have actually died.”

tw/cw. car crash/injury, Johnny maybe slightly tried to kill Jaehyun, illegal street racing, protected sex, dry humping, blowjob, hand job, pining, praise, slow sex, slight wrist restraint, admitting you love someone while balls deep, sweet dirty talk, hair pulling, etc… I pet names: (hers) Lil Suh, baby.

👹 rating.18+ explicit I wc. 6.7k

🍭 aus. street racer!Jaehyun, star-crossed lovers, secret relationship, step-brother!Johnny, etc…

☀️ mlist + an. I watched the new Fast and Furious movie a few months ago and this is the outcome

He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and with his shirt off, you can see the full extent of the crash. His ribcage has a nasty bruise, which is visible under the ice pack he’s holding to his skin, and your heart breaks for him.

“Jae,” you whisper, sinking to your knees in front of him to assess the damage. “You need to go to the hospital-”

“And tell them what?” he sighs. “That I got in a car crash? Come on, we both know that could never work. I’m fine.”

You reach for the ice pack. “There could be internal bleeding-”

“Baby,” he catches your wrist, “I said I’m fine.” 

You look up into his dark eyes, and you take a shuddery breath. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, brows furrowing. 

“Everything-” you swallow thickly. “I’m sorry for the crash, and for getting between you and Johnny, and for going to that stupid after party with him-”

“He knows.”

“What?”

“Johnny,” Jaehyun says. “He knows about us.”

“He doesn’t know-” you shake your head.

“He does,” the racer insists. “Everyone knows, especially now. Hyuck will tell him about the way you ran to me after the crash. He’s not stupid. He’s gonna know, baby.”

“No one knows,” you say again, but your voice is a whisper now.

“They all do,” Jaehyun tells you. “They see it in the way we look at each other.”

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[adallinda]

(Disclaimer : I don't wanna write sad head cannons and this is kinda cannon-fannon-ish like. My apologies if this is bad)

Sally William Headcannons

First of all I like the idea of Sally having a middle name. I likes this idea since I first got in crp and I always headcannoned that her name was Sally Maryam William

Sally kills but like doesn't at the same time. What I mean is that I think she drives her victims insane or drives them to the other killers (Tobias, Ej etc) .

Also I really love the thing about them living in a mansion. It's a great concept and even if it's unrealistic I'll still believe in it religiously.

I honestly think her favorite color is blue and pink. The concept of her favorite color being only pink is very cute but I feel like she would like other colors too!

I think she is a poltergeist, not a ghost. She can go through objects only when she wants too and I like to think she can make herself invisible or transparent. She uses this whenever she scares a victim. Making object fall off from where they were, making little appearances just to scare the victim.

Brotherly relationship between her and Ben, they're both children, I never understood why people shipped them. I see Ben more as an older brother of some sorts for her.

Favourite flowers : Queen of the night and periwinkle. They are so pretty and she just looks like the person that would love those flowers.

Fashion sense? Lolita, morute etc. I mean look at her then straight into my eyes and tell me she wouldn't be into Lolita and/or morute.

Best friends with Nina. I see Nina with a vibrant personality and very energetic, she just seems like the type to get along with Sally. I can totally imagine them painting or making bracelets together.

Sally isn't all innocent, she is a child, she's gonna be emotional. She can have serious moments, funny moments, angry moments like the rest can do. I've seen so many people saying she's all nice and never cries or gets mad like... Hello? I get that Sally is written with a bright personality but she ain't a robot.

I really like to think she likes to take walks through the woods and admire the animals. I think she is an animal lover, probably her favorite animal are bunnies.

Sally has nightmares about her past. No explanatory.

I totally see Sally loving ribbons. 🎀

Prefers splendor over slender. Splendor has a bright personality and enjoys making people smile. They tottaly have tea party's together.

[darkfictionjude]

"some of you would like the chance to make the mc worse"

AMEN TO THAT

im giggling over the fact the mc could go on a killing spree on the people who wronged her (like those 'bullies' at school)

and shes kind of apathetic to the whole ordeal, atleast my mc how i made her and the choices around death or whatever so she should be pretty smart at covering it and getting away with it

also since she is how she is shouldn't it be easy for her to lie or be charming to people since she doesn't feel guilty? in alot of serial killer cases (like ted bundy, YUCK) many people described him to be charming and stuff but it would be hard for the mc hence the past and how people view her

i also love the fact none of the mains are good people (aside from sally hes a sweatheart), that they all have problems of their own makes it more real

i love me sum mc whos cruel, hates everyone, but that one or three people

in all my IF's my mc is cold, detached, a bit sociopathic and scary (ps: scarily attractive too) also a sweet tooth for being a menace

irl murder is illegal so im just gonna do it online, whats the point of playing a game and making ur mc mundane or boring (nothing against people who make their mc weet, shy or whatever but its like idk?? isnt it the point of playing a fantasy game to escape from reality)

also do we get more choices in the future for unhealthy coping mechanisms?

itd also be cool if the mc found a feral animal in the forest and it intrigued them and theyd be like oh ur cool im gonna keep you as a pet 😂

i js realized ive been calling the mc her a lot of times instead of saying like them, my mc is a girl thats why 😭

soz for the kong rant

Hahaha I do laugh evilly every time I make mc have a choice that is kind of psychopathic. Maybe one day they’ll caress their lover with blood on their hands? Who knows what dark places my brain will go to

And thank you for liking my fucked up Scooby gang I felt it’s only fair that if mc is unbalanced then the ROs should be too they just manifest it differently.

As for unhealthy coping mechanisms, they can become worse. Like mc can become a chain smoker etc., as in for different worse coping mechanisms? That will be a thing in season 2, like it can get really bad.

About the pets I’ve said before mc would let that pet die!!! They are only now just learning to take care of themself they can’t handle a pet!! Also there are no feral pets in the town they all got eaten :)

And that’s fine. Many nonnies refer to mc by the pronouns they use in game and I know it’s because they’re talking about their own mc so I don’t mind it 😙 by the way I do like reader rants so feel free

[msookyspooky]

Spooky!!!!! Can you plz share your thoughts on Neve Campbell returning to scream? 👀

(Sorry if you've answered this already!)

Ps I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE ur series so much - ur writing is SOOOO good 🥹 The last chapter tore out my HEART but has me kicking my feet GIGGLING at the same time - I genuinely wish u the absolute best bc you are AMAZING 💗

OMG THANK YOU!! I appreciate that especially since I was lowkey a bit weary of even adding Billy and YN at the end but damn we're 4 books in this has to happen eventually 😭🥴 I swear that the latest chapter is actually done (Just proofreading) but the plot is so heavy so damn 'wtf' that I'm writing the next chapter because I wanna make sure this pieces together smoothly cause there is no going back afterwards. So I swear I ain't dragging my feet TOO much 😅 But I'm giddy and nervous to post bc omg I don't think yall are ready 😗🤭

That is...just complicated. I love the idea of Sidney returning but not for this movie simply because of how they handled Melissa. Idc what side of the aisle you're on firing someone for speaking their mind on their Insta instead of being a meek media darling will always rub me the wrong way.

ANNNNDDD these Producers and Executives have lowkey butchered Scream in so many ways since Wes Craven passed and the fact that they made Sidney have less screen time in 5 not only for ageism in my humble opinion and money hungry greed to replace her with younger actresses no one asked for (Sorry I was all pissed they killed Dewey just to replace him with Chad even if I love Chad and got rid of Neve for the sake of 'new chapter' bs with a Billy's daughter trope if they were gonna do that they should've went with Scream 4's original plot IMO OR Sidney's daughters and Mark etc)

THEN by 6 we got very use to them and Sam became a beloved character that we could live with her and Tara being the new final girls just to shitcan them (Jenna walked from what I remember good for her) over an opinion that wasn't stated rudely or anything just talking about the kids involved in this war and they treat her as badly as they did Neve cutting Neve's pay and tossing her aside just for Neve to agree to come back???

Man, I'm sorry I am not a Neve lover nor hater but my pride could never. Guess that's why I'm not in Hollywood or loaded bc I would NEVER sign onto a movie that publicly humiliated me by basically saying I'm not worth the pay, then treating a younger co-star so poorly, then signing back on because they paid me what I should've probably gotten paid in the first place. My Manager and PR team could bite me...Probably why I'm a struggling artist instead lol

I do not hate Neve for this choice because ik money is money but it's disappointing.

And honestly? I have BEEN vocal how Scream 5 is by far my least favorite and they suckered us in with nostalgia and Scream 6 was GREAT except for the ending with the killers being so...Wattpad to be blunt coming from a wattpad fanfic writer. Hate or love Jill Roberts but she was a great Ghostface and it's so OBVIOUS what movies Craven worked on versus not. The killers in 6 COULD have been great too had it not been for them related to Richie (Who is my least favorite GF by far) and how fanfiction both latest installments feel with reveals. Scream 3 did too but Scream 3 purposely did not take itself seriously while 5 and 6 did except for Mindy as comic relief.

Of course this is my opinion and thank you for asking I'm honored you wanna hear my rinky dink opinion but I am not looking forward to 7. Scream 6 may not be my favorite but it is top 3 for me up until the reveal and Sam letting go of the mask and choosing a path to the future feels like the perfect ending! Franchise is done! Move on!

These movies are not like Friday the 13th of TCM with new victims these are stories tying in the victims and making 7 with the political climate rn and how they got rid of THE TWO NEW FINAL GIRLS just to beg Sidney to make a comback while probably having the safest most generic plot with how many changes they probably had to make after the characters were gotten rid of.

I'm just not hyped for Scream 7 and probably won't watch it. Ya know, all good things have to come to an end. Even this fic in time has to end. And I think the execs bit off more than they can chew and are backpedaling instead of doing the reasonable thing and canceling and I hate that Neve and some writers etc are on board still

And let's be real; Scream is getting less believable with tech. 96? Yeah, I could see it! 2000's? Sure! But 2020 onward? With smartphones and smarthomes and ringdoorbells and dna collected its time to say good bye to something that has to move on! Scream 6 did a descent job with the multiple GF and Scream 4 despite me not liking it they did it best as far as preparing future Scream for the murders. Not to get away with it but to be caught and sell the footage. They SERIOUSLY could've ended at 4 and I would accept it :/

But whatever, they're still decent movies but 7 is just one I have no interest in truly watching. For me personally but thank you for asking and listening to me rant and hopefully if you want cheesy overdone meta tropes my fic will do the trick rather than the movies 😅🤞🖤

[mejomonster]

Now that I have given Sherlock Holmes Chapter One more time to unfold. I really love the writing. Like just cannot get over it tbh. I want to wrap myself in it. I'm having euphoria after the pains of (what moffat did once upon a time) and my villaineve girlies (and the ending after so much solid stuff beforehand).

It feels 1 like i real Sherlock Holmes story (as in written well, flawed growing characters, respectful to source material AND respectful to us the audience) while also feeling fresh (its a prequel so a lot of freedom to show a new young sherlock with flaws turning into someone more recognizable as he heals and grows, cases i dont know the answer of, and a pretty damn grounded childhood trauma emotional pains fucking relatable heart thread through a wilder more dramatic murder cases arc). The only game i can think ti compare it to is the Ryu Ga Gotoku games, specifically Judgement if you took just the detective gameplay. Like? While I think Judgements gameplay is a bit funner, I think Sherlock Holmes Chapter One has more in depth side cases so if you're a mystery lover it balances out (now Judgement's main case appears more in depth a bit, but its a huge fucking game so its to be expected). What I think they both do Right, is make u feel like ur the detective

In SHCO case the moral dillema of how well or sucky u solve a case and the consequences and the fact u CAN be wrong and arrest an innocent party make the stakes feel very high, the fact most suspects are guilty of Some cruel stuff but not always the murder means ur also debating morally what u think is gonna be the best thing to do out of multiple imperfect options even if u feel sure you know who the killer is... i am truly IMPRESSED with how well SHCO handles morally grey suspects and the choices u make about the outcomes, i havent seen it in many games and its made me question myself in Even Less games. The opening tutorial case is a basic example of whats to come: if u dont collect all evidence, u may not be totally sure who killed the victim, and can justify accusing either suspect. Then once u accuse them, u have to justify to Yourself if u are going to advocate they be punished severely or given some leniency. The rest of the cases play with this but go deeper.

Also like Judgement (and all yakuza games), it just does a very good job of building a realistic world (as much as budget allows anyway). Judgement is in Tokyo, so theres OLD people! Kids! Americans! Koreans! Countryside people! Rich, poor, middle class etc. Criminals, police, civilians, politicians, celebrities! illegal immigrants. There's east asian people, white people, black people, south asian people, there's people with mixed heritage, there's people that speak or don't speak various languages. Basically Judgement feels more like how you'd actually expect interacting in a city to feel, compared to a significant chunk of games (especially if u go older) where there is just no thought put into immigration or class or the myriad of real complexities of life for the variety of people that exist in the real world. There's some game simplifications like repeated npc lines, and then side quests and main stories flesh out various characters more (and SHCO uses case notes and info to flesh out in the way RGG game side story cutscenes and mini game plots do). Those are budget and time constraints. But like. SHCO has this grounded sort of game feel where you run across a city that feels like a realistic city of various people, and the social issues affecting people in it, where the characters in cases are a more fleshed out reflection of the people in the city, and where the social situations impacting everyone play out in more detailed ways as part of the case stories. Like fuck, I'm in the case with the painting now and. Its both got a lot to say about 1880s british empire and effects on a myriad of fucking people (and systematic abuses and damaging power structures), and as with much of history its got a lot to say about now. From the way power and social position influences ability to abuse and lack of remorse, immigration, international trade, colonization, racism, patriarchy, the extreme differences in personal background in how everyone involved acts and reacts and considers whats going on. Or the elephant case, where sherlock both in some ways reflects the society he exists in (sexism wise) and is also growing from that (self aware that the daughter is a person with as much decision power or more than him, unlike her own father's view of her, respecting Paul's situation while navigating a society where they both know the norm in comparison, recognizing that he's driven by his own desire to understand his Mom as a person when for so long he's had her on a pedestal and convinced himself of lies to himself about meek/strong Mothers and how it clouded his actual understanding of Violet as a person possibly struggling mentally in many similar ways to how he is). Like the elephant case is so simple in a lot of ways... but how many storiea have i seen where women just wouldnt have been written as equal, or as fleshed out characters, where Violet wouldnt be considered this in depth? Not just set in this time period but any time period tbh (it wasnt until the last maybe 10 years that movies and shows, sometimes, got a lot better with this to the point i could find it easier to avoid media that wrote women like lamps). I remember reading Fingersmith by Sarah Waters and how THRILLED i was to see realistic women in that time setting for a story (phenomenal novel btw). So like, starting SHCO i didnt know how fair the story would be to all inhabitants in it, and so far its wonderfully gone for a realistic grounded approach with characters that feel thoughtful in a world that is fleshed out and feels solid.

[the-slasher-files]

Hello!! It's me again, I loved what you wrote from my last request, and I wanted to try if I could ask for another one. I know it's a holiday, so I understand if it's gonna be a while, or if you'll be unable to do it.

Picture this, s/o is out busy all day, leaving the slashers on their own. Then, while the slashers are in their duties, they spotted something that reminded them of s/o. It can either be clothings, accessories, or even the smell of something their s/o bakes, etc.

I would love to see how Michael and Jason (even the other slashers, for the other readers out there) would contemplate when something like that happens to them. Like a moment thinking about their s/o and recognizing their adoration for their s/o.

(Ask is a little long but I also wanna say I love you writings so much! Happy Holidays!)

oooooh I adore this!! Happy Holidays to you as well! Just to make it more painful I am going to make it so the s/o is gone for ‘longer’ making them yearn more :) Also forewarning there is quiet a bit of gore in this but not super bad, also includes people getting murdered and angsty vibes! hope you enjoy🔪💕

MASTERLIST

SLASHERS BEING REMINDED OF THEIR S/O WHEN THEY’RE GONE

INCLUDES JASON, and MICHAEL

JASON VOORHEES

A creature quietly stirred in the shadows of the trees, moving rapidly but somehow silently. A ghost. A myth. A legend of Camp Crystal Lake. When you were gone and he was on the hunt, the man that bared the name Jason Voorhees, was ruthless. Everything he was with you as a lover was lost and replaced by violence, rage and a malicious intent. Brutally spilling blood in revenge, becoming one with the forest and lake that hid him effortlessly, waiting for the time to strike.

The small group of teenagers were in the rustic wooden cabin glimmering in the night by with the warm glow of the campfire outside, left abandoned for other activities. He could hear the groans, heavy breathes and muffled music from the drunk teens, creaking the old beds in a rhythmic pace. The creature white knuckled the wooden handle of his machete, forcing bones and veins to appear along the damaged skin.

The normally creaky floorboards of the porch did not creak for him, hiding his presence, almost as in appreciation for the man that kept up the camp and fed the woods surrounding. Jason made his way into the wooden structure quickly meeting a sizable man, shirtless, protecting a young female that stood behind him poised to scream but the air never left her lungs for the machete brutally skewered both teens with little effort. A river of scarlet seeped into the old wooden floorboards beneath the killers muddy boots as the blade was pulled out of the slumped corpses. With forceful steps Jason marched into the small bedroom ripping the door open, the hulking frame of the beast lunged toward the naked skinny teen and with the clean whoosh of metal blood sprayed everywhere, the bed, the floor, on Jason and coating the now screaming women beneath the teen. Quickly the creature grabbed her throat, pulling her up and squeezing, watching the life drain from her trembling body, lips turning blue and eyes bulging, she was gone in a simple few minutes.

The night fell silent again until a new muffled song appeared from the bathroom, a familiar song, one the creature had heard many times before. Turning slowly and gingerly pushing the wooden bathroom door open, steam swept through the air and a phone laid on the counter, a woman was in the shower singing alone to the song playing from the device.

The scene was yours but the smell and voice wasn't. It brought the creature to a strange state, one that placed the man in between his two persona's; deadly murderer and gentle lover. Jason stood observing for a moment, remembering all the nights he would come home and find your little naked body in the hot shower pretending as if you were on stage to thousands preforming your favorite songs. So cute, so pure and vulnerable, coating yourself in the beautiful floral scents you always seemed to dawn. Jason would often step into the stream with you usually fully clothed making you laugh-- Your laugh was even so adorable to the large man-- and he would run massive hands where he pleased along your soft skin, making you look so small under him. Perfection was an understatement to Jason, you were his everything and you took him for what he was, loving the man with all of your heart.

Jason missed you and missed you bad; gone for a week seemed like a year to him. Hating when your family pulled you away to the fast and loud city, which you told your lover you hated too but you both knew you would have to see them sometime, making sure you were fine.

A ridiculously out of tone lyric was sung and it ripped threw Jason’s ears, drawing his ire and pulling him into the killer character. This was not you, not your smell, not your voice. Swiping the phone to the floor the creature destroyed it under his boot with ease and forced the giant blood covered machete through the shower curtain and into the unfortunate soul behind it.

MICHAEL MYERS

A scream broke the air of the cool October night. In the traditional white American home a crimson liquid painted the inside, smeared against the walls, sprayed along the flickering tv screen, pouring out of a woman. A man watched her, head tilted as she clawed against the grey carpet with one hand, while the other futility clutched her neck where a stream of blood ran. His anger was bright at the fact it wasn't you beneath him, bleeding out and crawling away helplessly.

The shape of Haddonfield had made home in the shadows tonight, slipping away between the cookie-cutter houses and stalking with warm glow from the windows. A blur of white and navy hid away for the moonlight didn't even want to touch the sick soul, seamlessly blending into the night.

He had watched her from the bushes with a feeling of desire forming in his core, burning fury and sick thoughts incased him. The shape could do things to her that he never could with you, but it wouldn't be the same, he knew. She had your same hair colour. Similar build. The same black hoodie. Baking something that smelled familiar.

You were gone, not at home but in your hometown. Far away from Haddonfield. Only one more night he counted in his head, one night too long. You had done everything to try and convince Michael to take the road trip with you but leaving his town wasn't something he ever wanted, you knew that and accepted it. However, Michael didn't accepted it, rage grew every hour you were gone, knowing he should have just tied you up in the bedroom, threatening to kill you. Fuck, he wanted to see how your blood would run between his fingers and shimmer on his cold metal blade. Something was different about you, and Michael just couldn't place it why he had kept you alive and allowed your touch for so long. It could've been your smell perhaps, it was sweet with a tinge of musk from himself; the copper smell fell flawlessly against your skin and mixed into a dangerous perfume. Maybe it was your nature, treating the man like a human instead of a demon, not ever wanting to push him on why he was the way he was, you just took what he gave you and it was enough. Every living thing has needs and you met his perfectly, unlike the bitch he watched.

Large boots squelched along the damp grass, striding with a wicked intent the shape quietly opened the back door of the home, stepping into the shadows of the hallway. Michael looped into the kitchen where the woman was; she gazed into the black eye holes of the white mask and screamed, faltering to the living room, Michael walked slowly grabbing the largest knife from the wooden block on the counter. Two large strides had the man towering over her figure, slitting her neck from ear to ear.

Michael had planned this from the very moment he saw her yesterday walking past the house you shared with him. She was not you, and that was the point.

[sunlit-squid]

I don't care about everyone else! i care about you, SQUIDWARD! (simping softness asks)

For those who don’t know, my ask box is open. Send me a simping softness prompt, and I’ll write a short sbsp ficlet for you. ✰

so, uh -- i might have gotten a bit carried away with this prompt. it’s definitely longer than a ficlet, but oh well. either way, it was a lot of fun to write! selfish spongebob is so rarely explored.

fic under the cut. also, just in case, cw: drinking, drunkenness, etc.

Spongebob rose bright and early, long before his foghorn alarm went off at 7:00 a.m. With a cheerful shout, the poriferan jumped out of bed, earning a disgruntled “mrow” from Gary, who was still asleep nearby. Stretching vigorously, the sponge leaned down, planting a soft kiss atop the snail’s shell.

“Gary,” he whispered, practically vibrating with excitement. “Today’s the day!”

Turning away, Gary simply replied “mrow”, in a disdainful way that most certainly meant “whatever.”

Undeterred, Spongebob ran to his calendar. Sure enough, the day’s date -- July 14th -- was circled in bright-red, permanent marker, with the words “My birthday!” written neatly across it. And just below those words, was a tiny drawing of Squidward’s face, with dozens of little red hearts surrounding it.

Making his way over to the window, Spongebob gazed out at Squidward’s moai in the distance. He sighed, dreamily. What was Squidward doing right now? Probably sleeping, in that adorable dress of his.

The sponge lingered there, staring dazedly out at the moai, for perhaps a moment too long. Then, remembering himself, he sprinted to the bathroom. Once inside, Spongebob pointed a finger at his own reflection in the mirror.

“Enough beating around the bush, Mr. Squarepants!” he yelled -- much to Gary’s annoyance. The sponge lowered his voice down to a soft whisper. “Today, you tell him how you feel.”

His reflection simply shrugged. “I mean, okay,” it said. “But this is like, the 57th time you’ve said this.”

“Oh, shush.”

-0-

The party was supposed to start at 6:30, but Spongebob, in a manic cleaning fit, had the entire house ready by noon. This year, the party was themed around As The Tide Turns, a very polarizing-but-popular soap opera, especially in Bikini Bottom. If you were a Bikini Bottomite, you either watched the show genuinely, or ironically -- there was absolutely no in-between.

Spongebob and Squidward both genuinely enjoyed the show. It was one of the first things they bonded over, back when Spongebob started working at the Krusty Krab. Through the window to the galley, the two coworkers would talk for hours about the show, and whatever drama was center-stage for that season.

It got to a point where Mr. Krabs -- who only watched ATTT ironically -- got on them both, for shirking their duties.

“If yer gonna flirt,” he’d said, “do it on yer own time.”

So, Spongebob started coming over to Squidward’s house on Friday nights, when the new episodes would air. In fact, even when the show was between seasons, Spongebob still came over, just to watch reruns. It was one of the few times Squidward would (begrudgingly) let Spongebob inside, with no complaints.

Spongebob hummed softly to himself, his eyes scanning the small clipboard in front of him. Food, decorations, party games … Check, check, and check. Everything was present and accounted for -- and he had to admit, the house looked spectacular.

Every room was themed around a different, iconic arc in the ATTT series. His living room, filled with chalk drawings, crime scene tape, and red-string boards, was inspired by the murder mystery arc. His kitchen, decorated with leftover Halloween gear, was inspired by the vampire arc … and so on and so forth. Each and every room had its own particular, careful design -- and in all, it was probably Spongebob’s most intricate and detailed party to date.

That was because it had to be. Spongebob had a plan, a carefully detailed plan -- one that was sure to sweep Squidward Tentacles right off his … er, tentacles. And it went like this:

Squidward and Spongebob’s favorite arc, in all 42 seasons of As The Tide Turns, was the murder mystery. In the arc, the dashing Detective Heartthrob, accompanied by his sidekick-slash-lover Joey, must bring a heinous mass murderer to justice. At the climax, it is revealed that Detective Heartthrob is the true killer -- having been hypnotized by a witch, who was also his evil twin sister, for some reason. In the end, Joey must kill Detective Heartthrob, in a tragic display of love and sacrifice.

The season was thrilling, silly, and emotionally traumatizing, to boot. For months after the finale, Squidward and Spongebob would not shut up about it -- much to the annoyance of Mr. Krabs.

Either way, Spongebob had set up an elaborate, original mystery game, inspired by the events of the show. Each attendee would get a “random” card, assigning them a different role in the story. Squidward would be Detective Heartthrob, and Spongebob would be Joey.

Together, they would embark on an original mystery, one that Spongebob had devised all by himself. After he and Squidward solved the mystery together, and the party was over … Spongebob would finally, finally confess his feelings.

Of course, Spongebob had, more or less, rigged the game to ensure this would happen. Which was cheating, sure, but this was for love! So it couldn't possibly go wrong.

-0-

It went wrong. Almost immediately, in fact.

For one, the party started at 6:30 -- and, nearly two hours later, Squidward had yet to show up. Spongebob spent those first two hours lingering by the door, staring out the window towards the moai, and forgetting to refill the punch bowl. Sandy, ever the observant one, noticed immediately.

Pulling Spongebob aside, she asked, in a hushed voice, “Hey, partner. You good?”

“Oh, I’m -- I’m great!” chirped Spongebob, putting on his worst, most unconvincing smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Uh-huh,” said Sandy, flatly. “This about Squidward?”

Spongebob blushed, immediately. The squirrel sighed.

“I thought so,” she mumbled, folding her arms across her chest. “Did he say he was gonna come?”

The sponge nodded. “He said, ‘I’ll see if I can make it work’, which in Squidward-speak, is practically a yes!” groaned Spongebob, staring up at Sandy with his huge baby blue eyes. “He’ll come, right, Sandy?”

Sandy hesitated. She didn’t really know Squidward that well … but he did seem to have a soft spot for Spongebob. Awkwardly, she replied, “I mean … I can’t say for sure, but he did say he would try. Let’s be patient, okay, Spongebob? Maybe he just got caught up with something.”

Spongebob sighed, then repositioned his face into its usual chipper smile. “Alrighty. You do usually know what’s best, Sandy.”

“I sure do,” she giggled. “Oh, and Spongebob?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t cut his cable this time,” she said, before walking off to get more punch.

-0-

By 9:30, the party started to go a bit haywire. At this point, practically all of Bikini Bottom was at Spongebob’s house, except for Squidward -- and Larry thought it would be a great idea to play Truth Or Dare: Extreme Edition. The rules were pretty much the same as Truth Or Dare: Standard Edition, but with one exception: each subsequent truth or dare had to be more extreme than the last.

It started off alright. A few people were dared to take off their pants, or do a somersault down Conch Street while blindfolded. However, as the game progressed, the stakes grew astronomically. At one point, Patrick was dared to eat half of Spongebob’s pineapple. Later, Sandy was dared to juggle three of Plankton’s bombs, while riding a unicycle. Even later, Larry and Mr. Krabs were dared to switch shells and wrestle -- which wasn’t really destructive. Just disturbing.

The dares were stupid, but if there was one thing Bikini Bottomites had, it was a complete lack of common sense. Or any sense, really.

It certainly didn’t help that as the night progressed, the partygoers grew more and more … inebriated. The punch itself was non-alcoholic, but apparently, Karen and Plankton had taken it upon themselves to bring their own alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

By 10:30, Squidward still hadn’t shown up yet. Several people had either passed out or thrown up. And the pineapple was a complete disaster.

Spongebob sighed. He was seated on his living room sofa now, watching as the partygoers reveled inside (and outside) his home. Of course, the sponge was happy they were enjoying themselves -- but this day was supposed to be about him, and … well, nothing had gone as planned. His entire house was destroyed, it would take days to clean up the mess -- and Squidward hadn’t even bothered to show up! The nerve.

“Hey Patrick,” muttered Spongebob, waving a tired yellow hand at his drunken best friend.

Immediately, the starfish stumbled over to him, drink in hand. “Wha… haha … whasss’ up, Spunchblarb?” he slurred.

Spongebob pointed to the drink in Patrick’s hand. “Could I have that?”

Patrick grinned widely. “Yeeeeeahh! Now -- now, yer talkin’, buddy!” And with that, the starfish handed Spongebob his first drink of the night.

-0-

About three drinks in, Spongebob Squarepants was well and truly intoxicated. Which was nice, in a way. Now, the world was a weird, misty haze, and he didn’t have to worry about his pineapple being destroyed, or his party being ruined, or Squidward, or whatever. Now, he could just be peacefully drunk and stupid, just like everybody else in his house. Blissfully unaware of the world around them.

As the night went on, Spongebob began losing track of time. What time was it? Midnight? 3:00 a.m.? Did it even matter?

Over the course of one very stupid evening, Spongebob made more than a few bad decisions. For one, he bought like, ten mops online. Which was both counterproductive (he was a sponge) and financially irresponsible (he was also a frycook). Later, the sponge swam to the surface of the ocean to see how long he could breathe without water. He fainted within the first ten seconds, and had to be retrieved by Larry. After that, the night became a dizzying blur. Spongebob was certain he had been driving, at one point, and also dancing, and maybe singing?

Either way, several hours later, Spongebob was still dancing in his living room, a lampshade stuck on his head, when he felt something on his shoulder. Turning woozily, the sponge tried to get into “kara-tay” position, and ultimately failed.

“Who -- what -- stay back! I’m warning you!” shouted the sponge. “I know … er, kar .. karat … carrots?”

There was a familiar sigh, then a soft chuckle. “Oh, you moron,” came a voice, a voice that Spongebob loved so dearly, even in this drunken state. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Squ … squib … ?”

“Yeah,” said Squidward, wrenching the lampshade off of Spongebob’s head. “It’s me. Sorry I’m late.”

Spongebob looked up at Squidward -- and in his inebriated, hazy stupor, he couldn’t take it. He loved him so much, and for so long. It hurt. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “Squi -- Squidward, you -- you came,” the sponge stammered, his bottom lip quivering. “I -- I didn’t think …”

“Hush,” said Squidward, looking around the room. “This is, uh … wow, you really had a rager, huh? I didn’t think you had it in you, Spongebob.”

Stepping away, Squidward began picking up random items off the floor -- the punch bowl, some photographs, and a spilled carton of milk. The octopus had to step over and around several bodies, which were lying passed out on Spongebob’s floor.

“Listen, I’m gonna try and find a way to get everyone home,” said Squidward, sifting his way through the pile of garbage and bodies. “Everyone else is knocked out -- ”

Spongebob had had it. He’d had enough. He’d planned out this whole day perfectly, just for Squidward to not show up, for his whole house to be demolished in the chaos. Sure, he was glad everyone had a good time, but deep down, Spongebob was a little selfish, and deep down --

“I don’t care about everyone else!” shouted Spongebob, clenching his fists at his sides. “I care about you, Squidward!”

Squidward, startled, nearly dropped everything he was holding -- and before he could properly respond, Spongebob fell over, unconscious.

-0-

For once, Spongebob didn’t wake up to the sound of his foghorn. Instead, he woke up to the sound of the television nearby. Very soft dialogue wafted its way over to the sponge, bathing him in its pleasant familiarity.

“Why, Joey, I think you’re right -- the killer is closer than we seem to think!”

“Then we best get cracking, Detective Heartthrob!”

Groaning, Spongebob sat up -- a dull, throbbing pain coursing through his skull. Dear Neptune. What happened last night? There was the party, the drinking, and … Squidward, maybe? Spongebob felt his heart drop at the thought of his neighbor, and sighed. He hadn’t gotten to tell Squidward how he felt. Attempt 57 had failed. Miserably.

Blinking slowly, the sponge looked around, and with surprise noted that his bedroom was not a mess, like it had been during the party. In fact, it was squeaky clean. The only thing out of place was the living room television, which had been moved to the end of Spongebob’s bed. The TV was playing an old rerun of As The Tide Turns, from the murder mystery arc. A smile tugged at Spongebob’s lips. How ironic.

Wait a minute. Who moved the TV?

Just then, there were footsteps on the stairs -- the tell-tale pat-pat-pat-pat of someone with four legs. Squidward. He was still here! Steeling himself, Spongebob sat at attention, gripping the blankets tightly.

When Squidward entered, he was holding a tray of food and wearing a long pink apron. When he saw that Spongebob was now conscious, the octopus jumped, nearly dropped the food, then steadied himself just in time.

“Squidward!” said Spongebob, cheerily. “You’re here!”

“Of course I’m here, you nitwit,” muttered Squidward. “Who else was gonna clean up that messy party of yours?”

Squidward crossed the room to place the food tray on Spongebob’s nightstand. Once there, the octopus shoved a glass of water and two pills into the poriferan’s hands, with one simple command: “Drink.”

Spongebob did so, gratefully. Then, he asked, “The party … what all happened?”

“I don’t know, but it was a mess,” sighed Squidward. “I’m pretty sure half the town was completely passed out by the time I got here. I’m surprised the cops didn’t get involved.”

“Oh,” said Spongebob, feeling very guilty all of a sudden. “Did -- did everyone get home okay?”

“Yeah,” said Squidward. “Listen, don’t -- don’t worry about it, okay? I took care of everything. Your house is clean, Gary is fed, everyone got home. That’s all.” Squidward’s cheeks were stained red.

Spongebob smiled, his heart jumping happily in his chest. “Thank you, Squidward.”

After a moment of silence, Squidward brought the food tray up to Spongebob’s lap. “You should … you should eat that,” he muttered, then took a deep breath. “Look, I … I’m sorry I was so late, alright? The truth is, I … I got caught up.”

With a mouthful of food, Spongebob asked, “Wif whaf?”

Squidward grimaced. “You’re disgusting,” he snapped, then looked away, blushing brightly. “Anyway, I … was trying to get ahold of your birthday present. It was supposed to be delivered here, to Conch Street, yesterday -- but I guess there was a mix-up, and it was instead delivered to Conch Road, which is … in an entirely different town. Several hours away.”

Spongebob blinked. “You drove all the way to get it?”

Squidward scowled. “Whatever,” he snapped, pulling a small red present box from beneath Spongebob’s bed. “Either way, it’s here. So, I guess … open it, maybe.”

Shoveling down the rest of his food (much to Squidward’s disgust), the sponge quickly shredded the pristine red wrapping paper to reveal -- a boxed set of the entire As The Tide Turns series. The extended edition, with all the bonus scenes and commentary tracks. And to top it all off -- the box was signed by the stars of the show.

Spongebob looked up at Squidward, eyes shimmering with shock and awe. “Squidward, this is -- this is amazing, I thought they didn’t sell these anymore!”

“Oh, trust me,” said Squidward, shuddering. “You have no idea what I had to do to get my hands on that.”

“Let me guess,” said Spongebob, holding up two yellow hands to form finger-guns. In his best Joey impression, the sponge said, “You had to kill a lotta folks, didn’t ya, Detective Heartthrob?”

Squidward chuckled immediately. In one suave motion, he leaned against Spongebob’s bed, and pointed a finger-gun of his own. In his best Detective Heartthrob impression, the octopus replied, “I did, and I don’t regret it at all, Joey!”

The two laughed for a good long while. Then, suddenly embarrassed once more, Squidward looked away. Taking a deep breath, the octopus said, “Look, Sponge, I -- last night, you said something kinda weird, and I wanted to know if -- if maybe --”

“Huh?”

“You said -- you only cared about me, not anyone else, and I -- I wanted to ask,” stammered Squidward, “... what exactly … you meant by that.”

Spongebob’s eyes widened. Oh, barnacles. Did he really say that? Well … there was no hiding it now. Gripping his sheets tight, Spongebob steeled himself for what was to come. “It means I … I wanna keep hanging out with you, Squidward,” said the sponge, staring down at his yellow knuckles. “I wanna hang out with you more than anyone else.”

Squidward swallowed, hard. “Sponge, what are you saying?”

Spongebob looked up. Their eyes met. “I like you,” said the sponge, smiling nervously. “A … a lot.”

A long moment of silence passed. Spongebob’s heart hammered furiously at his chest. Then, Squidward sighed, and picked up the ATTT boxed set. Walking over to Spongebob’s TV, the octopus inserted the first disc, grabbed the remote, and returned to Spongebob’s side.

Lifting the blankets, the octopus said, “Scooch over.”

Spongebob blinked, then did as instructed. “Why?” he asked.

“You really are an idiot,” muttered Squidward, climbing into bed with him. “It’s a Sunday, the Krusty Krab is closed, and we have a whole boxed set to watch together. Might as well start now.”

Spongebob smiled, happily. “So -- so you -- ”

Squidward rolled his eyes. “If you must know, yes, I … I like you,” he snapped. “I’m not gonna drive halfway across the ocean floor for just anybody, you know.”

Spongebob grinned stupidly. “I guess not.”

With that, the show began, its melodramatic theme tune echoing pleasantly across Spongebob’s pineapple home. And just below the bed, Gary let out a soft, contended meow -- which almost certainly meant “finally.”

-0-

References:

The line about cutting Squidward’s cable is a reference to the episode “Party Pooper Pants”, in which Spongebob cuts Squidward’s cable to get him to come over for a party.

[alison-anonymous]

I Want to Write a Mikayuu Series

Okay.

So um.

If you're reading this, HELLO. All of you long time ONS fans probably don't know me, but I'm Alison and I'm a hardcore Mikayuu, Mitsunoa, Gureshin, etc shipper. I've been in the ONS fandom for almost a year and dear god. The amount of people telling me that Mikayuu is queerbait is just making me really sad 😅 I'm a writer, and I'm the type of person who honestly feels like the author of a series should have the ability to choose how a story ends without influence of their readers. I mean, if it's their story, then it should be their ending, right? However, I also do have some qualms when it comes to how this "love triangle" between Yu, Mika, and Shinoa is being portrayed. This is entirely my personal opinion, but I feel like Shinoa seems to be forcing herself to love Yu. I honestly don't think she cares for him in a romantic way, but more of a very deep-rooted admiration or even envy that she's trying to convince herself to be romantic love. And Yu has said multiple times that he values Mika's life above his own, that he doesn't know what he would do without him if he were to die again (I mean the fact that he suffered seeing his best friend and potential lover die a first time was definitely scarring enough, PLEASE STOP TORTURING OUR POOR BABIES). And it's basically confirmed by now that when Mika said I love you in the manga, it was in the romantic sense. Even though I wish, I hope, I dream, and I pray that Mikayuu will become canon, I honestly can't say for certain what I think will happen. I think it could sway any way, with Mikayuu becoming canon, Yu and Shinoa becoming canon, or it being one of those ambiguous endings where it's heavily implied but nothing actually happens. And in order to make myself feel better when stuff like this happens, I tend to rewrite the entire story with the ending that I would have liked to see ;)

You're probably wondering where the hell this stranger is going with this. Well, I want to write a book. A series, actually.

One that's inspired by Seraph of the End.

Now, if you're interested in hearing me out, then feel free to keep reading. But if not, continue on with your scrolling, no hard feelings. But if you do, and I really hope that you do, give me a chance to explain.

I want to write a series inspired by Seraph of the End called Bloodsucker (working title, obviously). And this series is going to be a reimagination of ONS with an ending that I would have loved to see in the anime and manga. I plan to have three main characters (please keep in mind that I'm going to have name changes): Yuichiro, Mikaela, and a brand new character, Epic.

Now, I would begin this series a bit before the anime and I'm assuming the manga begins. I'd start with introducing our main three characters as they meet in the orphanage (yes, Epic would be a part of this orphanage as well) and how Epic and Yu try to make moves to run away only to be stopped by Mika and Akane.

I plan to include a scene between Epic and Akane where Epic tries to run out in the middle of the night only to be stopped by Akane, and this is what caused Epic to develop a crush on her (Epic is a girl btw). Then I would begin the whole shit with the vampires and how they set the world on fire and shit, but instead of the apocolypse, I'd make it so that most of the adults died in the fire while the kids were taken alive (because young blood is better and whatnot). This includes our little Hyakuya family. The directors would have tried to trade the kids lives for their own, and due to their selfishness, the vamps killed them and took the kids anyway.

This would begin my first story arc: the prewar.

Epic, Akane, Mika, and Yu would all be living under the vampires at this point along with the rest of the kids in their orphanage. I plan to include lots of moments of bonding that heavily imply Epic loves Akane even though she doesn't know it yet and Mika loves Yu, but Yu is fucking oblivious. The four begin to plot their escape, but while Mika and Akane (yes Akane too) are making deals with the vampires to help out with their family, Epic is constantly finding herself getting dragged along to visit Queen Krul. The pink haired vamp has a soft spot for her for some reason and often tells her that Epic and her family are "special" or sum shit. And she's super confused and semi grossed out. But none of the vamps ever dare to hurt her so she thinks it's fine. Then one day they all plot their escape and it's much more planned out and lengthy and less rushed than it is in the anime. Things almost seem to work out until the vampires stop them

And Mika and Akane DIE.

I know. I'm horrid.

Epic is standing here in shock as she watches the love of her life die before her and Mika BEGS for Yu to take Epic and run while they can. So while in the series only Yu survives, he obeys Mika and both him and Epic survive this. They're found by Guren (a new character I haven't come up with yet lol) and Yu is super protective over Epic, not wanting anyone to take the only piece of his family he has left (he's a fucking mess without Mika let's just be honest) and Guren ends up taking them under his wing.

Now we hit the second arc. Still with me?

The War.

Hold onto your hats everyone because this is where shit is about to get complicated. So I do plan to have a bit of a time skip into the current spot where Yu and Epic are attending school with Guren as their father figure and they've become very close. So close that Yu refuses to work with anyone else but her. They end up getting onto Shinoa Squad (obviously going to be completely different in my version) and they get put onto the battlefield. But here's the catch. Well, two catches.

Yu and Epic do have demon weapons. I do plan to try to incorporate that into this. BUT the backstory is different. I plan to make it so that the vampires obviously see the humans as fies. Insignificant things that are more playthings than threats. And they didn't want to have to deal with killing all of them, so they sent demons in their place to handle it. But the humans were able to form deals or "contracts" with the demons and therefore turned the vampires' own secret weapon against them.

Now, catch no. 2

So, Epic, Mika, and Yu aren't seraphs in this. But they are something else. I'm going to try to explain this as simply as I can, but each of them (besides Mika since he doesn't have a demon) have 3 souls inside their body:

Soul 1 is their current soul, the one that identifies as Mika or Epic or Yu.

Soul 2 is their demon soul, like what Asuramaru is to Yu.

And soul 3 is their archangel soul (I might change that name later on).

So I'm just going to come right out and say it. In this series, Epic is the villain.

Yes.

You read that right.

Epic is the villain. But she doesn't know that she is. These Soul 3s were reincarnated into the current bodies of Mika, Epic, and Ari (and I know that's not exactly how it works but screw logic this is just a fucking concept) from their lives centuries ago.

These souls existed way before vampires existed and Epic (or Essie) was very close friends with Yu (or Aytigin). Aytigin was in love with Haru (Mika) but for one reason or another, they couldn't be together. Essie wanted to do something, willing to do anything to make the two of them happy. So she made a deal that brought the vampires into creation so that Haru and Aytigin could be happy. She was willing to sacrifice everything that they stood for so that the two of them could be in love together.

She had good intentions, but of course Haru and Aytigin were furious because now the vampires were turning against the humans and they all basically died. Until they were reborn respectively, but unknowingly.

Now picking back up in the present, Yu and Epic are fighting in one of the main battles and the two are very confused when the vampires make a very deliberate attempt not to hurt Epic. They're unsure as to why, but Guren tells them not to worry about it.

Suspicious bastard.

Anyway, it's revealed finally that MIKA IS ALIVE

BUT HE'S ALSO DEAD

Yes he is a vampire. And Yu falls in love all over again upon seeing him, and after a bunch of struggling, Epic gets kidnapped. At first she gets strangled by Lacus and then she gets kidnapped by Ferid who doesn't kill her surprisingly.

Oh and uh... Ferid is nice in this. He's still a fucking creep, but he's a lot nicer than he is in the series. I plan to make Queen Krul or whoever I turn her into be the villain.

Anyway, they take Epic back to the vampire palace or whatever and Queen Krul and Epic are reunited! And Krul is the one who reveals to Epic exactly who she, Mika, and Yu are and this is what sparks Epic's fall to insanity.

I mean, she's the killer. She's the one who brought them into this world. She's responsible for every death the vampires cause.

I would go crazy too.

So, she manages to escape (partially thanks to Mika) and the two join Yu and the others again and it's revealed a second time exactly what is going on. And while no one actually blames Epic on the Shinoa Squad, that doesn't stop people like Kureto and even herself from blaming.

And this causes her demon to go haywire.

She begins losing her marbles, almost killing her teammates and trying to kill herself, all while the three begin to experience dreams or visions of their Soul 3s.

While all this shit is going on, there's heavy romance between Mika and Yu because these two lovers just got reunited and FUCK did they have glow ups but yes -

Oh. And there is another spark for Epic, even though she doesn't think she's worthy of love.

Okay. I'm just gonna say it.

Lacus falls in love with Epic. Yes. You read that correctly too.

I plan to make the two of them get trapped together at some point and they have to work together to escape. It's during this time that Epic realizes he's not all that bad and has some form of self control and he realizes that she's the most interesting thing he's ever met in this disgusting and boring life and damn do her eyes look pretty-

But yes. She forms a permanent alliance with him that he jokes about as marriage and they meet on other occassions too, but lol yes.

Anyway, blah blah blah, more fall to insanity, the Soul 3s take over their bodies on multiple occasions and there's a lot of bonding and fighting and Epic and Mika somehow manage to get some of the vampires on the human side.

And in the end, Epic and Yu basically sacifice themselves to save the human race and kill Queen Krul. It's a very rough ending I haven't quite perfected yet, but Yu has a moment like he did with the King of Salt. But though he inflicted a lot of damage, it's not enough. So while the team is worried about him, Epic takes this opportunity to fix her and Essie's mistakes.

She allows both Essie and her demon to take control of her body and dies on the battlefield. Queen Krul is eliminated. Most of the vampires are gone. The humans won.

Horray.

Epic is dead.

Kinda. Yu and Mika take her back home and this is the preview to the last arc where everyone's in the hospital and Epic's in a coma. Mika and Yu barely ever leave her side and it's only when Lacus of all people comes to visit that she fucking wakes up.

Okay. Are you still with me? Now come with me to the final arc.

The Post-War.

No my friend. It doesn't end there. Because Mika and Lacus are still vamps and life still sucks and I drank too much coffee this morning.

No it's not over yet.

So flash forward a couple years and Kureto and Crew are working as the heads of this city. Stuff is being rebuilt, people are settling down in homes, Lacus and some of the other "good" vampires find jobs, and Mika, Yu, and Epic get a house together (in case I didn't mention before, Epic is pansexual. She loved Akane dearly and I plan to include scenes where she sees her in her mind and dreams like Mikayuu so she's never truly gone, but she falls for Lacus too when he's not being a sadistic asshole). Things are going strangely when

BAM. Epic and Yu come up with a cure for vampirism.

How, you may ask? I don't fucking know, I haven't read about it in the manga yet but before we come up with an idea for it, imma say they came up with it through a spell. They share their findings with Guren and soon all vampires are being cured, most notably Mika, Lacus, and even Rene.

BUT and there's always a but, Kureto passes a new law claiming all vampires to be property. That any vampire or previous vampire or even vampire supporter/owner that tries to disobey these new laws is to be killed immediately. Now Epic and Yu are in jeopardy because their ex-vampires are in danger (Epic and Lacus have been hanging out a lot more and he's proven himself to be a decent guy. Contrary to popular belief, I headcanon him as not really knowing what to do when he actually cares about someone since he's been a heartless vamp for so long. So when he turns to Mika and begrudgingly asks him for LOVE ADVICE of all fucking things, Mika is ready to die). So basically, Mika and Lacus end up getting locked up along with the other ex-vamps (including Ferid which was a pain in the ass) and did I forget to mention that there's a proposal?

Oh yeah, Yu proposes to Mika and the blond still has yet to give him an actual answer because poor baby is still having a hard time accepting that Yu can love a "monster" like him.

But anyways, now Epic and Yu are furious and SHINOA SQUAD IS BACK IN BUSINESS. With the help of Guren and Shinya and everyone, they form a sort of rebellion and blah blah blah they manage to get Mika and Lacus and everyone out and blah blah blah they all get separated and Lacus begins to get INSANELY protective of Epic and ends up confessing his feelings to her before he nearly dies and blah blah blah did I forget to mention that I'm making Mitsunnoa and Kimizuki x Yoichi canon and blah blah blah.

Epic kisses Lacus as an instinct. Lacus kisses her again. Mika accepts Yu's proposal then almost dies AGAIN. I kill off some characters for emotional tugs and after a ton of more fighting and revenge and psychological breakings later, Kureto is killed. And Guren (or someone else haven't decided yet) is the new head of their city.

Epic, Mika, and Yu finally let Akane and the kids go. There's a lot of Shinoa Squad bonding but this is a summary so I haven't included much besides the main three. Epic and Lacus becomes canon. Mika and Yu get married. Guren and Shinya get married. Shinoa gets pregnant.

And everyone gets the FUCKING HAPPY ENDING THAT THEY ALL FUCKING DESERVE BECAUSE FUCK

I do plan to be slightly ruthless like the creator and include a lot of heartbreaking scenes, but it's going to be much different than ONS but I still want it to hold on to some core relationships.

I just want them to be happy. And I just want to make other people happy because fuck I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY

So. Yeah.

That's Bloodsucker...

So my question to you is... if I wrote this shit.

If I sat down and typed about 30 books roughly inspired by Seraph of the End and Mikayuu and Mitsunnoa and shit...

Would anyone read it?

♡ a.a.

[dastardlydandelion]

what fic ideas are you MOST EXCITED to write (hopefully. maybe. if we're lucky) for Fear Street? what ideas do you want to see, but don't feel up to writing for one reason or another i.e. too much research involved, not the right genre for you, etc.

ahhhh!!! shiit, dude. i'm gonna answer this under the cut bc some of it's nasty, ngl.

i would rly like to write the ruby movie u know we're prolly not gonna get but ngl, that would defo take a shit ton of research. that would take me forever and i am already buried in wip.

obvi i'm only attached to like 10 versions where both berman sisters survive. that's already been written a couple times tho. i'm p busy rn so i haven't read those fics yet, but oof!! they're defo on my list!!!! i'd be p excited to write that if i had a version that was distinct enough...which ig i'll know after i read the existing ones.

ziggy getting killed by ruby. u know me and my gory sensibilities. i also think it'd be a neat angle, since another user on here pointed out, she's p close with ruby's mom.

pre-1978 cindy/alice having a rly mean and brutal argument that evolves into angry + angsty sex.

ziggy/sheila gritted teeth enemies to lovers where they team up against nick, torture him to death, and then have passionate sex on top of his dead body. it's gross, yes, i'm a gorror fan, i am gross sometimes. i'm thinking in this 'verse somehow ziggy figures out it was nick summoning the devil and this time, sheila's ass is actually grateful that ziggy saves her. she body worships ziggy during sex and submits to some srs spanking and erotic sadism to apologize for being a bully. this fic would be total porn. nothin deep, just porn for porn's sake.

super angsty fic where one berman sister has to kill the other. i'm thinkin they both survived nightwing 1978 where tommy is still the killer but later, after being rejected by ziggy, nick purposefully picks cindy's name to hurt her. soo cindy gets possessed and ziggy gotta kill her. maybe resuscitation is successful tho, soo no bummer ending? idk. i have a couple different versions in my brain. i'm not *usually* one for downer endings, but also, grief oriented horror resonate big w me, so.

lighter platonic fic of ziggy + nurse lane bonding. ziggy venting her frustrations of being ignored and snubbed by her older sister and bullied by her peers. mary finding solace in the company of a young girl bc her own is gone and her grieving process is complicated by the circumstances.

day in the life of martin at work. housekeeping and custodian-ing are not identical and his position involves more maintenance work than mine (not that mine has none, esp not at my old place where they p much called me for any maintenance nonsense whenevs the actual maintenance guy was ??? well idfk where he was, i stg that guy was hungover half the time) but it's p similar in certain aspects and i 10/10 guarantee that man has seen some shit. literally. martin hanging out with ziggy after long day at work, maybe they go dance on nick's grave or smth.

yes, i keep returning to the idea of alice being the killer in nightwing and running wild with a chainsaw. i just. see it. and yk me, i love my gory messes. chainsaw camp slasher = big bloody mess.

hmm...not much for deena or sam in my mind rn, so u'd think that means i don't like them but it's honestly just the opposite?? i love them and their story was so perfectly done in the canon proper that i don't feel any need to add onto it or explore it from another angle, or alter it for my own purposes. tbvh i feel fully satisfied with their narrative in canon in such a way it brings me inner peace...but if i think long enough, i'm sure i'll come up with some kinda au for them i'd be interested in.

whew!! what one am i *most* excited for? pervy me rly wants the alice/cindy idea, sensible me would be excited to write the 1978 sequel where cindy's the next killer. in an ideal world where i already knew more abt errday life in the 60s and didn't have a guaranteed 10+ hrs of research before proceeding, i'd be most excited abt writing ruby lane's possession. but at present the sheer amnt of research that would take me when i've already got much other work and the tory + max werewolf fic a perfect but demanding undertaking, like...oof. i can't rn.

[mercyandmagic]

Hi, mercyandmagic thank you for answering my asks... :D

Don't know if you remember, but I've asked before of your top 5 fav mxtx characters, and you've answered yours. If you don't mind me asking, can I ask you, why you like those characters (in a longer asnwer)? Sorry, if I ask you similar question again......

Yessss. This gonna be long. We’ll start from 5th and work our way to #1. 

5. Wei Wuxian

First, there’s just something incredibly refreshing about an untamed (ahem) character who says the thing everyone thinks but won’t dare say. It is my second-favorite character trope (We’ll get to the first). Plus, he has a great sense of justice and a self-sacrificing spirit... and yet he is capable of great cruelty, sadism, and hurting others to vent his pain (Nightless City, Wen Chao). Believe it or not, the fact that he has done great evil he cannot undo makes me love him more... because he knows it.  

In Chapter 68, when he’s confronted, he doesn’t deny killing Fang Mengchen’s parents, nor taking Yi Weichun’s leg. He doesn’t show anger at their valid pain; he merely points out that nothing he can do now will undo the damage he caused. 

He also has a low tolerance for BS and a high level of empathy. The fact that he scoffs at the cultivators gossiping against Jin Guangyao, the fact that he isn’t happy they have a new scapegoat, speaks a lot. Plus, he can easily understand why the Hook Hand’s final victim needs to scream (Ch. 124), why Jin Guangyao spared Sisi (Ch. 111) and made the Guanyin Temple (Ch. 110), why Nie Huaisang doesn’t want to admit what he did (Ch. 110), etc. Wei Wuxian is just great.

4. Qin Su

She deserves far more appreciation than she gets. She was involved in the Sunshot Campaign. When society judged Jin Guangyao and Meng Shi for their status, Qin Su never did. She loved the man who saved her life. She was willful enough to be the pursuer in her relationship with Jin Guangyao (Ch. 47), and was open to sleeping with him to ascertain their marriage (Ch. 106). She’s naive and trusting, despite losing her son. She’s loyal AF even to Bicao, even though Bicao literally sold her out for jewelry (ahem, Ch. 85). 

Qin Su. only has a short side role in the larger novel, but she’s a fully developed human.  That’s incredible.

3. Lan Wangji

I relate to Lan Wangji more than any of the other characters. Not being able to communicate, or being afraid to – relatable. Plus, having grown up fundamentalist Christian, I find the way in which Lan Wangji’s stubborn rule-following gives way to a willingness to break the rules when it does no harm or helps those he loves... inspiring. Like, he goes from having himself beaten for being pulled outside the Cloud Recesses (something this scrupulosity-sufferer relates to very well) to giving Wei Wuxian the Emperor’s Smile hidden in the Jingshi (Ch. 65).  

If I may add, I read MDZS around the same time I watched GOT Season 8. There’s a similarity in how Wei Wuxian and Daenerys Targaryen have murderous breakdowns after losing everything and everyone close to them. And yet instead of putting Wei Wuxian down like a dog (side eyes Jon Snow), Lan Wangji takes him away, tries to save him, still believes he is capable of good. In his own words, he’s “willing to bear all of the consequences with [Wei Wuxian].” Lan Wangji believes in redemption, in chance after chance. He’s refreshing in a world that believes one deed can stain you forever. I love him.

2. Lan Xichen

He’s just... good? Like, really good? He has to balance leading a clan with a society that is very Not Good, and this definitely leads to some gray points (The Wens, saying nothing in support of Mianmian, etc). But he, like Qin Su, refuses to judge people for origins. He always has to see the good in others – as Ch. 105 says, “whenever he heard there might be hidden reasons, he just had to hear it.” Lan Xichen wants to know and sympathize with everyone’s reasons. That’s just... wonderful. 

It’s notable that his whereabouts for the First Siege of the Burial Mounds are unknown. Lan Qiren led the Gusu Lan Clan, not Lan Xichen (Ch. 68). Which makes me speculate that while he thought Wei Wuxian was done for, he couldn’t bear to participate in killing the man his brother loved.   

He’s a touch avoidant, as seen when he tells Wei Wuxian he does not want to know why his mother killed his father’s teacher (Ch. 64). (I will also defend him agains the charges that he was wrong to try to reconcile Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao – they were his friends and Lan Xichen believed in them. Those two made their own choices, and it was Not Lan Xichen’s Fault). 

Anyhow, he’s good. And he loves Jin Guangyao. I know MXTX said she did not write a romance with them, and I don’t think they ever would have cheated on Qin Su. But that does not diminish that Lan Xichen’s seclusion at the end of the novel, is described as “exactly reversed” from when Lan Wangji was mourning Wei Wuxian (Ch. 114).  

1. Jin Guangyao

My favorite character. trope, the sneaky bastard with daddy issues! What makes Jin Guangyao stand out even among all my favorite sneaky bastards is that... his actions are so very gray that IMO he’s not even really a villain.

For real, what did Jin Guangyao do? Kill his brother who tried to kill him first and was slowly losing his grip on reality and hurting him and Nie Huaisang anyways? (Ch. 49, 50) It was still wrong – and I firmly believe that the motivation was payback for ‘son of a prostitute,’  (as Wei Wuxian suggests, Ch. 104) and not safety – but my point remains. (Plus there’s the implication that Jin Guangshan willed it, too). (Ch. 106).

Married his lover after discovering she was his sister to keep her from being an unwed mother? (Ch. 106) In that situation, I wish he had told Qin Su so she could choose, too, but I fail to find anything condemnable in Jin Guangyao’s actions there. 

Furthermore, when writing “Sentiment” and now “Sunlit Jade,” what I’ve been struck by is that most of his misdeeds end with killing Jin Guangshan. 

The possible exception is Jin Rusong (and since our main source for the idea of cold-blooded filicide and framing of an innocent clan leader is Clan Leader Yao, I am highly skeptical). And Xue Yang remaining alive, but again, we don’t know if Jin Guangyao chose to let him go with a warning/beating severe enough to disable his leg, or if Jin Guangyao truly meant to kill him (I favor the former position, but it’s open for interpretation).

Now, how Jin Guangyao kills and the fact that he does kill his father is wrong. Burning the brothel? Wrong, though I understand his hatred of that place and the people there. Killing the He Clan? Wrong, but 1) it’s on his father’s orders, and 2) he has a rather intriguing reaction when Xue Yang shuts He Su in alive with the corpses. (Ch. 118). 

He looks for something to “comfort” himself. 

This is strange, because he’s previously been a torturer (Ch. 47). What is more torture to him? 

I don’t know the answer, but it speaks to someone who suffers a lot, who did a lot of terrible things in pursuit of a love from his father that never came. And someone who, once he gains power in the position of Chief Cultivator, implements a program to save more commoners’ lives than ever before (Ch. 42).

That’s not the action of a villain.

[Sidenote, and based off a comment that wryhun on AO3 once left me: What I love the most about Jin Guangyao, and MDZS as a whole, is depending on the perspective you take, anyone can be an antagonist or a protagonist.

Jiang Cheng can be Wei Wuxian’s tsundere shidi (reader perspective), or he can be the serial killer of demonic cultivators who refuses to help commoners with spirits unless people have already died (Innkeeper’s perspective, Ch. 92).

Nie Huaisang can be the avenging didi (often a fan’s perspective), or the person who treated the juniors like fodder, killed cats, and sliced up a woman’s body just for revenge (Wei Wuxian’s perspective in Ch. 110, Jin Guangyao’s perspective in Ch. 108).]  

Jin Guangyao is an antagonist because his goals conflict with Wei Wuxian’s. But he’s really no worse than many of the other characters, and in fact, while all have suffered, he’s arguably suffered some of the worst circumstances of all. 

He makes poor choices, although he insists he doesn’t have a choice. I believe that he believes he has no choice... but he does. And that is so very, very tragic. 

I love him and want the world (or really just Lan Xichen) for him. 

[puckrph]

MANIA SENTENCE STARTERS

starters taken from fall out boy’s “mania.” feel free to change pronouns, etc!

STAY FROSTY ROYAL MILK TEA

‘ i think i’ve got too many memories getting in the way of me. ’ ‘ i’m about to go tonya harding on the whole world’s knee. ’ ‘ some princes don’t become kings. ’ ‘ even at the best of times, i’m out of my mind. ’ ‘ you only get what you grieve. ’ ‘ are you smelling that shit? eau du resistance. ’ ‘ the only thing that’s ever stopping me is me. ’ ‘ my life was just a killer dream. ’ ‘ seems like the whole damn world went and lost its mind. ’ ‘ all my childhood heroes have fallen off or died. ’ ‘ real living, fake tears, but the alcohol never lies. ’

THE LAST OF THE REAL ONES

‘ i was just an only child of the universe, and then i found you. ’ ‘ you are the sun. ’ ‘ you are the sun, and i am just the planets spinning around you. ’ ‘ you were too good to be true. ’ ‘ gold plated, but what’s inside you? ’ ‘ i know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as i do. ’ ‘ you’re the last of a dying breed. ’ ‘ i wonder if your therapist knows everything about me. ’ ‘ i’m here in search of your glory. ’ ‘ there’s been a million before me. ’ ‘ you’re the last of the real ones. ’ ‘ i am a collapsing star with tunnel vision, but only for you. ’ ‘ if they find you, i will protect you. ’ ‘ tell me i am the only one, even if it’s not true. ’ ‘ i’m here at the beginning of the end of infinity with you. ’ ‘ i’m done with having dreams. ’ ‘ i think you drain all the fear from me. ’

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T

‘ i never really feel a thing. ’ ‘ you were the only one that even kinda came close. ’ ‘ when your stitch comes loose, i wanna sleep on every piece of fuzz and stuffing that comes out of you. ’ ‘ i took too many hits off this memory. ’ ‘ i need to come down. ’ ‘ hold me tight. or don’t. ’ ‘ this isn’t how our story ends. ’ ‘ i got too high again. ’ ‘ i realized i can’t not be with you, or be just your friend. ’ ‘ i love you to death. ’ ‘ we were lovers first. confidants, but never friends. ’ ‘ were we ever friends? ’ ‘ the distance between us, it sharpens me like a knife. ’

WILSON (EXPENSIVE MISTAKES)

‘ i was gonna say something that would solve all our problems, but then i got drunk and forgot what i was talking about. ’ ‘ there’s nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you. ’ ‘ if i can get my shit together, i’m gonna run away and never see any of you again. ’ ‘ i hope the roof flies off and we get blown out into space. ’ ‘ i always make such expensive mistakes. ’ ‘ i know it’s just a number, but you’re the eighth wonder. ’ ‘ i’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color. ’ ‘ when i say i’m sorry i’m late, i really mean i didn’t plan on showing up at all. ’ ‘ i hate all my friends. ’ ‘ if we hadn’t done this thing, i think i’d be a medicine man so i could get high on my own supply whenever i can. ’ ‘ i became such a strange shape from trying to fit in. ’

CHURCH

‘ if you were church, i’d get on my knees. ’ ‘ you’re my sanctuary. ’ ‘ you’re holy to me. ’ ‘ take the pain, make it billboard-big and swallow it for me. ’ ‘ you are doomed, but just enough. ’ ‘ i love the world, but i just don’t love the way it makes me feel. ’ ‘ i’ve got a few more fake friends, and it’s getting hard to know what’s real. ’ ‘ if death is the last appointment, then we’re all just sitting in the waiting room. ’ ‘ i am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom. ’

HEAVEN’S GATE

‘ one look from you, and i’m on that faded love. ’ ‘ if there were any more left of me, i’d give it to you. ’ ‘ i’m a missile that’s guided to you. ’ ‘ go out in the world to start over and over again as many times as you can. ’ ‘ if i don’t make it on the list, will you sneak me a wristband? ’ ‘ would you give me a boost over heaven’s gate? ’ ‘ i need a boost. ’ ‘ everything else is a substitute for your love. ’ ‘ i’ve got dreams of my own. ’ ‘ i’ve got dreams of my own, but i want to make yours come true. ’ ‘ you’re the one habit i just can’t kick. ’

CHAMPION

‘ we’ve made a mistake. ’ ‘ i’m a champion of the people who don’t believe in champions. ’ ‘ i’ve got nothing but dreams inside. ’ ‘ i’m just young enough to still believe. ’ ‘ if i can live through this, i can do anything. ’ ‘ i’ve got rage every day on the inside. ’ ‘ the only thing i do is sit around and kill the time. ’

SUNSHINE RIPTIDE

‘ i don’t even have my own attention. ’ ‘ you say “please don’t ever change,” but you don’t like me the way i am. ’ ‘ the world tried to burn all the mercy out of me, but i wouldn’t let it. ’ ‘ the pills are kicking in. ’ ‘ i love you till i don’t. ’ ‘ i have no idea what i’m doing now. ’ ‘ there are no atheists in foxholes. ’ ‘ the pressure’s getting to me. it’s time to throw in the towel. ’ ‘ i’m stuck in the sunshine riptide, dancing all alone in the morning light. ’ ‘ you came back like a wave when i was feeling alright. ’ ‘ i fell in love, but i didn’t fall down. ’ ‘ i feel like i’m bulletproof with the sun shining through. ’ ‘ you are my truest feeling yet. i love you so much, it’s just like oxygen. ’ ‘ i had a public meltdown. petulant, but irreverent. ’ ‘ take all your possibilities, then take away the limits. take your ideas and throw away all the gimmicks. ’ ‘ i do the best with what i have. ’

YOUNG AND MENACE

‘ we’ve gone way too fast for way too long. ’ ‘ we were never supposed to make it half this far. ’ ‘ i lived so much life, i think god is gonna have to kill me twice. ’ ‘ i forgot what i was losing my mind about. ’ ‘ i was young and a menace. ’ ‘ i woke up on the wrong side of reality. ’ ‘ there’s a madness that’s just coursing right through me. ’ ‘ i’m flying off the deep end. ’ ‘ i’m here to become the best yet. ’

BISHOPS KNIFE TRICK

‘ i’m pedal to the medal, make no mistake. ’ ‘ this is my pity party. ’ ‘ i’m in spiritual revolt from the waist down. ’ ‘ i’m just a full tank away from freedom. ’ ‘ these are the last blues we’re ever gonna have; lets see how deep we get. ’ ‘ the glow of the cities leads us back to the place we never should’ve left. ’ ‘ i’ve got a feeling inside that i can’t domesticate. ’ ‘ i don’t want to live in a cage. ’ ‘ i’m yours until the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll away. ’ ‘ i’m struggling to exist with you and without you. ’ ‘ i should walk away, but i just want to let you break my brain. ’ ‘ i can’t seem to get a grip. ’

[drbtinglecannon]

Ok so @bad-luck-qrow made this post about an exchange they had with their cousin, who Galaxy brained suggested a far better solution than what v7e12 did. I really wanted to expand and ramble off on it and all the ways this rewrite idea was better than what canon did, but I didn’t want to bog down their original post so here’s a new one!

Their cousin had suggested that instead of Clover dying in ep12, that Qrow was the one who Tyrian stabbed, but he survived. It would’ve avoided any character death and given Clover the chance to reconcile with the fact his partner almost died because he refused to disobey Ironwood’s orders for even a moment.

I love that! Avoids BYG, allows more development for Clover, avoids unnecessary character death angst, and frankly CRWBY wouldn’t have gotten nearly the amount of backlash it did over that ep. The only addition I’d make to this rewrite idea is that Qrow purposely threw himself in the way to save Clover, and the reasons for that is because it would have…

Followed Qrow’s canon tendency for self-sacrifice, and allowed this unhealthy habit to be later addressed and worked on like his alcoholism currently is. Frankly I’m surprised it hasn’t been mentioned at all thus far in canon (that I can think of anyway), because it’s come up in a few fights I can think of off the top of my head where it incapacitated him at least briefly when he did this, the most notable one being in his first fight with Tyrian. So addresses a bad habit and comes full circle.

Shown Qrow AND Clover both following the theme song’s message of ‘trusting love’. The theme songs are supposed to be super relevant to the volume right, but I can’t think of a single case of someone trusting love over duty or orders or what have you in the volume ending, except Penny who was like…already mostly on their team anyway? Winter went against her own sister, the Ace Ops fought the kids, Ironwood turned against Oz and almost killed Oscar to do so, and Clover decided orders to arrest Qrow were more important than dealing with the serial killer who works for Salem (Which were already orders he was following. Why do new ones cancel out the old one?). If the fight ended with this rewrite idea it would’ve followed that theme, but especially it would’ve portrayed Qrow and Clover following that theme, two chars who arguably should do so the most. Qrow with his history of being betrayed and fear of getting close and self-hatred from his semblance, and Clover the professional military man who keeps everyone including his own team at arms length and expressed (in a throwaway line) that he trusted James with his life. The growing relationship between these two despite the long laundry list of reasons they could’ve hated each other was a reoccurring subplot in this volume, and it should’ve had some kind of fucking pay out. Imagine if Clover saying “I wanted to trust you too” was the last verbal exchange they had before Qrow threw himself in the way of the attack? That despite their disagreement and the bs of that situation Qrow trusted in love, and then with Clover having to rush to get him help and reevaluate that if he just listened to his heart Qrow wouldn’t have gotten hurt in the first place.

Been adequate angst without BYG! Imagine! Getting angst without a graphic death of a queercoded char!

Been far more interesting than killing Clover ever was. People are more attached to Qrow, unlike Clover he’s been around for a while, has been given the chance to grow, and is directly related to the protags. He has a lot more involvement and at stake with the plot so people would’ve been more invested in him getting better than with Clover doing so. We just met Clover, give us more time to get to know him and fall in love; what better way than to have him save a char everyone already loves!

Allowed some great symbolism with their semblances (that somehow ended up being a completely wasted opportunity the entire volume). The unlucky one survived again, the lucky one survived only because of the unlucky one’s involvement and not by his own luck, Clover cursing his luck he let Qrow get hurt, etc. It’d also maybe get some more use of Clover’s pin (that got its own focus in the opening) and how Clover can more or less control good fortune whereas Qrow can’t control misfortune, like idk he flicks it calling for help even though they’re out of range but help answers and shows up soon enough it can save Qrow.

Allowed Clover more character development!!! What’s the point of introducing new chars and killing them before we can really get attached? Drama? Get out of here. Personally, watching an already beaten down broken man that was trying to recover and finally made a friend scream out in agony against the bi flag sunrise was not at all enjoyable!! However, watching the Mr. Perfect new guy panic while his meticulously crafted military persona crumbles as he does everything he can to save his new friend (lover) and ignore orders he knew were bad all the while? That I’d be interested in, provided it had the payout of everyone living which in this scenario it does. It’d expand so much more on the many hints that Clover was more than a blindly loyal bootlicker too. Plus from a writing standpoint, watching someone panic as they go against all odds to save their loved ones and the visceral relief when they succeed will always be infinitely more interesting and worthwhile to watch than violently killing chars off for the dramatics imo. (BYG trope or not it’s just not good writing!)

Caused the tension between Qrow and Tyrian to reach new heights in a satisfying way. (@theonceoverthinker wrote a post on this that I was specifically thinking of writing this bullet point.) Like, from Tyrian’s POV in this rewrite he tried to get revenge and STILL failed, this bitch survived a stab from him twice! TWICE! For a serial killer with a personal beef with this guy that’s gotta drive him insane! There’d be great potential for an all-hell-breaks-loose fight now. Instead the way Tyrian said his final words before running off in ep12, it gave the impression he knew Qrow was just gonna rot away in guilt and anguish, that he won, he got his revenge and that’s the end of that conflict, that the combined efforts of 3 seasoned Huntsmen/Huntresses was wasted. I know it probably won’t go that way and Tyrian will probably die by Qrow or Ruby’s hand, but watching that scene it felt like both Tyrian and Qrow accepted that Tyrian won and it was over. Idk maybe that’s just me.

Would’ve expanded upon Qrow and Clover’s relationship, which was am important subplot this volume, in a way that’s like, feasible to fix. I love the Staff of Creation theory, but honestly the trauma and broken trust those two are gonna have to work through feels overwhelming as hell, and that’s ignoring how long the feelings of guilt and bitterness are gonna be festering before Clover gets res’d (if it even happens). Instead, if Clover saved Qrow after Qrow saved him, yeah there would still be that conflict to work through (and Qrow’s self-sacrificing I mentioned earlier), but neither one died, they both immediately showed great care for the other by their actions in that situation, and would’ve been able to apologize and start mending their relationship pretty much instantly from there. Plus, it’d be so easy to finally drive home their dynamic was in fact romantic in this situation, something a lot of fans (homophobes) kept arguing against despite all the flirting, and winking, and call back to canon het flirting volumes ago, and complimenting semblances/colors, and parallels to bumbleby and a few to nuts and dolts too. Think of the romantic tropes this could’ve done, the tenderness the dialogue the reunion scene!! Wasted!!

Ok I think I’m done and y'all get the point. I’m not gonna say OP’s cousin was the first to suggest this rewrite idea, but when I read it I started frantically thinking of all the ways it would’ve easily fixed the shitstorm that ep12 ended up being.

[asukaskerian]

silly headcanons re: hollows/arrancar from bleach and feelings/romance/sex/etc

(contains mentions of domestic abuse leading to death because... murder-ghosts? and like, i acknowledge that rape exists but it’s not part of this ramble. let’s assume the topic is consensual encounters only and stay in those confines.)

they still have biological human needs, more or less, so they still feel skin hunger and get touch-starved, and while some hollows are asexual a majority do feel desire for other people, in general even if there’s no one in particular (ie they wish, whether they’re aware of it or not, for something that is not their own hand)

basic hollow are HELLA fucked up about expressing those needs they still have, and emotionally they’re very stuck in the early rage/revenge/no active empathy to stop themselves from acting on it stages. (early on they’re me-me-me and the only thing they care about are revenge/ego trips and dinner, kinda like serial killer toddlers in freaky monster bodies.)

higher levels regain a bigger range of complicated feelings as they evolve but since parts of them have been suppressed hardcore and they DO have to jettison most of their empathy and soul-searching when they’re in a cannibalistic battle royale day-in day-out it comes back kinda muffled or twisted. in the end arrancar (and probably vasto lorde) emotions are messy and lopsided but they still have almost a normal spectrum of them. it’s just that often they either don’t feel/notice that they feel a certain range of feeling, or they really feel it. mostly related to how and why they died.

(like, a lot of hollows can feel romantic love, but if their death had anything to do with domestic violence or murder/suicide over romance it’s gonna lean toward the obsessive and jealous end of the spectrum. You may get a lot more yandere in hollow populations than in normal humans. Loly for example gives me those vibes. like her living life was a mess of getting cheated on and slashing other gfs’ tires and getting alternately treated like shit and like a princess by Her Man. >_> if her guy killed her then she probably turned hollow straight away and devoured the shit out of him the very next night, but it’s also possible that she killed him first and then died...)

ANYWAY so hollows want to fuck, but.

i like to imagine that the most dangerous time for a hollow isn’t even when they’re asleep necessarily (everyone KNOWS it’s dangerous! dangerous for HOURS! but you can find a good hideout and lay traps and sleep with an eye open and even make allies and sleep in shifts) it’s when they’re coming.

that, and hollows lower than arrancar/vasto lorde don’t even come in standardized sizes or shapes. you’ve got giant sand worms and centaurs and hugeass minotaurs and tiny quadrupedal kitty cats. good luck finding boobs and hands with non-stabby fingers.

therefore! biggest criteria when finding a lover isn’t often “are they Shaped like this One Sex” or even “am i visually attracted to them” (though they all develop very different senses of aesthetics and what’s hot if they regain any libido to speak of between menos grande and arrancar), it’s “can i trust them not to eat me while i get my rocks off.”

you’ll have an easier time figuring out if you trust someone if you like them enough to hang around them that long, but! the first emotion in play when making those decisions is not liking or love, it’s trust. even if it’s a very cold kind of trust where you know and they know that you need each other for survival and nothing more than that, it’s still a bigger factor.

some hollows still have random sex but that’s very russian roulette of them.

...

......

long story short all espada who had a fraccion have fucked the members of those fraccion and enabled them to fuck each other as well because Peace Through Superior Firepower thanks for coming to my ted talk.

(yes even barragan. T^T maybe especially barragan. cleanse your mind-palates with harribel and her girls. or a grimmjow cuddle-gangbang. yeeep.)

[chuckleshan]

AAM, changed the formula and predicted it

I haven’t watched the ending of the series yet, but I have been binging the episodes from the beginning and from seeing all the posts in the juliantina tag about what happened with Lucia, it brought me back to a scene that may not be as inconsequential as it appeared in that episode. I believe it’s episode 5 or 6, but don’t quote me I’ve been binging so everything is a bit muddled. Anyways Eva, Lucia, Johnny, Guillermo and some other dudes are in a board meeting just after Leòn has passed away. There’s some conversation and then Guillermo, who really doesn’t even really want the job at the company or position on the board, speaks out and says that the whole media empire their father built is a mastodon, out dated and lost to time, unappealing to a younger generation. Unappealing to him and his friends and if they were gonna make the Carvajal group relevant then they needed to shake things up and make big changes. Looking back on that scene now, I strongly believe it was heavy foreshadowing of things to come. The show as a whole did just that, they took that traditional formula and threw it out the window. I was wholly prepared to be team Eva and see her come around to Juliantina while proving that Lucia is a bad guy and if you watched the beginning of the series you’d probably be on Eva’s side too and then they twisted it on their head.

In the traditional format of a novela the story heavily has happy endings for the good guys and bad endings for the bad guys. You would think then that with everything Lucia has been through she would survive and she would live happily ever after and in my heart I wanted that too, because I grew to love Lucia. She wasn’t this clear cut good guy there was a lot of grey area with her, especially in the beginning episodes where she was a very willing lover to Johnny, very much participating in their plans to take over the Carvajal empire. Even past Leòn’s death which she said various times was not part of the plan, she still kept coming back to Johnny. The show spent a considerable amount of time shaping Lucia and although she wasn’t transmigrated, just like a butterfly she went through various transformations over the course of the series. She distanced herself from Johnny, she started working against him and she saw who he had become and she didn’t back down from him like the scared girl she used to be. She realized that she truly loved Leòn and his kids (maybe not Eva) and they were the family she wanted to have. She wanted to be a better mother for them than she had with her own mom. This is shown in her relationship with both Guille and Valentina and her support for them in anyway she could. At the end of the day she served her purpose, which the show heavily implies is the point of second chances with those who transmigrated, they have a purpose to fulfill. Unlike the men, Lucia didn’t need to die to get a second chance or redeem herself, she was always on that path. Her purpose fulfilled she found happiness and then she got killed, which is terrible, but plays into another line from earlier in the show where Leòn before they got married told Camilo that if he died after him and Lucia were married, he would die happy.

Also we need to understand that although Leòn thought his purpose was to come back and find his killer and get his wife and family back. His actual purpose as the show clearly points out in the beginning and through the series is to be the father his children needed him to be from the start. Less focused on work and more focused on them. Again we come back to Guille’s words “he was distant as a father, but present at work.” After he came back, Silvina spent a lot of time dressing down Leòn in a sympathetic way to Jacobo. He thought he’d been this great father, but he pushed Eva into a life she didn’t want, he was inattentive to Guillermo and his interests and although shown to have a soft side for Valentina, he let her get away with too much too easily. So while we expected him to be happy with Lucia in this second chance, the point was never for that to happen, he needed to do right by his children.

Add in the Juliantina storyline, right to Valentina coming out on tv for the world to see and them having a happy ending (maybe not the one the fandom wanted, but we have fic for that). An ending that would have been thought impossible before and especially during the bloodbath that was 2016 of all our favorite wlw ships. The show subverted a lot of the traditional storytelling methods, hell they had death herself play a heavy role in getting Juliantina together she buried a lot of cis straight men to clear their path to happiness. Can’t bury your gays if La Muerte is their biggest shipper!!!

In so doing that brings me back to my original point, Amar a Muerte from practically the beginning told us they were gonna be a different type of show. They knew they already had the traditionalist who would watch a novela no matter what, dialed in and they were gonna use their platform to normalize being lgbt in a strictly conservative country. However they also wanted to reach a new audience and speak to them directly letting them know they can be happy in spite of the challenges they may face, they will struggle like Juliana (probably minus the kidnapping and death threats) parents can come around, even if it takes an outsider (Panchito for the win) to show them that love is love.

Amar a Muerte set a goal to reach more than their traditional audience by telling a complex story which had many paths and questions, not all of which were answered, but still drew people into the overall plot and judging by the response the show has gotten and the recognition received and popularity here on tumblr, over on Twitter etc. I believe they hit their mark perfectly. They have opened the door for everyone else who will follow and reshaped the landscape in a massive way for future story tellers to build on and I for one am excited to see what comes next.

I strongly urge all juliantinas if you can to watch all the episodes in full from the beginning not only do you see just how great juliantina are individually, but you also get to see just how much La Muerte manipulated events in their favor. The transmigrated play a much bigger role in the story than you can imagine.

Did we get everything we want? No. Did all our questions get answered? No. Did the show achieve its goal of telling a different story than we are all used to? Very much so, in my opinion.

End Rant

[hellyeahrpmemes]

※ SHIT I HEARD AT COLLEGE: YEAR III ※

the thrilling saga of shit i’ve heard at college continues; these are all from my first semester of junior year. feel free to change names/pronouns/etc.! more ‘shit i heard/said’ starters!

"Bippity-bop, is that the name of a song?"

"I'd like to die in Spain, in my lover's arms. Or just not be murdered, that'd be cool too."

"You've gotta hydrate before you die-drate."

"We are going to steal Niagara Falls."

"Roundabouts are my bitch."

"Being confused with a freshman isn't the worst thing to be confused with. Better than being confused with a serial killer."

"It was when I was three and almost burned down the house."

"Is that in the interview? How's your immune system?"

"The devil's weakness is shrubbery."

"I have a very strong immune system because I'm gross."

"It's supposed to help my hairline… it’s not gonna help my hairline.”

“You have to rest to fight the chairs.”

"If you scroll back far enough, you'll see her post pictures from her mission trip, as the whites do."

“She used to be full of sunshine and rainbows and then she turned into a bitch.”

"No hand holding. Only blowjobs."

"Elon Musk is gonna cry."

"Are you about to be in a porno but in real life?"

"Autocorrect is a Jewish saint."

"He's a claymation penguin and he will change your life."

"Our fridge was just organized like... shitty Tetris."

"I had two bananas and six pieces of cookie dough... I need to go to the grocery store."

"Goodnight, you... people..."

"There's only four very very sticky coffee colored pennies."

"When you're kinda kinky: spank-esque."

"Officer, you can't arrest me. It's gameday.”

"Welcome back to Sophie Doesn't Know How To Accurately Portion Food. On this episode, we're making a fuck load of pasta."

"On a scale of one to ten, he was fine."

"I'm gonna pour barbecue sauce all over my finger and act like I cut it off."

"The cornbread might be a minute, but the porn-bread won't be."

"First of all, fuck you. Second of all, fuck you."

"After this game, we could go to the dining hall and get unlimited biscuits."

"We took a vote. You're going to have to start needlepointing."

"I thought it couldn't rain in here...! I thought that was a myth...!"

"No, I can make soup. I can't make pie!"

"The leather riding crop. A classic."

"You want me to distill the water? Harvest a fucking raincloud?"

"I need to straight up snort caffeine pills for it to work."

"You do your homework, you die."

"If you accidentally stab me, it would be really funny?"

"Do you guys take ghost money?"

"When I was little, I really liked showering in the dark."

"Not to be dramatic, but are you going to tell him you love him?"

"Somebody broke into my car last night and smoked meth."

"Maybe they were talking about someone else, but now I'm sad."

"Am I eating sawdust or cardboard?"

"And then he sent three pictures of Mediterranean food."

"Just stand there and be sad."

"There are no more Toys R Us kids. Only Crate And Barrel adults."

"That cake almost killed me. I'll have more, please."

"Would you like some Jesus?"

"I don't care how convenient it is, never buy milk at the gas station."

"He just destroyed his table with an ax that he found on the street."

"Deep fried Coca-Cola...! Solidify it, deep fry it, eat it."

"You Uber to class? Like... all the time?"

"I'm not even going to try. No, you know what? I am going to try."

"How do you pronounce "p-h-t-h"?"

“That’s a good cloud! Let’s cheer for that cloud!”

"Also, I was sad and drunk, so..."

"What happens if you pour beer on a candle?"

"Nobody minds a little violence in October."

"Apparently, they don't poop out of their mouths."

"Are you ever $270 in credit card debt and you just don't care?"

"You know what we had to read last year? 1200 pages of Don Quick-sote."

"She had an attack of religious conscience and she was like, mmm, the devil."

"I'm Billy Wilder, and you can go fuck yourself."

"I paid for these with student loans and complaining."

“I was so stressed I blacked out.”

"I was listening to a sad audiobook, about to cry on the Stairmaster."

"So God comes out, dick swinging..."

"It's only from May to September, because that's... prime goat season."

"Really tempted to buy a dog or a raccoon right now."

"He's such a cute little tall man."

"Sammy serves no man."

"Tell me I did a great job."

“I’ll speak for everyone and say we have no idea what’s going on.”

“Maybe we can have an affair next week.”

"The colors of the wind need to chill."

“It has 18 wheels! That’s too many wheels!”

"I had a nightmare about that ham."

"It's almost like Groundhog Day, but awful."

"Come to the darkness. We don't have cookies and we have sad but like still come."

"Alright, let's go eat this ass."

"Military hardware is not my thing."

"Put me down for two scoops of pain, please."

"Gotta get away from the capitalists."

"Color schemes like this are what happens when you don't have any gay men in your life."

"I won 86 cents."

"Can we kill death itself?"

"Stuff on bread -- a category I can get behind."

"If I can't be gay in my own home where can I be gay?"

"There was a little tiny towel that I used to dry most of my body."

"Frazzled onions - they have an exam tomorrow."

"Everybody loves you and the ones that don’t, they're going to jail."

"It's no big deal, but Buzzfeed told me I'd find my husband abroad, so..."

"These two men, a combined height of 12'10"..."

"It was one AM and I was not about to get into the Pussy Discourse but I am now."

"I'm a Suffering major."

"That's my 1/100th of a cent that I worked for."

"They misspelled canoeing ‘canerfing’."

"I sent nudes in a Waffle House bathroom"

"On Monday, let's all get together and cry."

"I'm never going to do that again. But probably tomorrow."

"All I know is that those two glasses look like six."

"If you play a draw four card, I'm gonna sneak into your room and slit your throat."

"I don't wanna drink for men."

"We are stressing in Chili's."

"I'm just going to start violently screaming."

"Now you've become a catfish with a cause."

"Blessed be the power of bullshit."

“I love that movie. I’ve seen it one time. I love that movie.”

"Taco Bell could fist me in the ass."