#love you forever Shannon

[eddiediazenjoyer]

thinking about post established buddie conceptions of shannon makes me CRAZYYYYYY like we always talk about shannon and eddie being in the hole Together and how her asking for a divorce was her getting out and leaving eddie in it. but. crucially. she didn't actually get out of the hole bc she died. so in this world where buddie finally get together and eddie gets Out. where does that leave shannon? now he's the one leaving her in the hole as he gets out. bc she will forever be trapped on her way out of the hole. so close, but still in it. she didn't get to have ANYTHING, and eddie, bc he's the one who survived, gets to have everything. and she didn't even get to get a divorce. eddie gets to have it all, their son, a real, true love, a family-- an entire life and shannon is stuck forever asking for a divorce from a man who compared their marriage to falling into a vat of chocolate and slowly sinking to death. and he got to get out and learn what love and life should actually look like. but she never did. and i think eddie would hate himself for this

[camelspit]

never forget what they took from you (stinas character arc)

[daisychainsandbowties]

glad we are all liking the idea of a mary x shannon prequel movie that is structured like a tragedy but in the meantime you can basically read it here it’s by @meatshieldshotgun and yeah… destroyed me in the best way possible

[rachelazegler]

There is not a locked room anywhere that with the right tools and enough time you can't break into.

[ID under cut: A series of 21 gifs from the TV show 9-1-1.

The 1st gif shows Hen and Eddie untangling Halloween decorations at the firehouse. Eddie says, "You never know when a door is gonna close, and when it does, then...". Hen replies "It's sealed".

The 2nd gif shows Shannon talking to Eddie, who is offscreen, at a restaurant. She says, "Because if I try to do this again before I'm ready, there won't be a second chance."

The 3rd gif shows Pepa talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. She says, "It's been too long. You need to do something or you're going to be alone forever."

The 4th gif shows an injured woman lying on a backboard in a c-collar talking to Eddie and Hen, who are offscreen. She says, "We're all gonna die alone. Might as well spend time with our loved ones while we're still living." The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie and Hen looking at her.

The 5th gif shows Shannon lying down in an ambulance with a c-collar. She is talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. She says, "I'd love...a little more time."

The 6th gif shows Eddie during a flashback talking to Shannon, who is offscreen. He says "Can we please talk about this later? Can I maybe just get a little damn time?"

The 7th gif shows Eddie with tears in his eyes talking to Kim, who is offscreen. He says, "Never did get to say all the things I wanted to say. or hear all the things I needed to hear, I guess."

The 8th gif shows Ramon sitting down at a table talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. He says, "Why didn't you tell us?" The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie, who says, "Pretty sure you know the answer to that question."

The 9th gif shows Eddie standing in front of his fridge with tears in his eyes, talking to Ana, who is offscreen. He says, "I should have said something sooner." Ana replies, still offscreen, "Yeah. You probably should have."

The 10th gif shows Buck talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. He says, "You said you did this a year ago, why are you just telling me now?"

The 11th gif shows Eddie underground during the well rescue. You cannot see his face. He says, "I need more time", but the text indicates it's unintelligible. The gif cuts to a shot of Bobby looking frustrated, then cuts to a shot of Buck shouting, "Cap, can't we give him more time?"

The 12th gif shows Christopher yelling at Eddie, who is offscreen. Offscreen, Eddie says, "We'll make an even bigger gingerbread house next year, right?" Christopher replies, "You could be dead next year!" The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie looking up at Christopher, who is offscreen, with a shocked look.

The 13th gif shows Eddie on the phone. He says, "Why wait? Well, there's no better time than now."

The 14th gif shows Eddie at the firehouse talking to Chimney, who is offscreen. He says, "Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. If you love her, tell her."

The 15th gif shows Shannon at a restaurant talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. She says, "Eddie, uh, I think–". The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie, where he cuts Shannon off and says, "Please, just...let me say this."

The 16th gif shows Buck talking to Eddie, who is offscreen. He says, "Uh, Eddie–". The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie, where he cuts Buck off and says, "Just let me finish."

The 17th gif shows Buck being pushed towards the ground, with blood splattered on his face. He is staring ahead at Eddie, who is offscreen, with a shocked expression. The gif cuts to a shot of Eddie, who is lying on his side on the street, with his head in a puddle of blood. He is staring ahead at Buck, who is offscreen, as his hand falls forward towards Buck.

The 18th gif shows a close-up of Eddie talking to Christopher, who is offscreen. He says, "You can always come back. If you change your mind five minutes or five months from now...".

The 19th gif shows Eddie sitting in a confessional booth. Offscreen, a priest says to him, "Well, I imagine after 23 years, something in particular must be bothering you enough to make you feel like you need to be here."

The 20th gif shows Eddie talking to Buck, who is offscreen. He says, "Don't walk away from something before you even know what it is."

The 21st gif shows Eddie opening his front door. The gif cuts to wide shot of him smiling and nodding hello to Buck, who is offscreen. Eddie is wearing a button-up shirt with no pants. The gif then cuts to a shot of a visibly upset Buck standing outside, looking at Eddie.

END ID]

[redrosydiaz]

so oliver said it would be cool to check in on sperm donor baby and see if theres anything to explore there and i have NOT stopped rotating this inside my mind like a rotisserie chicken

just — i think it really could be SUCH a fun thing to revisit, later down the line, after buddie have gotten together and have settled a bit more. like it could be a really great catalyst for a "do we want more kids" kind of conversation.

like, they run into connor and kameron and sperm donor baby, who's really more like sperm donor toddler now, and it's maybe a little bit of an awkward encounter, bc none of the adults ever thought this would happen. like, after the baby was born they kind of went their separate ways, and idk maybe buck and connor still talk every so often, but its not regular and its never really anything deeper than a surface level catch up. theyre not exchanging christmas cards or anything. so, this is, really, the first time buck has seen the kid since he was born.

and it DOES kick up feelings in buck, but— not the expected ones that would come from seeing the kid that is half you but not yours. instead, it just stirs up that yearning that's always existed within buck, the yearning for a family, for a baby of his own. and — he's already got the first part. a family. he has that with eddie and christopher and he loves it, he loves their little family so so much. its absolutely perfect to him. but.... the idea of a baby.... he's always wanted one. he's always wanted to be a dad. to do the whole thing, from start to, well, forever. and he has christopher and he loves christopher but he also missed out on christopher's baby years, for obvious reasons. but he WANTS to experience that!! so bad!! and the idea of getting to do that with eddie.... it's a good one. its a good idea.

but its also a scary idea. because, buck knows eddie, he knows him better than he knows himself sometimes, but this? this isn't something he knows about eddie. he doesn't actually know if having more kids is something eddie wants. and he's maybe a little scared of what that kind of conversation could do to their relationship. because.... if theyre NOT on the same page about it.... well.

so he just. sits on it. doesn't bring it up. but of course eddie can tell that something is up, that buck has something on his mind. something he wants to talk about but isn't talking about yet. and so he does what he always does — he doesn't press right away. he gives buck the time and the space to decide when and how he wants to bring it up to eddie, whatever it is. except buck's fairly predictable in the sense that eddie can usually guess when buck will finally crack and start that long awaited conversation with him. but buck doesnt do that this time. he holds onto it still.

so eddie does press, and eventually buck does spill, and The Question comes up: would you ever want more kids?

and i think it would make for a deeeelicious storyline to have them NOT exactly on the same page, but also not not on the same page, yknow? just like — its not really something eddie has ever considered (aside from the baby scare with shannon all those years ago). it's just not something thats come up, like his other relationships never got to the baby conversation level and, frankly, he's had a whole lot of other Way More Pressing things to deal with to be sitting around contemplating a potential future second baby lol.

but then buck obviously HAS put some thought into it and it IS something he wants — has been for a long time, really — and so when The Question comes up and eddie's first response isn't an overwhelming yes, but is this hesitant, guarded well i don't know — buck's brain immediately starts to catastrophize. because an "i dont know" isn't a yes, and not a yes is a now a nonzero chance of no, which is a scary thought!! because this is buck's forever relationship!! and he doesnt want it to crumble apart over this!! and so he panics and hes trying to give eddie space to think about his answer, but that means that now instead of it being an open conversation, theyre both kind of stewing in their own thoughts and feelings and panics and fears about it and about what the other is thinking.

and for eddie — i think when he does think about it it's not something he is oppposed to, but he would initially approach it with a lot of hesitance and in a very guarded way bc his first instinct would be to think of all the ways hes fucked up with christopher and how terrified he would be to repeat that. of course, once he got past that intial reaction and like actually really thought about it (and went to bobby for advice about it!!) he would realize that these arent the same situations. he's older now, and he's more settled, and he's got a good partner in this — someone he feels supported by and someone he makes feel supported too! this isn't the same as it was fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years ago. the circumstances are completely different. and i think once he got over that mental block, of thinking it would be exactly like the first time, he would be — well, he'd still be a little terrified bc who ISNT a little terrified of having a baby, but he'd also be breathlessly exhilarated about it because. he loves being a dad!! he LOVES being a dad!!! and the idea of doing it again, WITH BUCK? theres nothing he wants more, actually!!!

meanwhile buck is trying to reconcile with what his answer would be to the question what do i want more? a baby or eddie? which one can i live without, which one can i not? and he would have to grapple with and ultimately make a decision to potentially give up one of those dreams. (he would, after deep thought and consideration, and ALSO a conversation with bobby, decide that he cannot live without eddie. he would choose eddie.)

and then when the two of them FINALLY come back together to have a conversation about this, buck would hit eddie with the i'm willing to give up this dream for you. because i love you, so much, and i love our family, and i want to grow it, i want more with you, i always want more with you, but if you dont then i'll be okay with that too, because our family is also perfect the way it is. and eddie is like buck and then he grabs both of buck's hands and he's like buck you dont have to make that choice and buck is like eddie yes i do, yes i do and buck is still obviously in distress bc like he made the decision and he isn't changing his mind he wouldn't but that doesn't mean letting go of the other dream wasnt hard. wasn't devastating too. so buck's like doing his best to not let that show but it's still bleeding through but eddie just takes his hands and his face is splitting into a smile bc he just cant help it he feels so joyous and so buoyant like hes walking on air and he tells buck you don't have to make that choice bc there isn't a choice. you can have both buck. and bucks like what... wait.... eddie are you saying.... and eddie nods and now BUCK is breaking out into a smile and hes got tears in his eyes and hes like eddie, oh my god we— we're going— and eddie finishes it for him, we're going to have a baby.

BUT JUST — the two of them having this conflict that isn't ACTUALLY a conflict at the core of it, because they ARE ultimately on the same page, but it takes some Work for them to get there and it makes them look at themselves and each other and their relationship in this whole new light, and it just proves how strong their partnership already is, how much love and also RESPECT there is between them, bc they dont just try to like convince the other to change their mind but they look INWARD and try to see if and how they can reframe their own points of view. and the whole thing just makes them even stronger together for it.

AND THEN THATS HOW WE GET GIRLDADS BUDDIE AND BIG BROTHER CHRISTOPHER <33

[eddiazx]

homecoming part 2 - eddie diaz x reader

part 1 here!

Then:

"I'm pregnant."

Eddie stares widely at Shannon, at the girl he had been friends with in seventh grade and reconnected with at the senior year bonfire several months ago. That bonfire had been Eddie's first time trying a beer, and it had also been the night where Shannon and Eddie had had sex for the first and only time with each other. They had amicably decided that they were better off as friends, and Eddie had thought that would be the end of things, since not even a week later, he had met you. The new girl at school. The girl that had flipped his entire world on its axis. A girl that he saw his entire future with.

Eddie couldn't help feel like those future plans were crumbling right before him. Eddie knew what Shannon being pregnant meant. He was eighteen, Catholic, and born in Texas. His parents would have his head if he didn't marry her. He just didn't know how he was supposed to live a happily married life when his heart will forever be with you.

Instead Eddie does what he's good at: he plans and compartmentalizes. He starts forming a mental checklist:

To-do: Tell her. Break her heart and yours simultaneously Tell Mom and Dad Marry Shannon Enlist in order to provide for your future child

Hours later, Eddie sets to work on the first task.

Meanwhile in a blissful ignorance, you rest your head against the passenger window of Eddie's Chevy Silverado, a content smile on your face. The two of you had gone to your favourite pizza place, and Eddie was currently driving you back home. He had been quiet and subdued tonight, but you had chalked it up to him being stressed about midterms. Besides, you know that he's comfortable opening up to you on his own terms; you never want to push him before he's ready.

Eddie rolls to a slow stop in front of your house. He kills the engine, and drops his hands from the wheel. He takes a deep breath, then:

"Shannon is pregnant."

Definitely not midterm stress.

You're silent as Eddie continues. "I have to marry her. It's the only way, and it's killing me, because you're the love of my life." Eddie turns his body fully in the driver's seat to face you. His eyes are shiny and wet, but the tears don't fall - almost as if his body had told him he wasn't allowed to.

While Eddie is talking though, a distant alarm sounds in the back of your own brain. Pregnant. Late periods. When was the last time you had your period?

You eventually speak, shaky and voice wobbly. "I understand. Maybe in another life, eh?" With that, you press a chaste kiss on Eddie's cheek, and scramble out of the car, wet hot tears streaming down your face.

The next morning, you stare at the positive pregnancy test in your hands, and tickets to L.A. get booked.

Now:

Chris and Bee are two peas in a pod. The two of them walked ahead of you and Eddie at the aquarium, excitedly sharing facts that they knew about sharks. Eddie and you, though? The tension between the two of you was thick. Neither one of you knew how to start a conversation with the other, but that doesn't stop Eddie from giving you long glances out of the corner of his eye.

Could anyone blame him? You were stunning, and the fact that the two of you shared an adorable girl lit a territorial fire in Eddie. At the same time, there was also a big part of Eddie that was hurt and angry that you didn't tell him about Bee's existence.

Suffice it to say, Eddie Diaz was having a very complicated Sunday morning.

"So, you have a coffee shop?" Eddie tries, going for a safe topic.

You smile tentatively. "Yeah. It's also a bookstore."

Eddie's smile back is genuine. "You always did want to open one. Congratulations."

"Mommy!"

Both of your heads whip towards the kids. Except, it hadn't been Bee calling out for you. It had been Chris, referring to his own mom.

Shannon stands there before you. She looks at the two of you, then back at the kids, face stricken as if she had seen a ghost.

[another-buddiefic-blog]

All Timers

These are simply some of my faves. Fics that I love that I constantly go back to.

-----

here’s my confession (I’m kind of hooked on you) by donationwayne Word Count: 114,199 tldr: the hot dilf from the bar is my new work partner

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Unlikely Friendship by oncemorepaperback Word Count: 167,730 Eddie starts dating Ana Flores and people are upset. Poor Buck is just confused and was happier when people were less interested in his love life. Shannon Lives AU

-----

Left Unsaid by C_M2 Word Count: 33,431 The discovery of a small facebook group full of tsunami survivors rocks station 118.

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will someone please want me? by LVRBOY Word Count: 3,136 Everyone is someone's baby. Christopher resigned to being nobody's. He was always special, this was no different. But it couldn't be fair for Buck to be nobody's baby either. It only takes a tsunami to realize that Christopher has been Buck's forever.

-----

When you need a little love, I got enough love to share by heroic_pants Word Count: 12,878 At a party with some friends, May leans in to the college experience a little too hard. At 2 am, drunk and high and emotionally spiralling, she calls the only adult she knows who might not judge her, and doesn't have kids to disturb. Someone who might unexpectedly just the right person to help her out….

----- we found love right where we were by Polish_Amber Word Count: 70,004 Or, the one where May ensures Buck is enfolded properly into the Grant-Nash clan, which means Bobby (and by extension the firefam, because gossip) suddenly gets significantly more insight into the inner workings of the Buckley-Diaz family, and all roads lead to Buddie…

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Got Your Measure by thelonggoodbye Word Count: 5,568 Hen is relatively certain she has their new probie, Buck, figured out. Him saying he has a husband throws her for a loop, but who hasn't lied to a naked man in handcuffs flirting with them before? But Buck only gets more confusing from there.

-----

ive finally caught up to you (finally caught up in you) by pbandjeremiah Word Count: 13, 585 or, evan buckley is bobby's son, may and harry's big brother, hen's little brother, and the dad to two incredible kids (eventually)

-----

Those Two Firefighters by DarkFairytale Word Count: 75, 850 #thosetwofirefighters starts to gather a following on social media, as everyone tries to figure out if those two cute firefighters from the 118 in LA are a thing or not.ters starts to gather a following on social media, as everyone tries to figure out if those two cute firefighters from the 118 in LA are a thing or not.

-----

Eyes On You by sealeviathan Word Count: 1,060 Or: The fic where Buck blatantly lusts over Eddie. Hen and Chimney worry they're about to witness a marriage-ending move because Buck failed to mention that Eddie is the man he's married to.

----- All the Different Ways to Say I Do by schrijverr Word Count: 349,576 AKA: Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

Eddie and Buck lie about their relationship and the reveal is a big part of the plot, however, before the reveal happens there were so many moments where everyone could have found out. So, these are AUAUs on the main verse where people find out. (I've been calling them AUAUs, because it sounds like a siren when you say it out loud).

----- Away From Us by Marchling Word Count: 76,165 After the lawsuit Buck is doing his absolute best to try to win back his family but nothing is working and the hope is starting to hurt. He makes the the decision to resign from the 118 via letter and leave LA to start something new in Arizona. And that would've been fine except a fire burns down his entire apartment building that morning and the letter never makes it to Bobby. When Buck isn't found amongst the survivors his loved ones have to accept that he died in the fire. A presumed dead story about forgiveness, grief, second chances and falling in love.

[haydenthewitch]

okay so. comphet victim eddie diaz suddenly relizes that he's intrested in buck right? luckly, buck is just as intrested in him, and so they get together.

and eddie starts to encounter... um.... a slight problem.

he wants to touch buck, all the goddamn time.

the thing is, eddie has never been a very touchy, feely person in relationships. Back in high school, he dated shannon, and while all the other highschool couples were literaly all over each other, all the fucking time, shannon had told him early on that she didn't like much PDA in the school hallways and eddie was respectfull of that. They hugged, and kissed (and made chris) in private, but even hand holding was rare for them. Eddie was okay with that. he always used to scoff at pepole frenching in the hallway, talking about how it realy wasn't HARD to keep your hands to yourself. Some of his guy frenids would look at him funny, but he always thought that it was a "them" problem.

And after shannon passed, that traditon contuinied. He always reasoned he was just a provate person in relationships. That he didn't need to be in public acting like a teenager and that he didn't need his son seeing any of that at home. Any Girlfrenid he had was respectful and accepted that eddie was just like that. (Looking back on it... jesus. those women were saints.)

And then he starts dating buck. And it's like every fact in the universe just... shifts.

He suddenly understands the urdge to always be on top of your partner (or have them laying on top of you). He gets impulses to kiss buck every twenty seconds. He knows now why it must have seemed impossible to 'keep your hands to yourself' now. IS THIS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WAS FEELING?? THE WHOLE TIME??

and look. None of the women he's ever dated have been... unpleasent. He felt an unwavering duity and devotion to these women. He thought that.... well, that is all love is. A promise to be devoted till death. a partner through life. And he feels all if those emotions with buck too! But he's never... He never understood what bashfuly blushing has felt like before buck. Buck makes him giddy. He's never....

(The sex with women wern't bad eather. it was nice. relaxing. Like a bath at the end of a very long week. But he has NEVER. not ONCE. felt so..... INTENSE like it does with buck. He suddenly understands porn where pepole moan and whine a lot. He never used to do that before... buck.)

So yeah, Comphet victim eddie diaz goes a little fucking insane for the first three-ish months dating buck. It's like Buck has suddenly spelled out every interaction he's ever had aroynd love, all the while making his life so much better (and plesent... and plesurable....). He desperatly chases the feeling, trying to understand it before he fucks up and they break up.

(Around the fourth month, eddie finds a ring, hidden in bucks sock drawer, with the words "Buckely-diaz" custom carved into the band. Turns out, buck is just as insane about eddie as he is about buck, and this might be eddie's new forever. Buck is going to be his husband one day. He expects panic at the thought of another marrige... but it just doesn't come. Apparently buck is going to be eddie's husband.... that thought bounces around his head for about twenty seconds before he goes and find's his boyfreind and absoulty jumps his bones. Turns out, He has forever to identify all of the feelings he's been having about buck.)

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

30 Seconds to Mars - Fallen 2002

The self-titled debut studio album by 30 Seconds to Mars was released in 2002 after having been in the works for a couple of years, with "Fallen" being one of - if not the - very oldest of the songs. The style of the album combined progressive metal and space rock with influences and elements from new wave and electronica, utilizing programming and synthesizers. The demo work of 30 Seconds to Mars generated the interest of record producer Bob Ezrin, who had previously worked on several groundbreaking projects, including The Wall by Pink Floyd, Love It to Death by Alice Cooper, and Destroyer by Kiss.

Upon release, 30 Seconds to Mars received mostly positive reviews from music critics, who commended the album's lyrical content and the band's musicianship. The album debuted at number 107 on the Billboard 200 and number one on the US Top Heatseekers. While Shannon Leto played the drums, Jared played guitar, bass guitar and the synthesizer on "Fallen" in addition to singing.

THIS album and the following one, A Beautiful Lie, is what I mean when I say I'm forever a 30 Seconds to Mars fan and those two albums are my main playlist in my car. THIS music is what was so amazing to listen to. And so many of you agreed that "Fallen" sounded terrific, which makes me so happy!!! 😍💖💖💖💖 "Fallen" got a total of 62,4% total yes votes!

[elvensorceress]

wip wednesday + little update

for my beloveds 💕 I haven't really been around in forever (long story short, there was a death and a huge loss and my heart is forever broken) but I miss all of you. I don't even know who is here anymore but I'm tired of being sad and sick and without my lovely internet friends. so here's some "history of cinnamon sorrow," my Eddie in El Paso confronting his childhood and family issues fic, because I want to share and find my own joy again.

if you're still here and still remember me, I want to know what you're up to and I want to share what you've been writing/giffing/creating or whatever is going on with you if you have anything to share with me. I know I've missed so much. I hope to be around more at least during the rest of the new season.

tagging beloveds if you want to share anything or if you want to come say hi and tell me what's going on with you 💕

@tizniz @fleurdebeton @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks @dr-shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @chaosandwolves @chismosoeddie @loveyourownsmiilee @texasbama @lovecolibri @thelikesofus @smilingbuckley @ronordmann @stagefoureddiediaz @capseycartwright @buggotbrain @professionalyapstor @deluludiaz @daffi-990 @exhuastedpigeon @bekkachaos @sazanahashi @livinginsunnyhell @cafecitoeddie @beyourownanchor6 @sunflower-eddiediaz @monsterrae1 @epicbuddieficrecs @thekristen999 @fiona-fififi @blutterlie @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @buckedmundo @sofa-king-lame @spaceprincessem @astronaut-karenwilson @dangerpronebuddie @sweet-sammy-kisses @confetti-cupcake @buckleydiaz @cowboycart3r @elibad @caroandcats @queerprincesseddiediaz @kitteneddiediaz @wildlife4life @mattsire @dollyblogs @kejfeblintz 💕

While Buck sleeps off his shift many miles away and Chris is in school only a few miles away but somehow even further out of reach, Eddie takes himself on a drive around El Paso. 

He could go to his parents’ house and try to make up some ground there. It’s possible. An option. Not a very desirable option, but one nonetheless. But he’ll have to face that battle soon enough. And he’s still not sure how to talk to either of them when he knows he fucked up and knows they just want to protect and care for Chris. It’s all Eddie wants, too. 

He just wishes he weren’t the thing Chris needs protection from. 

So he takes winding roads around the city, wonders why anyone finds driving a soothing or relaxing activity. And of course ends up at Ascarate Park. 

The lake. Their lake. Forty-eight acres of shallow, artificial body of water prone to toxic algae blooms and swaths of dying fish. But a central hub for all kinds of outdoor recreation. Or whatever the hell the brochures say. Boating, fishing, golf course, playgrounds, aquatic park with a pool, endless picnicking areas, and the lakeside boardwalk. Most anything anyone could want for public park entertainment. 

His dad sent him an article a few months ago about how there was talk of excavating and deepening the lake since the clay liner at the bottom was reportedly no longer intact. Fitting for the place where he met Shannon. Foundation cracked and leaking, in danger of growing too superficial, threats of everything drying up, losing water, and killing living things that had no choice but to call it home. 

It wasn’t always that. It couldn’t have been. Them, not the lake. It wasn’t like that when they met. It wasn’t like that when they were first together. 

Although what the fuck does Eddie really know. Does he even remember accurately? Probably not. He doesn’t remember a lot of things. Buck told him before about different types of positive memory errors, where the mind distorts what happened into something better, fabricates something else, something good happening, or blocks it out all together. 

Eddie had not wanted to talk about it. Or think about it. He changed the subject. And then Buck started telling him about different types of leavening agents for baking. That was a better subject. 

Eddie started to think he enjoyed baking almost as much as Buck did. It was formulaic and made sense. Follow the recipe, achieve the desired result. Watch Buck focus and smile and be at ease. Assist him in whatever way he needs, just like always because they're a team. Then share treats with him afterward that were fresh, hot, and gooey from the oven. And Eddie would smell cinnamon and chocolate and vanilla in his house for days after, as long as it lingered in his kitchen. Which always made him think of Buck, and how Buck always made their house feel like a home.

It also made him remember when Pepa taught him how to make her favorite cupcakes when he curiously followed her around the kitchen as a child. Pink sugar cupcakes. She tried to tell him that it was called Mexican pink cake or cortadillo. But the cake wasn’t pink, he argued. The frosting was. And frosting was made of sugar and topped with sprinkles. So he always called it pink sugar cupcakes. Because Pepa liked it in cupcake form with a tower swirl of frosting.

She finally relented after a while and called it by the name 10 year old Eddie had given it. Sometimes, she even called him that. Her cortadillo azúcar rosado. Because he was "bright and sweet and soft" and should always be that way. According Pepa anyway.

[watchyourbuck]

okay so just watched the new ep, here’s my 911 s7 ep 1 thoughts:

nearly broke down watching Shannon read the letter to Chris. “I love you, even from a distance.” I’m unwell.

the bucktalia breakup explanation was funny, but what was funnier and gayer was Eddie’s reaction to it sjdjdj

there’s absolutely no chemistry between Marisol and Eddie.

the whole Bathena marital struggles™️ arc doesn’t convince me too much tbh (although I understand Athena’s thought process & concerns).

Chris putting the Shannon frame back up and Eddie’s heart visibly repairing in front of us will forever haunt me btw

“never seen a man turn off a woman with such skills.” “it’s a gift.” fuck off u homosexual

during that same scene, Buck staring longingly and lovingly at Eddie will also forever haunt me

Buck saying the sexual tension line and Eddie almost passing out is very in character

I genuinely felt bad for Bobby during the whole episode

Madney dating and then not dating makes me fuzzy inside, they’re so obviously in love

shirtless Eddie and drooling Buck <3

Eddie eavesdropping on Buck & Chris and scrunching his face in pain made me stop the ep, sit down on the floor and scream

[tinyshyteacup]

Taglist: @kellynickelsgirl00 @dixonsbridexx @yikes-myguy @blackwidownat2814 @euqsia @lliteratii @imadisneyprincessiswear @satata @smashleywow @misspendragonsworld @captain-shannon-becker @i-doutt-it @bookies16

----------------------------------------------------------

TW: cussing, early seasons Daryl, angst, descriptions of walkers (Zombies) , firearms, mentions of hunting, mentions of dealing with hunted animals.

Part 9

Dead Weight - Part 10

The prison smells like cold concrete and mildew, the kind of stale air that never quite clears. But today, something different rides in on the air, food.

After negotiations with the prisoners an agreement had been struck.

Rick’s voice echoes as he leads the others in—Maggie and Glen carrying buckets of dried goods, and Daryl following with a crate of cans.

His steps are heavy, his brow furrowed under the weight of more than just supplies.

You’re already in the common area—hair tied back, sleeves rolled up, helping Carol sort the pans, dented bowls, and what they salvaged from the prison’s cafeteria.

“There’s yeast,” you say softly, running your fingers over the old, faded label. “We could make bread, if we can get the water hot enough. Would need time to rise, though.”

Carol smiles faintly. “You’re a regular pioneer woman.”

You flush, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear. “Not really. I just… baked a lot. Before.”

That last word hangs between you both. Before. Before walkers, before guns, before america, before the world turned. Your voice trails off as the door creaks open.

Daryl steps in, placing it down near the others with a grunted "Mornin" and a thud of wood on concrete.

He wipes his hands on his jeans and looks over at the two of you, head slightly tilted like he’s waiting for someone to give him a reason to leave again.

Carol, ever the peacemaker, speaks first. “We were just talkin’ bread.”

“Bread?” Daryl squints, skeptical. “Ain’t this some apocalypse or somethin’?”

“People gotta eat,” you say, glancing over your shoulder, lips curving in a small smile. “Especially grumpy ones.”

His eyes flick to yours. There's a flicker—just a brief twitch in the corner of his mouth, not quite a smile, but close. He shifts on his feet, uncertain.

“Don’t see the point in bakin’ if we just gonna burn it.”

Carol steps aside, giving you room. “She knows what she’s doing, I couldnt without my old may-tech”

You look down at the dry flour in your hand, trying not to show how warm you feel under Daryl’s guarded gaze.

“It’s just something familiar,” you admit. “Just…something normal.”

He doesn’t reply immediately. You hear him move, boots scuffing against the floor as he leans against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, nibbling the inside of his lower lip, like he's debating what to say next.

And when you start mixing the flour in a metal bowl, humming softly under your breath.

“Ma made biscuits. Real fluffy kind.”

Your hands freeze. You glance over.

“Did she teach you?” you ask, voice soft like approaching a skittish animal.

He shakes his head. “She didn’t teach no one nothin’. Just used to make ’em after she’d been drinkin’. Said the flour soaked up the liquor.”

There’s something in his eyes now—far away and aching—but he looks at you again, more focused this time.

“You really think this is worth doin’?”

You nod. “Yes. It’s not about the bread. It’s about settling ... or trying to” you sigh before going back to your task.

He looks at you for a long second, then pushes off the wall with a grunt. “Guess I’ll go scrounge for firewood. If we’re wastin’ time, might as well make it count.”

You glance down and lightly, jokingly say.

“Actually if your going out ... bring back a deer"

You shoot your eyebrows up once, an indication of your teasing.

"Please ... I’d love you forever.”

A pause.

Then a very different kind of silence.

Daryl stiffens. You look up at him, and his face has gone stone-cold blank.

“Don’t say shit like that,” he mutters, stepping back.

“Ain’t funny.”

You frown, confused. “I was joking…”

“Yeah, well don’t.”

The cafeteria windows are narrow, smudged with grime and sunlight. Golden beams slip through, catching the floating flour in the air and making it shimmer like ash caught in honey.

The smell of warm yeast mingles with the metallic scent of the prison walls—a strange blend of comfort and ruin.

The table is an old, warped steel prep counter scavenged from deeper in the prison, scrubbed to gleaming by Carol’s elbow grease and your own detrimination.

A cracked plastic bowl cradles a thick lump of dough, its surface glossy with oil.

Beth is humming an old country tune under her breath as she cradles the bowl against her hip, mixing with a wooden spoon worn to a smooth nub.

You lean forward on your elbows beside her, casually coaxing the mixture into sort of submission with your fingers.

“Needs more flour, hun” you murmur to Beth.

Then glance toward the open bag Carol dragged in earlier.

“A good handful, maybe two...”

Carl, perched on an upside-down crate nearby with his sheriff hat pushed too far back on his head, swings his legs idly.

“This stuff’s gonna be like the rolls they had at school?” he asks, hopeful, eyeing the pale dough with suspicion.

“Not quite,” you say with a smile, dusting your hands on your legs.

“More like... dense clouds. If clouds were slightly gritty. And maybe chewy.”

Beth giggles and flicks a bit of flour at you.

“Sounds delicious.”

“Hey, bread’s bread,” Carol says, pinching the dough and checking its elasticity. “Warm and full. That’s what matters.”

Carl leans forward, squinting into the bowl.

“Can we make shapes with it?”

You light up a little, like the idea brings something familiar to the surface.

“We used to make birds,” you say softly, the sadness of loosing your home dulled by Carl's youthful enthusiasm

“Little doves. We’d pinch the tails and tuck raisins in for eyes.”

Carl brightens.

“Can we try?”

“We’ve got no raisins,” Beth reminds gently, tapping the counter with her knuckle.

“Blind birds, then, less chance they'll fly away” you say with a grin, already pinching off a small bit and shaping it in your palms.

You push your sleeves up higher, revealing your forearms to the mercy of the biting cold, and settle into a rhythm.

Carl begins shaping his own rough version—a kind of lumpy slug—and you don’t correct him.

You just let him create.

Carol starts lining a dented baking tray with a sparse amount of oil. The oven jury-rigged from a gas drum clicks in the background, already heating.

A moment of quiet passes.

Your mind turns to Daryl, the way your teasing had accidentally caused what you assumed was offense.

You glance back at Carl and tilt your head.

“Wanna play a game?”

He looks up. “What kind?”

“Would you rather.”

Beth snorts gently. “Careful, Carl plays to win.”

“Isn't that how games work?,” he mutters, rolling his dough bird between his hands.

You lift a finger like your aunts had at home.

“Okay. Would you rather eat nothing but cold beans for the rest of your life… or one raw squirrel every day?”

Carl makes a face.

“Beans. All the way.”

“Squirrel,” Beth says. “More protein.”

Carol quirks an eyebrow. “Your forgetting—raw means blood.”

“Still better than beans,” Beth insists with a grin.

You wrinkle your nose.

“I think I’d die of sadness if I had to eat nothing but beans.”

“You say that now,” Carl mutters, and they all laugh.

You keep shaping your birds.

Yours come out delicate—tiny beaks and fanned tails.

Carl’s look like flying potatoes with wings.

Beth’s are abstract swirls.

Carol’s are utilitarian, no-nonsense—just enough to rise and bake.

For a moment, it feels like before.

A gentle, flickering thing. Laughter in a world that doesn’t allow much of it.

Bread in an apocalypse.

Warmth in a concrete box.

Beth starts the next round of the game

“Would you rather sleep in the watchtower when winter comes, or the boiler room?”

Carl pipes up quickly. “Boiler room. Warmer.”

“But rats,” Carol warns. “Boiler room’ might be crawling with them.”

You laugh behind your hand.

“I’d still pick the boiler room. I think I’d be more scared of heights than rats.”

Carl leans over to you.

“You know... if you taught me to make real bread like this, we could trade it with the prisoners.”

Your expression softens, touched.

“You really think they’d want blind bread birds?”

“Yeah. You’re good at this.”

That quiet compliment lingers. You blink quickly and nod, smiling again—but somewhere, inside, it lands.

Your just happy to help him feel like a child, even for just a minute.

The sky’s turned a brittle sort of blue, the kind that stretches over winter-stripped trees and watches in silence. Wind hisses through branches overhead, dry and sharp like whispered warnings.

Daryl moves like a shadow through the underbrush, low and quiet, his boots muffled in the softened loam.

The crossbow shifts across his back with each step, familiar weight grounding him.

But his chest?

That’s not grounded. It’s tight.

"Bring back a deer"

Your voice echoes in his mind

"Please ... I’d love you forever.”

In fact your voice won’t shut up in his head. Soft, damn near sweet. Said like a joke, sure. But jokes like that don’t land soft—not for someone like him.

He huffs under his breath, scoffing at nothing. His hands are tight on the crossbow, knuckles pale.

“Love you forever.”

He can’t stop hearing it, twisting it around, dissecting the tone.

Was it a joke? Course it was. He knows that. Girls like you don’t say things like that and mean it.

Not to the dirty, backwoods, rough-edged redneck who barely talks right and smells like guts half the time.

His boots crunch over brittle leaves as he spots tracks—deer, probably—but his heart’s not in it.

Not yet.

“Think some girl’s ever gonna look at you like that boy?”

His father’s voice, bitter and slurred, cracks through the trees.

Daryl’s lip curls without meaning to.

The bastard’s been dead years, but that voice of his never went quiet and some days, it lived in the very back of his head.

“Ain’t nobody gonna love a Dixon. ‘Specially not the messed-up one with them little pussy eyes.”

The phrase always stuck.

“Little pussy eyes.”

Something about the way Daryl would flinch when whatever was in his father's hands landed—how he didn’t look back with hate, just with hurt.

Then Merle’s voice follows, always grinning, always mean.

“You fallin’ for that little foreign thing, Darylina? Hah. You think she’s gonna stick around when she figures out you ain’t got shit to offer? Can’t even look a woman in the eye without flinchin’.”

Daryl stands suddenly, too fast, scattering leaves. He exhales hard through his nose, shaking his head like that might clear it.

“C'mon man stop being such a pussy” he mutters under his breath, hoping to silence his own thoughts, jaw tight.

But they don’t stop.

Those voices never did.

His chest aches with something he can’t explain, and it burns hot, then cold.

You were just playin’. Just like Merle used to say girls did. Mess with your head, your gut.

Make you think y'mattered, then laugh while you sat there dumb and wantin’ it.

He kneels by the tracks, fingers brushing the earth. His breath comes out sharp.

“Ain’t funny,” he mutters again. “Don’t talk like that if it ain’t real.”

He crouches by a patch of churned earth. Deer, definitely. Could be close. His fingers press to the dirt—cool, damp, recent.

Still, his focus won’t settle. Instead, it drifts…

“Love.”

Daryl scoffs under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck like he’s trying to scrub the word off his skin.

He walks on.

Tracks wind down toward the creek.

He sees them before he hears them—two deer, not huge, but even one would be enough to feed the group.

He crouches behind an old tree trunk, heart slowing, breath steadying.

He raises his crossbow.

And for a moment… he hesitates.

Because your voice is there again—not mocking this time. Just there.

“I’d love you forever.”

And for one stupid heartbeat, Daryl wants to believe it.

Wants to believe you meant it.

That maybe—just maybe—you weren’t joking.

That someone could say something like that to him and not be messing around.

That he could take care of someone.

And be taken care of too.

But then the doubt creeps in fast.

Ugly.

Loud.

“Love. Tch.” He scoffs.

“Not for someone like you, boy. They don’t stick around. They don’t want nothin’ broke.”

He fires.

The bolt lands.

The deer falls.

Clean shot.

No struggle.

Daryl's knife sliced through the buck's belly with practiced precision, his movements swift and methodical despite the storm brewing inside him.

Blood slicked his forearms as he worked, the metallic scent mingling with the earthy forest floor beneath his knees.

His wet hands yanking the entrails free with more force than necessary, steam rising from the cavity in the cooling air.

He rolled his shoulders, trying to dislodge the unwelcome thoughts as he separated the heart and liver, setting them aside for later.

"She'd probably run screaming if she knew half the things I done before the world went to shit." he growled to himself.

He paused to wipe his brow with his forearm, leaving a streak of crimson he didn't notice.

The buck's glassy eyes stared up at him, accusatory in death, and Daryl found himself looking away.

His hands continued their grim work, muscle memory taking over.

Daryl hauls the body over his shoulders, muscles burning, but the sting in his chest is worse. He trudges through the woods, back toward the prison, but slower now.

He wants to be proud of the kill.

But all he feels is a tight, gnawing ache in his chest.

What if she meant it?

Bullshit, 'course she didn’t.

It doesn’t matter, because even if she did… he'd just screw it up anyhow.

He pauses at the edge of the trees, looking toward the prison’s razor-wire silhouette. Your shadow moves past the window inside.

You’re smiling about something—talking to Carol, probably.

And it just guts him.

He tells himself he’s mad at you.

But really.

he’s mad at himself—for letting it get to him.

For hoping.

For imagining—for one stupid second—what it would feel like to be loved.

[duckprintspress]

18 Recommendations for National Science Fiction Day!

Today, January 2nd, is National Science Fiction Day. To celebrate, we asked DPP contributors what their favorite queer sci-fi reads are and we ended up with a list 18 awesome books! Recommendations made by Sebastian Marie, Shadaras, Mikki Madison, Sanne, Nina Waters, Shannon, Alex, Dei Walker, and an anonymous contributor.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

Aether Beyond the Binary Anthology

A Memory Called Empire (Teixcalaan series) by Arkady Martine

Unconquerable Sun (The Sun Chronicles series) by Kate Elliott

Firebreak by Nicole Kornher-Stace

The Genesis of Misery by Neon Yang

Empress of Forever by Max Gladstone

All Systems Red (The Murderbot Diaries series) by Martha Wells

A Closed and Common Orbit (Wayfarers series) by Becky Chambers

The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer

Little Mushroom by Yi Shi Si Zhou

Project Nought by Chelsey Furedi

On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden

The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone

Ocean’s Echo (Winter’s Orbit series) by Everina Maxwell

Seven of Infinities by Aliette de Bodard

The Archive Undying (The Downworld Sequence series) by Emma Mieko Candon

What are your favorite queer sci-fi books?

This is the third time we’ve done a rec list for National Sci-Fi Day! You can check out the 2023 list here and the 2024 list here!

You can find these and more queer sci-fi book we love on our Goodreads sci-fi book shelf.

See anything you like? Buy it through the Duck Prints Press Bookshop.org affiliate shop.

Need a place to chat about your favorite books? Join us in our Book Lover’s Discord server!

[capseycartwright]

miss me, but let me go

“I have - I’ve carried this grief, for you, for so long, and I know I can’t let it all go, because a part of me is always going to grieve for you,” Eddie paused. “But I can’t feel like this forever, Shannon. I don’t think you’d want me to, either. So - I need to let some of it go. Okay? I need to - I need to be myself now. For me, and for Christopher. I want to be me."

On November 1, Eddie builds an altar for Shannon and finds a way to let her go.

ao3 link

November 1. The date is not one Eddie is likely to ever forget. Even before Shannon died, Dia de los Muertos wasn’t a holiday he ever missed - as a child, he would help his abuelo make their altar every year, a picture of his abuelo front-and-centre, Edmundo Diaz Senior, the man he’d been named for, looking sharp in his suit as he looked out from the glass picture frame where he’d lived all of Eddie’s life. He’d never met his grandfather - only carried his name. 

Over the years, more faces found a home on the altar - friends, and family, time a fickle thing and the only certainty about life that it ended. Death was familiar, a constant in a world Eddie felt like he could never quite figure out.

After Shannon died -

The first November 1 after she died, Eddie built his own altar for the first time, explaining the tradition to Christopher. They had done it every year since, Christopher’s face in a set line as he made sure everything was absolutely perfect. No less than his mother deserved, Eddie knew. 

Shannon hadn’t grown up with the traditions of All Saints and All Souls, but she’d embraced them wholly when she and Eddie had gotten married, making the altar herself when Eddie wasn’t there. It felt right to honour her with the traditions she had loved herself. That was why Eddie had taken to adding a picture of Shannon’s mother to the altar too, when she died the year after Shannon did. Breast cancer, they’d said, but Eddie knew heartbreak had been the thing that had pushed her over the edge.

Every year, Eddie celebrated Shannon, and her mother, his grandfather, the people he’d served with who had died - 

Except this year.

Eddie felt bad. Really, he did - he was going to build the altar himself, but when his dad had texted a picture of the Diaz family altar, Shannon front and centre, Eddie couldn’t quite bring himself to make his own. Shannon was being remembered - that was what mattered. He’d gone to her grave instead, only half listening as the priest had said mass over the graveyard, praying for the salvation of the souls who were buried there.

Grief was a funny old beast, Eddie knew. Grief had made him do crazy things - grief had driven his son to Texas, for crying out loud. The grief didn’t hit standing by her grave, but it did when dusk descended over Eddie’s house, and the absence of an altar began to feel like one of the worst things he’d done amongst a year of terrible decision-making.

Maybe he should have taken Buck up on his offer of coming over to make an altar with him, but Eddie had asked enough of his best friend in the last four months. Eddie knew Tommy had bought them tickets for some movie Buck was dying to see, and as much as Eddie was a near-professional third wheel now, he didn’t think he’d make a good addition to the back row of their local movie theatre.

Eddie winced as he looked at the candle he’d swiped from the dining table. “It’s cedarwood,” he said, apologetic as he lit it, setting the candle down in front of the framed picture of Shannon that lived on their fireplace. “I know you hated cedarwood, but I’m working with what I’ve got here, Shan.”

Eddie pressed his cheek against his folded arms, taking one, two, three shaky breaths. “I really struggled after you left, Shannon. I don’t think I really even realised how much until now - and it’s not just because you were gone, but you were gone and you wanted a divorce, and I - suddenly, I was never going to get answers.”

He’d been talking about Shannon a lot in therapy, lately, unpacking all his complicated feelings during his excruciating weekly hour with Frank. 

“I don’t know if I even wanted to stay married to you,” Eddie admitted, the candle flickering in the growing dark of his living room. That was terrifying to admit out loud - that even if she had stayed alive, he and Shannon wouldn’t have made it work. There were a thousand reasons why, and Eddie could sit, and list them all, but one was more important than the others. 

“I think I’m gay, Shannon,” Eddie had never said it out loud before, despite the thought never quite leaving his mind, Pandora’s box open, now. “If you were here, I bet you’d have such a laugh with that - not like, in a bad way. Just - I think you’d find it funny, that your mom’s gaydar was right after all.” 

He couldn’t help but laugh at the thought himself. Shannon’s mom had been the bitchiest woman he’d ever met, and Eddie loved her for it. 

“I’ve made such a mess of things,” Eddie paused. “But with you, most of all. I’m sorry - for my part in it all. I thought I was doing the right thing, joining the army. I just wanted to take care of you and Chris, and I didn’t see any other way out. I know it was the wrong choice - but I really thought it was the right one. You know?”

Shannon’s picture stayed silent. 

“I have - I’ve carried this grief, for you, for so long, and I know I can’t let it all go, because a part of me is always going to grieve for you,” Eddie paused. For the life she might have had, if not for the car crash - Eddie sometimes liked to indulge himself and think of an alternative life where Shannon had survived, where they got divorced, and learned how to co-parent, and maybe they found their way back to being friends. It was a nice thought.

Eddie wiped roughly at his eyes. “But I can’t feel like this forever, Shannon. I don’t think you’d want me to, either. So - I need to let some of it go. Okay? I need to - I need to be myself now. For me, and for Christopher. I want to be me.” 

With a shaky hand, Eddie pressed a kiss to the framed picture, setting Shannon back down with the candle. It was a half-assed altar, and somehow, that made Eddie feel worse. He scrambled to his feet, heading for his bedroom, and the box of Shannon’s belongings he knew was stashed at the back of his wardrobe. He hadn’t kept much for himself - most of it was for Christopher - but he had a few things. There was a necklace in there, he knew that Eddie had bought her for their first wedding anniversary. It was a cheap thing, because they were always broke, but it was something of hers - it would make it a more acceptable offering.

Eddie couldn’t help the breath that hitched in his throat as he spotted what was in his bedroom. A butterfly, resting on his pillowcase, on the side he always slept on. “Hey, little guy,” he whispered softly, not wanting to startle the tiny creature. His abuela loved butterflies - they were spirits of the people you loved, who had left, coming back to visit. Eddie felt slightly ridiculous, but he said it anyway. “Shannon?”

The butterfly didn’t move. 

“I’m so glad Christopher isn’t here, because he would really think I’ve lost it,” Eddie crouched by the side of his bed, holding out a finger. “Hey. Is this your way of telling me it’s okay to let you go? Did you hear all of that?” 

The butterfly moved, tiny wings fluttering as it came to land on Eddie’s outstretched finger. 

“I hope that’s a yes,” Eddie knew tears were streaming down his cheeks, now, but he didn’t want to freak the butterfly out by wiping them away. “How did you get in here, eh? None of the windows are open.”

If Eddie Diaz believed in a higher power, still, he’d blame God - or the universe. 

“Let’s get you outside,” Eddie said, and the butterfly flapped, a little, coming to land on the windowsill instead. “Yeah? You’re ready to go?”

The butterfly flapped in response again.

“I think I’m ready to let you go, this time,” Eddie admitted, carefully unlatching the window. “We’re going to be okay, me and Christopher. I promise. You can go. You don’t need to worry about us.” 

The butterfly seemed to pause, for a second, before it flew out the open window, disappearing into the beginnings of the evening. Eddie wasn’t sure how long he stood there, tears pouring down his cheeks, rolling off the curve of his chin and onto his shirt, but the next thing he knew, he could hear - 

“Buck?”

“Eddie! You’re a firefighter - how long have you left that candle unattended, huh? Eddie - Eddie, where are you, man?”

Buck appeared in the doorway of Eddie’s bedroom, a family-sized bag of sour patch kids tucked under one arm. “Do I need to teach you the basics of fire safety all over again?” he huffed, pausing as he noticed Eddie’s tears. “Eddie - you okay?”

“Yeah,” Eddie offered his best friend a teary smile. For the first time, Eddie might actually mean that yes. “I’m okay. There - there was a butterfly,” he explained, gesturing at the window vaguely. “I had to let it out.”

“A butterfly?” Buck looked confused. 

“My abuela always said butterflies were the spirits of people who’ve died,” Eddie explained. “I lit a candle for Shannon, and there was a butterfly just sitting on my pillow, when I came in here. It’s…” he paused. “It’s stupid.”  

Buck’s face softened. ‘It’s not stupid,” he shook his head. “You think it was Shannon?”

Eddie glanced at the window again. “I hope it was,” he admitted, taking a deep breath before he closed the window. That in itself felt like symbolism, Eddie decided - a closing of a chapter he should have let go a long time ago. That’s what he needed it to be, at least. “Wait - aren’t you meant to be on a date?”

Bcuk shrugged. “We changed the tickets to tomorrow,” he explained, holding up the bag of candy. “You said you weren’t going to make an altar, and I didn’t want to let you skip out on it. These were her favourite, right?” 

Eddie could cry all over again. Buck, like Shannon, hadn’t grown up with Dia de los Muertos, but here he was, with a bag of Eddie’s dead wife’s favourite candy, ready to sit in Eddie’s grief with him. Eddie wasn’t sure what he’d done in a previous life to deserve a friend like Evan Buckley, but he thanked whatever God or universe was listening for giving him Buck anyway.

“She’d eat so many she’d give herself a stomach-ache,” Eddie grinned, and the memory didn’t hurt, the way it used to, the grief a dull ache that he could grow around, now. He leaned into the embrace Buck offered, breathing in the familiar cedarwood scent of Buck’s favourite cologne. “Thanks. For being here.”

“Nowhere I’d rather be,” Buck hummed, pressing a ridiculous, loud, smacking kiss to the top of Eddie’s head. Eddie loved him. “But I’m buying you one of those electric candle warmers if you’re going to keep leaving candles unattended, Eddie.” 

Eddie was mostly listening as he let Buck guide him back to the living room, the candle still flickering golden in front of Shannon’s picture. It was the same one he’d put on her memorial programme - bright, and beautiful, just like she’d always been when she was alive. 

Buck grinned, as he set a piece of candy in front of her picture. “Berry,” he explained. “My favourite,” he added, tossing a handful of the sour sweets into his own mouth. 

They sat, the television playing reruns of a procedural in the background, eating candy until their stomachs hurt, the candle burning all the way to the end. 

The butterfly didn’t come back.

Buck stayed.

Eddie was ready to move on.

(Buck stayed.)

[cursedwerewolf]

the shannoneddie breakup scene will forever live rent free in my brain. eddie starting his speech about how much he loves their marriage by comparing life to a vat of molten chocolate bc it drags you down but it's also warm and sweet. the "i guess i just needed a sign" "i'm not pregnant" bombshell. eddie chugging half his drink after said bombshell. shannon being like "gotta be a relief, right 😅" as if eddie didn't just talk mostly about how much he loves being a dad instead of being a husband while talking about their marriage. the song in the background. the implication due to the episode theme that shannon died bc she wanted a divorce. just wild

[moonlightmornings]

hannah's buddie fic recs || pt. 6 💫

happy 911 day! got nothing to say today, beautiful people... just hope you're doing good and are happy & healthy :D (i lied, i do have a fic coming out by next thursday 4/17 so i hope you like it!)

as always, if you're the author of one of these please reply and i'll tag your tumblr! and check the tags and warnings before reading!!

<- PART FIVE: hannah's buddie fic recs

beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart by thewinterwilson | 8.6k words | teen+ Eddie misses reading. Buck and Eddie go on a date to a bookstore to fix that.

when the night is cold as it is long by @thelikesofus | 4.4k words | teen+ Eddie develops claustrophobia post “The Well Incident”, as well as frequent nightmares. Then on a call, he and Buck get stuck in a collapse and Eddie panics.

i've seen the dark side too (i'll stand by you) by youdrewstarsaroundmyscars118 | 3.2k words | teen+ Eddie has a nightmare, does something unintentionally and falls apart. Buck is there to hold him through it.

i know it won't be long by @starshaker | 36.1k words | teen+ A indulgent fic of Eddie and Buck building their relationship. Including lots of soft quiet moments, artistic licence in regards to Eddie's growth and accepting help/opening up, childish hope and a few honorary mentions from various metas that have made the rounds. Mostly canon compliant.

the give and take by honeyandsunshine | 5.9k words | teen+ After the well, Eddie takes a shower. Buck helps.

moving so close, we combust by loveisawildthing | 13.9k words | explicit Buck moves into Eddie’s house. He doesn’t really move back out (aka, the Buddie roommates fic)

the beat of your heart as my hand touches your skin by @missyousofar | 9.2k words | explicit There are signs of Eddie’s heat—pretty obvious ones (aka, the friends to lovers alpha/omega fic)

bruises not yet healed by @sweetcritique | 7.4k words | teen+ Eddie hides that he’s struggling after returning to the 118 and Buck tries to figure out how to convince Eddie to open up to him.

across our great divide (a glorious sunrise) by @adamsparirsh (catchingpapermoons) | 53.7k words | mature Eddie gets Buck to come to couples therapy with him.

cinnamon kisses by @tawaifeddiediaz | 3.5k words | teen+ Buck wakes up from a nap, cuddles Eddie, proposes, and devours cinnamon rolls, in that very order.

close enough for comfort by @littlespoonevan (allyasavedtheday) | 14.0k words | teen+ A look at how Buck and Eddie's physical relationship develops from season 2 to season 5 (aka, the one with all the hugging)

let me wrap my teeth around the world by thewritingkit | 7.0k words | explicit Eddie receives some unexpected attention and Buck needs to remind him who gets to have him on the dining room table.

love me most by @unlifeira (eirallyod) | 11.3k words | teen+ Eddie’s not impressed that Buck and Tommy’s first date was supposed to be dinner and a movie. He thinks he can come up with something more creative, and he takes Buck on a date to prove his point. It’s a fake date, obviously. It’s not like he’s in love with Buck or anything.

we built a fort of lover's teeth by @stevesbootyshorts (eden22) | 10.1k words | explicit Eddie’s marriage is over... (set between the divorce conversation and Shannon dying)

i'll love you forever, you know by @smilingbuckley | 6.3k words | explicit Several months after Eddie moves to Texas, he surprises Buck at a wedding party.

-> PART SEVEN: hannah's buddie fic recs