#love them brooding traumatized middle aged men

[scrambledslut]

if you’re into murder mystery/crime shows i highly recommend watching Broadchurch, not only bc david tennant is hotter than a motherfucker in it and i would sell my soul just to have him yell at me BUT the acting and story is genuinely so good and interesting, the plot twists are fucking insane i was literally left speechless when i finished season 1, don’t think i’ve ever gasped that much watching a crime show

[anodyne-sunflower]

The Crown weighs heavy (Ch.16)

Pairing: NeganxReader

Chapters: 16/?

Rating: M overall

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy!

MASTER LIST

There was moments, sometimes, when you’d look around the sanctuary and think this could work. That somehow you could live among these people, and just learn to do what you hadn’t done in ages: Relax. But, more often than not those unachievable goals would remain just that, because with a leader like Negan around your time here was more stressful than you expected. You spent days avoiding the man, and even when you did capture his eye from down the hall you instantly took off, your nerves getting the best of you. It’s not like you didn’t have a good reason though, because after the other day you were dead set on never looking him in the eyes again.

“So how did being Negan’s maid go?”

Jared’s voice fell upon your thoughts, and you looked up from your work to blink at him in slight confusion. “What?”

Your friend laughed at your dazed state, rolling his eyes as he lifted the wood palette to place on his market stand. “His maid…you know, what your job was literally like a week ago, have you even been paying attention?”

A small laugh left your lips and you apologized for zoning out on him, it’s just that your current attention was occupied with a certain savior. “Well, if you must know, the highlight of that duty was probably being traumatized when I caught him with not one, but two, of his wives.”

The sound of Jared’s laughter filled the common area, and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him. You had managed to make peace with that memory, or more like throw it into the dark corners of your mind where you kept all traumatic events from springing up again.

“Two? Oh, let me guess…little miss ‘daddy’s girl’ and Amber?”

“God, am I the only one who didn’t know what they did behind closed doors?!”

Jared just chuckled, running a hand over his face as he tried to contain his amusement. “Look, it’s no secret what tricks those two women use. If anyone’s in love with Negan, it’s them two. They’ll literally do anything to keep his attention.”

You raised your eyebrows in understanding, giving him a knowing look as you lifted some more items onto his stand. “Kind of wished I knew that before walking in on them.”

“Oh come on, it couldn’t have been that bad. I mean, give me details here. I’m currently working with nothing.”

“You actually want details? What is it with men and girl on girl…?”

The sound of Jared working stopped and you looked up to see him smirking at you. His hand was resting on the top of the booth, and he twirled the hammer around in his hand.

“Who said I wanted details about them? I was thinking more along the lines of our ever so brooding leader.”

A laugh was all you could muster, and you opened your mouth to respond but there wasn’t much that you could say. Somehow, you feel as if you should’ve caught on to Jared’s orientation, and yet it just didn’t occur to you. But, the fact that he found Negan attractive was pretty amusing to you. You didn’t peg him for the dark and dangerous type.

“Are you asking me to describe his….” You waved around your own intimate area, referencing it in place of Negan’s.

“Yes. Yes, I am. And please, do not leave any details out.” He grinned at you, hammering away at the center of the stand to set up his shelves. “There are slim pickings here, and if I can live vicariously through you then I will take it.”

His smile was contagious, and you bit your lip as you tried thinking back on that time, all for Jared’s sake. But, truth be told you never saw any part of Negan. In your flustered state you had wasted no time in turning away. “Honestly, I didn’t see anything. I turned away before I could catch a glimpse of anything I didn’t want to see.”

He clicked his tongue at you, stopping his work to shove playfully at your shoulder. “Yeah. Whatever. Don’t pretend you don’t find him even a bit attractive.”

Why everyone kept insisting on something between you two, was beyond you, but Jared was a friend and you feel you could open up to him a bit more than the others.

“I never said I didn’t, it’s just not like that.”

Jared looked over at you with interest, picking his gloves off and reaching for the apples next to him. He tossed you one, and lifted a hand up towards you as he asked for you to continue your explanation. With a quick bite, you chewed on the fruit wiping some of the juice off your lips as you spoke.

“Look, I…before I came here, way before, I was with a group of people.” There wasn’t much need to go into too many details, and as always you felt this overwhelming desire to keep the fact that you had a brother secret. Talking about him to anyone just made his loss feel all that more real. “Anyway, there was a man that I…we were in love.”

Whether he was expecting that answer or not, Jared didn’t seem surprised. He only offered you a sympathetic smile, taking a seat against the counter as he listened intently to your story.

“I’m just being sensitive about the whole thing, and for some reason Negan reminds me of him sometimes, and I just find myself freaking out about it, and it hurts. It’s as simple as that, and I don’t know how to stop it, because believe me I wish I could.”

“Damn…did he..?”

You shrugged your shoulders, face falling into a deep sorrow as you thought about Rick, and the others. There was no way they survived the attack on the prison, and if they did something else probably got to them. “Pretty sure he is.”

“Sorry.”

Though he didn’t have much to say, you knew it was genuine, and you smiled at him and shook your head. It wasn’t his fault, and it was the past now, maybe letting it go is what you needed. But, you couldn’t possibly just let yourself forget about him, or your brother, or any of them. You were with them for so long that they became your everything. How does a person come back from that? With another bite of your apple you contemplated over your thoughts, holding the apple firmly in place with your teeth as you worked on organizing Jared’s new goods. However, the man was being awfully quiet, it was rare he’d go even more than a minute without talking. You looked over at him, blinking confusedly as you watched him kneel to the floor. With a glance around the common room you noticed the few other people in here doing the same. Eyebrows scrunched in wonder, you turned around to see who they were staring at only to come face to face with dark leather. You trailed your eyes up until they landed on the smug face of Negan, his eyebrow cocked in arrogance.

“What in the almighty fucking hell are you doing down here, doll? I can’t fucking find you, and I have to resort to asking fat Joey where you wandered off to this time, and here I am finding you skulking about the marketplace.”

All you could do was stare up at him, too caught up in the fact that he’s here to form a coherent response. But, it felt much like a child being scolded by a parent the way he was talking to you.

“Come on. We have business to attend to.”

Before giving you a proper chance to answer him, he reaches up and grabs the apple from your mouth, smirking at you as he takes a bite of it and walks off, knowing you’d follow closely behind him. You turn to look at Jared, who’s mouthing for you to hurry and leave, which you reluctantly do.

*****************************************************************************

The walk through the halls of the compound was awkward, and you kept stealing glances towards Negan as he walked ahead of you. You suppose avoiding him could only last so long, but still did this really have to happen. Your day was going so perfect earlier, and then of course he’d find some excuse to seek you out.

“I got a job for you, sweetheart.”

You instantly picked your head up, eager to hear what he had to say. Perhaps, this wouldn’t be so bad at all. So far he hasn’t brought anything up, and his face looked serious enough.

“Yes?”

Negan stopped in the middle of the hallway, Lucille hanging over his shoulder as he looked down at you. “There’s gonna be another run soon, and I-“

“I’ll go.” Anything to get out of here for a bit, you thought and yet Negan didn’t see it that way. In fact, your little interruption only made him chuckle.

“And I need you to start preparing some supplies for Dwight and Simon.”

As soon as those names left his lips, you felt your stomach tie into a knot of annoyance. If he wasn’t going to let you go, then why bother even saying anything? Simon and Dwight were more than capable of gathering their own supplies, and it’s not like they could do much in this weather. Simon was already lucky to have found some food, let alone ammo.

“Why?”

Negan ran a hand over his face as he started walking away again, the sound of his boots hitting the floor echoing off the concrete walls. “Your job is to do whatever the fuck I say. Without question.”

“Look just let me go! I can do it-“

A gasp was pulled from your throat when a hand shoved you against the wall, Negan’s ever threatening gaze fixed on your face.

“Without. Question.”

Negan liked to pride himself on being a reasonable man, and yet when it came to you it always felt like reason was out of the question. But, you weren’t stupid either, and arguing with him wasn’t going to get you anywhere. So you just stood quiet, eyes focused on the wall in front of you instead of his face that was just inches from your own. His hand still lingered on your chest, and the heat of his palm against it was starting to become uncomfortable for you. Negan wouldn’t budge though, and he watched you carefully as he considered your nerve to speak against him, like you always did. But, the sound of your breathing distracted him, and he looked you over once before moving away.

“You’re still sick, sweetheart.”

You swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat, and with a shaky breath you shook your head at him. “It’s nothing. The cough has been going away.”And it certainly felt like you were getting better, at least for a while. But, even though the cough truly did die down your fever had been on and off, and your head was constantly pounding with a headache. The medicine you managed to get from the marketplace wasn’t enough, and it only lessened the headache you had for a couple of hours at best. But, you had had the flu before many times, and this felt no different. It was only worse because you didn’t have an endless supply of medical help at your disposal.

Negan didn’t bother pressing you though, and he eyed you cautiously for a second before lifting Lucille back onto his shoulder. “Excusing the fucking fact that you’re feeling like shit, I’m not sending you back out there. You got some mighty big balls to fucking ask though. But, let’s retrace our steps, shall we? I don’t trust that pretty little ass of yours beyond these walls.”

Every word that came out of his mouth just made it sound like he was getting annoyed with you all over again for your past indiscretions. But, he couldn’t treat you like this forever. Before he could walk away again you grabbed his shoulder, turning him around and looking at him with a sense of purpose.

“You can trust me!”

Negan simply stared at you, regarding you with a look you couldn’t quite understand. But, behind his brown eyes you saw contemplation, and you had to hope that he would finally stop this nonsense and treat you like one of his men. With a quieter tone, you let your hand fall from his shoulder and instead reached for his hand, holding it in your own gently. There wasn’t a particular reason you did it, but in that moment it felt like the right thing to do.

“You can trust me.”

His hand didn’t close around yours, it didn’t even so much as twitch at the sudden contact but you could tell something different had sparked behind his eyes. And if it wasn’t for the sudden wave of nausea that hit you, you would’ve asked him what was wrong. Instead you felt the weight of the world fall on your shoulders and you blinked constantly, desperately trying to regain your composure. You could hear Negan calling your name in the background, but your mind was so heavy with fever that you ignored him. Something warm began to trickle down your lip, and just as you brought your hand up to wipe at it Negan swatted it away, and instead placed his gloved hand to your upper lip wiping at the blood that fell from your nose. He looked at it then to you with a concern in his eyes that he didn’t even bother trying to hide this time. The sight of the blood made you confused, and you looked up at Negan before your legs gave out under you and you fell forward, only for him to catch you just in time. His strong arms wrapped around your weak form, and you could hear him curse as he lifted you up and against his chest.

There wasn’t much you remembered after that, it was just a rush down the halls until the door of your room slammed open and you felt the soft sheets of your bed curl around you. Your body was begging for sleep by this point, and you fought it as much as you could. Negan was standing next to your bed, his hand covering his beard as he debated what to do with you. All you heard was doctor, and be right back but you grabbed the edge of his jacket before he could run off.

“No…no doctor. I’m alright…”

“Alright? Are you fucking kidding me, sweetheart? Have you goddamn seen yourself?”

His tone was serious, and he looked down at you with disbelief. He was more than impressed by your strength and willingness to move on, but he wasn’t going to risk whatever you had spreading around killing people off, nor was he going to let you die because you were too stubborn to take his gracious help. By this time though the fog in your mind began to lessen, and you groaned as you shifted in the bed trying to sit up.

“Truly…I’m fine, Negan.”

You felt his hand squeeze yours softly, and you looked down to see yours still clutched in his when you reached for him. A blush erupted on your face and you snagged it back without looking at him. You bit at your nail in embarrassment before looking away and lifting your hand up to him.

“Thanks…but, I’m…I’m ok.”

The air in the room became heavy with uncomfortable emotions, and you tried to pretend he wasn’t still standing there with his intent gaze locked on your form.

“You really do have a goddamn death wish, darlin’.”

Negan sighed as he leaned against your dresser, placing Lucille next to him on the floor as he crossed his arms. “So you’re just gonna fucking bleed from your goddamn nose and faint, and act like this is completely fucking normal for you?”

“Yes.”

Your sarcasm could’ve gone without, but it wasn’t like you were about to stay bed ridden because you fainted. Sometimes the body could get overheated, and if you ignore it long enough it gives out on itself. That’s what happened to you, and you’d just make sure to take it somewhat easier in the coming days. The flu could correct itself. But, Negan wasn’t satisfied with that and he picked up Lucille and walked over to your doors before speaking.

“I’ll tell you what, Darlin’. Being as that I’m a very reasonable man, see our fucking doctor, and I just may let you go out and collect for me.”

Your eyes widened at his offer, and you had to wonder if there was more to it than that because he wasn’t the type to do something without his own benefit being met. And yet, you couldn’t quite understand what he could possibly get out of this barter. But, if this got you out and about then you could appease him this one time.

“Ok.”

******************************************************************************

Days would go by, and you would find yourself constantly getting annoyed with just sitting around your room doing nothing. Everyone was treating you like you were on some quarantine, and the old woman who was bringing you food was shit company. Not to mention the fact that she wore a mask every time she got near you, as if that wasn’t insulting enough. But, the days slowed to a crawl, and it was beginning to become unbearable for you and even though you felt somewhat better the rest you had still wasn’t enough. You knew deep down this was more than allergies, or even a basic flu, and if you had learned anything when it came to human or animal bodies is that this was an infection and nothing short of antibiotics was going to make it leave. Telling Negan that though would make him keep you here longer and you could always just ask Dr. Carson for some meds in secret when you go to Hilltop to collect, which was the deal Negan had made with you.

The doors to your room opened, and you looked up from your spot on the bed to see Negan sauntering in, mouth set in a frown when he saw you. You had a book in your hands, and you closed it gently when he came up to you.

“You still look like shit.”

You rolled your eyes at his such charming nature, and you swung your legs over the edge of the bed as you made to get up. “How kind of you.” You walked across the living area, reaching for your hair band and picking your hair up into a ponytail. The aches in your body were a bit to deal with, but you played it off around Negan or else he’d probably force you back into bed and make you wear some hazmat suit or something. You had to entertain the idea that the man was some kind of germaphobe with the way he’s been treating you.

“To the woman I love, I hope you find this gift…”

When you heard Negan speaking you turned around in a panic, and ran up to him, reaching for your book that was clutched in his hands as he read off the note inscribed in it. “Give that back!”

He held it up over his head, knowing fully well you wouldn’t be able to reach it since he was much taller than you. The smirk on his face grew when you had to tip toe to try and get it from him.

“What kind of pussy wrote that note? You got some secret admirer I don’t know about? Don’t go making me jealous, sweetheart.”

His voice was filled with amusement, and you frowned deeply at him as you jumped up to grab the book from his hands. Thankfully, he was bored enough with this game to let it go and dropped it back onto the bed, and you quickly reached for it. You were only lucky he didn’t read the rest of the note, because Rick’s name was scrawled on the bottom of it and he had put some intimate details in it. Rick had given it to you on your birthday one year, it was a copy of the Hobbit, one of your favorite books and you had once mentioned it to him. Somewhere along the lines he had managed to find a copy in a burnt down bookstore and you remembered how happy it made you.

“It’s none of your business.”

Negan scoffed at you, his arm coming up to rest on the bedpost as he eyed you with amusement. “Oh come on, darlin’. You fucking someone around here I should know about? Just tell me his name.”

You could tell he was getting a little annoyed with every other word, and no doubt he was becoming slightly jealous of the fact that there could possibly be another man in your life. As much fun as it would be to make him suffer like he did you on occasions you chose not to poke that bear.

“No. It’s an old book…nothing important anymore.”

“What? Did the prick leave you behind? Or did he…”

You watched as Negan lifted a hand to his neck, his finger slicing over his throat as he mimicked the possibility of death. You gritted your teeth at his insensitivity, holding the book closer as you looked up at him with a solemn look. When he saw your saddened expression, he backed off, his smirk leaving his lips instantly.

“Dead, huh?”

It was just a simple nod that you offered him, and he sighed as he looked away and if you weren’t paying attention you would’ve missed the way his eyes darted down to Lucille. You weren’t sure what to make of that, but you didn’t ask about it, because you were too busy thinking about Rick right now. Whatever the case, you were beyond grateful when Negan changed the subject.

“You feeling better?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Leave for Hilltop tomorrow.”

His features were no longer set into an expression of amusement, and you could tell something was bothering him, but all he did was turn on his heel and reach for his bat as he headed to your doors.

“Sweetheart.”

Your eyes met his, and you waited for him to continue before saying anything of your own.

“No fuck ups.”

A smile found its way to your lips, and you nodded over at him as you responded.

“No fuck ups.”

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