#love the chao jiggle physics how the body just goes all over the place when you pick em up

[aggressionbread]

We need VR chao garden or something. What I wouldn't give to pick up one of those little guys

[bluedraggy]

Darvan Argyn - A new kind of Paladin

We had another D&D game and Darvan was in it. So another Darvan sorta-story. Sorry, I don’t go into much detail here about what happened in the game. More about what happened in her head.  Darvan is a 1st level lizard-girl Paladin. Technically, she leveled up at the end of this session so she goes into the next as a Level 2 Paladin - though what her kind of Paladin means, I guess we’ll have to find out!

She sat dejected in the tavern. The last few weeks had been absolutely awful, and she knew she was here primarily to drink those days out of her memory. 

It had started out so promising too. When she met up with the Myconid, Shitaki, things were going so well as a Level 1 Paladin. Of course, at that point she had only the most limited set of skills, but her aspirations knew no bounds. Justice and order she would sow everywhere she could. She would hear her name, 'Darvan', whispered in the corners of the land where lawlessness and anarchy ruled, by the little people who dreamed of order and law.

But she would have to pay her dues first. To become the bastion of hope would require years of relentless training, experience and dedication. Still, if there was one thing she had, it was determination. Whatever might come, she would not deviate from her course.

And then it had all gone horribly wrong.

She opened her eyes, talons still grasping the large mug of ale and peered up over it's suds-covered rim. Cleetus. It was going so well till HE came through that weird sink-hole. When she'd acquired the gun and he'd shown her how to use it, she thought meeting him was the start of her rise to fame as she used its 40-caliber justice throughout the land. Instead, she hadn't fired it once since her training. Most times, she considered using it against him. He was chaos. Ultimate Chaos.

Since that day, their little band had grown. The gnome was every bit as bad. The horse seemed to have at least some sense of morality, even though she'd just shat on the floor of the tavern. Massive shit too! Still, at least she was embarrassed about it. Cleetus wouldn't have been.

She eyed the reptilian man that was in the middle of some argument with an elf of some sort. Not a member of her party, but he was a nice looking guy to her own reptilian eyes. She wondered idly if he would be turned off by her boobs. Most reptiles were. And that turned her on all the more. 

She knew she was fucked up in the head in matters of love. That's why she'd become a Paladin in the first place. Her uniquely self-defeating libido drove her nuts if she thought about it too much. She was as lusty as any woman in existence, and yet, the minute the object of her affection might actually show some interest in her too, her lust turned to disgust. She couldn't help it. She knew it was fucked up, but she wanted only men who didn't want her.

She'd tried other females, but that didn't work either. She just didn't have the passion for her own sex. In the end the frustration had become so great that she just decided to enter religious life where the inner conflict at least would be suppressed by lack of opportunity. But they had sent her out into the world as a Paladin of justice. She'd taken the position with pride, finally seeing some point to her self-conflicted life. A goal she could strive towards that didn't require sex, even if it started out doing little odd jobs and looking for loot. Every great Paladin started that way, didn't they?

Then came Cleetus. What a fuckup he was. Addicted drughead that was always looking for the next chance at mayhem. But the gun was worth it, she'd thought at first. A ‘Glock’ he called it. 40 caliber justice.  And now she was running around with a band of misfits, thieves and worse. And a big horse. Centaur technically. She liked the Centaur well enough, but then, compared to the other crazies, how could she not?

She looked at Shitaki. It - 'he' as she'd come to think of him despite a lack of qualifications - had become just as bad. He wielded his Hammer at the slightest provocation now. "Meteor Mallet" she called it. She'd liked him too. As a Myconid, he'd shown not the slightest interest in her sexually. She loved that about him. Too bad he was unequipped for anything else. But now he swung his Hammer around like Cleetus swung his bat at any provocation.

And then the fighting started. Of course. She knew that it would. She just sat nursing her ale, every minute feeling worse as she got drunker and felt what little remained of her self-worth oozing away as she - the supposed fighter for the common man - watched like a spectator as innocent patrons were rousted and beaten by her own 'friends'. When they set fire to the barman, she'd had enough. As she downed the last of her ale, she watched the reptilian slide out the door and followed.

She saw him round the corner and she gave chase. Maybe... this time maybe...

As she turned the corner herself, she saw a trap door close in the ground. Curious! 

Nearby was a man watching. She was about to ask him if she knew the guy when some of her 'friends' came around the corner following her. Yup, there was Cleetus.

"Tired of murdering innocent people?" she thought to herself.

As expected, they began to pick a fight with the poor guy. When Cleetus raised his bat, something in her snapped.

"ENOUGH!" she screamed at him, and she levelled the Glock straight at the meth addict.

"Drop the bat Cleetus. This stops now!"

Of course, the bat was Cleetus' lightweight weapon. His real power was in the double barrelled shotgun she'd seen wielded once before. While her Glock could put a hole through anything, that boomstick would make things disappear into a shower of red and grey glop. She'd seen it bark once before, and the more she knew of Cleetus, the more she knew that he was the last person that should wield that kind of power.

And then she heard the gnome behind her. She looked out of the corner of her eye for just a second. It held a shotgun exactly like Cleetus' and it was aimed at her own head.

"Drop it, Boobs," the little man said, laughing all the while.

"What the hell?" she started. "Where'd you get..."

Then the shotgun disappeared and the gnome began laughing maniacally. It had been an illusion. But the click that came from Cleetus' direction was no illusion.

She lowered the pistol and sat down on the ground and began to cry.

"That's better," Cleetus said as he returned to the innocent man.

Her friends had all gone back to harassing the guy - for no reason whatsoever. But she'd gotten an idea. There were guards here! She'd seen some when they entered the town! She was off before they even saw her, looking for a guard. This lawlessness was more than she could handle, but it was their JOB to handle it!  She might be only a level 1 Paladin, but she could alert the Authorities!

She left quietly and soon ran across a couple of people that could have been help, but their responses quickly made her realize that - even if she could enlist their help - they would probably be dead within a matter of minutes. No, she needed some real guards. So instead she asked and they directed her to one of the town entrances. There she finally found a real guard with armor and everything!

"QUICK!" she said as she screeched to a halt in front of him, not even caring at the way her body jiggled at the sudden stop. This was an emergency - no time to worry about niceties like that!

"There's a (huff) brawl at the tavern!... People (huff) DEAD!... Need (huff) help!"

"Can't," the big green guard grunted. "Gotta watch the road."

"But...," she heaved, trying to catch her breath. "DYING! MURDER!"

The guard's eyes turned back to the road. "Get off with you, bitch. I've got to watch the road."

Sanity left her then, but nature took over. Here was a man... a BIG man. And he did not want her. Her perfect man.

She caught her breath and began stroking his massive arm, making sure her breasts did just as much stroking as her talons.

"How about if I just sit here with you and we can watch the road together?"

The guard looked down at her as if at a cockroach. "Fuck off cunt! Get the hell away from me!" he screamed and flung her away bodily. 

She hit the ground hard but in ecstasy as the mud splashed all over her face and body. His physical repudiation of her had sent her over the top. She felt both humiliated and perversely satiated at the same time as she sat in the mud of the road looking at his back. Her eyes rolled back as she felt mud drip slowly down her scales and she shivered involuntarily. She was in a sick and perverted heaven momentarily.

But after a few seconds her consciousness returned and her sex drive had turned into something else. Everything she'd been through came rushing back to her. The guard didn't see her eyes go narrow as his concentration returned to the road. She felt something on her hip, cold and metallic and she looked at it. She looked back at the guard, oblivious to her now. 

She thought of the innocent people back there, dead, maimed or wounded from her own band of 'friends'. Her own sexual frustration. The mess that her life had become. She had put everything into this last thread of hope that she could salvage something meaningful from this, and this goddamned guard couldn't take his eyes from the FUCKING EMPTY ROAD.

She stood up, feeling the mud dripping from her tail and stepped 5 paces back.

She turned back towards the guard and knelt, drawing the Glock.

She aimed squarely at the back of his head.

She pulled the trigger.

It wasn't as spectacular as the shotgun had been. But it was just as effective. And with that, she gave up her concept of what a Paladin was.  She would invent a new kind of Paladin. She still would fight for justice and law. But she'd also fight against incompetence and beaurocratic ineptitude just as hard. Maybe harder. And who knows? Maybe she'd evenutally figure out a way to get laid even with her self-defeating psychosis. There WAS still that reptilian who'd gone down that trap door after all...

Perhaps... just PERHAPS... the anarchists had a point.