#love seeing fatphobic posts where the comments destroy the page

[siristaci]

Nothing quite beats that feeling when the comments section of a 'controversial' facebook post passes the vibe check. Especially when the page that posted it is clearly run by bigots.

[datdemifiendass-blog]

The Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus

1. In short, what is a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    The ‘Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus’, better known as ‘Feminazi’, is a majestic creature that is often found on the website tumblr.com. This creature spends the majority of their waking hours complaining about the patriarchy, and how fatphobic the world is. In general, this creature is convinced that calories are nonexistent and that the BMI meter is set up by men to oppress women and keep them under their control. No matter the shape of the woman, this creature is convinced that you can be healthy at every size, even when it is to the point where you cannot physically tell what their gender is.

2. Where can I find the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus, and how do I recognize them?

    You will find this creature mostly on mainstream websites such as facebook.com, tumblr.com and twitter.com. Some of them use services such as snapchat, or instagram. You can physically recognize this creature in one or more of the points below. The more points they get, the longer this creature has been on tumblr.com.

They have dyed hair, often in the colors blue, purple, or red. 

They have multiple ‘genders’ in their description page

They are offended by everything that does not fit their beliefs

They are more often than not, pushing their ideology on other people

They will thought-control you in every way you let them

They are more often than not, morbidly obese

    If no pictures or leaked sex tapes are found of said creature, you can often recognize them by their scrambled way of speaking, and autistic screeching over the internet. Keep your eyes out for keywords such as misogyny, fatphobia, patriarchy and mansplaining/manspreading.

3. What is the lifestyle of the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    Generally speaking, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus live in their parent's house, while paying for nothing on their own. They will constantly complain about things that involve luxury items, food, interpersonal relationships.

    The Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is often holed up in their room, provided by their parents to spend the entire day, or night, bitching about their oppressed status as an individual. They believe that it is the duty of the parents to take care of them until they are well over the age of 18, and that they have to carry no responsibility for their lives whatsoever. This creature is convinced that because the parents chose to have children, they are now bound until the end of their lives to take care of them.

  This majestic creature insists on a daily basis that it is impossible for them in any way shape or form to lose weight. The reality of the matter, which is something that will destroy this creature's core identity; is that they are lying to themselves. It is often funny to see this creature struggle to keep up their own lies until a point where they contradict themselves.

4. What are the mating habits of the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    As its name suggests, this creature does not mate often. The general steps a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will take, are often fruitless. More often than not, this creature will leave comments or like pictures of men/women far more attractive than they are, and will get upset and call the subject in question names, such as fatphobic or misogynist, when their mating calls remain unanswered.

    When every step fails, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will make long posts about fat discrimination and blame society for not loving a woman’s natural curves, and pressuring women into unrealistic body expectations. What the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is not aware of, however, is that said curves are generally not in the shape of a balloon with giant crispy sausages underneath.

5. What does a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus dietary system look like?

    The dietary lifestyle of a Laygotnonnius Whalegignaticus often exists of many snacks, flavored water and dietary soda’s. This creature is convinced that eating at least 3 big meals per day, often shooting up and beyond their daily required calories, with just one of these meals. 

    The Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus often adds in sugary products such as chocolate bars, chips and cookies without counting their calories. But meanwhile insist that their weight is purely genetic, and has nothing to do with their lifestyle. On average, this creature gets four to five times the amount of sugar a human being needs on a daily basis.

6. What is a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus’ natural enemy?

    The natural enemy of the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus are generally speaking men between the ages 14-35. They will refer to these men as ‘cis-heteronormitive-neurotypical-misogynistic-shitlords’. For convenience sake, we shall shorten this to ‘Nick’.

    Nick, is generally seen as a normal man, with normal sexual desires and something the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will refer to as ‘the male gaze’. They have no filter in what they say, and thus they make this creature extremely uncomfortable. After one, and sometimes multiple encounters with one of these Nicks, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will either block Nick, or write long posts about the said Nick.

    Often, after an encounter with Nick, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will send naked pictures of themselves in the hopes of attracting this Nick. But after being rightfully rejected, and mocked they will stalk said Nick until they get ignored. This is when the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will enter a passive agressive modus that can be potentionally damaging to your job and family life.

7. What can I do when I am confronted with the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    The best way to approach this situation is with caution. Usually the best way of combating one of these creatures is by making them make a fool of themselves. The easiest way to go about this, is by letting them talk more than you answer. In general, these creatures are very autistic and dumb. They will fall flat in the brain departement faster than you could ever think of a comeback. Another effective method is to simply laugh at them until they go away. Sarcasm tends to go over the heads of these creatures so we do not suggest using it. If confronted too harshly, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will use their special move ‘screeching’, which will attract all near by other Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus to intimidate the Nick. If possible, keep away from this creature and let them retreat to their echo-chamber group on tumblr.com.

8. What are the risks of associating yourself with a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    By far the biggest risk of associating yourself with a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is becoming one yourself. In women this means you will gain weight, lose brain power, overall start dressing sloppily, as well as seeing sexism in everything around you. For men it generally means you stop being a man. You will find yourself surrounded by women’s rights activists, better known as harpies. You will hate your genitals and will find the sudden urge to chop them up to fight the patriarchy. You will have delusions about women being attracted to you now that you are fighting for them.

Other possible risks include:

Being impossible to be around, because you are annoying

Not being heard because what you say is not interesting

Losing friends because you are turning into a insufferable harpy.

    Different subjects have reported to have experienced stress, and a loss in freedom of speech around the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus they are involved with. Every word they have said will be twisted into something they never said.

9. I found myself involved with a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus, how do I get rid of it?

    By far the easiest way to get rid of a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is by disagreeing with their ideology, and having a different opinion. You will have to be persistent because the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is known for bottling up their hurt feelings. At one point they will burst out and screech autisticly at you. They will claim to be extremely hurt, and that you are a toxic person to be around. They will throw all sorts of accusations at you, and what you did over the timespan you have been ‘friends’. This is the time you should make sure to call them a whiny little crybaby and laugh in their face. You will be cast out quicker than they can eat a cheeseburger.

    Alternatively, you can simply reblog things they hate. This is less confrontational and they will drift off away in silence.