#love is molly calling yasha his charm

[eldritchexecutive]

Love is stored in the Taliesin Jaffe PC.

[dent-de-leon]

newly resurrected tealeaf my beloved...he wakes up so scared he just--"bolts up and runs." His first real world is Love, Molly reaching out to Yasha and pulling her into a hug as soon as he recognizes her. Calling out for his Magician and all his other loved ones after. He gently asks, "Home?" looking uncertainly around the rotting remains of Cognouza, until Jester rushes to reassure him--no no, this isn't home. But it's okay. We're going to take you home.

The Mighty Nein all hold hands to teleport. And Tealeaf doesn't know what that's about, but he happily holds hands with all these warm, achingly familiar strangers. He picks pretty flowers from the Blooming Grove for Beau and Yasha, looks so pleased and excited when he finally gets the chance to give them. He walks under Catha wide eyed and full of wonder, taking in the verdant greenery and moonlit lake. Notices Clarabelle is clearly watching him, but is content to just let her quietly follow.

He looks so fond when Jester gives his tarot cards back. Does he still remember the last dream he had of his goddess, back in that liminal space between life and death? When she read his fortune and held Yasha's tarot card out to him? "The Love card...Do you know what that means? It's okay if you don't." "One might call that a miracle...Perhaps fourth time's the charm."

Molly and Lucien reached out to each other when everything ended, shook hands and decided to go back home together. This little tiefling is their shared connection, their twin souls--reborn from all the love the Nein had for them, the love that Tealeaf always returned. "A part of a soul. Or is it a whole one? If souls could grow from but a piece..." A soul born and saved by Love--

[orym-blossoms]

WIP Wednesday

(shh time is soup)

Tagged by the lovely @spottedenchants , have some more Circus Orym (featuring the Mighty Nein)

"--Yasha, she's the Charm, and Orym. He's the Point."

The tavern is crowded, and loud, and Orym would rather be literally anywhere else. But he promised Yasha he wouldn't stay cooped up, so here he is, watching Molly try to scam some strangers out of a few copper.

And what strangers they are. There's a pretty, outgoing blue tiefling currently competing with Mollymauk for Most Colorful Oddball in the tavern, and her friends the surly human woman and slick-looking, charming half-orc. And then the filthy, tattered human and what he's pretty sure is a goblin in a porcelain mask who don't seem to be very happy with any of the attention they're garnering. There aren't any obvious weapons on them, but Orym keeps a hand on his sword hilt just in case. It wouldn't be the first time he had to demonstrate why Molly calls him "the Point" in a busy tavern.

"Oh, we're definitely going to be there, don't worry!!"

Incredible. Blue just got completely taken in by Molly's act and she's responding like it was the biggest thrill of her life. Orym tries not to imagine what his family would think to see him now.

He's a long way from Zephrah.

[simplysparrow14]

I’d love to hear about all your writing, but you know me: the one titled “We are not always what we seem, and hardly ever what we dream” immediately piqued interest 👀

ahhh Thank You!!

This fic is mainly inspired by Snow White, more importantly, just the themes of Snow White in general. The notion of friendship and friend-groups, dreaming of love, finding a home that accepts you as you are, regardless of circumstance just really spoke to me.

The entire premise is that Caleb, after years of abuse from Trent in the Soltryce academy, finally gets the courage to escape. He leaves behind Astrid and Eadwulf in his desperate flight and traverses Wildmount, never stopping because of the fear that Trent and the rest of Academy are hot on his trail. He tries his best to steer clear of towns and large cities, and in the process becomes a street-rat, scrounging for food in trash bins and waste disposal carts, even going so far as to threaten normal, unwilling people on the roads, demanding their food (he still regrets the one couple he robbed on the highways; it had been snowing and so very cold, and Caleb had been so hungry. They looked rich. They sounded of money. Calling forth his magic, he threatened the wife with fire. The husband had been fast, and in his fear, Caleb burned him. He ran into the night with their wallet, the cries of anguish still in his ears, and he's sorry, so very sorry...)

In the daylight, Caleb is nothing more than a wandering miscreant, But at night, he is a dutiful student, practicing his charms and cantrips. It puts him at ease knowing that, at the end of the day, after his escape, he still has something to call his own.

Eventualy, Caleb comes across The Fletching and Moondrop Traveling Carnival. In this version, the entire M9 are circus performs (Yasha as a strongman, Jester as a general clown/magicians assistant, Veth and Beau as part of a 2-person acrobat show, Fjord as a swordsmaster.) In this version, Caleb is brought into the group by Molly (insert Muppet charismas carol "Who did NOT die") to be the circus' newest magician. It does take a few weeks for Caleb to be comfortable with everyone but the days that follow are some of the warmest and happiest that he's had in a long, long time.

Caleb is instantly loved by the small children (and by jester) who adores his intricate magic. He makes glowing animals and trinkets out of thin air and during one particularly rowdy show, he turns his magic toward Jester, creating for her the pink horses and lollipops she loves dearly. Jester is instantly smitten with him, charmed by his quiet stance, his intense eyes. He's nothing like the magicians who called the circus home. He's nothing like her, who delights in tricks but scoffs at gifting (she's still learning). Each piece of magic that he crafts for the children is special and unique, thoughtful in a way that none of the other's had been before.

Admittedly, Caleb also becomes smitten with Jester. In the after hours of the shows, she's the first to greet him in his rooms. She sits with him, marveling at the amount of books and tomes he's managed to fit within the small space. At every opportunity, she's smiling at him, and the way his heart flutters at the sight is nothing short of electric. He likes everything about her, including her super scuffy slightly-dead looking ferret who somehow survives She's nothing like Astrid and certainly nothing like the other people he's had clandesdine crushes on. She's a dream made real to him and he's more than willing to waste his magic on simple circus tricks if it means

Eventually, things between Jester and Caleb start happening. She and Caleb start preforming acts together (think a very Zendeya/Zack Efron "Rewrite the Stars" moment) delighting the crowd with their grand shows. Caleb, for the first time in his life, feels appreciated and loved, and most of all safe.

However, all of it comes crashing down when Astrid and Eadwulf arrive one day, along with Trent, who's disguised himself as a simple old man. Releaved that his is alive, Astrid and Eadwulf beg him to return, that Trent, in the event of Caleb's escape, has changed his ways. However, when the two are far from ear-shot, Trent returns to his absuive and manipulative ways. He's been at the circus before, watching Caleb from a distace, and has noticed how he looks at the pretty little tieflight clown.

With whisperd words, Trent preforms the same spell that he used on Caleb to destroyed his parents, twisting his memories. Trent then gives Caleb a peice of food (I cant decide on either a powerderd donut or a cupcake) to give to Jester. As Jester is about eat the food, Caleb snaps out of it just in time to wresle Jester for it, and in his haste to get it away from her, Caleb takes the plunge and eats it. The poison within the food actives and Caleb falls into a death like sleep.

That's about as far as I got with the outline. Obviously it'll end with a Trent vs M9 fight, Jester kissing Caleb awake and a happy, perfect ending.

[stardustedknuckles]

I am still stuck on that showdown with Lucien.

It’s gotta be rough for Beau right now, right?

Six weeks into meeting the strangers she’s come to know as family, one of them dies for her. Not even one she semi-got along with. It’s overwhelming. It changes her view of him entirely. She carries a reminder of him on her body, but she never really knows how to accept that it happened or how to repay it except to be the one who makes the tough calls - the one who takes the hits if they need to be taken, just like he did for her and for all of them.

It’s worked out for her so far.

She can accept that they want her around, start looking towards what comes next. What happens if she survives, if that debt never truly needs repayment. Who might she be when it’s all said and done?

And then the guy who died for her turns up again, only it’s not really him. Mostly. They can see him, hidden in mannerisms and charm, and Beau reverts in response to the version of herself that he knew. Defensive, closed off, giving him nothing at all. Arm’s length in a way that would fool nobody who knew her.

Except this time? He reacts the way she expects. He makes no secret of the fact he doesn’t like her, which is what the other one said too but then, you know, he got himself killed helping her.

But this one means it. And when she’s frozen to the side of a dragon’s head and looking down at them all, mangled and bleeding, she sees him put his swords up and turn away. She might have misread it, except that Fjord repeats what was said and he stands by it. She’s truly worthless to him.

So now they’ve got a crest to snatch and a risky play needs to be made because the plan is falling apart by the second. Did you see her face when she decided to drop in between Cree and Lucien? Grim determination, flat expression, getting in every hit she can before she’s hauled up by the throat. All pretense is removed. Here they are.

It’s clear to everyone else, when the blood starts to pour from Beau’s face, that there is no shred of Molly’s essence left inside of this body. No part of him would do this to someone he died for, someone he did care about. That capability was never in him.

But to Beau, I wonder if it felt correct. She's never been able to grapple with the kindness, but this? This makes so much more sense. There’s room in that glare he’s giving her, all the blank expanse Beau needs to project that long-held, whispered belief that she hadn’t been worth dying for - that wherever Molly was, he regretted it. 

She doesn’t call out, just grips his arm and stares him down and waits.

And then Yasha, who sees this happen like something straight from a nightmare, is reeling.

“When I left, they were executing her...I just ran because I am a coward.”

Lucien is there, this creature with her best friend’s face, and there is something coming full circle here but it isn’t Beau’s mistaken sense of debt.

It’s Yasha’s will. She doesn’t run again. Zuala died at the hands of people Yasha once considered family, and now Beau is here and it’s a sickening reenactment because someone else once wore that skin and they were everything to her and they’re gone - Yasha knows that now. 

And this time she acts, snatches her second love from a death she’s staring unflinchingly in the face - and in closing her own loop, Yasha pulls Beau free from the one she's sinking into.

And over the wind in her ears as she takes Beau far away to safety, her faint voice: “thank you.”

[nightowlwriting]

summary: fjord takes care of the mighty nein. you take care of fjord. (part 4/13 of the kindness series, a thematically connected series of c2/exu imagines)

word count: 2.7k

warnings: mentions of self-hatred, bullying, lack of self-confidence

note: idk why this one took me so long and, honestly, it was almost super nsfw lmfao

masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Fjord is a man who appears to know exactly what he needs and when he needs it. You’re not so sure. You tend to hang back when the group talks to people, or finds jobs for coin, just to watch. That’s what you like to do - get information, tuck it away, use it later.

It just happens that sometimes you end up watching Fjord. There’s no reason, not really. He’s the leader by default, no matter how much Nott will say that it’s Caleb. He does most of the talk, smiling all coy and leaning against things to charm the party’s way through whatever Gods forsaken situation you end up in. It mostly works, with some exceptions. There are things you begin to notice in the nights after Fjord has failed to charm someone with a well-placed wink, or a sir or a ma’am. He makes the fire just a little bit larger, stacking logs and kindling and using his flint so that Caleb doesn’t have to use his magic. He cooks heartier food, sometimes even disappearing and coming back with a skewered animal from the forest to add to the pot of simmering soup. He takes the first watch and doesn’t wake anyone until halfway through the second watch so that everyone can sleep longer, even if it makes him crabby the morning after.

You come to a conclusion. Fjord takes care of people when he feels like he’s not enough. He overcompensates in his acts of kindness when something he does fails - but why? To make you all stay? To make sure you know his worth in the group? To make up for whatever he sees as a downfall? Honestly, you’re worried it’s a little bit of all three. You’re not really sure about how the mind works - that would be more for Molly, or Caleb honestly - but growing up in an orphanage with children who pick and prod at your every physical characteristic cannot be good for a person. Especially with Fjord insisting that he doesn’t have a last name, despite the times that he introduces himself and you see it die on his lips before he can say it. There’s something there, but you won’t pry. People deserve their secrets. They deserve to keep something for themselves.

If he wants to keep his last name, that’s fine with you. If he wants to keep the self-loathing inside of him until he explodes, well, that’s not fine with you. That’s why when you realize that he decompresses by making himself useful, as if the group might dismiss him just because a few people were immune to his charms, you decide to do something. No amount of reassurance from anyone will convince him otherwise and the rest of the group tends to shrug away from his slightly overbearing kindness when something goes south. Caleb, Beau, and Molly are just uncomfortable with it while Jester is usually too engrossed in journaling, Tusk Love, or talking to the Traveler. Nott is somewhere between Caleb and Yasha (uncomfortable and straight-up not around to be doted on.) And… Well, that leaves you.

It’s not that you mind Fjord’s constant doting after he perceives something to have gone wrong, but it’s hard to let him in. Your life before the Mighty Nein wasn’t exactly peaches and cream, either, but you know that he needs this. He needs to feel like he’s doing something for someone or he’ll break. You only notice that, though, after a particularly rough, rainy day of trying to get information out of people for a job. Fjord had forgotten something important which threw off the communication and sent everyone you were working with into an angry tizzy. By the time you make it back to the tavern, everyone is soaked to the bone and cranky, even you - and you tried your best to avoid getting out in the rain. What you really want to do is go back to your room and change out of your wet clothes and then go to fucking bed, but you hold back. The group disperses one by one until it’s just you and Fjord left at the bar, and before you can make your leave you see his hands shaking. His hands, which are large and calloused and strong, are shaking like a leaf in the wind. There’s no other outward sign that he’s feeling stressed or upset, and that surprises you. It also worries you. This is not how Fjord acts when something goes wrong. He doesn’t sit at the bar and brood over an ale - he mother-hens his friends until they’re sick to death of hearing his deep, drawling voice.

The combination of these things is probably what makes you pause halfway out of your seat, eyes narrow and trained on him. He makes eye contact for a brief second before looking back down to his drink. You know that approaching and asking him if he’s okay will get you nowhere but you can’t leave him alone at the bar, not when you know he’s stewing on every mistake, every misstep, whether they really happened or he’s just overanalyzing his movements. He’s your… He’s more than a friend to you, despite the fact that he doesn’t know that and you don’t show it outwardly. Fjord means too much to you to be able to let him sit and spiral into a funnel of self-doubt. You know that it will be weird to put your pride to the side and ask for help, but you also know that you don’t really need help.

But asking Fjord for help means that he’ll feel better and you think that’s a very good reason to shelf your pride for a night.

He barely looks up at you when you approach, still dripping all over the tavern’s floors and hesitant to speak. He doesn’t speak, either, just takes another long pull from his ale to bide his time until you leave. (Probably.) You take the leap first and say his name. “Fjord.” He doesn’t look at you. “I know we’ve all had a bad day,”

“You can say that again,” He snorts.

“We have,” You stress, one hand finding the hilt of the dagger on your waist for some sort of comfort. You’re wildly uncomfortable and can feel the urge to run, get away, flee building up in your gut. If you’re not careful, it’ll spill out your mouth and you’ll be forced out of the tavern for the night in humiliation and self-preservation. “It has been one hell of a day today. I do not want to be alone.” Your sentence cuts off briskly and Fjord looks up in surprise. Your face mirrors his - untamed surprise. You had really opened your mouth to ask if he wanted to find a table and listen to your vent but what came out was I do not want to be alone. You blink and think what the fuck? Before Fjord is shaking off his surprise and standing.

“I suppose I can give Molly the room for the night.” He extends an arm towards you but doesn’t look at you. He’s doing a much better job of hiding how strange you’re acting than you are but still, you’re not going to let this opportunity pass. You wrap your own arm around Fjord’s and he begins to lead you toward the stairs. “Anything specific bothering you?”

“Nothing really,” You hum as you respond, hoping that by allowing him past your walls that it will help him, “Today is just a bad day.” Fjord halfheartedly agrees and your nerves shoot through the roof when he leaves you at your door, explaining that he’s going to warn Molly that he won’t be in the room tonight. You nod at him and slip into your own room, leaving the door cracked so that he won’t feel awkward about entering. Your laundry is everywhere and you grit your teeth, doing your best to hold back a scream. God damnit, you’re about to have the man that you have a crush on in your room and today is the day you threw your laundry all over?

It doesn’t even matter that he’s traveled with you in carts where there is no possible way to not overlap on laundry slash unmentionables. You still dash about, shoving your laundry into a pile in the corner and covering it with your weapons and shield just before Fjord raps his knuckles against the door frame, calling your name. You shiver and invite him in, wringing your hands as you stand in front of the unlit fireplace. “Are you okay?” He’s so earnest and it makes you feel… A little bad. You don’t want to say no to having Fjord be with you overnight because his presence is so calming, but it’s also… He’s not in your room because…

Ugh. “Fjord,” You say before you can stop yourself, “Okay, so, you can’t be mad but I noticed when things go wrong you’re really, really hard on yourself and you shouldn’t be. And I also noticed that when you’re hard on yourself you dive into taking care of other people because, I don’t know, maybe it feels like you’re doing something good? I’m not sure, but I really meant to ask if you wanted to talk but then that came out instead but I can’t let you stay in here if you don’t know why I asked.” He stands there, taking in what you’ve said, and then shakes his head. Your room is dark - too dark for you to see whether or not the small smile on his face is actually there or if you’re imagining it. When he chuckles, you’re more apt to believe that Fjord is actually smiling even after the day he’s had. “Um,” You finally cut the silence, “Please say something.”

“You mean to tell me,” He drawls, stepping slowly closer and removing his chest plate. It’s like his mood has gone a full 180 from where it was when he left you outside of your room, “That you looked so awkward and like a li’l kicked puppy because you wanted to help me feel better?” He sets his chest plate on the table, coming into your sight as your vision begins to adjust. You don’t get a good look at what’s happening on his face because you look away very quickly, setting your jaw.

“Well, when you put it that way,” You grumble and cross your arms, “You just like to help people - it makes you feel better.”

Fjord comes to a stop in front of you and sighs, but doesn’t say anything. Your hands begin to shake and honestly, you regret your stupid fucking decision to try and help Fjord out. You wouldn’t be here, standing in front of him and purely humiliated, if you didn’t look at him and notice so much. He finally responds, one of his hands coming up to touch at your bicep and then trails up until he’s cupping your shoulder. “I do like to help people,” He’s speaking more from his chest than his mouth, and you can almost feel the rumble through the grip he has on your shoulder. It’s not tight but it’s there, heavy and comforting. “I didn’t think anyone noticed.”

“I notice a lot,” You supply, tugging your chin away when Fjord tries to use the other hand to make you look at him. It’s only after he says your name in a soft voice that you look. You’re surprised to see that he looks soft… Soft and fond. “Please,” You whisper, uncrossing your arms to grab both of his wrists. You’re not even sure what you’re asking for but the way that you whispered please is the closest to begging that you’ve ever gotten.

“Please?” Fjord says, sounding incredibly confused but soft at the same time. You shake your head, trying again to look away from him. He ducks down, catching your eyes again, “It’s just me, remember? This is why you asked me here, isn’t it? To help you feel better?”

To your horror, you feel yourself mist up. “I invited you here so you could feel better, Fjord. I don’t want you to be so hard on yourself, and the only time I’ve seen you calm down after a bad day is when you’re taking care of one of us. I thought… Even if I don’t really need to be taken care of, that would help you. I just want… I want you to feel better.” He steps closer toward you, caging you into the rough stone of the fireplace but doesn’t speak. You’re almost worried that Fjord is going to cold clock you, but then he does something that you expected even less.

He surges forward and kisses you. Every part of him nearly engulfs you - the hand on your shoulder moves to the back of your neck, anchoring you to him, while he groans deep in the back of his throat. Your hands scramble for some purchase to express your surprise, landing on his hearty shoulders, clenching in the fabric of his shirt. You sigh into Fjord’s groan, and press as close as possible to his body heat. No matter how much you don’t want to admit it, you’ve been craving this: closeness with another person, pressing tight against their body… You’d be lying if you didn’t admit that when you thought of that, of intimacy, that you pictured Fjord. You just didn’t think he pictured you.

Fjord surges forward again, and you feel the soft scrape of tusks against you when he opens his mouth to breathe, keeping his nose pressed tightly to yours. “I didn’t think,” He says, accent thinner than you’ve heard previously, “I never dreamed that you would feel…”

“Oh, I feel,” You tell him, slowly moving your hands until you can intertwine your fingers behind his neck, “I feel so much, Fjord.”

“You never said…” He sneaks another kiss between his words, dropping his hands to squeeze at your waist, “You never even let on that you see me this way.”

“I do a lot of looking and not a lot of showing,” You remind him - it was something he had said to you when you first joined his group. I always catch you lookin’, but you never show. It’s terribly funny because he’d said it while the Mighty Nein were all naked, sudsy, and sharing a bathhouse at Molly’s insistence. The group had a field day with that and still does. The memory is apparently still fresh in Fjord’s head because a blush creeps high over his cheeks and he looks away, flustered. “You’re strong and pretty and beautiful and you take care of us so well. Even when you’ve had a bad day. I look up to you so much, but at the same time I want, perhaps selfishly, to take care of you in ways that you might not take care of the group.” He almost looks surprised at what you’ve said, but then it melts into a look of soft adoration. Fjord kisses you again and then drags his lips lightly over the arch of your cheek before he rests his head on your shoulder where he inhales deeply, his breath tickling your throat. You can feel his hands contracting against your waist, like he wants to touch and feel but is settling for keeping them where they are and feeling the soft give of your flesh. You know your heart is spinning at what feels like a million miles per hour, and you know that he can probably hear it, too. You can’t find anything in you that cares, though, because you’re so close to Fjord. He smells like saltwater, you realize. Not in a way that it seems like he’s been coughing it up again, or in the ocean, but just sort of… Naturally. Like he’s always smelled that way. Like you’ve always known he smelled that way. Like you were always meant to know and to find comfort in it. You pull yourself closer, relishing in the way that you hold each other, and Fjord sighs. You can feel the way that he relaxes underneath your hold and you relax, too.

This… This is the way that it’s supposed to be. This is how you can do for Fjord what he’s done for your team - except different. Except more.

[daggersandarrows]

i’m not maintagging this in case it’s perceived as negative--it’s not, it’s a personal observation that is somewhat frustrated, but people can do what they want--but feel free to reblog if it resonates.

i think i’ve finally realized why almost all of the imodna shipping feels so far removed and foreign from my idea of imodna and what i enjoy about imodna. part of it’s just regular old “fanon will always differ”, sure, the way a lot of fanon!widowmauk is miles away from caleb and molly’s actual dynamic, but beyond that, it’s the treatment of imodna as a sort of endgame that hasn’t happened yet.

and i’m just sitting here like. ??? what?

if you’ve followed me for a while, you probably know that my ships (”ships”, sometimes) are a little...weird and unconventional. one of my favorites is yasha + molly. and while of course my fan content will always differ from canon purely by virtue of being fan content, i didn’t...want...more there? i mean of course i will always be wistful that molly died. but in the sense of the structure and nature of their dynamic, i never wanted it to be anything “different” or “better”. canon molly and yasha is my ship. “this is yasha, she’s the charm” and “you don’t think you’d wear a colorful coat” and sick of losing soulmates on the yasha playlist and giving lucien the clover and forehead kisses and screaming over his grave--that’s my ship. or qpr or whatever you’d like to call it. that’s my something of yasha and molly.

laudna and imogen seem to be treated as this relationship that hasn’t happened yet but almost certainly will, like it’s something that needs to evolve into a more conventionally romantic or sexual thing--and that’s (mostly*) fine! people are allowed to ship whatever they’d like, i mean, this is a fandom, a huge amount of the content is going to be ship related.

i’ve been puzzled because as a weird queer aroace bi-oriented whatever, the ship, so to speak...is already there. like. that’s already them. they sleep in the same bed, sometimes with other people and sometimes not, they’re highly defensive of one another, they flirt with other people but with a sort of comfort and security that seems to indicate that this is a mutually understood thing, they’re very normal about the weird things going on inside the other one’s head, and most significantly in my mind, when asked if she’s ever been in love, laudna says she hasn’t but clarifies that she deeply loves imogen. how i interpreted that was, “don’t get it twisted, she’s absolutely my girl. i just don’t have that specific feeling that other people do.”

and i’ve been sitting here going, holy shit! that’s what my relationships look like! as a weird queer aspec polyam, like. that’s nearly exact! so why don’t i relate more to what i see the fandom putting out?

i think that’s where this mostly* comes in. i fully understand people wanting to see a relationship that they understand and relate to on a more conventional level. that’s cool! ship what you ship. what’s been bugging me is the insinuation which i believe is almost entirely unintentional that their relationship must “evolve” into something else, and further more, the widely spread joke or assertion or assumption that they must be in love and just haven’t realized or admitted it to themselves.

i get the whole “useless gays have been flirting for years, neither realizes the other is interested” joke. i do. but i’m also used to “oh you just haven’t had sex good enough”. i’m used to “trust me, one day you’ll fall in love and you’ll get it”.

...listen. i’ve been in love exactly twice in my life. once was with my sociopath ex boyfriend. once was with a straight girl who, for unrelated reasons, kind of destroyed my life. i “get” it. i also get that the relationships that i had dating people who i was not in love with? who i was not attracted to? who i slept next to and kissed and planned a life with? even the relationships that ended poorly...they were in no way inferior to the two relationships i had with the people i was “actually” in love with. they were good and comfortable and suited to my orientation and feelings. and i wasn’t going to some day wake up and realize i was in love. i wasn’t. but i did love them. when laudna told ashton that she loved imogen, i nearly cried.

yes. YES. that’s what it is. she gets it. that’s it.

[thequeenofmyownscreen]

Twelve things I noted about CR2E79 “Through the Trees” and the Talks Machina about it :

May I point out, as I'm wont to do, that Marisha looks especially beautiful in this episode. Everytime she choses a makeup or a t-shirt that goes well with her hair color... she wins.

Oh my god, those idiots are going to own Essek so much onus ! They're making him bamf them a second time in the same location, because they got confused and didn't calculate correctly where they wanted to go.

Once again the Nein are in a difficult position, and their choices of plans are all... "terrible" choices, in the sense that they could all have terrible consequences ! But if it were up to me, I'd try to get ahead, steal the heart, and observe from far away, and maybe get Yasha.

Oh no ! The plan went wrong ! (as it does) But seriously, up until the point when they reached Obann's campfire, it was going well. Alas, poor rolls regarding landing made them heard by the ennemy.

The second part of the episode, with new plans that are all "terrible" (once again, in the sense that they could all have terrible consequences) is so tense ! Because it absolutely reminds me of their most terrible battle (planned, not counting the blue dragon which was absolutely not planned) so far : the battle where Molly died.

The sweet irony of Liam and Marisha talking about "being horny for combat" is catching up to them now... now that they're in a less than advantageous position, and Marisha's rolling shit initiative for Beau.

Fjord MVP ! The Charm Monster on the Laughing Hand was an extremely good idea ! I personally think Matt made him roll a spell check because he was oposing Obann's charm that he placed on the Hand.

I could sense Laura's frustration with Liam's choice to abandon the Teleporting circle through my screen, ooooh ! This reminded me of the white dragon battle, when Marisha was gloriously playing Caleb, and he stayed inside the dome to create the circle. I said back then that I felt as though Liam would not have the patience to do that, and looks I was right. (I do not say it's a bad or a good choice, it's a choice, but it speaks to his character.)

Marisha, frustrated, mimics with her pencil Beau jokingly trying to gouge her eyes out with her staff. Everyone, very worried with her movements : "Don't do it !" Matt, with a small voice, and raching his hands : "As your husband..." Awwww, that's too cute. After Matt calls it, she angrily breaks her pencil in 3 bits. Amazing.

I love that in the end of this episode, they spent 10 minutes debriefing live on camera their frustration and what went wrong. Poor thems ! But also it's always so entertaining to watch how they think in combat, and the immediate aftermath, Talks is good, but it comes a few days after, so it's not the same feeling.

Laura spends half the episode trying to remember the name of a Bon Jovi album, because Brian incited her.

Liam described this CR episode as "the moment in the LOTR movie where Aragorn kicks off a helmet and screamed in rage and pain becasue Viggo Mortensen really broke his toe" and I'm so happy with this analogy.

[chockfullofsecrets]

Critical Role: Stains and Apologies

(Read on AO3)

Rating: Gen

Summary: Without breaking eye contact with Fjord, Yasha reaches over her shoulder again and this time pulls Molly out from behind her with a hand fisted in the collar of his coat. His heeled boots leave the scuffed wooden floor as she shakes him, gentle and chastising - dangling from her grip, he looks like nothing more than a naughty kitten. “Molly, you shouldn’t mess with people’s things.”

Molly pouts. “Yash, come on, it was funny!”

“You know what happens when you do that.”

And, just like that, oh so satisfyingly, Molly’s entire demeanor shifts - his eyes spring wide, tail twitching agitatedly to match. “Oh. Oh - no, hey, that’s not-”

Wordcount: 2302

A/N: Shoutout to @ticklishnonsense who’s been absolutely killing me with their switch!Molly content lately, and @eldritchtickles who requested lee!Molly fully half a year ago, i’m so sorry for the delay 🤦‍♀️

Fjord’s not going to kill Molly.

He can appreciate that it looks like he’s going to kill him, the way he’s currently sprinting with one hand brandishing his sword and the other grasping for a purple tail just out of his reach, but he’s not. Really.

He’s just going to Blink onto him, tackle him to the floor, and rub his face into whatever muck’s been sloughed off the bootsoles of the inn’s latest patrons until he apologizes.

Molly ducks through the nearest doorway, coat and horn jewelry flaring in a jangling arc behind him as he pivots. Fjord slams a hand into the already-splintering beam of the frame and skids after him. If he can just get a bead on where his insane roommate is going to be in the next six seconds -

His attempt at foresight is instantly thwarted as he comes up short - literally, his head smacks off a leather bracer as he’s forcibly stopped by someone a good head taller than him. He stumbles back, pulling his sword to his chest in an unfortunately belated attempt not to stab anyone, and looks up.

Yasha looms before him with one arm raised protectively, looking blessedly un-gouged. Her expression as she reaches over her shoulder for the hilt of her own sword almost makes him wish that wasn’t the case. “Are you going to put that away?”

“Put away - oh.” His sword vanishes with a spray of salt. “That was. Ahem. For transportation.”

“Oh, that’s a relief.” The lilting voice comes from further in the room, and it only takes a second past that to see the edges of Molly’s coat peeking out from his human shield.

Fjord attempts to scowl at him through Yasha’s chest. “Well, maybe now that we’re both in one place I can ask you what in Dwendal’s name you did that for.”

Molly becomes slightly more visible as Yasha turns to him. “Oh… Molly, what did you do?”

There’s a distinct lack of the guilty silence that Fjord thinks the situation deserves. “I,” Molly says, completely confident, “gave him him a gift-”

Fjord scoffs. “He stole the soap I keep in my pack and replaced it-”

“With better soap-”

Yasha’s gaze has been flicking between the two of them, and Fjord waits until it swings back his way before holding his hands out indignantly. “Is that what you’d call this?”

All three of them stare at his hands. He doesn’t mind the flowery scent - the sea breeze has scoured his nostrils enough that he’s beyond caring what he smells like most days.

The purple streaks staining his hands and forearms are a bit more offensive.

Yasha reaches out slowly to try and scrub some of it off with her thumb. Molly just snickers, waving his own fully purple hand out at Fjord. “To be fair, there’s no way I could have known that would happen.”

Without breaking eye contact with Fjord, Yasha reaches over her shoulder again and this time pulls Molly out from behind her with a hand fisted in the collar of his coat. His heeled boots leave the scuffed wooden floor as she shakes him, gentle and chastising - dangling from her grip, he looks like nothing more than a naughty kitten. “Molly, you shouldn’t mess with people’s things.”

Molly pouts. “Yash, come on, it was funny!”

“You know what happens when you do that.”

And, just like that, oh so satisfyingly, Molly’s entire demeanor shifts - his eyes spring wide, tail twitching agitatedly to match. “Oh. Oh - no, hey, that’s not-”

The tips of his boots press towards the floor in a transparent attempt to get some leverage, but Yasha just huffs and scoops the entirety of his lanky form into her arms. “Here,” she tells Fjord bluntly over his protests, turning to one of the beds, “I’ll show you how we used to punish him at the circus.”

Fjord feels the heat of his anger sour instantly at the prospect of someone being punished on his behalf; it leaves a chalky taste in his mouth not unlike the leftover dust when he’s done filing. He catches Yasha’s eye before she can look back at Molly, holds up his hands. “Hey, let’s just take a minute here - now I’m not thrilled about this, but maybe we’re all a little too tense. We can talk it out like adults - there’s no need for punishment, right, Molly?”

His attempt at placation hits dead silence as Yasha swivels to regard him fully, Molly twisting in her arms to do the same. They stare.

Fjord stupidly wonders if he’s going to get punished now, and then, belatedly, he connects the dots - head on, it’s much easier to see how loose her grip on him is, to intuit the rote familiarity of Molly’s bickering.

He’s still learning what that kind of easy, endlessly warm camaraderie looks like. Hard to do, when he’s never had it before.

He opens his mouth warily, praying that he can turn the bitter invective on his tongue into some kind of apology before it comes out. Luckily, Molly beats him to it with a fit of giddy laughter that has him slumped halfway over Yasha’s bicep.

“What a gentleman! See, Yasha, I can’t help myself - it’s impossible not to mess with him.”

Yasha winces. It’s that more than anything else that has Fjord chuckling along, lowering his hands and shaking his head. “All right, I take it back, do whatever you want with him.”

“Hey!”

Yasha’s forehead unfurrows, and in one smooth movement she drops Molly on the nearest mattress with his tail arcing behind. He starts to get back up, no doubt eager to keep talking, but Yasha just reaches between his horns to grab the back of his neck and gently but firmly shoves him face-first into cotton sheets. “He squirms a lot,” she says, almost apologetically.

“Uh… what?”

“Hold on.” She pulls away the bunched fabric of coat and shirt to expose a strip of purple skin that bares the shallow outline of ribs and the smooth dip of Molly’s back, gently fluttering her fingers over the edge of a tattooed flourish, and instantly her explanation starts to make sense.

“Mmphhh! Hm, heh-” Molly tries to roll onto his exposed side, but that just pushes Yasha’s hand further up his back to tickle along the side of his spine. “Okay, okahahay, I - oh, that’s enough - nahaha!”

“His back is a good spot,” Yasha instructs, and Fjord nods numbly along. Her fingers stray down to Molly’s side, squeezing lightly into the shivering softness just under his ribcage, and no matter how Molly struggles and whines between bursts of snickering there’s not a thing on earth he can do to stop her.

Fjord blinks. There’s this weird swooping sensation in his belly, watching how little ability Molly has to fight back - he can barely even lift his head, though he doesn’t seem to be struggling to breathe. “Are you just going to do that till he apologizes?”

“No. I do this until,” Yasha pauses, lips pulling flat as she considers, “until he gets… floppier. Less bratty,” she enunciates to Molly, and curls her fingers just below the small of his back until a muffled shriek works its way out of the bedsheets his face is buried in. “When that’s done he’ll apologize on his own.”

“Ah,” Fjord nods again. He’s confused as fuck-all, but it’s hard not to smile watching Yasha make mock-contemplative noises that have Molly’s tail twitching anxiously in response against her knees. Judging by the frantic laughter as she makes a claw of her hand and goes after his ribs, he’s right to be worried.

It’s crazy, but oddly charming. Par for the course with their weird little group.

“You can join in if you want,” Yasha tells him. She’s not smiling back at him, but something in her multicolored gaze looks a little softer upon registering his tacit approval. “It’s faster that way.”

Molly currently looks to be trying to burrow straight through the mattress, anchored only by Yasha’s nails hooking under the back of his jaw, and Fjord feels a little bad for him.

Then, glancing down, he catches sight of the purple streaks on his fingers again.

He clears his throat. “Yeah? Any suggestions?”

Yasha shifts slightly to let him closer to the bed. “Get one of his arms and tickle under it. Gently.”

Fjord sets his jaw and goes to tow one of Molly’s arms out from where he’s wrapped it tightly against his belly. Molly, naturally, is unsupportive of his endeavors.

“Nooo - ha! - give that bahahack!” He almost twists free, too, but Yasha tickles his back again and that renders him flailingly incoherent long enough for Fjord to properly pin his forearm to the mattress.

Molly manages to peek out at him, the singular red eye that’s visible glinting with half-shed tears. Yasha’s stopped tickling for the moment to let him catch his breath in frantic heaves of air, but Fjord can see a glimpse of fang in the blissed-out grin he’s still sporting, a happy flush high on cheeks half hidden by hair and curling horns.

“You done?” he asks, just in case.

Molly sniffles in another breath. “Your hands look lovely, dear.”

Fjord raises an eyebrow and pokes him in the armpit, settling in on the floor and resting his chin on the mattress to better meet his gaze. Molly squeaks, eye squeezing shut as his grin jolts wider. “Now that’s uncalled for, isn’t it?”

Molly’s tongue flickers out at him, mocking. “Do what you have to.”

Fjord just pokes him again, wiggling his finger a little this time, and feels Molly’s bicep tense in his hold as a flurry of giggles erupts. He waits patiently for the giggles to calm, for Molly’s arm to twitch again - this time, with impatience. “Oh? What are we doing again?”

His eye cracks open, looking Fjord over, and then springs wide in horror. “Yasha,” he whines, trying and failing to squirm away from Fjord’s amusement.

Yasha sounds pretty amused herself. “Yes, Molly?”

“This isn’t how it works!”

Yasha mulls this over. “I think this is the best it’s ever worked, actually.”

Realizing that he’s going to get no help from that quarter, Molly huffs and makes a heroic attempt to struggle upright under their hands. “Okay, fine, clearly we’re done here - hngh!”

He’s barely gotten his elbow to budge before Fjord is worrying at his armpit with a single fingertip, sending shivers through his entire body that bring him right back down with a frustrated yelp. “Are we?”

It’s terribly hard not to break his faux-clueless tone and laugh. He’s never seen Molly embarrassed before, especially at the threat of not being tickled to death. But here he is, flushed all the way to the back of his neck, the dark purple blush standing out against Yasha’s pale fingers. That alone feels like enough recompense for the whole incident, so he sighs indulgently and lifts his chin to look over at Yasha. “Yeah, alright, let’s get him.”

Yasha takes her hand off Molly’s neck, letting him bolt up the instant before she shoves both hands under his shirt and Fjord starts tickling his armpit in earnest.He faceplants back onto the bed, curling up as best he can. “AH - hahaHA! Nahaha, hah - notthehehere, fuck-” Fjord glances over to see Yasha’s knuckles bulging through the fabric over his shoulder blades and grins, tickling up along the tops of Molly’s deltoids to bump knuckles with her.

Molly laughs and laughs and laughs, occasionally jerking his head up to reveal a dizzingly bright grin, and as his hysterics eventually trail off into helpless wheezing he lies completely limp and more than a little sweaty in tangled sheets. Fjord, shaking out his hands before they can cramp up, contemplates fetching some soap to throw at him. He settles for rolling Molly over and flicking him gently in the forehead.

Molly springs up suddenly, forcing him to step back, and completely ignores him to scrabble for purchase on Yasha’s arms. Fjord watches the both of them tug and rearrange until Molly is curled up half in Yasha’s lap, her making an extremely halfhearted attempt to smooth his mussed hair.

That bitter feeling inches back in, just a little, and he starts to turn for the door on instinct.

Then, eyes still bleary with tears of laughter, Molly looks straight at him. “Well, that was interesting.”

Fjord meets his gaze. “We’ll call it even,” he says, “provided you don’t touch my stuff again. Didn’t we literally just do this with Nott?”

“Even…” Molly muses. “Sure.” His fangs make a sudden reappearance, the crown jewels of a mischievously evil grin. “Until I find out where you’re ticklish, at least.”

Fjord wills himself not to take a step back. “Oh, that won’t be necessary.”

Molly and Yasha look at him with two completely different expressions that somehow manage to contain the exact same level of smugness. “It’s kind of a cycle,” Yasha admits. “He used to hide behind the tents and jump out at me, and then I’d have to do it all over again.”

The swooping sensation is back in full force, and the only thought that helps him force down a nervous smile is knowing it will expose the nubs of his tusks. “I…” He nods as calmly as he can at Molly. “I’ll be keeping an eye out, then.”

Molly says nothing, just keeps grinning implacably, but the edge of Yasha’s mouth quirks up in a soft smile. “Good.”

Fjord gestures hastily to indicate some kind of goodbye and takes his leave before Molly can start doing any investigating. Crazy, totally weird, but that feeling-

He’s halfway back to his room before he realizes that he never got an apology.

[violet-t-9]

Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 140

1. Nobody in the party perma-dies in the potential battle against Lucien/the Somnovem (temporary unconsciousness is to be expected).

Jester did not perma-die! Nooo Caleb no don’t die please wow this is one of my nightmares- ok Lucien died nvm Caleb you are fine WHEW. No perma-deaths. NOT EVEN MOLLY

2. The group discovers/uses more new eye functions that we have not seen before during the combat (unlikely, but still may be brought up).

Nope, but telepathy did get used for communication a lot, so that was fun.

3. They successfully defeat Lucien, stop/destroy the city and prevent the end of the world by the end of the episode.

Well, Lucien is stopped before the break at least!

4. A glimpse of Molly is shown before Lucien is defeated (e.g. he starts to remember them, etc) due to their effort to try to reach him/trigger his memories.

They got him to lose so many legendary reactions! Lucien also clawed his own face and torn himself apart in the end, so I’m going to count this as Molly, fighting back to protect his friends.

5. Beau and Yasha battle couple moments and possibly a passionate kiss after.

They didn’t get many power couple moments in this fight. However, Beau and Yasha’s consistent damage output brought them so much closer to success! ALSO YES A POST-BATTLE KISS I KNEW IT I CALLED IT the healing hands hug too nice.

6. More mind control attempts occur in combat (emphasis on the “attempt”).

Well yes, against Essek again (thankfully failed) and Yasha with the nightmare cage. Caleb mind blank was so clutch, at least SOMEBODY cannot be mind-controlled here. No Veth got charmed oh no.

7.  Fjord and Jester healing/saving each other and some sweet moments after.

Jester healed Fjord among the mass cure wounds as well! Also the fire resistance ring still played a role! Aww the hug in the marine layer fog was so cute! Also ayy they recovered the Cloven Crystal hahaha. Nice moment!

8. Artagan/sprinkle is mentioned/makes an appearance.

The divine intervention attempt by Jester almost succeeded Nooo. Thanks for showing up at Caleb’s revival at least.

9. Obligatory wish for Essek’s fancy dunamancy or magical items (can we please stay away from Lucien for like one round and let him use dark star).

TETHER ESSENCE YAY!! Loved the description. No dark star sad (Matt WAS saving for it), but 8th level gravity fissure is still cool though! It was unfortunate because Essek had such a high initiative as well, but all is well.

10. Obligatory wish for the polymorph spell.

Look this is just a permanent feature ono this list.

11. Obligatory wish for Essek’s room in the tower.

Look this is just a permanent feature on this list.

12. Obligatory wish for Cad being a MVP in and out of combat.

Cad’s revivify on Jester THANK YOU CAD (also thanks Caleb for getting her to him so he can bring her back quickly). JESTER HDYWTDT YES thanks to path of the grave from Cad. I knew it, Cad is always a MVP. 13. Veth being attracted to Lucien’s Astral Washboard (still reeling from the “you are not my type... but maybe you are?”)

“Kind of like a minotaur” LMAO Veth I knew it. Even in the final boss battle... That aside, Veth is such a MVP in terms of damage. Rogues, man! She did so much on Lucien and had evasion which was clutch.

14. creepy but awesome lair actions from Cognouza the flesh horror city under Lucien’s control + other new moves from Lucien’s secondary form.

Summon Cataclysm?? Will Aether?? Oh no Caduceus :( Nightmare Cage?? Yasha :( LAIR ACTION WITH PATTERNS oh NO- whew everyone rolled high thank you Jester for the Heroes’ Feast. The EYES get to go?? FOLD SPACE?? The 6 bladed attacks on Veth OH NO. NO Caleb got thrown with a tower at Essek wow those legendary actions sure are pretty strong.

15. They get to the end of the combat without anyone reaching 9 eyes.

YES! This happened! I’m so glad that the timer, whatever it was, did not activate in the Lucien fight.

16. Their eyes vanish after they defeat Lucien/destroy the city.

YES! YES! I knew it! Ayyyyyyy 

17. Caleb uses more fire/customized/dunamantic spells creatively or with nice flair (what’s sexier than wizards NOTHING).

He WILLED a glaive to hit Lucien I love you sexy wizard I literally love your imagination and creativity Widogast this is why you are my favourite. CALEB WITH YOUR MIRROR IMAGE YOU ABSOLUTE TANK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

18. Fjord uses his vestige in battle (come on that’s a star razor you’ve got there).

I... Marine layer also works, sure. Also you know what, Eldritch blast rules anyways. Fjord has always been a perfect warlock (and paladin probably).

19. Veth successfully using the Aeorian security cannon’s feature to hit again OR Veth using a fluffernutter.

Wow did not expect ASC to succeed in the first round, but it did! I’m so proud of you ASC.

20. The city’s inhabitants get freed from their fates of perpetual screaming.

“You hear whispers in your mind” YES! They are grateful and they are freed!

21. The party’s reaction when any member goes down (give me the angst).

No Veth is down... OOF. Nooo Jester NOO! Cad was almost down (death ward clutch). I regret wanting angst I’m sorry! I mean I knew it was going to happen. No Caleb is down Nooo I regret everything why did I want angst?! CALEB NO I didn’t want angst I didn’t-

22. Yasha uses her undead barbarian superpowers to fight on 0 hitpoints forever because she is awesome.

You know what, I’m glad she never got to 0 HP. So many party members went down already. 

23. Obligatory wish for everyone to remain relatively happy and alive by the end of the episode except Lucien, and the episode hopefully does NOT end on a terrifying cliffhanger because they win.

WOW, I was right. We got it, guys. We really got it, a happy ending.

Bonus moments:

Jester’s banishment on Vigilan was nice and quite crucial. Jester and Caduceus remind us every day why having two clerics is necessary for M9. Jester willed the bag of holding back to them lol.

Fjord THANK YOU for the Fastidan kill, that eye was such a menance. 

The wizards helping each other in battle were such nice moments.

Molly fighting back and helping them until the end :( WAIT is Caleb going to raise dead with his transmuter stone YES THE RITUAL I’m about to cry from Yasha, Jester and Beau... No NATURAL 1... WAIT DIVINE INTERVENTION?? 2% WHAT THAT WAS A WHIPLASH. EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO CRY. DUDE THE IRONY OF CAD BRINGING MOLLY BACK THOUGH.

Score: 17/23 

Wow what an emotional rollercoaster oh man oh man

What a story

I love them so much

See you next Thursday!

[trevardes]

sail anywhere

Spoilers for Critical Role C2 EP141!

Fic: Sail anywhere Words: 1807 Summary: It hurts a little when they say Kingsley’s name. Rating: T Warnings: none Also on AO3 here.

It hurts to be born.

He thinks this must be true for all living things, but most of them don’t remember the moment. He does; he remembers it all. The smell of flesh and decay around him, and the astonished, painfully hopeful faces of eight strangers gathered in a circle around him.

Later, he’ll hurt for not remembering the lives they tell him he used to have, but in the moment he’s consumed by physical agony from his wounds and the heart-wrenching feeling of emptiness, of lacking something crucial. He’s nearly broken, only partially fixed both inside and out, and he wants to scream but only manages a whimper.

“Mollymauk?” the big one with the white hair and the tears slipping down her face asks, and it hurts to say no.

-

The grove heals him slowly like it heals the others, and he learns to walk and talk and not fear them. They have it in them to fight and injure, he knows, though he wasn’t present for the fight with the other wizards. Some of these people are clearly disappointed that he’s different from what they expected, but none of them seem inclined to take it out on him. Instead, they bring him food and blankets and awkward smiles, doing their best to support him as he takes his first steps in the world, sees his first sunset, his first sunrise, his first rainstorm.

It hurt to be born, new and wrecked and fumbling, shoved into a broken body, and it hurts to heal. It hurts to sit still as his muscles and skin slowly come back together, adding new scars to the old, distorting some of the tattoos on his skin. Empty spots amid them seem to stare at him, though the others tell him the eyes that used to be there are now gone forever.

-

Nicodranas bustles with energy and life, and it’s there that he finalizes the decision to call himself Kingsley. It’s not quite right, but more so than Mollymauk or Lucien would be. It’s something he thinks he could grow to be, with time, with some care and some time to find out who he’ll end up becoming.

“Kingsley”, Yasha says softly as he’s preparing to make the trip to Fjord’s ship. She turns the name around in her mouth with care, and the sadness of her smile hurts him - it hurts, it hurts - but it also feels good. Like perhaps he can have this, perhaps he can try something on his own. He wants to be Kingsley - not because he cannot be Mollymauk, but because he doesn’t yet know who he can be, and burns with the need to find out.

“Love”, he says back, just to see her lips quirk into a sweet smile, even as her heart breaks a little in her eyes. “Yasha”, he continues, matching her soft tone. He isn’t the man who was important to her, who experienced so much with her, but she’s already important to him, somehow. “This isn’t a goodbye.”

“I know”, Yasha says and reaches out carefully, taking his slender hand in her own, the size of it dwarfing him and the warmth making his heart hurt.

“I’m going to go with Beau, to find Zuala’s grave. My wife’s grave.” There’s a deep sadness in her, but it gives way to a fierce joy every time she sees Beauregard or mentions her. That whole situation is a big can of worms Kingsley doesn’t know he wants to dip into just yet, so he doesn’t ask.

“And after?” he asks instead, as if that’s any easier a question. She has an answer prepared, however, and she tells him in hushed tones.

“Beau will continue as an expositor, and I’m so proud. She’s perfect for it. The thing is… I don’t know what I’m perfect for yet, except that I want to be for her”, Yasha says. “So at least for a while, I’ll just go where she goes, see how I like a quieter life. Maybe we’ll settle down somewhere.”

She wants to rest and to find herself through finding peace. Kingsley gets that, but he knows that’ll never work for him.

“Send word once you know where you’ll be. I’ll come visit”, he promises. “At some point - not yet though, and not for a while, I think - I’d like to hear about Molly from you.”

Yasha squeezes his hand and gifts him a smile that makes him see how she can so easily turn a difficult person like Beau into sappy mush.

“I would love that”, Yasha whispers, and though it hurts, Kingsley thinks he understands Beau, thinks he understands why Mollymauk would decide Yasha’s card had to be Love.

-

Kingsley loves the sea, and he thinks it might love him back. Most things in the world are large and new and painful, and the sea is that as well, but it still feels like home. Every place it takes him offers something new to experience, something new to be.

Fjord and Jester and the rest of the crew at his back, Kingsley stands at the prow of the ship, squinting in the sunlight reflecting off of perfect turquoise water. Seagulls fly overhead, calling to each other, and the wind pushes the ship hard as it splits the roiling surface like a knife. The water goes on forever, disappearing behind the horizon, and Kingsley smiles. His hands grip the railing and he leans forward, tail flipping behind him in excitement, his black coat billowing in the wind. There are other ports to see where he’s going, people to meet, treasure to find and to take, and this right here is something he thinks he can learn to be. This him who feels sea spray and sun gentle on his skin, this him whose newly short hair whips in the strong wind and whose chest is filled with - yes, hurt, still, but also wonder and joy and sweet longing for the unknown.

-

“Do you think you’ll ever remember any of… any of Molly’s memories?” Fjord asks one night after a long card game and half a bottle of rum they’ve split between them. It’s just the two of them in the captain’s cabin, Jester having left earlier to spend some time listening to Orly’s stories from his youth.

Kingsley tilts his head, considering. He takes his time, secretly enjoying the way Fjord shifts uncomfortably as he waits for the answer. Kingsley suspects the man wouldn’t have taken this up if it wasn’t for the alcohol; it’s a difficult subject and Kingsley may have been a bit harsh in the way he’s tried to make them believe he isn’t Mollymauk and never will be.

“I’m not sure”, he finally says. “I haven’t so far, so I think it’s unlikely, but who knows?”

Fjord nods gravely. “Caduceus told me he asked the Wildmother to put Molly’s soul back, and that she did, but I suppose it’s a little more complicated than that.”

Kingsley toasts to that with the last dregs of the rum. “Maybe our soul is the same, but I’m still… well. I don’t know, but I’m not him.”

“That’s alright”, Fjord says, and from anyone else it might sound like an empty platitude, but not from Fjord. His tusks are digging into his lip nervously and his eyes flicking up to meet Kingsley’s and back down again. “You’re good, whether you remember or not. We have all that history with Molly, but those memories aren’t going anywhere, even if you find your own path. We have a future with you in it now, and that’s worth it.”

“Oh, Captain, I do so love it when you talk to me so sweetly”, Kingsley grins, and only laughs harder as Fjord sputters and covers his face with a hand, flushing.

The rum is gone, but there’s always sweet, sparkling rosé to be had thanks to Veth. Kingsley takes out the flask and takes a swig, offering it to Fjord. He takes it, looking thankful to be able to give his mouth something other to do than talking. Kingsley teases him further just for the hell of it, winking and blowing him an exaggerated kiss. Fjord groans and shoves his shoulder, smiling.

-

Years pass and the memories never return.

Kingsley is still empty, in a way; he can feel the absence of Mollymauk, of Lucien, but gradually he grows to fill some of that space. He has a hundred adventures with Fjord and Jester, many visits with Yasha and Beau, with Caleb and that elusive drow of his, with Veth’s family and at Caduceus’s beautifully melancholy little temple home.

He visits every major port in Exandria, tastes every drink and learns dirty words in more languages than he can count. He works and steals and charms and <em>lives.</em> He knows many women in many ports, and many men and many others, and is first surprised and then delighted to find that his empty chest can light up with love for any of them, for all of them.

He doesn’t have a home port like Fjord and Jester do, not even after he eventually has his own ship and crew who call him Captain, or when they start operating out of Darktow Isle, and that’s just fine with him.

He does often sail to Nicodranas, not in small part because of an elusive wizard of his own. Caleb would be proud if he knew, Kingsley thinks with a private smirk as he makes his way towards a tall tower to meet a certain handsome elf, already thinking of smooth brown skin on golden yellow sheets, of their quiet, snarking conversations afterwards.

The memories never return, and eventually Kingsley stops wishing that they did, stops dreading the day they might.

-

He does hurt for the Mighty Nein for losing their friend. He hurts for Mollymauk even as he names his ship after this person he’s taken to referring to as his brother, and he carries a measure of guilt; if Kingsley had never been born, perhaps Mollymauk would have lived. He would’ve reigned glorious over whatever piece of the world he would’ve chosen, and people would have loved him, that much Kingsley knows. He feels like a murderer some days, but on others it’s easier to just vow to make good use of this life he has been given.

Mollymauk would have lived this life to its fullest, and Kingsley has every plan to do the same.

He has his crew at his side and people he calls friends and joys and loves scattered on every shore in Exandria; he has the wind in his hair, the sun bright and sweetly painful in his eyes; he has everything he needs and more.

Kingsley Tealeaf smiles through the small, lingering hurt and sets a course for the horizon.

[dent-de-leon]

Hello, I am here once again to cast my Molly thoughts onto you.

Very often I think about Molly once being quiet…empty. But then he thrives in the joys, laughter, and color of the carnival, and then with the Nein.

But sometimes, Molly will have dreams, visions, nightmares of the quiet, the empty, THE EYES, and suddenly, he’s in a state of silence, unable to talk.

The Nein are fumbling on what to do, but then Yasha, his dear Yasha, easily holds himself close, and he hangs onto her like a lifeline. She does her best to talk despite not being the best conversationalist, but it’s what Molly is so familiar with, so soothed by. She tells him of the colorful flowers she’s seen, the crackling sound of thunder from her trips away from the group, the bustling sounds of people she has passed by.

The Nein learn from this, making sure that when Molly is unnervingly silent, they give him sounds, colors, warmth.

Molly may be silent, but never is he empty.

Oh, I absolutely headcannon this as well!! We know that Molly did have nightmares about Lucien and the Eyes--dreams that he always tried to forget. And at the very end of Campaign 2, Matt describes the haunting visions that Kingsley still sees of Cognouza and Lucien night after night. King reliving the moment when he sacrificed himself over and over, the primal alien screams and black chains that followed--

So I definitely think Molly/King still has moments when he feels that familiar, gnawing ache of Empty, once too many nightmares and memories come pouring back. And I can definitely see Yasha running right to his side. When Molly first confesses the truth about Lucien and his days of clawing Emptiness, he's so grateful to have Yasha there for him. Gives her a pat on the shoulder and says, "Thank you, dear." And at the very start of the episode, he stays close by her, still trying to suppress a panic attack--laughing nervously, admitting shakily, "I'm so glad to see you."

Just having Yasha near helps ground him. And if he got lost in feeling Empty again--even if the rest of the world and his memories start to fade, I think he'd still very much be drawn to her and reach out to her for comfort all the same.

I think a lot about how King Molly's first word after Empty is Love, how he goes up to Yasha and gives her a big hug and holds on tight. The way he goes and picks flowers for her and Beau in the Blooming Grove--all these little things that show how much he loves his charm and the rest of the Nein, even though he still doesn't have the words to say it.

The way Jester shows Tealeaf each of the cards in his tarot deck, gently tells him that she hopes just having them again will make him feel a little bit better. Tries her best to give him something concrete to hold onto, to anchor him. I can see her dealing out the cards between them whenever Molly's feeling Empty again, Jester softly telling him who each person is and what their card means. Tealeaf clinging to the deck and reading through it over and over in the moonlight, trying to commemorate every face to memory. The way Jester's so protective of Molly like he always was of her.

And then...I just can't get over how it's Caleb Molly calls out to first after Yasha. How first and foremost he has his Love, is warmed by just the sight of her so much, and then calls out for his Magician right after. The way Caleb fought so hard just for the chance to reunite with Molly, limped to his side and begged the rest of the Nein to save him. Casting the spell to resurrect him, promising so earnestly, "Empty no longer, Mr. Tealeaf." Caleb showing so much love and compassion for Mollymauk, that when all hope seems lost, when he doesn't wake--it's him Yasha turns to for comfort, looking to him for help as she cries, "Is there nothing else to do...? Caleb?" Because they both just love him so much. Because Yasha trusts Caleb to save him.

In those moments when Molly/King goes nonverbal, I think Caleb would also be very patient, very understanding. Because he'd been through very much the same thing, all those years in the sanitarium. We see panel after panel of him silently moving through the years in a haze, and I think it's very much implied he never spoke, never really felt aware. Just years and years of walking through this nightmare, dissociating from the world around him--Trent's spell further distancing him from himself, locking all his memories away.

So if anyone would understand exactly what it is Tealeaf's feeling when all he can say is Empty, I think it's Caleb. Because for an entire decade, that's how he felt. I can see him being kind and gentle with Molly in those moments the way he wished someone would have been for him. Sitting by his side when the memories get to be too much, when it all eats away at him until he feels hollow again. Caleb delicately parting his hair and giving him another forehead kiss, promising him again that he isn't Empty anymore--

It's like how Yasha told Molly having a family again made her feel less empty. I think her and Caleb just understand a lot of Molly's pain and grief in a very intimately familiar way, and it makes them both want to reach back out to Mollymauk like he did for him. Molly, who tells Lucien, "We love broken things the most," and gives his whole heart to try and save other shattered souls.

And I just love your idea that Yasha would see how Molly is grounded by color and light and joy and life; all the vibrant, beautiful things that Molly saw in the world, even though he still knew it was so "harsh and cruel." Yasha giving Mollymauk more wonderful memories to fill that Emptiness, to remind him that he is alive, and whole, and loved.

I think of Yasha holding onto Molly and hugging him as tight as she can when they fall asleep. Playing old songs from the circus on her harp. Beau reading pages from her journal aloud, showing off all the little trinkets she gathered in their travels. Jester fanning out the tarot deck and inviting him to pick a few cards. Drawing with him under the stars. Caleb casting Prismatic Image until golden memories flicker all around them, retelling all of their adventures like it's his favorite story, watching the way Tealeaf's eyes light up--

[thatonesadending]

Molly and Caleb get to talk about his return, and what it means. But then Beau has to come by and completely derail Caleb - There is Magic in Words; Chapters 6-7

“Thank you.” Caleb eventually said, breaking the quiet.

“Why are you thanking me? Last I checked, you are the one that did all the stuff worth thanking today, love.” Molly responded with a chuckle.

“For being … being you.” His words were so soft, as though he didn't want Molly to actually hear them. He lifted his head then, to look the other man in the eyes.

“Caleb,” he didn't know where to begin. He knew that Caleb wasn't talking about him being back in his own body. He was talking about all the sweet things Caduceus had told him about how the Nien remembered him. Molly was pretty sure they all were suffering a bit of memory loss due to grief, making him out to be better than he really was, but he found it sweet nonetheless.

“I don't know how to be anyone else, dear. Couldn't if I tried.” Molly said. That at least was true.

“Exactly.” Caleb took his hand from Molly’s knee, suddenly showing a bit of nervousness. How this man could go from spoiling him with incredible magic Molly couldn’t have ever imagined, to self-conscious was a mystery. Caleb seemed to make a choice, and continued.

“You are refreshing, if I am honest. There are not many people in this world who really mean what they say, and follow through with their actions. I might not have understood or agreed with the things you did, or even the way you saw the world, but your optimism and compassion that you treated others, it was - it is admirable. Even from that first night at the inn, I could tell you were genuine about things that mattered. For a man that proudly claimed to be a liar, I have never seen you bend the truth more than what was necessary. Never for selfish gain, but always to help others, never to betray. It took me a little while, but I trust you, and my trust isn’t easily won. That has not changed, not for me, and I am certain with a little bit of time, the others .”

Molly had no idea what to say. It was completely unexpected, however, something told him that Caleb was saying this more for himself than for him. There was a bit of a wrinkle around his eyes that looked as though he was in pain. Molly never did get to hear his story from before they all became the Mighty Nien, and he still didn't know all that happened while he was gone, but Caleb spoke like a man who had been let down far too many times. Molly wanted to explain how it was just easier for him to be brash and bold, because he chose to ignore consequences. That thinking of what could be was just too hard for him when he had already died once, and now that he died a second time … he wasn’t sure how he felt about his naivety. Instead, he chose to continue on the now.

“I trust you too Caleb. I knew you were a lot more than the shy, cowardly wizard that you wanted all of us to think you were. I hoped with time, you would realize it was ok to love yourself and let us care for you. I am a little sad that I missed the inbetween, but I am glad you are there.” Caleb chuckled at Molly’s confession.

“I am not quite, work in progress as it were, but you might make it a little easier for me.” Caleb was blushing, obviously still not used to praise. That was ok, Molly could work with him on that. He wanted to take the wizard’s hand, but he didn't want to push too far.

“Speaking of time and progress, how long has it been?” Molly had been avoiding asking anyone, because judging on appearances, it seemed to be a while.

“Almost a year.” Caleb replied almost flatly, as though he didn't believe it himself.

“Well fuck me sideways.”

They both laughed at the bit of brevity.

“Incredible. After a year, you all followed Lucien into this creepy fucking city, just to bring me back? How did that plan work?” He asked, the memory of the alley way still sending chills down his spine.

“Not exactly.” Caleb almost looked, ashamed. “We had been told that you were gone forever, and were actually following him to kill him before he could … it’s a long story for another day. We had no plan. I am very sorry for that. But it seems as if luck was on our side.”

“But if you didn't know, and didn’t have a plan, how - how did you call me?” Molly was bewildered. It was fine that they didn't actually come for him, but it made his return very confusing.

“A hunch? I couldn't be sure, but there had been a few moments when Lucien interacted with the others that … that I was sure I could see you. Certain words or memories seemed to trigger Lucien. Your face has always been the easiest for me to read of all the Nien, you were never very good at hiding your emotions. I could probably beat you at a cards.” Molly started to protest, but Caleb kept going.

“However I could not know that it was not wishful thinking, and I did not want to get the other’s hope up if it wasn't true and risk themselves.” Caleb looked so sad for a moment. “But I am a hypocrite, when it came to a moment of choosing whether to let them try and kill Lucien and never know, or to let myself hope, I did.” His hands had unconsciously gone to gently rub at his neck, where Molly could just now see bruised flesh, bruises in the shape of his own fingertips.

“Caleb! I am so -”

“Nien. It was not you. I am alright.” Molly still reached out to sooth the bruise, before realizing that Caleb probably didn’t want his hands anywhere near them. Still, the wizard reached out and took Molly’s hand in both of his before finishing.

“I did not know, but I tried to use every memory that I had of things you had said or done that had impacted us in some way. It worked, ja?” Caleb’s eyes looked glassy but was smiling, and Molly had to work very hard not to cry again.

“Ah, the kiss on the forhead. You are a genius. I am lucky you didn’t slap me first.” Was all he could think to say, while giving Caleb’s hand a squeeze. He had been a bit clumsy in that attempt to break the wizard out of the panic state he had been in all that time ago, not knowing what else to do, but it worked. “Wait, if you used memories and such, why the kiss? The one on the lips. We have never kissed before.” Molly didn’t mean it to sound like an accusation, but it was a little odd to him.

“Ja, yes, that.” Caleb looked suddenly very flustered. It was kind of cute, if unnecessary. Molly didn't mind, just wanted to know. “Ah, instinct? ‘What would Mollymauk do’ as it were?”

“That’s fair. I do like a good kiss.” He couldn’t help but grin at the full body flush that Caleb now had. “And that was a very good kiss Mr. Caleb.” The man pulled his hands away in embarrassment, but Molly wasn’t quite done flirting. “I can already see all the free drinks at taverns when I share this story. ‘I was pulled back from the dead with a passionate kiss from a very handsome wizard!’” He leaned back on his elbows as he spoke, just to get a good look at Caleb’s reaction.

“As long as you share some of those drinks, let’s call it even, shall we?” Some of the embarrassment had faded, and that just wouldn’t do. Molly was feeling more and more like himself, and had a bit more flirt left in him.

“I will get you all the drinks you want, love. But you will have to tell me where you learned how to kiss like that, which one of these assholes have you been practicing with? My money is on the dr-” but Caleb quickly cut him off, and Molly could see he took it a bit too far.

“Nien, no one. I, ah, have not kissed anyone in a very long time, but I promise you - I, er - I had not meant for it to be ‘passionate’, simply … I acted without thinking.” Molly could see that Caleb was about to apologize, but he was the one that should.

“Darling, it’s a compliment, really. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I know you didn’t mean anything by it, just hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Worst ways to be greeted back into the world.” Molly tried to sound as carefree as possible. There was a little frown that appeared on Caleb's face, and Molly was worried he was still somehow fucking this up. But it disappeared, and he was thankful when Caleb turned to face him.

“As though you could think anyone would not enjoy kissing you Mollymauk.” Oh that was bold, he did like that. He was about to respond with something probably entirely too dirty, but Caleb stood.

“It is getting late, and you look to be in much better spirits, would you like me to fetch Yahsa now? Or I can show you to her room?” Right, he was still very tired, and the way he was lounging back looking up at the wizard was making him just want to fall back into the pillows and close his eyes, though Yasha’s company would make that a lot better. Besides, Caleb still had to show that grumpy Essek guy his room too. Molly had taken up too much of his time.

“Yasha will probably love this room as much as me, thank you.” He said. Caleb seemed to concentrate, and Molly remembered that he and Beau could still do that creepy mind talking thing. But he wasn't going to worry about that right now. It didn’t take long before there was a knocking on the door, and Caleb moved to open it. Without thinking, Molly jumped up to catch him before he could reach it. He embraced the other man, wanting to just one more moment with him.

“Thank you.” He knew it was silly, and it didnt really convey the gravity of what had been done for him. But he had to say it anyway. Caleb hugged him back, an arm snaking around his waist, and the other resting gently in between his shoulder blades, a cheek pressed to the side of his horn. “Always, Mollymauk.”

________

The moment Caleb turned back to the door to leave Mollymauk’s room, he felt the worry and stress creep back in. He didn’t want to leave. It was easy to be with Molly, his effortless charm and the fact that Caleb always seemed to know where he stood with the tiefling. Even as Molly had been crying in his arms, Caleb knew it wasn't because of anything he did, and that he would show the wizard what he needed even if he didn’t know how to put it into words.

Caleb had seen Molly rubbing his fingers where there should have been rings, noticed him frustratingly brushing his dirty hair back, and picked up on how he was avoiding his own reflection in the windows. These were all things Caleb could relate to in one way or another. The horrible skin crawling feeling of not knowing what to do in your own skin after someone had used you for their own purpose. He was just glad he was able to help a bit.

It was wonderful to get to see Molly get comfortable again, even if that meant he was still a giant flirt. But that also meant the incredibly perceptive Molly was back too. Caleb didn’t know how he managed it, but he always seemed to be able to crawl into people’s minds and see when they were lying, or holding back. It made him great with people, useful and getting information.

So for a terrifying moment, when he asked Caleb about that kiss and how it wasn’t a call back to a memory, he was worried Molly was going to see it on his face. That it was a memory, just not one Molly remembered, but obviously some part of him did. That was not their first kiss, but their second.

But it would have been too much, Molly had enough to get used to and learn about the Mighty Nien, and that would have only complicated things further.

Caleb opened the door to find Yasha standing there, positively beaming at him. Part of his stress washed away again. Yasha also knew, even better than Caleb, what it felt like to lose control over yourself, and hurt those you love. She had been doing so much better, thanks in large part to Beau, and Caleb felt grateful that she could now help her best friend heal too.

She started to slip through the door that Caleb held for her, but paused just long enough to say, “Beau would like a word with you.”

Caleb ran a frustrated hand through his face. He did not want to speak with her, he knew what she wanted. He floated downwards and sent a telepathic thought to her.

“Hallo Beauregard, I understand you would like to speak, but could this possibly wait until morning? I am quite exhausted.”

“Have you shown Essek his room yet?” Her quick reply came.

“Nien.”

“Then no. My room, now.”

He really was too tired for this. They had spent the day fighting the monsters of Aeor, then an Elemental, jumped through a portal, had two confrontations with Lucien, and only then tried to make camp in this terrifying city. It made a good recipe for heightened emotions and bad choices. He thought about just ignoring her, and going to the wizard that was waiting in his library. However, he knew she wouldn't leave him alone, probably send him telepathic threats of violence until he answered her.

Almost before he could knock, she was pulling him in, dragging him past the sitting room and into her bedroom where they were alone.

“So…” She started, crossing her arms angrily and tapping her toe expectantly.

“Beauregard, I am not sure what it is that you want of me-”

“I want to know why you made a room for a dead man in your fucked up hall of memories.” Caleb briseled, her tone full of accusations, and he had no idea where to start with them. He found that he was unable to lie to Beau without her noticing, so he led with a half truth.

“I started thinking about the tower right after Jester, Fjord and Yasha were taken. As a means to insure that it would never happen again if I could help it.” He paused, that was not a time either of them enjoyed remembering. “Molly was still with us, and his room was the easiest to imagine, he was not particularly shy about showing off his tastes.”

“So you made some weird red-room thing for him, a wall covered with dilldos, and that’s why you hid it away?” Her voice had yet to lose any of its sharpness.

Not exactly, he thought.

“No Beau,” He replied “It is a just a bedroom as colorful as him.”

“Then why not include Molly’s room down here with the rest of ours? You were not the only one grieving you know? We could have visited his room too.” She sounded just a touch hurt, and he knew why. He knew she blamed herself, foolishly.

Because it was not his room, it was mine. He would have rather died in that moment then to admit that to her. Then to explain how on hard nights of travel and battle, he would leave his own room on the 7th level once everyone had gone to bed, go to that room and open the large windows concealing the moon he had recreated, and would just talk to Mollymauk. Tell him how their day had gone, explain his worries for the others, or theories of their adventures. He would ask for advice, knowing he wouldn’t get it, but it helped to imagine his friend could hear him.

Other nights, when the guilt and regret were more than he felt he could handle, he would lay in the large bed and try and feel a little less alone. It rarely worked, but he did get some comfort from it. Because above all else, this room was a reminder of a possibility, what could have happened if Caleb hadn’t been such a coward. Had he not contemplated leaving all of them the night before, just barely deciding to stay, but not doing nearly enough to protect them. Mollymauk had died painfully, and he possibly could have lived had Caleb had just been a little smarter, a little braver. It was a reminder not to make that same mistake twice, because this room really could have been Molly’s had he just been better.

And then there were the nights where Caleb just had too much pent up frustration, too much stress to think clearly, that he would go to that room and …

He cut off his own thoughts, they were not helpful with the question at hand. Another half truth then.

“Because I was embarrassed. I did not know what to do with my, um well -” He knew he needed to give Beau more truth, she did deserve it, the two of them having shared so much pain together over the last year. And he knew he could trust her, but there were still things he did not trust himself to say out loud. “... my stupid crush. I believe that is how it is said in common.”

It didn’t shock him that Beau was not at all surprised, of course she knew. She waited for him to continue. She was rarely patient, but she could be unnervingly stubborn when she knew it meant she would get her way.

“When he left us, I had just started to accept that possibly it was ok if others cared for me. Not to expect it, but to let them. He showed me a kindness I had never experienced before. One without expectations, freely given with a care for permission. Open with his affection, however I was not ready at the time to confront how I felt about that at the time. His death was hard for me in a very selfish way. I have been trying since to pass on the lessons he gave me, even if I have been clumsy with it.”

Beau softened, her arms relaxed at her sides, and Caleb half feared she would hug him.  But she didn’t, she did something worst.

“I am so sorry Cay.”

All was silent for several moments. Caleb thought about just turning and leaving, already having said too much without having to say goodnight as well. But Beau had no plans to release him yet.

“So what are you going to do about it.”

He would have rathered her punch him.

“Nothing.” He said, flatley. “We are both very different men. It has been a long time since we have seen him last. I have changed, mostly for the better I hope, but he has gone through something incredibly difficult and traumatic. Coming home after so much time has passed, to find that all your friends have moved on and you now wear the face of a man they tried to kill? Its bound to … fuck him up, as it were.” He paused, Beau was grimacing, but he could tell she understood. “What happens next is up to him. If he chooses to stay with us, or take him back to Trostenwald and his circus, it is up to him. He has earned that choice for all the ones he hasn't gotten to make.” He knew it wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear, but it was the best he had.

She relaxed at his answer, but only for a minute. Caleb braced himself uselessly.

“So what about Essek?” Gods she was a menace.

“What about him?” His returned question just prompted more frustration from her.

“Oh you know, the other purple dude that just so happens to also be a super angsty wizard like you, that you have been shamelessly flirting with for days? The one that every time you guys are in the same room, we all have to suffer through the suffocating sexual tension? The one waiting for you to show you his ‘room’, not the guest room?” Each sentence was pointed and bared directly at him.

“Nothing.” He repeated, “I will admit a certain level of attraction, but I am not going to do something foolish as risk all of you. Not when we don’t really know where his loyalties will lie when we leave Aeor. “ It was a simplification of the truth, but still very much true.

“I am not sure you get that choice.”

“How do you mean?”

“Because he obviously has the hots for you dude. He has been working very hard to get into your pants, and I think for the long haul.”  She was looking at him like he was stupid, and he resented that. Of course, he knew that Esske returned the attraction,  and would've had to be blind to not to see it. He wanted very much to reciprocate, he wanted to drag the man into one of the various halls of Aeor, and finally put to rest his theories on how it would feel to kiss him. He had wanted the wizard to embrace him from almost their first meetings. Caleb could still feel the burning on the back of his skull from where Essek had touched him to guide his attention to the dodecahedron, unknowingly distracting him from anything by Essek’s hand. But he needed time, they both did. Time to know that Essek’s motivations were true and could be trusted. There was so much the two hadn't shared with each other, too many secrets and lies still. Too risky with the political and power games they both played to just ignore. Beau though didn't wait for him to answer.

“Hate to admit it, but I don’t want to see the guy get hurt. Not just because he can be a scary motherfucker, but because he is our friend.” She sighed “ And then there is Molly, and really don't want him to get hurt. You know he likes you back?” She asked, but she seemed to know the answer.

Yes, he did. He thought. Of course he noticed Mollymauk treating him much differently than the others. He had flirted, teased, much the same as he did with everyone. However he was a lot more gentle about it, never touched him if Caleb requested space. However alway remained within 5 feet of him if he was exposed in battle to protect him, rather taking a blade himself then Caleb. At first he thought it was a tactical thing, to protect the wizard who is very squishy. But when Molly continued to protect him, sometimes from himself, he knew Mollymauk had singled him out. He has been fairly certain that not even Molly knew how he himself felt, unaware of his different affection since he tended to live his life in the short term and on whims. But Caleb knew.

It had been uncomfortable, and he resisted, but the tiefling unconsciously started tearing down his walls. Then he died, things had changed, and now was very different from then.

“I know.” was all he managed to whisper. He said nothing more for a long time, just looking at the floor of Beau’s room.

“What do you want?” The telegraphed thought surprised him, but she must have known answering aloud would have been too hard. He dragged a frustrated hand through his face before answering,

“I do not know.”

“Well, you better figure it out before getting Essek alone in a room.” She didn’t say anything more, just turned and head to the bathroom he made her, leaving him to see himself out and figure out what he was going to do.

He just needed more time.

[moonybear]

People say Taliesin is their favorite cast member and then proceed to make 10x the amount of content for Molly that died in episode 26 instead of the Caduceus thats been here since episode 28 and we’re on 72 now. Like I know fandom loves Molly but he’s DEAD and you might want to turn all this ongoing obsession and “He’s Fine!” energy into the rest of the cast and their characters cause at this point it’s almost disrespectful how much people love a character that hasn’t been here in over a year than the ones who have been growing up and moving on without him. Beau shares some of her childhood trauma? It’s what Molly would’ve wanted!! Caleb connects with the people around him? Omg Molly would be so proud!!!! Yasha connects with her god and tries to confront the demon that manipulated her? What if Molly was here what would he do!??!!!1 Fjord tried to severe the tie with his patron that threatened to kill him (and Beau)? But Molly’s SWORD!!!!! Full offense not everything these characters do is for, has to do with, or is in the memory of a character that died months ago in game, and now over a year out of it. Sometimes people move on. I think the fandom should too. EDIT Yes this post is aggressive/dramatic. Yes i know. Anywho, so some of y’all can see my various replies you refuse to check in the notes:

I’m not shaming people about liking Molly, I’m not saying the cast hate anyone for creating content with him. Read my post again. I’m pointing out how ridiculous it is one of the (if not the) most popular character in the fandom is someone who’s been missing for over half the series.

watch and wait. either the molly sword is gone gone, or Fjord’s going to upchuck every single thing he swallowed in one of the upcoming sessions 

The OG post is not me saying “Caduceus should have the same amount of love Mollymauk had”. The post is pointing out how ridiculous the fandom is bringing Mollymauk into every single situation for a WWMD scenario. As @missjainaproudmoore pointed out, it’s super unhealthy to fixate how a dead character would react to every scene. It’s not Molly’s party anymore. Caduceus is not a character I expect everyone to love! He’s kind of a gentle, foolish giant, who also dabbles with dead people and sees it as normal. That just isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and I can completely respect it. However, flat-out leaving Caduceus out of Mighty Nein group photos or posts is ridiculously insulting to Taliesin as a player, as he’s had Caddy much longer than he had Molly by this point.

Another thing to point out is the biggest piece people seem to be holding onto is Molly is the epitome of (or, taking a step further, the only) Openly Queer Representation in Critical Role. This completely erased Beauregard’s identity as a lesbian, who has been with multiple women on screen. This completely erases Yasha’s identity as a lesbian who was married. This completely erases the numerous NPCs like Bryce and Dairon who use they/them pronouns. This erases the NPCs with husbands and wives, every single character played by the cast, or the DM, or even guest characters like Keg who are gay!

Hanging onto Mollymauk as the Only Queer Representation is flat out insulting and a dangerous mindset to have. You guys need to knock it off.

For everyone kicking in my inbox, where in this post did I say I hate him? oh wait, look, never! he was a good character, he had a fantastic design, but he was around for 26 episodes and Caddy has been in 43 since Molly died. This isn’t hate for Mollymauk, this is frustration with his fans that turn every bit of emotional growth or story progression back into an Expose About The Life Of Mollymauk Tealeaf And How He Would Feel About It 

ANOTHER EDIT: There’s a ton of people in the notes thanking me for pointing this out because they were scared to, or saying I’m swinging at a hornet’s nest, or they’ve had to blacklist the molly tag because his fan worship is ridiculous and... Guys, this isn’t normal? People shouldn’t have to be scared to point out a character’s death and how weirdly obsessed the fandom is a whole year after he’s been gone. People shouldn’t have to be thanking me for pointing it out while also staying on anon so they don’t get threatening asks. This is not normal and all of the Molly Stans need to realize it. You guys need to chill out, back off, and re-prioritize and reevaluate the character you’re still clinging to as #1 a whole year after he’s been gone, 45 episodes since his last appearance.  People seem to forget Mollymauk wasn’t.. the best guy? He charmed Nott, threatened her and talked down to her, called her stupid, threatened Caleb the fandom favorite, drowned Fjord, along with a host of other things I can’t debate off the top of my head. Mollymauk was not an idol, he was a flawed character, but he’s dead now. Please, please, think critically about your choices.

[atomosphericnonsense]

Alright, let’s look at some logistics

One almost off-hand ‘Let’s go get molly’ from Fjord and now I gotta think this through. 

First off, as much as I loved Molly’s character I love Cad even more and would be exceptionally sad to see him go, however if Taliesin were to head rezing Molly I would be more okay with it. And when it comes right down to it, this is the cast’s game so it really doesn’t matter what I think of it. 

This thought dump is brought to you by the: If Molly is still in his grave, school of thought. 

At the next level up both Clerics will have the ability to resurrect Molly, I’ve seen some worry about the spell Cad cast on him way back when but the specifics of the spell say that it doesn’t interfere with a Resurrection spell. As Matt and Taliesin designed the spell, I’m guessing this was on purpose so ressing Molly could always be an option.

Theoretically if they teleported to Utodorn they could make their way down to the glory run road relatively fast. 

Who participates in the ritual: Cad has to cast it, it would be the most poetic and we all know this cast is nothing but drama majors so... Jester, Yasha, and Beau are all the obvious choices to participate. Jester presenting their tarot deck, Yasha either performing on her harp or presenting her flowers maybe, I could see beau telling Molly a story about the Nein that he missed. 

If not Beau participating, then Fjord because roommates, Caleb with some version of the forehead kiss maybe, and Veth last with something??? I have no idea what Veth would do if she took the third slot in the ritual. Which is why she’s last on the list, I honestly can’t remember too much about her relationship with Molly outside of the charm spell he put on her, them dancing, and the don’t steal from happy people rule. 

Of course it wouldn’t be CR if they didn’t pull something out of no where that made me wish I was capable of crying. And if they do go through with Rezing Molly I will put down serious fake money on Yasha getting a true love’s nat 20. 

Now here’s where we reach the next logistical concern: Does Molly’s soul even want to return? Aside from Yasha did they spend enough time with him to be able to convince his spirit to come back? Does Molly even exist anymore? We never really found out if Molly was a new soul or if he was just Lucien without all of the history. If he got back all of his memories wherever he is, will the relationships he forged with the Nein still matter? We don’t know a whole lot about Lucien but something tells me he wasn’t exactly great? And if they are calling out to Molly, for that matter, and Molly isn’t there anymore- if it’s back to Lucien now- will he even be able to answer? I’m not sure of the mechanics there. 

then, even if they can get him to return and they succeed- Molly was LEVEL 5 THEY CAN’T JUST BRING HIM AROUND, not with the shit they get into now?!? This could mean that Molly may not come back come back, they might bring him back only to realize that he can’t really come with them anymore. There are so many things that the Nein face regularly that would one-shot a fifth level character. 

But if it’s Lucien that comes back, he might have been a higher level. Now it is way the fuck more likely for Lucien to have the answers the Nein want, and if he is a comparable level to the nein as of now he would be able to travel with them, but that is a whole ass other person. One that they never met. Even if he has both Molly’s memories and Lucien’s, that is still a very unknown variable. 

And this is all ignoring the most important thing. THE COAT. If that coat is still there I might actually cry for the first time in several months. If it’s not who even cares anymore man. 

[readbythestarlight]

c2e117

Oh Sam xD

Taliesin

What are you wearing

I want the ornaments real bad

Sorry I don’t know what’s happening because WTF @THE SUPERNATURAL WRITERS

[[MORE]]

Okay

Anyway

Lucien, THE Nonagon

See y’all, Molly wasn’t Lucien. He’s gone.

A valid question

He’s very charming and I hate him

And they’re all seething deep down I bet and they’re gonna kill him so hard

I don’t like hiiiiiim

Skeevy as fuck this boy

Eh fuck you Lucien

Can’t wait for them to kill him

"Truly gone" okay don’t be a dick

But I’m also kinda glad we have confirmed that for sure

Gross

"You’re real cute; I’ll ask that you stay a bit back because you are getting a bit annoying." Fuck you, bitch.

I hate him

And I hate that Yasha is still talking to him like Molly’s still in there somewhere

Yeah so what DO we do next

Do we follow? Can they handle him + the rest?

Nine Betrayer Gods

But it’s not connected right or Matt would have known off the top of his head and wouldn’t have needed to look

They should have mentioned the city and seen how he reacted

Oh god Dagon please be safe and don’t die

Y’all, Molly is GONE

Why are y’all deluding yourselves? Like I get it, you always want to hope you’re loved ones can come back

But I don’t think Molly was a piece of Lucien

Yasha treating spider Caleb like a pupper xD

I mean obviously they need to follow him right

This is where Matt and the plot have led them and god only knows what could happen if they just let him do his thing

YES

YES

CALL MY BOY

god I miss Essek PLEASE call him

Maybe he can come with you

I just miss him guyssss ;~;

And we’re walking

Idk about scrying on Cree

I think they’d expect that

It’s so creepy that they can just SEE

Also Lucien is just the creepiest

Good FjordJester convo

Awww Jester checking in with our boy! That’s good actually, people sometimes forget to check in on him after things

Anyway I ship FjordJester so

Oh shoot I forgot about the bounty

I love his little smile when Jester suggests messaging someone

HOLY SHIT

HE’S IN DARKTOW

AND THEY WERE THERE AND HE WAS THERE

holy fuck

God Travis and Laura are so fucking adorable

Beau and Dagon bonding with Yasha over the big pie xD

Yeah I wondered how Dagon would react when they let that one slip

Poor Dagon

Aw jeeze, poor guy

Why don’t we just ask Essek to come hang out for a bit huh

Plz

Plz bring him somehow

And I love that they’re reaching out to him for help

I hope he’s okay

Guys I love Essek so much and I worry about him

Ooo the magician

IS HE CLOSE

HES CLOSE

MY BOY IS CLOOOOOOSE

WE’RE GONNA GET HOT BOIIIII

I’m very glad you checked in on him too ;~;

Thank you Cad

God I’m so excited please go find him

lol poor fjord

He missed them

Huh, why is he overseeing an outpost outside of the Dynasty? Is he in trouble or is he there to take care of something?

Matthew

Please don’t let this fight take up the rest of the episode I want them to get close to my BOY

it’a aN ALASKAN BULL WORM

I get excited when I notice Hamilton references now

lol a bunbun, very nice. Laura with the save!

Arbuckle Wilderness?? I KNOW WHERE THAT IS

Oh NO

Fjord sitting there stunned but internally going “fuck fuck it’s a turtle fuck”

Poor Matt, he comes up with all these encounters and they just keep polymorphing them away

Y’all are such morons

It’s gonna be like the dragon turtle and just follow them

[Dagon liked that]

Right okay well I’m glad it didn’t end on like a huge cliffhanger or anything since we have a 2 week break!

I hope we see Essek when we come back tho

Anyway happy break everyone!