#love how they're all kind normal and then the last one just BAM

[bluberimufim]

Find the Word tag

I was tagged by @stesierra (see her find words here), so let's go! My words were sympathy, cruel, kind, and rough.

Sympathy

The two siblings didn't take long to get used to the circus. In truth, it was as if they had been born to be there, dancing and spinning among its tents. To them, the work was as natural and comfortable as breathing. They couldn't imagine themselves without it. August found that Johann was actually a great person, all sympathy and grace. He couldn't even believe he'd once thought he was just like Nikolaus. He saw it was impossible now.

Cruel

He took a deep breath, laying his hands flat on his desk to stop them from shaking. He tried to look her in the eyes. "I want a divorce." Barbara looked at him with an undecipherable expression. "May I know why?" Had he been too cruel in his declaration? Should he have opened with something else? "Because I found someone. And I want to be with her." "Someone? She must be very special to make you void this marriage..." "Why do you say that?" "The Johann I knew wouldn't go against his parents' wishes if it saved his life. You were so obsessed with their plan that you couldn't even see what was in front of you. Who is she?" "It's Anna. Vogelmann."

Kind

"I don't need to inform you of all my hobbies. Besides, you should already know. I do card tricks all the time." Hugo searched through his memories, looking for times in which Darius had performed any kind of magic for him. He remembered, some months ago, that he'd bought a new card deck, which had increased his excitement towards the subject. He remembered seeing him doing strange but fascinating things with those cards, something he'd interrupt him with while he was reading the newspaper in the evenings. Just like now. He also had a memory, although rather distant, of Darius doing a magic show in one or two bars the two frequented. "Ah, yes... you're right... But why now? Why didn't you pursue this career before becoming a tailor's apprentice?" "Well... I didn't think it would pay very well. I was scared I wouldn't find a job. besides, I never had a chance." Hugo arched an eyebrow. "And you have a chance now?"

(I want you all to know that, in this discussion, Darius is saying the equivalent of "I can become Gordon Ramsey's sous chef with 0 cooking experience on my resume and I WILL", and Hugo is telling him that no, he can't) (spoiler alert: he did)

Rough

(this is another encounter with the Man in Black and White! Hooray!!!)

He walked quickly, but only because his legs were extremely long. In truth, his gait was slow and relaxed, as if the sway of his patchwork cloak was setting the rhythm of a lullaby. Even so, the distance between them seemed to be widening. No matter how much she walked, she couldn't catch up to him. In a moment of strength, she jumped ahead and reached out her hand. After grasping at empty air, her fingers met something solid. She caught him, feeling a rough fabric brush against her hand. She stopped walking. He did too. She'd grabbed his cloak. Between her fingers, she was holding a fistful of his cloak. She was so close she could almost see the individual threads and stitches. She was breathless. She didn't know what to do. It was then that he turned around. It was slow, as if the movement had been slowed down a thousand times until it became impossible. And he stared at her. He looked at her with his endless eyes and she looked into them, inside of them. His black and white mask held no expression, but she felt there was fury hiding behind it, born from the pits of darkness that were his eyes. He tilted his head, as if examining her, dissecting every part of her being to see what was inside. He stretched his hand towards hers and removed it from his patchwork cape. Then, he disappeared into the streets.

Ooooh this was my favourite Find the Word so far! I just really like the snippets I ended up with!

Anyway, I'm going to gently tag @squarebracket-trick, @sm-writes-chaos, and @words-after-midnight. Your words are dangerous, rain, knowledge, and skip.

[mlarty]

A couple of ppl asked us about Astarion and Marrow's relationship, so here is some text to the last illustration with them. Or.. more precisely about the best part of it. For them

So... they're like two cats. Two gremlins. A beautiful elf and a bedside monster. The chemistry between them is passionate, chaotic and in many ways weird, and it's hard to call their relationship any kind of healthy thing — they're both traumatized and not perfect people. They argue, they fight, and then BAM!, they are in love again. They are freaks with questionable morals and views on life that unexpectedly resonate with each other, although everyone else thinks they're the normal ones here. Marrow absolutely accepts the vampire nature and pesonality of Astarion, and he calmly understands her durge side and wildness. Another murder, another body, another nightmare — it's okay, as long as he's not involved. And it can even be used. And Marrow uses him too

This leads to a deeper bond — they’re monsters who share a deep mutual passion and the ability to see humanity in each other, even when it seems there is nothing human left. And monsters don't always mean something bad, it's just their love is a bit, well, twisted: their relationship isn't about typical romance stuff, but filled with almost animal adoration and desire. Kind of a dark magnetism that would freak out (and for good reason) the average people. But here's the thing, they're totally okay with that. Neither Marrow nor Astarion are about to change themselves or pretend to be these so-called "normal people" — they're not relearning how to love the "right" way, they're learning to love in their own style

And of course none of them planned to really love each other. And no one thought about "true love". True love is hard stuff when one is a vampire ex-slave and the other — a Bhaal's daughter and a murderer. It all started with manipulation: Astarion was looking for someone who would save him from Cazador, while Marrow wanted someone to save her from herself (or should we say she didn't dare admitted it openly, but needed). Then something happened and they fell in love because they finally found someone who accepted them just as they are. Because the scars on their lives are so similar. And because baby, let's live in darkness and sin together because that's what we want, not because someone told us to

[thatneoncrisis]

griddlehark situationship can be sooooo. it makes me gnash my teeth. their weird ways of saying sorry vs gideon's relief when they're back to bickering bc its familiar. harrow's genuine discomfort at being called a tar pit but just. not knowing how not to be. and also being snippy the more adjectives are added.

also loved how you got other characters in as well (we suffer as dolores was my favourite)

question: what did harrow mean when she said the light had dimmed?

the tar pit bit was fun to do, im in my bojack rewatch era and that series has done a TON of chemical changes in my brain re writing about toxic characters and grief and whatnot. this whole things feels like a loose homage to free churro, just like the grappling of loosing a relationship with your mother than you never even had, and never will have

picking we suffer and wakes new names was fun. im kind of iffy on changing characters names into more normal ones but i think i jsut have lingering resentment from homestuck. kevin vantas i will always hate you. i really appreciate it when its like thought out or a pun, like the fic You Just Ain't Recieving has the angel called d'angelo and thats awesome like bam perfect name. so learning dolores basically means sorrow in spanish was kind of perfect for a woman named we suffer, and frankly i just kind of lucked out that te wake is like an actual last name. pash's excuse is that shes transgender shes just literally named passion and they all live with that

in regards to the actual question you asked its pretty simple- harrow is extraordinarily bad with people. especially people in delicate emotional states because their mom is dead and their life already sucks on top of that. normally, when harrow says something bitchy or callous to gideon they can just go back and forth, spar for a while it doesnt mean anything. but gideon isnt bouncing back anymore. when harrow is mean to her she just kind of sighs and withdraws. and its not just like, the dead mom thing. its been happening for a while. its just getting less fun. arguing isnt a game anymore its just arguing. theyre getting older and things are changing between them, and harrow is recognizing that change but she doesnt know what to do, because shes just kind of a mean person. gideon doesnt smile as much, harrow conceptualizes her as this very big radiant personality and shes just. not. shes complicated. shes depressed

[camels-pen]

bam. soul eater au. i even put thought into it

notes and whatever under here

usopp is a singular shoe. a right shoe specifically. sanji is his insufferable meister

get it. he's a shoe bc he runs a lot. do. do you ge-

the idea of turning part of his body into shoelaces to use as a makeshift slingshot is INCREDIBLY amusing to me

usopp never fails to be scared in every fight they're in. all the time. so like, just our normal guy

usopp has so many fucking compartments it's really funny. he Loves them of course bc it means a lot of the stuff he carries can be accessible to his partner. he loves practicality

sanji fucking hates it. not the fact that they're there, but the fact that usopp can't control what comes out of them. the one in front of his toes (which, another thing, the compartments defy physics at all times. they can just make space where there is none) could spit out explosives or fucking. bubbles.

the other compartments aren't as bad, that's where sanji can steal usopp's snacks from. and other assorted shit that usopp frantically shoved in his pocket before turning to weapon form.

usopp never had a partner before sanji bc not a lot people can deal with a weapon partner who is. a single shoe. with a random gacha pull for some effect that could be totally useless.

sanji never had a partner before usopp bc he's shit to boys, a fuckboy to girls, and gets in fights. so fucking often. that last bit is more of a problem bc people see how well he fights without a weapon and can get intimidated.

sanji didnt really care about getting a weapon partner (unless they were a pretty girl) and his first impression of usopp wasn't great. pretty terrible actually. but there was one shining moment, a glimpse into his bravery and convictions, which made him ask usopp to be his partner.

usopp was terrified of sanji when he first saw him, fighting with two students- a meister and weapon pair- with just his own legs (what kind of a freakish monster-). he happened upon moments of sanji's kindness and managed a decent conversation with him. totally screwed up at one point, but he must've really made an impression with his conversational skills bc next thing he knew, he and sanji were a meister-weapon pair.

fun fact i also accidentally made him an ice skater and an orchestra conductor AND gave him a whole bunch of different outfit colours before just saying "i cant take this anymore" and slapping pink on him

behold. also it's fuive am. good night.

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Hiii! I was wondering if you could write a angst/fluff fic on Bam, where the reader is a female dirt bike rider, and they absolutely hate each other but they have to work together bc they're both in Jackass, and the reader ends up getting severely hurt doing a stunt on the dirt bike? maybe this is based in 2002ish. I luvv ur work btw <333

Crash and Burn

Bam write Y/N off immediately, and her teasing doesn’t help her case, especially after she gets a leg up on him, but Ryan makes a bet that helps him see things in another light.

Bam Margera X Fem!Reader, Ryan Dunn X Fem!Reader

(Fluff, angst)

3k Words

Warnings: Highly suggestive content, Madonna-Whore complex, misogyny, injury, blood, hospitals, broken bones, alcohol, flirting, enemies to lovers

An: Thank you so much for the request! Yet again, me returning to the whole Madonna-Whore complex thing XD I love writing for bolder Y/Ns, and this lady definitely fits the bill! I got to doma lot of research on motocross for this fic, and I always enjoy the more research intensive focus, so no matter how niche, please feel free to send any requests my way!

After Bam got word they would be flying out this female motocross rider alongside Tony Hawk and Matt Hoffman to film the loop, he kind of wrote you off without a second thought. Just went back to helping the guys set up. So when you pulled up on set that morning and took off your helmet, he was a little confused at how…normal you looked. In fact, you were pretty damn hot. Holding his hand up to shield his eyes from the sun, Bam peered around a ramp to squint at you watching like some weirdo as you, Matt, and Tony chatted it up with Knoxville by the lake you were set to jump into. “The hell’s she doin’ here?”

Ryan, who was helping carry a large piece of plywood from the bed of Chris’ truck, leaned the board against a half built structure before glancing over towards you, “You mean Y/N?” Blinking in disbelief at that, Bam’s jaw practically hit the ground, “Wait, that’s Y/N?” He had this idea of you before you even stepped foot on set. You know the type: the tattoos, a couple holes in your face, or some kind of edgy hair color- in his eyes, as masculine as a girl could get without growing a beard. I mean, there were attractive women in the skateboarding world, but Bam wouldn’t look at them the same way he looked at hot chicks at the bar or something. Whatever. Who did you think you were anyways, walking around like you were hot shit? Probably only there because MTV was desperate for them to get more sex appeal on the show. It’s not like you would be doing anything crazy.

How wrong Bam was. Your stunt was first, and after they got you suited up in all the compulsory safety garb as dictated by standards and practices, you actually landed the thing in two tries- two fucking tries! After that first attempt, Bam didn’t think you were even getting up after he saw that spill you took off your bike, the way you hit the ground like a ragdoll. The air swam with that silent worry while everyone was kind of scared to say anything, (and you know it’s bad when that group of guys shut up) but before Jeff could punch in that last digit of 9-1-1 into his phone, there you went, stumbling up with a smile to excitedly shout over to Rick, “Can we try that one again?”

After you trugged out of the lake to much applause after your second and last attempt, Tony and Matt went off to film their segments, and while you always like watching the big air that bikes can get, you had something else on your mind. You walked over to where Bam was sitting off to the side and strapping on a pair of wrist braces. Glancing down at where he sat on the grass, you toweled off your hair. “What’re you gonna do?” Your shadow blocked out the sun as you looked over Bam, who shot a scowl up at you, “Huh?” A fat drop of water dripped off of your clothes and hit him right between the eyes, making him flinch. You didn’t seem to care, “BMX, dirt bikes- what���s your deal?” Bam stood up to meet your gaze, which he literally could, given the fact you were pretty similar in height, “I skate.”

You already knew who he was and what he was gonna do- I mean, in 2002, who didn’t know who Bam Margera was? And that’s exactly why you wanted to fuck with him. “Wait- seriously?” There was this glimmer of disbelief in your eyes at his simple answer before your knees buckled a little. “Holy shit!” And you started laughing. “That is just…god, that’s adorable…” It's not like you could help yourself- he sounded so proud of himself and that little boy sport of his. If Bam didn’t hate you before, he certainly did now. And while he could bring up the fact that you seemed totally cool with the fact that Tony skateboarded to try and call you out on your bullshit, he had a better idea.

He couldn’t do it. Five attempts, and Bam still couldn’t make it all the way around the loop. Maybe it was something wrong with his stance or the way he held his legs- he would’ve tried it until the sun went down if it meant he could spite you, but Jeff cut him off after that last try where he missed the pad completely and fell about ten feet to the patchy grass to land directly on his head- something about liabilities and the blood that was now dripping from his forehead. And guess who was the first person he saw when he groggily blinked his eyes open to someone knocking on that dumbass helmet they forced him to wear. “How’d that go for you?” See, he wanted to sound all confident and badass telling you off, but it came out a lot more pathetic than he intended as he mumbled out, “Fuck off…”

“Aww, don’t be mean…this is one hell of a first impression from you. Keep this up and the only thing you’ll be sleepin’ with tonight’s that dinky little board’s yours.” Yeah, you think you’re soooo fucking funny, huh? He got plenty of ass, thank you very much- enough to not feel the need to suck up to you just because you were a chick. “Listen, Y/N- whatever the hell your name is,” Bam tried to gather his bearings as he staggered to his feet, “I couldn't give a fuck if you were Ricky Carmichael’s secret love child-“ He got all up in your face as he continued like some kid getting into a fight on the playground while also trying to sound totally nonchalant, “I don’t need some amature dirt bike chick like you gettin’ all on my ass about my shit! Just- leave me the fuck alone.” The crew gathered around to get a front row seat to the action, but nobody was backing Bam up. Not even Ryan, who always had his ass even when he was blatantly wrong. In fact, when he looked back at him for some sort of escape here, he could’ve sworn his best bro was making cartoon heart eyes at you behind those sunglasses. Holy shit. How could this get any fucking worse?

Well, there’s something in seeing a very angry, fully grown man in protective gear that doesn’t quite fit him right that you found hilarious. There was this holding back a laugh sparkle in your eye that told Bam exactly how seriously you took his anger, “Alright, tough guy. Don’t get your knee pads in a wad...” His jaw clenched as you reached out to pat him on the shoulder condescendingly, delivering one final blow to Bam’s fragile little ego, “Maybe you should stick to something you’re good at, like pushing your buddies around in shopping carts or throwing yourself into bushes?”

Cocky MTV millionaire skater boy, walking around like he’s the best thing on wheels with those shitty tattoos and that dumbass facial hair and those big eyes that almost made him look like a baby deer. Yeah, like Bambi- you’d have to use that one later. But there was something to his blind overconfidence that you found, for lack of a better word, sexy.

Thank god for the fact they went to the bar that night: a chance to get away from the host of shit that happened that day- or at least, it would be if Ryan was able to keep Y/N’s name out of his mouth. The fact that he was so smitten with you was starting to make Bam believe that his best friend was either completely blind or some kind of masochist. “She is such a fucking cunt- what god’s name do you see in her?” Thank god the bar was loud enough that their conversation couldn’t be heard over the chatter and the other guys’ bad behavior. Ryan just shook his head at his obliviousness, “You’ve got no idea what’s going on, do you?” Bam, who couldn’t usually see beyond his own nose, still had no clue what he was saying- this chick was a bitch who hated him for no reason, end of story.

Taking a swig of his beer, Ryan had this demeanor about him like he was imparting ancient wisdom onto him, “Let’s ignore the fact that she’s ridiculously hot, because all motocross chicks are hot-“ Bam cut him off, “The hell you mean?” Dunn sighed before he began to explain, “Have you ever watched a woman ride a dirt bike? It's the goddamn hips, man. I can’t explain it- point is, she was flirting with you all day- frankly, I’m jealous!” He made it sound like basic logic because, to everyone except Bam, it kind of was. In the other corner of the room, Steve-O just broke a cue stick over his thigh and was using it’s splintered remains to threaten a guy who he swore cheated him out of a hundred bucks, but the entire bar might as well have been dead silent as Bam tried to process all of this. He could only scoff at his best friend’s words- clearly, he was under the influence of this she-devil. “No way...” He was used to chicks throwing themselves at him left and right, so he took any signs of boldness from a woman as a threat to him and his masculinity.

“I’m serious! Some women just work like that…You know what?“ Ryan loudly put his pint glass down on the sticky bar top and turned to him, “I’m willing to bet money- actual money on this.” Bam was a little surprised at his eagerness, but more than that he wanted to prove him wrong. “You know what? Sure. If this chick flirts with me tomorrow- by your definition- I owe you fifty bucks.” “Deal.”

Luckily for Bam the next day, most of the other guys were too distracted filming that slip & slide stunt on the repurposed plywood loop that got configured into some sort of hellish ski jump to notice what was going on between him and you. As they went through filming their bits, you had a lot of time to yourselves to fuck around. Bam would’ve completely ignored you that next day filming after all that bullshit yesterday, but Ryan’s little bet seemed to motivate him to be more of an obnoxious ass (which, mind you, he was really good at). You were idly chatting with Dunn about which of the guys you thought was going to eat the most shit with this piece, when Bam suddenly jutted into your conversation, “Y’know, I don’t get what the big deal is with the whole dirt bike thing-“ Plopping down next to where his buddy was sitting on one of the various plywoods structures that littered the shoreline of Camp Payne, that slight defensive tone seemed to slip through, “I mean, skatin’s way harder- you don’t have some thing between your legs doin’ all the work for you...”

Ryan actually choked on his beer, but honest to god, there was no euphemism behind Bam’s words. You would’ve thought he just got slapped by the speed the visible realization hit his face after those words left his mouth. Idiot. He tried to play off the fact he just said that to a chick by pretending it was totally intentional, but his laughter was tinged with nerves. But you didn’t feel threatened or try to defend yourself- in fact, his whole “open mouth, insert foot” slip up gave you an idea. Coyly cocking your head to one side, you took a few slow steps toward Bam who was starting to turn this really cute shade of pink. “Really?” Everyone was in their lake gear for the stunt, so the fact that you were half naked didn’t help the tension as you leaned in close- a breath shy of touching him- to whisper right into Bam’s ear slowly, drawing your words out, “Well, i think your problem is that you don’t understand that feeling of riding something so powerful…” Teasingly, your hands slid down the length of your thighs, “The cold, hard steel between your thighs, the-”

Your little tease was cut off by Ryan toppling backwards off of whatever he was sitting on, because even though your words were this soft, drawn out coo only intended for the ears of the embarrassed, flustered mess in front of You, you were apparently barely loud enough for him to overhear. Not that you cared. You were more preoccupied with the wide eyed, borderline slack jawed expression plastered on Bam’s face. Satasified, you spun around on your heel, slapped your ass, and walked away, leaving the two men alone in the silence. “Holy shit…” Well, that is until Ryan eventually spoke up, ”Dude, you owe me fifty bucks.” Still trying to process what the hell just happened, the only response Bam could conjure up was a nod, “Yeah. I guess I do.” “So pay up.” Turning to Ryan, Bam slapped his outstretched hand away, “I ain’t got no pockets! I’ll get’ya later...”

From that day on, the teasing between you and Bam started getting less mean and more playful. MTV wanted more seasons, then a movie, and as such you’d be seeing Bam a whole lot more. Although he got on your nerves half the time (yet again, anyone who spent more than a minute around him would say the same), a part of you found the way he could be such a little bitch really endearing, not to mention that it was equally as fun to piss him off as it was to fluster him, neither of which took much effort. Sure, to the rest of the world, Bam was this insane badass with no regards for his own safety, but all it took for you to make him melt was you wrapping your arms around his shoulders from behind and squishing your boobs up against his back. While totally innocuous to you, that one encounter by the lake completely changed his mind when it came to that hot motocross chick. What simple creatures men are…

You couldn’t remember for the life of you what magazine wanted that photo shoot they flew you in for while they were promoting the second movie, because you were more excited at the prospect of messing with your favorite boy toy. “I’m still surprised you got that Right Guard commercial, seeing as you care so much about bathing and staying clean…” Standing behind in the cover of a trailer, you stripped down to your underwear to change into the tight, black riding gear they had for you, not even bothered by the way Bam was shamelessly watching you from where he leaned against the trailer wall. “Yeah- An’ i'm wondering whose bright idea it was to dress you in that…” Turning to press your hands against Bam’s shoulders, you put on a mock pout, “Aww, c’mon Bambi! I thought you’d like a woman in leather…” The little back and forth the two of you had wasn’t the only thing that made Bam crack a grin, judging by the way he was shamelessly sneaking glances at your half naked body, “Not saying I don’t like it…”

Now, what you were slated to do was a pretty basic jump, one you’ve done maybe a hundred times before: one ramp, over a gap where the cast was lined up underneath you, and down to the other ramp. Your overconfidence here may have contributed to the outcome of your stunt. Picture, if you will, this photo sequence in some magazine: first shot, you making your way up the ramp, the next moment you’re airborne, soaring up- photo two, photo three- then the fourth, after you began your decent, when your front wheel barely grazes the lip of the ramp, and the fifth, when helmet makes contact with plywood and your bike goes flying off into the background. In fact, the moment when you felt your brain bump against the back of your skull as your head sickeningly cracked against the wood was the moment anyone noticed anything was amiss, and who was the first to run to your aid after you skidded down to curl up at the base of the ramp? “Jesus- fuck!” Yep, there Bam went after you, practically shoving Dunn out of his way to dash towards you like a gazelle on the Savannah. The shouted orders not to move you from the medic were mere white noise in his ears next to the thrumming of his own heartbeat.

Bam showed up at the hospital quickly, around the same time you got there, but the only reason he didn’t run into you sooner was that he spun on his heel halfway through his dash towards the elevator to make a U-turn for the gift shop and grab you flowers. Even so, his concern was palpable when he actually got to your floor and started questioning the nurses on where you were, despite you not even being there for five minutes. Though you could very well hear Bam and his little tizzy through the door that was left open as he asked fifty nurses where they took you, he was completely, totally chill when he walked in the door, like some switch flipped in his head.

“So, how is it?” Sitting across the room in one of those stiff hospital chairs, Bam dropped the bouquet of periwinkle bellflowers onto the white sheets at the foot of your bed. Glancing down at it, you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut at the shooting pain going up your arm, “Dude- this sucks fuckin’ ass…” Ask him when he met you what he would do if you broke your elbow, and he would probably say something along the lines of high fiving Dunn or having a drink to celebrate, but not now. “Don’t sweat it. I broke my elbow seven times- you’ll be fine, I promise.” You smiled softly at Bam’s comforting words in the silent ER room, thinking about how he must really care about you.

[dayseternal-blog]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

Bunny-senpai!!! 💕

I answered an ask similar to this one last year in March and I don't think my answers have changed...

I rewrote each blurb haha, so it's not an exact copy-paste from before.

1 “It’s No Secret” - Rated M, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata returns to Konoha after 5 years studying abroad in the Moon Kingdom. She just wants to enjoy her last year of high school as a normal girl, but blossoming love forces her to confront her future. - My top fave. Back then, I wrote this like I was possessed. This story consumed my mind, and I was posting chapters every 1 or 2 weeks. I'm amazed at myself from back then. No, it's not my technically best writing, but I was having so much fun thinking up all kinds of scenes!!! Oh, to be a fanfic writing newbie all over again. Major love to everyone who's read this flirty teenage shenanigans mess and enjoyed it!!! One day I will write part two 🥺

2 “Nightdreams” - Rated E, Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto and Hinata find comfort in each other after the war. - This fic idea came to me sometime after I read agitosgirl's "A Special Friend," and I wanted Moooooore!!! I wanted more of this hurt/comfort dynamic between NaruHina!!!! So bam, the fic almost wrote itself, it flowed so easily (except for when it didn't). I'm so happy that people reread this fic, and then tell me that they're rereading it :D. Once in awhile I reread it, too, and think, oh, I should fix that sentence, or whatever loll, but I don't. I kind of think it's nice to leave it as it is, imperfect in little ways to bother me. Please read this fic and recognize that I was copying Katarinahime's writing techniques throughout.

3 “Awkward Jocks” - Rated G, 1990s High School AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. She knows that if he were to ever ask her out, she would accept in a heartbeat. After all, he’s the star quarterback and basketball player. Plus, she’s liked him since…forever. But when her home phone rings, and he’s on the other line, she hangs up. - It's interesting to me that even after all the fics I've written over the years, it's a few of my oldest fics that take the top 3. I guess I really have been trying to write for myself since the start. This one is based off of my ex-coworker's love story. Even though I don't work with her anymore, I still think of her as my role model for good leadership. When you read this, I hope you can feel how much I love her!

4 “About You” - Rated G, 1970s High School AU, One-shot. A summer job at the Dole pineapple cannery, graveyard shift 10 PM to 6 AM. A long bus ride into and out of town. Two teens, shy beside each other. - This is my most personal fanfic. Based on stories my parents told me and stories I found online from people of their generation, I tried to dive into their time using NaruHina. Ever since I was inspired to write after reading emmykay's "Torch Song," I had wanted to write a fic with Japanese-Hawaiian pidgin dialogue. This fic is close to my heart, but it's not higher on the list because there are inaccurate details that bother me 😅. I'm thinking of writing a fic about my great grandparents' generation one day, I've done a ton of research for it! Anyway, I'm so happy that others love this fanfic, too.

5 “Matcha” from “Shared Vows” - Rated T, Canon-Compliant, One-shot. Naruto calls Hiashi “father” for the first time. - According to my previous blurb, I picked this one because I loved how I structured it, I thought I wrote it really well. I also loved the notion of Naruto finding his own family. On deeper reflection, I think I also picked this one over "Finally Home" because I have a not-so-secret agenda for reconciliation between Hinata and Hiashi, fed by my own family's dynamic with my dad.

If I were to recommend any one of these for someone to read, I'd say they should start with Nightdreams or Matcha as an intro to some of my work since canon universe fanfic is always easier to digest.

[gaybabything]

OOOH I love those AUs! Also, yessss to almost all of shows you listed. I really liked TOH but I've never really watched any other iterations of tmnt other then Rise.

Hmmm foods... I really like cherries. Also BBQ chicken!

And I do! I draw and write. :DD

What's the back story behind your profile picture? It looks very strange and fun. Do you have any AU ideas/ head cannons you'd be willing to share with me?

-🌻

I am also a big fan of cherries and BBQ chicken!

For my profile picture, it was just a silly little meme I found on pinterest like 3 years ago and decide I would use it cause it was funny!

As for headcanons, for some reason I always hit all my favorite characters with the transgender beam. Like, Jim Hawkins from treasure planet? Bam, transgender. Jim Lake from toa? Bam, transgender. Leo from every single tmnt iteration? Bam, transgender. Zuko? You guessed it, he transed his gender. The list goes on. (Also I forgot to mention Danny Phantom, Gravity Falls, and HTTYD on the last post)

Other headcanons include:

1. All of the Rise turtles besides Mikey love taking baths/swimming cause they're all aquatic. When Mikey was little he'd throw the biggest tantrums ever during bath time while all the others were practically falling over eachother to get in the tub.

2. There had to have been times when the boys snuck out and to the surface when they were little. (Probably how they met April). There was probably a time when they got cornered by a dog or something when they were still little and it was up to Raph to protect them. This gave him a crippling fear of dogs for years until he met a really sweet pit bull. Cause just like him, people look at those kinds of dogs and immediately think "big and scary and will hurt me" but in reality they're absolute sweethearts. Now he's pretty much over his fear.

3. Billy Bones and Captain Nathaniel Flint were totally gay and in love. I will elaborate if you ask but I'll just leave it at that for now.

4. When Hakoda finally properly meets Zuko, Aang, and Toph he just automatically adopts them. They all practically have "adopt me" written in bold letters on their foreheads. He is now the proud father of 5 kids, a lemur, a sky bison, and whoever/whatever else his kids decide to bring home.

5. Now I'm just gonna talk about Tales of Arcadia ROTT for a bit. If you have not seen the show or movie, then I'm incredibly sorry about this long ass rant I'm about to go on. Feel free to skip the next 10 paragraphs.

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING FOR TOA ROTT BELOW THE CUT

In the end of TOA ROTT, Jim was not thinking clearly at all. He had just watched his best friend, one of his father figures, and so many of his other friends die. His entire world was crashing down on him, and he just wanted things to go back to normal. When he used the Chronosphere, he wasn't actually fully in control of how far back it took him. He was just desperate to go back to a time where his friends and family were safe. The sphere picked up on that, and took him way back to the very beginning before anything bad ever happened to him and his friends.

When Toby showed up, alive and 2 years younger than the one he just watched die, all he could think was that he needs to keep him safe this time. In the first timeline, he had the amulet, Claire had magic, and all of his other friends (aside from Steve and Eli) were magical creatures or warriors. Toby was just a human with a hammer. In his messed up state of mind, the only way he could think to keep Toby safe was for him to have the amulet instead. The amulet had saved Jim's life a bunch of times, so it would protect Toby if he was the trollhunter.

I think after things had calmed down, and Jim had a chance to properly think about what he had done, he would regret this decision immensely. Because being the trollhunter puts a major target on one's back. Yes, the amulet protects Toby, but it also curses him with the burden of being some great warrior and protecting an entire species. This would just crush Jim with guilt, because he knows the struggles a trollhunter goes through and he just doomed his friend to them.

Also, the past 2 years of Jim's life was essentially erased. He's 2 years younger, has none of the scars that he's gained over the past 2 years, and is basically in a body that is no longer his own. People who were his friends, his family, the day before, are now back to being enemies or have simply no idea who he is yet. Hell, he was a troll for a year, and suddenly he's back to being a scrawny 15 year old with no proof of what he's been through other than the mental scars. He's barely the same person. He has so many issues. You know he has ptsd, anxiety, and probably body issues because again, he was a troll, and now he's back to being a 15 year old human boy. (Also I headcanon him as trans so him suddenly detransitioning by 2 years would definitely fuck him up a bit.)

His mannerisms have changed, he has different habits than before, and now he has a huge variety of triggers that no one else knows about anymore. For everyone around him, it must seem like he was suddenly replaced with someone else. This causes a lot of tension and issues with people like his mom and Toby.

And Claire. For him, just yesterday they were in love, they had spent the last 2 years of their lives fighting side by side, growing as individuals together. He was probably planning on proposing to her. And now she doesn't even know who he is. Not to mention he is mentally 18 now, and she is back to being only 15/16. I feel like even though he promised her before he went back in time that he would never give up on winning her back, he would be hesitant to do so now. He would probably wait until she's older to try and pursue their relationship again, which would likely tear him apart.

And don't even get me started on everyone else. Blinky was literally his dad. And now he doesn't even know who he is. I imagine that being around Blinky again would be difficult for him. Just yesterday, Jim could call this man "dad". Now, Blinky is back to having 0 parental instincts for this kid and is probably weirded out by Jim's behavior at first. With Toby being the Trollhunter, Blinky would be more focused on him. Jim would essentially be kinda cast aside at first. I imagine he would feel like he's being abandoned again just like with James Lake Sr. Same thing with Strickler. The guy was his step dad, and now he's suddenly back to being an evil changeling who wants to kill them.

And all the little things, that to him are perfectly normal, are no longer known by anyone else. All their inside jokes have lost their meanings. And he knows personal things about people who don't even remember his name now. I imagine that there would be times where they're all hanging out, having a good time, sharing memories. He'd bring up something that to him, is a treasured memory shared by all his friends and family. Only for no one else to understand what he's talking about. He'd have to play it off, say it must have been a dream or he was just remembering things wrong, and it would kill him inside.

And everyone who hangs around him would know that something is off. Something is wrong with him. They would all pick up on the fact that something happened to him, but he never says what. For Toby and Barbara, this would be especially distressing. To them, Jim just suddenly woke up one day a completely different person and they have no idea why. And it's not like he can just admit that he's from a doomed future and has experienced unspeakable horrors.

Okay I have so much more to say on this topic but it is getting long as hell. I honestly should make this a separate post but I'm too lazy for that :/ Also so sorry again if you haven't watched TOA and have no clue what I'm talking about right now...

Anyways! More questions for you! Do you have any au/headcanons you want to share? (Literally any fandom you want to talk about). What are your top favorite colors? And what do you like to write/draw?

[fwoosh-prompts]

Writing advice: Romance

I am not a big fan of romance, but if it's well written I can actually like it. It's just very, very seldom, because my tolerance for it is very low. So what is it that marks the difference between good and bad romance (for me)? (And just to be clear this is not about fics exploring/dealing with the consequences of toxic/bad/"problematic" relationships, as I do not consider those to be of the romance genre in that way)

Good:

It's a healthy relationship.

If it's not a pre-existing relationship, that it's a slow burn. Let us see how it grows from a little seed they don't even know is there to a mighty tree that can brave any storms.

Complimentary personalities. E.g. Big and calm has a lithe and strict partner. They might be cold and dangerous when facing foes, and warm cinnamon buns with each others.

Relations that are wholesome all around

Smooth-flowing, consistent jargon. "I did it when I was their age." "Please don't compare yourself to normal people, honey."

Couples talking through their problems and not just drawing conclusions (see "Bad #16"). Communication is key in any relationship.

When they're supporting each other (in both ways! See Bad #21)

Bad:

Abusive relationships passed off as "romantic". It's not. I will only accept this if surrounding characters see it's abusive and tries to help them.

Stalking as a romantic trait.

A "Plain Jane" (normally with a description which puts them near/on the pretty scale) who don't know how fantastic they are until a boy tells them. In real life, they would either already know they look good, or their confidence is bad enough that Mr. Handsome's words/actions alone won't convince them otherwise.

Instalove. Can we please let this trope die?!

Soulmates. See the soulmate post for why.

The idea that sex=romance. That's a lie.

That all love=romance. There are many kinds of love, such as those between friends or with a pet.

Rape that turns into romance. Just don't. Please.

Claiming a rape-scene is BDSM. It's not. I might not be into it myself, but I have friends who are and I've heard enough of their rants about Fifty Shades to know the difference. (And it's supposedly not a very hard subject to research either.)

The "boy and girl are friends, therefore it must be romance" trope. It's possible for people of different genders to be friends without being romantically involved.

The "bully and victim falls in love" trope. Sure, they often say "Oh, he only did it because he likes you", but have it ever worked for anyone? I think not! It sure as hell didn't work on me: I have no positive feelings for my ex-bullies (at best they are neutral). Nor do I know anyone, or have heard of any irl case where it worked. Can we please stop pretending that's the case?

Love-triangles. In real life, if A can't choose between B and C, they aren't going to try and "prove their worth". They might not even wait for A to make up their mind. The closest thing to an irl-triangle I've seen was when an old lady introduced another old lady to my mom, and then got jealous because they got along better with each other. That drama lasted one day and was only worthy one laugh for how silly it was.

"I'm not like other girls!" *Proceeds to be a stereotypical, flat-dimensioned version of a tomboy girl.* Can we please just accept that women aren't all the same and let this specific scenario die? Don't tell me they're unique and then write a classic stereotype, just show me instead. Give her quirks! A rare hobby/profession! Give her real emotions and feelings! Use your stereotypes wisely so you don't fall into a different stereotype when trying to avoid the first one.

When two characters are your average friendly with each other for several chapters with no hints what so ever there might be more going on and BAM, suddenly there's heavy kissing and a heartfelt (and mutual) confession. All I can think when I see that is "Excuse me but where the hell did that come from?". If you're going to turn a friendship into a romance (which is fine! Encouraged even), you need to put in hints and clues bit by bit so we can see the change happening. This is necessary even if it's two background characters and your protagonist is about as observant as a brick-wall. Let your reader enjoy spotting something way ahead of the MC if that's the case.

The "Fixing the lack of attraction" trope. Now I don't come across this trope so often, but when I do the character who lacks attraction is either asexual, aromantic and/or traumatized in some way. In the latters case, the only "fixing" I can accept is therapy because it might not be the attraction itself that's the issue but the PTSD. But sadly most of the time that's not how it's written. And aces/aros don't need fixing and to claim that is quite frankly insulting. If you really need to use this trope in some way, please please do proper research and understand the difference between various attractions, libdo/desires, traumas etc. etc.

Basing the plot on misunderstandings because they don't talk to each other. Or lie to each other when the truth really wouldn't have that bad consequences (and the times they do, they always end up together again instead of going different ways). If you're gonna use this trope, could you at least consider having them break up and the not get back together in the end? Don't get me wrong miscommunication can be really effective but you need to build up a good foundation for why it would be reasonable for that misunderstanding to even happen and that's not something I see very often.

Romance for the sake of romance. I don't know about you but I can in general spot right away when the author have squeezed in a romance just to have a romance in the story. One good example is Tauriel from the Hobbit movies. While she is a pretty decent character, I feel the only reason she was created (for those of you who've only seen the movies, she's not canon) was to create romantic tension between her and Kili, with Legolas silently pining after her (he doesn't even appear in the book). Like, I would have been fine with her if they had created her to have a bit more diversity, or to break the Bechdel test which they still failed at, but no. It was all for some smoochy romance that wasn't even well written.

The Alpha-Omega trope. Particulary when it's about werewolves (or other mythological creatures). This trope is based on the "scientific wolf-pack concept" wich says the leaders of the pack is the alpha and the rest beta or omega. The problem is, that observation was soon debunked by the man who "discovered" it in the first place. He realized after further observations that alphas just was their parents. But by then people wouldn't listen so they still believe this shit. That's it. So for me, not only is the entire A-O-trope unrealistic, annoying and poorly used, I only get the feeling of incest and manipulations and abuse and so on even if none of it appears, just because I know the "Alphas" just really are the parents.

Having characters become stupid because they're in love. Especially common in books for 10-15 year old girls. Maybe it's just my unromantic, ace ass that can't understand it, but have anyone ever gotten that stupid just because someone (usually a boy) is cute and/or gives them attention? 'Cause I've never seen that irl, and it's just annoying.

The "naive=stupid" idea. Might not be a romance trope in itself, but it's most often used on a virgin female character who has a "romantic" plot. Now, naive doesn't mean stupid. Naive is defined as "showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgement" and "natural and unaffected; innocent". The definition of stupid is "having or showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense". So if the character is in a pickle because they lack the experience to anticipate the consequences, that's being naive. Unless they have been warned about it before hand or heard tales of it and still does it, cause then it's stupidity. And if you're uncertain if it's something your character should've learned about, try asking someone about it who has the experience. A good example of when this is poorly used is the "naive virgin trope", when pretty little ladies gets "introduced" to the world of intercourse by Mr. Handsome who has to explain everything to her cause she's a virgin and knows nothing. The problem with this trope is that unless she has lived a very, very isolated life and still not being told about stranger danger and all that jazz, she's going to have heard/seen some stuff. Probably even experienced some of it. (No really, it doesn't matter how "ugly" or whatever a woman is, I can almost garuantee she have been harassed in some way. I've been harassed, and all women I know and have talked with have also been it at least once, often more. Some even before they hit puberty. There's a reason why #metoo got so big.) So sure, while it's fine they don't know all the terms and details etc., they will most likely be able to understand the gist of a lot of stuff.

When character A supports character B but B does nothing to support A. Support can take shape in a lot of different ways and people have different needs and different abilities to aid with, but even if it is in different ways I do think support should go both ways.

[awed-frog]

So, the cuestion about writing it's just... I love writing, I love reading, I love my ideas and I really believe they're good ideas, but I can't finish them and I really don't know why. I thought maybe it was bc I had to plan them better, or bc I had to let myself just write and see what happens in the moment; I thought maybe the problem it's that I should tell them in a different way (like for a comic that then I could draw) but nothing I do works and it really hurts

Hi there! Thanks for writing back! So, what you’re describing is really a common feeling - I think most writers or artists have felt this way and can recognize what you’re describing. I’m going to talk about my experience, and I hope you can find something that you can relate to and that can be helpful to you.

The tl;dr part is, I think there are many possible causes for not being able to finish a story. Here are a few of them:

you’re having technical problems

you’re too much of a perfectionist 

you can’t put on paper what’s in your head

you’re having what I call ‘the Vermeer problem’

you have too many ideas for other stories and can’t focus

you’re experiencing a lack of support for your writing

you are bored with your own story

you’re afraid to finish the story

you can’t finish the story

you can’t tell these things apart

Let’s have a look at them, and remember - I’m talking about my experience here, so this might not apply to you at all. I’m just talking into the void hoping this will help you in some way.

1) This is the most common problem for someone who’s only just starting out. You know your beginning should capture the readers’ attention, but you don’t know how to make that happen. You know the ending should be spectacular and magically solve every issue, but you don’t know how to get there. Since we are rarely taught creative writing in school, this is completely normal, and there’s no easy way to get past it. Like for everything else, you’ll need a lot of practice, and maybe some kind of formal instruction (for instance, this is a good book, but there are many more). So, you know - do what works for you. Maybe join a writers’ club, or an online challenge. Read and reread books you like, and remember to read them ‘with the mind-set of a carpenter looking at trees,’ as Terry Pratchett put it. If you can, write every day - I find codas are a great way to practice, get better and get read (and if you’re comfortable to, you can ask your readers for pointers or criticism). Not being very good at writing is a big problem, but it’s also a problem you can solve. 

2) Being a perfectionist is one of those things that often trips you up more than it helps you, and there are some areas of your life - relationships, foreign languages, writing - where you have to let go of it. If this is an issue for you, remember that everyone is crap when they start out (do you know the original lyrics to Beatles classic Yesterday? ew!) and maybe experiment with breathing exercises, with yoga, or try writing with a soundtrack to get out of your mind a little. So, really - I’m not saying perfectionism is bad, but save it for your baking efforts and last drafts - your first draft gets to be as crappy as it likes.

3) This is a very common problem. When you do creative things, be it writing music or quilting, there’s often a great deal of anxiety and dissatisfaction in finally starting a project because the more your work, the less it looks the way you’d imagined it would. Sometimes I write something that’s supposed to be sad, or that was hilarious and sexy inside my head, and the I reread it and it’s just - flat. This happens to virtually everyone, but there’s something very important we need to remember: in the words of Jim Sollisch, “Writing is the art of figuring out what you know, not the process of recording what you already know”. Think about it like this: the inside of your head is a different country. Writing down a story is like finally getting to that city you’ve been wanting to visit for ages and ages - sure, you’ve seen all the IG pictures and you’ve planned your visit and you’ve fainted and drooled over museum websites and recipes of traditional dishes, but now you’re here, and it’s real, and it’s different. You’re here, and maybe it’s raining, and maybe that famous art gallery is closed on Sundays, and maybe that blueberry pie is way, way too sweet for your taste, but still - you’re here. Isn’t it wonderful? You can smell this city and walk down its street and discover small secret corners you never even knew existed and maybe fall in love with this one person you never ever thought you’d meet. So this, to me, is a necessary step to writing: to accept that daydreaming is good, that planning can be useful, but when the time comes, you have to let go of all of that and discover the reality of what your story is like.

4) I don’t know if you read Tracy Chevalier’s Girl with a Pearl Earring - it’s a favourite of mine, and I reread it a couple of times because I love how she writes UST, how understated and yet vibrantly present the feeling is. And anyway, towards the end of the book, the portrait is finished - this one, I mean -

- and everybody says Vermeer should finally sell it and start painting something else - only, Vermeer is not happy. He takes to spending hours in his studio - not painting, not working - just staring at the thing, because it’s beautiful and balanced and textbook perfect, but something is missing and he doesn’t know what (if you haven’t, please read the book and find out how he solves this, because it’s really beautiful). This is a feeling I often have when I read a first draft - everything that I wanted in there is in there, but something still feels - off. And here, I think, there’s no magic way of solving the problem - you can either ask a beta for help, and hope they see it, or you can keep working on it (and reading other stuff, and practicing, and getting better) until you see it yourself. 

5) This is another familiar feeling: you start writing something and BAM, you’re distracted by something else. And here, you need to find out what kind of person you are, because some blessed people can work on two projects at once, and others just can’t. Me, I always fool myself and think, ‘I’ll just work on both things, a week has seven days, how hard can it be’ - but nope. Right now, for instance, I’ve got about thirty books of Roman history on my desk because there was this story screaming at me and deafening me and I really wanted to get it out of my head, but today I’m finally giving up and bringing all that stuff back to the library and accepting this is not going to happen - not right now. Not as long as I’m writing a different story and I’m in a completely different headspace. And if you’re the same way - just keep a folder, or a notebook, and fill it with these half ideas and pieces of dialogue and then put them out of your mind. One story at a time - that’s a good and reasonable goal. Because another problem of a beautiful and tantalizing scenario popping into your mind when you’re struggling to finish a chapter for something else is - that other thing is automatically going to look more appealing, because it’s not real, because it’s untested, because you haven’t ruined it yet. And that’s why you’re tempted to abandon that stupid thing you’ve got in your hands that’s not working and go pursue something else. But, again, that’s probably not the best idea. Sometimes you just need to see a story through, no matter what.

6) That said, it’s hard to finish a story when you’re keeping it to yourself. I used to be paranoid about sharing things, but fanfiction helped me to appreciate the importance of feedback. So even if you’re writing original fiction, it could be a good idea to give fanfiction a try - signing up for a bang could help you to stay motivated and focused (you’ll have a beta, and maybe an artist!), and writing codas will usually get you some attention, because many people will automatically look for codas and ‘missing scenes’ after the end of an episode. If you’re not interested in that, consider sharing your work with a friend, a teacher, or a writers’ group. 

7) This is a tough one. Maybe you’re writing fanfiction and fall out of love with the show. Maybe you’re writing original fiction but you’re no longer interested in the story. It’s okay - not every story is meant to be. You’re allowed to give up (and you never know - there are writers who go back to their manuscripts ten years later, so I would advise against burning everything in a fit or rage). The trick here is giving up for the right reasons, so before you decide to walk away, look at your story again and ask yourself: what is it that’s not working? Could this get better with a new, exciting character? Should I drop this stale plot twist? Go with a different ending? If you can get your mojo back by shifting the pieces around, give it another try; but if the whole thing’s just a chore, and you simply lost interest, move on.

8) Many of us have a problem with endings. Ending a story usually means leaving your characters behind, and close a period of your life. If you write longer stories, fics and novels are like songs - they’re usually tied to very specific moments, and in letting them go you also let a part of yourself go. Plus, there’s always a lot of pressure on getting the ending right, because that can make or break a story, and it’s often the moment when big things happen - maybe there’s a slowburn that’s getting real, and you’re afraid the long awaited kiss won’t measure up to the fireworks display you implicitly promised your readers. Or maybe someone’s dying, and you’re not ready to say goodbye. Or maybe the big plot twist you’ve been teasing forever and ever just seems childish now, and you’re not sure how to make it more impressive. Whatever the reason, endings are hard. But, again, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. A lot of things can change between your first and last draft, so you have some time there. If you’re writing fanfiction, your readers will appreciate to finally know what happens, and if you’re hoping to publish your manuscript, an editor will probably help you to shift things around and make them better. Plus, as difficult as it is to say goodbye to this world you know intimately well, there’s also a sense of relief in finishing anything that takes up so much of your time and soul. It feels good. So: breathe. Relax. Write. 

9) A distinct problem is that you objectively can’t finish the story, or even get past the middle, or past two pages of heartbreaking dialogue, because you simply don’t know enough about that world yet. You have this great idea but you’d need to be an expert in microbiology, or cordon bleu cuisine, or deep space, to make it work. Or maybe you’re daydreaming about your very own Westeros, but your writing keeps getting interrupted by stupid, yet necessary details (how far away are these two cities? how fast can horses travel? what kind of swear words would a character with a made-up religion use?). If you’re devoted to your story, and determined to make it work, you’ll need to do research and plan and get answers to your questions before starting to write too extensively, because the wrong scientific detail can make your entire plot collapse. And the thing is, doing research is not always possible. Maybe you don’t have time right now, or access to the right resources (speaking of, there are some excellent blogs here on tumblr that will help you with making stuff more believable - a favourite of mine is @howtofightwrite). So, it’s painful, but there are some projects that need to be postponed, and others that will probably never happen at all. 

10) Finally, a big problem is that sometimes it’s hard to tell these things apart. Are you bored with your story because you can’t write a certain scene, or is it just a boring story? Are you being a perfectionist, or is this chapter actually out of balance and weird? Is this ambitious story too much for your current skills and knowledge, or are you just giving up? There is no easy answer to these questions, which is why I think it’s important to not walk away too easily - maybe come back when you’re in a better mood, or change your writing soundtrack, or set up a fake interview with yourself explaining why you’re so happy your novel is now taught in every school in America. If you can’t write, try drawing. If you can’t draw, create a moodboard for your characters, or a fake Wikipedia entry for your imaginary country. Play around with your story. Switch POVs. Create walls. Write scenes you won’t necessarily include in your final draft - get your characters trapped in an elevator, have them fired, have them hurt someone, or reminisce on childhood memories, or trudge through a really bad day. Go through writing prompts or shower thoughts or creepy Wikipedia entries and write something about that. Try to truly be honest with yourself, day after day (maybe keep a diary?), so you can get better at understanding whether it’s time to power through or time to take a break. 

Finally, I think that engaging in creative activities, whatever they may be, should be a way to make your life better, not worse. There are times when you’re just not inspired, times when you have zero ideas and zero wish to write or art or do anything, times when it’s actually better to focus on other things - your studies, your work, traveling, relationships - so that one day you’ll have something to write about. And that’s okay. Writing is like life - it’s messy, and it changes, and you change, and you just have to be patient with yourself and find a balance between loving the hell out of it and not take it too seriously. I hope this could help with getting you started, and I wish you all the best for your life and those stories crowding inside you, waiting to be told.

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter 071821

18 July, 2021

Dear Dad--

I shall tell you an epic tale of internet loss! Here's what happened: When we went to bed last Monday night, we had no internet. No big deal, it just goes out sometimes. Still didn't have internet when we woke up on Tuesday, and we continued to be without it all day Tuesday. Then I got off work, and called them, and spent about two and a half hours dealing with them, before the call mysteriously dropped, and I decided not to deal with it any more on Tuesday.

In the two and a half hours I spent failing to reestablish my internet connection on Tuesday, a lot of the problem was explained to me. Firstly, whenever they access my information by my phone number, my Austin, Texas Time Warner shit comes up, and they immediately feel lost in the twilight zone, because I'm in Maine, and have been for some time. Once we get through that shit, and they find our current account, then we have to verify our address. Here's where the stupidity awakens and begins doing yoga to loosen up for the arduous work ahead.

When we moved here, we couldn't get them to give us internet service. We tried so hard, in so many long phone calls, to give them our money, but they refused, because our address doesn't exist. There CAN'T be a trailer 1A, there can only be numbers. If you include a letter, the way 1-A includes a letter, it breaks the whole fucking internet. The guy who represents the leasing company that owns the trailer we're renting even went down to the local Spectrum office and talked to them in person, and it still didn't work, until this one time when we called and got that one guy, the One Right Guy, who knew how to make it work.

The way he made it work was by taking note of the fact that trailer 2 appeared empty (It was not.) and he could just put "Trailer 2" in the address, which made it work, and he could give instructions to the installation pukes that it was actually 1A who needed the connection, not trailer 2. And I was there when the pukes showed up, so I was able to make sure they ran the cable to the proper physical location. And after that, all the mail we got from them said we were trailer 2, and had pissy notes written on it by the mailman asking us to correct it.

But we couldn't correct it, because that breaks the whole internet, if you'll recall, so we found a solution: We went with paperless billing! No more mail from Spectrum, our internet providers.

Then, few days ago, someone associated with trailer 2 requested a termination of service, and sure enough, Spectrum came and shut off the cable/internet to us in trailer 1A, because of the intentionally obfuscated trailer number bullshit.

And they can't just turn us back on, because trailer 2 now has service going with Spectrum, and 1A still doesn't exist! Never fear, they assured me, in the most recent phone call. They can create my address in their system, update everything so that it all has the correct trailer number (1A) on it, and even give us a new, cheaper deal on our next 12 months of internet, EXCEPT!!! When they're creating a new address, they have to physically send someone out to do a required thing, and there's no way around that. The guy still tried to upsell me on a complete cable/internet/phone package, and asked me lots of questions about what I watch, and how much, and what I pay for my phone each month, etc. I found a genuinely sweet and non-sarcastic way of telling him, "We ain't gonna talk about that."

That last phone conversation was yesterday, Wednesday, and now it's Thursday, and they'll be coming by to hook us up between 11:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. There's a chance I may be charged a couple of fees for the installation, but the Spectrum puke on the phone said he'd make sure we either (a) didn't get charged for it, or (b) get immediately reimbursed for all of it. We'll see how THAT goes, and it's almost time for the installation person to show up.

Okay, the installation person has come and gone. His reaction when I explained why he was there was priceless! He couldn't believe that our internet had been working fine until they switched it off by mistake and he STILL had to come out here and physically do stuff? Crazy talk! They should have fixed it over the phone! Zach and I both assured him that the nice phone pukes at Spectrum tried that many, many times, but since we were a whole new address being created, someone had to come survey the blah blah blah, and he basically said, "Yeah, that's bullshit."

Having said that, he DID have to take our combination cable modem/router away, and replace it with two devices, a cable modem, and a router. We had one combined device, a single black rectangular thing, and now we have two: a black rectangular thing, and a WiFi router that looks like it dispenses febreeze into the air, but it actually dispenses the internet. They really should make it dispense both; I know we have the technology to make that possible.

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Now a couple of days have passed, and we continue to have speedy, reliable internet. I’ve been bemoaning our lack of adventure lately, but when it comes time for adventure to happen, we tend to want to stay indoors instead. I am working on fixing this! I’ve determined that a lot of my recent depression has been the result of all the isolation over the past year and a half, so I’m now attempting to do more stuff with other people. I have a goal here, too: to be able to have a New Year’s Eve party at our trailer with at least 5 or 6 fun people in attendance. So far I’m up to about 3 fun people, but I’ve got a few months to go, still.

Here’s something I’ve been experiencing some dread about: tomorrow I begin working at the casino full time. I haven’t worked full time since Progressive, years ago, and I’m worried that it’ll rob me of my sanity. I think I’m going to be okay, however! Because, as I predicted, nine hours at the casino doing audits isn’t the same as nine hours at the call center being shat upon by anxious car accident victims. Now the only person who poops on me is my boss, and then, only if I mess up something in a particularly regrettable fashion. Otherwise, my work is free from anyone giving me poop. It’s a refreshing change.

Also I’ve got a hearing aid-type thingy. Getting hearing aids is expensive, even with insurance, and I found a sort of middle ground option. They make a thing called an Olive Smart Ear. Basically, it’s a hearing aid that you can set up at home, and because (I assume) no doctor is involved in the process, they can’t legally call it a hearing aid. It’s called a conversation enhancing ear bud. Woo!

Anyway, the Olive Smart Ear isn’t really intended to be used in pairs. But when you get it, and charge it up, and stick it in  your ear, and you install the phone app, you can give yourself a hearing test. It shoots tones to your ear, and you press a button on your phone when you hear the tone. Then it adjusts the gizmo to suit your particular areas of hearing loss, and bam, something resembling a hearing aid but cheaper, with no doctor visit. You can also switch between three modes: normal living mode, conversation mode (background shit is muted) and television mode (TV shit is amplified).

I’ve spent some time wearing it and noticed a few things. First of all, I can hear all my S sounds really loud now, and I hit those Ss too hard, and it makes me sound lispy. I don’t wish to sound lispy any more than I ever wished to sound southern, so I shall work on that. Also, everything makes sounds. The remote to the projector TV makes little clicky sounds I never heard until now. Everything we own makes little clicky sounds. The air conditioner in the living room makes deafening jet engine sounds. But the hearing aid gizmo itself is kind of cool, all black with a couple of glowing lights. The whole thing is a button! You jam it in your ear, and tap and hold to turn it on, tap and hold longer to pair it with your cell phone app, tap and hold longer to turn it off. Quick tape to lower volume, quick double-tap to increase volume. It’s very futuristic. Plus, now I can hear a mouse get a hard-on.

More next week. All my love to you both!