#love her so much im incoherent abt it honestly

[emily-e-draws]

queen Kholin ✨

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

rewatching 13s era for me is not so much diminishing returns as it is something opposite and eviler...............increasing losses? increasing losses

[bright-and-burning]

january books

masters of death by olivie blake

a fun time!! read this in 3 hours straight right after deciding to get off tumblr for a while. a really fun ensemble cast whose various connections constantly had me gasping (at one of the reveals i gasped so loud my dad thought something was wrong), an interesting enough mystery that was fed to the audience in bite sized chunks. gay people! which i genuinely missed the lgbtq tag on storygraph; what a joy to be surprised with. honestly almost cried at the end... which is less of a book thing and more of a me thing.

the city & the city by china miéville

picked this up on my dad's recommendation, since it's one of his favorite books ever. i kind of got confused by his explanation (and by the fact that he had watched a sci fi tv show w a similar premise except involving two cities occupying the same space in a like. pocket universe sense) so i went in thinking it was going to be like, two cities with dimensional borders. so it took me a minute to pick up what was going on. FASCINATING spec fic. much chewier than masters of death lol. it's two cities that occupy the same Physical space. and all the people in one city Unsee the people and architecture and cars in the other. and then there's a MURDER! that seems to involve illegal border crossing between cities! extreme reread potential. has anyone read this? please somebody have read this i dont even have anything intelligent to say i just want to shout incoherently with someone.

organizing solutions for people with adhd by susan c pinsky

ok this one shouldn't count lol. but . whatever. lots of interesting ideas; the ones i've started putting into practice have in fact been game changers, so. the whole philosophy of like, maximizing efficiency and kind of lubricating your life makes a lot of sense!! im about to reorganize my whole kitchen bc of this lol

the department of rare books and special collections by eva jurczyk (DNF)

i was promised a mystery. this was not a mystery. a very expensive very very very rare book is stolen from her library, and the main character is getting drunk with her ex (and current employee/colleague) from 30 years ago in the stacks instead of paying attention to idk the employee who has disappeared or suspicious behavior or ANYTHING! that would lead to finding the book!!! got about a third of the way through and was so fucking frustrated like 'when the hell does this become a mystery' and then i googled it and apparently it was originally marketed as a "women's book" (whatever the fuck that means) not a mystery. and honestly yeah if i wasn't reading it explicitly bc i thought it was a mystery set in a special collections library it would probably be a fine book. maybe even a great one! but it was a bad mystery. and i was not willing to read 200 more pages just to get to SOME attempt at investigation. much less 400 more to get to the answers. so... DNF. :/

the da vinci code by dan brown

haven’t finished this yet (please don’t spoil anything for me… i have escaped any kind of knowledge abt the contents of it and i’d like to continue that way) since it’s my train book and i have slowed waaaay down. need to be more deliberate abt reading bc i really do hate reading on the train when i can’t finish it in one sitting. anyways potentially controversial opinion i like it so far!!! i love a mystery. love a mystery soooo much. and i love art (and bonkers art history). and im squicked out by catholicism. so perfect for me. realized like idk 70 pages in that it was a sequel and was like well fuck but i think i can go back to the first one without being terribly spoiled on anything. also only just discovered there’s a MOVIE??? with fucking TOM HANKS??????? what the hell.

january overall summary: read three books in four days and then fell way the fuck off once i got back to my own place. but i do now have a library card for libraries not several states away. and i know im currently capable of reading like crazy if i just sit down and do it. so february we work on that…

[phinjeet]

ik you don’t like doofenshmirtz (which is valid) but how did you feel when phineas and ferb met him?

(sorry if you already made a post about this 😭)

* see im alwayz like “ehehe well i wouldnt say i Dont Like doof” n then i see an Image of him and it sendz me in2 a blind rage but i think itz mostly the fandomz attitude 2wardz him n perry that pissez me off cuz im like guyz therez other characterz GUYZ THE SHOW IZ CALLED PHINEAS AND FERB YK THEREZ OTHER CHARACTERZ RIGHT like ikkkkk i cant help loving the kidz n teenz n not giving a fuck abt doof/perry plot , n every1 else loving the doof/perry plot , WHATEVER (packz my belongingz in2 a bindle and walkz away sadly) but like i do genuinely enjoy a lot of hiz jokez n plot linez (at least earlier on , he becomez significantly harder 2 put up w when he lozez hiz accent in the later seazonz , n like u can Tellllll hez mr povenmirez Favoritest Specialest Little Oc and itz EXHAUSTINGGGGGG PERSONALLY , SO LIKE . YEA ID SAY I HAV A . STRAINED RELATIONSHIP W DOOF AZ A CHARACTER which mostly leanz 2wardz negativez closer 2 the showz end beuwhua)

* but he becomez sm less annoying when pnf n gang r there 4 me 2 obsess over , potentially only bc im distracted LMAO

* like at2d iz peak in general and it haz such an amazing plot that u could only ever get in 1. pnf 2. a movie 3. a Pnf Movie , w pnf finding out perryz a secret agent n everything , and it feelz like such an Event 2 see them meeting doof and getting along w him , unwittingly helping him build the other-dimension-inator while perry jugglez being in pet mode and thwarting him , they call him dr d and he callz them fellaz like hello thatz just adorable 2 me ?????

* also , less abt pnf themselvez , but im a big fan of doofz interactionz w izabella and baljeet in catu in particular , the thing w baljeet where theyre like “you mean astronomically .” “no i mean astrologically , here look at my horoscope” “virgo: you will be unable to access a planet by portal due to it being .. ASTRONOMICALLY . impossible” “okay so i guess we’re both right🙄” “(sigh)” THAT WAZ CUTE THAT WAZ FUNNY ….. doof just being an idiot 4 the sake of funniez pissez me AWFFF somtimez (the bit where he haz the bucket stuck on hiz head SIR U R A GROWN MAN) but itz a lot more enjoyable when the kidz r there 2 b like “wtf r u talking abt” . ig technically perryz uzually there 2 fill that role but he cant say it out loud . but izabella and baljeet will LMAO

* doof n isaz dynamic iz also rlly memorable , the way he insistz on being leader despite isaz far superior leadership skillz (baljeet siding w him briefly bc he Sounds Authoritative boy shut up/aff) , the “hey i dont come to where you work and tell you how to sell cupcakes🙄” line and the bit where isa givez him the getting back to earth patch like “EARN IT !!!” az she runz off n he just smilez after her , the way he learned 2 b more responsible thankz 2 her , therez smth so cute going on there that im honestly sad never got followed up on , n i doubt therell b a reazon 2 rlly explore it in s5 but ah . cute fun dynamic w thoze 2

* ig all in all ermm . i Luv seeing their worldz collide like this , 2 me doof feelz sm more grounded n fun when he haz some1 else 2 verbally bounce off of , like i cant say that hez a badly written character or whatever im just Deeply annoyed w him by the later episodez n the fun and fresh new dynamicz that come out of him n the kidz interacting r super entertaining , and again , probably wont b brought up in s5 much but i kinda hope they will b . like just 4 any reazon idk . make it happen 4 Me itll make me hate doof sm less JDJFNCJFJFJJX

* SRRY IF THIS IZ INCOHERENT/RAMBLY IM SO TIRED FJCJJ

[darkgaia2]

my spark gender analysis

im projecting a lot of feelings onto him so BE NICEYS TO MEEE but to me shes very like. ftmtf. and so on. shes very flip floppy abt it all. its important to me that she essentially looks and stays the same bc i honestly dont think shed like. change her presentation at all after going Oh Maybe Im A Woman Also. i wouldnt say shes bigender to be jonest but also she could be. its just that like. gender changes very very slowly over time to where i dont think shed consider herself bigender at all. just like. i was once a woman and then a man and now im a woman again. lol wild. i think a lot of her feelings are very much like. influenced on like. so so this is getting into A LITTLE formie society analysis now but formie society does seem pretty Gender Roles Heavy. which like. i think spark going from woman -> male (good god the axiom verge soundtrack bangs SORRY) is like. a rejection of that being imposed on her for the time being. repulsed at the idea of being a girl in the way that society views women. and so very much later on she comes back to the idea of it and lets herself play with it and explore being a woman in a way thats entirely defined by her. which is really important! but i think this journey is also pretty.. rough on her bc like. spark does not read like someone that likes change . this is me looking at a character thats meant to be a very grounded and real character and taking that to a semi extreme and going If Fark Is All About Change And Growth Then Spark Is None Of That. so then the idea of like her having to change anything or even that she Does change as a person is like. kind of scary! its really hard!

which is another reason why honestly she just doesnt change anything abt how she presents herself. bc she doesnt. want to change anymore than she has? and also like. part of being a woman for her is exploring that in a very gnc way. so part of being a woman is being a man to her. ig this makes her bigender but also im like . eh. SHRUGS. its complicated and weird. her gender is extremely personal and private and shes very closed off but thats kind of just how she is and she does love being a woman while still being a man. i feel like im getting a little incoherent. whatever! but yeah :^) my thoughts. shes just very very private abt this part of her. im mainly using she/her for this for her bc like im just exploring a very private aspect of her. i think the only person thatd know abt any of this would be fark both bc 1) hes very very special and extremely trusted and 2) ok im gonna be honest i like to think this part is discovered via kink. so like . ill leave that there i think. but . yeah. MY THOTS!

[cielospeaks]

wholesomeness meme

i get annoyed by how bad i think some series i enjoy are but i dont like those moments that are trash and dont think they deserve the attention so instead have my most good vibes ey moments from things i could think of rn lol

dont talk to me i cant this is the actual best: this is stuff im just. keyboard smashes, shuts down, etc etc.

the losh scene in ouas: this short had no right to be as awesome as it was. this scene was so well and fun-ly animated im losing it

nwh saving the villains: moments of movies that live rent free in my head i appreciate this so much.

losh updates in florida: let me in let me in!!!!!

screaming incoherently: i love this a lot. awesome af.

the other witw/losh cameos in ouas: beautiful. wonderful. keep on doin what youre doin

nwh in general: heavy wepons guy voice i love this movie

schubby festival (+ sendai live): loid events are few and far between but every time i have a reason to scream abt my favorite lab experiment composers i will be

its so wholesome im gonna mclose it: im not even spiteful this is the best

guifei wanting to play a trio w the boys: so far the only character to have voice lines w them and not act like a creep. looks pointedly. anyways a good person and i appreciate her. pls come home

caro making lotr memes: caro deserves better. its also cute the two lute buddies are next to each other lol

senpai in ouas: he had a small role but its adorable. honestly this would be higher? idk. maybe this is just ouas in general bc there were a lot of genuinely wholesome moments (there were some bad ones but eh im not here for that lol)

the ending of k h 3: let -clap emoji- these -clap emoji- kids -clap emoji- eat -clap emoji- ice cream -clap emoji-

i am physically upset we dont get more shit like this in the series: ok the rage starts to show. im a little spiteful or more than before but this is still good af

cyrano being sexy and charly being wholesome: this was by far one of the best white days, probably on par with the like. gang roleplay with izou. cyrano is by far the best design the game has had in years

poke mon s v having such a banger main plot: compared to the previous one which just wasnt for me s v just hit me hard. i am not immune to silly sandwich lizard bike or wholesome slow burn friendship story. the only reason i think its lower is bc there were some aspects of the dlc that really turned me off, and i feel like souered a really good, pretty much perfect original story. also given that principal clavell is my favorite character since sub mas that really says something : )

beli voice lines in the museum and q pot: these are only lower bc im more angry at why we cant get this sort of good content. caro's thing just fricking punched me in the gut with the memes, but bel is cute af in these and i like him just being a nuisance and weirdo : )

seithr king dom hearts ing that shit: this is why youre very high tier, i love that you stood up for what you believed in and went against the main characters and their flawed beliefs in order to save people you cared abt (aka. alternate timeline versions of yourself). thats the good shit thats what im here for!!

lunar new year events in i dv: gosh i love these. the older men characters are your friends, and theres more focus on a variety of characters that isnt all negative like in the main canon. more of this pls.

hans being freed for the ending of the short: idk. i feel like the people in this short had more heart than most of the people who worked specifically for his movie/that crowd, which is why the usual abuse scene was a haha funny star wars joke and he got free at the end. also folklore bros i want to believe -prayer hands-

this tickles me a little: honestly this series is already so good or hasnt let me down yet so im happy and very touched but not like. foaming at the mouth like some of the others.

t f 2 resurgance by voice actors: i appreciate this so much yall are so wholesome. wish i lived closer id love to play meme songs for you sometime

tw st having good writing and letting the boys be silly boys: i love how the guys share brain cells and are like the embodiment of that vine with the shirtless guys jumping about the speaker. thats why i love them and why i got into the series

gin is alive: good for him!!! im so glad he isnt dead!!!! this was really nice but i feel like ive not been following as long as the hardcore fans but im still so happy, i was worried abt him. good hes ok. pls thrive my boi.

aladar in ouas: my friend!!!! this tickled me so much. thank u ppl who made this for being actually cool.

cameos in the void plot: i thought this was really sweet! very lore much yes! so far im enjoying this story and am trying to be hopeful. idk the more recent plot stuff (like idk. 10ish years back to now?) hasnt hit as hard as the stuff when i was like 10 yrs old but ill be hopeful :)

[kittybitezz]

i actually NEED to write it down i miss her sm and she did me so good yesterday...

okieee so its pretty common that i dont wear any panties when im over at her place hehe

anyways i was already dripping cuz she made out with me several times in the kitchen (girlie was making me pancakes while shoving her tongue in my mouth ♡) aaaand after that we went to eat in her living room and she grabbed us a beer and istg i got even needier after drinking it...

and i tried not to be horny and pathetic on her couch i swear :(( but i couldnt help it when i was literally dripping down my thighs... so i started tease mommy a lil,,, sitting in a way that made my skirt hike up or putting my legs over her lap ((she has a thing for my thighs and it makes her so horny :3))

somehow it ended with me grinding on her thigh needily and begging and whining for mommy so she grabbed condoms and flipped us over but told me that i need to earn it first ehehe

sooooo i went down on mommy like a pro and she praised me so much and pet my hair while telling me how well im taking her cock :3

she gently pushed me off eventually and told me ive been so good for mommy i deserve to have my cunt stuffed full of mommys cock shnjdjdjndjs so she made me get on top and ride her and FUCK i love riding her the way she guides my hips and thrusts up into me and fondles with my breasts and squishes my chubby tummy and sides ohhh shes driving me crazyyyyy i creamed around mommys cock sm it was dripping down towards her balls and ass....

i got tired quickly tho bcs i have poor stamina :(( so she flipped us over and told me to bend over hnghnjsnhs

honestly we talked abt positions and stuff earlier and she said she wasnt rlly interested in doggy or any stuff from the back and she finds it boring cuz she cant see my face :(( so i was like oH GODS bcs her living room has full lenght mirrors next to her couch and she made me face the mirror hnjshdhdh

at first it was kinda clumsy cuz were both inexperienced hnjsjdjd but she quickly set the pace and and istg girlie had me moaning on her cock like a pornstar !!! and im usually not very verbal during sex its just incoherent sounds most of the time but she made me moan mommy several times and aughhhh and those mirrors fuck- it was so hot and nasty hnhhjgj

she also did that thing where she slowed down almost stopping to move and when i tried to look at her and ask if everythings okay she pushed my face back in the pillows and rammed into me violently aughhhh and she laughed at me while making me scream >///<

anyways i came so hard and got cuddles while she called me her good girl and pet my hair ^__^ this is literally my dream girl yall i love her sm

ehehe soo shes leaving for the weekend with her fam and we wont see each other until monday.... so yesterday i came over to her place just to cuddle and give her gazillion goodbye kisses

it obviously ended with me getting fucked in several different positions ♡

[ohsweetflips]

I think Undyne's determination has less to do with like something that happened in the past and more like the overlap between determination as an actual physical thing VS a spiritual thing. Whereas the amalgamates were injected with determination by Alphys, Undyne makes her OWN. You've killed her best friend. You're going to kill the love of her life. You're going to kill her mentor. You're going to kill everyone. You've killed HER. But she still has to stop you. Everyone is counting on her 1/2

Undyne's whole motif is letting the monsters of the Underground achieve their hopes and dreams. Theres a reason she is the boss fight in Waterfall, the most backstory rich area in the game. Hope and dreams have just as much weight as determination does, its what helps you defeat Asriel. And Undyne the Undying's design mimics Asriel's because in Genocide SHE is the heroine, SHE is the determined hero that defies death in order to save everyone she loves via the hopes and dreams of everyone (2/2)

Sorry I just really fucking love Undyne Undertale fhfhfndkdk she willingly letting herself be used in an experiment to help her people is Very Good tho too hmmmm

!!!!

sorry ur abt to get a whole essay i love undertale so much.........

(also i use a lot of !!! for emphasis, not bc i’m yelling omg)

(also i’m letting you know this is an incoherent mess, it is 2am here akjsdkjsdjk)

but you can definitely be right!!!! tbh your idea seems much more par for the course than the spaghetti im throwing at the wall

even then, though, it’s stll so interesting bc like!!!! undyne’s courage is undeniable, and her fight to protect the underground plays Such a huge role in her whole waterfall arc. and, in the spiritual sense, she is absolutely determined!! that just makes me WONDER though bc, like, canonically, monsters Are Not determined! they don’t have that threshold!

and then, in looking at determination in the spiritual sense, what exactly makes undyne different? is it that her desire to live and protect the underground unlocks that threshold needed for determination? at one point, could monsters be determined, but then their millennia trapped underground biologically/psychologically stripped them of that? so then could any monster in the underground, when facing high enough stakes, have that determination? or is it just undyne?

bc then i think about the other bosses in either route, like papyrus, mettaton, asgore, sans. where undyne is the monster/boss capable of possessing determination, sans is probably the one least likely to have any threshold for determination (this is bc his entire boss fight is him realizing he can no longer be an observer, he is literally the last line of defense between chara and the annihilation of all monsters). mettaton is complicated bc as a napstablook turned corporeal, i dont even know where to BEGIN with him. but then there’s papyrus and!! it feels like he should be capable of feeling determined. in both the pacifist and genocide route, he is so assured that the human has some internal goodness. while, in the genocide route, that hope could be translated to fear, that still makes me wonder: under what circumstances could a monster’s determination be unlocked? is it not solely life or death? does it require some ulterior motives (aka undyne’s whole character being protecting the underground)? and like!!! it’s just so fun to think about bc, say it is undyne’s spiritual determination being unlocked, it’s so interesting that she’s the one differentiated!! that even papyrus, a character brimming with good and happiness and love, doesn’t have that determination, but undyne, who has a similar type of passion and goodness within her, does!!!

with experiment undyne, i will admit my theory is very much uhh wild! and unhinged! and, while my theory is much more playing in the “what if’s” of the science of artificial determination, it still makes me wonder! especially in the boss fight herself. ever since i first saw her genocide boss fight, i’ve always been a bit fixated on her eye, specifically the one w/ the eye-patch that eventually seems to have Some type of arrow power. while this definitely could have just been A Design Choice (and one i stand by!!), undertale is a game that reveals its complete lore when the pacifist and genocide route are put together. thus, in a hypothetical situation, i don’t think it would be out of the question that undyne’s eye could still Do that even in a pacifist route.

but even then, there are holes to poke! such as why doesn’t she use it? if undyne has been injected with artificial determination, why is she, frankly, normal until it’s a matter of life and death?

(to cut to the punchline before i get into my bullshit: i think it’s bc, at first, it seemed as if the artificial determination just Didn’t Work and had no affect, when in reality it needed to be met with spiritual determination as well)

and, again, i know i’m playing with a lot of hypotheticals right now, and mostly this is me just kinda fun bullshit theorizing, but i think it could have something to do with the fact that she has the threshold for spiritual determination! the reason i even think that she would offer herself up to determination experimentation is bc of the loyalty and love she has for asgore and the underground. i would argue that she is just as invested in asgore’s plan as asgore himself is, and she obviously sees him as some type of father-figure. so that alone gives her this Drive to do whatever it takes for the underground to survive.

so, therefore, i think in regards to this hypothetical experiment undyne, i think it quite literally is that spiritual determination threshold combined with artificial determination

and for that, i quickly want to talk abt the amalgamates and why they tie into this:

the timeline: corpses/souls injected with determination --> no reaction --> corpses wake up and act normal --> ??? happens  --> (quickly leads to) amalgamates

and so then that once again raises the question: what differentiates undyne? 

i think, for that, we then have to consider another question: if most monsters do not have the physical determination to continue living after death, can that determination be given when they’re already dead? monsters in general already have no threshold for determination, so can that be artificially made if it never existed in the first place? 

bc while alphys’s experiment, iirc, was to see what happened when a soul was injected with determination, i think the other much needed question is if monster souls could even Handle determination

and, while we do not know specifically what went wrong with the amalgamates (aka like How did they melt together), we do know that their physical forms really were not able to handle the artificial determination, imo most likely bc they do not even have a threshold for spiritual determination

but undyne is, as you have noted, different!

so, frankly, i think you’re right! i think undyne does have an inherent spiritual determination. it’s uncommon in monsters, but her want to save the world is enough to leave her determined

however, i think That would have just been enough to keep her alive

i think it’s artificial determination that gave her that final form! to reference  back to the amalgamates, they were all creatures whose powers we had seen before, but different now and, specifically, more powerful. that very same thing could be said for undyne! her powers are, essentially, things we have seen before, but fucking to Max Intensity 

AND THEN!! AND THEN!!!!!

when you do kill heroine undyne, she doesn’t turn to dust first

she melts first, and then turns to dust!!!!!

and, honestly, it’s that small detail that sent me down this rabbit hole, bc the only ever time we’ve seen monsters melted together are the amalgamates!

i think the main difference between heroine undyne and the amalgamates is the fact that undyne, at first, had No Reaction to the determination at first bc, since she most likely already had this secret threshold for spiritual determination, it wasn’t the Biggest of changes. it wouldn’t have had such a drastic reaction on her physical form bc, even if she didn’t know it yet, it wasn’t an entirely foreign substance

the amalgamates, however, aka monsters who had no spiritual determination, could only handle the artificial determination for an unknown amount of time before their bodies began rejecting the chemicals and becoming..... that

of course, then, this leaves me with even more questions, such as could undyne sustain this final form? would her body eventually give out, overcome by determination? was this form only meant for life or death situations?

and uhhh i think this is the end!! if you made it this far and are thinking to urself “damn you’re really an english major when you write like this?? this isn’t even comprehensible” do not fret!! i know this theory is kinda a shitshow, and it’s one of those things where i can keep myself up all night thinking abt this and talking myself in circles bc there are some points that i think have strengths and other points that are probably pretty weak

basically though!! i see the connection between artificial determination and undyne through the fact that her form actually changes, the reveal of her legit power eye, the way her attacks have been altered, and the fact that she melts at the end (akin to the amalgamates’ appearances) before poofing into dust

this has been,,,, a shitshow i am so sorry i hope this was at least somewhat understandable ajkdsjkdsjk

[staysuki]

to know that that less than a thousand-word fic was something you came up impulsively, talent gurl 😌🙌 your writing seems to be improving day by day, really.

moving on ! kinda sad that those 2 wont meet :< and wow, seungmin likes miyeon? two people with a love-hate (??) relationship, can i even call it that? they re not even that close yet 😭 who surprisingly likes different people at the same time are the ones who will end up together at the end. i want to see how this one goes :"> poor seungmin, getting brother-zoned by the person he likes. btw i will cry if changbin secretly likes y/n back, my heart kennat.

s2 teaser ✨ (im finally labeling it so it doesnt come out as incoherent as it was before 🙄😗, charot) tf does jisung like being degraded? well not really that, but teased ?👀 sus. "you're mom's a whore" "thank you" 👁️💧👄💧👁️ i was shocked for a sec cuz i thought chan was being serious abt jisung having serepation anxiety. imagine joking abt smth like that then it was revealed to be true all long. ✨awkward✨ y/n be like -> 🕳️🚶

majority also likes the minho-y/n ship 💕 ugh thinking about the endgame stresses me sm 😤 and wait, does that mean you already have someone in mind? :"<<< the anon who voted jisung, you have a great point ! im changing my vote to both jisung and jeongin, the other 4 can handle themselves. but if i were to choose, other than the 4 ofc, then jeongin. i really had fun reading sassy IN 😌💅 but aaa i rly look forward to see more of the student council in s2, esp chan :>> ik you said that the teaser is supposed to be released this week, i just didnt expect it to be immediately the day after. still thankful tho lol

- bs

i just woke up that day and the words came to me so i was like “gOTTa wriTe”— like literally 😭 it was early in the morning and my mind was like “hmmm gloomy writer seo changbin only has one light in his life—“ but thank u though :,)) this is how impulsive my ideas are but i’m glad u liek it.

mwehehehehe i wanted to challenge myself with the “love chase” in seungmin’s smau 👉😌👈 maybe i’ll regrer writing it like that but honestly it’s more thrilling that way hehe. i like the perspective of “you know they’ll be together in the end, it’s the how that’s thrilling”— but are they rEaLLy gonna be together though? 🤔🤔🤔 you sure about that mate

jisung just loves felix too much ~~~ 👁🤔😏👀🗣 (me trying to drop hints like). JSHWJSHS I LOVED THAT PART, LIKE HE LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE HE WASN’T JOKING— and that reminded me of the show “never have i ever” oml, that one story arc where the MC falsely spread misinfo about her friend only to find out that it was true ahejashjajssj.

yeah, it’s either minho or seungmin for everyone else 😭. i mean, i get it though, i’ve written for them the most so i gotta step up the other guys’ game ;((((. jeongin vote huh, hMmMmm 🤔✨. and yes, i have an endgame guy in mind now 😏 which may or may not be obvious in season 2 hmmm who knows. and yes, that IS a teaser but that’s not THE teaser 🙈 that’s just an extra fluff chapter bc i was so happy that so many people are interacting with EHALOJ now 😭♥️✨

[ncvcmbcrflush]

It is 1am and i just finished s2, so this is gonna be long and rambling and misspelled and im sorry okay?

I am not thrilled with the writing of klaus this season, can I just say? They completely undid all of his substantial development in s1, while also removing a good chunk of his positive qualities.

There were scenes where s1!klaus shined through (any of the scenes with Allison and vanya, mainly, and i was really worried abt the scenes with bby!Dave but they were handled really well imo) but those scenes were vastly overshadowed by the unnecessary cruelty? Why did they make my boy so mean this season, I am asking this question for real. S1!klaus was wild and a disaster and heartbreaking, but he was also so kind, and willing to grow as a person in ways that his siblings actively avoided most of the time.

How do you go from beautifully empathetic s1!klaus crying in response to his abusive father's suicide, protesting luther locking up vanya and later being so adamant that they take vanya back in time with them that he literally clings to her feet, to s2!klaus who seems to not care much about anything or anyone at all?? The man is dead in heaven with his father telling him point blank what a let down he is, and he still has enough love in him to cry for him, but 3 years pass and suddenly he doesn't shed a tear for his brother who just died saving their sister?? They took away so much of his emotionality and I do not understand why.

S1!klaus also absolutely would have been open to trying possession with Ben imo, and we could have avoided the intensely uncomfortable possession sequence, which should not have been played off as a joke because it wasn't funny at all, and instead just highlights how little autonomy klaus actually has- but that is a rant that needs way more brain power and research lmao.

S1!klaus also would never have hid ben from his siblings, after spending literal years telling them that ben was there with them??? He would not have done that.

And the scene where they try to save vanya was intensely ooc in my opinion- even high off his ass klaus is quick to react and jump into action- helpful or otherwise (throwing the fire extinguisher, improvising at the prosthetics lab for 5, trying to save luther in the club, running into the theater when they hear gunshots despite having no idea how to use his powers offensively, even in s2 when he finds allison at the protest) and I refuse to believe he would need to be pushed into trying to save vanya, who he has put his life at risk to save before.

The cult thing will be getting a post of its own because I have so many feelings about that whole deal but I again, am too incoherent currently.

I loved him and allison so so much, and he and vanya just break my heart together bc they are such opposite sides of the same coin and the show doesn't seem interested in exploring that whatsoever? I was a bit bummed to not really see him interact with the boys at all though. He and Diego seemed pretty close in s1, 5 and klaus have some good scenes together, and he and luther had some good interactions at the end of s1 as well, and i wish they had kept going with that.

It just feels like they were so busy with the others, and klaus got lost along the way. We do nothing with his powers except for the possession thing, like literally besides ben and the two ghosts at the very end of the last episode klaus doesn't use his powers at all during the entire season! I loved watching everyone else kind of come into their own, but that just never happened for klaus this season- if anything, he devolved.

And I think as a side effect of fucking up klaus, they fucked up his relationship with ben, and the other boys to a lesser extent, as well.

S1 ben and klaus is what i would expect from a pair of siblings stuck together for 17 years- nagging and sarcastic and judgemental but also loving and close and they work well together. They are both dumbasses who do things like play patty cake to test ben's tangibility, and decide that tossing a bowling ball is a good way to prove that ben is present.

S2 ben and klaus are entirely antagonistic; more in line with luther and diego in s1. I have seen lots of comments saying that anyone upset with ben and klaus's dynamic in s2 doesn't have siblings, and to that i have to say- people who think their dynamic in s2 is normal don't have abusive parents. There are lines that you absolutely do not cross, and comparing a sibling to your abuser is one of them. And you don't need to have siblings to know that dismissing the death of a loved one like, isn't a good thing to do? This is especially jarring given their relationship in 2019 and as children- there is no set up for this kind of behavior from either of them.

And the others were just so overall dismissive of klaus in a way that goes beyond just sibling annoyance. During the family dinner no one bats an eye when ben jumps into him, causes his body to jerk around, and literally says that he's ben?? He lies on the floor of the elevator looking like death and we don't so much as ask what's wrong? Klaus pukes out the contents of 7 fully grown humans practically and no one offers a tums, or a ride to the damn hospital?? Like wasn't diego a fuckin cop, he should know that none of this is the result of an overdose??? As far as i can recall,, klaus doesn't even use drugs in this season? We see him drink but that's it unless I'm forgetting, which is entirely possible since it is now 2am lmao. And they just play it off as jokes, we are meant to find this funny?

And just like, he wasn't involved in the actual plot of this season much, if at all, besides being a largely unwilling catalyst for ben. Nothing would change in this season if they had cut him out completely, and i really hate that.

I'm not upset at all really- despite sounding upset and writing a long ass rant lmao- the let down of one character doesn't ruin the season for me, and honestly, given how other shows have failed me this year (looking at you, the politician) , i count this season as a win overall. Luther especially has changed so much for the better, and he was probably the highlight of this season. I'm just bummed because klaus was s u c h a good character in season one, easily one of the most interesting characters, and they did nothing with him this season.

[seoafin]

jjk & tower of god chapter on the same day,,, i spent all of my brainjuice talking abt tog w some friends + working on my wip so this one might be incoherent LMAO but nsjdhfjd this my 2 cents for the chp (1) - 🐱

first of all, the zenins shld just eat shit 🥰 the bar is just nonexistant now 😭😭😭

also maki’s mother said sth that hits way too close to home for me too🥴

the maki & mai, megumi & tsumiki "make a place where they are happy” parallels...mai,, maki wanted a place where u'd be happy!!! 😭😭😭 good points abt any interesting nuances the original jpn might have had though

ALSO MUSCLE MAKI IS HERE

and lmao megumi's "ew no" face ,,, i didn't think he could make a face like that JDJJDJD ,, once again i think his outsider-insider status is interesting but the amount of ppl counting on him/leaning on him bc of strategic position is a lot. ig this is what kamo meant by supporting the 3 families,,,, gojou indeed is playing the long game. megumi in the meantime, very persistent in not getting more involved in clan politics, not using power that is offered to him, or leveraging it - in a way it is good, and it also makes sense with "stress is other ppl" but is interesting from a structural pov. megumi may not rly give a shit abt the rest of the jujutsu world. if the ppl close to him are affected, then he cares. otherwise, forget it.

also im interested in power implications here bcs it sound a little like there’s a slight split b/w leadership and everyday zenins and im curious what it's like if u have no connection to the top of the clan,, and again higher ups being unaffiliated with the 3 clans so they have to appeal to them. curious what other talents the gojou clan have and what they're known for bc clearly it's not just gojou, they still have power without him and still have a stake in the shifting power structure. kamo must be busy too...

MAKIIIIII ,,, honestly my heart hurts a little seeing her getting beat up in recent chapters. but i’m rly happy,, shes FINALLY getting the focus she deserves and i’m confident she will make a recovery and she IS in fact the one leading efforts on the zenin side. im rly hopeful she can take over the clan one day and no longer say she's not good enough

that stomach wound is bad news though so im wondering how she will come back from that,, that she didn't know her own father's abilities says a lot, too. i wonder if she could see the extension of his blade, or if she hasn't been able to see/understand many ppl abilities

im hopeful for next chp now. u can do it maki!!!!

flashing back on these bits, it makes more sense now why megumi wasn't melting down post-shibuya,, seems most information came to him in a sort of timely and calm way? also i rly have to wonder if gojou did not spend a decade plotting in front him bcs he's done it before,,,, like the whole clan head scene in megumi's middle school years....in a way i imagine he wouldve seen that gojou come out of the high school and watch him get more serious as he acquired even more skin in the game

all the time though i wonder abt megumi's tendency toward inertia and nonaction to things that would seemingly give him power and trying to understand it and that IS him being selfish and that IS,, imo the biggest indication of what he actually does or doesn't want. he wants it, he will act and work on it immediately himself. he doesn't like it? act like it doesn't exist. it make me want to shake him around like NO!! megumi pay attention!!! But his reaction to this clan stuff is a contrast to his behavior in recent chapters imo

and more mahjong references,,, between this and yuuji’s pachinko,, i wonder abt the undercurrent of gambling haha. a gamble for the shaman world and who will come out on top? a contrast to the flowy ocean imagery that connects shaman stuff out to the rest of the world

also this ,,,, there's that one jp tweet (i cant find it again😞) that talks about how toji, as the point of distortion, created megumi, who is currently playing a potential convergence/healing/uniting role (if he actually takes it on as a responsibility lol) and connects this back to the medicine buddha,,, whose mudra (hand sign) is used for chimera shadow garden. with the commentary abt ppl with heavenly restriction needing to know what to throw away in order to become strong or tap into their full strength and toji’s commentary at the end of fight with gojou,,  i actually always felt that toji died not having been entirely resolved with himself bc he talks abt going against the self that decided to forget abt self-respect, to live without thinking abt himself or others,,, in a way, living selfishly, for himself, by ignoring anything immediate and i think he succeeded for a while bc he didnt even remember megumi's name. he remembers it when he talks to getou abt him being thankful for toji not killing him bc of potential drawbacks

and at the very end he thinks of megumi again and that last act does think of someone else, like a "life before your eyes" moment where toji thinks about how the zenin's treatment of him led him there or how his return to shibuya ends with him remembering how he gave megumi back to the zenin,,, i think atm of his death he was starting to think he did want to care, in a different way, or that he needed a different paradigm. or,, maybe he was just starting to realize how far the zenin thinking had set into him

so we dont rly talk abt that being an enlightenment moment for toji but i kind of think it was. that megumi has the potential to become a pivotal piece as a legacy of distortion is interesting. i dont actually think toji set up everything intentionally bc he didnt know megumi's ability, and i dont think he wouldve thought that far. i think a lot of the heir and inheritance stuff is sth naobito set in after seeing megumi's development under gojou. it's clear now everyone has been keeping eyes on everyone else

at some point there's some interesting discussion to be had abt megumi and privilege - i'm surprised the canon characters dont hate him more for having stuff just fall into his lap, and so i liked that maki pointed this out that he could use this and he shld bc theres a frustration there - and yet at the same time megumi himself seemingly feels very little attachment to the zenin and the shaman world still. he just cares abt his little circle of people, and it's a very intentional choice, based on his good/bad ppl thing

u cant really affect the entire world, but u can assert urself on the environment around u and decide what u do and dont act on. this part of megumi is more teenage boy and kind of toji-like, i think,,, hence the emphasis on action

u express ur effect and existence through action, who u kill or who u save. toji having very little, while so much falls into megumi's lap while he doesn't want it, doesn't want to acknowledge it, likely doesn't want to take part in a system he doesn't like or, having been raised under gojou's wing, resents or finds corrupt or useless, or doesn't even think on bc he thinks its above his pay grade and gojou's there - this is also megumi's moment to solidify his own direction and commit to working in the system or out of it

the "not caring" is a defensive measure in a way too, i think. i dont think megumi is Big Good and wants to save everyone and everything and the world to be good and pure, i tend to think of him as a resigned chaotic neutral, who wishes he could be good orz

ANYWAY i think there's some interesting juxtapositions with the whole toji > megumi thing, that someone who is born without, restricted, births and creates someone full of blessings. its very shaman-like, action then reaction

AND i wish u luck on ur final paper (bless ur eyes to see incels bc i’ll just log off for the day when i saw one (1) of them on the net) AND DONT FORGET TO TAKE A REST,, the self care is much needed me thinks <333 (2) - 🐱

i love u 🥺🥺😭😭😭 you take care of yourself too!!!

also ur right...all this political intrigue im so curious i need to know how the jujutsu world is structured in terms of the higher ups and the clans. like i assumed that the three clan elders WERE to some extent also part of the higher ups???? but now it seems that the higher ups are a separate entity altogether, so like checks and balances i suppose. except both the higher ups and the clans are corrupt so no balance there 😭

the chapter implied the zenins are losing when it comes to the power struggle between the three clans. im interested. i want to see them all rot!!! like i also said though it’s going to be interesting to see the state of the kamo clan though, considering “noritoshi kamo.” like what do you even say to that???? im going to be surprised if it doesn’t affect their standing in the jujutsu world but then again the kamo clan IS one of the big three.

megumi really is a character that was blessed in all regards but like. doesn’t want anything to do with it LOL he really said ‘this is a pain no thanks.’ like gojo like megumi i suppose. i agree with u the whole toji and megumi set up....genius....i also love their juxtaposition. it’s so interesting and another source of irony.

[boomerang109]

hi!! (god i hope the way i type doesnt rat me out skddk jesus at this point it might who even know i feel like its distinct but maybe thats just me idk) but!!! time to just Rant abt twwda, *sighs in the best way possible* ****this***** fic. man. the Very first thing it helped me (that was memorable to me) honestly was the whole acne thing where toph was like are you good looking and zuko’s like ‘well i have a scar and acne’ and toph’s like ‘acne’s a normal thing’ my hesrt just idk why but whenever i have a Bad day abt myself (or the parents are on my back abt it skdhdj i Hate that but thats Not what this rant is abt) im just like ‘its a normal thing’ and!!!! i got that from **your** fic!!! genuinely you Cannot understand how close twwda is to me as a person bc

the whole test anxiety? and zuko not telling his teachers he has trouble hearing? in the fifth grade i needed glasses Bad but i never told Anyone bc i felt Bad (still hold strong to this habit 😃) but God i just- i just *relate* and Finally.

the enby aang. ive been able yk even tell my irl ant me possibly being she/they (maybe even they/them) solely bc of your fic (i even told her that it was thanks to your fic and explained everything abt the whole enby aang!!!) ill seperate this mess into paragraphs skdhdk but!! please just know how Much you helped me

OH SHIT FUCK the whole a flower in shade can also grow in the sun. that Hit bc its like ‘you dont Need to suffer just bc you can survive in that condition, you deserve the basic necessities too’ and honestly when i read that i just sat there stunned like wow. so?? true??? i honestly just love you and your fic (okay bye sorry skdbdksk !!!!!)

thats my four paragraph essay for you boom <3

okay anon, it’s nearly 2:30 am (probably will be by the time i finish typing) so if im a bit incoherent i apologize. i just know im going to be busy tmrw and i didn’t want this to sit in my inbox (sorry to everybody else who didn’t get responses whoops)

(honestly idk who you are and i hope you feel comfy telling me at some point, but it’s okay if not!) (i do have a few guesses but i keep changing my mind so basically im clueless ahdhdjsks) (actually right after i typed that i noticed something that’s unique—i think—to you. the person i’m thinking of is absolutely lovely, but i’m not going to start guessing or anything cause if you don’t feel comfy having any identity connected to this, that’s okay! that’s what anon is for!! just do what makes you most comfy)

i love that the acne line resonated with you? i think you’re the second person to mention this and i 🥰! it’s such a throw away line but i always hate in fics when people make them high school age and then are like “except for his scar, zuko’s skin was smooth” or whatever the fuck. like no!!! high schoolers have acne!!! and obviously zuko is embarrassed of it, but sokka is just like dude. we all have it, im good looking and ive got acne so just don’t even worry. and that’s the energy im sending you (and your parents cause they better not be on your back about acne that’s dumb af) cause no one is judging your acne (they’re too busy worrying about their own) AND even if they were, that makes them a shitty person whose opinion doesn’t matter. you’re beautiful with acne

i want you to work on asking for help, like mx mak said, it’s not a limited resource! and often teachers/adults are happy to help you. (and often it’s their job/the law that they have to). but also? i wrote zuko missing shit in class being like “oh this is unrealistic if someone was missing what was being said in class they’d get notes from someone” and then i took a class where the prof spoke way too fast and my audio processing said NOPE and there would be days where my notes would just be question marks like zuko and i didn’t ask anyone for help. (i did start recording class which is literally illegal without permission but shhh it’s fine)

i’m so glad i was able to help you and please know i’m here to help in whatever capacity i can outside the fic as well. it’s kind of a joke that being trans is contagious but actually being able to hear about other people’s experiences is So Important. cause six months ago i could’ve confidently told you i was a cis girl and had been sure of that my whole life. but then i finally admitted to myself that my “thinking they/them pronouns were the coolest thing ever and kind of being jealous” thing was not very cis of me. and yeah, everyone’s experience is individual. but we can at least share our thoughts and what we learn to help each other. cause i wanna support you

you deserve MORE THAN basic necessities. you deserve so much more, but the necessities are a good place to start. treat yo self.

please don’t apologize!!! i appreciate this sm, i love you and your four paragraph essay <3

[seokmatthewz]

im late but onf + victon?

two groups i clown just so absolutely hard for lets go babey!!!

onf

- first time i heard of them: i got into onf in a period of time where i wld get into literally any bg tht debuted so i just saw tht a new bg was debuting nd i consumed myself in any meager content tht was available

- my bias + bias wrecker: i stan hyojin nd seungjoon!!! nd all the other boys r wreckers at this point dbfkfk but i must say Especially yuto this era

- when i became a fan: predebut!!

- favorite (and least favorite) b-side: ICE AND FIRE SOTY!!!!!!! its legit one of my fave kpop songs of all time....nd i never remember songs i don't like dbkfmf so from here on out i'm ignoring the least favourite portion of this game dnfkf

favorite title track: we must love!!!! shes a full blown musical masterpiece mwah but like also complete bc shes The summer song i listen to complete so much

favorite (and least favorite) mv: uhhh fave wld b sukhumvit swimming (did i spell tht right i don't think i did hjfkgnf) nd i think least fave wld b complete just bc she wasn't as inch resting as the others!!

favorite album: we must love!!!

a concept i wished they’d try: i feel like my answer is gonna b the same for all of these but like.....rich sexy concept....floral....silks....

what i like most about them: god everything....their vocals and performance skill especially like they're so well rounded as idols and theyre so hardworking its rlly admirable!!!

nd .... here we go.......

victon

automatically i am omitting the 'least fave' section bc victon has never made something ive even kinda disliked 😤

- first time i heard of them: me7nam........idk how i ended up watching it but it just Appeared on the 1thek channel nd i clicked upon it and the rest is history....

- my bias + bias wrecker: han seungwoo one of my ults my sweet tall wonderful capricorn prince loml....nd all 6 other members r my wreckers but like in essence im just an ot7 stan bc victon r just held in a place of such high standing within my heart

- when i became a fan: aug 31 2016 😳 it was my 4th year as a victon stan last week 😳

- favorite b-side: sunrise.....if any of u reading this incoherent mess of feelings HAVEN'T heard sunrise shes w MASTERPIECE i spent 3 whole hours laying face down on my floor at uni while very depressed listening to only tht song nd it just....she has an Impeccable vibe she's perfect

- favorite title track: remember me!!!! nd now i legally must mention tht despite this the acoustic version of remember me slaps harder than the og version tho both vers r inherently flawless as victon title tracks

- favorite mv: oof i think mayday!!! her camerawork is so funky and they all look so good mwah absolutely love her

- favorite album: omg hmmm I think nostalgia may b my fave album tbh??? or perhaps ready!!

- a concept i wished they’d try: elegant! sexy! silk! flowers! like vixx's shangri la or a monsta x style mv....incorporating more of snoo's kinda rap singing sexy bullshit.....victon cld release anything nd id enjoy it at this point tho fjfkfm

- what i like most about them: god i feel so stupid saying this bc i find it so cheesy when other ppl do but like god victon honestly just make me so happy like theyre all so close to one another and they've been through so much together and they seem so sweet and funny and sincere and wonderful....they've been through piles of shit and almost d*sbanded nd they came back so strong and have been winning things nd i just love tht they're so resilient and wonderful not to mention the fact tht they're all absurdly talented....ugh i cld go on for hours and hours abt this victon just have such wholesome goofy vibes but they also seem to care deeply about one another and it just makes me feel happy to know they have one another to rely on!!! i love groups tht seem really really close and victon rlly r one of the most tightly knit kpop groups I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing i absolutely love them!!!!

send me a 🕊 + a kpop group!!

[mittensmorgul]

i just dont see the destiel parallels in that bandages scene with mobby? what was so destiely abt it? and im all for subtextual mirrors, it's fun & enriches the show, but i crave something undeniable for destiel. like, as undeniable as the fact that sam n dean r brothers. of course, i am trying not to expect too much & im actually more than ok with the current storylines. just--i am mystified by the reaction to that mobby scene?

I mean… okay… I wrote something about it last night that kind of veered into 2 am incoherency, but…

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/179919899900/i-dont-remember-mobys-confession-in-the-last

Considering the fact that Mary and Bobby are having variations of situations and lines that have happened between Dean and Cas, and those lines are being used to craft what we’re being shown is a romantic connection, while having spent the entire episode dressed like Dean and Cas at least in the very most surface way… I just don’t know what to tell you.

The show’s new favorite thing seems to be making references to its own history and recontextualizing them in the present. The mobby scene pinged LOADS of these. Many of them were not necessarily explicitly romantic in the past (like Dean feeling burnt out and hopeless the way Bobby explicitly is now), but the show is nevertheless using references things that Dean has gone through to illustrate Bobby’s current mental state.

I mean, I transcribed their conversation at that link, so if you want to read it all, I can suggest you keep in mind Dean’s mental state in 5.18 and 5.21, or 4.12, or 4.16 when he had to face the reality of what he’d done in Hell– and his actual torturer– and nearly died for it, or 7.09 (most of s7 while Cas was dead anyway), or even during s6 when he was struggling with the fact he was endangering Lisa and Ben just for knowing him the way Bobby had felt guilty for endangering his own son, or his guilt over releasing the Darkness and everything he did with the MoC… and most recently how he reacted in early s13 because Cas was lost to him.

So that’s Bobby’s side of things explained through Dean mirrors. We don’t know nearly as much about this AU version of Bobby, but they used Dean’s life that we DO know, and conveyed all of this emotional baggage by reminding us of how Dean has been there too. This is how narrative mirrors work.

As for Mary, yes… we know more about her than AU Bobby, but she wore the Cas Uniform– white shirt, tan coat, and spent the entire episode either standing beside Bobby or openly concerned about Bobby (our Dean mirror). The whole conversation reads like a chattier version of Dean and Cas’s talk in 9.10… It wasn’t your fault, you did the best thing you could in a terrible situation, you only wanted to protect your son, you’re not a terrible father… wait… okay… sorry we’ll not dig into the Dean As Sam’s Parent stuff too much if we can help it.

And when faced with the extent of Bobby’s depression bordering on hopelessness, she say, “No, you can’t give up on me.” It’s been an evolution for Dean, but how long as Cas been trying to get this message across to him? Through all of Dean’s “Why me?” and “You’ve got the wrong guy,” and eventually to “We’re just better together.”

I mean… the entire relationship between Mary and Bobby only works at all because it’s all structured around these mirrors.

And it’s entirely founded in destiel. How is that NOT destiel?

And that’s not saying that I don’t want Dean and Cas to actually get to that point where they’re having these sorts of conversations all at once, because for them that conversation has been stretched out over ten years. I don’t think they’re gonna suddenly change the way they’ve been writing this buildup, but they are blatantly shining huge neon arrows at it and screaming at us to see what they’re doing here. What they’ve been doing. It’s freaking poetic, and I’m loving it.

Dabb structures his narrative the way I structure fanfic, so who am I to complain, honestly. He’s just got an open canon to work with, while I get to write a decisive ending and then start over again. :P

But even in his throwaway episode (because let’s be real, that’s how he used it) 9.20, Dabb did the exact same thing, mirroring David and Violet, dressing Violet in a nearly identical coat to Mary’s in 14.05, giving them the same “from different worlds” star-crossed lovers storyline, while framing David as the underdog who struggled in the Family Business but doing it his own way, and Violet ready to run from her own family’s business to side with David… all while lifting the exact dialogue that Dean and Cas had used to make it romantic. I mean… this is Dabb’s favorite thing.

And speaking of the “from different worlds” thing… Mary… is literally from a different universe from AU Bobby. She kinda did grip him tight and raise him from a war zone, you know? I mean is it even POSSIBLE to make this parallel any more blatant?

[acewlws]

i've been with my gf for abt a month now! shes rlly tall and adorable and I love her and we're both in marching band together and i love being able to perform with her and spend long bus rides with her i love her so much and this was probably rlly incoherent but im gay

honestly i love that! that is so good and gay

it’s sleepover sunday!

[reluctantrfamember]

my dudes i have SUCH complex feelings over saeran and ittttttssss jussttttttttttt aaahhhhhh???????? ? ??  ?? lemme just. ramble incoherently for a sec.

like hes SUCH an interesting character. bc on one hand it feels p obvious to me that “ray” exists in the narrative for the sole purpose of mirroring rika in relation to v. like im sure cheritz knows that most of their fanbase hates rika and bc of this some folks may get exasperated over v’s frequent self-sabotaging in the name of saving her. we feel this way bc it seems “obvious” from our outside perspective that shes done way way waaaay too many fucked up things to be really worthy of saving, so consequentially they throw in ray to make us go oh. i get it now lmfao.

but.

even if that is ray’s technical function in the story.

he isn’t a perfect parallel of rika, either.

now, dont get me wrong. i aint sayin’ ray’s behaviour isnt bad or creepy. like the dude is o b s e s s e d with mc, and it wouldn’t at all surprise me if he’d done some digital stalking before the beginning of the game. (hence why he seems to already be a bit infatuated with u right off the bat.) and then theres the literal “unknown” factor to consider. like unknown is violent and unpredictable as hell, so theres rlly no knowing what he might do to mc if he happened to make a live appearance. his phone calls certainly suggest that he isnt gonna be as “tame” as ray, which uh.................................... yeah thats not good. and for better or worse this aggressive alter-ego is still just as much a part of saeran as ray is. (although i’d argue unknown is a byproduct of saerans abuse and thus ray is prolly closer to what saeran would’ve been like had he not been taken by mint eye.) so unknown can’t be factored out of the equation.

but despite all this, saeran is still a victim. we know he is even without the prior context from other routes. like it becomes plain as day from the elixir shit that he’s being used by rika, so its just,,, a lot more tragic when he..........goes. bc theres a certain genuineness abt ray that doesnt exist with rika. rika’s two motivations in this route are a) test v’s “love” and b) prove she’s The Best without really any actual consideration for how her actions affect other people. but ray? all he wanted was to be loved by you, misguided as that was. and whilst his desperate pleas to not be hated/abandoned were manipulative in a certain sense, i honestly dont think he was trying to guilt trip you. he was just. so afraid of losing you and your kindness.

and even then, when it became all too clear to ray that this simply wasnt going to happen, that mc had chosen to leave of her own volition, he doesnt go tracking mc down and stabbing her. he lets her go. 

like. think abt that.

think abt how this boy -- whose grasp of consent is obviously greatly skewed -- ultimately lets you leave him. he begged, he pleaded, he poured his heart out, but he nevertheless puts your happiness before his own. it’s not like he couldn’t have escaped mint eye with the other followers, bided his time, and come after you again. hell i half expected unknown to take over and get revenge for being “abandoned” by you. but that didn’t happen. 

so tbh? ray’s feelings for mc were a lot more akin to real love than rika’s ever were, bc his intentions were pure. he didn’t want to have you for the sake of having you, he genuinely wanted the best for you in the end. subsequently this meant he was able to do something rika never could: accept rejection.

saeran is honestly............such a good boy, in his heart. and its just so sad and infuriating that he couldnt be helped in this route. i understand why cheritz did it, i really do, but ray is so different from rika at his core. the love he wanted was real. he was willing to admit fault, apologize to the mc, and even let her go.

saeran choi could’ve been saved had he been given a real chance.