#love her so much i reminisce on this moment at least once a week and laugh

[kookygranger]

Blue Christmas

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Aka Fairytale of Hawkins: Part Three

Summary: The town of Hawkins calls for you once again this Christmas, but with sugar-laced memories of a certain metalhead tainted by a recent breakup your stance on the holiday season has returned in full force.

Warnings: angst with fluff ending (it's a Hallmark Christmas!), casual holiday drinking, exes to smitten, reader and Eddie are in their late 20s/early 30s, swearing

Word count: 6.8k

Author's note: It's been a year since we were all here in this little corner of the world so I would just like to say – whether there were more moments of accomplishments, love, gratitude, euphoria, or just more of the same as these past few years seem to have presented so many of us – I hope you find some form of joy and a moment to breathe at the end of another year, or at least that it comes to you soon. You are not alone in this feeling; we keep on moving.

Part One | Part Two

8 weeks ‘til Christmas

“I’m gonna book my flights tonight, do you want me to do yours too?” The blank stare you give Robin is reciprocated when she looks over at your silence. “The price will just go up if we wait.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Booking flights. For Christmas. To Hawkins.” Your frown deepens with every additional sentence she pushes out. “We talked about this last month.”

“You thought I was serious?”

She shifts her body to face yours on the sofa, tucking her leg in. “When I asked if you were coming you said, oh sure!”

“Robin, it’s called sarcasm. I thought you were fond of the language.”

She frowns back at you, “You’re not coming for Christmas?”

You shake your head, “You can’t be serious.”

“Everybody’s expecting you.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re not.”

“You had so much fun last year–“

“Robin.”

“–Max and El want to go ice skating with you, and Steve’s already making plans–“

“Robin!”

“What?!” She throws her hands in the air, her shoulders meeting her ears.

“Eddie and I broke up.”

She nods once, “I know.”

“Okayyy, so what makes you think I could ever go back to Hawkins?”

“You’re being a little dramatic.”

“I can’t crash your Christmas are you kidding?! I’m the ex-whatever now. I’m the outsider again.”

She rolls her eyes, “Except you’re not. You’re a part of the family. Everyone’s so excited to see you.”

“Uh, I don’t think Eddie is.”

She breathes out a huff, “I think if the two of you saw each other this whole thing would just blow over.”

You tuck your legs towards your chest, focusing back on the TV.

“I’m not having this conversation again. Eddie was very clear about what he wanted. He doesn’t want to see me, and I’m never ever going back to that town. Especially, not for Christmas.”

***

7 days ‘til Christmas – Hawkins, Indiana

“Are you just gonna stand there pouting the whole time or are you gonna join in?”

Robin’s voice snaps your attention from Frank Sinatra crooning from the open window of her parent’s house. You frown, looking down at the string of lights wound around your hands then up at Steve as he balances on the ladder, placing the lights along the gutter and brushing the snow away as he goes.

You peer around the ladder at Robin, holding her own bundle in the warmth of the house. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Try looking a little less like you’re being held against your will.” She shouts through the window.

You’re about to tell her that’s exactly what’s happening, thinking back to a couple of days ago when Steve had shown up out of the blue at your shared apartment, telling you he was going to drive Robin home for the holidays before suggesting you all go out for something to eat before they left. It had taken you 28 minutes to ask where on earth Steve was going, initially distracted by his detailed update of Dustin’s last year of college. You clocked the shifty look he shared with Robin in the front seat at the same time you realised you were about to turn onto the highway.

But Steve interrupts your bitter reminiscing with his own interjection, “Jesus Rob, leave her alone. I don’t see you out here freezing your ass off.”

You thank Steve as Robin rolls her eyes and resumes decorating.

“Anytime. We kidnapped you ‘cause we love you, you know that right?” He looks down in between the gap of his arms with an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, I know.”

He nods, “It’ll be alright.”

You give him a barely reassuring nod in return, ignoring the stinging at the back of your eyes while Frank sings about glistening treetops like the snow-capped ones lining the suburban street. You sniffle and wipe your nose quickly, hoping Steve thinks it’s just the cold and has nothing to do with how you wish it was his roommate who was comforting you instead, and the pain of knowing he was so close but wouldn’t care anymore.

You focus on unwinding more of the lights as Steve descends the ladder to move it over.

How the hell did you get dragged into this again?

***

I’m twirlin’ a cane made of peppermint

Uh huh (uh huh), uh huh (uh huh)

Nice sticky hands, sticky peppermint

Uh huh (uh huh) uh huh (uh huh)

Spun sugary cloud I’m floatin’ on

The fresh fallen snow melts into the tyre tracks left by traffic along the main street. You watch it through the frosted glass of the diner, one hand cradling the warm mug on the table in front of you.

“Gosh, you’d think they’d give the Christmas songs a break every now and then.”

“I actually kind of like this one.”

Nancy watches you watching the outside world, checking over her shoulder to see if Robin is still occupied in the bathroom before leaning in across the table.

“So, how are you feeling about seeing him? Have you two talked about it yet? Are you both going to be at everything together or are you taking turns? We could totally do something separate if you’re not feeling up to it–we could go shopping, just us two!”

You turn to smile at her, “Jeez Nancy, you should be a reporter or something.”

She shakes her head with a smile, “Sorry. I just know things can feel a little overwhelming coming back to Hawkins with everybody here. I don’t want you to feel left out or uncomfortable or anything.” She glances over her shoulder again, “And Robin kind of seems–“

“She’s not really accepted it, I think. Keeps saying it’ll all blow over.”

“Could it?”

Your attention is caught by a man ringing a gold bell in a Santa suit walking past the window before it falls on Nancy again, with her look of quiet hopefulness. She’s smart, defiant, and effortlessly beautiful. Even in your brief encounters with her, you’ve always been in awe of her strength. You think about Steve and wonder how long it took for the pain of being around her to turn into gentleness again. You think about asking her how you can be strong and vulnerable in love at the same time.

“It just didn’t work out. I’m sure he’ll find someone better for him soon enough. If he hasn’t already.”

“Oh, n–“ Nancy flinches as Robin slaps her hands on the table, before sharing a knowing smile with you at her proclamation.

“I just had the best idea!’

“In the toilet, Rob?” You laugh, “Can’t wait to hear this one.”

She slides into the booth seat next to you, bumping your shoulder gently with hers. “I think we ditch the civilized lunch, go home, get changed and meet back at the bar for a grown-up girl’s night. Whaddya think?”

You shake your head, “I don’t think grown-ups actually call themselves grown-ups.”

“They refer to themselves as adults,” Nancy nods knowingly, “and they pronounce it a-D-ults.”

You turn your head towards Robin, “Plus our last trip to the watering hole in this town didn’t really end well for us.”

“He won’t be there if that’s what you’re worried about. Steve said he works late at the shop on Fridays.”

“Robin.” Nancy’s warning glare is enough to make you feel flushed, but Robin only shrugs dramatically.

“Why does everybody keep looking at me like that?! This is my best friend,” her arm squeezes around your shoulders and you giggle when she pinches your cheeks together, “and I’m always looking out for her, which is why she is here and why we’re getting festively hammered tonight at the Hideout. No boys allowed.”

***

The Hideout is exactly as you remember. All sticky tabletops, dim lighting, and gruff patrons (with the exception of a few young home for the holiday-ers). Robin wastes no time in ordering shots, keeping both you and Nancy on your toes, until you’re very much not.

“I can’t even tell which is stripes and which is…the other one.” Nancy drops her pool cue on the green table. “’M calling Jonathan.”

“I’ll call Steve!” Robin follows her to the payphone on the wall.

“But we can fit one car.” Your slightly slurred voice of reason is waved off by Robin and it’s not long until you’re waving at Jonathan’s retreating car, feeling her head slump against your shoulder, your breath leaving you in clouds.

“I don’t feel good.”

You pat her gently on the head, “Steve will be here soon.”

“No, I really don’t feel good.”

“Are you going to throw up?”

She mumbles something that sounds like a yes into your shoulder and you move swiftly to turn her body away from you and support her off to the side of the bar where there’s shrubbery. She spits a couple of times first and you think it might be a false alarm before she’s vomiting all over the bushes.

“Okay, there we go.” You pat her on the back, holding her hair away from her face.

There’s a slam of a car door echoing across the small carpark that makes you turn your head, hoping it’s Steve. When you hear another one followed by girlish giggling your attention turns back to Robin, finally starting to shiver from the cold as the alcohol begins wearing off.

“C’mon Steve.” You mutter.

The hand that’s rubbing circles on Robin’s back freezes when you hear a familiar voice cut through the giggling behind you.

“And then the car just sprays the hell out of him with oil.”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

You glance over your shoulder with a hammering heart; one that feels like it drops to your stomach when you see those familiar curls and his dimpled smile when the pretty girl he’s with reacts to his story. The girl who has her hand tightly clasped around his leather jacket as they walk across the close-to-icy pavement. Your head snaps back around when they get closer, and you’re thankful for the poor lighting keeping you mostly hidden until Robin’s hacking up sick again.

“Gross.”

Your eyes screw shut at her words, your body stilling until you hear the front door of the Hideout close behind them both. You’re saved moments later when Steve pulls up right beside you.

“Jesus Christ.” Steve helps you get Robin standing upright again, grimacing at the way her head lolls as you both shuffle her into the passenger seat.

“Pretty sure it was the decision to switch to spiked egg nog to keep the “debauchery festive” that did it.” You sigh, then smirk at Steve’s perplexed look, hands on hips and head shaking. “Just remember you’re moving in with that.”

He winces, “Yeah, you forget the intensity of Robin when you’re not around it that often.”

“You two are going to have so much fun.”

Steve looks at you, eyebrows raising, “I thought it was us three? You change your mind?”

You shrug, biting your lip as he watches you with confusion, “I don’t really know anymore.”

He just nods slowly then, “Okay, that’s–okay. I wasn’t gonna start looking at places until the New Year, so you have a bit of time to decide. We can talk about it later.”

There’s a momentary silence that’s interrupted by Robin mumbling something about getting fries.

“No, we’re going straight home.” Steve shuts the passenger door and squeezes you on the shoulder before walking around to the driver’s seat. You look back at the bar, expecting to see him walk through the door with a cigarette prepared in between his lips, but you quickly get into the car before you get caught.

***

6 days ‘til Christmas

The screaming kid being dragged down the aisle away from the candy does nothing to soothe the headache you’re currently enduring. Nor does the slightly flickering and dim fluorescent lights of the small grocery store, as you struggle to make a decision in front of the potato chips.

You hadn’t slept much, despite your heavy limbs and swimming head when you slipped under the covers on the sofa bed. You couldn’t get the image of him smiling at another girl off your mind.

It had only been a couple of months did he move on that quickly?

Did he know her while you were together? Was she just waiting in the wings? Did something happen between them while you were–no, Eddie wouldn’t do that. But maybe developing feelings for someone else was the catalyst for him breaking it off. God, she was pretty.

Needless to say, your brain is a little fried from the tossing and turning and struggling to make a decision about snack foods. It even takes a moment to register the questioning call of your name behind you.

You turn around.

“I thought that was you darlin’. What a surprise.”

You smile, taking in the worn flannel and pristine trucker’s cap of the older man in front of you.

“Hi, Wayne.”

He embraces you briefly, the scent of a familiar brand of cigarettes stirring a pang in your chest.

“Ed never told me you were coming back for Christmas.”

“Oh, well I didn’t know until about two days ago myself. I’m not sure if he did either.”

“Robin wear you down, did she?”

“Kind of.” You offer him a small smile.

Wayne rubs the grey stubble on his jaw. “You’re welcome to come over again on Christmas day. Whatever happened between you two, you’re always welcome.”

You frown, “That’s really sweet Wayne, but I don’t think he–“

“Hey old man, you want the creamed corn or the regular–“

You make eye contact at the same time. Eddie walks down the small aisle holding up his options, his sneakers squeak when he comes to an abrupt stop.

“Shit. I mean–hi.” He shakes his head quickly.

Wayne crosses his arms, “Christ son, what kind of greeting is that to a lady.”

You burn under the attention of the two, the situation not what you had anticipated when you entered the store. Damn small towns. You didn’t get a good look at him last night, but he looks well. His hair is freshly washed and a little shorter than the last time you’d seen him. He must’ve gotten that trim he kept putting off. But there’s no dimpled smile. Just a look of uncomfortable shock.

“Um, I should get back to Robin,” you hold up the basket in your hands full of sugary hangover food and boxes of Kraft mac and cheese, “she’s feeling a little rough this morning.”

“You two been celebratin’ early?” Wayne smiles.

“Uh,” your gaze flickers to Eddie briefly, “just went to the bar for a few drinks last night, which Robin couldn’t exactly keep down.” You see the realisation hit him in real time, his brows creasing before his eyes widen, turning your attention back to Wayne as he chuckles.

“Well, you better get home quick then.”

“I will. Have a Merry Christmas Wayne.” You hope he doesn’t take offence to the almost grimacing smile you give him, but you can’t muster up anything better given the situation. “See you later, Eddie.” You turn without another glance at him, feeling embarrassment wash over you when you hear a light thump and Wayne’s grumble at Eddie’s complaint.

“Ow.”

“You better get your tongue untwisted next time, son.”

***

He watches the windows of his van frost over quickly after he cuts the engine and the warm air off. They said to expect heavy snow any day now, continuing into the new year. Eddie can’t move his hands away from the steering wheel.

He thought this would be the first time you’d see each other when everyone gathered at the Buckley’s for a Christmas movie night to kick off the festivities. He’d been preparing himself for this moment, even going as far as washing his hair this morning, which he was kind of thankful for given he’d run into you at the grocery store earlier.

You stole his words from him.

Not that you were wearing anything particularly flattering, he’s sure you actually had pyjamas on under your thick coat, in fact you looked a little tired. But, fuck. You always looked beautiful.

And Eddie wasn’t expecting to see you yet, especially not last night at the Hideout. He shakes his head, of course you saw that. He’s sure if there’s some higher power out there controlling his ill-fated life they had a good chuckle about that shining moment.

This was where you were supposed to be reunited, in a controlled environment around friends flowing with the holiday spirit – just like last time. He was going to find a quiet moment to talk to you, to apologise, to explain his cowardice.

Now he couldn’t work up the courage to leave the van.

It’s the banging on the window next to him that startles him out of his trance.

“Dude, what are you doing?”

Despite the teasing, he can’t help but smile at the smirking, still youthful but grown faces of his younger D&D cohort.

“I bet he’s crying to a sad pop song.” Dustin nudges in beside Mike, the window framing them along with Will and Lucas as they all push up against the glass, the condensation not enough to hide their taunting looks.

The door creaks as he opens it, pushing the group away with a wave of his hand and a faux snarl. “Get inside, you little Gremlins.”

He’ll never tire of hearing their collective laughter, even if it’s at his own expense.

He follows the kids up the icy path to the house, ending up in a half-hearted wrestle with Dustin when he asks if it was Joni Mitchell he was listening to. He’s choking out a rendition of River when they tumble through the door with Dustin in a headlock under Eddie’s surprisingly firm biceps.

Your eyes are wide when they stop right in front of you.

“Can I take your jackets?”

Eddie straightens up quickly, his face flushed while the colour quickly drains from Dustin as his air supply returns.

“Uh, sure.”

You hang everyone’s coats up on the hooks in the hallway, and Eddie swears there’s a zap when your fingers brush his as he hands off his leather jacket. You’re wearing a cute Christmas sweater. Not one of those garish over the top ones, just a simple forest green and white knitted thing that makes you look cosy and makes him miss the feeling of your arms wrapped around him. You join the others in the living room off to the side of the hall without another word, leaving him standing there with his party.

“Well that was weirdly formal.” Lucas pats him on the back as he brushes past and the others follow his lead. Eddie sighs, wanting to just turn on his heel and bolt, but more determined to talk to you and encourage you to start looking him in the eyes again.  

You’re separated from him by the group crammed into Robin’s parent’s living room. Bodies spread out across couches and cushions scattered on the floor, some innocent cuddling and even more innocent squabbling. You’re only a few metres away across the other side of the room, but it feels like you’re unreachable to Eddie. He still manages to steal glances at you, laughing along to the conversations, your pretty face lit up by the Christmas tree and the company.

After what feels like hours, he finally gets his moment near the end of the film, his attention drawn to you in the dark as you stand up and make your way to the kitchen alone.

He waits a minute, praying nobody else decides to join you, before rising slowly from his seat nonchalantly walking in the same direction.

He finds you at the sink with a glass of water, looking out the window at the Buckley’s backyard.

“They say it’ll probably snow overnight.”

You jump at his voice, the water in your glass spilling over onto your hand.

“Shit, sorry.” Eddie holds out his hands as if trying to calm a wild animal when you turn around.

“It’s okay, I was just…somewhere else.” You give him a weak smile, drying your hands on a nearby tea towel. He steps a little closer to you when it looks like you’re going to move away.

“I know we have a lot to talk about, but I wanted to clear the air about last night first.”

“We don’t have to talk about anything.” You shrug, still not catching his eye. “It’s not any of my business.”

His chest puffs up under his maroon sweater (the one you like) before he sighs, “She’s the receptionist at the shop. She keeps pestering me to get after work drinks with her.” He scrambles to get to the point when he notices you step towards the door, “She won’t get the hint every time I say no, and she stayed late last night just so I wouldn’t have an excuse. I was just tryna’ get it over with. Show her that we probably have nothing in common and let her down nicely I guess.”

“Eddie, you don’t owe me an explanation just because I saw you.” You smile, finally looking up at him and he hates the insincerity of it, the clouded over eyes that look straight through him. “You can see whoever you want, it’s none of my business.”

He shakes his head, reaching out to you, “I’m not seeing anybody, of course I’m not sweet girl–“ That gets a reaction out of you, and the anger, the lowering of your walls gets Eddie’s heart racing.

“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that anymore.” You’re looking at him now, really looking at him, eyebrows pinched in indignation.

“I want to apologise.”

3 months ago

He felt it coming from a mile off. The way you had an excuse every time you were supposed to come down to Hawkins. The way you switched subjects on the phone whenever he brought up future plans, concerts happening next year, a pay rise that meant he could afford a decent place when Steve inevitably moved out. No matter what everyone would say about his intelligence, Eddie Munson could read the writing on the wall.

So, when you finally caught up after weeks of dodged calls and visits, he had his mind set. Get out before he was pushed out. Be the breaker not the broken.  

“So, Robin and Steve moving to Indy huh?

“Mhm.” He hums in reply as you try to stir up conversation from the kitchen. There’d been an awkward silence ever since he’d walked through the door of your apartment. You watch him sitting on the edge of your couch, a dark cloud hanging over him you were trying to shoo away.

“Didn’t think them being separated would last much longer,” you breathe out a laugh through your nose and he only nods, still distant. Your hands are clammy with nerves, a slight shake to your voice he doesn’t seem to notice. “You know actually, my lease is up next month, I was thinking of moving in with Robin for a while.”

“Your place is nicer.”

You tip your head back and forth, “Yeah, but she has an extra room since her roommate moved out.”

“What are you gonna do when she goes?” His leg starts to bounce, and it’s like his mouth is moving but his mind is elsewhere.

“It’s not until next year…I was thinking maybe, well not maybe, I was just thinking that I would–“

“This isn’t working, right?” His head snaps up and it takes you a moment to answer him under his furrowed gaze.

“It’s…what?”

“I mean, I’m exhausted from all the travelling back and forth and I know you are. Why the hell would you wanna spend your weekends in Hawkins?”

You take a deep breath, “Well, I wanted to talk to you about that–”

“Great let's talk. You can’t keep coming to Hawkins.”

“I–“

“And hell, it’s not exactly like I would move here.”

Oh.

He wouldn’t do the same for you.

“Wayne’s only getting older, and Steve well he’s gonna move to Indy but it’s still close, and Robin will be there, and the kids when they come home. And I can’t just quit my job, you know I’ve got a good steady thing going, and of course you can’t so you know…where does that leave us?”

It leaves you with moving with Robin to Indianapolis. Saying fuck it to your job because you can always find another one. It leaves you with moving in with Eddie because he can find work and still be close to Wayne.

At least, you thought it did, but now…now you feel like a fool in love. Rushing into something unreciprocated, because it hadn’t even been a year, why would he be willing to move away from everything familiar for you?

“Right.”

He sighs, rubbing his face before standing up and walking over to you. “Sweetheart I just don’t see how this can work anymore.”

You try to swallow the dryness in your throat away, “Right.”

“I don’t know how to…” he shakes his head and looks to the door, “Should I go?”

“If you want to.”

“Fuck.” He rubs his face harshly, “I’m sorry. I’ll just go.” He starts to walk away, pivoting quickly to give you a barely there peck on your temple then walking straight out the door with a slam that makes you flinch.

You’re left standing there, shocked into immobility. That wasn’t how you thought that conversation was going to go, but maybe you should have prepared for that. This is what happens when you leave yourself vulnerable.

You wish he’d left a more lasting kiss where you could feel the imprint of it.

“I shouldn’t have left like that. I should’ve called you and properly talked. With you and not at you. I’m so sorry. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.”

“That’s nice.”

“Sweet–“ he corrects himself and with a breath says your name instead, “I want to apologise.”

You shrug, eyes glazing over again. “It’s whatever Eddie. Maybe I should thank you for having the guts to rip the band-aid off. To say how you felt before–before I made an idiot of myself.”

He frowns, “What do you mean?”

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s just move on and have a good Christmas with everyone.”

Eddie’s shoulders deflate as you walk out of the kitchen.

Maybe his fuck up was truly irreparable this time.

***

Three days ‘til Christmas

The day after movie night had been a girl’s day. Ice skating with El and Max in the centre of town, a light dusting of snow catching on your tongues as you giggled and listened to them gush about their independent lives away from home and the ever-present homesickness this time of year, even when they were with their families. Nancy had met you all after, driving you to the mall for some last-minute Christmas shopping. You’d pulled Dustin’s name for Secret Santa this year and found him some albums on cassette you’d thought he like based on what Eddie had told you he’d enjoyed of his musical teachings.

You waited up for Robin later, who’d spent the day with Steve and Eddie.

The next day, there had been a gingerbread house making competition at the Byers residence. Joyce, her two sons, El, Hopper, Robin, Mike and Steve were all there fighting over the best candy decorations and cheering over the collapse of each other’s creations. The rest were with Eddie at the mall.

Nobody had mentioned it explicitly, but it was clear that everyone was working around the issue of you and the boisterous metalhead by taking it in turns and whispering about who’d be where when. And so it was, that most of your week in Hawkins had gone by without seeing Eddie, except for the run-ins at the Hideout and the grocery store and the awkward conversation at movie night.

You were worried you were bringing the mood down. You’d tried to be comfortable around him for everyone else’s sake, but you mustn’t have been hiding your emotions very well.

So, you’d excused yourself from today’s activities – Christmas tree chopping and decorating at Steve and Eddie’s apartment – feigning a scratchy throat and headache that could only be cured by staying in and resting.

You’d actually ended up leaving the house to find the cute bookstore in town in search of something to keep you company. You’d browsed for over an hour, the comforting smell of the fresh pages of paper, the occasional jingle of the bell above the door as shoppers flowed through the store and the quiet hum of Christmas songs from the radio on the counter all enveloping you in this space of temporary peace.

By the time you leave the store, paper bag weighing one arm down as you button up your coat again, the snow that had been threatening to fall for days had well and truly blanketed the town.

“Oh.” Your voice is carried off in the wind, with the snow that’s falling down sideways. The streets are significantly quieter, the sky darker and the pavements covered.

You’d walked into town from the Buckley’s. It wasn’t particularly far but it seemed like miles in these conditions. You turn around, briefly considering calling someone from inside the store, when the shop owner flips over the sign to closed. Giving you an oblivious wave and smile which you return.

Walking it is then.

***

“I’m an idiot for thinking I could just cut and run. I hate not being able to talk to her. She’s angry, and she deserves to be, but she won’t even let me see that. I just want her to talk to me, be angry at me, yell at me. She’s not her when she’s around me anymore and it kills me. I just–I just want…I don’t know.”

Steve munches on popcorn from the bowl in front of him, while he waits for the fresh batch to stop popping in the microwave. Eddie is holding a bowl of cranberries, slumped against the kitchen table, laughter spilling through from the other room.

“Sounds like you want her back.”

“Not just that,” he shakes his head, “I still think she deserves better I just wish we could still be in each other’s lives.”

Steve crosses his arms, truly ugly Christmas sweater bunched up by his elbows. “What do you mean she deserves better?”

“I couldn’t be there for her most the time. Our relationship was over the phone, I couldn’t hold her back anymore. I spent half my life dreaming of leaving this stupid town and now I’m too chicken shit to do it. She should be with someone in her league you know. At least someone who lives in the same damn city.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Steve waves his hand around. “Are you telling me you broke up with her because of the distance?”

Eddie looks at him and shrugs, “Yeah. You knew that.”

“No, I didn’t. Anytime I tried to talk to you about it you just kept saying it didn’t work out.” He imitates a deeper, grumpy voice.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “Whatever, man. What difference does it make?”

Steve scoffs, “Indy’s like an hour and a half away, you couldn’t just hang on ‘til she moved?”

“She…what? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Eddie!” Robin rushes into the kitchen, causing him to straighten up with the look of panic on her face. “You need to find her.”

***

Cold. Cold. Cold.

Never has anybody been this cold in the history of life itself. Cold doesn’t even begin to touch what you’re currently feeling – or not feeling, like your fingers. How long does it take to get frostbite?

You thought you were closer to the Buckley’s, but now all the snow-covered suburban houses looked the same. It didn’t help that all you could think about was the cold! Practically wading through the thick snow as it continued to pelt you side on, your feet burning with blisters or chilblains, you weren’t sure.

Cold. Cold. Cold.

The tyres slip a little as Eddie pulls quickly to the side of the road, easily being able to make out your form despite the blizzard-like conditions camouflaging everything. You were wearing that pink beret you looked adorable in.

He leaves the engine running as he jumps out, almost slipping on a patch of ice when he grabs you by the arms. He has to yell over the wind, your body trembling underneath his gloved hands, not even able to speak.

Eddie gently maneuvers you back to the van, helping you up into the passenger seat. He blasts the heat even more once he’s behind the steering wheel, reaching behind him and procuring a blanket which he tucks around you, rubbing your arms for good measure.

“Just sit tight sweetheart, I’ll get you home.”

He peels off slowly from the curb, wipers screeching in complaint against the window as he struggles with visibility.  

“It’s l-like we’re d-d-destined to repeat this scene ovver again. You evver see the movie g-groundhog day?”

His head snaps to you and he smiles, happy to hear your voice.

“I’ll always be there to find you in the snow.”

“It’s probably best I just stop coming all together.” You’ve thawed enough to stop chattering now, shifting to tuck yourself further into the blanket.

He frowns, “Don’t say that. Everyone wants you here.”

“I’m just making it harder for you to be with your friends.”

He shakes his head, eyes flicking between you and the road. “That’s not true.”

“Then why is everyone trying to keep us apart?”

“I think they were just trying to help you feel comfortable sweetheart.”

“Wouldn’t you rather I wasn’t here?”

Eddie looks at you in disbelief, before the van lurches and his attention pulls back in front of him.

“Shit, shit, shit.” The engine stutters as he rolls to the side of the road and cranks the handbrake.

“What’s going on?”

He sighs, “We’re out of gas.”

“What?!” You lean over the middle, peering at the dashboard and the blinking red light. “How can you be out of gas?”

“Because I was supposed to fill up the next time I went out and I’ve been driving around looking for you!” You shrink back into your seat. “Sorry, it’s not your fault.”

“I know it isn’t. What grown man leaves it until the light comes on.” A smirk pulls at his lips which grows even wider when he catches you mirroring him.

“This idiot.” He points two thumbs at himself.

“Should we find a payphone to call a tow truck?” You peer out the window, unable to make out much of your surroundings.

Eddie groans and hits his head repeatedly on the steering wheel.

“What?”

“I’m the one on call tonight,” he mumbles.

“Oh. You probably should’ve just brought the truck then.”

“Yep,” he leans back in the seat, rolling his head to look at you. “I wasn’t really thinking things through. You scared me, sweetheart.”

“Sorry,” you whisper, and he offers you a small smile. “How did you know I was out here anyway?”

“Robin called her parent’s house to check in on you. Her dad said you’d gone out for a walk, but you hadn’t come back since the snow started.”

“Right. Thank you for finding me.”

He shrugs, “Like I said. I always will.”

You watch each other for a moment and Eddie’s eyes drop to your lips making a shiver run through your body.

It breaks him from his trance, “Sweetheart, we need to stay warm.” He looks over his shoulder at the back of the van, unbuckling his seatbelt and squeezing between the gap in seats. “C’mon.”

You follow him unquestioningly and he helps you with a hand on your arm. He notices the look on your face when he brings out another blanket and some pillows from a picnic basket among a small mess of boxes and junk he’d thrown back here without thought.

“They’re still in here from that time we went to Lover’s Lake. Haven’t used them since, obviously.” You offer a nod, taking the pillows and arranging them next to each other. Eddie throws the other blanket over the both of you, “Uh, we’re gonna have to get kind of close to–to stay warm.”

“Okay.”

He opens an arm out, waiting for you to slot in and pulling you both down to the floor. You breathe in his scent, a musky cigarette and peppermint enveloping you. Pure, Eddie. You’re both quiet for a while, the steady drum of his heartbeat against your ear. He sighs, and his breath shifts your hair a little, followed by his hand when he notices something.

“You’re wearing the earrings.” His hushed voice vibrating in your head makes you close your eyes.

“I love them,” you whisper back. “They make me feel a little less alone, which doesn’t make sense I know.” You feel Eddie’s lips press against your hair.

“I’m sorry sweet girl. I made a huge mistake.” Your arms squeeze him tighter, and his hand strokes the side of your face.

Eddie begins humming a tune, featherlight at first but the vibrations from his chest warm you up further.

“It was Christmas Eve, babe

In the drunk tank

An old man said to me, “Won’t see another one”

And then he sang a song

“The Rare Old Mountain Dew”

I turned my face away

And dreamed about you”

“Don’t make me sing the duet. You know I can’t sing.” You feel his smile against the side of your head.

“Then just whisper it back.”

You sigh, “You were handsome.”

“You were pretty, Queen of New York City. When the band finished playing, they howled out for more.”

After a while Steve eventually found you. Pulling up in his new truck and bursting the bubble with a loud honk. He took you both back to the apartment where everyone fussed over you, bringing hot chocolate and a hot water bottle as they finished off decorating the tree. After Eddie placed the star on top, he led you to his bedroom to find dry clothes.

You turned his gaze back to you when you undressed, kissing him once he helped you into one of his t-shirts; his Slayer one he so loved to see you in. You swayed back and forth for a moment before returning to the mayhem, the snow still falling heavily outside the window.

“Merry Christmas, sweet girl.”

He kissed your eyelids.

“Merry Christmas, Eddie.”

***

Christmas Eve

You’d actually fallen ill after that night, the snow-soaked clothes and below zero conditions culminating in a cough and a sore body. Eddie kept you in his bed and brought you cups of tea and soup.

Steve filled in for him when he went to tow his own van, and you threw a pillow at him when he said, “Aren’t you glad we dragged you down here now?”

By Christmas Eve you were feeling a little better, able to join in on the Secret Santa shenanigans, tucked under Eddie’s arm on the sofa. Dustin loved his tapes and gave you an awkward pat on the knee in lieu of a hug that could transfer germs. “I can’t afford the time off from school!”

You’re watching everyone’s interactions with each other, showing off presents, sharing stories, when Eddie untucks a red envelope from his back pocket.

“Merry Christmas.”

You beam at him, opening the card. Something falls into your lap. You pick up newspaper clippings with a confused furrow of your brow Eddie wants to kiss away.

They’re listings, for apartments in Indianapolis.

“Thought I’d beat Steve and Robin and steal you for myself. What do you think, roomie?”

You kiss him in response, leaning away when neither of you can keep your smiles from growing.

“Oh, I left your gifts at Robin’s.”

Eddie tilts his head, “You got me something?”

“Just some things I came across and put aside throughout the year. A couple of records, and this book I think you’ll like, and a new notebook ‘cause you’re always losing pages out of that black one.”

“You brought them with you?”

You shrug, “Yeah, well I figured I could just leave it under your tree and you’d think someone else got them.”

“I’d know it was you.” He smiles.

“Probably.”

He presses a kiss to your jaw, a bright flash distracting you behind your eyelids.

“Got ya.” Robin snatches the Polaroid from the camera’s slit, shaking it a couple of times before handing it to you with a wink.

It’s the perfect moment of contentment. Sharing a blanket on the sofa, eyes closed in peace, framed by the Christmas lights hanging on the wall.

It’s the first photo to be pinned on your fridge in your shared home.

Tagging: @bettyfrommars, @storiesbyrhi, @allthingsjoeq, and from last year @eddieslooneymoonie, @micheledawn1975 and @skrzydlak just in case x

[swampreligion]

i love my misandrist mother i asked her one time if she liked lord of the rings and she said “i’m tired of men going on adventures”

[ddejavvu]

so i absolutely love the best friend james potter fic where he warms his hands between the reader’s thighs and the idea of him having really bad circulation just makes sense to me, so can we get a technically kinda part two but instead of between the readers thighs it’s that portion of underboob that just heats up so much for no reason whatsoever? 🙇🙇🙇

Sirius's canine form requires him to get at least twelve hours of outdoor time per week, but during the winter months it becomes a chore delegated to the least lucky of the group: take Padfoot for a walk.

"Please, Jamie?" You'd leveled James with puppy eyes that rivalled Sirius himself, and now two sets of footprints lay in the snow beside pawprints that wind around them in happy trails.

"It's bloody cold out here." James comments, like your own nose isn't burning from the temperature, "Sirius, can't you piss on trees faster?"

Padfoot, who greatly resents the tree-pissing stereotype, takes a snapping lunge at James's ankles that sends him careening into you from your left.

"James!" You shriek as your feet and his knock clumsily together, all four united in trying to stabilize you. His arm wraps around your waist and he finds his footing first, which means that you're supported by his grip as you find your own. You find yourself inches away from his face, his nose stained red akin to his cheeks as you both laugh at how you've ended up pinned to a tree in the forest. Sirius barks at you, sounding suspiciously giddy, and James drags his hands off of your back, trailing them over your stomach as he goes.

"Gonna put a muzzle on you for that one, mutt." James threatens Sirius, who dashes off to find a stick or lick a toad or whatever else his dog brain fancies at the moment. You're left trailing beside James once again, wishing that you had your own stick to drag through the snow.

"You were really warm," James reminisces, his hands surely going numb, "Like- your stomach?"

"It's my boobs," You snicker, "No matter how cold a girl gets, the space beneath her tits will always be warm."

"Really?" James peers curiously at you, "That's cool. It's like a life hack."

"Right. It's-" You stick a hand guilelessly beneath your shirt, nestling it beneath the curve of your bra, "It's not, like, sweaty or anything. Just warm."

"Fascinating." James pushes his glasses up his nose with a single outstretched finger, "Wish I had some of those."

"You can borrow mine," You concede, taking James's hand in your own and sliding it up your stomach until his hand is leeching off of the same warmth you'd felt only seconds prior, "Feel it?"

His jaw drops, one of his unruly curls bouncing stubbornly in front of his face.

"Darling, you weren't kidding! It's like an oven in here." He hums, his other hand greedily reaching for the excess space beneath your chest, "Oh my god, if I had this I'd never stop touching it."

When Padfoot returns it's to James pressing you against another tree, hands pressed firmly to the space beneath your tits. He charges for James determinedly, latching his teeth around the man's elbow and pulling with all of his might to separate his friend from you.

"Pads- ouch! She's- relax, Fido, she's let me. I'm warming my hands, thank you very much."

James manages to pry Padfoot's maw off of him, hissing at the skin surely bruised beneath his thick wool coat.

"It's alright, Sirius." You rub sweetly between the dog's ears, "His hands were cold, that's all. Don't want to bring him back to the castle with less than ten fingers."

Sirius's resulting growl towards James sounds suspiciously like he's going to lose fingers anyways, whether it be from frostbite or a dog's bite.

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

Bad Faith Part Two

Part One | Masterlist

Pairing: Harvey Specter x Reader

Rating: Explicit - 18+. Minors, kindly get off my lawn.

Notes: Not beta-read because when is it ever. Read this over six times but there are probably twenty typos that I'll spot the second I hit post, so. Anyway! Welcome to part two of two!! Thank you for reading 💖

Length: 14.2k

Warnings: Angst; fluff! Huzzah!; Reader’s married surname is Hayward; reader is depressed for swaths of the chapter; unhealthy coping mechanisms; lovers to enemies to allies to lovers; explicit sexual content - vaginal sex, oral sex, hate sex, safe sex

Summary: Your life was four walls, a cruddy bed, rickety furniture. You spent too much time awake when you should’ve been sleeping; too much time reminiscing when you should have been moving on; too much time dwelling on the time that you spent with men in your life that probably wouldn’t spare you another thought. 

“Ross. Mike Ross.” 

“Cut the Bond schtick.” 

“I’m a contender.” 

“Not a chance. Besides, we’ve been over this; you’re Q at best.” 

“Could do a lot worse than Desmond Llewelyn or Ben Whishaw—Hang on, you think you’re Bond?” 

Harvey stopped, gesturing over his body sweepingly before scoffing, “Please.”

“Please is right,” Mike muttered, tucking his hands into his pockets. “You always go to this thing?” 

“...I’ve been once or twice.” In truth, Harvey hadn’t been to the New York City Estate and Properties gala in years. He hadn’t had occasion or reason; the last time he had, he’d made sure that she wouldn’t be there before he’d agreed. Tonight his purpose was manifold—drink good champagne, eat good food, and warn Hayward off of pursuing his lawsuits against his client’s property. 

His client. It wasn’t as simple as all that, but these days, he’d managed to separate her from the work. It was clinical—and clinical was exactly what he needed. 

“Did you see the menu for dinner? I didn’t see a menu.” 

“Get your fill of canapes. I’m talking to Hayward and then we’re going.” 

“What?” Mike pouted. “But I thought we were staying for the ceremony.” 

“You thought wrong. Keep your eyes peeled. Sooner we get this conversation over, the sooner we can get away from this den of cobras.” 

“Never have a mongoose when you need one.” Mike nodded over Harvey’s shoulder. “Found Mrs. Hayward.” 

“Thought she didn’t like you calling her that.” 

“She doesn’t, but around here, it might be better to use that rather than use her maiden name and have someone ask me who the hell I’m talking about…You gonna talk to her?” 

“What for?” 

“So she at least knows what suit to look for when she wants to avoid you.” 

Harvey’s chastising glare was met with a wide, smug grin. 

“Come on,” Mike groaned. “You haven’t spoken to her in weeks.” 

“And have you considered that that may be why things have been going so smoothly?” 

“Fine—I’ll give you another reason you should say hi to her.” 

“You better make it a good one this time.” 

“Jessica is catching on to the fact that you haven’t touched this case with a ten foot pole.” 

Harvey winced slightly as he swallowed the last of his champagne. 

“Fine,” He grudgingly conceded, setting the empty champagne flute on a passing waiter’s tray. “Point me.” 

“She’s at your two o’clock.” 

Harvey turned accordingly, pushed out an annoyed sight—and then felt what breath he had left catch in his throat. 

‘Stunning’ was the first word that came to mind, but in his heart, Harvey knew that it didn’t do her justice. For his lingering, abiding annoyance with her, and with them—with the whole goddamn situation—there were moments when Harvey remembered why he’d fallen in love with her in the first place. 

She didn’t want to be there. Harvey didn’t need to ask to know that—it was common sense. But that didn’t stop her from showing her face, from being impeccably dressed, and maintaining what had to be a meticulously constructed poker face. 

“...You do know what staring isn’t talking, right?” 

Mike’s amusement cut into Harvey’s reverie, and he cleared his throat to refocus himself. 

“Keep an eye out for Hayward,” Harvey ordered before he forced himself forward, slowly weaving through the crowd. 

What the hell was he even going to say to her? Hi wasn’t going to cut it; Come here often? Was almost as stupid. How about something about her dress—Whether or not it was new? That had to be safe, neutral ground— 

Harvey had been so focused on what he planned to say that he hadn’t clocked her turning to face him. He chalked it up to panic radar—her hype-sesitivity given the current situation. He stared. She watched. And then—

“Come here often?” 

Damnit. Stupid, sure, but at least it wasn’t hi. 

-- 

“...Annually, at least.”

Was it your imagination, or was Harvey…Nervous? At the very least, he seemed as confused as you were at the fact that he was talking to you. 

“I’m a little surprised that you made a showing,” He admitted. 

“I could say the same for you. Does Jessica have you prospecting clients to get back in the good graces of the real estate department at the firm?” 

Harvey’s eyes narrowed with playful intrigue,and for a moment, you saw a flash of the man that you used to know—the man who gave you that same look when you slipped your panties off and tucked them into his jacket pocket to find later. 

“What did Mike tell you?” 

You shrugged nonchalantly, glancing around. 

“Nothing impor—...Tant.” You trailed off, falling still and quiet as your eyes landed on Steven. 

Well, he was hard to miss. 

Standing at 6’3, with a manufactured tan, swimmer’s build, full head of gracefully graying hair, and veneers that made his smile look like a neatly arranged row of chiclets gum, Steven Hayward was the very picture of the kind of health that only wealth could buy. With the stress of the last few weeks, you knew that you weren’t looking your absolute best. You’d had so many sleepless nights; you’d swapped out your favorite catered meals in favor of cheaper alternatives, or dollar slices of pizza, or ramen from the bodega down the block from your apartment, pulled gently from beneath the cat that seemed to always be napping on the exact flavor that you wanted. 

You were certain that Steven lost no sleep over the decision to divorce you, or to pull the rug out from beneath you. You expected him to be in tip-top shape—but you saw hints of his rage as he grew closer. 

“Oh—Hell,” You mumbled, tipping your head toward Harvey. “You might wanna clear out.” 

“You kidding? I’ve got a front row seat to the prize fight of the century.” 

“Target acquired.”

You frowned at the sound of Mike’s voice, but you didn’t turn to look at him as you muttered, “Target?” 

“Darling.” The term of affection oozed past Steven’s bleached-white teeth. He stopped just a couple of steps from you—not near enough to touch, but close enough to see the anger sparkling in his dishwater gray eyes. A pulse of vindication swept through your chest at the tense smile, and the tight pull of his jaw. 

“Steven,” You greeted cordially.

“I’m surprised to see you this evening.” 

“If I had a nickel.” 

“Oh, but you do. Putting all of those properties up for sale, I expect you plan on having more than a few nickels.” 

“What can I say? A girl’s gotta get by.” 

“Anything I can do to help?” 

“Have you considered unfreezing our joint account?” 

He chuckled humorlessly. “Anything but that.” 

“Then wire me half.”

“You haven't earned half.” 

It was meant to cut you down and lay you out, but you refused to bow to this man publicly when the other attendees must always hold you in such low regard as it was. 

“I agree,” You offered, and before Steven could preen in his false superiority, you clarified: “I deserve more.” 

Steven bristled, shoulders bunching tight. 

“Perhaps I should just take this evening’s expenses out of that half.” 

You furrowed your brow pointedly, shaking your head. 

“Mmm…I’m not sure I understand what you mean.” 

“Really.” 

“Mm…N—...No—?” 

“Perhaps you’ve been so busy hocking your clothes like a dog snuffling for scraps—” Your face flared with embarrassment as Steven pressed on: “But there was meant to be a reception at my penthouse this evening.” 

My penthouse. If it had only been the two of you in that room, you may have slapped him. How had he been able to detach, to force you from his mind and his heart so quickly? Had he ever loved you? Had any man? 

The heat of Harvey’s body suddenly seemed to flare just behind you. 

“Ah!” You nodded sagely, “It’s all coming back to me.” 

“What could have happened there, I wonder?” 

“You must not have taken care.” 

“Of what?” 

Of me. “Of anything.” 

Steven took you in for another long, cruel moment before he jutted his chin over your shoulder. 

“Friends of yours?” 

Ah yes. Your personal legal peanut gallery. You glanced back to confirm their positioning before raising your hand to gesture: 

“This is Mike Ross.” The name seemed to knock something loose in Steven’s mind as he shook Mike’s hand. 

“Ah, Mr. Ross. I saw your name on some documentation this morning.” 

“You’re about to see it a lot more, Mr. Hayward.” 

“And this is Harvey Specter.” 

Your stomach lurched as Steve’s eyes widened slightly, lips curling into a smile. 

“This is Harvey Specter?” He didn’t bother to hide his amusement as he proffered his hand. ”I didn’t realize I sent you the worst possible port in this storm.” 

“You didn’t,” Harvey insisted, grasping Steven’s hand firmly. “You sent her to the best.” 

“Try not to drop her this time. My arms aren’t open anymore.” 

Your hands tightened where they were clasped around one another. You forced yourself to keep your gaze set stalwartly on Steven, rather than watch the contentious (and no doubt, painful) handshake that the two of them were sharing. 

“Well,” You chirped. “This was a lovely little catch-up.” 

“Yes,” Harvey chimed in, finally extricating his hand from Steven’s and tucking it into his pocket. “We must do it again sometime. Preferably at a deposition.” 

“Maybe in court,” Mike added. You had to fight down a smile at the sudden swell of support, and a wave of warmth that swept through you. Steven’s eyes narrowed just a touch more before he nodded. 

“I do hope you’ll stay for my speech.” 

“Who’d you have write it for you this time?” You asked. 

“I took a crack at writing it myself.” 

If that was true, it was sure to be a mess and a half. You always had been the one to draft his speeches or remarks—or you paired down any drafts sent over by the agency’s PR department. 

“I look forward to it.” 

Steven gave you one last look before he turned away, slapping on his businessman smile as he went, and raising a hand to signal someone like a politician trying to garner votes. 

“...Why didn’t you mention the forgery charges?” Mike asked. 

“It’s too soon to tip our hand...What table are you sitting at?”

“Thirteen,” You sighed. 

“Lucky number,” Mike muttered. 

“Go change our place cards,” Harvey ordered. “Put us on either side of her.” 

You whirled around to face him, stunned at the tight irritation pinching his features. 

“So we are staying for dinner?” Mike grinned. Harvey blinked flatly at him before reiterating: “Go.” 

You watched Mike duck through the crowd, heading for the dining room.

“Were you not going to stay for dinner?” 

“I’ve gotta eat some time. Come on,” Harvey nudged your arm with his, “Buy me a drink.” 

“It’s an open bar.” 

“Good. Then it won’t break the bank.” 

The press of Harvey’s warm hand to your lower back was far more steadying than it should have been, and it managed to dampen the enraged fire in your belly. 

“How’s that good faith deposit doing, anyway?” 

“I threw 98% of it into an HYSA.” 

“Smart move.” 

“I should’ve made moves like it sooner.” 

“Better late than never.” 

“I guess.” 

“...You don’t have to stay for dinner.” 

“We’re going to.” 

“On either side of me as well, I’m flattered. I wasn’t planning on having guard dogs this evening.” 

“As long as you don’t try to keep us on short leashes.” 

“Depends on whether you plan on doing more barking or biting this evening.” 

“I’ve barked enough for now.” 

“Biting?” 

“If you play your cards right, sure.” 

You didn’t bother to hide your open shock at the blatant implication, but when you looked at Harvey, you found him giving you a surprisingly warm smile. 

“Looks like speaking with Steven has put a little pep in your step, Mr. Specter.” 

“I wouldn’t say that.” 

“What did?”

Harvey leaned heavily against the bar, focus set elsewhere as he tried to catch the bartender’s eye. 

“You and I both know that this is going to be a long road. I like a good fight.” 

“You don’t say.” 

“It’s important to me that you’re ready for it, too.” 

You nodded a little. “It may also be prudent for us to keep that fight directed at Steven, and not toward one another.” 

Harvey took the two proffered champagne flutes, passing you one and holding it up to cheers: 

“I’ll drink to that.” 

-- 

It wasn’t perfect right away. You and Harvey still butt heads from time to time. On the purchases that the judges ruled that you were able to move forward with, you disagreed over terms—purchase price, contingencies, negotiations. But the knots unpicked sooner and sooner, and you reached resolutions faster. Mike hardly had to intervene anymore. Harvey gave Jessica status updates openly, and you abidingly ignored the smug, self-satisfied smiles that she gave you as you left her office. 

With the service and tenancy contracts, the two apartment building sales that aren’t mired in paperwork still chugged along slowly. You knew that it was protocol, but it was excruciating. You felt ill every time you got an email from Mike or Harvey, expecting correspondence that spelled disaster. Every little bit of good news only brought marginal relief. 

You spent most of your days in your apartment, packaging clothing or jewelry that you’d sold online. You got your packages sent off by five in the evening, and the rest of your night was your own—though it often ended similarly. Your logical mind often gave over to your emotions in the evening, and you allowed yourself to slip into quiet, depressed oblivion. The methods varied—slurping down two packets worth of dollar-pack ramen, and chasing that with a few bottles of beer as one of your favorite shows played in the background; curling up in your bed and staring at the ceiling at 8 PM, and laying wide awake with your mind racing until the sun came up; hunting through property listings online and plotting a comeback that felt like it would never come.

You never had visitors. Aaron was so entrenched at work that you  only got the odd text from him. Your former friends seemed to have further aligned themselves with Steven after his triumphant speech at the gala—during  which he had gone out of his way to omit any mention of you from his historical record. You had avoided seeing much of Jessica outside of the office, certain that she would council you on a good divorce lawyer, or encourage you to begin dating, or level another lecture about the stupidity with which you had bungled your last marriage.

For as well as you knew she meant, you didn’t have the time or patience—and some little part of you, some stupid, naïve part that knew well enough that the war was already lost, was convinced that Steven would change his mind.

It was unlikely, considering the magnitude of his cruelty over the last couple of months, and further exacerbated by your actions before the gala. Steven would not let you back into his arms, his home, or his heart. You didn’t truly want to be let back into his arms, or his heart, but you missed his home. You had taken such care in the planning, the curation, the furnishing, the upkeep. You were proud of it. You had been happy, and comfortable, and so goddamn foolish.

Now you were tired, and lonely, and you spent so much of your day feeling stupid. 

Sometimes, when the wind blew just a little too hard and rattled the flimsy windows, you let the sound of it cover your sobs against the paper-thin walls that connected you to your neighbor’s apartment (you’d learned just how much sound bled through when you first became privy to your neighbor’s light argument, which had then turned into a full-on shouting match. They’d sounded like they were in the same damn room with you, wall be damned).

It was one such sob session that you managed to hear someone knock on your door. You sniffled, shifting on your bed. You were certain that the sound was from next door, or that you’d misheard the rattle of the window. But when you heard the second, insistent round of knocks, the source couldn’t be mistaken. You sniffled, setting your beer aside onto the bedside table crowded with empties and pushing yourself off of the bed. You swiped haphazardly at the tears on your face as you walked over to it, calling out, “Alright, for fuckssake!” When a third round of knocks rapped against the door.

You threw it open, finally, wincing at the invasive flash of the flickering fluorescent hall light. You weren’t sure what was worse: the flickering, harsh strobe, or Harvey’s stunned confusion.

It may have been a tie.

“…What is it?” You mumbled.

“Have you been crying?”

“Little bit.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Getting there.”

“…Get dressed.”

“What?”

“Get dressed,” Harvey insisted, nodding over your shoulder. “We’re going out.”

“Harvey, I’m really not in the mood,” You sniffled.

“We won’t go far.”

“Then why are we going at all?”

Harvey opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by a sudden crash! and the swell of yelling voices from next door. His eyes darted toward it before he nodded.

“I’m not listening to that all night.”

“Who the hell says you’re going to be here more than five minutes?”

Your heart stuttered as Harvey’s hands planted firmly on your hips, steering you back into your studio before he nudged the door shut with his foot.

“Get dressed. And hurry up.”

You weren’t sure what it was—his touch, his firm insistence, or your own distaste for your screaming neighbors—but you turned around and began dutifully rifling through one of your remaining trash bags of clothing.

“Where are we going?”

“There’s a diner around the corner.”

“A diner? How down heel of you, Mr. Specter.”

“I can appreciate the simple things.”

You snorted, straightening with a pair of jeans and a sweater. “Since when.” You glanced guardedly toward him before you nodded him toward the door. “Turn around.”

--  

“You can afford better than that place, you know.” 

You didn’t answer him. Instead, you shoved a handful of cheese fries in your mouth and leaned back to chew with laborious slowness. You expected Harvey to fill the silence, but he didn’t. He just watched, and waited, and stared at you until you swallowed. You nudged the plate toward him, offering: “Want one?” 

 You avoided his openly chastising gaze, tired of the fact that it was the only look you get from most of the lawyers in your life these days. 

“You have that good faith deposit.” 

“I told you where it went.” 

“The brownstone payment is on the edge of clearing escrow. Look for somewhere else to live.” 

“Not yet.” 

“Why not?” 

“It’s not a good idea.” 

“Steven isn’t going to weasel into every potential deal and hold it up.” 

“Forgive me for my skepticism, but I don’t exactly have many friends in this city anymore.” 

“...Are you planning on going somewhere else?” 

You’d be lying if you said it hadn’t crossed your mind. There were cities here you could rebuild your life and your practices, places where you were sure Steven wouldn’t bother to try and strike down your attempts to rebuild your life. 

“Maybe,” You admitted. “I liked Cambridge.” 

Harvey’s lips twitched with a gentle, regretful smile. It was his turn to reach out and swipe a few fries and chow down. 

“Realty up there is pricey,” You added. “Could make a polite killing on student housing.” 

“How does one make a polite killing?” 

“Decent rent and coin-operated laundry. Maybe some paid parking, a few overpriced but conveniently placed vending machines.” 

“Redbull?” 

“I was just thinking about snacks, but you know what, Redbull isn’t a bad idea.” You reached out, picking up a fry and drawing it through the splodge of ketchup remaining at the edge of the plate. “Why did you come over?” 

“I wanted to let you know that the inspections are finished.” 

“On which?” 

“The properties that you didn’t know about.” 

“Anything stand out?” 

“A foundational issue on one of the apartment buildings, but it doesn’t cost enough that it should’ve stopped work.” 

“What about the others?” 

“Nothing that popped as catastrophic.” 

“You have the print-outs?” 

“In my car.” 

“Why are they in there?” 

“I was going to offer to take you for a drink, but you seemed to beat me to it.” 

You scoffed, shifting in your seat. “Don’t get all high and mighty on me, Specter.” 

“You do that often?” 

“What, drink?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are you accusing me of having a problem?” 

“I’m asking if you do that often.” 

“Once in a while.” 

“New for you?” 

“Relatively.” 

Harvey eyed you critically for a few moments before he nodded. “Call me the next time you want to have a drink.” 

“So you can talk me out of it?” 

“So you at least don’t do it alone.”

“I’m usually not in a talking mood when it happens.” 

“We don’t have to talk.” 

“Oh, please. As if you don’t love the sound of your own voice.” 

“Call me anyway.” 

You were quiet for a moment before you nodded. “You know, the thought of you dropping by may just be an effective suppressant.” 

Harvey’s smile widened a little. “Do you want to put the other houses on the market?” 

“I want to walk through the apartment buildings myself before I go through them.” 

“What about the ones in the Hamptons and the Cape?” 

“I’ll drive up.” 

“And Gstaad?” 

“A little trickier.” 

“Could bill it.” 

“I doubt it.” 

“You could, under discovery.” 

“This would not be covered under discovery.” 

“How would you know that?” 

“I’m sorry, remind me who used to quiz you for the bar?” 

Harvey scoffed softly, averting his gaze to the diner counter. “Well, this may surprise you, but a few laws have changed since then.” 

“And this may surprise you, but not only am I aware of that, I’ve also been pretty deeply entwined with lawyers since then. So I’m pretty comfortable making that assertion.” 

“And this? You think I’m not billing for this?” 

“Oh, I hope you are. I hope you bill for every second that it took you to walk up the steps to my apartment. I want Jessica to pay for my cheese fries. You know why?” 

“Because it would kill her?”

“It would drive her nuts.” 

“I can’t wait to give her the itemized total.” 

“I await the enraged phone call.” 

-- 

“You don’t have to walk me back up, you know."

“Sure I do. Gotta work off those fries. Besides, I’m billing for this until I officially drop you off.” 

You rolled your eyes, nudging Harvey’s shoulder with yours. Your depressed, tear-ridden, sobbing buzz had worn off over the course of dinner, and you didn’t think that the mood would creep back in once you were alone again. 

“I’ll walk through the apartment buildings tomorrow and see if I can get up to the Cape at some point in the next couple of weeks. The pictures and notes from the inspection look promising. If I dip into the good faith deposit, maybe I could get the Cape Cod house fixed up and sold before the summer.” 

“Or you could keep it as a rental property.” 

“Mm.” “You always liked the Cape in the winter…For some reason.” 

“I kinda like when it’s all grey and gloomy…and quiet.” 

“Be a good base for your Cambridge operation.” 

“Oh, please,” You chuckled. “It’s not even close. The red line doesn’t exactly go all the way to Hyannis.” 

The two of you slowed as you neared your landing, listening closely. 

“...Think the coast is clear?” Harvey murmured. 

“For now, at least.” You fished into your pocket for your keys. “Thanks for dinner.” 

“Sure. Remember what I said.” 

“I will.” 

“Call me if you need anything.” 

Anything. That was new. You nodded, gaze set on your keys as he turned to go back downstairs. 

“...Harvey?” 

“Yeah?” He stopped just a few steps away, and you had to scrounge up your courage to turn and look at him again. 

“I don’t, um…” You swallowed thickly. “I’m gonna wanna talk about it.” You watched Harvey’s face shift with grim understanding. 

“I don’t want to litigate that.” 

“Isn’t that your job?” 

“Not like this.” 

“Not tonight,” You reiterated, “But…Sometime. Please.” 

Harvey’s jaw went tight, but he gave you a short, firm nod before he turned away. You watched him round the corner, and listened until his footsteps faded and the front door opened downstairs. 

--  

The apartment buildings weren’t anything special. Stripped of most of their insulation, and with several of the windows already removed, the wind that pushed through them made the buildings sound like they were breathing. It was eerie, and chilly. You tightened your coat around yourself as you went from floor to floor, eyeing damaged pipes, areas where someone seems to have come in and rooted around for copper wiring, and the billowing plastic that marks off some doors that have been removed. 

The paperwork on this building listed the purchase date as nearly a year ago. 

A year ago, you and Steven had been discussing expanding your current operations. Maybe he hadn’t gotten sick of you yet. Maybe he’d bought you the buildings as a present and stopped work when things turned sour…Whenever that had been. 

There had been signs, sure, but Steven always had been temperamental. 

You pushed the thought away as you drew in a deep breath, turning toward the stairs. It wouldn’t do to overthink this just now. If needed, you could panic looking at the Hamptons, or Cape Cod…Or Gstaad, if you ever found a way to get to Gstaad. 

You reached into your pocket as your phone buzzed, drawing it out to find an incoming call. You groaned, stomping your foot petulantly before you raised it to your ear. 

“Jessica, I’m a little busy—” 

“I need you to come into the office.” 

Your fingers tightened around your phone as your palm began to sweat. 

“What happened?” 

“I’d rather discuss this in person.” “Jessica.” 

“Come to the office.” 

She hung up without another word. You swallowed thickly, lowering your phone and watching her call blink and then disappear. If she wasn’t willing to discuss it over the phone, whatever it was had to be very, very bad. 

-- 

“Cheese fries?” 

“Jessica,” You groaned, “Come on, there is no way that that’s why you called me here.” 

“No, it isn’t. But I’d like to remind you that you should remain fighting fit and cheese fries are not the way to do it.” 

“My life has fallen apart and dipped into a moderately humiliating place. I think I’m allowed to have a few cheese fries. Why did you tell me to come in.” 

“I have someone that I would like you to meet.” 

“I’m not going to start dating anyone now.” 

“Well, we can attack that another time. This is for your defense.” 

“Harvey’s on that.” 

“Your divorce.” 

“You know that I can’t afford a defense right now.” 

“I don’t mind getting a start while you get the pieces in place.” 

The man’s voice caught you off-guard, and you turned to find a man leaning in the doorway. Your brow furrowed a touch as you took him in—the long lean of his body, the neatly fitted charcoal suit and sky-blue tie, the curl of his dark hair, the twinkle of his warm chestnut eyes, and his small, intrigued smile. 

“Well that’s very kind of you, whoever the hell you are, but I don’t exactly have anything on the board right now.” 

“The fact that you even have a board is encouraging.” 

“...This metaphor is beginning to exhaust me.” 

“This,” Jessica stepped past you to gesture the man deeper into the room, “Is David Alford.” 

“Alford?” You repeated. “Like the plea?” 

“No relation. What would you know about an Alford plea?” 

“I know of it.” 

“How’s that?” 

“Well, I used to date a lawyer.” 

“Lucky guy.” 

“I don’t think he’d agree with you, as evidenced by the fact that he is no longer my boyfriend.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” 

You shook his hand lightly, still wary from the ambush. 

“Look, Mr. Alford—” 

“David, please.” 

“—I don’t know what Jessica’s told you about my situation—” 

“She didn’t have to tell me much. Forgive my bluntness, but your name has come up in our circles over the last couple of weeks.” 

“Well, forgive my bluntness, but it’s not my circle anymore.” 

“It could be again.” 

“Are you going to get me a circle back in the divorce?” 

“I’m gonna get you whatever the hell you want in your divorce.” 

You let out a soft, disbelieving laugh, unable to help yourself. 

“O-kay,” You lowered your hand. 

“Why don’t I see what we can do about getting some coffee,” Jessica offered. “You two talk.” 

Your brows furrowed as she waved the two of you more deeply inside. Jessica, at least pretending to get coffee? Damn, she really did want the two of you to talk. You gave David a polite smile as you lowered yourself to sit.

“I’m sorry she dragged you in here.” 

“Wasn’t much of a drag. My office is a block away.” 

“Well, then I’m glad you haven’t come far for nothing.” 

“Nothing?” His brows jumped as he sat beside you. “I don’t understand.” 

“I’m not currently looking for a divorce lawyer.” 

“You need one.” 

“That is beyond the point, Mr—” 

“David.” 

“...Mister David,” You bit out pointedly, and fought back a wave of annoyance at his amused smile. “I’m not sure how much Jessica has told you, but there are a lot of things up in the air right now. I’ve socked away some money for my defense, but not enough.” 

“How would you know what’s enough?” 

“...Let’s pretend that I don’t know anything about the law, or the legal quagmire that I’ve gotten myself into. Let’s pretend that all I know about my soon to be ex-husband’s business is that he has a lot more money than I do. The two of us went into our marriage with about 600 bucks and a dream held together with tape and spit. I have watched, and I have helped my husband build up his business for the last eleven years. I have signed contracts, I have signed purchase orders, I have signed mortgages, I have signed deeds. Even if I wasn’t paying attention to what I was signing, I would know that Steven has amassed a lot of cash, a massive legal team, as well as a significant number of holdings—in both our names. He has a lot of power in this equation, and I do not. Whatever comes down the pike, it is going to be a protracted legal battle. If I was optimistic, I would figure that this would take about a year, but I’m not, and I know that it could take a few.”  

David’s dark eyes darted fascinatedly across your face before he offered: “But you do know a lot about Mr. Hayward’s business.” 

“Yes, I do.” 

“Because it was your business, too.” 

You averted your gaze from him as that washed over you. His acknowledgement made your heart knock hollowly against your ribs, and it took all of your strength not to slouch dejectedly in your chair. 

“...Yes,” You agreed. “It was.” “I understand that you’re discouraged. I would be, too, a lot of women are in your position.” 

“Exactly what position is that, Mister David.” 

His smile flattened with nerves, and he let out a huffed, joyless laugh. 

“I mean, having been served—” 

“A piping-hot plate of out on my ass?” 

“If that’s what you’d like to call it—”

“I call it that because that’s what it is, not because I like it that way.”

“I understand. Look,” David shifted in his seat, twisting to face you a little more. “I think that regardless of when you get your pieces in place, you have a real case here. I think I can get you half.” 

If you had a touch less decorum, you would have jumped out of your seat and screamed—both from the excitement, and the certainty that David Alford was out of his mind. Instead, you blinked twice, and once you managed to unstick your tongue from the roof of your mouth, asked:

“Half?” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

“There is no way.” 

“You’d be surprised.” 

“I don’t think I would, because I’m almost certain that’s impossible.” 

“Well, it certainly would be before.” 

“What exactly has changed?” 

“You didn’t know me. You do now.” 

You smiled in spite of yourself at the brash, almost fearless way that he said it. As skeptical as you were, you knew that this was exactly what you needed: someone as bold, confident, and fearless as—

“What a cozy little conference this is.” 

You turned back at the sound of Harvey’s voice, smiling a little. “Looking to join the fun?” 

“If I can hazard a guess at Jessica’s matchmaking, Alford is the one joining the fun.” 

“Specter,” David greeted, pushing himself out of his seat. “Haven’t seen you at the squash courts recently.” 

“I’ve been trolling the back nine,” Harvey offered, shaking David’s hand. “Nice to see you, Pleas and thank you.” 

Your brow furrowed at the term. “What?” 

“It’s what some of the guys at the club call me. You know, my name—” 

“Alford pleas and thank you.” You scrubbed your hand across your brow. “God, that’s dumb.” 

“We can’t all be queens of quip.” 

“You poor things,” You shot back scathingly. Harvey shot you a wink before turning back to David. 

“So, David, whaddaya say?” Harvey plied. “You filling the gap?” 

“Yeah, I’d love to fill ‘er in.” 

You didn’t miss his innuendo, nor the speculative, open, sweeping gaze that David leveled at you. Your brows inched toward your hairline, stunned at his brazenness. Surely you hadn’t seen it right—

“Coffee?” 

Your focus was broken at the sound of Jessica’s voice, and the sight of a coffee tray being wheeled in behind her. You let yourself be busied by it. You focused on your coffee, made it the way you liked, and let Jessica and David and Harvey talk about what you could reasonably expect out of the divorce battle. 

Reasonably, as if this entire situation hadn’t been insanely unreasonable. 

But you let yourself sit, and listen, and save your speculation for the train ride home. 

You must’ve read his look wrong, or misunderstood. He didn’t mean it like that. 

And even if he did, finding that look intriguing was incredibly appropriate. But it didn’t matter! Because he didn’t mean it like that. 

…And even if he did, it was probably just something that he tried to bring you on board. But it didn’t matter, because he did not mean it like that. 

…

Though if he did, it really wouldn’t matter, because it would be grounds for him to be disbarred. Nothing was going to happen…Even if you did find him attractive, and found his blunt approach and self-assured nature very, very hot. 

But you were not going to fuck him.

--  

“Don’t fuck him.” 

You had expected the warning to come from Jessica, but to hear it from Harvey of all goddamn people made you gape at him in shock. He just gave you a knowing look before he turned back toward the beer that he was opening. 

Your urge to have a drink that evening hadn’t been strong, but it had been there, and it had made you think of Harvey’s offer from the day before. You hadn’t expected such a quick response to your simple text of ‘Beer?’, but he had turned up a mere half hour later, a fresh six pack in hand. He had shrugged off his jacket, tossed it on to your bed, and walked over to your kitchenette—where he proceeded to say the most heinous thing.

“Excuse me?” You finally managed. 

“You heard me.” 

“I don’t think I did, actually, not properly, because it sounded like you just gave me an order that you had no business giving.” 

“I have plenty of business.” 

“No—” 

“Don’t—” 

“No no no, you do not, not here, and not like that.” 

“I’m just saying,” Harvey turned from the counter, planting his hand on the cruddy formica, “That I know—” 

“Do not say that you know me.” 

His expression darkened, and you watched as he drew in a deep breath. “I know him.” 

“...He has to be good, or Jessica wouldn’t have pulled him on to my case.” 

“He’s a good lawyer, but he’s a scuzzy asshole.” 

“I know the type.” 

“You think I’m a scuzzy asshole?” 

Your gut dropped at the hint of anger seeping into his tone. 

“I meant Steven.” 

Harvey turned away, hand curling into a fist and knocking lightly on the counter. 

“Just…Be careful with him.” 

“You are the last person that has any right to lecture me on the care that I ought to take with the men in my life.”

“I’m not lecturing you—” 

“No, you’re warning me off, like a little kid that’s playing too close to an electric fence.” 

“It wouldn’t be the first time.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Fine by me, as long as you don’t fuck David.” “Alright, you know what,” You pushed off of your bed, striding over to your door. “Get out.” 

“We’re not done talking about this.” 

“Yes, we are. Get out.” 

“We’re not done until—” 

“We’re done when I say we’re done!” You began to yank your door open. Harvey was across your small space in a moment, palm flat against the door as he shoved it shut behind you. 

“And what the hell gives you the right to decide that?” 

“Because it’s my turn!” You barked. “I get to decide when we’re done now.” 

“It stopped being your turn when you stormed out of my office.” 

“Then make the damn decision yourself and get the fuck out of my apartment!” 

“If you want to ruin that man’s career and your chances of getting anything that you want out of your divorce, you go right ahead.” 

“I am not going to fuck him, and I’m not going to get him disbarred, you ass.” 

“Good.” 

“And I deeply resent the implication that I’m so sex-starved and desperate that I’m willing to fuck anyone who gives me any goddamn attention.” 

“I did not—” 

“Yes, you did, you did the second you opened your mouth. By rights, if that’s your view of me, I should’ve tried to not only fuck Mike, but you, of all people.” 

“I never implied that you were sex starved, but if you were, you could do a lot worse than Mike—” 

“Oh, really—” 

“And a helluva lot worse than me.” 

“Oh, please! There is no way that I could do worse than you. There are dictators that I’d sooner fall into bed with.” 

“If all you’re cutting out is the bed, I can work with the rest.” 

You could’ve slapped him. He was close enough, and you could just imagine it—the way the flush of red would look spreading across his cheek. 

“What makes you think I’d ever allow you anywhere near me again, Specter?” 

“I’m pretty damn close now.” He shifted closer, stopping as the tips of his shoes brushed your socked feet.

“Against your better judgment.” 

“You want to put me in my place, sweetheart, you go right ahead.” 

“Don't call me that.” 

“Why not.” 

“Don’t you dare call me that.” 

“Give me a good reason not to.” 

“You haven’t earned it back.” 

“Any idea of how I might do that?” 

You bit him. You grasped his tie, tugged him in, and sank your teeth into his lower lip. You expected an argument, but Harvey just groaned, grasping you by the hips and shoving you back against the door. You released his lip, groaning as he swept his tongue into your mouth. Your hand unwound from his tie, breath leaving you in harsh puffs as Harvey’s smearing kisses trailed down your jaw to your neck. You arched up into his touch as his hands slipped under your t-shirt, palming and squeezing whatever skin he could reach. You reached down, hands fumbling with nerves and heat as you worked off his belt. 

Every time your mind began to race, Harvey managed to quiet it, with his teasing tongue, and nipping teeth, and grasping fingers. For all of his big talk about getting David disbarred, Harvey suddenly seemed to not give a damn about his own career—

You whined as Harvey yanked down the cup of your bra, knuckles toying with your pebbling nipple. You palmed his hardening cock through the soft fabric of his trousers, thrilling in his moan, and the press of his hips up against your touch. His fingers snaked beneath the band of your sweatpants, sweeping against your clit before swiping slower. 

“You’re already so goddamn wet,” He growled, easing a finger into you. You pressed into his touch, gritting your teeth as he goaded: “You like pissing me off this much?” 

“Condom?”

“Left pocket.” 

You reached into his pocket, brushing against his cock as you drew out the foil packet. Why wasn’t it tucked somewhere discreet, like his wallet? You pushed the thought away as you ripped the foil packet open with your teeth. Harvey let go of you just long enough to shove his pants down around his thighs, then push your sweatpants. 

“Turn around.” 

You passed him the condom before doing as you were told, leaning heavily against the door. You expected a stretch, but slick heat pressed between your spread thighs. Your mouth dropped open in a moan, eyes squeezing shut as Harvey lapped and laved your slick, heated skin. You reached back, fingers scrabbling to grasp the neat coif of his hair. 

“Harvey, damnit,” You gasped. “Just fuck me already.” 

He groaned in dissent, giving your lips one more sucking kiss before straightening fully. You felt one palm smooth over to your thigh, and saw the other rest against the door as he eased into you. Your lips parted with a gentle whine at the pleasurable throb of his cock stretching you. You planted your hand on the door beside his, steadying yourself as you adjusted.

He didn’t give you long. Harvey drew back before his hips snapped sharply. You pressed your cheek to the door, skin growing clammy between the flimsy particleboard and the hot panting of your breath. The harsh slam of his hips forced your body uncomfortably against the door. You let your eyes slide closed as Harvey’s hands covered yours, drawing them just above your head as he intertwined your fingers. The door rattled in the frame with each thrust. You whimpered as Harvey pressed his face into your neck, felt his hot breath and the rumble of his groans against your skin. 

Your thighs ached, and your heart pounded, and your cunt throbbed, and goddamn it felt so fucking good. 

The swell of your orgasm rose and crested sharply, and you didn’t bother to hide the shuddering of your moan, your grip tightening on Harvey's hands. He followed close behind, hips pounding and juddering before he slowed. The two of you stood still for a few long moments, listening to one another’s panting and coming down. Harvey carefully extricated your hands from yours, drawing away and leaving you half-bare and chilly against the door.

“...I need a beer,” Harvey muttered, voice hoarse.

“You left one on the counter.” 

“You want one?” 

“Yeah.” 

You reach down, tugging up your sweatpants as you gently peel yourself back from the door. 

“It’s probably going to be lukewarm,” Harvey warned.

“I don’t care.” You drew in a shaky breath as you walked back toward your bed. You’d already sworn that you wouldn’t let him into it. You lowered yourself to sit beside it, looking at the door as the swirl of confused thoughts shifted back to the fore. You watched Harvey tie off the condom and drop it into your trash bin. You tracked his movement—from cleaning up, to doing up his pants, to washing his hands. You didn’t bother to hide your open speculation as he opened another beer, then took the two up. You drew your legs together, biting your lip as your slick cunt pulsed.

Harvey lowered himself to sit beside you, holding a beer out and lightly knocking his against yours before you each took a drink. You winced a little at the taste. You should’ve listened to him—the taste of lukewarm beer was not appetizing. You saw Harvey reach up out of the corner of your eye as he loosened his tie. 

“...What was that about getting someone disbarred?” 

“Shuddup.” There was no heat to how he said it, and that was probably why it made you snort a laugh. 

“Harvey?” 

“What.” 

“Did you come over planning to fuck me?” 

“What?” 

“Why was there a condom in your pocket?” 

“I had a date.” 

Your brow furrowed as you took that in. 

“...When?”

“Tonight.” 

“Why aren’t you there?” 

“Because I’m here.” 

Harvey Specter broke a date. Harvey Specter broke a date for you. You leaned back against the bed again, biting the inside of your cheek to quell a wide grin. 

“Don’t read into it,” He added. 

“I’m not reading into anything…Apart from the fact that you seemed pretty sure you were going to get laid.” 

“I was.” 

“Arrange for that, did you?” 

“No need to arrange anything. I’m just good like that.” 

“Well. Can’t argue with that. For the record—” 

“What.” 

“You really have no say over who I do and don’t fuck.” 

“I know.” 

“Good.” 

“...You going to the Hamptons next weekend?” 

“Yeah.” “How are you getting up there?” 

“I was going to take the train.”

“I could give you a ride.” 

“You already have.” You cast Harvey a knowing smile, grin widening as he shot you a sidelong, unimpressed glance. Your smile turned to giggles as Harvey seemed to smile in spite of himself. 

“You really think we could stand to be in the car with one another for more than twenty minutes?” You prodded. 

“If not, we could always pull over and work out our differences.” 

“Pfft. No other weekend plans?” 

“Nope.” 

“Didn’t promise a rain check?” 

“Didn’t specify when it might happen.” 

“Mm. And why would you want to come with me?” 

“Steven could be watching those properties, waiting for you to turn up. You could benefit from having back up.” 

“You make it sound terribly sinister. Have you figured out how to bill Gstaad yet?” 

“I’m working on it.”

“Keep me updated.” 

“Sure.” 

“I don’t mean for, you know—I don’t want a vacation.”

“You’ve earned one.” 

“Whatever, I just don’t like to put something on the market without doing a walk-through myself.” 

“I understand.” 

You leaned back against the bed a little more heavily, gaze wandering toward the door, where a little bit of your makeup was smeared from the press of your cheek. 

“...Harvey?”

“Mm?” 

“Can we talk about it?” 

“The sex or the other thing?” 

“The other thing.” 

“I’ve already had one fight with you today. I don’t think I have the capacity for two...Do you?”

You shook your head. 

“Some other time,” He promised. 

“Sure.” 

-- 

You had seen the paperwork and the inspector’s notes, but to see the house in the Hamptons was a whole other story. The long gravel driveway was lined with a horse fence on the left, and a plain wood fence on the right. You didn’t bother to hide your open, stunned stares as you passed the stables. It was hardly the first time you’d seen a home like it, but it was unfathomable that Steven seemed to have not only put the house in your name, but completely forgotten about it. 

Harvey pulled the car into the neatly manicured lot. 

“Do you want to start in the stables, the house, the pool, the tennis court…?” He shut the car off, waiting for your reply. You shook your head. 

“I only care about the house,” You admitted. 

“So we won’t be walking the expansive lawns? I brought my sneakers.” 

“Do I even want to know how expensive those sneakers are?” 

“They’re worth more than your apartment.” 

“I’m willing to believe that.” You climbed out of the car, eyeing the inspector’s report as you rounded toward the front steps. You turned from the paperwork to take in the house’s appearance more clearly. It was…Ugly. The large, L-shaped, gray-brick building had the modernistic development of the fast-casual apartment buildings in the city, with some of the gauche touches of your penthouse, like the expansive floor-to-ceiling covering nearly the entirety of the bottom of the floor. You could see a balcony on the left side of the house, and another around the other end of the L. 

“...This is different.” 

“It’s criminal,” You muttered. 

“Are you saying that because he forged your signature, or because it’s ugly as sin?” 

“Both. Come on.” 

You walked up to the front door, punching in the code that the realtor had given you to get the door open. 

The foyer was as flat and uninspired as the outside of the house—white marble floors, grey walls, and sterling silver furnishings. You grimaced as you looked around. 

“Are we doing a complete walk through of this millennial grey gulag?”

“If you’re going to hate it, you can wait in the car,” You offered, glancing toward Harvey. “Apparently there are fifteen bedrooms and nine bathrooms, and I don’t know how much of your cute commentary I can deal with today.” 

“Seemed to handle it fine in the car.” Harvey turned left before you could say or do anything else, and you followed him, looking down at the property’s map. 

“This place oughta have one of those fricking mall maps with a star labeled ‘You Are Here’,” You grumbled. 

“Now who’s making cute comments.” 

– 

“My feet hurt,” You groaned, plopping onto a boxy, stiff-cushioned couch. 

“You’d think after the last couple of months of living in that walk-up, you’d be in better shape.”

“You’d think.”

“It’s all those cheese fries.”

“Oh—shut up.” 

“So, what do you think?”

“I think we throw it on the market for 18 million and I forget that it ever existed.”

“Why list it in your name, though?”

You shrugged, looking around. “Maybe it was in both our names when he bought it and the outcome was such a disaster he decided to leave my name on it. I think he designed it.”

“Really?” Harvey’s brows rose as he looked around. 

“Oh, god yeah. Steven can be smart, but he’s never really had any design sense. I wound up taking charge on some of our early flip projects because he just didn’t have the eye for it. He always tried, but I kinda wound up following behind and fixing his messes. If I had to guess, he bought this place to show me that he really could do it, and he just…Can’t.”

“Do you think Cape Cod and Gstaad will be the same?” 

“Doubtful. The report for Cape Cod said that the house was originally built in 1950…what. Four?”

“Something like that.” 

“It looks like he gutted it like he did the apartment buildings and realized how much of a project it would be. Gave up on it.” 

“And Gstaad?” 

“Work out how to expense the trip and we can talk.”

Harvey chuckled, wandering closer. “Should we christen it?”

“Christen what?”

“This house.”

“How?”

Harvey’s brows waggled salaciously, and you laughed, pushing yourself off of the couch. “Oh no, Specter. No way—”

“Why not?”

“You wanna christen every room? You don’t have the stamina for that—And I don’t have the patience.” 

“What about just in here?” He curled his arm around your waist, drawing you closer. “On that stupid couch, over the piano…How about up against the windows?” His voice dropped to a murmur. “There’s no one around for miles.” 

You rolled your eyes despite your amusement. 

“If you said that with the Kubrick stare, I’d think you were going all Jack Torrence on me.”

“Heeeeeeeere’s Harvey.”

“Ugh! God, let’s just go,” You pushed out of Harvey’s arms, heading for the door. “It’s kinda creepy being here, you know. Like Steven’s watching.” 

“The house can’t be haunted, he’s not dead.” 

“He is to me.”

–

“When are you planning on going to Cape Cod?” 

“Mm…Probably next week.”

“Driving up?”

“Taking the train.”

“Again with the train.” 

“I don’t have a car and I’m not going to rent one.”

“Are you staying overnight?”

“No.”

“You’re going to go up and back on the train in one day? That is a long day.”

“I can handle it.” 

“You’d be more comfortable in a car.” 

“Yeah, obviously—Eyes on the road, Specter.” You reached out, poking his cheek as he glanced over at you. He batted your hand away lazily before turning back to the road. 

“Why do you always insist on doing things in the most difficult way possible?”

“Because in most cases, the most difficult choice is also the most cost-effective. Efficiencies can be cruel, Harvey.”

“Cruel is an understatement.” 

“I can handle a day on the train.”

“If you say so.” 

“I do say so, thank you.” 

“Stubborn.” 

“...Do you wanna come up when we get back to my place?”

“What for?” 

You tipped your head to the side, waiting for Harvey to glance over before you teasingly waggled your brows.

“Oh, so now you want to?” 

“I wanted to then! But I couldn’t do it if I felt Steven looming over me. C’mon, Specter,” You reached out, gently teasing your nails along the back of his neck, and grinning as he shifted slightly in his seat. “See if you can get me any more out of breath than walking up six flights of stairs.” 

--  

“Hey, there you are! Jessica needs to—What’s that face for?” Mike’s concern fell away at the sight of Harvey’s self-satisfied smile as he stepped off of the elevator. Harvey gave a dismissive shrug. What the hell was he going to tell Mike? That he’d spent the weekend somewhere other than his place? That he had fallen asleep with her, and remembered how serene it used to be to wake up with her? That they’d hardly left her cruddy apartment—hell, they’d hardly left her bed? 

“Nothing. What were you saying?” 

“Jessica needs to see you.” 

“Right now?” 

No sooner had the words left his mouth did Jessica step out from around the corner, drawing him up short. 

“Yes,” She insisted firmly. “Right now.” 

Harvey had the strange sense of a child being marched to the principal as she led her way to her office. She shut the door behind the two of them, striding past him to her desk. 

“Can this wait?” Harvey hedged. “I’ve got coffee going cold on my desk.” 

“Well then, I’ll make this quick. Did you have a nice time this weekend?"

That should've been his warning. It was a solid leading question, and one that, on any other Monday, he would not have hesitated to answer. His eyes narrowed slightly, before he decided—Yes, she must have known that he drove to the Hamptons. Someone would have told Jessica: Mike was still in the habit of offering updates when he thought they would be helpful.

"Yes," He finally answered.

"Was it a productive trip?"

A second warning. Jessica was a strategist, and Harvey knew that any lawyer worth a damn didn't ask a question that they didn't already know the answer to. Still, he chose a carefully middle-of-the-road answer:

"She was happy to go through the home herself, set a listing price. Hopefully we can get it on the market and on its way as soon as possible.”

Jessica took that in thoughtfully, lips set in a placid smile.

"Were there any outstanding features?"

A third and final warning, but Harvey couldn't help but lean into it:

"Are we talking about the tennis court, the pool, the stables, or the thousand lawns?"

Jessica let out a tepid, flatly amused, "Hm," Before beckoning him closer. "Well if those all caught your eye, it would explain why you missed the cameras."

Harvey froze in his step, blood running cold. There was no way—Cameras? His gaze dropped to the laptop that she turned to face him. The black and white footage was grainy, but clear enough. Harvey watched as he wrapped his arm around her, drawing her into his chest. He could still feel the heat of her body, and the plush slide of her sweater beneath his fingers. He could see the gentle, adoring way that she gazed up at him before she nudged him away, leading the charge out of the house. 

‘It’s kinda creepy being here, you know. Like Steven’s watching.’ He didn’t know how, but she had felt it. 

"Where did that come from."

"I'll give you three guesses."

"Let me explain—"

"Explain what!" Jessica slammed the laptop closed, rounding the desk with self-righteous strides. "Explain what idiotic idea led to you putting on a show?"

"We didn't know that there were cameras."

"How long has this been going on?"

"We only went to see that one house."

Jessica's expression darkened as she shook her head.

"Don't play dumb with me, Harvey," She warned lowly. "How long have you been sleeping with her."

It hit him low in the gut. For a moment, he was too stunned to speak.

"She told you?"

"No, she didn't tell me. She didn't have to. It'll be plain as day to anyone who sees that footage."

"That’s not true, we were just—"

"Just what?"

"I was teasing her! It didn't mean anything."

"If I call and ask her, she'll say the same thing?"

He was certain of it. "Yes."

"Would she swear to it under oath? At a deposition? In court?"

His surety faltered, and his mouth worked wordlessly before he pursed his lips tightly. Jessica shook her head again.

"I am not the only one with access to this. Luckily for you—for both of you—she still has a friend or two on the inside. Aaron Delaney sent this to me before he deleted the original. He works closely with Steven, and has access to a few property accounts. He got an alert on his phone that someone had used the keypad to open the door."

"Has Steven seen it?"

"He isn't sure, but I'm not willing to take that chance. Louis will be taking over the Hayward case, and Mike will be assisting him."

"No, Jessica, that's not happening."

"It is, because I'm telling you that it is. You should be relieved. You never wanted it in the first place."

"Things are different now."

"You're damn right they are! What the hell were you thinking? Both of you?"

"Let me see this case through."

"If you see this through and Hayward does have access to this footage, you could be disbarred. You're going to hand the files over to Louis by the end of the day. He is expecting them. Mike will bring him up to speed and assist him until this mess is cleared up."

Harvey lowered his gaze to the floor as Jessica stepped around him, opening the door and waiting beside it. He curled his hands into fists in his pockets as he strode resignedly from the office.

"And so help you," Jessica warned as he passed, "If I hear that you are holding Louis up in any way."

Harvey only made it a few feet from the office before he pulled his phone out of his pocket, hurriedly dialing her number. It rang once...Twice...Three times...And went to voicemail.

"Damnit," He hissed, lowering the phone to redial. "C'mon, c'mon..." It rang once, "Pick up." Twice...

"Hey you."

"Where are you?"

"What do you mean?" She laughed, "I'm on my way to see Jessica for our check-in."

Fuck.

"How close are you?"

"I just got off of the elevator. Why?"

Harvey whirled around, eyes desperately searching for her through the gaggle of associates, paralegals, and lawyers going about their business.

"She knows."

"What?"

He could hear her frown. Harvey took three steps toward the elevator bay before he saw her come into view—and lock eyes with Jessica. He saw her body go tense, before her shoulders sagged with dejection.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Hell," She sighed before hanging up.

--

"I'm not going to even begin to approach what you may have been thinking—"

"Jessica—"

"—Putting not only your future, Harvey’s future, and the future of this firm in jeopardy."

"I wasn't thinking."

"Clearly."

"We didn't even do anything at the house!"

"That doesn't make the slightest bit of difference."

You slid down in your seat as Jessica paced in front of you, her pace and turn reminiscent of a caged tiger.

"I did you a favor and this is how you repay me?" She finally stilled, nailing you with a cold gaze. You folded further under the crush of her look, so similar to the disbelief that she had leveled you with at her apartment not too long ago.

"I'm sorry."

"You should be." Jessica strode around her desk. "Your case has been reassigned to Louis Litt. Mike will stay on, provided you haven't fucked him, too."

Christ. "I made a mistake, alright? I told you I was sorry, and I meant it," You insisted. "Don't bring Mike into this when he hasn't done anything wrong."

Jessica bristled as she lowered herself into her seat.

"I don't want you associating with Harvey until this is over."

"Oh—Come on."

"If this footage were to come out, Harvey's conduct and ethics will be called into question. He'll be dragged into your divorce proceedings. Is that what you want?"

Your stomach churned uneasily as you considered it. You knew she was right. You shook your head a little, trying desperately to swallow past the lump that was forming in your dry throat.

"Louis and Mike will be in touch."

"Okay." You turned, heading for her office door, and stopping just before you opened it.

"...Is now a bad time to remind you that bringing Harvey onto my case was your idea?"

The chilling glare that she leveled with answered for her: Yes. It was a very bad time to remind her.

--

“You slept with—” 

“Shut the door and keep your voice down,” Harvey warned stonily. Before either of them could move toward his office door, Donna hurried into view, reaching for the handle. 

“You don’t wanna hear this?” Mike’s brows rose. “You of all people?” 

Donna waved him away, offering, “Intercom,” Before she shut the door. Harvey sighed heavily, lowering himself into his chair. 

“What happened?” Mike stepped closer to the desk. “I’m just—You two hate each other.” 

“Thank you for the reminder. I forgot about that.” 

“Harvey, c’mon,” Mike shook his head as he tried (and failed) to keep from smiling. “What happened?” 

“I went over to hang out.” 

“At her apartment?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay, and? Instead of hanging out you…Let it all hang out?” 

“Get out of my office.”

“If that was at her apartment, what happened in the Hamptons?” 

“Nothing happened in the Hamptons. The footage just…We got close, that’s all.” 

“That’s not enough to disbar you.” 

“Because you’re the expert on being disbarred? It’s enough to call my ethics into question…And Jessica’s right, no one needs that headache right now.”  

“So I’m stuck with Louis because you got close? Where’s the Specter spirit? No way are you going to watch this one from the sidelines.” 

On any other case, no, he wouldn’t. Harvey would insist on backseat driving. But on this one…He grimaced, dropping his gaze to his desk. 

“I want regular updates,” He insisted. “That’s all.” 

Mike nodded slowly, conceding: “Okay. But I’ll be ready when you change your mind.” 

-- 

"I'll come over."

He sounded so positive about it—like nothing had happened, or changed. You eyed the remaining trash bags, trying to scrounge up the conviction of an excuse. 

"I don't think that's a good idea right now."

"Why not?"

You know why. You shifted your phone from one hand to the other, tucking it between your shoulder and your ear as you reached out, gripping a bag to make it crinkle loudly.

"I've still got some sorting to do."

"I'll help you."

"Not tonight, Harvey."

"...She's not in charge of us, you know."

You tipped your head back against your wall, closing your eyes. "She's actually very much in charge of you."

"At work."

"I know, but I just..." You winced. "I think she's right. We should lay low for a while. If Steven did see that video before Aaron sent it to Jessica, we're both going to have a whole new mess that we're stepping into."

"I'm ready for it."

"...I don't know if I am."

His silence on the other end made you want to crawl out of your skin. "I can only fight one battle at a time, Harvey—And right now, I'm barely managing the big ones."

"Fine."

You knew that fine coming from him. It wasn't fine. It was I'm shutting down. It was I'm finished with this conversation. It was I'm finished with you.

"Harvey—"

You lowered the phone from your ear as the line cut off, watching the inevitable flashing and darkening of his contact. You bit the inside of your cheek, fighting back a fresh wave of tears. How, after all this time, was Harvey Specter still able to make you cry?

-- 

You became solitary again. Life narrowed. You saw Aaron a time or two, but he was so busy either working or gathering intel that you were hardly able to keep up with him. For as much of a lifeline as she had been, Jessica was still pissed, and you hardly spoke more than you needed to. Mike was a dear, checking in to see how you were doing, but most correspondence led inevitably to discussing closings, proceedings, contracts (and you couldn’t blame him for it; he was only doing his job). 

Louis was…A lot. He was very eager, that was clear, and had been working hard to push the sales of the apartment buildings and the home in the Hamptons through. David and his firm were digging into discovery, and were making headway. 

But you had so little life outside of your divorce. Most of your pieces were sold off, so you hardly had any day-to-day tasks to keep you busy—and everything in New York was so goddamn expensive. It felt like you spent $50 just stepping out your front door. There were days when you simply didn’t. It was cheaper to stay in, and quieter (so long as your neighbors didn’t have a screaming match that day).

Your life was four walls, a cruddy bed, rickety furniture. You spent too much time awake when you should’ve been sleeping; too much time reminiscing when you should have been moving on; too much time dwelling on the time that you spent with men in your life that probably wouldn’t spare you another thought. 

--  

Walking back into the firm was uncomfortable. You’d avoided it for as long as you could, but Mike insisted that there were a few documents that absolutely had to be seen and signed in the office. You’d made it an entire three weeks without so much as getting anywhere near the building. You found yourself avoiding even glancing in the direction of Jessica’s office. It was alright, though—Donna was a smiling, comforting presence the second you stepped off of the elevator. 

“Find the place alright?” She teased. 

“I did, thank you. I’ve only been here a dozen times in the last couple of months.” 

“It’s been a few weeks. We thought you’d forgotten where we were.” 

You smiled tightly. You were certain that she knew everything that had gone on—she was the eyes and ears of the place. 

“You know, it’s the funniest thing,” You drawled sarcastically, “I kept coming to the right building and getting off on the wrong floor.” 

“Happens to the best of us. C’mon.” 

You frowned as she led you away from the usual conference rooms, and even further away from Louis’ office. You couldn’t imagine where the heck she was taking you—and your confusion deepened as she opened the door to a room lined with files. She nodded you inside, a knowing smile on her lips as she warned: 

“Two minutes.” 

Two minutes? Until what?

“Thanks, Donna.” Harvey’s voice made you freeze, and you could do nothing but watch Donna close the door behind herself. You looked down at the floor, your hands wringing as you heard Harvey come closer. You felt him stop close behind you, close enough to feel the heat of him.

“...Are you going to look at me?” He hedged softly. 

“No need. I know what you look like.” 

He sighed softly, stepping around to stand in front of you. You watched as his shoes and pant legs came into view. 

“...And you’re just going to look at my shoes now?” 

“They’re nice shoes. Look expensive.” 

“They are.” 

“Figures.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

You looked at him fully, finally, stunned. You were surprised at how drawn he looked. Sure, his suit was impeccable, and his hair was frustratingly perfect, but you could see tiredness around his eyes. 

“You’re going through hell right now,” Harvey went on, “You don’t need me to pile on to that. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” 

You nodded slowly as you took it all in. “Well. We should never have, um…” You cleared your throat, averting your gaze again. “It was stupid.” 

“You regret it?” 

“It’s not worth risking your career over.” 

“That’s not what I asked.” Harvey closed the space between the two of you, and you had to force yourself not to lean into him the way you wanted—the way you’d missed for weeks. 

“Harvey,” You warned softly. “I can’t keep playing tug of war with you like this. I’m already at the end of my damn rope.” 

“I know.” 

You closed your eyes at the feeling of his palms sliding warmly over your arms, trailing down until he could gently intertwine your fingers. 

“I’ll be on my best behavior,” He promised, “Until we’re on the other side of this, and your business with the firm is closed out.” 

“And then what?” 

“And then I’ll give you hell.” You spluttered a laugh, unable to help it. Harvey chuckled softly, his nose nudging yours gently. 

“I should go,” You warned softly. “Louis will come looking for me.” 

“Donna will keep him at bay.” 

“She said two minutes. It’s been at least three—” You hardly had time to finish your protestation before Harvey kissed you. You swayed into him, lips slipping tenderly against his as he used his grasp to draw you flush against him. You wiggled your hands from his, curling your arms around his shoulders to keep close. You startled at the two knocks on the door, and smiled as Harvey groaned in irritation. 

“I should let you go,” He mumbled. You nodded, murmured,

“Probably.” 

But neither of you rushed to move. 

-- 

“I'm sorry to see you go. I've enjoyed our time together."

You sort of believed it, given the pinched, almost pained look that Louis leveled you across the desk. And, for all of your work with him over the last three months, you'd gained a sort of affinity for the man...Even if he was a little intense in a way that sometimes confused you. You smiled, taking up the final few documents that you would need for your record.

"I appreciate that, and thank you for all of your hard work, Mr. Litt. It's been..." You weighed your words carefully, "Interesting."

"For me, too. Reach out if you need anything else—doc review, mover recommendations, tickets to the ballet. Anything."

"Tickets to the ballet? I'm impressed." You held your hand out, smiling as he stood and pumped it enthusiastically. "Thank you again."

You were hardly four steps out of Louis' office when you found yourself flanked in the hallway.

"We should celebrate," Harvey insisted.

"And how would we do that?"

"Dinner at La Belle Vache."

Your brows rose as you glanced toward Mike.

"’The beautiful cow’?"

"Harvey's idea."

"With a restaurant name like that, it would have to be."

"Hey, that is not fair! I could be posh."

"It wouldn't suit you, Mr. Ross."

"Is that a yes or a no to dinner?" Harvey plied.

"When?"

"You busy tonight?"

"If I told you I had plans, would you believe me?"

"Not for a second."

"Well, I do."

"Cancel 'em."

"It's with my divorce lawyer."

"And here feels like a good stopping point for me." Mike wheeled around, striding back in the direction that he came.

"What the hell does David want with you after hours?" 

"Deposition starts next week. We're drilling testimony."

"As long as that's all he's drilling."

"Watch it, Specter." You reached out, jabbing the down button on the elevator before turning back to Harvey. He pouted contemplatively before offering: "What about this weekend?"

"I think I could swing this weekend. Is dinner on the firm?"

"It's on me."

"Do you think..." You trailed off, glancing toward Jessica's office, "That the powers that be will approve?"

"Honestly?" Harvey lowered his voice,"I don't give a damn. It's been months. Your business here is wrapped. If Jessica wants to give me a good reason why I can't see you, she's welcome to try—but it won't work."

You bit the inside of your cheek to quell a smile as you reached out, gently straightening Harvey's tie.

"Very forceful, Mr. Specter."

"You like it?"

"It's kinda hot." You turned back and stepped onto the elevator as it chimed.

"This weekend," You finally agreed. "Invite Mike—He's earned several dinners."

"He sure has."

The doors began to close, but Harvey darted in, catching them before they could shut all the way. He darted in, pressing a swift, warm kiss to your lips before he drew away again. You grinned as he stepped back, allowing the doors to close.

--

"As long as that's all he's drilling."

The memory of Harvey's teasing warning was on your mind throughout your time with David, and you found yourself fighting back smiles all evening.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?"

David watched you from beneath his lashes as he asked, and where that look had intrigued you once, you knew better. You gave a short, firm nod, and insisted: "I have a date."

Your battle with Steven was far from over. You still had forgery cases pending, and your divorce case had hardly begun. But things felt a little lighter these days.

You had a direction, you had cash flow...But you didn't quite have the plan that you once did. You had told Harvey months ago that you were considering moving to Cambridge. It hadn’t completely ceased to be true, but it wasn’t your only consideration anymore. 

There were moments when you could see the glimmer of a life to carve out for yourself: a smaller real estate firm with a few employees—maybe Aaron, if you could lure him away from Steven; a more comfortable apartment than where you were now, but you could live with where you were for a few more months as you got things in order; and, at the very least, a friendship with Harvey. You didn’t know if what the two of you were doing would be sustainable, and you weren’t sure whether either of you really wanted to know—but after all this time, you thought that maybe the two of you deserved another chance. 

--  

“Impressed?” 

It was a fair question, but you were doing your best to school your expression. You didn’t want Harvey to know outright how much you did like his apartment. It was nothing less than you expected—large (though not quite in the palatial way that your old penthouse was), tastefully decorated, with a gorgeous view. You knew why Harvey had brought you up, of course, but now he was just showing off. 

Dinner had been its own round of grandstanding. You and Mike had watched, bemused, as Harvey had gone out of his way to pronounce all of the dishes in a French accent to the clearly not French (but feigning awe) waiter (who you were sure had to deal with this multiple times a day). Harvey had also taught you and Mike a thing or two about wine—or he had tried to, until Mike seemed no longer able to help himself and corrected Harvey on multiple facts about the Rhône valley in the south of France. 

It had been a far more pleasant evening that you had expected to have, and far more jovial than you’d had in a long time. Mike and Harvey were close; you and Harvey had a history; you and Mike had become friends over the course of your time working with him. When Mike had insisted that you all had to do this again sometime, you believed that he meant it. And when Harvey had invited you both up for a nightcap, Mike had politely declined with a smile and a shake of his head, offering:

“I think I should let you two have some time to do…Whatever it is that you need to do.” 

You hadn’t been entirely sure what he’d meant, or what Harvey had told him. You were almost certain that he would’ve been told why Harvey had been taken off of your case in the first place. And sure, now and again, over dinner, you and Harvey had caught one another’s eye, maybe shared a smile. Maybe he’d rested his hand on your knee a time or two, given it a squeeze—because he could. Because the two of you were close and on even footing for the first time in a while. 

“It’s…” You trailed off, shrugging. “Certainly an apartment.” 

“Oh, please,” Harvey scoffed, taking two wine glasses down from the cabinet. “You’re impressed.” 

“It’s nicer than I thought it would be.” 

“You’re dazzled.” 

“I like the kitchen.” 

“You’re helplessly turned on.” 

“‘Helplessly’ is pushing it.” 

“So you admit that you’re turned on?” 

You rolled your eyes, no longer bothering to fight your smile off. 

“Maybe,” You offered, settling onto the couch and kicking off your shoes. Harvey joined you moments later, passing you a glass of wine and gently clinking his against yours before you each took sips. His gaze remained heavy on yours, and he leaned in for a gentle kiss as soon as you lowered your glass. You hummed, raising a hand and cupping his jaw. You leaned back just a touch, smiling as he crowded closer, dipping his head to brush kisses along your neck as his warm palm gently smoothed up your thigh. 

“...Harvey?” 

“Sure, I can show you the bedroom.” 

You laughed softly, shaking your head a little. “Can we talk about it?” 

He groaned, forehead dropping heavily against your shoulder. “Why do you always insist on ruining a perfectly good time?” 

“Like when?”

“Like when we were in the Hamptons.” 

“You thank your lucky fucking stars that I put a stop to that.” 

“Yeah,” He grumbled, leaning back. You watched him swirl his wine in his glass. 

“Please,” You pleaded softly. 

“...I didn’t write the note.” 

Fuck. 

“Okay.” 

“I wrote a note, but…Not that one.” 

“Who wrote that one?” 

“Scottie.” 

“...Okay.” 

“I couldn’t find the one I’d written, she insisted that I couldn’t leave you with nothing.” 

“Well, she was right.” 

“Yeah.” 

You that that sink in for a moment before you pressed: “Why did you leave?”

“I had doubts.” 

“About me?” 

“About us. You know how my parents were, you know…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “You know what I saw.” 

“And you thought I would do that to you?” 

“I was afraid of it.” 

“If you were afraid of it, then you thought I was capable of it.” 

“—And when you got married to Steven so quickly—” 

“Oh—!” The heavy, stunned, indignant laugh was pained as it left you. You pushed off of the couch, standing and walking out of Harvey’s reach. You heard him sigh heavily behind you, chased by the clink of him setting his wine glass down as he muttered, “This is why I didn’t want to talk about this.” 

“Do you know why I got married so quickly?” You whirled around to face him. 

“Because you loved Steven?” 

“I never said that. I thought I loved him a bit, sure, but I was afraid that this,” You waved a finger between the two of you, “Would happen again. I thought he would leave. I was afraid that I would spend my entire life being left. So when Steven showed me the slightest bit of attention, I latched on. We eloped. He wanted a big wedding, but I just,” You waved your hand around, “I couldn’t do that a second time. Any of it. I didn’t get a new dress, neither of our families were there, because I knew that they would all watch me, and him, and they’d be thinking it: Is it going to happen again?” 

“You’re saying your entire life with Steven was my fault?” 

“I’m saying that I made a choice, and that what happened with you was a factor—Not a fault, a factor. And why!” You let out another harsh hysterical laugh as tears welled in your eyes, “Why didn’t you just talk to me? What did I do then to make you think that you couldn’t talk to me?”

“I wasn’t ready!” 

“And we could have talked about that! What made you think that I wouldn’t have been alright with moving the wedding back, or going to counseling with you, or whatever you would have needed to get us there?”

“You wanted to get married.”

“I wanted you, Harvey! I would have waited, I—” You turned away, sniffling heavily as tears slipped from your eyes. “Fuck. Ugh.” You raised your glass, draining it before striding over the counter, desperate to put some more distance between the two of you. You set the glass down and yanked a paper towel off of the roll, swiping at your under eyes to clear away any running mascara. You blew your nose as well before balling up the tissue and lobbing it toward the trash can. You heard Harvey’s approaching footsteps, and you pulled in a deep, stuttering breath as he rested his hands on your shoulders. 

“...There’s no way for me to take back or change what I did.” 

“Would you if you could?” 

“Yes.”

“...Okay.” 

“Do you believe me?” 

“I don’t know.” 

He sighed, pressing a kiss to the back of your head as his hands soothingly rubbed over your arms. You sniffled again, swiping away a stray tear before resting your hands on the counter. 

“You changed the way that I love, Harvey,” You shook your head. “For better or worse, whether you meant to or not, you changed it.” You glanced back toward him. “I can’t get those bits of myself back. You took them from me.” 

“I know. I took them from both of us.” 

You nodded, slowly letting yourself lean back against him. His arms curled around your middle, and you heard a soft, almost relieved groan leave him. You let your eyes close as he pressed a kiss to your temple. The two of you stood there in silence for a few moments, allowing yourselves to settle. 

“...Stay tonight?” He murmured after a few moments. You nodded, smiling as his hold tightened on you again, as if wary that you would change your mind. 

-- 

He had a few more smile lines. His hair still mussed the same; he still made little mumbling noises as he slowly rose from sleep to consciousness. He was still a furnace to sleep beside, and he still held you through the night. It was almost a relief that none of that had changed. 

Waking up in his arms made you feel like it had when you were younger: safe, and loved, and wanted. You hadn't appreciated it when you'd had it just a few months ago, but you were desperate to catch on to every little bit of him now.

You were never going to be able to turn back the hands of time—to go back and warn him, or yourself, or someone that your first wedding day would be a disaster, that it would set you off on a path that you could never have anticipated for yourself. Discussing what had happened hadn't truly healed any of your old wounds.

But as the sun began to creep over the Manhattan skyline and seep into Harvey’s bedroom, you felt closer to peace than you had in a long, long time. 

Harvey snuffled, nuzzling your shoulder as his fingers curled in your borrowed nightshirt. 

“You awake?” He mumbled, the same low, gravely murmur that you had once loved, and missed. 

“Mmmhm.” 

“Want coffee?” 

“Yes.” 

He yawned widely, pressing his face into your shoulder and warming your skin through the fabric. “Bagels?” 

“Sure.” 

“‘Kay.” 

Neither of you made a move to get either. Instead, you combed your fingers through his hair, closed your eyes, and listened to the steady rise and fall of his breathing as you both fell back asleep. 

Tag list: @missredherring ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta ; @massivecolorspygiant ; @blueeyesatnight ; @amneris21 ; @ew-erin ; @youngkenobilove ; @carbonated-beverage​​​ ; @lorecraft ; @moonlightburned ; @milf-trinity ; @millllenniawrites ; @chattychell ; @dihra-vesa​ ; @videogamesandpoorlifechoices​ ; @missswriter ; @thembosapphicclown ; @brandyllyn ; @wildmoonflower ; @buckybarneshairpullingkink ; @mad-girl-without-a-box ; @winchestershiresauce ; @gina239 ; @technicallykawaiisoul ; @coldheart-lonelysoul ; @kathrinemelissa ; @jacxx2 ; @pillowjj ; @chanaaaannel ; @avampirescholar ; @kmc1989 ; @mythical-goth ;

[kkcauseway]

Scrubs Up

No outbreak!Joel Miller x F!reader

Summary: 1.4k of pure fluff… it’s just Joel being stupidly cute shaving your legs in the bath, he’s just so fucking cute. Content/warnings: so much flufffff! Joel miller being completely unsubtle, but also being the most doting husband.🫶🏻 no use of y/n, no outbreak.

Main masterlist I Wedding day fluff I Drunk reader fluff

You’re completely at peace in your rose scented bubble blanket. Joel ran you the most amazing bath for when you made it home from work, because as per usual the man knows what you need before you even know you need it yourself.

Your boss has been unnecessarily harsh lately, and after calling him on your lunch break and breaking down for the second time this week, he knew he needed to do something to help get your mind off it once you made it home. He even lit all your favourite candles and sat them on the sink, so you were hit with vanilla when you walked into the room- it was a more than necessary amount, but you love him so much for it.

You’re resting in the perfect warm water, eyes closed with you so at peace with finally able to forget about your shitty day and instead you reminisce on your wonderful life with Joel. How amazing he makes you feel and how cute he is for running the bath for you and for ordering Chinese takeout- your favourite.

A knock at the bathroom door draws your attention away from your thoughts. On opening your eyes you’re met with your husband’s gaze as he peers his head round the door smiling at you before walking in and shutting the door behind him. “Hey baby” he utters.

“Hi” you smile at him so happy. Admiring his frame, his messy curly hair that’s just that bit too long, but you find it absolutely perfect and so he won’t cut it, the white t shirt he’s wearing slightly too tight on his biceps, dark blue jeans that hug him just right and feet bare.

When he moves towards you brining over a storage box and sits right at the side of the bath you can’t help but giggle. “What the heck are you doin’?”

“I got bored.”

You laugh “bored?”

“I missed you” he puts that adorable pouty face on that you fell for as he shrugs.

“Baby I’ve been gone like twenty minutes” you kick your legs under the water toes quickly popping out before hiding amongst the bubbles again; he can’t help but stare. “S’too long, so v’brought my book in” he holds it up with a smug smile on his face “and m’gonna sit with my baby keep her company.”

“Cutie, but since when do you read?”

He leans over to kiss you briefly “I read plenty thanks” before making himself comfortable sitting back with a groan. You can’t help but stare as he opens his book up and licks his finger in order to turn the page. You just lie back watching for a moment as this man stays fully ‘engrossed’ in his book.

“Is it good?” You quiz playfully into the silence.

“Uhu, yeah great.” It’s the most unenthusiastic response as he licks his finger again and turns the page.

Laughing you add “you know the books upside down, right?”

“Oh, is it?” He peers over the top, chuckling, his eyes unmoving from yours as he turns it the right way. “Ooops, guess I was distracted.”

“Hmmm, anyone would think you drew me this bath just so you could come and perv on me.” You chuckle and the smug look that plasters his face gives you your answer immediately, but he gasps playfully “that’s outrageous.”

You shake your head before throwing it back on a full belly laugh, you couldn’t love him more if you tried. With that he then looks back to the words on the page seemingly engrossed on whatever he’s reading, so you get back to bathing yourself.

When you pick up your razor and lift your left leg to rest on the side of the bath his eyes pop up over the book. You pretend not to notice shaving away, but it isn’t long till his gaze burns. You run the razor along your leg a few more times before chuckling. Turning to look his way his cheeks begin staining red- he knows he’s caught. “If you’re gonna stare the least you could do is offer to do it for me” you jest before laughing again your breasts popping out of the water as you do.

He licks his lips at the sight before shrugging “I’ll do it for yah.”

“You will?”

You didn’t expect that kind of a response from him.

“Course” he closes and puts the book down on the floor before moving his makeshift seat over so he can reach your leg easily.

“This one’s done” you put the leg back into the water “but she’s all yours” you giggle lifting your right leg out. He takes it into his grasp running his large palm up and down the length of it before clasping your foot “you painted ‘em again.” You hum in response as he admires the baby blue polish on your toes. Gently brushing his thumb over the polish on your big toe.

You love that about him, he notices everything, every slight change.

That one hand keeps hold of your foot as he takes the razor from you with the other “now hold still” he urges.

You nod “yes sir,” completely engrossed in the fact he’s actually going to do this for you. You watch intently as he sticks his tongue between his lips and gently runs the razor along your leg in soft, even strokes. It tickles, sending goosebumps to your entire body. How is it possible that him doing something as simple as shaving your leg makes you horny? It’s the intimacy of it, leg hair could be embarrassing, with anyone else you know it would be, but with Joel, he’s always made you feel so beautiful no matter what that it’s normal. You could stay in this moment forever. Every touch is so meaningful, so full of love.

Each glide of the razor is done with so much care. And you can tell he’s enjoying himself the smirk plastered on his face grows as he shaves, and you moan at how much it tickles.

When finished he places the razor back down and you expect he will just drop your leg, but he doesn’t. He rinses it off by cupping some water into his palm and lets it fall over your leg and then he leans down to place the most delicate kiss on your foot, you can’t help but moan. This continues all the way up the side of your leg he kisses, nibbles and licks till he reaches the crease in your knee.

“I love you” he mumbles into the skin there.

“I love you too.” You squeak out, breathless from the moment.

As he pulls his face away from your leg, he gently drops it back into the water “y’ready t’get out now?”

You hum in response, looking up to him with slightly hooded eyes. You could get out yourself you know full well, but you like him doting on you, so instead you make grabby hands at him and force him to help pull you up. He keeps one of your hands in his to help you climb onto the bathmat. He stands with you moving the box out of the way before grabbing your towel and wrapping it around your body, cuddling you close. “Mmmm, you smell like strawberries” he grumbles.

“Your favourite right?” You look up at him with a smile.

He’s always been obsessed with your hair since you first met, the first time you kissed he’d grabbed the back of your head and pulled you to him as your tongues danced with one another. As he pulled away, he placed a delicate kiss to your forehead which is when he first got hit with the strawberry smell. Funnily enough it was the first time you’d used it, and ever since then it’s the only one you’ll use. It binds you together, it’s important, a part of your story, one you hope never to forget. Now all he ever wants to do is bury his face into your hair as he breathes in the strawberry scent. He says it’s one of the things he loves most about you, strawberries.

He meets your eyes with a cheeky smile “anythin’ n’everythin’ to do with you is my favourite gorgeous girl.” And with that he kisses you. “Now come on Chinese will be here soon gotta make sure you’re comfy in bed before it gets here.”

He melts your heart, loving him more is impossible.

Main masterlist I wedding day fluff I drunk reader fluff

[missmarveledsblog]

Flumpy (Jake seresin x reader ) part 13 18+

summary : when mav can't make it to her birthing class well she has four partners in stead proving once more she lucked out when she came to san diego . jake finally home from deployment and he can't believe how he manage to get most beautiful woman to be his .

warning : fluffy , goofy smutty fun slight insecurity this is an 18+ part so minor do not even peek , grammatical errors and spelling mistakes oral (f! receiving) , pregnancy sex , p in v soft sensual sex , slight choking like barely

previous part

  She could see it on calendar clear as anything only two more weeks til her man was home being able to have him there was something she was truly counting the seconds for . one part of her just wanted to hug and cuddle and just have him  by her side and well the other part wanted to stay in bed and never leave . thing she never expected to rise as much as it did was her sex drive it was to point she felt it was almost driving  her insane. Her toy never been recharged as much and one stage she honestly thought maybe she was turning into a nymphomaniac .  the bump was truly bumping  . the swell of her belly was something she couldn’t get over she would rub the coco butter over her stretched skin . some days loving it other day not so much especially when javy called her a tiger and spent two hours apologizing when she cried over it  . To say it wasn't either of  the two's finest moments to say the least .  she did make a friend though she and lila met up more even after the class  getting decaf coffee and reminiscing of times when they could do stuff  . Mav unexpectedly Was popular In the birthing classes which honestly was surprising  although both were slightly traumatized after seeing one of the women's Home births It was probably honestly the first time he’d  seen his daughter so speechless  for a what seemed to be well that hole dau til they reach hard Deck And penny asked how it went she only looked Down at her  own parts and shuddered . 

She went into work happy a smile wide on her face As she walked Into the hangar  luke had big smile on his face completing and eagerly waiting to show her what progress  .  task she had given him knowing it will be better to visually learn head she was right .  each component put together almost perfectly and slight pride of being the teacher in situation she was even more happier.    The guys even cheered him on making the smile big and dopey . 

“ hey mini mitchell   look at you being an excellent teacher” fanboy cheered. 

“ you know that will only work til  i get married “ she mused . 

“ well i can call you jekyll and hyde cause that will only last til  the pregnancy is over” he shot back . 

“ you know i can make it look like an accident but i love your grandmother too much “ her eyes narrowed. 

“ his grandma?” 

“ i made her my abuela’s   churros  and i made her chili she used to make so now she loves my abuela and her food “ mickey rolled his eyes . “ even though i made it” he added . 

“ you nearly burned own the kitchen last cooking night and your out here making chili and shit “ javy chuckled . 

“ well you never mess up abuela garcia’s food “ he winced . 

She stood in like resting the tray on her stomach another added bonus to the pregnancy thing she found  as she was able to hold the tray of food thanks to bumpy although she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of well actually liking the nickname .  lunch and rest of the day going great she was ready to face the snobby women of her birthing class least her dad would keep them distracted . some where ok but well other still bitches who looked their noses down at her hell she was half tempted to rent a limo and show them what was what . she still wore jakes shirt and shorts knowing in it way was bringing him to the class .  she walked in the door waving to them  and yet they look like she was straggler for the street ready to steal their overpriced mats and water bottle  til she felt the ding her of her  phone pulling it out she seen her dads text . 

“ meeting can’t make it sorry kiddo x”

“ oh this is going to be great “ she huffed already texting into the groupchat to get the chili ready . walking over to a tired lila and luke she felt so stupid standing alone .  

“ weres your dad?” luke asked. 

“ meeting stupid navy “ she grumbled sitting ignoring the others that where watching her . 

“ that’s what the chili text was for “ he nodded already putting the pieces together as he pulled his own phone out.

“ is everyone ready “ the teacher called and everyone cheered . 

It was fifteen minutes in and it was already partner time so they could go through the exercise  and here she was the lone loser as they snickered as the teacher headed her way and shit it was highschool all over again .  til the door swung open and she seen the four guys she spent two month and two weeks with and  once again they came to her rescue. 

“ sorry we’re late  the building around her look the same” javy winked as he walked over . 

“ can i help you gentlemen … with anything” her teacher almost drooled at the sight of her new found brothers. 

“ we’re here with our little sister ma’am .. aint that right “ bob smiled. 

“ the adorable one is right “ she smiled maybe even tried to keep the tears at bay . 

“ well then please be seated with … your sister?” she chuckled nervously almost tripping when she walked back to the top of the class.

“ beat that michelle i got four helper and you just have your husband” she stuck her tongue out at one of women. 

Yeah suck it” fanboy joined in . 

“ thanks for letting us know” javy whispered to luke.

“  my favourite mentor was needed it “ he smirked. 

“ A+ kid “she cheered as everyone looked at her  .  “ sorry continue please” . 

She couldn’t image it  if she was told this was going to be her life well she wouldn’t have believed them . amazing friends that would spend their afternoon in a birthing class so she wasn’t alone , matter of fact they done beyond helping her making sure she was ok , she wasn’t alone   even though it was hard missing jake they made it easier to deal with knowing she was held up by friends no by brothers that constantly proved she  hit the jackpot coming to san diego .

He wanted to go home , he wanted his girl , his flumpy the one he  missed sleeping beside every night  ,  the  one he ate nearly every meal . hell he was even looking forward to meeting peanut and anyother animal she taking in if she did take anymore in .  honestly it could be a full blown zoo and he’d be happy once she was . he also wanted to be there for her 6 month pregnant and he was barely there  . granted the she found out at ten weeks so those times weren’t his fault  and  of course when he does find out he’s on ship for three months. He seen what she was like everytime he seen her and the swell of her stomach on the screen or in the care packages she would send those honestly drove him wild . she was most beautiful woman even in  rough shape from when was thrown off her bike and now pregnant round with his child .  he’d fuck his own fist picturing her under him , kissing down her …

“ hey man your drooling” rooster called snapping jake seresin of the sinful sound of her moaning out of his head.  

“ ain’t drooling god this thing is taking forever” he huffed  the day he was waiting for the one he was going to be able to see his girl  the day he was coming home . 

“ he’s right although i think this deployment sucked more with her pregnant “ nat whined . 

“ and we al have partners waiting … hey look at us being adults “ rooster chuckled .

“ who would of thought the hard deck hound dog would be settled like this “ nat teased. 

“ yeah even i didn’t see that coming but hell if i had to wait decade celibate for someone like y/n shit i would” jake shook his head. 

“ we’ve just one more hour and we’ll be home hell i can’t wait to see her myself “ rooster chuckled . 

She was excited checking over the dress  she wore something similar to the one  she wore  the first time she ever seen jake  although he did say shit she hated him for  but didn’t last long . she checked over her make up and hair bunch of times too  . saying hello to lila who was the same nervous wreck as she was .  she stood with ruby and kyle the three waiting for their partners they missed dearly . ruby took her first deployment like a champ although she did work through most of it . kyle understood what it was like doing a couple himself but he was like a chid on christmas waiting for nat . then she looked down at her phone seeing jake message saying they would be their soon   and she saw the boat coming  it made her heart swell and thankful for the invention of waterproof makeup  which would be put to the test today in more ways than one if she had her way .   it was almost agonizing waiting for the boat to dock and when it did she moved through the crowd completely excitedly to see him . three months apart felt forever as she watched each man and woman passing by. 

“ hey flumpy” was all she heard looking up her cheeks felt like they would spilt with how wide they  stretched  their he stood looking like sin at sea . fuck he looked bigger and his hair grown out it  made her mouth water and go dry all at once as she rushed through more of the grounds before crashing into his arms . those muscle  arms bigger and yet  warmer as he lift her in his arms  as she cried kissing every part of his face .  he barely put her down when they reached the truck instead placing her on the hood kissing her tenderly barely even taking in the sight of her  just to have her in his arms and when he did stand back his eyes looking down at the bump  , the swell of her stomach he filled her it had a lump forming in his throat when he leaned down kissing the clothed skin . 

“ my babies” he smiled looking up his own tears forming in his eyes . god how was he so lucky  looking at the woman he fell so hard for  and his future child still baking away . “ my beautiful girl “ he almost growled attaching his lips to his  and groan falling from his lips as a whine fell from hers. 

“ hey your in public “ a voice coughed out as they pulled back . 

“Roo” she squealed hoping down hugging him tightly for him to pull her back .

“ my little sister all knocked up “ he sniffled .  

“ jesus took that long for it to sink in “ she giggled. 

“ no it just more real” he hugged her again before jake pulled her back only for another to pull her from his hands . 

“ oh my hotstuff “ nat hugged her tightly once again jake pulling her to his side hand  rubbing up and down her side before going straight to her stomach. 

She stood trying to think straight , trying to listening  to her friends wondering how to even function and yet she felt like her brain was turning to complete mush and then she used her condition to her advantage   as she began yawning and moving her legs criss cross.  

“ hey you ok “ jake asked softly . 

“ tired and need to pee and i’m hungry “ she said softly. 

“ trust me lets let her get home and rest “  kyle chuckled pulling nat  away  . 

“ i will be home in afternoon … tomorrow “ rooster called as ruby pulled him away and jake was opening door of car for her putting the belt on her yet he caught it the way her legs clenched and the look in her eyes .

“ oh you little tease “ he groaned kissing her lips softly only for her to whine when he pulled back. 

“ peanut is having a sleepover with my dad so you will meet him tomorrow “ she was almost breathless looking over the man she loved so much and also wanted to tear apart in one go. 

“ good i’m excited to meet him but i’m more excited have you all to myself” he winked kissing her cheek before turning the key in the ignition . 

One thing she loved and hate about jake was  well he was a tease . his hand on her knee moving up and down as she was sure she would soak through the chair with the building need  .  the way her breathe hitched when she felt his hand slipping further up her leg under her dress  . she was wearing a new set of lingerie wondering if he would like it then she was thinking of when she saw herself in the mirror her body was changed so much in the three months she was gone , more stretch marks then what she had before  things were bigger before he left and the insecurity was creepy in like it was having a battle between the need for him and the need to hide herself from him .   she watched  the one story home as jake told her to wait   before he opened the door , unbuckling the the belt and lifting her like it was nothing  shouting a hello and good bye to mrs wilson before shutting the door . he carried her to the sofa sitting on the chair and holding her in his lap. Lips crashing to hers  , her hands moving to through the longer hair on his head her hands giving it a little tug eliciting a moan spilling from his lips making her wetter than she thought she could be and yet that insecurity that biting away making her movement slowing down and tears slipping down her check . 

“ hey baby whats wrong” he pulled back his eyes looking up in concern at sudden shift. 

“ i’m sorry i’m not the same as i was before and if it  too much i understand  if you don’t wanna” she sniffled . 

“ darling i am so lost right now” . 

“ i got so fat and my body” she whispered afraid of speaking louder . 

“ well for one your body is beautiful anyway so hush that …. Can i “ he asked pulling at the hem of her dress  to which she hesitantly nodded.  She lifted her arms as it fell to the floor  he took it all in hell he must of died and went to heaven it was the only way he could explain it . “ this is a work of art and look at this baby is it new” he asked pulling the straps of her bra the red lace  the cups that barely covered anything. 

 “ i got it during the week” she shyly nodded. 

“ good god  look at you look at my beautiful girl  , my future wife and mother to my baby god  maybe i should keep you like this so full of my child , these tits fuck look at them “ his hands rising up her sides before he cup  her breasts a soft whimper spilling from her lips as she felt his fingers pinching and teasing the clothed nipples making her hips buck and her back arch .  “ so sensitive my poor baby must of been hard huh?” he pinched her nipple once more before he pulled the material from her body completely . she crashed her lips against his needed to fell him closer , almost crushed against her as he moved putting her laying on the sofa  kissing down her  jaw , down her neck licking and nipping the skin god she was even more responsive to his touch , whining and  then he was begging him to do something touch her .   light kisses against the tops of her breasts  til she felt the swirl of his tongue on  twirling around the nipple  , sucking and biting that had her squirming   then he was going lower kissing the stretch skin on her stomach loving the scent of the coco butter hitting his nose .   kissing along the  top of the red lacey panties she looked like a present all wrapped up for him and him alone .  she barely register the sound of material  being ripped from her body not when the air hit her soaked folds. 

“ she is crying for me huh ? oh my poor baby look at mess you made” he cooed finger teasing up and down her soaked pussy. 

“ need you jake please .. oh fuckkk “ she cried feeling the heat of his tongue  gliding up  and teasing hitting her clit before doing it again and again. Already she was brainless her hand shoot to his head  , hips bucking  chasing his tongue as she cried for him not to stop . jake could eat pussy it should of been a crime to with how good he could make her a puddle  .   all her focus was all on him and how he was making her feel  to point every thought in her head  insecurities and all gone .  she could feel it tighten and wind up  she could swear pulled apart til it was all to much her back arching feeling his lips wrapping around her  clit  as her orgasim crashed and snapped . her legs clamping around his head as she almost screamed his name . her thighs clamped on his head and yet he didn’t care lapping up her realized like it was the source of life on his tongue.  

“ damn you i’d rather spend three months in between these legs  hell my meal here are better” he winked wiping her slick from his face and yet she was looking at him pupil completely blown and blissed smile that hell more hunger. 

“ my turn” she giggled sitting up only for him to grab her neck making her gulp and even more turned on as he leaned down . 

“ Darling you taste all you want later but now i need to bury my cock in this pussy” he almost growled as he pushed her laying down again his hand still on her throat and the dark irises so blown her eyes almost looked black . heaven it was alway heaven when he pushed his cock into her awaiting cunt .  her velvet walls stretching and clingying to him in a big to never let him go , filling her to a point of that satisfying fullness she never no one but jake could provide .   the hand the was around her throat slipping around the back pulling her up . his movement slow at first savouring the feeling of being home . hearing the cries, moans and whimpers that feel from her mouth and straight to his ears how he went three months without this was beyond him . taking in how her now even bigger tits bounced with each stroke  , how his movements got faster and faster  the hand hold her hips sliping down as  he began massaging her  clit making her almost making her brainless as she began chanting his name like it was only word she knew . the way she almost explode and her walls clenching and pulsating around his length to point all that could be heard was skin slapping and moans and groans fill throughtout the room . she felt it the way his strokes began to get sloppy the way she could fell , anticipated it and the loud groan of her name as he filled her up and his head on her chest both sweating painting messes over the sofa.  

“ welcome home “ she croaked out her throat raw from how he had her screaming in pleasure. 

“ i ain’t leaving it again” he sighed happily lifting up to kiss her softly pulling out  he stood lifting her off the sofa . 

“ what , were we going “ she yawned. 

“ shower  and bed gonna need to get some rest cause we got a lot of making up to do “ he chuckled spanking her bottom making her yelp as she kissed him on their short trip to the bathroom . 

part 14

taglist : @harrysgothicbitch @djs8891 @darksparklesficrecs @sarah-bear706318 @emma8895eb @katiemcrae @eleventhdoctorsangel

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

you mentioned in the tags of that burnout post that its been 6 years and you still havent gotten to everything you wanted to in laoft, just out of curiosity are there any fics youve had in mind since the beginning/early on that youre still planning on writing but havent yet?

mostly prequels ive referenced but never gotten around to actually writing

the time as young teens/middle schoolers roman fell out of tree, hit his head and lost consciousness and logan had a week-long catastrophic meltdown about it (this is titled 'logan and the terrible horrible no good very bad week' in my documents)

a fic about very early LAMP dealing with/talking out romans habit of agreeing to or initiating things he doesnt actually want to do in order to protect himself from anything he perceives as them being mad at him

midquel during what you choose to put in the ground, were patton and logan discuss roman the day after meeting him and whether or not theyre going to try and be his friend

Virgil misunderstanding a human cultural thing because of movies/tv and assuming its like, Legally Required Of Him to ask permission of LMPs parents to marry them, so he goes to shelley first sweating bullets and shelleys like 'oh sweetheart' and we get a little bonding moment for them

more companions to Wit where i show all of the lamp combos moment of Realization when they fall in love

silly tea leaf reading fic that been languishing 3 sentences long for like 5 years

may and night!roman the first time she teaches him magic

logans flower shop opening

death threat jar.... TWO

gc goes camping

may and roman visiting abby's grave when he's a kid (9-10) and him feeling conflicted about it because he doesnt remember her/worrying he doesnt love her 'enough'

a more bittersweet companion to Requiem with Linda and Remus and their families

i really want to do more guidebook entries but i got a new computer and lost my copy of clipstudio and cant figure out how to get it back XD so i have to wait until i figure that out or buy a new copy

May + virgil hurt/comfort reminiscing about Greta and Trudi.

Dot and Larry romance fic featuring alternating cheerleader and heckler abby

analogical word association games (analogical because logan has a ginormous vocabulay and virgil is hundreds of years old, so the goal winds up being trying to say a word the other doesnt know or doesnt know enough words to play off of)

We've had badass protective LAM but i have one for Patton thats languishing as well

Virgil stumbling up on the Gage's hunting blind, which used to be Greta and Toby's house and is now derelict

fae specific idioms vs wickhills specific idioms

fire poker drama with roman and dot - he finds out about it and is uuuuuh. unhappy, to say the least

roman doing knot/weaving/braiding magic like his mom on his and linda's hair

a day in the life of dr. emile picani the only psychotherapist in a town full of magically traumatized people only he is qualified to treat (AKA So Much Pressure)

Dot and Larry with a very young Logan realizing that they have a child who physically can't lie and that it would therefore be extremely easy for them to violate his boundaries and privacy without even meaning to, and them talking about how to handle that

theres other stuff in the someday file, but these are the once ive had from or almost from the start

[soulkeeper801]

What the heart wants pt. 2 - Mina

Part 1

Requested: could you do a part 2 of what the heart wants, where after a long time Mina goes to a very famous bar an it turns out it’s y/n’s 

Mina x f!reader

Mina never forgot the look of betrayal on your face the day she asked you to not look for her again.

She knew what she did was wrong, but after such a long time with Chaeyoung, her heart begged to have a second chance with her. Mistakes can happen, people learn from them, they grow up and change for the better. At least that’s what she wanted to believe.

So she asked her to move in together, out of the city. Somewhere far enough for her to never cross paths with you again. Mina asked Chaeyoung to build a life together in Japan, where they got married after almost two years of getting back together. 

Mina was happy. She loved her wife and was ready to stop looking back, to stop reminiscing about the short time she spent with you going back and forth between the bar and the little road to her house. 

Deep inside, she hoped you were happy too. She hoped you would be living a happy life filled with blessings. 

But the way her heart fluttered at the thought of you, made her realize how she also hoped you thought of her from time to time.

Mina got a job at a good company in Tokyo. She spent almost all day at the office taking care of the multiple cases that were assigned to her, getting home really late, finding her wife soundly sleeping almost every day.

It didn’t take long for Chaeyoung to fall back on old habits. It started with her going away for a whole day, then a couple of days, until she didn’t come back to the house for a week. 

Mina knew she wasn’t a stay at home kinda girl. She needed her freedom, freedom that got cut short the moment they got married.

She was willing to put up with it, for the sake of their marriage, but after finding out Chaeyoung was seeing someone else, she couldn’t step back.

It cost her sleepless nights crying to herself. The life she had envisioned for the both of them crumbled down as she saw the girl that promised her a forever, going away with someone else. 

It took a couple of weeks for Chaeyoung to leave the place completely. No trace of her in the apartment they had rented in the best part of the city. But all the memories would come back at night, hurting Mina more than she could ever handle. 

She quitted her job immediately after finding out the same position was available in Seoul. After barely over a year of a failed marriage, she was ready to start a new journey from zero. Going back to Korea was also a chance to get reconnected with her old friends, the friends who never let go of her even if she moved to another country.

“I can’t believe you’re finally coming back!” Jihyo squealed over the phone.

Jihyo still lived in their old shared apartment in the town she used to live in. After Mina moved out, her girlfriend moved in and they have lived happily ever since.

“Sana is driving us to Seoul. Nayeon would probably tag along, too,” she informed enthusiastically, “we’ve missed you so much, Mina” she whispered the last part.

She missed them too. She missed the quietness of her old city, the closeness of the neighbors, her old little job. 

You.

“The first week of moving is going to be crazy,” Mina said, sighing deeply. “It’s gonna be refreshing seeing your faces over the weekend. I’ve missed you, too”.

From time to time, she let her mind wander around the thought of never leaving you. What could have happened if she never got back with Chaeyoung and decided to set for the good girl for once? 

“Have a nice trip, can’t wait to see you!” Jihyo said excitedly before hanging up.

As she guessed it, the first week of moving was hell. Some of her furniture didn’t arrive on time, the internet wasn’t connected yet, she still received the old tenant’s mail. The only thing getting her through was the fact that her friends were coming to the city to hang out with her on the weekend.

“It’s been ages!” Jihyo said, throwing herself to Mina’s arms after she opened the door of her new apartment.

Mina’s eyes filled with tears of happiness at the sight of her friends after almost three years of being away. All the memories coming back to her.

“Please come in”.

Neither Jihyo nor Nayeon liked their friend’s ex wife. They knew the kind of girl she was and were sure she deserved so much better. Even if they tried to warn her for the longest time, it felt like Mina was blinded. Blinded enough to go through all the suffering by herself so far from them. But now that she was back, they wouldn’t let her make any other wrong decision. They were going to take care of her, the way only real friends would.

“Let’s go out for a drink,” Jihyo suggested after catching up on their lives.

“Or several,” Nayeon replied, getting an amused chuckle from Mina.

“There’s this place,” Jihyo trailed off, getting her phone to look for the address, “that opened a few weeks ago… It’s only 10 minutes away from here!”

Nayeon took a look at her phone, “there’s no way we can get there without a reservation, we’ll have to queue for over an hour and yet we won’t be guaranteed to get in”.

Sana did the same. “Oh, I know that place,” she said, taking her own phone and typing something in, “my cousin works there as a bouncer, he can get us in if I ask him”.

“That’s why I love you!” Jihyo shouted, planting a big smooch on Sana’s cheek.

Sana giggled and made a phone call to make sure they could get in.

“Done!” she said, after a minute. “Don’t I deserve another kiss?” she asked Jihyo, offering her lips in a pucker this time.

Mina chuckled at them. After all this time, they were still going strong, supporting each other, living a happy life together. She sighed.

“It’s gonna be alright,” Nayeon said, caressing her friend’s arm after catching her sinking in her own thoughts. 

Mina nodded softly before they started getting ready to go out.

*

“I told you, this is the biggest deal these days,” Jihyo said as they found a parking spot near the bar. “Only the best people get in there, and we’re about to!”

“Where’s your cousin?” Nayeon asked.

“He’s over there, we gotta pretend we have VIP invitations tho. He’s gonna scan our phones and we can get it”.

Everyone in the queue looked at them with envy. Only top influencers, idols and public figures were personally invited to the place. So when they took their phones for the bouncer to scan the QR, people knew they were a big deal.

“I’m loving the attention,” Jihyo said as she stepped into the bar. 

As soon as Mina stepped in, a lot of things seemed oddly familiar. The way the bottles were scattered behind the bar, the colors of the lights and even the kind of music that was blasting through the speakers hanging from the roof.

“I’m gonna get us drinks,” Mina said. She wanted to relax, to forget everything that was on her mind so she knew what to do.

Making her way to the bar, she noticed there were also a lot of people waiting for their drinks. It took her a while to get the bartender’s attention but she made it at the end. She came back to the table with four tequila shots.

“To our friendship,” Jihyo said, wrapping her arm over Mina’s shoulder.

“To our friendship!!” the other girls replied with the same energy.

After a couple of shots, the girls were already on the dancing floor. Mina wasn’t a party girl under any circumstance, in fact, the nights she spent at the little bar you worked at were the most nights she was actually at a bar. However, the place she was at was ten times bigger, there was even a live band and dancers.

She smiled at herself just thinking about how different things would have been.

“Uhm… Mina?” Jihyo said, her eyes widening at something she saw in the distance.

Mina followed her gaze and as soon as she realized what surprised Jihyo, her own smile faded away.

“Y/N…?”

*

“Congratulations, Ms. Y/N,” the investor said, clinking her glass to yours. “This place is exactly what we were expecting in a business. I’m sure the board will just quickly review your balances but the outcome seems to be very positive”.

You took a zip of your drink and smiled widely at her words, taking a look at everything you had worked so hard for. The bar was a success, there were hundreds of people waiting to get in not only on the weekends, but every night. The investment you were being offered was the final push to get the brand overseas.

For everyone at the bar it was any other Saturday night. For you, it was the beginning of a journey.

You excused yourself and made your way to the bar, to check on everything as you used to do every night. The bartender was serving four tequila shots.

The transparent liquid brought a smile to your face. A smile that turned sour after a second, remembering how everything went down. 

From time to time you still wondered what you did wrong. Time had passed, yet her soft smile and her beautiful eyes would somehow sneak into your dreams to remind you of everything that could have been.

You sincerely hoped she was happy, even if it wasn’t with you.

“A shot of tequila, please,” you asked the bartender.

“Yes, boss,” he answered immediately, pouring the liquid on a small glass for you.

“This place is yours?!” a voice shouted from your side, almost making you choke on the drink.

“Uhm, yes?” you said, trying to remember where you knew that face from. It seemed really familiar, yet you didn’t want to give a wrong name.

“I’m Jihyo, remember me?”

Mina’s roommate, was the first thought that crossed your mind. Did that mean Mina was there too? A wave of nervousness crossed your body.

“I do,” you simply said, expectant of what she was going to say.

Part of you hoped Mina wasn’t there. Your life was starting to take off and seeing her would only bring you back to the dark place you were a couple of years ago after she broke things off.

But your heart hung onto the thought of her finally being available for you to love unconditionally, for her to give you the tiniest hope that you could be together.

“How’s… How’s Mina?” you blurted out, regretting immediately asking the question. You couldn’t help but check her socials from time to time and knew she was married and living happily with her wife in Japan.

It would only hurt more to have that information confirmed by her best friend.

“Uhm,” Jihyo trailed off, “well, she just moved back and…” she continued, “why don’t you ask her?” she asked, signaling to a table with her eyebrows.

You followed her gaze and froze on the spot.

Mina’s eyes were fixed on you as if she had been expecting you to look her way. Her fingers were fidgeting on a champagne glass. 

Your heart skipped a beat. Out of all things that could happen, seeing her was not something you expected. 

She looked beautiful, as always. Even if it felt like you haven’t seen her in ages, the feelings came back to you as if it had only been a day.

Your feet moved on their own approaching the table where she was sitting with two other girls. None of them seemed like the one that took her away.

She stood up immediately to walk towards you and it gave you the chance to notice there wasn’t a ring on her finger.

It only brought hope to you.

“Mina,” you whispered, not knowing what to do.

“Y/N,” she breathed out, “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her face filling with sadness.

You shook your head hurriedly at her words, trying to make them go away.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

Mina nodded, her anxiety being replaced by calmness once you showed her a sincere smile.

Not a hint of anger, resentment or anything she knew she deserved. 

“A shot of tequila, please,” she said, her eyes not leaving yours.

You smiled at her, getting behind the bar and serving two shots by yourself.

Maybe this was life giving you a second chance to start all over again.

And this time you were going to make it right.

[20forty9]

I Didn't Mean To Haunt You

Chapter III - Sisyphus

Summary : Suliman makes the spirit realize something about itself and the curse it bears. You find yourself feeling more down than usual.

Word Count : 5.3k

Warnings : Suicidal ideation, uncomfortable touching because it's Suliman, lol.

Pairings : Gojo Satoru/Reader, Geto Suguru/Reader, Everyone/Reader (Reverse Harem)

Cross-posted on Ao3

A/N : Hiya! Back with another short chapter. I'm posting this one early because I'll be away next week and won't update for 2 weeks. I'll be active on Tumblr as always, though! As an apology for my going away, you get more Satoru and Suguru this chapter! Enjoy, please let me know what you think of this chapter, I love reading your comments and they motivate me. (I see your comments ladies, and they make me smile - I'm lurkin' and I'm stalkin' when you least expect it-) (please someone get this reference, I'm embarrassed now)

  Sometimes the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain. ~Alice In Wonderland

Even after two or three weeks of back and forth blood tests, physical tests, psychological tests and even more tests , the initial shock that the spirit’s heart no longer belonged to itself didn’t wear off. It seemed that it checked its pulse every alternating hour, just to confirm that it truly wasn’t there. And each time without fail, there would be a lack of thumping underneath its shaky fingertips. 

The missing heart didn’t seem to stop any normal biological workings of its body, however. Sweat still formed underneath its palms, blood still pumped throughout its body, but it was a mystery as to how. Even with all the lingering questions at the back of its mind, the spirit was too afraid to ask, scared that there would be a possibility that it would learn something it would rather not know in the first place. 

It spends most of its time looking outside the window of its locked room. With every day that passes, it starts to resemble a prison cell more and more. The spirit would never imagine it would long for its old life, shrouded in naivety and unknowing of the current horrors it now faces. It feels melodramatic as it reminisces; stop complaining, you got what you deserved, a nasty voice says at the back of its mind . Why didn’t it just stay with its kind instead? Why did it have to wonder what the other side looked like? It spends most hours chastising itself for how stupid it was for shaking a dirty human’s hand. 

Said-dirty human unlocks the door to the spirit’s room, a small smile playing upon her lips. Dreading that Suliman is gathering it for another test, it cowers into the furthest corner of its bed, shoulders raised up to its ears as it tries to make itself seem as small as possible, as if it could make itself vanish into thin air, but the glare it sends her is deadly. 

“Oh, don’t give me that,” she says, sitting down on the bed, hands neatly folded over her lap. “I come bearing good news.” 

What you consider good news is terrible news for me, it thinks to itself, teeth grinding together. 

“You’ll be allowed outside today,” Suliman wistfully looks outside the window, peering down and observing the garden outside. 

That makes its eyes widen by a slight margin. It doesn’t remember the last time it felt the sun on its bare skin, nor the soft breeze enveloping it with a soft caress. Hell, it doesn’t even recall when it last smelled fresh air.

It realizes a moment too late that it gave too much of a reaction to the woman in front of it. She squints her eyes as the smile on her face grows, unnaturally so, pleased with herself. Too trusting, too expressive. Get a hold of yourself. 

“Follow me,” she beckons it to follow as she gets up from the bed, taking slow steps out of the doorway as she leads it down the dimly lit hallway. 

The spirit notices that there’s a new painting adorning one of the once-empty spaces along the wall; a picturesque illustration of a landscape made up of yellow sand and brown dead grass, with short trees with skinny stumps and lots of foliage. It can’t help but wonder where this location is. Its eyes scour the small details of the painting, noticing each brushstroke and dot that the artist left behind in their wake. The oranges and blues of the sky mix together, creating a beautiful sunset. At the bottom of the frame sits a golden plaque. 

South Malawi… it reads the words in its head. Wonder where that is. 

A shove to its shoulder from one of the men standing behind it pulls the spirit from its daydreaming, and begrudgingly, it continues to follow Suliman from behind. It knows it shouldn’t take the opportunity to go outside for granted, but it can’t help but think this is another one of her big schemes that will only cause pain and grievance. 

The small group makes their way to the impressive greenhouse, and though it has passed through it multiple times by now, it still can’t help but admire the humongous banana plant that nearly reaches the top of the archway of the glass ceiling. It can see that it is flowering, the pastel pink of the flower’s petals contrasting against the vibrant green of the plant’s huge leaves. The spirit doesn’t know if it’s Suliman who takes care of this herself, or if she has a team of gardeners for it, but either way it holds a small smidge of respect to whoever upkeeps the greenhouse. 

Right before they reach the exit of the greenhouse, Suliman stops and turns to face the spirit. 

“I expect that you’ll behave and listen to what I tell you to do,” she says, eyes boring into its own. “If you don’t, I’ll be very disappointed.” Code-word for ‘I have no problem tossing you back into that room where you first woke up and letting you rot.’ 

Anxiously, it subtly nods that it will obey her. As badly as it wants to turn tail and run, the spirit knows that there is a high chance that whatever plan it tries to pull will inevitably backfire on it. 

With that, the shaman smiles again with an air of satisfaction before she opens the doors. 

Immediately, a small breeze brushes against its face, as if the wind is welcoming it back outdoors. The spirit inhales deeply, the smell of dewy grass hitting its nostrils – the garden must’ve been recently watered. It’s early in the evening, the sun barely starting to set, so most people are inside preparing dinner, leaving Suliman, the spirit, and her small group of men to themselves. There are a few small bats starting to fly haphazardly from tree to tree, the afternoon light casting cool shadows along the ground. 

Suliman leads it through the gardens, her hands brushing through the neatly-trimmed foliage and stroking delicate flower petals. If she were anyone else, the spirit would think that this is the image of pure innocence, of embracing the natural beauty of the world, but in reality, it is anything but. Instead, this is the image of despicable ugliness, manipulation that can rot someone’s bones deep to their core.  

They arrive at an expanse of land that remains untouched by the gardeners, void of trees and any shrubbery. With a wave of her hand, the group of men stop walking, hanging back and staying still along the path of the gardens. Their cold eyes stay locked onto the spirit, analyzing each breath it takes. 

Meanwhile, Suliman continues to take a few steps forward, putting a fair amount of distance between her and the spirit. Her lips move as she moves her hands to form a symbol that it doesn’t recognize, familiar dark and wispy tendrils that once covered its arm being erected from the ground. 

It immediately takes a few steps back, arms raising defensively in front of itself, fists clenched in case the shaman tries to attack it again. Instead, a smirk plays upon her lips, and with another quick motion of her hands, the tendrils move to wrap around themselves, slowly shaping into what looks like a scarecrow; black and purple shadowy arms outstretched with skinny stump-like legs to keep it standing upright. 

When the weird scarecrow doesn’t show any sign of moving, the spirit’s shackles slightly lower, but its muscles are still tense in unease. It casts a confused look in Suliman’s direction, who approaches the spirit and steps behind it, her hand coming up to move its right bicep to raise again, this time to aim at the tendrils. Her other hand wraps around its waist, making dread and nausea pool in the familiar pit at the bottom of its stomach. It swallows down the rising bile at the back of its throat, eyes trying to focus on the scarecrow in the distance. Her touch makes its skin crawl, and it's almost considering ripping it off. 

Suliman hooks her chin over its shoulder, gaze boring into the side of its head. The hand resting on its waist trails up the side of its rib, making goosebumps erupt along its skin, before it latches onto its chin, turning its head to face her. Her unnaturally soft skin seems like sandpaper against its own, making it swallow back the uncomfortable amount of spittle gathering in its mouth. When did it become so powerless? 

“I want you to destroy that,” her eyes flit over to the scarecrow. “Use your fire.” 

With that, she retreats to observe from behind, hands clasped together in expectation. 

Its eyes drift back to the target in front of it. It knows from previous experience that if it tries anything with its other abilities, they won’t reply to its first initial pull until it does it again, but that only results in agonizing pain. What’s to say this won’t be different? 

The spirit takes a quick glance back to the shaman looming behind it. Her eyes are almost closed from the large grin that stretches across her face. Everything about her is just… wrong. Unfortunately, it can’t afford to piss her off unless it wants to get locked in that cellar once again. 

It takes a deep breath to steel itself, thumb pressing against its middle finger, closing its eyes to focus on singling out the cursed energy that surely must be enemating from the tendrils. Strangely enough, it feels nothing. Attributing it to its nervousness around Suliman, the spirit tries harder to concentrate, but there’s still a lack of cursed energy in the air. Very strange; a woman of her power should surely be exuding large amounts of it, especially the offsprings of her unintelligible technique, but there seems to be a void instead. Her control must be absolutely phenomenal, it thinks to itself. 

No matter – after countless years of being deaf, its other senses have become impossibly more refined. Its eyes can pick out details that others cannot see from long distances, and for its ability to actually hit anything, it must know precise measurements. In the case of the scarecrow, it stands exactly fifty-four meters away from the spirit. 

With a quick snap of its right hand, sparks emerge from the tips of its fingers, a hot beam of fire emerging and darting towards the target at high speeds, engulfing it in bright unnatural blue and cyan flames. When the flames and smoke dissipate a few seconds later, all that is left is a pile of ashes laying in the grass. 

The spirit felt absolutely no pain. 

But… 

“Isn’t it amazing, what a blazing fire can decimate in a matter of mere seconds?” Suliman immediately invades its view, interrupting its slowly dawning horror. “You are gifted with such immense power… you could destroy anything that stands in your path.” 

The insinuation that she has something else on her mind isn’t lost on it, but the spirit quickly backs away from her, trying to put a safe amount of distance between the two. Another snap of its fingers, and it summons a small flame on the tip of its index finger. Blue and cyan. It gets snuffed out as quickly as it came. 

The nausea seems to take over again; the flames aren’t as hot as they originally used to be and are a completely different colour. It’s an unfamiliar feeling to manipulate fire that feels like it doesn’t belong to itself, like the element knows its own existence is wrong. Hot white anger pulses through the spirit, teeth grinding together as its jaw clenches painfully hard. How dare she reduce it to this? How dare she manipulate its very being this way? She’ll pay. It will destroy her and everything she’s worked for. The spirit still has its fire, it will make sure it decimates everything here. She’ll fucking regret the day she met this spirit–

Searing pain courses from its left arm and spreads throughout its entire body, making it double over, heaving and gasping shallow breaths of air. As it tries to recuperate itself, it sees Suliman crouch down to meet its eyes, tilting her head as if to taunt it further. 

“Sorry, did I forget to mention…?” She says, grey eyes lighting up in morbid glee. “You better learn how to control that anger, spirit. What is it that Mark Twain said… oh, I know! Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Or something along those lines– honestly, he never interested me very much.” 

Her gaze trails down to the spirit’s left arm, and its own follows. Underneath the short silk wrap, it notices that the curse mark has peeked through the fabric. Did the fabric move when it snapped its fingers…? Wait, no–

“–It’s spreading,” Suliman finishes its thought process. 

Just when it felt a flicker of hope at the prospect of being able to use its fire to ruin this god forsaken place, it all comes crumbling back down. There is no winning against this cruel shaman and whatever demented curse that has been placed upon it. 

“Well, that’s enough for today. It’s getting late,” she says, waving a simple gesture at the men on standby. They immediately make their way over, surrounding her and the spirit as they force it to walk forward back towards the greenhouse. “I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson.”

As the sun sets behind them, the spirit can’t help but think it would rather die than be here. 

It yearns to let itself rot in the ground and let go. 

 

It’s been about a week or so since you have seen any of the other students around campus. You would like to assume it’s the higher-ups doing it on purpose, trying to isolate you from the rest of them, but in reality you know that it’s you doing this to yourself. You’ve barely left your dorm room, spending your days moping in bed instead. For some reason, the nightmares have been getting worse. Though you used to be able to go for days without sleep, it doesn’t seem to apply to you now. 

Your hands tremble, muscles weak and face dripping with sweat every time you wake up violently from whatever nightmare you were having. It’s enough to drain you for the rest of the day. Instead of going outside and training or doing anything else to distract yourself from it, you stare at the wall in front of you, eyes unfocused and mind anywhere but the present. 

The lack of sleep makes the pain in your arm more bothersome than ever, but you can’t find it in yourself to care enough to take the shitty medication Yaga gives you. It sits untouched on the nightstand beside your bed. 

It doesn’t help that you’ve also barely eaten, only having a few snacks that you keep in one of the drawers in the room and some water when you feel like you can stomach it. You had just enough energy today to take a shower for the first time in nearly a week, so maybe you’ll be able to actually eat a meal this evening. 

You currently lay down on your side, back facing the doorway and gazed fixed upon the blank wall that the bed is pressed up against. Your hair is still damp from the shower you took an hour ago (you couldn’t be bothered to dry it), strands of hair staining the pillowcase with water. Your arms are left uncovered, clean bandages laying on the floor, exposing the curse mark and old scars that run along the length of them. 

It felt like just when you thought things could start to look up, life always threw you in for another loop, no matter how hard you tried and continued to try. There were days where this bothered you more than usual, and some days where you just didn’t care enough, feeling completely numb. At least when you pretended to be happy, putting on a nice smile and ignoring the constant nagging voice at the back of your mind, you could imagine what it would be like to feel normal for once. 

There’s a sudden large palm that gently touches your back, making you suck in a deep breath and flinch away, quickly turning your head to face whatever was disrupting your peace. Wide eyes lock onto dark brown ones, the familiar sight of Yaga greeting you instead of an enemy. 

“ Sorry,” the teacher signs, immediately retracting his hand, opening his mouth to speak. “I tried to grab your attention, but you weren’t responding . ”

Immediately, you break eye contact and shake your head. 

“ It’s fine, ” you move your hands lazily in reply. 

Yaga takes in the sight; messy unkempt hair sticks up at awkward angles, your eyes are impossibly sunken in, and there’s a shake to your hands when you sign. The brunette sighs out deeply, disappointed that he didn’t catch onto this sooner. 

“Come with me, let’s get you out of this room,” he says. 

You can’t look directly at him, but you can’t tear your eyes away from his lips, either. I don’t want to, you think to yourself, I don’t want to go out there right now. I want to stay here. Leave me alone. 

“You can’t stay in here and rot in bed all day, it’s not good for you. At least come with me to prepare some tea,” Yaga refuses to leave you alone in this state of mind, having become familiar with it by this point. There are bad days, and then there are worse days. 

Empty, droopy eyes look back at him, not a single trace of emotion across your face. You know he won’t leave until he gets what he wants – you remember the time Yaga dragged you out of the room by the feet as you threw a tantrum – and resolutely shuffled your body to get out of bed. 

Satisfied, Yaga stands up, extending a hand that you don't accept. Instead, you take the bandages laying on the floor and wrap them around to cover both arms individually. Though they’re loose, you don't want to be touched by anyone right now. Even though it’s not cold enough, you take an oversized hoodie and put it on, the loose sleeves barely touching the bandages. You’re already wearing some soft baggy sweatpants and fuzzy socks on your feet. 

Without exchanging any words or signs, Yaga leads you out of the room after you put your shoes on. You don't bother looking up, either, too wrapped up in your own self-pity to really care enough about what he may have to say to you. 

There’s a communal kitchen in the dormitories, and the teacher must’ve passed through before visiting your room because there are already two mugs full of piping hot green tea set on the table. Slowly, you both sit down across from each other. 

For a solid twenty minutes, you don’t talk. Both of you slowly sip on your tea, letting the taste comfort you. You feel your muscles start to loosen up, though you can’t tell if it’s from exhaustion catching up or from the relaxed state the drink puts you in. 

Yaga doesn’t ask any questions about what is running through your mind, knowing he won’t get an answer. When you are in this state, you tend to keep everything close to your chest; whether it’s because you want to, or because you don't know where to start or what to say is unknown to the both of you. For lack of a better term, you shut down. 

Instead, he decides to take your mind off of things. 

With a tap to the table to grab your attention, Yaga puts his cup down. 

“I got approval from the elders to send you out on a mission with my students,” he says. 

Your eyebrows lightly raise in surprise. You weren't expecting them to fold that quickly, even though it took a few weeks. 

“They’ll be sending you all out tomorrow,” he takes the last sip left of his tea. “I want you to be very careful, don’t unleash anything that will make them lose their minds.”

You nod, feeling the swell of determination blossom in your chest. “ I won’t let you down. ” 

Yaga slightly tilts his head to the side, the corners of his mouth quirking up very subtly. 

“When have you ever?” 

You look down at your empty mug. Just now? When I could barely manage to get out of bed, like usual? I let my emotions get the better of me again, I’ve become weak. It’s an endless cycle. I’m so tired. 

Instead of acknowledging any of these thoughts anymore, you look back up at your friend, sending him a tired smile, one that you hope comes across as genuine. 

“Nevertheless, stay alert and please take care of my students for me,” the teacher says, rising from his chair. “And go take a walk before the sun sets today.” 

He doesn’t see you rolling your eyes behind his back as he walks away – he acts too much like a father sometimes. However, you decide to listen to Yaga anyway; a walk will do you some good. 

After putting your empty cup in the dishwasher, you stuff your hands in the pocket of your hoodie, making your way outside. It’s more cloudy than usual today, the sun barely peeking through the dark clouds, but that doesn’t deter you. You take slow steps as you try to enjoy a leisurely stroll around campus. There doesn’t seem to be a single soul around today, probably staying inside just in case it starts raining. 

It’s been a long time since you have lived in isolation away from everyone besides the man who took you in, so you don't feel lonely as you walk down the pathway by yourself, but you have to admit that it feels like something is missing. Though you had only interacted with Yaga’s students a handful of times, they had a certain energy they brought to the room, one that couldn’t be replicated on its lonesome. Geto, Gojo and Shoko always freely joke around each other, complimenting each other’s personalities perfectly. 

You find yourself yearning for that connection that they have with each other. 

You look up ahead, feet dragging along the ground as you notice a figure sitting underneath the shadows of a large tree, lost in their own world. The pure white hair is unmistakingly Gojo’s, who seems to be alone for once, not surrounded by his entourage of friends. He seems to be looking down at something in his lap, and you decide to approach him. 

Gojo hears your footsteps on the pavement before he sees you, peering through his glasses to look at you. 

“Wow, you look like shit,” he says. 

Direct to the point as always. 

You simply nod in reply. Too exhausted to think about Gojo’s discomfort surrounding the cursed spirit situation, you sit down next to him, back pressed against the thick trunk of the tree. Your shoulders are nearly touching, but you make sure to lean back just far enough once you notice the proximity. 

You observe Gojo’s face from the side for a moment, noticing the furrow of his brows and the tired look in his eyes hiding behind the pair of sunglasses. If you were in any other state of mind, you might say that the white-haired man looks sad , but you quickly shake that thought out of your mind. Him, being sad? He’s the most arrogant and extroverted person here, always surrounded by someone. And yet…

Gojo closes the book resting in his lap when he notices you trying to take a subtle peek at what he was reading. There’s a strange leaping sensation in your throat as you see the cover.  

Why is he reading a book about sign language? 

The white-haired man tries to shuffle the book out of your sight, putting his large hands over it and turning to face you slightly. 

“Can I help you?” He asks, and shit, you can’t tell if he’s joking or being sarcastic now that his eyes are covered by the pitch-black sunglasses. 

You shrug awkwardly, shaking your head no. 

“Wait, no, try signing instead,” Gojo says, turning his body slightly to face you more. You raise an eyebrow, but obey him anyway. 

“ Seemed like you could use some company, ” you sign. 

Gojo stares at him for a moment, brows furrowing, before he shakes his head, looking absolutely stumped. “Nope, I got nothing.” 

Not entirely surprised, you point from the book to him. Why do you have this in the first place? 

He huffs, sunglasses dropping down to the tip of his nose, bright blue eyes averting to look anywhere but at you. 

“I gotta know when you’re talking shit about me,” he says, crossing his arms. “Plus, sensei seems to be super keen on trying to get you to join us for missions, so I have to understand you somehow. You can’t fight and write in that dumb notebook of yours at the same time.” 

Though you can’t speak in the first place, you find yourself speechless. Or motionless, in this case . Gojo was so rude on your first meeting, shackles raised and ready to fight you at any moment, yet here he is now, determined to try to pick up sign language faster than any other person you have ever known… though he words it in his own strange way. 

Unable to formulate a reply, you give him a soft smile, one that you know you don't need to fake. 

The white-haired male doesn’t speak any further until he looks down at the book, moving his hands off of it to open it again, then looking back up at you, whose eyes are already on his lips. 

“Teach me how to sign my name.” 

So, for the next twenty minutes, you teach Gojo how to fingerspell his name, the latter catching on rather quickly. Of course he’s naturally good at sign language , you think to yourself somewhat bitterly. 

Gojo’s blue eyes are uncovered at this point, sunglasses resting on top of his head as he brings his entire focus to the lesson at hand. He seems strangely invested, nodding his head vigorously as you sign your own name, then a common greeting. 

His attention is finally diverted to something behind you. Gojo waves at the person with a small grin stretched across his face. Curious, you turn around, seeing Geto approach the duo. 

“Hey guys, what’re you doing over here?” He asks, taking a seat in the grass in front of the two of you, legs crossed. He notices the book in Gojo’s hand. “Sign language?” 

“Yeah,” The latter shrugs nonchalantly. 

Geto grabs the book from off his friend’s lap, flipping through the pages. Wondering what the pictures look like, you move over to peer over Geto’s shoulder and take a glance at them. The raven-haired man tilts his head slightly to the side to allow for a better view, pausing at a specific page. 

“Ohh, look, they have signs for animals,” he smiles. 

An image of an unhealthy black betta fish sits right next to another of a pure white one with healthy fins. There’s a smaller picture of a red and white koi fish underneath both of them, rolled over on its back. Next to the images are illustrations of hand signals, with the names and meanings written next to them. 

“This is how you sign fish, right?” He asks, turning to look at you. You suddenly notice how close your faces are to each other, but neither of you make a move to change that as you nod, pointing to the black fish. 

“Sad fish, ” you sign, then point to the other one. “ Happy fish. ” Then, the red and white one. “ Dead fish.” 

All three of you suddenly deadpan. 

“Did you seriously pick up a kid’s book on sign language?” Geto turns his head up to look at Gojo. 

“They didn’t have any other available books, sue me!” He immediately exclaims in defense, yanking the book back. “There weren’t many sign language books.” 

“Kinda morbid for a kid’s book, don’t you think?” 

“It’s never too early to learn about mortality!” He says with a gleeful smile spread across his face before reading through the pages again. 

You huff in amusement before you get nudged by Geto’s elbow, who looks at you expectantly. 

“How do I sign my name?” He asks, the look in his eyes so soft that it makes you nervously look away for a second. 

Another ten minutes pass as you teach them both how to sign each other’s name. You’re just about to move onto Shoko’s name when there’s a large flash of light that explodes from the dark grey clouds in the sky. Immediately, it starts pouring. Thick droplets of rain cascade and puddles are already forming in the divets in the ground. 

“Oh shit – let’s go inside!” Gojo exclaims, lifting his shirt up to hide the book underneath it to protect it. 

“Run, run ! Go!” Geto laughs, grabbing your wrist and heaving you up off the ground, the three of you immediately dashing through the storm to the dormitories. Your converse are completely soaked when the raven-haired man accidentally makes you run through a large puddle, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. The cold rain is so refreshing as it hits your skin, waking you up more than your blistering shower did this morning. 

You look back at Gojo, who frantically scrambles behind the two of you to slam the door shut as the wind picks up, blowing rain into the entranceway of the building. 

The three of you exchange looks with each other, taking in each other’s soaked appearances. Then, the two young men burst into laughter, you silently laughing, eyes crinkling as the smile spreads widely across your face. You can see Gojo and Geto’s shoulders shake from their sniggering. 

Your clothes are anything but dry, sticking awkwardly to your skin with mud covering you head-to-toe, but it’s so amusing that you all just keep chortling at the situation. 

“Wh– wait– what happened to the book?!” Geto asks his friend through bursts of chuckles. 

Gojo reaches underneath his soaked shirt, pulling the book out; all the pages are crinkled, water dripping down the spine of it. He pouts, realizing it’s completely ruined. 

“Aw man,” he whines. “It’s totally done for.” 

Reluctantly, he throws it in the trash bin near the front door, knowing there’s nothing he can do to salvage it. 

“Well,” Geto says after catching his breath, looking at the two of you. “Guess we gotta go dry off. I’m gonna go take a warm shower, that rain was freezing .” 

Gojo’s already running back to his own room, waving a simple goodbye to them and leaving a trail of water in his wake. 

Geto awkwardly throws a smile in your direction. “See you tomorrow, I guess?” 

You nod in reply, grinning and doing a sideways peace sign. “ See you later.” 

As the raven-haired man walks in the same direction that Gojo went, you steal a quick glance at the trash bin. You make your way over to it, peering inside, and hesitantly reach an arm inside of it, grabbing the book that was thrown away just mere moments ago. 

You hold the book close to your chest, heading in the opposite way from where the two men disappeared into to go back to your own room, feeling a weird sense of satisfaction in the back of your mind.

[moochii-daisies]

2015.01.

- 18+ Minors DNI

Warnings - Content Contains: None for this chapter! Maybe a moment of tension/annoyance?

Side Notes: fun fact - jk wasn't planned to be this way at all but someone cooked here (me) i hope you enjoy and thank you for reading if you do :) <3

Find the rest here!

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     I didn't see Yoongi or any of the guy's for two years after I left.

     Yoongi texted me midway through my bus trip home, asking that I send back his jacket so that he could be reminded of me whenever he smelled it. He didn't say anything about his scarf, so I kept it. Sleeping with it every night for three months after I returned.

     My mom had been fuming when I got back home and took away my phone until the next semester of school started. Hissing out her reasoning, that I "wasn't responsible enough to be trusted" and that "phone's were an adult privilege I could have after reflecting on what it meant to be an adult".

     I don't think anybody truly knows what that means. Especially adults.

     I used my laptop to let Yoongi know through Tumblr and spent the next few weeks more spaced out than usual. With no phone to distract me, everything that happened with the guys took over my thoughts completely - warping between unbearably real and too absurd to be true. This carried on for nearly a month after the trip, until school started up again. I went to classes, handed my paychecks over to my mom and snuck out with friends whenever one was able to come pick me up. My time spent at that magical house in late November came back to me in dreams. Life had snapped back to the way it had always been, and those few days with the guy's drifted into the background like a distant memory.

     I stayed in touch with most of them though - Jimin sent dance videos and asked for story updates. Hobi would ask about life and share clips of songs he was composing. Namjoon sent pictures of them all out doing things together, at parties, on hikes - things like that. I got selfies and stream of consciousness texts from Tae whenever he was working a shift at the convenience store (sometimes he'd throw in an art piece he was working on for feedback and ask me to send him my own).

     Jin called me drunk a few times or whenever he was bored at the radio station. He didn't text much beyond cryptic one word messages or to share a new terrible joke he loved.

     At first, Yoongi and I texted the most. Venting to each other about our days as they turned into nights, at which point we'd video call for hours, until one of us fell asleep.

     At first, there were talks of missing each other, reminiscing on how it felt to be close, how the kisses we shared were anticipated and experienced from each point of view. We laughed over how nervous and clueless we both were, about how the other felt the whole time.

     At first, we'd stay up until our eyes burned and the sun had started to rise again. Asking all the questions we had for each other, learning everything there was for us to learn. Sleep felt insignificant, like something to apologize, because it only got in the way of conversation. We stayed up three days in a row once, and he was so tired at work that he called me from the bathroom. And made me promise even if we stayed on the phone all night, we had to at least try to sleep.

    Things felt dangerously close after we started sharing art. Exchanging poetry and books we both loved, discussing the lines that stood out or meant the most to us and what we thought they meant. We didn't agree on everything, but the conclusions we each came to complimented the other. Different sides of the same coin - when we shared our views and saw how they fit together, it felt complete. Whole. A theme that repeated itself throughout everything we discussed. Yoongi made playlists of songs for me to listen to and would quiz me on them afterwards,, to make sure that I listened. I started practicing how to write song lyrics and sent him some verses that I hoped would be up to his standards.

     He always said that he loved them.

     "I love how your mind works," he told me, "I wish I could get inside of it.".

     And I got flustered to the point that I could barely respond. A cheesy grin plastered across my face as I returned the compliments. Blathering on about how his creative genius inspired me.

It was perfectly imperfect. It turned four-five months into one week. It made getting to know each other an act so intimate, that it had to be done at a distance.

We got to have that.

     But it was around April, when he left.

     Not all at once, but-

     The messages started getting shorter.

     We stopped Facetiming.

     Telling him about my day got returned with "lol's" or "ok's".

     And he never told me what was happening.

When we were on the phone once during that time, a sharp inhale gave me hope that he was going to come out and say it. But he just muttered out a "never mind", and ended the call.

     The abrupt change in his behavior snatched my heart from my chest and began to suffocate it.

     I couldn't go back to see him or confront him face to face through the distance. It was like watching a car crash I couldn't look away from, except I was in the car that was crashing. And for some reason, he was no longer in it with me.

     Our last call to each other was just before finals week, in May. I asked him, for the last time, if anything was wrong.

     If he was mad at me in any way.

     A dry, "Is there something I should be mad about?" was the only response I got.

Change is a funny thing, isn't it? It doesn't always happen the same way. But it can creep up on you so slowly sometimes that it goes completely unnoticed - until you blink once and find yourself on a completely different path. It's a love-hate relationship with change. Yoongi and I both struggled with it in our own ways.

Being opposite ends of the same spectrum - doing our own thing took us down different roads very quickly. He dug his heels into the dirt and I gave into the current.

Maybe that's why things ended up the way that they did. Maybe if we had just been more alike, or more different - Anyways.

     Jungkook and I hadn't spoken at all after I left. I figured it was for the best. That we agreed to not tell Yoongi about what happened between us and to just leave it at that. It was for the best after all, right?

     Telling Yoongi we had kissed would only hurt him, and Jungkook and I weren't going to be together.

     Telling him would be like throwing acid at him, just to tell him that it was old acid and not to worry about it anymore.

     However, two weeks after Yoongi and I stopped talking entirely, Jungkook started to text me.

     Like it was a completely normal thing to do, like there was no reason why he wouldn't.

     There was a knife twisting in my gut as the "what if" game: Emotionally Heartwrenching Edition, began.

     There were a few top contenders for being the most likely.

     Either;

     1.) Jungkook had told Yoongi about what happened, and Yoongi had gotten mad. (Understandably.)

     2.)  One of the guys had let it slip by accident and Yoongi had gotten mad. (Understandably.)

     3.) Lacey had seen Jungkook and I on the dance floor, and had taken her sweet time before telling Yoongi. Maybe waiting until the trust had started to build between us, so that the breaking of it would hurt that much more. (Not as understandable.)

     Jungkook mentioned nothing about it, simply picking up where we had left off, being a devastatingly good sweet talker and annoyingly easy to have conversations with.

     We had been talking for about a week before I brought it up to him and my phone rang seconds after I sent the message. I was sitting in bed, legs criss-crossed and knuckles white from death gripping my blanket.

     He had no idea what had happened, he told me. All he knew was that Yoongi had started hanging out with Lacey again after a shift at the venue. And that when the guy's had asked him about me, he had shrugged them off without saying a word about it.

     He thought we drifted apart naturally - a mutual thing. That it'd be okay to talk to me again, since Yoongi and I weren't anymore.

     With that, Option 3 rose to the most likely scenario and I felt a little sick.

     "Oh." was all I could say. And I hated how meek my voice sounded, not wanting to ask Jungkook of all people to find out more for me.

     Jungkook took it upon himself to offer. And I thanked him in a(n apologetic but,) flat and listless tone.

     "I swear I didn't tell him what happened baby," he sounded desperate and pleading, " If I had known he just dipped on you I would've brought it up. I'll go talk to the guy's, he's at work right now anyways. Hang on a sec, ok?".

I couldn't form words to reply for some reason, a small "mhm" was all I could manage.

After Jungkook hung up, I sat there in a daze. Different scenes of Lacey telling Yoongi at work one night were flashing through my mind. I cut the less realistic ones short, tossed aside the hyper-dramatized and rapid fire edited the imagined versions down to the most probable one.

The idea of anxiety being unrealistic felt laughable. I didn't want to be right. I wished Jungkook had given any other response besides the one he did. I could've accepted that Yoongi spontaneously decided he was sick of and hated me more easily. Because at least those didn't confirm what I feared to be true.

...And I also didn't want to accept the fault I played into this happening in the first place. No matter what Lacey said, I did kiss Jungkook. A few times. And I did have feelings for Jungkook, - they were different than my feelings for Yoongi, sure, but there all the same.

It was easier to be angry at Lacey.

I didn't keep talking to Jungkook, I had chosen to pursue things with Yoongi. Jungkook and I had come to an understanding. Who the hell did she think she was? To stir things up like that? Things were moving forward, things were-

Jimin's name and face lit up on my phone screen and the buzzing of the phone call made me jump.

"Hello?" My hands were clumsy and disconnected as I answered.

"Lovely! Oh my god, are you ok? Well- probably not. Ok, hang on-" Jimin's sweet voice was raised while an array of voices jumbled together in the background. "GUYS! I swear to fuckin' god, we can all talk to her. She only has one pair of ears. Here, lemme get you on speaker.".

"MY ANGEL WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOONGI?!" Tae's deep voice blared through the phone so loudly it vibrated in my hand a little.

"Oooh my god shut up, she doesn't know. Hi hi! It's Hobi! We miss you!" Hobi's voice sang through the phone, slightly louder than the rustling sounds of Tae being pushed away.

"Yo! You good? We're all out here on the couch, Tae hung what you painted in the living room. Looks nice!" Namjoon's mellow voice came next.

     Against my will, I felt a smile start tugging across my face.

"Soooo, we're still us. You miss this madness? Lemme trade with you." Jin groaned.

"Okay, so I got everyone!" I heard Jungkook pipe up from a distance.

"Hey guys," their comforting chaos made me chuckle, "Miss you all. No trades, wish you were all here with me." I felt myself relaxing as soon as I got the words out.

"Ok, so, here's the deal. I got the scoop." Jimin started.

Stretching out onto my stomach, I laid my head on an arm to press the phone against my ear. "Bless you" I sighed, chewing on my cheek. "Lay it on me please, before I drive myself insane.".

"Well, uh, Lacey saw you and Jungkook dancing and decided to tell Yoongi about it. I don't know what she said exactly, but she went real heavy on the explicit nature of the dancing. Naughty. Anyways, she convinced Yoongi to get drinks with her that night and they've been hanging out ever since," Jimin paused, huffing out air into his phone so loudly that it tickled.

"Uh, yeah so, she's working real hard to try and get together with him. She felt...weird around you apparently, and is pulling this whole "sweetheart" act-"

"THAT NONE OF US ARE BUYING!" Tae interjected, grabbing the phone from Jimin.

There was a pause before any of them spoke again, and muffled sounds of fighting over the phone filled the air.

"Look man, you know we don't like Lacey for Yoongi, she's always fucked with his head and we don't see this going well. But like, you know, he's a grown man. We can't tell him what to do." Namjoon was working to sound casual, but sympathy was clear in his tone.

I didn't say anything at first and stared at the wall.

"Well, that sucks." was all I could think to say.

Laughing bitterly to myself, I rolled on my back and let out a grumble.

"I mean, I did dance with Jungkook. I'm pissed she decided to say something months after the fact, it feels sketchy I think? But, he wouldn't tell me what to do. So I'm not gonna try and tell him what to do either." I said it like it was a matter of fact. Like I wasn't copying Namjoon's rationality and internally screaming an obscene string of cuss words at Lacey, Yoongi and myself.

"Be pissed girl!" Hobi hollered, "It's not just sketchy to you. We all, well, almost all of us are pissed for you." his words sped up at the end, blurring together before the phone jostled again.

Jungkook's voice was quieter than normal, sweeter than I expected it to be.

"I'm pissed for you too. It's not like I was happy not talking to you or whatever, but I don't wanna see you hurt. I'm pissed at Yoongi for hurting you like this if I can be real about it." it felt like he was trying to hold my heart in his hands. Gently. Not wanting to squeeze too tight.

I thanked him (and them) and they said they'd have news about visiting next time before hanging up.

There was a ringing in my ears that made everything feel weird underneath me. Like I could feel the Earth turning but I wasn't a concrete part of it.

But it was for only a few moments because Jungkook called me back privately, whispering that he'd stepped outside and wanted to check in on me.

The hurt had turned into a little devil on my shoulder, poking at every way this was all my fault.

"Baby?" Jungkook's cute pet name for me suddenly burned.

"Mhm."

"Do you not wanna talk to me anymore? Like, are you too sad about Yoongi?" the worry in his voice sent guilt hurdling into me.

"Of course I do, I'm sorry. This just, caught me off guard. I am sad? I think I'm too thrown off to feel it right now maybe? I don't know, we did more than just dance together y'know." I brought it up scornfully without thinking, immediately fearful that it sounded more abrasive than I had intended.

The smile in Jungkook's voice was poorly disguised in his response, "Sooo, you've been thinking about us kissing?".

The cute behavior was unfair. Any time I was upset, Jungkook had an infuriatingly charming response to get me smiling again.

I wanted to wallow, dammit.

But the thought of kissing him curled my toes and if I had been strong enough, I'm sure my phone would've crumbled in my hand.

I mumbled out an embarrassed, "I don't know", which made Jungkook snicker before quickly whispering that he'd thought about it too. He hung up as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

There didn't seem to be a way to make it right.

It wasn't like my feelings for Yoongi had gone anywhere. They were sitting along the bottom of my ribcage and slowly gnawing away at me.

Flipping through the consequences and complications of every situation I could imagine, I landed on two options that seemed like the Right Choice.

Option 1: Talk to Yoongi and apologize. Possibly stop talking to all of them if he couldn't forgive me.

Option 2: Leave Yoongi alone and possibly stop talking to all of them so that I wouldn't become a source of tension for the group.

I couldn't imagine being on bad terms with just one of them, or not talking to just one of them.

I could respect Yoongi's choice and also let him know I was sorry for not telling him. That I didn't think hurting him was okay. I don't know, maybe I wanted to give him an explanation so badly in hopes that he'd understand and forgive me.

More than that though, I wanted to say sorry because I was sorry. And it felt important to say, regardless of what happened afterwards.

Despite that train of thought, it took me a month and a half to work out what to say.

And another month to find the courage to send it.

He never responded.

     I didn't stop talking to the others like I thought I'd have to.

And I kept talking to Jungkook.

     Whenever I couldn't sleep, he'd set up his phone so I could watch him play video games until I drifted off. He'd call me at work and ask to be held in my pocket so he could hear how my day went (it was a bad line he'd gotten from Jin, but he wound up liking doing it).

He told me that he'd apologize to Yoongi for suggesting that we don't tell him.

     It was so easy with Jungkook.

     I couldn't say when he became a part of my daily life. It was more like I woke up one day and just couldn't remember how life had ever felt without him.

     My feelings for him were warm, like a nap in the sunshine. We grew incredibly protective over each other, and both had to convince the other not to make impulsive trips when one of us was sad. While Yoongi was an opposite, Jungkook was a twin. Eerily similar, to the point where it felt like we shared a brain cell. If I jumped, he would jump with me. If he fell, I would fall too.

     Anytime either of us found something interesting, we would spend the next week or two both learning about it. Blowing phone's up with fun facts and side topics that we'd come across during our research.

     We weren't just friends. There wasn't any denying that.

     But we never talked about what we were, there was just understanding. Natural, simple, that was how it always was with him. I almost hesitate to call it peaceful, but that's what it was - regardless of circumstance.

I didn't hear back from Yoongi for almost a year and a half.

It was midday, on a Tuesday.

I'd just gotten out of my last class for the day.

Yoongi called me.

"Uh, hey." his voice sounded strange. The hint of excitement he allowed through was working to keep something else pushed back.

"Hey, it's been so-" My response was cut off by another girls voice.

"Hey it's me, do you remember me?" Lacey's giggle shot through the speaker and my spine went rigid.

I had to keep moving, taking loops around school buildings and letting myself get lost. I told Lacey I did remember her and she squealed before saying to Yoongi, "You see? I'm very memorable.". The sound of a kiss squelched into my ear and I gritted my teeth.

Why they hell were they calling me?

"So yeah, uh, anyways, we just found a place near you. Most of the guys will come with us, Jin has to sort out some work stuff before he can join though. So uh, we'll be there in early November. See you then?". He sounded uncertain.

I was turning a corner as he said it and misjudged the distance, smacking a shoulder into concrete.

"Did you just hit something?" the concern in his voice pissed me off.

I felt stubborn for no reason.

"No.", I scoffed, "But I'm excited to see you all again. Thanks for letting me know.". Coldness felt like a necessary strategy. Especially with Lacey on the phone with us.

I didn't feel cold though, I felt like disintegrating.

They were getting a place together.

They were moving here.

[likesunsetorange]

https://x.com/llumi_ii/status/1749483411385827672?s=46&t=6gibj1UxMbLn0YGDvwIicw

OUR PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED

OMG YES I SAW!!!! that’s literally so her i love it so much this mirror palais collection is so bodyguard au mikasa!!! and lia really blesses us with mikasa in the cutest outfits, i always look forward to her art when she posts 😭🩷

i'm sorry this took so long to reply to but i really wanted to write something for this, so i hope you enjoy!!! :)

also slight nsfw warning? lol!

While they weren’t necessarily sharing a mutual dislike for one another anymore, they weren’t necessarily friends either. But Eren also wouldn’t say they weren’t not friends either—it was complicated, but it wasn’t—he was her bodyguard whom she happened to live with, but there was something a bit more there—or at least he thought.

In the weeks since they had come to a truce of the sorts, they had developed a routine of the sorts. He would accompany her on her daily errands (as he was supposed to), but she welcomed his company rather than Mikasa feeling as if Eren was an unwanted presence. It was almost as if they were spending time together rather than Eren doing his job. Even when she spent hours trying on clothes, or trying to choose between (what Eren deemed was the same) lace ribbons, he found himself with the faintest hint of a smile on his face. Once they were back at her house, they would disperse amongst themselves until later in the evening when they would often cook together or watch whatever movie Mikasa picked for them.

The peace within the house was nice, and he found himself appreciating the little things a bit more. When she wasn’t busy throwing insults at him or criticizing every little thing he did, she was actually quite sweet. It was ironic to Eren how a lot of her personality was reminiscent of that first initial encounter—before she drugged him—leading Eren to believe maybe all of it hadn't been as much of an act as he had initially thought.

Today, much like any other day, after a day of various errands and a shower, Eren found himself preoccupied in the kitchen, but rather than cooking dinner like he usually would, he made himself a bowl of cereal, much to what he would assume would be Mikasa’s displeasure. Mikasa had him running around the entirety of the city, somehow managing to go through multiple burroughs (which he didn't even think was possible in NYC) for all of her menial errands, and he couldn't be bothered to make anything, so cereal would have to do.

He had made it through his second bowl of cereal when he heard Mikasa's voice on the phone, approaching. Her figure came into view, her hair damp and clinging to her back and her bangs pinned out of her face with little heart clips. She was wearing one of the many pair of pajamas she owned, today, these ones pink with little red hearts.

There weren't many things Eren allowed himself to indulge in when it came to Mikasa—he tried to keep those thoughts few and far between. But there was one thing that would plague his mind from time to time, no matter how hard he tried. It came in bouts of small moments when he was reminded that at the end of the day, he was a man living with an objectively attractive female who paid no mind to his presence, prancing around her house like she still lived alone.

It came in the form of Mikasa and her abundance of exquisitely crafted satin and silk pajamas—something that to the normal person, was seemingly harmless. Initially, it was. Eren found himself a bit endeared by her seemingly neverending collection, almost looking forward to which pair she'd wear every night—some patterned, some solid, some adorned with little embellishments or details of different fabrics.

But then, for reasons unbeknownst to him, the seemingly cute matching button-up shirts and pants turned into tiny shorts and slip shirts. So the thoughts that Eren tried not to allow cross his mind, ran rampant. When her clothes highlighted the curves of her body, accentuating every dip and crevice, leaving little to his imagination, and the dusking of her nipples against the smooth satin (since Mikasa refused to turn off the AC despite always being cold), it was hard for Eren to think anything but unholy things.

His mind ventured to places of how her skin would feel against his, if her sweet demeanor was applicable elsewhere, and if her smart mouth was good for other things too. And surely Mikasa, who at one point Eren had been sure was Satan incarnate, wasn't all that innocent either—with her sultry looks and sly touches—which only fueled his thoughts further. But Eren allowed these to only exist in his brain in brief glimpses, and would quickly tuck them back into the deepest crevices of his brain where they belonged—for the sake of his sanity and his pride. He would resume his gaze from her very nicely crafted body to her equally pretty face, pretending that he hadn't just imagined multiple ways he wanted to fuck her.

When Mikasa's gaze finally met Eren's he made it a point to keep his eyes on her face, which is exactly how he noticed her face turn from her usual blank expression to a pout as she hung up the phone to whoever she was talking to.

"Are you... eating cereal?" She asked as she walked toward him.

Eren raised a brow quizzically, "Yes, is that an issue?"

"Oh," she huffed, her pout only intensifiying. "Well, what am I gonna eat? You already ate—we normally make something together."

Eren shrugged nonchalantly, knowing she could order takeout like usual when she didn't feel like making something. But it was obvious what the actual problem was—Eren was a bit too oblivious to realize—she just wanted to spend time with Eren.

Eren knew he would probably make her something, always giving in to her, but now that they were a bit more amicable, he enjoyed his fair share of riling her up to compensate for the months of borderline verbal abuse she put him through.

"Last time I checked, I was your bodyguard, not your personal chef," he replied blankly, but the faintest hint of a smile gave way to his teasing.

"You know, sometimes I think I liked it better when you didn't talk to me," her voice dripping with the attitude that Eren had been accustomed to at one point. She glared at him as she walked past him towads the fridge, Eren stopping her before she could make it all the way.

He tugged lightly on the bottom of her shirt, Mikasa swatting as his hand in response. "Mikasa, I was kidding. What did you want?"

"I don't want anything—I can make it myself," she responded, crossing her arms. She glared down at where he sat on her bar stool, Eren trying to maintain his gaze at her face and not her body, which he was at eye level with. He found himself particularly enamored with these little heart pajamas—finding them endearing, but also for the little slivers of skin they showed—but not only could he give Mikasa the satisfaction in knowing that, he couldn't allow it for his own pride.

"Why are you like this? You're a brat sometimes, you know that?"

"And you're annoying," she bit back, but despite her snarky remarks, she seemingly admit defeat, taking a seat, nonetheless.

Eren released a pained sigh as he stood up, knowing he only contributed to her behavior, being the one to constantly indulge in her. He took off his sweatshirt, leaving him in just his t-shirt , not wanting to get it dirty. He almost threw it into the chair before he had half the mind to shove it over Mikasa's head, Mikasa face shocked as he helped her put it on (not bothering to care whether she had wanted to or not), his sweatshirt almost swallowing her tiny frame whole.

"Here, I can see you shivering," he said dully, though he knew it was only an excuse for his own sanity's sake.

"Oh, thanks," she replied, her cheeks flushing the tiniest tinge of pink. "And thanks for making me something to eat, Eren," she added a few moments later as Eren turned on the stove.

"Yea, yea. It's my job, right?" A smile on his face as he rolled his eyes playfully.

And as he sat there a while later, watching Mikasa happily eat the grilled cheese he made her, a smile on her face, while adorned in one of his random sweatshirts, he realized he had royally fucked himself. If he thought seeing her in her clothes did something to him, seeing her in his clothes—combined with her long inky hair splayed across her shoulders, a rare sight to see; the same doe-eyed face that had got him that night just months ago; and her rare but sickeningly sweet personality, that made his heart do a double take—was only so much worse.

[thecooler]

Background Music at the End of the World

Two weeks after GLaDOS unleashes her attack on Aperture, Rattmann finds comfort deep in the facility's cold, uncaring walls.

Words: 1,276

Relationship: Doug Rattmann & Companion Cube

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Hallucinations

Written for @creativepup and @portal-secret-santa ! The prompt was: Doug and the Companion Cube share a nice moment together. I hope you enjoy!

Ao3 Mirror

Doug wondered, as he made his way down a flight of rickety, old metal stairs, if anyone was coming for them. The odds of anybody having gotten out was low, nearly non-existent. He’d been close to the center of the facility when it all began, so he couldn’t know for sure, but he suspected that she had locked the exterior doors right off the bat. She’d always been bright, even before everything, and now she had infinite tools at her disposal. He hadn’t known Cave Johnson for long— had arrived at the tail-end of his life and had only been an intern, at the time. But still, he wondered how Cave would have felt, about what his project and partner had become.

Even now, long after his death, his face and voice lived on throughout the facility. It made the whole place feel haunted, and adding Caroline to the mix certainly didn’t help matters.

And so, Doug was in a haunted house, alone, unsure if anyone even knew he was here. If they did, would they even have the resources to help him? There was so much bullshit happening right now, with Black Mesa, and with the steady collapse of international politics ongoing since forever.

But there were still families, loved ones whose photos his coworkers kept in their wallets or the inside of their work lockers . It had been, judging by the tally marks on the wall of his den, two full weeks. He didn’t call his mom often, but she’d start to get worried soon. At least he hoped so. It might take another week. He thought, distantly, that maybe he should have been a better son, but that hardly mattered now. His neighbors certainly wouldn’t notice his absence— he’d never been the neighborly sort. He thought he’d talked to one of them once, when they needed someone to water their plants, and he was about ninety percent sure those particular neighbors had moved some time ago.

But he had coworkers with partners, with children. He couldn’t think of that for too long— if he did, it made being awake unbearable in its melancholy. Fuck, he’d met some of his coworkers kids, at take your daughter to work day last year. He remembered reminiscing with Chell about how her first time at Aperture had been at one of those events.

And now here they were: him, in the unseen back rooms of a dead facility, and her, waiting in cryosleep for GLaDOS to get bored. And then they had hope— delicate and wavering thought it was.

He settled down next to the Companion Cube and dropped his scavenging pack on the floor next to them. Several cans clattered onto the hard pavement and rolled away.

Doug sighed and rolled a can of beans back over with his foot. It made a satisfying little rattle as it bounced over bits of loose gravel. He reached forward to pick it up and began to rummage through his pockets for his can opener.

Then, the door above slammed.

Doug’s entire body tensed. The can slipped from his hands a clattered loudly onto the floor. Wide, dark eyes stared up the way he’d come, only to find the door there half open, just as he’d left it. His breath came in short, painful bursts, and as he slumped back against the Companion Cube, he reached back in his mind to find those old regulation techniques his former therapist had taught him. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

It did very little to sooth the tightness in most of his body, but it relaxed his lungs enough that he felt like he wasn’t about to suffocate, which was something.

Behind him, the Companion Cube began to vibrate. It started off at an even, consistent rumble, gentle and soothing, almost like a cat’s purr, except this cat didn't make his eyes itchy and watery. As his breathing became more regulated, though, the Cube changed its tune, literally, to something that felt— sounded— familiar. Doug squinted and shuffled to look at his companion, who stood still , benevolent as ever.

He began to hum along, and it didn’t take long doing that to figure out where he recognized the tune from. A soft, small smile spread across his face, and he said, “Is this Staying Alive ?”

The Cube paused for a few seconds, then, as though in affirmation, began playing the tune again. Doug chuckled and turned around to rest his arms and chin on top of his dear companion. Like this, he could feel the vibrations of the song rolling through his entire body.

Staying Alive, Staying Alive—

There was no getting through this without a sense of humor, he supposed.

“ Do you do other songs?” He said, “because I’ve got requests if you do. I left my phone in my locker, and it’d be dead by now anyway.” There were outlets back here, but many of them were old, and didn’t look like they’d been installed right. He thought if he tried to plug anything in, it’d be like an old cartoon, where his hair would sit up in all directions and he'd become a spiky blob of black soot. And then, probably, GlaDOS would figure out where he was and finish the job with neurotoxin. This thought made the whole situation feel less fun.

Staying Alive eventually petered out, and after a short pause, the Companion Cube said, “ I do requests, by the way, since you asked so nicely.”

“You’re a real gem,” Doug laughed.

“Not a gem. A cube.”

“Yeah, yeah, a real clever cube.” But it was more than that now too, wasn’t it? The Companion Cube was all he had— his closest and only friend and confidant. He reached back and brushed his hand gently against the surface of the Cube. When they’d first met, that horrible day, weeks and a lifetime ago now, it had been smooth and warm to the touch. A buzzing warmth still radiated off the surface, but it was also covered, much like his own skin, in a layer of grime and dust and rusty dried blood. Any soap he’d scavenged (and he’ d scavenged very little), had gone towards washing his hands. He knew he had to prioritize that, but that knowledge didn’t prevent guilt from creeping up in his gut.

“I should try to see if I can find some supplies to wash you. Window cleaner might work— not perfectly, but,” Doug worried his bottom lip between his teeth.

The Companion Cube rattled out a sound that was like a laugh— only not real. It was as though someone had heard hundreds of laughs, but had never done so themselves, and so wasn’t sure how to do it. It sounded choppy and harsh and strange. “That won’t be necessary,” the Cube said, not unkindly. After a short pause, it added, “Come on, enough moping. Give me a song to play.”

Doug thought for a moment, “Okay, but you won’t laugh, right? It’s kinda silly.”

“I don’t have the context with which to judge your music tastes.”

“Now, see, I don’t think that’s true.”

“Only one way to find out.”

Doug sighed and slumped back again, allowing his body to relieve some tension for the first time in— well, he didn’t need to think about how long it’d been. He said, “Do you know Dancing Queen , by Abba?”

The Companion Cube didn’t say anything to that, but after a moment, the familiar rhythm of the song began to echo around them.

Doug smiled softly to himself as he leaned back, closed his eyes, and listened.

[bubblefina]

No Puppet Strings Attached 4

Summary: When Katsuragi brings a puppet back to Tatarasuna, saying that he found him wandering the shores, the village and blade smiths took him in as their own. Something about the puppet struck a young girl's heart. Despite him not having a heart of his own, the puppet felt something that would seem to be impossible for someone like him to feel.

Pairings: Scaramouche x f!reader

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Often in this world, strangers tend to meet on different paths of their life. Unlikely that they will stay with each other, but they will remember each other. Through their eyes, they reminisce of what once was. That is the truth of this world, no one knows the meaning of love, but they can feel it.

Niwa had already told her about the boy being a puppet. She had known before they kissed, but it didn’t stop her from pursuing him any less. They of course went home after their kiss, but the next day there was no need to go out and think about what happened, they just went to each other.

Y/n always visits the smithy, but never with this big of a smile on her face. Not even her brother saw her smile this brightly, it's as if she was reborn.

“Y/n? What’s wrong?” Niwa asks.

“Nothing, I’m not here to see you silly. I’m here to see…you” she kisses Kabukimonos cheek, which makes the rest of the blade smiths jaws drop. They were flabbergasted at the sudden affection she had shown the boy, mainly because she didn’t show that kind of affection to anyone.

“I’ll bring over some of the tea you like during your break, so don’t get too full, okay?” 

“Of course, I’ll look forward to it.” 

Ignoring the questions that were thrown at them, y/n gave a quick peck on the boy's lips, which just makes the surrounding air that much more heavy.

“You…you!” Katsuragi stares and watches.

Y/n giggles and walks out of the smithy. The blade smiths stopped what they were doing and crowded around the boy.

“And what happened between the two of you?” Niwa asks.

“It’s as you’ve said Niwa, I’m just as human as everyone else.” a small wink was aimed towards Niwa, who immediately got the message.

“You sly dog,” Niwa wraps his arm around the boy, “So it’s official then? Both you and my sister are together.”

“When did this happen?!” the other blade smiths said in union.

“A few nights ago.” He replied.

“And you sound so nonchalant about it, too.” Katsuragi says.

“I guess the initial shock of it is gone, perhaps I lost myself in this feeling without even being aware of it.” The boy stops and stares at his reflection in the sword.

“And what feeling is that?” One of the blade smiths asks.

“It’s love.” Niwa answers for the boy, a soft smile on his face.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Have you ever felt as if the world had become brighter? The flowers bloomed more often, the sun felt warmer, the wind felt as if it swept through your soul. That’s what love felt like to both Y/n and Kabukimono.

They spent every other passing moment with each other, to the point where the boy was a frequent visitor for dinner. Niwa had gotten used to having him around at home, but one thing he could not accept was allowing y/n and the boy to be alone in her room. Perhaps it was just him being an older brother, but he forbade it unless the door was open.

It didn’t bother y/n too much, because she could just go somewhere else. It wasn’t that they wanted to do something perverted with each other, but just bask in some private time.

Their favorite place was a little green area surrounded by flowers and trees. They’d go there at least once a week and just lay down to admire their surroundings, and of course each other.

Y/n took the liberty of laying herself on the boy's lap, it turned into one of her favorite things. He’d take the time to pluck flowers from the ground and decorate her hair with them. Carefully tying the stems of the flowers around each lock of hair. 

“I feel bad for taking the flowers out every night, you put so much effort into placing them into my hair.” she says, sulking.

“No worries, if the flowers run out here, we’ll have the rest of the world's flowers to use.”

“Hm, now that you say it. A flower from each nation would be nice now wouldn’t it.”

“You would put the flowers to shame, they would already enhance the beauty you possess.”

“You…shush!” she begins to act flustered, which he found adorable.

During moments like this, he leans in closer to give a peck on her lips, just to see her flustered more. Her usual reaction is to hide her face behind her hands, refusing to remove them unless he stopped laughing, which he did, eventually.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Another one of their newly found interests was music. When Y/n was out harvesting things, she’d hum a tune, which eventually caught on with Kabukimono. So whenever she’d start humming the tune, he’d synchronize his whistling with the song she hummed.

She of course joined in, now whistling with him. They’d do it whenever to let the other person know that they were close by. The other villagers eventually caught on with them, eventually naming the tune “the ballad of lovers”.

“Did you hear both of them going at it again?” one of the villagers says.

“You mean that whistling the both of them do? Of course, it's quite catchy if you ask me.”

“It’s more of a mating call if you ask me.”

“Mating calls or not, the both of them…never a dull moment between either of them.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Not all days were happy. There were rumors of the nobushi now growing in numbers, the villagers began to worry if they’d invade the village. The anxious feelings spread throughout the village, to the point where the elders told the residents to not stray too far from the village itself.

This meant that neither y/n nor the boy could go to the special spot that they both loved so much. During the village meetings, when the elders spoke of the nobushi getting closer and closer, looking as if they were to plan an invasion, y/n gripped onto the boy's hand tightly.

During the last nobushi invasion, both her and Niwa’s parents were killed. She was still fairly young, shielded from the sight of seeing her slaughtered parents in their home, but Niwa had witnessed it all. He vowed that he’d protect his sister no matter what, and he intends to keep that promise. 

The boy caressed her hand that shook with anxiety with his thumb, reassuring her that everything will be alright. He might not have the strength or power of the other men, but he too would do his best to protect her to the best of his abilities.

The next few nights were calmer, no movement spotted from the nobushi, so the villagers moved on with their daily chores. It wasn’t until a foggy early morning that things seemed eerily quiet.

Normal activities were occurring, but a few select people stopped what they were doing, then the village became completely silent.

It stayed like that for a few moments until an arrow was shot out from the fog, hitting nothing but a wooden pole. 

“We’re under attack!” one of the men roared.

The villagers scattered, the women, children and elderly all ran to safe areas designated for the villagers who weren’t fit to fight. In the midst of the running, Niwa had grabbed hold of y/n, telling her to stay with the rest of the villagers who were running for safety.

She was reluctant to go, not wanting to lose another family member, but he promised her that he would come back. With a heavy heart, she fled. Niwa had also found the boy, who was handing out swords and other weapons to the men who were ready to fight.

“I need you to go with the group who’s staying at the safe house.” Niwa says to him.

“But why?”

“I need someone there with y/n, someone I can trust. If something happens to me, I need you to be there with her, can you do that for me?”

“Niwa…if she loses you, she will be crushed. I’m not even sure I can console her if that were to happen.”

“I’ll do my best to make it back, but I need someone there with her.”

With no hesitation, the boy left for the safe house. The rest of the men stayed behind and did their best to ward off the nobushi, who came in hefty numbers. Luckily the villagers knew their village the best, all the best ambush spots, where to set traps. The fighting went on for not too long before the nobushi knew that they were outmatched. 

The kairagi within the group managed to do great damage before they retreated. Not even they could last forever on their own. The group of bandits was smaller, so eventually they’d grow tired and weak. Before taking a chance to surrender, they dispersed as quickly as they came. 

A few men went back to the safe house and retrieved the group of people who remained out of the fight. They were just as disheartened to see what came of their village. There was damage all around.

“We barely managed to recover from the winter, now this?” One of the older men complained.

Most people rushed back to their homes to see if anything had been stolen or damaged. Others scurried around the village, trying to scavenge anything that was left of the food supply. By the time y/n had made her way out, she immediately ran to find her brother, embracing him when she finally spotted him.

Tears spilled out of her eyes, relief overwhelming her. Niwa held onto her tightly, tears threatening to leave his eyes all the same. He held them back, wanting to be strong for his family. 

“Are you hurt?” she asks.

“Not much, I was more on the defensive side. The frontmen are being taken care of right now, or are about to.”

The boy appears from the crowd, looking worried. Niwa ushers him over and embraces him for a hug as well.

“Thank you for looking after her,” Niwa whispers in his ear, “I’m glad you’re safe too.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

A few hours after the attack, y/n found herself at the spot where she and kabukimono spent most of their time. The flowers, the trees, the grass…everything had been burned to bits.

There wasn’t a sliver of life left within it. Y/n fell to her knees when she saw it. The boy put his hand on her shoulder to console her.

“No need to worry, they will regrow.” he says, swiping his thumb along her cheek.

“I know they will, but…it hurts looking at this. We made so many memories here, and now everything is so bleak.”

“The damage is horrible, and it will take a long time until the trees grow and flowers bloom once more.”

Noticing the now more gloomy look on her face, the boy tilts her chin upward and kisses her lips.

“But I’m sure the next time this area is filled with life again, it will be full of even better memories.”

Y/n nods her head, resting her face against the boy's shoulder. Both of them sat at the very top of the hill, looking down at the scorched field. They may have lost the flowers and serenity of their favorite place, but they still had each other.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Months had passed as the village continued to try to get back onto its feet. The nobushi had seemed to leave the village alone, as they were nowhere in sight. Most likely traveled to another beach and set up camp there.

The other villagers didn’t seem to care, as long as the nobushi didn’t bother them, they didn’t care where they went.

The weapon forgery was also hit hard. Since many of the blade smiths were injured during the raid, work was slow. Making and selling weapons was one of the village's main source of commerce, and without the manpower to continue such a task, many orders, and commissions fell behind.

The blade smiths who were able to work became fatigued from not getting any breaks. They themselves still had injuries, but were still required to go to the smithy and continue to work.

It went on like this for what seems like forever, but on one peculiar day. A man with white hair, dressed in red, visited the village. From the look on his face, anyone could tell he wasn’t an Inazuma native. 

He introduced himself as Escher, from Fontaine, and he has the perfect solution for the smithy’s smelting and weapon crafting problem. 

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - chapter 57

The sweet scent of cherry blossoms… The warm scent of freshly baked blueberry muffins… The beautiful meadow is full of lovely colorful flowers and mushrooms as tall as tree stumps… The sight of vibrant fireflies dancing outside my window at night… All I can picture right now is my childhood and the visually pleasing surroundings where I’d play, something I wish my children would get to experience. I remember my mom baking me my favorite blueberry muffins once a week before we would do a special prayer to Sêlune. I can practically still smell them and feel the warmth radiating from the bread.

The moonlight gleams through the window, so I close the curtains to make it easier for me to fall asleep. Wyll and Karlach are knocked out on the other side of the room, and baby Jenevelle is asleep on the thick quilt next to our bed. Gale, however, is still awake like myself.

“My love? Is everything alright?” Gale whispers, snuggling up to me and burying his face into my shoulder. “I’m surprised you’re still up.”

“Oh I’m wonderful, just thinking about…my childhood. A lot of it was so beautiful, and I’m beginning to remember all that was so kind.” I smile, closing my eyes for a moment as I reminisce. “I miss my mother. Or who I thought she was. Nothing I can do now, I hate to point out.”

“I know, my love. But hey, when we get back to Waterdeep, we can visit with my mother. She misses you and, she even told me, you’re like the daughter she’s always wanted. Believe me, she adores you just like I do. Which, I didn’t think anyone could even come close to my love for you. Plus she would love to see Jenevelle and our newest addition. I plan on writing to her tomorrow to tell her the good news, if you’d like to join me and help come up with some tidbits to add to the letter. From you, of course.” I actually smile as he says those words, which bring me a strange sense of comfort and ease to my mind. Even though it’s dark and I can’t see his face, I look in his direction and plant a kiss on his head somewhere. “Ope… You just kissed my eyeball.” I try to fight laughter and move my lips lower toward his nose.

“Well, that certainly sounds like a plan to me, my honey. I could use her company in times like these. We have a lot to catch up on, don’t we?” He chuckles and plays with my hair gently with his fingers, calming me down even more as chills scatter across my body from the relaxing sensation.

“Yes. Now my love, you need your rest. It’s best you get some sleep, for who knows what endeavors we will face tomorrow. Or, rather, who knows how drained you will feel? I’m hoping these next few months will at least be semi-normal.” His hand moves from my torso down to my waist, and then gently making its way to my belly. “I love you. So very much.”

Before I know it, the months fly by and each day gets closer to the birth of our second daughter — yep, another girl. I actually begin to feel excitement, love, and a sense of relief. My pregnancy is now drastically slowing down because of our new baby being immortal, and judging by the look of everything, Karlach and I will deliver around the same time. Speaking of my favorite tiefling, she hasn’t been doing too great the past few weeks; between body aches and unable to keep food down, she’s ready for the pregnancy to end already. I comfort her as much as I can while internally thinking ‘What a great time to be immortal and not experience that again.’ Jaheira has been over more frequently to provide comfort and care to her, and because of the herbal teas she made, Karlach is slowly feeling a little better, one day at a time.

Today, Gale and Wyll are out shopping for the babies, including Jenevelle because she deserves to be spoiled, while Karlach and I are relaxing at the spa with Jaheira. Gale brought our daughter of course, because he absolutely loves taking her shopping. It’s honestly the cutest thing. Our friends found out they are having a little boy, and his name will be Maddox Ravengard.

“It’s only a matter of time,” Jaheira says with a smirk as she sinks into the hot spring. Karlach and I only have our feet in, but we are getting a massage by two sweet elf ladies as we soak our feet. “I can’t wait to be a grandma figure to more babies. Baby Jenevelle already has my heart, I can’t wait to meet these two.”

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that, Jaheira. With my mom gone and Wyll’s also, both of them passed away, this child wouldn’t have a grandmother. I am so glad he will have a grandmother around, biological or not,” Karlach explains, smiling with a tear in her eye. “Who is chopping up onions in here?” I’m smiling at Karlach as she wipes a glistening tear from her eye, but one that screams happiness. I adjust myself as I try to get comfortable, but my baby bump is in the way.

“Ugh girl, that makes two of us,” Karlach adds as she observes my discomfort, trying to stand up so we can head back to the Tavern. Droplets of noticeable sweat pour down her face as she tries to move.

“Whoa whoa, Karlach. We should go so you can lie down and get some well-needed rest,” I comment. “I’m so glad the Tavern is just a block down the road.” Something tells me she won’t make it another two days before their little one makes his arrival, and a strange sensation courses through my veins as I observe her worried expression.

“Yeah…yeah let’s go. I hope Wyll beats us there. Please Gods, let him be there when we get inside.”

Unfortunately, he did not. When we arrive, Karlach appears to be in a much worse condition, her fiery red skin glossy from the increasing amount of sweat washing over her body. Worry and panic takes over me as I try to figure out what to do and how to help her. Damn it, it just had to be while Wyll is gone!

“Karlach, breathe. Lie down now. I will get you an ice-cold water, and Emmy will stay by your side. Oh gods, where is Wyll?!” Karlach’s body is weak as she lies in bed, her eyes squenching shut as she tries not to scream from the pain. Jaheira bolts back to Karlach’s side with water and casts ‘healing word’ to at least help a little with the pain. I squeeze her hand as I sit here by her side, and she flashes a smile at me through it all. Before I can even speak a word to her, the door opens and here comes Wyll and Gale, though neither of them did not expect to see Karlach on the edge of giving birth at this very moment.

“W-Wyll!” Karlach shouts, and he immediately dashes to her rescue and sits by her side. “Thank the Gods you’re here…”

“Oh my… I did not expect to come back and see this. I’ve got you, my lovely. Emmy and Jaheira, thank you for being here for her and giving her comfort. I can take it from here.” Wyll kisses the side of Karlach’s head and smiles, brushing her hair out of her sweaty and exhausted face.

Not long after that, Maddox Ravengard was born, and he is the very light of their life and as perfect as can be. Gale and I leave the Tavern for awhile with our daughter so they can get some bonding time in without any sort of overstimulation or risk of it. Jaheira is cooking them a fresh home cooked meal while they relax comfortably, and I don’t want to intrude in any way. We decide to sit outside at a nearby restaurant and enjoy a delicious meal while staring at the beach in admiration. Hm, maybe I should bring Jenevelle to the beach again when this is all said and done.

“Truly remarkable,” Gale murmurs as his honeyed eyes glisten from the sun while he looks at me. “The way life works, that is. How Karlach got her dream, how you and I are expecting another despite the odds, how we all thought five years ago that we wouldn’t survive the nautiloid or the tadpoles…” Gale stares down at his glass of wine, smirking as he sits here in thought. His eyes meet mine once more. “And I have you.” His words are like velvet; so soft and smooth. I could listen to his calming words every second of the day and never get tired of them. The way his shoulder-length brown hair flows from the breeze, his dark honey eyes focusing on me amorously when I speak, the way he fucking smiles.

“I can’t imagine life any other way, Gale Dekarios.” I hold our sleepy girl against my chest, feeling the movement of our second daughter kicking. It’s going to be a very tough road ahead, but we will conquer it like we always do. As I sit here and take a bite of my breadstick, I see a familiar face just around the corner of the restaurant: Jasik. He appears to be here with his family. His eyes meet ours and he happily trots in our direction.

“Fancy seeing you two here! Are you ready to meet your little one next tenday?”

“Wait, next tenday? Already?” I inquire with a hint of shock in my voice, not realizing time had flown by that quickly. We still need to get her crib set up in Jenevelle’s room when we get back home; there’s so much we still haven’t done. “Yep, I am more ready than I’ve ever been. Karlach just had her little boy at the Tavern, and he showed up a lot quicker than we imagined he would.”

“Bummer! I mean, good for her and I am so very happy, but bummed I didn’t get to help! As long as she’s alive and well, that’s what matters. Well, I will see you both next tenday, my friends. Enjoy your dinner.” Off he goes to sit down a few tables away from us to enjoy dinner with his teenage son and wife. I sigh and relax my shoulders, smiling as Gale and I enjoy each other’s company. I hear Jenevelle coo sweetly as I begin to burp her a little, and she grabs my face with her little hand.

“Jenevelle, I hope you’re ready for a sibling,” I murmur to her as I kiss the side of her head. “I’m scared to death but it will be fine.” Gale chuckles.

“Here, let me hold the baby while you eat your dinner. You’re practically drooling at the sight of your spaghetti,” he teases and reaches out for our daughter, so I hand her to him without hesitating for a second. I begin devouring my spaghetti like nobody’s business, and while I’m doing so, Gale just admires me as I make a mess out of myself with sauce. Bright red sauce that made its way all over my face and partially my shirt. No laughter, no judgment, just Gale’s sweet brown eyes locked on me out of love.

“You’re just so cute,” he murmurs, rocking our daughter in his arms as he watches me. “I didn’t realize your devotion and love for spaghetti. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I haven’t had it since I was a kid! This brings back memories,” I respond with a kind voice, enthusiasm coursing through me while I eat. “I feel silly.”

“You are silly and that’s why I love you so much.” He calls me silly, but then our daughter releases a loud sound from her butt I didn’t think was even possible. “Oh look, another trait you got from your mother.” It takes everything in my power not to bust out laughing, but unfortunately, I failed and nearly choke on my dinner. Then, her tummy begins to rumble and she grunts, releasing a disastrous sound. “Jenevelle, filling up your diaper at the dinner table isn’t exactly good manners, you know.” Gale chuckles, then sighs as he gently bounces her in his arms.

“You can’t say I do that at the dinner table, just saying,” I comment playfully as I push my plate away from me. Gale rolls his eyes as he stands up with the baby in his arm, but he knows he loves my silly humor.

“You are definitely one of a kind, and for that alone, I’m thankful for you. Shall we depart? Little missy over here needs changed, and it’s best we get back to the Tavern as quickly as possible.” I nod with a goofy grin on my face, and grab the diaper bag as he begin to walk back to Elfsong. As we’re leaving the restaurant, I see an image of my mother and Gortash headed this direction, though I’m certain they don’t see me.

“Shit!” I take Gale’s hand and pull him aside behind a tree nearby. “My mother and Gortash. I don’t want them to see me.”

“My love, we need to get back. Jenevelle needs—“

I begin to hear my mother talking for a moment, and now I’m slightly invested in the conversation, though it’s clear we can’t sit here too long.

“When Emmy was a little girl, I used to take her here all the time. She loved it. She really liked the…” Her voice fades away as they both make their way to the entrance of the restaurant, and I suddenly feel a wave of sadness. She’s discussing my childhood with him and what I loved. Stings a little, but it’s sweet. For the first time in a very long time, I feel my eyes swell from the tears I try to fight, but they come anyway. Damn it, why? Each second of every day, I’m tempted to hear them both out and forgive all the horrors and evil he committed…until I realize what he did.

“Love? Are you crying?” I try to hide my face but Gale takes a step in front of me to look into my glossy eyes. “I wish I had all the answers and to help you feel better in any way I can. Are you thinking about your childhood?”

“Yes. Just hearing her talk so kindly about me and the memories we shared that Gortash was never there for. Well, because she kept him from me, but for a good reason. Still.” I sigh as I wipe the tears from my eyes, then take a deep breath. “Maybe one day I’ll have it in me to talk to her again, and face him. For now, I just need a moment.” Gale plants a delicate kiss on my forehead and his soft touch lingers for a moment as he does so. I take a deep breath as the tears begin to dry up, my body relaxing at last.

“You deserve answers, love. I wish I could make it all better but I’m not sure what I can do. But if there is anything at all I can do to bring you comfort and security, just say the word. I’m all ears.” I hesitate for a moment as I stare blankly at the sunset, but then my face lightens up at the idea of just being with one another in bed. I can worry about approaching my mother again at a later time.

“Could you…lay with me, when we get back to Elfsong? Please? I think just lying there will help, as long as I’m in your arms.” He smiles and nods, holding our baby securely against his chest. I smile back at him as I close my eyes in relief.

“After Jenevelle is changed, I’d be happy to lie down with you. Your body curled up in my arms, your head against my chest as I hold you sincerely and play with your hair, and my lips kissing the top of your head as you get comfortable. I wouldn’t love anything more. I love you, pretty baby, and don’t you ever forget that.”

[aajjks]

NWO!JK

“really? oh man, its been so long since i’ve seen her!” you say in a lighthearted tone as you reminisce about your first interaction with the older woman. she was always sweet and played a very important role in jungkook’s life growing up; often spending time with her during the long summers. “i’ll try to come by often so i can speak with her”

you take a seat on the couch with jungkook who continues to flick through the channels purposely looking for the daily news about himself spider-man. once he finds the channel, he turns up the volume and listens to the news anchor praise spider-man for saving seoul once again after turning in the bad guy ‘whirlwind’ who singlehandedly destroyed over 5 buildings.

“however, thanks to our superhero, spider-man, there were no casualties” finishes the anchor and jungkook soaks it all in, basking in his victory while you sit, unimpressed until…

“a crystal shop called mystic moon was broken into tonight. this is the fourth crystal shop that has been broken into this week. we ask all those to please refrain from being by yourself at night, shut and lock your stores, and report any sightings of the mysterious crystal thief”

“crystal thief?” you scoff. “what kind of weirdo steals crystals? that’s strange. pretty sure the bug guy will have it all taken care of though” you shrug the dire news off before directing your attention to the yellow crystal dangling from jungkook’s neck.

“is that the necklace mj gave you? it’s cute. speaking of mj, ummmm..i saw you guys hugging!!” you cheer. “she’s clearly into you and so are you. ask the girl on a date already”

~🫧

Ask MJ out on a date? That is the least of his priorities right now.

“Ahhh yn.. I’m way too busy to date right now… ugh. I might take her on a casual dinner though maybe.” He says, staring at the yellow necklace on his neck.

And he’s kinda shocked.

“Haha weird.” He remarks, “umm yn it was orange- I swear it was orange when she put it on my neck… but now it’s yellow?” He sighs, confused. “do crystal change colors?”

You both shrug after a little discussion about it and Jungkook also lets it slide, because his main priority right now is the little crystal thief and tonight he will be keeping an eye out for the thief.

“Ahhh let’s hope that your favorite bug guy will catch the little thief.” He winks at you. “Should we watched the hangover you know I love the movie so much. Should we watch one two or three?”

•••

Once he finally leaves and says his goodbye, to you, he’s making his way home that is when he remembers that he has to find the crystal thief.

It’s like almost 12 AM right now. it was really funny watching the hangover with you and you just take a lot of his time. He doesn’t realize it,

But Maybe this is the perfect time for him to get in action.

He’s gonna be so late to school tomorrow and then the pizza place but it’s worth it because he really wants to keep this city safe. And he loves being praised.

“Ahh..” he exclaims before making his way into an abandoned alleyway and it’s really dark so no one will be able to tell that he’s changing.

Nobody comes here anyways

Jungkook gets inside the alley way before opening his bag and takes out his suit- he doesn’t waste a moment before putting it on, and then he finally puts on his mask.

Swinging through the sky- through the large buildings is the best part about being Spider-Man and he loves every bit of it. Sometimes he wishes that he could tell his friends about his secret identity because it feels so heavy, but he knows that it’s too dangerous and it would put them in danger.

He’s Swings through buildings the wind is blowing, it feels amazing. “Let’s check out every single crystal shop.”

He focuses until he comes across one, it looks like a high end place.. hmm, looks like this could be the next target, so jungkook quickly gets down on the ground and then he tries to sneak in,

Honestly, he is not the best at breaking in-and that might not be a good idea if the thief doesn’t arrive here he might get in trouble but…

Just as he is looking around- he’s not even inside the shop when he hears some footsteps.

Oh shit- looks like the thief might have come.

Jungkook quickly hides behind a wall.

[yuriko-mukami]

The Eternal Flame and Blood

The Wedding Ceremony at Kozima Inari Shrine, April 23rd 2023

Yuriko had visited this pavilion only once; when she and Ruki had checked out the place with her great-grandfather, Kozima Kenjo, a few weeks ago. Yet, now it looked totally different in her eyes. The red of the pillars was brighter and the wooden floor sang under her feet as they walked toward the altar table on which were spread out three sake cups, a candle, a bowl, and a piece of paper along with two tiny boxes. 

Even with the ancient court music playing in the background, Yuriko could hear the shrine maidens and masters, and guests behind them, but there was no way she could have peeked around with her wedding cap that blocked everything other than the front view.

Which was a good thing. For Yuriko would have probably fainted if she had seen the faces of everyone right now.

Had the air been this heavy during the last visit? Yuriko couldn’t tell. Her heart was bouncing faster with each step. Was it possible to mess up your own wedding? The ceremony would have so many different parts, and with some of them, she would need to use her kitsune skills accordingly. Of course, she had practiced, but would that be enough? She couldn’t fail Ruki now, not on this important day of their lives.

As the couple stopped in front of the table, Yuriko tried her best to smile at the man before them. Looked like he was in his fifties, but she knew he was about 200 years older. Kenjo nodded to his white-haired head with red strikes to his great-granddaughter and her fiancé.

Fiancé. Soon-to-be husband. Yuriko played with the words in her head.

Kenjo’s face was unreadable. Yuriko remembered their first meeting clearly. Never had she thought she would have living relatives in Kaminashi City until her brother Yuuto had told her. Now, she had gotten back her great-grandparents but also three cousins who would be attending the wedding too.

For Yuriko, Kenjo seemed like a father figure. Gentle and wise but a bit old-fashioned and tired of the world. But today the man had straightened his spine, wearing the priest outfit and radiating the aura of authority around him. As Yuriko reminisced about the past months she realized that the man had already spoken the welcoming words. Blinking, she tried to focus. No time to linger with the past, since this was the definitive moment for Ruki and her.

Clearing his throat, Kenjo began to speak, not to the couple but to someone else. Yet, this was not a surprise, because Yuriko had witnessed the same thing also at Yuuto’s wedding with Nalia. Kenjo’s words echoed in the pavilion with a strong, almost magical vibe that captured Yuriko’s attention once and for all. 

“...your blessing for this couple on this day. They wish to join their hearts along with the flame and blood under your blessing arms.”

A brief wind brushed through the pavilion, making the corners of the tablecloth dance as a tall figure appeared behind Kenjo. Not quite visible and still very much so with hair longer it was possible to imagine and kimono with a complex embroilment on it. The being was ethereal and their presence filled every corner of the room, slithering its way into Yuriko’s very heart as well. She couldn’t help but bow her head in front of this divine being who honored her wedding by appearing.

It would have been possible that the kami wouldn’t have shown up, for all the vampires we have here… The corners of Yuriko’s mouth curled up. The kami’s presence was a good omen for the wedding, right?

There were rustling and quiet gasps behind the couple. Again, Yuriko couldn’t peek but she could easily guess that not everyone in the room would be used to the otherworldly energy that filled the space. She wasn’t either but at least she had experienced this a few times already.

Squeezing Ruki’s hand, Yuriko tried to steady her jumping heart but kept her gaze on the kami.

“For my child has come with her loved one beside her, wishing to join their hearts, I give my blessing to them.” The kami’s words vibrated in the air… or maybe they spoke directly into everyone’s minds. Yuriko honestly couldn’t say but she knew it wasn’t only her ears that received the message.

“With this, the bond between a Kitsune and a Vampire is strong. Her flame will burn brightly for both of them, and their shared blood will tie them together,” Kenjo continued with a smile. As the kami faded invisible without losing the feel of presence, he kept talking. “For confirming the blessing, the bride and groom will now drink the blessed sake that ties their destinies together.”

Behind Kenjo, a shrine maiden arrived, carrying a sake bottle. The room stayed quiet as she poured the liquid into one cup only, handing it to Ruki with a bow. While Ruki sipped three times, Yuriko curled her fingers against her palms and opened them again. A way too soon, it was her turn.

One cup, three sips. As simple as that, yet Yuriko almost couldn’t stop her hands from trembling. It took a while before she was able to lift the cup on her lips and take the sips. The soft taste of the alcohol embraced her tongue, sending a sense of security and peace through her cells. Suddenly it was easier to breathe as if the sake had magically soothed her heart and mind.

Two more times the same was repeated. Each time, Yuriko felt how warmth spread through her, swaying her into mushiness that eased the tenseness from her muscles and made her spirit sparkle. The love she had gathered in her heart was growing more still, filling her from the tip of her head to her tiny toes.

“The couple has been blessed with the sake too. It’s time for the candle and blood. With them, the tie between the couple will last forever.” Yuriko had difficulties keeping at the pace of Kenjo’s words, but the meaning sank slowly into her head. “Please, rise.”

With slightly shaky legs, Yuriko stood up and turned to look at the table and the candle that was waiting for her. But even though she could feel the inner quivering, at the same time she was oddly calm as she reached her hands and took the candle between her palms, placing in it front of her chest.

Closing her eyes, Yuriko breathed steadily. She had practiced this, melting several candles in the kitchen of the Mukami manor until she had finally mastered the right amount of heat and the correct size of the flame.

Seeking her inner fox, Yuriko focused. Tingling ran through her body but she let it be, for she wished for something else. The fire that seared in her very being. Calling it towards her hands, Yuriko opened her eyes. Pushing all her concentration into her palms she guided the tiny flaring into the candle, to its heart. With a sizzling sound, it kindled as the blue-shaded flame appeared.

Bless our marriage and give us happiness. I’m sharing my soul with the love of my life and wish to grant him bliss and stay by his side as long as I’ll walk on this earth. With her prayer, Yuriko lifted her gaze and met the eyes that always caught her in their storm. Yet this time the storm had settled and clouds sailed away, revealing the ocean-deep glimmering blue.

Holding out the candle, Yuriko waited. Would Ruki accept it and show his willingness for this union?

But was that really a question? Yuriko already knew Ruki wouldn’t leave her, no matter what. He had made it very clear many times, starting with the day when Yuriko had finally agreed to give him her blood without fighting back.

And without a sign of hesitation, Ruki accepted the candle. He moved it to the candle holder on the table, bowing together with Yuriko right after.

“Ahem… And now follows the final part of the heart-tying ritual.” Yuriko noticed a slight edge of Kenjo’s voice. It had also been there when she had talked about the wedding with her great-grandparents. While they both had finally come to accept her reasoning, they probably weren’t happy with her decision.

But this was something unnegotiable. The marriage with a Vampire couldn’t start without the ritual made for them. So, without questioning it, Yuriko had agreed to add this part to the Kitsune ritual… even though it had stirred trouble with the family.

Ruki nodded at Kenjo before taking Yuriko’s hand. He lifted her arm, pushing the kimono sleeve down at the same time. For once, there weren’t any bite marks on the skin that was revealed. Yuriko was probably more unblemished than she had been in the whole past year. 

Picking up the bowl from the table, Ruki smiled. Yuriko locked her gaze with his as he raised her wrist to his mouth, sinking his fangs through her skin ever-so-gently. Even with such a careful bite, Yuriko gasped slightly. The pain was not unfamiliar, for the very same fangs had pierced her over and over again, but this time the pleasure that followed was painted also with a bliss of knowing how important that bite was for the rest of their lives.

My blood… 

Ruki turned Yuriko’s arm a little, letting the blood drip into the bowl. Just a few seconds later, he licked over the fresh wound, closing it but leaving the mark of their bond. Yuriko couldn’t help her shivering as she felt the cool tongue sliding over her skin before Ruki handed the bowl to her.

Now it was the time for the other task Yuriko had practiced over and over again. Yet doing this in front of everyone, made her tremble inwardly. She closed her eyes, focusing on her center.

Teeth…  She needed to allow her fox teeth to surface.

Calling again her inner fox, Yuriko concentrated. Only the teeth, nothing else. Focusing… focusing… She could feel a slight ache in her mouth. Her canines stretched and sharpened slowly until they were beastly enough to break through thick vampire skin. She opened her eyes, taking Ruki’s arm and lifting it. She moved his sleeve aside, revealing the skin she had never dared to bite like this.

There was the first time for everything. This would be the first, the last and the most important bite mark Yuriko would ever leave on Ruki’s skin.

Warmth ran up Yuriko’s cheeks when she laid her lips on the cool skin, feeling how Ruki tensed. Slowly she opened her mouth and touched the barely visible vein with the tips of her canines. She could hear all too clearly the gripe of skin breaking as she sank her teeth through. Metallic stickiness hit her tongue, numbing everything else for a moment.

His blood…

The liquid of undead life rushed into Yuriko’s mouth. Hastily, she pulled back and set the bowl under the gash, letting the blood drip into it before the wound closed itself, the bite mark slowly disappearing. Yuriko let Ruki’s wrist go and held the bowl in front of her heart, lifting her gaze and meeting unreadable ocean eyes.

Ruki settled his hands over Yuriko’s, frowning as it was his turn to focus. Like he couldn’t have lit the candle for them, Yuriko wasn’t able to use vampiric magic that set the blood on fire. As the black flames started to dance in the bowl, her heart jumped. Ruki had done it! 

I’ve never actually drunk blood… Yuriko eyed the bowl. Their combined doze of the life’s elixir looked almost black now and wafted an odd scent of the Vampire and the Kitsune to her nose. Ruki lifted the bowl as they held it together and pushed it toward her. There was only one way to go; Yuriko parted her lips, allowing the blood to flow into her mouth.

Warm. Sticky. Metallic. Not truly tasty at all. 

But Yuriko swallowed every drop that met her tongue without complaints, licking even the last driblets from her lips as shivers speeded down her spine.

The taste didn’t leave Yuriko’s mouth but she raised the bowl now for Ruki, pouring the other half of the mixed blood onto his tongue. His eyes narrowed for a moment in distaste. But he said nothing and swallowed. The tip of his tongue glided over his lips in a manner that was familiar to Yuriko. How many times she had witnessed this gesture already?

It mattered not.

Something sparkled in Yuriko. The blood settled in her, giving her a part of Ruki, binding them together even stronger than before. Yuriko wasn’t able to see it but it was almost like she could feel how the red thread of fate grew from her heart towards Ruki, tying them both with an everlasting bond.

Yuriko lowered the bowl to the table.

The sake. The candle. The blood.

Three bonds for the three parts of them: human, Kitsune, and Vampire. All that tied into a knot that probably even the kami couldn’t pull apart anymore.

As if knowing Yuriko’s thoughts, Kenjo coughed. “The bride and groom have now tied their hearts with the sake, flame, and blood. Now, it’s time for the vow.”

Ruki nodded, picking up the paper on the table, staying silent for a moment.

“On this great day, before the Okami, we are sincerely thankful for this ceremony. Going forward, we will love each other, trust one another, share the good times and the bad, and swear that this will stay unchanged throughout our lifetime. In Kaminashi City year 2023 April 23rd.” Ruki’s voice was clear and steady as he looked at Yuriko. “Husband.”

“Wife.” Yuriko smiled.

Returning Yuriko’s affection, Ruki put the paper back on the table. A shrine maiden stepped closer, handing two branches with green leaves to the couple. Taking the branch assigned to her, Yuriko lifted it in front of her head and leaned her forehead on it.

Let us have a happy life and see many times to come and go. Let us walk together endlessly and love each other eternally. Yuriko put the branch on the table and bowed at the same time as Ruki, wondering if he had said his prayers too. She knew he didn’t believe in these matters but with a kami standing in the same space with them… Perhaps, perhaps even Ruki had to believe in that. Yuriko clapped her hands twice and bowed again, hearing Ruki doing the same.

“And now, the couple will continue with their personal vows,” Kenjo said. 

Were Ruki’s hands trembling? Maybe Yuriko imagined it since she could feel the quivering raising in her again as their gazes connected and Ruki linked their fingers, his thumbs rubbing her knuckles.

“Yuriko, my angel. A few days ago you said something to me that made me think. Something that makes me see things differently. It took me a while to understand the deeper meaning of your words. But now everything is so clear…” Ruki squeezed Yuriko’s hands slightly. “Before we met, I was a stubborn iceberg whose immortal life had no meaning or significance. Unable to harbor any romantic feelings, I wandered around like a ghost. Plagued by boredom, hoping to kill some time by reading, I forced myself into the school library on that fateful day. Again and again, I went through each shelf. At first, it looked as if there would be nothing suitable for me there. Disappointed and lost in thoughts, I stared at the spines of books. But then I suddenly found it.”

Ruki stopped for a moment and swallowed. “The book that completely captivated me. That book changed everything. The book that gave my life meaning and significance.” He grinned with a tiny chuckle. “Heh, this book literally stumbled into me.”

With a serious look in his eyes again, Ruki continued to speak. “Blinded by my dark past, I couldn't initially see the beauty of this masterpiece. Only the intoxicating fragrance of the fragile-looking tome caught my attention. Curious, I decided to give this piece of writing a chance, opened it, and began to read. I discovered that the story wasn't complete. Empty pages that wanted to be written jumped at me. Over and over again I stared at the blank paper and wondered what was missing here…” He took a deep breath. “While I was doing this, I unwantedly got into unpleasant situations that made me constantly lose my composure. Never before had anything like this happened to me. And never before had I questioned myself over a seemingly meaningless nothingness. Though it was neither nothingness nor meaningless.”

Again, Ruki swallowed, making Yuriko repeat the gesture.

“It took me a while to understand. When I finally opened my eyes and looked properly, I could suddenly see everything clearly. This book was the story of my life and it had just begun.” Ruki offered a smile. “Together with you, I will write on the blank pages and tell my story—”

Shaking his head, Ruki took a moment before continuing. “No. Our story.” He cleared his throat. “Yuriko, this book, this precious treasure... It is you. Without a doubt, my favorite. My great love. My fate.”

A silence. Ruki closed his eyes for a moment, then blinked, yet Yuriko was still able to see the glimmering in his eyes. She couldn’t help but flutter her eyes as the corners of her eyes began to burn at the same time as her lips curled into a smile.

“I have to remind myself to breathe — almost to remind my heart to beat. Would I breathe and my heart beat, those would be the words I'd utter every time I drown in your eyes.” Once more, Ruki’s Adam’s apple went up and down. “Existence, after losing her, would be hell. You are the air I need to breathe. Without you, I'm suffocating. I can no longer imagine my life without you.”

Letting go of one of Yuriko’s hands, Ruki wiped the tears. “You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought. You are my light in the dark. The one who saved me. To me, you are the most precious existence of anyone or anything.” Pausing for a little while, Ruki blinked. “You are my very own Yuriko.” He took her both hands again and smiled. “I vow to make you happy. I vow to work on myself and to be the husband you deserve. I vow to love you unconditionally and cherish you. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, I vow that I will stay by your side.”

Squeezing Yuriko’s hands, Ruki quoted: “Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.” He made another pause to wipe away the tears. “No matter what... My love for you will never change. Let's be together all times and live by each other's side. Let's fill the blank pages of the book together.” He brushed Yuriko’s cheek. “Yuriko. It was you. From the very first moment. And it was and will always be you. My very own. Forever. I love you, my angel. From the bottom of my heart.”

The silence lingered in the ceremony room for a while as Yuriko gathered herself. She linked her fingers in between Ruki’s, locking her gaze with his. She had practiced these words already so many times, yet she couldn’t completely hide the trembling in her voice.

“Ruki… I… I… when we met, I didn’t imagine this moment. My days were dark, I was running in a labyrinth without a way out. Honestly, I don’t even know if I was looking for one anymore. More than living my life, I seek another from the realm of literature. And then I stumbled on you.” Gasping slightly, Yuriko took a moment before she could continue. “I can’t say our beginning was easy. It wasn’t a soft and sparkling story, nothing like sweet romances but something almost ominous. Yet… the first time in ages, I was needed by someone. Even if it had been only because of my blood, I knew that it was better than being ignored, a forgotten tool in the back of the toolbox. Even just for that, I was ready to take your offer.”

Squeezing with her fingers, Yuriko leaned a bit closer. If only she could have written her wow as well as Ruki had done but she wasn’t that skillful with choosing the right words.

“But you promised me the new world and your love,” Yuriko continued. “Slowly, by pulling me into your darkness you showed me the light. Or perhaps… we found it together. It was always in you, deeply hidden, but still there. It might be that it was in me as well, buried down with shadows of my heart. How I see it… we needed each other to kindle that light once more.” Hot rivulets ran down Yuriko’s cheeks but she didn’t bother to fight them. “And ever since that flame of our light has only grown stronger. I can see it whenever I look into your eyes. I can feel it every time you take my hand in yours. With every gaze, every touch, every spoken word pull our hearts closer and there are times when I don’t know where I end and you begin. That will be even truer from this day on, for today we have tied our hearts and destinies with an eternal bond of flame and blood.”

Yuriko bored her gaze into the storm of Ruki’s eyes. “With this tie, I belong to you in every possible way, I’ve become fully yours and wish nothing more than to stay like this. For you changed everything and showed me the true meaning of love. Ruki, you set me free. Finally, I can be who I was always supposed to be. With you.”

Shifting a little, Yuriko cleared her throat. “I wish to love and support you always. In good or worse, in rain and shine, no matter what the world offers us, I wish to face it together with you. For you are the piece that made me complete.” She leaned in and lifted her hands, touching Ruki’s cheeks and wiping his tears away before retaking his hands. “Ruki, I am forever yours. I love you. With the flame of tenderness and searing passion. Eternally.”

When Yuriko stopped talking, Ruki’s hands left hers only to reach for her face. The cold fingertips slid on her cheeks as he tried to dry the tears, yet glimmering was already pooling in his eyes too.

“Yuriko…” Ruki coughed. “And I am yours. Forever. Let’s keep the flame burning together.” He smiled. “Our eternal flame.”

“Our eternal flame.” A mere quivering whisper but it didn’t matter for Yuriko knew Ruki was able to hear her words.

Ruki caressed Yuriko’s cheekbones with his thumbs for a little while before reaching for a tiny pillow. Faint light sparkled from the white gold and diamond that was placed between two lilies. “This ring has no beginning and no end. No matter how many times you spin it, it's endless. Like my love for you. I will give you this ring as a sign of my affection and devotion to you.” He took Yuriko’s hand in his and slowly pushed the piece of jewelry on her finger. “My very own wife.”

“Your very own…” Yuriko picked up another ring. “Umh... as you said... The ring has no end or beginning. It is eternal and endless. We are different, very much so... but we are also the same. So, my love for you is also endless. And I will give this ring to you as a sign of my promise, my wishes, and my devotion to you.”

Taking Ruki’s hand, Yuriko pushed the simple white gold ring on his finger. “The love of my life. My husband.” Still holding him, Yuriko smiled until a cough poked her ears, making her cheeks flare. Hastily, she turned together with Ruki, bowing to end this part of the ceremony.

“Congratulations.” Yuriko’s great-grandfather offered the couple a tiny smile. “You have now tied your hearts alongside the flame and blood. Now, we all shall drink the sacred sake to bless this matrimony again.”

“Thank you, Kozima-sama.” Ruki’s words made Yuriko glance at him since they weren’t supposed to talk right now. “I sincerely apologize for the following rudeness. But I have to do this…”

Ruki turned his eyes to Yuriko. The storm was gone and replaced with something Yuriko could only call the blue flame that burned deep within her. 

“My angel…” Ruki cupped Yuriko’s cheeks and leaned in. As his lips met hers, she gasped against them. She curled her fingers around his wrists, holding him while catching his bottom lip into a tender smooch. She could hear distant wheezing but also clapping, all the sounds that didn’t belong at this moment, yet they fit perfectly.

“That’s the fuckin’ spirit!” 

“Ruki! You wolf!” 

“Ruki… just broke… the rules… for real…”

“Cool! I said he is cool!” Yuriko’s cousin’s voice bounced through the air on top of everyone else. “Ouch! Don’t kick me, Toshi-nii!”

Not minding the reaction of the others in the least, Ruki brushed Yuriko’s cheeks while enjoying the moment. His fangs grazed her soft petals, not breaking them, only teasing sweetly.

“I love you.” A vibrating whisper stumbled on Yuriko’s tongue from Ruki’s lips, making her giggle.

“And I love you.” She finally let his wrist go at the same moment he released her from this tormenting prison of smooching. Yet, she wished to be imprisoned right in this instant again.

“We can continue.” Ruki chuckled, gazing at Yuriko’s great-grandfather again. As Yuriko peeked at the man she couldn’t tell if he was mad or impressed. With a stiff nod, he went on as if nothing at all had just happened but the rest of the ceremony blurred in Yuriko’s mind for she was hazy from the kiss, from the sake… from everything else. Perhaps from the simple fact that now she truly was fully Ruki’s. 

Eternally.

The edit is made by me with help from @eri-talks. Thank you so much!

The story is based on a private wedding RP with @ruki-mukami-dl. Gosh, that was such a beautiful day. I cried a lot, and now again when I read this final time before publishing it. Thank you, honey, for this wonderful and meaningful moment. I will never forget it.