#love her movie/tv recs

[petrovna-zamo]

What the inside of my brain looks like

[cassiesc0rner]

Impurities

Synopsis: You’re the new girl at East Highland High, your only goal is to get through school. Until you come across Nate Jacobs

Genre: suggestive, slight angst,

Pairing: Nate x fem!reader

Warnings: manipulation, lying, misogyny, slutshaming, reader has a negative body image/implied body dismorphia, dark themes, slightly suggestive but no smut in this one, let me know if I missed something

Song rec: music to watch boys to - lana del rey

WC: +8.6k (oops)

Other parts: previous part, next part

A/N: This is my first upload on tumblr help?? Also English isn’t my first language so please keep that in mind and be nice :,) feedback is always appreciated!! Currently working on part 2 ᥫ᭡

You were the perfect prey for Nate

You were cute, just so fucking cute that it almost drove him crazy, and so polite during lessons, never refusing anyone anything, whether they asked for a pen, or if they could copy your homework, which you always had ready. In his eyes, you were perfect, the only right choice for him.

He knew you wouldn’t fuck up the way Cassie or Maddy did, you wouldn’t disappoint him like they did.

Sure, your style wasn't his thing at all -not that you dressed awful or anything, you were really into y2k, and just loved wearing baggy jeans or any jeans for that matter, and graphic tops combined with sparkly accessories, chains and rings.

He wished you'd wear something more... feminine, like skirts and cute dresses, that show off your assumingly perfect body, he also wished you'd wear brighter colors.

Another thing he loved about you, was that you were really smart and didn't seem to pay attention to boys at all, which surprised him because he was used to girls being all over boys, only wanting one thing from them and he hated it because they were all so predictable.

But you weren’t.

It also kind of scared him at the same time though, because what if you just really weren't into boys to begin with?

He didn't know much about you except for the fact that you loved music, movies and tv shows. Or at least that's what you said, when you had to introduce yourself to the new class.

It had been just a few days prior that he had broken up with Cassie at that time, but he was sure that in this moment, when you stood there in front of the class, with your trembling hands, shy smile and quiet voice, he was head over heels for you.

You just enrolled to East Highland High, you knew no one yet. That had to be his biggest advantage ever, since you didn't know about any of the bad things Nate has done so far, and no one could take you away from him once he earned your trust. Because why would you trust anyone else more than him?

It was your third day at the new school when he decided to approach you.

During lunch break you sat alone, listening to music as you tried to subtly look around the huge cafeteria, searching for someone else who was alone.

Everyone shared their table with at least two other students, except for you and some other girl that sat alone as well.

You considered approaching her and sitting with her, maybe she was nice and maybe she had other friends? But you decided not to do it, because maybe you'd disturb her or something. You sighed and scrolled through your phone, when you suddenly noticed someone standing in front of your table.

You slowly looked up and noticed it was one of your classmates. You quickly fished one of your earbuds out and stopped the music "Hey.." You said, as you smiled at him. He smiled back at you, the smile genuine as he replied "Hey, can I sit for a moment?" he gestured towards the chair in front of you.

You were confused.

Confused because he wanted to sit with you? Yes, you were new to East Highland High, but this wasn't the first school you ever attended. You could tell who's popular and who isn't.

And Nate Jacobs was definitely popular. He had to be.

Quaterback, extremely tall, and extremely good looking, there was no way he just wanted to sit and talk to someone like you. What if he's gonna bully me? Take my lunch money and beat me up? But that would be absurd.. right?

You nodded before removing the other earbud as well. "What're you listening to?" He asked, genuinely curious "Oh... um... just Lana Del Rey." You said nervously as you looked at your phone, too scared to look him in the eyes.

"Oh cool.. which song?" He'd be lying if he said he knew literally any Lana Del Rey song besides Summertime Sadness and Video Games, but he wanted to know nonetheless. Maybe he'd listen to it at home to check out what kind of music you listen to "It's called..." You hesitated for a moment before finally saying "'Music to watch boys to'" You knew how that sounded.

Nate chuckled once he heard the name of the song and saw your flustered expression "Is that what you're doing? Listening to music while you're watching the boys here?" He joked. You chuckled nervously "No, really that's the last thing I'd do. I'm trying not to look at anyone longer than a second." You smiled as you locked eyes with him for seemingly less than 0.5 seconds.

Nate nodded "Yeah, I can tell." He cleared his throat "Just came over to introduce myself since you're new and everything." He reached over the table, stopping right in front of your phone, inviting you to shake his hand "I'm Nate."

You knew that already, since the two of you had classes together and you paid attention during attendance, to memorize the names of some of your classmates.

You carefully reached over and shook his extremely large hand. "I'm y/n, but you probably know that already." You once again chuckled nervously, thinking back to the painful introduction you went through at each and every new lesson you went to.

"Yeah, right." He nodded, smiling as his mind went there as well. During maths, arts, and English, he was lucky enough to see you introduce yourself over and over again. You slowly retrieved your hand again and Nate couldn't help but feel sad at the loss of contact.

He took a look around the cafeteria before setting his gaze back onto you "So, why are you sitting here all alone?" He asked in a slightly less playful tone "Hm.. I don't know," You shrugged "I guess I just don't know how to approach people." You smiled again.

What Nate had noticed in this short amount of time, is how often you smiled at him, and how you tried to keep that expression.

He didn't only notice it in this moment while he sat in front of you, but also during lessons, whenever someone talked to you, you rarely kept a neutral expression, always a friendly smile on your lips.

You were unbelievably insecure.

Always trying to remain friendly, out of fear of being perceived as unfriendly or unapproachable or anything that could be perceived as negative. He got you figured out faster than you could've imagined.

When he didn't respond, you continued "I actually considered talking to that girl over there, since she's alone as well.."

Nate looked over to the girl you were referring to before smirking and looking back to you "I wouldn't do that." You frowned in confusion "Why? Is she mean or something?" Nate shook his head "She just... doesn't talk, I don't think I've ever seen her talk to anyone before. She always sits alone and stares... into the void or something, even during lessons she barely responds to the teachers." he pointed out.

You sighed "Wow... And I thought I was socially incompetent." He chuckled and shook his head "No believe me, it can always be worse." You nodded and smiled again. Once you didn't reply, Nate continued "But, to be honest, you don't seem socially incompetent at all. You actually seem fun to be around."

You looked up at him again, this time for a bit longer than 0,5 seconds, and raised your eyebrows "You think so?" Nate nodded "Yeah, of course, you don't?"

You thought for a moment am I actually fun to be around? It had honestly been ages since you had actual friends. Sure, you had classmates at your previous schools, who met up with you from time to time. But it never felt like an actual friendship, with trust and sincerity.

You figured that you just weren't easy or fun to be around, that you just bored them eventually, even though you tried to be as fun as possible.

But your parents also played a big role.

Your mom has been strict and didn't want you to go out with friends too much, because she was scared you'd get hurt. She constantly fought with you and your father, because neither you nor your dad shared the same amount of paranoia she seemed to have.

And your dad was constantly moving cities, and even states with the two of you, whenever he had a new, better job offer. East Highland High was probably your third highschool so far, and even if you wanted to stay polite and make friends, you didn't want them to get too close to you, because the moment you had to move it'd be over anyways.

"I don't... know.." You said, and for the first time your smile actually faded. Not into a sad expression, but your smile just seemed to slip, and Nate felt like he got just the slightest bit closer to you.

"I don't really have any friends outside of school, and since I have none here either.." You shrugged again, not sure what to tell him. He nodded "Well.. you have me now, we can be friends." You looked up at him again, your eyes wide. You waited for him to laugh and tell you that all of this was a prank or something, but he didn't.

"Um... Thank you, but you really don't have to do that. I bet you already have plenty of friends." Nate shook his head and said "You can never have enough friends," He had a point, not everyone lived a socially awkward life like you did "besides, as I said, you seem cool to be around." He added.

"Thank you, I'd love to be your friend." You responded with another smile. Nate couldn't believe that he got this close to you in just five minutes, and that you didn't seem to question any of his intentions at all. In his eyes, he didn't only achieve his goals for the day, he also did you a huge favour.

You had someone you could count on, someone to hang out with, you weren’t alone anymore.

Then the doorbell rang, informing everyone that the break was over now.

"Alright, we have maths now, let’s go together, yeah?" He asked as he got up. You nodded and grabbed your phone, stuffing it in your bag before you got up as well.

Two weeks passed after you first talked to Nate, and as it turns out, he really seemed to be your friend.

You went shopping together, spent time mostly at your place, because your mom wanted to keep an eye on him since he was a stranger and most importantly a boy, and you even went to his football game once. You seemed truly happy whenever you were with him.

A little too happy for your own liking.

Because deep down you knew you might have to leave him behind eventually, or that he'd get bored of you at some point.

Not to mention that you, against your own will, developed a small crush on him. But who could blame you when he was the first boy who ever truly cared for you like he did? Or bought you gifts and showered you with affection like he did?

Yeah that was another thing that Nate did. He loved buying things for you.

At first it were just small things like ice cream from the gas station, or snacks from vending machines. But eventually, the gifts got bigger and bigger despite you telling him that you couldn’t possibly pay him back.

Sure, your dad's job did pay him a lot, but you were sure that Nate's dad had to earn at least twice as much for his son to be able to buy that many things.

Last time you two went to the mall and he saw a pair of earrings for more than 200$, he dragged you along with him and showed them to you saying "They'd look so pretty on you." It almost felt like he was your boyfriend.

Usually the girls in the movies you watched would pressure their boyfriends into buying them expensive jewelry, and into spending their money on them, but Nate seemed to be the other way he around.

He was pressuring you into allowing him to spend his money on you.

Just like that day when the two of you went into another boutique, because Nate convinced you that "it'll be fun!", to put it in his words.

The moment you stepped into the boutique, you felt somewhat uneasy. You walked in with your ripped jeans and tank top on, and the only clothes you saw were dresses, skirts, and tops that you'd never consider buying. Not to mention the shoes that they sold, looked nowhere near as comfortable as your sneakers did.

Nate knew that.

He only had to look at your face for a split second to know what you're feeling. You felt like you wouldn't fit in, or like these clothes wouldn't suit you. But he knew how to convince you.

He spent two entire weeks with you after all.

Any normal person would say that's not enough to fully know somebody, but Nate had his ways of finding out almost every insecurity, fear and worry of yours, just by subtly asking the right questions.

And none of them shocked him, since he already figured out that you were socially anxious and insecure.

But he also knew what you needed. You craved someone who loves you and gives you constant reassurance, someone who tells you what to do and who to go out with, like your mom did, because that's all you knew your entire life.

You needed to be loved and touched, craving intimacy with literally anyone, because you never had friends who'd hug you tightly when you were anxious, or hold you close when you needed it, and your parents didn't either.

And he could give you all of that and more, once the time was right.

He also figured that you haven't had a boyfriend yet, or haven't been intimate with anyone yet, and that thought alone made him crave you even more, if that was even possible.

The fact that he would be your first everything, was enough to get him going, and motivated him to show you your true potential.

And he knows that you’d let him.

He always dreamt about how easily you'd let him have his way with you, and how he'd corrupt you. Nate had sadistic thoughts as well, fantasizing about making you cry and beg him for forgiveness for something that wasn’t even your fault.

He also dreamt of leaving marks and bruises all over your body, so that you and everyone else knew you’re his.

But he wouldn't want to hurt you, he knew from experience how bad that could end for him.

And the moment he saw your innocent eyes looking up at him and your smile while doing so, the violent thoughts got replaced with the need to protect you from any man that even just walked near you.

"You okay?" He asked casually before he walked towards one of the racks with skirts. "Mhm.. I just don't think I want to buy anything here, Nate..." You said as you nervously looked down at your feet, feeling bad for possibly disappointing him.

Nate turned around and looked at you "Don't you want to try something on at least?" Before he let you respond, he came up with an idea "How about this, I'll put together an outfit and you can try it on and see for yourself if you like it or not." He asked, but it was more of a demand than a question.

You sighed and looked around the store, noticing that they also had jeans skirts, and a dark red leather skirt that you thought was really pretty. Nate's eyes followed your gaze and he immediately started searching for something he wanted you to try on.

Sure, a jeans skirt might be a good start as well, since it might make you feel a bit more comfortable and at least show off your legs, but the leather skirt was just absolutely slutty in his eyes. He didn't want you to walk around at school -or anywhere for that matter- like that, like you're 'asking for it'.

While you walked towards the two skirts, Nate walked towards another section. He picked out a pastel pink short sleeve top, with a bow in the middle and a sweetheart neckline. He smirked as he imagined you inside the rather tight top, knowing that he's the only guy that would be near you while all the other boys could only dream of being close to you.

He then picked out a pair of black flats, which he knew you wouldn't be opposed to, simply because of the color alone, white stockings and a white and pink plaid mini skirt.

Then he walked over to you, as you still looked at the various skirts. "y/n, your outfit is ready!" Nate exclaimed once he was behind you, and you couldn't help but flinch as he pulled you out of your daydream.

You turned around and looked at his full hands, trying not to grimace at the bright colours. The shoes looked alright however, and where the only dark piece of clothing. "Nate, that won't suit me," you said as he handed you the clothes over "are you sure you want me to try it on?" you didn't even finish the question before he nodded.

You sighed before walking towards the changing room. "I'll wait outside until you're done." he said before you closed the door.

Once it was closed you sighed once more and started to undress. You liked Nate, more than just in a friendly platonic way, and if any other guy would've told you to dress up like that, you definitely would've refused.

But Nate did so many nice things for you, the least you could do was to make him laugh for a bit. Because you already expected that that's what he'll do once he sees you in this outfit.

Once you were left in your underwear you looked into the mirror, feeling insecure. You didn't like your body at all. You just weren't shaped like the girls on the cheer squad, and you also didn't seem to have their proportions. And now you had to wear a skirt that would expose your huge legs and belly.

You felt sick at the thought of Nate seeing you in this outfit. You looked at the skirt and panicked because what if he thought you're skinnier, and he picked the wrong size? You'd have to tell him to get you a size bigger, and it would be super embarrassing.

You put on the top first and gulped when you noticed how tight it was, your chest on display. But you were sure it was supposed to sit a bit tighter. Then you shakily grabbed the skirt and put it on, and surprisingly it closed and sat perfectly fine. Except for the fact that it was quite short.

You then put on the stockings which ended right above your knee, and the shoes. You looked into the mirror again and turned to the side, throwing various poses to check it out from different angles.

And then you frowned, because for some reason the fit looked pretty cute, but... would you actually go out like this? Definitely no- "Are you ready?" Nate asked impatiently. You started to contemplate whether or not you wanted Nate to actually see you like that.

"Um... y-yes but it looks really stupid i'm gonna undress again-""No!" he almost yelled, startling you "Please let me see, I bet it looks good." he rolled his eyes, glad that you couldn't see him behind that door.

He liked that you weren't too confident or too sure of yourself and needed his reassurance, but he really wished you'd actually listen to him right now.

And then you finally opened the door "Come in.." and it really took everything in him to not rip the door open and gawk at you.

He gently opened the door and looked at you, his eyes wandering from your head, which was hung low as if in shame, to your exposed cleavage, to the way the stockings hugged your legs, to your shoes.

He had to control himself or else he'd pop a boner right here, right in front of you, because, god you looked so pretty. With the way your hands were fidgeting again just like the first time he saw you. You looked so shy and submissive under his gaze.

"You look so pretty..." he said in a serious tone, so serious in fact, that you immediately looked up at him. "Really? I feel kinda..." you didn't dare to finish the sentence.

The last time you called yourself fat in front of him, he almost lost it. He got just as serious as he was right now, saying that you looked fine and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Sure you weren't shaped like Maddy was, and you didn't have the perfect thigh gap, but Nate was aware that you were extremely pretty nonetheless. You were almost perfect, and everything that wasn't perfect would be taken care of.

Like your style.

This was a small step for him but a huge one for you, and it would be an even bigger step for you to dress like that on the daily, but he's sure he can help you with that.

"Seriously, you look absolutely.. wow." he added, and it only got you more flustered. Maybe dressing like this isn't so bad if Nate thinks it's pretty, hell even if he's the only who thinks so, his words affected you more than anything anyone at East Highland High could possibly say. "Wow.. Thank you.."

He cleared his throat and took a step closer, towering over you even more. "You obviously don't have to listen to me,” he lied “but... I personally think it looks better than your usual dark outfits." When you looked back into the mirror he continued "You shouldn't hide behind those… wide pants and loose tops, you should wear more outfits like this and show everyone how pretty you look."

When he saw you smile, he knew he had you where he wanted you. It wasn't just a forced smile, it was a real one, a flustered one. You loved that he found you pretty, even if you couldn't see it for yourself. And he knew how important his opinion was to you.

Hearing his compliments alone made you want to change your style a little, just so that he doesn't change his opinion. "You really think this fits me?" You asked one more time to make sure that he actually meant it.

He nodded eagerly placing his hands onto your shoulders "I promise." He felt like he could melt with the way you were looking up at him "I would never lie to you, you know that, right?" As if in trance you looked into his eyes and nodded.

"Yeah of course." You smiled up at him, feeling so small in front of him. "I'll try to check for cheaper options though, if you don't mind. Maybe something that isn't from an expensive boutique." you chuckled. He frowned instantly before responding "No, keep the outfit, I'll pay for it."

You shook your head right away, thinking back to the expensive things he had bought you already. "Nate, you need to stop spending so much money on me, I mean it. I highly doubt that i'm the only friend you spend that much money on."

Nate tried not to laugh at your statement. Of course you were the only person he spent that much money on.

As if he'd buy McKay, or any of his other 'friends' for that matter, anything above 10 bucks. "Y/n, I promise I’m not spending too much money." You wanted to believe him, but deep down you knew why Nate did all this.

Or at least you thought you did.

He was used to being used for money by his friends, there couldn't be another explanation, it had to be the reason. Why else would he feel the need to buy you, who he saw as his friend, so many expensive things?

"And also I kinda forced you to try it on, it's the right thing to do, trust me." You sighed shaking your head in disbelief "Fine, but you really don't have to, you know that?" He nodded as a smile made its way onto his lips.

He wished he could kiss you right now, but needless to say that wasn't possible yet. He couldn't wait for the day he would finally have you to himself, safe and happy with him. Walking next to you, with your hand in his, he could already imagine Cassie's and Maddy's faces when they see the two of you.

Nate wasn't blind nor oblivious, he saw the way Cassie eyed you like she wanted to murder you, or the way Maddy would shake her head whenever she looked at the two of you walking down the hallway.

Sure he had to come up with a plausible story before one of them could get to you without him noticing, and ruin his perfect plan. He honestly doesn't know what would happen to them if they decided to ruin his plan.

But that wasn't important right now.

What mattered was that you finally owned the perfect outfit, only because of him, and you’d only wear it for him too. You didn't even talk back or hesitate as much as he had expected.

Everything was going according to plan, and it was only a matter of time until you would cave in fully and listen to him all the time.

The next day you got ready for school, and decided to put on the outfit Nate had gotten you the day prior, but combined with a long cardigan to prevent you from flashing anyone at school.

Not to mention your mom who would probably freak out once she saw your outfit for school.

You brushed your hair, and put on the earrings Nate bought you previously. They were beautiful, dangling bows with a small diamond in the middle.

You told Nate he didn't have to buy them for you and that you'd find a cheaper variant online, but he insisted nonetheless.

You wondered what it would be like to be his girlfriend as you applied your lipstick.

Not that you'd actually ever be his girlfriend. He probably wouldn't even consider dating me.. was all you could think. And you also wouldn't ever consider actually dating him.

What if you'd have to move again? It wouldn't only break your heart, but his too.

"Y/n?" Your mom pulled you out of your thoughts as she stood in front of your now open door -because knocking was completely overrated anyways.

She gave you a disapproving look as her eyes moved up and down your frame. You hadn't put on the cardigan yet, so you could only assume what she's thinking. "What are you wearing?" She finally spoke.

You sighed as you looked down at your feet. "Mom I-" She immediately shook her head "Nate told you to wear this, didn't he?" You groaned in frustration, all hopes of avoiding any confrontation now gone.

Your mom scoffed at your lack of response. "Have you seen yourself? You look like..." You raised your head and looked at your mom "Like what?" She crossed her arms and sighed "Like someone else!"

You knew that this wasn't what came to her mind first, but decided not to comment on it. "No one forced me to wear this. I wanted to wear this." Your mom frowned, not believing you one bit.

And even if you wanted to go to school like that, she felt sick at the thought of all the boys seeing her daughter in such an outfit. "Get changed, right now."  Was all she said before turning around and leaving your room.

You stomped after her "I'm going to be late to school if I change now!" you yelled as you followed her into the kitchen where your dad sat, completely unfazed by the argument which was taking place.

"That's your own fault, and don't yell at me like that." She responded, not even looking at you. "Mom, I'm not going to change."

She turned around once she grabbed her mug from the kitchen counter. "Oh but you are already. You are changing, because you would never wear something like this, especially not to school."

"Am I not allowed to change my style once in a while? You never approve of the way I dress anyways so why are you making a big deal out of this now?." She shook her head once again "You don't get it, y/n. You're... changing, as in ‘you’re becoming someone that you’re not’!" you scoffed in disbelief "I'm a teenager, of course I'm changing."

You turned away from your parents, and made your way to the hallway to put your shoes on. Once you reached your shoes you heard footsteps following you "You're really gonna go to school like that?" Your mom asked.

Once you slipped into one shoe you turned around and nodded. "You're grounded young lady, I hope you're aware of that." You slipped into the other shoe as you responded "I've been grounded my entire life, mom. Try harder." you said as you pushed past her to get your backpack.

Your mother just stood in the hallway, completely baffled. But before she could think of anything to say, you left the house already. Quickly making your way to Nate's truck.

Nate loved picking you up from home.

He wished you'd let him pick you up anywhere anytime, no matter where you were, but you only let him pick you up when you both had the same lessons in the morning.

He had told you that he'd pick you up even if you started earlier than him, but you immediately brushed it off.

Once you saw him your frown disappeared and you tried to smile again.

But Nate noticed. He always noticed when you were frowning, and when he saw your outfit he could already imagine what or specifically who made you frown.

To say that Nate disliked your parents would be an understatement. Whenever he would come over to your place, your mom would eye him and make snarky remarks.

Not only that, but she would sometimes enter your room -without knocking of course- every ten minutes to check on you, always with some sort of excuse as to why, just to make sure that the two of you weren't doing anything she would disapprove of.

He couldn't even hug you goodbye when he'd leave because when he did it once, your mom eyed him as if he was hurting you.

And your dad? He didn't know if he hated him even more.

He was barely there when Nate came over, and whenever you'd talk about him you would complain about him never caring about your arguments with your mom. He simply stayed out of it until it would annoy him, then he'd simply tell his wife to 'calm down' and that you 'shouldn't overreact'

And if you still wouldn't stop fighting with her, he'd simply get up and smoke outside or drive off to god knows where.

Having an overbearing mother and an absent father didn't do you any good, he'd gladly just have you move in with him, but his dad was probably even worse to live with than yours was.

"Everything alright?" Nate asked once you stepped inside the car, put your seatbelt on and sighed. You nodded, not looking at him "My mom's just mad at me because I'm wearing this to school today.." you explained as you fidgeted with your skirt.

That's when you noticed that you totally forgot to put on your cardigan in the heat of the moment. You mentally face palmed, knowing that you'd have to walk around like that without being able to hide at least a little bit of your body.

Nate nodded as he started the car. "I'm sorry to hear that... She’s always picking fights with you for no reason..." You nodded as you looked out of the passenger's window.

He looked at your thighs, which were just slightly on display, and fuck he would do everything just to touch them.

He decided to test the waters and reassuringly placed his hand on your thigh. You flinched slightly, not expecting the sudden gesture, but you didn't react in any way, which relieved him a lot.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, yeah? You can always come to my place or call me and I'll be there to pick you up and get your mind off things, alright?" You nodded with a soft smile on your lips.

You slowly turned back to him "Where have you been all my life? I would've needed you way sooner." Nate tried to contain his happiness.

You telling him you needed him, letting him touch your thigh and wearing his outfit? He was sure that he was the happiest man alive right now.

"Yeah, I also wish I could've been there sooner. But I'm here now, and I'm not gonna leave again." he assured. You placed your hand atop his on your thigh and nodded "Thank you.."

Everything was going so so well, until this Jake guy from your arts class decided to speak to you. He must've seen you with Nate, the two of you were almost inseparable after all. Did he have a death wish or something?

The way he looked at you as well, it made him sick.

You didn't even notice it, you were your usual friendly self, telling him something Nate couldn't make out from his seat, two rows behind the two of you. But it couldn't have possibly been funny enough for him to laugh so hard, that he had to place his hand on your shoulder for support.

He never cared much about Jake, never even talked to the guy, but he'd love to beat the shit out of him right now. Only stopping when you tell him to.

But based on your personality, you'd probably stop him right away.

Nate had more than enough however, when the guy still had his hand on your shoulder after ten seconds.

Nate got up, the sound of the chair scraping along the tiles on the floor so loud, that both you and Jake turned around right away.

Nate stared daggers into Jake as he made his way to the two of you, resulting in Jake's eyes widening slightly and him finally removing his hand from your shoulder "Move." was all Nate needed to say for Jake to smile at you one last time before immediately getting up and walking to his friend's desk.

You frowned at Nate not sure what had gotten into him. "Are you mad? Is everything okay?" You asked, worry evident on your face.

He was more than happy that you reacted this way, instead of asking him what the fuck was wrong with him for scaring the poor guy like that.

He shook his head before smiling "Everything's fine don't worry.. Jake's just really flirty with every girl that he sees, I just wanted to protect you." he reasoned.

You frowned, not aware that Jake has ever flirted with any girls in your classes, or you to begin with. He just seemed friendly, but you brushed it off nonetheless, knowing that Nate probably knew him better than you did.

"Wait, you’ve never had a boyfriend?" Nate asked in feigned disbelief, as you two sat in his living room after school one day. You shook your head in response as you waited for Nate to laugh at you.

Except, he didn't.

It only made him happier that you finally confirmed his theory.

He didn't expect you to have any ex-partners, since you told him you never really socialized or had stable friendships with anyone in the past.

He figured you also hadn't been in a relationship as well then. But your confirmation only made him happier. And you didn't seem like the type to just sleep with the next best boy you meet so he figured you also must be a virgin.

And he was eating it up.

Whenever he'd jerk himself off, he’d think about you and how fucking amazing you'd feel around him. How shy you would be in front of him once you two got intimate for the first time.

And after every time he came, he craved you even more. It took everything within him to refrain from picking you up and carrying you to his bed whenever you came over.

But he always told himself that the wait would be worth it.

He'd wait just for you, no matter how long it'd take.

"I just never got to form that kind of connection with anyone, since I barely talk to people.." You said as you played with the hem of your red sundress.

Yeah, you also started wearing dresses.

You told yourself that Nate wasn't the reason for it, but you knew that without him, you would have never considered wearing them in the first place.

You saw the way he looked at that one cheerleader, during one of his games last week and despite the fact that you never wanted to date him, you couldn't help but feel the urge to be... perfect in front of him.

Nate also noticed that.

Before, you'd just wear your baggy jeans to school, preferring comfort over style. But ever since last week, you seemed to constantly wear dresses and skirts.

Not only that, but you also did your best to appeal to him. You wore more make up, you shaved your arms despite not being too hairy to begin with. You put so much effort into looking even more beautiful than you were already.

He wasn't sure why though, because he didn't push you that much after you went to the boutique. He was praying that you only do it for him and not to impress any other boy at school though.

"Besides, it's useless anyways. Who knows when my father is gonna move again.." You said, suddenly feeling sad as you thought about your life without Nate.

Nate considered that as well.

He didn't like the idea at all and he'd do anything to stop that from happening. To stop your parents from taking you away from him.

Hell, he'd buy you a flat somewhere if he has to, or have you move in with him if that's what it took.

Nate took your hand in his, brushing his thumb over your knuckles "Hey, don't think about that alright? We'll find a solution if that should happen." he said reassuringly.

You nodded, a small smile on your face. You loved it when Nate was affectionate. You seemed to be the only person he was genuinely nice to.

"What about you though? I bet you had plenty of relationships." You grinned, his hand still comfortably wrapped around yours.

Nate chuckled "Yeah I didn't have that many relationships, but the ones I had were… intense." He answered "Oh, that bad?" you asked as you frowned at him.

He was more than glad you asked, because now he could finally tell you about Maddy and Cassie in a subtle way.

Once he was done, you’d never even consider believing them.

He nodded in response "Yeah... I was with Maddy for a pretty long time, do you know her?" he asked, hoping to find out whether she's talked to you or not.

You thought for a moment before nodding your head. "I think she's in one of my classes. Maddy... Perez?" Nate nodded, swallowing hard.

He was hoping you didn't know her, praying that the both of you never cross paths. But that was hopeless considering how popular she was.

"She's.. definitely something." You chuckled dryly as you couldn't help but compare yourself to her.

You didn't stand a chance with Nate if that's his type.

You always thought she was really pretty, and since she was on the cheerleading team, you knew she must be popular too. You always saw her with her group of friends and you admired her style, her beauty, her confidence, everything.

But she always seemed to give you weird looks and now you could imagine why. She probably was still in love with Nate, and didn’t like him having female friends.

Nate noticed the smile on your face falter just a slight bit, and he could only assume that she must've treated you badly that bitch, always causing fucking problems

"What do you mean?" You shrugged, unsure of how to explain it "She just... She's really pretty and I like her style. I wanted to compliment her before but she always gives me this look." You responded, your gaze locked onto the carpet.

Nate frowned at the thought of her.

How dare she even look your way? And how dare she make you feel uncomfortable? He could imagine why she was looking at you though, probably annoyed by how much time you and him spend, and how obedient you were already.

Something she could never do.

"But maybe I'm just imagining things, I might be a bit paranoid.. She's really pretty though, I bet the two of you looked great together.." Nate cringed at your words.

He couldn’t stand her, and the thought of everything he did for her, despite her acting like a bitch all the time, made his blood boil. The sound of her voice alone gave him chills, reminding him of how often she’d yell at him in front of her friends.

He's sure that you and him would look way better together.

"I'm honestly glad we're not together anymore.. She was awfully mean, and just so ungrateful." he sighed as he looked to the ground. "She constantly blamed me for everything when she was clearly at fault, fuck, she even..."

You weren't sure if you've seen Nate so vulnerable before, so hurt and all because of that girl. "…She even cheated on me at a party, in front of everyone, just because we had an argument." your eyes widened.

You did not expect Maddy to be such a bad person. Especially to someone like Nate, he seemed like he'd give his all to the person he loves. He was giving you his all and you weren't even his girlfriend.

You removed your hand from his, and scooted closer to him, wrapping your arm around his firm back and leaning your head against his arm. "I'm so sorry Nate.. you didn't deserve that.." You said as you stroked his back.

Nate suddenly got goosebumps, not expecting you to hug him like that. He was convinced he deserved an oscar for that performance, that's for sure. He leaned into your touch, enjoying how close he was to you, and the sweet scent of your perfume.

"It's alright... I got over it eventually. Sometimes people just disappoint you and you have to learn to live with it." he responded.

Which was an absolute fucking lie.

He still wanted to hurt her for humiliating him like that back at the pool, and he also still prays for her downfall and a chance to humiliate her just as bad.

You lifted your head and looked at him "We don't have to speak about her anymore if you don't want to. I'll even slap her for you if you want." you said half jokingly.

You'd never purposefully hurt anyone, or risk being the center of attention at school. But you just wanted to see Nate happy. He seemed so sad right now and even if he said he's over it, you knew he wasn't.

Nate chuckled before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you flat against his chest "There's no need for that. I'm just glad that you're here right now, you're all I need." He said as he stroked your shoulder.

You tried not to freak out.

The fact that he held you so close and literally told you that you're all he needed made you feel things, you didn't want to feel.

You didn't want to feel like he liked you more than just in a platonic way. You didn't want to get your hopes up, hell you didn't even want to have a crush on him.

You were so sure that you didn't have a chance, especially when he told you who his ex girlfriend was, but then why did he treat you like that? Why did he tell you you were all he needed?

“Do you also know Cassie, by chance?” he asked after a moment of silence. You thought for a moment, before shaking your head. He sighed, both in relief and in annoyance as he remembered her.

“Cassie and I also used to date. But she turned into an absolute psycho after some time. She was totally obsessed with me…” Nate explained before he sighed. “If she ever talks to you, tell me, alright? Same with Maddy, don’t talk to any of them.” he added suddenly very serious.

You nodded in response “What exactly did she do..? If you don’t mind me asking.” You asked carefully, since it seemed to be a touchy subject for him.

“She was.. possessive, unpredictable, and insecure. I was scared of her sometimes I can’t even lie... She just has this insane look in her eyes, at first I didn’t notice it but as our relationship progressed, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.”

Your eyes widened once again. If she really was that possessive over Nate, what if she thinks you two are together? Would she actually hurt you? You swallowed hard at the thought.

Nate observed your reaction, taking notice of how pale you became suddenly He didn't mean to scare you, but he had to warn you, in order to protect you from both of them.

"Jeez, that's... actually scary." you chuckled dryly, not sure how to react to the newfound information. "Don't worry though, I'll protect you from them, you got nothing to worry about." he said as he looked at you longingly.

Would it be too soon to ask you to be his now?

Probably the wrong moment to ask you, since he just told you about his crazy ex girlfriends. But he didn't want to wait any longer, he couldn't wait much longer.

Not when his need for you became stronger and stronger.

Sure, being your friend and spending time with you was amazing. You were sweet, funny and you wouldn't refuse him a thing. But it wasn't enough for him, not really.

He needed to act soon, because it frustrated him more and more each day. Nate just had to catch you talking to a boy from your class and it made him furious.

Not to mention how sexually frustrated he was.

His hand was not enough to satisfy him anymore, he craved so much more and that only caused him to be insufferable at times, unable to relax and always in a bad mood.

He really tried his hardest not to lash out on you like he did on McKay or his teammates. He was sure that if Cassie dared to approach him or you he'd absolutely lose his shit.

“Didn’t know you were home yet.”

You and Nate turned towards the person who just entered the living room in unison. It was Nate’s brother Aaron.

Great.

Nate rolled his eyes and sighed. Why was he home already? “Yeah, school ended earlier today.” He replied drily. He did not want Aaron to interact with you in any way, since he knew how off putting he could be.

“Let’s go,” Nate got up as he looked at you with a cold expression. You knew not to ask any questions when he got like this, so you just nodded and got up from the sofa.

“Woah, who are you? New girlfriend?” Your eyes widened as you laughed nervously “Oh, n-no we’re just really good friends.” You stated as you smiled at his brother.

And it bothered Nate so much. Why were you smiling at him? He knew you only wanted to be polite, but it bothered him because Aaron wasn’t worthy of your politeness or smile.

He wanted to be the only guy you smile at, even though that’s basically impossible with how fucking nice you were.

Aaron smiled back at you, as he playfully tilted his head to the side “That’s surprising, d’you have a boyfriend already?” He asked before he looked you up and down “Because you’re definitely Nate’s type.”

The room fell silent for a moment, mostly because you didn’t know what to say to that at all, and because Nate tried his hardest not to turn into an aggressive asshole in front of you.

You once again chuckled nervously, before you swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling like your heart would jump out any moment. “Um… I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m sure that I’m not Nate’s type.”

You didn’t even know why you said the last part, because you could tell that Nate was fuming more and more with each word you said to him. Before Aaron could respond, Nate did “Alright enough, Aaron, we’ll head upstairs now if you don’t mind.”

Aaron sighed exaggeratedly “That’s too bad, I really enjoyed the company of…?” he said as he looked towards you now “Y/n.” You responded, and Aaron nodded “Y/n, go ahead, you know where my room is.” Nate commanded.

You really wish it didn’t, but his demanding tone and sudden change of persona really did something to you. It excited you in a way.

You nodded and walked towards the hallway, where Aaron was standing. Before you could pass him though, he moved in front of you, looking down at you with a predatory grin “You know, if Nate doesn’t want you, I’d be totally down-”

Your eyes widened in response as you heard Nate stomping towards the two of you.

Nate had more than enough by now, “Shut the fuck up already!” He almost yelled. Aaron chuckled “I was just joking around why’re you so mean in front of your cute little friend?” He mocked before smirking at you again.

Nate turned towards you, this time even more irritated “Go upstairs, now.” You gulped and finally moved towards the stairs again, quickly making your way up.

You were sitting on Nate’s bed as you could hear his deep voice downstairs and you were sure he’d actually beat his brother up. You couldn’t make out what he was saying except for a very loud “Stay the fuck away from her!”

You didn’t have to wait for long until Nate entered the room, slamming the door shut behind him. He eyed you with a mixture of possessiveness and longing but also with a hint of softness.

His mind was currently occupied with fantasies about fucking you on his bed, while you moan about how good he feels, and how he’s the only one you need, while his brother is forced to listen to your moans that echo through the entire house. Knowing he could never be lucky enough to be in his spot.

He wondered if you’d be into that? If you had this corrupt side that no one knew about. Maybe you fantasized about him as well?

“Sorry about my brother, he’s a fucking asshole.” Nate stated as he walked towards you. “I hope he didn’t make you feel too uncomfortable..” He added as his gaze softened.

You shook your head, your signature smile on your lips “No, don’t worry. Are you okay though? I hope you guys didn’t fight too hard..”

He loved how considerate you were despite everything that happened. Despite Nate being somewhat rude to you earlier, and his brother making you uncomfortable, you still cared for Nate.

“No, not much more than we usually do, don’t worry.” He sighed as he plopped down on the bed next to you. “Wanna watch a movie?” He asked as he tilted his head to the side. You smiled and nodded in response.

Nate turned his TV on and grabbed the remote before he plopped down onto his bed again. He scooted towards you, wrapping his arm around you and you could’ve sworn you’ve never felt more at peace than in moments like these. Nestled against him, comfortably on his bed.

And Nate felt the same way, if not even more at peace.

You were his escape from his fucked up family just as much as he was yours, and you were the only one he truly cared for besides himself. He couldn’t wait until he could finally call you his.

In his eyes you were his already, from the moment he first laid eyes on you. And he’s come so far, molded you into perfection. There’s no way he’d let you go.

All that was left now, was to make you officially his.

✎ Thank you so so so much for reading I hope you liked it :3 again don’t be shy to give me honest feedback, likes and reblogs are appreciated!! ♡

- Cassandra

[wonderjanga]

Billy and Freddy along with Mary watches gacha reaction videos (if you don't know what that is your missing out). But they can only do it in the watch tower and stuff due to the lack of technology in Fawcett. This ideas been going around in my head for a while and I KNOW Freddy would love it.

Hal was having a normal day. The sun was shining, the Earth looked beautiful from the Watchtower. He wanted to go watch the game on one of the Watchtower’s gigantic and beautiful TVs.

GL: *on his merry way to one of the rec rooms, whistling a little tune*

Marvel and Junior: *occasional gasps*

GL: *thinking they’re watching a horror movie and decides he’ll just watch it with them until it’s over* “Hey guys-”

Marvel and Junior: *sitting right in front of the screen, staring like iPad babies and watching a Rivals react to Ayano Aishi vid*

GL: *stares for like a solid second* “What- What the fuck are y’all doing?”

Marvel: *pauses it* “Huh?” *looks back to Hal*

GL: “Why are you guys watching this baby content?”

Junior: *sounds offended* “It’s not baby stuff.”

GL: “Uh yeah. It is.”

Marvel: “No, it isn’t. Stop being a hater.”

GL: “Marvel, you’re a grown ass man. And Junior? You’re at least 14. Why are you watching this??”

Junior: “It’s entertaining.”

GL: “Entertaining. Really?”

Marvel: “Yeah! Come on.” *pats a spot next to him* “Watch it with us.”

GL: “Dude, no.”

Marvel and Junior: *share a look* “Watch it. Watch it. Watch it.” *chanting*

Hal eventually caved.

That’s how he found himself sitting on the floor with them, and watching a surprisingly entertaining “mha reacts to deku as kokichi video”. A couple minutes later, Mary came by with snacks and joined them.

Mary: “I brought some Cheetos and popcorn- wha? You guys started without me?!”

Marvel and Junior: “Sorry, Mary.” *in unison and in shame*

Mary: *sighs and just sits down with them* “Why’s Green Lantern here??

GL: “I just found the fact that a grown man finds this entertaining very interesting.” (He’s actually completely enthralled in these but he’s too embarrassed to admit it)

Mary: “Uh huh… sure.”

Hal’s a little ashamed to admit that they spent like two hours straight doing this until they transitioned into the GLMMs.

GL: “Wait, I don’t get it. Why does the Mom just not love her child?”

Marvel: *shrugs* “Cause she’s mean.”

A couple minutes later…

GL: “Wait, why did the dad die?!”

Mary: “For story progression!”

Like ten minutes later…

GL: “She’s a wolf-cat-angel-demon-unicorn hybrid…?”

Junior: “Yep, she’s special!”

GL: “HAH! Her bitch of a sister’s just a cat!”

Marvel, Mary, and Junior: *all just happy Hal’s invested*

After a couple GLMMs such as Bad Girls vs Gangsters, Emotionless Girl, and The CEO is my Boss, (shout out to everyone who watched these) they moved on to even more kiddy content. Such as Fnaf videos, but not just any… no no no, these ones

After the Fnaf thingy…

GL: “Damn.” *stands up* “My ass hurts from sitting on the ground for so long.”

Marvel: “Dang…” *pauses their next gacha vid* “So you’re out?”

GL: “Yup.” *stretches*

Mary: “It was nice having you Mr. Green Lantern Sir.”

Junior: “Yeah, thanks for letting us put you on.”

Marvel, Mary, and Junior: *same blinding smile*

Also, by the way, they were definitely watching GLMVs and singing along to “I’m a bad girlfriend” and “She’s crazy but she’s mine” and “Copycat” and “Queen.” All of which were and still are peak and I stand by that till this day.

[lomlhwa]

scandal (l.c)

pairing: idol!reader x idol!chan

preview: you got into a dating scandal with another idol and chan is not happy. it should've been him, he's your actual boyfriend after all.

tags/warnings: fem reader, mentions of beomgyu and other idols, possessive chan, kisses galore, pet names (pretty, baby, my love, angel), oral (fem.receiving), holding hands while fucking, so much praise, monster cock chan, marking, did i say possessive?, unprotected penetration (wrap it before you tap it), creampie

trigger warnings: n/a

wc: 1.8k

song rec for this fic: obsession by exo

a/n: i tried making fake tweets + texts for this how did i do? also i just threw in random female idols to make a fake group lol

you sigh, putting your phone down and rubbing your temples. dating as an idol is so tiring and sometimes you honestly forget why you even try. but you love your boyfriend so much. beomgyu is your good friend and sometimes you fail to remember to be sneaky when hanging out. even small things like going out to eat together makes fans assume you’re madly in love. this isn’t the first time you’ve been roped into media with beomgyu and you’re certain it won’t be the last. 

with your swift rise to fame, you’ve had many dating scandals in your time. what pisses chan off the most is the fact that it’s never been him that you’ve had a scandal with. you’ve gone out on many public dates before and no one has ever picked up on the fact that you’re together. he even kissed you in the view of a sasaeng one time and they didn’t notice. he wonders if it’s intentional on the media’s part or if they’re seriously just that oblivious. 

you run your hand through your hair, trying to fathom why the general public knowing about your relationship is so important to him. everyone within the industry knows so why does everyone else have to? relationships can ruin idol reputations and he doesn’t seem to care. maybe it’s because you’re both already so big that he’s not worried? or he’s hoping your fans are just accepting enough to be okay with it? 

your members come wandering into the living room and you’re quick to compose yourself. you don’t want them to know you’re having relationship problems again. “you okay, y/n?” minji asks you, concern spreading on her face. you nod and smile to the best of your abilities. “hmm, i don’t believe you but we have schedules so i’m not gonna push,” karina shakes her head before gesturing for you to follow the group out the door. you gather your things and do your best not to think about anything but the late night ahead of you. 

___________________________________________

after a late night at dance practice you finally get the time to check your phone. you know chan had a fansign today so you decide to check on some of his fan accounts. you smile as you’re met with cute photos of him posing with gifts from fans. you find lots of updates on things he said as well. his current favorite movies, foods, tv shows and… songs. of course he mentions you. it’s cute that he listens to your music and likes to promote you to fans. 

you jump as you realize sana is perched over your shoulder, reading your text messages. “he’s gonna get in trouble when people realize he keeps talking about you,” she comments, clicking her tongue. you sigh dramatically, slouching your shoulders. “that’s what he wants.” suddenly all your members are gathered around you, confused as to what you’re talking about. “i got into another scandal with beomgyu and chan is jealous that it’s not him. so he’s putting in extra effort to try and get people to assume things.” your members share a weird look between them before turning back to you. “i think you should go on the most public date ever and make sure everyone knows you’re with lee chan of seventeen,” lily smiles brightly at you. this comment shocks you a little but you agree. 

“will you guys help me set up a giant celebration at the restaurant under our dorm?” you ask and they all agree excitedly. you all rush to get back to your dorm, eager to plan an extravagant dinner for you and your boyfriend. you talk to the owners of the restaurant and they agree to vacate the restaurant for you. they even promise to make food on the house. your girls help you pick the perfect outfit, hair and makeup for the event. they even “accidentally” tell a well known media outlet that you have plans for tomorrow and they should be there. 

___________________________________________

you sit in eager anticipation waiting for your boyfriend to show up. you can see a photographer out of the corner of your eye, waiting for something to happen. you hear the backdoor open and chan walks in, confidence filling his every step. your eyes fall on the suit he chose for tonight. he left his blazer undone, showing off that the buttons resting on his chest were begging to burst open. 

“hello, my love,” he says as he pecks your cheek before sitting down across from you. “what’s the occasion for such a fancy dinner?” his face changes to panic for a moment before he speaks again; “did i miss our anniversary? your birthday?” you shake your head and chuckle just as a waitress comes scurrying out of the kitchen with pre prepared food. you thank her and shoot her a quick wink before turning back to your lover. chan looks at you with an unreadable expression, but you hope it’s positive.

the two of you eat your food happily, the atmosphere feeling very comfortable. your share anecdotes from your lives as idols, laughing that the ridiculousness of your respective companies. before long, your meal is coming to an end. chan gives you a look you know all too well and you’re quick to scurry away, up the stairs and to your dorm. your boyfriend follows swiftly behind you after thanking all the staff. 

you thank your members mentally as you enter your normally occupied dorm. as soon as the door is closed, chan’s hands are on you. he drags you by your hips, crashing you against him. he kisses you with such aggression that you would think he was trying to eat you. your tongues tangle like snakes, drool spilling from the corner of your mouth. “fuck, baby. you’re so sexy, you know that?” he connects his lips to your jawline, sucking on your skin gently. he sucks dark red marks on your collar bones, taking a moment to lean back and admire his work. 

“jump,” he mutters as he hooks his hands under your thighs. you hop and he catches you before quickly scurrying towards your room. he lays you down on your bed, pressing your legs wide open. he groans as he realizes you aren’t wearing any panties. you bite your lip as he admires you. “stop fucking me with your eyes and fuck me for real,” you demand. chan drops to his knees in front of you, desperation filling his eyes. you lift yourself onto your elbows so you can see him better. he kisses his way up your thighs before meeting his lips with your drenched core. 

his skilled tongue darts out to circle your clit, small whines escaping from your throat. he grips your thighs, holding you exactly where he wants you. he slurps and drinks you up as you twitch and squirm under him. he focuses his attention on your sensitive clit, rubbing his tongue back and forth over it. “channie, please please ple-ah,” he silences you with a harsh smack to your inner thigh. “let me enjoy your cunt. god, i love that you’re mine,” he presses kisses against your slit, licking a fat stripe up it to follow. “fucking mine.”

he grazes his teeth over your clit, drinking in the way you squeak and raise your hips towards his mouth. your hands fly to his hair and drag his mouth back to you. he chuckles before he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking on it before letting it go with a small ‘pop.’ you grind your core against his face, his nose brushing your clit as you get more and more desperate for release. “you have the most perfect pussy, baby. could eat you forever.”

a low moan slips from his lips as he watches you clench around nothing at his words. he places one final kiss to your core before rising off his knees. “you’re so tasty, angel. but i think i might explode if i don’t get inside you.” he reaches down to undo his pants and let them pool around his ankles. he aligns himself with your desperate hole before pressing in gently. “my pretty, pretty girl.” he grabs your hands and intertwines all ten of your fingers with his. a gesture like this always felt so romantic to you. 

he arms flex in reaction as you clench around him in an eager effort to get him to move. he draws his hips back slowly before returning himself to the hilt. your eyes cross and your back arches off the bed as he repeats this ritual over and over before he can’t take the slow pace anymore. he tightens his grip on your hands as he speeds up, the sounds of skin slapping filling the room. he stares between the two of you, watching as he disappears and reappears between your legs.”fuck, baby. you’re all mine. i don’t care what the media says. i’m the one fucking you. not beomgyu, me.” you nod your head, panting like a dog in the summer heat. “say it. who does this pussy belong to?” he thrusts into you faster, as if to make it harder for you to answer. “y-you, chan. fuck, it’s all yours.”

he lets go of your hands and opts to wrap his arms around your waist, pressing his face into your chest. he ruts into you with such vigor you think you might snap in half. he lifts you partially off the bed so you’re kind of sitting in his lap. your grind down on him, desperate for more. “channie… god, need it so bad,” you plead, your orgasm threatening to rip its way out of you. he runs his tongue between the valley of your breasts before pulling back to look at your face.

“keep eye contact with me while you finish. let me see how fucking good i make you feel.” you nod, digging your teeth into your bottom lip as he connects the pad of his thumb to your clit. you let out a deep sigh and fight your hardest not to throw your head back. the way chan looks at you through his sweaty bangs has you seeing stars. “cumming. oh my god i’m cumming,” you cry out as your whole body spasms. “yeah, that’s it baby. squeeze my cock like that.” your arms give out and you fall back onto the bed, gripping the sheets until your knuckles turn white. 

your lover’s orgasm is quick to follow, ropes of cum painting your walls white. he moans and whines out your name like a hymn, gripping your waist so hard you might bruise. you twitch as he rides out the last of his high before stilling completely. he pulls out of you slowly before laying next to you. he pulls you tightly against him, panting slightly as he settles. “i promise i don’t care what the media says. i love you."

___________________________________________

© lomlhwa 2024

[suskz]

Hi can you do a smut/comfort fic abt Chan or Lee know where reader is scared to take off her bra during sex bc she is insecure about having a small chest?

pairing: Minho x fem!Reader

t/w: hurt/comfort ; smut ; fluff ; nipple play ; breasts worship ; piv sex ; oral sex (f!rec) ; body insecurities ; we love all type of tits ; praise ; second time intimacy ; aftercare ; hickeys ; bites ; reader’s ex is an asshole ; dirty talk.

w/c: 3.2k

a/n: always remember, girlies, that Lino is an ass lover (and your tits are as beautiful as his in those pics, whatever size they are) (someone give that man a bra pls).

Closer to you

Mine❤️: Netflix and chill?

You: 9pm at my place?

Mine❤️: Perfect 😉

You both knew it wasn’t really going to be just Netflix and chill.

But at least you can say you tried.

You were 30 minutes into the movie when Minho’s hand started caressing your thigh, slowly moving upward.

By the 40-minute mark, you were kissing, and by 50 minutes, things had heated up. You were straddling his lap, rocking your hips back and forth without a set rhythm, while his strong hands guided your movements, fingers sinking into your skin.

Right now, neither of you even realize the movie is still playing on the TV, too absorbed in each other.

Your boyfriend’s hands roam over your body for the second time, still unfamiliar with the warmth of your soft skin beneath his fingers.

His breath is hot on your neck. You moan softly, arching your back as he kisses you deeply.

His breathing grows heavier as he barely brushes the tips of his fingers along your inner thigh, inching dangerously close to your core, still covered by your underwear, that throbs in anticipation— only for him to pull away, denying you his touch.

He sits you on the bed, and you’re facing each other as his wet lips tease the delicate skin of your neck, occasionally sucking gently.

You’re so lost in the feel of his lips and the warmth of his breath on your skin that you don’t even notice his hands wandering along your back— until you hear the click of your bra being unhooked.

You immediately realize, your eyes flying open as you pull away from him. He pauses, confused, while your hands dart to cover the cups of your bra to keep it from slipping off. That’s when he realizes.

“I’m sorry,” he immediately apologizes, instinctively shifting slightly on the bed to put some distance between you. “I should’ve asked you first, I’m sorry.” His eyes avoid meeting yours.

You let out a silent, shaky breath and close your eyes for a moment.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You say in a quiet voice. Part of you wants to do everything to make him feel better; the other part… can’t. You can’t because you can’t take off your bra for him.

But when his eyes meet yours again and then he notices your hands so protectively covering your chest, his expression hardens a little.

Because you’re in an intimate situation together, a moment where you should demonstrate complete trust in each other, yet you don’t seem to trust him enough to fully show your body. And why is that?

He feels guilty for acting before asking, because it’s the second time for him too, and he wants to show you respect every second you’re together and make sure you enjoy everything you do, building a safe space for you. But at the same time, you don’t seem to feel safe with him right now, and that hurts him.

“You don’t want to take it off?” The words come out harsher than he intended.

It’s okay to want to see your girlfriend’s body, right?

“I think it’s sexier this way, you know?” You grin, tentatively pulling down the cups of your padded bra to reveal more skin. “See?” You give him a lustful look, but your gaze falters when you see that he’s not convinced by your words at all.

He tentatively moves closer to you, brushing his hands over your hips ever so gently, as if he’s afraid he might break you into a thousand pieces, his hands trembling slightly. “We can try something like that,” he promises, “But right now, I’d like to see you, to see your beautiful body fully. I want to touch every inch of skin I’m allowed to,” he breathes against your lips. His hands rest on your back near the straps of your bra, touching them gently with his fingers. “Can I?” he whispers, looking into your eyes.

You can’t resist that gaze. You sigh and look away.

“What’s wrong?” He pulls back, already having sensed that something’s off, “You can tell me.”

One thing Minho has learned from your relationship is that communication is key: something you’ve taught him and something you’ve worked on a lot, and it’s in moments like this that he realizes just how important that is.

You take a deep breath. “Can you fasten my bra?” you ask gently. You’d feel more comfortable if it was closed, instead of having to hold it with your hands.

He nods and moves closer to you, wrapping his arms around your chest to fasten it, leaning in slightly to get a better view of your back.

You avoid his gaze. “I’m afraid you won’t like them when you see them,” you admit softly, hoping he won’t hear. “I don’t want them to be a turn-off for you.” You say, embarrassed.

“Why would you say that?” he asks, incredulous. “Why would you think I wouldn’t like them?”

If he had something else to add, you don’t let him continue. You let out a frustrated sigh because he just doesn’t get it. “They’re small, Min,” you snap. “All you see is the padding from the bra. There’s nothing underneath.”

Yours is a warning, a question: “Are you really sure you want to see?”

And he’s truly shocked and confused. It’s not because he wants more from you or is unhappy with what you’ve shared— no; he simply didn’t expect it.

Maybe he stays still in his thoughts for a second too long, because your hurt voice snaps him back. “I can always keep the bra on, like I said.”

That’s how you felt with your ex after he complained about “not being able to touch or feel anything” and how “guys like boobs, you know? The bra makes them look bigger at least.”

Your eyes lift to your boyfriend when you hear him sigh in relief. “That’s why you didn’t want to take it off? You had me thinking the worst.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, “Don’t apologize.” He takes your hands in his in a comforting gesture, “Listen, I don’t care if your breasts are small, big, or even nonexistent— they’re not the only thing that matters,” he declares. “And that goes for any other part of your body. I don’t love you for your body, baby. I love your body because I love you,” he explains. “You never have to be afraid of showing yourself to me for who you are, no matter what. I love and will always love every part of you; never doubt that.”

Tears well up in your eyes, but you hold them back, not wanting to cry in this moment. He smiles at you with eyes full of affection, cupping your cheeks in his hands and tenderly stroking your cheekbones with his thumbs. You place your hands over his. “You mean that? Are you sure?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been.” He chuckles softly.

You nod. “Okay.”

When he kisses you again, it’s initially slow, and you melt into it. It’s so simple, so familiar, but at the same time new. Because this time, there’s that trust you didn’t think you were ready to give him.

And yet, here you are.

Reaching behind you, you unfasten your bra and sit up on your knees. He gently guides you onto his lap. “You do it.” You tell him, and he nods.

His fingers lightly trace your arm, moving up to softly grasp the straps, slowly sliding them down your shoulders.

There’s something so intimate about this —about you finally letting him see all of you, letting him undress you in a way that whispers your complete trust in him— that his cock almost twitches in his pants.

And it actually does twitch when he finally gets to see them. And fuck, he thinks he’s never been more in love with you than he is right now —or more turned on, for that matter.

He stares, admiring them for what feels like an eternity to you. Your cheeks burn as you feel his fingers inching closer. “Can I?” he whispers, his voice a quiet plea hiding a deep need and desperation to touch you.

A simple “yes” is all it takes, and his hands and lips are on you, caressing and kissing every inch of skin as if it’s the last time he’ll ever get to feel you. Yet, he remains gentle, slow, tender.

His tongue brushes your nipple once, and the moan that escapes you has his brain short-circuiting.

He pulls away from you and gently lays you down on the bed, looking at every part of you. Your hands itch with the need to cover yourself, but you keep them in place.

He looks at you with dreamy eyes. “You’re beautiful,” he says, lowering himself onto you and kissing your collarbone. “Stunning,” he kisses the skin just above your nipples. “Fuck, you turn me on so much, you have no idea.”

You place your hands on his muscular chest and slowly slide them down, grazing his nipples with your fingers and touching his abs, caressing the scar he’s so insecure about but that you find hot on his body, tracing his V-line before reaching the erection trapped in his boxers.

“I think I have an idea.” You chuckle, stroking him a couple of times before pulling your hand away.

“Let me show you, so you have more than just an idea, hmm?” His lips curl into a mischievous grin.

“And how would you do that? Tell me.” You tease him.

“Oh?” He’s surprised by your playfulness, but he’d be lying if he said his dick didn’t twitch at that. “I’ll fuck you so that you won’t be able to sit down without thinking about me for a while,” he whispers in your ear, his voice low and sensual. “I want to make you lose control on my dick; go so deep that all the bad thoughts leave your beautiful little head, take away all your worries; I want to make you cry.” Your pussy throbs with anticipation.

You weren’t expecting this. Fuck, he sounds like an expert.

“Do it,” you suddenly feel on the verge of begging. “Fuck me, Min.” Your sudden desperation is so embarrassing, but this is the least of your problems right now.

And he doesn’t need to be told twice. He pulls your panties off so quickly you fear they might’ve ripped from the hurried motion.

His lips are on yours, filled with desire. His fingers caress your pussy, then slide two fingers from your clit down to your entrance, where he teases you a little before inserting one finger. He moans into your mouth when he feels how already stretched you are.

“I fingered myself this afternoon,” you admit shyly, “I’m stretched enough for you. Come on, Min— put it in.” You beg.

Minho thinks he’s about to lose the last bit of control he has left. He desperately wants to ask you to explain in detail how you do it, what you think about while doing it, to show him; but right now, you’re both far too impatient.

‘Another time’, he thinks.

His cock slowly enters you, drawing a long, stifled moan from both of you, and Minho has to fight the urge to move to give you a little time to adjust to the intrusion. But you don’t need that.

“You can— you can move. I’m ready. Please.” You beg, your breath heavy, but he needs to check on you a bit more before actually starting to move.

His moans are perhaps louder than yours at first, his cock continuously twitching as it bottoms out completely, before thrusting back in quickly.

Your breathing is heavy. His thrusts aren’t too fast or hard; they feel more controlled, and you love it.

“D-does it feel good?” Minho asks, maybe a little shyly, and you smile and nod.

One of your hands reaches for his next to your head, and you wrap your fingers around his wrist. “Yes, feels good.” You sigh.

He seems relieved by your answer, and you find it so sweet. He has opened up to you before, telling you he didn’t want to disappoint you in bed, but you reassured him it wouldn’t happen. And right now, you’re more sure than ever of your words.

His hand intertwines with yours, which was softly gripping his wrist, and his hips begin to pick up speed.

His eyes are fixed lovingly on yours, and he doesn’t seem to have any intention of looking away. He wants to capture every single expression of pleasure on your face and etch them into his memory. You’re just so beautiful.

“Your body is like… anatomically perfect.” It takes him a few seconds to realize what he just said, and when he does, his hips freeze. His face flushes even redder, and he hides his face against your chest. Where did that even come from?

There’s a brief silence, making him want to pull away and run, but then you giggle softly and look at him with tenderness. “Thank you?” It comes out sounding more like a question.

You bring your free hand to the back of his head, threading your fingers through his hair and lifting his face before pulling it closer to yours, making your lips connect.

It’s sweet, as he kisses you shyly while your hand strokes his hair. This seems to make him feel better, because shortly after, his shyness fades, and his tongue enters your mouth, eager.

His hips start moving again, this time faster and needier.

His lips pull away from yours and begin kissing along your jaw, trailing down to your neck. You tilt your head to give him more room, and he takes a patch of skin into his mouth to suck. Small moans escape your lips and your pussy tightens around his dick, making him moan in return.

He glances at the mark he just left and smirks, giving it one last kiss that makes you hiss.

He then starts kissing your chest. He kisses the skin of your tits, deliberately avoiding your nipples, kissing and licking around them, brushing the spot where you want him the most. Your breath hitches every time he gets close to your buds.

“Min.” You breathe through your teeth, and finally, Minho decides to please you, wrapping his lips around your hard nipple. He sucks eagerly, moving his tongue back and forth quickly. He pulls his lips away, gives it a fat lick, and sucks on it for just a second.

You tighten your grip in his hair.

Minho gasps, “Wan’ to mark them.” He says, groans.

“Do it.” Your words draw a strangled moan from him. “D-do it, Min.”

That shatters the last bit of composure he had left. He sinks his teeth into your shoulder hard, drawing a little blood, and then moves to your breast.

He wraps his lips around a nipple, but this time, he bites down on the skin around it, leaving the mark of his teeth —his presence— and sucks on several patches of skin around it, leaving purple bruises that make you fucking cry out in pleasure.

You’ve never been touched in that part of your body this way, not even by yourself. Minho is the first to have the honor of touching you, feeling you in his hands and mouth, and it’s the thought of that that suddenly brings him very close to his climax.

Minho hides his face in the crook of your neck. “God, your pussy’s so tight ‘n wet.”

You feel his heavy, warm breath against your skin, his mind now focused solely on the sensation of your wet, welcoming cunt.

“Baby,” he calls you, his voice strained.

“Yes?” You breathe.

“I’m going to come.” It’s so cute, really, the way he says it— a sweet, trembling whisper. He’s a little embarrassed and sorry he can’t make you come first, but you’ve already reassured him that it’s okay.

“It’s okay, baby, go ahead.” Your eyes narrow, and you moan as his movements grow faster and harder inside you. You feel his gasps and moans directly in your ear, absorbing every sound.

When you feel his movements becoming sloppier, you know he’s seconds away from coming, so you clench around him on purpose, and he spills with a strangled groan.

It takes him a couple of minutes to recover, leaning on you while trying to steady his breath. You stroke his back and whisper words of praise in his ear until he finds the strength to lift himself back up.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“You didn’t come.” He explains.

“It’s okay, Min, really—” you don’t even have time to finish before he moves down, positioning his face above your heat, his hungry eyes locked on it before shifting back to you with the same intense gaze.

“My girl will come, whether it’s on my dick or my tongue.” He proceeds to give a long lick from your dripping entrance all the way to the tip of your core.

You hide your burning face behind your hands. “Min!” You scold him, embarrassed by his words now that they’re said outside the heat of the moment.

He chuckles softly as he spreads your legs wide with his hands.

Just a few minutes later, your hands grip his hair as you ride your high on his tongue, moaning without worrying about who might hear you.

After wiping his face clean of your juices and doing his best to clean you up with wet wipes, he climbs into bed to hold you, intertwining his legs with yours.

“How do you feel?” he asks, gently caressing your arm.

“Good,” you reply, content and satisfied.

“Sorry for the bites,” he says, apologetic, looking at the mark he left on your shoulder, where tiny drops of blood are visible. “I didn’t realize I was hurting you like that.” You can hear the pout in his voice.

“It’s okay, it didn’t hurt,” you giggle. “I actually liked it. I’m fine.” He nods, relieved by your words. “I’m just a little sleepy.” You murmur, your voice thick with drowsiness, feeling your eyes close despite your will.

Your boyfriend gets up so quickly that you immediately open your eyes again. “No, it’s not time to sleep yet.” He lifts you and sits you on the edge of the bed.

“Min, come on!” you protest, but he simply hands you a water bottle from the nightstand.

“You need to drink, pee, and then we have to shower.”

After you finish drinking, you close the bottle and fall back onto the bed. “Tomorrow!” You close your eyes in protest. But he scoops you up bridal style, making you open your eyes and cling to him as he carries you to the bathroom.

You huff and pout, but he chuckles and gives you a quick kiss on the lips before sitting you on the toilet.

“This is embarrassing.” You mutter as he turns on the hot water in the shower.

“It doesn’t have to be, my love,” he winks at you before stepping out, and you stick your tongue out at him once he can no longer see you. “I’m getting some ice for the bites. When I come back, I want to see you in the shower!”

And you just know that you already love him so much.

[urrockstar-xe]

3 teen boys vs 1 pretty girl - j.m x fem!reader

posted feb 10th, 2024 10:24 pm

heres another belated v day post!! :D im working my way up guys look at me go, im running out of valentine themed songs though if you have recs and see this before the 14th pls send them to me!!

summary: John B and Pope have to help out JJ when he's under too much stress over a pretty girl, not proofread, use of Y/n.

masterlist

wordcount: 1.0k

JJ wasn’t one for romantics, never was, never will be. He’s never witnessed real romance outside of TV shows and movies, although now that he has, with his best friend falling in love, JJ still just didn’t quite get it.

Until he met You, of course, because every sweet, enchanting, and cheesy love story has to start with the player meeting the one.

The one that broke down every little wall with a soft smile and pretty eyes. The one who saves everything while simultaneously ruining it all. 

At least in JJ’s eyes. 

“Dude, just admit you like her” Pope’s words went in one ear and out the other as JJ groaned into the old pillow, dramatically falling onto John B’s couch. “I think he did, just not in a comprehensible way” John B chuckled, shoving JJ’s feet off of his lap.

JJ groaned once more before shifting positions and sitting up on the opposite end of JB. “I don’t know what it is, man. She comes in, introduces herself with a pretty little voice, batting her pretty little eyelashes, smiling a pretty little smile on her pretty little face.” JJ’s voice was laced with irritation, his friends just laughed in response. 

“I think JJ thinks Y/n is pretty, Pope.” “No way, really?” Another round of laughter between the two boys made JJ scoff before chuckling a bit as well, he rubbed at his eyes. 

JJ’s laughter ended with a sigh, “She’s makin’ me crazy.” John B smiled at his friend, nudging his shoulder. “They have that effect huh?” JB remarked, sharing a knowing look with Pope before Pope pulled JJ up off the couch.

“What am I gonna do? I mean, I gotta really wow this girl, man I mean, she’s perfect” JJ gushed as he stared back at his friend who merely smiled back and shook his head. “Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, why don’t you go work that out with John B and I’ll continue studying.” Pope proposed the idea as JB stood up, patting JJ on the back before nearly dragging him out of the chateau by the back of his hoodie. 

“C’mon, we’re gonna make sure you get your girl by tomorrow night”

JJ and John B loaded up into the Twinkie, heading straight for the closest convenience store. JB distracted his lovelorn friend with loud music that the two teenage boys happily and obnoxiously sang along to. Once they finally pulled up to the store and went inside, John B led JJ to the aisle filled with red and pink colored cardboard, and heart-shaped candies.

“Dude, I don’t even know what kind of candy she likes,” JJ sighed, both boys scanning the wall of options. “This is gonna be harder than I thought.” John B mumbled. 

“It’s all just one big guessing game-” John B got cut off by the store clerk noticing them. 

“Maybank, I better not catch you stealin’ nothin'.” His gruffy booming voice caught their attention, heads turning towards the sound in sync. “Course not, Mr. Wade!” JJ waved, a small smile on his lips as the clerk shook his head and went back to his initial goal, leaving them alone once more. 

JJ watched as John B grabbed one of the blue baskets and started throwing random candy boxes into it. “What are you doing?” JJ furrowed his eyebrows. “She’s gotta like at least one of these, let’s just buy it all” John B shrugged, handing the basket to JJ who turned his attention towards the box full of small stuffed animals. 

JJ picked up a small cat before looking at the little dog holding a love heart. “Do you think she’s more of a dog person or a cat person?” “Which one do you want her to be?” 

JJ abandoned the cat and threw the dog in the basket, just as John B grabbed a pink bag covered in white hearts and threw it on top of their Valentine's treasures. 

“This should be enough right?” John B asked, earning a slightly concerned look from JJ. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be the professional here? I’m just the student!” JJ followed him to the counter and helped throw everything in front of Mr. Wade. 

“JJ, I don’t think people see either of us and think of the word professional.” and of course, he couldn’t argue with that.

JJ was left to his own devices the rest of the night, John B had a date with Sarah. 

He did his best at setting up the bag of goodies, before deciding it was good enough because nothing would be as perfect as you no matter how much he tried. 

Finally, Wednesday had come and right around the time you made it outside of your school building you were met with the sight of the Twinkie, eyes watching it as you laughed at something one of your friends said. You said your goodbyes before making your way to the old van just as JJ Maybank came out of the driver’s side and leaned on the passenger’s door. 

“Thought you dropped out, JJ.” You smiled at the blond, who happily mirrored you as he approached him. “You know, gotta come back every once in a while, see how the place is holdin’ up without me.” He shrugged, earning a chuckle from you.

JJ cleared his throat, standing up straight. “I wanted to surprise you. Ask you to be my Valentine.” Your smile got softer, that sweet look on your face almost making JJ chicken out but now he was too deep in. 

“So ask me,” you said softly, after a moment of waiting for him to continue. JJ laughed, shaking his head. “Right, yeah, sorry. Will you be my Valentine, pretty lady?” His voice was quieter than you were used to hearing, you couldn’t help but cover your face as you felt heat spread across your cheeks. JJ chuckled at your reaction before leaning forward just enough to remove your hands from your face. 

“Whadya say?” You smiled at him as he held onto your hands, whispering now that you were so close. “I’ll be your Valentine any day of the week, J.” He smiled back, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before letting go of your hands and opening the passenger door, revealing the very same bag that was currently overflowing. 

“Awh, babe.” You smiled at the sight, picking up the little dog plush. 

“Hope you’re a dog person,” He said, grabbing the bag’s handles so you could get in the van. 

“And that you have a severe sweet tooth.” 

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: monster/creature friendships

Do you like movies like Alien vs Predator, Venom, and Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes? Do you enjoy dragon riders and talking animal companions? Friendly yet deeply inhuman aliens? Monster children and monster parents? Consider yourself less of a monster fucker and more of a monster best friend? Watch horror movies and fantasize about befriending the horrifying ghosts and ghoulies? Then this is the list for you!

A note: some of these books do have romance subplots, but not as the most important relationship or focus.

A (second) note: the criteria for "monster" are subjective. I looked mainly for titles featuring creatures who neither look nor act/think human. In cases where they are more human looking, I wanted a distinctly inhuman mind and morality, meaning most books featuring vampires, werewolves, fey, etc are excluded. I may have included books you feel aren't monstrous enough, or excluded ones you feel are sufficiently monstrous but I don't agree about. Again, it’s subjective.

Feel free to leave your own recs in the notes, but please know that if you rec books featuring mostly human vampires and werewolves I will be judging. I have separate lists for those, go look there instead.

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir*

Ryland Grace just woke up from a coma, unable to remember anything. He finds himself alone on a space ship, and as his memories slowly trickle back, he realizes he’s been sent on a mission: to find a solution to the impending doom of the earth. Still struggling with holes in his memories, Ryland tries to fulfill his mission, but as he gets closer to his goal, he discovers someone else got there first. And they aren’t anything close to human. Funny, heartfelt, and heavy on the science.

Fragment by Warren Fahy*

The reality TV show Sealife is having a rough time - as it turns out, a ship full of scientists doesn’t make for the kind of drama they hoped for. Hoping for some excitement, they reach Hender’s Island, a fragment of a lost continent that may contain an interesting new ecosystem. But as they step foot on the island, they quickly come to realize the ecosystem isn’t just new, it’s highly dangerous and very hungry. Among all this life is one single species that may be more dangerous than any other, but which may also be the salvation of the scientists on the island. A bit wonky, but genuinely one of the most fun books I have read, I love it so much.

The Road to Roswell by Connie Willis*

Francie has just traveled to Roswell to attend her college friend’s wedding to a UFO conspiracist. Not a believer herself, Francie is shocked when she finds herself abducted by an alien. Her abductor is not much what popular media would have you believe, looking more like a tumbleweed than a grey alien, and is clearly on some kind of mission it isn’t willing to put on hold for the sake of Francie attending to her duties as a bridesmaid. As more people get roped along - among those a conman, an old lady, a ufo conspiracist, and a retiree with an RV - Francie finds herself getting closer to the alien and wanting to help it succeed.

The Last Human by Zack Jordan

Young adult. Sarya is a human - the only one of her kind. Living with her adoptive mother - a vicious, insectile alien - on a space station surrounded by hundreds of other alien species, Sarya spends every day staying below the radar and hiding her true identity. But when an odd new alien arrives on the station, she may finally get an answer to her biggest question: why humanity was deemed too dangerous to be allowed to exist.

Alien vs. Predator: Prey by Steve Perry & S.D. Perry*

On desert planet Ruyshi, businesswoman Machiko Noguchi is about to take over the leading position in a small human colony. Her job is made infinitely harder when the colony comes under attack on two fronts as two species of vicious aliens choose it as their battle ground. If you're reading this list, you probably already know of the movie by the same name. The book, while completely different in setting and cast, does feature many similar plot points, among those a third act team-up between a human woman and a murderous alien.

Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky*

Millenia and generation spanning scifi. After the collapse of an empire, a planet once part of a project to uplift other species to sentience is left to develop on its own, resulting not in the intelligent monkeys once intended but in sentient giant spiders. Millenia later, what remains of humanity arrives looking for a new home, only to be met by the artificial remains of the ancient woman who once led the uplift project - and she is not willing to let them on her planet.

The Moon and the Sun by Vonda N. McIntyre

You can’t go wrong with a Vonda McIntyre novel just, like, in general. This one is set in 17th century France, where a young woman and her brother travel to live at the royal court, where they are to care for and study a strange captured sea monster fabled to have the ability to grant eternal life. A lot of focus on court politics as well as the cultural and biological differences between the humans and the mermaid. Also available as a movie (but it’s not very good, please just read the book).

Winter Tide by Ruthanna Emrys*

Lovecraftian fishpeople! Aphra and her brother are the only survivors after the government raided their home, Innsmouth. Their only living family are the amphibian people of the deep, whom they will one day join, but until then they are bound to land where they struggle to build new lives for themselves after the great loss of their home and loved ones. Then rumors start to spread of a russian agent seeking dangerous and ancient magic, forcing Aphra to involve herself as they try to stop it. Does contain horror elements but is generally a much more optimistic look on cosmic horror than most lovecraftian stories, told from the perspective of one of his monsters. Lots of focus on found family and rebuilding of community.

The Doors of Eden by Adrian Tchaikovsky*

The Doors of Eden is something of an experiment in speculative biology, featuring versions of Earth in which various different species were the one to rise to sentience, from dinosaurs to neanderthals. Now, something is threatening the existence of all timelines, dragging multiple different people and species into the struggle, among those a pair of cryptid hunting girlfriends and a transgender scientist. Together, can they find a way to save the multiverse?

The Spider and Her Demons by sydney khoo*

Young adult. All teenager Zhi wants is a normal life (and possibly for her harsh aunt to be a bit nicer), but it’s hard when she’s half spider demon. Every day she must conceal her true nature and hide in human guise. When she slips up and eats a man in front of her rich, aloof classmate Dior, Zhi thinks her life is over. But Dior has secrets of her own, and she is dead set on making herself a part of Zhi's life.

Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson

Young adult fantasy. Artemisia prefers the dead to the living, and is training to become a Gray Sister, a nun who helps the souls of the deceased pass on to the afterlife rather than remain as dangerous spirits. To defend her convent, Artemisia accepts the help of a dangerous revenant, a powerful spirit which grants her great power but also could possess her the moment her guard is lowered. As evil threatens her homeland, Artemisia and the revenant must find a way to work together.

Slewfoot: a Tale of Bewitchery by Brom

Historical horror. Young Englishwoman Abitha has only recently arrived and married into a Puritan colony when she unexpectedly becomes a widow. As she strives to save her small farm from going under in the wake of tragedy, something dark and dangerous stalks the surrounding woods. He doesn't know whether he's spirit, devil, or god, doesn't even know his own name, and in requesting Abitha's help, both their lives are changed forever.

Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses by Kristen O'Neal*

Young adult. Priya had plans to go to Stanford, but is derailed when the fallout from lyme disease puts her back, making her question if she'll ever get back to normal. Luckily she has her discord support group with whom she can chat and vent about her illness. Even more - she has Brigid, online fandom friend and fellow chronic illness sufferer. But when Brigid disappears from the web without warning, Priya must drive to Pennsylvania to make sure her friend is okay - and finds that Brigid's condition is a bit hairier than she expected.

Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson

Young adult. Elisabeth is a librarian, trained to handle grimoires - books of magic which, if mishandled, can turn into horrifying monsters. When an act of sabotage leads to the release of one of the library's most dangerous grimoires, Elisabeth finds herself implicated in the crime. Forced to team up with an enemy sorcerer and his loyal and unpredictable demon servant, Elisabeth sets out to find out the truth of what happened.

The Girl With All the Gifts by M.R. Carey

In a post apocalyptic, zombie-infested wasteland, a group of characters try to stay alive and hope to find a cure. One of the characters is Melanie, a young girl who carries the contagion inside of her and hungers for flesh, but like many children of the apocalypse has kept her humanity. Is she and children like her the answer to the cure we are looking for? Or are they the start of something entirely new? This book has also been adapted as a movie!

Malevolent by Harlan Guthrie*

Lovecraftian horror mystery. Private detective Arthur Lester wakes up in his office, his partner dead, memories fuzzy, vision gone, and the voice of a malevolent entity in his mind. Unable to see, Arthur is forced to rely on guidance from the entity as he attempts to solve the mystery of what it is and where it came from. Is this a book? No. But as someone who reads mostly audiobooks, the difference between a book and a fiction podcast is negligible, and also I love this story and its characters and want all of you to do so too.

Parasyte by Hitoshi Iwaka*

Horror manga, heavy on the bodyhorror. Shinichi Izumi wakes one day after a strange dream: that an alien parasite crawled into his arm. Soon he realizes it was more real than dream, and that an inhuman creature, having failed to eat and take over his brain, now controls his arm. Forced to cooperate, the two do their best to survive as more parasites quietly infiltrate society, meaning to devour our entire species. Also available as a very faithful anime!

Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy*

Young adult. Twelve-year-old Stephanie Edgley's uncle, famed horror writer, just died mysteriously and left her his entire fortune. As it turns out, the stories he wrote weren't entirely made up, and that which killed him wasn't entirely human. In trying to avenge his death, Stephanie joins forces with Skulduggery Pleasant, sorcerer, detective, and living, walking skeleton.

The Cloud Roads by Martha Wells

Moon doesn't know what he is. Having lost his family young he lives on the move, shifting his shape to hide his true form. The only ones similar to himself he's ever encountered are the vicious, bloodthirsty Fell, but he knows he cannot be one of them. When chance leads to a meeting with someone like him, he hopes his days of loneliness are over. But his new people stand against a dangerous enemy, and not all of them welcome Moon's help. A departure from other titles on this list in that it features only creatures, with not a single human on page.

The Girl From the Well by Rin Chupeco

Young adult horror. Okiku died three hundred years ago, her body thrown down a well. Now she spends her days hunting for and punishing murderers like the one who once killed her. When a strange boy bearing odd tattoos appears in her area, he catches Okiku's attention - as does something that follows after him. To save the boy, Okiku will be drawn into a journey taking both of them from American suburbia to a faraway shrine in Japan.

Monstrilio by Gerardo Sámano Córdova

When Magos loses her son Santiago to a longtime illness, she loses herself to grief and cuts out a piece of his lung. After hearing old folktales, she begins feeding it - and is shocked to find it growing and alive. Soon finding herself in charge of a hungry and bloodthirsty creature, Magos and her family must come together to care for what they can only see as a second chance for Santiago.

Semiosis by Sue Burke

A generational story following a group of humans trying to survive on a new planet, where a strange and unkowable intelligence is finding ways to use them to its whims. As the humans come across an abandoned city wrapped in the roots of a strange plant, they slowly come to the realization that mutual communication is the only path to peace and survival. Meanwhile, the alien finds itself tied all the more tightly to the growing human community.

The Stardust Grail by Yume Kitasei

Maya Hoshimoto used to be an art thief, and a damned good one to, until a disastrous heist made her retire into academia, hoping for peace and coping with an alien disease which causes her to see glimpses of the future. When an old friend tracks her down and asks her help to find and steal a legendary artifact that could save his entire species, Maya is convinced to do one last job.

Magical Girl Dandelion by Mizuho Kaeru

Manga. Tanpopo Ohanami's parents were killed by a phantom monster when she was young, but her life was saved by Shade, another phantom. Ever since then, Shade has been her friend, watching over her and keeping her safe. But then Tanpopo is revealed to be a potential magical girl, meant to fight the phantoms and protect humanity. Her and Shade are meant to be enemies, but can they instead work and fight alongside each other?

His Majesty's Dragon by Naomi Novik

It’s the height of the Napoleonic Wars, and soldiers on dragon back fight each other in the air. Will Laurence isn't a dragonrider but a sea captain, but when his ship captures a French frigate and discovers a dragon egg about to hatch in his cargo, his life changes forever when he and the dragon hatchling bond.

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman

Middle grade. In Lyra's world, every person has a daemon: a talking animal companion who follows them throughout life. When children begin being stolen off the street, among them Lyra's friend, she must embark on a great journey to save him, taking her to the furthest north - and beyond.

A Redtail's Dream by Minna Sundberg*

Graphic novel inspired by Finnish mythology. When an irresponsible fox spirit accidentally traps an entire town in the dreamlands, it’s up to slacker Hannu and his talking, shapeshifting dog Ville to save everyone. Together the unwilling heroes must travel the dreamlands and locate the townsfolk, returning them to the waking world before the fox spirit sends them all on to death to hide his mistake. While the physical copy is all but impossible to get a hold of, the original webcomic can still be read for free here.

[stitchyblogs]

my curse is that i keep falling in love with peacock shows that a) people forgot they have a subscription to, or b) keep getting cancelled- but if you DO have peacock and you want 20+ recs hit a stitchy up, yooooo

NUMBER ONE please watch The Resort. It’s about love and grief and going on a magical realism vacation in the mayan riviera and playing detective on some missing teen’s old ass pre smartphone cell phone 🤳🏼🌴

(definitely serves as a stand alone miniseries, but i’d love more)

Look at this cast and tell me you’re not like “ohh.” THE RESORT. NOW.

2!!!! WE ARE LADY PARTS

a comedy about a British punk rock band named Lady Parts, which consists entirely of Muslim women. One of whom is obsessed with Don McLean, which speaks di-fucking-rectly to teenage stitchy

threeeeee is BRILLIANT MINDS, the medical drama show i would make if you held me hostage. I would say “there are too many doctor shows already!!!” And youd’d say, “make one anyway!!! I have a weapon!!” But this doctor show is Special. It’s based on the work and character of neurologist Oliver Sacks, who i’ve been fascinated by since doing the opera adaption of The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat in college (brag). It’s kinda like if House had old school Quantum Leap levels of empathy and 🏳️‍🌈

gif by @pedro-reed THIS SHOW IS LIKE A HUG. Did i MENTION mandy patinkin cameo that rocked my world??? Btw???!

shuttup i fucking loved the treasure of foggy mountain. Its number 4. i said what i said

FIVE! Speaking of films on peacock, you know Conclave is on there right? RIGHT?! It’s the Mean Girls of pope movies. It’s everything to me, a cradle catholic who thinks canon Jesus was pretty lit, its the fandom I can’t gel with. And Ralph Fiennes has to care for his dead boss’s army of turtles need i say more

Okay back to tv series… MR MERCEDES! It’s stephen king doing some hardboiled detective shit that only baaaarely steps out of reality. Like. One toe. One and a half. Shout out to all my Brendan Gleeson fuckers, i know you’re out there.

Everyone else… You might not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

are we on 7? We’re on 7. It’s MRS DAVIS. Betty Gilpin is a nun raised by shady Las Vegas magicians who is Hot For Jesus and on a mission to destroy Artificial Intelligence and her mommy issues. My flabbers were gasted by this perfection.

(Complete narrative btw!)

EIGHT. Do you love Stephanie Hsu??? Do you enjoy Nahnatchka Khan’s other work? Check out LAID. A sex comedy that is very preposterous and if we do not get a s2 I will be haunted forever. my Number 1 nepo baby Zosia Mamet is also here and she is not playing around

NINE is a total left field premise. Claudia O’Doherty and Craig Robinson go into business hunting exotic pythons for cash. This might be the peak hustle culture show about a Tenuous Job. I have never touched a snake in my life and i’m gripping my guts from laughing like “so tru bestie!!”

TEN is a P.S.A. Friends, i need you to know Peacock has some golden oldies. Is Little House On The Prairie your show when you’re sick on the couch? Did you dad raise you on old Quantum Leap? Have you been meaning to meet my best friend Mr. Detective Columbo!? They are HERE!

awoooo!! 11 is WOLF LIKE ME. Josh Gad is an american dad living in australia for some illusive reason… idk… anyway his daughter has a serious anxiety disorder he is carefully managing, and uhhhhh guess what his new girlfriend Isla Fisher is a werewolf. LET GIRLS BE MONSTERS.

Uhm i think I’m gonna have to stop here and re blog to add more. Too many images! 😅

[fahye]

book recs sept/oct 2023

THE SPEAR CUTS THROUGH WATER by simon jiminez -- I have no idea how to describe this. best book I've read in a year. absolutely gutting and beautiful and intricately put-together fantasy about two young men escorting an escaped god-empress on a pilgrimage to bring down an empire. but actually it's so much more intimate than that. please please please read this book, it deserves the world. yes it's gay.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO by jessica dettmann -- an aussie romcom tailored specifically to me, someone who imprinted on the kenneth branagh much ado about nothing movie. very meta and genre aware, lively and touching, a heap of fun.

LOOKING GLASS SOUND by catriona ward -- also very meta! it's uhhh about a bisexual disaster teen's coming-of-age summer, and also about the decades-later fight over who gets to control the narrative of that summer. and hauntings. and serial killers. every single one of ward's books is its own unique thing and a wonder to behold.

THE NOBLEMAN'S GUIDE TO SEDUCING A SCOUNDREL by kj charles -- if i haven't made you read any kjc books by now then what are we doing here. I don't know how she keeps getting better and better and better. this one is another slippery liar/stubbornly goodhearted but bad-tempered lord pairing. I adored every word.

NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS by jodi mcalister (ARC) -- 3rd book in her series set on a bachelor-like tv show, and my hands-down favourite. friends to lovers but also make it schemer 4 schemer!! I would die for this ruthless tv villain and her sleep deprived gremlin producer and their intense, searing, incredible romance entirely free of conventional moral compasses.

THE HOLLOW PLACES by t. kingfisher -- how are her books both so hilarious and so wildly, skin-crawlingly unsettling?? I think it's because of how relatable the protagonist is. I would react EXACTLY like kara if I found an eerie alternate dimension nexus made of willow trees in the walls of my uncle's weird museum. superb and very readable horror.

THE GILDED CROWN by marianne gordon (ARC) -- fantasy with a sapphic romance between a death-witch and the assassinated princess she was hired to raise from the dead. yes you're right that DOES sound amazing. the writing is assured and smooth and propulsive; if you like stories with a heightened mythic/fairytale feel, you'll love this.

[kuwdora]

Saturday Morning Vid Recs - Women!

Back in January I told @poetikat that I wanted to share just a fraction of vids I’ve seen since I started vidding in 2007 that I love. Taken me forever to format the links into a post to share. I have several more posts half-finished and may show up on your dashboard in following weeks or months.

I'm reccing vids that are at least 1 year old, but most of these vids are 4 and 8 and 12 years old and sometimes older. These vids feature a variety of sources, characters, genres of music, genres of shows. Each of these vidders have their own style and the way they approach a song or a source. I love these vids, they're fun to watch, they're hot, mesmerizing, engaging, thoughtful, full of love and horniness and BAMFs and joy and struggle. I love. I love.

I give to you 23 vids for this weekend's theme:

Women!!

Learning to Fly by rhoboat. Beautiful Boxer (2004). A movie vid based on trans Thai boxer Nong Toom’s life. This song is so good showing her journey to learning to find herself and fly! Ako Te Reo by bironic. Rūrangi (2020). Ana learning Te Reo Māori. This vid is so wonderful! It's never too late to learn. Come on Feet by JinkyO. Pumzi (2009). The song choice and pacing is incredible for this Kenyan sci-fi film. Something has to keep us moving forward. Black Nails by fightingarrival. A League of their Own (2022). A Max vid that is a great look at her journey on the show. This vid makes me want to rewatch all her scenes all over again. Here, take this L. Damned if She Do by chaila. Borgen. This source is the Danish political drama Borgen. Birgette is so kick-ass and this song is perfect for her. She come alive when she dying. "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." Strict Machine by such_heights. Doctor Who. River Song. I’m in love with River Song so of course I have to rec this. I get high on a buzz then a rush when I'm plugged in you. Counting Stars by beccatoria. DC Animated Wonder Woman. Beccatoria has always done such a great job of vidding animated source and WOMEN!!!! Superstar by @heresluck. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A Faith vid. This (one of many) epic Faith vids to come out of vidding fandom over the years. This vid lives rent free in my head. But I would pay this vid to live in my head because I love it so much. Never gonna be the same again.

Down & Dirty by @sweeter-than. Killjoys. A Dutch fanvid! A++ song choice for a character study showing her relationship with the Jacobi brothers and her general awesomeness. Make way. Cut Like a Buffalo by kiki_miserychic. Empire. Cookie Lyon fanvid! Cookie has all the skin in the game and she is so good at music, but damn there’s so much bullshit she has to deal with along the way. Yeah, you know I look like a woman but I / Cut like a buffalo / Stand up like a tower, tall / Then I fall just like a domino. Control: A Monstress Fanvid by garrideb. Based on the comic Monstress. You know this Halsey song + any woman who has been Going Through It is going to be a fucking ride. Great editing, amazing art. Fortunate One by @moocowmoocow The Expanse. CAMINA!!! DRUMMER!!!! A Sleater-Kinney cover of Fortunate Son is 10 million kinds of brilliance here for Camina and this source. I ain't no fortunate one. Celebrity Skin by @some-stars. Black Sails. This is an Eleanor and Max character vid. I repeat: Elenor and Max vid to Courtney Love’s music. Heed the warnings. This vid is so goddamn good. It better be worth it. Double Woman by starlady. Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame. So much awesomeness packed into this vid. Through the camera lens re-editing history gives imagination to the people. Wu Zetian and Shangguang Jing'er are awesome. Hooray for awesome ladies of the Tang Dynasty! Titanium by giandujakiss. Wonder Woman (the original tv show). She is titanium! Suffering Sappho.

Mirrors by @kuwdora. Snow White and the Huntsman. Queen/Snow. Lots of fantasy imagery and bdsm like themes since the Queen wants to suck the youth from Snow. Sex. Love. Control. Vanity. Lightning Field by bradcpu, a Legend of the Seeker fanvid of Cara/Kahlan. The imagery in this vid is outstanding, the tone the atmosphere. I have rewatched this more times than I can count. Strike me down, Give it everything you've got. Hands Away by chaila and beccatoria. Sarah Connor Chronicles/Fringe. Sarah/Olivia constructed reality fanvid that is constructed really really fucking well that you might forget that these are two different shows. I can't reach you. (Or, two messiahs walk into an alternate reality) Hurricane by @laurashapiro. Farscape and Battlestar Galactica, Starbuck/Aeryn.This vid is so epic and hot and incredible...Hot and sexy and can’t take your eyes off them. Two pilots walk into a bar. I Wanna Go by millylicious, a multi-source action vid Angelia Jolie tribute. This is fun and delightful. Space Girl by charmax. Multi-source space women and girls! My momma told me I should never watch Sci-fi but I did, I did, I did. Celebration by sweetestrain. Pop divas. Madonna, Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Beyonce, etc. Another one of my favorites of favorites. The connected imagery between all of these music videos still blows my mind, but goes to show you how pop music continues to build and evolve from each other. Plus sexy dancing. If it makes you feel good. Your Song by anoel. Multi-fandom. One of the most epic sapphic/wlw vids out there. I don’t wanna hear sad songs anymore, I only wanna hear love songs.

Hope you like these recs! Follow the tags to keep up #saturday morning vid recs and/or #kuwdora recs

EDITING TO ADD: How to Leave Feedback on Fanvids

[nastybuckybarnes]

Navigation!

Straight to business, Masterlists will be right under the cut, but if you wanna learn a bit more about me, keep reading beyond that 😌🩵

If you ever wanna just scroll endlessly through everything I've written, you'll want to visit my archive account. This is where I reblog every single fic I post as I no longer do taglists. Find me here @nastybuckyarchives

If you're looking for Masterlists:

My Old Works

My New Works

My Old Dark Works

If you wanna get to know me!

My name is Lex! I'm a twenty something year old 🇨🇦 Marvel fan, but I'm branching into other fandoms slowly but surely! I'm more of a reader than I am a TV or movie watcher, but I'm trying to watch more (send movie/tv recs plz). I am a published author and am currently working on a few more original books on the side!

I write in second or third person, with my reader character being described as 'she/her' with female anatomy.

I write dark fics, smut, fluff, angst, a/b/o, and lotsa AU's (I'm a slut for royal aus).

Who do I write for?

MCU- Mostly just Bucky and Steve, however I am considering writing for Wanda and Yelena as well 👀

COD - Ghost, König, Potentially Soap and Price

Top Gun - Open to writing for Rooster and Hangman

The Witcher - Geralt

TLK - Sihtric, Finan

Do I accept asks/requests/submissions?

Yes! I love love love these I live for this shit! Especially now that I'm getting back into the swing of things! If you want me to write for a character that you don't see on my blog, shoot me an ask and I'll see what I can do! If you have questions or ideas for something i've written, send it my way! If you wanna get to know me more, I'd love to chat!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[mlbigbang]

2023 Adrinette Fic Rec List

It’s the end of the year which means it’s finally time for the ML Big Bang’s yearly fic rec lists! We’re really excited to bring you our contributors’ favourite fics started this year to supply you with plenty of reading material while you’re waiting for the Big Bang fics’ publication in January.

Fate, Destiny... A Hamster by @mostmagical

After finally moving into his very first apartment per Ladybug’s suggestion, Adrien discovers something no movie or TV show could have ever prepared him for: someone else's hamster. Marinette was so excited to have her first pet. If only it would stop escaping! At least now there’s an excuse to talk to the new neighbor. (Adrinette Never Met AU)

This fic is peak adrinette identity shenanigans! Adrien and Marinette star as the next door neighbors losing and finding the titular hamster, falling in love, and avoiding an identity reveal like the plague.

If I Let Myself Love You by @uptoolateart

It’s hard to be a normal girl with a normal life when your mother has terminal cancer. And when fashion model Adrien Agreste moves back to Paris and wants to be Marinette’s friend – or maybe even more – her life is turned upside down again. How can she risk opening her heart to love when her whole world is falling apart? Especially when Adrien is hiding a dark secret of his own…. - COMPLETE FIC – updates on Sundays *** No kwamis AU - 100% Adrinette. About half of it is fluffy and half heavy. Please read tags for trigger warnings. ***

It is such an incredible balance of beautiful, heart-wrenching and funny! I adored the relationship between Adrien and Marinette, how it developed throughout, how natural it was, how they both helped each other through their grief. Just beautiful.

hearth by @asukiess

Because how do you describe a dream once you wake up, when it’s fleeting and slipping through the cracks in your mind like it’s a sieve? You can barely wrap your lips around the concepts and words before you realize it has slipped through like water, and what lay in your hands is just a pang in your chest? When every moment away from it clouds your mind just a little more, until the memories are threadbare? or: Adrien understands what it means to have a home.

call it even by @sha-nwa & @anna-scribbles

After a year of dating, there is one thing Marinette knows for certain: it's her and Adrien against the world. Through it all, Adrien is kind, patient, and endlessly understanding—even as she tries her best to keep her secret superhero identity hidden from him along with the rest of the world. Nothing could ruin it, not even the supervillains of Paris: Hawkmoth and Chat Noir. (adrinette dating // ladynoir enemies au)

A really well-written Adrienette fic featuring Ladynoir as enemies.

All the Missing Pieces by @uptoolateart

At 14, Adrien stepped into the time burrow and saw the truth no one could have guessed. When he came out, he was changed forever. And after defeating his father, he was finally free...or was he? At 37, Adrien has everything he ever dreamed of – married to Marinette, three kids, the hamster – but none of it has turned out as expected. Marinette’s career is such a success that she’s never home, Hugo is an angsty difficult teenager, and Adrien is still struggling with his secret identity as a sentimonster. And now, Lila Rossi is back after more than 20 years. But has time changed her? Or is she up to her old tricks?

It's my actual life (except I'm not good looking lol), and I vouch for how WILDLY accurate its treatment of the emotional issues of stay-at-home-dad stuff. I just cannot recommend highly enough how it handles jealousy, isolation, parenting struggles, etc. Not me in the comments every chapter telling the author how she got the feels so perfectly right.

If I Let Myself Love You by @uptoolateart

It’s hard to be a normal girl with a normal life when your mother has terminal cancer. And when fashion model Adrien Agreste moves back to Paris and wants to be Marinette’s friend – or maybe even more – her life is turned upside down again. How can she risk opening her heart to love when her whole world is falling apart? Especially when Adrien is hiding a dark secret of his own…

So absolutely sweet. So emotionally devastating. Gets meta by taking advantage of how AO3 works at one point. Next level in every way. I loved the developing Adrienette friendship. I loved Marinette and her father. I loved Marinette's feelings about her sick mother. Please everyone read this fic your face will melt with emotion, and you weren't really using your face, were you?

Our Tales are Endless (That's Why I Tell Them) by joonapeach

Marinette lives a simple life - one surrounded by pretty dresses, fresh macaroons, and the calming view of Paris. It's a life she thinks she has always fit in. And yet sometimes, when a certain boy comes by her shop with a flower and a new adventurous story, she can't help but wonder if there's something else she's missing.

you don't even know me at all (but i was made for loving you) by @ladyofthenoodle

They didn’t remember each other. The hospital told them there’d been an accident—brain damage—but Alya had told them the truth, later. Who’d they’d been to each other. What they’d given up, and why. But even with their memories of each other gone, Adrien and Marinette are still inextricably tied together—by law, by their social circles, and by their hearts. And in the apartment they share, there's only one bed.

If you like amnesia AUs, angst with a happy ending, married adrinette, and only one bed scenarios, you need to read this fic! It's beautifully bittersweet and will break your heart before putting it back together.

[donovankinard]

what's up guys!!! monthly recs - some holiday-related fics and then just general fics. i've not had as much opportunity to read fic as i normally do, and i'm pretty disappointed by that, but the hecticness of the holiday season has restrained me, unfortunately. for december we've got a lot of buddie and tevan, tarlos, bathena, mateo/nancy, polyfire, saltommy and a dash of henren! happy new years<3

🎁 cheap décor and flavoured cheer || @theclaravoyant evan buckley/eddie diaz/tommy kinard || 4k When Eddie flies back to El Paso, something goes terribly wrong. A fic about hurt/comfort, nostalgia, Christmas and coming home.

🔥 thursdays child has far to go|| @kinnsporsche evan buckley/tommy kinard || 17k Tommy laughs, as much as it can be called a laugh when he can barely get the air to do it, but his breath still grazes against Buck’s lips, the ghost of what he really wants. It’s warm, and Tommy’s still looking at him, and it’s been eighteen days, and he’s baked on nearly every one of them. They’re in a crashed helicopter and Tommy’s pinned down and it’s a terrible idea and it’s been eighteen days, he’s counted every one, and- Buck kisses him.

🔥 snowflakes falling like winter butterflies || 2pretty_2die evan buckley/tommy kinard || 1.6k “Oh man, I don’t think I’ve seen snow in nearly a decade.” “I don’t think I’ve ever seen snow outside of TV and movies.”An off-handed comment made while they cuddled on the couch watching Tommy’s favorite (Christmas) movie on Netflix ended with Buck scouring the internet for a surprise for his boyfriend.

🔥 Misperception || @emphasisonthehomo evan buckley/tommy kinard || 7.2k There’s a new kid at Harbor. He’s the youngest rookie they’ve ever gotten, one of those guys that went for the academy right out of high school. He’s also gay. Flamboyantly gay. Tommy’s jealous. OR: It doesn’t occur to Tommy that he should come out.

🔥 Bulletproof || ScarsLikeVelvet evan buckley/david 'deacon' kay || 1.1k (S.W.A.T. crossover). A rain of bullets is the beginning of the end for Evan's and Eddie's time at the 118. Their professional paths divide, but they remain close all the same while making new friends.

🔥 take my hand, heal my wound || 2pretty_2die evan buckley/donovan rocker || 1.2k (S.W.A.T. crossover). Buck expected a lot when it came to a day of hanging out with Christopher. He knew they’d play some games, maybe watch a movie, go indulge in some good food—because he has definitely turned the kid into a fellow foodie—and likely spend some time out in the sun. What he did not expect to happen was to end the day cleaning gravel from his boyfriend's hands.

🔥 A quiet place || @calinaannehart athena grant/bobby nash || 2.7k Athena had given up trying to sleep somewhere around three and had settled on the couch to wait for the sunrise. It used to be her favorite time of day, the array of reds, oranges, and yellows that painted the sky over the backyard as the sun inched its way over the horizon offering a prelude to a beautiful day. Now, however, it served as nothing more than a countdown.

🔥 Sprinkles of Joy|| BatThatBites mateo chavez/nancy gillian || 2k Mateo and Nancy are tasked with making the cookies for the 126 winter party. It can’t be that hard, right? ….Right?

🔥 A Crack In The Facade || immortalje carlos reyes/tk strand || 634w Working on last bits of release paperwork, Carlos tried to process the conversation he just had with TK and the glimpse it had given him behind the facade he wore for everyone else.

🔥 my lover's body is a map || @kinnsporsche evan buckley/tommy kinard || 15.5k They're all scarred. All of them. There isn't a single person in the firehouse that's unscarred, it's just the nature of the job. But that doesn't make the process of getting them any easier to deal with. Or: the one where Buck's drawn to Tommy's scars.

🔥 voyage || miss_tessa carlos reyes/tk strand || 1.4k The night before Carlos goes to see his father, and the moments after.

🔥 love from the other side || @fallout-mars carlos reyes/tk strand || 2.4k “Baby, oh my god,” TK replies, the words rushing out. Barely realizing what he’s doing, he manages to abandon the cups on the table over the hospital bed, moving to his husband. He’s glad he has enough hindsight—or paramedic instincts—to go to his uninjured side, because his first response is to help steady Carlos. He’s fine on his feet, but TK does it anyway, just to feel helpful. “What are you doing up?” he asks as he leads Carlos back to his bed. “You really shouldn’t be up, baby. I thought I could leave you alone for five minutes without you walking around.” Carlos says nothing until he’s back in bed, groaning softly as he lies down. TK follows, hovering over him so he can fluff up the pillow Carlos puts his head on, and that’s when Carlos sighs.

🔥 Campbell’s Soup for the Soon-to-Be Ranger Daddy’s Soul || cyrusbreeze carlos reyes/tk strand || 3.7k Carlos reflects on the possibility of raising Jonah with TK. Ranger Campbell and his family offer a surprising amount of clarity.

🔥 We can make it out (right?) || BatThatBites mateo chavez/nancy gillian || 2.7k Nancy didn’t expect to have her hands sticky with her boyfriend’s blood. Mateo didn’t expect to be bleeding out in a warehouse fire. They both didn’t expect an asteroid to be hurtling towards Austin

🔥 looking forward to the future || @fallout-mars carlos reyes/tk strand || 1.5k Glancing over his shoulder, he looks into the empty backseat of their truck. He stretches a little, careful not to strain himself or his stitches, then gestures behind him with one hand. “You think we’ll be able to get a car seat in here?” Meeting TK’s eye, he gets a blank stare in return. “What?” “A car seat,” Carlos repeats. “It’s good we ended up with this. There’s no way we’d fit one in the Camaro. In fact, we’d be violating multiple traffic offences if we did.”

🔥 you can breathe now || @decafdino carlos reyes/tk strand || 1.7k He gets the call while he's at work, because of course he does. Of course the universe decides that something terrible is going to happen in the middle of a shift. Well, fuck the universe. That's TK's philosophy.

🔥 I can't explain what's up with me today || @neversleepuntilfive carlos reyes/tk strand || 1.3k "Hey baby, are you okay?” TK quietly asks his boyfriend, who is sitting on their couch with his head slumped against the armrest. He just came home from his long shift. Carlos doesn’t answer him immediately, contemplating if he can gather his strength and push through it so TK isn’t worried. The truth is the day was horrible. He doesn’t even know why. Carlos usually gets up with the sun. But today, he doesn't. He's feeling terrible and can't think of a reason why. There is no reason as far as he is concerned.

🔥 Not your fault but mine || Liv_lily carlos reyes/tk strand || 13k TK stood just outside the recovery room they’d wheeled Carlos into, leaning heavily against the wall. There’d been a never-ending stream of medical professionals going in and out since the surgeon had let them know that everything went well, that a full recovery could be expected with time. He squeezes shaking hands into fists and tries to control his breathing, tries to stop the weight on his chest from collapsing in. He feels shaky and nauseous, panic crawling up his spine. Deep breaths, four count in through your nose. Hold four counts. Four count out your through your mouth. He tries to match his breathing to the slow beeping of the vital signs monitor, tries to take comfort in the steady rhythm. He should go into the room.

🔥 in our reflections of one another (we will start something new) || cyrusbreeze carlos reyes/tk strand || 212k (SERIES). Four years before the events of the pilot, Carlos and TK met in a bar in New York City. Their intense one night stand resulted in more than just a lasting impression. When TK arrives in Austin, both Carlos’ and TK’s worlds are rocked to their core and the impact of their night together has ripples that will last for the rest of their lives.

🔥 I am sorry for your loss || carlando_addict carlos reyes/tk strand || 2.3k TK dies and Carlos tries to process what his future will look like without the love of his life.

🔥 Faithless Plea || lonechronicles evan buckley/eddie diaz || 8.2k “I have done everything I was supposed to and still my life has fallen apart, and been ripped to shreds. I, I don’t know how much more I have left in me. You have taken everything from me. You can not have him too. You can’t take him away from me too. Please, please, don’t take him away too. Give Buck back to me because I cannot survive this, I cannot survive anything without him.” His voice was loud, not yelling, but loud enough that if someone had come outside they’d hear a voice. “I don’t even know if I believe in you but here I am, asking, begging, praying, a faithless plea if you will, just, please. Please, for the love of everything that you stand for, bring him back to me. I don’t survive this if he doesn’t make it.”

🔥 Him || lonechronicles evan buckley/eddie diaz || 5k He’s trapped in his head. The lyrics eating at him from every corner of his being. Religion and God and the sins of loving another man, the story vivid in his mind. A man raised on faith, feeling lost and disconnected. Trying to find himself, to understand himself, while feeling like that removes him from everything he's been taught to believe in. Feeling like connecting to himself will rip him away from everything that he knows, alienates him from his family, leaves him heartbroken and alone. So he hides. Hides himself, shelves his feelings and pushes through with what he’s meant to do. There’s a path perfectly laid out for him and it’s safer to follow it. It’s easier. He loses himself but everything else in his life stays intact, and that might just be enough. At least it is for a while.

🔥 you will get a sentimental feeling when you hear voices singing || @smilingbuckley evan buckley/eddie diaz || 2k Buck mopes, has a conversation with Bobby, and goes to a charity event.

🔥 a wolf without a foot || @screamlet evan buckley/tommy kinard || 34k Tommy wants to find his way back to Buck, but he has to find a way through himself first.

🔥 They Can't Take That Away From Me || @rdng1230 evan buckley/tommy kinard || 3.5k Tommy dabs the corners of his mouth with a napkin and gets up from the table, going over to the record player. “Is it wrong that I kinda like that there’s these gaps in your musical knowledge?” Tommy sighs, slipping a record out of the sleeve and placing it on the turn table. “You teach me so much, it’s nice to be able to show you things too. Makes me feel like I’m listening to things for the first time.” Buck feels his heart swell three sizes. He still feels like Tommy’s the one instructing him most of the time. And here comes his boyfriend calling him the teacher. He has a sneaking suspicion his love for this man will never stop growing.

🔥 Shafted || @sunnywithachanceofbi sal deluca/tommy kinard || 6.1k When the 118 are called to rescue a group of employees trapped in an elevator shaft, the power goes out again mid-rescue, leading one of the crew to get hurt.

🔥 100 Days of Henren || @theclaravoyant hen wilson/karen wilson || 4k (ongoing drabble collection). A series of 118-word drabbles centred on Hen, Karen and/or both. Written for 118dailydrabbles hiatus challenge.

🔥 Frost & Found || @sunnywithachanceofbi evan buckley/tommy kinard || 13k Two years after losing his husband (Sal), Tommy magically brings a handsome snowman (Buck) to life! Through his naïveté, the snowman helps Tommy to laugh, feel and love again, as the two fall for each other just in time for the holidays...and before he melts. ☃️

🔥 proof of god in your soup || cardiacsweetheart evan buckley/eddie diaz || 13.5k “God, we’re too old for this.” “What, love confessions?” Buck asks, just to be annoying. Eddie glares at him. “Not what I meant, but sure.” Or: Buck thinks he was born to be left behind. Eddie proves him wrong.

🔥 sell your fear and leave me standing here || @redgoldblue evan buckley/tommy kinard || 12.8k Buck bakes, has sex, and goes to gay bingo. Tommy wallows, gets told off, and wallows some more. Eventually, they kiss again.

🔥 The "Tommy Writes Hotshots Fanfic" Series || @herrmannhalsteadproduction evan buckley/tommy kinard || 7.7k Tommy gets sucked into the Hotshots fandom. (It's Karen and Maddie's fault.)

🔥 Chasing Fires || @thatmexisaurusrex evan buckley/tommy kinard || 150k 24-year-old Tommy Kinard meets 19-year-old Evan Buckley as Evan tries to steal food at a grocery store. Tommy decides to let Evan crash at his place until Evan figures out what his next steps are, giving Evan the same help someone had given Tommy when he had been kicked out of his house years ago.

🔥 our secret moments in a crowded room (they've got no idea about me and you) || @speaknowbuckley evan buckley/eddie diaz || 13.3k Professional Baseball Player Eddie Diaz and Professional Football Player Evan "Buck" Buckley have been married for the past six years, not that anyone outside of their close circle of friends and family knows that. But after they're photographed together and the internet starts going wild with sleuthing and conspiracy theories about their relationship, they're forced to consider whether or not the time may be right to come out publicly.

🔥 comeback of the year || @ambernotember evan buckley/tommy kinard || 5.1k Casey distracted him with stories of baby eagles and a dispensary hostage situation while Tommy drank his whiskey and worked his way towards telling Casey what had happened with Evan.

🔥 with a little help from your (best) friend || @exhaustedpirate evan buckley/tommy kinard || 1.9k “Why aren’t you wearing pants?” (or, what happened after buck and eddie sat down the couch)

STATS: # of fics: 35 # of authors: 30 # of words read: 575k

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 延禧攻略/Story of Yanxi Palace.

Story of Yanxi Palace is a high-budget 2018 Chinese harem drama about the historical-accuracy-adjacent antics of an extremely baller young woman who gets a job working in the Forbidden City in an attempt to discover the reasons behind her sister's death.

Imagine Nirvana in Fire, but only the scenes that take place inside the Inner Palace. So there's still schemes aplenty, but now these schemes are happening among a cast that's 90% women, all locked inside a walled city with rigid rules, excruciatingly strict hierarchies, and a very limited number of ways of getting out alive.

This show was huge in China. The English-language fandom is almost nonexistent. I'm betting most of you reading this have never even heard of it, and if you have, you have only the vaguest idea of what this 70-episode palace drama is about.

I enjoyed this show a whole hell of a lot. I also had some major issues with the show, to the point where I very nearly did not write this rec. But I'm doing it because I think the good parts of the show are worth seeing, and because I think the problem parts of the show are worth thinking about. Interested? Then follow me through these five reasons (and a few anti-reasons) I think you should watch it.

1. The Real Housewives of the Forbidden City

Tired of c-drama sausage fests? Want to see a bunch of incredibly talented ladies act their faces off? Then this is the show for you.

The vast majority of characters in the show are absolute bitches to one another. They are locked in a cutthroat game of power and manners where the stakes are literally life and death, so they spend their whole lives either plotting to take someone else down or counterplotting so the person trying to take them down gets taken down instead. They all know they can't trust one another, but they also sometimes can't not trust one another. They keep their friends close, and their enemies closer.

Unlike most other schemes-based shows, which are all about one big mystery, Story of Yanxi Palace has several smaller arcs. Remember the sister-murder I mentioned at the start? I was prepared for that to take the whole runtime of the show to solve; it actually gets (mostly) concluded around episode twenty-something. Antagonists arise and fall. Situations happen and resolve. Think of it less like a movie's single narrative, and more like a video game's multiple levels. Hooray, we finished Garden World! Now we get to go back to Palace World, but with way more EXP and powerups than we had before!

I know that looks like a bunch of lovely, high-class ladies in that shot, but it's not. It's a pit of vipers. Any woman in that lineup would straight-up shank pretty much any other woman in that lineup without hesitation or remorse. Every woman there knows exactly where she fits in the hierarchy and has a detailed plan for how to take out every woman above her to get to the top -- except for the one in black, who already did take out every woman above her to get to the top, and that's why everyone has to ostentatiously defer to her now.

If you are a fan of TV shows where folk scheme their way to success, this is really a can't-miss property for you.

This is also a show about how smart women have to become to survive being at the mercy of stupid men. Not only are the women being vicious to one another, they're doing so while simultaneousy having to pretend that they are pretty, delicate, vapid ornaments whose only thoughts are how they want the best for their precious emperor and his beloved mommy. It's all about the exercise of soft power, how to hide your knives behind silk sleeves and a sweet smile.

So okay, it's not quite as trashy as reality TV, but it's still bitchy as hell and incredibly fun to watch.

2. You love to hate her (and her, and him, and her)

Now if you've read pretty much any one of my previous recs, you know I like a good baddie, and this is a show with some good baddies. As I said in the last point, this is a show about bad people doing bad things entertainingly.

However, I am not going to tell you who most of the show's love-to-hate characters are, because the vast majority of them do not start out hateable. If the show introduces a female character and you like her, or a eunuch character and you like him, there is like an 85% chance they're going to do a heel turn. (And then sometimes do a face turn after? Look, schemes are complicated.)

But I will tell you about one bitch who's rotten from her first moment to her last: Noble Consort Gao.

Noble Consort Gao is the scenery-chewing, shit-stirring, absolute meanest mean girl in the palace, and it is so fucking entertaining. She's your major antagonist for the first half of the show. She's strategically mean, but she's also recreationally mean. She does the anime villainess laugh for real. Her actor, Tan Zhuo, has set her bitch dial to 11 and isn't even bothering to chew the scenery -- she's shredding it with those incredible metal claw-nails she wears.

Noble Consort Gao is a good starting antagonist because she's so blatantly evil -- and yet somehow still unstoppable. She's a good example of how you can get away with being pretty much openly sinister if you also manage to mind your manners. The reason she gets away with being so damn awful to everyone else is that she's still playing by all the rules. She's managed to weaponize every convention about propriety to lord her power over everyone else. She's like a fucking HOA.

And you'll notice I'm speaking about her with such fondness because she's delightfully awful. In fact, pretty much everyone in this show is delightfully awful. There are exceptions, but on the whole, you want to see them go down, yet you're also going to be a little sad when they go. Even Noble Consort, by the end, you get where she's coming from, and you feel a little bad for her on the way out.

Do you like vengeance? Because we've got some vengeance for you here. Many, many people in this show have been wronged, often by the people they trusted most. And of course they all respond to this in a healthy manner, seeking justice for themselves and for their loved ones through proper channels and reasonable means.

Ha ha, just kidding, everybody here is completely unhinged! The primary difference between a good guy and a bad guy in this show is how many innocent people they wind up taking down with the guilty party. It's messy as hell and we are making popcorn about it.

This is a show full of villains. In fact, this cast is pretty much entirely bad guys, semi-bad guys, potential bad guys, and good people who had to do bad things to survive. There are maybe two non-child characters who are Just Plain Good that don't get nuked almost immediately. Everyone else is some shade of grey. Even our hero (and we'll get to her in a minute) is pretty yikes-inducing cruel when she needs to be.

Going to say this as clearly as I can: This is not a show for people who cannot tolerate moral ambiguity. This is a show for people who love to watch clever bastards work. And pretty much nobody's more of a bastard than Noble Consort Gao.

Ladies and gentlemen, the cunt is served.

3. No, seriously, this is actually what it all looked like

If you are at all interested in this actual time period, you owe it to yourself to see this dedicated work of historical recreation.

The amount of research and detail that went into this production is honestly mind-blowing. Because this show is set in the 18th century, we actually have some pretty great documentation about the places, objects, and people involved in this story -- including some (slightly later, obviously) photographs! The production went all out in its attempts to replicate the setting, including using period-appropriate techniques to create various accessories and objects.

The outfits are amazing -- and excruciatingly accurate in several aspects. I've seen more than a couple people say that their first reaction to the costumes was, ho hum, kind of boring. Well, yeah, compared to some of the absolutely bugfuck-complicated wearable works of art from earlier periods, these are a little understated. But then you start paying attention to the million little details: the embroidery, the hair ornaments, the layers, the fabrics. A whole team of people clearly put a huge amount of work into these outfits.

Nearly every royal character in the show is a real person. You could spoil yourself for several major plot beats just by going to Wikipedia. In fact, I accidentally did this, because I was reading the show's DramaWiki page and thought, oh, that's interesting; I understand why the actor names are links (because it takes you to the actors' pages), but why are so many of the character names also links? Turns out: Wikipedia! So, uh, careful where you click.

One of the great things about the show is how utterly claustrophobic it is. Most of it takes place within the heavily guarded walls of the Forbidden Palace; on the very few occasion it goes somewhere else, you're just traveling to other walled manors and villas. There's one brief scene in a forest, and the psychological difference is enormous. You see a few trees and you're immediately like, oh, so that's why these women are going crazy in their gilded cages.

The drama even shows how some of the least glamorous parts of the Forbidden Palace work: the chamber pots, the coal for furnaces, the mopping, the weeding, the laundry, the fire brigades. It's an enormous production, keeping what is basically a 178-acre city-state running to imperial standards. It's nice to see a drama that acknowledges that while rich people may want to see only clean walkways and fresh sheets, those things don't happen by magic.

If anything, knowing about all this detailed research makes the unintentionally funniest scene in the entire show -- the one with the eunuchs playing Western instruments -- ten times funnier. You had artisans spending months doing exact recreations of historical hairpins, and you couldn't spend thirty seconds asking the internet "when were saxophones invented?" or "does an accordion make noises like a string quartet?" Perfect. No notes.

Trust me when I say you'll get used to the queue haircuts on the dudes. It helps that most of the time, they're facing the camera so they just look like they've got their heads fully shaved, and most of them have heads that look very good shaved! ...Most.

4. The kind of girl who'd make Mei Changsu say damn

The show has a strong ensemble cast, but the woman at the core of all the action is the tough-as-nails protagonist, Wei Yingluo.

The details we have on the actual Lady Wei are sparse. She doesn't really exist as a person in the historical record, to the point where we don't even know her given name (if she even had one) or when she showed up to the palace. We mostly know when she got given her titles, how many kids she gave birth to, some of what she did later in life, and when she died. The show takes these historical gaps and just runs with them, weaving into the silences a narrative that, while implausible, could have happened!

The show starts when Wei Yingluo enters the Forbidden City, not as a royal lady concubine, but as a regular little maid. She's got an agenda, though -- as mentioned earlier, her sister has died tragically, and she wants to figure out why. The stakes get higher as it becomes clear just how much people don't want this question answered, for their sakes as much as for hers.

She very quickly realizes that she can't just live a quiet life and snoop around casually. Too many people are out to get her, and if she's going to survive, she's got to fuck with them before they fuck with her. And they are wholly unprepared for the self-destructive lengths to which she will go to to fuck with them.

Wu Jinyan deserves all the accolades for turning in a great performance. She has to be completely all over the board emotionally and energy-wise for seventy whole episodes, and she brings it. She's very funny and physical when the show calls for her to be! She's willing to flail around and stuff her face and ugly-cry. Then she turns on the don't-mess-with-me stare and the temperature in the room drops ten degrees. Did she get some award for this? [checks her DramaWiki page] Okay, she got several awards for this, good. Even in a huge cast this talented, she's an absolute standout. I can't wait to see her in the Double, which is definitely on my to-watch list.

I'm not going to call Wei Yingluo a Mary Sue, because that's not accurate, but this girl does have some serious plot armor on. You never get the sense that she hasn't earned it, though. She's smart, capable, and more than a little completely fucking crazy. The show makes you believe that the reason she survives most of the shit she pulls off is that everyone is just so baffled that anyone would try it at all that they don't even know how to respond.

I thought about starting out this rec post with Wei Yingluo -- putting her above the cut, in fact, because she really is that compelling. She's back here, though, because it's with Wei Yingluo that we start to slide into my points of critique. Too often, female protagonists are here to solve the problem with their cuteness and quirkiness and extra-special perfectness that shows up all the other girls and captures the heart of whatever boy she needs to save the day. And no matter how this show starts off wanting to make her something different, it ultimately can't conceive of a female lead who isn't at her core just like that.

The writers can never decide how much Wei Yingluo's Manic Pixie Dream Girl act is an act, and how much she means it. The show introduces her as a stone-cold psychopath who is capable of feigning being a carefree brainless uwu smol bean. Later it decides, actually, she's really at her core a spunky, soft-hearted creature who likes to goof off and is just capable of switching on Scheming Bitch Mode when she needs it! And it's like, are you kidding? You just spent like forty episodes telling me that it's all a big trick when she does this, and now you're saying it's not anymore?

It's like they made a character capable of decieving men, and then got decieved by her, which you have to respect. Any fictional character can fool another fictional character; only true legends fool their creators.

sidebar: fuck that dude

The show can never fully commit to this bit, because he's supposed to be our big heroic love interest, but the emperor fucking sucks.

Hands-down the show's biggest moral is that All Emperors Are Bastards -- yes, even the ones in relationships we're supposed to find cute; yes, even the ones whose lifestyles we're supposed to envy; yes, even the ones played superbly by the devastatingly handsome Nie Yuan. While watching we repeatedly invoked this tweet:

Being a billionaire must be insane. You can buy new teeth, new skin. All your chairs cost 20,000 dollars and weigh 2,000 pounds. Your life is just a series of your own preferences. In terms of cognitive impairment it's probably like being kicked in the head by a horse every day

He is the dumbest, most easily played motherfucker in China. Getting horny makes him stupid, and he's horny all the time. He has absolute power over the lives of everyone in the empire, and you can distract him with the mere suggestion of a vagina. He has taken a full You Girls Fight It Out Amongst Yourselves stance toward his scheming harem. This will not go well for anyone.

And speaking of those wives, no matter how many times they loudly profess their undying devotion to him, I have a rough time imagining these women feel anything for the Emperor beyond exhausted contempt. Well, okay, maybe the Empress who married him before he took the throne, since she had a chance to get to know him before he was in full Emperor Mode. But none of the other women should ever stop dunking on this guy like the gullible shitbag he is. If you (like me!) are already skeptical about any given heterosexual romance in fiction, be prepared to roll your eyes through the Big True Love Story this one tries to sell you.

5. Right on the cusp of a fascinating feminist conclusion!

I may be on this one for a while; skip ahead if you like.

Okay, so: What little English-language buzz I've seen about this show has used the word "feminist" about it -- mostly in conjunction with how the show's popularity made the CCP sour on its failure to portray appropriate communist values (???). So I went into it expecting feminism! And I got a show with a whole bunch of female characters in it! And hoo boy, are those two things not necessarily the same!

This show is a great example of how merely passing the Bechdel-Wallace Test doesn't make something feminist. Sure, it's mostly about a single woman who, through her plucky nature, rises in the ranks of power. But that is feminist only by the shallowest, most girlboss, Lean-In-ass definition of the word.

At the beginning, you can kinda tell this was written, produced, and directed by men. By the time you get to the end, you can absolutely tell that the production team was dudes from top to bottom. This, to me, is the big tell: that the show cannot conceive that anything these women are doing could be interesting unless it's trying to stab another woman in the back. There is a time jump very near the end, where the few female characters still standing agree to stop being shitty to one another -- and then fast-forward a decade, because why would we care about seeing what their lives are like when they're not being shitty to one another?

The show is incredibly constrained by Actual History. At the end of the day, it's a Cinderella story, and as such, we have to cheer for the social and legal mechanisms that make it possible -- even when they're grotesquely misogynistic. The show lets its female characters pay lip service to how awful it is that women are little more than breeding stock, but it doesn't let them do anything about it. Mothers can be obliquely sad that their daughters are being fed to the same patriarchy machine that fucked them up, but talking is the most they can accomplish ... because those daughters were real people who were actually fed into the patriarchy machine. We know this. We have documentation. China is very good at keeping receipts.

Wei Yingluo starts out as a servant, and throughout the first half of the show, she moves up and down in the servant ranks -- and all the while it makes the point that being a servant fucking sucks. Maybe it's better when you get to work directly under someone you really like, but the actual job sucks shit and puts you at the mercy of everyone above you in the palace hierarchy. Your life is not your own. You're barely a person. You can easily get executed for merely working in the same household as someone who broke the rules.

The feminist answer to this dilemma is to notice that the system is bad and either a) refuse to participate in it, or b) use your power to mitigate its badness. The show, however, clearly thinks that the real problem with this whole setup is that the people we like aren't at the top of it. Somebody has to take the abuse; you just don't want that somebody to be you. Once Wei Yingluo gets to a place of real power in the palace hierarchy, she starts behaving very much like the people who used to be shitty to her and takes no steps to prevent the early-show damage she suffered from happening to other people.

Now: You can make the argument that if she'd done all those radical things, she would've been dead meat -- and I think you'd be correct! But the show never indicates that it gives a second thought to how abusive and unfair this all is. Survival in this system means exploiting the people below you. There's not a neutral option. And this show expects you to cheer for exploiting the "right" people.

The show never quite seems to internalize what the stakes are -- at least, not for more than a moment or two at a time. I made the Real Housewives joke because the show more or less treats the consort-on-consort schemes as fun catfights by mean girls wanting to be the prom queen. It almost gets to the point of realizing that a woman's place in the harem is literal life-and-death shit for her, and that if she can't produce a son and work him into a powerful position, she's fucked. It always bunts when it gets there, though, choosing to play up vanity and petty grievances instead of the absolute desperation these women must be feeling.

It gets so close with Consort Shun to a real discussion about how awful it is that the men in their lives see them as pretty objects to be bartered for favor and power with other men. But it can't fully go there, because that would undermine the structures propping up this Cinderella story, and then we couldn't feel good about the Cinderella story. And we want to feel good about the Cinderella story. We will burn every other female character in the show if we get to feel good about the Cinderella story.

I've made a lot of jokes about lesbians in this show, but the truth is, it is chronically deficient in lesbianism. Lesbian sex would have improved the lives of at least half the characters here, if not more. Unlike a lot of other historical c-drama shows, Yanxi Palace acknowledges the reality and possibility both male and female same-sex sexual desire -- but it does so in order to say that both are bad. (I legitimately cannot tell if the production is doing this to show how regrettably anti-gay the past was or to play on the audience's expected homophobic disgust. I suspect the latter, but I genuinely don't know.) While it does the fascinating thing of showing desire and coupled relationships between women and eunuchs, it has no idea how queer those setups are, nor does it acknowledge the possibility for same-sex pairings to fill that same positive dynamic.

So why on earth would I list this whole mess of problematic attitudes as a reason for, and not against, watching the show?

Because it is fascinating to think about. Look, I've burned a lot of time and brainpower here writing several paragraphs that no one is ever going to read about how interesting the show's moves are. It has the weird problem where it understands what happens when you lock a bunch of women together in a high-pressure situation keyed to a brutal hierarchy -- but it doesn't ever appear to quite get why. At least, not beyond the sense that people will claw their way to the top of any hierarchy they have access to, just because it's there. (Watch how it treats the few exceptions to this, the rare nonambitious characters. See how long they stay nonambitious.)

As I said when I labeled this point, the show is just on the edge of a smart conclusion, and that smart conclusion has to do with how awful it is that women are both the people who suffer most under heteropatriarchy and the people who work the hardest to uphold it.

Yes, the world into which these women have been thrust is awful. But they make it ten times more awful because they're all semi-voluntarily engaged in a vicious, Highlander-esque zero-sum competition. They could cut one another some slack, but they're more invested in continuing the cycle of abuse to maintain an intense, repressive order. The ones that try to be kind about it get repeatedly fucked by the ones who have no interest in kindness. They all have to engage in performative rituals that mimic sincerity without actually producing a single genuine emotion toward one another. It's horrifying and paranoia-inducing in the extreme. And they're doing most of it to themselves.

If it were really feminist, the moral of the Story of Yanxi Palace would be it does't have to be like this. This dynamic is not inevitable; this is a choice perpetuated by generations of people who benefit from it just enough not to question its correctness.

Sadly, there's still enough promise in patriarchy that being a Good Girl will save you from the shit we put the Bad Girls through -- so don't you want to be a Good Girl? All we need you to do is throw all those icky Bad Girls under the bus. It's their fault for being Bad Girls anyway. But you? You don't have to be afraid. We're not going to hurt you. You deserve all the good things we're giving you. You're not like all the other girls. You're different. You're special.

Just don't forget to watch your back.

If anything, I think the CCP is terribly wrong: This show is an excellent demonstration of communist values, in that if these women had just joined together in solidarity, all their lives would have been so much better! The Emperor should have been posting helplessly on Reddit like "My (55M) consorts (40F, 36F, 31F, 28F, 22F, 19F) have unionized" so the entire internet could come for his ass.

Care to watch?

This is another of those shows you can find in a whole bunch of places! Here's the ones I know about:

YouTube

TVBAnywhere

Viki

Tubi

iQiyi

I know seventy episodes is a commitment. I know eighteenth-century palace drama is a lot. I know that last selling point of mine seemed to go on for-fucking-ever and you probably didn't read any of it. But this show is a beautiful work that I think more people should see, warts and all. Besides, if all we ever consume is ideologically "pure" media, how do we learn to think critically about anything?

True story: My Chinese colleague, knowing I was watching this show, taught me slang for "lesbian." It's 拉拉 (lala). Very useful.

[edenfenixblogs]

Escapist Media Recs?

Going to bed soon but would love some recommendations of “safe” TV shows/movies/youtube channels and/or confirmation that they are “safe.” The hardest part of dealing with everything is constantly feeling like I’m in defense mode or don’t know who’s about to gut punch me.

My criteria for a “safe” escapist media are:

Has not said anything about the conflict and (if YouTubers) has not indicated anything about the conflict through their platforms

OR

If they HAVE spoken, they acknowledged pain of ALL civilians in the levant.

OR

Has not attacked/demonized/fomented hatred against Jews or Muslims or Arabs or Palestinians

Has not allowed hateful rhetoric against anyone on their platforms

Has expressed sorrow or sympathy for Jews or Israelis without adding a qualifier of BUT afterwards

So far, KoreanEnglishman/Jolly have seemed safe. I know Rev Chris posted something nice about Israelis and Palestinians and wanting peace.

Drawfee is pending until I can see how the livestream goes.

Are the Try Guys still ok?

Grace Helbig has been safe so far but she’s not purely escapism as she is very much Going Thru Stuff this year. But I’ve been watching her for ages and she’s wonderful.

Is it safe to watch Abbot Elementary?

Any other Recs???

I really just need to watch or engage with something where I don’t have anxiety about whether or not I’m gonna find out the people who write/act/produce the content are gonna turn around and start spouting dogwhistles and tropes.

What’s been calming for y’all? What have you found that gives you a moment of fucking peace?

I’ve read 13 books so far this year already. But i really just want to sit and watch something and turn my brain off.

Anti-Zionists, DNI. I know your feelings on this and about me. You’ve made your position clear. Not looking for a debate right now.

Just looking for something that takes my mind of all *gestures broadly* this.

[charliemwrites]

Your keeper/kept AU has wormed it’s way so deep into my brain, I don’t think I’ll ever have sane thoughts about the 141 men again they were never sane to begin with

Speaking of Thoughts™️ lol how would a sort of “bring your pet to work day” go for Feral, Shy Thing and Good Girl where everyone goes on base? Kinda like family days or air shows :) OR maybe the safe house is compromised and it’s the safest place to bring them until the threat is taken care of? After all, there’s nowhere safer than at their keepers side on a heavily guarded base.

Hi! None of us have sane thoughts that’s why we’re all here, you’re in good company 😌 and thank you from bringing this brilliant Thought™️ to the table!!

Feral spends all day trailing after Simon. He sends her after recruits during training, and lets her climb all over him while barking orders. She’s utterly obsessed with his mask, cooing over it and clinging to his arm. People stare at the huge, terrifying 141 lieutenant with this little woman they’ve never seen (didn’t even know he was in a relationship) who does whatever she wants to him. And he allows it! Though if they stare too much she hisses and snaps - almost scarier than the LT, geez.

Shy thing spends the first half of the day in Johnny’s barrack, but she gets lonely and feels left out. So at lunch she ventures out and tucks into his side, stays close by. Thankfully most military personnel ignore her or only briefly acknowledge her. Seeing Johnny saunter around base barking orders and being so competent, only to turn around and dote on her…? Does things to her. Things that make her climb into his lap whining snd clinging at the end of the day. She really likes the way his uniform pants fit him.

Good Girl spends most of the day with Price in his office, sitting in his lap or cockwarming him beneath his desk. Shes quiet when he’s on the phone and takes her for walks around the base when she starts getting reckless. He takes her all over, giving her a tour, letting her bask in the tangential authority of being the captain’s. Total power couple. And he loves the number of people that look at her with yearning when she has eyes for no one but him.

Towards the end of the day, when all (or most) of the work is done, the three keepers (and Gaz) meet up to let the girls play. They take over one of the obstacle courses, giggling and helping each other through it, shrieking whenever one of them almost falls off. The boys keep up with them (it’s slow going) to make sure there aren’t any injuries or actual tumbles.

When they’ve finished, they all gleefully go to the communal showers, laughing and chattering and telling each other about their respective day. The boys guard the showers like its fort fucking Knox.

They also start whining and pleading when their keepers try to collect them to go home. They want to have a sleep over!! Please?! There’s a big tv in the rec room for movies and Johnny has a stash of popcorn… pleeeeease?

Yeah, not even price stands a chance against those big eyes.