#love feeling sad and guilty and whatnot before my birthday👍

[local-soda-can]

i don’t want to grow up i don’t want to just yet

there’s so many things i have yet to do, and they scare me

what if the future goes wrong? what if it’s not what i had in mind as a kid? what if the future never gets here?

i feel really selfish and guilty, i don’t want to feel this way

i’m sorry i’m not mature enough for my age, im sorry i’m not the perfect kid you wanted, i’m sorry i’m not a good enough partner, i’m sorry that i’m not good enough

i just want to stop time, just have everything stop and let me enjoy the rest of my life without actually growing up

i’m scared of what the future holds, i’m scared of what will happen, why am i so scared?

i hate being like this, people my age are supposed to be ready for the future

why cant i ever be normal? why cant i just be like normal people?

why am i such a childish person? why am i so immature? i still sleep with plushies for gods sake

what will my life be like in a year? in ten, twenty years? am i still going to be sleeping with stuffed animals and acting immature

what if things don’t turn out good? what if everything just goes to shit?

i shouldn’t think like this, especially not before my birthday

birthdays are supposed to be fun and amazing, not scary or sad or anything like that

i don’t want to grow up, please just let me stay like this

i’m sorry to my parents, for not being the perfect kid you wanted and especially sorry to my mom, for making you mad when i don’t mean to

im sorry to my brother, for not really being the best older sibling, even if you don’t treat me that nicely, i still try to be nice to you

i’m sorry to my friends, past and present, for not being the greatest friend you’ve met, there’s so many things i wish to do, but i’m sorry for not being a good friend

i’m sorry to my partners, for not being what you wanted, i know there’s other people out there who are more your type and are what you want, i’m sorry i can’t be those people

and im sorry to my younger self, for being so angry and upset at myself, i don’t mean to get mad at you, i don’t like being mean to myself, i wish you all the best

….cant wait for tomorrow, when i turn another year older