#love being gaslit on this fine Thursday

[jannaphia]

Apparently my vibes are so rancid that they stopped someone from finishing their half of an art trade for 6 years, I think I deserve a badge for that

[livinginsunnyhell]

Hey friend! We tend to ship the same ships, so tell me about Buddie.

Omg! I am thrilled to get this question! First hey friend! We do like the same ships and I am a fan of your work, so it’s lovely to hear from you. So not to over do this but I have broken my answer (essay) up into three parts. The first is things to know before entering the buddie fandom, the second is who they are, and the third is why I like them. I tried to be as succinct as possible but I do suffer from too much love for them so bear with me. Also this is spoiler free.

What to know about buddie

Okay so the very first thing to know about buddie is that they are not canon. Yet. (A deal with the devil is scheduled for Wednesday night before the next episode airs on Thursday which is speculated to be THE episode. Jkjk) This is important to note because when I entered the fandom I had absolutely no clue. I thought they were a gay firefighting couple who were raising a special needs child together. I thought it was cute. I was confused and disappointed when I found out they were not in fact together. The second thing to know is buddie is unhinged about each other. Like watching this show I feel gaslit especially in the earlier seasons. Something would happen between them and I’d be wondering like is this normal behavior? I probably didn’t start shipping them until season 3 but did notice some crush type behavior early on. I also went into the show expecting to like them so. The third thing to know is there’s a shit ton of amazing fanfic and it’s constantly growing. Like I think when I started reading buddie fanfic again last March it was 8k lower than it is now. It’s insane how fast it’s growing. And lastly, shipping them is like entering a land of delusion because they’ve been a will they go canon since like season 4 and we’re on season 8. I initially got into them right before season 5 and I was so sure they’d go canon in season 5 and then they didn’t. So like there’s just a lot of delusion about whether or not it’s happening, which is fine but it’s good to know going in. That being said you don’t have to worry about a Veronica mars situation with them.

Who is buddie?

Okay so buddie or Evan “Buck” Buckley and Eddie Diaz are two firefighters on a show called 911 which also stars Angela Bassett, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Peter Krause. All major reasons I came for the show. Buck is in the show from episode 1 and Eddie comes in season 2. The show is all about first responders and while it can be a tearjerker there’s also some really strange plot points and funny ones. Buck is basically introduced as a fuck boy a la Logan Echolls but without the rich and famous parents. Buck’s story can be summed up as a someone who is desperate to be loved. His parents, while not as bad as Logan’s, were not great parents and Buck has a lot of self esteem issues. In my opinion, Buck has been on a journey since season 1 to figure out how to love himself and be in a loving relationship where he’s not being used (mostly for sex.). And then there’s Eddie Diaz who comes in as a work partner for Buck thanks to their fire captain Bobby (Peter Krause). Eddie is an army medic with a son who is adorable and has cerebral palsy. He got married super young because he got his girlfriend pregnant. Now, his wife is estranged and not in the picture so Eddie is learning what it is to be a single parent. His son, Chris is the most important person in Eddie’s life and later on becomes the most important in Buck’s. Eddie’s journey can really be summed up as he’s always taking care of other people and his identity is tied up in his titles such as father, husband, soldier, firefighter without taking the time to actually know who he is. He’s always pushing his own needs aside and then they generally manifest in anger or mental health issues. He’s spent a lot of time addressing these issues and growing to better understand balancing his needs and accepting that it’s okay to be open. Eddie and Buck lean on each other constantly and the audience watches as their friendship grows and they become a family.

Why I like Buddie

So the top reason I like buddie is because I love how soft they are with each other. Both Buck and Eddie are pretty traditionally masculine men which is why it’s so refreshing to see them so open with each other. First and foremost they are best friends and they show up for each other again and again. There are so many scenes in which you can see the love they have for each other. And they are evenly matched too. Like they are partners in every sense of the word. And they have their own storylines outside of each other so the character isn’t a plot device to drive the other’s story. It’s a really refreshing take to see men have meaningful conversations and be vulnerable with each other without sacrificing who they are as characters or being labeled a certain way. I love Buck because he is so emotional and isn’t afraid to be that way while Eddie has been told for most of his life to suck it up and push it down. By watching Buck be so open, he’s able to feel like he has a safe place to be vulnerable. So I guess my favorite part of them is watching them be safe with each other.

I also love found family stories and this is like peak found family. They trust and rely on each other and again it’s amazing to see. I mean overall I’d say they don’t have any toxic traits in their relationship except probably codependency and Buck can be unhinged when he’s jealous, but unlike other ships I’ve enjoyed, they’re extremely healthy for one another. They bring out their best qualities. I also like that they are best friends and work partners. They do so many things together which the audience sees again and again. They match each others freak and it’s just really beautiful. And lastly, it’s a slow burn. Like incredibly slow like caramelizing onions slow so while you get a bunch of content you also have to wait it out.

I think I covered all of it. Highly recommend. The first season does feel like a completely different show but it’s all fun to watch. I’m not a procedural person but I enjoy 9-1-1. The writing isn’t like mind blowing but it’s definitely enjoyable. I tend to watch while crafting.

lol my essay is complete. Let me know if I didn’t cover anything or anyone else please add to this incredibly over the top answer to a simple question.

[idreamofdrea]

Ok but like all the things you actually did for me! How many times did I have to explain why I wanted it? Why I needed it? How many times did I have to beg for it or argue for it.

Oh and I NEVER turned down family dinner with Nikole. You told me about it and I said thanks I appreciates it and you said one day you’ll invite me and I said I’d love that but I don’t want to intrude because you were telling me at the same time with chloe I was impressing on your autonomy.

Oh and let’s get the chloe situation out there. It was the beginning of quarantine when the experts couldn’t even figure out how covid was spreading. You told me you didn’t want to be her friend because she led you on for a year. And then you said you were meeting up with her to clear the air but EVEN AFTER that conversation to my face you were saying you were going to “let that friendship go” but then your birthday rolls around and after you go you tell me the next day, when you had planned to see me, that the night before you let chloe throw you a “birthday party” your words again. You didn’t tell me how many people or who, you just went and so I said since you went to the party I don’t want to see you in person for 2 weeks. We met up at the park around the 2 week mark. I told you my feelings and that if she was going to be apart of your life I didn’t think I should be. You got mad at me because “it was your birthday” “what was I supposed to do” “your just saying that because you don’t want me to be around her” “your just trying to control me. But let be very clear. When we first started hanging out I asked for your quarantine crew list. You told me she was not apart of it and then did not update me that she and anyone else at the “party” which yes I NOW know only consisted of 3 or 4 people but even still that’s an additional out of you your closest friends and family and work people. I’ve literally been taking covid seriously since day 1 because I live with an imuncompomised person who I fucking love. Who you said you loved. So I asked for transparency from day 1. You didn’t give that to me. And even still like in the pervious post I fawned for you. You convinced me that it wasn’t a lot of people, it wasn’t that big a deal so I said bet, then I can come too. Right? Wrong. That’s just trying to make all your friends my friends. We even argued on the way back from the beach. When I straight up told you “I was moving my boundaries for you” and then my birthday comes along and I find out her birthday is around mine but I found out my dad had cancer so I was asked to come along to her party but I didn’t want to see anyone so you went anyway and this is debatable wether or not it’s valid or not but it really hurt. I was going through it and you left my house to go to another party that I was already skeptical about. And another person in my circle was I’m I compromised. Remember how I asked you not to smoke or drink after anyone and to be safe? So by this time I was already more than peeved. But remember the day we got into because I snapped at you but walked away because you yelled at me (in the car getting ready to drop you off at you house, I know you don’t believe me because I told you then and you didn’t believe me but I was about to apologize before you yell at me) because you were demanding an apology. And then Kelliegh had to pick you up because I couldn’t stop crying begging you to hear me out and my mom was even was willing to drop you off because she saw/heard most of our fight (it was literally so dumb but I wanted to explain why I snapped before my apology and that wasn’t ok with you because I’ve asked you not to explain your apologies but you would do it anyway so I thought I could too and nope you’re more stubborn than I am.) Well when we got the the park to try to work things out and you legit didn’t fucking believe my apology but whatever you said “and you don’t have to be worried about chloe, she has a boyfriend now” well like I’ve told you a million times it wasn’t chloe that was my issue.

It’s all the quarantine stuff plus the before time where you literally got me to come back in your life after I broke up with you by saying you were going to take me to karaoke and then spent 4 month not doing that, just ghosting me every Thursday night and telling me you shouldn’t have to “bring me to karaoke” or you didn’t have to tell me where you were or like and me begging you to let me meet and hang out with your friends because once again I came back because you said you’d do that. Also can we talk about how you used me to take care of Dobby so you could go out???? You gaslit me about how you not inviting me to karaoke or meeting your friends was not being a big deal and then as soon as I was about to leave again you did it. And I liked chloe because she invited me to karaoke. And honestly Idk if I would have liked her as much as I did if you had just brought me to karaoke in the first place but like that we’ll never know. Anyways and then when I said I liked chloe you told me I couldn’t be friends with her at the same time you told me the reason we couldn’t be together was you crush on this mystery person who I automatically knew but I let you have that.

Oh and I never 100 knew this was you hanging out with chloe but when you asked me to come over to your house and hang but then went out with friends but asked me to stay at yours so I’d be there when you got back but like never crossed you lips to just invite me

Anyway so it’s the ghosting, the gas lighting, the hiding my toothbrush when she came over. The real bs was when I saw that nude painting you did and all I asked was “did someone pose for that” and because of your reaction to tell me it’s not a big deal, why was I going though your shit, (it was just out btw) and more argument yelling about how you don’t have to tell me every little thing you did so then I asked “is there a reason you didn’t tell me” and you punched the painting. I didn’t even know you were going to chloes for art night was a thing until SHE told me. AND THE REAL FUCKED BIT you asking her to take care of my cat while we’re out of town and then not mentioning it to me and then gaslighting me because you apparently “didn’t have time” to tell me even though we were together all day and once again “it wasn’t that big a deal” getting mad at me for “going through your phone” when I was just trying to reach my sister for my moms keys and grabbed the fist phone I saw and it was the last text open and was a fixture from chloe of my cat but like you were the one who forced me to talk I just wanted to go out to the fire pit and “pretend like everything was fine” you know FOR MY SISTERS WEDDING but like no you needed to know why I was upset with you and then didn’t take ownership of it then told me you were going to catch a ride even though it was like a $2000 Uber or call your friend to come get you because you could not just say sorry.that it’s kinda fucked up you had someone you wouldn’t allow me to be friends with watch my cat and not tell me. So then I tried to grab your phone and we fought. So no it was never chloe it was you because how desperately you wanted to keep her you little secret, how you acted only fuels my NEED for transparency. And once again you couldn’t do that. For whatever reason you deemed applicable.

Oh I lied the real end to you fucking me over for chloe was Christmas. When I asked you to come bake cookies with me like we did for 6years straight and I asked you 2 weeks in advance and you said yes and then asked if i didn’t mind am doing it with Kelleigh and Danny at their house and I said the more the merrier but the literal day comes and I ask when we’re making cookies and you say oh Kelleigh and Danny are doing their own thing but so I said it’s ok we can do it at my house and you said oh “I made other plans” you forgot to cancel on me even though it’s something we did together every year you didn’t consider a tradition or important enough to attempt reschedule or to even let me know. And what were your plans? Going to a comedy show with chloe. When literally earlier that week we saw a poster for a comedy show and I’d said I’d never been to one but I’d always wanted to and you said same we should go one together but for some reason even though you had made plans with me and didn’t tell me you were no longer going to do it, I also couldn’t be invited to a comedy show also wasn’t it the dnd one? Like you knew I’d love it after you saw it you said I’d love it but to make up for canceling last minuet I wasn’t thought of to come along. Because why? I already hear you voice making excuses up about tickets but you didn’t even ask so don’t try it. You didn’t care that you flaked on something I love, to do something I wanted to do, with someone you would not allow me to see. Also you didn’t even apologize. Also when I told you how much it hurt my feelings you told me it wasn’t a big deal. And then we broke up and then que quarantine and read the beginning.

Literally the only time I can respect you was when you told me you kissed her.

But then you go and ruin by telling your friends I freak out every time you do something poly. It’s not polyamory is not chloe it’s not Chet. it’s the lack of communication, the gaslighting, the minimizing the lack of empathy. It was the fact that I let you put your hands on me so many times and still said I wanna work this out. Which yes I know is on me but it’s the promises that we’re never followed through on, some of which you’re saying never happened. It’s the seeing me as anything but logical or reasonable. It’s the discrediting me. It’s the making me think I’m crazy but not owning up to it because you didn’t say the word crazy.