#loud joints run in my family lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mangostarjam · 2 months ago

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pen!! pals!! 💌

i love these possible jobs thank u 😌 it would be so fun to be a secret spy writing/reading fic in my downtime between tailing someone from a bank to a shady warehouse at the port. as long as i don't accidentally write fic in my case files we're good 👍

aaaaaaah wait i relate to that so hard — growing up i was always pushed out of the kitchen "to focus on studying" and so i never got used to it or familiar. but now if i do try to cook anything, all my family can do is expect better of me which is super counterintuitive to how i learn things lmao. i had a lot more time to mess around and feel better about cooking while i was in college, but thanks to the housing crisis i'm back with my family so it's like. five huge steps backwards in that arena. and yes, 1,001 critiques but no instructions HAHA

i am sorry for the loss of your grandma, and i love that you're still connected to her with cooking (LOVE chicken&pork bone broth) (i am eyeing braised pork uterus... because i'm not gonna lie it looks RLLY FAMILIAR 👀)

i've been pestering my parents about their cooking lately and they were like "tell your friend to facetime us and we'll walk them through it" HAHA but i'll make a note of your questions and get back to you with answers/photos!! i loveeee restaurants run by aunties and uncles who so clearly love the foods they're making and sharing. your cambodian auntie sounds incredible. also very funny to me that she's going for two months bc any time my grandma goes to visit she goes for at least a month but then when she comes back she says she missed her own cooking lmao

"five blup blup blups of soy sauce" made me laugh out loud because holy moly so real!!!

sunny presence 🥺 oh that's so nice 🥺 unfortunately though i am a basic baker banana bread is my best friend and apple crumble cakes are my go to for fall! persimmon bakes though... i'm listening 👀

omg wait i do not have the palate or the words that you have for taste and smells!! i'm just a lil bean who took a coffee class and then worked as a barista for the cafe in a barnes and noble (which — you guessed it — made starbucks drinks LOL) so i can make many types of drinks but my roasting setup was limited! i miss the coffee lab with all its beans and machines! roasting was really so much fun though — i loved the experimentation of it all !! i can't drink coffee much anymore since my caffeine sensitivity shot through the roof with age (this does not stop me from getting boba milk tea, but i try to save it for days i don't need to stick to my bedtime) but i loooove the smell of roasting coffee beans. ugh i hate snobby coffee joints so i'm really glad you found a (nationally roasting!! SO cool!!) coffee shop that actually encourages appreciation for coffee! they sound like the bomb i adore them already 💕

tj maxx candle section my beloved!! but whyyyy would you tell me about this mixed feelings candle it looks like it'd smell SO good!!! oh and there's a mango sticky rice inspired candle....... oh dear. i'm putting it all on my gift list so someone else can get it for me LOL brb gonna find a way to smell matcha meditation!! i was never much of a fragrance/perfume person because i was always worried about bees following me around (lol) but you make me want to be!!

i still can't believe you don't consider yourself creative when you come up with such incredible ideas!!! how can this be!! even your tag screaming had me tearing up, especially for the proposal, because you managed to pinpoint and hit so many bits and pieces that i wanted people to experience?? it's funny that you said you don't reread your tags because i also don't tend to reread my fics after i post them but after reading your tags i wanted to so i could experience it with your eyes and you reminded me of all the things i loved about the act of writing it. (wow run on sentence alert sorry). and that's an incredible power that you have!! your ability to notice and then articulate the things you notice in writing is sooooo so good. please never feel like you need to stop yapping in tags or comments lol i promise you. i PROMISE you that i am eagerly reading every word and you are giving me something so incredibly precious (your time and attention!!) and i will never forget that!! plus you made me laugh a lot especially with "i want this bastard and his messed up fuckass bowlcut hair" HAHAHA and yeah....... yeah i pick on narumi a lot 😌 but i do love him too i swear. lmao in the proposal narumi mostly was feeling possessive because reader is in the first division so "why's she always going to the third? for that guy with the fuckass bowlcut?? really???" RIP narumi i promise i'll write you a fic that digs into all your issues too someday it's just hard because every time i reread kn8 and i start getting a feel for narumi, matsumoto brings the story back to soshiro!! (not that i can blame him but still!)

this got... long... but talking to you is so fun 🥺

fuji!! how are you doing on this fine day lovely lady? i'm responding to our thread here bc idk what the etiquette is on reblogging long ass conversations on the same thread lmao so to be safe i'll just send u a new ask.

soupmates is so cute and i love when typos become canon jargon in friendships hehe. you've made me crave croissants again and i am wistfully thinking of how we have a rule that while we're in france, if one of us asks "what time is it?" the other is legally obligated to respond "croissant o'clock" and then we go find a boulangerie. this is how we end up eating 8 croissants/day whenever we're there.

wttcsms is on my deep dive list too!! every time i see them on my dash i'm like how does it feel to never be wrong? ack i've just been so busy that the only time i have to trawl tumblr is during my unhinged insomnia hours when i'm only half aware of what i'm keyboard vomiting lmao NO FILTER only screeching.

okay not mushrooms but this weekend i was busy running around the kitchen experimenting with my lil hoard of fig leaves! i made fig leaf syrup, fig leaf oil, and experimented with dehydrating and freezing the leaves for preservation. i also tested different ratios of toasted fig leaves and pandan in creme brulee and panna cotta so i could see how the flavors bloom in dairy in preparation for the idea i had for my cake. then i gave all the excess treats to baristas at our fave local coffee joints bc i'm not a huge sweet tooth and this was tew much dessert! after i found a ratio i thought worked, i made the cake except i'm afraid it's going to turn out hideous (it's still in its cake ring rn) but it's basically a first draft cake and i can refine it next time! you should see the notes i took on it. i always try to start with a neat plan and end up scribbling all over it with ideas and corrections.

tonight we've invited a couple of our friends over so i can do a fig leaf-inspired dinner with hamachi crudo with fig leaf oil, tomato bisque with fig leaf oil drizzle and crouton, slow roasted salmon in fig leaves (finished with a sear from our bernzomatic + searzall bc crispy salmon skin is life), and the fig leaf and strawberry cake. my friend also got cheesybf a new cocktail set for his bday so we can use the fig leaf syrup to make some nice gin cocktails or a fig leaf strawberry mocktail!

right now i'm munching on leftover crying tiger steak and nam jim jaew for lunch with jasmine rice that i steamed with some of the leftover pandan leaves for extra ~aroma. i still have a ton of leaves so i think i'm gonna make a pandan simple for my favorite matcha pandan lattes.

re: urls haha YES chopsticks are the best way to eat flaming hot cheetos and no one can change my mind. i always think of puffins when i think of my own username. those cute lil round birds. with like a lil cheese hat. i also associate you with apples now as we move into fall. but mentally my picture of you is a swirl of the colors in a kent mango, scented by mango skin by vilhelm and just a hint of kilian's apple brandy on the rocks. maybe a waft of mfk 724 and something like clean cotton or a soft white floral.

HAHAHA totally fair i just realized it was getting long maybe i should put my responses under a read more LOL

i'm responding a day (??) late (time is fake) bc i had to recover from how gorgeous your cake looked and sounded tbh. but i'm good!! my new assistant at work is picking things up quickly and has common sense which is sadly in short supply around here lmaooo

there's a vietnamese bakery in my hometown that makes the BEST croissants i've ever had in my life (though tbf i have not been to paris yet!) and they supply all the local taquerias with bolillo so they are Churning Out Breads but i cannot emphasize enough that it's like. a warehouse space. with a door on a side street and the price list handwritten and they only recently started accepting anything but cash. i love them. the croissants are huge and lightly buttery and delicious. i will now be declaring it's croissant o'clock any time we happen to drive nearby haha

wttcsms and dee my beloveds!!! on behalf of all writers though i will say no filter unhinged screaming comments/tags are GREAT to read. i hope your busyness is the good kind!! it's always lovely seeing you pop up on the dash or inbox or wherever but i hope you're having a good time here >ᴗ<

oh my goddddd your fig leaf experiments... divine. glorious. something about the description of "seeing how the flavors bloom in dairy" is just. dreamy?? you sound like a wizard creating your own magical spell book tome with your scribbles and notes and ideas (saying this in SUCH a complimentary way). crispy salmon skin IS life i just had some last night hehe i had to look up crying tiger steak and nam jim jaew but YOOO this reminds me of duk prahok... yum. and oh my god crying tiger steak is like. a summer staple for us. i never knew it had a NAME. not to over share but my family is from cambodia and i have so many recipes in my brain that i just figured were things my dad created LOL

AND I LOVE PUFFINS!!! in like second grade i did a report/presentation on puffins unprompted unsolicited to my class. i read a book about them and was obsessed i wanted everyone to learn about them (yes i am/was a nerd) (bless my teacher for letting me present lmao). and i do love apple scented things mmm. one of my favorite candles ever is autumn air from elder&co (notes of wild apple and pear and fallen oak leaves). i'm so glad it's getting cloudy and cozy season is coming bc i can light my candles without feeling too silly. do you have any favorite candles?? oh these other scents are SO GOOD. i love that!! brb going to find a way to smell these immediately

#🥐🧀

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getsojaded · 2 years ago

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you don’t go to parties || calum hood

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: ALCOHOL!!!! pls continue with caution if triggering. + swearing, and a fuck ton of angst. like a stupid amount. calum x she/her reader, lowercase intended!

a/n: guess what my fav song off 5sos5 is lol. i am so in love with this album so i quickly wrote this up xoxo

i still think about the times we were heavy

racehorse trippin' on the dirt that you got on me

vultures spinnin' up above of what's left of me

we go stupid every night, what a tragedy

“you are not about to take another shot,” calum’s slurred voice laughs at the girl beside him, as she attempts to make a clean pour into the small glass in front of her. needless to say, she didn’t do such a good job. that’s what happens when you’re one too many drinks in.

“you smoked four joints outside. i’m allowed to take as many shots as i want!” she responds, tilting her head back as the liquid runs down her throat, resulting in a sour face from y/n as she reaches for the closest bottle of coke.

a red, puffy eyed calum stumbles closer towards y/n and embraces her in a hug, kissing her temple. “we do this too much, don’t we?” he asks, as he sways their bodies back and forth.

“yeah, way too much..” she trails off, as the two get lost in the moment of each other, standing in the middle of the overcrowded kitchen.

the music is loud, the room is hot, there’s too many people, and there’s too many coloured lights flashing everywhere.

but calum and y/n didn’t care. staring into each others eyes with the widest grins plastered across their faces, they both knew that they wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

when you’re young, the number one rule you’re always told is have fun, you’re never gonna get these years back.

the pair made sure to do everything possible to make sure they wouldn’t regret it.

but being young doesn’t last forever.

in the blink of an eye, life changes and the real world is in front of you.

no more college parties getting absolutely shitfaced every weekend. no more spontaneous adventures in the middle of the night because you have nothing else to do. no more doing things that you shouldn’t be doing. no more distractions.

no more young love.

calum and y/n couldn’t have seen it coming at all.

but when you’re having as much fun as them two, who would’ve?

calum realized that school wasn’t for him, and started pursuing a music career with him and his friends that he met in college, who felt the same way as he did.

y/n on the other hand, was determined to earn her degree and make her family proud.

despite their differences, they had no doubts about keeping each other around. they loved one another, and that’s what truly matters, right?

so calum didn’t think too much of it when he started going to parties alone, when y/n declined because of her loads of homework piling up on top of another.

he always made sure to come back to her at the end of the night, holding her tight while she slept, burnt out from the thousands of words she read just hours before he came back to her dorm — he had practically moved in, although he wasn’t even in school anymore.

and it worked for them.

until they got older.

still so in love, they managed to get a place together after y/n graduated. and while y/n was out and about hunting for jobs, calum was in the studio with his band.

and whenever calum was in the studio with his band, it led to a party at the end of it. and he always made sure that his y/n was on his hip, as they drank and danced the night away together.

“they’re so cute,” luke chuckled as michael was pouring himself another drink, as they watched the two hold each other as they drunkenly sang the words to some old chris brown r&b love song — of course calum knew every word.

michael turns his head to the couple standing in the middle of the living room, and even though there’s a countless amount of people beside them, it feels like they’re the only two people in the room. “they’re forever. no doubt about it.” michael responds to the blonde boy sitting next to him, a little smile curved on his face.

–

i’m still here in the darkness

back where we started

you made me a heartless monster

i’m caught up in distractions

fatal attractions

i’m starting to come undone

it was so good.

it was so good, until it wasn’t.

when y/n started working full time, calum and his band still had nothing else to do. i mean, an album release and a world tour just before, you need some sort of a break.

y/n started working 9-5’s and calum was still showing up to functions without his plus one. one party turned into fifty parties, and next thing you know, it’s a surprise it calum makes it home before y/n goes to bed. y/n was so busy, she couldn’t even tell that calum had been going out so frequently until her first day off rolled around the corner.

and there she was, sitting in the middle of their shared apartment, watching tv and waiting for her boyfriend to come home.

she knew that she should go to bed; she had work the next day. but she’s never spent a day without at least knowing where he was. at least that’s what she thought.

calum rolls in around 3:00 am, stumbling into their home and kicking off his shoes. y/n rushes towards him to make sure he doesn’t fall, her arms wrapping around his body as he clutches onto her shoulders. “baby, you’re awake. it’s so late!” he slurs, kissing her on the cheek.

“i was waiting for you,” she whispers in response, assisting him in going upstairs. “does this happen every night?”

“only the nights you don’t come with me.”

“so… every night.”

–

calum’s never felt more pain in his life. yeah, he’s felt like shit when he’s throwing up outside some random person’s backyard, or when he loses his balance and falls face first into the pavement, but nothing could’ve prepared him for the moment that y/n walked out on him.

coincidentally, calum had no intentions of staying out past his studio session today. walking into their abode before midnight was now a rare occurrence, and it felt refreshing to calum as he drives home, the sky painted a pink and orange shade as the sun started to go down.

walking into his apartment and being greeted by duke — which hadn’t happened in quite a minute — the house was quiet.

i mean, when calum goes home, it’s always quiet. y/n’s always sleeping. but this silence felt eerie. from what calum was aware of, y/n had always liked to keep some music on throughout the house while she did her activities — work, cooking, showering, anything.

“y’know where mama is, duke?” calum asks the little dog in front of him, getting up from his knees and making his way up the stairs, duke following behind him as he opens the door to their bedroom.

there y/n is, sitting at her desk, with her laptop and various notebooks spread out. but her laptop isn’t turned on, and it doesn’t look like she’s doing anything. she’s just sitting there.

walking towards his girlfriend, he takes notice of a suitcase placed beside her desk, he dismisses it, and greets her with a kiss on the cheek. “hey baby, how’s your day been?”

she turns her chair to face him, getting a clear look of him before she starts to speak. “you’re here early.”

“yeah, nothing to do after the sesh today.”

“hey calum, let me ask you something.”

calum should’ve known something was off the moment she called him by his first name.

“yeah, what’s up?” he responds, throwing himself onto the bed and getting into a comfy position.

“when was the last time you actually bothered to have a conversation with me?”

“what?” he confusedly asked in response. “where is this coming from? i literally had one with you yesterday morning.”

“you said good morning to me, and proceeded to tell me that you were going to be home late. that’s not a conversation. in fact, that’s all you’ve been saying to me for the past four months.”

it's safe to say that y/n wasn't in the picture anymore.

after countless of apologies and promises from calum's side, she knew what was best for her – she knew that he was too late. so a few days after what y/n felt like the hardest, but at the same time, easiest breakup that she'd ever have to do, she gathered all her things. from the bedroom, to the bedroom, to the fucking kitchen, and left.

the fact that breaking up with him felt easy broke her heart in two.

she loved him. she loved him so fucking much. and he let her down. he disappointed her to a depth she would've never thought he would reach.

so she said her goodbyes to the fluffy little dog following her, kissing his soft head and whispering, "take care of him, okay?" with duke barking in response as she made her way towards the front door.

"goodbye, cal."

when calum came home to dead silence, he knew what had happened. doesn't mean he liked it, though.

rushing up the stairs to see an empty half of a bedroom and a cleaner, less product filled bathroom, he knew what she had done.

and there's nobody else to blame but himself.

–

and now it’s 5 am clinging to my couch

and everyone i ever knew is standing in my house

oh, i’m wondering who i’m looking for

cause you don’t go to parties anymore

i got the last five years running out my mouth

always stay too late, i should kick me out

oh, i'm wondering who i'm looking for

cause you don't go to parties anymore

describing calum as a fucking wreck was an understatement. all that man did was party, after all. but this was getting out of hand.

luke, ashton, michael, and even their fucking partners tried talking to calum to try and get him out of this excessive phase. "there's better ways to handle this," michael would tell calum when he catches him in a sober state.

"she's gone because this was all i did," calum would respond. "i have no reason to stop now."

and everyday, you would catch calum at some random los angeles party. it could be a distant mutuals, a random person's, or even his own.

sometimes it would be his own house a little too much – he couldn't handle the loneliness.

which explains calum's extreme lack of sobriety in his backyard, going on a tangent about the mistakes he's made.

the poor, unlucky guy taking a seat next to calum on the couch was not prepared for calum's behaviour.

"is she here?"

"who's here?"

"y/n, my ex."

"sorry dude. don't think so."

"we were together for five fucking years. five years and i fucked it all up. it's all my fault, and i'm never gonna get her back. i miss her so much, i'm never gonna be the same without her," calum pours his heart out to the complete stranger sat beside him, taking another swig from the bottle of tequila he was holding.

the backyard is filled with so many people, and it's almost a challenge to walk around, yet his eyes are still looking for the girl that got away, while he continues to talk about her.

luke walks over to the couch that calum and the unfamiliar person are seated on. "hey, is he bothering you?" luke asks, earning a chuckle from the guy. "nah, at least not yet. he's just been.. talking about his ex."

luke sighs, rubbing his forehead. "yeah man, i'm sorry you had to hear all that. he's been like this for way too long now, doing the same shit every night. i've had to drag him out of people's houses in the middle of the night a couple times 'cause he had no other way home."

"damn.. she really did a number on him, huh?" stranger responds, luke nodding. "i understand why she left, and i think he does too," he points to calum. "he's just having a hard time accepting it."

calum turns towards both boys sitting beside him with an upset expression plastered all over his face. "of course i'm having a hard time accepting it! it's all my fault! i drove away the only girl i'd ever been in love with and i'll never be able to get her back!" the drunk, heartbroken boy explains, finishing the last of his bottle before kicking it onto the ground, away from him.

as the early morning creeped up and his house got more and more empty, the three boys decided to stay back and help him clean up, knowing that the host himself won't be able to.

"feels like we've been cleaning forever." luke mindlessly says, checking the time. "holy shit. 5 am."

"we need to do something about this, he can't keep doing this to himself." ashton frustratedly stats, picking up what felt like the 500th solo cup on the ground.

"what's it gonna take for him to listen? we've tried so hard." michael says, gathering all the empty bottles of alcohol and throwing them into his recycling bin.

"we all know who he's gonna listen to. but i doubt that she'll ever want to speak to him again."

as the trio take a look at the man currently sprawled against the now empty couch, he begisn to stir, and slowly opens his eyes.

"this," ashton points to the situation in his backyard, "needs to fucking stop. i don't know how many times we have to tell you this."

"i know man, i know. i'm sorry. thank you for helping me clean." calum sheepishly says, now feeling embarrassed at his three best friends stand in front of him in disappointment.

"did, did she show?" calum speaks up again, the tiniest glimmer of hope laced in his voice.

"no. you should know this. she doesn't go to parties anymore."

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one-sad-human · 3 years ago

Text

•Worth It• Duff Mckagan

Pairing: Velvet Revolver era! Duff Mckagan x Younger! Reader

Requested? Nope!

Theme: Little bit of everything/???

Warnings: Language, panic attacks, anxiety references, drug references

Word Count: 3k

A/N: Fic 2 of 2! This is the longest fic yet! Took a different approach to writing this one, hopefully it payed off. Let me know if you guys liked it or if I wasted my time with this one lol.

You had met Duff in a coffee shop in LA. It was crowded and you were lucky enough to snag a chair before the lunch rush. Duff wasn't, and asked you if he could sit at your table.

You grew up with Guns n Roses, bought his solo album the day it came out when you were just 15, and now listened to Velvet Revolver faithfully. To see your idol, your celebrity crush stand right in front of you holding a cup of coffee and a scone sent you for a loop.

"Of course," you had said, starry eyed. You were only hoping he was as kind as the interviews made him out to be. Maybe have a conversation with you and be polite for a while before leaving and never seeing each you again. That would be good enough.

It didn't end with a coffee, it had just begun. He asked for your number, and you stared at him for a moment thinking you had imagined it. That was until he tilted his head a little and looked at you with a nervous expression. He backtracked and you immediately stopped him.

"No! I mean— yes! Yes, you can absolutely have my number." You scrambled for a pen and paper and ended up scratching your number on a receipt from the record store. You shook so hard you could barely get the numbers down.

Out of all the record store receipts you've stuffed into your bag, the one you gave Duff Mckagan had to be the one for when you bought Velvet Revolver's 'Contraband.' He didn't say anything, just smiled and promised to call.

You honestly didn't think he would've. You played it off as just him trying to be nice. It didn't stop you from answering every call you got for the next three days, however, even if you recognized the number as the tax collector you'd normally never answer.

But then he called.

"I tried calling sooner, but I kept calling the wrong number. You don't have the most eligible handwriting," he had told you. You laughed but really, you were in shock.

You set up a date at the fancy restaurant downtown that always intimidated you. You didn't say anything though, even though you knew you wouldn't want any of the overpriced food and you'd end up eating something you couldn't pronounce and was two portions too small. Maybe even hit up a fast food joint afterwards.

When the day finally came, you couldn't even figure out what to wear. You couldn't tell if you looked underdressed or like you were trying too hard. Did the clothes even fit the right way? What would Duff think? Would he even care?

All questions were answered when you left your house. Duff was leaning against his slick car parked in your driveway, a button up that was barely buttoned and dress pants with boots. He stared at you and you wanted a hole in the ground to shallow you up until he smiles.

"You look gorgeous," he said. You blushed and grinned, thanking him before saying that he looked great too. He drove you to the restaurant and on the way, you talked about music.

You shared some of your favorites, he adored how well rounded you were. You liked pretty much everything from punk rock to the mellowest of mellow. Duff mentioned some of his favorites, some you made sure to remember the names of so you can check them out.

When the ride was over and you finally got to the restaurant, your previous fears came back. Duff reassured you looked better than 90% of the people there and you knew it wasn't true but it made you feel better anyway.

Your eyes widened to the size of saucers when you saw the prices of the food. You knew it'd be pricey but you thought there'd be more options that stayed within two digit numbers.

Duff saw your panicked expression and said not to worry, he'd pay. It didn't settle your nerves enough and when the waiter came, you ordered the cheapest and simplest thing you could find.

"Chicken noodle soup?" He teased. You shyly looked down and shrugged. "This isn't your scene, is it?"

"Not exactly, no."

"Want me to be completely honest with you?" You nodded. "It's not mine either."

That's all it took for you and Duff to scramble sheepishly out of the restaurant. You both shared a laugh in the car and went to Burger King. It was much more your speed and, as you'd find out that night, Duff's too. You suppose all the money he's had since such a young age didn't completely change his ways. He was like a kid trapped in a 40 year old man's body.

You'd thought at first the age gap would feel strange, after all, you were 15 years younger than him. But after that night, it was barely noticeable. Funny looks from strangers every once in a while was nothing.

By the second date, Duff was already aware fancy spots weren't your forte. He told you it was a surprise and to wear something cozy, as LA nights got chilly.

He packed a picnic basket and drove you out to the most beautiful flower field you had ever seen at sunset. It was secluded and high up, giving a perfect view of the city skyline. After gawking and taking in the sights for a few moments, you regained your ability to speak.

"It's gorgeous. Pretty far from the city, did you take me here to kill me?" You joked. He laughed and rolled his eyes. His lighthearted laugh sent sparks straight to your heart, and you decided that it was your favorite sound.

You unfolded the blanket Duff brought and you both sat down. You ate the sandwiches and sliced fruit Duff packed and talked. You talked about everything, from your family to fears and insecurities.

You told him how you suffer from nightmares. Flashbacks from your broken childhood coming back to bite you in your sleep. Duff shared how he's suffered from panic attacks since he was a teenager. You felt you knew each other for years.

Neither of you felt weird for sharing and neither made the other insecure. You were completely open and honest with each other. It was strange, you've never connected to quickly and effortlessly with someone before. Sure, you've had men in your life, but never had you clicked with someone so fast, never had you fit with someone so perfectly.

Hours passed and it felt like minutes. Only did you realize how late and how exhausted you were when you saw most of the city buildings light have gone off for the night. The city that didn't sleep was dark.

"I should get you home," Duff said to you.

"Will you stay the night?" You felt a little silly for asking. Were things going too fast? Would he even want to stay over?

He agreed, and that's how your first night together went. You both stayed up even later and had more lighthearted conversations, unlike the ones that partook at the field. Like how one of Duff's first jobs was at a bakery and could bake a mean cake and how you can't cook to save your life.

You ended up waking up without remembering falling asleep. You're head was placed comfortably on Duff's lap while his head was lolled back against the couch cushion. He looked so serene and peaceful you couldn't help but smile at the sight.

You made toast and somewhat successfully cooked some eggs and bacon. It might have been the first breakfast in years that didn't end with the smoke alarm going off.

Duff eventually wandered into the kitchen and you both ate. By the time he left, another date was already set up. He was like a drug an you were already hooked.

Months later and the addiction still wasn't kicked. You didn't want to, and Duff didn't seem to want you to quit either. You both soaked each other up like the sun on a warm day.

You had almost weekly dates and you stayed over each other's houses almost every other day. Duff did have his kids some days, though, so some days dates were cut short or Grace and Mae slept over his house and you wouldn't see each other.

You were always understanding, his kids came first and you'd never blame or get upset about it. It's something Duff admires about you, your never ending understanding and empathy for him.

One of those days where Duff stayed over at your house started normal. He cooked dinner and you washed the dishes, and then you put on an old Ramones concert you had on DVD.

You were laying on his chest, his fingers running through your hair when all of a sudden, he tensed up. He quickly stood and excused himself to the bathroom. You frowned but before you could think much of it, you heard a loud bang and something clatter to the ground.

You jumped up and rushed to the bathroom. You swung open the door because you were perfectly aware the lock hasn't worked since you moved in.

Duff was sitting on the floor, a pill bottle laying on its side not far from him. You quickly spot the name of the medication and identified it as your anti-anxiety pills. You shoved them aside and sat next to Duff.

He was sweating bullets and his skin felt cold and clammy, his breaths were labored and heartbeat was loud and pounding erratically. You coax him gently to take deep breaths, holding onto his hand tightly and talking quietly.

"I'm sorry, they come on randomly sometimes," he apologized after he'd called down, but you quickly shushed him. You reminded him of just how many nightmares he'd comforted you for and he stops feeling so bad about it.

It was always a true partnership with Duff. Never had you felt you gave or took too much, it was always equal. Always a two way street, with everything.

That wasn't the last panic attack you had to help him come down from. Later down the line you've gotten better at calming him down and learning his triggers, even though sometimes they really do come on suddenly without reason.

A year into the relationship was when you met Grace and Mae. They were young and didn't completely understand why their parents weren't together anymore, so it took them a while to warm up to you. Luckily, they eventually came around.

Duff and Susan met up regularly to discuss their kids and co-parent properly. And while you had all the reason to be jealous of your boyfriend with his ex wife, you never did. You had complete confidence in him, he was honest and loyal and you doubted he'd ever hurt you purposely.

That's why it destroyed you when he left you. Tears were shed from both parties as he gave his reasons for breaking up with you. His insecurities he tried his best to bury had come to light and nothing could change his mind.

You thought you were completely honest with each other, but you suppose his doubt in his relationship with you was the one thing he kept secret. He had somehow convinced himself you'd be better without him, between the constant touring and the baggage that came with him and his kids, he finally buckled under the weight and stress.

You had tried to convince him that he was worth it, but if Duff is one thing it's stubborn. The best relationship you'd ever have and the best year of your life went down the drain within the matter of one conversation.

You were down in the dumps for days. You barely left your bed and didn't ever leave your house. You were in a depression and couldn't get out. A few of your friends eventually found out what had happened and broke into your house and shoved you into the shower before taking you to your favorite Chinese restaurant.

You felt like a disaster. Your hair was ratted despite the shower and you refused to put real clothes on, instead wearing sweatpants and a shirt Duff had left behind. You were a mess.

The hole in the wall restaurant was never busy but always had the best food. You were almost happy your friends dragged you out of your home until you saw Duff sitting at a table, eating egg rolls and lo mein.

You've came here together all the time. The high sodium in the food always made him sick to his stomach and you'd always end up giving him nausea remedies and tea. He never changed his order though.

You locked eyes with him for a while. Dark bags were under his eyes and he looked more pale than usual. He looked as terrible as you felt. You weren't sure if you were spitefully glad he felt awful or if the despair on his face just made your heart break further.

When you couldn't take his intense jade stare anymore, you looked up at the menu. The next time you looked back he was gone, you weren't sure if he was really there at all or if you were finally losing your mind for good.

Another week crawled by. You got better enough to continue working. You had to pick up extra time for calling out for a few days after the breakup. You wouldn't say things were going well, but you weren't crying in bed every day all day anymore.

You had constant dreams about him. Some were nice, ones where he didn't leave and you were together, holding each other tightly. Most were nightmares, flashbacks of when he left. You didn't have him to comfort you anymore when you woke up soaked in sweat and tears, and that might've been the worst.

Another week went by, and you were starting to get back into the swing of things. You still thought about him, even silly little things reminded you of him. Like when you would catch a sniff of freshly baked sweets like he'd bake you or certain songs playing on the radio. It also didn't help that you ran into people wearing Guns n Roses shirts on the daily.

You also refused to get rid of anything he'd left behind. Tee shirts, guitar picks he left from when he'd play for you, or CDs from bands he introduced you to. Reminders of what you lost were scattered around your home but you couldn't bring yourself to do anything about it.

Suddenly, it's been a month. You weren't over him, but you had a feeling you'd never be completely. He was something special, you can't forget things as special as your relationship with Duff.

His items still weren't thrown out or returned, instead all packed in a box sitting in your closet. But you'd be lying if you said you would never reach into the box to grab a shirt to sleep in or a CD to listen to when you needed a reminder of the good times. You were making progress though.

You decided to leave your house one evening. You were feeling especially terrible and wanted to take a walk to clear your head. You went to the coffee shop you had first met Duff in. Maybe it was a mistake to go and get a flood of memories but you couldn't stop yourself.

You sat in a seat near the window and people watched, taking occasional sips of your drink. It was quiet except from the talk of the workers and the hum of the overhead speakers.

There was a sudden squeak of a chair of hardwood floors and it broke you out of your daze. You snapped your gaze up to meet the very familiar green eyes you've been trying to forget.

"Can we talk?" He asked, and you couldn't say 'no.' Duff sat across from you and started off by apologizing.

He said he wanted to talk to you sooner, but was too afraid you wouldn't want anything to do with him. You rolled your eyes at that, if only he knew just how much you missed him.

He then started from the beginning and explained why he made the decision to leave you. As it turns out, it was mostly because of stress. His bandmate Scott was having problems with drugs and the flashbacks from his GnR days frightened him. He was worried he would end up relapsing and he didn't want to drag you down with him.

Combine that with all the troubles that came with dating a single father, and he couldn't take it anymore. He felt too guilty.

It all seemed like ridiculous reasons to you. Even if he had made the mistake of falling off the wagon, you still would've stuck with him. And you didn't mind his kids at all, after nearly a year of knowing them and you were very close to them.

"I love you, Duff. I wouldn't have left you over that, I'd help you through anything. And I love Grace and Mae, too," you told him.

"I know, but I didn't want you to have to deal with all that baggage." You frowned at that. You reached your hand across the table and grasped his, squeezing it tenderly.

"You're worth it."

After that day, you and Duff started seeing each other again. It wasn't the same as before, but maybe even better.

You were more transparent with each other. If one had a worry or problem, you'd go to the other. You talked everything through with him and he did the same. Even if it seemed insignificant, talking everything through never failed to make it better.

You were happier and healthier than ever before. Sure, there were a roadblock or two, but they only made the relationship even stronger, and you wouldn't have changed a thing about it.

#classic rock imagine #guns n’ roses #guns n’ roses x reader #guns n’ roses imagine #80s #duff mckagan fluff #duff mckagan x reader #duff mckagan #duff mckagan imagine

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star-going-supernova · 2 years ago

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Everyone talking about Vanessa getting arrested and I'm here like "I think Henry batim should meet Gregory, they got the same 'yes my found family is a group of fictional characters brought to life through deeply questionable means that definitely involved murders in some way, mind your business' vibes"

You’re so right, friend. I never would have guessed I’d be writing Henry BatIM in 2022, but here we are! For anyone who has no idea who that is, lol, he’s a character who I turned into an absolute dad (I know, very unusual for me) who has a collection of living cartoon characters as his children now. Humans were almost definitely sacrificed to bring them to life.

And big thanks to t.d from ao3 for being like, “I could see Henry and Gregory being related,” and the lightbulb went ding! I just wanted to post this real quick before heading off to a lil birthday lunch!

Always a Bigger Fish

Gregory steadfastly refused to close his eyes in his last moments. He’d been glaring certain death down all night, and he wasn’t about to cower away only to miss a last-ditch opportunity to make it out of this alive.

This monster, though, was a great deal different from the animatronics. This one—Afton, Vanessa had called him—was of the human variety. Even if he didn’t much look like it anymore.

Across the lobby, Vanessa laid crumpled on the floor. Gregory had no idea if she was alive or not, just that she’d taken a hit to the temple that had cracked horrifically, and a small pool of blood was now slowly creating a halo of neon reflections beneath her head.

And Freddy, his night-long protector and new friend, was slumped lifelessly against the wall somewhere past the turnstiles, near the stairs. He hadn’t run out of power; that implied it drained as it was used, a natural process that Gregory had been preventing from the beginning. But he was shut down, empty, the monster having dug its claws into Freddy’s back to take the power from his battery.

That same hand was wrapped around Gregory’s throat. Afton hadn’t started squeezing yet, though Gregory had no doubt that when he did, the mechanical joints and cold fingers would crush his entire neck like it was tissue paper.

“Curious,” Afton rasped. He tilted his head, staring at Gregory.

He could feel blood dripping from his nose. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he snapped.

“You don’t even tremble in fear,” the monster continued, ignoring him. “You life is in my hands, yet you cling to your useless defiance.”

They’d been so close. Insulting close. The exit was right in front of him. The barricade over the lobby doors had lifted; it’d be the work of all of five seconds of sprinting to leave the building. It was just, Afton had been waiting for them.

“What, you want me to beg?” Gregory asked, hoping his tone implied how much of a fool that made Afton. “I know your type. Actually, you remind me of an old friend of my grandpa’s.”

“Oh?” The way Afton examined him made Gregory feel very much like a pinned butterfly or a caged animal. Like his anger was something to indulge in, almost an amusement.

“Yeah.” He shrugged and grinned, knowing his teeth were bloody. “My grandpa killed him.”

The quiet mechanical whirs and clicks coming from Afton’s twitching body fell silent for a moment. So many exposed parts. The fingers resting deceptively lightly on his throat curled, just enough to poke into his skin. But still no squeezing.

The barricades were up. It was after six. Gregory could see the doors. Afton couldn’t.

“He’s in town, actually,” Gregory said, causal. “My grandpa. I just turned thirteen, y’know. He flew in for the party.”

Afton’s body was loud; the music was louder. Every monster thought they were the biggest and baddest in the room. He’d taken out Freddy and Vanessa, and Gregory was caught in his claws. What use did he have in looking over his shoulder?

“You’re a kid killer,” Gregory said when Afton didn’t respond. “My grandpa’s old friend, he sacrificed people. Stole their souls or somethin’. And my grandpa…”

Afton’s hand tightened the slightest bit.

“Well,” Gregory rasped. He raised his hands to grip Afton’s wrist, tensing. “He took offense.”

He could see the moment Afton realized they were no longer alone. The moment the monster crouched before him realized he wasn’t the biggest monster in the room anymore.

“There’s always another Joey,” Grandpa Henry said from behind Afton. Outside the lobby doors, Gregory could see his car. “How about you let go of my grandson, hm?”

“I could kill you before he acts,” Afton whispered. His hand was a heavy weight, impossible to forget. “And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Yeah?” Gregory asked, on the verge of laughing. “Watch me.”

The thing about a human monster—they were human.

Using his grip on Afton’s arm as leverage to pull his lower half off the floor, Gregory swung his outstretched feet up and jammed his sneakers right through one of those holes in the suit, where he could clearly see pulsing organs.

His mechanical bits and pieces were old, rusted. There was the slightest jerky delay when he moved and spoke, as if the suit couldn’t quite keep up with his thoughts anymore.

And so the hand squeezed too slow, and it released compulsively as Afton wheezed out and jerked away.

Gregory shoved himself away blindly, refusing to turn his back and almost instantly lightheaded with relief. Strong, sure hands caught him up from the floor and lifted him easily to his feet. Grandpa Henry hugged him to his side, glaring at Afton as he tried to stand.

The familiar, comforting heaviness of something other seeped into Gregory’s chest, in time with the writhing shadows that began to creep into existence. They snaked across the tiles, stained the walls, and the lights above them went out with quiet pops. Like living things, they curled through the air and around Grandpa Henry’s shoulders.

See, his grandpa had been the last of the sacrifices his old friend had tried. Joey Drew probably hadn’t expected it to work as well as it had; he definitely hadn’t expected a demon to take a stronger liking to the sacrifice than the summoner.

“Hey, Bendy,” Gregory said, reaching out to catch one of the shadowy tendrils in his hand. His grandpa’s creation might not be in his usual form, the cutesy little pie-cut-eyed trickster, but Gregory had never feared Bendy’s more… eldritch side. It took a demon to make a demon, and there were few monsters bigger and badder than that.

Looked like Afton would only learn that too late.

“I don’t take kindly to people who hurt my family,” Grandpa Henry was saying to Afton, who had finally struggled to his feet. He sounded so pleasant, so kind.

It was always the quiet ones.

“You cannot kill me. Not for good,” Afton said. “I always—”

“That a challenge?”

Gregory bit his lip to hide his smile.

“I ask,” Grandpa Henry said, his eyes becoming just a little too bright, “because I love a good challenge. Never tell me the odds.” And he chuckled. Like they were discussing bingo, or how many biscuits one could eat at Thanksgiving.

“There’s always another Joey,” Grandpa Henry repeated, solemn, in the silence. Afton’s animatronic eyes went half-lidded. Gregory grinned at him from his place of safety. Tiny pinpricks of blood decorated his neck, itchy. “You’ll share his fate.”

Gregory could feel Bendy’s glee. He let go of the shadow in his hand as Grandpa Henry suddenly strode forward, eyes electric.

And Afton, well. A simple monster like him was no match for a demon.

#i answered a thing #anonymous #fnaf fic #fnaf security breach #batim fic #kinda #star's stories #life and times of star

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mewo77 · 3 years ago

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it's a lot less about the actual gore and violence but i have a thing for the emotional value of it

i want to fight with my best friend, both in like some field in the middle of nowhere, the context really doesn't matter, maybe we had an argument, maybe we just started fighting. but i want us to be so hurt and invested into our punches, i want hate to be felt through them, but i want softness to be felt when our fists meet the other's skin

i want our joints to ache and our knuckles to lose their skin, our whole bodies to be covered with those deep red and purple bruises that look like galaxies. the blood to run down our forearms, to splash and stain the ground, if it's not stopped by our clothes first. it would create a puddle under us, and our steps would make it fly up again as we moved around. with loud and raspy panting

until we tire each other out, too exhausted to even stand up, i want us to fall and catch each other as we fall into the blood-drenched grass, passing out immediately

and then we wake up at the hospital the next day, covered in bandages, we dont even know how much damage we even caused to each other. people come up to see us, friends and family asking us what the hell happened. but all we can to is turn our head to face each other, still laying down, and laugh, both knowing that they'll never understand

DUDE YEA

it’s always abt the emotion !! cuz u need it to be satisfying u know? i too have thought abt something like this but haven’t been able to put it into words lol so THIS!! this.

#ever play nitw ? i haven’t but my brother says there’s a scene where player and a character have a knife fight #this just reminded me of it lol #blunt #fav

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obxlife · 5 years ago

Text

Hotel Madness (JJ x Reader)

A/N: Another JJ fic, yes! Fun fact: JJ is my favorite character (along with Rafe too) and I think Rudy Pankow did an amazing job at portraying him in every single way. Like WOW, talk about acting skills. Anyways, this request is super cute and I tried to make it fluffy and sweet and everything. I loved the idea so much! Some of the fragments of this fic are short and some are long, but they are all part of the same story!!!!

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Word count: 5,930 (oops I got a little carried away with this one)

Request: Hey! I absolutely loved Slipping in and was wondering if I could request an imagine where you're a Pogue and work with JJ at the Hotel and them just having fun during their shifts and after or something?

Summary: Working with JJ at the hotel means a lot of inside jokes, laughs, and flirting. It means getting in trouble together and messing around in the kitchen. It also means some of the best memories ever. Some of the fragments of this fic are short and some are long, but they are all part of the same story!!!!

Warnings: FLUFF but also swearing, teenage recklessness and what not lol

HOTEL MADNESS

“JJ!” Mama L screamed out as your blond best friend stole a fry from the plate she was working on. Her wooden spoon came down to smack his hand, but he was too quick for the old chef. You giggled from where you stood, perched on the table next to Andrew, your other coworker.

JJ moved towards you grabbing your hand and helping you jump off the counter.

“C’mon, Y/N,” he told you, “Gotta head to our posts now.”

You frowned as you headed towards the restaurant area of the hotel. You smiled at the guests that were staying this weekend, your hands behind your back, and your uniform in place.

You had been working at the hotel with JJ for a while now. It was one of the few places in Kildare County that had good job offers for kids your age. The best part was that most of these jobs were easy. So you and JJ had applied together (you guys hated working alone as you thought it was boring) and surprisingly got the job. Ever since you had been having a lot more fun than what was intended from your bosses, and you got into a lot more trouble than intended, too.

You had known JJ your whole life. After all, you were friends before working together. It all began back in the fourth grade when you had first arrived at the Outer Banks. You were nervous about being the new kid, but JJ and John B had approached you out of pity. Soon enough you guys were friends, bonding over your love for surfing and getting in trouble.

As the years went by, nothing seemed to be able to keep you apart (except that one time when you didn’t speak to them for two days because they made a period joke). You would head out in John B’s boat along with his father and fish all day. Or you would go into the forest and try to climb a tree as high as you possibly could. Or, once you hit your teen years, you would throw parties together and have beer chugging contests. Whatever activity you were doing, JJ and John B were always by your side.

As you grew, Pope and Kie also joined the Pogues (that’s what you called your group). They were a bit less reckless than you, JJ, and John B, but they brought a lot to the group. For one, Pope was a lot smarter than you three. Granted, none of you were stupid, but you did tend to make rash decisions all the time (just ask sheriff Peterkin about it and she would pull out your very long transcripts). With Pope, these decisions seemed to become a bit less frequent. Kie was also smart. And she was a girl, which was a relief to you, as you couldn’t bare trying to have girl talk with JJ and John B.

“Gross!” they would exclaim. “We don’t want to know who you have a crush on right now!”

Boys.

The five of you were always together. There were a rare few occasions when one of you was missing (normally Kie or Pope helping their parents), but you guys were a family.

Lately, however, you were spending a lot of alone time with JJ. Not only because you had decided to work at the hotel together but because all of the other Pogues were unusually busy.

John B was normally hanging around a girl he had met which he still hadn’t introduced to the Pogues. Kie was also hanging around someone that wasn’t part of your tight-nit group (and you suspected it might be the girl she told you she had a crush on), while Pope was working hard on his scholarship. This meant that the only person available to follow through with your shenanigans and ideas was JJ. Which was fine, as he was always down for everything, no matter what it was.

The blond in question was standing next to you, cracking out jokes about the hotel guests under his breath. You were trying not to giggle at what he said in hopes of not gaining any unwanted attention. The last time you had laughed loudly at one of JJ’s jokes your boss had called both of you into his office and scolded you.

These times you shared with JJ were something you truly cherished now. Inside jokes had sprouted between you, and you felt as if you had never been closer. He even began to talk to you about his dad (which was a topic he usually avoided) on a regular basis, and you would tell him about your own problems.

Noticing an empty table at the end of the dining hall, you poked JJ and cocked your head towards it. Together you moved to the table and looked down at the plates.

“People are starving at the Cut but here they leave half of their food on the plate,” you mentioned to JJ softly.

Starving was something both of you were used to. Not eating a well-sized meal was something that happened every once in a while, and was the root of your needs for your current jobs.

JJ threw you a look as you both gathered the plates into your hands and moved towards the kitchen again. You dropped the plates at Andrew’s station, where he was going to throw the food away and wash the plates.

You both began to rush back outside into the dining hall but were stopped by Diana, the receptionist, who grabbed your arms and pushed you back into the kitchen.

“Whatever you think we did, it wasn’t us,” you stated, raising your hands in surrender.

Diana scoffed. “So you guys aren’t the ones that sneaked a rat into room 501?”

You gave JJ a wide-eyed look, knowing her suspicions about you were right. The woman that was staying in that room had been exceptionally rude to you the day before, and JJ had convinced you to get revenge.

JJ was an expert at lying and he quickly denied your actions. “No! We would never do that.”

Diana gave you a deadpanned look. You kept your mouth closed and your perfected poker face mask on (it had taken you years to make it as perfect as it was).

Diana sighed and muttered, “God, I hate my job.” Then she sighed and said, “Okay. we have no evidence to prove it wasn’t you, so you’re off the hook.”

You beamed at Diana, but truly you were smiling to yourself. You knew the hotel had no evidence. JJ had Pope hack into the security and deactivate the security cameras of the fifth building’s hallway.

“So we can get back to working now?” JJ inquired pointing towards the kitchen door. You could hear Mama L murmuring about you and JJ being misbehaved behind your back, as she knew all too well that you guys had escaped the consequences of your actions once again. Andrew was also stifling a laugh.

Diana shook her head. “We need you two to deliver the room services that were ordered. Can you do this without getting into any trouble?”

JJ raised an eyebrow at her and laughed, nodding.

“Bold of her to assume we get into trouble. It’s more like trouble chases us,” JJ laughed pulling out one of the kitchen’s carts from a supply closet. You took the tablecloths for the cart, laughing.

“J, you most definitely know that we always are getting in trouble.”

JJ just shrugged. “It’s still bold of her to assume.”

You laughed at this. He simply beamed at you and pressed a hand to your waist, signaling for you to load the cart and head out of the kitchen.

Once you were away from the eyes of your superiors, you hopped onto one end of the cart as JJ began to run around and hop onto his end as well. Laughing out loud and speeding around, you tried to hold onto all of the plates on the cart. Stopping before the doors that had ordered room service, you caught your breath before knocking.

After finishing all of the orders, JJ continued to push you around the halls of the building. Wind rushed by your ears as strands of hair fell from your ponytail. Suddenly, you tumbled off the cart as JJ pulled to a stop after turning around a sharp corner. While groaning in pain, he helped you up while apologizing to the hotel guest in front of you.

When you were standing you looked towards the guest you had almost crashed and apologized as well. The apology, however, got caught in your throat as you looked at the boy standing before you.

“It’s okay,” he assured you. “At least someone around here knows how to have fun.”

The boy was gorgeous, and both you and JJ let out a laugh at his statement. The guest was only looking at you though.

“Again, we’re really sorry. We should have been paying attention to where we were going,” you said once more.

Finally turning away from the boy and returning to the kitchen, JJ said, “That guy was totally trying to flirt with you.”

You froze. “You think so?”

JJ nodded. “Yeah, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He was probably imagining you naked or something!”

You laughed. “Piss off, JJ.”

*************************************************

The classic place to find you and JJ after finishing your shifts at the hotel was at the back of the building smoking a joint. It had become a tradition for you two to smoke some pot before heading towards the Chateau or your place.

Normally, the conversation that would flow between you would be a random topic that had sprung into your head that day. Sometimes they were about the plans you and JJ had with the rest of the Pogues. Sometimes they would be about the Kooks and plotting revenge on whatever they had done to your friends this time.

“I know, for sure, that if I was up to Rafe, one on one, I would win,” JJ exclaimed.

You pretended to think. You knew JJ could take Rafe, but you liked to mess around with him. “Hmmm, I don’t think you could. That boy is ripped.”

JJ raised his biceps and kissed them. “Not as ripped as me!”

“Whatever,” you laughed out. “Now Topper is someone you could definitely take on.”

“And Kelce too,” JJ said while nodding along with you. “And you could take on any of those Kook girls.”

“You bet,” you cheered, taking a drag from the hand-rolled joint.

You were seated on top of some crates that were stacked behind the hotel as JJ stood before you. He took the joint from your extended hands.

“You could probably fight them off better than Pope would,” JJ continued.

At this, you belted out a laugh.

JJ loved making you laugh. He had a thing for you and everyone seemed to know except for you. This ‘thing’ had been going on ever since he had met you, and there was no denying, to anyone, that you were his favorite person in the world.

Sometimes, when he would have a fight with his father, he would think of running away from Outer Banks. And for some reason, he would always include you in whatever his plans were. Whether they were going to Yucatán or heading to another state or just to the mainland. He couldn’t bear the thought of not being with you or of leaving you behind.

He would never admit it, but JJ truly thought you were his soulmate. Even before he had developed more than friendly feelings for you, he was sure you were a person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. You just clicked together, and your friendship made sense to everyone. He secretly hoped you thought this of him too and would spend many sleepless nights thinking of scenarios where you realized you were completely and utterly in love with him.

“I would just need to watch out for their acrylic nails,” you continued talking. “Those things could pop one of my eyes out if I’m not careful.”

Giving you the joint JJ nodded before changing the topic. “So what are we doing tonight?”

You shrugged. The Pogues hadn’t planned anything to do together as a group.

“Come over to my place, J. We’ll have a sleepover!”

JJ gave you the joint so you could have the last taste of it. Once you were done you threw it onto the ground and stomped it out.

“I’m down. Only if I get to sleep with you on your bed.”

You laughed before pressing a hand to your chest and opening your mouth in shock. “Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Maybank?”

“I’ll only say yes if it is working,” he responded, winking at you. Of course you knew he was joking. You had been having sleepovers since you were young, and you had always shared a bed.

You ran through the orderly streets of Figure Eight and then the run-down streets of the Cut. You walked up the pathway to your house, noticing that there still was no car in your driveway. It had been almost a month since the car hadn’t been there.

You stood frozen and JJ took your hand, pulling you into your house. He hadn’t spoken to you much about your father leaving, but he knew that it pained you.

Your father had left your house after he had been fighting with your mother. He had jumped into his car and he hadn’t returned. You had seen his car around the Cut a few times, which meant he was still on the island, but he was yet to return home.

Your mother had been crying herself to sleep for the first two weeks, but soon she had vacated the house as well. She hadn’t been home for a while, and you were sure she was probably on the streets at night waiting for men that had enough money to pay her price.

Your parents were clearly a sensitive topic.

Your good spirit had died down a little when you noticed you were in your room. JJ had let go of your hand and was in the bathroom down the hall. He was shocked to find you in the same spot he had left you.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked you gently. You shook your head. “Okay. Then we’ll just lay down for a while.”

He took your bag off your shoulder and set it down on the floor next to his, right at the foot of your dresser. He grabbed your hands and shoved some clothes into them, which you realized was one of his old shirts he had given you a long time ago and sweatpants. You took the clothes and headed towards the bathroom to change out of your work uniform. You knew JJ was probably changing into something more comfortable in your room.

When you got back you saw JJ laying on your bed with only a pair of basketball shorts on. You lay next to him silently and he wrapped one of his arms around you. You snuggled together as JJ threw the covers over your bodies, encasing you in much-needed heat. JJ kissed the top of your head gently as he rubbed circles into your back.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I will be,” you answered.

Trying to lighten the mood, JJ exclaimed, “Damn right, you will be.”

You giggled softly, grateful that JJ was always there for you through everything.

“Don’t let your parents get you down, Y/N,” JJ whispered after a few moments of silence. “You’re so much more than whatever shit they put you through.”

He felt you smile against the skin of his shoulder, and you were gladly inhaling his scent.

JJ was right. All you needed was your real family. And your parents did not fit into that mold.

*************************************************

“Would you mind getting me a second serving of this?”

The old man before you had been sweet to you throughout his stay at the hotel. He had been giving you large tips and friendly smiles. JJ thought that the man was a pedophile and had just taken a liking towards you.

So, as you took the plate of the man and headed to the kitchen, you ignored the obscene gestures that were being made by the blond behind the old man’s back.

Once you arrived at the kitchen you left the plate at Andrew’s station (“Hey, Andrew.”), before repeating the man’s order to Mama L.

Right at that moment JJ burst through the door.

“What time is it?” JJ asked you. You fished your phone out of your pocket before telling him it was almost three in the afternoon. “Great. Only fifteen minutes left for our break.”

You nodded, going through your phone as you waited for Mama L to assemble the old man’s plate. Meanwhile, JJ wrapped his arms across your body, pressing himself into you and pressing you into the counter in front of you. He put his head in the crook between your neck and your shoulder and stared down at your phone. He read the text messages that had come from the Pogues stating that there was a kegger later that night.

“You wanna go?” JJ asked you softly. He knew how much of a party animal you were, but he also knew you weren’t always up for partying. And if you wouldn’t go, he wouldn’t go either. He needed his party partner there to actually have a good time.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

You felt JJ smile as he pressed his lips to your temple. “Good, because I really have been wanting to get drunk.”

You let out a laugh as Mama L called you over with the finished plate in her hand. Grabbing that, you broke out of JJ’s arms and headed towards the dining hall.

Your coworkers watched as JJ followed you like a small puppy out of the kitchen.

Mama L sighed. “If those kids don’t get married…”

Andrew nodded from his place behind the sink. “Yeah, I know.”

*************************************************

“Y/N, be quiet!” JJ called out from the other side of the room.

You and him were on a mission. You had heard a word from other members of the hotel staff that a celebrity was staying at the hotel. This obviously intrigued you and JJ, which caused both of you to concoct a plan. This consisted of figuring out which room this celebrity was staying at (done), stealing a room key that would get you into the room (done), and sneaking into the room (in process).

JJ had convinced you to steal some of this celebrity’s money with him. Which, looking back, was a terrible idea, but here you two were.

You had deactivated the security cameras of the hotel and had managed to sneak into the room with no problem. However, while being excited when seeing all of the designer clothes strewn across the room you had dropped a lamp from a table. This was causing JJ to promptly tell you to shut up.

JJ was fumbling with the drawers of the bedside table as you continued to snoop through the celebrity’s belongings.

Suddenly, you pulled out a long object and screeched.

JJ turned towards you to reprimand you but stopped once he saw the object in your hand.

“Oh, shit. Is that a vibrator?”

“Ew, ew, ew,” you let it go, watching it fall onto the floor.

A knock at the door made your eyes widen.

“Ms. Jones! Is everything okay?”

Your eyes darted between the door and JJ, before looking at the empty closet behind him. Tugging his arm, you pushed him into the closet and you followed inside, closing it after you.

Straining your ears to listen, you heard as the door of the room opened. In walked Diana with a maid, looking around the room.

“I’m sure I heard someone shriek from here!” Diana said while she looked across the room.

The maid shook her head as she, in the most respectful tone as possible, said, “I’m sure it had to be another room! Ms. Jones hasn’t been here all morning.”

“I know! Which is why I’m sure those Maybank and Y/L/N kids are here. They’re always wreaking havoc through the hotel.”

Diana sounded as if it was her dream to fire you and JJ. This caused you to almost let out a giggle. Luckily, JJ’s hand clasped around your mouth and pulled you into his chest so that your back was against it.

“Oh, they are lovely children, those two!” the maid exclaimed. “They are always bringing smiles to the guests!”

Diana shook her head and gave her a look of disbelief. “I don’t believe that at all.”

The maid kept talking as if she hadn’t heard Diana. “Oh, and everybody thinks they are such a lovely couple! Which they are, don’t you agree?”

Diana shook her head and continued to mutter, “I’m sure they’re here somewhere,” under her breath.

In the meantime, JJ’s heart was racing and trying to look at your reaction to what you had heard. More specifically, the part about being a couple.

You could feel his heart beating but had assumed it was due to the adrenaline of the moment, and not due to the fact that the maid had mentioned you were a couple. This thought made your hands sweat. You had imagined multiple times what it would be like to date JJ, but you didn’t truly think you had any feelings for JJ. Or did you? You knew the real answer to that question.

Diana kept looking around as the maid stood at the door, babbling on about some other members of the hotel staff that were nice. Diana simply ignored her, standing up from looking under the bed and turning towards the closet.

Looking through the small crack between the closet doors, you saw Diana approaching the closet. Your breathing got heavier. This was it, you were going to be fired.

JJ’s hand moved to cover your nose as well. Your breathing was going to be heard by the receptionist if she continued to come closer, which she was. However, and like a miracle, a scream that had sounded similar to the one you had let out some minutes ago came from outside the room. Diana turned towards the room door as the screaming continued.

“I think you should check on that,” the maid motioned with her finger towards the hallway. Diana sighed and nodded, leaving the closet untouched. You let out a sigh of relief as soon as JJ’s hands left your face.

Unmoving you both stood there catching your breaths. Out of nowhere, the door of the closet was pulled open by the maid that had been talking with Diana. You recognized her as Ms. Amy, a woman from the Cut that lived near you.

“You kids better run out of here before she comes back,” she scolded you and your best friend. JJ nodded, as you stayed still and shocked that she had known you were here. JJ grabbed your hand and tugged you to the door of the room. Before he could even touch the doorknob, Ms. Amy called out, stopping him.

“Oh, and do give me the key you stole to put it back in its place. We don’t want you getting in any trouble with Diana.”

JJ sheepishly dropped the key into Ms. Amy’s hand. Ms. Amy only smiled at the both of you as you left the room.

“I am never letting you convince me to do something like that ever again!” you exclaimed once near the kitchen.

JJ pretended to frown at you. “Not even if I ask nicely?” he pouted.

You laughed and shook your head, pushing the double-doors of the kitchen open.

You ran into the back, where your bags were set down in the staff room. You checked the time on your phone and noticed that your shift was over.

You took off your apron and grabbed your’s and JJ’s bags from the floor. Exiting the staff room into the kitchen you turned towards JJ who was talking with Andrew.

“C’mon, blondie,” you called to him by his nickname.

JJ hopped off the counter by Andrew’s station and said bye to him and to Mama L (of course, with a kiss on her cheek). Then he followed you out of the kitchen’s back door and out to the alleyway between two of the hotel buildings. You settled down at your usual smoking spot, waiting for JJ to pull out a joint from his backpack.

He pulled a little tin box from his bag and slipped a white, pre-rolled blunt from it. Then, putting the tin box back, he took his lighter, which was engraved with a double J, and placed the fire near the tip of the joint.

Breathing in, smoke filled his lungs. He passed the weed to you, which you grabbed and inhaled.

The nerves of almost getting caught were almost completely dissipated by now as an easy conversation began to flow between you and JJ. You soon reached the topic of the kegger you had gone to a couple of nights ago.

Passing him the joint, you ruffled his hair, and asked, “Who did you hook up with this time? Was it that Touron you were talking to?”

JJ shook his head trying to get away from your hands. His hair was probably awful now. “No,” he simply stated.

“Really?” you hummed, “I thought you did because you disappeared a while later.”

JJ shook his head, this time to answer you. “I was talking to Kie.”

This peaked your attention and curiosity. For some reason you felt jealous he was confiding with Kie and not with you. Before you could bring this up, however, he asked you, “What about you? Did you hook up with anyone?”

You laughed at the tone of voice he was using. “No, I didn’t.”

JJ frowned. You and him were similar in that way, always hooking up with people at parties.

“Why not?”

“No reason,” you replied. You had actually wanted to say, You.

*************************************************

As summer approached, the hotel had changed your’s and JJ’s position. Now you were working at the hotel bar, which meant khaki-colored shorts and white polos for your uniforms. The heat from outside was unbearable, and all you wanted to do was dip your feet in the pool.

Summer also meant that the hotel got filled with a lot more people your age than during the winter. Families on vacations and groups of young adults wanting to party on the east coast of the country were regulars, which meant that you were getting flirted with. A lot.

This made JJ’s blood boil. All he wanted was for those guys that approached you to leave you alone because you were supposed to be his. But that was the thing. Supposed.

Due to hotel policies, all of the waiters from the bar were allowed to have two drinks throughout the day for free. And JJ was just waiting for your break so that he could grab two drinks and head down to the hotel’s private beach with you.

After what seemed like hours JJ approached you with your drinks. You latched onto his hand, saying goodbye to the group of boys that had been talking to you, and headed towards the beach. JJ turned to witness the look of disappointment on the boys’ faces. He smiled to himself.

“You’re knocking them dead, tiger,” he said to you, which caused you to snort.

“No, I’m not.”

“You really are though. They’re all flirting with you.”

You just laughed as you sipped your drink away. JJ had chosen a strawberry juice for you, a mango juice for himself in his hands. You both took your sandals off your feet and dipped your feet into the ocean water, instantly feeling a lot cooler than before.

You let out a sound that was similar to a moan, grateful that the water was cold and brought you relief.

“Don’t make that sound,” JJ said, laughing. “It sounds like a moan!”

You opened your mouth, offended at what the blond had said. “Hey!”

JJ continued to laugh, dodging the hand you had thrown towards him in an attempt to punch his shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t mind hearing that during sex.”

“JJ!” you shrieked out. You splashed some ocean water onto him by raising your foot. He raised both of his hands in front of him, trying to block the water (which didn’t work). Then, he moved his hands even higher in a sign of defeat.

You secretly wished JJ had actually meant what he said. JJ secretly wished you had taken what he said seriously.

***********************************************

The first kegger of the summer was always filled with people. This year was no different.

You had been dancing with Kie for the most part. A couple of Tourons you recognized as guests from the hotel had tried to ask you to dance, but you had denied all of them.

JJ had been staring at you from his post at the keg. He stood with John B and Pope, who surrounded him.

Everything was seemingly falling into place for the male Pogues. John B had broken up with the last girl he had been with (turns out she was a cheater) and Pope was all ready for his scholarship, which he needed to secure in an upcoming interview. Every one of them was happy, except for JJ. Wait, no - he was happy, but not as much as he could be. His longing eyes staring in your direction were enough proof of that.

“Dude,” John B said in an exasperated tone of voice. “Just tell her.”

Pope nodded along, saying, “I’m pretty sure she likes you back.”

JJ pretended not to know what they were talking about. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

John B groaned and rubbed a hand over his face as Pope just gave JJ a look while the blond turned towards them.

“Y/N,” Pope deadpanned.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Stop being difficult, JJ,” John B snapped. “We all know you like her. And Kie said she’s pretty sure she likes you, too.”

“Really?” JJ inquired in an excited manner.

John B and Pope laughed. “We rest our case.”

JJ turned back to you, a smile dancing across his lips as he noticed you take Kie’s hand and spin her around.

He could do this. He was going to ask you to dance with him. It wasn’t something you hadn’t done before together, but it was the first part of the plan that was forming inside of his head.

He walked towards you, throwing a “See you later” to the other male Pogues over his shoulder. Mid-way through a spin you had spotted him and smiled. He was only about twenty feet away from you when a body covered his path. The large back he stared at blocked his view from you.

“Wanna dance?” a gruff voice said. JJ was about to step back and let you dance with the boy before you, until he was surprised to hear you say, “Sorry, I was just about to dance with someone else.”

Going around the boy, you took JJ’s hand and dragged him to where you were before with Kie. The brown-haired girl had disappeared, which left you alone with JJ.

You placed your hands around his neck as his went around your waist. You had danced before, so why was your heart pounding really hard this time?

You were moving to the rhythm of the music, swaying a bit and fooling around as people around you were grinding. You preferred your style of dancing. It was fun and lighthearted, just like you and JJ were.

After a couple of songs and a lot more physical contact than usual, you had both decided to head back to John B’s house as you were bored. You first stopped by the Pogues to inform them that you were leaving and to gather your bags you had discarded.

When you arrived at the Chateau you collapsed onto the hammock outside. On the chairs around it, there were a few of your discarded sweatshirts from other times you had been over there. Putting one of JJ’s on, you lay on the hammock and waited for JJ. When he was by your side you snuggled into him. He pulled out a joint from his pocket and held it between his ring-clad fingers.

You took it between your lips as JJ’s lighter was raised by its owner to the joint. You breathed in slowly and then let the smoke out.

You sighed in content as you placed your head on his chest.

“JJ, I love you,” you suddenly voiced out to the blond under you. He coughed a bit before saying, “Yeah, love you, too.”

You shook your head softly and finally accepted what you truly meant. It didn’t matter if he didn’t feel it back, but you just suddenly had to speak it out loud.

“No, JJ,” you softly spoke. “I’m in love with you.”

JJ tensed beneath you and you felt dread build up inside of you. Was he going to reject you or…?

You couldn’t complete your thought as the blond boy grabbed onto your face and pressed his lips into yours. You took his face into your hands as well and moved your mouth against his. It felt like heaven on Earth to kiss him this sweetly and softly. Your growing feelings for him exploded in confirmation as you realized that the person in front of you was the person you wanted to kiss for the rest of your life. JJ was it for you.

He tasted of mint and weed, but you were sure you tasted similar to him. He smelled like he always had smelled (freshly cut grass and like the ocean), but this time, as you inhaled a breath, you were intoxicated by it.

One of his hands moved to grip your waist and you moaned as, at the same time he squeezed your side, he slipped his tongue into your mouth.

When you pulled away your foreheads remained connected. Staring into each other’s eyes and smiling like idiots, you said, “I guess that is your way of saying ‘me too’?”

JJ nodded and pulled you into another kiss. It was just as intoxicating and thrilling as the first one.

The second time you pulled away, this time panting because of the more intense kiss, he spoke, “I’m in love with you, too. Ever since we took those goddamn jobs at the hotel.”

You grinned at him before burying your face into the crook of his neck. He felt the grin you were sporting pressed against his skin. JJ shivered at the feeling of having you in his arms, rubbing one hand up and down your back and the other one cradling your head.

The joint you had been sharing lay discarded between your bodies. Unlike the times at the hotel, you wanted to be completely sober now. This was what your hotel madness had been building up to. To you and JJ, together.

Mama L was going to be happy to hear about the new couple.

#outer banks #obx #obx netflix #jj maybank #rudy pankow #jj x reader #jj x y/n

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lombredanslaeu · 4 years ago

Text

where the heaven are we? | j. jaehyun

plot: a trip back to jung jaehyun’s childhood home triggered his memory of you. a bottle of pills a friend gave years ago aided jaehyun in finding out what happened after he left - and if your fate was all his fault.

word count: 8k

genre: romance (fluff, angst), time travel-ish! au

warnings: drug use/abuse, addiction, implied smut (not too detailed), messy af writing lol

not proofread so i apologize for any mistakes

The house was cold and quiet. Surfaces were covered with a thin layer of dust as old memorabilias of Jaehyun’s parents remained as still as yesterday. After his father’s death, Jaehyun delayed selling the house as much as he could. But opportunities for money came and he found himself filling boxes. The movers were supposed to take all the boxes tomorrow. Jaehyun only has one room left to empty: his childhood bedroom.

Pictures of him and his college friends were plastered against the walls. The bed and pillows were rid of sheets as no one was using them anyway. Jaehyun decluttered before leaving home so there was not a lot of stuff to pack. A small shoe box sat inside the empty closet. The contents of the box triggered a wave of nostalgia all over him.

The box contained letters, photos, and small trinkets. It was as if someone put his college life into a small box. An orange, translucent cylinder caught Jaehyun’s eye. Beside the cylinder was a polaroid of you - smiling, full of life.

Jaehyun stared at his reflection. The image of the man he used to be was no longer found in the reflection staring back at him. Strands of grey found themselves in his hair. His youthful skin was starting to form wrinkles. There was a slight ache on the joints of his fingers. The sensation made him realized how old he actually is. He lived a long life. He went through the highs and the lows.

“Yes, son, I already recieved the email.” He spoke through the speaker of the phone.

“How was it, dad?” The young man asked.

“Good job, Jeno.” Jaehyun complimented. “I expect more of this work soon?”

“You got it.” Jeno replied.

“I’ll call you again tomorrow.”

“Okay. See you, dad.”

For a moment, he believed that he had done everything he needed to do in life. He had a loving wife and a smart son. The image of a perfect family hung above the staircase. That’s how life was for him; he was successful and adored. They say what matters most is what lies ahead. But Jaehyun couldn’t shrug off a memory of a girl from decades ago.

No portrait was big enough to overpower the small image of your smile. It reminded him of something that’s been unfixed for such a long time, he doesn’t know if there’s still a chance to resolve it.

Jaehyun felt weirdly tired. Perhaps it was the age talking but it was still weird since it was a Sunday and he did not have work. It was unusual for him to feel weary on a weekend. He yawned as he rest his body on the bed. His head spinned as if he was drunk. Before he could think of a thought, his eyes fluttered.

The scene was a regular day at university. Jaehyun crossed his eyebrows as he stared at his reflection in the campus restroom. His complexion was youthful - rose-colored flush spread across his cheeks. His hair was a soft shade of pink. The distant voice of Johnny Suh was heard behind a cubicle.

Where the fuck am I?

“Dude, I’m so fucking tired of taking care of your drunk asses at every party.” Johnny continued to complained. Jaehyun’s eyes widened at Johnny.

Johnny did not look like the Johnny he saw two days ago at the restuarant. The Johnny in front of him has black hair while the Johnny from two days ago had red.

“Do you even want to go to Taeyong’s party tonight?” Johnny asked. It took Jaehyun a few seconds to realize that he was being questioned. He muttered a small yes. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Didn’t sleep well last night.” Jaehyun made up the excuse. He has no idea why the hell is he reliving his college self. The thought both scared and intrigued him.

Jaehyun’s mind was still drifting as they walked across the building. His nerves tingled in his fingertips. It’s been years since he last walked the campus and yet it seemed like he was also here yesterday. His eyes lit up at the sight of his college friends, clumped up at a small bench near the field.

“I’m only going if Doyoung is going.” Johnny announced.

“I already told you, everyone is going.” Taeyong answered back.

“I better not be in charge of the fucking booze again.” Taeil complained.

“Haechan will forget half of the things I’ll tell him to buy.” Taeyong rebutted.

Jaehyun stayed quiet. It hasn’t sunk into him yet that he was indeed reliving the past. But why? Was it because of the box he discovered days ago?

This is so fucking weird.

It hasn’t occured to him yet why this is happening. He leaned back at the bench and stared at the clear sky. The chaotic chattering of his friends occupied his ears. He definitely felt young. The aging burden he’s been carrying lately was liften off his shoulders.

Jaehyun’s head started to be spin. He sat straight to stabilize the world around him. Running his hands across his hair, he attempted to speak to his chatting friends. None of them seemed to notice Jaehyun’s distress. It weirded him out that Sicheng was looking at him and talking as if Jaehyun was alright. Black dots appeared in his vision. He blinked rapidly as he glanced one more time among his friends who acted as if nothing was happening. He couldn’t explain the phenomenon. It was like he’s about to faint. Only a sound of static was heard as he closed his eyes - in an attempt to stop the world from turning.

After a few seconds, Jaehyun’s heard started to feel normal. Although, a different type of sound could be heard by his ears. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at his feet. He was standing now. The color of the room was a mix of purple and red. Loud music bounced through the four walls of the room, accompanied by the shouting of people. He was at a party.

Jaehyun looked all around him. He recognized the place immediately. This was Taeyong’s house. Jaehyun felt drunk. It wasn’t the nauseating type of drunk. He felt good; he felt as if he was invincible. He only felt this way while he’s drinking with his friends. He only felt this way when he was with someone he couldn’t put a name into. Jaehyun approached Yuta who was on the couch, rolling a blunt.

“It’s weird to see Jung Jaehyun without a girl under his arm on a party.” Yuta commented. The thick smoke of the blunt covered his smirking face.

“I’m just as confused as you.” He replied.

“Have you seen the freshmen?” Yuta asked. “Boy, Johnny did not lie when he said they were hot.”

“I haven’t yet.” Jaehyun took a sip of his beer. “It’s hard to determine who’s a freshie and who’s not.”

“Taeyong made the freshmen wear a yellow bracelet.”

“Why?”

“So we know who to fuck with and who to not.”

Soon enough, Yuta became occupied with a girl who sat beside him. Before standing up to go somewhere, Yuta handed a small cylindrical container to Jaehyun. “Ten said to give this to you. He said to only take it when necessary.”

The orange, cylinder. The one he saw inside the shoe box in his bedroom. He straightened his back with his heart pounding loudly in his chest. He still wasn’t sure why the hell he’s in this timeline of his life. He was hoping he could know the answers tonight.

“Oops.” A small body collided with his strong one. The impact shook Jaehyun out of his reverie. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Jaehyun replied. “Hey, do I know you from somewhere?”

The girl look at his eyes. Jaehyun felt a heat rush to his ears and cheeks. He was thankful that the lights were dim or else the girl would have noticed his red ears.

“I don’t think so.” The girl replied. “I’m a trasnferee.”

“Really? From where?”

“I took my first year in Yonsei.”

“That’s quiet far from here.” Jaehyun added. “Oh, by the way, I’m Jaehyun.”

“I’m Y/N.” The girl replied, shaking his hand.

A minute ago, Jaehyun had no idea why all of a sudden, he was reliving his college life. Now, he knows why.

A ringing in his head made Jaehyun press his palms against his temples. He shook his head. It was happening again. A nauseating feeling erupted in Jaehyun’s stomach. With a fleeting second, the earth beneath him felt normal. He was almost scared to open his eyes. He was scared of what lies before him. With a gulp, he opened them.

“Come on, Y/N, back me up!” Johnny yelled at the graphic video game in front of him.

“Ugh! There’s so many orcs on my way!” You screamed back.

“Johnny, you’re supposed to heal us too.” Jaehyun complained. Why the hell did he know what to say and what to do in a video game he hasn’t played in decades? “Not just you!”

“Attack, attack, attack!” Johnny commanded.

A series of keyboard clicking erupted through the living room of Johnny’s house.

“Yes!” You all exclaimed as “victory” presented on the screen of your laptops.

“Damn, I’m beat.” You announced, leaning back on the couch.

“I wish we could stay this way forever.” Jaehyun spoke. “Just carefree nerds battling orcs.”

“Who said we’re nerds?” Johnny faked an offending face.

“Yeah, we’re just some college kids who decided to reward their hardwork with these childish games.” You replied.

“I’m proud of you and Johnny for winning the national debate.” Jaehyun said with a huge grin on his face.

“I’m glad I met you guys.” You said wholeheartedly. The men beside you sent gagging sounds over your cheesy sentiment. You playfully punched their arms as you prepared yourselves for another night of video games.

Jaehyun wasn’t supposed to take it but he needed to see you again. It has been a week since he rediscovered the pills Ten gave him. He didn’t know if this could affect his health. He didn’t even know if Ten is still alive. He didn’t know if the pills were legit, if they were expired, or if it was some bad drugs that Ten disguised as magic pills. All he knew was there has always been a hole in his soul. All because of you. For the past years of his life, he wondered what would have happened if things didn’t turn out the way they did.

Memories of you suddenly flooded his mind. The image of your soft hair hitting his face as you frolic through the field together. The warmth of your arms as you hug him out of the blue. Most importantly, he remembered your loyalty. It all came back to him now.

He really shouldn’t have done it but he could only do so much now that one of Ten’s pills was already sitting in his stomach.

His head felt light. The world around him seemed to double as he tried to shake out of it. His fingers felt rigid but his legs were wobbly. Swaying left and right, Jaehyun could hardly make it back to his room. He expected to collapse on to the cold tiles of his bathroom floor but a soft mattress welcomed him instead.

Pill #1

This time, the scenario was happening inside one of the campus libraries.

Wow. So Ten’s pills really do work.

Jaehyun felt selfish. He felt bad that he was running away from his current life to see you again. What else was he supposed to do? He was given the opportunity to fix an unsolved bridge in his past. He’s not letting this time slide.

“I hate this subject so much.” You complained. The table that you and Jaehyun shared was trashed with different variations of papers and pens.

“Come on, what is it about?” Jaehyun asked.

“Something about quarks and photons.” You groaned and rest your head on your palms.

“It’s not that bad. Look,” Jaehyun said. He took a scratch paper and a pen. “It says here that photons aren’t considered as a matter because they don’t have mass. Quarks, however, have mass.”

“Therefore, photons aren’t made up of quarks.” You concluded.

“See? It’s not that bad.” Jaehyun teased.

You glared at his smug face. He chuckled and looked at his phone. There was a message from Jungwoo.

Jungwoo Kim [4:45 pm]: wow lover boy’s on the move

Jaehyun [4:46 pm]: Wtf?

Jungwoo Kim [4:48 pm]: I know about your little crush on Y/N

Jungwoo Kim [4:48 pm]: DO NOT WORRY. ur secret is safe with me ;)

He shook his head at his friend. Jaehyun leaned back at his chair. His eyes remained on your slouching figure. Your brows furrowed as you tried to slow an equation. Your hair swayed in the wind caused by the large fan on the ceiling. Jaehyun hated what happened between the two of you. He was worried, however, about how far each pill could take him. He only had 4 remaining pills left. It boggled his mind how the pills could determine how far in the past it could take Jaehyun.

“You hungry?” Jaehyun asked all of the sudden.

You were taken aback. But it would be a lie to say that you didn’t find Jaehyun attractive. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure that how beautiful he is.

“Yeah.” You replied. “Getting quiet tired of all these studying.”

You fixed all your scattered belongings on the table. The sun was still out despite the time being late into the afternoon.

“It’s a Friday.” You announced. “Don’t you have any plans you should be preparing for right now?”

“The guys are taking it easy this weekend.” Jaehyun answered. “There’s a lot of exams coming up.”

“Wow, for such party people, you sure are responsible.”

“Hey, it’s not easy being a business management major.” Jaehyun’s response made you laugh. “What made you take up physics?”

“I like the universe.” You replied. “More than that, I like how there’s still so much left to be answered. What causes things to function they way they do? What happens inside a black hole? Can you get out? When will the universe reach its unevitable end and what happens after that?”

Jaehyun watched you as you rant on and on about why you chose to study that. He saw the gleam in your eyes as the skies washed your face with its golden light.

“I hope I can live long enough to know the answers.”

The last few words of your sentence bounced back and forth. The golden skies whirled and Jaehyun waited for it to happen again. As if bracing for impact, he held his head between his hands and closed his eyes.

“A little birdie told me that you have a little crush on someone.” You were wearing a yellow sun dress.

The meadow behind you was filled with flowers matching the color of your dress. The skirt of it flowed through the wind as you held your head to keep your hat from flying.

“What? What crush?” Jaehyun stuttered.

“Come on, Jaehyun, who’s the lucky girl?” You looked at him with doe eyes.

You.

“I’ll tell you once I ask her out.” Jaehyun replied.

“Ugh,” You groaned. “How about this: I tell you who my crush is and you tell me mine.”

“Deal.” Jaehyun wanted to slap himself for agreeing.

“I have a crush on Johnny.” You confessed.

Jaehyun felt a pang in his chest. You like Johnny. Of course, you would. Johnny is a sweet and smooth guy. He tried his best to hide his frown.

“Oh.” Jaehyun muttered. “Well, I like Mina.”

You smiled sweetly at him, clearly impressed with yourself that you got him to confess. You turned your back from him as you frolic in the field. Jaehyun could only watch your swaying figrue as you drift farther and farther away.

Jaehyun woke up in cold sweat. The shine was starting to shine through the windows. He groaned as he sat up in the bed. He glanced over the bedside table. There stood two photo frames - one of him and his wife and one of his son. The death of his wife was followed shortly by the death of his father. Jaehyun loved Adelaine. She was a woman of psychology - respected and adored by many. He lifts the frame and looked at their young and smiling faces. Jaehyun was happy. He lived a happy life, with a loving wife and a smart son. His smile soon fell as he remembered his dream last night.

“Tought night?” Kun slipped a cup of coffee on Jaehyun’s desk.

“Nah.” Jaehyun replied, getting the cup. “Just watched some movies until it was 3:00 pm.”

“Is this what living alone does to a man?”

“Shut it, Kun.” Jaehyun growled.

‘I’m just kidding.” Kun laughed. “Hey, you ready to meet the physicists this afternoon?”

Jaehyun could only swallow bitterly.

Your hopes and dreams lingered in Jaehyun’s mind. For the longest time, he believed that you, among many of his friends, were one of the reasons behind the darkest days of his life. He believed that the reason the universe made him rediscover the shoe box was to remind him of why he should think that way. Aside from your hopes, your laugh echoed through Jaehyun’s brain. All of a sudden, he felt guilty for having to experience the joys of life. He figured that if he became happy, you should be too.

Many reunions came along and he never found you in any of them. He would ask your mutual friends where you were - if you were still alive. They all answered the same thing: “I don’t know.” It was as if you never existed. A part of him wanted to believe that you were gone; probably to alleviate the guilt and pain. Besides, there’s no reason for you to ditch all reunions and disappear from the face of the earth. A bigger part of him believed that you just moved on with your life - whether still with vices and or without. He wanted to know what happened. He wished he gave his younger self a chance to turn and see you one last time.

He was definitely swallowing another pill tonight.

Pill #2

The pain felt fresh. In real time, it would have been 30 years since Jaehyun’s parents dropped the news about their divorce. Right now, the pain in Jaehyun’s chest was stinging. In real time, he would have forgotten the words his mother threw at his father. But right now, it still rings in his ears as if he just heard it an hour ago.

“I wish I could do something, bud.” Ten spoke silently beside him.

Jaehyun could only smile. The divorce was something Jaehyun carried with him throughout his whole life. He was afraid of failing at marriage, he was afraid of hurting his children.

“It’s okay, Ten.” Jaehyun replied.

“You know what,” Ten went to one of his drawers and pulled out a small, clear bag. “I’m not sure if you’re gonna agree, but I can assure you this takes away the pain.”

Jaehyun could only stare as Ten emptied a bag into the table. He took his school ID card to form the powder into a thin line. After rolling a piece of paper, he used it to connect the powder to his nostril. The scenario enticed Jaehyun. With the pain he was feeling right now, he wanted to feel something. Before he knows it, he was laying on his back with a burn in his left nostril.

Jaehyun’s mind felt hazy. It was as if he was seeing stars and flying amongst them. He no longer felt the ache of his parents’s divorce, he no longer remembers their arguing. It was as if the universe fell into place. He saw stars, he saw constellations, he saw galaxies. And most importantly, he saw you.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A dazed Ten spoke beside him.

“Y/N.” Jaehyun replied.

He saw you beside him, under him, in front of him. He saw you laughing, smiling, frowning.

A female’s laughter entered the scene. Jaehyun’s vision blurred as the world began warping in front of him. Ten’s body was slowly disappearing from Jaehyun’s vision as he saw a wide, white light. The burn from the light caused Jaehyun to shut his eyes close. When everything felt stable again, he slowly opened them.

This was another scene. He remembers this time like the back of his hand. How he hated every memory of it for it was the start of your ruin. He looked over you as blood left his face.

You threw your head back, forcing the white powder to hit deeper in your system. You looked over a dazed but still beautiful Jaehyun. You laid down beside him.

“Did I do it right this time?” You asked him.

“Yeah.” Jaehyun answered.

You were only looking up at the beaten and growning ceiling. However, little specks of glitter appeared everywhere. The glimmer of the specks shined as they doubled in size and in quantity.

“Can you see that?” You inquired.

“What?” Jaehyun looked over at your amused side profile.

“The stars. I can see them.”

Jaehyun looked up once more at the ceiling. The brightest star was already shining beside him.

“I see it.” Jaehyun answered, still basking in your beauty.

Soon enough, you felt as if your body was floating. You felt as if you could touch the stars. You raised one hand up to touch one of the specks but it vanished at your touch.

“Where the heaven are we?” You spoke.

Jaehyun’s chest began to tighten. In the center of your made up universe emerged a black hole. Jaehyun leaned forward and let it take him.

“I don’t know.” You responded gingerly.

“Come on, Y/N.” Jaehyun insisted. “This would be last one for the week.”

It’s only Wednesday and yet you already wasted Jaehyun’s one week supply of drugs. Johnny shook his head besides him.

“Jae, maybe you should take a break for now.” Johnny suggested.

“But I need an extra boost to finish that history essay!” Jaehyun reasoned out.

His sentiment made you remember why you got an A+ on your essay about quantum mechanics. You remembered the feeling and suddenly, you were craving for it.

“This is the last one for the week, okay?” You said, igniting joy in Jaehyun.

Johnny looked over his friends. In a few years, he would beat himself for doing nothing. Right now, all he did was walk away.

Darkness was slowly introducing themselves in Jaehyun’s vision. It was a signal for another time wrap. Although his nerves went array, he still prayed that it would take him back to a time where you’re sober. The world stabilized itself but the image in front of Jaehyun punched him in the chest.

A bottle of vodka in one hand and a syringe in one. Your once plush cheeks was starting to hollow. The red tint of the lipstick your wore was struggling to hide the blue. You look miserable, but you felt happy. You looked over at Jaehyun - the beautiful man that is Jung Jaehyun.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Your voice was coarse and deep, but it still had the sweetness to it.

Jaehyun looked over your features again. He felt miserable but all he did was smile.

“I like you a lot.” Jaehyun confessed. He does. He adored everything about you. In 30 years, Jaehyun could only remember so much yet he remembers everything about you.

“I like you too.” Your response made Jaehyun rise from his seat. The feeling of your lips against his was something he yearned for decades. And he felt it now.

Sparks exploded between you and Jaehyun.

“What took you so long to do that?” You asked.

“Never had the chance.” He replied.

All he did was blink. All Jaehyun did was sigh and blink. All of a sudden, the scenario changed before him.

“I want more! I fucking want more!” You exclaimed.

The bags under your eyes were darker than it was just seconds ago. Your hair was also shorter, falling just below your collar bones.

“Why are you just standing there? I fucking want more!” You screamed, thrashing around in a chair.

“I can’t give you more until you finish your essay.” Jaehyun warned.

“Fuck that essay!”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened. Just months ago, you were so passionate about physics. You could do an essay or answer an equation in a snap. Now, you couldn’t do anything.

Your mouth felt dry and your throat was coarse. There was a insatiable thirst that water can’t seem to fix. You held your head with your palm as you stare into your lap. This wasn’t you. Just seconds ago, you felt infinite. Now, you just felt empty. You needed more but the rational part of your brain screamed no. You wanted to feel something, to feel alive. That’s why the next thing Jaehyun knew, you were kissing him with all your might.

The force of your lips againts his gave Jaehyun the signal to lead you to the bedroom. It was beyond Jaehyun’s morals to fuck you while you’re high but he couldn’t find any other way to silence you. The soft mattress was soon adorned with scattered clothing and two lovers. Each sensation of Jaehyun inside you drove you to a frenzy, it gave you a feeling of bliss that you never felt before. You loved the stars, you love the galaxies. Tonight, you didn’t have to be an astronaut to see the universe unfold before you.

“I want to live with you forever.” You whispered against Jaehyun’s lips.

Jaehyun clinked his glass with Johnny. The dark whiskey swirled inside the glass as Jaehyun started at his aged reflection.

“Hey, Jae?” Johnny called out to him.

“Yeah?”

“Do you still remember Y/N?”

Johnny’s question made Jaehyun’s heartbeat race. The memories of his time exploration last night was enough to answer Johnny’s question. But Jaehyun refused to tell Johnny all about it. The older man would probably just conclude it as an “aging hallucination.”

“Yeah, I do. Why?”

“I still wonder what happened to her.” Johnny answered. “It was as if she vanished from everyone’s memory.”

“Me too.”

“Did you regret it?”

“What?” Jaehyun looked at Johnny, confused.

“Did you regret getting her into drugs?” Johnny said. There was a hint of sterness in his tone.

“What kind of question is that, John?” Jaehyun retorted.

“I’m just wondering.” Johnny took a sip of his whiskey before continuing. “If she hadn’t started drugs, who knows where she would be right now.”

“Are you blaming me?” Fury was starting to ignite within Jaehyun.

“I’m not?” Johnny asked. “But based on your reaction, I have a feeling you do regret what you did to her.”

Perhaps Johnny was right. The reason why Jaehyun still chooses to reminisce his days with you was because he blamed himself for what happened to you. But that’s not something he will admit, not even to his best friend.

Pill #3

This time it was different. Instead of Jaehyun living as the past Jaehyun, he couldn’t do anything but watch as his old self seat in front of the university dean - as if he was a bystander in his old life. He tried to catch the attention of the old Jaehyun, but it was as if he wasn’t even there.

“Do you know that this could get you kick out from the university?” The dean spoke with anger laced in his voice. “When did you even start?”

“5 months ago.” Jaehyun replied with a small voice.

“Look, I’m only giving you another chance because your father is a benefactor of this university.” The dean leaned in, emphasizing every word he said. “If I caught you slipping one more time, it’s over for your stay in the university.”

All Jaehyun did was watch the dean with furious eyes. He wanted to scream but he knew that he wouldn’t get anything good out of it. The dean’s warning went through one ear and out the other. He huffed before leaving the office. Anger rushed through every vein in his body.

Outside the office, you fiddled with your thumbs. The Johnny was beside you who busied himself by kicking rocks off the pavement. Your licked your extremely chapped lips. No amount of lip balm could smooth them away. It was starting to worry you; the whole fiasco of your life falling apart worried you. You wanted to quit, but you didn’t want to leave Jaehyun alone.

“How did it go?” You asked once you saw Jaehyun come out from the office.

“They’re giving me one last chance.” He replied. He took your hand in his and rubbed his thumb on the back of it. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“Dude, this is getting worse.” Johnny said quietly. He was geniunely concerned for the welfare of his two friends.

“Johnny, if you have nothing else better to do than blame me,” Jaehyun cocked his head in bubbling anger. “Then just fucking go away.”

Johnny clenched his jaw at Jaehyun. He knew better than fighting with Jaehyun since it could lead to more trouble. He trudged his feet away from the two of you.

“He was only trying trying to help.” You said, carefully.

“So, you’re on his fucking side now?” It was you he was cocking his head at.

“No,” You defended. “Of course not. Look, let’s just go home.”

The walk back to his dorm was quiet. It wasn’t filled with deep talks and laughter as it used to. It was filled with anxiety and trembling fingers. The cold air of Jaehyun’s room greeted your frail body.

“Jaehyun,” You called out to him. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

“What?” he turned around to face you. “What do you mean? You don’t want to see me again?”

“No! I do want to see you again.” You replied. “It’s- We have to quit, Jaehyun.”

Tears were forming in your eyes as you whispered the last sentence. You fear that he wouldn’t understand. You wanted so bad to say that it was his pain that caused this.

“We’re hurting people, Jae.” You whispered. “We’re about to hurt ourselves.”

“You don’t understand, Y/N.” Jaehyun said. “You don’t understand anything.”

“Jaehyun, trust me, I’m trying to understand you.” Your voice was starting to shake. “But, this is ruining us.”

“No, we’re not quitting.” Jaehyun said firmly. “This isn’t ruining who we are. You said you felt happy. Did you lie?”

The response he got was your first sob. This was the first time you sobbed in front of Jaehyun. You were vigorously shaking your head, trying to get him on the same page as you.

“I’m failing my classes, Jaehyun.” You held back a sob. “I’m losing who I am. I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore.”

“You’re still the Y/N I love.”

“You did this to me!” You exclaimed, your voice accompanied with your cries. “You did this to me, Jaehyun. I can’t do this anymore.”

“And now what? You’re gonna leave me?” Jaehyun’s eyes was starting to water themselves. “Okay. Go on. Leave me.”

“Why do you keep on doing this to me?” You were running out of energy to fight.

“What?”

“Everytime I try to help you out of this, you just turn the game against me.”

“Why the hell is everyone portraying me as the bad guy here?” Jaehyun’s tone turned louder. “It’s not my fault my parents fucking divorced and it made me fucking messed up!”

“Jaehyun-” He cut you off.

“You will never understand anything, Y/N.”

“Why do you act as if you’re the only one with all the problems here?” You tried to match the angry tone of Jaehyun, even though it was scratching your throat. “Do you even remember that you were the one who get me into drugs?”

“It’s not my fucking fault you were too much of a coward to resist, Y/N.”

His sentence broke you. All of the patience and the temper you held for him - in understandin him - vanished in a snap. Tears were falling like thunderstorms on your cheeks. Slamming the door behind you, you walked far away from Jaehyun’s dorm.

Watching from a safe distance, the present Jaehyun remembered this scene all too well. The betrayal he felt in his heart. He wanted so bad to run and get in between you and the old him. He wanted so bad to tell you that he was willing to quit.

With present Jaehyun watching you from a far, he saw that you bumped into Johnny near the campus.

“Fuck, Y/N.” Johnny held your wrists. “What the fuck happened?”

All you did was cry on his chest. Johnny tightened his grip around you as he let the front of his shirt be soaked with your angry tears. Jaehyun watched - his admiration for his best friend only blossomed. Somehow, he wished that it was Johnny you fell in love with.

“Will things ever be okay for us?” You whispered.

“It will.” Johnny answered. “I promise you, it will.”

He was willing to do lose his happiness for you. All he could do, however, was wish it was what the old him was thinking.

Pill #4

Just like the last time, Jaehyun could only watch. He could only watch as you tossed and turn in your bed, sobbing your eyes from the pain. Jaehyun wished you were crying because of him, but he’s entirely certain you weren’t.

You wish you listened to Johnny. The amount of times he held you and Jaehyun from returning to drugs. You felt magical, that was your argument. All your life, you wanted to feel something.

You laid in your bed, it was the only thing you could do for now. Your spine felt like it could snap into two whenever you attemp to sit or stand up. There was a crawling feeling behind your face and you wanted so bad to peel your face and scratch it off.

“Make it stop, oh my god, make it stop!”

All you could do was cry. Your whole body was in pain, it was burning, aching, pounding all the same time. Your tongue swirled around your mouth to find something moist. You pressed your fingertips on your cheeks again as the crawling sensation was getting worse. You were restless but all you wanted was to sleep. The pounding in your head worsened each breath you take.

All you did was cry. And all Jaehyun could do was watch in pain. You screamed and screamed, hoping someone outside your door would hear you. Two girls came bursting through your room door as they scurried to call 911.

“Oh my god, Y/N, what happened?” A girl who Jaehyun remembered as Nayeon asked you in panic.

“Kill me! Oh god, kill me!” You pleaded, your voice scratching.

A boy came and carried your heaving body outside the door.

This was a scene Jaehyun never saw. It was as if the pills was nothing more than just a punishment for abandoning you. He cursed at himself for ever thinking that he could save you.

There was a stabbing pain through Jaehyun’s chest. The area where his forearm meets his wrist had a piercing sensation. The world was closing in on Jaehyun’s body. And he let it.

Jaehyun knew what happens next. 30 years ago, he was admitted to the hospital for overdosing on drugs. He knew that you were staying on the floor beneath his. Yet, he did nothing. He didn’t check up on you, he didn’t contact your parents to find out if you were even alive or responding. Jaehyun had many regrets in his life, but he could never find one regret that he resents more than that one.

“Hey,” Jaehyun slowly entered Johnny’s office.

“Hey.” Johnny responded. The argument from last night was still lingering between the two man.

“Look, Johnny, I’m sorry.” Jaehyun started. “It’s just that what happened during that time in college was really hard to me.”

“I know, Jaehyun.” Johnny said. “I’m sorry I even brough Y/N up.”

“I appreciate your concern for me, John.” Jaehyun reassured. “It’s not your fault I couldn’t own up to my mistakes.”

“I just miss her, you know?” Johnny stared at the whiskey in front of him. “I wish she was here celebrating accomplishments with us.”

“I miss her too, buddy.” Jaehyun whispered. “It hurts not knowing where she is or if she’s even alive right now.”

“I remember going to arcades and flower field with her.”

Jaehyun could only nod and smile at his best friend. What happened back in college was something sensitive even between close friends. Jaehyun only stayed friends with a few people from college.

“I feel like we need let the memory of Y/N go.” Jaehyun spoke again, breaking into a sincere smile. “I don’t know if we’ll ever see her again but all I could do right now is pray that she’s happy and well.”

“You really think we can’t see her again?” Johnny’s demeanor showed remorse.

“I don’t think she’ll want to see me again, anyway.” He replied.

Pill #5

The eerie sound of a machine beeping filled Jaehyun’s ears. The first thing he saw as he opened his eyes was the horizontal lines of light in the ceiling. He squinted before looking around the room. A doctor clad in a white coat was besides the hospital bed.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Jung?” The doctor asked, shifting his eyes from Jaehyun and back to his clipboard.

“Uhm, I’m thirsty.” Jaehyun spoke. “And a bit groggy.”

“I’ll run a few test first before I could speak on your condition.” The doctor said. “For now, I’ll have someone come up with water. Please rest now.”

Jaehyun nodded. He laid his head back into the pillow, squinting his eyes from the light. Before the doctor could leave, he turned around and said, “This is your last chance, Mr. Jung.”

Jaehyun remained stagnant over the doctor’s sentence. Last chance at living? He knew that. He knew that he overdose and if he did it again, it would cost him his life. The doctor’s last words remained in his mind. He wasn’t sure if he remembers that happening years ago.

“Hey, buddy.” Johnny entered the room slowly.

“Hey.” Jaehyun’s eye lit up at the sight of his friend.

“How are you?” The look on Johnny’s face wasn’t something Jaehyun expected. A blurred red rim around his eyeballs and his eyelids looked swollen.

“Have you been crying?”

“Of course I am! I just received a message that you overdosed! What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“I’m sorry for lashing out the last time.”

“It’s alright.” Johnny said. “I’d rather have you mad at me than you dead.”

“You’re the best, Johnny.” Jaehyun chuckled.

“Y/N is just under this floor.” Johnny said out of the blue. “Do you want to visit her?”

“No.” The answer was automatic - as if Jaehyun didn’t have to think before muttering an answer.

“I’m guessing things didn’t end well between the two of you?”

“It’s for the best.” Jaehyun revealed.

“Why the hell do you not want to visit her downstairs?”

I saw her suffer.

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun sighed. “I promise I’ll talk to her once I’m out of here.”

Jaehyun felt his eyelids became heavy. He laid back as the world spinned around him one last time.

Jaehyun was walking. A second ago, he remembered falling asleep in the hospital bed. The next thing he knew, he was with father, walking towards the exit of the hospital. As he walk through the hallways, he passed by the room you were assigned to. A doctor pushed her way into the door of the room. The gap made by her action gave Jaehyun a small glimpse of what was inside. Tubes and machines were attached your face. The brief glimpse failed to give Jaehyun a look if you were awake.

He turned away. Y/N wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.

Each step he took reminded him of something you said.

“I like the universe.” Step.

“I like you too.” Step.

“I want to live with you forever.” Step.

“Make it stop!” Step.

“Where the heaven are we?” Step.

Jaehyun glanced back at the hospital gate. His breathing deep but steady. The cold, winter breeze pushed back against his rigid body as he stared into the clear doors of the hospital. It was a battle; his legs telling him to run through the gates but his mind didn’t cooperate. A rational part of his brain told him to go back but he did the opposite, pivoting towards the parking lot where his dad was headed.

Jaehyun’s heart tightened, his eyes threatening to let the tears go. Finally, he realized why the hell he was reliving the past. All his life he wanted to know what happened to you. Now, here he is - outside the same hospital he last heard you were in. He was a few steps away from the answers. A summer image of you with the brightest smile flashed before him. He wanted to go back. His vision was starting to go black. With rapid breaths, he turned around. The black dots where getting larger but he fough through it. He blinked and swing his head, hoping it could stop the world was falling in front of him.

As he was about to push the gates open, the world turned dark.

Jaehyun couldn’t believe it. He had one shot of finding out and yet he screwed it up. He let out a painful groan on his pillow. He scurried back to the bathroom and messily searched for the orange cylinder.

Empty.

The chances were out.

“Fuck!” He gripped the roots of his hair in frustration.

Jaehyun leaned on the sink and took deep breathes. The pain was dormant for the longest time now, and then suddenly it erupted like hot lava. It burned all corners of his heart - even corners that belonged to Adelaine.

Jaehyun could only weep, as the aching hole in his heart stinged worse than before.

The river reflected the tall buildings of the city. A pink hue was starting to paint all over the wide skies. There is a great big world out there. He sighed as he reminisced his life. The laughter, the tears, the heartbreak - every single bit of what happened molded Jaehyun into the man that he is now. A man that new more than solving problems with bigger problems. It wasn’t easy cutting strings with stuff that made you feel limitless. But this is the real life - you are finite. No amount of liquor or grams of drugs could ever change that. There are definitely areas in Jaehyun’s life that he wished he could change. However, that would mean he never grew as a person. If Jaehyun could bring back one last thing before he returns to dust, it would be a chance to see you again. The age old question of where you are now was still unanswered. Some hoped you were alive, some decided to close that chapter of their lives completely. Jaehyun hovered the pen over the blank piece of paper.

Dear Y/N,

How are you? I hope life made you well. This is Jung Jaehyun. Do you remember the time you told me about why you decided to study physics? I hope you’re on your quest towards the answers to your questions. I am more than happy that the magnetic force of the earth helped me meet you. It’s not gonna be long until one of our bodies combust into nothing but stardust. And until then, I am eager to meet you again.

You met me at a happy point in my life. I was a promising student with a clear record. You were there during my peak and you were there when I collapsed. You know what? I don’t think I was happy I ever met you. If I didn’t know you, you wouldn’t have collapsed with me. Who knows where you would be if the addiction never happened. When you asked me if things were ever going to be okay for the both of us, I wish I never said yes. I wish I never promised you that things will get better because I am living in constant guilt that it only happened to me. Where are you now, Y/N?

I remember thinking to myself that I wanted to die before I turn 30. I joked about how I don’t have to worry about wrinkles because I really didn’t think I was gonna live beyond 25. But, the moment you told me you wanted to live with me forever - it made me think twice. You said you wanted to live with me forever - I don’t care if we’re lovers or friends - then, where are you now, Y/N?

Johnny, Taeyong, and Jungwoo misses you a lot. Why didn’t you come to the reunions? Did I hurt you that much? You should have come for them anyway. Johnny and Jungwoo still lives in the city. If you’d like, you can always visit them.

For all the things I’ve done, Y/N, I am so sorry. If I could turn back time once more, I would have done anything. In our next life, can you promise me that you’ll find me and tell me it’s alright? There’s still so much questions I cannot answer. My heart will always yearn for you.

What the hell happened to you? Where the heaven are you, Y/N?

Love, Jaehyun.

a/n: was this too messy??? anyway, feedback is always appreciated. if there are any plotholes or mistakes, pls let me know. i wrote this at the crack of dawn so. i hurt my wrist writing this fucking story lol i hope u liked it

#jung jaehyun #jung jaehyun au #nct 127 #nct imagines #nct au #nct angst #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun angst #nct scenarios #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun smut #jung yoonoh #nct jaehyun #nct jaehyun x reader

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tauremornalome · 4 years ago

Text

tagged by the amazing @thiswaycomessomethingwicked (go check out their writing!) in the First Line game

The rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line.

tagging: @alessandriana, @ajcrawly, @simaraknows, @koscheyyy, @selkiebinch, @writingat-night and anyone else who wants to do it!

The problems with my writing being 1. that a lot of it is embarrassing historical hetalia stuff, 2. that i hardly ever write with the intention of publishing, it turns out that often my fics don’t have a set fist line? cos they tend to come in the form of a collection of loose self indulgent little scenes. So this is definitely not going to be 20 of them. Untranslated Polish versions in the brackets.

1. wildfires and weeds (mdzs, wen ning & jiang cheng, vaguely pre-slash): Courtesy of Wen Ning's heightened fierce corpse senses, and Jiang-zongzhu's being likewise sharp thanks to his high level of cultivation, they manage not to run into each other even when they find themselves in the same general places at the same time - official joint nighthunts mostly, these days, since Jiang Wanyin has enough political awareness and faith in his nephew's abilities not to follow him on the more private ones.

2. provisional title “spiderman meme lol” (legend of fei, xie yun/zhou fei/wu chuchu pining): After parting with Yin Pei and burying Ji Yunchen the three of them leave together, and Xie Yun - well, he already knew he was absolutely, irrevocably fucked, but it takes him another two days to notice that he is not alone in his misery.

3. the crack-treated-seriously heist fic (mdzs, jiang cheng & jin guangyao): He had already sealed the room shut months before, so he didn't toss the damn flute along with the last shards of his sanity there when he first came back from the siege, broken and bloodied and still furious.

4. Najjaśniejsza, Serenissima, Świetlejszaja (historical hetalia, poland & grand duke constantin): "Ha!" The duke gestured wildly with his open hands. "I am a fool, Kuruta is a fool, and so you are a fool, too, Felya, even though you have yet to learn to admit it." [- No! - Wielki książę uderzył się dłońmi w uda. - Ja durak, Kuruta durak, i ty też durak, Felja, tylkoś się jeszcze nie nauczył przyznawać do tego.]

5. Pour Away The Ocean (tma, lonelyeyes): The Apocalypse nearing or not (oh, it's coming alright: he knows Jon will get the statements soon, so it's a matter of what? days?), it would be a shame to refuse a rarity that is an actual invitation to a Lukas family funeral. The last Lukas family funeral to ever be held, perhaps, though he doubts the hosts know about that. Peter had never been an overly sharing conversationalist.

6. untitled anti-dior rebellion fic (the silmarillion, doriath after thingol’s death): The change can be felt at the exact moment when the door to Lady Melian's chamber closes behind Mablung, the king's dead body in his arms, and everyone seems to understand immediately what it means. It is as if the thin thread bonding the queen to the mortal world broke, cut on the edge of that door-frame. The last time Lalorniel left the Girdle’s protection was before the first sunrise and now, several hundred years later, the feeling of being exposed to the whole world throws her off her tracks. She looks to the side and sees that Medlindir felt it too, and she wants to reach to him with her mind, but she doesn't - the world around them has suddenly gotten very big and some irrational part of her fears her fae could get lost in it. [Zmianę czuć już w momencie, w którym za niosącym skrwawione ciało króla Mablungiem zamykają się drzwi komnaty Meliany - i każdy chyba od razu rozumie, co to znaczy. Zupełnie jakby to nić wiążąca królową ze światem cielesnym pękła, rozcięta tą framugą. Lalorniel poza Obręczą bywała ostatnio jeszcze w czasach przed pierwszym wschodem słońca i teraz, po kilkuset latach przerwy, uczucie bycia odkrytym przed całym światem wytrąca ją na dłuższą chwilę z rytmu. Zerka w bok i widzi, że pełniący razem z nią straż Medlindir też to odczuł, i odruchowo chce sięgnąć do niego myślą, ale nie robi tego - świat wokół stał się nagle za duży i irracjonalnie boi się, że jej fae mogłaby się w nim zgubić.]

7. dwóch ołowianych żołnierzyków (historical rpf, prince poniatowski): Years later those who choose to believe this sort of thing will be telling stories of a ghost that supposedly visited the prince one night in March of the year 1813. An angel with black-and-white magpie wings. Unnamed white lady from the portraits covering the walls of the Copper-Roof Palace. [Lata później ci, którzy wierzą w takie rzeczy, będą opowiadać historie o zjawie, która miała się księciu ktorejś marcowej nocy roku 1813 ukazać. Anioł o czarno-białych sroczych skrzydłach. Bezimienna biała dama z portretu wiszącego w jednym z pokojów Pałacu pod Blachą.]

8. provisional title “DepTaj Margrabiego!” (the year 1861 in warsaw except its set in a harry potter-style ministry of magic. don’t ask me.): The margrave transfigured his bed back into an armchair and gestured with his wand at the coffee machine, praying quietly for someone up there to send them some kopi luwak with the next supply package. [Margrabia przetransmutował łóżko z powrotem w fotel i machnął różdżką na ekspres do kawy, modląc się w duchu o to, aby ktoś na zewnątrz był na tyle domyślny, żeby w następnej paczce nadesłać zapas kopi luwak.]

9. the year 1861 in warsaw again except now there is a zombie apocalypse going on (once again, don’t ask me. ocs and some hetalia elements.): "Swear," Sergey hisses with fury as he struggles to push the heavy dresser. [- Przysięgajcie - syczy Siergiej wściekle, szarpiąc się z ciężkim kredensem.]

10. time will say nothing (historical hetalia, poland/france/pauline bonaparte): Pauline is the one to fall asleep first, as always, not wearing anything else over her thin nightgown - so it can be expected that she will usurp all of the bedsheets to herself during the night. Feliks, who lies in the middle, succumbs to sleep soon after, his face turned to France, mumbling some apologies about not having the energy to move to the other bedroom, which earned him a soothing shush from François. [Paulina zasypia, jak zazwyczaj, pierwsza, nie zarzuciwszy na cienką koszulę nocną drugiej warstwy ubrania - można więc spodziewać się, że w ciągu nocy zauzurpuje sobie całą kołdrę. Leżący pośrodku Feliks pogrąża się we śnie niedługo po niej, twarzą zwrócony w stronę Francji, wymamrotawszy przedtem jakieś przeprosiny za to, że nie ma siły przenieść się do drugiej sypialni, na co François uciszył go uspokajająco.]

11. Minąwszy przeznaczeń mielizny (oc, hetalia-adjacent): Sergey wakes up with his cheek pressed to the travel briefcase, a little surprised with the fact that he had apparently managed to fall asleep despite the train's hellishly loud noises. The curtains in his compartment are closed, but he knows that outside it must be even more dark than in here - nothing less should be expected in this part of the world in December. [Siergiej budzi się z policzkiem przyciśniętym do teczki podróżnej, lekko zaskoczony faktem, że oto jednak udało mu się zasnąć w hałasującym niemiłosiernie pociągu. Zasłony w przedziale są zaciągnięte, ale wie, że na dworze musi być jeszcze ciemniej niż w środku - niczego innego nie należy się spodziewać w grudniu w tej części świata.]

I am very fond of the opening lines to the doriath fic and the zombie fic (there is a dialogue happening as they are barricading the door and running up the stairs). As for the patterns, I already knew I had the Sentences Too Goddamn Long Disease, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I also like to open with dialogues, which might not be very visible here, but is objectively the truth. This list sadly does not include my 30 minutes shitpost drabbles (which are mostly crack hetalia anyway).

#l9 #oof

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aaaaang · 4 years ago

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Drabble prompt: Wuko goes on their first date and mako takes too long to realize that it is in fact a date and not just two bros hanging out lol

Oh... I got carried away with this one.... I really liked this one....... thank u sm 💖

Wu has been acting weird lately. It's true that Wu acted weird all the time, but this was a very different kind of weird. Mako didn't know what to make of it...

The night started just as any night did between the two of them. Mako was by himself as he tried to work on some paper work and Wu was... doing what ever he did in that bedroom of his. (Mako would be lying if he said he didn't have his own vanity routine, but he genuinely did not know what took him that long. And how can someone own so many shirts in so many colors?)

It was quiet and peaceful. That is until Wu barged into the room, loud and bigger than life. He did that a lot, taking charge of a room and becoming center stage. By now, Mako has gotten used to how much room he takes.

Suddenly, they were both off to a night on the town. However, when they entered the Sato Mobile, Wu turned toward Mako and asked where he would like to go. Some place that they hadn't been to. Someplace Mako specifically knew. Afterall, Wu always chose and he'd rather see something Mako would like. So, despite his better judgment, Mako gave the driver the address to Narook's.

Clue number one: attention.

Narook's was not the place to take a prince. It was in a worser part of the city (but not the worst) and there was a good chance they could have run into trouble. Not to mention the joint itself was nothing like the up scale restaurants Wu had taken them to before. The walls were old and not as well kept as they should be. Seating was close together, which on a busy night meant weaving your way through people and tables and definitely knocking into people. The decor was probably pretty far from on trend as well. Oh yeah and the kitchen was pretty much right there.

But when Mako thought good food, he thought of warm cheap noodles and broth. Surprisingly, Wu seemed enthralled with it all.

"I don't think I've ever been to a place like this before. So... worn and vibrant!" Wu was observing a rather loud party right next to them with a smile. "And pretty loud too, haha! I don't think I've ever had a noisy dinner."

Mako rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his seat.

"You should be here during a pro bending tournament. Much worse," Mako added on with a bit of a groan. Oh the many times he had spilled food during a busy night...

Wu laughed at that, turning his attention back to Mako and leaning across the table.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing, you know. I think I like this." Wu gestured vaguely around them. "You don't really feel alone. Kinda like you have a family."

There was something in his eyes that seemed to give away a lot more than he was telling. Mako almost wanted to ask but he found the words trapped somewhere. There was something else in the air and in their words. Feet pressed against his under the table, and he pressed back without much thought.

"Oh my-Mako is that the wolfbats? Wait a minute... Mako is that you in that picture?"

And then that something else was gone.

Clue number two: the air.

After they finished eating, Wu insisted they walked around. Something about fresh air helping digestion or... what ever. Mako tuned him out. (Definitely did not get distracted by watching Wu covering his ears or anything. No, he intentionally missed what he said.)

Fall was starting to come to an end, and with winter came a chill. It wasn't too bad yet, just enough to bite at your nose and ears. Mako dealt with the cold rather well, years of living off of the streets developed a bit of a resistance to it. Also, he had his fire bending to warm him up if he truly got chilly.

It seemed Wu did not fair the same. He brought a scarf to cover his neck, but as they kept walking he pressed closer and closer to Mako to seek warmth. It got to the point where their hands constantly bumped into the other. Not wanting him to freeze, Mako simply pulled him into his side with a hand on his waist. Again, he thought nothing of it.

"I told you to wear something heavier," Mako chided.

"Mako, I can't predict it to drop so quickly. What do you want me to do? Hire a 24/7 weather man or something?"

Wu seemed to press into him just a little bit more than necessary. Mako didn't find it in him to mind. They spent the rest of their walk quietly talking to each other. Mostly, Mako listened. He didn't mind that each either.

Clue three: touch.

The rest of the night passed like this: Wu and Mako walked down the streets with the light of the lamps and shops guiding them. Every once in a while they were stopped either by people recognizing Mako or by some window catching Wu's eye. They stayed close together and nothing else eventful seemed to happen. It was overall just... pleasant. Much more enjoyable than bars or mixers or what ever else Wu drags him to, that's for sure.

They make it back to the hotel suite, and Mako goes back to his paper work. At this point, Wu goes to the bathroom and then to his room for the night. Instead, he lingers in the shared room. It's odd. Very odd.

Just as Mako gets puts his pen to paper Wu speaks up.

"Hey Mako, I had a fun night tonight," He says quietly.

He's leaning against the entrance to the hallway, his arm across his body as his hand props him up. Wu looks small. He's a small man in general, but he always seemed to take up a room. Now he seems to be just a tiny flame in the corner of a dark room.

"I did too," Mako says back.

Somehow that doesn't feel like the right answer. There's this quietness between them, and similar to the moment in Narook's but a little... worse? Mako cannot figure out why. They hold each others gaze.

Then Wu pulls away. The moment is lost as a smile stretches across his face. His usual bright smile, yet he somehow looks small still.

"Well! You tired me out, big guy. I'm going to head to bed. Make sure you don't fall asleep at that table again. You'll get a neck injury, and then what would i do without you?" Wu pulls away and heads towards his bedroom door. He waves as he heads inside. "Night buddy! See you in the morning!"

And as quick as he came in hours ago, he's gone. It's quiet. Mako is alone.

At first he picks up his pen and tries to write again. He tries to call back the thought that he had before Wu spoke yet the only thing that he can think about is Wu and just how odd tonight has been.

Why had Wu wanted to go somewhere Mako enjoyed? He didn't share a taste for high end cuisine like Wu did. He suggested a noodle joint of all things, yet Wu agreed. Actually, he seemed to really enjoy it. The only other person he's seen eat like that was Bolin. Mako knows this because he couldn't stop watching him eat. He tried to hide it, but it certainly made him smile.

And they walked along the streets, why did Mako indulge him in that? Wu looked and walked like money, he was aware of what could have happened on that street if they weren't careful. But Wu was pressed against him, excitedly telling him about some story or another. When people recognized Mako they gave them a *look* and he found some sort of amusement out of it. Mostly, Mako couldn't stop watching the way the lights of the city shaped and changed Wu's face. How much his eyes seemed to shine and reflect them. There was a certain loud beat in his chest as his heart-

...

Oh.

Clue number four: his heart.

The chair crashed against the floor as Mako stood. Before he could entirely understand what he was doing, he was making his way to Wu's bedroom door. He caught himself before he burst in and instead opted to knock on the door pretty loudly.

The door cracked open, Wu hiding behind it.

"Yes, Mako?" He asked tiredly.

Mako felt his mouth dry out and his tongue turn to sandpaper. He forced the words out of his mouth.

"I was just-you know tonight it was uh great! I uh-I realize I didn't quite-uh... you and I, we went as pals-I mean not pals. We-"

Mako silently cursed to himself and squeezed his eyes shut. Stop stumbling over your words, Mako! Stop fucking this up! Why did he have to be so bad at this, huh?

Breathe in. Breatheout.

He opened his eyes to find Wu starring up at him with a blank expression. He carefully tried again.

"Wu... did you take me on a date?" Mako finally asked.

Wu covered his mouth as he started to laugh. Embarrassed, Mako joined him.

"Yes! Of course it was a date." Wu answered him after his laughter seemed to calm down some. There were tears in his eyes threatening to spill and stains where they had before. He reached over to crowd into Mako's space. "Took you long enough. I thought you were letting me down easy..."

"No, I really didn't know." Mako pulled him closer, just like he had tonight. Both hands on his waist. "I should have known, it seems pretty obvious now. But... well I haven't been on that many dates you know."

Wu hummed and slowly slid his hands up Mako's chest to steady himself.

"Did you like it? The date?" Wu asked softly. Mako could see in his eyes he was worried. "Do you... do you like me?"

"Yeah. Yeah I did." Carefully, Mako leaned down to place a kiss on Wu's lips. He pulled away with a whisper. "Yeah, I do."

He didn't have to see Wu's smile to know it was digging into his cheeks enough to show his dimple. He could feel it as Wu pulled him down for another kiss. And then another. And then another.

They spent that night exchanging soft kisses and sharing secrets in the dark. No one but the moon that covered them in light was there to witness them. It was odd, but Mako could get used to this new normal between them.

#wuko #prince wu #Mako #lok #tlok #the legend of korra #ugh i literally??? loved this #i keep rereading it and loving it wtf i usually hate everything i write and cannot stand rereading it #i always make other ppl edit #drabbles #write tag

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