#loud joints run in my family lol

[that-jack-kline-bestie]

when the cracking of your bones is louder than the floorboards creaking

[getsojaded]

you don’t go to parties || calum hood

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: ALCOHOL!!!! pls continue with caution if triggering. + swearing, and a fuck ton of angst. like a stupid amount. calum x she/her reader, lowercase intended!

a/n: guess what my fav song off 5sos5 is lol. i am so in love with this album so i quickly wrote this up xoxo

i still think about the times we were heavy

racehorse trippin' on the dirt that you got on me

vultures spinnin' up above of what's left of me

we go stupid every night, what a tragedy

“you are not about to take another shot,” calum’s slurred voice laughs at the girl beside him, as she attempts to make a clean pour into the small glass in front of her. needless to say, she didn’t do such a good job. that’s what happens when you’re one too many drinks in.

“you smoked four joints outside. i’m allowed to take as many shots as i want!” she responds, tilting her head back as the liquid runs down her throat, resulting in a sour face from y/n as she reaches for the closest bottle of coke.

a red, puffy eyed calum stumbles closer towards y/n and embraces her in a hug, kissing her temple. “we do this too much, don’t we?” he asks, as he sways their bodies back and forth.

“yeah, way too much..” she trails off, as the two get lost in the moment of each other, standing in the middle of the overcrowded kitchen.

the music is loud, the room is hot, there’s too many people, and there’s too many coloured lights flashing everywhere.

but calum and y/n didn’t care. staring into each others eyes with the widest grins plastered across their faces, they both knew that they wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

when you’re young, the number one rule you’re always told is have fun, you’re never gonna get these years back.

the pair made sure to do everything possible to make sure they wouldn’t regret it.

but being young doesn’t last forever.

in the blink of an eye, life changes and the real world is in front of you.

no more college parties getting absolutely shitfaced every weekend. no more spontaneous adventures in the middle of the night because you have nothing else to do. no more doing things that you shouldn’t be doing. no more distractions.

no more young love.

calum and y/n couldn’t have seen it coming at all.

but when you’re having as much fun as them two, who would’ve?

calum realized that school wasn’t for him, and started pursuing a music career with him and his friends that he met in college, who felt the same way as he did.

y/n on the other hand, was determined to earn her degree and make her family proud.

despite their differences, they had no doubts about keeping each other around. they loved one another, and that’s what truly matters, right?

so calum didn’t think too much of it when he started going to parties alone, when y/n declined because of her loads of homework piling up on top of another.

he always made sure to come back to her at the end of the night, holding her tight while she slept, burnt out from the thousands of words she read just hours before he came back to her dorm — he had practically moved in, although he wasn’t even in school anymore.

and it worked for them.

until they got older.

still so in love, they managed to get a place together after y/n graduated. and while y/n was out and about hunting for jobs, calum was in the studio with his band.

and whenever calum was in the studio with his band, it led to a party at the end of it. and he always made sure that his y/n was on his hip, as they drank and danced the night away together.

“they’re so cute,” luke chuckled as michael was pouring himself another drink, as they watched the two hold each other as they drunkenly sang the words to some old chris brown r&b love song — of course calum knew every word.

michael turns his head to the couple standing in the middle of the living room, and even though there’s a countless amount of people beside them, it feels like they’re the only two people in the room. “they’re forever. no doubt about it.” michael responds to the blonde boy sitting next to him, a little smile curved on his face.

–

i’m still here in the darkness

back where we started

you made me a heartless monster

i’m caught up in distractions

fatal attractions

i’m starting to come undone

it was so good.

it was so good, until it wasn’t.

when y/n started working full time, calum and his band still had nothing else to do. i mean, an album release and a world tour just before, you need some sort of a break.

y/n started working 9-5’s and calum was still showing up to functions without his plus one. one party turned into fifty parties, and next thing you know, it’s a surprise it calum makes it home before y/n goes to bed. y/n was so busy, she couldn’t even tell that calum had been going out so frequently until her first day off rolled around the corner.

and there she was, sitting in the middle of their shared apartment, watching tv and waiting for her boyfriend to come home.

she knew that she should go to bed; she had work the next day. but she’s never spent a day without at least knowing where he was. at least that’s what she thought.

calum rolls in around 3:00 am, stumbling into their home and kicking off his shoes. y/n rushes towards him to make sure he doesn’t fall, her arms wrapping around his body as he clutches onto her shoulders. “baby, you’re awake. it’s so late!” he slurs, kissing her on the cheek.

“i was waiting for you,” she whispers in response, assisting him in going upstairs. “does this happen every night?”

“only the nights you don’t come with me.”

“so… every night.”

–

calum’s never felt more pain in his life. yeah, he’s felt like shit when he’s throwing up outside some random person’s backyard, or when he loses his balance and falls face first into the pavement, but nothing could’ve prepared him for the moment that y/n walked out on him.

coincidentally, calum had no intentions of staying out past his studio session today. walking into their abode before midnight was now a rare occurrence, and it felt refreshing to calum as he drives home, the sky painted a pink and orange shade as the sun started to go down.

walking into his apartment and being greeted by duke — which hadn’t happened in quite a minute — the house was quiet.

i mean, when calum goes home, it’s always quiet. y/n’s always sleeping. but this silence felt eerie. from what calum was aware of, y/n had always liked to keep some music on throughout the house while she did her activities — work, cooking, showering, anything.

“y’know where mama is, duke?” calum asks the little dog in front of him, getting up from his knees and making his way up the stairs, duke following behind him as he opens the door to their bedroom.

there y/n is, sitting at her desk, with her laptop and various notebooks spread out. but her laptop isn’t turned on, and it doesn’t look like she’s doing anything. she’s just sitting there.

walking towards his girlfriend, he takes notice of a suitcase placed beside her desk, he dismisses it, and greets her with a kiss on the cheek. “hey baby, how’s your day been?”

she turns her chair to face him, getting a clear look of him before she starts to speak. “you’re here early.”

“yeah, nothing to do after the sesh today.”

“hey calum, let me ask you something.”

calum should’ve known something was off the moment she called him by his first name.

“yeah, what’s up?” he responds, throwing himself onto the bed and getting into a comfy position.

“when was the last time you actually bothered to have a conversation with me?”

“what?” he confusedly asked in response. “where is this coming from? i literally had one with you yesterday morning.”

“you said good morning to me, and proceeded to tell me that you were going to be home late. that’s not a conversation. in fact, that’s all you’ve been saying to me for the past four months.”

it's safe to say that y/n wasn't in the picture anymore.

after countless of apologies and promises from calum's side, she knew what was best for her – she knew that he was too late. so a few days after what y/n felt like the hardest, but at the same time, easiest breakup that she'd ever have to do, she gathered all her things. from the bedroom, to the bedroom, to the fucking kitchen, and left.

the fact that breaking up with him felt easy broke her heart in two.

she loved him. she loved him so fucking much. and he let her down. he disappointed her to a depth she would've never thought he would reach.

so she said her goodbyes to the fluffy little dog following her, kissing his soft head and whispering, "take care of him, okay?" with duke barking in response as she made her way towards the front door.

"goodbye, cal."

when calum came home to dead silence, he knew what had happened. doesn't mean he liked it, though.

rushing up the stairs to see an empty half of a bedroom and a cleaner, less product filled bathroom, he knew what she had done.

and there's nobody else to blame but himself.

–

and now it’s 5 am clinging to my couch

and everyone i ever knew is standing in my house

oh, i’m wondering who i’m looking for

cause you don’t go to parties anymore

i got the last five years running out my mouth

always stay too late, i should kick me out

oh, i'm wondering who i'm looking for

cause you don't go to parties anymore

describing calum as a fucking wreck was an understatement. all that man did was party, after all. but this was getting out of hand.

luke, ashton, michael, and even their fucking partners tried talking to calum to try and get him out of this excessive phase. "there's better ways to handle this," michael would tell calum when he catches him in a sober state.

"she's gone because this was all i did," calum would respond. "i have no reason to stop now."

and everyday, you would catch calum at some random los angeles party. it could be a distant mutuals, a random person's, or even his own.

sometimes it would be his own house a little too much – he couldn't handle the loneliness.

which explains calum's extreme lack of sobriety in his backyard, going on a tangent about the mistakes he's made.

the poor, unlucky guy taking a seat next to calum on the couch was not prepared for calum's behaviour.

"is she here?"

"who's here?"

"y/n, my ex."

"sorry dude. don't think so."

"we were together for five fucking years. five years and i fucked it all up. it's all my fault, and i'm never gonna get her back. i miss her so much, i'm never gonna be the same without her," calum pours his heart out to the complete stranger sat beside him, taking another swig from the bottle of tequila he was holding.

the backyard is filled with so many people, and it's almost a challenge to walk around, yet his eyes are still looking for the girl that got away, while he continues to talk about her.

luke walks over to the couch that calum and the unfamiliar person are seated on. "hey, is he bothering you?" luke asks, earning a chuckle from the guy. "nah, at least not yet. he's just been.. talking about his ex."

luke sighs, rubbing his forehead. "yeah man, i'm sorry you had to hear all that. he's been like this for way too long now, doing the same shit every night. i've had to drag him out of people's houses in the middle of the night a couple times 'cause he had no other way home."

"damn.. she really did a number on him, huh?" stranger responds, luke nodding. "i understand why she left, and i think he does too," he points to calum. "he's just having a hard time accepting it."

calum turns towards both boys sitting beside him with an upset expression plastered all over his face. "of course i'm having a hard time accepting it! it's all my fault! i drove away the only girl i'd ever been in love with and i'll never be able to get her back!" the drunk, heartbroken boy explains, finishing the last of his bottle before kicking it onto the ground, away from him.

as the early morning creeped up and his house got more and more empty, the three boys decided to stay back and help him clean up, knowing that the host himself won't be able to.

"feels like we've been cleaning forever." luke mindlessly says, checking the time. "holy shit. 5 am."

"we need to do something about this, he can't keep doing this to himself." ashton frustratedly stats, picking up what felt like the 500th solo cup on the ground.

"what's it gonna take for him to listen? we've tried so hard." michael says, gathering all the empty bottles of alcohol and throwing them into his recycling bin.

"we all know who he's gonna listen to. but i doubt that she'll ever want to speak to him again."

as the trio take a look at the man currently sprawled against the now empty couch, he begisn to stir, and slowly opens his eyes.

"this," ashton points to the situation in his backyard, "needs to fucking stop. i don't know how many times we have to tell you this."

"i know man, i know. i'm sorry. thank you for helping me clean." calum sheepishly says, now feeling embarrassed at his three best friends stand in front of him in disappointment.

"did, did she show?" calum speaks up again, the tiniest glimmer of hope laced in his voice.

"no. you should know this. she doesn't go to parties anymore."

[oceangirl24]

Find the Word-Go for Broke

@mikaharuka issued a challenge- I mean tagged me. 😉

" You know the drill, I find words, I pass on words (20 this time) that you pick five from... and yes, I know some of you will go for the broke."

I chose to go for broke. Thank you for aiding my procrastination. lol

Words for Me: Cloud, Style, Sweet, Whisper, Table, Answer, Wrong, Doubt, Foreign, Stone, Vine, Spirit, Bloom, Luxury, Bright, Symbol, Allure, Spark, Shower, Heat

Words for you- pick the 5 you like or grab 'em all: reason, undertake, arrangement, quantity, dressing, draft, visit, second, dangerous, go, bless, workshop, pipe, jealous, hilarious, wardrobe, marine, committee, breathe, cast

No pressure tags: @mikaharuka @hylianjo @writingpotato07 @mrsmungus @winterlovesong1 and anyone else feel free to join.

So I'm using both Autumn in Philadelphia books because I know allure is in the first one. lol

Cloud: She did not want her brother, she wanted her father and since she couldn’t have him, she refused to interact with anyone but her mother. It was heartbreaking watching the little girl drape herself over Audrey’s shoulder while crying for Jon. It brought a dark gloomy cloud over Shawn.

Style: Hannigan’s was a cozy little bar and grill joint on the corner of 5th and Grant. It specialized in home style family cuisine, but in the evenings after nine, mixed drinks were the entree of choice.

Sweet: For a sweet moment, the years dissolved away. He lay down on the couch and put his head on the pillow. He felt Audrey’s fingers begin gently massage his scalp. With a happy sigh, he took that hand and kissed her palm before letting go. When he was fifteen and they would watch TV like this, Shawn would daydream that Jon and Audrey were married, and they had adopted him.

Whisper: His head spun, thoughts and emotion swirling at a dizzying rate. “I don’t understand,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he tried to sort through everything he thought he knew. “Cory said Jon married his nurse.”

Table: Julia was setting the table with earbuds securely in her ears. She glanced up from her job and locked eyes with him. Her blue-gray eyes held his gaze with an unblinking stare. There was no hint of expression on her face, just an unnerving look that went right through him. The look made him squirm a bit. She went back to what she was doing without a word to him.

Answer: Katherine paced the lobby of the Library anxiously. Eli and the Matthews boy had been running interference all evening with fishy tales of where Jon was and what he was doing every time she asked about him. Every time she called his room, Cory answered with some inane story: there was a spider in the girls’ room, Trini accidentally started a fire, Shawn was drowning in the bathtub. Eventually, Frankie Stecchino let it slip that Mr. Turner was out on the town. He had started to say more when both Eli and Cory jumped on him.

Wrong: “I always he felt like he was cheating on you,” he admitted, feeling foolish in light of the truth but desperate to explain himself. “I was so angry at him, even though he did nothing wrong. I hated every woman he brought home after you left. Everyone I thought he took home after I left.” He hadn’t meant to say that last part out loud. His eyes were wide with unspoken apologies.

Doubt: Audrey had left his side and was standing in front of him, looking at him expectantly.

“Come on, Shawn. Let’s go home.”

He looked up at her, eyes enormous with unspoken vexation and doubt.

“I’m not ready.”

Foreign: The concept of a generational home was a foreign idea to Shawn. Such a thing had never crossed his mind given his transient life from such a young age. Briefly, he wondered if he would ever have anything close to a history like that.

Stone: The trio exchanged greetings near the pair of stone lions that guarded the library entrance. It took a while for them to find a quiet, hidden spot to hole up in in the Main Reading Room, which was about 78 by 297 feet with a 52-foot-high ceiling. Although it was highly unlikely that they would encounter anyone they knew, the group decided it was better to be safe than sorry.

Vine (oh, you got me here, the closest I could get is Divine): Cory backpedaled through the store in a panic while trying to talk the bully down. He prayed for Divine Intervention; he’d lost his parents and friends in the crowd, and it seemed hopeless to find someone willing to help him.

Spirit: “To watch his spirit be broken down day by day,” he chuckled gleefully. “That’s what they do you know, my people. They take the strong-willed, the proud, the favored, and they break them into nothing.”

Katherine shared his delight and laughed. “I’m sure Cory will regret the day he went to Jon about you.”

Bloom: Totally stumped on this one. Couldn't even find it in the short stories.

Luxury (great words! I'll have to substitute with wealth): The Gold Coast was an affluent part of Western Connecticut. The area was home to many wealthy Manhattan business executives and was a bastion of wealth. The Gold Coast was most notable for its expensive waterfront properties located along its shore as well as the proximity of its cities and towns to New York City. Westport, Connecticut was ideally situated near the middle of the Coast.

Bright: “All right,” he said gruffly, his cheeks blazing bright red. He held his hand out to Shawn. “I want the five bucks.”

Shawn’s eyes sparkled with an impish gleam and his shoulders shook with laughter. He looked back and forth between the two on the couch before he gave Jon’s hand a hard slap.

“I don’t have five bucks. I just wanted to see you guys' kiss!”

Symbol: He watched the snow, yellowed with time, fall on the American symbol of freedom. Shawn was everything but free. He felt trapped, like he was imprisoned in a very tiny cell the walls of which were closing in on him.

Allure: A soft rap at the door interrupted his musings. He instinctively glanced up at the clock first; still four minutes to go until his meeting. He turned his attention to the doorway where a girl he didn’t recognize stood. She glanced around the room with wide stormy eyes. She would have looked as though she stepped off the cover of Allure if it hadn’t been for her apparent nervousness. She clutched a couple of folders in front of her

Spark: Well, at least what Minkus said to upset him now made sense. Jon was still baffled that Minkus of all people could spark this kind of reaction out of Shawn when no one else could. Anyone else would’ve come face to face with Shawn’s temper and fist. How in the world could Minkus send Shawn running to his classroom in tears? As far as he knew, the two hadn’t spoken to each other since the end of middle school.

Shower: Julia was sleeping in, so there was no one to fight over the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror and made a face. He had the worst case of bedhead. Determined not to go out with Jon looking like he’d stuck his finger in an electric socket, Shawn ended up in the shower. The entire time he worried about what he and Jon would talk about as this was his first outing with the superintendent as an adult.

Heat: Ms. Tompkins wasn't anyone special to him in that regard. Had it not been for her connection to Jon, she would have simply been one more teacher who couldn’t wait to get him out of her class. One he would not have remembered. However, the intense heat of the gaze of the people in the room was formidable and uncomfortable and he felt pressured into formalities he had no interest engaging in.

That was challenging and fun!

[tidepoolalgae]

.

when my mom was here she revealed that she had been using the guest bathroom in her house for weeks because she broke a glass in the master bathroom and never cleaned it up. I was already kinda thinking I could go back sometime during the rest of the year and see the ocean, feel the wind on my face, whatever, but there's always this dimension of, if I do go, I'm probably gonna be cleaning and stressed about meals and everything the whole time. and now I know there's worse things going on if she shared that with me...

tbh I try to be chill when she shares these things with me because she'll tell me more if I'm kinda nonchalantly asking (she's honest with me the most out of everyone in the family) but also recently I'm thinking maybe I should freak out to her face more??? like, THAT'S NOT NORMAL!!!!!!! so I should say so??! But also she already knows in some aspect so I don't see why I should change it up (and risk her keeping more info from me)

my brother says that "we just need to get her house cleaned up so that she's not as embarrassed about the state of it, then she can hire someone to come in and help her clean once a week or every two weeks" but also we have cleaned up significantly several times over the last few years and she never! gets! help! It just gets worse again! I tried to convince her many times when I was living there in person and no dice. Neither of us can afford to hire someone for her, and she'd probably be upset with us anyway if we did (cause she doesn't want help but doesn't really admit it), so she has to do it. It has to come from her

but regardless I keep having this thought/impulse that I have to travel there so that I can at least clean up that glass for her. WHICH I REALIZED SOUNDS COMPLETELY DERANGED WHEN I SAID IT OUT LOUD. but also WHAT am I supposed to do? am I just supposed to turn away??

And really it doesn't just affect her cause there's the dog too. I always feel so bad for the dog. She could've had such a better life, I remember her running around outside as a puppy and she enjoyed it so much. And now... :( I tried so hard to help her and take her out for walks when I was living there but my own depression got so much worse when I was there, it's like I was getting infected by the depression fungus that lives in the walls of that house and everything was the worst... I couldn't even make it six months before I had to run away halfway across the country to go work a temporary job that my friend's mom suggested to me so I could avoid [redacted]

Of course my dad just fucked off and left all the responsibility to my mom so I can blame him about the dog too lmao. They made the joint decision to get her so idk why they can't both take care of her. My mom complains about that too...

and honestly really I'm not sure if I am/was trying my best at all, a lot of the time I feel like I'm barely scraping by but also when I was in college I threw myself into that and, even though I had my most intense experiences with suicidality during that time, I graduated summa cum laude and LIKE!! There's a part of me that questions how did I accomplish that and then basically just run myself into the ground? academic achievement is definitely not the only indicator of having it together but I'm pretty sure I could've done better over the last few years for everyone, lol.

my partner says I gotta have "boundaries" with my mom and maybe he's right but also as the person in the family who has it the most together (LOL, can you believe it? ME!!) I do feel like I have to help, even if I get +100 psychic damage.

I also don't like the feeling that I'm on the tip of a precipice. Maybe I can go casually and it doesn't have to be a big deal? Maybe the decision to not go doesn't have to be that deep? why do I keep freaking out??

[one-sad-human]

•Worth It• Duff Mckagan

Pairing: Velvet Revolver era! Duff Mckagan x Younger! Reader

Requested? Nope!

Theme: Little bit of everything/???

Warnings: Language, panic attacks, anxiety references, drug references

Word Count: 3k

A/N: Fic 2 of 2! This is the longest fic yet! Took a different approach to writing this one, hopefully it payed off. Let me know if you guys liked it or if I wasted my time with this one lol.

     You had met Duff in a coffee shop in LA. It was crowded and you were lucky enough to snag a chair before the lunch rush. Duff wasn't, and asked you if he could sit at your table.

     You grew up with Guns n Roses, bought his solo album the day it came out when you were just 15, and now listened to Velvet Revolver faithfully. To see your idol, your celebrity crush stand right in front of you holding a cup of coffee and a scone sent you for a loop.

     "Of course," you had said, starry eyed. You were only hoping he was as kind as the interviews made him out to be. Maybe have a conversation with you and be polite for a while before leaving and never seeing each you again. That would be good enough.

     It didn't end with a coffee, it had just begun. He asked for your number, and you stared at him for a moment thinking you had imagined it. That was until he tilted his head a little and looked at you with a nervous expression. He backtracked and you immediately stopped him.

     "No! I mean— yes! Yes, you can absolutely have my number." You scrambled for a pen and paper and ended up scratching your number on a receipt from the record store. You shook so hard you could barely get the numbers down.

     Out of all the record store receipts you've stuffed into your bag, the one you gave Duff Mckagan had to be the one for when you bought Velvet Revolver's 'Contraband.' He didn't say anything, just smiled and promised to call.

     You honestly didn't think he would've. You played it off as just him trying to be nice. It didn't stop you from answering every call you got for the next three days, however, even if you recognized the number as the tax collector you'd normally never answer.

     But then he called.

     "I tried calling sooner, but I kept calling the wrong number. You don't have the most eligible handwriting," he had told you. You laughed but really, you were in shock.

     You set up a date at the fancy restaurant downtown that always intimidated you. You didn't say anything though, even though you knew you wouldn't want any of the overpriced food and you'd end up eating something you couldn't pronounce and was two portions too small. Maybe even hit up a fast food joint afterwards.

     When the day finally came, you couldn't even figure out what to wear. You couldn't tell if you looked underdressed or like you were trying too hard. Did the clothes even fit the right way? What would Duff think? Would he even care?

     All questions were answered when you left your house. Duff was leaning against his slick car parked in your driveway, a button up that was barely buttoned and dress pants with boots. He stared at you and you wanted a hole in the ground to shallow you up until he smiles.

     "You look gorgeous," he said. You blushed and grinned, thanking him before saying that he looked great too. He drove you to the restaurant and on the way, you talked about music.

     You shared some of your favorites, he adored how well rounded you were. You liked pretty much everything from punk rock to the mellowest of mellow. Duff mentioned some of his favorites, some you made sure to remember the names of so you can check them out.

     When the ride was over and you finally got to the restaurant, your previous fears came back. Duff reassured you looked better than 90% of the people there and you knew it wasn't true but it made you feel better anyway.

     Your eyes widened to the size of saucers when you saw the prices of the food. You knew it'd be pricey but you thought there'd be more options that stayed within two digit numbers.

     Duff saw your panicked expression and said not to worry, he'd pay. It didn't settle your nerves enough and when the waiter came, you ordered the cheapest and simplest thing you could find.

     "Chicken noodle soup?" He teased. You shyly looked down and shrugged. "This isn't your scene, is it?"

     "Not exactly, no."

     "Want me to be completely honest with you?" You nodded. "It's not mine either."

     That's all it took for you and Duff to scramble sheepishly out of the restaurant. You both shared a laugh in the car and went to Burger King. It was much more your speed and, as you'd find out that night, Duff's too. You suppose all the money he's had since such a young age didn't completely change his ways. He was like a kid trapped in a 40 year old man's body.

     You'd thought at first the age gap would feel strange, after all, you were 15 years younger than him. But after that night, it was barely noticeable. Funny looks from strangers every once in a while was nothing.

     By the second date, Duff was already aware fancy spots weren't your forte. He told you it was a surprise and to wear something cozy, as LA nights got chilly.

     He packed a picnic basket and drove you out to the most beautiful flower field you had ever seen at sunset. It was secluded and high up, giving a perfect view of the city skyline. After gawking and taking in the sights for a few moments, you regained your ability to speak.

     "It's gorgeous. Pretty far from the city, did you take me here to kill me?" You joked. He laughed and rolled his eyes. His lighthearted laugh sent sparks straight to your heart, and you decided that it was your favorite sound.

     You unfolded the blanket Duff brought and you both sat down. You ate the sandwiches and sliced fruit Duff packed and talked. You talked about everything, from your family to fears and insecurities.

You told him how you suffer from nightmares. Flashbacks from your broken childhood coming back to bite you in your sleep. Duff shared how he's suffered from panic attacks since he was a teenager. You felt you knew each other for years.

Neither of you felt weird for sharing and neither made the other insecure. You were completely open and honest with each other. It was strange, you've never connected to quickly and effortlessly with someone before. Sure, you've had men in your life, but never had you clicked with someone so fast, never had you fit with someone so perfectly.

Hours passed and it felt like minutes. Only did you realize how late and how exhausted you were when you saw most of the city buildings light have gone off for the night. The city that didn't sleep was dark.

"I should get you home," Duff said to you.

"Will you stay the night?" You felt a little silly for asking. Were things going too fast? Would he even want to stay over?

He agreed, and that's how your first night together went. You both stayed up even later and had more lighthearted conversations, unlike the ones that partook at the field. Like how one of Duff's first jobs was at a bakery and could bake a mean cake and how you can't cook to save your life.

You ended up waking up without remembering falling asleep. You're head was placed comfortably on Duff's lap while his head was lolled back against the couch cushion. He looked so serene and peaceful you couldn't help but smile at the sight.

You made toast and somewhat successfully cooked some eggs and bacon. It might have been the first breakfast in years that didn't end with the smoke alarm going off.

Duff eventually wandered into the kitchen and you both ate. By the time he left, another date was already set up. He was like a drug an you were already hooked.

Months later and the addiction still wasn't kicked. You didn't want to, and Duff didn't seem to want you to quit either. You both soaked each other up like the sun on a warm day.

You had almost weekly dates and you stayed over each other's houses almost every other day. Duff did have his kids some days, though, so some days dates were cut short or Grace and Mae slept over his house and you wouldn't see each other.

You were always understanding, his kids came first and you'd never blame or get upset about it. It's something Duff admires about you, your never ending understanding and empathy for him.

One of those days where Duff stayed over at your house started normal. He cooked dinner and you washed the dishes, and then you put on an old Ramones concert you had on DVD.

You were laying on his chest, his fingers running through your hair when all of a sudden, he tensed up. He quickly stood and excused himself to the bathroom. You frowned but before you could think much of it, you heard a loud bang and something clatter to the ground.

You jumped up and rushed to the bathroom. You swung open the door because you were perfectly aware the lock hasn't worked since you moved in.

Duff was sitting on the floor, a pill bottle laying on its side not far from him. You quickly spot the name of the medication and identified it as your anti-anxiety pills. You shoved them aside and sat next to Duff.

He was sweating bullets and his skin felt cold and clammy, his breaths were labored and heartbeat was loud and pounding erratically. You coax him gently to take deep breaths, holding onto his hand tightly and talking quietly.

"I'm sorry, they come on randomly sometimes," he apologized after he'd called down, but you quickly shushed him. You reminded him of just how many nightmares he'd comforted you for and he stops feeling so bad about it.

     It was always a true partnership with Duff. Never had you felt you gave or took too much, it was always equal. Always a two way street, with everything.

That wasn't the last panic attack you had to help him come down from. Later down the line you've gotten better at calming him down and learning his triggers, even though sometimes they really do come on suddenly without reason.

A year into the relationship was when you met Grace and Mae. They were young and didn't completely understand why their parents weren't together anymore, so it took them a while to warm up to you. Luckily, they eventually came around.

Duff and Susan met up regularly to discuss their kids and co-parent properly. And while you had all the reason to be jealous of your boyfriend with his ex wife, you never did. You had complete confidence in him, he was honest and loyal and you doubted he'd ever hurt you purposely.

That's why it destroyed you when he left you. Tears were shed from both parties as he gave his reasons for breaking up with you. His insecurities he tried his best to bury had come to light and nothing could change his mind.

You thought you were completely honest with each other, but you suppose his doubt in his relationship with you was the one thing he kept secret. He had somehow convinced himself you'd be better without him, between the constant touring and the baggage that came with him and his kids, he finally buckled under the weight and stress.

You had tried to convince him that he was worth it, but if Duff is one thing it's stubborn. The best relationship you'd ever have and the best year of your life went down the drain within the matter of one conversation.

You were down in the dumps for days. You barely left your bed and didn't ever leave your house. You were in a depression and couldn't get out. A few of your friends eventually found out what had happened and broke into your house and shoved you into the shower before taking you to your favorite Chinese restaurant.

You felt like a disaster. Your hair was ratted despite the shower and you refused to put real clothes on, instead wearing sweatpants and a shirt Duff had left behind. You were a mess.

The hole in the wall restaurant was never busy but always had the best food. You were almost happy your friends dragged you out of your home until you saw Duff sitting at a table, eating egg rolls and lo mein.

You've came here together all the time. The high sodium in the food always made him sick to his stomach and you'd always end up giving him nausea remedies and tea. He never changed his order though.

You locked eyes with him for a while. Dark bags were under his eyes and he looked more pale than usual. He looked as terrible as you felt. You weren't sure if you were spitefully glad he felt awful or if the despair on his face just made your heart break further.

When you couldn't take his intense jade stare anymore, you looked up at the menu. The next time you looked back he was gone, you weren't sure if he was really there at all or if you were finally losing your mind for good.

     Another week crawled by. You got better enough to continue working. You had to pick up extra time for calling out for a few days after the breakup. You wouldn't say things were going well, but you weren't crying in bed every day all day anymore.

     You had constant dreams about him. Some were nice, ones where he didn't leave and you were together, holding each other tightly. Most were nightmares, flashbacks of when he left. You didn't have him to comfort you anymore when you woke up soaked in sweat and tears, and that might've been the worst.

     Another week went by, and you were starting to get back into the swing of things. You still thought about him, even silly little things reminded you of him. Like when you would catch a sniff of freshly baked sweets like he'd bake you or certain songs playing on the radio. It also didn't help that you ran into people wearing Guns n Roses shirts on the daily.

     You also refused to get rid of anything he'd left behind. Tee shirts, guitar picks he left from when he'd play for you, or CDs from bands he introduced you to. Reminders of what you lost were scattered around your home but you couldn't bring yourself to do anything about it.

     Suddenly, it's been a month. You weren't over him, but you had a feeling you'd never be completely. He was something special, you can't forget things as special as your relationship with Duff.

     His items still weren't thrown out or returned, instead all packed in a box sitting in your closet. But you'd be lying if you said you would never reach into the box to grab a shirt to sleep in or a CD to listen to when you needed a reminder of the good times. You were making progress though.

     You decided to leave your house one evening. You were feeling especially terrible and wanted to take a walk to clear your head. You went to the coffee shop you had first met Duff in. Maybe it was a mistake to go and get a flood of memories but you couldn't stop yourself.

     You sat in a seat near the window and people watched, taking occasional sips of your drink. It was quiet except from the talk of the workers and the hum of the overhead speakers.

     There was a sudden squeak of a chair of hardwood floors and it broke you out of your daze. You snapped your gaze up to meet the very familiar green eyes you've been trying to forget.

     "Can we talk?" He asked, and you couldn't say 'no.' Duff sat across from you and started off by apologizing.

     He said he wanted to talk to you sooner, but was too afraid you wouldn't want anything to do with him. You rolled your eyes at that, if only he knew just how much you missed him.

     He then started from the beginning and explained why he made the decision to leave you. As it turns out, it was mostly because of stress. His bandmate Scott was having problems with drugs and the flashbacks from his GnR days frightened him. He was worried he would end up relapsing and he didn't want to drag you down with him.

     Combine that with all the troubles that came with dating a single father, and he couldn't take it anymore. He felt too guilty.

     It all seemed like ridiculous reasons to you. Even if he had made the mistake of falling off the wagon, you still would've stuck with him. And you didn't mind his kids at all, after nearly a year of knowing them and you were very close to them.

     "I love you, Duff. I wouldn't have left you over that, I'd help you through anything. And I love Grace and Mae, too," you told him.

     "I know, but I didn't want you to have to deal with all that baggage." You frowned at that. You reached your hand across the table and grasped his, squeezing it tenderly.

     "You're worth it."

     After that day, you and Duff started seeing each other again. It wasn't the same as before, but maybe even better.

     You were more transparent with each other. If one had a worry or problem, you'd go to the other. You talked everything through with him and he did the same. Even if it seemed insignificant, talking everything through never failed to make it better.

    You were happier and healthier than ever before. Sure, there were a roadblock or two, but they only made the relationship even stronger, and you wouldn't have changed a thing about it.

[star-going-supernova]

Everyone talking about Vanessa getting arrested and I'm here like "I think Henry batim should meet Gregory, they got the same 'yes my found family is a group of fictional characters brought to life through deeply questionable means that definitely involved murders in some way, mind your business' vibes"

You’re so right, friend. I never would have guessed I’d be writing Henry BatIM in 2022, but here we are! For anyone who has no idea who that is, lol, he’s a character who I turned into an absolute dad (I know, very unusual for me) who has a collection of living cartoon characters as his children now. Humans were almost definitely sacrificed to bring them to life. 

And big thanks to t.d from ao3 for being like, “I could see Henry and Gregory being related,” and the lightbulb went ding! I just wanted to post this real quick before heading off to a lil birthday lunch! 

Always a Bigger Fish

Gregory steadfastly refused to close his eyes in his last moments. He’d been glaring certain death down all night, and he wasn’t about to cower away only to miss a last-ditch opportunity to make it out of this alive. 

This monster, though, was a great deal different from the animatronics. This one—Afton, Vanessa had called him—was of the human variety. Even if he didn’t much look like it anymore. 

Across the lobby, Vanessa laid crumpled on the floor. Gregory had no idea if she was alive or not, just that she’d taken a hit to the temple that had cracked horrifically, and a small pool of blood was now slowly creating a halo of neon reflections beneath her head. 

And Freddy, his night-long protector and new friend, was slumped lifelessly against the wall somewhere past the turnstiles, near the stairs. He hadn’t run out of power; that implied it drained as it was used, a natural process that Gregory had been preventing from the beginning. But he was shut down, empty, the monster having dug its claws into Freddy’s back to take the power from his battery. 

That same hand was wrapped around Gregory’s throat. Afton hadn’t started squeezing yet, though Gregory had no doubt that when he did, the mechanical joints and cold fingers would crush his entire neck like it was tissue paper. 

“Curious,” Afton rasped. He tilted his head, staring at Gregory. 

He could feel blood dripping from his nose. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he snapped. 

“You don’t even tremble in fear,” the monster continued, ignoring him. “You life is in my hands, yet you cling to your useless defiance.” 

They’d been so close. Insulting close. The exit was right in front of him. The barricade over the lobby doors had lifted; it’d be the work of all of five seconds of sprinting to leave the building. It was just, Afton had been waiting for them. 

“What, you want me to beg?” Gregory asked, hoping his tone implied how much of a fool that made Afton. “I know your type. Actually, you remind me of an old friend of my grandpa’s.”

“Oh?” The way Afton examined him made Gregory feel very much like a pinned butterfly or a caged animal. Like his anger was something to indulge in, almost an amusement. 

“Yeah.” He shrugged and grinned, knowing his teeth were bloody. “My grandpa killed him.” 

The quiet mechanical whirs and clicks coming from Afton’s twitching body fell silent for a moment. So many exposed parts. The fingers resting deceptively lightly on his throat curled, just enough to poke into his skin. But still no squeezing. 

The barricades were up. It was after six. Gregory could see the doors. Afton couldn’t.

“He’s in town, actually,” Gregory said, causal. “My grandpa. I just turned thirteen, y’know. He flew in for the party.” 

Afton’s body was loud; the music was louder. Every monster thought they were the biggest and baddest in the room. He’d taken out Freddy and Vanessa, and Gregory was caught in his claws. What use did he have in looking over his shoulder? 

“You’re a kid killer,” Gregory said when Afton didn’t respond. “My grandpa’s old friend, he sacrificed people. Stole their souls or somethin’. And my grandpa…” 

Afton’s hand tightened the slightest bit.

“Well,” Gregory rasped. He raised his hands to grip Afton’s wrist, tensing. “He took offense.” 

He could see the moment Afton realized they were no longer alone. The moment the monster crouched before him realized he wasn’t the biggest monster in the room anymore. 

“There’s always another Joey,” Grandpa Henry said from behind Afton. Outside the lobby doors, Gregory could see his car. “How about you let go of my grandson, hm?” 

“I could kill you before he acts,” Afton whispered. His hand was a heavy weight, impossible to forget. “And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Yeah?” Gregory asked, on the verge of laughing. “Watch me.”

The thing about a human monster—they were human. 

Using his grip on Afton’s arm as leverage to pull his lower half off the floor, Gregory swung his outstretched feet up and jammed his sneakers right through one of those holes in the suit, where he could clearly see pulsing organs. 

His mechanical bits and pieces were old, rusted. There was the slightest jerky delay when he moved and spoke, as if the suit couldn’t quite keep up with his thoughts anymore. 

And so the hand squeezed too slow, and it released compulsively as Afton wheezed out and jerked away. 

Gregory shoved himself away blindly, refusing to turn his back and almost instantly lightheaded with relief. Strong, sure hands caught him up from the floor and lifted him easily to his feet. Grandpa Henry hugged him to his side, glaring at Afton as he tried to stand. 

The familiar, comforting heaviness of something other seeped into Gregory’s chest, in time with the writhing shadows that began to creep into existence. They snaked across the tiles, stained the walls, and the lights above them went out with quiet pops. Like living things, they curled through the air and around Grandpa Henry’s shoulders. 

See, his grandpa had been the last of the sacrifices his old friend had tried. Joey Drew probably hadn’t expected it to work as well as it had; he definitely hadn’t expected a demon to take a stronger liking to the sacrifice than the summoner. 

“Hey, Bendy,” Gregory said, reaching out to catch one of the shadowy tendrils in his hand. His grandpa’s creation might not be in his usual form, the cutesy little pie-cut-eyed trickster, but Gregory had never feared Bendy’s more… eldritch side. It took a demon to make a demon, and there were few monsters bigger and badder than that.

Looked like Afton would only learn that too late. 

“I don’t take kindly to people who hurt my family,” Grandpa Henry was saying to Afton, who had finally struggled to his feet. He sounded so pleasant, so kind. 

It was always the quiet ones. 

“You cannot kill me. Not for good,” Afton said. “I always—”

“That a challenge?” 

Gregory bit his lip to hide his smile. 

“I ask,” Grandpa Henry said, his eyes becoming just a little too bright, “because I love a good challenge. Never tell me the odds.” And he chuckled. Like they were discussing bingo, or how many biscuits one could eat at Thanksgiving. 

“There’s always another Joey,” Grandpa Henry repeated, solemn, in the silence. Afton’s animatronic eyes went half-lidded. Gregory grinned at him from his place of safety. Tiny pinpricks of blood decorated his neck, itchy. “You’ll share his fate.” 

Gregory could feel Bendy’s glee. He let go of the shadow in his hand as Grandpa Henry suddenly strode forward, eyes electric. 

And Afton, well. A simple monster like him was no match for a demon. 

[mewo77]

it's a lot less about the actual gore and violence but i have a thing for the emotional value of it

i want to fight with my best friend, both in like some field in the middle of nowhere, the context really doesn't matter, maybe we had an argument, maybe we just started fighting. but i want us to be so hurt and invested into our punches, i want hate to be felt through them, but i want softness to be felt when our fists meet the other's skin

i want our joints to ache and our knuckles to lose their skin, our whole bodies to be covered with those deep red and purple bruises that look like galaxies. the blood to run down our forearms, to splash and stain the ground, if it's not stopped by our clothes first. it would create a puddle under us, and our steps would make it fly up again as we moved around. with loud and raspy panting

until we tire each other out, too exhausted to even stand up, i want us to fall and catch each other as we fall into the blood-drenched grass, passing out immediately

and then we wake up at the hospital the next day, covered in bandages, we dont even know how much damage we even caused to each other. people come up to see us, friends and family asking us what the hell happened. but all we can to is turn our head to face each other, still laying down, and laugh, both knowing that they'll never understand

DUDE YEA

it’s always abt the emotion !! cuz u need it to be satisfying u know? i too have thought abt something like this but haven’t been able to put it into words lol so THIS!! this.

[obxlife]

Hotel Madness (JJ x Reader)

A/N: Another JJ fic, yes! Fun fact: JJ is my favorite character (along with Rafe too) and I think Rudy Pankow did an amazing job at portraying him in every single way. Like WOW, talk about acting skills. Anyways, this request is super cute and I tried to make it fluffy and sweet and everything. I loved the idea so much! Some of the fragments of this fic are short and some are long, but they are all part of the same story!!!!

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Word count: 5,930 (oops I got a little carried away with this one)

Request: Hey! I absolutely loved Slipping in and was wondering if I could request an imagine where you're a Pogue and work with JJ at the Hotel and them just having fun during their shifts and after or something?

Summary: Working with JJ at the hotel means a lot of inside jokes, laughs, and flirting. It means getting in trouble together and messing around in the kitchen. It also means some of the best memories ever. Some of the fragments of this fic are short and some are long, but they are all part of the same story!!!!

Warnings: FLUFF but also swearing, teenage recklessness and what not lol

HOTEL MADNESS

“JJ!” Mama L screamed out as your blond best friend stole a fry from the plate she was working on. Her wooden spoon came down to smack his hand, but he was too quick for the old chef. You giggled from where you stood, perched on the table next to Andrew, your other coworker. 

JJ moved towards you grabbing your hand and helping you jump off the counter. 

“C’mon, Y/N,” he told you, “Gotta head to our posts now.”

You frowned as you headed towards the restaurant area of the hotel. You smiled at the guests that were staying this weekend, your hands behind your back, and your uniform in place. 

You had been working at the hotel with JJ for a while now. It was one of the few places in Kildare County that had good job offers for kids your age. The best part was that most of these jobs were easy. So you and JJ had applied together (you guys hated working alone as you thought it was boring) and surprisingly got the job. Ever since you had been having a lot more fun than what was intended from your bosses, and you got into a lot more trouble than intended, too.

You had known JJ your whole life. After all, you were friends before working together. It all began back in the fourth grade when you had first arrived at the Outer Banks. You were nervous about being the new kid, but JJ and John B had approached you out of pity. Soon enough you guys were friends, bonding over your love for surfing and getting in trouble.

As the years went by, nothing seemed to be able to keep you apart (except that one time when you didn’t speak to them for two days because they made a period joke). You would head out in John B’s boat along with his father and fish all day. Or you would go into the forest and try to climb a tree as high as you possibly could. Or, once you hit your teen years, you would throw parties together and have beer chugging contests. Whatever activity you were doing, JJ and John B were always by your side. 

As you grew, Pope and Kie also joined the Pogues (that’s what you called your group). They were a bit less reckless than you, JJ, and John B, but they brought a lot to the group. For one, Pope was a lot smarter than you three. Granted, none of you were stupid, but you did tend to make rash decisions all the time (just ask sheriff Peterkin about it and she would pull out your very long transcripts). With Pope, these decisions seemed to become a bit less frequent. Kie was also smart. And she was a girl, which was a relief to you, as you couldn’t bare trying to have girl talk with JJ and John B.

“Gross!” they would exclaim. “We don’t want to know who you have a crush on right now!”

Boys. 

The five of you were always together. There were a rare few occasions when one of you was missing (normally Kie or Pope helping their parents), but you guys were a family.

Lately, however, you were spending a lot of alone time with JJ. Not only because you had decided to work at the hotel together but because all of the other Pogues were unusually busy. 

John B was normally hanging around a girl he had met which he still hadn’t introduced to the Pogues. Kie was also hanging around someone that wasn’t part of your tight-nit group (and you suspected it might be the girl she told you she had a crush on), while Pope was working hard on his scholarship. This meant that the only person available to follow through with your shenanigans and ideas was JJ. Which was fine, as he was always down for everything, no matter what it was. 

The blond in question was standing next to you, cracking out jokes about the hotel guests under his breath. You were trying not to giggle at what he said in hopes of not gaining any unwanted attention. The last time you had laughed loudly at one of JJ’s jokes your boss had called both of you into his office and scolded you. 

These times you shared with JJ were something you truly cherished now. Inside jokes had sprouted between you, and you felt as if you had never been closer. He even began to talk to you about his dad (which was a topic he usually avoided) on a regular basis, and you would tell him about your own problems. 

Noticing an empty table at the end of the dining hall, you poked JJ and cocked your head towards it. Together you moved to the table and looked down at the plates. 

“People are starving at the Cut but here they leave half of their food on the plate,” you mentioned to JJ softly. 

Starving was something both of you were used to. Not eating a well-sized meal was something that happened every once in a while, and was the root of your needs for your current jobs. 

JJ threw you a look as you both gathered the plates into your hands and moved towards the kitchen again. You dropped the plates at Andrew’s station, where he was going to throw the food away and wash the plates. 

You both began to rush back outside into the dining hall but were stopped by Diana, the receptionist, who grabbed your arms and pushed you back into the kitchen. 

“Whatever you think we did, it wasn’t us,” you stated, raising your hands in surrender. 

Diana scoffed. “So you guys aren’t the ones that sneaked a rat into room 501?”

You gave JJ a wide-eyed look, knowing her suspicions about you were right. The woman that was staying in that room had been exceptionally rude to you the day before, and JJ had convinced you to get revenge. 

JJ was an expert at lying and he quickly denied your actions. “No! We would never do that.”

Diana gave you a deadpanned look. You kept your mouth closed and your perfected poker face mask on (it had taken you years to make it as perfect as it was). 

Diana sighed and muttered, “God, I hate my job.” Then she sighed and said, “Okay. we have no evidence to prove it wasn’t you, so you’re off the hook.”

You beamed at Diana, but truly you were smiling to yourself. You knew the hotel had no evidence. JJ had Pope hack into the security and deactivate the security cameras of the fifth building’s hallway. 

“So we can get back to working now?” JJ inquired pointing towards the kitchen door. You could hear Mama L murmuring about you and JJ being misbehaved behind your back, as she knew all too well that you guys had escaped the consequences of your actions once again. Andrew was also stifling a laugh. 

Diana shook her head. “We need you two to deliver the room services that were ordered. Can you do this without getting into any trouble?”

JJ raised an eyebrow at her and laughed, nodding. 

“Bold of her to assume we get into trouble. It’s more like trouble chases us,” JJ laughed pulling out one of the kitchen’s carts from a supply closet. You took the tablecloths for the cart, laughing. 

“J, you most definitely know that we always are getting in trouble.”

JJ just shrugged. “It���s still bold of her to assume.”

You laughed at this. He simply beamed at you and pressed a hand to your waist, signaling for you to load the cart and head out of the kitchen.

Once you were away from the eyes of your superiors, you hopped onto one end of the cart as JJ began to run around and hop onto his end as well. Laughing out loud and speeding around, you tried to hold onto all of the plates on the cart. Stopping before the doors that had ordered room service, you caught your breath before knocking. 

After finishing all of the orders, JJ continued to push you around the halls of the building. Wind rushed by your ears as strands of hair fell from your ponytail. Suddenly, you tumbled off the cart as JJ pulled to a stop after turning around a sharp corner. While groaning in pain, he helped you up while apologizing to the hotel guest in front of you. 

When you were standing you looked towards the guest you had almost crashed and apologized as well. The apology, however, got caught in your throat as you looked at the boy standing before you. 

“It’s okay,” he assured you. “At least someone around here knows how to have fun.”

The boy was gorgeous, and both you and JJ let out a laugh at his statement. The guest was only looking at you though.

“Again, we’re really sorry. We should have been paying attention to where we were going,” you said once more. 

Finally turning away from the boy and returning to the kitchen, JJ said, “That guy was totally trying to flirt with you.”

You froze. “You think so?”

JJ nodded. “Yeah, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He was probably imagining you naked or something!”

You laughed. “Piss off, JJ.”

*************************************************

The classic place to find you and JJ after finishing your shifts at the hotel was at the back of the building smoking a joint. It had become a tradition for you two to smoke some pot before heading towards the Chateau or your place. 

Normally, the conversation that would flow between you would be a random topic that had sprung into your head that day. Sometimes they were about the plans you and JJ had with the rest of the Pogues. Sometimes they would be about the Kooks and plotting revenge on whatever they had done to your friends this time. 

“I know, for sure, that if I was up to Rafe, one on one, I would win,” JJ exclaimed. 

You pretended to think. You knew JJ could take Rafe, but you liked to mess around with him. “Hmmm, I don’t think you could. That boy is ripped.”

JJ raised his biceps and kissed them. “Not as ripped as me!”

“Whatever,” you laughed out. “Now Topper is someone you could definitely take on.”

“And Kelce too,” JJ said while nodding along with you. “And you could take on any of those Kook girls.”

“You bet,” you cheered, taking a drag from the hand-rolled joint. 

You were seated on top of some crates that were stacked behind the hotel as JJ stood before you. He took the joint from your extended hands. 

“You could probably fight them off better than Pope would,” JJ continued. 

At this, you belted out a laugh. 

JJ loved making you laugh. He had a thing for you and everyone seemed to know except for you. This ‘thing’ had been going on ever since he had met you, and there was no denying, to anyone, that you were his favorite person in the world. 

Sometimes, when he would have a fight with his father, he would think of running away from Outer Banks. And for some reason, he would always include you in whatever his plans were. Whether they were going to Yucatán or heading to another state or just to the mainland. He couldn’t bear the thought of not being with you or of leaving you behind. 

He would never admit it, but JJ truly thought you were his soulmate. Even before he had developed more than friendly feelings for you, he was sure you were a person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. You just clicked together, and your friendship made sense to everyone. He secretly hoped you thought this of him too and would spend many sleepless nights thinking of scenarios where you realized you were completely and utterly in love with him. 

“I would just need to watch out for their acrylic nails,” you continued talking. “Those things could pop one of my eyes out if I’m not careful.”

Giving you the joint JJ nodded before changing the topic. “So what are we doing tonight?”

You shrugged. The Pogues hadn’t planned anything to do together as a group. 

“Come over to my place, J. We’ll have a sleepover!”

JJ gave you the joint so you could have the last taste of it. Once you were done you threw it onto the ground and stomped it out.

“I’m down. Only if I get to sleep with you on your bed.”

You laughed before pressing a hand to your chest and opening your mouth in shock. “Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Maybank?”

“I’ll only say yes if it is working,” he responded, winking at you. Of course you knew he was joking. You had been having sleepovers since you were young, and you had always shared a bed. 

You ran through the orderly streets of Figure Eight and then the run-down streets of the Cut. You walked up the pathway to your house, noticing that there still was no car in your driveway. It had been almost a month since the car hadn’t been there. 

You stood frozen and JJ took your hand, pulling you into your house. He hadn’t spoken to you much about your father leaving, but he knew that it pained you. 

Your father had left your house after he had been fighting with your mother. He had jumped into his car and he hadn’t returned. You had seen his car around the Cut a few times, which meant he was still on the island, but he was yet to return home. 

Your mother had been crying herself to sleep for the first two weeks, but soon she had vacated the house as well. She hadn’t been home for a while, and you were sure she was probably on the streets at night waiting for men that had enough money to pay her price. 

Your parents were clearly a sensitive topic. 

Your good spirit had died down a little when you noticed you were in your room. JJ had let go of your hand and was in the bathroom down the hall. He was shocked to find you in the same spot he had left you. 

“Do you want to talk?” he asked you gently. You shook your head. “Okay. Then we’ll just lay down for a while.”

He took your bag off your shoulder and set it down on the floor next to his, right at the foot of your dresser. He grabbed your hands and shoved some clothes into them, which you realized was one of his old shirts he had given you a long time ago and sweatpants. You took the clothes and headed towards the bathroom to change out of your work uniform. You knew JJ was probably changing into something more comfortable in your room. 

When you got back you saw JJ laying on your bed with only a pair of basketball shorts on. You lay next to him silently and he wrapped one of his arms around you. You snuggled together as JJ threw the covers over your bodies, encasing you in much-needed heat. JJ kissed the top of your head gently as he rubbed circles into your back.

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

“I will be,” you answered.

Trying to lighten the mood, JJ exclaimed, “Damn right, you will be.”

You giggled softly, grateful that JJ was always there for you through everything. 

“Don’t let your parents get you down, Y/N,” JJ whispered after a few moments of silence. “You’re so much more than whatever shit they put you through.”

He felt you smile against the skin of his shoulder, and you were gladly inhaling his scent. 

JJ was right. All you needed was your real family. And your parents did not fit into that mold.

*************************************************

“Would you mind getting me a second serving of this?”

The old man before you had been sweet to you throughout his stay at the hotel. He had been giving you large tips and friendly smiles. JJ thought that the man was a pedophile and had just taken a liking towards you. 

So, as you took the plate of the man and headed to the kitchen, you ignored the obscene gestures that were being made by the blond behind the old man’s back. 

Once you arrived at the kitchen you left the plate at Andrew’s station (“Hey, Andrew.”), before repeating the man’s order to Mama L.

Right at that moment JJ burst through the door. 

“What time is it?” JJ asked you. You fished your phone out of your pocket before telling him it was almost three in the afternoon. “Great. Only fifteen minutes left for our break.”

You nodded, going through your phone as you waited for Mama L to assemble the old man’s plate. Meanwhile, JJ wrapped his arms across your body, pressing himself into you and pressing you into the counter in front of you. He put his head in the crook between your neck and your shoulder and stared down at your phone. He read the text messages that had come from the Pogues stating that there was a kegger later that night. 

“You wanna go?” JJ asked you softly. He knew how much of a party animal you were, but he also knew you weren’t always up for partying. And if you wouldn’t go, he wouldn’t go either. He needed his party partner there to actually have a good time. 

“Yeah, let’s go.”

You felt JJ smile as he pressed his lips to your temple. “Good, because I really have been wanting to get drunk.”

You let out a laugh as Mama L called you over with the finished plate in her hand. Grabbing that, you broke out of JJ’s arms and headed towards the dining hall. 

Your coworkers watched as JJ followed you like a small puppy out of the kitchen. 

Mama L sighed. “If those kids don’t get married…”

Andrew nodded from his place behind the sink. “Yeah, I know.”

*************************************************

“Y/N, be quiet!” JJ called out from the other side of the room. 

You and him were on a mission. You had heard a word from other members of the hotel staff that a celebrity was staying at the hotel. This obviously intrigued you and JJ, which caused both of you to concoct a plan. This consisted of figuring out which room this celebrity was staying at (done), stealing a room key that would get you into the room (done), and sneaking into the room (in process). 

JJ had convinced you to steal some of this celebrity’s money with him. Which, looking back, was a terrible idea, but here you two were.

You had deactivated the security cameras of the hotel and had managed to sneak into the room with no problem. However, while being excited when seeing all of the designer clothes strewn across the room you had dropped a lamp from a table. This was causing JJ to promptly tell you to shut up. 

JJ was fumbling with the drawers of the bedside table as you continued to snoop through the celebrity’s belongings. 

Suddenly, you pulled out a long object and screeched. 

JJ turned towards you to reprimand you but stopped once he saw the object in your hand. 

“Oh, shit. Is that a vibrator?”

“Ew, ew, ew,” you let it go, watching it fall onto the floor. 

A knock at the door made your eyes widen. 

“Ms. Jones! Is everything okay?”

Your eyes darted between the door and JJ, before looking at the empty closet behind him. Tugging his arm, you pushed him into the closet and you followed inside, closing it after you. 

Straining your ears to listen, you heard as the door of the room opened. In walked Diana with a maid, looking around the room. 

“I’m sure I heard someone shriek from here!” Diana said while she looked across the room. 

The maid shook her head as she, in the most respectful tone as possible, said, “I’m sure it had to be another room! Ms. Jones hasn’t been here all morning.”

“I know! Which is why I’m sure those Maybank and Y/L/N kids are here. They’re always wreaking havoc through the hotel.”

Diana sounded as if it was her dream to fire you and JJ. This caused you to almost let out a giggle. Luckily, JJ’s hand clasped around your mouth and pulled you into his chest so that your back was against it. 

“Oh, they are lovely children, those two!” the maid exclaimed. “They are always bringing smiles to the guests!”

Diana shook her head and gave her a look of disbelief. “I don’t believe that at all.”

The maid kept talking as if she hadn’t heard Diana. “Oh, and everybody thinks they are such a lovely couple! Which they are, don’t you agree?”

Diana shook her head and continued to mutter, “I’m sure they’re here somewhere,” under her breath. 

In the meantime, JJ’s heart was racing and trying to look at your reaction to what you had heard. More specifically, the part about being a couple. 

You could feel his heart beating but had assumed it was due to the adrenaline of the moment, and not due to the fact that the maid had mentioned you were a couple. This thought made your hands sweat. You had imagined multiple times what it would be like to date JJ, but you didn’t truly think you had any feelings for JJ. Or did you? You knew the real answer to that question.

Diana kept looking around as the maid stood at the door, babbling on about some other members of the hotel staff that were nice. Diana simply ignored her, standing up from looking under the bed and turning towards the closet. 

Looking through the small crack between the closet doors, you saw Diana approaching the closet. Your breathing got heavier. This was it, you were going to be fired.

JJ’s hand moved to cover your nose as well. Your breathing was going to be heard by the receptionist if she continued to come closer, which she was. However, and like a miracle, a scream that had sounded similar to the one you had let out some minutes ago came from outside the room. Diana turned towards the room door as the screaming continued. 

“I think you should check on that,” the maid motioned with her finger towards the hallway. Diana sighed and nodded, leaving the closet untouched. You let out a sigh of relief as soon as JJ’s hands left your face. 

Unmoving you both stood there catching your breaths. Out of nowhere, the door of the closet was pulled open by the maid that had been talking with Diana. You recognized her as Ms. Amy, a woman from the Cut that lived near you. 

“You kids better run out of here before she comes back,” she scolded you and your best friend. JJ nodded, as you stayed still and shocked that she had known you were here. JJ grabbed your hand and tugged you to the door of the room. Before he could even touch the doorknob, Ms. Amy called out, stopping him. 

“Oh, and do give me the key you stole to put it back in its place. We don’t want you getting in any trouble with Diana.”

JJ sheepishly dropped the key into Ms. Amy’s hand. Ms. Amy only smiled at the both of you as you left the room. 

“I am never letting you convince me to do something like that ever again!” you exclaimed once near the kitchen. 

JJ pretended to frown at you. “Not even if I ask nicely?” he pouted. 

You laughed and shook your head, pushing the double-doors of the kitchen open.

You ran into the back, where your bags were set down in the staff room. You checked the time on your phone and noticed that your shift was over.

You took off your apron and grabbed your’s and JJ’s bags from the floor. Exiting the staff room into the kitchen you turned towards JJ who was talking with Andrew. 

“C’mon, blondie,” you called to him by his nickname.

JJ hopped off the counter by Andrew’s station and said bye to him and to Mama L (of course, with a kiss on her cheek). Then he followed you out of the kitchen’s back door and out to the alleyway between two of the hotel buildings. You settled down at your usual smoking spot, waiting for JJ to pull out a joint from his backpack. 

He pulled a little tin box from his bag and slipped a white, pre-rolled blunt from it. Then, putting the tin box back, he took his lighter, which was engraved with a double J, and placed the fire near the tip of the joint. 

Breathing in, smoke filled his lungs. He passed the weed to you, which you grabbed and inhaled. 

The nerves of almost getting caught were almost completely dissipated by now as an easy conversation began to flow between you and JJ. You soon reached the topic of the kegger you had gone to a couple of nights ago. 

Passing him the joint, you ruffled his hair, and asked, “Who did you hook up with this time? Was it that Touron you were talking to?”

JJ shook his head trying to get away from your hands. His hair was probably awful now. “No,” he simply stated. 

“Really?” you hummed, “I thought you did because you disappeared a while later.”

JJ shook his head, this time to answer you. “I was talking to Kie.”

This peaked your attention and curiosity. For some reason you felt jealous he was confiding with Kie and not with you. Before you could bring this up, however, he asked you, “What about you? Did you hook up with anyone?”

You laughed at the tone of voice he was using. “No, I didn’t.”

JJ frowned. You and him were similar in that way, always hooking up with people at parties. 

“Why not?”

“No reason,” you replied. You had actually wanted to say, You.

*************************************************

As summer approached, the hotel had changed your’s and JJ’s position. Now you were working at the hotel bar, which meant khaki-colored shorts and white polos for your uniforms. The heat from outside was unbearable, and all you wanted to do was dip your feet in the pool. 

Summer also meant that the hotel got filled with a lot more people your age than during the winter. Families on vacations and groups of young adults wanting to party on the east coast of the country were regulars, which meant that you were getting flirted with. A lot. 

This made JJ’s blood boil. All he wanted was for those guys that approached you to leave you alone because you were supposed to be his. But that was the thing. Supposed. 

Due to hotel policies, all of the waiters from the bar were allowed to have two drinks throughout the day for free. And JJ was just waiting for your break so that he could grab two drinks and head down to the hotel’s private beach with you.

After what seemed like hours JJ approached you with your drinks. You latched onto his hand, saying goodbye to the group of boys that had been talking to you, and headed towards the beach. JJ turned to witness the look of disappointment on the boys’ faces. He smiled to himself. 

“You’re knocking them dead, tiger,” he said to you, which caused you to snort. 

“No, I’m not.”

“You really are though. They’re all flirting with you.”

You just laughed as you sipped your drink away. JJ had chosen a strawberry juice for you, a mango juice for himself in his hands. You both took your sandals off your feet and dipped your feet into the ocean water, instantly feeling a lot cooler than before. 

You let out a sound that was similar to a moan, grateful that the water was cold and brought you relief. 

“Don’t make that sound,” JJ said, laughing. “It sounds like a moan!”

You opened your mouth, offended at what the blond had said. “Hey!”

JJ continued to laugh, dodging the hand you had thrown towards him in an attempt to punch his shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t mind hearing that during sex.”

“JJ!” you shrieked out. You splashed some ocean water onto him by raising your foot. He raised both of his hands in front of him, trying to block the water (which didn’t work). Then, he moved his hands even higher in a sign of defeat. 

You secretly wished JJ had actually meant what he said. JJ secretly wished you had taken what he said seriously.

***********************************************

The first kegger of the summer was always filled with people. This year was no different. 

You had been dancing with Kie for the most part. A couple of Tourons you recognized as guests from the hotel had tried to ask you to dance, but you had denied all of them. 

JJ had been staring at you from his post at the keg. He stood with John B and Pope, who surrounded him.

Everything was seemingly falling into place for the male Pogues. John B had broken up with the last girl he had been with (turns out she was a cheater) and Pope was all ready for his scholarship, which he needed to secure in an upcoming interview. Every one of them was happy, except for JJ. Wait, no - he was happy, but not as much as he could be. His longing eyes staring in your direction were enough proof of that. 

“Dude,” John B said in an exasperated tone of voice. “Just tell her.”

Pope nodded along, saying, “I’m pretty sure she likes you back.”

JJ pretended not to know what they were talking about. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

John B groaned and rubbed a hand over his face as Pope just gave JJ a look while the blond turned towards them. 

“Y/N,” Pope deadpanned. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Stop being difficult, JJ,” John B snapped. “We all know you like her. And Kie said she’s pretty sure she likes you, too.”

“Really?” JJ inquired in an excited manner. 

John B and Pope laughed. “We rest our case.”

JJ turned back to you, a smile dancing across his lips as he noticed you take Kie’s hand and spin her around. 

He could do this. He was going to ask you to dance with him. It wasn’t something you hadn’t done before together, but it was the first part of the plan that was forming inside of his head. 

He walked towards you, throwing a “See you later” to the other male Pogues over his shoulder. Mid-way through a spin you had spotted him and smiled. He was only about twenty feet away from you when a body covered his path. The large back he stared at blocked his view from you. 

“Wanna dance?” a gruff voice said. JJ was about to step back and let you dance with the boy before you, until he was surprised to hear you say, “Sorry, I was just about to dance with someone else.”

Going around the boy, you took JJ’s hand and dragged him to where you were before with Kie. The brown-haired girl had disappeared, which left you alone with JJ. 

You placed your hands around his neck as his went around your waist. You had danced before, so why was your heart pounding really hard this time?

You were moving to the rhythm of the music, swaying a bit and fooling around as people around you were grinding. You preferred your style of dancing. It was fun and lighthearted, just like you and JJ were. 

After a couple of songs and a lot more physical contact than usual, you had both decided to head back to John B’s house as you were bored. You first stopped by the Pogues to inform them that you were leaving and to gather your bags you had discarded. 

When you arrived at the Chateau you collapsed onto the hammock outside. On the chairs around it, there were a few of your discarded sweatshirts from other times you had been over there. Putting one of JJ’s on, you lay on the hammock and waited for JJ. When he was by your side you snuggled into him. He pulled out a joint from his pocket and held it between his ring-clad fingers.

You took it between your lips as JJ’s lighter was raised by its owner to the joint. You breathed in slowly and then let the smoke out. 

You sighed in content as you placed your head on his chest. 

“JJ, I love you,” you suddenly voiced out to the blond under you. He coughed a bit before saying, “Yeah, love you, too.” 

You shook your head softly and finally accepted what you truly meant. It didn’t matter if he didn’t feel it back, but you just suddenly had to speak it out loud. 

“No, JJ,” you softly spoke. “I’m in love with you.”

JJ tensed beneath you and you felt dread build up inside of you. Was he going to reject you or…?

You couldn’t complete your thought as the blond boy grabbed onto your face and pressed his lips into yours. You took his face into your hands as well and moved your mouth against his. It felt like heaven on Earth to kiss him this sweetly and softly. Your growing feelings for him exploded in confirmation as you realized that the person in front of you was the person you wanted to kiss for the rest of your life. JJ was it for you. 

He tasted of mint and weed, but you were sure you tasted similar to him. He smelled like he always had smelled (freshly cut grass and like the ocean), but this time, as you inhaled a breath, you were intoxicated by it.

One of his hands moved to grip your waist and you moaned as, at the same time he squeezed your side, he slipped his tongue into your mouth. 

When you pulled away your foreheads remained connected. Staring into each other’s eyes and smiling like idiots, you said, “I guess that is your way of saying ‘me too’?”

JJ nodded and pulled you into another kiss. It was just as intoxicating and thrilling as the first one.

The second time you pulled away, this time panting because of the more intense kiss, he spoke, “I’m in love with you, too. Ever since we took those goddamn jobs at the hotel.”

You grinned at him before burying your face into the crook of his neck. He felt the grin you were sporting pressed against his skin. JJ shivered at the feeling of having you in his arms, rubbing one hand up and down your back and the other one cradling your head. 

The joint you had been sharing lay discarded between your bodies. Unlike the times at the hotel, you wanted to be completely sober now. This was what your hotel madness had been building up to. To you and JJ, together. 

Mama L was going to be happy to hear about the new couple.

[lombredanslaeu]

where the heaven are we? | j. jaehyun

plot: a trip back to jung jaehyun’s childhood home triggered his memory of you. a bottle of pills a friend gave years ago aided jaehyun in finding out what happened after he left - and if your fate was all his fault. 

word count: 8k

genre: romance (fluff, angst), time travel-ish! au

warnings: drug use/abuse, addiction, implied smut (not too detailed), messy af writing lol

not proofread so i apologize for any mistakes

The house was cold and quiet. Surfaces were covered with a thin layer of dust as old memorabilias of Jaehyun’s parents remained as still as yesterday. After his father’s death, Jaehyun delayed selling the house as much as he could. But opportunities for money came and he found himself filling boxes. The movers were supposed to take all the boxes tomorrow. Jaehyun only has one room left to empty: his childhood bedroom.

Pictures of him and his college friends were plastered against the walls. The bed and pillows were rid of sheets as no one was using them anyway. Jaehyun decluttered before leaving home so there was not a lot of stuff to pack. A small shoe box sat inside the empty closet. The contents of the box triggered a wave of nostalgia all over him.

The box contained letters, photos, and small trinkets. It was as if someone put his college life into a small box. An orange, translucent cylinder caught Jaehyun’s eye. Beside the cylinder was a polaroid of you - smiling, full of life.

Jaehyun stared at his reflection. The image of the man he used to be was no longer found in the reflection staring back at him. Strands of grey found themselves in his hair. His youthful skin was starting to form wrinkles. There was a slight ache on the joints of his fingers. The sensation made him realized how old he actually is. He lived a long life. He went through the highs and the lows.

“Yes, son, I already recieved the email.” He spoke through the speaker of the phone.

“How was it, dad?” The young man asked.

“Good job, Jeno.” Jaehyun complimented. “I expect more of this work soon?”

“You got it.” Jeno replied.

“I’ll call you again tomorrow.”

“Okay. See you, dad.”

For a moment, he believed that he had done everything he needed to do in life. He had a loving wife and a smart son. The image of a perfect family hung above the staircase. That’s how life was for him; he was successful and adored. They say what matters most is what lies ahead. But Jaehyun couldn’t shrug off a memory of a girl from decades ago.

No portrait was big enough to overpower the small image of your smile. It reminded him of something that’s been unfixed for such a long time, he doesn’t know if there’s still a chance to resolve it.

Jaehyun felt weirdly tired. Perhaps it was the age talking but it was still weird since it was a Sunday and he did not have work. It was unusual for him to feel weary on a weekend. He yawned as he rest his body on the bed. His head spinned as if he was drunk. Before he could think of a thought, his eyes fluttered.

--

The scene was a regular day at university. Jaehyun crossed his eyebrows as he stared at his reflection in the campus restroom. His complexion was youthful - rose-colored flush spread across his cheeks. His hair was a soft shade of pink. The distant voice of Johnny Suh was heard behind a cubicle.

Where the fuck am I?

“Dude, I’m so fucking tired of taking care of your drunk asses at every party.” Johnny continued to complained. Jaehyun’s eyes widened at Johnny.

Johnny did not look like the Johnny he saw two days ago at the restuarant. The Johnny in front of him has black hair while the Johnny from two days ago had red.

“Do you even want to go to Taeyong’s party tonight?” Johnny asked. It took Jaehyun a few seconds to realize that he was being questioned. He muttered a small yes. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Didn’t sleep well last night.” Jaehyun made up the excuse. He has no idea why the hell is he reliving his college self. The thought both scared and intrigued him.

Jaehyun’s mind was still drifting as they walked across the building. His nerves tingled in his fingertips. It’s been years since he last walked the campus and yet it seemed like he was also here yesterday. His eyes lit up at the sight of his college friends, clumped up at a small bench near the field.

“I’m only going if Doyoung is going.” Johnny announced.

“I already told you, everyone is going.” Taeyong answered back.

“I better not be in charge of the fucking booze again.” Taeil complained.

“Haechan will forget half of the things I’ll tell him to buy.” Taeyong rebutted.

Jaehyun stayed quiet. It hasn’t sunk into him yet that he was indeed reliving the past. But why? Was it because of the box he discovered days ago?

This is so fucking weird.

It hasn’t occured to him yet why this is happening. He leaned back at the bench and stared at the clear sky. The chaotic chattering of his friends occupied his ears. He definitely felt young. The aging burden he’s been carrying lately was liften off his shoulders.

Jaehyun’s head started to be spin. He sat straight to stabilize the world around him. Running his hands across his hair, he attempted to speak to his chatting friends. None of them seemed to notice Jaehyun’s distress. It weirded him out that Sicheng was looking at him and talking as if Jaehyun was alright. Black dots appeared in his vision. He blinked rapidly as he glanced one more time among his friends who acted as if nothing was happening. He couldn’t explain the phenomenon. It was like he’s about to faint. Only a sound of static was heard as he closed his eyes - in an attempt to stop the world from turning.

After a few seconds, Jaehyun’s heard started to feel normal. Although, a different type of sound could be heard by his ears. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at his feet. He was standing now. The color of the room was a mix of purple and red. Loud music bounced through the four walls of the room, accompanied by the shouting of people. He was at a party.

Jaehyun looked all around him. He recognized the place immediately. This was Taeyong’s house. Jaehyun felt drunk. It wasn’t the nauseating type of drunk. He felt good; he felt as if he was invincible. He only felt this way while he’s drinking with his friends. He only felt this way when he was with someone he couldn’t put a name into. Jaehyun approached Yuta who was on the couch, rolling a blunt.

“It’s weird to see Jung Jaehyun without a girl under his arm on a party.” Yuta commented. The thick smoke of the blunt covered his smirking face.

“I’m just as confused as you.” He replied.

“Have you seen the freshmen?” Yuta asked. “Boy, Johnny did not lie when he said they were hot.”

“I haven’t yet.” Jaehyun took a sip of his beer. “It’s hard to determine who’s a freshie and who’s not.”

“Taeyong made the freshmen wear a yellow bracelet.”

“Why?”

“So we know who to fuck with and who to not.”

Soon enough, Yuta became occupied with a girl who sat beside him. Before standing up to go somewhere, Yuta handed a small cylindrical container to Jaehyun. “Ten said to give this to you. He said to only take it when necessary.”

The orange, cylinder. The one he saw inside the shoe box in his bedroom. He straightened his back with his heart pounding loudly in his chest. He still wasn’t sure why the hell he’s in this timeline of his life. He was hoping he could know the answers tonight.

“Oops.” A small body collided with his strong one. The impact shook Jaehyun out of his reverie. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Jaehyun replied. “Hey, do I know you from somewhere?”

The girl look at his eyes. Jaehyun felt a heat rush to his ears and cheeks. He was thankful that the lights were dim or else the girl would have noticed his red ears.

“I don���t think so.” The girl replied. “I’m a trasnferee.”

“Really? From where?”

“I took my first year in Yonsei.”

“That’s quiet far from here.” Jaehyun added. “Oh, by the way, I’m Jaehyun.”

“I’m Y/N.” The girl replied, shaking his hand.

A minute ago, Jaehyun had no idea why all of a sudden, he was reliving his college life. Now, he knows why.

A ringing in his head made Jaehyun press his palms against his temples. He shook his head. It was happening again. A nauseating feeling erupted in Jaehyun’s stomach. With a fleeting second, the earth beneath him felt normal. He was almost scared to open his eyes. He was scared of what lies before him. With a gulp, he opened them.

“Come on, Y/N, back me up!” Johnny yelled at the graphic video game in front of him.

“Ugh! There’s so many orcs on my way!” You screamed back.

“Johnny, you’re supposed to heal us too.” Jaehyun complained. Why the hell did he know what to say and what to do in a video game he hasn’t played in decades? “Not just you!”

“Attack, attack, attack!” Johnny commanded.

A series of keyboard clicking erupted through the living room of Johnny’s house.

“Yes!” You all exclaimed as “victory” presented on the screen of your laptops.

“Damn, I’m beat.” You announced, leaning back on the couch.

“I wish we could stay this way forever.” Jaehyun spoke. “Just carefree nerds battling orcs.”

“Who said we’re nerds?” Johnny faked an offending face.

“Yeah, we’re just some college kids who decided to reward their hardwork with these childish games.” You replied.

“I’m proud of you and Johnny for winning the national debate.” Jaehyun said with a huge grin on his face.

“I’m glad I met you guys.” You said wholeheartedly. The men beside you sent gagging sounds over your cheesy sentiment. You playfully punched their arms as you prepared yourselves for another night of video games.

--

Jaehyun wasn’t supposed to take it but he needed to see you again. It has been a week since he rediscovered the pills Ten gave him. He didn’t know if this could affect his health. He didn’t even know if Ten is still alive. He didn’t know if the pills were legit, if they were expired, or if it was some bad drugs that Ten disguised as magic pills. All he knew was there has always been a hole in his soul. All because of you. For the past years of his life, he wondered what would have happened if things didn’t turn out the way they did.

Memories of you suddenly flooded his mind. The image of your soft hair hitting his face as you frolic through the field together. The warmth of your arms as you hug him out of the blue. Most importantly, he remembered your loyalty. It all came back to him now.

He really shouldn’t have done it but he could only do so much now that one of Ten’s pills was already sitting in his stomach.

His head felt light. The world around him seemed to double as he tried to shake out of it. His fingers felt rigid but his legs were wobbly. Swaying left and right, Jaehyun could hardly make it back to his room. He expected to collapse on to the cold tiles of his bathroom floor but a soft mattress welcomed him instead.

Pill #1

This time, the scenario was happening inside one of the campus libraries.

Wow. So Ten’s pills really do work.

Jaehyun felt selfish. He felt bad that he was running away from his current life to see you again. What else was he supposed to do? He was given the opportunity to fix an unsolved bridge in his past. He’s not letting this time slide.

“I hate this subject so much.” You complained. The table that you and Jaehyun shared was trashed with different variations of papers and pens.

“Come on, what is it about?” Jaehyun asked.

“Something about quarks and photons.” You groaned and rest your head on your palms.

“It’s not that bad. Look,” Jaehyun said. He took a scratch paper and a pen. “It says here that photons aren’t considered as a matter because they don’t have mass. Quarks, however, have mass.”

“Therefore, photons aren’t made up of quarks.” You concluded.

“See? It’s not that bad.” Jaehyun teased.

You glared at his smug face. He chuckled and looked at his phone. There was a message from Jungwoo.

Jungwoo Kim [4:45 pm]: wow lover boy’s on the move

Jaehyun [4:46 pm]: Wtf?

Jungwoo Kim [4:48 pm]: I know about your little crush on Y/N

Jungwoo Kim [4:48 pm]: DO NOT WORRY. ur secret is safe with me ;)

He shook his head at his friend. Jaehyun leaned back at his chair. His eyes remained on your slouching figure. Your brows furrowed as you tried to slow an equation. Your hair swayed in the wind caused by the large fan on the ceiling. Jaehyun hated what happened between the two of you. He was worried, however, about how far each pill could take him. He only had 4 remaining pills left. It boggled his mind how the pills could determine how far in the past it could take Jaehyun.

“You hungry?” Jaehyun asked all of the sudden.

You were taken aback. But it would be a lie to say that you didn’t find Jaehyun attractive. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure that how beautiful he is.

“Yeah.” You replied. “Getting quiet tired of all these studying.”

You fixed all your scattered belongings on the table. The sun was still out despite the time being late into the afternoon.

“It’s a Friday.” You announced. “Don’t you have any plans you should be preparing for right now?”

“The guys are taking it easy this weekend.” Jaehyun answered. “There’s a lot of exams coming up.”

“Wow, for such party people, you sure are responsible.”

“Hey, it’s not easy being a business management major.” Jaehyun’s response made you laugh. “What made you take up physics?”

“I like the universe.” You replied. “More than that, I like how there’s still so much left to be answered. What causes things to function they way they do? What happens inside a black hole? Can you get out? When will the universe reach its unevitable end and what happens after that?”

Jaehyun watched you as you rant on and on about why you chose to study that. He saw the gleam in your eyes as the skies washed your face with its golden light.

“I hope I can live long enough to know the answers.”

The last few words of your sentence bounced back and forth. The golden skies whirled and Jaehyun waited for it to happen again. As if bracing for impact, he held his head between his hands and closed his eyes.

“A little birdie told me that you have a little crush on someone.” You were wearing a yellow sun dress.

The meadow behind you was filled with flowers matching the color of your dress. The skirt of it flowed through the wind as you held your head to keep your hat from flying.

“What? What crush?” Jaehyun stuttered.

“Come on, Jaehyun, who’s the lucky girl?” You looked at him with doe eyes.

You.

“I’ll tell you once I ask her out.” Jaehyun replied.

“Ugh,” You groaned. “How about this: I tell you who my crush is and you tell me mine.”

“Deal.” Jaehyun wanted to slap himself for agreeing.

“I have a crush on Johnny.” You confessed.

Jaehyun felt a pang in his chest. You like Johnny. Of course, you would. Johnny is a sweet and smooth guy. He tried his best to hide his frown.

“Oh.” Jaehyun muttered. “Well, I like Mina.”

You smiled sweetly at him, clearly impressed with yourself that you got him to confess. You turned your back from him as you frolic in the field. Jaehyun could only watch your swaying figrue as you drift farther and farther away.

--

Jaehyun woke up in cold sweat. The shine was starting to shine through the windows. He groaned as he sat up in the bed. He glanced over the bedside table. There stood two photo frames - one of him and his wife and one of his son. The death of his wife was followed shortly by the death of his father. Jaehyun loved Adelaine. She was a woman of psychology - respected and adored by many. He lifts the frame and looked at their young and smiling faces. Jaehyun was happy. He lived a happy life, with a loving wife and a smart son. His smile soon fell as he remembered his dream last night.

“Tought night?” Kun slipped a cup of coffee on Jaehyun’s desk.

“Nah.” Jaehyun replied, getting the cup. “Just watched some movies until it was 3:00 pm.”

“Is this what living alone does to a man?”

“Shut it, Kun.” Jaehyun growled.

‘I’m just kidding.” Kun laughed. “Hey, you ready to meet the physicists this afternoon?”

Jaehyun could only swallow bitterly.

Your hopes and dreams lingered in Jaehyun’s mind. For the longest time, he believed that you, among many of his friends, were one of the reasons behind the darkest days of his life. He believed that the reason the universe made him rediscover the shoe box was to remind him of why he should think that way. Aside from your hopes, your laugh echoed through Jaehyun’s brain. All of a sudden, he felt guilty for having to experience the joys of life. He figured that if he became happy, you should be too.

Many reunions came along and he never found you in any of them. He would ask your mutual friends where you were - if you were still alive. They all answered the same thing: “I don’t know.” It was as if you never existed. A part of him wanted to believe that you were gone; probably to alleviate the guilt and pain. Besides, there’s no reason for you to ditch all reunions and disappear from the face of the earth. A bigger part of him believed that you just moved on with your life - whether still with vices and or without. He wanted to know what happened. He wished he gave his younger self a chance to turn and see you one last time.

He was definitely swallowing another pill tonight.

Pill #2

The pain felt fresh. In real time, it would have been 30 years since Jaehyun’s parents dropped the news about their divorce. Right now, the pain in Jaehyun’s chest was stinging. In real time, he would have forgotten the words his mother threw at his father. But right now, it still rings in his ears as if he just heard it an hour ago.

“I wish I could do something, bud.” Ten spoke silently beside him.

Jaehyun could only smile. The divorce was something Jaehyun carried with him throughout his whole life. He was afraid of failing at marriage, he was afraid of hurting his children.

“It’s okay, Ten.” Jaehyun replied.

“You know what,” Ten went to one of his drawers and pulled out a small, clear bag. “I’m not sure if you’re gonna agree, but I can assure you this takes away the pain.”

Jaehyun could only stare as Ten emptied a bag into the table. He took his school ID card to form the powder into a thin line. After rolling a piece of paper, he used it to connect the powder to his nostril. The scenario enticed Jaehyun. With the pain he was feeling right now, he wanted to feel something. Before he knows it, he was laying on his back with a burn in his left nostril.

Jaehyun’s mind felt hazy. It was as if he was seeing stars and flying amongst them. He no longer felt the ache of his parents’s divorce, he no longer remembers their arguing. It was as if the universe fell into place. He saw stars, he saw constellations, he saw galaxies. And most importantly, he saw you.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A dazed Ten spoke beside him.

“Y/N.” Jaehyun replied.

He saw you beside him, under him, in front of him. He saw you laughing, smiling, frowning.

A female’s laughter entered the scene. Jaehyun’s vision blurred as the world began warping in front of him. Ten’s body was slowly disappearing from Jaehyun’s vision as he saw a wide, white light. The burn from the light caused Jaehyun to shut his eyes close. When everything felt stable again, he slowly opened them.

This was another scene. He remembers this time like the back of his hand. How he hated every memory of it for it was the start of your ruin. He looked over you as blood left his face.

You threw your head back, forcing the white powder to hit deeper in your system. You looked over a dazed but still beautiful Jaehyun. You laid down beside him.

“Did I do it right this time?” You asked him.

“Yeah.” Jaehyun answered.

You were only looking up at the beaten and growning ceiling. However, little specks of glitter appeared everywhere. The glimmer of the specks shined as they doubled in size and in quantity.

“Can you see that?” You inquired.

“What?” Jaehyun looked over at your amused side profile.

“The stars. I can see them.”

Jaehyun looked up once more at the ceiling. The brightest star was already shining beside him.

“I see it.” Jaehyun answered, still basking in your beauty.

Soon enough, you felt as if your body was floating. You felt as if you could touch the stars. You raised one hand up to touch one of the specks but it vanished at your touch.

“Where the heaven are we?” You spoke.

Jaehyun’s chest began to tighten. In the center of your made up universe emerged a black hole. Jaehyun leaned forward and let it take him.

“I don’t know.” You responded gingerly.

“Come on, Y/N.” Jaehyun insisted. “This would be last one for the week.”

It’s only Wednesday and yet you already wasted Jaehyun’s one week supply of drugs. Johnny shook his head besides him.

“Jae, maybe you should take a break for now.” Johnny suggested.

“But I need an extra boost to finish that history essay!” Jaehyun reasoned out.

His sentiment made you remember why you got an A+ on your essay about quantum mechanics. You remembered the feeling and suddenly, you were craving for it.

“This is the last one for the week, okay?” You said, igniting joy in Jaehyun.

Johnny looked over his friends. In a few years, he would beat himself for doing nothing. Right now, all he did was walk away.

Darkness was slowly introducing themselves in Jaehyun’s vision. It was a signal for another time wrap. Although his nerves went array, he still prayed that it would take him back to a time where you’re sober. The world stabilized itself but the image in front of Jaehyun punched him in the chest.

A bottle of vodka in one hand and a syringe in one. Your once plush cheeks was starting to hollow. The red tint of the lipstick your wore was struggling to hide the blue. You look miserable, but you felt happy. You looked over at Jaehyun - the beautiful man that is Jung Jaehyun.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Your voice was coarse and deep, but it still had the sweetness to it.

Jaehyun looked over your features again. He felt miserable but all he did was smile.

“I like you a lot.” Jaehyun confessed. He does. He adored everything about you. In 30 years, Jaehyun could only remember so much yet he remembers everything about you.

“I like you too.” Your response made Jaehyun rise from his seat. The feeling of your lips against his was something he yearned for decades. And he felt it now.

Sparks exploded between you and Jaehyun.

“What took you so long to do that?” You asked.

“Never had the chance.” He replied.

All he did was blink. All Jaehyun did was sigh and blink. All of a sudden, the scenario changed before him.

“I want more! I fucking want more!” You exclaimed.

The bags under your eyes were darker than it was just seconds ago. Your hair was also shorter, falling just below your collar bones.

“Why are you just standing there? I fucking want more!” You screamed, thrashing around in a chair.

“I can’t give you more until you finish your essay.” Jaehyun warned.

“Fuck that essay!”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened. Just months ago, you were so passionate about physics. You could do an essay or answer an equation in a snap. Now, you couldn’t do anything.

Your mouth felt dry and your throat was coarse. There was a insatiable thirst that water can’t seem to fix. You held your head with your palm as you stare into your lap. This wasn’t you. Just seconds ago, you felt infinite. Now, you just felt empty. You needed more but the rational part of your brain screamed no. You wanted to feel something, to feel alive. That’s why the next thing Jaehyun knew, you were kissing him with all your might.

The force of your lips againts his gave Jaehyun the signal to lead you to the bedroom. It was beyond Jaehyun’s morals to fuck you while you’re high but he couldn’t find any other way to silence you. The soft mattress was soon adorned with scattered clothing and two lovers. Each sensation of Jaehyun inside you drove you to a frenzy, it gave you a feeling of bliss that you never felt before. You loved the stars, you love the galaxies. Tonight, you didn’t have to be an astronaut to see the universe unfold before you.

“I want to live with you forever.” You whispered against Jaehyun’s lips.

--

Jaehyun clinked his glass with Johnny. The dark whiskey swirled inside the glass as Jaehyun started at his aged reflection.

“Hey, Jae?” Johnny called out to him.

“Yeah?”

“Do you still remember Y/N?”

Johnny’s question made Jaehyun’s heartbeat race. The memories of his time exploration last night was enough to answer Johnny’s question. But Jaehyun refused to tell Johnny all about it. The older man would probably just conclude it as an “aging hallucination.”

“Yeah, I do. Why?”

“I still wonder what happened to her.” Johnny answered. “It was as if she vanished from everyone’s memory.”

“Me too.”

“Did you regret it?”

“What?” Jaehyun looked at Johnny, confused.

“Did you regret getting her into drugs?” Johnny said. There was a hint of sterness in his tone.

“What kind of question is that, John?” Jaehyun retorted.

“I’m just wondering.” Johnny took a sip of his whiskey before continuing. “If she hadn’t started drugs, who knows where she would be right now.”

“Are you blaming me?” Fury was starting to ignite within Jaehyun.

“I’m not?” Johnny asked. “But based on your reaction, I have a feeling you do regret what you did to her.”

Perhaps Johnny was right. The reason why Jaehyun still chooses to reminisce his days with you was because he blamed himself for what happened to you. But that’s not something he will admit, not even to his best friend.

Pill #3

This time it was different. Instead of Jaehyun living as the past Jaehyun, he couldn’t do anything but watch as his old self seat in front of the university dean - as if he was a bystander in his old life. He tried to catch the attention of the old Jaehyun, but it was as if he wasn’t even there.

“Do you know that this could get you kick out from the university?” The dean spoke with anger laced in his voice. “When did you even start?”

“5 months ago.” Jaehyun replied with a small voice.

“Look, I’m only giving you another chance because your father is a benefactor of this university.” The dean leaned in, emphasizing every word he said. “If I caught you slipping one more time, it’s over for your stay in the university.”

All Jaehyun did was watch the dean with furious eyes. He wanted to scream but he knew that he wouldn’t get anything good out of it. The dean’s warning went through one ear and out the other. He huffed before leaving the office. Anger rushed through every vein in his body.

Outside the office, you fiddled with your thumbs. The Johnny was beside you who busied himself by kicking rocks off the pavement. Your licked your extremely chapped lips. No amount of lip balm could smooth them away. It was starting to worry you; the whole fiasco of your life falling apart worried you. You wanted to quit, but you didn’t want to leave Jaehyun alone.

“How did it go?” You asked once you saw Jaehyun come out from the office.

“They’re giving me one last chance.” He replied. He took your hand in his and rubbed his thumb on the back of it. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“Dude, this is getting worse.” Johnny said quietly. He was geniunely concerned for the welfare of his two friends.

“Johnny, if you have nothing else better to do than blame me,” Jaehyun cocked his head in bubbling anger. “Then just fucking go away.”

Johnny clenched his jaw at Jaehyun. He knew better than fighting with Jaehyun since it could lead to more trouble. He trudged his feet away from the two of you.

“He was only trying trying to help.” You said, carefully.

“So, you’re on his fucking side now?” It was you he was cocking his head at.

“No,” You defended. “Of course not. Look, let’s just go home.”

The walk back to his dorm was quiet. It wasn’t filled with deep talks and laughter as it used to. It was filled with anxiety and trembling fingers. The cold air of Jaehyun’s room greeted your frail body.

“Jaehyun,” You called out to him. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

“What?” he turned around to face you. “What do you mean? You don’t want to see me again?”

“No! I do want to see you again.” You replied. “It’s- We have to quit, Jaehyun.”

Tears were forming in your eyes as you whispered the last sentence. You fear that he wouldn’t understand. You wanted so bad to say that it was his pain that caused this.

“We’re hurting people, Jae.” You whispered. “We’re about to hurt ourselves.”

“You don’t understand, Y/N.” Jaehyun said. “You don’t understand anything.”

“Jaehyun, trust me, I’m trying to understand you.” Your voice was starting to shake. “But, this is ruining us.”

“No, we’re not quitting.” Jaehyun said firmly. “This isn’t ruining who we are. You said you felt happy. Did you lie?”

The response he got was your first sob. This was the first time you sobbed in front of Jaehyun. You were vigorously shaking your head, trying to get him on the same page as you.  

“I’m failing my classes, Jaehyun.” You held back a sob. “I’m losing who I am. I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore.”

“You’re still the Y/N I love.”

“You did this to me!” You exclaimed, your voice accompanied with your cries. “You did this to me, Jaehyun. I can’t do this anymore.”

“And now what? You’re gonna leave me?” Jaehyun’s eyes was starting to water themselves. “Okay. Go on. Leave me.”

“Why do you keep on doing this to me?” You were running out of energy to fight.

“What?”

“Everytime I try to help you out of this, you just turn the game against me.”

“Why the hell is everyone portraying me as the bad guy here?” Jaehyun’s tone turned louder. “It’s not my fault my parents fucking divorced and it made me fucking messed up!”

“Jaehyun-” He cut you off.

“You will never understand anything, Y/N.”

“Why do you act as if you’re the only one with all the problems here?” You tried to match the angry tone of Jaehyun, even though it was scratching your throat. “Do you even remember that you were the one who get me into drugs?”

“It’s not my fucking fault you were too much of a coward to resist, Y/N.”

His sentence broke you. All of the patience and the temper you held for him - in understandin him - vanished in a snap. Tears were falling like thunderstorms on your cheeks. Slamming the door behind you, you walked far away from Jaehyun’s dorm.

Watching from a safe distance, the present Jaehyun remembered this scene all too well. The betrayal he felt in his heart. He wanted so bad to run and get in between you and the old him. He wanted so bad to tell you that he was willing to quit.

With present Jaehyun watching you from a far, he saw that you bumped into Johnny near the campus.

“Fuck, Y/N.” Johnny held your wrists. “What the fuck happened?”

All you did was cry on his chest. Johnny tightened his grip around you as he let the front of his shirt be soaked with your angry tears. Jaehyun watched - his admiration for his best friend only blossomed. Somehow, he wished that it was Johnny you fell in love with.

“Will things ever be okay for us?” You whispered.

“It will.” Johnny answered. “I promise you, it will.”

He was willing to do lose his happiness for you. All he could do, however, was wish it was what the old him was thinking.

Pill #4

Just like the last time, Jaehyun could only watch. He could only watch as you tossed and turn in your bed, sobbing your eyes from the pain. Jaehyun wished you were crying because of him, but he’s entirely certain you weren’t.

You wish you listened to Johnny. The amount of times he held you and Jaehyun from returning to drugs. You felt magical, that was your argument. All your life, you wanted to feel something.

You laid in your bed, it was the only thing you could do for now. Your spine felt like it could snap into two whenever you attemp to sit or stand up. There was a crawling feeling behind your face and you wanted so bad to peel your face and scratch it off.

“Make it stop, oh my god, make it stop!”

All you could do was cry. Your whole body was in pain, it was burning, aching, pounding all the same time. Your tongue swirled around your mouth to find something moist. You pressed your fingertips on your cheeks again as the crawling sensation was getting worse. You were restless but all you wanted was to sleep. The pounding in your head worsened each breath you take.

All you did was cry. And all Jaehyun could do was watch in pain. You screamed and screamed, hoping someone outside your door would hear you. Two girls came bursting through your room door as they scurried to call 911.

“Oh my god, Y/N, what happened?” A girl who Jaehyun remembered as Nayeon asked you in panic.

“Kill me! Oh god, kill me!” You pleaded, your voice scratching.

A boy came and carried your heaving body outside the door.

This was a scene Jaehyun never saw. It was as if the pills was nothing more than just a punishment for abandoning you. He cursed at himself for ever thinking that he could save you.

There was a stabbing pain through Jaehyun’s chest. The area where his forearm meets his wrist had a piercing sensation. The world was closing in on Jaehyun’s body. And he let it.

--

Jaehyun knew what happens next. 30 years ago, he was admitted to the hospital for overdosing on drugs. He knew that you were staying on the floor beneath his. Yet, he did nothing. He didn’t check up on you, he didn’t contact your parents to find out if you were even alive or responding. Jaehyun had many regrets in his life, but he could never find one regret that he resents more than that one.

“Hey,” Jaehyun slowly entered Johnny’s office.

“Hey.” Johnny responded. The argument from last night was still lingering between the two man.

“Look, Johnny, I’m sorry.” Jaehyun started. “It’s just that what happened during that time in college was really hard to me.”

“I know, Jaehyun.” Johnny said. “I’m sorry I even brough Y/N up.”

“I appreciate your concern for me, John.” Jaehyun reassured. “It’s not your fault I couldn’t own up to my mistakes.”

“I just miss her, you know?” Johnny stared at the whiskey in front of him. “I wish she was here celebrating accomplishments with us.”

“I miss her too, buddy.” Jaehyun whispered. “It hurts not knowing where she is or if she’s even alive right now.”

“I remember going to arcades and flower field with her.”

Jaehyun could only nod and smile at his best friend. What happened back in college was something sensitive even between close friends. Jaehyun only stayed friends with a few people from college.

“I feel like we need let the memory of Y/N go.” Jaehyun spoke again, breaking into a sincere smile. “I don’t know if we’ll ever see her again but all I could do right now is pray that she’s happy and well.”

“You really think we can’t see her again?” Johnny’s demeanor showed remorse.

“I don’t think she’ll want to see me again, anyway.” He replied.

--

Pill #5

The eerie sound of a machine beeping filled Jaehyun’s ears. The first thing he saw as he opened his eyes was the horizontal lines of light in the ceiling. He squinted before looking around the room. A doctor clad in a white coat was besides the hospital bed.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Jung?” The doctor asked, shifting his eyes from Jaehyun and back to his clipboard.

“Uhm, I’m thirsty.” Jaehyun spoke. “And a bit groggy.”

“I’ll run a few test first before I could speak on your condition.” The doctor said. “For now, I’ll have someone come up with water. Please rest now.”

Jaehyun nodded. He laid his head back into the pillow, squinting his eyes from the light. Before the doctor could leave, he turned around and said, “This is your last chance, Mr. Jung.”

Jaehyun remained stagnant over the doctor’s sentence. Last chance at living? He knew that. He knew that he overdose and if he did it again, it would cost him his life. The doctor’s last words remained in his mind. He wasn’t sure if he remembers that happening years ago.

“Hey, buddy.” Johnny entered the room slowly.

“Hey.” Jaehyun’s eye lit up at the sight of his friend.

“How are you?” The look on Johnny’s face wasn’t something Jaehyun expected. A blurred red rim around his eyeballs and his eyelids looked swollen.

“Have you been crying?”

“Of course I am! I just received a message that you overdosed! What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“I’m sorry for lashing out the last time.”

“It’s alright.” Johnny said. “I’d rather have you mad at me than you dead.”

“You’re the best, Johnny.” Jaehyun chuckled.

“Y/N is just under this floor.” Johnny said out of the blue. “Do you want to visit her?”

“No.” The answer was automatic - as if Jaehyun didn’t have to think before muttering an answer.

“I’m guessing things didn’t end well between the two of you?”

“It’s for the best.” Jaehyun revealed.

“Why the hell do you not want to visit her downstairs?”

I saw her suffer.

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun sighed. “I promise I’ll talk to her once I’m out of here.”

Jaehyun felt his eyelids became heavy. He laid back as the world spinned around him one last time.

Jaehyun was walking. A second ago, he remembered falling asleep in the hospital bed. The next thing he knew, he was with father, walking towards the exit of the hospital. As he walk through the hallways, he passed by the room you were assigned to. A doctor pushed her way into the door of the room. The gap made by her action gave Jaehyun a small glimpse of what was inside. Tubes and machines were attached your face. The brief glimpse failed to give Jaehyun a look if you were awake.

He turned away. Y/N wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.

Each step he took reminded him of something you said.

“I like the universe.” Step.

“I like you too.” Step.

“I want to live with you forever.” Step.

“Make it stop!” Step.

“Where the heaven are we?” Step.

Jaehyun glanced back at the hospital gate. His breathing deep but steady. The cold, winter breeze pushed back against his rigid body as he stared into the clear doors of the hospital. It was a battle; his legs telling him to run through the gates but his mind didn’t cooperate. A rational part of his brain told him to go back but he did the opposite, pivoting towards the parking lot where his dad was headed.

Jaehyun’s heart tightened, his eyes threatening to let the tears go. Finally, he realized why the hell he was reliving the past. All his life he wanted to know what happened to you. Now, here he is - outside the same hospital he last heard you were in. He was a few steps away from the answers. A summer image of you with the brightest smile flashed before him. He wanted to go back. His vision was starting to go black. With rapid breaths, he turned around. The black dots where getting larger but he fough through it. He blinked and swing his head, hoping it could stop the world was falling in front of him.

As he was about to push the gates open, the world turned dark.

--

Jaehyun couldn’t believe it. He had one shot of finding out and yet he screwed it up. He let out a painful groan on his pillow. He scurried back to the bathroom and messily searched for the orange cylinder.

Empty.

The chances were out.

“Fuck!” He gripped the roots of his hair in frustration.

Jaehyun leaned on the sink and took deep breathes. The pain was dormant for the longest time now, and then suddenly it erupted like hot lava. It burned all corners of his heart - even corners that belonged to Adelaine.

Jaehyun could only weep, as the aching hole in his heart stinged worse than before.

--

The river reflected the tall buildings of the city. A pink hue was starting to paint all over the wide skies. There is a great big world out there. He sighed as he reminisced his life. The laughter, the tears, the heartbreak - every single bit of what happened molded Jaehyun into the man that he is now. A man that new more than solving problems with bigger problems. It wasn’t easy cutting strings with stuff that made you feel limitless. But this is the real life - you are finite. No amount of liquor or grams of drugs could ever change that. There are definitely areas in Jaehyun’s life that he wished he could change. However, that would mean he never grew as a person. If Jaehyun could bring back one last thing before he returns to dust, it would be a chance to see you again. The age old question of where you are now was still unanswered. Some hoped you were alive, some decided to close that chapter of their lives completely. Jaehyun hovered the pen over the blank piece of paper.

Dear Y/N,

How are you? I hope life made you well. This is Jung Jaehyun. Do you remember the time you told me about why you decided to study physics? I hope you’re on your quest towards the answers to your questions. I am more than happy that the magnetic force of the earth helped me meet you. It’s not gonna be long until one of our bodies combust into nothing but stardust. And until then, I am eager to meet you again.

You met me at a happy point in my life. I was a promising student with a clear record. You were there during my peak and you were there when I collapsed. You know what? I don’t think I was happy I ever met you. If I didn’t know you, you wouldn’t have collapsed with me. Who knows where you would be if the addiction never happened. When you asked me if things were ever going to be okay for the both of us, I wish I never said yes. I wish I never promised you that things will get better because I am living in constant guilt that it only happened to me. Where are you now, Y/N?

I remember thinking to myself that I wanted to die before I turn 30. I joked about how I don’t have to worry about wrinkles because I really didn’t think I was gonna live beyond 25. But, the moment you told me you wanted to live with me forever - it made me think twice. You said you wanted to live with me forever - I don’t care if we’re lovers or friends - then, where are you now, Y/N?

Johnny, Taeyong, and Jungwoo misses you a lot. Why didn’t you come to the reunions? Did I hurt you that much? You should have come for them anyway. Johnny and Jungwoo still lives in the city. If you’d like, you can always visit them.

For all the things I’ve done, Y/N, I am so sorry. If I could turn back time once more, I would have done anything. In our next life, can you promise me that you’ll find me and tell me it’s alright? There’s still so much questions I cannot answer. My heart will always yearn for you.

What the hell happened to you? Where the heaven are you, Y/N?

Love, Jaehyun.

 a/n: was this too messy??? anyway, feedback is always appreciated.  if there are any plotholes or mistakes, pls let me know. i wrote this at the crack of dawn so. i hurt my wrist writing this fucking story lol i hope u liked it

[tauremornalome]

tagged by the amazing  @thiswaycomessomethingwicked (go check out their writing!) in the First Line game

The rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line.

tagging: @alessandriana, @ajcrawly, @simaraknows, @koscheyyy, @selkiebinch, @writingat-night and anyone else who wants to do it!

The problems with my writing being 1. that a lot of it is embarrassing historical hetalia stuff, 2. that i hardly ever write with the intention of publishing, it turns out that often my fics don’t have a set fist line? cos they tend to come in the form of a collection of loose self indulgent little scenes. So this is definitely not going to be 20 of them. Untranslated Polish versions in the brackets.

1.  wildfires and weeds (mdzs, wen ning & jiang cheng, vaguely pre-slash): Courtesy of Wen Ning's heightened fierce corpse senses, and Jiang-zongzhu's being likewise sharp thanks to his high level of cultivation, they manage not to run into each other even when they find themselves in the same general places at the same time - official joint nighthunts mostly, these days, since Jiang Wanyin has enough political awareness and faith in his nephew's abilities not to follow him on the more private ones.

2. provisional title “spiderman meme lol” (legend of fei, xie yun/zhou fei/wu chuchu pining):  After parting with Yin Pei and burying Ji Yunchen the three of them leave together, and Xie Yun - well, he already knew he was absolutely, irrevocably fucked, but it takes him another two days to notice that he is not alone in his misery.

3. the crack-treated-seriously heist fic (mdzs, jiang cheng & jin guangyao): He had already sealed the room shut months before, so he didn't toss the damn flute along with the last shards of his sanity there when he first came back from the siege, broken and bloodied and still furious.

4. Najjaśniejsza, Serenissima, Świetlejszaja (historical hetalia, poland & grand duke constantin):  "Ha!" The duke gestured wildly with his open hands. "I am a fool, Kuruta is a fool, and so you are a fool, too, Felya, even though you have yet to learn to admit it." [- No! - Wielki książę uderzył się dłońmi w uda. - Ja durak, Kuruta durak, i ty też durak, Felja, tylkoś się jeszcze nie nauczył przyznawać do tego.]

5. Pour Away The Ocean (tma, lonelyeyes): The Apocalypse nearing or not (oh, it's coming alright: he knows Jon will get the statements soon, so it's a matter of what? days?), it would be a shame to refuse a rarity that is an actual invitation to a Lukas family funeral. The last Lukas family funeral to ever be held, perhaps, though he doubts the hosts know about that. Peter had never been an overly sharing conversationalist.

6. untitled anti-dior rebellion fic (the silmarillion, doriath after thingol’s death): The change can be felt at the exact moment when the door to Lady Melian's chamber closes behind Mablung, the king's dead body in his arms, and everyone seems to understand immediately what it means. It is as if the thin thread bonding the queen to the mortal world broke, cut on the edge of that door-frame. The last time Lalorniel left the Girdle’s protection was before the first sunrise and now, several hundred years later, the feeling of being exposed to the whole world throws her off her tracks. She looks to the side and sees that Medlindir felt it too, and she wants to reach to him with her mind, but she doesn't - the world around them has suddenly gotten very big and some irrational part of her fears her fae could get lost in it. [Zmianę czuć już w momencie, w którym za niosącym skrwawione ciało króla Mablungiem zamykają się drzwi komnaty Meliany - i każdy chyba od razu rozumie, co to znaczy. Zupełnie jakby to nić wiążąca królową ze światem cielesnym pękła, rozcięta tą framugą. Lalorniel poza Obręczą bywała ostatnio jeszcze w czasach przed pierwszym wschodem słońca i teraz, po kilkuset latach przerwy, uczucie bycia odkrytym przed całym światem wytrąca ją na dłuższą chwilę z rytmu. Zerka w bok i widzi, że pełniący razem z nią straż Medlindir też to odczuł, i odruchowo chce sięgnąć do niego myślą, ale nie robi tego - świat wokół stał się nagle za duży i irracjonalnie boi się, że jej fae mogłaby się w nim zgubić.]

7. dwóch ołowianych żołnierzyków (historical rpf, prince poniatowski):  Years later those who choose to believe this sort of thing will be telling stories of a ghost that supposedly visited the prince one night in March of the year 1813. An angel with black-and-white magpie wings. Unnamed white lady from the portraits covering the walls of the Copper-Roof Palace. [Lata później ci, którzy wierzą w takie rzeczy, będą opowiadać historie o zjawie, która miała się księciu ktorejś marcowej nocy roku 1813 ukazać. Anioł o czarno-białych sroczych skrzydłach. Bezimienna biała dama z portretu wiszącego w jednym z pokojów Pałacu pod Blachą.]

8. provisional title “DepTaj Margrabiego!” (the year 1861 in warsaw except its set in a harry potter-style ministry of magic. don’t ask me.):  The margrave transfigured his bed back into an armchair and gestured with his wand at the coffee machine, praying quietly for someone up there to send them some kopi luwak with the next supply package. [Margrabia przetransmutował łóżko z powrotem w fotel i machnął różdżką na ekspres do kawy, modląc się w duchu o to, aby ktoś na zewnątrz był na tyle domyślny, żeby w następnej paczce nadesłać zapas kopi luwak.]

9. the year 1861 in warsaw again except now there is a zombie apocalypse going on (once again, don’t ask me. ocs and some hetalia elements.):  "Swear," Sergey hisses with fury as he struggles to push the heavy dresser. [- Przysięgajcie - syczy Siergiej wściekle, szarpiąc się z ciężkim kredensem.]

10. time will say nothing (historical hetalia, poland/france/pauline bonaparte):  Pauline is the one to fall asleep first, as always, not wearing anything else over her thin nightgown - so it can be expected that she will usurp all of the bedsheets to herself during the night. Feliks, who lies in the middle, succumbs to sleep soon after, his face turned to France, mumbling some apologies about not having the energy to move to the other bedroom, which earned him a soothing shush from François. [Paulina zasypia, jak zazwyczaj, pierwsza, nie zarzuciwszy na cienką koszulę nocną drugiej warstwy ubrania - można więc spodziewać się, że w ciągu nocy zauzurpuje sobie całą kołdrę. Leżący pośrodku Feliks pogrąża się we śnie niedługo po niej, twarzą zwrócony w stronę Francji, wymamrotawszy przedtem jakieś przeprosiny za to, że nie ma siły przenieść się do drugiej sypialni, na co François uciszył go uspokajająco.]

11. Minąwszy przeznaczeń mielizny (oc, hetalia-adjacent): Sergey wakes up with his cheek pressed to the travel briefcase, a little surprised with the fact that he had apparently managed to fall asleep despite the train's hellishly loud noises. The curtains in his compartment are closed, but he knows that outside it must be even more dark than in here - nothing less should be expected in this part of the world in December. [Siergiej budzi się z policzkiem przyciśniętym do teczki podróżnej, lekko zaskoczony faktem, że oto jednak udało mu się zasnąć w hałasującym niemiłosiernie pociągu. Zasłony w przedziale są zaciągnięte, ale wie, że na dworze musi być jeszcze ciemniej niż w środku - niczego innego nie należy się spodziewać w grudniu w tej części świata.]

I am very fond of the opening lines to the doriath fic and the zombie fic (there is a dialogue happening as they are barricading the door and running up the stairs). As for the patterns, I already knew I had the Sentences Too Goddamn Long Disease, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I also like to open with dialogues, which might not be very visible here, but is objectively the truth. This list sadly does not include my 30 minutes shitpost drabbles (which are mostly crack hetalia anyway).

[aaaaang]

Drabble prompt: Wuko goes on their first date and mako takes too long to realize that it is in fact a date and not just two bros hanging out lol

Oh... I got carried away with this one.... I really liked this one....... thank u sm 💖

Wu has been acting weird lately. It's true that Wu acted weird all the time, but this was a very different kind of weird. Mako didn't know what to make of it...

The night started just as any night did between the two of them. Mako was by himself as he tried to work on some paper work and Wu was... doing what ever he did in that bedroom of his. (Mako would be lying if he said he didn't have his own vanity routine, but he genuinely did not know what took him that long. And how can someone own so many shirts in so many colors?)

It was quiet and peaceful. That is until Wu barged into the room, loud and bigger than life. He did that a lot, taking charge of a room and becoming center stage. By now, Mako has gotten used to how much room he takes.

Suddenly, they were both off to a night on the town. However, when they entered the Sato Mobile, Wu turned toward Mako and asked where he would like to go. Some place that they hadn't been to. Someplace Mako specifically knew. Afterall, Wu always chose and he'd rather see something Mako would like. So, despite his better judgment, Mako gave the driver the address to Narook's.

Clue number one: attention.

Narook's was not the place to take a prince. It was in a worser part of the city (but not the worst) and there was a good chance they could have run into trouble. Not to mention the joint itself was nothing like the up scale restaurants Wu had taken them to before. The walls were old and not as well kept as they should be. Seating was close together, which on a busy night meant weaving your way through people and tables and definitely knocking into people. The decor was probably pretty far from on trend as well. Oh yeah and the kitchen was pretty much right there.

But when Mako thought good food, he thought of warm cheap noodles and broth. Surprisingly, Wu seemed enthralled with it all.

"I don't think I've ever been to a place like this before. So... worn and vibrant!" Wu was observing a rather loud party right next to them with a smile. "And pretty loud too, haha! I don't think I've ever had a noisy dinner."

Mako rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his seat.

"You should be here during a pro bending tournament. Much worse," Mako added on with a bit of a groan. Oh the many times he had spilled food during a busy night...

Wu laughed at that, turning his attention back to Mako and leaning across the table.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing, you know. I think I like this." Wu gestured vaguely around them. "You don't really feel alone. Kinda like you have a family."

There was something in his eyes that seemed to give away a lot more than he was telling. Mako almost wanted to ask but he found the words trapped somewhere. There was something else in the air and in their words. Feet pressed against his under the table, and he pressed back without much thought.

"Oh my-Mako is that the wolfbats? Wait a minute... Mako is that you in that picture?"

And then that something else was gone.

Clue number two: the air.

After they finished eating, Wu insisted they walked around. Something about fresh air helping digestion or... what ever. Mako tuned him out. (Definitely did not get distracted by watching Wu covering his ears or anything. No, he intentionally missed what he said.)

Fall was starting to come to an end, and with winter came a chill. It wasn't too bad yet, just enough to bite at your nose and ears. Mako dealt with the cold rather well, years of living off of the streets developed a bit of a resistance to it. Also, he had his fire bending to warm him up if he truly got chilly.

It seemed Wu did not fair the same. He brought a scarf to cover his neck, but as they kept walking he pressed closer and closer to Mako to seek warmth. It got to the point where their hands constantly bumped into the other. Not wanting him to freeze, Mako simply pulled him into his side with a hand on his waist. Again, he thought nothing of it.

"I told you to wear something heavier," Mako chided.

"Mako, I can't predict it to drop so quickly. What do you want me to do? Hire a 24/7 weather man or something?"

Wu seemed to press into him just a little bit more than necessary. Mako didn't find it in him to mind. They spent the rest of their walk quietly talking to each other. Mostly, Mako listened. He didn't mind that each either.

Clue three: touch.

The rest of the night passed like this: Wu and Mako walked down the streets with the light of the lamps and shops guiding them. Every once in a while they were stopped either by people recognizing Mako or by some window catching Wu's eye. They stayed close together and nothing else eventful seemed to happen. It was overall just... pleasant. Much more enjoyable than bars or mixers or what ever else Wu drags him to, that's for sure.

They make it back to the hotel suite, and Mako goes back to his paper work. At this point, Wu goes to the bathroom and then to his room for the night. Instead, he lingers in the shared room. It's odd. Very odd.

Just as Mako gets puts his pen to paper Wu speaks up.

"Hey Mako, I had a fun night tonight," He says quietly.

He's leaning against the entrance to the hallway, his arm across his body as his hand props him up. Wu looks small. He's a small man in general, but he always seemed to take up a room. Now he seems to be just a tiny flame in the corner of a dark room.

"I did too," Mako says back.

Somehow that doesn't feel like the right answer. There's this quietness between them, and similar to the moment in Narook's but a little... worse? Mako cannot figure out why. They hold each others gaze.

Then Wu pulls away. The moment is lost as a smile stretches across his face. His usual bright smile, yet he somehow looks small still.

"Well! You tired me out, big guy. I'm going to head to bed. Make sure you don't fall asleep at that table again. You'll get a neck injury, and then what would i do without you?" Wu pulls away and heads towards his bedroom door. He waves as he heads inside. "Night buddy! See you in the morning!"

And as quick as he came in hours ago, he's gone. It's quiet. Mako is alone.

At first he picks up his pen and tries to write again. He tries to call back the thought that he had before Wu spoke yet the only thing that he can think about is Wu and just how odd tonight has been.

Why had Wu wanted to go somewhere Mako enjoyed? He didn't share a taste for high end cuisine like Wu did. He suggested a noodle joint of all things, yet Wu agreed. Actually, he seemed to really enjoy it. The only other person he's seen eat like that was Bolin. Mako knows this because he couldn't stop watching him eat. He tried to hide it, but it certainly made him smile.

And they walked along the streets, why did Mako indulge him in that? Wu looked and walked like money, he was aware of what could have happened on that street if they weren't careful. But Wu was pressed against him, excitedly telling him about some story or another. When people recognized Mako they gave them a *look* and he found some sort of amusement out of it. Mostly, Mako couldn't stop watching the way the lights of the city shaped and changed Wu's face. How much his eyes seemed to shine and reflect them. There was a certain loud beat in his chest as his heart-

...

Oh.

Clue number four: his heart.

The chair crashed against the floor as Mako stood. Before he could entirely understand what he was doing, he was making his way to Wu's bedroom door. He caught himself before he burst in and instead opted to knock on the door pretty loudly.

The door cracked open, Wu hiding behind it.

"Yes, Mako?" He asked tiredly.

Mako felt his mouth dry out and his tongue turn to sandpaper. He forced the words out of his mouth.

"I was just-you know tonight it was uh great! I uh-I realize I didn't quite-uh... you and I, we went as pals-I mean not pals. We-"

Mako silently cursed to himself and squeezed his eyes shut. Stop stumbling over your words, Mako! Stop fucking this up! Why did he have to be so bad at this, huh?

Breathe in. Breatheout.

He opened his eyes to find Wu starring up at him with a blank expression. He carefully tried again.

"Wu... did you take me on a date?" Mako finally asked.

Wu covered his mouth as he started to laugh. Embarrassed, Mako joined him.

"Yes! Of course it was a date." Wu answered him after his laughter seemed to calm down some. There were tears in his eyes threatening to spill and stains where they had before. He reached over to crowd into Mako's space. "Took you long enough. I thought you were letting me down easy..."

"No, I really didn't know." Mako pulled him closer, just like he had tonight. Both hands on his waist. "I should have known, it seems pretty obvious now. But... well I haven't been on that many dates you know."

Wu hummed and slowly slid his hands up Mako's chest to steady himself.

"Did you like it? The date?" Wu asked softly. Mako could see in his eyes he was worried. "Do you... do you like me?"

"Yeah. Yeah I did." Carefully, Mako leaned down to place a kiss on Wu's lips. He pulled away with a whisper. "Yeah, I do."

He didn't have to see Wu's smile to know it was digging into his cheeks enough to show his dimple. He could feel it as Wu pulled him down for another kiss. And then another. And then another.

They spent that night exchanging soft kisses and sharing secrets in the dark. No one but the moon that covered them in light was there to witness them. It was odd, but Mako could get used to this new normal between them.

[btsqualityy]

If you still taking drabble requests: The KSJs visiting the grandparents. Celebrating their first Chuseok/ Christmas as a joint family. I'm soft for baby Carson and Toddler Kade .... So something along their first gift exchange 🥺

Anonymous also said: A holiday drabble for the KSJs please 🙏 They just seem like family to really get into the holiday spirit .... Maybe like Carson's first Christmas/Chuseok

I’m gonna go with Christmas and the gift sharing idea, just because it’s easier lol 

“Alright, here we go,” Jin said as he settled himself down next to the Christmas tree and grabbed a few different boxes. “This one is for Chinny.”

“Thank you,” Kaiden chirped, taking the box from Jin’s outstretched hand.

“This one is for appa,” Jin said, turning around and handing the box to his dad. “And this one is for Carson.”

“What do you say baby?” You asked as you took the box from Jin and looked down at Carson, who was waving his arms up and down. 

“Ta,” Carson huffed, making you smile fondly at him. 

“I can’t believe that he’s about to be one years old in a few days,” Jin’s mom spoke up and you nodded your head. 

“My youngest baby is just growing up,” you pouted lightly. 

“Pla!” Carson exclaimed, smacking his hands on the box that Jin had handed you. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Car,” you giggled, gently ripping a small piece of the wrapping paper off. “There you go. Can you do it?” Carson grabbed the piece that you had pulled back and yanked on it, giggling when it made a loud ripping sound. He then grabbed onto the present, doing his best to get the rest of the wrapping paper off.

“Wahhh,” Kaiden exclaimed once he had unwrapped his present. “It’s an airplane!”

“Yep,” Jin’s father nodded proudly. “I was thinking that you and your appa could build it together and then fly it.”

“Thank you hal-abeoji,” Kaiden smiled, running over to him and giving him a tight hug.

“What did halmeoni get you?” You asked Carson, who was almost done with his present. After a few more tugs, he finally ripped the last piece off and he began to babble loudly at the picture that was on the front of the box. The box held a walker inside, that Carson could hold on to as he learned to walk. The walker was decorated to look like a lion, with a whole mane of fake fur on it to complete the look.

“Since Chin Hwa is almost walking, I thought I’d get him this little walker toy in order to help him along,” Jin’s mother explained.  

“Well, safe to say, he loves it,” you giggled as you watched Carson pull on the box to try and get it open. “Thank you both.”

“Anything for our boys,” Jin’s mother replied. As you watched Jin and his father open up the airplane for Kade and you watched as Jin’s mother cuddled Carson while you worked on opening the walker, you couldn’t help but to smile and think about what a beautiful family you had. 

[mocurlyshepard]

If you are not to busy can you please write a little something about our man Curly being a stoner please if you want to💛

HSighs, my baby (Also, I have never gotten high so sorry if these aren’t accurate. I may have went on a lil rant here lol but I based this off of people I know who smoke and allat)

So I think that as a result of Curly’s environment, (poverty stricken, highly unstable family life and a highly unstable life as a hood in general) I think that Curly is bound to have an array of issues and he probably has anxiety. Though he isn’t quite familiar with it and he wouldn’t be able to match the actions or feelings that he has to a word. Unfortunately, he’d think that all that things he’s seen and violence that he’s experienced is normal and the effect that you get after that is normal so he wouldn’t really think it was out of the ordinary to have breakdowns sometimes.

Now, I think it’s established that Tim is most likely a drug dealer (or at least I headcanon him to be) but a strict rule that Tim has is to never try your product and I know that the fandom and Ponyboy has said that Curly’s dumb but he most likely referring to academics. which honestly isn’t everything. Curly has enough common sense when it comes to things that matter and that are important. Like sure he broke his arm climbing a telephone pole and shit but he’s probably managed to spray Shepard Gang graffiti in some very interesting place without getting caught. So, honestly, I don’t see Curly as someone who would do drugs like cocaine or acid, especially because he’s seen first hand what it looks like to get strung out and addicted.

I feelt that Curly is the type of person who feels everything. I think that he’s extremely emotional and while it might not look like somethings bothering him or that he isn’t paying attention (he is) and he’s processing it and he’s feeling it tenfold. So he goofy and he jokes around a lot during the day but by night when he’s left with nothing but his thoughts and a quiet room, he’s recounting events that he’s tried pushing in the back of his memory.

Curly definitely cracks open his window and stuffs a towel under the door to spark a joint when he can’t sleep. He feels completely and utterly relaxed, he probably has random thoughts and he laughs to himself before falling asleep.

Curly’s the type of person who finally shuts the fuck up when he’s high. He’s just in a complete vibe. His thoughts are running at a hundred miles per hour and yet he isn’t quite thinking about anything. He’s definitely relaxed and if he’s with his friends it isn’t uncommon for him to completely look at you and not know what the fuck you’re saying for a good while. He’s usually very calm, and he definitely has those wise sage moments where he says something completely weird and morbid that makes everyone uncomfortable and he’s totally forgot what he said after that.

He also lights up in the school bathroom with his friends occasionally. He isn’t a big fan of school and he doesn’t like academic but it’s like a rule or something to go to school so him and his gang of friends usually shut the bathroom door and kick everyone out and just takes a few hits and gets high off someone else. During these times, he’s still a little relaxed but I don’t think he likes to be high during the day because he’s usually got things to do so a little buzz is good for him. He’s usually a little bit more giddy, and talks a lot more.

He’s got steady hands, so when he rolls it’s beautiful. It’s really an art. He’s squinting because he needs glasses and his face is so pushed up and he’s just neatly rolling and licking it and it’s a sight to see.

He occasionally gets high with Ponyboy. Let’s be real, Ponyboy is far from a saint, Pony is a stoner (and he happens to write some really good stuff when he’s high). They like to smoke together because no one is overly loud or anything. They just go to Curly’s room and vibe out, early 70′s music blasting on Curly’s shity as radio.

I also like to think he’s a bit touchy and clingy when he’s high. He’s a baby and wants to be held and warm. And he’s definitely horny when he’s high and that’s just that? But I think he just likes making out, touching and groping before he falls back and falls into a fucking coma sleep.

Okay and he’s fucking hot. He’s got a deep as voice and it gets even lower and he talks slow so you can hear the bass and shit. He’s got a lazy smile resting on his face the whole time and he occasionally licks his lips if he’s talking. His eyes are red and half lidded as those dark ass blue eyes stare at you. Ugh, stan Curly Shepard y’all!

[hexcaught]

it's  been  𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧  𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬  since  the  𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝  wizard,  𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐔𝐑  𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘  was  sorted  into  𝐠𝐫𝐲𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐫  upon  arriving  at  hogwarts.  i  suppose  over  the  years  we've  learnt  that  he  is  𝐢𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞,  𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐝,  𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭  &  𝐛𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬,  i  guess  that's  why  they  were  sorted  where  they  were.  (  𝑙𝑒́𝑜  𝑑𝑎𝑢𝑑𝑖𝑛.  )

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒   !

a  desk  cluttered  high  with  half-read  books  and  pencil  sketches,  sharing  a  joint  behind  the  greenhouses  with  a  pretty  girl  whose  name  you've  forgotten,  faded  photos  of  far-off  places  clipped  from  newspapers,  the  soft  tick  of  an  old  dented  watch,  stifling  laughter  in  the  back  of  class,  the  smell  of  slightly  burnt  fresh-baked  bread,  hand-me-down  robes  worn  over  squared  shoulders,  running  late  but  always  making  it eventually.

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈  𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓   !

i.  OLD  TOWN  ROAD   -   little  nas  x  ft.  billy  ray  cyrus.

ii.  ALWAYS  GOLD   -    radical  face.

arthur  was  born  the  middle  of  three  boys,  smack  in-between  gabriel,  the  oldest,  and  bilius,  the  youngest,  to  a  family  that  never  had  much  of  anything  save  love.  he  grew  up  wearing  hand-me-downs  before  passing  them  on.  some  days  he  was  mischievous  and  got  up  to  trouble  with  gabriel,  some  days  he  was  nurturing  and  helped  care  for  bilius

the  little  house  they  live  in  really  wasn’t  built  to  hold  five  people  and  arguments  sprung  up  daily,  like  weeds  through  cracks  in  the  pavement,  but  at  the  end  of  the  day  family  comes  first.

excepting,  of  course,  his  mum’s  side  of  the  family.  the  blacks  disowned  cedrella  when  she  married  septimus,  a  known  blood  traitor,  but  her  attitude  towards  that  (  at  least  outwardly  )  has  never  been  anything  but  good  riddance.  both  art’s  parents  believe  strongly  in  blood  equality.

most  people  call  him  art,  but  he’ll  always  be  artie  to  his  mum.  unless  he’s  in  trouble,  of  course,  in  which  case  it’s  arthur  tobias  weasley,  come  here  this  instant—

he  loves  learning,  to  the  point  where  the  hat  considered  ravenclaw  for  him.  always  tinkering  with  something.  total  muggle  studies  nerd

he’s  frequently  too  loud  and  doesn’t  even  realize  it  –  growing  up  with  two  brothers  means  you  have  to  be  loud  to  be  heard.  loudness  increases  directly  as  proximity  to  The  Boys  increases

definitely  has  adhd  but  not  diagnosed  because  #wizards.  he’s  constantly  handing  in  work  late,  essays  scrawled  messily  on  the  back  of  old  homework.  always  loses  track  of  time  and  shows  up  late  to  class  with  a  big  ol’  bashful  grin  on  his  face.  super  forgetful,  would  lose  his  head  if  it  wasn’t  attached  to  his  neck.  

he  does  his  best  to  be  kind  !!  every  single  day  !  he  really  is  a  kind  boi

that  being  said,  he  can  sometimes  get  overexcited  and  be  oblivious  to  other  people’s  feelings  or  social  cues

wants  to  travel  so  bad  :(  but  alas  #money

lowkey  ?  a  little  bit  of  a  player  !  he  never  purposefully  leads  girls  on  but  he  does  like  having  fun  without  committing  to  something  seriously  like  a  relationship  lol

i  don’t  think  i  can  empathize  enough  how  much  he  LOVES  HIS  FRIENDS  !!  i  am  serious  !!!!  tell  the  whole  world  we’re  bros....  why’d  u  whisper  bro.....  cause  ur  my  whole  world  bro

has  tried  out  for  the  quidditch  team  a  couple  times  and  hasn’t  gotten  on  but  he’ll  always  be  down  for  a  casual  game

hands  in  homework  late  but  you  can  still  find  him  after  class  chatting  up  a  storm  with  the  teacher

he’s  a  prefect  and  he  really  does  do  his  best  but  he  do  be  biased  so  if  you’re  a  gryffindor  breaking  the  rules  he  might  turn  a  blind  eye.  great  with  the  firsties  tho

loose  connection  ideas:  HIS  BOYS !!  ART  NEEDS  HIS  HOMIES  !!!,  someone  muggleborn  he  can  annoy  with  questions  abt  the  muggle  world,  maybe  someone  who  had  to  work  with  him  for  a  group  project  and  got  fed  up  with  his  disorganized  ass,  flings/hookups/fwb  (  current  or  ex  ),  sibling-type  relationship  (  especially  a  sister-like  relationship  since  he  already  has  actual  brothers  ),  people  he  can  play  casual  quidditch  with,  prefect  buddies,  anything  honestly

[eldritchsurveys]

1105.

1 - Who was the last person to knock on your door? Were they there to see you? >> ---

2 - Have you left the house yet today? If not, do you have plans to leave the house later on? >> Yes, we went grocery shopping.

3 - What’s your favourite brand of chocolate? What type of chocolate bar from that brand is your favourite? >> I don’t have a favourite brand; I haven’t gotten to try enough brands to know which one I really like (most of the ones I eat are just acceptable to me, tbh... not like, special or anything).

4 - Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? >> I mean, I met Sparrow on the internet, lol. It’s very much a common thing in my life. And obviously not, considering we’re still very much in the physical distancing phase...

5 - What was the last thing you used a blender for? >> I don’t.

6 - Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? >> Yeah. I don’t remember any specific examples, and to be honest I don’t really want to cast around in my memories for one. Already in a fragile mood.

7 - When was the last time you cracked your joints? Is that something you do often? >> I don’t remember, and no, it isn’t something I do often.

8 - What time is it right now? If you weren’t doing a survey, what else would you be doing right now? >> 6.51p. Something else on the Internet, or gaming.

9 - If you had ten minutes to run around an empty supermarket and fill your trolley for free, what’s the first aisle you’d go for? >> This just reminds me of Supermarket Sweep. I wouldn’t participate in anything like this, it’s too much.

10 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you visit the most and why? >> I’m not sure. Flight Rising, I guess, because I do daily things there. Uh... MyNoise because I’m constantly in need of something to block out other noises.

11 - Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? >> Usually we stay at the Wayland house over Christmas Eve night and have Christmas dinner (like, early afternoon kind of dinner) there, then come home. This year, we’re just doing Christmas Eve evening there, not staying overnight. And Sparrow’s sister and her family will be over there on Christmas Day. We’re just staggering the visit instead of having all of us over at once.

12 - What’s your favourite flavour of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? >> I like spice cake. I don’t make them.

13 - Do you prefer sweet or sour candy? >> Sour.

14 - What colour is your favourite fruit? Is this a fruit you eat often? >> ---

15 - Is your favourite restaurant an independent place or a chain? What is it that you love about it so much? >> ---

16 - Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? >> I have never cared for Starbucks. I’d rather go almost anywhere else.

17 - Do you own a Christmas jumper? What design/pattern does it have on it? >> Yeah, I have one that says “Sleigher: Reindeer Blood” on it, lmao. It has a badass reindeer sitting on a throne or something like that, it’s pretty metal.

18 - What’s your favourite fit/style of jeans? >> I don’t like jeans.

19 - What was the last non-essential item you spent money on? >> A bunch of stuff to put in Sparrow’s stocking. Also, some great soap from this vendor at the farmer’s market (they were there a couple of months ago and I smelled this one soap and it blew my mind. it hadn’t left my mind since and when they reappeared today I was like “this is fate. must buy amazing soap”).

20 - Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? >> The only restrictions are the mask rules and various forms of physical distancing (it varies slightly from place to place). People seem to generally be following the rules, although there is definitely a loud contingent of dissenters (like the ones that made that asinine plan to kidnap the governor back in the summer........).

21 - What did you last leave the room you’re in to do? >> I haven’t left this room since returning to it from the living room.

22 - Have you ever read any self-help books? Did you find them useful? >> I’ve read a small variety of them. Most of them were forgettable for me, but I liked the Mark Manson one and there was one called The Self-Acceptance Project that I appreciated.

23 - What’s your favourite programme on the Food Network (if you watch it)? If you don’t get that channel, what’s your favourite food/cookery show in general? >> I love the Anthony Bourdain shows. They’re more travel shows than food shows, I guess, but food is kind of the focus.

24 - Do you still watch cartoons? >> It’s not “still”, for me. I didn’t get to watch cartoons as a kid, but I watch them now, now that I can watch whatever the fuck I want.

25 - Who do you know with the most number of siblings? Would you ever want to live in a huge family? >> I don’t know. And no, I have no interest in that. Mostly because my concept of family is so trauma-based and eroded and terrible. I guess if I had good associations with the concept of family, I’d probably not mind a big one...?

26 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? >> Sure.

27 - Do you own any personalised clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? >> My suit is monogrammed on the inside. It was an option and I sure wasn’t gonna pass it up.

28 - Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? >> Nope.

29 - What colours are you wearing right now? Does your wardrobe contain a lot of those colours? >> Just black, and the gold-ish colour in the Guinness logo that my pants are printed with. Yes, there is mostly black in my wardrobe.

30 - Do you like adding condiments to your food? If so, what are some of your favourites? >> I love adding things to my food. It depends on the food, obviously, but some things I like adding are sweet chili sauce, furikake, and lemon pepper.

[vertanimeni]

the ice will start to break, the day will fade away (11/18)

Summary:

“Have you heard? The Elephant of Caocin has committed high treason!”

From Trikru’s most reputable war hero to Trikru’s most wanted traitor, Kova found themselves stripped of their titles and trapped between a clan that wants them dead and a camp of invaders - the same ones who kidnapped and tortured their brother.

But Kova was willing to do anything to stay alive and keep their family together.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake/Grounder OC

Word Count: 3,888

TW: Canon typical illness, food

A/N: Hi again!! I had to break this chapter into two parts lol I might?? Update sooner than Friday because of that :D If you’re reading through my blog, the read more does not show up due to Tumblr’s new formatting, so please click on the post itself. As of right now, I will be updating every Friday at 4pm EST. (Today is just an exception cuz this past week was hectic lol) Enjoy :D

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xi. inimical.

“They’re back! Open it up!”

Head shooting up, Bellamy looked between Harper and Miller, sharing bewildered looks with one another. "Who just gave that order?"

"No clue, I—"

The loud creak of the wooden gates opening interrupted her. Leaving her and Miller behind at the table, Bellamy jogged towards the entrance. Luckily, the three had just wrapped up their discussion with the other delinquents working on the final touches of the wall, but unluckily, the sound of the gates opening distracted the workers, and while Bellamy ran alongside the wall, they all leaned over to see of what was going on.

"Get back to work!" He called out with a swing of his arms. "I'll deal with it, get back to work!"

The delinquents did, although begrudgingly.

'If they start slowing down, the wall will never be finished at this rate.' His thoughts grew bitter, a scowl creasing his eyebrows. 'I specifically told the gate workers not to open up the gates until I came to check the group out, so why— Unless Clarke—?'

His thoughts broke off once he reached the gate, blood boiling, hands balled up in anger, fury-driven eyes seeking Kova's—

—Only to pause in his steps.

With Kova at the front leading the group, calmly carrying two baskets, Monty, Fox, Zoe, Finn, and Drew stumbled into the camp behind them, their bodies forced into an awkward angle until they could drop the baskets safely in the camp. The heavy baskets caught his eyes — fish, fruits, vegetables, and not a single turnip or onion in sight, and as if someone injected cold water in his veins, the thrumming of his pulse slowed down, and his anger-induced headache ebbed away.

The delinquents, already curious at what could have made their short-tempered leader speechless, dropped down from the wall where they had been hammering and fixing wooden planks, and murmured their astonishment, interests piqued at the sight of moss-wrapped fish and dirt-speckled vegetables.

“Get back to work.” Bellamy ordered, half-heartedly, but the delinquents were more interested in new food rather than the wall. They gathered around the group, blocking Bellamy's view, and pointed and exclaimed their awe.

“Is that a carrot?”

“There’s brown stuff on it, though…”

“I think that’s just the dirt?”

“And that stringy thing attached?”

“Wah, look at that one, it’s so fuzzy—!”

The chatter died quite abruptly to Bellamy’s alarm, and the delinquents took a step back as if startled, clearing the way just in time for him to see Kova pushing their mask up to sit on top of their head, sweat beading at their forehead and dripping down their collarbone. Either unaware or ignoring the stares, they turned to their scavenger group, the corners of their lips quirked up ever so slightly with endearment and familiarity. “Call out.”

“Herbs!” Drew, Monty, and Fox called out.

“Fish!” Zoe raised her hand with a bright grin.

“Veggies and fruits.” Finn said.

“Great. Fish, vegetables and fruits.” Kova themselves announced, setting down their baskets. “Who’s in charge of what?”

“I can bring back the herbs to the dropship. I wanna check up on Emmie.” To Bellamy’s shock, Fox spoke first, all hints of her nervousness and stutter long gone. What the hell happened on this trip?

“Sounds good. Carry the one you already have. I’ll bring the other two shortly.”

Fox nodded and hefted the basket over her shoulder again. Just before she passed Kova, she sent them a smile and mouthed, ‘Thank you’ before running off.

Ducking their head, Kova turned back to the group, their smile a little more prominent, a little more easier to catch. “Great. Who’s in charge of fish?”

“I know how to cut them up.” Finn offered.

“Remember not to throw away the moss. I can handle that part, if you want.”

“Monty,” Kova said, a surprised tone in their voice. “You… like horticulture a lot, no?” ‘After all, he wouldn’t stop talking about plants on the way back… and the different uses for certain mosses and mushrooms…’

“Well, yeah, I mean. I guess you could say plants are my thing…” Monty gave Finn, Drew, and Zoe a look. The four of them laughed.

Eyes flickering between the four, Kova figured they were laughing at an inside joke. They looked down and shook their head, hiding their smile. “Either way, you’re right. Remember what I taught you.” They addressed Finn as they took a fish and acted as if the side of their hand were a knife. “Slice the fish up, but don’t cut off the head or fins yet — save that for when you actually cook it. You should cook most of it by tonight, or they’ll spoil fast.” They turned to Monty, dropping the fish back into the basket. “Dampen the moss again, wrap them up, then wrap the entire thing with a cold cloth. When you’re done, if possible put the piles in different places.”

“Why?” Drew asked.

“Anyone remember?” Kova looked around, encouraging the rest of the group to speak up, like some sort of mentor.

Bellamy had half the mind to remind the delinquents just who and what Kova is.

“Rot and flies, right?”

“Good, Zoe. The bugs around here will smell and swipe them before anyone can get a bite. Once they start rotting, the whole pile is at risk.” They turned to Zoe and Drew. “Same applies to you two,” They paused, “if you don’t mind handling the vegetables and fruits.”

Zoe locked arms with Drew, and the two nodded. “We can do it!”

“Remember, don’t put them in direct sunlight, but not somewhere dark, either.”

“Yup, got it!”

“Alright. That should be everything.” They took in a deep breath. “Any questions? Yes, Drew?”

“Will you still teach us how to climb trees?”

Halfway through Kova’s fish cutting technique explanation, Bellamy had chased off the surrounding delinquents back to work. Just as he was coercing the last ones to the wall, Drew’s question brought not only his, but the others', attention back. His head snapped up, quickly enough for Kova to hear a pop of a joint. “No. No way—”

“I will have to talk to Clarke first,” They interrupted, words barely on the polite side. “But if she gives the go ahead, then I can.” When they noticed the delinquents on the wall listening intently, they added, “I don't mind teaching anyone who wants to learn. But only after all of this is over. Go back to work, please.”

To their honest surprise and petty delight, the delinquents listened, and when Bellamy turned two different shades of anger and annoyance, it only made their spite sweeter. But they refused to let it show on their face, and instead turned back to their scavenger group with the most neutral face they could possibly forge. “Then, I’ll return to the dropship. Shout if you need anything.”

"Yup, see ya!" Fox called out while the others waved their goodbyes. They hauled off the baskets, but Kova could still hear them throw friendly jabs at one another.

And then Monty said, "Man, this trip was actually fun."

Warmth bloomed in Kova's chest — a feeling they hadn't felt in a long time. The rest of the group agreed, briefly talking about what they enjoyed before their voices faded out with distance. They hid their growing smile behind a curtain of dreads as they reached down for their baskets. With one already strapped across their shoulder, the tips of Kova’s fingers barely made contact with the strap of the second basket when a hand snatched it out of their grasp. They raised their gaze slowly, finding their annoyance reflected in Bellamy’s eyes, and perked up an eyebrow — a question all on its own.

He ignored it and asked, “What’s in this one?”

"Spices. Ginger and clover." With a curt response, they reached for the basket again, only for Bellamy to pull his arm back. They sent him a flash of sharp eyes before lunging forward, but he swung the basket out of the way, thankfully not spilling the contents.

Still holding the basket away, he said, "You kept them out for four hours."

"And?"

“You put my people at risk.”

For some childish reason, Kova desperately wanted to respond with something that would hurt, something like, 'Were they not at risk of dying from disease and malnutrition?' Instead, they shot back with, “Clarke said to return before sunset. I'm early.”

His expression pinched, jaw tensing, and he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Bullseye.

After all, there was very little that could hurt more than poking into whatever resentment Bellamy had for his co-leader. As soon as they saw him open his mouth to speak, Kova spun around and walked in the direction of the dropship, sending him a dismissive wave. "You best follow," They said, "or she'll get annoyed with you for the delay." Pausing in their steps, they glanced at him over their shoulder, one corner of their lips quirking into a far too smug smirk. “Or, even more annoyed with you, I’m assuming.”

His blood skipped simmering, straight to boiling. They assumed wrong — Clarke had actually been furious for Bellamy’s interference earlier (he could still hear her shouts ringing in his ear), but there was no way in hell he would admit it, not when Kova had that look on their face. In his anger, he gritted out, “Fuck off. Don’t think you’re suddenly on everyone’s good side. You’re still just a grounder to them.”

Damn, alright. That felt bitchy, even for Bellamy. But a petty ego in him flared when Kova's smug look dropped and they faced forward, away from his sight.

“Were your ancestors not grounders?" He heard them say, saw their fists clench. "Did they not live here, just as mine and I do?”

Before he could retort—

“Kova!” A voice called out. The two broke out of their argument and turned together, as if preparing for some sort of disaster. Instead, it was just Drew and Zoe, running up to them, each holding a cucumber. “Oh, hi Bellamy.” She added in passing. “Sorry for bothering you, but which one is a zucchini and which one is a cucumber?”

Bellamy noted Kova's face had grown stoic with Bellamy's words, but with Zoe's question, the corners of their lips quirked up in a fond matter. “Both of them are cucumbers. Cucumbers are dark green with no stem. Zucchinis are yellow-ish green with a wood stem.”

“Dammit.”

"So I was right! Thank you.” Drew smiled brightly, but Zoe grumbled under her breath, glaring at the cucumber as if it were her fatal enemy.

Kova, without hesitation, placed their hand on Zoe’s head, playfully rubbing their knuckles against her scalp. “Don’t worry. You catch on quick — I'm sure you’ll get the hang of it in no time.”

Knowing Zoe’s tendencies, Bellamy half expected the girl to bite their hand off. Imagine his surprise when instead, she sent them a small smile, a hint of an embarrassed flush on her cheeks from the praise.

All of a sudden, she pushed Drew with a balled up hand and sprinted away, yelling, “Race you back!” Leaving Drew with complaints of cheating as he tried to catch up.

The two were left alone, and while he pointedly didn't look at Kova, Bellamy could see from the corner of his eyes how their fond smile grew into the same smug look from before, just to a lesser degree. They merely said, "Not on their good side?"

With a scoff, he turned and made his way to the dropship.

Neither acknowledged the basket strapped alongside his chest.

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The crunch of footsteps on dry leaves stopped.

By the time he realized, Bellamy was already a few steps ahead. He rolled his eyes, and with a snide comment ready to strike, he turned around—

The words died in his throat when he saw Kova's wide eyes, the slight part of their lips, the grit of their jaw. Their hands tightened around the strap of the basket, enough to pale the skin of their knuckles.

He followed their shocked gaze to the dropship, where two masked delinquents carried a body down the ramp and dropped it alongside the cadavers lined up against the side of the dropship, each with a cloth covering their faces.

Truthfully, Bellamy hadn’t visited the dropship since the last time he tried to check on Octavia. Clarke had pushed him away, claiming that her patients were finally getting the rest they needed, and that she couldn’t have him disrupting their peace. Instead, he ended up fretting over Octavia’s well-being, to the point where Miller had to distract him with more wall work and the preparation for the return of the scavenger team.

‘But now,’ His eyes raked over the lined bodies — not too many compared to Clarke and Wells’ predictions, but enough to make him also stop in his tracks, ‘Now I wish I had come by sooner.’

How many? How many graves will he have to dig up? At this rate, he will certainly have to make extras—

Crunching leaves turned into metal thumps, breaking his train of thoughts. Next thing he knew, Kova had already made it to the top of the ramp by the curtained entrance, where Wells and Clarke had been in a deep discussion until they interrupted. They hooked their wooden mask to their belt loop and replaced it with the cloth Wells provided. The three talked, too far for Bellamy to hear, but he could see Clarke and Wells gesture to the sturdy basket held between Kova’s arm and waist with interest.

“I got everything.” He heard Kova’s voice as he moved closer. He nearly hip-checked a delinquent rushing down the ramp. “Monty and Finn have the meat, Zoe and Drew have the vegetables. Bellamy has the turmeric and tea plants…”

“Perfect. Will you be…”

Kova and Clarke's voices faded out, muffled by the curtains as the two entered the dropship.

“Hey.” Wells greeted him, holding out a cloth similar to the one he gave Kova. Bellamy gestured that he didn’t need it and tried to walk in, but before his fingers could even brush the curtains back, Wells placed a hand across his chest, shaking his head. “Nope, Clarke’s orders. No one comes in or out without one.”

He raised an eyebrow.

Wells raised his own in response.

With a heavy sigh, Bellamy tied the cloth across his face.

"Good." Wells pulled back the curtains. "Come in."

“…and you’ll be teaching me how to make the medicine, right?” Clarke asked.

Bellamy had the absolute pleasure of walking in to see Kova's stoic face falter out of nervousness.

"…Yes.” Their words were slow, hesitant, and their eyes flickered around the room. “But like I said previously, I…" They cleared their throat. "I am not… I am not exactly the best at making medicine. I can provide the instruction, but you’ll have to make it yourself.”

“Don’t all the grounders make medicine? How can you be bad at it?” Bellamy sneered, crossing his arms. “Lincoln had, like, twenty bottles of shit in his pouch.”

As if someone had smacked them upside their head, Kova bent over, shoulders shaking, and spluttered out a full blown embarrassed laugh. After all, Bellamy wasn’t the first person to say something along those lines — they used to get a lot of shit from other ‘grounders’ for brewing medicine so terrible it would poison rather than cure someone, while Lincoln and Nyko were absolute prodigies of medicine and potion classes.

But the fact that Bellamy out of all people called them out for it—

Their laughter died abruptly. Crinkled eyes turned into a sharp glare. Face suddenly severe, they turned to Bellamy and hissed out, “Keep his name out of your mouth.”

He was already in shock from seeing even a hint of a laugh from Kova, let alone a full blown one, but their sudden change in behavior felt like they had poured cold water down his back. Tone defensive, Bellamy fixed his expression and said, “Don’t tell me you’re still angry about that.”

“About what? You torturing my brother?” They bit out, coldblooded, eyes sharp, every couple of words punctuated with a step closer. Wells and Clarke stood near Bellamy, ready to intervene in case they snapped. “I’m furious about it. And if you were not Octavia’s brother, I would have already sought vengeance on his behalf. But unlike others,” They eyed him up and down, “I don’t let my emotions act as a barrier from being civilized.”

“This is what you call civilized?” He scoffed, standing to his full height, stubbornly making eye contact despite forgetting the fact that he was still an inch shorter than Kova. “Well, knowing you grounders, sounds believable.”

“Can y’all… not do this right now?” Came Wells voice, his eyes flickering between the two with a look neither could decipher.

Both Bellamy and Kova switched their gazes to Clarke, who held disapproval in her eyes.

"My bad."

"My apologies."

The two sent sharp, piercing glares at one another, but with one stern look from Clarke, Kova cleared their throat and turned away, pursing their lips slightly, and Bellamy looked to the side, his scowl ever so prominent.

Suddenly, he looked up. Clarke reached out her hand—

“Octavia, you okay up there?”

Finger curling, Clarke's expression pinched. Wells and Kova, confused, looked at each other, then up at the ceiling, wondering why Octavia hadn’t responded yet. To their surprise, Bellamy narrowed his eyes at Clarke and took a step towards the ladder—

"Wait." Clarke sighed, pinching her nose bridge. "She’s not there. I sent her to Lincoln.”

Any negative feelings Kova might have had towards Bellamy crumbled away with a flurry of expressions; Comprehension, betrayal, worry, anger. Eyes widening, he took a step back, shoulders slumping, a hand suddenly tightening around the railing of the ladder.

They felt sorry for him. Logically, they knew no harm would come to Octavia if Lincoln could stop it. But the sole fear of a little sibling being in danger—

Well, was this not a play by play reflection of themselves?

Kova took in a sharp breath at this realization, catching Bellamy's attention. Anger flared behind those narrowed eyes, pinning Kova as if they were the sole cause of all these problems. Shaking their head, they crossed their arms into an 'x' shape, as if to say, 'Hey, don't look at me, I didn't know either.'

"Lincoln? Why?" Wells asked. It seemed that he didn't know about this, either.

“If there’s a cure, he might have it.” Clarke continued. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t want her to go.”

That, on its own, sparked someone else's anger. "I already told you there was no cure," Kova's words cut through the conversation, a frown creasing their eyebrows, "so where is this really coming from?"

"I needed a second opinion."

Kova heard, 'I still don't trust you.'

“If anything happens to her," Bellamy interrupted, pointing at Clarke, "you and I are going to have some problems.”

He stalked off, ignoring Clarke's calls. She turned back to Kova and Wells with a helpless look, but before she could even open her mouth, Kova also walked away. They could hear Wells berating her in the background, but they tuned it out. They needed a second to calm down. Maybe Emmie wouldn't mind some company—?

Distantly, they heard Bellamy snap at some poor delinquent.

And then came the screams.

Kova instantly changed directions and ran out the dropship, only to find absolute chaos. One of the delinquents, a young teenager, sat on the floor as if someone had pushed them. Blood dripped from his eyes, and he let out a soft, pained moan as he pressed the heels of his palms against his head.

The other delinquents huddled away from him, and some of them had ran off to wash their hands thoroughly in one of the open barrels of water. To Kova's shock, one of the delinquents aimed his gun at the young teenager, yelling at the others, "Nobody touch him! Move back!"

“Get to the dropship, now.” Bellamy ordered, and the young teenager stumbled his way up the ramp, almost shoulder-checking Kova.

In the huddled group, Raven noticed a girl swaying back and forth by her side. “Hey, are you okay—?”

The girl toppled over. Two boys close by caught her before hit the ground, and as payment, she coughed up blood, spreading it across their faces. The boys cried out and dropped her, wiping at their faces and stumbling about. Kova jogged down the ramp and guided the three up the ramp as quickly as possible, but it was too late. The entire camp threw itself into chaos. Delinquents pitted against one another, gunners threatened the infected—

Two gunshots rang out.

Everyone ducked and swiveled to the origin. Clarke stood at the ramp, her rifle pointed straight up in the air. “Can’t you guys see that this is what the grounders want? They don’t have to kill us unless we kill each other first!”

Feeling bold, a gunner stepped up in front of the group, aiming his gun at her chest. “They won’t have to kill us if we all catch the virus, so get your ass back in the damn dropshi—!”

The gunner stumbled back and collapsed to his knees, heaving loudly as he held his stomach in one hand and his chin in the other. Bellamy had grabbed his gun and butted him up the jaw while Kova had grabbed his shoulder and pulled him close, kneeing him in the solar plexus, and throwing him down. Bellamy held the end of the gun to the floor and, to Kova's surprise, nodded at them. They were still angry and, dare they even think it —hurt— but, they nodded back. They didn't risk their life at the bridge just for Clarke to die at some trigger-happy fool.

“Not to state the obvious, princess," Bellamy addressed Clarke, "but your quarantine isn't exactly workin…" His words died out, and he lunged forward, even though he was no where near the ramp.

Clarke didn't realize she had fallen over until Finn caught her, swinging her into a princess carry. “Hey, let me go. I’m okay.” She muttered, trying to tumble out of his grasp.

“No, you’re not.”

"It's fine, Octavia will come back with a cure."

A familiar voice called out, “There is no cure!”

'What a surprise,' Kova thought, turning to see Octavia push her way through the crowd. All eyes landed on her.

“The grounders don’t use the sickness to kill.” Octavia said.

“Really? Tell that to them.” Bellamy gestured to the dead bodies lined up. “I warned you about seeing that grounder again.”

"Yeah? Well, I have a warning for you too." Octavia spun around to the crowd. “The grounders are coming! And they’re attacking at first light.”

Needless to say, the delinquents' gaze switched to Kova, and all were surprised to see them equally as shocked as everyone else. Everyone's hushed mumbles grew, and Octavia used the distraction to tap Kova's arm, gesturing to follow Finn inside the dropship.

Bellamy reached out, as if about to grab her, but Octavia avoided his touch like the plague and dragged Kova without another word.

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