#lots of Asa’s trauma is also from losing her mom

[aight-griffin]

Maybe I’ll make a long post about this but. . .

YORU IS ASA’S MOM

[softpine]

i mean, elaine was also there when that women committed suicide. and obviously jada is affected the most by her mother’s death (and not preventing that other women’s death), but they all saw her mom die in a car crash at a very young age iirc. now, i know this is a story where we have characters who see dead ppl all the time, but like damn.

i get what anon meant kinda, so don’t wanna claim they said that in bad faith. nor do a wanna pit the gangs traumas against each other. but also idk the phrasing “she doesn’t have anything bad going on” is weird/lacks depth to me; yes elaine is the most immature and she’s been through less, but also she’s still impacted like everyone else from the shit she’s been through. if anything i’d argue she’s partly like that not from innocence but because of trauma.

like part of her and stevie’s friendship is built on the trauma that they probably feel like no one else will understand besides the 4 of them. so while i don’t agree with her, i understand why she said stevie is her problem.

and i’m saying this a someone whose least favorite character in the gang is probably elaine, and who agreed with austin through 90% of that argument until the end. also, i repeat, i’m not trying to bicker with anon as a fellow frozen pines enjoyer 🤝 i hope i didn’t misread yours or anon’s points.

tldr; idrc that that anon doesn’t like elaine, but yeah their reasoning could’ve been way better (also u don’t have to post this if u rather move on from the convo)

okay yeah i have to answer this because i 100% agree. me when i have no trauma 🤪

originally i had written a paragraph about how the bar for being considered "traumatized" in frozen pines is extremely high by comparison, so even though she isn't being re-traumatized every day, she's still been through hardships. if we plopped her in an ordinary teen story, elaine might actually be the one who has seen the most shit. but i erased it because.. idk. it feels icky to say that there's a certain amount of trauma a person must experience before they're allowed to act a certain way / be forgiven for the way they act. but let's talk about it, because you're exactly right that part of the way elaine acts is a trauma response.

there was a huge time skip after aileen died, so we don't know exactly how elaine dealt with the aftermath, but we do know this:

elaine's only goal was to cheer jada up, so she didn't get into her own feelings about aileen's death, she just wanted jada to know that she's not the only one haunted by the memory. their friend group is bonded by this memory that no one else understands – hell, even the girls don't understand what happened that day. only asa knows the truth. so they're bonded in uncertainty too.

when austin fails to show up to a date on time, elaine thinks: "What if he got in an accident? Did he forget his seatbelt again? Oh, God, I told him! He’s dying in a ditch somewhere and I’m sitting here all annoyed at him!" and when she visits austin's house for the first time, she realizes he lives right next to the train tracks where aileen died, and thinks, "I wish he didn’t live so close to the train…" (btw he lives VERY close to the train, so elaine has to hear it outside his window every time she spends the night)

it's been years, but aileen's death is still at the forefront of elaine's mind. it also shows that she turns that trauma into worry for other people. we've never seen her worry about her own safety in this way, even after she starts driving.

after she witnesses the woman die from jumping off the bridge, austin gives her a bunch of advice for how to survive a big fall, which comforts her a lot, but she's horrified to learn that austin has also jumped off that bridge for fun. it's one of the only times we've seen her be truly pissed off, and it's because the fear of losing austin in that way terrifies her. she can't believe he's being so casual about it (and cocky, honestly. he says: "It was sick. I didn't break anything. [...] You could do it too if you practiced.") again, elaine doesn't find it distressing to imagine herself in a dangerous situation, but as soon as she imagines someone she cares about doing it, she panics.

no doubt about it, elaine lacks awareness when talking about gruesome deaths with other people. while stevie makes jokes about her trauma, jada avoids the subject like the plague, asa channels his trauma into helping ghosts... elaine overshares and downplays death. she's interested in true crime because she's already seen the horrors of death and now she just wants to understand the why and how of it (she even says: "Death isn't so scary when you understand the science behind it.") she doesn't believe in religion, she's not spiritual, and she doesn't believe in ghosts. all she can do is cling onto the physical effects of dying and everything that she can learn from it. the way she's able to cope with the things she's seen is by treating it like something that happened to someone else, far away from her. can this be insensitive? yes, absolutely. but this is something she can definitely learn from and change. again, she's only 17... she's gonna have some wacky views about mortality.

so that's what we know so far about elaine's trauma and how it changes her behavior. but without spoiling anything.... in a short time, you're about to see the effects of her trauma in a big way, so it's good to put this out as a refresher!

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXXVIII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

All For You (Part I)

(12x06/12x07/12x08)

Hello my friends! We are running fast with this season, this time I will talk about three episode, so remember I will focus on those details related with Destiel, and maybe brief comments about other topics.

So let's start!

What the mouth says

We met Asa Fox in episode 12x06, and first of all, let me say, he dies, and he's wearing blue color. (Raise your hands at the mention of another Cas mirror!)

Let's jump into a little funny scene...

Dean: [his mouth full of pizza] Jody, you watching some kind of chick flick here?

Jody: Well, Dean. I’m a chick.

Dean: No. No, no. You’re– you’re a badass sheriff chick. You’re not a-a rom com chick. Wait, are you a rom com chick?

Jody: Are you?

Okay, this is the way Dean talks with himself, because deep inside, this man is a sweet, romantic bean. He puts this wall around him, because he has this toxic masculinity saying him being romantic is chick flick thing. But even so, with Cas, he will show this chick flick side, gifting him the mixtape. So yes, Dean is a rom com rick.

This is a Yockey's episode, so we will have a lot of hints about Destiel showing up with mirrors.

I quickly wanna point that, as I said before, Asa is a Cas mirror, he's a legend, handsome, and well known by women. Everyone were carry the dead differently, but Jody, Jody was his lover. So she would feel the lost more deeply. She is now taking the place a mourning girlfriend would take. Then, she's representing future mourning Dean here.

There's a huge difference between what Dean says and what Dean really feels.

He repeated what he had learned from his dad and Bobby and many others hunters he met in this dialogue with Sam:

Dean: He died on the job. No better way to go.

Sam: You really believe that?

Dean: Yeah. What, you don’t? I mean, come on, Sam, it's not like we're in the “live till you're 90, die in your sleep” business. This? [Dean points at Asa’s hunting wall] This only ends one way.

Sam points out at those words his brother is saying, 'You really believe that?' because he's almost sure, after all these years, maybe his brother doesn't think the same the old hunters had said. But Dean comes back and repeats it again. There's a huge difference, as I said, between these old statement and what Dean really wants. We will discover it slowly through the followings seasons.

Focusing again in Asa/Jody as a Destiel mirror, we will be hit by the idea of Jody fantasizing about having a life with Asa, just like Dean with Cas. And the way Asa dies, a demon who wanted to be 'personal' is a huge foreshadow of Lucifer killing Castiel to make it personal for Dean.

Finally, let's talk about family love vs romantic love, because Yockey will play in this episode with Mary coming back after leaving and episode 12x19, when Cas comes back, and the difference in Dean's reaction to it...

Gif set creditb@artemiskitsune

If you pay attention to the dialogue between Dean and Mary, is less dramatic, compared with the reaction he will have with Cas. Is more calm, and less raged. He's mad and he's scolding his mom for leaving and not sending enough messages as he would like.

Sam words are more wise, and will present us what Dean really feels...

Sam: (...) We just got you back, [Sam continues while we see Dean outside drinking from his flask] and he's just scared we're gonna lose you again, (...)

This settles perfectly what Dean feels for his mom, but also, explains Dean's reaction to Castiel coming back, not just in episode 12x19, but mostly after he will come back from the Empty. The trauma and fears in loosing Cas again. Explaining why he decides to jump into the AU without saying a word to Cas, or before he comes back in season 13.

We also had Mary uncovering Asa's dead face, mirroring Dean in the future uncovering Castiel's face when he was dead.

Sacrifice myself for you

Episode 12x07 gave us a cute Destiel moments, mostly Cas being sassy with Dean. The well known lumberjack scene. Which showed us how Cas replies sassy at Dean, even when Sam was on the let's joke about Cas' wardrobe in LA.

Gif set credit @lesbianlenas

We did have worried Husband Dean with eyes on his angel on the stage, when Lucifer was fighting with him too... Hearteyes.

I want to talk too about Roseleen and her devotion, pathologic devotion, towards Vince Vincente. She willingly cut her skin and took off one teeth for him. Like a sacrifice, plus the song that sounds like Ladyheart's hit "Bloody Messiah", knowing Jesus Christ was the Messiah for Christianity, we have here more symbolism for the big sacrifice we will have at the end of this season. Sacrifice for love.

Jealousy and foreshadowing the Empty

Episode 12x08 is purely Lucifer too, but we had a couple of interesting things.

CAS and CROWLEY: Agents. Agents.

DEAN: Okay, this has gotta stop.

Dean is done with this duo, but mostly jealousy is the one talking here.

Before focus myself into the title of this episode, I want to stop a second in the Lucifer/President scene. We have the darkness and Lucifer talking with the president, so we have two presidents in the dark. Just like we will have two Cas (Cas and the Empty) talking in the Void.

Now, Lotus. Is related to purity, and not for nothing we will have fem!AUMICHAEL wearing a lotus ring or allusions to Indi gods (pictures in episode 14x03) on the wall with lotus flowers.

Who's the lotus flower? Who will be conceived in this episode? Yes: Jack.

To Conclude:

In this first part I wanted to show you how the written were giving hints about Castiel's death and the Empty.

How the angel will be willingly to give everything for love, even his life. Like a 'bloody messiah'.

Hope you like this none, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @nickelkit @anon-non2 @cea1996

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from this season, here you have the links:

Vol. LXXV, LXXVI, LXXVII.

Buenos Aires, September 9th 2020 5:27 PM

[covid19updater]

COVID19 Updates: 07/30/2021

Australia:  JUST IN - Australia will not reopen its borders for travel until 80% of the population is vaccinated - Prime Minister Scott Morrison

World: Holy Mother—the worst CDC #DeltaVariant report ever: MORE CONTAGIOUS than Smallpox* DOUBLE transmission of Wuhan 1.0* MORE SEVERE than ever* Vaccinated can transmit* & breakthrough viral loads ~ unvaxxed.

Japan:  Japan Medical Association fears medical system will collapse if Covid-19 surge continues

Florida:  BREAKING: AdventHealth hospital system puts Central Florida Division on code black due to surge in coronavirus patients

Florida:  COVID-19 hospitalizations in Florida have reached the highest level since August. At the current rate it will reach the all-time high within 7 days

California:  Los Angeles Unified School District, the 2nd-largest in the U.S., says all students and employees will have to wear masks and be tested weekly, regardless of vaccination status

US:  U.S. COVID update: More than 96,000 new cases, biggest one-day increase since February - New cases: 96,085 - Average: 71,092 (+4,459) - In hospital: 44,245 (+1,635) - In ICU: 10,874 (+411) - New deaths: 398.  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 44,000, highest since April

California:  Los Angeles County reports 3,248 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase since February (Note: CA has one of the highest vax rates in the US)

US:  CDC Director Walensky says new masking advice was largely based on soon-to-be-published data showing that virus can thrive in the airways of vaccinated people, even if they're asymptomatic - NYT

US:  BREAKING: Biden orders vaccine mandate for all 1.5 million members of the U.S. military - NYT

Japan:  *JAPAN PM SUGA TO HOLD PRESS CONFERENCE AT 7PM JST

Japan:  JAPAN'S TRADE MIN. KAJIYAMA: JAPAN PROPOSES EXTENDING THE STATE OF EMERGENCY IN TOKYO AND OKINAWA OVER COVID-19 UNTIL AUGUST THE 31ST.

Philippines:  PHILIPPINES REIMPOSES LOCKDOWN IN CAPITAL FROM AUG. 6-AUG. 20

South Korea:  South Korea: Daily virus cases over 1,700 as infections grow amid summer vacation season

Florida:  Baptist Health in Jacksonville, Florida, warns that its hospitals and emergency rooms are at maximum capacity.

Texas:  BREAKING:  Only 13 ICU beds are available in Central Texas across 11 counties.  2,375,407 people live in the Trauma Service Area O.   That’s only 2% of ICU beds available in Central Texas. This is the lowest level of ICU beds since the START OF THE PANDEMIC.  

Arkansas:  Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson on Thursday declared a public health emergency amid a surge in COVID-19 cases and announced a special legislative session to change a law that prevents public schools from requiring masks:

Malaysia:  #COVID19 Malaysia recorded 16,840 new positive cases with 134 deaths.

Illinois:  CDC COVID risk map: Cook Co. to issue mask rules as data shows 'substantial' COVID-19 transmission - WLS-TV

Kenya:  The Kilimani Street Festival has been postponed following the COVID-19 briefing by CS Mutahi Kagwe, and restriction of public gatherings. It remains our primary responsibility to ensure we comply with the above directive, and help in curbing the spread of COVID-19.

Malaysia:  Malaysia busts another ceiling with record 1,055 patients in ICU for Covid-19 today | Malay Mail LINK

RUMINT (US):  BREAKING: Six passengers on Royal Caribbean's Adventure of the Seas cruise ship (which I am sailing on) have tested positive for COVID-19. Four are vaccinated, two are unvaccinated children. Passengers have not yet been notified. Story to come.

Vietnam:  Vietnam confirms 8,622 new COVID-19 cases and nearly 300 deaths LINK

Massachusetts:  91 vaccinated Mass. residents have died from COVID-19 as breakthrough cases surpass 6,000 This is why the Biden Admin is freaking out. MA is a leading indicator. LINK

US:  This new change doesn't seem to be getting the attention it deserves.... The C.D.C. now says fully vaccinated people should get tested after exposure even if they don’t show symptoms. LINK

US: Op/Ed:  As a pediatrician I'm going on record saying that allowing kids to be freely infected with a novel disease that has unknown long term consequences is the worst idea of 2021 despite being a pretty crowded field so far #COVID19

Arkansas:  'It's going to be dark days here in the next couple of weeks,' said UAMS Chancellor @drcampatterson. @NBCNews @shaqbrewster said that's scary to hear him say. "I've haven't said that before," Patterson replied. #covid19ark LINK

UK: Covid infection rates in England are STILL going up, random testing reveals: ONS figures show an increase despite dramatic plunge in daily infections - adding to fears that people are hiding symptoms to avoid being 'pinged' LINK

RUMINT (Florida):  My mom lives in Florida and works at a medical clinic near Melbourne. She said her whole office is worried. "We are getting emails from admin that they may be sending some of us out of the clinic to help at the hospital and that includes me. They want us to work 12 hour shifts too." "My employer owns a lot of hospitals and the one closest to hear is near full capacity. They said the nursing staff is at the breaking point there." She is 65 years old and is high-risk with diabetes and some heart issues. Trying to make her work in a hospital for 12 hours shifts?!?!

World:  Vaccination alone won't stop the rise of variants and in fact could push the evolution of strains that evade their protection, researchers warned. They said people need to wear masks and take other preventative steps until almost everyone is vaccinated. LINK (LOL)

World:  * WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION HEAD TEDROS SAYS HARD-WON GAINS IN FIGHTING COVID-19 ARE BEING LOST

NYC:  BROADWAY AUDIENCES WILL NEED PROOF OF VACCINATION AND MASKS - NYT

US:  As of July 23, there have been 11,940 deaths, 11,198 life-threatening adverse events, 12,808 cases of permanent disability, and over 106,000 hospitalizations and emergency room visits following Covid vaccination reported to the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System #CovidVaccine

Florida:  Florida Governor Ron DeSantis to issue executive order to give parents the right to decide whether their children will wear a mask at school

US:  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 45,000, highest since March

US:  (READ) CDC: 74% who got Covid-19 and most who were hospitalized in recent analysis had been fully vaccinated. LINK

Massachusetts:  Vaccinated people made up three-quarters of those infected in a massive Massachusetts covid-19 outbreak, pivotal CDC study finds

US:  Walmart will require employees in high COVID-19 transmission areas to wear masks again LINK

US:  FDA, UNDER PRESSURE, PLANS ‘SPRINT’ TO ACCELERATE REVIEW OF PFIZER’S COVID-19 VACCINE FOR FULL APPROVAL – STAT NEWS

Louisiana:  Masks, face coverings now required in all East Baton Rouge library buildings LINK

Uganda:  #Uganda: PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS ON COVID -19 Schools remain closed. Learning to continue virtually. Burials, weddings and other marriage ceremonies restricted to 20 people. Inter district movement of private vehicles allowed but with a restricted number of passengers.

UK:  JUST IN - SAGE, the UK's health "expert panel," warns next Covid "super mutant variant" could kill up to one in three people, and the "vaccine roll-out may even speed up mutant strain's emergence." (Daily Mail)

US:  JUST IN - More than 110,000 breakthrough cases in the US (Bloomberg)

UK:  Sewage monitoring has shown there was a "widespread increase" in the concentration of COVID-19 in England throughout June LINK

UK:  NEW: NHS secretly drew up plans to withdraw hospital care from people in nursing homes in the event of a pandemic

US:  Breaking: COVID-19 just released a rare statement. "Thank you for not learning anything from the past 16 months. I really can't believe it's this easy to keep the pandemic going. See you at Sturgis!"

Hawaii:  BREAKING: Hawaii reporting high number of 622 new #COVID19 cases statewide today - caveat: that includes getting caught up from electronic reporting backlog - but 3 day average now over 300 cases per day @KITV4

Florida:  BREAKING NEWS: COVID-19 cases continue to be on the rise in Florida as the state reported more than 100,000 cases in the past week. The state’s new case positivity rate also surged to 18.1%. LINK

US:  Walmart requires that headquarters staff be vaccinated against COVID-19 by Oct. 4, while Disney gives workers at all U.S. locations 60 days - MarketWatch LINK

US:  JUST IN - U.S. House adjourned for a 6-week August recess without passing an extension of the eviction moratorium which expires Saturday, leaving millions of Americans at risk of losing their homes.

US:  FDA okays Regeneron COVID-19 antibody as preventive in high-risk settings LINK

California:  #BREAKING: Coronavirus cases have spiked yet again in San Diego County, reaching a new daily high total since Feb. 5, county officials confirmed Friday. LINK

Arkansas:  NEW: Arkansas reported 2,544 new COVID-19 cases today. Hospitalizations increased by 32. LINK

Missouri:  How a Tiny Town With an Anti-Mask Mayor Caused COVID Chaos LINK

Missouri:  ‘What’s your breaking point?’: Over 300 hospitalized in SW Missouri — including kids LINK

US:  U.S. CDC chief says there will be no federal mandate on COVID-19 vaccine LINK

Florida:  The reigning Florida of America… is still… Florida. If no mask or mitigation, then FL is headed towards a burn  through. That’s like a forest fire that fizzles out when it runs out of wood/bushes/grass to burn. God save the good people of Florida. #COVID19

South Africa:  Refusing a Covid-19 vaccine in South Africa could now drive up your life-insurance premium similar to other risk factors such as smoking, a South African insurer said this week, in a move that is likely to be watched closely by other industry players LINK

[elizabethrobertajones]

sam & season 12

I keep going on about how much I loved season 12 for Sam, and I was talking to @bluestar86 last night (Or, hyperactively talking AT :P) and they were saying how narratively neat it was to end with Sam at the beginning (facing down a 1x01 parallel scene) again just like Dean ended last season back at the beginning, getting Mary back. Anyway several of the conversations I've seen or had about Sam are about how some people feel this season really wasn't very good for him and he didn't have anything happen to him... I think I kind of veered onto that for a moment after 12x21 because there was a lot of negativity around especially after we were all excited that the "someone in the life" thing he'd been about in season 11 and Eileen seemed to clearly be a part of had obviously taken such a blow, and the BMoL thing was now also obviously a total failure for him.

I think 12x22 did a pretty good job wrapping that up for Sam, since Berens did all the legwork in the first place for setting Sam up with the BMoL and then answering how that made feel and giving Sam a clear win with it in The Raid pt.2 so I don't think I need to talk about that too much and also it only represents a fraction of his character stuff, something that was just sort of happening to him this season and actively for only an even smaller part of it, while obviously there had to be a much more real deal to it all.

I don't know if maybe it's too obvious or the problem seems to be that people think that he didn't engage with the story enough for it to seem like it was happening TO him despite what I felt was a clear thing all through the season, but the Sam and Mary stuff was absolutely brilliant this year to me, and I think 12x22 and 12x23 spelled out a lot of stuff about how Sam was interacting with his arc and how the show was telling it, giving me some really clear examples to use. As I was accidentally talking Bluestar's ear off (oh god I'm scrolling back through this conversation to scavenge my points and I am so sorry about how much of this chat is me... :P) Sam's always had his shit dealt with largely in an external way, with things often being quite allegorical while Dean has an internal approach (the season 1 queer subtext for Sam vs Dean's where Sam's powers are queercoded but Dean just *is* is my favourite example :P). The 22/23 use of putting Dean IN Mary's head to talk through everything while she didn't say a word and he stood on the spot and vocalised everything, and then putting Sam in a different reality to passively view and have AU!Bobby explain to him all the relevant exposition to why this was the mirror of the previous episode doing the same thing for Sam is a very very neat back to back image of how their stories get told.

So back to the start:

Obviously Dean and Mary are more emotionally connected anyway because Dean was alive longer at the same time as her previously; in 1x01 he's defensive of her memory and Sam doesn't know her so can say something objectively ridiculous like she's never coming back and Dean can get all angry about him DARING to suggest that. So when Mary comes back, Sam takes 1 and 3/4 episodes to find out while Dean starts a much more complicated emotional arc with her dealing with her sacred memory and other personal crap he's accumulated with her.

SAM Mom. For me... just, um... having you here... fills in the biggest blank.

Sam doesn't have a history with her, but he does have a massive emotional investment, so in a way their story can only start when they start actually DOING stuff together. But 12x02 also lays out the problem, that Mary is going to want to run away and not face her past because she DOES have massive personal crap accumulated about Sam, because her presence brings back the original balance where the emotional story was with Dean and the mytharc crap was with Sam, but now it's about her - she could have had this exact same arc in season 1 if she'd been alive, say taking Jess's death as the point to leg it and not bear to face Sam, as she feels responsible.

DEAN Mom, look, I am... thrilled that you're back. I mean, I'm so damn happy, I-I-I can't even stand it. MARY I just... it's just gonna take me a second to catch up, you know? DEAN Yeah, no, no. Look, take – take all the time you need, all right? It's – it is what it is. MARY And when we do find Sam... how am I gonna face him? DEAN What do you mean? MARY That yellow-eyed thing would never have come for him that night if I... I started all of this.

This all spells out nice and simply the entire sum of what's going to be their problem this year and what they need to overcome at least in the sense of coming to peace with it. Sam just wants Mary around, Mary can't be around Sam.

In 12x03 Mary begins the process of running away. Cutting her hair is symbolic of shedding her past image and is important and a step forward in mending with Dean and shedding saint!Mary and the dreaded nightgown image, but regressive in dealing with Sam, because they have such opposite demands on her emotionally. She needs to face the past with Sam, but to move forwards with Dean - which is also too much work for her because she's being given the huge task of accepting messed up adult Dean because his need for her is so vast so of course it's daunting (and I'm assuming there's at least some postnatal depression kind of metaphor going on with all this ESPECIALLY with Sam - of course all mixed up in mytharc but 12x06 gives us that she would rather go hunting than stay and do childcare with Dean). Sam loses out harder because his need is so simple and Mary being flawed and hurting Dean is ultimately for the best - after 12x02 we wrote meta about his drinking alone scene as representing exactly this, and 12x22 and "I hate you" was the point he had to be brought to. But Sam makes no mytharc emotional progress with Mary if they'd spend the entire season joined at the hip catching up and doing generic mother - son activities, because it wasn't addressing their problems.

12x03 also showed us Mary's trauma she needed to address, visually, with the John, Dean and Sam parallels in the haunted house. Sam wasn't even a real baby - he was the broken, burned hollow doll. He was an object of absolute, triggering horror for Mary after she was trapped in the nursery with the doll by the ghosts, a reminder of her death, and the state of the doll very suggestive of what happened to Sam because of her deal - and basically visually displays everything Dean eventually told her what happened to Sam in his speech in 12x22.

Moving on to actually looking at how Sam feels about the mytharc, 12x04 and 12x05 featured Magda and Ellie as blatant Sam mirrors. With Magda, Sam gets to look back at his powers arc and say stuff that indicates how he feels about it now, especially when it comes to self-blame and his feeling of being unclean caused by Mary's deal. (In the long run, Ketch killing her was for our shock value, Sam never learned on screen, and it wasn't a part of his arc that she died, just something for us :P yay) With Ellie, he has an almost identical conversation about her horror about discovering her family history and that the blood running in her veins has this connection and that she was a fated vessel, if technically only because she was geographically nearby. Both of these mirrors make the episodes for Sam's part focussed on how he feels about himself and what Mary's deal did to him, and show he's actually already, through all his previous trials and tribulations, made some peace with himself.

I mean... "trials" is deliberate word choice, since 8x21 he got to address how he felt unclean, then did the trials and I think even if he didn't finish them again once he's had time to process he's already in a better place than before about it before season 12. I also feel season 5 resolved his original character arc and his actions in Swan Song completely redeemed him and eased his conscience and he literally was a blank slate after that, and also has a demonstrable sense of peace all through Gamble era - even in the middle of season 7 Bobby calls him out about it but ends up agreeing he's just somehow ended up really zen :P... The problem here is that because Mary coming back was not really on the books back in season 5 Sam's arc got resolved on a LOT of major points relating to the mytharc and he was really only left with Lucifer and Hell trauma which all dates from AFTER this resolution though as a direct result of it. So these two episodes explain how he's feeling and that it actually isn't something Mary should be afraid of because Sam's in a good place with his past and so on, as he eventually manages to tell her in 12x22.

12x06 has their shared moment of trauma/horrible flashbacks when the 1x01 parallel happens where Sam and Mary get to relive it all with Bucky being tied to the ceiling and dripping blood (On Asa’s face, a sort of child figure to Mary as well) as the warning he's there. The demon's MO on killing like that was blatantly only so that we'd get them having this moment.

12x12 is where it really kicks off again, and after a lull on this while they dealed with other branches of the story, including the start of the nephilim arc, which with the Lucifer connection was already at least tenuously like Sam just for shared backstory - there was some speculation that the nephilim would be a good vessel for Lucifer and he only wanted it for that, which would have made Jack a direct Sam parallel... We didn't see that although it was obvious Lucifer only wanted to use him to take over the universe and having a loyal son to do it is much easier than relying on his supposed perfect destined vessel, who was a bit harder to control than Lucifer had reckoned on :P Lesson learned since 5x22. Point is it was a sped up version of the process of milennia of figuring out how to get a Perfect Fated Vessel to empower Lucifer for the big take over.

Anyway 

I screamed and knocked my table with my knee so hard I still have a dent in it when Ramiel flashed yellow eyes at Mary along with the old season 1 remember-when-demons-were-scary sound effect. I'm honestly still kind of stunned and impressed that they brought back literal yellow eyed demons to act as a visual aid here. It forced a moment for Mary to tell Sam what she saw and for it to immediately become a Mary and Sam moment sharing this very specific trauma of what a YED meant to them, with Sam asking Mary what she'd gotten them into as if she even knew. Bringing in these princes of hell was again just a sort of visual thing to put on screen to put season 1 and Azazel's original work with Sam back on the table, again making it clear the mytharc is connected to Sam. Dagon does for Jack what Azazel did for Sam, and even though Dean killed Azazel before his plans could come true he died convinced Sam was ready and going to be everything he was supposed to, leaving a thought for Dean for season 3 that Sam hadn't been brought back right that segued into him going genuiely dark even if nothing was actually wrong with him like Azazel insinuated; I'm pretty sure Dagon died thinking that this changed nothing too, because Kelly saying Jack was good because he saved her just made Dagon laugh.

Dagon's time on the show carries this part for Sam even though he had almost no interaction with her, just by visual association of yellow eyes and what she's doing. 12x17 parallels her directly to Azazel in the staging of the action to 1x21, for example, and she already has her special child in hand unlike Azazel who was having a lot of fun with an ant farm with the entire special children project. (This also escalates into the main problem after the midseason in general making the second half of the show about a mytharc connected to Sam metaphorically in the same way Amara was connected to Dean metaphorically - I suppose 12x08 would be the 9x11 step of all that. Cas was already connected to the nephilim arc in 12x08 when he was the one who broke the news to them, 12x10 making it very clear he felt it was his problem. 12x19 MAKES it his problem. And in general now we know for sure it was used as the end of season episode thing that escalated everything into season 13 and was the final shot of the season.)

So I think when it comes to Sam stuff that gets us back to 12x22 & 23 - with Dean making clear Mary's deal was the biggest hurt in his speech to her and listing what it did to him with her death and to Sam with the mytharc smacking him in the face because of it. When Mary is back, she repeats the thought from 12x02 that she's scared of Sam, and Sam appears out of the woodwork to hug her and reassure her with the same message but this time it's post-communication so they actually all have a real understanding, and don't have this catastrophic void. Mary's still fucked up but at least she isn't ready to flee from Sam in horror, and I think it was that far more than anything about dealing with Dean that made her run in the start of the season, because she could have worked things out awkwardly with him because she had no underlying fear of him in the same way.

And then to 12x23 where the AU is caused by Mary NOT making the deal, and I think it's important to bear in mind everything about Sam and this so far this season because it's all been dredged back up again, but in 12x22 he got to make a peace with Mary that they could actually deal with this. It's not a manipulative, wow the world would suck worse if it DIDN'T happen, be thankful it did. It's something Sam can see, sure, but we benefit the most in a meta way to know that the message of the show is that Mary's deal is now all good, at least for how Sam can feel about it. The fact he sees the world as better because of it, and that he's at peace with what it did to him, is written into the fact this world is showing US that things would be so much more worse without it, and I guess this is the representation of how he feels shown to us in an actual example of a tangible world that expresses this feeling.

And of course as I said the season ends with Sam running off to investigate what happened with Jack, and being the one to follow his scorched footprints into the room with the crib that such a big fuss was made of earlier like he would get a chance to USE it but now is acting like set dressing:

Again one episode after Sam was represented as a crib all through a long speech (because babies suck at acting :P)

and a reminder that everything for him began with that moment in 1x01. Even though the thought Mary was in was more like 5x16's memory than 1x01, Sam was brought down from the nursery and his crib was there, and the way Dean woke up in the chair directly paralleled 1x01's opening with John waking up there. So the two blurred, and the conversation happening over the crib was about Mary's deal which resulted in Azazel standing over the crib. In the show's language, nurseries are Sam. And he ends the season in one, looking at a yellow-eyed thing that that crib technically belonged to even if he's massively over sized for it (lol, even Sam wasn't that tall a baby)... And whatever happens to Jack, now reflects on Sam, and his original feelings and choices about the demon blood arc and being Lucifer's vessel. If Jack is pure evil he's just a dark mirror for Sam to work through some shit. It's more likely he'll at least start neutral or as a uncomfortably powerful and volatile blank slate, but like how Mary isn't exactly fixed, Sam now has a stage set to work through his own stuff that he might not have wanted to touch to blame Mary in the same way Dean had to get to an "I hate you" stage.

(And I wonder about Mary in this because one thing that wasn't revisited except a brief mention she didn't remember, was 1x09 and Mary apologising to Sam there as a ghost, right as things were kicking off with his psychic crap. I think also once he knew all the truth later in season 4 & 5, he could also feel that Mary had already apologised and so again he's in a different place from Mary where he's ahead of her since she doesn't remember... I still feel like season 13 will probably be tackling Sam and Mary more directly than this year where it was more Dean and Mary, and Jack for good bad or neutral will offer a way to put a LOT of stuff on screen that we can see through him as Amara was to Dean a representation of his issues made manifest... He doesn't even have to have a ton of contact with Sam although I am perversely hoping he duckling-imprints on Sam since he was the one who walked in on him freshly born :P But ech, speculation. Who knows how this will go, I can't really do more than wonder about the longer character arcs and what I'd find funniest to do in the first minute of the next episode :P)

Anyway, this is all for me why season 12 was an incredible Sam season, and I'd been yelling loudly about each and every one of these developments as they happened. Long story short, I'm now an enthusiastic Sam girl because of Dabb and Berens's combined efforts, and I genuinely feel like this season did him a great service in the story.