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losersiancebeepbleh · 6 years ago

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BFDI Fairytale: Flowerlocks and the Three Finalists

Warning: This is a crackfic, so be prepared for characters acting OOC. I’m not trying to bash anyone, but crackfics just be like this, you know. Also, warning that there’s mentions of death and knives here, though there’s no actual gore. Also, there’s dead memes, so be warned.

Also here’s the Wattpad link to it if you prefer reading it on Wattpad for some reason:

Anyways, here’s the story:

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Flowerlocks and the Three Finalists

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Flowerlocks, who was taking a stroll through the woods. Now, this story takes place during BFDI, back when Flower was still more of a thot than Pencil and Match.

"Wait, what was that?" Flowerlocks asked angrily, glaring at the narrator.

Nothing. Also, you shouldn't be able to hear me.

"Uh, fine, whatever..." Flower said, continuing on her way.

Anyways, Flowerlocks soon stumbled upon a cottage in the middle of the woods. Being the thot she was, she decided that her next course of action should be breaking and entering. (Don't try this at home, kids!) However, she didn't really need to break anything, since the door was unlocked, so it was more like... just entering. (Seriously, you need to lock all your doors when you leave the house, or else a Flower could end up invading your house! And you wouldn't want that to happen, now do you?)

The first thing that greeted Flowerlocks as soon as she opened the door were three bowls of food lying on a table. Flowerlocks, who had been disappointed that she didn't have to break anything to get in, decided that this was the perfect opportunity to make up for that. So she tried to eat their food.

The first bowl of food had spicy Despacito Doritos in them. Flower recognized them from a commercial where Firey Underwear sponsored them. She decided to try them.

"Ugh!" Flower yelled. "This is too spicy and flavorful! My taste buds can't handle all the memes!"

After her tongue had calmed down from the spiciness, she decided to move on to the next bowl. Inside it were leaves. (Yes, Leafy is a cannibal. How else do you think she stays eternally young?) Flower took a bite, despite the ominous aura radiating from the leaves.

If the Despacito Doritos were too flavorful, then the leaves were too flavorless. They tasted like emptiness, the void, and the destruction of the universe. (No, it's not because Leafy sucked all the life out of them. It's because that's what spinach actually tastes like irl.)

Anyways, after Flower finally stopped feeling empty because of the spinach, she moved on to the next bowl. It had Yoylecake on it. She tried a bite.

"This is delicious!" Flower said, "It's not too flavorful, nor is it too flavorless! It's just right!" And then she ate the whole Yoylecake because this takes place before Ruby taught her how to be not mean. She also turned metal because Yoylecake, but she didn't really care.

Now, the author doesn't like how both the chairs and the beds were too hard/soft in the original fairytale, so she decided to replace the chairs with something else. Instead of finding chairs, Flowerlocks found a closet with three outfits.

"Wait, hold on!" Flower protested. "Objects don't wear clothes! Well, with the exception of my Non Slip Shoes So Ha! (™), of course!"

Uh, well, this is a human AU.

"Oh ok," the now human Flower said, "But wait! Why would I try on their clothes if I'm already wearing clothes?"

Because, um, because you're a thot.

"Hey!" Flowerlocks shouted indignantly.

Just try the clothes on, please.

"Ugh, fine..." Flower said with a slight humph sound.

She tried on the first outfit. It was bright orange and yellow. When she saw herself wearing it in the mirror, she gagged.

"Why is this so bright? This is a fashion faux pas! This orange makes me look like a prison inmate!" She yelled, revolted. She hurriedly ran back into the closet to try on the second outfit.

She came back out wearing all black. She looked at the mirror in distaste.

"Ugh, I look like an emo teenager. This outfit is so dull and dark," Flower complained. "Why is this outfit so edgy? I'm going to change again." She went back into the closet for the third outfit.

This time, she emerged wearing a light blue dress. As she went to look in the mirror, she suddenly gasped and did a quick twirl in it.

"Not too bright, but not too dull," Flower said in satisfaction. "It's just right!"

Still wearing the borrowed outfit, she went upstairs. And as a testament to how much of a thot she was in BFDI, she decided to sleep in one of the homeowners' beds.

When she reached the second story, Flowerlocks saw three bedrooms. She went in the first one. It didn't really have a bed. It just had a fireproof metal box in the center. But Flower doesn't really have that much common sense, so she tried to sleep on it anyway.

"Ow!" Flowerlocks said, "this bed is too hard!"

That's because it's not really a bed...

"Oh shut up, narrator!" Flower yelled rather rudely.

Ok geez, fine! Anyway, Flower went into the next room. The room looked very emo, to which Flower scoffed. However, she just wanted to sleep, so she lay down on the coffin shaped bed in the middle of the room. However, as soon as she did, the mattress seemed to collapse under her, causing her to sink into it.

"Oh no!" Flowerlocks yelled, struggling to get out of the mattress before it threatened to pull her into the depths of the underworld. When she finally broke free, she looked at the bed in horror. "Now I know why it's shaped like a coffin," she muttered, "It's too soft, and not in the good way."

Flowerlocks went over to the third room. To her relief, it actually had a real bed and didn't look emo. She went over to the bed and lay in it.

"Nice," Flower sighed, "Not too hard, not too soft, just right..." And with that, she fell asleep.

Meanwhile, little did she know that the owners of the house had just arrived.

"Oh noio!" Bubble exclaimed, looking at the open front door. "Soimeone broike ointo our hoiuse!" (Translation: Oh no! Someone broke into our house!)

"Well, not really, since we didn't even lock the door," Leafy interjected.

"That doesn't matter, Leafy!" Firey said, annoyed, " Someone's in our house." He cautiously stepped inside, with the two other finalists following behind him. Suddenly, he gasped in horror.

"Somebody ate one of my Despacito Doritos!" Firey cried out in anguish. He ran towards his bowl of Doritos, holding it close to his chest. "How could someone do this to my baby!"

Suddenly, there was another gasp. A dark aura started coming from Leafy as she held her bowl of leaves. "Someone's been eating my leaves too."

"Woit, hoild oin! Whoiy are you oiting yoir oiwn koind?" Bubble asked, suddenly. (Translation: Wait, hold on! Why are you eating your own kind?)

Before Leafy could answer, Firey said, "Because she's weird."

"Oh no, Senpai thinks I'm weird," Leafy, who just so happened to be a yandere for Firey, muttered sadly.

Suddenly there was another gasp. "Oh noio! Soimeoine's boin oiting my Yoylecake and they oit it all up!" Bubble said, very sadly. (Translation: Oh no! Someone's been eating my Yoylecake and they ate it all up!)

After the three of them finished mourning their food, they went over to the closet. Also, the author was tired of having to write Bubble's accent, so she used her storytelling powers to make Bubble have a normal accent.

"Someone's been wearing my outfit!" Firey gasped.

One again, a dark aura surrounded Leafy as she said, "Someone's been wearing my outfit too."

"Leafy, why are you so emo? I thought this story took place during BFDI, not BFDIA/IDFB!" Firey asked curiously.

"Because I'm the author's knifu waifu," Leafy replies.

Suddenly, there was a wail and the two turned around to see Bubble. "Someone's been wearing my outfit and they're still wearing it!" Bubble cried.

Firey sighed. "Look, we've all had a rough day. Let's just go to bed." With that, the trio headed upstairs, where, unbeknownst to them, Flowerlocks was still sleeping.

"Wait," Firey said, feeling very annoyed. "Someone's been sleeping in my bed!"

"Um, Firey...?" Bubble asked, looking over at his "bed". "Are you sure that's a bed?"

Firey sighed. "It's the only fireproof bed I can find. Beggars can't be choosers, after all. Besides, I've gotten used to it..."

"Firey! Bubble! Come here!" Leafy suddenly yelled from the next room. The two of them arrived just in time to see Leafy clenching one of her knives.

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed," Leafy growled, as a shadow covered her eyes.

Terrified, Bubble made a little squeak and ran out of the room, leaving Firey to deal with Leafy. He nervously put his hands up defensively and said, "Leafy, please, put that knife down."

Leafy paused, looking from the knife in her hands, then to Firey, and then back to the knife. Finally, she put the knife back in her knife rack. "Okay," she said solemnly.

"Leafy! Firey!" Bubble's voice called out. Firey and Leafy both ran to Bubble's room.

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed and they're still in it!"

As Bubble cried, both Firey and Leafy set their gazed upon Flowerlocks, the intruder. Firey was planning on burning her and Leafy was planning on stabbing her. Just then, Flowerlocks started to wake up.

"Wha- Huh?" As Flowerlocks lazily blinked her eyes open, she took in the site of Bubble crying, along with the sight of Firey and Leafy glaring at her, their eyes twitching. "Oh crap," was all she could say before she bounced up and jumped out the window. She was still metal from the Yoylecake, so she didn't die. And she started running far far away from the cottage, having learned her lesson about being an unwanted guest.

She also still had Bubble's dress but don't worry, Leafy bought Bubble a new dress with all the money she made as an assassin- I mean what?

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

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