#lori milsap

[warningsine]

[vangoghmeteeng]

his face 😭

[grinchwrapsupreme]

[msbolandbotwin]

need her so bad

[keefechambers]

michael rooker being a genuinely terrifying type of pathetic, toxic, horrible man is such a good addition to this season. and then eli being just as toxic in a different way...neither of them deserving lori's love because they can't stop being shitty people for five seconds and respect her as a fully realized person

[myownworriedshoes]

Megan Mullally as Lori Milsap

The Righteous Gemstones

[ari-mel-an-angels]

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Just step on me already 🥺😩

[nysocboy]

Gemstones Episode 4.5, Continued: Kelvin Crashes, the Monkey Fumes, and Eli Gets a Wake-Up Call

So far in this episode, we've learned that Vance Simkins has destroyed his parents' empire by being an outdated, reactionary jerk; Lori's ex-boyfriends keep getting killed; and Kelvin's hubris is off the charts.  

Lori's Edibles: Lori and Eli want to give the siblings "some space," so they move to her house. Wait -- I thought she was living in Pigeon Forge.  If she's been living in Charleston the whole time, why hasn't she visited the Gemstones for years?

Corey meets them at the door: he dropped by to bring dinner, "Kung Pao Dynasty." Also, he left her edibles by the microwave.   Eli doesn't know what edibles are, so Miss Lori explains. Apparently he's ok with drug use now; he wasn't in earlier seasons.

Corey shakes Eli's hand and says "Have fun, you two," but as he walks away, he grimaces.  He's been killing the ex-boyfriends.

Meanwhile, Kelvin in a flamboyant costume is being photographed with the other conservatively-dressed nominees for Top Christian Man. And it's time for the Live TV Roundtable. 

The full cast list is not in the episode credits or the IMDB, but I think the conservative minister being hugged by Kelvin is Chad Darnell (top photo and left), who is gay in real life.  He works primarily in casting, but he has 21 screen credits, and a lot of theater work, including the gay-themed Love! Valour! Compassion!, Forced, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Plus some gay-themed screenplays and two novels.

Back to the roundtable discussion, led by Stevie from Eastbound and Down.  First question:"Should children be taught a comprehensive overview of all major religions in school?" 

Kelvin jumps in, but doesn't answer the question.  Instead, he blathers about "I teach my followers everything good about Jesus.  The Bible can be confusing, so we translate it for modern, cutting-edge times." You're not qualified to be a Bible translator.  How about explaining passages in their historical/cultural context?  

Vance complains about "a homosexual" being nominated for the award.  "God's Word is clear on this issue."  Uh-oh, how are you on the Clobber Verses, Kelv Baby?

He's not good on the Clobber Verses.  "Um...um..lots of parts of the Bible are outdated." No, they don't refer to contemporary gay people at all!  Get with your queer theology.

Anybody who's been gay and Christian for five minutes could respond to this very vague attack easily.  And Kelvin works with queer youth, so he must have to deal with religious trauma all the time.  But he apparently doesn't even know the basics.  Hey, Kelv Baby, some books for your library.  There are hundreds more.

 All he can think of is: "Um...the Bible...um...also forbids eating shellfish."

Vance doesn't eat shellfish. How about wearing mixed fibers?  Why haven't you stoned your sister to death for having extra-marital sex?  And sold your brother into slavery?

Vance mocks Kelvin, and another pastor agrees. 

We see Kelvin's agonized face, a flashing red light, a closeup of his trembling hands.  He's having a panic attack.   At home, Jesse turns off the tv, too upset to continue. 

This was very painful to watch, since I knew exactly how to respond -- I've responded many times -- but Kelvin does not.  He has fallen from the heavens just as definitively as BJ from his dancing pole.

In Season 1, Kelvin falls into a depression and scraps the Satanic Sweep project.  In Season 2, the God Squad turns on him.  In Season 3, the Smut Busters project goes wrong, resulting in Kelvin and Keefe breaking up. I suspect that this is the end of Prism.

The Attack:  In an unfinished room, with ladders and tarps, a man I don't recognize attacks a blond woman, who looks like Vance's sister, throwing her against the door and strangling her.  

Psych!  Eli and Lori are  in her house, eating ice cream and watching Pacific Heights (1980).  Danforth (Michael Keaton), the Tenant from Hell, is getting revenge on his former landlords (Matthew Modine,  left, Melanie Griffith).

Suddenly a brick is thrown through Lori's window.  It says "Sinners."  Eli grabs a gun and runs outside to see his car on fire. 

Lori: "Eli, there's something I haven't been straight with you about. Me and you need to have a talk about my ex."

We close to "Somebody's Knocking," by Terri Gibb (1981):

Somebody's knockin' -- should I let him in?

Lord, it's the Devil.  Would You look at him?

I've heard about him, but I never dreamed  he'd have blue eyes and blue jeans

The full review, with the BJ and the Monkey scene and n*de photos of Joey Stefano, Michael Keaton, and Jason Beighe, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

[myownworriedshoes]

I can’t wait for the moment she gets fed up with the kids and just go batshit crazy!

Someone give Ms Lori a gun

[jdmara]

do you think lori milsap and aimee leigh gemstone ever lezzed out

[warningsine]

[gemstonecompound]

i’m sure that next episode will be far far more milsap family conflict/figuring out corey’s place in all this/eli and lori coming back together/the fucking monkey/etc. than kelvin stuff now that at least a big chunk of his emotional arc is finished but i do hope we get to see a bit about how he’s feeling being an Officially Completely Out gay person. and also he and keefe should kiss in public as a treat

[killerchickadee]

Things I want from the last two episodes of the Righteous Gemstones:

1. I know we're all focused on wanting Keefe and Kelvin to marry and smooch, but I really really want to hear them say I love you. They're the only couple who never has. Also smooches and marriage but I really want an I love you.

2. More singing! All we've gotten so far is a pretty lame Aimee-Leigh and Lori song. I want more Judy. I want more Baby Billy (even if I hate him this season) I want the siblings to sing together again. Tbh I feel like the soundtrack has been really lackluster this season though.

3. Personally crossing my fingers that the next episode isn't all Milsap bs. I'm sorry but like, we get two episodes left with these characters, I don't want to waste it with characters we don't know and mostly don't care about. I do realize that's supposed to be the overall arc this season but honestly zzzz. That said I hope Cory's wife leaves his ass.

4. Also hope Tiffy runs off with the nanny but I know that isn't happening. But it should. This season Baby Billy went from being an asshole but it's funny to just an asshole. And they showed up late together because of "traffic" hello 👀

5. I hope they actually like... really actually wrap up the story with Jesse and his kids. Also what the fuck has Amber been doing other than wandering around giving pearls of wisdom? I feel like she's been invisible this season.

But like really mostly more singing and I love yous.

[msbolandbotwin]

WHAT ARE THEY LOOKING AT

[keefechambers]

we can't trust that MILF

[myownworriedshoes]

I get you Eli, I’d also run after Miss Lori