#lore ramblings incoming soon. maybe.

[fourfoldfires]

[makes a tragic pair of solution nine-based ocs; immediately regrets the tragedy because oh no they're cute]

[werdyle]

scarabia stop being the most doomed by the narrative duo ever challenge level impossible

long-winded probably non-canon-compliant ramble incoming under the cut lol. even if most of it is not true to canon i like to imagine twst lore as much darker than is presented 😭😭 partially inspired by @vanilla-poisons lovely analysis

kalim knowing he was being hypnotized by jamil and knowing jamil secretly hated him and doing nothing to stop it doesn’t make him stupid. it’s just . sad. it means he hears jamil insult him under his breath. means he recognizes the mirthful sparkle in jamil’s eyes when emptily scolding the scarabia freshman for talking badly of kalim. he knows what it means when the light leaves jamil’s eyes as soon as he turns to face him, but wants to avoid them all the same for the eye contact could risk the hypnosis at any moment. it means he panics when he forgets parts of his day for fear that that time was lost under jamil’s control. it means his grades suffer because he doesn’t finish his tests on time; when he struggles to remember something, that fear crosses his mind. the memories come back. it means he knows that any compliment or act of service done by jamil is resentful beneath the surface. it means that though he trusts jamil to test his food for poison, he must always fear that one day, jamil will be the one to drip the cyanide into his cup.

it means that kalim never hears jamil’s true laugh directed towards him - never hears it except for when he’s got his ear pressed against the door while jamil talks to students in the dorm hall. maybe jamil cannot feel joy in kalim’s presence. but jamil’s true laugh is not subdued - and every time kalim hears it, he has little time to feel self-conscious, for his blood runs cold. he dreams of the oh-so-similar cackle from jamil’s overblot.

it means that he watches trey love riddle regardless of his overblot, and sees riddle’s barely-concealed gratitude. it means that he watches ruggie banter with leona, using that same arm leona nearly turned to dust to slap his leg in a fit of laughter. he sees the twins still pleased to work with azul - god, he doesn’t even want to think of azul, can’t handle the nausea of knowing what develops between him and jamil.

every morning jamil wraps kalim’s headscarf and applies his eyeliner, with surgical precision once mistaken for gentleness. jamil won’t let him learn how to do it himself, and kalim is frustrated to tears when he sits at his vanity at three am trying to figure it out, and realizing how utterly *useless* he is without jamil.

he knows that this is jamil’s design. jamil does not want kalim to be able to function without him, and yet he also does not want to be in servitude. kalim could let him go. kalim could fire the viper family – he’s basically royalty, he’s got the means. but he won’t. he will try to assure himself it’s because he knows jamil doesn’t want that for his family, because he cannot address the ache he feels at imagining jamil’s absence.

he doesn’t denounce jamil’s hatred for him and the murder attempt during the overblot, because in doing so, he’d have to rid himself of jamil. and he cannot function without him. he loves the man with his whole spirit - is it because jamil is all he has? all he could ever have? jamil is, in essence, his slave. jamil revels in kalim’s guilt far too much to leave, to let him take care of himself. kalim is too selfish and too fearful to remove himself. despite seeing jamil and his family live their whole life serving the asim house, he still doesn’t understand that jamil hates him not for who he is, but because he is a slave. kalim does not understand that he cannot just fix this. jamil understands that he cannot let kalim be independent, for he will realize that he can do without his retainer, that he will realize jamil’s violent actions, and the viper family will be ruined. but he does not know that kalim already knows that he is hated. he knows that the man he loves with all of his heart, the man who will not let anyone kill kalim because he wants to kill kalim *himself*, will never hold him in his arms willingly. but he will do it if kalim asks. and kalim, yearning beating morality every time, will ask.

he will believe this blatant delusion and grasp the shattered pieces of his childhood and his heart in his hands, the blood ignored, because he cannot handle the reality that would come from the cuts healing.

[steamworkscogstone]

[Edit: Dec. 23rd 2024]

[LINKS TEMPORARILY BROKEN, APOLOGIES. WILL FIX SOON]

HEART THIS BEFORE YOU FOLLOW ME, PLEASE! It helps me to know who has and has not read this so I may direct their attention to it.

DNI: 18+ ONLY BLOG, No terfs and swerfs, no transmed truscum, no ageless blogs, Nothing Illegal, NO MINORS, Nobody who openly and actively hates, especially on the transgender community (which includes my non-binary siblings) DO NOT SELL ME SHIT, AND DO NOT SEND ME STUFF TO SIGNAL BOOST! I CANNOT HANDLE THAT STUFF MENTALLY, ANYMORE..

PLEASE READ MY PINS ON THIS POST, YA ADORABLE DEGENERATES. 😁

HEART THIS BEFORE FOLLOWING SO I KNOW WHO'S SAFE!! 😊 😊 😊

Ayyo, check these links before following and interacting, too!!:

So first up, I've put my goofy ass on the hellsite, and did a fun little selfie dump! (Maybe some tummy Tuesdays in the near future?)

Secound is an important thread of consciousness, please read with discretion and understand that I do not tag triggers (because I struggle with tagging as is. Anyway, so this is the bit ya wanna read before interacting with me)

Alright, so I have yet another link that is dealing with an answer to an anon, but it is extremely important as it gives better context to the post/s linked above: more Steamworks lore, yay..

(I apologize about the long winded text, but that's just how I do things. I'm a writer, at least in a texting format. 😅)

Warnings: I am a pro-shipper and anti-censorship, I love using the word queer and I identify as such, while also enjoying identifying the people I text with as such. I enjoy what I enjoy and I have heavy kinks. If any of these warnings are in your DNI or makes you uncomfortable, then please block me and do not report me.

I AM A HARRY POTTER MOVIE ENJOYER! I UNDERSTAND JK ROWLING IS A DEVILOUS PIECE OF SHIT AND EVEN THAT IS TOO KIND OF AN INSULT FOR HER! I WATCH THE MOVIES THRU 3RD PARTY MEANS, AND I REFUSE TO PAY FOR ANYTHING HARRY POTTER THAT IS NEW WHILE SHE IS ALIVE, AND WILL FIND ALTERNATIVE WAYS TO PLAY THE NEW GAMES BECAUSE THEY GENUINELY LOOK FUN. Please, please ask yourself why you decide to attack those, ESPECIALLY IN YOUR OWN COMMUNITY, over something they grew up with and actively love as an adult? We are all just trying to get through this life, and all have our own things that help us escape; we are already so divided and splintered, and so you actively hating your trans brothers and sisters, and nonbinary siblings (who barely make up 1 million on the United States' population already) is simply hurting too many people.

Peace, love, acceptance, and alternative means of coming to a peaceful resolution is what I desire in this world. A world that is already so painfully divided, whether that be by a screen or you actively choosing to hate, is just such a burden on those who will be trying so hard to make a name for themselves. Yes, I just pulled a "think of the children" because, seriously stating that seems so obvious and yet, too many people are dismissive of it when they are literally the future.

Do NOT come after me for my existence, and if you see I am following you and decide against the things I enjoy and my personal beliefs and message, then just block me. PLEASE DON'T REPORT ME.. 😖

Eh, fuck it: I'm making my hearted posts public again, and if you don't like it then leave and I know we're not chill with each other. Love ya still, even for those who do leave, or are too afraid to follow because of them having mutuals they really click with, but would absolutely shun them for enjoying what I absolutely adore! I SEE YOU!

[RAMBLING INCOMING]

Okay, so this is going to be my pinned post, and it's going to be a heavy work in Progress. I've gotten some feedback from a couple people, and well, I'm not okay with how stiff and forced my original pin came out. I know I can write something better and will when I have the time.

Name: Prefer Coggy or Golem while first interacting; more personal names given the closer we become.

Age: Currently 23 at the time of this edit. (2024)

Gender: Femboy/Tomgirl transfem mess of an existing baby femby. The body has been thru a physical transition, although difficult and uneasy, since 2018. We actually just recently marked the 6th year of being on whoremones. Most of us do lean more towards femininity than masculinity however, the hosts gender is ever evolving as the months go on. We have been on this wild and zany rollercoaster of The Gender Journey™ since 2016 when the host started socially transitioning at 15, and even today there is still heavy developments.

We obviously have a list of limits on our kinks and fetishes, however we do not feel comfortable sharing things just yet, as there are a lot of people we enjoy following, but seem to wish to shun those with certain fetishes by blocking them.

DESIRES ARE INHERENTLY NEUTRAL, AS MOST OF THEM ARE THING WE ARE BORN WITH THAT CANNOT BE TRANSFORMED OR REMOVED FROM ONES IDENTITY (such as gender and sexual identity). AS WE FORM LATER ON, KINKS AND FETISHES BECOME NEW DESIRES, AND THUS SUCH THINGS ARE INHERENTLY NEUTRAL AS WELL.

Need to update the tags. (It's a safe call to go off of what I've tagged one of my more recent personal posts or reblogs with text.)

Yeah, more to add later!

(List of things to add: Mutuals list, tags, stuff)

[the-silentium]

Home Sweet Home

Masterlist - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8

Fors is an Original planet. I do not give permission to people to use it for their own fics, the planet, the animals, the Nightmares, the lore or anything related to Fors. Thank you.

Pairing: Bad Batch x Reader

Words: 7569 words

Warnings: Angst, sexual innuendos.

A/N: Last “soft” chap before the action come back ~  

**Words in bold are words said in French, which means the clones can’t understand it.**

Taglist: @clone-rambles / @mandaloriandin / @apathetic-catastrophie / @jenstar1992-2 / @haloangel391 / @lightning-wolffe / @cherrydemon5​ / @and-claudia​ / @lackofhonor​ / @gaymasonjar​ / @depthsreturn​ / @koskareevesismyqueen​ / @leonidas-banana-phone​             

____________________

Nothing changed. Not the obnoxious people, not the earthy smells, nor the heavy atmosphere. The loud locks of the gates closing behind your group still resonated through your ears, sounding too much like the last nail sealing your coffin shut and not like a protecting device. Was it your instincts telling you that you made the wrong decision? Or was it just the dread of returning somewhere you never wanted to return? Either way, it was clear that you didn't feel any bits of nostalgia at being back between these rocky walls. 

Hells, even the council's room was giving off unpleasant vibes with its tall bookcases carved directly into the walls that protected way too many old books that weren't all redacted in French nor in Basic. A map of the planet hung on the furthest wall of the room, the different villages identified with their respective symbol to help with trades, hunts, fights. Frabas' name crossed out in blood-red ink to remind everyone of the overnight genocide that happened there. 

The lanterns were the only nice things in the room. The soft green and blue crystals contained within the glass enclosure bathed the whole room in their light. Maybe if you focussed on them long enough their glow would soothe your mind. 

"Excuse me? You spit on it?" Tech's sudden high pitch tone was surprising enough to pass through your incessant flow of thoughts 

"Yeah. Right there." He pointed at an intergrown knot close to the far extremity of the table where the heads usually sat. "What? Did you want me to piss on it? That's a bit too animalistic." Kayden added as soon as he noticed Tech's offended expression that quickly morphed into a disgusted one. 

"Honestly, with you people, I wouldn't have been surprised." Crosshair's jeer traveled the room in a second. It took even less to drop Kayden's mood.  

His hand tightened around yours and without losing a single second, you matched his grip to keep him from expressing his frustration through anything physical. Now wasn't the time to start a fight between your own team members when several other players might want to hurt you. 

If tonight's bad luck could turn into good fortune at least once, now would be the time. The 'diplomats' were out of harm's way, Kayden had technically done what he was told and thus was not considered a traitor, leaving you alone on the spot. 

"Look who just found his voice again." He caught your message and used his words instead. "I was sure you'd swallowed your tongue when you ran like a chicken back there."

"And who ran the fastest in the group eh?" The sniper walked to the table. His hands fell flat on the wood to support himself as he leaned forward, daring the brunette at your sides to make a move. 

"The fastest is usually the one to survive." He pointed out as he scratched at his clothed chest with his free hand, his right one still prisoner of your grip. 

"Crosshair." Hunter slightly pulled him backward by the pauldron and away from the incoming confrontation. "Enough." He added with a growl, clearly remembering how this wasn't his brother. Not fully. 

Against all expectation, Crosshair did back off, although he quickly moved his animosity towards the new source of irritation, clear proof that this wasn't the man with whom Hunter had shared so many memories, good or bad. He was a total stranger that didn't respect him at all and lived to push his buttons. Why he stayed with you all was a mystery, although you weren't complaining. Keeping him restrained while in the jungle would have been a true challenge. 

It was like waiting for a storm to explode. The dark grey clouds were there, the strong winds blew away everything in their wake, the thunder resonated in the distance, yet there wasn't any droplet of rain. The men faced each other just like in the cave, mere centimeters separated their chest plates and anytime now, the first blow would mark the start of a colossal downpour. 

It was nerve-wracking. Even Wrecker and Tech were watching, clearly pondering if they should intervene or if by doing so they would aggravate the situation. You started getting up as the door opened and startled you into seating down again. 

Never had you thought that seeing Arlan enter a room would make you feel relieved, yet, this was exactly how you felt at the moment. It seemed like the sudden entrance of an outsider was enough for Crosshair to back off. You subtly crossed your fingers that he wouldn't lash out at the leader even though the scene would very probably make you feel so much better. The consequences of going against Arlan just weren't worth it.  

Before the dark-haired leader could notice it, you separated your hand from Kayden's, both your backs straightened and your unbothered masks came back on. Wearing the well-worn suit of this fake cocky personality was deeply uncomfortable but truly necessary. Over the years it became your best shield and Kayden your best ally. 

"Take a seat." Arlan waved towards the table as he walked deeper into the room, passing Hunter and Crosshair like they weren't even there. It took years to be able to read the black-haired leader, but it definitely came in handy now. 

His calm tone hid a deep irritation that showed through the tightness gripping the muscles around his eyes. He quickly tamed his features as he took place at the end of the table, his elbows immediately meeting the hardwood of the armchairs to allow his fingers to interlace before him. 

Soon the 4 seats opposing you were occupied with rigid troopers. Their helmets still firmly on would have been seen as an enormous lack of respect if only Arlan's attention wasn't already focussed on two nasty boots dripping mud onto the piece of art that was the table.

Arlan only needed one look to communicate thoroughly his thoughts. The hard gaze that could easily be misinterpreted as a constipated one transpired enough threats that Kayden removed his boots without any further delay. The ultimatum was clear and you both knew that there was nothing Arlan despised more than repeating himself. Well, maybe you two were the firsts on his list, but that was especially because you loved to make him repeat himself. 

If only he didn't look like there was an entire fire-ants colony in his pants, Kayden would have kept his feet up for a bit longer just to raise the man's blood pressure a little. You swore he got more grey hair each time he had to talk with the two of you. 

The disapproving sigh accompanying the stormy grey hues boring deeply into yours was a true gift to Kayden whose smirk widened in consequence. 

"Do you know why you're here?" The question resonated within the room with utmost seriousness, a seriousness that you forced yourself to shrug nonchalantly in response. 

"Surely not because you missed me." You placed a smirk on your lips to copy your sidekick and complete the infernal duo act. 

His dark-grey sleeves rode up his arms as he bent forward, his elbows now resting on the table, to get a closer look at you, 3 chairs away. Whilst being very tempting, flinching under his hard stare was out of the question. Four months in a medbay with kind people almost made you forget what the world was really made of; selfish people who always looked out for weaknesses to exploit and were eager to beat others down in hope to raise themselves up. 

"We are here to talk relations between the Republic and your planet." Hunter sharply stated, cutting short the staring contest. "My team was sent in a preliminary manner to inform you of the Republic's intentions seeing as your representatives couldn't be reached through official channels. In the following days, two senators will be coming here with adequate troops to talk in the Senate's name." 

How the room got hotter in a second was a mystery. All you knew was that even though his tone was borderline too crisp to be qualified as diplomatic, Hunter's words were so perfectly chosen that you wondered if he'd done this kind of job before. 

As the silence following Hunter's declaration stretched, Arlan's gaze moved to the hard visor of the commando trooper. The intensity of his stare left you thinking that maybe he was able to see through the shade. Unfazed, Hunter stared right back as you did just moments prior. 

You nearly missed it. If you hadn't been watching Arlan as intently as you were doing, the minuscule flash in his eye would have been overlooked. A muscle jumped in his jaw, filling you with dread. Something was wrong. Somehow he had the upper hand and he was internally relishing his win. 

"A very well executed lie, but I am sorry to announce you that the Republic won't come here, Sergeant. Not after the Jedis signed a treaty to never come on this planet ever again." You were sure he paused just to get a reaction out of the commando. Hunter's helmet hid his expression perfectly. If he'd reacted or not was totally lost on everyone, unfortunately, it wasn't the same for Kayden whose eyes grew as big as saucers. "No Jedi, no clone, no senator, no Separatist, no outsider is welcome here." 

Say what now? Never before had you ever heard of Jedis ever landing a foot on Fors, even less signing a treaty. 

Hunter's helmet slightly dipped in your direction, surely to get some answers through your body language. Surely, he got the message when you gulped, wariness filling your eyes as you continued to stare at the man in his mid-50s. His message had been pretty clear from the very beginning. That he felt the need to add that the clones weren't welcome caused doubts in your village ethics to creep into your mind. 

As far as you knew, no one had ever been executed in cold blood. Sure, you'd heard stories as a child about how people who were a tad bit too disturbing in the community would vanish overnight, obviously thrown out into the jungle to be feasted on by some hungry creature. Without knowing if they were true events or simply a way to make children behave, you took a habit of sticking with Kayden as soon as the firsts Furants that created their nests in the crooks of the walls circling the village entered the gates to hide, signaling that 7 pm had recently passed and the Nightmares would show up in under an hour. After all, there was no better nuisance in Alryan than the two of you. 

Knowing that Arlan's smugness was carefully hidden under layers of practiced indifference, a very tantalizing urge to break your knuckles once again send tingles into your dominant hand. Breaking his nose for a second time would definitely help your mood as well as everyone else's in the room, you were sure of it. 

"The- the Jedis? But they never-" 

"It is not common knowledge." Arlan archly cut Kayden short and rolled his eyes with that very particular expression that made you feel like the stupidest idiot in the galaxy. In response, the tingles in your hand intensified. "This treaty is way older than me after all. We never needed the Republic's help in any way, not then and certainly not now." He at least had the decency to meet his eyes as he talked.

"And what do you think of the Nightmares? Frabas-" You piped up, the image of a traumatized red-head girl shaking in her bloody clothes popped in your mind. "They could've helped with that."

"They are protectors." He closed his eyes in exasperation and pinched his nose like he'd repeated the concept over and over again to a child that never retained anything. 

"They don't protect shit! They kill us!" 

Where had he been his whole life? Every night they came and howled, screeched, hissed, yapped and laughed on the other side of the gates in hope of having some juicy flesh and fresh blood to appease their hunger and thirst. Some even went as far as hitting the gates repeatedly in hope of breaking their way in. 10 hours per night, 368 nights a year, every year.

"They protect the Core that's in you--" He interrupted himself as soon as he noticed the irritation breaching his mask, allowing venom to drip through the closing cracks. His rage fit only lasted a second but it was a second too much. He gave you more than he wanted you to know. 

"What do you mean? In me?" You could feel yourself starting to shake. In apprehension, anger or fear you couldn't tell. There was too much going on at the same time, assaulting your already tired mind. 

"Nothing that you need to know." His tone was definitive, his grey eyes conveying the same message. 

"Bullshit!" You jump to your feet just as he pushed his chair to get up. "If it's in me like you say, I deserve to know!" 

Your yell must have triggered something, because as soon as the words flew from your mouth, Rhian and his troops entered the room, bows fully bent and ready to shoot in your direction. Elijah had his hammer in both hands, fully prepared to use it against a clone- your money went on Wrecker- if needed and Pete was ready to blow a tranquilizer- or it could easily be a fast-acting poison- into someone's neck. 

The answer to the intrusion was immediate. Wrecker's chair went flying behind him at the impact of his legs when he followed his CO's movement. All four troopers stood on their side of the table, imposing and totally ready to enter a fight if need be. You and Kayden though? Totally not ready. You were unarmed and by the time you took hold of Kayden's bow, at least three arrows would have found their way into your body. 

"All you really deserved was to die on Murphy Day." He snarled in your direction as his impatience once again showed through his slipping mask. "Throw them in the slammer."

That's it. Goodbye knuckles. Always the perceptive, Kayden grabbed your upper arm, right below the Algax's clean-cut, and pulled you back to his side even before you made the first step towards the bastard. Always there to keep you alive for another day. What a nice friend. 

"Hands behind your head." Rhian barked as he approached you and Kayden from behind. 

Doing as you were told, you noticed the troopers hesitating before doing as ordered when you nodded at them. Tech lifted his good hand, the other keeping hold of Crosshair's cage. One of the archers went to seize it, but a sudden shoulder to the sternum kept him away. 

He's not just a nerd. You smirked as the archer stumbled. 

"Let them keep it." Rhian waved off the fuming archer who definitely wanted to go back and win his fight. Too bad. "Walk ahead. You know the way." Rhian nodded towards the door after getting a hold of Kayden's bow and quiver, his very own bow aimed at the floor. The string was stretched just enough to cause serious damage if he needed to defend himself quickly, but he seemed to know that it wasn't needed. 

Kayden led the way with you in tow, Elijah and Pete moved away from the door to let you pass at a safe distance. Out of the corner of your eyes, you noticed Rhian breaking formation to move up to Arlan, who surely waved him over. 

You sighed as you remembered that he didn't even tell you why he wanted you here. 

The clone's boots resonated against the rock floor at each of their steps, close enough to appease your mind. 

"Do you know a way out of here?" Hunter's voice emanated softly within your ear. 

You moved your shoulder blades in a circular motion as if you were stretching the muscles and nodded your head at the same time as to not look too suspicious to the archers escorting the group. Good thing that they didn't notice your earpiece yet.

Wrecker must have been the one right behind you because he relayed the message to Hunter through the private line. 

"Now?" You rotated your head from side to side like when you needed to crack your neck. 

"No." Came Wrecker's whisper. 

"In the slammer?" A small nod. 

"Yeah." 

"Then we wait and we get out as soon as possible." Hunter told his half-plan to the Batch who hummed their approvals. 

Once again the unusual parade that you formed along with the armored men attracted many curious eyes. Ignoring them was easier this time around, the familiarity of their chary gazes finally coming back to allow you to concentrate on something else. 

This part of the village was carved so deeply into the mountain that even the occasional howls coming from the jungle couldn't be heard. There couldn't have been better protection for a population of more than 700 people than a natural barrier of rock. Sure, this very convenient refuge could easily become a tomb for a lot of villagers in the event of a breach, but several emergency tunnels were created for this very situation. They were maintained at a perfect condition in case a repeat of Frabas' catastrophe ever came to happen. 

Every Alryan learned the location of every single tunnel at the youngest of age. They were only to be used in emergency cases and right now, it was an emergency. It all depended on the perspective. 

"It never changed." You stated quietly as the slammer's entrance came into view, the dark purple glow emanating from its depths was a stark contrast to the lively colors of the main area. 

Goosebumps rose on your arms as you followed Kayden down the tunnel. The nearby natural well raised the humidity in these parts of the mountain and thus caused the air to become colder. Just my luck, you thought as the fresh air infiltrated your clothes by the multiple tears in their fabric. 

"In there." Rhian speed-walked to catch up with Kayden and direct him to a cell carved into the wall on his left. 

You were locked up with him, Wrecker and Hunter got situated in the cell facing yours, Crosshair and Tech on the one right beside theirs. 

Right as Tech got in after a growling Crosshair, Rhian took hold of the cage and kicked Tech inside who landed in a yelp. You weren't even gripping the bars yet that the heavy door closed behind the engineer. 

"Give him back!" 

"Sorry 'bout that." He threw the cage in the air twice, the flame within shaking frantically as it hit the bars. "Orders are orders." He ignored the yells of his name bouncing in the detention center and walked out unbothered, his men in tow. 

"How quick can you get us out of here?" The urgency in Hunter's tone only added to your own raiding anxiety. What would Arlan do to Crosshair? He was totally defenseless. 

"Couple of minutes. But we'll need Back-Up. I hope you have it." You turned to Kayden who scoffed in mocked offense. 

"You have back-up?" Tech wondered out loud, tilting his head. "I thought no one would help you here." 

"Jeez. Thanks for the vote of confidence." Kayden held his heart before reaching for his chest pocket. "Back-up is my Godot." He pulled a hand-sized lizard from his pocket to show the Batch. 

The Godot's orange scales shone softly at Kayden's contact, their light reflecting onto the soft line of baby blue leaves growing on each side of its spine. Its three-fingered paws grabbed fingers and clothes to remain in place while two black eyes moved independently from one another to take in what was happening around. Its long tail wrapped around Kayden's wrist as he lifted it up to show off, the small leaves at its end shining brightly in surprise. 

Wrecker gasped and lifted his helmet to get a better view of the animal. "That's what I saw the first time, Tech! It's the lizard that disappeared!" 

"Nothing disappeared Wrecker. There was nothing there." Tech rebuked.  

"Don’t be so sure about that! They can camouflage themselves, right Back-Up?" At the half-baked order, the tiny lizard shut off its light and changed its skin pigmentation to copy its environment to perfection. 

"It disappeared Tech! See? That's what I saw and you didn't believe me!" Wrecker's tone raised as he pointed to Kayden's seemingly empty outstretched hand. 

"Wrecke-" You tried to warn him to keep his voice down but heard steps coming your way. 

"Back-up, go get the master key at home." Kayden hurriedly whispered to the Godot and quickly kneeled to allow it access to the ground so it could wander away and get the required object. 

A guard appeared at the end of the corridor just as Kayden got up and threw himself onto the upper hammock fixed to the walls. He moved around to get comfortable and into the right position, hands under his head. 

"So, I've heard that Stockholm syndrome was hard on you." Brett, a particularly annoying scout, mocked from behind his beard. 

"Nope. Still don't like y'all." You replied nonchalantly despite the urge to punch him through the bars. 

"I was talking about them." He pointed to the two cells containing the clones and you lifted a single eyebrow. 

"Tech, definition of Stockholm syndrome please." You asked, maintaining eye contact during the whole process. 

"Stockholm syndrome," You saw the genius perked up at your request. Sadly, he didn't lift a finger in the air while he recited the meaning of the word. "Is a psychological response wherein a captive begins to identify closely with his or her captors, as well as with their agenda and demands." He ended with a nod and the movement satisfied you enough to let the lack of a finger go.  

"That means you dumbass." You spat as you crossed your arms over your chest. "I'm with them willingly." 

"Get fucked!" Kayden shouted with a laugh that got half a smile out of you. 

"You? Our captive? It sure felt like the other way around." He finally switched to basic and the hate coating his words told you that he wasn't talking about the pranks and snarky attitude, no, he was talking about something bigger than that. 

"What are you talking about?" Maybe you could get more answers out of him than you did with Arlan. 

He scoffed. "Stop trying to play the idiot. Between the two of you, Kayden's the best at it." 

You ignored said idiot's thanks to press the matter. "Okay and let's imagine I really don't know what the hell you're talking about. What in the damn world did I do?" You remembered Arlan's word and almost added what is wrong with me? but Brett was already dropping the three medicine canisters to the ground, out of reach from either your cell or the clones' and went away. 

"You live." 

You sat on the ground, drained of every ounce of energy you once had. What was wrong with you? Why did everyone want you dead? The fear you felt at Arlan's words came back as you thought about what it could all mean. The Nightmares who stopped appearing when you left and came back when you did. Whatever the Core was that supposedly resided in you and the fact that the Lumsin knew what it was while you didn't. That the villagers never saw you as an annoying brat but a vile oppressor. 

You faintly heard Kayden talking with Tech about Back-up, but couldn't make out the exact words, your own thoughts being way too loud for you to clearly hear anything outside your head. 

"It's alright. Don't worry about it." An arm fell on your shoulders and pulled you into Kayden's side who now sat next to you on the ground, successfully pulling you out of your own mind. Yet, as comforting as his gesture was supposed to be, you only felt guiltier. Even when everyone else pointed their fingers at you, he was still there to keep yourself up even after you'd vanished on him. 

Kayden scratched the clothes over his heart again and cut off your incoming guilty declaration. 

"Question. If the half-skull one was to break my jaw or somethin' and that you didn't see it happen, would you believe me if I told you it was him?" Kayden asked, frowning too deeply for you to brush the question off as one of his stupid ones. 

"Wha-?" Then it dawned on you. "Did you threaten him?" You asked Hunter, voice raising in octaves. 

You knew Kayden probably deserved it, but he was your best friend. You've been helping each other for more than 15 years and there was no way you'd let him get beaten for a stupid jealousy tantrum. 

An invisible hand squeezed your heart as you felt Kayden relaxing against your side. He doubted that you'd listen to him. More importantly, he doubted that you'd trust his word over someone else's. Sure it was Hunter's word, but you knew the Sergeant was not in his right mind and not only because of the irrational feeling. 

"He wouldn't stop talking." The unbothered tone in which he answered shocked you. 

"Yet you've never threatened Tech." 

"That's not the same." Why must he sound like he truly believed that he did nothing wrong? 

"You may not value his life and health, but I do. A lot." You emphasized the last word so he got the message. "And his word is the only single one in the galaxy that I never ever doubted." 

Kayden's breath sharply filled his lungs and Hunter's fingers curled into fists. You still deeply loved the dark-haired Sergeant and seeing him frustrated at your words made a real number on your insides but that rational part of your brain told you that he would tire of you someday and would leave, whereas Kayden had shown countless of times that he'd be there to hold your hand, push your back and pull you up whenever needed. 

"Good to know." 

Why did his acknowledgment of your words make you sick? You'd said those words yourself and they were true, so how could they hurt that much? If it wasn't of the half-circles traced on the back of your right hand, you certainly would have had a physical reaction. It could have been hiding in your hammock or tears leaking from your eyes, you didn't know. 

"You don't trust us?" Wrecker's hurt translated in his low, nearly inaudible tone if it wasn't of the earbud deeply pushed into your ear canal. 

"I do Wrecker. I really do. It's me that I don't." Damn. For someone who wanted to avoid feelings-talks like the plague, you found yourself right in the middle of the deepest one ever. 

"I don't understand." He admitted. 

"I-" You sighed, trying to find the words that would explain something you didn't know how to explain. "I don't myself Wrecker. I make people despise me and-" The words escaped you. Out of exasperation, your free hand moved up to rub your closed eyelids and drag the pads of your fingers down your cheeks. 

"When they don't you persuade yourself they do and you tell yourself that they'll give you up so you start to doubt them even when there's nothing to worry about." Kayden shrugged at your wide eyes looking at him. "Don't be surprised I know you better than yourself. You did the same shit with me but I didn't let you." 

"Then why did you doubt yourself against Hunter?" 

" 'cuz you love him." He answered in your native tongue and you were grateful for it. You weren't ready to say the words out loud and if Kayden, the person who just demonstrated that he knew you like the palm of his hand, said those words himself, then he'd throw your feelings out in the open and you couldn't have that. Not when your brain still expected the Bad Batch to get back to their ship and leave you on Fors, where you belonged. 

"You were there longer."

"Yeah, but that was because you couldn't escape me. Give them their chance. You might be surprised." He patted your shoulder like an old man who gave advice to a youngster. 

"We wouldn't give you up. You're our friend!" Wrecker added once the conversation in a foreign language died. 

"If you still doubt our friendship, then you might want to remember that we passed hundreds of hours training you to be our pilot and that we lied to our superiors to keep you." Tech pointed out, this time with the finger in the air. It brought the tiniest of smiles to your lips. 

"Or remember the moments shared." Hunter surprised you with his quiet words that Kayden definitely couldn't hear without a comm device. Had he realized that he was fighting a non-existent enemy? Or did he feel as bad as you following your exchange?

"Or you can remember that you're a freak." Tech slapped his lean brother's shoulder 

"So I belong with you guys? Yeah, I'll- I'll do my best to remember all that." A chuckle escaped your lips. "Thanks." You added under your breath, to which the boys nodded and Wrecker smiled brightly. 

"Is your chest okay?" Tech asked and pointed at Kayden who was still scratching his torso. 

"Yeah, 's just itchy. I think Kerth put some poison Ivy in my clothes. I wouldn't be surprised." He pulled his shirt forward to look at his skin. He winced. "That does look like it." 

"You never get tired of looking at yourself?" A soft feminine voice chuckled from down the hallway. 

Soft brown eyes shone behind fiery red locks, their owner walking straight to your cell where she stopped to pass you a hot container. You'd recognize that smell everywhere and apparently so did your stomach who growled loudly in anticipation of receiving some soup. 

"Good timing, I see." She chuckled, put her pack on the ground and offered you a container. "It's not poisoned, I promise. I did it myself." She assured in basic when you kept watching her hands without making any move towards the food. 

Still unmoving, Kayden took it upon himself to grab two containers and let the redhead give the clones their servings. 

"They wanted me to only feed the soldiers but I slipped some for you two as well. For all the spare crusts." She nodded at you, who kept watching her in silence. Before turning around to go back to where she came from, the woman had the kindness to grab the discarded medicine canisters and offer them to Kayden. "Take care." 

Wait. You had to tell her. It was like your brain forgot how everything worked. Opening your mouth wasn't hard compared to finding what to say. Even then your throat constricted in an attempt to shut you up, but you couldn't let her go without telling her. 

She deserved to know. 

"Fleena." Was all you managed and it was enough to stop her in her tracks. When she turned, your hand was already fishing around in your pocket for the small piece of wood. 

She came back as you brought your closed fist forward and dropped the dirty necklace on her open hand. 

She stared at it, surprise taking over her soft features in a flash as soon as she recognized the symbol. She turned it to inspect the back and now was the right time for the earth to open beneath your ass and take you away. 

"Where did you get that?" The tremors in her voice send a knife through your heart. 

Swallowing down the lump in your throat, you made sure to choose your words better than with Hunter. "Nixon was a Wanderer."

"He-" She started with hope until she registered your sentence. "Was?" 

There it was. The moment to own what you did finally arrived. 

"What did you do?" She pressed as you kept silent, unable to say it out loud. 

"It wasn't him anymore, Fleena. He hadn't grown up and kept walking in circles on his bleeding feet. He was tormented." 

You freed him. You helped him. Now that her horrified hazel eyes bore into yours, Crosshair's words that were so helpful before held no sense. 

"He was still my brother." She clutched the necklace to her chest, tears running down her cheeks. 

"Nixon was gone." 

"I don't expect you to understand. You don't know anything about having a sibling." 

The silence following her retreating steps was even heavier than before. No. That wasn't true. The boys spoke in the background and in your ear, prompting you to remove the device to have some peace. 

"You're right, I don't." You grumbled in your knees that were now up to your face to hide your features, your arms tightly wrapped around them to keep them close. 

"That's the biggest bullshit that ever came out of your mouth." Kayden scoffed next to you. "What do you think I am then? Your friend?" He puffed like it was the stupidest joke he'd ever been told. "Fuck no. We've been family ever since your dad died so cut the crap or I'll hit you." 

I should be punching you for saying such stupid stuff. 

"For real. I'll hit you so hard you won't ignore me again." He shuffled around to better position himself, arm lifting-

"I've abandoned you." You spat more at you than at him. 

"Siblings sucks but we love them anyway." He shrugged. "You're no exception." 

Tears gathered in your eyes. Even after leaving him alone to fight for himself, Kayden still loved you as much as before and never once held a grudge against your actions. He was a true god-given gift and you'd treated him unfairly. 

Pain exploded into your shoulder and you found yourself colliding with the ground. 

"The fuck?" Four spots on your shoulder hurt so deeply that it didn't take long for you to realize that he'd hit you with his knuckles. 

"My monthly quota was not yet achieved." He smirked, watching you massage the beaten skin. 

"Don't you think I'm hurt enough already?" 

"Stop whining, we have Biogel." He shook the metallic container before your face. 

"That thing hurts like hell." You groaned, pushing his hand away to sit straight. 

"When did you become such a baby?" You shot him the deadliest glare you had in reserve. "Hey. It's a very small price to pay for completely healed wounds in under 30 minutes." 

"Completely healed?" Tech inquired, eying the matching container in his hands that Kayden pushed him. 

"Yeah! One good layer and bye-bye! Works for sprained stuff too, just takes a little longer." Kayden answered as he helped you apply the cold sticky gel onto your arms. "Little tips: let someone else put it on you." He added as you hissed and groaned under the burning feeling that came with the product. 

Your hands closed and opened repeatedly to keep from hitting Kayden in retaliation for the pain he was putting you through. The raging fire led to intense stinging that you could describe as white-hot needles poking your damaged skin. 

"Please remember that you love me." Kayden said right before he dropped a huge blob of Biogel onto the hole in your leg. Had he not jumped away, your elbow would have connected with his chest at high speed. Instead, all that got injured were your nerves, your vocal cords and Hunter's head. 

"I'll murder you if you do that again." You whimpered while clutching your upper thigh in hope of cutting every pain transmission from your leg to your brain. 

"Good thing it was the last one!" He laughed from his side of the cell, Biogel discarded to the profit of the warm bowl of soup which he was already drinking like he'd been starved for a week. 

Wrecker's gasp and groans filled the air. A quick glance his way showed Hunter applying a coat of the translucent substance on his burnt hands and neck as well as on the cuts on his arms. Then came Hunter's turn who covered some scratches from the Yappians and after some thought applied some of it on the side of his forehead. No sound escaped his throat, the only proof of the pain assaulting his nerves being the scrunching of his face, unlike Tech who yelped when Crosshair carelessly applied the gel on his wrist and arms. Then, like pain didn't affect him at all, he splattered some on his swollen ankle and it was done. 

"I'm sure no one really wants to eat right now, but it'd be good to eat the food until Back-up comes back and we have to leave." Kayden reminded. 

"What's that?" Crosshair asked, more worried about the soup than Wrecker was. The tank was already slurping the soup down, mindful of his sensible fingers. 

"In basic I guess it translates as bone soup." Wrecker stopped abruptly, mouth still scotched to the bowl. He eyed you in distress, pondering if it was safe to swallow or not. "It's good, despite the name. Hunters usually eat that before a hunt to boost their systems, right Y/N?" Just for the sake of the game, you nodded. It was true anyway. 

"And eh… what's in it?" Tech moved the container in small circles to try and identify what was floating in the light yellow liquid. 

"Roots, meats, some veggies, guts and ground bones." You kept your poker face as Kayden enumerated the 'ingredients' and Wrecker lost all colors. "Where do you think the name comes from?" 

Wrecker spat his enormous gulp and you laughed to the point of tears, soon joined by your best frie- brother. 

"He's just fucking with y'all, Wreck. It's called bone soup because there's bone marrow in it to help with our joints. And there’s no guts. We're no savages." You did your best to control your laugh before digging into your soup eagerly. How Kayden always managed to get your mood up was a total mystery, but it always worked and you were grateful for it. 

"Could've fooled me." Crosshair taunted. 

"Ya can choke on it." You said at the same time Kayden did, getting a laugh out of it. 

The delicious soup filled your stomach in less than 10 gulps and it wasn't until you put your bowl down that you realized how good it made you feel to fill that emptiness in you. The soup wasn't enough to make you sleepy after a nice meal and provided just enough nutrients for everyone to be able to face the fast-approaching escape without a problem. Mixed with the Biogel, you were back at the top of your games. 

Arlan really made an error in taking care of the group. 

"What now? What's your plan?" Hunter wondered, posing his container on the ground. 

You met gaze with Kayden and he nodded confidently. "How well can you all swim in your armors?" 

"In calm water, we are fine but slow. We can't go in strong water. The current will catch in the plastoid and will drag us down." 

A hum resonated from within your throat and you pucker your lips. "You can't give them up. That scratch out the underground well and the waterfall." You taped your lips in thought. Watching Tech who still drank with only one hand, you knew that hiking wasn't an option as well. For now at least. 

"Then it's the dark pit." Kayden pointed out. 

It indeed was the last possible option. The other remaining one would be to use the front gates and it was the least possible one. 

"Yeah. The other tunnels would take too long to get out and then we'd lose too much time walking back at the Old Man's cave." You recalled from your mental map of the jungle. "I'm fairly sure we have two hours until dawn. The Old Man's Cave is 15 minutes away from here if we run." 

"Then we run." Hunter agreed. 

"Now, to get out… Hey, big guy." Kayden called. "What's the name?" 

"Wrecker." He answered proudly, almost puffing his chest out. 

Kayden scoffed. "Obviously. Should'a figured." He turned to you. "Is it too late to change my name?" 

The moron was too far for a shoulder slap, so you showed your exasperation with a roll of your eyes. "Stop screwing around and tell us your idea." 

"Yeah yeah." The childish tone wasn't surprising on his part. He turned his attention back to the tall clone. "So, Wrecker, I bet you're experienced with big shafts so how good are you with pulse-hammers?" In a flash, you threw your empty container at his head with utmost precision that you knew Crosshair would be proud. The flying object was as unexpected for him as the inappropriate sentence was for you and hit him square on the forehead. 

"I'll strangle you." You threatened. 

"Kinky." He winked while nursing his forehead. 

"With what?" Wrecker inquired, too focussed on the unknown term to pick up at the dirty joke.

"Her han-"

"Not that, morron." You cut him off. "The big hammer that exploded that tree back at the pit." You clarified for Wrecker. 

"Oh! I've never used one before, but I'm sure it can't be that hard!" Excitement glimmered in his eyes at the perspective of using the powerful weapon. 

"Oh believe me it's hard." Kayden smirked way too smugly for your taste. 

"Okay. Time out. Planning is paused." You poked the palm of your hand with the fingertips of your other hand. "I call pervert veto card." You deadpanned. 

"Oh hell no you can't!" Was there panic in his voice? Yes. Definitely. 

"Oh heck yes I can! Once a year for 24 hours and I'm using it now." Thank the gods you'd not used it before. 

"But-!" 

"No but or butts. No sexual reference in any form, implied or not. 24 hours starting now." He glared at you from his spot two meters away. You could have laughed at his face that perfectly mirrored a kid who just got his Christmas gift stolen directly from its small weak hands. 

"You're fucking me in the ass." He grumbled like an overgrown petulant child.

You lifted an eyebrow. "Try again. You can do it."

"Party pooper." 

"There you go." As you turned to the rest of them, a laugh escaped your lips at the clones’ expressions. 

Crosshair, despite his feelings blockade, was covering his mouth, Wrecker was laughing his ass off, Tech looked relieved behind his horrified eyes and Hunter chuckled. He appeared to be pleased and somewhat totally used to the situation, which grabbed your curiosity. 

Later. You forced a cough to get everyone's attention. "Let's continue. To answer your question, Wrecker, handling a pulse-hammer is not hard. Only remember to not touch the head," You had to stop to point at Kayden in a threatening manner when you sensed a perverted comment about to escape his idiotic mouth despite the veto card being used. "And hit with the glowing side. If you hit with the other side, you'll damage the hammer and it'll be useless." 

"I can do that!" Wrecker enthusiastically nodded. 

"So we plan into exploding our way out of here? What do we do about Cross?" Tech pointed out what he thought was a flaw in your plan. 

Right at this moment, Back-Up appeared before Kayden, its fluffy leaves puffing out in pride as Kayden removed the Master key from its belly pouch. What a marvelous creature they were. Being able to fit your own size in an extensible pouch that covered your body from your collarbone to your pelvis was truly amazing and more than practical. 

"We'll split. Kayden will guide you guys to the emergency tunnel and I'll go get Cross. I'll meet you all as soon as I can." 

You nearly hadn't finished that Hunter inevitably rejected your plan. "No. We stay together."

"We can't. You guys will be the decoy I need to sneak around and find him and having one of you with me will catch attention and slow me down." You cut Hunter as he still looked like he was about to be opposed. "I still have my comms and earbud. I'll contact you every 5 minutes." You offered in an attempt to compromise. 

Silence stretched and you got up, already ready to depart. The tingling in your arms and leg had subsided some time ago and to your sweet surprise, applying weight on your leg didn't hurt as much as before. 

Kayden unlocked the cells and a hand softly grabbed your forearm. "Fine. You comm every 5 minutes and you take this." He moved to Tech to rummage through his belt and hand you a pistol. "Use it if needed." 

You took the pistol with a steady grip despite the uncertainty shaking your guts. It was the very first blaster you've ever had in your hand and it was heavier than you thought. "Don't worry. I will." You assured him, voice strong and unwavering. 

But… could you really?

[yostresswritinggirl]

I got bored so I thought about a couple of things for Inazuma once it comes out

So, the archon of Inazuma basically took custody of the citizen’s visions/people who had them, right? Well, is that same logic going to be applied to the up incoming characters? For example, Ayaka. She’s the current character from Inazuma we know that will probably come soon, and with some of the beta clips you can find, she has her cyro vision when she’s fighting. So with that, it’s either A - There’s a big story quest where at the end, the Archon changes their ways by a small bit and gives back people’s visions, so the reason why characters have their visions makes a bit more sense, or B - Mihoyo keeps them the same as per everyone else previously, making the future playable Inazuma characters have their visions even though that goes against the whole Inzuma thing, and makes up something explaining the reason why and such.

And with my second thing when it comes to Inazuma is Scaramouche. As you know, he's a part of the Fatui n shit, and they are one of the bigger antagonists when it comes to Genshin, so with him being able to join the player's team (aka the good guys I guess) kinda goes against with what the Fatui often do and such; so it might be a bit strange if Scara just “joined” us, right? Well, that's when Childe gets added into this. You see, we're very aware that he's part of the Fatui, and as you know, he and everyone apart of it do some shady stuff, so with him being a playable character that can be able to be in our party to strange. However; there's one big thing that changes that, and its that he's genuinely excited when it comes to traveling, as hinted and stated by him in some of his voice lines if I can remember correctly, and adding on, his story quest shows that he has a more softer side when it comes to things and people that he cares for deeply, like his family (mainly tuecur, since he's one of Childe's siblings that we get to see so far) Childe is willing to risk his health just so that he can make his little brother happy, so that DOES show that hey, Childe is a good enough person so that is understandable why he's a playable character. Why do I bring all of this up? Well, if Mihoyo does in fact have plans for Scaramouche once we unlock Inazuma, Mih might pull a move similar to childe where we get to see a more softer, heck, maybe even kinder side of Scaramouche if he ever gets a story quest and such. Is it a bit of a stretch? Yeah. But is the possibility, even if it's small, there? Yep. And plus I do believe that he will play a big role in Inazuma's story once we get it, but for now, all we can do is wait and see. I think I rambled a little too much but I had fun writing this- and I'd love to see what you have think about this owo

Honestly I'm confused about that as well, seeing as Visions can't be used unless they're out in the open, why and how are they able to use those? I assume that there'd be lore behind how they were able to hide from confiscation and I hope nothing bad happens or only specific people have besn granted to keep them, but I'm leaning on the former.

When it comes to Scaramouche it feels like a controversial topic so I'll go with my initial thoughts: Unless the character has a visible vision, they will not be playable, or anytime soon. Visions are after all the main identifier for a playable character. But Exiled, why can't they be Visionless? Well the archons don't need a Vision either but Mihoyo squeezed in that visual identifier to showcase their element in the splash art as well as making a background for why they have a Vision in the first place.

I'm hoping that by the end game we can play as them as special charas or they finally smack a Vision to them in the future.

As for the Childe scenario, you must know that canon characters and playable characters have different lore behind them. The main reason for Childe joining you already know of course, but canon Childe is still with the Fatui and currently shipped back to Snezhnaya. More so, canon Childe is already known to be gentle in his backstory so there's no doubt about his personality.

A gentler side would be nice to see but I doubt he'd be shown that much seeing as he's still into killing the Traveler. If ever that were to happen, that's nice and all, but the possibility is little to none unless we get confirmation or hints that he'd be a playable character in the end. These are just my thoughts based on compliance with game mechanics and lore, please don't hate me or try and rebut because I do also want Scara to be playable, but I don't want to put myself into that hole until I'm sure.

[chongoblog]

Sir Mr Chongo sir I was wondering how’s this quarantine affecting you? You are music man, does the bonus time help you work or hinder it for bideo gaem related reasons?

Putting this under the cut both because this gets really rambly really quick and also because it gets PRETTY venty and such, and I can imagine that sort of thing isn’t something some people need to see right now (but for anyone worried by this preface, I'm safe)

It’s been.....strange. And I’ve been completely unable to get a solid read on how life is going to be because I haven’t had a holding pattern since this whole thing started. First of all, I’m not sure how well-known this info is, but creating content for the internet is not my full-time job. I’m a software developer for a company that makes slot machines, and I help do some programming and essentially making the game mechanics work together to make the game functional. And before you shout at me because of the ethics of making gambling machines (because I’ve had multiple people do that), all I can say is....yeah, I understand, but it’s a living.

So a couple weeks ago (which feels like months at this point.....lord.....) when the social distancing got started, most people in my office started working from home. I opted not to because historically I’ve been not great at focusing on my job or job-related stuff when I’m at home. Fortunately it was easily justifiable because in our big office building there were only about 5 of us instead of the usual hundred or so. So I spent a week working alone from the office.

That week, we were informed that amidst all this mess (since the company I work for gets steady income via casinos which, spoiler alert, aren’t very popular right now), instead of getting direct pay cuts, we would have a furlough schedule. Essentially, every four weeks, we would have a week where we don’t work and ergo don’t get paid. Kinda like an unemployment free trial.

Right now, I’m in the middle our first furlough week. I’m home under quarantine with nothing but free time. And what kinda sucks is that I was sincerely hoping that I would have this free week to work on one of the big crazy projects I’ve wanted to do for so long, but so far I’ve done nothing but a few small things, like the April Fools Day videos and CPU Kerfuffle Lore Docs, but I guess my brain just....isn’t really making it feel rewarding for some reason. Because ironically there are projects I WANT to work on, but all my productivity and creativity is being pushed elsewhere, which is......frustrating. Like you mention I’m a music man, and I keep thinking “hey now’s my chance to do the thing and make music, you know that thing you love to do?” but every time I open up the software, my brain just stalls out. Same thing for every project I WANT to work on. And I’ve even been taking Vyvanse even though it’s furlough so why can I still not focus? Bleh....

So next week I’m gonna get started on working from home. I’m tempted to try going into the office, since I could probably get away with it? It very much is my job, and there’s probably even LESS people there, but of course I don’t know if they closed it all up yet or not. I’ll probably end up running the setup where I’m working from home and hoping for the best in terms of my level of focus.

Although a lot of what might be getting me so out of focus isn’t the quarantine. It’s just that I’m very stressed. About a whole lot of things. On the day we got assigned furlough, they had to lay off 10% of the company. In a situation like the one we’re in where I work for a company that benefits off of casinos, and the end of a legally enforced quarantine paradoxically gets farther and farther and farther away and yet every date proposed feels too soon, I can’t help but wonder if they’ll stop at just 10%. Not helped by the fact that 3% of all of America filed for unemployment over the last two weeks. And that number grew over time.

And that’s just within my personal situation. Doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to see that things aren’t going great in the world, so I won’t go into detail on that as to not repeat it all, but things kind of suck. And I’ve made the “mistake” of recently sort of becoming really into politics, which means that every day I just become angrier and angrier or more and more miserable, but ultimately more and more stressed.

And I think maybe that stress may be a part of what’s blocking me up creatively? Maybe? Who knows at this point. I’m ready for this all to be over, and not knowing when that will be is painful. And, once again, so stressful. I’ve had a stress headache every day for the last week, and I rarely got them before. I can’t look away from what’s trending on Twitter because I’d be more insane if I didn’t know what the hell is going on, but everything on there is either politics, fearmongering, or just overall terrible news. Then there are plenty of other personal things to have me stressed out.

But I want to end this on a more positive note. So I will say this much. First of all, this whole mess is showing some of the best in humanity, and it’s putting a spotlight on people that I can call heroes without a drop of irony. Doctors, Nurses, Janitors, Fast Food Workers, Garbage Workers, Postal Service, Grocery Workers, the list goes on and on of people who are doing what they can to help the world in this time of crisis, and they will be rewarded (because if they don’t, there will be enough civil unrest that they take their rewards from those who withhold them). And on a more personal note, all things considered, I’m still in a good position in terms of my job. Our team fills a helpful niche, and our ability to work from home more reliably than others is a good asset at a time like this. And even with furlough cutting my pay somewhat, I still have a good bit in savings if necessary, and we can still cover all of our bills.

The future is looking rough. It’s looking really really rough. And I know I can’t see the future, but I know that we’re going to get through it. A year from now, a changed world will look back on this as a tragedy, but we’ll be with each other as we do it, giving our close friends big hugs.

[livayl]

how to relieve magical exhaustion (part 1)

This is with Amaziah & Marya and starts out with stifled sneezes to credit a suggestion given to me (hi there!). Also somehow it turned out to be a sneeze fic with an amount of  h/c and whump? The actual comfort is going to come later though. 

A little heads up because this is more on the plot/world-lore heavier side and not as light-hearted & sneezy as the last one. Also there´s a mention of pain that Amaziah experiences from over-exerting herself with magic. There´s a minor injury mention on a “young human soldier” (hes 20) literally a few seconds before he gets healed completely. And don´t worry about the Wyngar- they are basically constructs born out of Alchemy and Magic and are not really alive beings & can be evoked again.

There´s nothing explicit so I hope you will still enjoy it and please only reblog this to other kink-blogs, thank you. :)

Amaziah hated to admit it but lately it became more and more clear that the constant use of magic, be it passive or aggressively, had started to wear her out inch by inch. Like an once adamant rock washed out to a cave slowly by a constant current. Further and further until the carcass like remains were not able to bear their own weight anymore. In fights the well known rush of adrenaline, a sheer burning blaze of power was able to fill the hollow, aching void for a time but made it even more visible and fragile once it was left empty again. It left her with a constant dull ache that resounded deep into her bones, humming it´s echo throughout her intestines only to be sharply reawakened, vibrated to life with every heartbeat. 

Marya still tried her best to brew more effective medicine but even those positive effects on the Archmages immune system had slowly ceased. The seemingly endless discussions at their little improvised war council did not ease the rhythmic pounding headache that had spread low enough to make piercing bolts of pain tug at her teeth. 

The tent was illuminated eerily by several golden glowing crystals and the flickering gleam of a dwindling fire that did emit more fumes than warmth. Fine clouds of breath made visible by the constant flow of frosty air were swirling and dancing around grey billows of smoke. Delicate fern frost had blossomed to a rich bouquet on rough fabrics. Amaziah hoped it was just the quickly fading rush that threatened to make the world spin once she turned her head too fast. Yet that wish appeared to be futile when her condition started to worsen with proceeding time: The Archmages legs seemed barely receiving her inward bellowed commands to stay and carry her weight steadily while her sight stayed dulled and foggy on the edges. 

".... And eventually we received some real aid! Be assured that it is much appreciated, your grace. Although I cannot help but perceive that my- uh your- supplies have been scattered and thus may be damaged and that the former attack rendered my carriage useless as well as killed my Wyngar for which I understandably demand recompenses from you for coming too-" Amaziahs already sapped patience had been stretched thinner the longer the noble merchants ramblings had lasted- which were nothing more than barely concealed, blustered complaints anyways.

"Those matters will have to wait until we reach a safer outpost." She interrupted him, a little shocked how rough her voice came out. "Everyone injured should have been treated by now. I´ll make sure that they are well enough to move out. Prepare for departure." Ah- finally crisp and clear, Amaziah thought. Still, speaking made her head and throat throb unanimously with stabbing bolts of agony. Without waiting for an answer- or worse, another volley of nagging, she turned, took her gloves and scarf and left without taking the time to fully dress again. Her own flames had been fueled and she feared to sear the self-centered fool not unlike to how the giants had burned that poor Wyngar. 

Right outside the Archmage was greeted by an icy squall accompanied by piercing hail that bit and cut into every bit of exposed skin mercilessly. But instead of cooling her down it managed to aggravate her even more. The grim frost did hurt her lungs and forced the mage to cough harshly. It also chilled her nose to a point were all the cold started to freeze-burn its way up her sinuses. She sniffed against the unpleasant sensation which just worked as an igniter that sparked the smoldering tickle into a sudden, stabbing blaze that could not be extinguished. Amaziah gasped in an abrupt breath and had barely time to bring up her hand, only managed to partially close her flaring nostrils with cold fingers. "Heh-knxdzsch-uh!" She then cringed at the failed stifle that had pushed past her defenses and steamily misted the palm of her hand. But her bodies attempts to get rid of not only the frosty irritants did not grant her much time to dwell in that small discomfort. She had barely opened her eyes again as they threatened to fall shut once more by the incoming sensation. Again a deep, building breath that titled back the mages head, this time followed by a secure and firm nose-pinch. The final release had been so repressed it was borderline inaudible and directly followed by an only slightly louder groan. The force of it was much clearer displayed in the Archmages body language as it made her stumble forward dizzily. She had only a short moment to steady herself until the insisting tingling need rose again and made her head bob down once more. This time with increased force as if to make up for her persistent resistance: "hah-ndxt!-ah" Amaziah blinked tears out of her eyes and had to give her head a clearing shake before she could resume her ways to the hastily built sickbay.

Inside the confined tent it was pleasantly warm but a mixture of several pungent odors thickened the air, assaulted her senses and threatened to cause another fit of vague outcome. Thankfully, all was overlayed by the both evocative and comforting minty scent of healing herbs. Ambrosial and refreshing for all senses as was the sight of its source: In front of her Marya was still busy taking care of the last wounded soldiers and merchants. 

Her wavy, vibrant red hair was pinned-up but a few strands had loosened out of the voluminous bun. They curled around her softly blushed cheeks, caressed the slightly exposed and freckled nape of her neck only to silkily float down further her coat veiled curves. The young Alchemists face was unusual rigid with concentration, her lush lips slightly parted and smooth forehead overshadowed by a delicate frown as she worked. Thankfully the Archmage could not detect the dreaded look of distraught marring her soft features. 

Amaziah noticed with much relief that most remaining injuries seemed to be superficial burns and minor flesh wounds. The four lads were still more or less lucid and not yet beyond capacities of the healing potions they had been given. A little too lucid maybe, the Archmage thought as she noticed the prevalent conversational topic enthusiastically declaimed by an eager and youthful voice:

"... And then the Archmage tore the sky open a second time! It was like exploding blazingly white with a rolling thunder. Spitting out thunderbolts which crashed into the Demons so powerfully that it shook the earth! All of the smaller ones vanished immediately, turned to ash only leaving behind scorch marks and the bitter smell of ozone. The raging Fire Giant crumpled under the spell as if smashed by an enormous  hammer, pinned down helplessly into the dirt, barely fuming... And- oh-OH- your grace!" The young human soldier interrupted himself as he became aware of Amaziahs presence. The left side of his face had been scorched but was already healing quickly- almost too fast to be followed by gaze alone. Despite this token of battle the young lad still seemed to be more a teen than the man their circumstances needed. All gangly limbs brimming with excitement only one so new to all of this could  maintain. "I´m-" Amaziah started but was cut short by a few raspy coughs. "Excuse me. I am relieved to see you all are more or less well." She then continued- voice still strained but lips curved up into a honest smile. "Very much so, your grace. We just reveled in your latest heroic legends." Marya answered, a little amused mischief sparking in her blue eyes. Amaziah hoped that her face was still flushed from the cold and that this was able to hide the blush she felt rising up. 

"Do you think everybody is well enough to depart soon? I don´t want to stay here longer than necessary." She then explained as Marya gently took her aside. Amaziah felt a light shiver creeping up her spine as the younger elf studied her observantly. "Yes, not too much worries there. Lord stuck up can be useful for once and lend us his other cart for those who shouldn't walk." "Huh- so no fast departure then. That man can´t do a thing without an endless discussion." The Archmage answered more peevish than she had intended. Apparently the pure mention of Lord Desjard was enough to push her already much battered buttons. 

And the obtrusive smells started to tease her senses more and more. Right at this thought the lingering irritation spread from playful to demanding again and her sharp nose reacted with a couple of angered twitches. The tingling sensation was aggressive enough to bring back tears to her eyes and made her take a few hitching breaths despite all her efforts to keep them steady. "Are you well? You look worn out. And sneezy." "N-nohh... I´m fine, th-hah-hhh-thank you." Amaziah replied around wavering inhales. She sheepishly rubbed and squeezed the tip of her reddened nose, tried to calm all the flaring and crinkling. When this did not more than hardly stall the announcing release, the mage started pinching her septum hard which only managed to intensify the feeling instead of weakening it. "Haeh-ERRSCHH-hue!" Initiated by a strangled yet powerful inhale the sudden sneeze had burst out unrestrained, was angled down and only partly to the side by a hastily raised hand. "Oh my I´m-hih sorriih- AERRSSCHH-ah! Snnff-HAiih-EERSSCHooh!" Her already staggering apology was harshly interrupted: The second one was equally powerful but with a throat scraping, chest aching quality to it and the third simply loud and echoing enough to drown out the nascent chorus of timid and astounded "bless yous". 

Amaziah was almost thankful that another volley of coughs spared her too much of a polite reaction. "Aw gesundheit my Sweet. Don´t hurt yourself!" "-I´m sorry." The Archmage managed to choke out bitterly. "Guess I´m up to wrecking myself anyhow.... Please make sure that everyone is ready as soon as possible." "No worries I´ll kick some healthy soldier butts to help me organizing. How about you sit down here a little and rest?" Amaziah felt torn between her wish to stay close to her Loves comfort and care and the fear of lapsing again with an audience this big. The openly shown, almost ridiculous hero worship some of the army actively participated in did not make things better. Also, how indomitable could a leader stay while slumping down to the dirt afflicted by whatever nonsense this current weakness was. 

“No thank you. The-uh- herbs are getting to me a bit, I´m afraid. See you at departure in an hour." Amaziah hastily excused herself with a gentle yet swift kiss atop of Maryas head. Then she left, almost fled the place too scared to admit how she longed for Maryas close company. 

[circuit-wings]

The Commanders

So I realized I talk about my Commanders a lot but I’ve never really defined them. So I thought I’d kinda do that in a post to kick start my lore a bit more. Warning though this is a long post with lots of rambling.

Commanders are beings of great influence and power in my clan. The High Commander, Vakama, acts as the clan leader providing them with a voice, guidance and a strong political presence against other clans. 

The six sub commanders, Nokama, Matau, Katla, Nuju, Onewa and Whenua, each act as district leaders for specific areas of clan life. Nokama, Head of Public Health, Matau, Head of Trade and Income, Katla, Master of the Forge and Export, Nuju, Head of Research and Technology, Onewa, Scout and Exploration Head, and Whenua, Head or Records and Knowledge. However Katla and Onewa also carry the title of ERC or the Emergency Response Commander, should all seven commanders or Vakama not be present or capable of commanding in an emergency either Katla or Onewa can take the position of temporary High Commander.

However how the Commanders came to be in Kami is a bit of a mystery to most, and a topic not to be questioned by those so heavily intertwined into Kami’s existence that they remember the time before the Commanders. Best left forgotten they say.

Those that will speak remember the stories of their arrival. The Commanders arrived slowly, and over a great period of time, some even saying the first commander arrived at the time before humanity had fallen. Few remember what Vakama looked like when he first arrived however, and even fewer know where he came from. He simply was there for most. Already being shifted and integrated by The Hearth’s energy. Though some say that he spoke of a women made of water often, that she was the reason he had come there. It took nearly a century for Vakama to stop searching for her, for him to realize that she simple hadn’t arrived yet.

Onewa arrived second, maybe a century and a half after Vakama, maybe more. He spoke of two voices, that bickered and beckoned him during his travels. It was much to his shock when Nuju arrived and sounded uncannily similar to one of the voices.

After Nuju, Matau arrived, he whispered of a fire women with lava for hair and gold jewelry decorating her limbs. He won’t speak much of what he saw when coming to Kami, but he could often be seen on dark nights watching from the gate towers, hoping for something.

Whenua arrived shortly before Katla did, solidifying the reality that those you follow to Kami may simply who your life revolves around, even if you don’t know it yet. Katla whispered of a feathered man with massive wings guiding her to Kami, Soon after her and Matau met, a relationship formed and no one dared questioned it.

Nokama was the last to arrive, and with her arrive Vakama finally met the woman made of water who guided him to Kami, nearly six centuries later. No new commanders have arrived after her. The Hearth seemingly satisfied with it’s protective forces, with it’s leaders.

It’s know though that commanders arrivals are signaled by a change of energy, a growing excitement with no origin, an energy that puts guards on edge and keeps eyes open wide. Waiting. Then they arrive, barely clinging to life as they walk along through the gates of Kami in a trance like state, barely speaking with glazed over eyes, until they collapse. 

They come from across the world, pulled in by whispers and shadows of those they care for, those that they may hold close. However they alone must make it to Kami, pulled by the Hearth they alone must prove their strength.

And once they arrive, Kami will take it’s grip, changing them, integrating them. Giving them the strength, the ability to lead without question….along with something else. 

The commanders may have arrived as people of the world, but Kami changes all those who belong. What they once were they are no longer now. Never aging, never dying the continue to lead till the end of Kami, or until they are no longer of use to the Hearth itself. Then and only then they shall rest.

Other Lore: The Founders | The Next