#lordofparadoxes

[lordofparadoxes]

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-ot working?! [ There's a loud bang. ] Fuck, that'll teach me to- wait- [ A rustling noise, close to the speaker. ] Oh, yes! It's working! Finally, I was starting to think that guy scammed me. He's damn lucky I figured this thing out, tsk. [ Ineligible muttering. ]

[ A big black and white creature that resembles a mix of a squirrel and a rabbit comes into view, buck teeth and tusks poking out from their lips, eyes focused on something off-screen. Their eyes dart to the camera, widening comically as if they just realized they were being recorded. ]

Ah- sorry! You're probably wondering who I am. [ The creature chuckles, looking sheepish and rubbing the back of their neck with a spotted paw. ] Well, the name's Paradox, and I'm a Time Lord. [ They pause, face scrunching up as if realizing something. ] Not The Doctor's kind, though I have met them. No, I originate from a time branch of what my superiors have named the Rise Universe, the newest tree for the TMNT garden. For people who don't follow: I am a yokai that was born in a Hidden City, which one I can't remember. My universe of origin's ending code is 2018, though I've since moved. [ They offer the camera a small grin, their long ears flicking back, the big bushy tail behind them twitching a bit. ]

Normally this kind of thing would get one fired... but considering Tumblr has consistently broken the laws of reality by having multiple versions of the same person on it at any given point and allowing them to interact without consequence... well, my superiors have made an exception. [ They laugh nervously, nose twitching. ]

I'm technically retired from field work, but reality decided I was done with that and dragged me back kicking and screaming. So, here I am! Making a blog, haha. [ They wince, and their head falls into their paws with a muffled groan. ] Ugh... I'm out of practice.

[ They tilt their head a bit to glare half-heartedly at the camera. ] In my defense, it's been a couple thousand years since I've had a social media account. And technically this is a transcript, so cut me some slack alright? [ They straighten up with a sigh, leaning back in their chair. ]

You'll probably be seeing more of me, though no guarantee. The signal here is shit, and everything I send through has a 50/50 chance of actually being received. [ They grimace. ] Most of the time though everything gets lost to the void or fractured. Ugh, which just means more paperwork for me. [ They close their eyes, expression pained. ] So much paperwork...

|| Connection terminated , redirecting . . . ||

|| Pulling up file . . . || || Opening file name "Employee 325" ||

Designation : Paradox Real name : [ REDACTED ] Age : [ REDACTED ] Species : Yokai; hybrid / mutt Universe of Origin : TMNT-R-CTEV-S1-C10GOL-002018 Occupation : Time Lord; Rank Watcher Former Ranks : Civilian; Refugee, Consultant (Brief), Scout; Junior, Senior, Agent; Lieutenant, Captain, General Magic : Hammer space, [ REDACTED ] Misc : Retired, unique magic; nonreplicated, doesn't age, omnivore, founj!(DU918!*@&9*!S*(JS!*1Y(S(*!wS)K!()IW!(JS!U&@Y!H!7HG^SH!*(!I9jS!sH!*YW()SJ!!M)W1 JIW : 56gu!T^&!SU!*H17YS!&*ySG!*YG^SO(!)(h!( G : SJ2!*!(shJ!*w!ys!(!* || . . . ||

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|| Ending program . . . ||

|| Thank you for using Pandora's Box! ||

[lordofparadoxes]

[ A monitor beeps, and Paradox turns to read what new information their equipment had picked up, a cup of tea held in their paws. “Oh? A new development? Let’s see, then…” They leaned forward, squinting slightly at the words on the screen.

A pause.

The ceramic cup falls to the floor and shatters on impact, Paradox’s chair screeching against the floor as they leap to their feet, face pale and eyes wide in horror. “Oh, Prime…” They croaked, “That’s- I- I have to-“ They hurriedly summoned their scepter, paws trembling as they opened a rip and jumped through.

They only hoped they made it in time. ]

[lordofparadoxes]

...legal reasons?

🦇

Haha, yes. I can’t tell anyone not working for Pandora’s Box how time travel works, they have to figure it out for themself. I technically could tell you, but my colleagues would undo that fairly quickly, haha.

[lordofparadoxes]

so.. if you are basically in charge of the paradoxes of a timeline (thats probably where you got your name, eh?), how does time travel itself work, if you can explain it?

i mean, outside of how you experience it; which i can only assume is different than any other given person's experience.

and, if all versions of you could answer any ask at any given time, does that mean that you continuously have the sum knowledge of yourself? like, you will always have the same, complete knowledge of a situation because you have already seen it played out, or because you are just sort of all knowing?

🦇

I’m afraid I cannot explain how time travel works, for it varies from universe to universe… and because of legal reasons.

For your second question, I am neither. I only know how something is supposed to go for a timeline I have been assigned. For things like my own future, I only get hints and glimpses of what is to come. Future me can answer questions about the distant past because when someone becomes a Time Lord they are automatically given a photographic memory that doesn’t deteriorate, to keep up with our long lifespans. It is both a curse and a blessing.

[lordofparadoxes]

What reports have you done? Besides the one you’ve told us?

Hmm… well, I have to fix timeline anomalies, which includes, well, paradoxes. So, for timelines or universes that are time travel heavy, I create the paradoxes needed to keep things running smoothly. For example: Say a book gets passed from a future version of a person to a younger version, but neither of them were the ones that wrote it. I will, essentially, code that book into the timeline. The process is a lot more complicated than that, and it’s not actually “coding”, but that’s the simplest the way I can put it. Or, I’ll “code in” a piece of knowledge that gets passed down. If it is something the people create via knowledge they received from a future version of themself or another person, I code in memories containing that knowledge for all parties. For these timelines, they go through a period where that paradox didn’t exist, but once I code in the necessary paradox that period no longer exists. At least, it is inaccessible by anyone not part of Pandora’s Box, my organization. We keep records of these periods, and use them as a training exercise for trainees.

[lordofparadoxes]

Wait so two different times of Paradox are answering?

No, all of us can answer. The me of a few minutes ago could answer, the me of the moment I made the blog could answer, the me of yesterday could answer, the me of tomorrow could, etc etc. Basically, the asks that are received could be answered by me at any point in my personal timeline.

[lordofparadoxes]

Thank you, hearing you forgive me has made me happy as the event hung over my head so much.

I will not question anything else in your response as I assume it was later in the future and such.

Thank you once more.

-Flower Anon

Ah, yes, I think future me answered the question, as I’m not quite sure what you’re referring to. But, you’re welcome, FA.

[lordofparadoxes]

I don't think I've ever said it. But I am quite terribly sorry about shooting you in the mud war. Got too into dramatics and didn't know ya appear!

Can I offer a nice cup of tea in apologies?

-Flower Anon

Oh, FA, there was nothing to forgive, my dear. I know it was quite a recent event for you, dear, but it has been a very, very long time for me. There is no need to apologize for what you thought was a game, and no harm was done. In fact, I thank you for it, without it I shudder to think where our little family would be now. It… it was nice to hear your voice again, FA.

[lordofparadoxes]

Hi paradox!—

Wait have i said hello before—

Anyways how are you? - ✏️

Haha, hello Pencil! I am doing very good, me and my colleagues have decided to play Cards Against Humanity for our breakfast break :D I am currently losing horribly but I am having a very good time!

[lordofparadoxes]

how does it feel

the whole time jumping thing, i mean.

🦇

The first few times it was very disorienting, and it took years for the vague sense of nausea to go away. The training and practicing with it helped, and my colleagues told me that using my Scepter in my everyday life for regular transportation and stuff would help me get used to it faster, and they were right. Using it is second nature now, it’s as easy as breathing.

[lordofparadoxes]

Huh neat!

What do you mean by threads cut from reality?

The children that split from the fabric. Sometimes the threads become frayed at the ends and are cut so they can regrow. The pieces are then left to their own devices, and decide they want to be known. It happens more often than you think, as reality is unfathomably large and terribly old. How do you think the organization I work for came to be?

[lordofparadoxes]

What's your favourite food then? Does it exist in any of our realities?

My favorite food? Is that why you’ve been asking me what space and time taste like? Hah, do you think I am one of the many threads that has been cut from reality? One of the many creatures that have no planet or star to call home? I assure you, I am a child of the planets, same as you. To answer your question, my favorite food is peaches. Frozen peach slices, specifically. It is a little difficult to eat them, being covered in fur as I am, but I enjoy them immensely nonetheless. Having claws does help my fur remain clean. Did you know that peaches are symbols of immortality or the divine in many cultures? They’re used often in offerings to the gods, and they’re considered boons of longevity and good health, hence them being offered to the gods.

[lordofparadoxes]

What is a hammer space? Are space and time different much?

...if time tastes like everything what does space taste like?

“Hammer space” was coined from cartoons, actually. You know how cartoon characters will reach behind themselves and pull out something that physically is incapable of being pulled from that space? Like that scene in Mary Poppins when she pulls a lamp out of her bag. That, that’s a hammer space. Most hammer spaces have a limited carrying capacity, have no sorting system, and are very rarely developed as a natural magic. Mine is “unique” in the sense that it took a physical form. See, I’m a yokai right? Well, my ancestry is so diverse that my genetic code is essentially an archive of a lot of data, so much so I’m what your veterinary scientists would call a “mutt”. A hybrid, if you want to be more gentle. The data that takes up most of my physical genetics is a kangaroo, and because I’m intersex I developed a “joey” (marsupial) pouch despite having a more masculine looking body. So back to my point; my marsupial pouch is now an infinite storage unit with a sorting system only I can access. If anyone were to go in (and yes, I have carried people before) without me using the system to hold them in place they’d get lost in the pocket dimension that is my joey pouch. So TLDR; My hammer space is a mini pocket dimension in the physical form of a joey pouch.

To answer your second question, space tastes like the air getting sucked out of your lungs. Literally. I mean, it is a giant vacuum, to be fair.

[lordofparadoxes]

are all anons like u upgrading to blogs???

Not that I'm aware of, no. I think I'm the only that that will do such a thing. Besides, my circumstances are... unique.

[lordofparadoxes]

[Whips and nae naes]

Halllloooooooo paradox!!!

:D

I see you've upgraded!

Good for you mate!!

So..

How've you been since the mud war?

I kinda....

Forgot to check up on you.........haha •-•

Hello, Kid! And I'm doing fine now, thank you for asking. Though, for me the Mud War was... quite a while ago now. It's probably been a few weeks for you right? Well for me it was maybe... 6 months ago? Granted this ask did just show up in my inbox with a timestamp of 5 months ago, so you'll probably see this answered around then. The me then is also doing quite fine after the Mud War, I heal faster than most! We both thank you for the concern though, Kid.

[lordofparadoxes]

Does time have a taste if you bite it? ...is it yummy?

Well, time doesn't have a physical form. At least not on a dimension I can see. We did have someone who had a form of synesthesia that could taste words when they heard them, and they were asked what time tasted like to them. I remember that they went very quiet, probably focusing on the taste. They were quiet for a while, I and many others got to watch as their face changed as they tried to find the words to describe it. Eventually they said this; "Everything." Which, for our line of work, is a word we don't use lightly. Not in this context. When they said 'everything', they meant everything. And everything, my dear anon, is an unfathomable amount.