#lord isurus

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

RE8 AU Incorrect Quotes [Part 2]

I’m currently busy with other writing projects at the moment (mainly this year’s Goretober, because I’ll have to stick to an actual posting schedule if I want to go for thirteen days).

I’m still not sure when I’ll be able to write another fic for this AU, but I definitely haven’t forgotten about it! Until then, here’s more memes. (Thank you for all your patience and understanding, @that-bat )

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Nate/Lord Ophio: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. Ethan Nestor-Winters: But how—? Nate/Lord Ophio: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: Shouldn’t you have something inspiring yet infuriating to say? Hunter/The Baron: Yes, actually. . . Hunter/The Baron: *stands up, clears his throat, straightens his tie* Hunter/The Baron: . . .Smash Mouth was right all along! “The years start coming, and they  d o n ’ t  s t o p  c o m i n g . ”

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Nate/Lord Ophio: Life is just a hallucination caused by oxygen. Once you stop breathing, it all goes away.

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Matt/Lord Loxosceles: I'm not creepy. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: I'm petty. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: There's a difference, y’know.

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Mark/Lord Isurus: I’m a multitasker! Mark/Lord Isurus: I can torture fifteen people at once.

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Nate/Lord Ophio: Though I admit I don’t know much about you, I am feeling pretty confident in my assessment that you are probably some sort of sick deadly fuck. Hunter/The Baron: Who told you my secret?

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: The “how the fucks” and “why are you so dumbs” don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

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Hunter/The Baron: So, you three are brothers? Mark/Lord Isurus: Only in spirit Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Technically speaking, yes. Nate/Lord Ophio: No.

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: Those darn tall people. Nate/Lord Ophio: Darn em’ indeed. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Don’t worry, they'll be gone soon enough. Mark/Lord Isurus: Hahaha. . .

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Nate/Lord Ophio: *sitting on the roof of The Baron’s Market, quietly talking to an undead raven* Hunter/The Baron: . . .Lord Ophio, what’re you doing? Nate/Lord Ophio: Apparently finding out that Ethan guy is pretty weird. Hunter/The Baron: Ah, so you’re stalking him? Nate/Lord Ophio: No, my pets are just helping me observe from a distance. Hunter/The Baron: Look, it’s none of my business what you decide to do with Mr. Nestor-Winters, but I’m pretty sure that still counts as stalking Nate/Lord Ophio: *pauses, then sends the raven off* Baron, do you know what the difference between people-watching and stalking is? Hunter/The Baron: I might. . . Nate/Lord Ophio: *nods* A restraining order.

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Hunter/The Baron: Why do you and the other Lords want to kill Mr. Nestor-Winters? Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Have you seen him?! His neck looks so snappable!

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: So, what do you do for a living? Nate/Lord Ophio: I exist against my will

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: I can’t fucking handle this right now! Mark/Lord Isurus: Just remember, if you can’t handle me at my worst. . .I CAN HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, WHICH MAKES ME STRONGER THAN YOU!

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Hunter/The Baron: Lord Ophio, when’s your birthday? Nate/Lord Ophio: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me? Hunter/The Baron: . . .So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

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[The Lords are getting ready for a standard ritual event]

Nate/Lord Ophio: Mark is late again. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: How did this happen? I called him at eight o’clock this morning and pretended it was eleven! I even printed up a fake schedule for him saying we were starting at nine instead of noon! Nate/Lord Ophio: I set his clock to say PM when it’s really AM. Hunter/The Baron: *not involved with the upcoming ritual, but is still within earshot of all this* . . .I think you might’ve overdone it, my lords. Mark/Lord Isurus: *bursts through one of the temple’s windows* Mark/Lord Isurus: WHAT FUCKING TIME IS IT?!

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Nate/Lord Ophio: You don't know anything about me! Hunter/The Baron: I know EVERYTHING about you! You’re an open book written for very disturbed children!

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[During the Boss Fight between Ethan and Matt]

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Why did you let Miranda turn you into this?! There’s so many better things in the world that you could’ve seen! Matt/Lord Loxosceles: I don’t know, Earwig. Why do you keep letting your hands get ruined?! THERE’S SO MANY WEAPONS IN THE WORLD THAT YOU COULD’VE USED COMPETENTLY!

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: You’re terrible at interacting with people. When you meet someone, what’s your opening line? Nate/Lord Ophio: “Hi, did you have a happy childhood, or are you funny? It can only be one!”

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: It’s strange how well you and that zombie get along. Didn’t he hate you at first? Hunter/The Baron: Lord Ophio hates everybody at first. It’s his way of reaching out to people.

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Matt/Lord Loxosceles: What’s the plan? Nate/Lord Ophio: I don’t know! You’re smart, *points at Mark* and he’s mean, so come up with something!

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“Adulting is hard. How do I quit?” Hunter/The Baron: Time travel. Nate/Lord Ophio: Die.

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Mark/Lord Isurus: You’re gonna need to be more specific. Are you talking about original birth or rebirth? Nate/Lord Ophio: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: I personally metamorphosed in a lab. Hunter/The Baron: I just straight up spawned lol.

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Mark/Lord Isurus: I technically don’t have anything against you, but I can still make up lots of reasons to attack you!!

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Nate/Lord Ophio: I’m gonna go check on my scouts. Try not to kill each other while I’m gone. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Oh, please. We’re not children. Nate/Lord Ophio: *leaves* Mark/Lord Isurus: *casually* . . .Eat shit and die. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Yeah, fuck you, too.

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: *writing in his diary with a glitter gel pen* I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There’s blood on my hands.

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Hunter/The Baron: Why can’t we all just get along? Nate/Lord Ophio: Because most of us are assholes, Baron. I thought that was obvious

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Mark/Lord Isurus: You know what I’ve realized? Ethan Nestor-Winters: Some thoughts are better left unsaid? Mark/Lord Isurus: Nice try, anyway—

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: Are you trying to give me a fucking aneurysm?! Nate/Lord Ophio: Pretty sure we all are. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you came here. Mark/Lord Isurus: To be perfectly fair, you almost gave me one first Hunter/The Baron: I just cause aneurysms naturally.

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Hunter/The Baron: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be? 


Matt/Loxosceles: Maybe a bit tipsy? 


Mark/Lord Isurus: Drunk. 


Nate/Lord Ophio: Wasted. 


Ethan Nestor-Winters: Dead.

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: *trying to hide his gun behind his back* If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true, then WHOEVER’S CONTROLLING MY SIM NEEDS TO COME SEE ME BECAUSE I JUST WANNA TALK—

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Hunter/The Baron: It’s not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You’ve got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

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Nate/Lord Ophio: Could you maybe just like. . .stab me. . .right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

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Mark/Lord Isurus: Look, try not to roll your eyes at me, alright? I’m not in the fucking mood for that. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . .I don’t even have pupils anymore??

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: Why do people worry when their life feels incomplete? If it was complete, they would be dead. Hunter/The Baron: . . .Do you have, like, a spirit animal to look up to? Ethan Nestor-Winters: Yeah—roosters! Because they also start every day screaming!

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Nate/Lord Ophio: Yesterday, I overheard Matt saying “Are you sure this’ll actually work?” and Mark replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

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Hunter/The Baron: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

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Mark/Lord Isurus: Matt, I’m so ready for the Twitch stream with Lady Dimestrescu! It’s gonna be so great! I bought the best laptop your money could buy! Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . .Did you say MY MONEY? Mark/Lord Isurus: Yeah! It’s even one of those two-for-one foldable ones! Mark/Lord Isurus: *forcibly snaps the laptop’s screen back, breaking it pretty much beyond repair* Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Mark, that was nOT A FOLDABLE LAPTOP. Mark/Lord Isurus: *freezes in place, eyes welling up with tears* ...EuH. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . . Mark/Lord Isurus: EuH—!!! Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . . Mark/Lord Isurus: *gingerly pulls the laptop’s screen back up, letting out a raspy sob* I tHiNk YoU bRoKe It. . !

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: *unconscious on the ground* Hunter/The Baron: Do you think he’s okay? Nate/Lord Ophio: *holding a bucket of ice water* Who cares? *dumps all of the water on Ethan’s face*

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Nate/Lord Ophio: Mark has no survival skills. His need to win has replaced them. Hunter/The Baron: Prove it. Nate/Lord Ophio: Hey, Mark! Matt said you couldn’t get to the bottom of those stairs faster than him! Mark/Lord Isurus: *Throws himself out a window at the top of the staircase*

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: This is a safety pin. Ethan Nestor-Winters: *cuts off the end of the pin* Ethan Nestor-Winters: It is now a danger pin.

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Nate/Lord Ophio: I just realized that every person is living a life as vivid and complex as my own. Nate/Lord Ophio: . . . Nate/Lord Ophio: I feel so bad for them.

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Nate/Lord Ophio: It’s called the Circle of Life because it’s POINTLESS Hunter/The Baron: Haters got you down? Nate/Lord Ophio: I show the haters how it’s DONE! By hating myself more than they ever could! Hunter/The Baron: The point of this was to tell people what the longest part of your morning routine is. Nate/Lord Ophio: FINDING THE WILL TO LIVE

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Nate/Lord Ophio: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?

Ethan Nestor-Winters: “Bees?”

Mark/Lord Isurus: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES!

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Wait—

[Matt/Lord Loxosceles approaches, shaking a jar of bumblebees menacingly]

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: I think it’s time I get my life in order. Hunter/The Baron: *narrating* But he did not get his life in order. In fact, he got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

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Nate/Lord Ophio: When I admitted that I didn’t know what family I actually came from, Mark told me Mother Miranda must’ve found me in a KFC bucket next to a dumpster. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . .I mean, that probably is what happened. Nate/Lord Ophio: Oh crap, maybe that’s the reason why. Maybe my lackluster feelings towards their fried chicken is because subconsciously I'm reliving the trauma whenever I see their trademark bucket. My brain and cognitive dissonance won't let me completely lie to myself and say I hate their food, because fried chicken is great and I want some now, instead it just steers me away. Thank you for helping to guide me towards this epiphany, perhaps now the healing can begin.

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: I’m learning what PEMDAS stands for! Ethan Nestor-Winters: Please-End-My-Depression-And-Suffering!

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Mark/Lord Isurus: Y'know, I once knew a man who said to me, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” He also had a pair of sideburns that would cause even Jude Law’s face to weep in forfeit. You put those lemons in a sack and beat your enemies with ‘em! And maybe if you beat ‘em hard enough the bag will split open and lemon juice will spray into their eyes, causing intense burning pains as you crush them into a citrus-y pulp! Hunter/The Baron: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Their heads or the lemons? Mark/Lord Isurus: Whatever caves first!

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: Did you win? Or just not die? Ethan Nestor-Winters: Either way, hooray. Nate/Lord Ophio: . . .Is “no” a valid answer? Ethan Nestor-Winters: The hooray is redacted.

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[cricketexpert]

Iplpredictiont20

The most-anticipated cricket competition is back! Welcome the game that is adored by numerous *drumrolls* Indian Premier League – The IPL! Everyone needs to know the last groups for IPL 2021. As we will see every one of the players from around the globe, the fervor of all the cricket fans will take off high.

Each fan need to know the insights regarding their #1 players and groups. Which players will be delivered and which of them will be held, it involves outrageous interest, particularly for an in-your-face cricket fan.

All the eight IPL groups have reported the rundown of players that will be held for this period of IPL.

Given underneath are altogether the groups, their held and delivered major parts in IPL 2021.

1. Regal Challengers Bangalore

Regal Challengers Bangalore gave an extreme battle to the wide range of various groups and made it till the qualifier in the last season. Given underneath are the held and IPL 2021 delivered players rundown of RCB.

Held players: Virat Kohli, Yuzvendra Chahal, AB de Villiers, Devdutt Padikkal, Washington Sundar, Navdeep Saini, Adam Zampa, Mohammed Siraj, Shahbaz Ahmed, Kane Richardson, Josh Philippe, Pawan Deshpande.

Delivered major parts in IPL 2021: Gurkeerat Singh Mann, Parthiv Patel (resigned from all types of cricket), Moeen Ali, Shivam Dube, Pawan Negi, Umesh Yadav, Chris Morris, Aaron Finch, Dale Steyn, Isuru Udana.

2. Rajasthan Royals

Rajasthan Royals had a decent season in 2020. In spite of the fact that, they were out very early, they have probably the best players who can take the group to the finals. Given beneath are the held and IPL 2021 delivered players rundown of RR.

Held players: Sanju Samson, Jofra Archer, Ben Stokes, Jos Buttler, Shreyas Gopal, Riyan Parag, Rahul Tewatia, Kartik Tyagi, Mahipal Lomror, Andrew Tye, Mayank Markande, Jaydev Unadkat, Yashasvi Jaiswal, David Miller, Anuj Rawat, Robin Uthappa, Manan Vohra.

IPL 2021 delivered players: Steve Smith, Oshane Thomas, Ankit Rajpoot, Akash Singh, Tom Curran, Varun Aaron, Shashank Singh, Anirudha Joshi.

3. Chennai Super Kings

The 3-time victor of the IPL prize, CSK consistently put the best game before any group they are playing against. Given beneath are the held and IPL 2021 delivered players rundown of CSK.

Held players: MS Dhoni, Lungi Ngidi, Imran Tahir, Ruturaj Gaikwad, Ravindra Jadeja, Ambati Rayudu, Deepak Chahar, Mitchell Santner, N Jagadeesan, KM Asif, R Sai Kishore, Shardul Thakur, Faf du Plessis, Josh Hazlewood, Dwayne Bravo, Karn Sharma, Sam Curran.

IPL 2021 delivered players: Shane Watson (resigned), Kedar Jadhav, Murali Vijay, Harbhajan Singh, Monu Singh, Piyush Chawla.

4. Delhi Capitals

Delhi Capital was the subsequent best group of IPL 2020. We will expect extraordinary endeavors from all the colleagues this year. Given underneath are the held and IPL 2021 delivered players rundown of DC.

Held players: Shikhar Dhawan, Ajinkya Rahane, Prithvi Shaw, Rishabh Pant, Axar Patel, Shreyas Iyer, Amit Mishra, R Ashwin, Ishant Sharma, Lalit Yadav, Pravin Dubey, Avesh Khan, Kagiso Rabada, Marcus Stoinis, Anrich Nortje, Chris Woakes, Shimron Hetmyer.

Delivered players: Mohit Sharma, Keemo Paul, Tushar Deshpande, Sandeep Lamichhane, Jason Roy, Alex Carey.

5. Sunrisers Hyderabad

Sunrisers Hyderabad gave an extreme battle to every one of the groups and made it to the qualifier in the IPL 2020. With all its best players, we can anticipate that this team should get to the finals this year. Given underneath are the held and IPL 2021 delivered players rundown of SRH.

Held players: David Warner, Kane Williamson, Manish Pandey, Priyam Garg, Virat Singh, Jonny Bairstow, Wriddhiman Saha, Shreevats Goswami, Abdul Samad, Abhishek Sharma, Vijay Shankar, Mohammad Nabi, Mitchell Marsh, Jason Holder, Rashid Khan, Bhuvneshwar Kumar, T Natarajan, Sandeep Sharma, Khaleel Ahmed, Siddharth Kaul, Basil Thampi, Shahbaz Nadeem.

IPL 2021 delivered players: Billy Stanlake, Fabian Allen, Sanjay Yadav, B Sandeep, and Prithvi Raj.

6. Lords XI Punjab

Lords XI Punjab has had its high points and low points all through the last season. We don't know, how much endeavors we will see this year from the entire group. . Given underneath are the held and delivered players of KXIP.

Held players: KL Rahul, Mayank Agarwal, Chris Gayle, Nicholas Pooran, Sarfaraz Khan, Mandeep Singh, Deepak Hooda, Mohammed Shami, Prabhsimran Singh, Chris Jordan, Ravi Bishnoi, Murugan Ashwin, Darshan Nalkande, Arshdeep Singh, Ishan Porel, Harpreet Brar.

Delivered players: Glenn Maxwell, K Gowtham, Sheldon Cottrell, Mueeb ur Rahman, Hardus Viljoen, Jimmy Neesham, Karun Nair, Tejinder Singh, Jagadeesha Suchith.

7. Mumbai Indians

The five-time champ of the IPL prize, Mumbai Indians have a solid group. Here are the rundown of players that have been held and the ones that have been delivered.

Held players: Rohit Sharma, Suryakumar Yadav, Quinton de Kock, Ishan Kishan, Anmolpreet Singh, Chris Lynn, Aditya Tare, Saurabh Tiwary, Kieron Pollard, Krunal Pandya, Hardik Pandya, Anukul Roy, Trent Boult, Jasprit Bumrah, Rahul Chahar, Dhawal Kulkarni, Jayant Yadav, Mohsin Khan.

Delivered players: Lasith Malinga, James Pattinson, Nathan Coulter Nile, Mitchell McCleneghan, Sherfane Rutherford, Prince Balwant Rai, Digvijay Deshmukh.

8. Kolkata Knight Riders

Kolkata Knight Riders nearly made it to the qualifiers in the last season. In the event that the entire group will show similar endeavors, they can win the IPL prize once more. Given underneath is the rundown of held and delivered players of KKR.

Held players: Eoin Morgan, Andre Russell, Dinesh Karthik, Kamlesh Nagarkoti, Kuldeep Yadav, Lockie Ferguson, Nitish Rana, Prasidh Krishna, Rinku Singh, Sandeep Warrier, Shivam Mavi, Shubman Gill, Sunil Narine, Pat Cummins, Rahul Tripathi, Varun Chakravarthy, Ali Khan, Tim Seifert.

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[bharatiyamedia-blog]

Lasith Malinga Stars As Sri Lanka Beat England By 20 Runs

http://tinyurl.com/y493hrtx Victory would have seen hosts England, bidding to win the World Cup for the primary time, go high of the 10-team desk. However as a substitute their second shock lack of the round-robin group stage after a 14-run defeat by Pakistan, left them in third place, with Sri Lanka now simply two factors adrift of the pre-tournament favourites. The highest 4 on the finish of the primary part qualify for the semi-finals, with England’s subsequent match in opposition to arch rivals Australia —  the table-toppers and reigning champions — at Lord’s on Tuesday now much more vital to their hopes of a final 4 place.  Earlier, Mathews’ painstaking 85 not out of 115 balls, with simply 5 fours, helped Sri Lanka get better from a top-order collapse to complete on 232-9. That appeared a beneath par whole however with paceman Malinga taking 4-43 and off-spinner Dhananjaya de Silva following up with three wickets in fast succession, it proved greater than sufficient as Sri Lanka loved one other memorable day at Headingley — the bottom the place they sealed their first Take a look at sequence win in England 5 years in the past. Malinga, famend for his unorthodox ‘slingshot’ motion dismissed Jonny Bairstow for a golden duck. Toe-crushing yorker James Vince (14), deputising for the injured Jason Roy, then fell in acquainted trend when an edged drive off Malinga was caught by Mendis at slip. England captain Eoin Morgan, fresh from his one-day international record 17 sixes in opposition to Afghanistan, made a cautious 21, that includes a mere two fours, earlier than Isuru Udana held a pointy return catch to dismiss the Dubliner. Joe Root made a affected person 57 off 89 balls that includes simply three fours. However a fourth-wicket stand of 54 with Stokes ended when Root was caught behind down the legside off Malinga, who then produced a trademark toe-crushing yorker to have dangerman Jos Buttler lbw. Stokes badly wanted somebody to stick with him. However he may solely watch as de Silva took three wickets for 3 runs in 9 balls. Moeen Ali marked his 100th one-day worldwide by hitting a six, solely to gap out irresponsibly off the following ball from de Silva attempting to repeat the shot. Stokes ought to have been out for 57 when he hoisted Malinga to deep sq. leg, however Mendis dropped the catch. That was the cue for a livid assault by Stokes, the all-rounder hitting two sixes in as many balls off Udana, however Wooden was the final man to fall as England’s chase fell brief on 212. Earlier, England quick bowler Jofra Archer took 3-52 to hitch Australia’s Mitchell Starc because the main bowler at this World Cup with 15 wickets. Archer had opener Dimuth Karunaratne caught behind for one after the Sri Lanka captain had received the toss. Two balls later, with out one other run on the board, Sri Lanka have been three for 2 Perera slashed Chris Woakes to Moeen at third man. However Avishka Fernando, in his first match of the match, revived the innings with a dashing 49 that noticed him hit 14 runs off only one Archer over. Source link

[torentialtribute]

Same old James Vince as batsman blows his chance against Sri Lanka

Up in Headingley & pukka new Emerald Stand, Geoff Boycott knew what was coming. & # 39; Great view right behind the bowler's arm, waiting to see how Vince comes out & # 39 ;, he tweeted. & # 39; Some of them could not imagine you. & # 39;

Vince did not abandon him.

Boycott, unnecessary. [Bewerken] References [bewerken] See also to say, it could not fail to follow: & # 39; I didn't have to wait long. He had hardly received the tweet until he rode on the slip. & # 39;

If the observation was hard, Vince was given the opportunity of his life during this tournament due to the hamstring injury of Jason Roy, but he responded. with a light-hearted 26 against Afghanistan and a fleeting 14 against Sri Lanka.

And that's against two of the weakest attacks in the competition, just as England prepares to face the strongest – Australia, India and New Zealand.

How many more chances Vince gets the speed of Roy's recovery

England meets Australia at Lord & # 39; s on Tuesday, followed by India in Edgbaston five days later. The India game is perhaps more realistic, but Roy sounded positive on the BBC's Test Match Special.

& # 39; I work very hard & # 39 ;, he said. & # 39; I now have two days off and I will have to scan within a few days to make sure that everything is going in the right direction. It heals pretty well. It is all good news.

& # 39; At the moment I am still trying to be fit for Australia, then it must be game by game. & # 39; kept under control by management, and he was thrown away after picking up a bat in the nets on the eve of this game.

Vince's career in England runs the risk of disappearing into dust after being played against Sri Lanka

Vince's career in England is in danger of disappearing into dust after execution against Sri Lanka

Assuming Tuesday is too early, Vince will line up to Mitchell Starc and Pat Cummins know [19459135]

Only an innings of substance will prevent him from getting the ass of no-nonsense ex- cricketers & # 39; tweets.

Again, an innings of substance was exactly what began to threaten against Sri Lanka. Vince started slowly, moved to four of 13 balls after Jonny Bairstow & # 39; s second-baller of the tournament.

Seasoned Vince-a-Tone, season 1, episode 2 seasoned Vince viewers obviously knew better. It is not so much that his strength – his vigilance – is his weakness. It is only that he is more vulnerable than when he has just evoked an impulse of appreciation.

Opener Jason Roy fights to try and be fit again after hamstring injury trying to be fit again after suffering from a hamstring injury "

Opener Jason Roy fights to try and be fit again after suffering from a hamstring injury

Vince has now been beaten 10 times in one-day internationals and achieved double digits nine times, but he still has to score more than 51 and that was in his first inning, almost three years ago – an average of 26 is not a ticket to a place in the top order of England.

Mind you, he was hardly the only hitter in the performance who mocked England's claims about World Cup favorites.

There was adversity over one or two layoffs: Bairstow's leg-for-decision was a grazing leg stump while Eoin Mor Gan was the victim of an excellent reflex return from Isuru Udana and Joe Root was strangled on the leg.

But even on a slow Headingley field, the batting of the lower middle order was a reminder that the World Cup pressure could become superfluous. England, the number 1 in ODI & # 39; s for more than a year, beat as well-rans.

Vince was not the only one who performed poorly as M "

[Mo45] [Mo45] [Mo45] [Mo45] [Mo45] [Mo45] [Mo45] [Mo45] [Mo45] [Mo45] – Dhananjaya de Silva for six, England needed 62 out of 11.4 surpluses with five wickets in hand – not even a run a ball.

Someone had to hang out with Ben Stokes, but no one had the nous.

Chris Woakes and Adil Rashid were both behind the attempts at To put the Silva offside before Jofra Archer went on for a long time.

The injury to Roy threw England out of his sleeve more than expected, Mark Wood did his best, but the vulnerability of those above him had disappeared. failure to bring down a modest total against one of the poorest matches in the tournament is g a preparation for the sharp end of this World Cup.

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[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

RE8 AU Incorrect Quotes

Hey, @that-bat! I know it’s been a long time since I wrote for the RE8 AU, and I’m honestly not quite sure when I’ll be adding the next story for you. I haven’t lost interest in your AU: I’ve just sort of started writing about an AU of my own, and I’ve been really excited to work on it.

SO, to make up for the lack of a full-on story, I thought maybe you’d enjoy something a bit more memeish. . ?

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: *being attacked by one of Nate’s undead animals* GET YOUR FUCKIN’ DOG, BITCH! Nate/Lord Ophio: *not even looking in Ethan’s direction* It don’t bite. Ethan Nestor-Winters: YES IT DO—!

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[When Ethan finally comes to after Matt’s venom runs its course]

Ethan Nestor-Winters: *struggling against his binds* I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! Matt/Lord Loxosceles: *watching Ethan* You do have the right, Earwig. . . Matt/Lord Loxosceles: *steps closer to Ethan and looks in him the eyes* But what you lack is the capacity. Ethan Nestor-Winters: >:0

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: You’re clearly an attention-seeker. Mark/Lord Isurus: *lets out a loud gasp* How dare you?! I’m the exact opposite of an attention-seeker! Why would I even need to seek attention? I’m the strongest, most capable Lord under Mother Mira—hey, don’t look away when I’m talking to you!

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Nate/Lord Ophio: –fAmIlY cOnVeRsAtIoN! I’ll start first—what’re your thoughts on the dEATH PENALTY?! Matt/Lord Loxosceles and Mark/Lord Isurus: *laughing hysterically* Ethan Nestor-Winters: *looking very uncomfortable* Nate/Lord Ophio: *slams his hands on the table* ANSWER ME!!!

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Nate/Lord Ophio: I can fit the whole world in my hands. Mark/Lord Isurus: Yeah? Prove it. Nate/Lord Ophio: *picks up Phibes*

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Ethan Nestor-Winters: I’m sick of just deserving better. Ethan Nestor-Winters: *loads some bullets into his handgun* Gonna start taking it by force—

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Any of The Three Lords: I could kill you if I wanted. Hunter/The Baron: Yeah? So could a human being. So could a dog. So could a very dedicated duck. You aren't special.

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Mark/Lord Isurus: People ask me how I get the wet look in my hair Mark/Lord Isurus: I tell ‘em I use “Essence of Aquatics” gel Mark/Lord Isurus: They say “What’s that?” Mark/Lord Isurus: *dives into the water that half of his castle is submerged in* I USE THE FUCKING ESTUARY!!!

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Hunter/The Baron: Hello—

Nate/Lord Ophio: Leave before there's a terrible misunderstanding between my foot and your ass. 

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Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Hey, are you busy? Nate/Lord Ophio: Yeah, I am. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Cool, listen to this—

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: *pacing around the Tall Lady statue* I didn’t ask to be given such a perfect being. . . Mark/Lord Isurus: I DEMANDED IT.

___

Hunter/The Baron: *talking about his “friendship” with Nate and doing business with the other Lords* I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person. 

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Miss me with that “weapon accuracy” shit. I’m shooting everything. I’m laying down cover fire. I’m shooting the walls. I’m shooting my enemies. I’m shooting myself. My accuracy is one hundred-percent. Y’all just don’t know what I’m aiming at

___

Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Good night. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Sleep tight. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: *grinning maliciously* Don't let the bedbugs crawl up to your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself. . .

__

Ethan Nestor-Winters: If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on a wall and throw a brick at it. Mark/Lord Isurus: If I had a face like YOURS, I'd put it on a brick and throw a wall at it. 

___

Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Mark is not a morning person. Or a night person. There’s really only about seven minutes a day he’s pleasant to be around. Mark/Lord Isurus: The best part is you never know when they’re coming. 

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: What’s up? I’m back.

Ethan Nestor-Winters: I LITERALLY SAW YOU DIE. YOU DIED! YOU WERE DEAD!!!

Nate/Lord Ophio: Death is a social construct.

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: Never have I ever. . .been grounded by my parents. Nate/Lord Ophio: *exasperated* I knew you’d pull that shit. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: *also exasperated* He makes orphan jokes every single time and always wins. Ethan Nestor-Winters: Huh. I usually go for the “never had a dad who supported me” one.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: My life is a fucking mess. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Nate, just relax, okay? Go to the village and take one of the humans. Nate/Lord Ophio: I don’t want to deal with a villager right now! Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Who said they’d be for you? 

___

Hunter/The Baron: You know, people treat me like a god. Ethan Nestor-Winters: How? Hunter/The Baron: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

___

[Responses to getting stabbed with a sword]

Mark/Lord Isurus: BITCH—

Matt/Lord Loxosceles: I’m gonna give you a ten-second headstart.

Nate/Lord Ophio: That's fair. . .

Ethan Nestor-Winters: NOT AGAIN!

Hunter/The Baron: Are you gonna want this back, or can I keep it?

___

Matt/Lord Loxosceles: *attacking Ethan in a completely enraged frenzy* WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!! Ethan Nestor-Winters: *struggling to escape* IT WAS JUST A SPIDER, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME—!

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: *is 5’10* Fight me! Mark/Lord Isurus: *is 7’3* Seriously? HA! What’re you gonna do, kick me in the ankles? Hunter/The Baron: *watching from the safety of his caravan* . . .

[Later]

Matt/Lord Loxosceles: *originally came out to buy something from The Baron’s Market, but is now staring at Mark, who is currently curled up on the ground and crying* Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Um. . .Baron? What happened to Mark? Hunter/The Baron: *shrugs* Lord Ophio kicked him really hard in the ankles.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Look at my face. Ethan Nestor-Winters: Okay. . ? Nate/Lord Ophio: No, no. Keep looking. Ethan Nestor-Winters: I am looking! Nate/Lord Ophio: No, you’re not. Look harder. Ethan Nestor-Winters: Is there a point to this? Nate/Lord Ophio: Yes. So, look as hard as you can. Focus on every part of my face. Ethan Nestor-Winters: Alright! I am!!! Nate/Lord Ophio: Now. . .does it look like I give a fuck?

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Die. Hunter/The Baron: Please don't die! Nate/Lord Ophio: DIE! Hunter/The Baron: PLEASE DON'T DIE! Mark/Lord Isurus: *confused* Why are they yelling at a plant? Matt/Lord Loxosceles: *watching while eating some human fingers like popcorn* Nate found it in the woods and decided uproot it and give it to Baron. Ever since then, Baron’s been trying to get Nate to accept it as their kid.

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Can you keep a secret?

Hunter/The Baron: Do you know anything about my life?

Ethan Nestor-Winters: . . .Good point.

___

Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Fool me once, I’m gonna kill you

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: I came out here to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now.

___

Hunter/The Baron: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. Nate/Lord Ophio: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out. Hunter/The Baron: Th-that's not how that works—

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: You know, sometimes I feel like that Baron doesn't take us seriously enough. Nate/Lord Ophio: “Sometimes?” Matt/Lord Loxosceles: “Enough?” Mark/Lord Isurus: . . . Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Change that to “at all” and we'll talk.

___

Hunter/The Baron: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: You just said “hole” too many times. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: And that’s coming from Nate, so. . .that’s concerning. Mark/Lord Isurus: YOU TWO THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING! *storms out*

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity? Matt/Lord Loxosceles: *turning to Mark/Lord Isurus* How tall are you?

___

[The Lords are having dinner together after a ceremony]

Nate/Lord Ophio: Mark, can you pass the salt? Mark/Lord Isurus: *throws Matt/Lord Loxosceles across the table*

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: I currently have seven empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions? Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Put human remains in them. Ethan Nestor-Winters: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you. Mark/Lord Isurus: Put human remains in them. Ethan Nestor-Winters: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two. Nate/Lord Ophio: Put human remains in them. Ethan Nestor-Winters: I am no longer taking suggestions.

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: *shooing Nate/Lord Ophio away* Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area. 

___

Hunter/The Baron: You’re just planning to shoot at The Lords? Ethan Nestor-Winters: Yeah, don’t worry. I’ve got a holy gun. Hunter/The Baron: Really? How’s that gun holy? Ethan Nestor-Winters: It puts holes in things

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: Hey, Baron! Your momma so fat— Hunter/The Baron: My mom committed multiple war crimes and is now locked in solitary confinement in a Bolivian prison. Mark/Lord Isurus: Well, uh—your dad— Hunter/The Baron: My father left when I was two to be captured and consequentially sacrificed by a group of feral ferrets. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: What the hell—? Mark/Lord Isurus: Well then... Nate/Lord Ophio: Mark, just knock it off! Mark/Lord Isurus: Your grandparents so— Hunter/The Baron: My grandmother floated into the sky like a balloon with too much helium when my grandfather spontaneously combusted. Hunter/The Baron: Y o u  c a n ’ t  i n s u l t  m e,  f i s h - m a n

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Ethan Nestor-Winters: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral. Filled with sunlight. Bright. Beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Mark/Lord Isurus: Edible

___

[It’s very late at night. Matt ventures into the center of The Village, over to The Baron’s Market]

Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Would you happen to have any sleeping pills in stock? Hunter/The Baron: I might. Why? Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Mark pissed off Nate earlier today, and now Nate won’t stop sending undead things to Castle Isurus. And APPARENTLY, Mark doesn’t know what to do about it, because he’s just been running around the outside perimeter and screaming, “DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!”

___

Hunter/The Baron: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? Hunter/The Baron: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us. Hunter/The Baron: I also want to softhack his circuits. Nate/Lord Ophio: . . .I literally could not care less, but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: CALM THE FUCK DOWN! *slaps Mark/Lord Isurus across the face several times* 

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container. Mark/Lord Isurus: The cow??? Nate/Lord Ophio: . . .What—? Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Mark, W H Y ?

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: What the hell do you do with so many dead bodies?! Nate/Lord Ophio: What don’t I do with dead bodies? Ethan Nestor-Winters: . . . Nate/Lord Ophio: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I just reanimate them and experiment on them.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: If Matt and I were drowning, who would you save? Mark/Lord Isurus: You two can’t swim? Matt/Lord Loxosceles: It’s a hypothetical question, Mark! Who would you save? Mark/Lord Isurus: My time and effort.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: I saw you fall, saw the sinners lay on your corpses... Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Hey, what’s up with Nate? Nate/Lord Ophio: I created you, made the pieces perfect, others marveled at your beauty… their gazes may have held envy, though, for none are perfect but you. I was only looking away for a moment, but you were gone. I had failed you. And I fell into despair. The only way to save myself was to create, but I knew… this time I knew I was only making you to die. And I apologize. For I will undoubtedly fail you again. For a short time, there will be peace and beauty, but none in the face of us shall lay undisturbed. The greatest have fallen, and will continue to fall, and I weep for you for being born unto this place, where brother eats brother, and the undeserving rise to fame. Those that have gone against you know they’ve wronged you, and they will stand before the creator, knowing they have sinned. Do not worry, little ones, you will be avenged. Mark/Lord Isurus: . . .He reanimated some animals, then he went somewhere else for twenty minutes. And when he came back, the animals were back to being dead for whatever reason. So, obviously, he just did the whole reanimation thing again. Mark/Lord Isurus: *to Nate/Lord Ophio* Who even is the creator? I thought you were an atheist! Nate/Lord Ophio: SHUT THE FUCK UP, MARK! I’M TRYING TO BE DRAMATIC AND MYSTERIOUS!

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: So apparently the “bad vibes” I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand. [Lightning ACTUALLY strikes] Mark/Lord Isurus: *grinning despite being severely electrocuted* Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Can you please be serious for five minutes? Hunter/The Baron: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

___

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

Masterpost

What’s up? I’m 21, autistic, biromantic-demisexual, and use She/Her pronouns. Storytelling is really important to me, and the stuff I make is almost always dark, unhinged, and macabre.

This is a list of all the stories I’ve written so far (and I’ll be making updates in time with future stories). The characters I mainly write for are YouTuber Egos; those of Nathan Sharp/NateWantsToBattle, Markiplier, MatPat, Thomas Sanders, etc.

(You can also find all of these stories here, if you prefer AO3.)

______________________________________________________

Ŧħɇ ⱣɇnŧȺs FȺmɨłɏ [Ŧħɇ Fᵾŧᵾɍɇ Møƀ Ᵽɍøɉɇȼŧ]

The Pentas Family Encyclopedia

(Goretober 2022) Day 2: Cannibalism (Caliban, Murdock, The Newcomer)

Running on Empty (Caliban, Murdock)

God, Being an Accessory to Murder is Exhausting (Sam, Murdock, Caliban)

What’s That Saying About Cinnamon Rolls. . ? (Azalea, Caliban)

Update the Letter Board! (Azalea, Murdock)

Toxic Tutorials (Azalea, The Newcomer)

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 (ꝀɨnđȺ-SøɍŧȺ?) ØɍɨǥɨnȺł ȻħȺɍȺȼŧɇɍs/Ɇǥøs

R.D.

Characters and Headcanons and References, Oh My!

What’s This? Natemare is EVOLVING!

Matt and Ro are Soul-Siblings, So. . .(But It’s Kinda Dark This Time)

______________________________________________________

ȻȺsᵾȺł Fɨȼs 

From Candygram to Requiem (Noah Walker and the Paranormal Investigators from Random Encounter’s Phasmophobia The Musical)

What’s a Detective Without a Case? (Noir!Engineer Mark, Noir!Mack, Noir!Captain)

Nobody Likes Rude Clients (Patty, Delux/Porniplier)

Caught Between a Monstrosity and An Abomination  (EldritchPlier, LeviathanPat, The Reader)

______________________________________________________

Sɇɍɨɇs Fɨȼs 

A Week of Goretober 2022

Day 1: Voodoo Doll (Phantom, Bones)

Day 2: Cannibalism (Caliban, Murdock, The Newcomer)

Day 3: Broken Glass (Damien, Celine, The District Attorney, Darkiplier)

Day 4: Suffocation (The Captain, Head Engineer Mark)

Day 5: Revenge (Natemare, FNAF’s Missing Children, Purple Guy/Afton/Springtrap)

Day 6: Specimen Preservation (Phantom, Anti-Matter)

Day 7: Lyric Inspired (The Reader, Scaredy/SCARED-E)

..........

Gifts for a Bat (an ongoing saga of snippets based off of @that-bat’s awesome Resident Evil: Village AU, where the mutated personifications of Nate, Mark and Matt are Lords serving under Mother Miranda and Ethan Nestor/CrankGamePlays is playing the role of Ethan Winters.)

Part 1: A Spider-Human Monster and A Necromancer Walk Into a Bar. . .  (Nate/Lord Ophio, Matt/Lord Loxosceles)

Part 2: Chaos, Compromises, and Meal-Prep (Ethan Nestor-Winters, Matt/Lord Loxosceles, Mark/Lord Isurus)

Part 3: A New Face In Town (Nate/Lord Ophio, Hunter/The Baron)

..........

The Sides of A Nightmare (short drabbles inspired by @fangirltothefullest’s amazing Sanders Sides Little Nightmares AU)

The Actor (Creativity “Roman” Sanders/Red, Character!Thomas Sanders)

The Professor (Logic “Logan” Sanders/Indigo, Creativity “Roman” Sanders/Red, Character!Thomas Sanders)

______________________________________________________

ɌȺnđøm Ɉᵾnꝁ 

Incorrect Quotes: ISWM (Parts 1 and 2) Edition

Incorrect Quotes: ISWM Edition (The Second One)

How Mack Snapped and Became the Way He Is in Part Two

ISWM Meets Pokemon

Matt and Ro are Soul-Siblings, So. . .

Headcanons for Phantom and Monarch Being Allies(?) Since Nate and Amanda Are Friends

RE8 AU Incorrect Quotes

How a Lot of My Followers Probably Reacted to My Hyperfixation on Caliban

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

Gifts for A Bat (Part 1): A Spider-Human Monster and A Necromancer Walk Into a Bar. . .

(Disclaimer: this Resident Evil 8 AU and the character descriptions that come with it do not belong to me. They belong to @that-bat, who has created lore and drawings for this AU on his blog. I highly suggest you give him a follow, because he makes some really good stuff. Also, please keep in mind that, while I am using Nate, Matthew, and Mark’s real names, the characters in this story are personified versions of them. I hope you enjoy this drabble!)

(Trigger Warnings: descriptions of body horror, implied gore, implied violence, implied experimentation, self-multilation, mentions of syringes/needles, arachnophobia, mentions of death/dying, slight mentions of eating. Please let me know if I missed anything.) 

The topmost half of Castle Isurus jutted out from the choppy waves of the estuary down below. A pair of bridges had been painstakingly built to connect the stronghold’s balconies to the rock and hard place–respectively, House Loxosceles and the Ophio Menagerie–on either side.

The fact tickled Matthew as he crossed one of said bridges for the umpteenth time now. Mark may have been smug, but he was surprisingly considerate; if it wasn’t for him, these little trips would take much longer than strictly necessary.

A chorus of tip-tip-tapping could be heard as the long, spindly insectoid legs protruding from Matthew’s back reached down to help him walk. He made his way about the castle’s outer perimeter, then paused. On this side of the castle, Lord Isurus’ pride and joy stood silently on a dais near the second bridge. It was the likeness of a nine-foot-tall woman, carved from a crystalline substance.

As usual, Mark was pacing around the statue, his dark eyes gleaming with worship. The jagged, razor-sharp teeth lining his maw softly clicked against one another as he murmured something to both himself and her.

To some degree, Matthew could understand this behavior. The statue was gorgeous and had been made with an unbelievable amount of detail. Apparently, it was the work of one of Mark’s would-be victims in exchange for not being made into a meal or lab rat. Though Mark admitted to only accepting their offer for amusement, the end product had impressed him so thoroughly that he’d released the artist back into the village under special protection.

Under normal circumstances, Matthew would have joked about the fact that this woman couldn’t and wouldn’t appreciate Mark’s admiration (read: obsession) because she was just a damn statue. But then, the last and only time he’d done something like that had resulted in perhaps the most horrific temper tantrum the world has ever seen.

Matthew liked to think that the ordeal had made him a bit smarter, as it led to one of few cases where he knew to let sleeping dogs lie.

He skittered closer and offered a polite nod to Mark, who took a few long seconds to return the gesture.

“Making another delivery?” Mark asked.

“No, I’m meeting up with a gentleman caller,” Matthew snarked. “Got any spare parts you’re willing to donate?”

Mark shook his head, glancing at the tall, ominous building that stood on the other side of the bridge. “Not at the moment. I don’t think he’d appreciate waterlogged material.”

“He probably wouldn’t,” Matthew agreed before tilting his head. “I thought you were finished with those experiments?” (Not too long ago, Mark had tested Cadou’s compatibility with water. The yielded results were a resounding FUCK IT along with a tangent about how stupid and annoying said parasite was for not working with a host’s body to keep them from drowning.)

“Ah, Miranda wants me to work with different temperatures now. I tried to tell her it wouldn’t make much of a difference, but she wasn’t having it.” The scowl on Mark’s face slowly shifted to a smirk as his eyes wandered back to the statue. “She’s become such an attention-whore, hasn’t she?” He purred up at her. “Not like I can blame her. Anyone can see why she’d be jealous of you. . .”

Matthew suppressed a sigh, taking this as his cue to leave. Mark’s one-sided conversation faded into the fog as Matthew trekked across the bridge. Without pausing, he peered over the edge.

The dark shapes of Mark’s more successful experiments stared back at him as they rippled and writhed in the embrace of murky water. A bird unwisely flew close to the surface, prompting one of many maladjusted creatures to surge up from the water, snatch it out of the air, and dive back down again.

Even as Matthew drew closer, the sight of the Ophio Menagerie didn’t become much clearer. Its outer walls had been almost completely swallowed up by a shroud of strangler vines. Until you went inside, it would have been impossible to know that this place had once been a church. Deep holes were scattered throughout what was left of the front garden, each one complimented by a crumbling headstone.

The very second Matthew set foot on this new property, a chorus of cawing and screeching and growling sounded from almost every direction. 

The cemetery was animate. . .in a way. 

Milling about were a variety of critters that all looked like they’d died a few days ago and somehow hadn’t noticed. Because they had; the only thing keeping them from decomposing like they probably should have been was their master’s bizarre power.

Not only that, but Lord Ophio made them even more worthy of their freak-of-nature status via performing types of grafting that could have been found only in a surgeon’s drug-induced night terrors. A mountain lion with the head of an enormous python. A small herd of elk that each had an unreasonable amount of legs. Two bears that had been fused together in a way clearly inspired by the Push Me Pull You. A few wolves with extra eyes and mouths and porcupine quills.

And that was just scratching the surface. More and more of these DIY zombies were lurking about in places unseen, and no two of their crooked upgrades were the same. Despite how much of a gorefest his gift was, Nathan made a point to never be cruel to his creations. If anything, he was very attentive and responsible towards them. Sure, he used them as extra force when needed, but making repairs to their bodies was always his top priority after the fact. Nate had always been pretty open about preferring animals to people, and the childlike longing for pets to be immortal had never left his mind.

Matthew continued walking, putting on a poker face in response to the cacophony. These monsters may have been territorial, but Matthew was someone off limits to them (unless he directly did something to change that, which was, admittedly, very possible).

 He halted just before the main entrance, where a mutt suddenly came to greet him: Phibes, the very first thing Nathan had ever reanimated. His eyes had the same yellow tinge as all of his master’s other creations, but unlike them, no macabre adjustments had been made to his body. He had clearly died a long time ago–a few bones and organs were exposed here and there–but he was still the most normal-looking animal this place had to offer.

“It’s just me, little guy. Is Nate busy today?” Matthew held out a hand, letting Phibes recognize his scent.

Instead of answering, Phibes clambered around Matthew as though he wasn’t some arachnid monstrosity (then again, Phibes was a dog), sniffing at the box in Matthew’s hands. After a thorough inspection, the hound looked out to the cemetery and let out a calm, positive bark that slowly but surely silenced the other animals.

With that, he trotted back inside, ragged tail wagging, constantly looking over his shoulder at Matthew.

Matthew followed the dog’s lead through the nave. In the aisles on either side of him, benches had been replaced by rusty cages that came in differing shapes and sizes. They contained Nate’s other specimens–the more human ones, at least. The former church staff (holier-than-thou prudes whose heads Nate specifically grafted goat horns onto for morbid irony), those who had previously been buried in the cemetery, as well as anyone whom Nate deemed annoying enough to be worth his efforts.

They all dripped with pus and bore nasty gashes, the exceptions of the technically humane code Nate worked under. The animals were easier to train and influence, so Nate generally let them wander the grounds as they pleased. Humans, on the other hand. . .they took more patience than strictly necessary. Even in death, they were still complex, still stubborn, still idiots who rarely knew what they were doing.

Some of the ghouls whined and cowered in corners while others reached through the bars to swipe at him with rotting hands. Matthew softly hissed and snapped at them, unable to help but feel a little frustrated. This was all very impressive in its own odd way, but that didn’t change how it was also such a waste of good red meat.

Sitting atop the altar, ahead of everything, was a huge glass tank. It was filled to the brim with dingy liquid, which was probably the source of the strong chemical odor wafting off of it. Floating inside was a corpse that somehow managed to look shriveled and bloated at the same time. Nate had never spoken their name, never explained why he chose to preserve them instead of adding them to his army.

The only thing Matthew knew about this person was that Nate hated them with a very personal passion.

Another yip from Phibes caught his attention, this time echoing from a staircase in the corner of the transept. Matthew shook himself, then padded down into the catacombs after his guide. A low, familiar voice mixed with his footfalls, and Matthew strained his ears to listen.

“Immortal soul, our inner being

Does it endure or does it perish with the flesh?

In my hands I’ll hold the answer

And the power of life and death!”

Matthew smirked. Nathan wasn’t completely obsessed with dead things–well, okay, he was, but anyone who knew him could tell that he kept one part of his barely-beating heart reserved for music. One of the village’s shyer acolytes had managed to stay safe by bribing him with samples of songs and instrumentals from. . .wherever their family used to live. Apparently a musical had been made out of Mary Shelley’s most famous work.

It was, unsurprisingly, cold and dark down here. Only a tiny amount of light was able to peek through what was left of the windows, which had all been overtaken by roots. It was also as unkempt as one would expect from a not-so-average creepy basement. Except for an odd lack of spiderwebs, of course.

Matthew normally would’ve been happy to fix that–his little ones were never too far away–but he knew from experience that it wouldn’t be worth it. Looking through his spies’ perspective as Nate crushed them under his boots had been more traumatic than he’d cared to admit.

Speaking of Lord Ophio, there he was now: sitting in a velvet chair that would have looked very out of place if it wasn’t covered in stains that were all a darker shade of red. Nathan held a long, thin needle between his fingers like one would a pencil, regularly dipping it into jars of colored ink lined up on his table. With careful hands and impressive speed, he slid the needle in and out of flesh, etching the likeness of a venus fly trap into the human forearm lying before him.

Matthew opened his mouth to greet him, but Nate held up a single finger to silence him, not looking up from his canvas. He took a few more minutes to finish the tattoo before wiping the needle clean. Then he turned to a cabinet beside his chair, fished a scalpel from one of its drawers, and proceeded to peel back the skin from his arm at the elbow.

Once the area was cleared, he produced a bone saw and severed his forearm completely. Nathan placed the appendage on the table, then reached for the one he’d just inked. He smeared some of his blood across the foreign body part, then held it close to the broken remains of his previous arm. A few seconds passed before Nate’s stump and the new limb began to fuse. It almost looked like they were reaching out to one another. The bones molded together while the skins overlapped like magnetic clay.

A strange scar formed once the process was complete. Nathan wiggled his new fingers and turned his new wrist, eliciting a chorus of pops and cracks. But other than that, the new arm worked exactly as intended. Had you never known Nate or missed out on his latest back alley-esque surgery, you might have thought that that arm had always been part of him.

Matthew titled his head, unsure whether to be exasperated or not. Nathan was fully capable of regeneration, but he still kept a supply of arms and legs and organs and what-have-yous just to have some variety. (Not to mention how it was a lot easier to draw tattoos when the canvas wasn’t prone to squirming or complaining or breathing.)

“You almost made me mess up,” Nate announced, finally looking up at Matthew. “Wasn’t expecting you until after dark.”

“Good thing I already have an olive branch,” Matthew replied, setting the package on Nate’s table.

Nate’s eyes glinted. He glanced at Matthew suspiciously.

Mathew’s many eyes blinked in an almost wave motion. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I’ve found that trusting you should only be an option half the time,” Nathan deadpanned.

“Fair point,” Matthew replied, shrugging, “but seriously, it’s just the usual.”

Nathan nodded as he eased the box open, revealing rows of glass jars stacked atop one another. The liquid inside each of them was gray and looked almost reflective. Nate carefully took one out, turning it over in his hands as he squinted at it. “How fresh is this batch?”

“The draining took a couple days, but it’s still pretty recent,” said Matthew. Nate raised an eyebrow at this, to which Matthew made a lame gesture. “Hey, it takes more energy than you’d think. Plus, you didn’t specify how much you needed.”

The community had its fair share of macabre macguffins, and Matthew’s venom happened to be among them. A single dose could give someone hallucinations that made even the most potent drugs look like Pepto Bismol. Very few humans were able to walk away with a sample of said venom–if someone got within touching distance of Matthew’s chelicerae, it was already too late–but Miranda would occasionally require some for ritual purposes. And from there, it would trickle down to the village.

Matthew and Nathan had long-since worked out a deal: so long as Matthew regularly drained his venom and delivered it to the Menagerie, Nate would refrain from killing every spider in sight.

Nate gestured to the bookcase standing in a corner across the room. “The empty jars from last time are on the middle shelf. Mind replacing them for me?” He twisted the one jar open, wincing at the sharp, strong smell that was released into the air. He took his original arm and held it over the jar, letting his blood drip down into it. After that, he used the blunt end of his scalpel to stir the venom, mixing it and the blood into one.

Matthew rolled his eyes but hummed affirmative. He took the box over to the case, exchanging the old jars for the new ones. The task didn’t take long, and by the time Matthew was finished, he turned to find that there was now a syringe in Nate’s hands.

Nate dipped the needle into the venom and pulled back the plunger until the tool was completely full.

“New pet?” Matthew asked.

“What do you think?” Nate answered.

“Can I see it?”

Nate froze for a few seconds. There was an edge to his voice when he asked, “Why?”

Matthew ignored the fact that his questions had been answered with more questions. “Just curious, I suppose. Do I really need a reason?”

Nate continued to look skeptical. “You always have ulterior ones, so. . .”

Matthew huffed, folding his arms. “Look, I haven’t started nearly as many of the spats you’re probably thinking of–that’s Mark’s job.”

“I feel like he still gets some help from you with that,” Nate interjected.

Matthew shook his head, incredulous. “It’s not like you’d let me get away with anything.”

Nate hummed. “That’s true, I definitely wouldn’t.” He cracked a small smile, likely remembering all the maulings his creatures had been responsible for. After a moment, he finally rose from his seat, syringe still in hand, and made his way up the stairs. Phibes trotted along with him, and Matthew took this as a green light.

Now above ground, Nate took a second to fix the floating cadaver with a disgusted look before marching across the nave and out the front entrance. Matthew followed at a slight distance, chuckling as every undead animal in sight stopped what they were doing to stare at Nate as he walked around the perimeter of the church. It reminded him of his spiders, how they would crawl along the edges of their webs to be closer to him.

Soon they came upon a wooden gate that gave Matthew splinters just by looking at it. Nathan grabbed the latch and pulled it open, then closed it behind himself after he, Phibes, and Matthew entered the sprawling meadow at the back of the church. Gnarled trees were growing here and there, casting long shadows over the grass. This area went on for miles, only kept in check by the fence, which looked very small from where Nathan and Matthew stood.

Nate scanned the field. Matthew caught a shape moving in the distance. He pointed towards it and asked, “Is that the new one?”

Nate nodded, grinning. “That’s the new one.” With that, he resumed walking, dry leaves crunching underfoot. He snapped a lower branch from one of the trees and threw it. Phibes excitedly bounded after it, retrieving it again and again and again.

It was almost disturbing how wholesome the next minute or so was.

But that didn’t quite last.

As the group got farther and farther away from the church, the shape Matthew had seen grew clearer until all of his eyes widened. Nate had apparently fused not one, not two, but three horses into a single, eight-legged, tri-headed crime against nature.

Its body was covered in dark gray fur, as were each of its heads, with a tail and mane(s) of salt-and-pepper hair. The heads seemed pretty much identical, though Matthew was close enough to see the difference (the right head had sunken brown eyes, the center head’s eyes were so bloodshot they almost looked red, and the left head’s eyes were blueish-green. The sclera of each was an unpleasant shade of yellow).

“This must’ve taken some work,” Matthew mused.

Nate was nearly laughing. “Oh, you have no idea.” He snapped his fingers a few times, causing the horse’s heads to knock against one another as they turned to look at him. Phibes got the memo, moving to stand a little ways behind Matthew.

“You’re almost done, buddy,” Nate assured, his normally hollow tone turning soft and even. “There’s one more thing we need to do.” He held the syringe at his side as he approached his monster, taking slow, careful steps.

The abomination pawed at the ground, fidgeting in place. All three of the horses that made up this new creature’s body had gone through the early stages of decay, but they otherwise looked only a little less than fresh. Matthew couldn’t be sure how long ago Nathan had reanimated them (the assembly process alone had to have been a long episode of trial and error). But right now they were in between life and death.

Nathan had explained that, no matter how simple an animal’s brain was, that animal would still be aware of its own mortality. If it could know that it was sick or injured, then it would know when it was dying. So, to bring that animal back would severely confuse it. Death took away bodily senses and functions, after all.

Once something was dead, it couldn’t feel tired or rested, healthy or ill, hot or cold, satisfied or hungry. It couldn’t feel anything.

After much experimenting, however, Nathan had found a remedy for that. It was surprisingly simple: Matthew’s venom and its hallucinatory magic didn’t discriminate. That on its own wouldn’t be incredibly useful, but when it was mixed with Nathan’s blood, it would further connect Nathan to his animals. It basically tricked the animals into thinking they were indeed still alive, which made their training more efficient.

Once he was close enough, Nate used his free hand to reach out and stroke each of the horse-thing’s necks in turn.

“Easy, now. Easy.” Nate gently patted the horse-thing’s shoulder. “This won’t hurt. And even if it did, it’ll be over before. . .you. . .know it.” As he spoke, Nate moved to the horse-thing’s side, one hand rotating between its necks as the other hand quickly pushed the needle into skin just below the withers.

Muscles randomly twitched all over the creature’s body. Raspy snorts and groans escaped each of its three throats. It stamped its hooves, kicking at nothing in particular. Nate backed away a few paces, shoving the now empty syringe into his pocket. His expression was calm, his focus remained firmly locked on his creation.

True to Nate’s word, however, the process was complete in no time.

The creature gradually slowed its movements, quieted down. It lowered its heads, each blinking curiously, then took a timid step towards Nate.

Nate’s smile widened, and he reached out to gently scratch the creature’s ears. “There we go. Doesn’t that feel better?”

Phibes slowly approached, bumping noses with the horse’s left head. Matthew walked to the side, giving Nate and the equine a wide berth.

Nate’s smile disappeared as he glanced at Matthew.

Matthew froze. “What?”

“I’ve commissioned the leatherworker for a custom saddle and tack set. If he suddenly goes missing before my order is ready, I’ll make you and Mark regret it.”

After a brief pause, Matthew inquired, “Why both of us?”

“Because you’ll both point fingers regardless of who’s actually guilty,” Nate said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Just like always.”

“Wouldn’t that be really inconvenient for you?” Matthew tilted his head, trying and failing to feign innocence.

“Maybe, but not enough for me to care.” Nate paused, smile flickering back to life for a second as the creature’s center head rubbed its nose against his chest. “Especially after all the time I’ve spent on Cerbehorse.”

Matthew’s intended retort died in his throat. “. . .You’re calling it Cerbehorse?”

Nate shrugged. “It’s gotta have a name.”

Without warning, Matthew’s vision suddenly flickered. He blinked once, twice as colors began to creep around the edges of his eyes. He allowed those colors to swallow up everything within line of sight, and suddenly he had a clear view of the interior of House Loxosceles. His perspective shifted from room to room, each of his eyes now peering through the eyes of too many spiders to count.  

Matthew watched as light flooded into the cellar, as an unfamiliar figure with white hair and blue eyes trudged down the stone steps from the secret entrance outside. The intruder sputtered and cursed as they walked into one of many webs. Their profanities grew louder and louder all spiders in the area–including the ones Matthew was looking through–attempted to ambush them. The spiders dropped from the ceiling, skittered across the floor, crawled up the stranger’s clothing. They worked themselves into a frenzy, hissing and biting for all they were worth.

Matthew’s vision abruptly went black, then flicked sporadically from one spider to another. Matthew couldn’t help but let out a small scream as he forced his eyes to shift back to focusing on his current surroundings.

“Matt?” Nathan sounded as though he was far away. “Matt? Hey, what’s wrong with you?”

Matthew didn’t reply. His hands became tangled in his hair as his extra limbs shuddered. 

Someone had broken into his home, and now they were making a mess of his cellar and killing his little ones.

The spiders could keep the intruder busy, sure, but many of them would die if their target was left alone long enough.

Matthew felt a weight come down on his shoulder, to which he hissed and jerked away. He found himself glaring at Nate, who now held a worryingly large pair of butcher shears at the ready. Phibes stood at his side, hackles raised, growling.

An uncomfortable silence settled around them all.

“Are you gonna do something stupid, Matt?” Nate finally asked.

Matthew took a moment to compose himself, still shaking. “No.”

“Then why’d you make a scene like that?”

“It’s not my fault,” Matthew argued. He felt his face twist into a scowl. “Apparently, some idiot is trying to earn their stripes.”

“Is that all?” Nate raised an eyebrow and lowered his shears. “Gods, you’re so dramatic.” He then waved Matthew off, returning his focus to Cerbehorse. “Go take care of it, then.”

Matthew was already sprinting off. His eyes constantly shifted back to House Loxosceles. The stranger was making progress, but they wouldn’t get far.

This sort of thing was fairly routine for the Lords. A human would break and enter, and then that human would die. The people of the village were typically smarter than to try something like this, with the exception a few wannabe heroes here and there. And as for the odd amount of strangers who passed through this area. . .well, things generally just didn’t go well for them.  

But this particular person. . .something was off about them.

There was something wrong with them.

As smart as Matthew was, he simply couldn’t tell what that something was, but just looking at them made his skin crawl.

Matthew shoved those thoughts aside as he made his way around the church. Mark’s bridge came into view, and the intruder was still panicking, still being swarmed by spiders. 

Matthew wondered if the hallucinations he’d soon give his uninvited guest would be strong enough to scare them to death. Prey always seemed to taste better when it died that way.

@that-bat